#then one with Cal and Andre by themselves

[street-corner-felines]

Zero Day Director commentary - With actor Andre Keuck

[oh-really-alicia]

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[culturalsillystine]

This ended up longer than I intended.

Here's a long rant about Zero Day, denial, and finding comfort in your sickness.

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One of the things that's stuck with us since our first time watching Zero Day is when Cal says something about not being able to cure someone who has nothing wrong with them.

Some people get so deep into their illness that they start to tell themselves, "There is nothing wrong with me." It's self-soothing, in a way. You have nothing to fix if there's nothing wrong, right? And you get sucked further and further into it until it's all you know, so it becomes normal. There's truly nothing wrong with you, because it's your norm, and how could that be wrong?

And then you get worse and worse until something happens. It could be something bad, such as Cal and Andre's case. Something people would usually never consider. But when you're sick, you're sick, and things don't make sense, and it doesn't matter what people would or wouldn't consider. Because you would, and you're normal. There's nothing wrong with you.

That, or you get help. And Andre briefly mentions something, I think it may be before what Cal says? I'm not sure, correct me if I'm wrong. But he mentions something, says that even if they did get caught and got put in counseling or something, they'd get out, and they'd still do it.

And that leads you to wonder, is that true? Is that truly what would happen? Or are they feeling so untouchable and so powerful that they think NOTHING can stop them. Not even professional help.

And we'll never know. That's what I enjoy about Zero Day, there's so much we never know. We just have to trust these two boys who will present you with their truth, not the truth.

We see very little of Cal's family, and what we do see isn't bad. What we see of Andre's is.. conflicting. His family means well, but he's an 18 year old boy who likes guns and doesn't seem to get enough appreciation from his father. It writes itself, really.

We see none of Andre interacting with his peers, we only see Cal during the prom scenes. And the prom scenes are loud and irritating and awkward. He doesn't really try to be social, he takes the next possible chance to go to the only person he really bothers socializing with; Andre.

They're both very sick. Whether it's the same thing, something similar, or something entirely different, who's to say, but they find comfort in each other. They're both rotting away, and it's okay, because it's together. Whether or not it's based in love (platonic or romantic) or a hatred for the world so deep that your vision is blurred by your tears of rage, who knows. You never get to know.

Because the last thing those boys would want is to be vulnerable. Because that means something is wrong. But nothing can be wrong, because you're normal. There's nothing wrong with you.

I hope this makes sense and isn't incoherent.

[whrrlvr]

you know what i don’t see people talking about? how in the library, before they kill themselves, andre checks to see if one of his guns has any bullets by literally placing it under his chin and pulling the trigger. no one talks about that but it’s SO interesting especially later on he hesitates on pulling the trigger and cal has to talk him through it.

[andre-and-cal]

freaky headcanons now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 Caldre Headcanons :3

GUYS LMK IF YOU WANT TOP CAL & BOTTOM ANDRE HEADCANONS NEXT cuz I have sm ideas for those but I’m too shy to do it without an ask ngl so Plsplspls lmk !! 🙏🙏

These were long overdue I’m sawry I’m a #slacker… more headcanons coming soon heh zeroplan I see yew…

But uhHh here r my headcanons yippee I wanna incorporate these into my fics >_<

NSFW

Top Andre, Bottom Cal

Andre has a habit of slapping a hand over Cal’s mouth and muffling his moans, especially when he’s doing him from behind in a risky environment. He’ll have one hand on his mouth, and the other on his crotch, whispering “Shhh, shhhh, shut the fuck up,” in his ear while pounding into him relentlessly. It gives Andre a rush whenever he hears Cal’s noises get all muffled against the palm of his hand, and to feel the moisture of his lips pressing against his skin and Cal’s hot, wet, shaky breaths of air fanning into his hand.

Calvin secretly used to fingerfuck himself and imagine that it was Andre’s fingers. Whenever he’d smuggle porno tapes at the store— gay porno— he’d slip a finger or two inside his ass and envision Andre in between his legs and doing it for him. But the first time he decided to start exploring himself in this way, when he went knuckles deep and finally found his prostate, he came quick, and he experienced a high he never knew was possible. He used to be too embarrassed to admit that he did this, but he no longer needs to because he has Andre to finger him or fuck him instead, just as he’d hoped.

Andre was very careful the first time he and Cal had sex, when he took Cal’s virginity. He didn’t want to hurt him, and he was constantly asking him if he was okay. Their first time was slow, but they both savored every moment of it. Andre secretly likes when Cal wants him to go slow, because it gives him a chance to explore Calvin’s body. Calvin goes insane— in a good way, of course— whenever he feels those hands caressing his hips or feeling up his sides and waist and his body as a whole. Calvin feels appreciated and pretty, while not feeling shameful over that fact anymore.

Calvin’s favorite position is doggy style. He really loves the feeling of Andre shoving his face into his pillows, ‘cause Cal always imagines him as like some sergeant in the army, even while feeling his cock sliding in and out of his tightness. Cal will force Andre to wear his dog tag along with him so that it feels more… “army-like” in Cal’s words. Andre makes fun of him for describing it that way though. While he’s into the military as much as Cal is, he doesn’t really show it all too much for fear his parents will get suspicious of their Zero Day plans, so he forces Cal to tone it down as well.

Andre allows himself to be vulnerable around Calvin. But only really when Cal’s asleep, drunk, or high, at least. During aftercare, sometimes when Cal’s half-asleep and drifting off into slumberland, Andre will mumble into Cal’s shoulder— if he’s spooning him that time— about how he’s gonna miss him if push comes to shove with Zero Day. It’s a brief, rare moment of “weakness” for Andre, but he does like to speak fondly of Cal whenever they’re alone together, where no one can disturb them or anything. Now, going back to my point, Andre never knew that they were going to be shooting themselves together on Zero Day rather than going through with the initial plans. Rather, he fully expected them to be able to go through with the plans of escaping in his car, but a tiny part of him knew they were gonna be dead no matter what happened. He never liked to admit this to himself though, remaining in denial about the recklessness of the whole “getaway” thing. Either way, he half-hopes that Cal hears and knows that he’ll always love him, no matter what happens with Zero Day. And on Zero Day, prior to ending his life alongside Calvin after the shooting, his last coherent thought was along the lines of how he was going to try to find Cal in the afterlife— or whatever place they both would end up roaming together.

Occasionally, even while Andre’s shoving his shaft balls deep inside his ass— Cal will find the opportunity to piss him off, even through his little whimpers. He’s just like that; Cal’s middle name is practically Sarcastic. His witty nature will piss Andre off sometimes too— especially if it’s a situation where Andre clearly isn’t fucking laughing. While it does prompt him to grow rough with Cal, it turns on the both of them, because they both know Cal only does it to— well, demand without actually demanding for Andre to fuck him harder. Whenever Calvin does say some smartass shit during sex, Andre will go as far as to strangling Cal— especially while they’re doing missionary. It’s easy access to his neck anyway, and also that familiar deep, dark part of Andre gets really turned on by the feeling of Cal’s pulse drumming underneath his fingers. With this, it also helped Andre coin the nickname “punk” and various other insults in German— for Cal.

Calvin is a bit of a risk-taker and has begged Andre to load Milena and have him blow her— loaded. Eventually, after begging one too many times, Andre finally agreed. The day he agreed, Andre made it seem like they were going out to simply shoot guns together to practice for Zero Day, but as soon as he unpacked Milena from his father’s closet as Cal kept on going on about sucking on Milena, he instead turned around and shoved the barrel so far into Calvin’s mouth that it nearly hit his tonsils. And eventually, it did. He’d nudged Cal to the ground with the gun, kneeling over him as he forced him to take the barrel deep in his throat, even when it got too much for Cal and he tried to push on his chest to get him off. Andre didn’t stop until he’d pulled out his own cock from his jeans and jerked himself off, cumming all over Cal’s face and lips. Despite Calvin’s initial resistance as he began to choke on the barrel, he quickly grew hard, so he got himself off shortly after Andre released his load onto his pretty face.

Initially, Andre also felt off-put at the idea of dirty talking, even going on to dislike it. He was determined to stay quiet or hold back any noises and grunts he might make while planning his first time with Cal, a little after they’d started dating. But every time he noticed the drastic increase in the little noises Cal made whenever Andre muttered the occasional, “Shit, mein Schatz— so tight,” ,, “You like that, yeah?” ,, or something of the sort in German, he became more confident to speak like this to Calvin when they’re alone. After developing more of his “dirty-talking skills”, he got into the habit of praising Cal during sex. He goes from genuinely praising him for taking his cock or his fingers up his ass or when he’s fucking the back of Cal’s throat with his member, and then going to tauntingly praising him for being a “big brave boy” whenever Andre’s spanking him or making him take his gun in his mouth.

Whenever Cal and Andre are arguing and it gets real heated and loud between them, if Cal initiates mildly hostile physical contact— such as with pushing, shoving, yelling, or getting all up in Andre’s face, Andre will bounce it right back to him. Andre struggles with his anger a bit more-so than Cal in some ways— so one day he snapped and shoved Cal, to the point where he fell back into his bookcase. Calvin was a little stunned by Andre’s outward expression of aggression toward him, but as soon as he felt a heat coiling in his groin— he knew he wanted more, so he continued taunting Andre until he was ultimately… well— grabbed by the arm and yanked onto the bed. And then things led to another.

Andre never really imagined that he’d be into spanking Cal, but it all begun on a day when they were home alone at Andre’s together, with Cal sitting beside Andre while he played Grand Theft Auto 2 on his PS2. Mel was curled up in Cal’s lap, but eventually got off. After that, Calvin continuously inched closer until he was leaning on Andre’s shoulder, clinging onto his arm. He then began to gently kiss his neck, up to the patch of skin behind his ear, and then to his cheek and jawline. After around a minute of this, with Cal kissing up on him and trying to get him to notice or pay attention to him, Andre got a little fed up, so he gently pushed Cal’s face down into his lap. He pulled Calvin’s pants down and found himself— in the heat of the moment— spanking his backside, ignoring Cal’s yelps and cries due to the repeated stinging pain. Afterward, Cal’s face was all wet with tears and his ass cheeks were bright red. At the sight, Andre felt a little guilty at first, but when he looked down toward Cal’s boxers, he noticed that he fucking came untouched from Andre spanking him alone, so he grabbed Cal by his “pretty boy blond locks” and forced him to look up at him, before leaning down and smothering a kiss onto Cal’s lips.

Calvin, on Andre’s lap, riding him while Andre holds one of his arms and licks along the scars and scabs he has trailing up his forearm. Bucking his hips up into Cal’s rear end, rubbing the head of his cock against his prostate, and encouraging him to keep cutting himself and to engrave his name into his arm, so that people can identify him as having Andre’s name on his arm for when Zero Day arrives. That’s all I need to say. :3

[sillyhahasilly]

zero day starting out w cal and andre going "one, two, three, go" in reference to saying their lines at the same time parralleling to them using the same count down to shoot themselves, their literal last action alive. I'm sick.

[brendaareiss]

Freaky caldre hc!

(like always, don't read if u don't fw it)

I

v

- Cal tears up or cries easily while doing it, he's actually kind of sensitive

- Cal is OBSESSED with Andre's back and with his happy trail. Send post.

- Andre LOVES making Cal submit to him and talking to him/giving him orders while doing it

- One of Cal's biggest turn ons is being called a "good boy" or "pretty" when he's getting absolutely destroyed.

- Cal being hypersexual has led the two of them into not passing a day without doing something sexual. Whether is a quick bj the high-school's bathroom, a hj in Andre's room while his parents are at home, grinding and dry humping in Andre's car or Cal getting absolutely ruined

- I honestly don't think they switch at all. Andre loves being in control in all situations, when he's not, the man truly starts tweaking. He gets stressed, angry because he can't do shit, and it isn't a relieve to him when someone has control, power over him. Cal is totally fine by that though, he's happy with satisfying Andre

(Andre would rather kill himself than having something inside of him. Yall can't make me change my mind with all the "bottomdre" bullshit.)

- They're the clingiest and cutest mf when they're done. You can hear Cal's giggles and Andre yapping about how perfect Cal is and looks when you walk past Andre's room.

- Andre has DEFINITELY left bruises on Cal's body. He's too rough, he can't control himself.

- While Cal is teasing as fuck, he's just resumed to a submissive mess, a bunch of "more, please, andre" and a begging mess when Andre finally touches him

- Following, Andre loves making Cal beg. Not only because it fuels his ego, but because he loves hearing Cal's whiny voice, being completely overwhelmed

- There is not a single time in the life span of Andre kriegman where he hadn't finished inside of Cal. Cal sometimes gets annoyed or pissed of, because they needed to be quick and not make a mess, or because now he has to clean himself up. But most of the time he loves it too.

- Cal LOVES being manhandled. He will never admit it out loud though (well, only if Andre forces him to admit it, even repeat it)

-Cal also loves giving bj's to Andre. Having his mouth and throat full of him, the feeling of being fully possessed and weakened by him...Cal is obsessed with it

- Andre loves pulling Cal's hair.

-Cal has made Andre fuck him in the morning to not go to class. He was met with a delicious breakfast afterwards. Andre claimed it was his reward.

-following, Andre always gives little rewards to Cal once they're done. They can be food, small gifts or being bear hugged and showering him with kisses. He does almost anything to make Cal feel loved and cared for afterwards.

- Andre has internalised homofobia, Cal was sa'd as a kid. So yeah, things can get pretty angsty sometimes.

- Andre's dirty talk it's the bittersweetest thing ever. He would say the meanest things but with the most caring and loving tone of his voice (almost making fun of Cal). But when he's angry though, he's just mean (Cal secretly loves it but you won't hear him saying that).

-Cal has had Andre's belt on his wrists and neck

- Andre always cleans the mess the two of them do. Normally when Cal's taking a shower

- They REALLY can't keep it their hands to themselves.

- Andre is rlly toxic. Sorry. (Cal is too, but Andre wins by a lot). It's mainly because Cal is really the only one that he has and loves.

- once they're done, go back to sleep and finally let Mel inside of the room, she always sleeps in between them or on top of them (mostly Andre, ofc)

I'm seriously considering to start making fanfics. Leave asks so I can make fics about whatever you guys want 🙏

[sanguineaddictionn]

⭒ zero day hcs ⭒ :

(the fourth of july edition)

* everybody goes through 565336 boxes of rocket pops- cal’s siblings, cal and andre, chris, cal’s parents, andre’s parents, etc - they’re so good

* andre and cal beg chris to let them drink a little, which ends in them biting off more than they can chew- stumbling to one or the other’s room, giggling, trying to keep eachother somewhat quiet, eventually just having a ball which snowballs into them making out LMAO (canon event for me rn minus the last part)

* andre and chris fuckin’ love fireworks. do they almost burn themselves? absolutely, but the kriegman family does NOT go a single 4th without setting off good fireworks

* ok so i think cal = more of a hot dog kinda dude but andre = more of a burger or like bbq chicken kinda dude. just feels kinda canon to me??

* cal’s obviously invited to do something fun with rachel, but either him (or even him and his family) head up to the kriegman family summer home and spend it there instead. i feel like it probably started off as a thing when the boys were in middle school and then it became a tradition

* drunk andre = very rambunctious and wants to just like do something crazy like strip and run naked up and down the street (out of character for him) ; drunk cal = super giggly and just really happy to be around whoever he’s with, joining in on whatever they’re doing - the two make for a very interesting night that they probably won’t remember

* cal’s siblings fw the sparklers and color bombs SO hard - they buy multiple packs and just use ‘em all up by the end of the night

* chris kriegman fourth of july party.. lots of liquor.. lots of girls.. lots of weed.. lots of fun … just putting it out there!!

ok that wasn’t a lot but i love the 4th and just wanted to do something zero day related!! happy 4th to all us americans who celebrate

[redeliminator]

"A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth"

(i remember seeing this quote here on tumblr in the context of zero day and it hit me so hard I've never forgotten it)

we don’t know the level of bullying Andre and/or Cal endured at school. we only got hints that they were bullied, but we never witnessed anything first-hand (excluding the hilarious fight after the poetry evening because let's face it, they started this shit lol).

how often were they insulted? did it ever get physical? were they beat up? were they deliberately isolated by their peers?

in the police report, we learn that “neither Kriegman nor Gabriel was singled out for teasing” and that they were generally liked. yeah I think I've heard that one before so let me rant before I fucking combust

many people, including even some investigators and psychologists, still refuse to acknowledge the toxic environment that Columbine was and the way it fueled Eric and Dylan’s mental conditions. bullying at Columbine was so common that it had long lost its shock value. being shoved into lockers and having shit thrown at you was just a part of many people’s average school day, and the faculty turned a blind eye to it in favor of the bullies because they carried the school’s reputation with their achievements, making them basically untouchable.

the alienation and the humiliation landed Eric and Dylan at a point where they couldn’t see past their suffering and frustration. they didn’t know how to cope with it other than (self-)destruction and no one managed to stop them. Columbine was a perfect storm, with many factors randomly playing out in Eric and Dylan’s favor and worsening their conditions at the same time.

bullying was not the sole reason they carried out the massacre, but denying its impact will not lead you anywhere near the truth. 

Eric and Dylan both had friends and acquaintances. they spent time together and made memories just like all the other teenagers. the fact that they were on friendly terms with a number of people doesn’t rule out bullying from other groups and I can't stress that enough.

I can’t help but think that there might be a similar reasoning lying underneath the statement in the Zero Day police report. it’s easier to say that the kids never showed any signs, that they were not bullied, that they were mentally sick and beyond helping. it removes many (adult) people’s responsibility to look out for the signs, to intervene when it’s necessary, to recognize and address the silent cries for help. after all, if someone was a high-functioning psychopath who mastered the art of manipulation and hiding behind a mask, then was anyone really capable of helping them?

at some point, the built-up anger will start to pour out. there’ll be no way to keep it in anymore, no more room to store it. if no one has ever taught the kid how to deal with it, their self-hatred may start to turn outwards. they will no longer only hate themselves for not being able to fit in, for not managing to fulfill the social expectations of an average likable teenager. they will also hate the world for not letting them in. they will hate people who somehow found their place while they couldn’t. these people might have had nothing to do with the kid’s misery, many of them won’t even know the kid’s name, but that doesn’t matter. all these people will slowly morph into one big enemy unit. fellow students will be no individuals - they will be merely part of a larger hostile entity. when you hurt one of them, you hurt the big enemy - and that’s the objective.

[rottenwhoreee]

Putting up a front and how perfect zero day was for its time.

One thing I see people miss a lot with zero day, at least when I first joined the community was that Cal was similarly, if not just as guilty as Andre. And this was a fact that was much less well-known for many of these movies at the time.

With the release of the book columbine and all of the stuff that went with that it was a circus of misinformation and similarly to how it’s portrayed in zero day, Dylan was very guilty and the only thing he didn’t have that Eric did was parents who didn’t fucking care.

The only reasons in both of these situations that Dylan/Cal was relieved of a lot of the guilt was because they put up a better front and because their parents cared too much for them to carry out as much of the planning.

In those situations there is also often the great switch of trying to do a complete 360 and take the blame completely onto the other which I’ve seen in both the community for Columbine and the publications and the the community for zero day. How people decided that Dylan was actually worse because he was louder on the day and that it was clear that Eric had insecurities that he just hid. Same with Cal and how people recently began to say that he was just straight up sociopathic and that he was never insecure and never had any feelings of his own. The likely truth is that they were equally as guilty or at least similarly.

And why I think zero day was so good for when it came out was because every publication and movie based on it usually either portrayed them both as heartless monsters who had no feelings and did nothing but go into that school to kill. That there was nothing that came before or after the event that affected the people that they loved and what led them to commit the crime or one as a pacifistic follower.

This in my opinion was was because in both Cal and Dylan’s case, there was more people that they had surrounded themselves with to protect their image and give them a better reputation in the afterlife. For Eric/Andre if they had surrounded themselves with people aside from the other shooter in both scenarios there would’ve been more people to defend them or give them a life outside of the crime they committed. And even in death, the one that was considered more good looking more sociable and more popular was always considered the lesser evil.

Unfortunately the message that both massacres tried to send, ended up being thrown to the ground and just forwarding the agenda that the prettier more popular one will always be the more superior one.

my overall opinion is that in both cases, everyone, even people who didn’t commit the crime were guilty. People who should’ve noticed. Both boys. And the people who led them to commit such crimes.

There is no reason that the specific real tragedy I’m talking about and any like it should’ve happened, and the reason that people keep getting away with having so many warning signs is the impression that “they would never do something like this!!” or having no impression at all because friends and family don’t pay attention.

In the cases with two perpetrators, it is very Overlooked that one is almost never better than the other.

Never put it past anyone because everyone is capable of something like this, and ignoring it or pretending as if they’re better than such an act is how people die.

[boys-with-gunss]

𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎 𝐃𝐀𝐘

It's kind of weird, like, talking to my friends. I talk about Zero Day and they get all weird about it. I hear them talk about true crime all day the same why I do, but it's not weird then. Like, it's a fucking movie, it's a movie. It's not like I'm talking about anything bad, they didn't actually kill people, it's a MOVIE.

Online school is severely isolating, I have nothing to do anymore. I watch movies and I guess I blog now too. ZD is a movie I like, it's not boring like everything else.

I guess the reason I like it so much is because Cal and Andre are so nice, likeable, Cal especially. He was sweet to everyone and then when the shooting actually happened, he was psychotic. Andre throughout the movie seemed to be taking a stronger approach twords the whole thing but his hesitation at the end to commit suicide showed what kind of person he was. Cal always talked about how similar he and Andre were but they honestly really weren't. Cal was sweet and softspoken infront of others, his front was so good, but he was psychotic and obviously the more manic and unstable. HE was the one shouting and teasing the victims, taunting them and only shooting when they tried to run or he got too bored of it. Andre revenge driven, angry, obviously mentally ill, but not in the same way as Cal. We saw in the beginning, he's been bullied before and most of the characters his age either have no idea who he is or just dont like him. In the shooting he shot at everyone quickly, no hesitation to kill and it was really the anger and adrenaline he got from it that played into that fact, but once that adrenaline was over and Cal and him were going to kill themselves, he hesitated and kept trying to stall it. He was ready to kill others, but not himself, which shows how much more "normal" of a person he is, and how much of a pussy. He has a survival instinct Cal doesnt have. We saw it even before the shooting, he was always reckless. For example him convincing Andre to drive with his eyes closed and shit. I think Cal really went through with it because he was planning on killing himself anyways, and he wanted the fun.

My friends get freaked out. The amount of times friends told me to "get help" because of a fucking movie I liked. It's actually fucking retarded.

Not Vic, obviously. That's why we're friends, why we even made this blog. We say it's pointless but honestly, me and Frankie, we're so different but we think the same things. But we're not stupid, we spend too much time together in an echo chamber, just enabling each other, that's not good. Making this blog was so we could talk about stuff not just to each other. People on the internet just decide not to be pussies when they're behind a screen, which is good because if we say stupid shit, someone's gonna call us out.

Anyways, that got off topic. I'm tired, I miss V, I hate school.

-Ronnie

[angelsureno]

one thing i love/hate about zero day is how emotionally inept cal and andre are because as a derivative work of the basement tapes you cant really predict the way they were formated and even less in the time they were recorded but one thing i think kind of lacks is monologues from the two boys. sure cal talks a bit at the camera all alone but thats the thing though

calandre have unresolved issues with each other and themselves, which you can figure out through their nonverbal actions and the little interactive social cues between them and family/friends, as much as i wouldve liked seeing an andre monologue he wouldnt do it, he's that disconnected with his own feelings and his feelings towards this thing that they're doing that even when he's breathless about to die with his best friend, his way of speaking is choppy and limited, and cal is like yeah man cool.

also that thing about cal killing a cat and being arrested before zero day its so smart it recontextualizes the whole thing

[vera-yaps]

something i’ve shared before on the subreddit is how andre’s bpd coded. now i recently ish got my bpd diagnosis and so am i projecting in trying to cope with it? maybe (definitely) but also hear me out

So i’m glad andre and cal dont have official diagnoses aside from cal being add simply bc the whole idea that is stressed is there is no reason for what happened having happened. plus bpd was even more stigmatized in 2002 than it is now so it wouldve defo been some weird glamorozed shit

(i was gonna go symptom by symptom but it FUCKING DELETED so cope with mindless yapping)

he goes from fine /neutral to angry within seconds. and its over the stupidest shit too. he sees the world as for them or against them, he goes from seeing himself as gods to genuinely showing hopelessness, unstable self image is massive in bpd. we see cal have interests, some sort of life outside the plan while to andre hurting others is genuinely his purpose in life. cal sees it as a way out, andre sees it as a way of living.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS. thats a big one. people see andre’s character as one-note compared to cal. i disagree—the fact we dont get andre talking to us *alone* is telling in his character as is. his relationship with cal is not a normal relationship. something coccio has said before that sticks with me is that the main character is their friendship—In 94 minutes they tell us nothing even if all they do is talk.

This leaves openness to interpretation beautifully to be frank. many people observe it as queer attraction and i definitely agree thats a valid point—However keeping it ambiguous gives more wiggle room for interpreting their friendship as no two people in the fandom describe it the same. that in itself is relationship instability because well…it is.

the way he and rachel describe each other is also interesting because if you notice rachel, in being an outsiders source which we rarely get in the movie until the security cameras come on, is wary of andre, agreeing when cal described him as violent even if he gaslights her afterwards. however when he describes rachel, its a matter of, “idk what her problem is, i didnt do anything”. this is another instance of instability, also a big thing with bpd is needing to be right and the victim which ngl mecore.

Also—He doesnt see what he’s doing as wrong. people with bpd dont tend to see themselves as doing anything wrong most situations. and if theyre questioned, it could trigger anger, as seen in the suicide note tape.

Abandonment issues. holy hell. is that a big one, andre’s biggest fear imo is cal abandoning the plan, while cal honestly is the embodiment of “fuck it we ball”. cal can definitely be interpreted as andre’s favorite person. cal gives no signs of abandoning him or the plan, yet andre thinks he is anyway. tbh the poem scene sells it for me even more because he saw that as reckless and involuntarily abandoning the plan. ZD wouldnt have happened without cal, abandoning the plan is abandoning the friendship. i saw the scene in the car as textbook splitting. he went to anger and implying that his best friend was stupid, acting like he was a pawn rather than a friend imo. within minutes. hell, the camera in itself is a character in its own right and he goes fromteaching us, the audience, how to pull off what they eventually pull off, to threatening us like we’re his victims (“59 seconds is all it takes for me to hide this sucker and come after you”)

that also feeds into the paranoia because the whole movie he’s so concerned that cal would give them away even in minor instances. like bffr a poem isnt gonna put yall on a watchlist lmfao. also dissociations a big one and when he lays on the ground looking into nothingness post egg scene that felt very dissociate-y.

self destructive behaviors

Arguably, planning this in the first place is self destructive among other things. also a minor detailin the shooting scene is him putting a gun to his face but dry firing it multiple times without seeing it it was loaded.

also two teenagers lighting fireworks when i know damn well neither of em got licenses is impulsive if i ever seen it.

also identity disturbance—

so essentially, cal and andre balance each other out in every possible way. from physical appearance to dynamic, but something else is their perception of themselves. cal knows who he is. he has interests, he has actual close friends outside of andre, he simply wants to hurt, and take himself down in the process. zero day is a suicide mission for him but andre really doesnt see himself with a purpose. he’s canonically going to college, in all these activities (that are vastly different if you ask me) but is obviously not fulfilled. i definitely see this in the scene with his dad. he *sees* more for himself but really all he sees for himself is zero day. to do it as a living. cal sees it as his end but andre to some extent sees it as his existence. he latches onto that for identity.

i’ll prolly add more to this if i think of more lmfao

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

Feeling under the weather today. I started getting sick in the middle of the week. I slept a lot yesterday and hope to have a quiet weekend.

I hope you enjoy the links.

Paul Lefebvre

Just a few days ago, BASIC turned 60! On May 1, 1964 BASIC was created by Dartmouth College professors John G. Kemeny and Thomas E. Kurtz.

I really love BASIC. It was the first programming language I learned and used professionally. It was all MS-DOS based at the time and the language had changed over time to include functions and custom data types. It was a really great language.

I owe my career to Microsoft BASIC Professional Development System. ❤️

Joseph Heck

Designing a Swift library with data-race safety

Swift concurrency changes are going to be a lot of fun and take some effort to restructure existing code to make use of it.

And by fun I mean a lot hair pulling, teeth gnashing and head banging on the desk.

Jeremy Mathai ��� /Film

Marvel couldn’t have made a better choice if it had the Time Stone itself. Back when a “Doctor Strange” movie was far from a guaranteed hit, Scott Derrickson and Kevin Feige knew they simply couldn’t afford to get the casting wrong.

Can you imagine anyone other than Benedict Cumberbatch playing Dr. Strange? I can’t.

And to think Joaquin Phoenix was on their radar sounds strange to me. To be clear Joaquin Phoenix is an amazing actor and can play anything but after seeing Benedict Cumberbatch playing him I can’t imagine anyone else doing it.

Anton Zaides

I always knew that distractions in the workplace are harmful, but only after reading Deep Work by Cal Newport, did I understand how severe the problem is!

This is why I prefer an office to open office spaces. I don’t know how anyone thrives in an open space. Add multiple meetings a day to the mix and you’re not getting much done.

Since the pandemic I’ve been working from home and it’s wonderful. I can control my entire workspace. 🖥️

K. Denise Rucker Krepp • CNN

In some military circles and among many who consider themselves aficionados of Confederate history. The Ruckers have a history of military service going back generations. They’ve also had deep roots in America’s shameful Confederate past. That includes my distant cousin, Col. Edmund Rucker.

It’s really nice to see the Confedercy being dismantled. Now, if we could get rid of the white supremacists and bigots that would be amazing. One step at a time, I suppose.

Collin Woodard • Jalopnik

Tesla laid off at least 10 percent of its workforce earlier this month, and in typical Tesla fashion, the Texas-based automaker made sure the layoffs were done in an organized fashion with plenty of communication and a clearly defined strategy. Just kidding. The layoffs were so poorly executed that security was forced to scan employees’ badges at the door to figure out who had been laid off. And, apparently, that included a guy who had taken to sleeping in his car and showering at the factory so he could work longer hours.

Musk is such a nice, standup, fella, isn’t he? 🤬

Nothing sticks to this guy. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a narcissistic sociopath.

Richard Speed • The Register

Google’s latest round of layoffs have hit engineers working on its Flutter and Python teams.

And… more layoffs. Tech has had a rough couple years.

Howard Oakley

In my quest to implement a full app written for SwiftUI on macOS, my next tasks concern the app’s Settings, how to set those as User Defaults, how to implement some of their more common controls, and how to customise the About window. In these, SwiftUI starts to come into its own, in comparison with AppKit, although it does have a couple of surprising shortcomings.

I love it when folks share their code and experience! I’m not brave enough to do that! Thanks for the code! 👨🏽‍💻

David Merritt Johns • The Atlantic

Back in 2018, a Harvard doctoral student named Andres Ardisson Korat was presenting his research on the relationship between dairy foods and chronic disease to his thesis committee. One of his studies had led him to an unusual conclusion: Among diabetics, eating half a cup of ice cream a day was associated with a lower risk of heart problems.

This is weird to read. Ice Cream for diabetics? I mean, anything for ice cream. Amirite? 🍦

Chance Miller, Ben Lovejoy, and Filipe Espósito • 9to5Mac

A little over a year ago, General Motors made what may well turn out to be one of its biggest gambles in many years: dropping support for CarPlay for all future EVs.

The author thinks this was a mistake. I don’t.

I’m hoping this will turn out well for GM. Just don’t serve up a bunch of ads for new features and other products.

Brian Ramian • Los Angeles Times

Opinion: I once lived in my car and can’t fathom criminalizing homelessness

When I worked at LEVEL Studios in 2010 I had trouble finding a place I could stay fairly cheaply after my sub-lease ran out. I lived in my car for a week. It wasn’t horrible, but its wasn’t ideal.

[andre-and-cal]

Caldre Headcanons

#3 || Random

Thought I’d share em here. :)

Calvin Gabriel

Cal used to be able to pass as a 12-year-old at theme parks and restaurants until he was around 14-years-old. This was because he used to be a pretty short kid until he reached high school, where he went on to experience a growth spurt; it helped him reach an average height and he nearly stands at Andre’s height if it isn’t for the 2 inch height difference.

Calvin has a sharp tongue and can get pretty “mouthy”, but at the same time, Andre will get just as mouthy back.

Terrible video game rage. He gets easily infuriated by glitchy games and rages at them with Andre, which leads to them both ranting on about how video games are “no good” for people their age and how they’re made by “spiteful individuals” to make people go insane. And yet after about 15 minutes of lying in bed, cuddling, and cooling down, they go right back to the game.

Cal tried to ask Andre about his brother, but Andre didn’t really wanna talk about it. When they first became friends, Calvin thought Chris was Andre’s brother, but got embarrassed when they corrected him. Fortunately, they all laughed it off after. Though, Calvin can’t help but watch Andre whenever he plays with his siblings or babysits them with him.

Andre Kriegman

Used to be one of the tallest in his class until he reached middle school. After that, he started growing steadily into an average height. But he’s still slightly shorter than some of the other athlete guys at his school.

Andre knows damn well how mouthy Cal is, and it really drives him up a wall sometimes. Sometimes he’ll just simply ignore him or retort back— but only if he’s playfully annoying him or not being serious. Other times he’ll snap at him, to which Cal doesn’t really care.

Breaks his PS2 controllers so often when he rages at video games that his dad went on to learn how to repair controllers, and started fixing them for him.

Doesn’t really talk to his older brother anymore. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but the reason for this is because him and his brother never got along, even when they were kids. They never developed a proper sibling connection, which is partly why he babysits Cal’s little brother and sister a lot, because he sees them as the siblings he never had. Andre always tries to play with Cal’s little brother because he wants to act like a second big brother, or quite frankly the big brother he himself never had.

Caldre

They both easily influence each other, in many positive and negative aspects.

They both got detention one time for talking and goofing off too much in class. That only happened once though; all the other times they kept their chatter low key and quiet.

Andre and Cal occasionally hang out at the car junkyard in town, where Calvin brings his stash of weed and smokes blunts with Andre. Not enough to get completely baked, but enough to really enjoy themselves. But stoned Andre and Cal are both the funniest dudes and also the horniest fuckos. Andre doesn’t handle weed as well as Cal does— as in, Andre’s laughing his ass off at something he probably shouldn’t be, or unknowingly touching Cal in some shape or form, like his shirt sleeve or his arm. But their upped moods usually lead to some form of erotic acts between the Army of Two.

They secretly write notes to each other in class. They sit near each other in the periods they have together ‘cause they’re, as described by their teachers, inseparable. Nobody thinks anything of it, but Andre and Cal both are fully aware of this fact.

Andre and Cal get into heated arguments when they do argue, which usually occurs sporadically, but they both feel guilt in their own way after, especially Andre, with their poor mental health and intensely unresolved rage. Whenever Andre gets really pissed, he says a lot of things he doesn’t mean; Calvin hides the fact that it makes him feel bad about himself at times. In arguments, though, Calvin gets just as loud and angry if pushed to that point, but he’s also far too witty for his own good. They both get in each other’s faces and may push and shove, but don’t lay a hand on each other. At least, they’ve never gone ballistic during arguments to the point where they wanted to hit each other or do something of that sort.

Calvin feels a sort of melancholic happiness when him and Andre’s families get together for cookouts or events, because even though the moment is calm, he knows that him and Andre’s names will be in the obituaries soon. Andre doesn’t know, of course, that they won’t be alive after Zero Day, since he’s so set on the getaway car plan. Even though it was unrealistic, it at least didn’t hurt to plan. His brief fear of death in their final moments is prominent, but the knowledge that he isn’t dying alone— in fact, he’s dying with his favorite person; his person… somewhat comforted him, and he knew he was ready to “fade out”.

[sillyhahasilly]

caldre nsfw headcanons under cut.

(plz don't heavily interact if ur like under 16, ik I can't control it but yk.)

their first was initiated by cal and reciprocated by andre.

it happened well after they started planning zd, well after they realized how alike they are. by then they had already bared their truest self out to eachother. all their violent and fucked up desires, so why not keep going?

they were having one of those conversations, talking about their mental health and desires to die and cause harm and getting very emotionally intimate. I think andre said some shit like, I've never been this real with someone before. you're are the only person who knows me. really knows me. so, cal js fucking kisses him. a deep and incredibly desperate kiss, like he was starving. andre backs out and he js stares, wide eyed, at cal. and cal is so scared. that is the first time andre saw cal look scared.

andre kisses him back and they don't stop. cal climbs on top of andre, swinging his leg over him in an attempt to get closer. he's sitting on andres lap and both of their hands are all over eachother. both of them get hard embrassingly fast, and one of them accidently grinds on the other. they both stopped when that happened, shocked. andre would start to say how this isn't right or he isn't gay, so cal would reply, do you want to stop? obv, andre says no. so then cal would be like, great, fuck it. and then they'd be back all over eachother, grinding and making out. bc of how worked up cal was he'd come first, but not by much. afterwards, they were both surprisingly giddy. but they did need to awkwardly wash some jeans.

tdlr: their first time they both grinding on eachother and came in their own pants. js two desperate, hormonal, teen boys.

☆

they have a fucking codename for having sex. smth stupid, but sweet. I got this from a fic, and in it they called it "syncing". I feel like andre def started calling it that, cuz he's the one into military shit. they use it so they don't need to say it, and they can kinda distance themselves from what they are doing bc of how shamed gay sex was. internalized homophobia and all that. I feel like they would also be so afraid of zd being blamed on their sexuality so so much, so this small thing would add js another layer of protection.

this ain't nsfw really, but it's like they live a secret life with eachother. they act differently together around others then they do in private, like a code switch. they are always hiding in daylight out of shame.

☆

cals sex drive is either 1 or a 100. when he wants it, he wants it. he can get so desperate. once he greeted andre in the school hallway by whispering, "youre going to fuck me tonight." and then js acted like he didn't say anything bad.

when andres the one who wants it bad, he gets whiny. he will literally beg cal to let him be inside him, he'll say shit like "I'll be quick, I'll make you feel so good." after, he'll lowkey pretend that he didn't js beg like a dog. cal teases him for it. sometimes he'll purposefully work him up to that point.

(also if it ain't obv, andre tops and cal bottoms. BUT I can see them switching like once, but I feel like andre wouldn't like how gay it would make him feel.)

☆

they take anger and frustration from everything out on eachother during sex. andre got thrown into a locker and called a fag?? he will fuck cal hard and ruthless into the mattress to be in primal control of smth. cal is mad at humanity cause he spent another function quiet and resevred in the corner? he pushes andre around and leaves bruises everywhere.

they will talk abt violent fantasies of things they want to do to enemies and humanity during sex. yeah.

they have def talked abt how great zd is gonna feel and how they will be like gods while fucking.

☆

cal likes to be hurt during sex. bruises, bites, he loves getting bitten. he enjoys purposefully not doing enough prep so it hurts for a little bit.

andre likes to bite and bruise. match made in heaven. he does also enjoy pain, but not as much as cal.

tw sh!!! there has been times when andre will purposefully irritate cals healing scars. it's up to u to decide if they got freaky enough to cut eachother during sex.

☆

right after, andre gets really affectionate compared to how he normally is. he cuddles and hugs cal close to his body and does shit that he'll call gross and cringe normally like kiss him on the check.

sometimes tho, cal will get weirdly sad and quiet after sex. andre will try his best to talk to him abt it, (which isn't vv good) but they never really do. it's his depression and the drastic fall from pleasure to normal, kinda like the freaky version of feeling sad after hanging out w a friend for a long time.

☆

and ermmm. that's it. I did not mean for this to be this long but I guess reading gay porn fics way to young payed off <3