#college and dropping out and going back
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#hit me that wow i survived childhood#i dont think ive ever really given myself credit for that#ive always deflected it#i always had to like present like a plan of the future to my mom so i never really carried the thought of like#not surviving#but like i was always very self destructive and cataclysmic and splitting#and i never really recognized that about myself until i really started dealing with debilitating depression in college#college and dropping out and going back#i never really synthesized that time in life as a singular version of myself#cuz i was going thru a lot of changes in those years#i am having a lil bit of a 'who am i' thing right this moment#idk#anti depressants are good#well im funny and im chill i know that much#i have music and shows that i like#i like taking pictures of my cat and making patches#painting and drawing#my brain has always been faster with ideas than words and that why i used to stutter#that and my mom wanted me to be right handed which idk but i was told that had something to do with it#ill take any opportunity to be smug because i think its funny#i angst about how i miss my family but i objectively do better the less i talk to them#im really glad i dont want to hurt myself these days
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the saloon crew 🍻
#ts4#sims 4#yes i'm still obsessed with stardew yes its been months no i won't drop it ever#i made marnie and lewis as well but didnt take pics!#i'll show them tmrw#i have to make robin demetrius willy and clint too#for a render i need to finish 👐🏻#that i want to post before i go back to college#goodnight!#AGH just noticed i didnt crop the ui out of gus's in the top left corner OOPS
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Kel is off to art college and she misses her bf, Cove ╥﹏╥
#my art#my artwork#our life#our life beginnings and always#olba#cove holden#our life mc#olba cove#our life cove#crow draws stuff ig???#cove x mc#our life: beginnings & always#gb patch games#olba mc#olba fanart#I'm back on my meme bullshit again ignore me lol#In canon Kel does go away to an Art College/Institue outside of American (probably Canada idk)#But she drops out after a year because f art institues :))))#I have so many thoughts about these two ugh#DO I WANNA DO ANOTHER PLAYTHOUGH?? MAYBE????#HELP ME MY BRAINROT IS REAL
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Never thought I'd edit Sarge to Mitski but here we are
#I added at least one clip from each season he's in#I know I'm a genius#Anyways no lore drop today#actually wait no never mind shits been going ON#First our fire alarms kept going off so my mom literally REMOVED them from the ceiling so we have no fire alarms now#Then my brother flunked out of college and probably can't get back in#So sucks for him 😛#he might also have to get his big toes cut off since he stubbed them and they got infected#bro has so many issues#anyways#red vs blue#rvb#rooster teeth#rvb19#rvb19 spoilers#rvb sarge#edit#edits#rvb restoration
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Sorry, but Phineas and Ferb going to college as adults is soooo fake. 1) What the fuck is college gonna teach them? 2) They're both WAY too restless to study for four years or more for ONE degree. They spent a single afternoon building to the MOON. FOUR YEARS might as well be an ETERNITY. Spending that in SCHOOL?? WASTE OF TIME.
#phineas and ferb#p&f fandom pls stop doing this in fanfics it's so untrue#they both clearly dropped out of high school and immediately got their GEDs anyway#not as impressive as baljeet who got his first degree in middle school—#but y'know phineas and ferb waited until freshman year because of the social opportunities#then they spend their twenties solving world hunger and ending war everywhere and not only saving endangered species but bringing a few BACK#phineas uses a teleporter to visit isabella at her college whenever he wants#and he and ferb have a multi-terrain mobile home they share that has twenty stories and two pools on the inside#I've read so many fics that go the same route 'Act Your Age' went#where real life + adulthood bog down on the boys#and that SUCKS#it's realistic sure. life gets harder when you grow up. but so what??#this show has ALWAYS been about taking the universe in your hands and moulding it to whatever you want#no the boys won't go to college they won't separate or give up on their big ideas or pay taxes#it's THEIR world and everyone is better for having lived in it
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Daniel LaRusso has just dropped out of college to pursue his passion as an artist. He has fallen into an art block, craving a muse. That's when he meets the most beautiful man he's ever laid eyes on.
An Artist!Daniel AU <3
#GAAHH thinking so hard abt this#Daniel going to college due to the pressure surrounding it but realizes his passion for art after taking a couple art courses#I also have this idea where his art professor was Silver#but silver held him back and manipulated him saying he couldn't be an artist or whatever so Daniel's like ay fuck you *drops out*#bein a depressed artist facing terrible art block#feeling like he has no purpose but then miyagi takes him to an art museum to see if it could give him inspiration#but instead Daniel sees Johnny looking at the art and immediately falls in love#doesn't even talk to him#just goes home and fills sketchbooks up with Johnnys face#AHHH I need to write this so bad I#it's just me projecting onto Daniel tbh#karate kid#cobra kai#lawrusso#daniel larusso#johnny lawrence#my thing
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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I just found a clinic nearby that does gender-affirming surgeries so top surgery might actually be a feasible thing for me in the near(ish) future
I found a job that seems to have all the stuff I liked from one of my last jobs without the extra bullshit I didn't (can't apply for it currently but that kind of job exists and that's reassuring)
Things might be starting to look up for me
#personal#i would have to use the money i saved up for college for the surgery and i dont know what kind of wait list they have going on#but i dont have enough money to get the kind of degree i want anyway here#so i might as well drop that money on something meaningful to me instead#not having much luck figuring out the getting back to therapy thing atm and im not going to assume these things on their own will fix me#but damn if they wouldn't help#and if i can get back into work i can move back in with my old roommate#(as far as i know my room's still available id just have to talk to him about it once ive got money to offer for bills again)#and with this kind of 'stay at home until there's work' job itll mean im not spending all my energy trying to survive the day#so i should still have some left over for doing the things i love doing (without having to worry about those things being able to make mone#god i havent felt this hopeful about my prospects in a long fucking time#maybe i can still make a place for myself
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Holy shit I got back into my old university….
#i was always enrolled in my local community college#but i reapplied to the school i dropped out of maybe 2 weeks ago#and I’m in! wow#finally get to go back there#just go straight through to my BA and then probably my MA bc who has self control
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yall ever end up thinking back on periods of ur life and ur like. bro what
#so i dropped out of school at like 13/14 to be home fulltime to take care of my grandparents yeah yeah whtever#whats insane is remembering that when i was 15 my mom tried to arrange a marriage for me with some guy who was in his early 20s#he was the deacons EXTREMELY autistic son and we had spoken like. 3 times. it had been fine like he was pretty cool#but like. she talked me into tentatively agreeing with her. she went to talk to the deacon and everything about it#fucking hello? hello? taps the mic isaiah southern baptist child bride real?#that always pulls the same thread in my brain of how my grandparents died only a month or so apart#so the pastor had just finished doing my grandmas memorial service when we asked him to do the funeral service to bury them both together#and the first thing out of his fucking mouth was 'hah wow didnt expect to see all of you again so soon!'#and that pavilion was SILENT. besides like someone sniffling#awkward fuckhead piece of shit that guy sucked#yk he once threw away what he had written all his notes to preach on bc a gay couple had just moved to the area and wanted to try our churc#so he spent the whole time ranting about how gay people go to hell instead and they left in the middle of it crying#hell on earth.#my mom convinced him to start a school thru the church and i dont think ANY of their teachers went to college besides literally 1#bc she had just retired from the local middle school and had the free time to participate#but then i guess it all just comes back around#my brother graduated from there and became a ta when he was 18 and started dating a 14/15yo so#genuinely so glad i got the fuck outta there#what a nightmare that town was. christ
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hmmm I do not see how I'm going to be able to make it to 26
#5 months left until then but like. I say this not in a I'm a threat to my own safety way but in a way that expresses#how I cannot parse my own future. its august and Ive accomplished nothing. no jobs want me. everyone is moving on with their lives#doing stuff making plans being successful and I just. have nothing. nothing to show for anything. I dropped out of college#didnt work for a year and then had that retail job for not even a full year#got fired. it's been a year since then and what do I have. fuck all that's what. the world keeps turning and I'm stuck in quicksand#watching everyone dawdle off into the sunset#no marketable skills. I won't go back to retail. I won't do food service. I refuse to debase myself for a big corporation just to live#I won't compromise my morals for a big company just to live. every day I wake up and for what#to just roll the boulder that is a 24 hour day up a hill and when I go to sleep it rolls back down and I have to do it over again#I've been doing that for what seems like forever. there's no change. nothing has changed. everyone else has but I haven't#no life no job no money no prospects it really would be better if I just fuckin. well there'd be no major changes to anyone's day to day#I can say that much
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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
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One of Jo’s buddies.
#my art#my ocs#rg#bweirdoctober#They met in highschool and were good friends. he left for college for a bit#dropped out and was too scared to go back home so jo was like sure u can crash with me for a while#(Was extremely lonely and depressed and angry during this time of her life)#And then it essentially turned into that one episode of SpongeBob where squidward refused to get a job and jo was jus 💢💢#GO DO SUMMIN WITH UR DAM LIFE‼️
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[diane chambers voice] couldn’t make summa??
#in all seriousness as someone who like. dropped out of college due to untreated mental illness#and thought she’d never get to go back. or that she’d go back and FINISH.#this is kinda crazy. this was earned and i feel very proud#so yesh#this has been a text post
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Aside from the noble platypus I also feel like rui would really enjoy these animals:
Mola mola/Sunfish
Anteater
Echidna
Kiwi
Kākāpō
Axolotl
Horseshoe crab
Gibbon
#i have reasoning for all of these beyond ‘they look funny’ trust#mola mola are just. so fucking weird man. they’re so odd. their back fin grows back on itself? they’re so rigid it reduces drag#but they ‘swim’ really slowly? they swim similar to how a bird flies. just sideways. largest bony fish. they bask to get enough warmth#to allow them to dive super deep to forage for food (cold blooded so they’d be fucked without doing that)#anteaters are interesting. did you know they’ve (the giant ones) killed jaguars and humans before#because they walk on the knuckles to keep the huge knives on their feet sharp and their threat response#is basically just ‘swipe blindly (poor vision) at whatever comes close until it stops coming back’#echidnas are fellow monotremes (only ones besides the platypus) and are just as strange#they also have electrosensors (~2000 compared to the platypus’s 40000) and a similarly low body temp#(second lowest of all mammals after. u guessed it. the platypus) and are actually decent swimmers despite looking Like That#kiwis are weird beasts.#massive eggs compared to their body size. rely more on scent than sight because their eyes are so tiny and under developed.#kākāpō are the heaviest parrot and also the only flightless parrot. they also kinda resemble owls face wise? and they’re green.#evolved with no natural predators and are currently being fucked over by invasive rats#axolotl is self explanatory#although to give a fun fact the wild type is naturally brown. the fun colored ones would be easy prey in the wild.#& they’re capable of going through metamorphosis (like how tadpoles -> frogs) if exposed to the necessary hormones#but they don’t produce it on their own#horseshoe crabs despite having crab in the name are more closely related to spiders/ticks/scorpions than crabs#& gibbons are included because 1 I’m biased towards my favorite animal 2 only species of lesser ape. live in family units.#tbf I think he’d like all apes and probably prefer orangutans/chimps but I’m saving you the extensive lecture on great apes#here at ssruis we strive to be educational.#biology cool. despite me dropping out of the program (treated as premed at my college and I could NOT do chem let alone orgchem/physics) but#i liked biolab/the units abt animals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#rui
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If anyone’s wondering why I haven’t been posting on this blog I had a breakdown, dropped out of college for the time being, moved back home, and now I’m deeply addicted to stardew valley while I wait for one of the damn jobs I applied to to call me back
#I’m not actually a college dropout I’m going back in the fall (I hope)#like nothing wrong with dropping out of college for real god knows I get it. just for me personally I have NO idea what I would do#I can’t just work for movie theaters and fast food forever#need a masters at least for the job I want#anyways I feel bad for not using my blog but ever since the breakdown I just haven’t cared?#like I still love tutu I do I just can’t bring myself to think about it and care the way I did#hopefully that goes away I miss you guys I miss all the fun I had in the fandom#lea talks#lea off topic tag
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