#cod golem

[cerosin-bis]

Today is Golem's bday so I drew him (and his sleep paralysis demon)

[saym0-0]

doodling some minecraft mobs :3

[loge2718]

This definitely happened during Armistice days...

[lunarw0rks]

ok coming off anon so I can attach a pic but also could talk about this man for hours

from cod wiki, joined the army under a false identity, received exceptional marks and climbed the ranks until civilians were found killed w rounds that matched his weapon (erm… he’s innocent your honor </3), escaped custody, then joined the Chimera company….i can fix him….

there’s this lil interaction between him and Golem who helped him escape custody… the banter says a lot about them I think

https://youtu.be/jDK-Js5Cg7w?si=lZ2VX5cJY0PMYlaI

i need to make headcanons on him… I have so many thoughts about this man 😭😭 I will say that he’s pictured w Nikto a lot so in my head they r friends <33

ALSO…. him in his Reaper skin…. grggrgrrggrhrrgrg

i just think he’s neat :]

honestly krueger's voice is what i THOUGHT könig would sound like (i don't mind his voice either tho)

BUT N E WAYS

THAT SKIN IS DELICIOUS !! AND THE TAT ON HIS STOMACH -- MY GOD !! AUSTRIAN ACCENTS >>

[nerdyneko265]

In honour of the last dungeon meshi Thursday (I know it’s Wednesday, shut up)

Minecraft cooking!

Where I go through the mob bestiary and treat it like a cook book.

Chicken, cow, pig, goat, rabbit, horse, wolf, sheep, cat, cod, salmon, tropical fish, llama- you know what these are, you don’t need me to explain. Both Laios and I are bored, moving on.

Villagers, pillagers, piglins- don’t eat people. I know piglins are half pig but listen. DONT EAT PEOPLE! You know the orcs? This is the same thing.

All zombies ever- technically edible. We’ve all eaten rotten flesh. Senshi would not be proud of us, it’s not very nutritious. Also, cannibalism.

Skeletons- I guess you could make a soup stock. But they’re better for fertilizer.

Vex and allays- ghosts. I don’t think we can make sorbet here either. I don’t think they work like that.

Bats- very small, not much meat. Hard to find and catch. But if you’re in a cave and in a pinch or just curious, sure why not

Puffer fish- cook very carefully. Probably just better for potions. But you can eat puffer fish, your chef just needs to be trained in how to cook it.

Mooshroom- now we’re talking. Beef, but with mushrooms. Comes with mushroom soup too. Usually raised for soup rather than meat, but still a good source of meat that’s pre seasoned.

Squid- mmmmm calamari… Laios enemy… also good for squid ink. I hear it goes well with pasta.

Cave Spider- venomous, could technically remove the poison like with puffer fish and boil the spider but I dont know. Small but have spawners, so you’ve have a steady supply

Spider- not venomous, and bigger. So I guess you could. Probably taste like giant scorpion since they’re both arachnids.

*dont eat spider eyes, they’re poisonous

Endermen- for personal reasons, I will not be eating endermen. They don’t even want to fight unless you antagonize them. More importantly, don’t eat endermen, it’ll probably fuck you up. They’re built for the end and full of chorus fruit. They’re also so skinny, not much to eat there. Ender pearls have a chance of giving you a parasite. And will probably teleport your stomach out of your body. You could try but it’s probably like jerky and you’ll see god.

Incidentally, I think chorus fruit tastes like vanilla

Polar bear- probably very tough meat. Very gamey. Beware though, they eat people too

Iron golem- that’s a robot. Don’t eat metal. DONT EAT REDSTONE! ITS RADIO ACTIVE.

Snow golem- probably makes good ice cream. Don’t eat it. Let it make ice cream. It’s just snow after all. It would just taste like water.

Blaze- it’s more of a spirit than an animal. Good for potion making, probably not tasty. A central core surrounded by rods, maybe that core has some meat on it, probably tastes a little spicy.

Striders- why? Why would you eat these poor babies? What did they ever do to you? They’re probably reptiles, so you could definitely eat them but could you live with that knowledge?

Elder guardian- really old puffer fish. Cut carefully for good sushi. But it’s such a hassel, you’re better off having a puffer fish. Plus, they’re endangered, so like, come on.

Guardian- jokes on you, it’s hollow on the inside. Check the mob bestiary, they have no internal organs. Could probably get some meat from the outer flesh but that’s also the spikes, so beware.

Ender mite- remember those parasites from ender pearls? This is them. Could def cook them though. They’re fair sized and full on meat. You’re probably be tripping balls though.

Ghast- like a squid, but balloon. They are filled with gas, to allow them to fly. So much like a dragon, likely have a gas sac that could contain gases that could ignite, be careful. But sky octopus. Lots of meat.

Magma cube- slime but spicy. Magma cream is probably yummy. We know it’s ok to ingest because it’s in potions, so I think it should be ok to eat. Just wait got it to cool a little

Slime- senshi has recipes for these buggers.

Shulker- I can only assume it tastes like living armour. It’s definitely a mussel

Silverfish- it’s a bug, it’s big, enjoy.

Wither skeleton and the wither- please, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT EAT THE WITHER! THIS IS HOW WE GET THE PLAGUE! YOURE GOING TO GET WITHERING AND DIE!

Sniffer- I know they’re really big, I know they’re probably full of meat and they have eggs, but look at their little faces. Could you really eat them?

The Ender dragon- I mean, you beat her, might as well I guess. Apparently dragon is delicious. But also, probably full of the end, probably going to fuck yup up a bit

And now, for the big one

Creeper- as we all know, creeper skin feels like dry, crunchy leaves. It’s a moss monster with a tnt block inside. So, if you carefully cut around the explosive, you now have a very dangerous vegetable. Thick “meat”, might make a good salad.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[boatemlag]

Hi I read your gift fic to Bee and I am soooooooooo wondering about the funerary rites of every empire pls tell me about them

[ID: Ask from erstwhilesparrow that says, "[staggers out of ao3 shaking slightly] okay so obviously now i have to ask you for your thoughts on empires funerary practices!! stares at you with big pleading eyes. share thoughts?" /end ID]

HI!!!! im so glad you asked >:) a lot of this is in my brain but this was the initial note for the concept for the gift fic so you see where i'm coming from

[Text ID: A screenshot of an iPhone notes app bullet point that says: "2. 2. mezalea and complicated system of rebirth and reincarnation-> no sense of grieving funerals? joel has never had to grieve because hes inorganic. clay structures dont die. interested in the connection between golems in judaism and clay constructs in mezalea" /end ID]

my basic concept with mezalea was ultimately that because constructs dont die (joel was made by the mother tree, and in turn made the mezaleans in his image? something like that) they cant properly die? and if they do die their friends and family or joel himself can reinstate them, and theres ritual for that, but its a thing that is ultimately for inorganics. and its not really akin to a funeral.

more under the cut, separated by nation! ones mentioned in the fic first!

mythland: for mythland i was inspired by this story i heard from a classmate of a funeral he attended in his father's hometown in china where they walked from the morgue to the cemetery and it took like multiple hours and they were singing funeral songs and prayers and such and then still had a ceremony at the cemetery. i had an image in my mind of the rain falling through the dark oak leaves and sausage dressed in the robes of a king even though he is so small (way too small for him) and the robes really are wearing him, and the hours upon hours of walking through the streets of mythland to the royal cemetery with hundreds of mythic citizens behind them singing mourning songs and the toll that takes on a boy too young to be king... yes. delicious. after the blood sheep religion is revived, these ceremonies involved ritual animal sacrifice.

gilded helianthia: i really like the idea of helianthians being people of the earth, and not having huge ceremonies for their funerals. people coming from the earth and going back to the earth. planting their favorite plants in their resting place. this one is pretty self explanatory i think? and its a very logical extension of helianthia's values. the bonfire is something i think is very common in surrounding areas of bordering nations.

pixandria: pixandria is, i think, the only canon depiction we have of funerals? its kind of obvious to say "The Vigil" but like. the Vigil. im also a big fan of the idea of something similar to an ofrenda being common, visiting the memorials of lost loved ones. i also think corpses dont preserve well in the desert so cremation is very common. the body is not considered very sacred and its the soul that has to be memorialized.

rivendell: i spend so much time thinking about these goddamn elves its not even FUNNYY!!!!!! religious schisms make me SICK!!!!!! in the head. anyway. i think cremation used to be very very common in rivendell because in the cold of the mountains bodies decompose very very slowly. but after the schism fire is considered weirdly sacrilegious when it comes to rituals, so they sort of have shirked the cremation part of the ritual. theyve always had wakes i think, and theyve replaced cremation with a complex catacomb type situation. elves also dont die super often? so there are centuries of elves buried beneath the mountains but its not like. that many. comparatively. elves consider it important to see the corpses of their loved ones as part of the grieving process and its an egregious crime to desecrate a corpse or modify the body in any way, even back in the days of cremation.

cod empire/codlands: funerals are VERY important in codish culture because the swamp conditions mean uhhh bog bodies are very possible. and thats considered sacrilegious because the only preserved body allowed is the cod head lmao. its a religious symbol as well as a theocratic symbol. that being said, there are a plethora of ways cod folk prefer to care for their dead. for those who are closer in heritage to oceanic peoples, its very common to feed corpses to fish (livestock) and hold a ceremony during then. for those with mythic heritage (before the ravine and erection of the walls of codlands and mythland) funeral processions were very common, though usually taken out to sea. these are just a few of the types of funerary ceremonies the codfolk use.

ocean empire: as mentioned in the previous section, oceanic rituals often involve feeding bodies to the fishy livestock as a funeral ritual. other than that, more land-living oceanic citizens do something akin to a "viking funeral" where flaming rafts are sent out to sea

lost empire: heh. so theres two main things here: pre and post xornoth. the folks of the lost empire used to bury their dead in large clearings dedicated as cemeteries. for more important people in society they constructed tombs all connected by underground tunnels. post-xornoth, cremation was added as a common custom. this was obviously short lived for the empire.

house blossom/the overgrown: similar to gilded helianthia, except instead of the land around, citizens are buried with seeds on their being, to be used as nutrients for the large wild flowers. post burial rituals include several days of merriment and mourning, and i like the idea that bonfires are also common here.

the grimlands: i really like the idea of public burial in the fields outside of the main capital of the grimlands. there are pretty large cemeteries that are multilayered. the tradition has a common ancestor with the lost empire's tradition.

crystal cliffs: I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF LIKE. magic being involved in some way. perhaps the crystallization of famous witches and wizards and sorcerers immortalized in amethyst, deep beneath the mountains. because the crystal cliffs is run by the headmaster or headmistress at the time i think the general burial rights actually depend on the nation of origin or wishes of the individual. crystal cliffs is very much a nation of various peoples because anyone can attend.

the undergrove: the burial rights of the gnomes is a dying secret. because there are very few gnomes left, the decimation of the population has erased former traditions in the face of cremation to eliminate chance of Corruption. it used to be something else, but that knowledge is lost to time.

[minecraftmobtournament]

📌 Minecraft Mob Tournament Bracket

ROUND 1 🏅

So, here it is! The pre-polls are done and i can reveal the tournament bracket! These will be the round 1 battles. Now it's your turn to vote for the cutest, most interesting, and most iconic minecraft mobs! ✨

I'm gonna split round 1 into four waves of eight polls each and the first wave of polls is gonna go up tomorrow WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 15 at 7PM EST 🕖🗓

Thanks again for inspiring this tournament: @bisexual-monarch-tournament, @aroaceswagcompetition, @aroace-awsomeness-arena, @the-best-fictional-turtle, @nonbiney-swag-competition, @transgenderswagcompetition, @transfemswagbracket, @letsgetreadytotumble, @lesbianswagcompetition 💚

ALL ROUND 1 BATTLES LISTED UNDER THE CUT

Group 1:

Bee vs. Turtle

Guardian vs. Ghast

Blaze vs. Creeper

Wandering Trader vs. Villager

Axolotl vs. Pufferfish vs. Frog

Fox vs. Dolphin

Cow vs. Mooshroom

Wither vs. Ender Dragon

Group 2:

Pillager vs. Vindicator

Snow Golem vs. Zombie vs. Iron Golem

Drowned vs. Zombie Villager vs. Husk

Skeleton Horse vs. Panda vs. Goat

Llama vs. Wolf vs. Trader Llama

Horse vs. Mule vs. Donkey

Pig vs. Strider

Hoglin vs. Ravager vs. Zoglin

Group 3:

Warden vs. Elder Guardian

Skeleton Horseman vs. Spider Jockey vs. Chicken Jockey

Enderman vs. Shulker

Salmon vs. Tropical Fish vs. Cod

Endermite vs. Tadpole vs. Silverfish

Allay vs. Vex

Stray vs. Wither Skeleton vs. Skeleton

Phantom vs. Bat

Group 4:

Witch vs. Evoker

Squid vs. Glow Squid

Spider vs. Cave Spider

Parrot vs. Chicken

Sheep vs. Rabbit vs. Polar Bear

Magma Cube vs. Slime

Ocelot vs. Cat

Zombified Piglin vs. Piglin vs. Piglin Brute

[rawstfish]

What Saw traps I would give CoD characters

I'm gonna put this under read more because It's gonna be long as hell. Also I am Jigsaw for this :)

He's getting this so I can watch him die. He would react like Peter Strahm did so he's getting crushed. I can't wait to watch him get crushed while mogging on him.

Price: Glass Coffin

It's a classic. It's an icon. He's gonna be fanboying while getting out. He will be successful and I am letting him take it home.

Gaz: Reverse Bear Trap

I wanted to give them a trap together and is more perfect than the spike trap for them. Mace is on the side that is only flesh wounds, while Ghost is on the side that is piercing his major arteries. Mace will not be able to get the spikes out though, because he can't kill Ghost even after all the shit Ghost has done to him. They will both be bitching and arguing in this trap.

Ghost and Mace: The Spike Trap

Soap: The Shotgun chair

I think I'm funny and I'm gonna make him shoot his own head. Makarov this one is for you <3 (OG Soap get's the flammable jelly. It would piss him off so bad but I think he could finish it.)

Thorne and Charly: Oxygen Crusher

I want them to do one together, but one of them does have to die. This would insanely sad to be honest, but it would be really fun. They would be communicating purely through eye contact and they know exactly what the other is saying.

Golem: Rigg's Trial

I think they are similar in the way that they wanna save people and that's what is whole trial is about. I think he'll be fine, this will be good for him. It's gonna stress him out so bad and he will cry but it will be awesome :)

Domino: The Scalping Seat

I don't know I just think this a good pick for her. Especially with Golem doing the trail and having to help her, this will bring them closer together. Domino is supposed to kill Golem if she freed, but I'm Jigsaw so I'll let it pass if she doesn't. They can work together on the Rigg's Trial :D

Wyatt and Talon: The Bathroom Trap

This would be the funniest fucking thing in the world. Talon is immediately fussing and yelling at Wyatt. I think Wyatt would be scared but he's covering up by telling joking and messing Talon 10x harder than usual. Wyatt is in the tub and Talon is on the pipe. Wyatt is losing that key just like Adam did. Talon is going to try his hardest to kill Wyatt. I believe in him but Wyatt also has dumb luck soooo...

Mara I'm sorry I wanna include the Angel Trap and you are who I chose to be in it. It's kinda unwinnable but I think Mara will find a way. She's immediately sticking her hand in that acid and getting the key. She would work fast which is why I think she'll find a way to win.

Mara: Angel Trap

Alex: The Death Mask

I just think this would be so cute for Alex. He gets to have a missing eye now too because he is winning this. This would be like nothing to him.

Of course they have to do a something together and the impalement wheel is perfect for them. It's literally lifting something heavy and holding it in place, they both got this. I can't decide who should be where so I'm actually putting them in there twice but they switch places. They will win both times.

Minotaur and Bale: The Impalement Wheel

This is just Nikto and Krueger's dream come true. They are killing Rodion and then each other. They are pushing the saws to have a strength test while flirting. Rodion's dead body is above them while they do this.

Nikto, Krueger, Rodion: Public Execution trap

Zane and Azur: The Steam Maze

This because they have to work together BUT in MW19 they are fighting with each other. This will help them work whatever is happening between them out :)

Grinch: Razor Wire Maze

This is perfect for Grinch, he will have a blast. He is gonna think this is the coolest and funnest thing on the planet, he's going to treat this like a roller coaster. I'm watching this and I have to go down there and tell him to stop. Then I recruit him and he gets to be one of the Pig Mask killers :)

Iskra: The Knife Chair

This is an easy win for Iskra and she gets to come out of it with face scars. She will be hotter, you can thank me later for my genius mind.

Nikolai: The Classroom Trap

Okay now I have group ones :)

This is an excuse to see Nikolai naked, because this is an easy win for him. Oh my god he wouldn't shut up about surviving a saw trap. He would tell this story again and again.

I'm making Graves choose his 2 favorite Shadow Company members. Lerch, Velikan, Roze, and 3 other members are gonna be on the carousel. Graves would hate this so fucking much, he would genuinely feel guilty killing any of them.

Shotgun Carousel: Shadow Company

The Fatal Five's Trial: Demon Dogs

This is an easy win for them and they are literally coming out fine. They are gonna get burgers after it. I can't have any of them die but I wanna put them in a trap soooo...

Nerve Gas House: Otter, Morte, Syd, Konig, Chuy, Fender, Yegor

I just think they would all hate this BUT still be smart enough to win, minus Yegor though. He would be too freaked out and not be thinking clearly at all. He's dying to the magnum eyehole. I'm making Otter get in the furnace. He would hate it soooo bad. I could see him seeing off the trap and the other's having to get him out because he would be low-key freaking out. Oh my god then they all could be like, "You should give me that antidote because I saved you." They are throwing Konig in the needle pit. She's literally tall enough to just land down there safely but they are pushing her in. Fender is finding the razor box and getting that antidote. I'm doing this because he has the biggest arm out of all of them so he has to do it. Syd is having fun messing with the other's but as soon as something happens to her she's not having fun and is pissed off. Chuy would be fine, he would be like Syd. They are sacrificing Morte. For what? I don't know they just are.

Acid Room: Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, and Makarov

Alejandro and Rudy are choosing whether or not Valeria is dying by acid. Alejandro and Valeria are fussing and fighting for most of the time. Until he goes over to switch. BUT, he wouldn't be able to pull it because he does love Valeria. Rudy could pull it. Oh, Makarov is there on Valeria's side because she's his coke dealer. He can not lose his favorite coke dealer (spoiler warning: He's losing his favorite coke dealer)

[shadowscommand]

CoD characters gloryhole thoughts?

good morning. I'm putting this under a readmore.

so okay like first of all who would Make a glory hole. there's a lot of characters that would talk about one or be willing to go to one but who would Actually cut a hole in the bathroom stall. Kreuger on Allegiance, Wyatt on Coalition, Gus on specgru (AS A JOKE. HE DOES NOT EXPECT ANYONE TO USE IT), and i cant really see anyone on kortac doing it??? in other games i think it'd just be, like, some random milsim doing it. like nobody in ghosts would make a glory but maybe if they found one they would use it. maybe. COLD WAAARR blops in general uhh for NATO bulldozer. for warsaw pact stone.

i think blops would see the least amt of usage tho i think itd be hard to at the same time get two gay dudes in the bathroom everyone in blops is so straight to me. and if theyre not straight they dont want to get caught sucking dick in the bathroom. they also are the most loose "group" so i dont think they really have a Base they just are working with each other around the globe so. like frank would use one, STITCH #1 glory hole user he wants his dick sucked so bad, antonov, bulldozer, i think beck is straight but hed be curious hed use one at least once. jackal. baker maybe i think hes straight but curiosity gets the better of him. stryker wouldnt because hes insane. hes gay but insane hes the one telling someone in charge about the gloryhole.

ghosts like i said i think keegan and merrick would use one but, like, its Just Them they'd find a bathroom in the destroyed us of a and be like Lmao.... wanna rp as strangers.. and then theyd do that. keegan and logan maybe idk imo theyre really will they wont they sort of missed opportunity. so idk. this could be one of the handfuls of times they mess around before logan gets kidnapped.

mwii uhh while i can't see anyone in kortac making one i can see zeus, conor, zero, and maybe maybe klaus using it. santa can get his dick sucked. i think nobody would like Make a complaint about it also tho like its mainly going to be ignored. theyre probably also the most like blops cw guys also theyre not like In a group. for once also nikto isnt using it bc of his heightened paranoia im thinking. Could be anyone on the other side. specgru Uh yeah price is using that thing. soap is telling ghost about it and hes like :) LT can we and ghost is like sure whatever. soap is only going to it when he knows who someone else is in there tho. he'll go for ghost and price. gaz is the same but he'll ONLY go for price. but also chuy, gromsko, and zimo will put their dicks in there. theyre on rotation. (this is just bc i want to see them suck dick.) Gus is genuinely shocked when he hears people talk about using it hes like Huh. What. No. Oh my god do Not suck dick in the bathroom it was just a JOKE. it will eventually get patched over. Gus does not fess up that he did that.

mw19 leading king of gloryhole usage. who ISNT using one. the girls and the lesbians !? the straight guys !? wyatt did it like "as a joke" like lmaoo i cant Believe you guys are making me do this !! but nobody is. he is texting otter a pic after like Meet me in 10 minutes. wyatt is going to suck golems dick and only he's going to know he did it. alex is married so he wont but he would. if he wasnt. griggs is In There bro. d-day would but hes too nervous to. NOBODY is saying shit except talon. talon is going to ruin it for everyone and tattle and get it patched and everyone is going to get a Stern talking to. so. kreuger is doing it bc he wants a glory hole. he wants to make rodion use it with nikto. he wants nikto to use it just in general. both sides. nobodys ever taking it out if you tell anyone nobody cares. nikolai is like Oh how fun. Kamarov is like I don't care. Don't bother me ever again. Lerch will patch it up himself and Kreuger will make a new one

[brainbesplit]

resource pack

things i would do if i made a minecraft resource pack: -villager and iron construct model change. iron guy has a pumpkin head and villagers will either look closer to the player character (probably the slim-armed variant) or a completely separate thing (animal people?? sheep perhaps?) -snowman face changes!!! optifine allows randomized entity textures -same thing for zombies. not only can they be all nine of the polycule (default skins) i'd also make a rana one probably!! and these would be for every zombie variant -gold tools DRASTICALLY different. just make it make sense that they're smaller -built-in bluefish. renames cod and all cod adjacent things to Fish -renaming all "golem" mobs to equivalents -changing the ominous banner?? might be hard. make it look like new illager model -make creepers look more leafy and kind of piglin-adjacent... giving them the hooves and eyes and tusks of a piglin but other than that leafy. like a fucked up zombie piglin overgrown and mind controlled by... idk. explodey fungus?????? man im just trying to be cool -enderman but cooler :) idk what else i'd do with them but i vow to make endermen better -more paintings!! myhouse.wad references, bee and puppycat references, adventure time references, just generally references to shit -my irl cats as cat textures. probably similar to toast rabbit? i believe this would require a datapack so idk maybe i'll just replace two of the base game textures... -moar splashes. one of which shitting on notch. references to the sonic fandubs. uplifting quotes from the wonderful Osaka Azumanga Daioh -uhhh more

[cerosin-bis]

Do you have any random thoughts or headcanons about your friends-of-Golem OCs Jan and Alex? I want to hear more of them 😊❤

🥺 Yes... like maybe three people will care about this, but in case anyone's interested, Jan and Alexander are characters I made when I wrote Severance, my fic exploring MW19 Golem and Krueger's shared past. They are the two other squadmates in Hans' (Golem) four-men team in the KSK. I got very attached to them actually.

Alexander (Alex) is a medic. He's Hans' best friend. Impossibly smart back in school, he can be a bit of a prick with a contrarian mind by nature. Nice guy, very righteous, but bossy. He's supportive, but absolutely not coddling. In a (kicks your ass into getting better) way. He joined the military at the same time as Hans' and they became friends quickly (friendly rivalry type of of friendship because they were both The Best, u know.). He has bad teeth (they're like. yellow and a bit crooked in places). He's the same age as Hans but looks younger because he's a bit babyfaced.

Jan is half-Polish. He was in another Platoon by the time he met Hans and Alexander. Bonded with Hans immediately because both of them were young dads and realised they lived in the same town?! so their daughters could play with one another 👍 He's a very active guy. Quite tall (>192cm). Handball and volleyball player at pretty high levels, he met his then-gf-now-wife in a local tournament. Very affable guy, it's easy to get along with him. He has an insanely high alcohol treshold before getting drunk.

[sunshine-and-moonshine]

A list of COD characters I’m trying to research more about cause I am thinking about writing them

Alex

Valeria

Maxis

Grinch

Nikto

Wraith

Knight

Golem

Mace

Velikan

Syd

[loge2718]

Lt. Hans Golem Blaustein Doodles

[thedanishcatgirl]

Hey so found this and fought I'd share a writing of the season finale I made back when that was a thing.

Fwip awoke in his bed from a terrible dream. He got up, but as he saw out of the window he froze in terror. No, his eyes must just be deceiving him, after all he had just woken from a truly terrible dream. But as he headed out, he realized it had not just been a dream for everything was still destroyed. He had lost everything, it was all gone. But what had even happened. The last thing he remembered was desperately trying to fix the reactor. Back to reality. There were the cats and parrots, so at least some of the pets made it out before the building exploded. 

“Have you seen the dogs?” he asked as if they could answer him. Please let the dogs be alive. Then he made it to the big crater.

“Oh no.”

There were some of the golems, at least they could help repair things. If that was even possible. And then he realized all the stuff he had on him during the explosion was gone, except for his clothes, scarf boots and goggles. That meant

“Oh no no no. I’ve lost I’ve lost the crown. The cro the crown is gone.”

The entire village was gone, the villagers probably dead. Except one. Somehow the villager of the hot tub had survived.

It was a miracle.

“Oh buddy, stay in your hut tub, you don’t wanna see what’s out there.”

But otherwise that was it. The Grimlands his, home was gone. There was no way they could come back from this. As he walked past the donation box he quickly checked if there was something useful. Yes, there was a cooked chicken. He had some food, at least he could have something to eat. It was so hard to believe. His mansion, the forge, everything was gone. He couldn’t stay here. Thankfully he knew a certain someone who wouldn’t mind letting him stay. As he continued along the path, his thoughts were interrupted by another miracle.

“Huh the dog the dogs the dogs!” 

They were alive and his sword was there too. 

“Oh I have my sword and Koda and Nova. I got you two but I don’t have any steak for you I’m sorry. It’s good to see you both. Let’s go see if we can find Gem.”

She would help them.

As he got closer to her empire, which thankfully wasn’t too far from his, he noticed the downside to her being so close. Namely being the flaming debris on top of one of her towers.

“Oh no, did it get over here? That’s not good, no!”

He quickly continued. At least everything seemed to be intact thankfully. Just a little debris all over the place, but it could be fixed. Then he found her.

“Gem it’s it’s all gone everything it’s it’s” he looked down ashamed and stumbling over his words.

“What’s gone?”

“The the Grimlands the Grimlands it’s gone.” Once again he looked away couldn’t bear keeping eye contact for long. Then the panic came back.

“Jim Jimmy was there with me, Jimmy was there with me oh no I told him to run I told him to run oh no I, I hope he got away I told him to run I didn’t see him.

“Fwip! How did this happen?”

“Jimmy and I tried working together to make him a new Codfather head, and it overloaded the reactor when we put cod in there to work with salmon. And I made it with the puppies and that’s’ that’s it.” 

Gem looked sad.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay… do you need anything?”

“Yeah I I think I need to stay with family for a while. Can I, can I stay in the Crystal Cliffs with you?”

“Of course you can,” she said as she handed him some more food.”

“Food thank you, thank you I, I need yeah thank you Gem,” he said as he started eating.

“But we can’t stay here, we have to go tell the others we need to make sure Jimmy is okay.”

“Okay yeah yeah we should we … what’s on your head?"

“Oh that’s Violet, my baby dragon.”

“Okay yeah things are happening here weird things happening . Let’s go see if we can find everyone else and tell them what happened. Yeah that sounds, that sounds good let’s, let’s go.”

“Yeah let’s go to spawn.”

She was right as always, that was the good and responsible thing to do. His dear sister had always been good at that. It was gonna be okay, she was here, she would help and protect him, just as she always had. So they walked the long way to spawn together.

“Common doggies let’s go, it's just us now we gotta keep moving.”

“We’ll be fine. Everything will be fine, let's just get to spawn and it’ll be fine.”

Just as she said that he noticed the others in the distance.

“Oh oh god there they are.”

He would have to face everyone and own up to his mistake, and they would probably be mad and.

“It’s okay it’s okay they will take it fine.”

She was right she was right, she always was, she would support him.

“I … think it will be okay I.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

“Uhm he’s bye bye, he’s gone, he’s done,” they heard Jimmy tell the others

“What?”

“What do you mean?” the others cried in shock and confusion.

“Yeah did you see that big bang, hear about it?”

“Yeah”

“That was him, smithereens he’s blown up, he’s gone he’s done.”

“That was Fwip?” Joey asked just as he had arrived.

“What are we talking about?” Fwip asked.

“Uhhh”

“Are you okay?”

“No I’ve had a rough day, it’s been a, it’s been a hard day” he said and looked down at his soot covered self.

“Fwip?”

“It’s all gone.”

“Excuse me sir” Joey asked while pointing a bow at him.

“Joey let him explain” cried Scot

“You have some explaining to do. My base is completely destroyed, this is an act of war!”

“You’ve seen the crater?”

“It’s not his fault” cried Gem.

“I thought you were gone” said Jimmy

“I did I barely made it out of there. My puppy dogs made it out of there. They dragged me out of the explosion and all I’ve got left is my dogs and this,” he said, showing his sword. 

“That’s it.”

“What happened?”

“What was that noise?”

“Jimmy and I tried teaming up, to help him out, to get his codfather head back, and we mixed cod and salmon in the reactor, and uhm it overloaded, there was too much power.”

“So you’re both to blame for this!”

“No!”

“Nah uh”

“I was just trying to help, I was just trying to … we’re buddies.

“He had the big thingy.”

“He blew up his empire!”

“I’m sure it was an accident!”

“Gem stop being so neutral.”

“My base is big and strong” proclaimed Joel.

“Should we be checking our empires?”

“Your base is big good Joel.”

Typical Joel, assuming that since he and his empire are big and strong nothing will happen. This was ridiculous.

“So nothing happened to any of you guys?”

“I haven’t been back yet.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you better go look!”

“The prophecy!”

“Yeah I need to go check, I'll be back, good luck.”

“I gotta go find the wolves.”

“This is bad.”

“Good luck everybody.”

“And Jimmy you better watch your back, because I’m coming for you,” Joey threatened.”

“Good luck I hope it’s okay.”

“Joey don’t threaten the cod,” Gem scolded.

“Joey, I thought we been past treats for a while now.”

“Uhm if you ever need a babysitter for that dragon I’m around,” Joey said while looking at Gem and Violet.

“Thank you…”

“I’m sure by boyfriend would love to meet him.”

“Mhhm mhhm.”

“Fwip what have we done?” Jimmy asked him.

“Uh uh Jimmy, Jimmy I think it’s I think it will be uh I think it will be fine right?”

“Uhh well I’m gonna go check my base.”

“Yeah I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re okay.”

Then he and Gem walked together back to the Cliffs.

“Uhh I think they took it well, I think they took it well,” he said now that it was just him and Gem again.

“Yeah they took it well. It went well,”

“Yeah that’s, that’s you know what, that went as best as it could I think they all understand that it wasn’t.”

“For the fact that you just exploded your entire base, I feel like it went fine.”

“Yeah I think they understand that it wasn’t malicious, and that’s the important part.”

“Yeah you’ve never done anything malicious, you just do stupid things all the time

“Yeah that’s not me, I've never done anything like that,” he said, not even noticing the tease at the end of her sentence.”

Fwip was very glad he had his big sister with him. She made the long journey so much easier. He could feel the exhaustion now that the adrenaline was gone.

“Come on we’re almost back.”

“This world is a whole lot bigger when you uh when you can’t fly. Whooh my legs are tired. I think I gotta lay down for a little while.” 

“At least you have legs. Come on.”

“Yeah yeah okay, we made it we made it, we’re back alright okay.”

“What are we gonna do now? Do you think we can stay here?”

“I uhm I don’t know if there is anything left of the reactor to explode, but something tells me we wanna be as far away from here as possible.”

“You don’t know?”

“Gem it all exploded and I walked away. I uhm yeah I just ran, I ran.”

“If we can’t stay, I suppose we can leave the Crystal Cliffs and me and you can get away on one of the big dragons. Violet can’t fly yet.”

“Yeah next time Violet we got you. Okay yeah uh I like that plan, I think we should do that.”

“Okay, um you can’t fly onto the dragon.”

“Nope.”

“I have the perfect spell. I've been working on my magic. You just stay right there, and uh just one second.”

“Okay.”

And then she flew off. It was gonna be fine. Gem had a plan, she makes good plans.

Suddenly he was on one of the dragons.

“Ohh you even got the puppies up here! Oh he’s gonna fall. You gotta sit right there buddy.”

Gem laughed. It felt so good to hear that pearly laugh once again, after all that happened.

“I think both of them should maybe sit.”

“Yeah, that’s yeah all hands and paws and tails inside the dragon please.”

“That’s perfect, we should be able to get away from here. Dragons know perfectly how to fly away from disasters.”

Finally he could just sit back and relax. But that meant that all the sadness he had pushed away finally showed itself. He had blown his empire up. He triggered the explosion that also damaged many of the other Empires. Who knows how much damage and death his mistake had caused. Joey and the other rulers had full right to be angry. He sensed the tears falling from his eyes, but he didn’t have the strength to stop them anymore. Gem noticed and pulled him into a big hug. Not letting go she said “Don’t worry you’re safe now. It’s alright no one's gonna hurt you.”

“But, but you heard how angry Joey was, and with his relationship to Xornoth I .. I wouldn’t put it past him to…”

“But we are far away from him, and all the others. No one knows where we are. And if something happens I will protect you, like I always have.”

“Thank you…”

He could feel himself melting into her hug. Had her embraces always been this warm?

“Hey that’s what you got big sisters for,” he heard her say as he closed his eyes, and finally gave into the exhaustion.

[exhausted-archivist]

Bestiary of Thedas

From bird to insect, fish to land animal. Every creature mentioned in Dragon Age, blighted and non-blighted, spirits and demon, created and possessed creatures alike are listed along with their breeds, subspecies, or variations.

If you want a more specific list, check out the post for Real World Animals in Thedas

Updated: 2023/11

Amphibian

Frog

Salamander

Toad

Horned Toad

Poison Toad

Birds

Albatross

Black-capped Songbird

Bluebird

Budgerigar

Bunting

Buzzard

Canary

Crow

Dove

Duck

Mallard Duck

Eagle

Falcon

Finch

Goose

Grouse

Gull

Hawk

Kingfisher

Lark

Magpie

Merlin

Mockingbird

Nightingale

Owl

Parakeet

Parrot

Partridge

Peafowl

Pheasant

Pigeon

Ptarmigan

Quail

Raven

Robin

Rock Darter - Native to the Anderfels, an insect eating bird.

Seagull

Simir - A bird hunted in Tevinter for the magical properties in their feathers.

Sparrow

Swan

Swift

Turkey

Vulture

Bald-necked Vulture

Fish and Marine Creatures

Blind Tetrava

Bluefin

Carp

Cetus

Cod

Eel

Lamprey Eel

Jellyfish

Krone

Mackerel

Octopus

Raytooth

River Herring

Shark

Squid

Giant Squid

Trout

Whale

Bony Whale-Shark

Pilot Whale

Whitebait

Crustaceans and Shellfish

Clam

Crab

Giant Swamp Crab

Crayfish

Cuttlefish

Lobster

Mussel

Oyster

Prawns

Shrimp

Insects

Bee

Bumblebee

Honeybee

Beetle

Cave Beetle

Death Watch Beetle

Dung Beetle

Glow Worm

Roof Beetle

Wood-burrowing Beetle

Butterfly

Cricket

Dragonfly

Firefly

Flea

Fly

Blue Flies

Giant Spider

Giant Poisonous Spider

Giant Spiderling

Poison Spider

Gnat

Hornet

Ladybug

Leeches

Locust

Maggot

Scorpion

Silkworms

Slugs

Snail

Spider

Wasp

Worm

Earthworm

Poison Worm

Tapeworm

Mammals

Badger

Honey Badger

Bat

Giant Bats

Bear

Black Bear

Brown Bear

Cavern Bear

Great Bear

Large Bear

Boar

Bogfisher

Bronto

Cat

Cattle

Bull

Cow

Ox

Qalab

Chicken

Cockerel

Cretahl

Dathrasi

Deer

Red Deer

Stag

Dog

Coursing Hound

Ferelden Shepard

Hunting Dog

Mabari

Pug

Rat Terrier

Sheepdog

Wild Dog

Wofun Hound

Donkey

Druffalo

Elephant

Elk

Ermine

Fennec

Ferret

Fox

Gazelle

Ghast

Giant

Goat

Ayesleigh gulabi goats

Mountain Goat

Griffon

Gurn

Halla

Hamster

Hare

Hart

Bercilian Sure-Foot

Greater Frostback Elk

Pride of Arlathan

Red Hart

Royal Sixteen

Tirashan Swiftwind

White Hart

Wild Hart

Horse

Amaranthine Charger

Anderfel

Anderfel Courser

Asaarash

Avvar Mixed Draft

Dalish All-Bred

Fereldan Forder

Free Marches Ranger

Frostback Mountain Horse

Green Dales Feral

Imperial Warmblood

Inquisition Barded Charger

Oath-Bound Steed

Orlesian Courser

Taslin Strider

Hyena

Jackal

Jackrabbit

Lion

Great Lion

Red Lion

Lynx

Marmot

Marten

Mole

Monkey

Moose

Mountain Lion

Mouse

Chip Mouse

Mule

Nug

Nuggalope

Avvar War Nug

Battle Nug

Greater Nuggalope

Greater Mountain Nuggalope

Gwaren Land-Hammer

Knuckled Thunderer

Tiddles Majoris

Otter

Pig

Rabbit

Raccoon

Ram

August Ram

Rat

Giant Rat

Sheep

Snoufleur

Spotted Cat

Spotted Hunting Cat

Squirrel

Tiger

Tusket

Voles

Weasel

Wolf

Black Wolf

Crag Wolf

Great Wolf

Wolverine

Reptiles

Adder

Death Adder

Basilisks

Cobra

Crocodile

Deepstalker

Deepstalker Matriarch - largest deepstalker

Deepstalker Leader - always male, second largest deepstalker

Deepstalker Runner

Dracolisk

Abyssal Hang-Tooth

Basking Longma

Blue River Bane

Desert Lightning

Hunter Shade Dracolisk

Mountain Dracolisk

Primal-Trained Longma

Sharp-Tail

Dragon

Abyssal High Dragon

Fereldan Frostback

Gamordan

Stormrider

Greater Minstral

Guardian of Mythal

Highland Ravager

Hivernal

Hunterhorn Shrikes

Kaltenzahn

Northern Hunter

Sandy Howler

Stonejaw

Vinsomer

Dragonling

Drake

Great Dragon

Guardian Serpent

Gurgut

Lurker

Phoenix

Quillback

Sand Stalker - a small vermin-like creature similar to deepstalkers

Sand Stalker Spitter

Sand Stalker Leader - larger than common sand stalkers

Varghest

Viper

Wyvern

Snowy Wyvern

Created Creatures

Golem

Varterral

Blighted Creatures

Bereskarn

Blight Owl

Blight Wolf

Blighted Werewolf

Bloodcrow

Corrupted Spider

Corrupted Spider Queen

Darkspawn

Archdemon

Broodmothers

Children

Emissary

Genlock

Hurlock

Ogre

Shriek

Darkspawn Magisters (Named and known)

The Architect

Corypheus

Dragon Thrall

Ghoul

Created Creatures

Golem

Varterral

Demons and Spirits

Spirits

Choice

Command

Compassion

Faith

Hope

Justice

Knowledge

Perseverance

Valor

Wisdom

Memory

Wisp

Wraith

Demons

Desire

Despair

Envy

Fear

Hunger

Pride

Rage

Remorse

Shade

Sloth

Terror

Vengeance

Possessed/Magical Creatures

Abomination

Arcane Horror

Ash Wraith

Corpse

Devouring Corpse

Devouring Skeleton

Enraged Corpse

Fanged Skeleton

Shambling Corpse

Shambling Skeleton

Skeleton

Skeleton Archer

Skeleton Mage

Walking Corpse

Dryads

Harvester

Revenant

Rock Wraith

Ancient Rock Wraith

Sylvans

Vampire

Werewolf

Wood Nymphs

Undefined

Glowing Slime

Firesprite

Wandering Hills

Sources

Dragon Age Origins + DLCs Dragon Age Awakening Dragon Age 2 + DLC Dragon Age Inquisition + DLC Dragon Age Inquisition Multiplayer Dragon Age: Last Court Dragon Age: Official Cookbook: Tastes of Thedas Dragon Age Tabletop Core Rulebook Dragon Age Tabletop Blood of Ferelden World of Thedas Vol 1 World of Thedas Vol 2 Dragon Age: Asunder Dragon Age: Masked Empire Dragon Age: Last Flight Dragon Age: Tevinter Nights Short Story: The Riddle of Truth Short Story: Varric Dragon Age Origins Armor: Clamshell Armor Armor: Dalish Gloves Codex: The Bow of the Golden Sun Codex: Bronto Codex: Deepstalker Codex: The Frostback Mountains Codex: Meditations and Odes to Bees Codex: Nug Codex: Rat Codex: The Vaterral Item: Fox's Pendant Item: Golden Mirror Item: Lamb Bone Item: Micah/s Lucky Deer Foot Item: Ox Bone Item: Rat Poison Item: Uncrushable Pigeon Weapon: Cat Lady's Hobble-Stick Dragon Age 2 Armor: Rat-Nibbled Gloves Codex: Broken Dowsing Rods - No Refunds Codex: Carta Bronto Codex: Pride and Rider Junk: Stuffed Parrot Quest: Redblossom Special Weapon: The Tiger's Tail Last Court The Acerbic Dowager The Applewoods The Arrival of the Divine The Boastful Neighbor The Cheery Baron Choose your quarry The Dowager Steps Forward Enlightenment Glass Glassblowers' Anger Graffiti A Life of Toil A Meeting with the Outlaw A Plea for Sanctuary River Herring The Sealed Chantry A Swift Stream Sylvian Raid An Unofficial Meeting The Well-Read Pig-Farmer You have cornered the bear You have the hind in view Dragon Age Inquisition Items and Codex Codex: August Ram Codex: Andruil's Messenger Codex: Bear (Inquisition) Codex: Constellation Tenebrium Codex: Correspondence Interruptus Codex: Crate of the Live Death Watch Beetles Codex: Cretahl Codex: Dirthamen: Keeper of Secrets Codex: The Folly of General Not-Shertan Codex: Ghilan'nain: Mother of the Halla Codex: Hard in Hightown Chapter 15 Codex: A Horsemaster's Notes on Mounts Codex: The Hunt of the Fell Wolf Codex: Journal of Gurd Harofsen Codex: The Lion of Orlais Codex: Moldy Journal Codex: A Nutty Affair Codex: On Avvar Cuisine Codex: The Perendale War Codex: Ram Codex: Scout Lace Harding Codex: Surviving the Western Approach Landmark: Crestwood: The Guide of Falon'Din Note: Charred Note Note: Sera's Cabinet of Wonder Whose it Was Valuable: Carved Cricket Charm Valuable: Cut Crystal Lion Valuable: Eagle Feather Charm Valuable: Falcon Crest Valuable: Glass Fox Valuable: Golden Ladybug Charm Valuable: Grouse Feather Charm Valuable: Raven Totem Valuable: Silver Dragonfly Charm Valuable: Vulture Feather Charm Valuable: Wooden Mabari Figurine Wartable Mission: A Present for Bianca Wartable Mission: Smash

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[outlawwithaheart]

How would the modern RDR2 characters be playing video games?

I thought of this idea when I (as always) woke up in the middle of the night (1-2 am). My sleepy brain was giggling.

Not spell checked/I looked over it once I think

Asks always open :)

These are the characters that I think would play video games often! So if it seems like a random grouping of characters that's why lmao!!! If you wanna see other characters you can ask!

Sean

Some of the games he plays are Resident Evil, COD, Valorant, Minecraft and more

He comments stuff like, "I'm not gay but.." on posts about Leon, and other typically simped for male characters

He yells so loud

He swears a whole lot

If he's playing with other people

He's competitive, and chaotic

He's bashing his shoulder into yours to get you to lose

That filthy cheater

He's SKILLED at geometry dash

Mario Kart lmao he would main Waluigi

I think he'd play videogames the most, but Sadie, Tilly, and Marybeth aren't too far behind

Cried while playing FNAF

Tilly

She would play Stardew valley

Also she's better at geometry dash than Sean (Which is nearly impossible to do, because Sean is so good at it)

MINECRAFT

She doesn't speedrun or anything, she takes her time and enjoys the journey, okay?!

She does steal from villagers (like everyone else), but other than that she's nice to the villagers and to the traveling traders

Also does NOT kill the Iron Golem. Never.

Mario Kart! She would main Baby Mario

She's not too competitive

But maybe just a little 👀

Sadie

Insults the men that insult her while playing games like COD, Valorant, Overwatch, etc.

And she wins

Every time

And they go silent

Every time

She's very very good at the video games she enjoys

In Mario Kart she will almost always get first place, and probably mains King Boo (totally not being bias because I always play as King Boo)

She is scary when she plays video games

She's more competitive than Sean

She's not as loud and Sean but damn she yells a lot

Marybeth

Plays Stardew Valley and secretly gushes over the characters with Tilly

She also probably plays Obey Me!

She likes otome games

Her favorite Obey Me! character would be Simeon

Also Minecraft, and Mario Kart

Can you tell I'm a firm believer that all of the gang would like Mario Kart?!

She would main Princess Peach

She plays Minecraft more to build cool stuff than for survival

Also RPGs too!

As a young girl she would be a sans fangirl

Javier

Plays the least out of the others, but still plays quite a bit

He likes a lot of games

Minecraft, COD, Valorant, Mario Kart, Animal Crossing for some reason

He plays Minecraft not for survival mode, but to build cool stuff (usually builds stuff with Marybeth)

But he also very much enjoys survival mode

Swears and yells in Spanish

Almost as loud as Sean

The occasional horror game too