#clarification bc this is getting notes again

[merps]

Note: some changes were made for screen readers to properly parse words. The original style generally is all lowercase and uses shorthand like "abt" instead of "about", "w" for "with", and "ik" instead of "I know"

[ID 1: A reddit post titled, "AlTAH for 'training' a guy 'like a dog'?" that reads:

I (23F) have recently started seeing this guy (26M). he's super pretty, but he's kind of emotionally unavailable and he's alluded to an unstable/unhealthy childhood.

for context, i also work with socializing abused and neglected dogs at a local shelter and i think how much time i spend with the dogs is impacting the way i interact with ppl.

when we were on a date i started subconsciously making mental notes about him like the notes id make abt a dog. for example, i noticed when we went out to dinner i noticed he ate really quickly and was very anti-sharing (resource guarding) but when i offered to pay and suggested dessert it seemed to make him really happy and a little calmer (food-motivated); he's really particular about his car (territorial/crate aggression); he likes when i pick where we go/ what we do (eager to please), etc. so, ive started using the tactics id use on a dog with similar problems.

recently a friend (22F) pointed out that it's weird that i keep peanut M&Ms on me w the specific purpose of offering the guy one when i see him, and offering them again whenever i can tell he feels vulnerable. she said that im being an asshole bc he's a person, not a dog so i shouldn't be "training him like one."

i don't think that's fair, im not trying to control him or anything, i just want him to feel comfortable w me the same way i need the animals im helping to be comfortable with me. humans and animals aren't THAT diff after all, we all just want to feel safe and cared for. the guy hasn't noticed yet as far as i can tell. the problem is, my "technique" is yielding really positive results.

AITAH? should i stop?

/End ID 1]

[ID 2: Screenshot of an edit to the previous post that reads:

[start all caps] Updates / Clarifications [end caps]

for everyone asking me if i've seen the big bang theory episode with this plotline: i have not

for everyone saying they think i am autistic: probably, yeah. i haven't been tested but maybe i should

i do not have loose m&ms in my pocket bc then they'd get all melty and gross - i keep them in a bag in my purse

I know the title was clickbait-y so i want to make some things clear. i didn't think of it as "training" til my friend said it was like i was training him, and that made me feel weird (and it's why i made the post)

i am not and never have been trying to "modify" behavior. what i noticed in him and what i notice in animals were stress responses. we only get aggressive over our food if we believe someone's gonna take it away. we get defensive over our spaces if we reasonably feel like they'll be violated. applies to both animals and ppl. i was trying to establish trust the way i best know how to lol

if he never shared fries and never wanted to park next to a car with wide doors again, that'd be fine w me tbh. i know he's not a dog, so he's not at risk of being euthanized or something

/End ID 2]

[ID 3: Continuation of the above edit:

[start all caps] On to the update proper yay! [end all caps]

so, to all the ppl who told me i should tell him what im doing - you were right and that's what i did. turns out i was [start all caps] very wrong [end all caps] about him not noticing what i was doing - he apparently put two and two together pretty quickly after i started doing it. he didn't tell me he was on to me tho, because he liked it and was worried id get embarrassed and stop if i knew that he knew. so we talked it out and it ended up not being a very big deal at all and im probably gonna keep having m&ms because they're good. that's all i got for yall lol

/End ID 3]

sickens me to my stomach. how dare this guy get to live my dream.

[hexhomos]

i wanted to ask abt something you said on bluesky (i don't have bluesky, so it's happening here) abt jayce still wearing the leg brace and not being 'magically disability cured' so i was wondering if it's explored why jayce is wearing the leg brace, like an injury or something? totally get if you don't want to say cuz it's spoilers, my brain just wanted clarification bc 👀👀👀👀 I can't wait for the new episodes i'll be real

I dont know any more than you do! I was mostly noting on what's been revealed to us thru Jayce’s legendary skin.

1) His voicelines point to Jayce being resistant to being cured by darkmagic powers.

2) In act2 & promo arts for the arcane survivor skin, we see he's wearing a leg brace. It kinda looks like in his 'clean' outfit the mechanisms to help his leg are actually enmeshed inside his outfit or something? one leg is noticeably different but its not as visible as Viktor’s og leg brace or the improvised one Jayce wears in act2.

Game outfits arent always 1:1 with the series so we'll see when the show is out.

3) on the skin again- he mentions being made and unmade, dying over and over again. We have a timeloop situation going on and its likely he got bodily trauma from that which I hope they will explore, but his chest/neck/gemstone wrist area seem to be visibly corrupted and worsening in the Wild Rift version so it could be that the arcane shit in effect is making him ill or permanently injured.

anyway my point is jayvik are canonically both disabled now 🤝

[stolitzsings]

This is a sort of response to a post I've seen floating around, drawing parallels between the chains in Blitz’s trip that bind him to Stolas and the chains that bind Husk, Angel, and Fizz to Alastor, Valentino, and Mammon respectively. I'm not commenting on that post directly bc I avoid Discourse (tm) at all costs for the sake of my health, and I don’t want to get drawn into an unproductive argument that will mess with my anxiety for a week. I'm not trying to start a fight, just get my thoughts out on why I feel that comparison is inaccurate, and hopefully provide some helpful context and nuance.

So! Let's start with a few disclaimers! First of all, I'm not going to debate the moral purity of any of these characters. I just don't think it's an interesting or valuable critique. On a related note, I am not trying to excuse any of their behavior. I'm happy to admit that my favorite characters in this show have hurt people and are sometimes total assholes. Stolas treated Blitz very poorly at the beginning of their relationship, frequently pushed or even ignored boundaries, and was just kind of a dick about things. My objection to a direct comparison between Stolas and the other characters mentioned above isn't because I think Stolas hasn't done anything wrong; I just think that saying they're similar without further clarification or commentary ignores the nuance of the situation.

Read on below the cut, it's gonna be another long one folks!

Let's start by examining the "agreements" forged by Val, Mammon, and Alastor. I think it's important to note that, in their cases, the person they got to sign their contract could have been anyone. Husk and Angel could have been any sinners, Fizz could have been any imp. They aren't interested in them as people; they were only using them to gain more power for themselves. The only thing that matters to them is, "What can you do for me?" Angel and Fizz quite clearly become cogs in the machine of Val and Mammon's businesses, and Alastor only thinks of Husk as a tool to be leveraged in specific situations to further his own mysterious goals. Each of them has demonstrated to their subjugates that they own them, body and soul. They have signed legally and spiritually binding contracts that essentially surrender their autonomy to a more powerful demon.

Stolas and Blitz’s agreement is... not that. In the most literal sense, they don’t appear to have made any sort of binding deal. They just made a verbal agreement, which I sincerely doubt has anywhere near the force of a signed soul contract. Additionally, Stolas did not ask for and does not seem to want that sort of total control over Blitz. He very clearly does not view this as any sort of power exchange (which may actually be part of the issue, since it leaves him blind to Blitz’s discomfort with their class difference), he sees it as "favors for favors." While this agreement is inherently unbalanced due to Stolas's status, it's worth noting that they’re both putting something on the line here. The other three risk practically nothing (if the person bound to them fails they can always get a new one), but Stolas IS taking on a real risk by letting Blitz access the living world illegally using his book. Again, that doesn't make his actions right, and probably helped him to justify them, but it does set their relationship apart from the others.

In my opinion, some of Stolas's greatest flaws are his thoughtlessness and his ability to justify his own actions to himself. This manifests in the fact that he clearly doesn't see the ways in which their relationship is hurting Blitz. He convinced himself that this was just an equal exchange, and a continuation of the dynamic Blitz established in their first encounter as adults: "I fuck you, and you give me the book". As he becomes more aware of his feelings for Blitz, though (stay tuned for a deeper analysis of this progression later), he also begins to realize that Blitz isn't happy with this relationship. And this, as @masonshmason pointed out, is the central fact that separates Stolas and Blitz from the other relationships. Stolas did not realize- or chose to ignore- how he was hurting Blitz. Once he came to terms with it, though, he understood that he had to make things right. He specifically says this in "Just Look My Way"; "I will try to make amends/ For making you means to an end". None of the others could say this, because in their case, that was the POINT. Angel, Fizz, and Husk were ALWAYS a means to an end, intentionally trapped for that purpose.

We also need to talk about the CONTEXT of the scenes in which the chain imagery appears. For both Angel and Husk, the chain is at least semi-literal, a physical (and perhaps supernatural) manifestation of the way their souls are bound to an overlord. In "Two Minutes Notice," Fizz purposely CHOOSES to represent his relationship to Mammon as chains around his wrists. However, Blitz's scene is part of a drug trip after being forcibly dosed with hallucinogens. It does not exist in any literal sense, nor is it a representation of Blitz’s conscious, literal thoughts. What it DOES do is showcase Blitz’s deepest fears and his greatest flaws through symbolism and metaphor. Blitz is not literally afraid of being forced to wear a clown costume; he is afraid he'll never escape his past traumas or Fizz's shadow. THIS is the context in which Blitz sees himself being chained by Stolas: a bad trip all about his fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

Stolas appears in this trip as someone elevated high above him, something he's climbing towards, reaching for, even though it means being chained to him. It's directly preceded by his ex girlfriend and his former best friend berating him for how he pushes people away even though he hates being alone. Then Stolas directly asks him, "Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?" Furthermore, the WAY in which he is framed is alluring, slightly hazy, golden and tempting. It couldn’t be further from the ugly, slime-covered past he's fleeing. It's a new start, a chance for something better that seems too good to be true. This trip is all about Blitz’s inability to be vulnerable with another person. The chain around his neck is a representation of the fact that, by getting closer to Stolas, he's giving Stolas the power to hurt him emotionally.

And man, there's a part of him that wants to give Stolas that power. At this critical moment, he's not baring his teeth in defiance or anger. He's blushing, just slightly, and he looks... nervous. Blitz's instinct, when things get too real, is to cut and run. Hurt them before they can hurt you. Abandon them before they have the chance to leave you. It’s how he tanked his relationship with Verosika. This is a manifestation of what might happen if he stays. This is the sort of trouble he can't fight his way out of.

This is the emotional climax of the scene. There are so many ways they could have gone with this if they wanted to represent Blitz being chained and trapped by his agreement with Stolas. If that was the fear--if that was the POINT--they could have had the chains wrap around him until he couldn't move, or glow white hot and burn into his skin, or a million other more direct metaphors. But the chains aren't the thing that hurts him. It's the feathers: the thing that's left behind after Stolas abandons him, sing-songing "you're going to die alone" right alongside two other people who he loved and who now want nothing to do with him.

Finally, let's look at Blitz’s reaction to this scene. It's a moment of revelation for him, in which he realizes he's pushing everyone away and starts to make an effort to change. It's why he's a bit more open with Moxxie in the next scene. The trip sequence ALSO inspires him to get closer to Stolas, indicating that the trip didn’t make him realize "I'm trapped and I need to get out of this" in the same way Fizz did. Rather, he realizes that he doesn't want Stolas to leave him like everyone else, and he wants to start feeling out what it would be like to deepen the connection between them. As I've mentioned in other posts, their kiss at the end of "truth seekers" represents a level of intimacy that we haven't seen before; it's teasing, affectionate, shows Blitz’s interest in making Stolas happy, and takes place in front of M&M, who have repeatedly teased him about their relationship before.

In summary, while the image of chains may have been invoked in all four of these relationships, they don’t necessarily mean the same thing across the board. Blitz and Stolas's relationship differs substantially from the others in its dynamic, and the context of their scene also sets it apart. It's important to look into the details and the nuance of their relationship to interpret what's going on under layers of trauma and unreliable narration.

[wyn0rrific]

Vitus/Fulgrim Character Study Drabble

idk how to caption this but i wanted to write a lil piece that goes a little bit in depth about Vitus and Fulgrim.

for context this takes place a little bit after reflection crack'd but before angel exterminatus (its... a very weird spot i know)

putting it under a cut bc it's really odd but yea!

Perfectly imperfect.

It's the first phrase that comes to mind as Vitus watches Fulgrim from behind, silently taking in the primarch's presence.

It had been awhile since his return to the Pride of the Emperor after being sent to Chemos. It had also been a moment since he was tossed into battle without explanation, leaving him to watch the horrors and betrayal occur right before his eyes.

One betrayal in particular had struck a chord in his mind, his brain refused to let it go as he pondered it's existence. He had to get some sort of clarification.

But seeing a Lord Commander get decapitated just for asking a simple question made Vitus fear her curiosity.

Sucking in air, he braced himself for the worse, tapping his usual pattern on the door frame to signal Fulgrim of his presence.

Fulgrim, who had been sitting at his vanity knowing of Vitus' silent staring, tilted his head up to look at the apothecary through the mirror.

"Ah, Vitus, hello my dear." Fulgrim smiled, beckoning Vitus closer with his delicate but sharp finger.

Vitus approached cautiously, taking sight of the many different things strewn across the room. Smashed sculptures, torn paintings, clothing and ripped fabric. She made a mental note to offer to clean the primarch's space at a later time.

Vitus stood next to the sitting primarch, it had always humored her that even in this angle Fulgrim still towered over her. The primarch's head cocked towards the bedside behind him, motioning for Vitus to sit down.

"Have you come seeking my attention? My... knowledge perhaps? I would tell you anything you know, I have a lot of trust in you." Fulgrim hisses, his smile growing wider as he shifts in his chair to face Vitus.

Vitus grimaces at the statement before nervously signing, "I have a question to ask you."

Fulgrim's eyes scan Vitus' hands, taking a moment to register before verbally replying,

"Oh? And what is it, darling?"

Although Vitus' hearing is muffled, the primarch's words still snake their way into his skin, melting him down.

He shivers with hesitation before straightening his back.

"It's about Lord Ferrus and his current whereabouts."

Vitus can feel himself grow smaller as he watches Fulgrim's face contort. The primarch's smile fades a tad bit for a moment, but it quickly grows even wider as he slowly stands up.

"Vitus," He begins, his hand reaching for her, "What ever do you mean, my dear? I am... unsure of what you're talking about."

Vitus' eyes meet Fulgrim's as he scans his face, staring dumbfoundedly for a moment before being hit by a wave of realization.

Fulgrim knew exactly what he was referring to.

Vitus bites his lip, his eyes darting to the floor as he struggles to answer,

"On Istvaan, I saw you. You had him in your arms, he was dead. Did-"

She pauses nervously, the room growing immensely larger as she feels Fulgrim looming over him.

A hand slips over Vitus', it was ice cold in comparison to his, Fulgrim tightens his grip before leaning into Vitus' ear,

"Finish. Your sentence."

Vitus gulps loudly, his hands shake underneath his grasp. He slowly pulls them out to obey his primarch's wishes.

"Did you kill lord Ferrus?"

Vitus looks up at Fulgrim, the primarch's eyes glued to her hands, she waited in fear as his face contorted once more.

And then he smiled.

Fulgrim hummed softly, his hand grasping Vitus' chin as he tilted his head up gently.

"I didn't think putting you back onto the front lines would set you back this far."

Vitus' eyebrows furrow, staring at him with a look of worried confusion, but before he could even think of a response Fulgrim chuckles softly and speaks again.

"You've become so... docile without me. I should've never sent you away like that. You need me to stay strong it seems. Your mind has become so lost without me it has begun to play tricks on you!"

"Did I kill Ferrus?" Fulgrim repeats the question mockingly as his grip on Vitus tightens, "Oh my sweet boy, I love you so dearly but, you are very foolish sometimes."

Vitus stood perfectly still, he could feel his face growing hotter by the second as Fulgrim's face was merely centimeters away from his own. He couldn't help but gaze in awe at how beautiful the primarch looked, even in this close distance.

It had been awhile since they were this close. With Vitus being gone and Fulgrim attending to the duties of a primarch they grew apart slowly.

A pit grew in Vitus' stomach, even though she knew how much Fulgrim was degrading her in that moment, she was oddly enjoying every minute of it.

And he hated himself slightly for that.

With the amount of restriction Fulgrim had on Vitus, he was left to attempt to verbally answer the primarch.

"I-I... I'm... S-Sorry." Vitus croaks, hoping that he was able to understand his broken speech.

Fulgrim hummed in approval, leaning to kiss Vitus' forehead before stroking his cheek softly.

"Oh you don't need to apologize my dear, though it is very sweet of you to use your words for once." Fulgrim cooed, "You just need to... stop listening to your silly conscience. Just leave all of your thoughts to me. Only I know what's right for you, do you understand?"

Vitus looks at Fulgrim's eyes, now half open and filled with an indescribable emotion, nodding slowly as he leaned into the primarch's palm.

"Good boy, you're always so obedient for me. I adore that about you." The primarch whispers as he peppers her face with kisses.

Vitus tensed at the gesture, unable to collect his own thoughts or even move. Intimacy wasn't a new feeling for him, especially when it involved Fulgrim. And he surely never understood the comments about how gaining his attention was like conquering the world since he has known Fulgrim for many years and has seen sides of the primarch that even the Brotherhood has yet to even hear about.

But yet, here he was, his hearts rapidly beating as Fulgrim touched and spoke to him in the same way he's always done. It felt different this time, it was almost... hypnotic. Like a serpent attracting its prey before going in for the kill.

Vitus was so worried about becoming snake food that he hadn't noticed his robe was messed with until he felt the cool sensation of Fulgrim's hand meeting with his bare chest. Her eyes dart to his hand and then back to his eyes. Fulgrim was eerily quiet, an expression of satisfaction painted his face as he started darkly at Vitus' exposed chest.

"You look so... clean. I think I prefer this on you, though a few... internal adjustments would make you even more perfect," He prods Vitus' chest with his sharpened nail, dragging it upwards until he reaches her forehead and taps it lightly, "I'll make a note to mention this to Fabius at a later time."

They were both still for what seemed like forever until Fulgrim moved his finger away, tapping Vitus' cheek lightly before sitting back down at his vanity.

"I believe Fabius needed you to help with his studies, I've held you long enough I think. Besides, I can always have you whenever I want, right?" Fulgrim glares at Vitus, like a predator eyeing his next meal, as she gives her typical slow and submissive nod of approval.

"Good," Fulgrim hums in satisfaction, "Leave me be for now. I wouldn't want you being reprimanded for my own doing."

Vitus slowly stands, bowing in acknowledgement before heading towards the door.

"Oh and Vitus? One more thing my darling,"

Vitus freezes as the rest of Fulgrim's words don't register in his mind. He attempts to adjust his hearing unit before static floods his mind followed by a low, almost possessive voice,

"I own you. You will never leave my sight."

Vitus quickly turns, his mouth opening slightly as he stares in worried shock.

Fulgrim was still sat perfectly at his vanity, a smile painted his face as he preened himself.

He had never said a single word to Vitus.

[cosmosnout]

KH OC WEEK 2024

Day 6: journal

Shiro

Shiro picked up keeping a journal from being around the apprentices during their time in the organization. It was also a way for them to ease their fear of losing their memory again, since at least this time they’d have something to help them remember and keep track of everything.

Their first entries were very systematic, listing important things and people to remember with occasional entries about the events of their day. (Their journal reflected their paranoia quite a lot)

Shiro has, however, later on managed to let go of their fear a bit more, which can be seen in their diary entries becoming more casual, with occasional doodles appearing on the pages. I definitely think Shiro would also keep whatever photos they've managed to acquire in their journal. Mostly photos of people's faces they'd wish/think were important to remember, with some scenic photos scattered in there.

This ended up being a fun call back to an old KH OC WEEK entry about the character hobbies, where I included that Shiro does journaling haha.

Aiko + Merin

Aiko’s journal is very much what you’d expect a teenage girl's private diary to look like. It’s a place where she’s free to ramble on about whatever comes to mind and vent out her feelings when needed.

She tries to write down the important things happening during her journey, but she tends to end up sliding into another topic without thinking.

Merin’s part in Aiko’s journey comes mostly from her asking Aiko to write down things they need to remember for their adventures and from being quite the popular topic in Aiko’s personal ramblings. They’ve also come to use the diary as a way to talk indirectly when they aren’t able to find the right words while speaking face-to-face. (Imagine them sliding the notebook back and forth across the floor to each other after an argument bc they’re both too upset to look at one another LOL)

Viktor + Tähti

Viktor’s journal is actually just his sketchbook, which he occasionally writes important notes on. Otherwise, the book is filled with pictures and drawings rather than words. Viktor is also quite protective of his sketchbook (as any artist is) and doesn’t really like sharing it with others. He does, however, agree to write down some important things for Tähti and sometimes allows her to draw on some of the pages.

I like to think he later on upgrades to a digital tablet, where he’s able to have a proper catalogue of everything important he’s been able to learn during his adventure (similar to Jiminy’s journal) while also being able to use it for his art. iPad kid LMAO

Other

And funny enough, I don’t think Merin or Tähti would be too keen on getting their own journals later on during their journey since they’ve gotten so used to their arrangement with the siblings.

And also for clarification, since I haven’t yet posted the earlier prompts, the reason the kiddos are sharing their journals in these specific pairs is due to them getting separated from each other in those pairs. Neither Merin nor Tähti had journals to begin with, so they just opted to use the ones Aiko and Victor had.

Also a fun little detail is that Shiro’s journal is purposely made to look similar to the book of prophecies.

@khoc-week

[our-t4t-experience]

PLEASE READ BEFORE SENDING IN SUBMISSIONS

ok i guess i oughta make an intro post bc im getting some of the same questions over and over again

hi my names evan. im southern, straight and t4t. im in a relationship with a nonbinary trans woman currently and have been for about 7 months now

you can dm me and ill read them but i probably wont respond.

im autistic and communicate really directly and am also monotone so if i answer your ask with a nasty tone, it probably wasnt meant to come off that way unless your ask was mean. feel free to ask for clarification if necessary

please dni if youre cis. i would prefer this to be a trans only space. also its a t4t space so like what good is this to you anyway

for romance repulsed individuals: i will be tagging all romantic t4t posts from hereon out with "romantic t4t". i will ALSO be tagging all platonic t4t posts with "platonic t4t" if ud like to search that tag. for anyone sex repulsed or under 18, anything that could be nsft will be tagged "t4t nsft". hope this helps yall out (:

FAQ

what is a t4t relationship?

t4t is any kind of relationship between two or more trans people, whether that be romantic, sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, professional, or anything else that comes to mind

do you accept platonic t4t submissions?

yea. i have many trans friends and love them very much. every trans person should have trans friends i think, even if theyre not exclusively t4t. my trans friends are just as important as my romantic relationship to another trans person, i love having trans friends

do you accept nonbinary submissions?

yes, if you do not identify as cis, feel free to send in an ask

evan im not cis but im ____ can i interact?

yea. i would define cis as strongly and exclusively identifying as ones assigned gender at birth. if you dont fall under this category (note EXCLUSIVELY as well) then congrats youre good (questioning people are also welcome btw)

evan im cis but im an ally can i interact?

no. find another blog

FAQ MAY BE UPDATED AS I RECEIVE MORE ASKS

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[vacantgodling]

HIII hi i'm (mostly) normal again now and i'm gonna yap about sunbringer's song to you. specifically the fanfic version bc that's what's on the brain right now. though the specific thing i wanna yap about is also just a fact about eden as a character that means a lot to me. and that's his huge soft spot for children.

(off the top of my head i don't remember how much bg3 lore you're familiar with so. if any of this is confusing pls feel free to ask for clarification fjasld;kjf i love to yap about it. anyway)

SO ANYWAY! eden is a very selfish and logical character, and ESPECIALLY at the start of sunbringer's song, his main goal is to figure out what the fuck happened to him and save himself from the fuckin Parasite shit he's got going on.

he decides to let the other major characters travel with him because they're working towards the same goal, and he reasons that having more people working towards the same goal means that they'll get shit done faster. he doesn't have much interest in them as people, but he's helping them because he expects them to help him in return. everyone wins. and this is his approach to most interactions early in the story.

(side-note, but god i'm also so excited for eden to slowly become attached to the group. he thinks he's doing suuuuch a good job keeping them at arm's length and that this is all just to cure his fuckin brain worm, but before he realizes it he's decided that he would gladly die for any of them. they're his best friends. found family but he's the last one to figure that out.)

(and that but twofold for the romance shit he's gonna have going on with gale and wyll,,,,, i wanna talk so much about the romance arc i have in mind for those three and the slowburnnnnn but i'm nervous for no gd reason)

BUT ANYWAY. AN EXCEPTION TO THAT IS CHILDREN. there's a few instances in the early arcs of this story where eden is presented with a situation where a child is in danger, and without fail every time, he drops everything to help. eden has a HUGE soft spot for kids and their safety is important to him, even kids he doesn't know.

with adults, it's gonna depend on the circumstances whether or not he does anything to help. with a kid, he's going to help.

and a lot of this comes from his upbringing. eden basically had to raise himself and his younger brother, and he easily falls into an older sibling role when interacting with kids. that, and he remembers all too well how the adults in his life when he was a child didn't do shit for him... so, much of the time, he assumes that no one else is going to help, and it is up to him to protect the child.

one of my favorite examples from this in the first proper arc of the story is with a little tiefling boy who wandered away from his parents, and ended up being lured to the edge of a cliff by a flock of harpies that wanted to fucking kill and eat him. eden sees what's going on, figures out what's about to happen, and decides *absolutely the fuck not.* he takes charge and grabs the boy, taking him away from the danger and handing him off to another member of the group. and then he turns to take care of the harpies.

another example is with another tiefling kid being threatened by a powerful druid. eden knows logically that he should be working with this druid because she has a lot of power and influence in this area, and if he wants to be healed, he's probably gonna wanna stay on her good side.

but when he sees her threatening to fucking kill an innocent child, all of that goes out the window, and now the only thing stopping eden from attempting to gore this woman with his horns is knowing that this is a fight he won't win.

idk i'm not sure how much sense this is making but it's something that makes me super emotional to think about. all bets are off when it comes to kids, especially younger kids. eden sees a kid on their own and goes "is anyone gonna be their new brother?" and doesn't wait for an answer.

okay thank u for your time

1. i don’t know much about bg3 tbh my only knowledge of it is other people’s ocs, mainly eden tho HFJDJRJ so in my mind its just the eden game where eden is the mc and im sure thats not good for his ego PFF—

2. eden being a big brother makes me HMM EMOTIONAL and the instinctual way he just looks after any kiddo he comes across: wEH

3. i can’t wait until eden has the realization that welp he’s stuck with these guys they are his family now and he’s stuck it’s gonna be both sweet and really funny FJEJRJA

[away-ward]

hi, i’ve always been too shy to comment or send asks before but i’m making this my first bc i wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your work! i read your hell yeah fanfic a couple of months ago & when i stumbled upon it again recently & found a whole master list worth of fanfics added, i was super ecstatic & read all of them in one go hahaha

my personal favourites are reality & arrival <3 reality bc their conversation in the carfax room was so in line w their characters, it just re-emphasised how much i wish we got more of willemmy outside of blackchurch. having a scene like that in nightfall would’ve really grounded them as a couple in the present. all the snippets from the first three books plus the high school chapters of willemmy were such good buildup only to have the willalexaydin bs instead 🤧 anyways, i have a soft spot for arrival too. to have the damon & indie dynamic play out like that makes so much sense! damon & will already have such a strong & unique bond so for will, of all his friends, to have the first girl in the group would definitely make their relationship extra special.

on a side note, your post abt aydin being a few years older than canon made me lose my shit btw since i completely agree 😩 whenever i’m in my devil’s night brain rot, i always pictured him like 6 years older especially w how penelope douglas was trying to portray aydin & emory together. oh & your timeline for the character’s ages made me happy! it never occurred to me for will to be the oldest of the horsemen (which i’ve seen a few ppl comment on). given his may birthdate, i just assumed he was born the following year after michael, kai, & damon were. i mean, it makes sense right?? he’s the baby of the four. i could be wrong but then that would mean damon is the youngest which i refuse to imagine for some reason given all the shit he’s been up to 💀

this post is getting longer than i expected & i could probably continue rambling on but i just wanted to thank you again for your contribution 🙏🏽 this fandom has practically a drought in fan fiction unless it’s for second gen but seeing as kaibanks & willemmy (my biases) were done dirty in the series, your account has truly been such a gem to follow.

It’s nice to hear from you!! I’ve definitely been on the fence about whether to reach out to someone or not but I’m so happy that you decided to leave this message. It really made my day.

I feel that ‘reality’ is the closest I’ve ever come to getting Em and Will right. I also a snuck in a few references that are dear to me, so it’s special in my eyes, despite its needed edits. It was originally a request, so I can’t take all the credit for it, but I’m just so I’m happy that it’s one of your favs.

And ‘arrival’ has been a personal HC of mine for a long time. It took me a while to get out onto a page, so it’s great to hear that it’s struck home with others too.

A lot of my fics are borne out of that ‘we didn’t get to see this in the book but we should have’ and ‘what would have happened if…?’ feeling. Having had the chance to speak to other fans, I know I’m not alone in that, so it’s nice that so many people are finding my fics...fulfilling? I know other writers could do better, but until then, I’m happy to be around to fill a void.

Ahhh! The aydin age thing! Thank you! Anytime Aydin’s age is brought up in NF I’m like, ‘no you’re lying. You’re, like, 32/33.” But nope. He’s 26???? smh. Missed opportunity. It could have done so much for his character to just age him up a bit.

Regarding the timeline…as much as I would have loved for Will to the oldest…I think he is the baby. For clarification, I think Michael, Kai, and Damon were born in 1994 and Will in 1995. I didn’t want to give actual years in the post because I think the vibe that PD was going for was a timeless/infinite ‘this could be taking place at any point in time’. except for the points where they put in things that would date the books, the years and timing were purposefully left vague. I didn’t want to take that away by giving concrete dates. But I stayed up til an ungodly hour on a work night, going over this stupid timeline with a friend who has never read the series because trying to untangle it in my head was driving me absolutely nuts. So I had to record it somewhere.

In the chart, they all start the school year the same age* and then end the school year the same age, but within that nine months, it goes Michael, Kai, Damon all before Devil’s Night on October 30th, the new year, and finally Will in May.

That being said, at one point we did get stuck on whether Will was actually the oldest and I loved what it did for his character too. If at some point, he got held back a grade, it would go to why he’s a bit insecure, feels like he’s the dumbest in the group, and doesn’t trust himself to act on his own. I kinda wish Will had some sort of learning disability like dyslexia or ADHD because I think it would contribute to his lack of interest in school and strengthen his addiction storyline. None of that is canon and I don’t HC that it is. I just kinda wish it was there…

But according to my calculations, Will is the baby of the group, and of his family. That, along with his privilege, can also explain why he is the why he is.

Also Damon being the youngest would be hilarious and I wish it were so.

No worries, I as a wordy rambler myself, I appreciate everything you had to say. Feel free to drop by any time. I talk way too much, but it’s nice to get this devil’s night brain rot, as you so accurately termed, out to others who understand.

Thank you so much for your message and have a great day!

*well, if the school year starts in August, which some places in the US do. Others start in September, in which case, Michael will already be the next age up at the start of the year.

[thehighladywrites]

— “Okay, but in what way do you love me?”

☀︎ — pairing: tutor/nerd azriel x bimbo/ditzy reader

☀︎ — summary: It’s confession time! Last night you said you like him but over analyzing azriel needs to know exactly what “like” means.

☀︎ — warnings: 18+, mdni, smut, confessions, creampie, fluff, azriel needs clarification even though you are VERY clear

☀︎ — amara’s note: pls enjoy and lemme know what u think💗 also sorry for it being short it’s only bc i’m posting another drabble very soon, and it’s a personal favorite 👀💗

series masterlist

“Why are you staring at me, Az? Is there something on my face?” you ask panicked as you grab your hand mirror on his desk and check your flawless face

Azriel's gaze softens as he speaks, “No, there's nothing on your beautiful face. I just like looking at you. And, I want to ask you something.”

You exhale calmly, pleased with your appearance, as you turn your body towards him, jewelry jangling.

His stomach feels leaden, and he feels nauseous. What if your version of "like" and his version of "like" aren't the same? What if you say you like him, but only in a friendly way? What if this was all lust and you only wanted to fuck him? What if by “like” you meant you liked the sex?

You are miles out of his league, but he's not complaining. You actually make him happy and mushy when you call and ask him to go on little shopping trips with you, and it’s even better when you let him fuck your brains out from time to time. But he is in love, like deeply fucking in love.

“Okay. Do you recall—remember yesterday when you said you liked me? Do you want to clarify what that means? Why do you like me?”

The question makes you tilt your head in confusion, brows drawing in curiosity as you pull the strawberry-flavored lollipop from your mouth, resulting in a loud pop, lips covered in a thin layer of sticky, red residue.

“Wait, huh? What do you mean, Azzie? I don’t like you, I love you.”

Oh my fucking god, what? Okay, so he was literally about to throw the fuck up but he was a little hesitant to respond. Azriel couldn't help but think about the meaning behind your words. You were always so bubbly and affectionate, even with strangers. Did your "I love you" hold the same weight every time, or was it just another sprinkle of your charm?

“Okay, I hear you but in what way do you love me? Do you mean it as a friend or—?” He questions behind his glasses.

Azriel had, for the first time ever, brought you to his dorm. You were just laying in bed next to him but decided to straddle his lying body, smiling as his hands automatically held your thighs.

“No silly! I loooove you and I want you to be my boyfriend. You’re so hot and sweet and kind and you care about me, like a lot. Always keepin’ me outta trouble and kissing me too. You love me too tho, right?” You gaze down at him, your big doe eyes shimmering with hope, and your glossy bottom lip slightly quivering.

Love you? He was almost insanely obsessed with you. There was something about you that drove him crazy. How could he not love you? He gives you an assuring nod, all of your previous worries disappearing in an instant. “Yeah, I do. I love you too. So much.”

“That’s so adorable, gimme a kiss.” You puckered your lips, the sweet scent of your sweet Burberry Her Elixir filling his senses.

He tries to remove his glasses, but you stop him with a swat. “No, keep ‘em on,” you insist between kisses.

—

To no one’s surprise you were bent over his desk, getting fucked stupid as he made you list what you loved about him.

Maybe it was a little mean since you couldn’t focus, your fuzzy brain filled with pleasure, but Azriel wanted to know anyway.

“more,” he gasps, “n-need more—gimme more, sweetheart.”

So you did, saying everything you loved about him. Every single detail.

“I love it when you make me breakfast— fuck, and—and when you carry me whenever i want. ‘m so close, az,” you sob—and then, just as his thumb finds your clit again, rubbing desperate little circles to get you over the edge, you cum — harder than ever, spasming around his cock and pulling him in as you squeeze around him.

“a-azzie,” you gasp brokenly, “fuck, ‘s good—so good.”

“you’re so perfect. prettiest girl i’ve laid my fucking eyes on —prettiest pussy ever too. i, sh-shit—” he falls into his own orgasm, hot, thick ropes of cum spilling into you with every twitch of his cock, sweet little noises pulled from his throat that he sighs into your neck, fucking his load into you.

“Holy shit,” Azriel mutters before he kisses the back of your head, the biggest trail of cum he’s ever seen leaking out of you when he pulls out.

“I wanna go again, please Az, let—let me ride. I’ll tell you more things I love,” you lock eyes with him over your shoulder, a smirk playing at your lips.

Azriel obviously doesn’t deny. He’s happy someone for once in his life wants to tell him how much they love him. Especially when that someone is his first and last girlfriend💗.

🏷️: @ithan-holstroms-girl @whatdoyxumean @honeybeeboobaa @to-be-written @sidthedollface2 @stasiereads @andrewgarfield2022 @amara-moonlight @thescooby-gang @linoisqt @mischiefmanagers @tortured-artists @dwlyniii @scooobies @harryshoobies69 @caroline-books @kalulakunundrum @meshelleexplosionmurder @danikamariewrites @clairebear08 @redbleedingrose @jeannineee @rowaelinsdaughter @nocasdatsgay @v3lv3tf0x @liati2000 @teenageeggscissorslawyer @impossibelle @stonerpersona @dreamlandreader @djaaaa @callmeblaire @thelov3lybookworm @polli05927 @ahitsalyssa @evergreenlark @thegirlintheshadows101 @saltedcoffeescotch @acourtofladydeath @acourtofwhatthefuck @readychilledwine @daycourtofficial @azriels-shadowsinger @sapphicmsmarvel @hungryforbatboys @justasillylittlegoofyguy @luvmoo @emryb @meritxellao @mochibabycakes @artists-ally @azzieslittlebunny @viatorem-maris @berryzxx @riddlesb1tch @sweetshifter

[ooglywooglies]

i might not be the person to answer this, especially bc i'm more rad-adjacent than actual radfem, but i'll try to answer your question abt gnc transmen.

2 things beforehand, tho: 1) i think it's disingenuous of you to say you don't see us talking about certain points when you also state you have many of us blocked. (also, can i really trust you, internet stranger, to read our posts in full? & in good faith?) 2) b4 you make any assumptions — radical feminists like gender nonconformity... a lot. i have never seen a radfem suggest otherwise, & any woman who does can't be an rf, as challenging social/patriarchal norm & convention is part & parcel of radfeminism.

ok, now onto your question & trans gender nonconformity! when you replace "transman" or "transwoman" with what they are ("adult human female" aka "woman" & "adult human male" aka "man", respectively), they aren't being gender nonconforming at all. (i'm going to use "you" in a general sense here) if you, as an adult human female aka woman, are wearing high heels and sparkly dresses and a full-face of makeup... you're not breaking convention at all, even if you hurry to tell someone that, "no, no! i use he/him pronouns, so it's totally genderfucky." you're still a woman in heels, a dress, & makeup.

i will say i think a lot of rfs & rad-aligned women find femininity as a whole generally harmful (i pulled up a chart listing feminine vs masculine traits & it's clear femininity is meant to be degrading. that's not to say there aren't negative aspects of masculinity too; those are just exceptions, however, and not the rule). but on a more personal note, i don't think liking pink or something shiny really counts? pink used to be a "boy's" colour up until the mid-1900s & everyone wears jewellery. i'm definitely getting into semantics there, but those are just my thoughts. :)

again, i don't know if i can speak for radfems, but i think everything up to that last bit is what you'd see. if you need any more clarification or if you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and hopefully more actual radfems answer, so you don't just get my perspective. have a great day/night!

response to 1) its only really disingenuous if you were under any impression that i wanted to have some kind of debate, which i dont. so yes you can assume i read radfem posts in bad faith, but its irrelevant to my question. i havent personally seen the topic mentioned which is why i reached out not because i assume its NEVER mentioned. its purely a curiosity thing which is why im even engaging this community in the first place.

response to 2) i am aware.

i think the reason i wanted to ask is because ive seen before radfems trying to reason why someone would want to be a transgender man in the first place yknow. like, psychologically (from a radfem perspective) the whole point is to escape misogyny right? or because you dont follow societys typical expectations of women (used liking pink and glitter as an example but yes this obviously applies to everything from wearing makeup and heels to being a mother) so you think "oh this must not be for me then, i must be a man"

and as a trans person i dont think gender is quite so logical, like ive personally never had a moment where i was like "oh i like x and y and dont like z so therefore" its all about the body and labels really for me, which extends in to concepts but im not gonna make an argument here i know im talking to a brick wall. (and realize i too am in turn a brick wall)

but anyway so when that aspect:

"im a man because i dont things associated with girls"

"im a man because i dont fit in as a woman"

"im a man because im attracted to women"

are removed from the equation (as a trans man i can personally say that none of the above apply to me) what is the logic from a radfem perspective of why an AFAB person would want to transition to a man.

(also note none of this is meant to be passive aggressive or anything, im being completely genuine, i really dont want to start a fight)

EDIT: (also also it might help to mention when i say trans man in my minds eye i generally picture someone whos fully transitioned so deep voice and beard maybe even penis)

[gothjjk]

im scream

[tshifty]

sometimes i just want to laugh at how absurd everything is. like, jeff bezos has enough money to literally end the war in yemen. he could literally end it. nearly any celebrity in the world has the money to fix the flint water crisis. like there is a handful of rich people who, if they just put their money where their fucking mouths were, could solve so many problems. but they dont!!! they just buy another house, or a car, or a company where they don’t pay their workers fair wages so they can get richer. it’s just!!!!!!! sometimes i want to laugh bc it’s so absurd and this is why we say eat the rich. 

COMMENT:

getting tired of how this post keeps getting taken out of context tbh. firstly if i thought this would get 60k notes i would have phrased it a Lot better bc no i dont think money will magically just make a war or crisis end. specifically made this post back when the UN was asking for $5 million for more humanitarian aid in Yemen, which is like dollars for jeff bezos. and specifically meant “end the war” more in the sense of using money to help end the underlying conditions which have created the war. all conflicts stem from something, and frequently revolve around people not having access to basic resources they need... leading to the reliance on war lords and essentially selling yourself as a hired gun. that is what i meant. and i also understand that a lot of the issues in flint are now more of incorrectly using money that has been given. that was a bad example. and again would have Completely phrased this post differently had i anticipated these notes. this was literally a 10 second though process kinda post. so yeah. some of the comments are just... yikes?? and again just wanna emphasize what the intention here was. not just a blanket statement of “money saves the world” it was more of a “jeff bezos and the billionaires in this world could put their hoards of wealth to use in helping people and making this world a better place and yet most of them don’t do that”. im not so stupid or naive to think jeff bezos could throw money at yemen and just fix everything. i simply meant they could provide the necessary funds - again this was written when the un needed $5 million more in aid - to pull people from poverty so they dont have to rely on warlords. i phrased this poorly and that’s on me. but people keep circulating this post and never with this clarification on it and there’s nothing i can do to stop that. deleting this post won’t get rid of it the way it would on other platforms or i would do it.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

(First off my laptop is uncooperative today and Tumblr is being very glitchy on my phone so this was hard to write...) a master post thingy sounds like a good idea!! This thing is a mess lmao ...

Okay okay very hard to scroll around to read and response with my stuff being glitchy atm but I am gonna try!! Brian being sensitive to touch - yes!!!! I feel like a lot of mechs fics do Brian being unable to feel touch or it being very dulled down because of his being made of metal and all, which works well in the canon material to me. But Carmilla in this AU trying to keep his functions as human as possible (even if she has to use magic all over to ensure that) which includes him being able to feel touch. It's just that it ends up being almost too sensitive at times!! So he gets overwhelmed easy- I love it.

Everything about the west wing scene !!!! :')

Also Lyf totally steals Marius's shoes out of spite after that

GARDENING BRIAN YES!!!!! (Also works to me bc I feel like him being good at medical stuff translating to witchcraft can often include herbal/plant usage a lot) (Also Lyf LOVES the gardens btw that's their safe space.) Consider: Nastya adored tending to the gardens as they're part of Castle Aurora and all and it's just therapeutic for her. Upon returning expecting everything to be overgrown or dead- but finding places that have clearly been recently tended to and absolutely melting. She totally finds out it's Brian and is so happy he did that and those two and Lyf tend to the gardens consistently afterwards!

Dude!!! I really do love your writing so much............. shit talking like that about someone's art is just ridiculous to me. Cause even if you don't like it specifically if doesn't mean it's bad and you should trash it?? Idk probably shouldn't ramble about that just hate it when people dump on any artist's work like that it's so ridiculous... Also I don't like, out up with autistic stuff I fully vibe with any autistic stuff you think you do bc I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and trying to get a proper diagnosis for it atm. Anyways your writing is awesome as it is and the more you do it over time the better it'll get too!! Art is cool like that :) don't let anyone convince you otherwise either as long as you don't overwork yourself (not saying you've done that just noting it).

Also okay I have a few rambles about other stuff for this au too

I feel like there's needs to be more clarification on how or why Carmilla ends up at the castle? Firstly I assume the town is close to the castle but not immediately next to it? (Maybe a full day on horseback? I mean, when I watched the movie I was easily confused bc it seemed like Belle's father was gone a whole day before winding up there but everyone lese managed to talk there in less than a couple hours I think? Maybe it's cause he got lost and turned back weird tho. So maybe closer than I said.)

Carmilla seems, to me at least, to have wanted to avoid the castle, but living close by gives her the comfort of an easy return? (vs Nastya who I think got as far away as possible, for her safety and to travel wider, but mainly bc she knew if she stayed too close she might not be able to stay away.) Maybe she even regularly checks in on the castle in secret. Not enough to make any differences, but enough to note any possible chances (good or bad).

Maybe lost on her way to the inventor's thingy (<- could say routine check in - if she does those - but there's the thing with Brian gifting her the cane) (also Brian having a rose from the rose gardens earlier on before the story bc of one of her checks!!) she only finds her way again when stumbling across the castle. But something - fate, destiny, narrative flow - gets her caught by Jonny when snooping around on the grounds (either trying to get her bearings or find a safe place to wait out the night/possible storm or something). To Jonny, while he thinks Nastya directly cast the enchantment, he clearly considered that Nastya learned it from Carmilla somehow, indirectly or not. Also, I think he feels betrayal the she left. That with him finding her randomly wandering the grounds, he's pissed and grabs her and tosses her in a cell. While Carmilla could probably get her way out, she doesn't want to hurt Jonny or Aurora in the process, and almost plays dead just going along with Jonny. Maybe she'll find an easier way out when he's not looking- besides, Brian thinks she'll be gone for a few days, she has time (<- has no idea someone is gonna find her cane yet)

Jonny might even grill her about lifting the enchantment, and she explains again and again how it's impossible. He must break it in his own. (He doesn't like that answer.)

When Carmilla hears Brian's voice calling for her barely even a day later her heart fucking drops. He's not supposed to be here it's not safe. The whole exchange between Brian and Jonny happen so fast and Brian won't let her object- something deep inside her shifts, as the actual caster of the enchantment she knows. Brian might be Jonny's last hope. This sudden knowledge running deep in her core shocking her so terribly that by the time she's even got a chance to register it Jonny is already sending her away with "she's useless to me now, anyway." Everything is wrong and it hurts- she's never once felt as helpless as she has now.

Even possible that, frozen in indecision, shock, and all the realizations and magic relations could make her somewhat genuinely ill, making it harder for her to find her way back and motivating Brian to return to her. Considering he might stay up to one to three months before looking into the mirror, and seeing her downward spiral sends him out after her.

Still not as cleanly written out as I was hoping, but I just needed more clarification for Carmilla's castle stuff to kick off the plot so there's my toss in!

Also on a lighter note: there's that bit in the audiobook thing we're the enchantress turns Belle's sisters into sentient but immobile statues to be stuck forever watching their sisters joy and fortune they may not obtain. My only issue with that bit was, it sounds uncomfy for Belle knowing her sisters are there watching the whole time? Their vibes are so sour I feel like it'd be weird. But!! Imagine Carmilla doing that to some of the people most directly responsible for Brian's witch trial execution and then selling the statues to other towns. Just as like, as a neat little reference. Well, she either sells them, or keeps them all somewhere to smash up rage room style lmao. ("I wonder if you'll be aware of all of this, the whole time....")

I also brought up Fae Lyf stuff in that other post... I don't think I can get into the war details for them atm (trying to hurry this up cause I gotta go + am losing brain power) BUT i love wild Lyf, and Fae stuff is the perfect excuse/explanation for here.

Like, you know how Tim and Bertie has this aura of like, intense violence and menace? Lyf has an aura of ethereal wildness- it's calm and maintained for the most part, with Lyf's personality you might not even guess it. But being near them, you can feel a call to the forests. Their energy is like running around in the woods after a rain, still cloudy but everything is overgrown and deeply saturated a bright green, and moisture holds in the air curling your hair and filling your lungs with the smell of rain. You look into their eyes, close enough to reflect your face, but instead of your reflection you see the woods, and a stream running down the middle. There's a wild air to them, felt most intense as they tend to the garden (Lyf falls into a bit of a depression over being unable to during the curse). There's something so natural about them that it's unnatural- so of this world that they're not of this world at all. It's easy to picture their hair wild, full of leaves, running about barefoot in the woods, so full of energy and life and joy. Yet, here they are, a servant in a castle, subduing that part of them. Is it shame? Habit? Self preservation? Maybe they're not even sure why they do. Maybe if feels easier that way, even if it hurts...

Anyway hope that made sense but I really gotta get off soon so bye!!

Beauty and the Beast, but it's the Mechanisms.

Jonny must be the beast because feral Jonny and the whole heart thing... prove me wrong.

Tim or Brian is Belle.

Rest of the Mechs are the servants in the Beast's house. With an exception for Marius as Gaston cause I can totally fucking see it. He would suck at it though because it's Marius. And also, short Marius HC.

This is probably not new. But it's been brewing in my head for a good few months, ever since I put my Mechs OC in the iconic Belle dress.

[tapejob]

help im from twitter and idk what im doing. how does hockey tumblr work

so you just fled hockeytwt - what now?

hey anon, welcome to hockeyblr! we're imo one of the best communities on tumblr and we're so glad to have you. hopefully you'll enjoy your stay :)

some general tumblr things to note:

as you probably know, tumblr doesn't run on an algorithm

any content depends primarily on what blogs you follow + occasionally what tags you follow (less reliable. your main source will be by blogs)

tags serve mainly as an organizational/content marker, as well as for filtering purposes. tagging #fyp to get your content out there does nothing

to send an ask, click on the button beside the follow/following button on the user's blog - some people rename the 'ask' to some other things, which may make it hard to find

we are the faceless app. pls customize your blog a little so it doesn't look like you're a bot but do not feel pressured to reveal names/face/age/pronouns whatever

once again, the only way content is found is through reblogs. reblog things that u think are neat, no additions required :)

re filtering: you can block terms/tags/content you don't want to see on your dash (e.g. 'tw sexual assault'). here's a better post to explain trigger warning/tagging etiquette

ok onto general hockeyblr:

to follow tags, go into the search bar and type out #[tag] and click the blue follow button on the right. your basic starter pack of tags to follow in hockeyblr: #hockey, #nhl, etc.

but that's lame. and you're probably not gonna get any of the juicy stuff

following your team/the teams you are tangentially interested in and their popular player tags are often a good way to start breaking into the community (e.g. #pittsburgh penguins, #sidney crosby)

follow cool hockeyblr ppl! u can find ppl in your team spheres through the tags i mentioned above. there was also a hockeyblr directory made a while back (og masterlist is down but shoot me a message and i can get you some specific team lists. don't be afraid to ask ppl for recs too)

reblog, like, etc. esp with content creators/gifsets/etc. engagement does the heart good

wtf is liveblogging:

lots of users liveblog and post commentary during games!

you can find these posts in the lb tags, which vary by team and are sort of collectively known (e.g. #pens lb for pittsburgh)

some tags are a little less intuitive: #nyr lb or #rangers lb are both used for the rangers iirc, #bolts lb or #tbl lb have both been used for tampa - feel free to shoot me an ask/msg if you have trouble lol

big events, such as the playoffs, worlds, the all star game, etc may have their own special tags (e.g. #scp lb, #worlds lb, #asg lb, #team germany lb, etc). you'll figure it out as you go! and don't be afraid to ask for clarification

tagging your liveblogs are pretty important since:

it's fun to liveblog with a bunch of people on your silly little gang of guys! helps u find friends to follow, and

people who follow the opposing team might want to filter out your commentary (more info below)

ouch, yikes. i don't want to see that (aka, filtering/blocking)

coming back to filtering, the nice thing abt tumblr is that u can filter out whatever tags/blogs/keywords you don't want to see on your dash

go to your blog settings to live peacefully and with prosperity

you can filter out team tags/liveblogs/players, anything you want. in fact, u are encouraged bc not feeling extreme rage over some picture on the dash of the team that knocked your team out of the scp does the body good

filtered posts don't disappear entirely from the dash (in case u have fomo), but when a blog u follow posts about something in that tag, you will see a blurred post with the tags you filtered, as well as an option to view the post

(looks like this)

some users also have specific tags that they may have created for organizational purposes and to help you block specific content (e.g. #nhl trade rumors are my personal tag for, you guessed it, trade rumors. some ppl don't wanna hear that, so easy tagging for filter)

on that note: filter and move on. don't go into opposing team tags/liveblogs and talk shit or stir up shit. you will be blocked by. a significant amount of people. play nice y'all, it's hockey

rpf/fic

not really my area of expertise on tumblr, but there's a pretty big rpf/fic community on hockeyblr. follow or block as you need!

player relationship tags are a good place to look for content (e.g. #sidgeno, #8771)

use the :readmore: function on tumblr liberally if you're posting fics - full player fics in the player tags can suck to scroll through for an outside user

once again, don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. best of luck navigating hockeyblr, you're sure to have a blast!

[stitchthesewords]

I keep forgetting to say this but now you're a "true" ao3 author.

True as in, what the actual heck why is there a tree on your house.

(True, for more clarification, as in, in the authors notes some ao3 authors are like, sorry I haven't updated in q while, I got shot into space for like 2 weeks and then my house grew legs and walked away)

[I'm not saying that you weren't a true author before because your writing is absolutly amazing, please understand what I mean with this ask]

Yaay pc working again, sending you happy thoughts about jellie, think about jellie, the most wonderfullest cat there ever was.

Lololol that was actually a joke the vault made BEFORE the tree fell - that i should update in a tornado. And then the tree fell and hwell - hilariously this is my second claim to this status as i have also updated a previous fic directly post-surgery before bc i 'had to get it out' it was nigh incoherent. God bless

As a bonus - here is the Actualy Honest To God Tree on my House.