#clarification bc this is getting notes again

[hexhomos]

i wanted to ask abt something you said on bluesky (i don't have bluesky, so it's happening here) abt jayce still wearing the leg brace and not being 'magically disability cured' so i was wondering if it's explored why jayce is wearing the leg brace, like an injury or something? totally get if you don't want to say cuz it's spoilers, my brain just wanted clarification bc 👀👀👀👀 I can't wait for the new episodes i'll be real

I dont know any more than you do! I was mostly noting on what's been revealed to us thru Jayce’s legendary skin.

1) His voicelines point to Jayce being resistant to being cured by darkmagic powers.

2) In act2 & promo arts for the arcane survivor skin, we see he's wearing a leg brace. It kinda looks like in his 'clean' outfit the mechanisms to help his leg are actually enmeshed inside his outfit or something? one leg is noticeably different but its not as visible as Viktor’s og leg brace or the improvised one Jayce wears in act2.

Game outfits arent always 1:1 with the series so we'll see when the show is out.

3) on the skin again- he mentions being made and unmade, dying over and over again. We have a timeloop situation going on and its likely he got bodily trauma from that which I hope they will explore, but his chest/neck/gemstone wrist area seem to be visibly corrupted and worsening in the Wild Rift version so it could be that the arcane shit in effect is making him ill or permanently injured.

anyway my point is jayvik are canonically both disabled now 🤝

[stolitzsings]

This is a sort of response to a post I've seen floating around, drawing parallels between the chains in Blitz’s trip that bind him to Stolas and the chains that bind Husk, Angel, and Fizz to Alastor, Valentino, and Mammon respectively. I'm not commenting on that post directly bc I avoid Discourse (tm) at all costs for the sake of my health, and I don’t want to get drawn into an unproductive argument that will mess with my anxiety for a week. I'm not trying to start a fight, just get my thoughts out on why I feel that comparison is inaccurate, and hopefully provide some helpful context and nuance.

So! Let's start with a few disclaimers! First of all, I'm not going to debate the moral purity of any of these characters. I just don't think it's an interesting or valuable critique. On a related note, I am not trying to excuse any of their behavior. I'm happy to admit that my favorite characters in this show have hurt people and are sometimes total assholes. Stolas treated Blitz very poorly at the beginning of their relationship, frequently pushed or even ignored boundaries, and was just kind of a dick about things. My objection to a direct comparison between Stolas and the other characters mentioned above isn't because I think Stolas hasn't done anything wrong; I just think that saying they're similar without further clarification or commentary ignores the nuance of the situation.

Read on below the cut, it's gonna be another long one folks!

Let's start by examining the "agreements" forged by Val, Mammon, and Alastor. I think it's important to note that, in their cases, the person they got to sign their contract could have been anyone. Husk and Angel could have been any sinners, Fizz could have been any imp. They aren't interested in them as people; they were only using them to gain more power for themselves. The only thing that matters to them is, "What can you do for me?" Angel and Fizz quite clearly become cogs in the machine of Val and Mammon's businesses, and Alastor only thinks of Husk as a tool to be leveraged in specific situations to further his own mysterious goals. Each of them has demonstrated to their subjugates that they own them, body and soul. They have signed legally and spiritually binding contracts that essentially surrender their autonomy to a more powerful demon.

Stolas and Blitz’s agreement is... not that. In the most literal sense, they don’t appear to have made any sort of binding deal. They just made a verbal agreement, which I sincerely doubt has anywhere near the force of a signed soul contract. Additionally, Stolas did not ask for and does not seem to want that sort of total control over Blitz. He very clearly does not view this as any sort of power exchange (which may actually be part of the issue, since it leaves him blind to Blitz’s discomfort with their class difference), he sees it as "favors for favors." While this agreement is inherently unbalanced due to Stolas's status, it's worth noting that they’re both putting something on the line here. The other three risk practically nothing (if the person bound to them fails they can always get a new one), but Stolas IS taking on a real risk by letting Blitz access the living world illegally using his book. Again, that doesn't make his actions right, and probably helped him to justify them, but it does set their relationship apart from the others.

In my opinion, some of Stolas's greatest flaws are his thoughtlessness and his ability to justify his own actions to himself. This manifests in the fact that he clearly doesn't see the ways in which their relationship is hurting Blitz. He convinced himself that this was just an equal exchange, and a continuation of the dynamic Blitz established in their first encounter as adults: "I fuck you, and you give me the book". As he becomes more aware of his feelings for Blitz, though (stay tuned for a deeper analysis of this progression later), he also begins to realize that Blitz isn't happy with this relationship. And this, as @masonshmason pointed out, is the central fact that separates Stolas and Blitz from the other relationships. Stolas did not realize- or chose to ignore- how he was hurting Blitz. Once he came to terms with it, though, he understood that he had to make things right. He specifically says this in "Just Look My Way"; "I will try to make amends/ For making you means to an end". None of the others could say this, because in their case, that was the POINT. Angel, Fizz, and Husk were ALWAYS a means to an end, intentionally trapped for that purpose.

We also need to talk about the CONTEXT of the scenes in which the chain imagery appears. For both Angel and Husk, the chain is at least semi-literal, a physical (and perhaps supernatural) manifestation of the way their souls are bound to an overlord. In "Two Minutes Notice," Fizz purposely CHOOSES to represent his relationship to Mammon as chains around his wrists. However, Blitz's scene is part of a drug trip after being forcibly dosed with hallucinogens. It does not exist in any literal sense, nor is it a representation of Blitz’s conscious, literal thoughts. What it DOES do is showcase Blitz’s deepest fears and his greatest flaws through symbolism and metaphor. Blitz is not literally afraid of being forced to wear a clown costume; he is afraid he'll never escape his past traumas or Fizz's shadow. THIS is the context in which Blitz sees himself being chained by Stolas: a bad trip all about his fear of intimacy and vulnerability.

Stolas appears in this trip as someone elevated high above him, something he's climbing towards, reaching for, even though it means being chained to him. It's directly preceded by his ex girlfriend and his former best friend berating him for how he pushes people away even though he hates being alone. Then Stolas directly asks him, "Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?" Furthermore, the WAY in which he is framed is alluring, slightly hazy, golden and tempting. It couldn’t be further from the ugly, slime-covered past he's fleeing. It's a new start, a chance for something better that seems too good to be true. This trip is all about Blitz’s inability to be vulnerable with another person. The chain around his neck is a representation of the fact that, by getting closer to Stolas, he's giving Stolas the power to hurt him emotionally.

And man, there's a part of him that wants to give Stolas that power. At this critical moment, he's not baring his teeth in defiance or anger. He's blushing, just slightly, and he looks... nervous. Blitz's instinct, when things get too real, is to cut and run. Hurt them before they can hurt you. Abandon them before they have the chance to leave you. It’s how he tanked his relationship with Verosika. This is a manifestation of what might happen if he stays. This is the sort of trouble he can't fight his way out of.

This is the emotional climax of the scene. There are so many ways they could have gone with this if they wanted to represent Blitz being chained and trapped by his agreement with Stolas. If that was the fear--if that was the POINT--they could have had the chains wrap around him until he couldn't move, or glow white hot and burn into his skin, or a million other more direct metaphors. But the chains aren't the thing that hurts him. It's the feathers: the thing that's left behind after Stolas abandons him, sing-songing "you're going to die alone" right alongside two other people who he loved and who now want nothing to do with him.

Finally, let's look at Blitz’s reaction to this scene. It's a moment of revelation for him, in which he realizes he's pushing everyone away and starts to make an effort to change. It's why he's a bit more open with Moxxie in the next scene. The trip sequence ALSO inspires him to get closer to Stolas, indicating that the trip didn’t make him realize "I'm trapped and I need to get out of this" in the same way Fizz did. Rather, he realizes that he doesn't want Stolas to leave him like everyone else, and he wants to start feeling out what it would be like to deepen the connection between them. As I've mentioned in other posts, their kiss at the end of "truth seekers" represents a level of intimacy that we haven't seen before; it's teasing, affectionate, shows Blitz’s interest in making Stolas happy, and takes place in front of M&M, who have repeatedly teased him about their relationship before.

In summary, while the image of chains may have been invoked in all four of these relationships, they don’t necessarily mean the same thing across the board. Blitz and Stolas's relationship differs substantially from the others in its dynamic, and the context of their scene also sets it apart. It's important to look into the details and the nuance of their relationship to interpret what's going on under layers of trauma and unreliable narration.

[venerawrites]

I don’t know if someone headcanoned this before but im curious… Headcanons about Itachi’s s/o feeling sad bc they think they are like Izumi’s substitute (in the Itachi novel he said that he couldn’t correspond her love but this was the closest to an Itachi’s love interest)

author's note: I love when people sending me ideas like these and they always inspire me so much! I really, really enjoyed this one and I hope you do to! Thank you for requesting! <3

I've said this before, but I do imagine Itachi with someone who is was born and raised somewhere remote and far away from Konoha. Most likely they did not knew anything about him, his clan or the massacre prior him telling them.

In this case, it would be Itachi that would share with them that there was once a girl in Konoha, with whom he was close. He won't go into a lot of details, thus leaving his partner to fill the blanks with their own imagination.

It's quite easy to get the impression that their relationship was more serious than he tried to portray it, especially when he explained how he put her into a genjutsu, giving her a sense of long and happy life by his side.

The initial reaction of his s/o is to embrace him or rub soothing circles on his back, comforting him and thanking him for sharing something so intimate with them.

But as the days passed, they started to think more about what Itachi has said about Izumi.

What exactly was their relationship? Did he love her? Would've they been together if the massacre didn't happen? Did he still thought about her? Was his s/o just some kind of rebound?

His s/o would start overthinking and overanalysing, but won't say anything to the Uchiha man. Deep down they would feel embarrassed by all these thoughts - it concerned his life before he met them and this girl has been dead for years now. If anything, it shouldn't bother them at all.

But it did. A LOT.

Now, at this point Itachi would've known his partner for quite a while, so he will immediately pick up the small changes in their behaviour.

He would probably wait a few days up to a week, just to see if they are going to tell him what is bothering them. When they don't do that, he would sit them down and confront them himself.

He is an extremely smart and calculating man, so he already had an idea why his s/o was behaving strangely, especially since this change happened after he opened up to them.

His partner would initially deny something was up, but after a bit more pushing from Itachi's side, they would finally vocalise their thoughts about how they are nothing more but a replacement for Izumi.

The man listens quietly, only nodding his head from time to time and mentally scolding himself for even letting such thoughts get to his s/o head.

After his partner finish their little rant (I would imagine that at this point they are quite upset, spilling all the doubts and worries that have been torturing their mind for weeks.), he would gently take their hand and lay a small kiss on the back of it.

He calmly explains to them that while Izumi did indeed had feelings for him, he never seen her in a romantic light. The genjutsu he used on her is an image of how her dream life looked, not how he imagined his. He gave her mercy, not love.

His s/o would seek some final validation for his feelings toward them, which he would gladly provide in the form of both verbal and physical affection.

However, if his partner remains somewhat unconvinced, he would get hurt and offended. Has he not shown many times that he loves them and only them?

He is also not the type to discuss the same topic over and over again, so he expects that one time clarification is enough. If their partner decided to bring it up again in the future, he would probably be a bit annoyed.

Itachi would always remain open and honest with his s/o, but since that "slip up" he would definitely take more care about how he word his thoughts.

cc artwork: Jae Cheol Park

[wyn0rrific]

Vitus/Fulgrim Character Study Drabble

idk how to caption this but i wanted to write a lil piece that goes a little bit in depth about Vitus and Fulgrim.

for context this takes place a little bit after reflection crack'd but before angel exterminatus (its... a very weird spot i know)

putting it under a cut bc it's really odd but yea!

Perfectly imperfect.

It's the first phrase that comes to mind as Vitus watches Fulgrim from behind, silently taking in the primarch's presence.

It had been awhile since his return to the Pride of the Emperor after being sent to Chemos. It had also been a moment since he was tossed into battle without explanation, leaving him to watch the horrors and betrayal occur right before his eyes.

One betrayal in particular had struck a chord in his mind, his brain refused to let it go as he pondered it's existence. He had to get some sort of clarification.

But seeing a Lord Commander get decapitated just for asking a simple question made Vitus fear her curiosity.

Sucking in air, he braced himself for the worse, tapping his usual pattern on the door frame to signal Fulgrim of his presence.

Fulgrim, who had been sitting at his vanity knowing of Vitus' silent staring, tilted his head up to look at the apothecary through the mirror.

"Ah, Vitus, hello my dear." Fulgrim smiled, beckoning Vitus closer with his delicate but sharp finger.

Vitus approached cautiously, taking sight of the many different things strewn across the room. Smashed sculptures, torn paintings, clothing and ripped fabric. She made a mental note to offer to clean the primarch's space at a later time.

Vitus stood next to the sitting primarch, it had always humored her that even in this angle Fulgrim still towered over her. The primarch's head cocked towards the bedside behind him, motioning for Vitus to sit down.

"Have you come seeking my attention? My... knowledge perhaps? I would tell you anything you know, I have a lot of trust in you." Fulgrim hisses, his smile growing wider as he shifts in his chair to face Vitus.

Vitus grimaces at the statement before nervously signing, "I have a question to ask you."

Fulgrim's eyes scan Vitus' hands, taking a moment to register before verbally replying,

"Oh? And what is it, darling?"

Although Vitus' hearing is muffled, the primarch's words still snake their way into his skin, melting him down.

He shivers with hesitation before straightening his back.

"It's about Lord Ferrus and his current whereabouts."

Vitus can feel himself grow smaller as he watches Fulgrim's face contort. The primarch's smile fades a tad bit for a moment, but it quickly grows even wider as he slowly stands up.

"Vitus," He begins, his hand reaching for her, "What ever do you mean, my dear? I am... unsure of what you're talking about."

Vitus' eyes meet Fulgrim's as he scans his face, staring dumbfoundedly for a moment before being hit by a wave of realization.

Fulgrim knew exactly what he was referring to.

Vitus bites his lip, his eyes darting to the floor as he struggles to answer,

"On Istvaan, I saw you. You had him in your arms, he was dead. Did-"

She pauses nervously, the room growing immensely larger as she feels Fulgrim looming over him.

A hand slips over Vitus', it was ice cold in comparison to his, Fulgrim tightens his grip before leaning into Vitus' ear,

"Finish. Your sentence."

Vitus gulps loudly, his hands shake underneath his grasp. He slowly pulls them out to obey his primarch's wishes.

"Did you kill lord Ferrus?"

Vitus looks up at Fulgrim, the primarch's eyes glued to her hands, she waited in fear as his face contorted once more.

And then he smiled.

Fulgrim hummed softly, his hand grasping Vitus' chin as he tilted his head up gently.

"I didn't think putting you back onto the front lines would set you back this far."

Vitus' eyebrows furrow, staring at him with a look of worried confusion, but before he could even think of a response Fulgrim chuckles softly and speaks again.

"You've become so... docile without me. I should've never sent you away like that. You need me to stay strong it seems. Your mind has become so lost without me it has begun to play tricks on you!"

"Did I kill Ferrus?" Fulgrim repeats the question mockingly as his grip on Vitus tightens, "Oh my sweet boy, I love you so dearly but, you are very foolish sometimes."

Vitus stood perfectly still, he could feel his face growing hotter by the second as Fulgrim's face was merely centimeters away from his own. He couldn't help but gaze in awe at how beautiful the primarch looked, even in this close distance.

It had been awhile since they were this close. With Vitus being gone and Fulgrim attending to the duties of a primarch they grew apart slowly.

A pit grew in Vitus' stomach, even though she knew how much Fulgrim was degrading her in that moment, she was oddly enjoying every minute of it.

And he hated himself slightly for that.

With the amount of restriction Fulgrim had on Vitus, he was left to attempt to verbally answer the primarch.

"I-I... I'm... S-Sorry." Vitus croaks, hoping that he was able to understand his broken speech.

Fulgrim hummed in approval, leaning to kiss Vitus' forehead before stroking his cheek softly.

"Oh you don't need to apologize my dear, though it is very sweet of you to use your words for once." Fulgrim cooed, "You just need to... stop listening to your silly conscience. Just leave all of your thoughts to me. Only I know what's right for you, do you understand?"

Vitus looks at Fulgrim's eyes, now half open and filled with an indescribable emotion, nodding slowly as he leaned into the primarch's palm.

"Good boy, you're always so obedient for me. I adore that about you." The primarch whispers as he peppers her face with kisses.

Vitus tensed at the gesture, unable to collect his own thoughts or even move. Intimacy wasn't a new feeling for him, especially when it involved Fulgrim. And he surely never understood the comments about how gaining his attention was like conquering the world since he has known Fulgrim for many years and has seen sides of the primarch that even the Brotherhood has yet to even hear about.

But yet, here he was, his hearts rapidly beating as Fulgrim touched and spoke to him in the same way he's always done. It felt different this time, it was almost... hypnotic. Like a serpent attracting its prey before going in for the kill.

Vitus was so worried about becoming snake food that he hadn't noticed his robe was messed with until he felt the cool sensation of Fulgrim's hand meeting with his bare chest. Her eyes dart to his hand and then back to his eyes. Fulgrim was eerily quiet, an expression of satisfaction painted his face as he started darkly at Vitus' exposed chest.

"You look so... clean. I think I prefer this on you, though a few... internal adjustments would make you even more perfect," He prods Vitus' chest with his sharpened nail, dragging it upwards until he reaches her forehead and taps it lightly, "I'll make a note to mention this to Fabius at a later time."

They were both still for what seemed like forever until Fulgrim moved his finger away, tapping Vitus' cheek lightly before sitting back down at his vanity.

"I believe Fabius needed you to help with his studies, I've held you long enough I think. Besides, I can always have you whenever I want, right?" Fulgrim glares at Vitus, like a predator eyeing his next meal, as she gives her typical slow and submissive nod of approval.

"Good," Fulgrim hums in satisfaction, "Leave me be for now. I wouldn't want you being reprimanded for my own doing."

Vitus slowly stands, bowing in acknowledgement before heading towards the door.

"Oh and Vitus? One more thing my darling,"

Vitus freezes as the rest of Fulgrim's words don't register in his mind. He attempts to adjust his hearing unit before static floods his mind followed by a low, almost possessive voice,

"I own you. You will never leave my sight."

Vitus quickly turns, his mouth opening slightly as he stares in worried shock.

Fulgrim was still sat perfectly at his vanity, a smile painted his face as he preened himself.

He had never said a single word to Vitus.

[fuka-petals]

♡ Introduction post ♡

@fuka-petalsart <- just art

my persona

info on me

hihi am V but like you can also call me Kennith, Flower, etc.

Minor (over 14, clarification bc yk what passed) (I'm fine with adults interacting)

I use vamp/they/he/it/voca/soap/flower pronouns {in order of preference}

I'm diagnosed autistic, seeking a diagnosis for bpd, ocd, npd, and adhd (not self diagnosed just see symptoms in both me and relatives and would like a concrete answer) also some other things I'd rather not disclose

I'm an angelkin enby that uses xenogenders and am a lesbian

not always in the "right state of mind" if I say smth stupid please let me know l8tr so I can delete it

I have issues with being kind and having empathy please be patient I'm not trying to be mean (at least. Most of the time)

Really cynical unfortunately. I have bad mood swings and get angry really easily. Again, trying to work on that. I don't post negativity often though but like it may happen

If you somehow still think im cool heres my discord -> @/ _vflour

I uh didn't realize how shitty of a person I was until writing this.

I have an ed off and on its not weight related but please don't make comments about if ppl deserve food or not around me it's extremely triggering (self worth issues ig) I do not post ed related content and I do not wish to see it. I am not pro ana

I do really want friends though. I guess. Sorry please talk to me I like talking about my intrests I'm not as bad as I seem I swear

Seriously though I'm really lonely

Also I struggle with being clingy and jealous oml jesus christ uh hh WAAAAAAAA

Selfshipper ^_^ single outside of f/os though. Not rlly looking 4 a relationship my ex scared me away from that stuff

I self ship with fukase (vocaloid), vflower (vocaloid), friedrich (mi), vixen (mi), cornelius (mi), and c'venash vishneri (psychopomp). Sorry I'm rlly cringe (draw my sona with any of them and I'll forever be grateful)

I kin betty noir (mi), ame (nso), sumireko (2hu), aoi (you and me and her), yukari (Liar Liar one), and claire (walk in the sun) so dni if you don't like them/hj

Currently hyperfixated on Vocaloid (Specifically V4Flower and Fukase), Mellow's games and ocs (MUNDUS IUMENTORUM!!), Touhou (Specifically Sumireko), Len'en, Nso, subahibi, Yume Nikki, any ynfg, Mindhaunt, you me and her, milk bag vns, pmmm, Reflexia, and Psychopomp, murdersims/guro vns in general, Awaria (not a helltaker fan)

all interests (I think) in no particular order - Vocaloid, Flower, Fukase, Utau, Mellow's stuff, Angelbrained's stuff, Mindhaunt, Yume Nikki + ynfgs, YTTD, NSO, ghostie-p & marz mitzi, touhou, subahibi, YOU ME and HER, len'en, lacey games, splatoon, rpg maker horror games, psychedelic looking art, milk inside/outside a bag of milk, rabbit maiden softworks, Liar Liar, precious theater, 8eyes, ranfren, a masochist's tango, madoka magica, precure, ojamajo doremi, reflexia, Saya no uta, mudersims/guro vns in general, corpse party, Awaria (not a helltaker fan)

I fucking hate blueberries

Dni

Olikase fans. (please respect this if nothing else)

Proshippers (don't want dash algorithm picking up things that are triggering to me)

Pro harassment antis

radfems

transphobes

homophobes

acephobes

queerphobia in any way shape or form

racists

sexists (both ways)

l0li/sh0tacons

fatphobes

prolifers

support killing innocent people

ai "artists"

ghost and pals/team 6x111 fans unless I followed you first for other content you post, also their white knighters/apologists...yikes

furry haters (grow up its 2024)

Puritans. You will be blocked. It's based in queerphobia and demonizes sexuality. If you don't want to see nsfw then block tags, don't force others to not be kinky because you're an ass (note, I mean people who call it gross n stuff, if you are a minor or ace or smth and don't want nsfw accs following you bc of that that's fine! Also this isn't an nsfw acc either, I have a pixiv 4 that, just rlly passionate abt my hate 4 puritans...)

Ed/sh posters. Refer to previous points. I do not wish to relapse over fucking tumblr

Mellow haters (why are you even here)

Tcc fans. You wouldnt survive a day on 4chan and kiwifarms (I don't like kiwifarms btw and certain 4chan boards)

use the term femboy on women (on non women is fine w/ permission)

Blacklist

Do not bring up @/ Denzi-P to me or talk about me to them. They are not a good person and I do not wish to be associated with them.

Try and keep that the only name on this list

Links

itch

toyhouse

everskies

soundcloud

artfight

strawpage (will be replaced with a neocities site soon)

[cosmosnout]

KH OC WEEK 2024

Day 6: journal

Shiro

Shiro picked up keeping a journal from being around the apprentices during their time in the organization. It was also a way for them to ease their fear of losing their memory again, since at least this time they’d have something to help them remember and keep track of everything.

Their first entries were very systematic, listing important things and people to remember with occasional entries about the events of their day. (Their journal reflected their paranoia quite a lot)

Shiro has, however, later on managed to let go of their fear a bit more, which can be seen in their diary entries becoming more casual, with occasional doodles appearing on the pages. I definitely think Shiro would also keep whatever photos they've managed to acquire in their journal. Mostly photos of people's faces they'd wish/think were important to remember, with some scenic photos scattered in there.

This ended up being a fun call back to an old KH OC WEEK entry about the character hobbies, where I included that Shiro does journaling haha.

Aiko + Merin

Aiko’s journal is very much what you’d expect a teenage girl's private diary to look like. It’s a place where she’s free to ramble on about whatever comes to mind and vent out her feelings when needed.

She tries to write down the important things happening during her journey, but she tends to end up sliding into another topic without thinking.

Merin’s part in Aiko’s journey comes mostly from her asking Aiko to write down things they need to remember for their adventures and from being quite the popular topic in Aiko’s personal ramblings. They’ve also come to use the diary as a way to talk indirectly when they aren’t able to find the right words while speaking face-to-face. (Imagine them sliding the notebook back and forth across the floor to each other after an argument bc they’re both too upset to look at one another LOL)

Viktor + Tähti

Viktor’s journal is actually just his sketchbook, which he occasionally writes important notes on. Otherwise, the book is filled with pictures and drawings rather than words. Viktor is also quite protective of his sketchbook (as any artist is) and doesn’t really like sharing it with others. He does, however, agree to write down some important things for Tähti and sometimes allows her to draw on some of the pages.

I like to think he later on upgrades to a digital tablet, where he’s able to have a proper catalogue of everything important he’s been able to learn during his adventure (similar to Jiminy’s journal) while also being able to use it for his art. iPad kid LMAO

Other

And funny enough, I don’t think Merin or Tähti would be too keen on getting their own journals later on during their journey since they’ve gotten so used to their arrangement with the siblings.

And also for clarification, since I haven’t yet posted the earlier prompts, the reason the kiddos are sharing their journals in these specific pairs is due to them getting separated from each other in those pairs. Neither Merin nor Tähti had journals to begin with, so they just opted to use the ones Aiko and Victor had.

Also a fun little detail is that Shiro’s journal is purposely made to look similar to the book of prophecies.

@khoc-week

[broodwolf221]

very stressed again so I'm just gonna talk about solas bc he's my comfort blorbo atm

one quick clarification: I tend to use elven to describe modern elves and elvhen to describe ancient elves. it's just smth I started doing a while back and now it's habit.

I've already talked abt his personality/behavior and my theories on his distant past. so now I wanna talk about his actions.

joined the inquisition

even with lowest approval won't leave the inquisition

kept the inquisitor alive

helped seal the rifts/breach

painted the inquisitor's actions

helped kill corypheus

"killed" mythal

exposed the qunari plot

spoke to the inquisitor at the end of trespasser

now to dig into these.

joined the inquisition

this one is pretty wild. according to his conversation in trespasser, he woke a year before the conclave. one year. afaik it's unclear when he drew the veil vs. when he slept, but what is clear is that he woke up and had only a year to begin acclimating to a wildly different world, one he held significant guilt over causing to form. in this short time, he manages to acclimate enough to gain agents and find out about corypheus, someone he feels he can use. and solas wouldn't mourn corypheus' death, nor would the world, so it must have seemed such a perfect solution

then it obviously goes all to shit. and solas is too weak to take charge of the situation and remedy it on his own - besides which, his anchor is now attached to someone else. so what does he do? well aware that this world hates and fears both "apostates" (that must have been a strange revelation for him, considering how elvhen culture lauded mages) and elves, he nonetheless turns himself in and surrenders his staff

he decides to help. and no, it's not selfless - he needs the anchor. but there's so much more to it than that. he wants to help ease the harm he's inadvertently caused, the damage corypheus wrought. he's not trying to "save" the world, exactly, but he is trying to give it peace while he works to restore the world to what he feels (maybe rightly!) it should be. it's selfish. it's selfless. it's kind. it's deceitful. essentially: like him, it is nuanced.

but still, pretty wild that an elvhen apostate joins the human chantry's arm (and eventual army) of change

won't leave the inquisition

the reasoning here is fairly self-evident. he needs the anchor, and he wants to help. the inquisition is his sole means to achieve both goals. but it's still worth noting that even if he absolutely hates the inquisitor, he'll stay on as a core part of the inquisition right up to the bitter end.

and it's interesting bc he doesn't actually have to. he could have made sure the inquisitor wouldn't die and taught them how to seal rifts, then left. or he could have left after the breach was sealed. the inquisitor - and by extension, the anchor - would NOT be hard for him to find, because everyone and their dog knows where the inquisitor is at all times. also, at this point I'm not sure if he knows he'll need the anchor.

further, he could "leave" but continue to spy, including through the fade. but instead he stays right there. he leads the inquisition to skyhold. he involves himself at a fundamental level. it's interesting. he didn't have to.

does he get dragged in despite himself? does he grow attached to the rest of the inquisition, or its goals, even as he tries to hang onto the comforting lie that these people are so much less-then the people he knew? does he feel obligated to help right the harm he caused, their drawn out suffering harder to bear than their sudden cessation?

kept the inquisitor alive

I have to assume there's a reason for this, a reason he couldn't just take the anchor from them while they slept. likely it was because he was still too weak to remove it, although that seems a little strange - what was he planning to do once corypheus died opening his orb? but given the potential nature of the inquisitor, including many non-mage options and including dwarven options who are cut off from the fade itself, it stands to reason that getting the anchor placed by touching the opened orb may be much easier than removing the anchor, even prior to it being used.

perhaps he could have removed it, but was worried the inquisition would kill him. early on, how was he to know that cassandra's bark was so often worse than her bite? and it's entirely possible that she might have killed him if the inquisitor had died under his watch, particularly if the anchor was "mysteriously" removed at the same time.

I also imagine that he genuinely didn't know if the anchor would function if he just... cut their arm off and ran with it. but at the same time, I assume he was constantly monitored so that probably wasn't much of an option

helped seal the rifts/breach

couple of core reasons for this, I think: first, he genuinely wants to help. the people of thedas are terrified and at risk; so too are the spirits from the fade who are being drawn into the waking world against their will, which may well be a stronger impetus for him to work on sealing them. second, I have a theory that he won't be able to, or fears he won't be able to, tear down the veil in one with all these rifts.

rifts are tears in the boundary, right? so if he tried to pull the veil down around them, what's to stop the veil from catching against the rifts and keeping these boundaries in existence? like... trying to remove a sticker when parts have been nailed in. not only will the parts under the nail remain, but whole strips might be left behind. what would that create?

and the thing is, everything he's attempting and considering is so highly theoretical. maybe it wouldn't work like that at all. maybe it'd be fine. maybe it'd be worse. he doesn't know! but it feels safe to assume that, given his character, he'd want to proceed in the safest way possible with the best likelihood of a good outcome. he's methodical that way.

painted the inquisitor's actions

this one gets me just like it gets everyone. there's so much to it... he's using an ancient elvhen technique to memorialize the decisions of today's holy order and its leader. he's creating frescoes which are meant to last, and he doesn't know if they will. he's creating meaning in the moment, for the inquisition itself, and possibly for the future, even a future where everyone he knows is gone, killed through his actions.

it's a way to honor them. it's a headstone. it's a history. it's a gift. it's art. it's effort he doesn't need to expend. it's the closest he can come to an apology.

helped kill corypheus

of course, he's always wanted corypheus to die, so in that sense this really isn't that surprising. and in game corypheus can sometimes feel ridiculously easy to kill. but the fact is, corypheus is perceived as one of if not the single greatest threat they have to face.

and solas helps face him.

what if he died? what if he was killed? it's wild that someone who's so determined to change the world constantly puts himself at such risk, but it's part of both his nature and the means of meeting his goals. it's necessary. but is it necessary for him to face corypheus?

the time has come, the inquisitor and inquisition are prepared.

why doesn't he leave? come back after the battle and reclaim his orb? yes, the inquisitor broke it, but I don't think solas even recognizes that as a possibility. to him, the orb would have been there. and, bonus, maybe the inquisition is so damaged in the battle that they'll struggle to pursue him. if he has the orb, or thinks he would have it, he wouldn't necessarily need to protect the inquisitor any longer, because why have the anchor when he has the orb? unless of course its power was transferred to the anchor, which is a distinct possibility, but in that case... why mourn the orb so?

I think that he at least believed the orb could create another anchor. so losing it meant he needed to possess the anchor currently in existence. but again: he went into this battle thinking orb and anchor alike would exist at the end. why risk it? why not just dart in and recover what he needs?

he cares about them. even if he hates the inquisitor, he cares about the people of this world. he won't turn his back on the inquisition in their hour of need, even if he risks death

"killed" mythal

I've given this so much thought. I understand why he did it, to a point, but at the same time... it's always put me at a loss. he sealed the evanuris away because they killed mythal. he killed her to take her power, presumably a necessity after the loss of his orb in order to reclaim the anchor. and I do agree that she may very well still be alive, either entirely or in a way. I'm not sure if he's aware of that, though.

but it's all very complicated. he knows he should be the one punished - these are his sins he's trying to right, for the people (elvhen? spirits? everyone? including but probably not primarily dwarves? I've seen so many takes on this and it's always fascinating)

so. he takes something of mythal, very possibly believing he's killing her, and possibly actually killing her, in order to restore the world to what it used to be. he doesn't want to do this. it's utterly tragic and horrifying at once when you see it the first time (and, well, every time after if you're me). it's painful. but he does it.

he's willing to shoulder so much pain. loneliness, too, because mythal is presumably the only one left from his time. he destroys his sole connection to his past in order to right his mistakes. putting aside the issue of whether he's right or not, that is a monumental burden to bear.

he endures. he always endures. how horrible to always endure.

exposed the qunari plot

because I've discussed this previously I won't dig too deep into it, but the fact is 1) he didn't have to do this, 2) doing this actively makes it easier for the inquisition to pursue him, 3) doing this might actually make it easier in a way for the qunari to focus on strengthening the veil, and 4) apparently, he did it. not an agent. he dragged the qunari into the winter palace.

why? why risk himself like that? to get a glance at those he left behind? did he rush through the motions and disappear, or did he linger? did he look at them and consider what more he would have to endure?

spoke to the inquisitor at the end of trespasser

he needed the anchor, yes. but did he need to answer the inquisitor's questions, soothe their inevitable curiosity? absolutely not. he could have kept lying. it would have been smarter to keep lying. why, why tell them who he is, why let the entire inquisition know?

he already gave them a clear path to chasing him down and possibly stopping him. now he's telling them his basic plan? sure, he spares the details, but what does that really preserve?

and the thing is, even if he absolutely hates the inquisitor, he still tells them the basics. the way he does it is... genuinely so funny and it cheers me up inordinately he is so sassy about it but that's not important. what is important is that he even tells someone he loathes who and what he is and what his basic plan is.

why not just leave? "the anchor is killing you and it's mine, i'll take it back. goodbye." why not just that?

it's hard for me to believe it's anything other than: he wants to be stopped. a part of him wants so, so badly to be stopped. the same part that wanted to tell a romanced inquisitor the truth in the crestwood scene. the same part that keeps giving all these hints and answering questions sincerely even when it makes people wonder about him. the same part that only lies by ommission.

the part that is lonely and wanting and cares.

not only is he fundamentally a kind, caring man who wants to minimize the harm he does, not only does he value and want to reward curiosity, but he wants to be stopped. and the inquisitor/inquisition is about the only force in the world that can stop him, directly or indirectly.

they know him. he knows them. and while it's implied that the inquisition/inquisitor can't stop him directly because of this familiarity, they are the ones who find new forces to array against him. if he'd just lied and left, that wouldn't be a possibility.

he made himself an enemy. he could've had a clear playing field and all the tools he needed: instead, a force at his back.

[our-t4t-experience]

PLEASE READ BEFORE SENDING IN SUBMISSIONS

ok i guess i oughta make an intro post bc im getting some of the same questions over and over again

hi my names evan. im southern, straight and t4t. im in a relationship with a nonbinary trans woman currently and have been for about 7 months now

you can dm me and ill read them but i probably wont respond.

im autistic and communicate really directly and am also monotone so if i answer your ask with a nasty tone, it probably wasnt meant to come off that way unless your ask was mean. feel free to ask for clarification if necessary

please dni if youre cis. i would prefer this to be a trans only space. also its a t4t space so like what good is this to you anyway

for romance repulsed individuals: i will be tagging all romantic t4t posts from hereon out with "romantic t4t". i will ALSO be tagging all platonic t4t posts with "platonic t4t" if ud like to search that tag. for anyone sex repulsed or under 18, anything that could be nsft will be tagged "t4t nsft". hope this helps yall out (:

FAQ

what is a t4t relationship?

t4t is any kind of relationship between two or more trans people, whether that be romantic, sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, professional, or anything else that comes to mind

do you accept platonic t4t submissions?

yea. i have many trans friends and love them very much. every trans person should have trans friends i think, even if theyre not exclusively t4t. my trans friends are just as important as my romantic relationship to another trans person, i love having trans friends

do you accept nonbinary submissions?

yes, if you do not identify as cis, feel free to send in an ask

evan im not cis but im ____ can i interact?

yea. i would define cis as strongly and exclusively identifying as ones assigned gender at birth. if you dont fall under this category (note EXCLUSIVELY as well) then congrats youre good (questioning people are also welcome btw)

evan im cis but im an ally can i interact?

no. find another blog

FAQ MAY BE UPDATED AS I RECEIVE MORE ASKS

[toinfinitywinning]

this is get to know you time. the cringy name game at every camp in the world you do with toilet paper. enough.

Conversations and thoughts resembling the same level of random and incongruence of my Apple Music library. like Josh Groban is to Eminem: Mercy Me. a lot about everything that’s not a hashtag bc it just needs more attention.

Let the first (post) be first:

Hi. I’ve never done this before (like a seriously grown up blog on purpose. Just when just followed sad somewhat desperate poetry with a random live-laugh-love meme in there somewhere.) and Pitch Perfect.

BUT.

For 2 years I’ve had Long-Haul COVID. It’s a different kind of lonely

Thanks so much, amirite? —Gen-Z apologies if I didn’t use that jumbled acronym-word correctly.

It’s hard to keep up.

See? What am I talking about now and how did I get there…

Due to a very common symptom of LHC…

Again—hard to keep up. It’s there. Tho

And I have a lot of quirk so it’s possible I think you’ll “get” but are just nice not to tell me

BUT.

It’s already gone. Train left the Station yesterday.

Slipped on a penny.

Not Good. not even funny.

Teens with the gorgeous graffiti have to Go elsewhere. I’ve always been jealous of that kind talent.

Whole lot better than something else shiny thrown on the track and it’s derailed. There’s at least some innocence in a paint can.

WOW.

I have major attention and Brain Fog hurdles to conquer or shortly bypass. You might not be able to tell b/c of how My writing jumps around so infrequently.

Not true but still easier.

Mostly innocent and playful.

Sadly the attention part is this many years young.

Writing comes naturally. As it always has, strangely...

And why is healing so exhausting? Writing is therapeutic but My body says—can you not?

i know im not the only one asking that!

As if I have time for that too.

find a community of people suffering just as similarly and gain strength, tips and tricks.

Just, speak-screen edit my writing for me. Maybe a clarification fact-✔.

Just not wherever Tr*mp gets his.

Could be Truth Social. Monthly fee tho will cost you your Red Hat.

MYGAbad

Speaking I struggle with processing w/e skills I must have held onto.

BUT.

Since 2 years is quite. some. time.—I’ve shared many struggles and victories.

Like a Bell curve. Or a punk Domino falling then lining them up takes longer just to go down again in half the time. Repeat.

It’s very likely I Will try to talk about many things at once.

I really can’t help that. LOL.

Jury’s still out but I get most of my writing and miscellaneous musings from mom.

Dad can write the best, longest, and precious prayers and notes.

Almost delicately but like you KNOW he’s giving you a hug.

A Good mix tape’s paper Version.

Enter Run on sentences. Truly a stream by now.

Although my brain muscle is weak I’ve been encouraged by several people to Start a blog. Someday I’ll include the past 2 years of w/e pics are on other SocMed.

I can’t think of anything worse.

Yea, okay LOL.

Judgment free. Occasionally… like normal doses then have to work through that.

Mostly that’s because I knew nothing about anything before I opened My computer and started sharing My thoughts under zero context ridden or form at all.

More likely as well to offend and piss someone off. Well done you’re now one less friend popular. There’s an App for that tho-tracking people Who don’t like you.

Not sure where I’ll land with this. It may not land you either.

Because like a lot of us. Sometimes you don’t get to talk actually. No Room.

I like routine; that’s out. So it gets dull.

I’ve learned I hadn’t yet given myself the space to see all of things I can do sitting down.

But. By “given” I mean to say that perhaps I didn’t know it was there.

One Good thing I’ve gathered from this Hell.

Hell fresh by the Day! Never frozen.

So at that time and in this case of my life; sitting is fine.

Some of it isn’t too bad. The writing. You will find questionable punctuation. Run on sentences that I was running.

Relevance at all.

All around Confusion…altho connect the dots could have been seen as practice.

Or annoying even. I’d have no words.

I truly don’t set out to be funny. I could never do stand-up or improv. Or act.

Humor forced just takes and receives too much energy that might come off insincere.

Nothing on command.

Like Matt Perry’s brilliant improv wit it just doesn’t hit the same.

B/c it was scripted.

A syllabus for it Imagine.

The horn to jump off the swim block.

It’s when Life feels more scripted a lot of people close up.

That’s because you’re not in charge anymore. I’ve lost the Power.

Don’t prefer caring about whether someone likes me like I used to.

I believe you can snooze me for 30 days or say ‘I’m done w/ her’ and send Me to the cyberarchives.

Okay. Okay.

So—90% of the time I’m witty and sarcastic with a bit of cynicism, discomfort (for you), and pettifogging.

I write primarily about the questions of intersectionality.

How do things fit.

Let’s Fit it.

Until I figured out physics and calculus and basic math were behind a career in architecture and the classes I would have to take, I enjoyed taking things apart to make something else.

Not always pretty.

Could be Good what I took apart was the best thing we can’t see.

Like I’m writing questions but with wisdom not meaning to do that either,

A lot of people don’t like that. You do you! Baby.

I don’t mean to be at all harsh or hurtful. I try not to say that anything vainly.

I say it b/c a lot of what I’m writing is all of every piece of stream of consciousness tallied.

And it was a synapse connecting another.

Maybe that’s the creative part? The other side of My Brain is telling Me to ✔ on the other side so I’m like…crickets.

What I write is stream of consciousness, brutally honest and to some might be lightly offensive. In College writing this Way would’ve absolutely driven Me crazy.

Then life steps in and bonks u on the head with a newspaper but 15 years later returns the favor with an iPhone.

Or too blunt. And comes across as harsh. And that’s mostly because if I don’t have an emoji to match my real-life broken ღ I’m breaking up with you.

Self reflection: impulsive

I used to journal so much growing up.

When did I lose that innocence?

We can’t talk about folding paper into cranes and witchcraft finger fortune games anymore?

No more MASH?

Huh, maybe you weren’t born this Way. Ur Parents just drew circles nearest each other or your apple stem twist broke too soon and you want a partner whose name starts with P.

Very often I overshare. If you’re reading this this is not brand new information. No ability to say things simply. Think I’ve already. That can put me really vulnerable to more bitcoin hacks.

And then you need to figure out what bitcoin is. And whether Mario can collect coins as well in place of the hackers.

I’d say ask Tom Brady b/c of his investments but since retirement he’s been pretty deflated.

Mean people that mean to hurt.

First of all I feel sorry for you. Not in a poor you tho.

People Who hurt on purpose don’t often have any Way to vent or get a rise other than evoke feelings in and deflect toward a schoolmate.

Skip back to the part I tried talking about vulnerability. It truly is the invisible cloak and no one can see you but nothing makes sense still and you’ve only fixed what’s on the outside. Now you’re peeved AND cloaked.

At this conjunction junction next I’d suggest try shopping at Target opposed to Abercrombie then.

Feet in the water right above bankruptcy to see how things could be different only what…if?

Good ♧ seriously.

So there’s more grace given when you fall. When it’s not your month Day or even year!

Nobody is there for you!!

And My cloak is getting rained on.

Maybe gathering strength from falling will come a common sense with a 6th one but with seriously meaningful things I’ve learned and less hard knock’s Life for us.

The hard Way.

The bottom’s still there and it actually stinks stinks. Discouraging b/c there are two sides to the bottom of the cave full of stalagTITES and mites.

All the up’s and down’s. Right there. And the COVID-19 bat OMG!

You know you may not be able to fall any further further but once you’re up again you’re wondering whether you should get some cement to close that thing off.

Choose to live! But welcome to the real world—it sucks—ur gonna Love it.

Almost 4got. In the cave you dont always have to wait for Jesus to be resurrected if that metaphor comforts you but if change comes and it requires a whole new worm can of Life we already can’t handle that gets us outta the dank I don’t think we need to ask permission to the rights of that Bible passage.

BUT.

Until YOU are ready for change...

Forget it. At least you meant well. Someone can guide that horse to water but it stays pretty hydrated, so he says he’s Good. Promise. The only talking animal and it was Me Who got to hear it. More importantly, who’s gonna ☊? Care? There’s a country song finding out Who your Friends are. A lot stay lost and it’s not helpful all our Friends aren’t the same.

Missing a Good chance to find out if you’re in a similar predicament and that not always a bad thing.

At times I have literally had to be lifted off the floor.

I don’t do this at all for pity. As you read, My Pride is the biggest obstacle to let Go.

When you do?

The hard way through this.

I am angry and irritable for bouts. Sometimes I’m silly and invite karma punishments.

Go all Brimstone and every type fire and the Old Testament has nothing New-thinking and no one new to add to it. SMH. Nail a list on the wooden church door reading it is nearing endgame. Or, Just open your hotel drawer and tear out the back half.

So change then— If it were Me and it has been just not an actual hole I’d be outta there due to the spiders and crickets alone. Jiminy’s Cool.

If u can’t change and just stay a novice bunny hill—fine! Stay there. Build some confidence through experience.

And isn’t that another thing? Something specific motivates the fire under your (cuckoo!) and before you’d see the dark without any End of the tunnel and more importantly with the light aspect. All the sudden you care b/c what? It applies to you of course be selfish. Fascinating yet humbling.

Then there’s the ‘Why Me’ (?) phase? Not fully pitiful but just pretentious enough to resume the trailblaze. Bad attitude with a healthy dose of are we there yet and trying to Balance whether someone is saying …’they get it; you always feel bad’ so…KY Basketball banter? Ashamed accompanies too bc thing is a few times I did kind of scoff at phrases like I always feel bad. Like, here’s 2 Extra strength Tylenol.Alright, Ok, come test for Covid 1/29/22. It shouldn’t take going through something to empathize with or change but you could’ve listened for longer with a clear mind. Just cannot wrap your head around it and I think sometimes that’s okay. What’s next I’ll try so hard.

+ It’s 12:01am of 1/29/24 (so last night), you still can’t do math and/or struggle to add or subtract 12 so aren’t entirely sure its your sophomore year orientation, and you already surrender to what you didn’t want to get up for in the first place. Kind of silly u set the alarm! B/c Pain, confusion, Discomfort and a Deep loneliness that has very little to do with people awaits. That whole scenario is a disaster but look who’s standing and GOT. UP. period. 15 years ago that’s where I’d be. Just defeated.

THAT. Is enough some days. I say that to you struggling to believe the same but know Deep down.

Year 2 longhaul and youre wondering why there are anniversaries at all given about half are always sad or tragic. Evoking the worst on what could be the best. Might be something To think 2 minutes ago you’d ended your prayer to have a better Day. Of anything is true about everything happens for a reason I’d say having to chooose how to respond given you have the privilege at all to that just means were normal. B/c ill be honest I would not

I’m angry. WHAT is so complicated about your lack of Faith or belief prayer must go into an encrypted iCloud even the FBI can’t retrieve or interpret. Never had a chance! But I’ll add that it’s worth noting prayer doesn’t deal with its existence in transaction currencies..

Feel less Pain but feel more with it or stronger now. Or, just plain ‘ol numb. Similar to Addiction I suppose people get so used to being healthy one Way or another they don’t even notice better OR worse and no one is getting married.

Truth is.

Yea.

I’m in Hell, but I’m not on a ventilator. I’m not without relentless Support.

I still can smile but laugh just a bit before it hurts.

Something is always worse.

SomeONE is doing worse.

Somewhere and definitely rn.

I never knew I’d be dealing greed of perspective for this Long.

Something you’ll never find out about that changed your life’s trajectory where an explanation would have only confused things.

Then we still have the chance to be astonished and then genuine bc of that. Thankful. Expectant. With Faith somehow. Maybe carrying someone else’s Hope for a while might burden you less for a short time.

You dont need to see eye struggle and suffering. You dont need examples. You just know. There’s a fleeting peace u might not see again for 2 days but in knowing it’s not just you with the same bs going on.

Like here. Here is someone who needs support but in a different Way but how unique it could be to trade just for a bit. It’s not leg day this time remember u agreed a temp trade.

We don’t have to know everything. Most of the time I don’t give God the time to keep up w/ Me let alone do anything miraculous before I just hang up.

Although My Life was headed in a completely renewed direction in so many ways of recovery—

I got sick. Not because it was meant to be.

Because COVID. Possibly a rabid bat. Cracked vile or petri-dish

Everything does not happen for a reason and ppl dont like hearing that bc its an easy out. Says time might go on but this thorn wont ever heal. How do we respond? that’s the most authentic and a strength yes or no wand.

I hate cliché. Thing is tho…I think we all hate it b/c it doesn’t hold us accountable. Eh it’s fine.

Unfortunately we wouldn’t have the pretty, surprise, one of the Walk to Remember walks. All up to the of healing and forgiveness individual to each of us.

If for Me that means ive healed all I can and I’m counting on research to help Me out some more maybe I just keep going. Trust Me nothing is forgotten but you do know now that at least you were strong and capable enough to figure all that at all. And—I can do that. Some days aren’t that kind.

Maybe it becomes a goal we never anticipated but ✔ your resilience at the ticket line and saddle up, honey.this donkey only holds ____ lbs. let some things Go. That thing will still only walk in a circle but you’ve evenly distributed your baggage.

The feeling of pure joy. Which btw does still require a thesaurus b/c it is NOT the same as joy. Like a preventative Med to an acute one.

Then feel Accomplishment.

Not knowing what’s next but trying to be prepared.

It’s a surprise party we never RSVP’d and don’t regret it.

And it’s a Good thing u got outbid for that yacht.

Hell, tho, you won’t be forgotten but pushing helps the donkey move faster for now that is acceptable.

Unshun. Reshun. (This will make sense if you Watch the Office)

Flee fly. Be gone. Thankfully we hope to come out more resilient after the rip and tear and often not fully repaired sewing lessons.

But perhaps the biggest trait I’ve had to work on is My Pride. I want to do it.

I’ll give myself 3 strikes. 4 balls.

Then I walk to First.

Please do not get Me a gift.

I Love you and that was so sweet.

Would I be as generous?

Do u work, yea. It’s just one really hurts more and being tough isn’t tough at all if it’s not helping the worst hurt.

Those are sitting down, timeout thoughts.

The compression socks need to breathe.

But once the Pride slides over, let go, I get to know how it feels to very tangibly be taken care of and watched over.

Patience. The other side of a rant.

Later on that.

My main goal is to learn. Connect. Be called out if something comes off really tasteless.

Laugh at things that don’t have anything to do with being chronically sick. Laugh about what Medicine u had to administer and royally failed.

Sometimes all coupled with a handicap car-tag. No crutches either b/c I don’t like hearing I Will get better. It is a nice statement but it is impossible to be sure. Ive struggled with that b/c I know everyone believes that and means well I’ve just taken prior sick Gentry’s generalization and multiplied.

I am not making light. I think part of me is using the sarcasm as a coping mechanism.

Praise God there is something that does help the pain or at least distract from that Pain just not the one in your legs.

A codependency just a bit less severe. Embarrassing. Reason for judgment. Too easy.

If you can believe it—-I am not the same person I was 2 years ago.

For now I truly don’t know how. Pain can leave, anything traumatic can be worked on. You’ve got your scars.

I actually really think a scar is just unique as a snowflake or fingerprint. Telling so many stories. B/c a scar does mean something has healed. And it never forgets at one time it was painful. I’d prefer to see what I accomplish but I see wonder and beauty in them.

Things get pretty deep, complicated and downright pitifully sad. Vulnerable. Frighteningly true and relevant.

So I take what Good I can get in that day and pray those with LHC (Long-Haul COVID-19)

Be released.

However. On the flip tail’s side.

I’m 35 years aware there are some people who just don’t like me.

Until recently I wouldn’t have meant ‘sorry not sorry.’

I do now. To a respectable extent.

Reader discretion is advised. I promise I never set out to hurt anyone.

definitely not on purpose.

Because. Idgaf. Not bars being held. Que sera, sera.

complete transparency and seriously tho this doesn't mean i dont care. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a ding-dong ready to get hurt.

call it a diversion. we were on a break.

i just might take all of whatever hits wrong and turn that in to whatever ounce of assurance I can with the openness and to the best capability to learn new things and grow with compassion.

And back to writing—may already be just engrained but I don’t ever have a thesis, 3 supporting ideas or a better word then a conclusion.

You might find yourself confused. Reading it again prob won’t help.

Some will be really bad. Ugly. Waste of time. it was at least therapeutic for me.

Already is.

Even more might not make sense.

Read at your own risk, basically.

I have confidence but not really. Just enough not to care to change.

But I think about it. Because I’m wrong a lot.

challenge me. ill try to get through the fog.

But a lot of things have changed. in ways i might not even know Beauty in the Mess.

To sum up the above (sorry, there won’t be another summary after this disclaimer’s commercial intermission.)

I want to be as positive as possible.

Be in control of what I can. Ask for help for what I cannot.

I’m so ready to get My Life back. Trust Me and trust anyone Who tells your theyre in constant pain.

Really embarrassing I used to kind of scoff and be empathetic.

Funny how youre so sure of things.

Until it happens to you.

Suddenly it’s back to the drawing board and humility.

I wear my ღ on my sleeve. My greatest superpower and kryptonite.

What you read is as close to what you get as possible.

Balance can be unfair.

Please know that I care. I try harder than I ever had before. There are things I didn’t even Imagine could happen to someone when sick.

In all the ways I want to come out of this even better than what I envy I was entering into when I got sick.

There will be a WIDE range of thoughts similar to how i write. Mostly Sports and public figures and the politics I can comprehend.

B/c I know there’s someone out there who’s homeless because of this diagnosis. Or was deadly. Fired.

Divorced.

Ive become a bit of a nerd. Childish in some ways b/c you have to be creative…to be creative.

How do I even Start philosophizing that? So I don’t.

So I try My best to be the best I can. Inspire. Elicit laughter and new ways of thinking.

Questions.

Really tho? I just wanna be me.

thank you so sincerly to anything fromn a meme to a gift to a hug a prayer a smile, company, vibes if they can travel

but most of all

for holding hope when ive not been strong enough to.

For better or worse

for loving me.

making me feel heard.

idk what tomorrow holds but if its the same as today ill know at least i can make it and i am still beyond blessed and cared for and loved unconditionally.

even if forever.

wanna feel free, free.

to be me unabandoned.

changed for the better without knowing it.

some people dont have that option.

or even less the resource or safety to write about it.

Lastly mostly—I’m thankful for Insurance and the ability and privilege to work from home. And. Still have a job in general.

A Family and Family reserves holding me.

gentry.gonna.gents/g3

next. and if you made it this far, bless you.

thank you.

you mean more than you know to me. to anyone miscellaneous thanks as well and to my family and extended family and friends and job and insurance.

im in better shape than a lot. perspective sucks in the throes. selfish not selfish but my gosh turn the lights off. each journey is sooo different, but idk find the goodness and inspiration inbtw. There will be a rainbow soon enough, I wont make the bold claim and promise you one tho,

semi lastly and vulnerably, we've all been hurt. all going through something.

I say this every time something really bad happens. Ya know the ‘this is even worse,’ talk.

This one holds every candle.

Funny not funny none are the same and you’re never fully prepared.

and no one knows what it is you’re dealing.

give grace when I can’t sometimes.

cliché’s be damned lets just golden rule it b/c that one’s hard to do too but it sounds cute and Idont see a periodic table saying A! U! Be nice and welcoming.

I know I’ve forgotten something.

So I’ll fight.

But I still get to complain.

Feeling so entitled to this ill.

Sincerely,

Gentry

no ps you're welcome

[vacantgodling]

HIII hi i'm (mostly) normal again now and i'm gonna yap about sunbringer's song to you. specifically the fanfic version bc that's what's on the brain right now. though the specific thing i wanna yap about is also just a fact about eden as a character that means a lot to me. and that's his huge soft spot for children.

(off the top of my head i don't remember how much bg3 lore you're familiar with so. if any of this is confusing pls feel free to ask for clarification fjasld;kjf i love to yap about it. anyway)

SO ANYWAY! eden is a very selfish and logical character, and ESPECIALLY at the start of sunbringer's song, his main goal is to figure out what the fuck happened to him and save himself from the fuckin Parasite shit he's got going on.

he decides to let the other major characters travel with him because they're working towards the same goal, and he reasons that having more people working towards the same goal means that they'll get shit done faster. he doesn't have much interest in them as people, but he's helping them because he expects them to help him in return. everyone wins. and this is his approach to most interactions early in the story.

(side-note, but god i'm also so excited for eden to slowly become attached to the group. he thinks he's doing suuuuch a good job keeping them at arm's length and that this is all just to cure his fuckin brain worm, but before he realizes it he's decided that he would gladly die for any of them. they're his best friends. found family but he's the last one to figure that out.)

(and that but twofold for the romance shit he's gonna have going on with gale and wyll,,,,, i wanna talk so much about the romance arc i have in mind for those three and the slowburnnnnn but i'm nervous for no gd reason)

BUT ANYWAY. AN EXCEPTION TO THAT IS CHILDREN. there's a few instances in the early arcs of this story where eden is presented with a situation where a child is in danger, and without fail every time, he drops everything to help. eden has a HUGE soft spot for kids and their safety is important to him, even kids he doesn't know.

with adults, it's gonna depend on the circumstances whether or not he does anything to help. with a kid, he's going to help.

and a lot of this comes from his upbringing. eden basically had to raise himself and his younger brother, and he easily falls into an older sibling role when interacting with kids. that, and he remembers all too well how the adults in his life when he was a child didn't do shit for him... so, much of the time, he assumes that no one else is going to help, and it is up to him to protect the child.

one of my favorite examples from this in the first proper arc of the story is with a little tiefling boy who wandered away from his parents, and ended up being lured to the edge of a cliff by a flock of harpies that wanted to fucking kill and eat him. eden sees what's going on, figures out what's about to happen, and decides *absolutely the fuck not.* he takes charge and grabs the boy, taking him away from the danger and handing him off to another member of the group. and then he turns to take care of the harpies.

another example is with another tiefling kid being threatened by a powerful druid. eden knows logically that he should be working with this druid because she has a lot of power and influence in this area, and if he wants to be healed, he's probably gonna wanna stay on her good side.

but when he sees her threatening to fucking kill an innocent child, all of that goes out the window, and now the only thing stopping eden from attempting to gore this woman with his horns is knowing that this is a fight he won't win.

idk i'm not sure how much sense this is making but it's something that makes me super emotional to think about. all bets are off when it comes to kids, especially younger kids. eden sees a kid on their own and goes "is anyone gonna be their new brother?" and doesn't wait for an answer.

okay thank u for your time

1. i don’t know much about bg3 tbh my only knowledge of it is other people’s ocs, mainly eden tho HFJDJRJ so in my mind its just the eden game where eden is the mc and im sure thats not good for his ego PFF—

2. eden being a big brother makes me HMM EMOTIONAL and the instinctual way he just looks after any kiddo he comes across: wEH

3. i can’t wait until eden has the realization that welp he’s stuck with these guys they are his family now and he’s stuck it’s gonna be both sweet and really funny FJEJRJA

[stitchthesewords]

I keep forgetting to say this but now you're a "true" ao3 author.

True as in, what the actual heck why is there a tree on your house.

(True, for more clarification, as in, in the authors notes some ao3 authors are like, sorry I haven't updated in q while, I got shot into space for like 2 weeks and then my house grew legs and walked away)

[I'm not saying that you weren't a true author before because your writing is absolutly amazing, please understand what I mean with this ask]

Yaay pc working again, sending you happy thoughts about jellie, think about jellie, the most wonderfullest cat there ever was.

Lololol that was actually a joke the vault made BEFORE the tree fell - that i should update in a tornado. And then the tree fell and hwell - hilariously this is my second claim to this status as i have also updated a previous fic directly post-surgery before bc i 'had to get it out' it was nigh incoherent. God bless

As a bonus - here is the Actualy Honest To God Tree on my House.

[bornforastorm]

U are so mysterious about your writing hannah bornforastorm!!! I have 2 for the fic specific ask game about "crabapple crabs": gimme a BTS of your fave scene (im gonna guess that it is either BJ and hawk at the rocks or the scrabble game).

aaand i have a million dollar question for you about offscreen events: how do you imagine hawkeye and trapper's postwar reunion went, which in your fic led to them living together :)

oh beloved ben majorbaby!!!! you are so nice to send these!! to be called mysterious is so funny

to save space because boyyyy do I blather:

BTS:

lol so my favorite scene is actually the “are you fucking my man??” scene between Trapper and BJ. I'd be so happy to deconstruct BJ and Hawk on the rocks (which is as much about the two of them as it is about Hawkeye's relationship to his hometown to me), or the scrabble game (I did sooo much scrabble score calculating lol), which probably had more active thought put into them. Here, I don’t know if there’s good behind-the-scenes work to share, except that the early part of that scene where Trapper is like, "wtf is wrong with you" was absolutely fixed by you!! Personally!! You were so right that it needed clarification on the conversation Hawkeye and Trapper have already had off-screen (the burden of the limited BJ perspective!). Initially I had imagined BJ goes to bed the night before and Hawk and Trap immediately talk before going to bed themselves. So Trapper has been stewing on it all night and getting more and more pissed off at BJ, and so in the morning, he's already mad as hell. But it needed a little more finesse in the overheard conversation to make that all clear. Figuring out when Trapper is nice regarding BJ (to Hawkeye's face, because he clearly needs the reassurance), when he's trying to have a productive conversation with BJ (the "be nice why don't ya" section) and then when he actively turns against BJ (after BJ tries to pull the "you weren't there!" card again) took some tinkering. The very first draft of this scene was a lot meaner to BJ a lot quicker.

as a side note on this scene-- I am p pleased with my little "the coffee is exactly how I like it but it tastes too good to be right" bit between BJ and Hawkeye, because I think the difficulty of continuing things post-war for everyone is that the things that felt right over there do not translate to back home. Is the underlying connection even still there? I'm obsessed with the scene in Mash Goes to Maine where Trapper shows up in Maine for the first time and Hawkeye is so scared things will be irreparably different between them. And things are different, but they are the same. So I tried to bring that into a lot of moments in the fic, including this one!

And then of course Trapper is mean to BJ, BJ tries to push back but he's in the wrong so he can't win. I do like writing BJ as someone ready to get into a physical altercation here. It feels right for him-- as a defense to his masculinity, against his underlying attraction to Trapper (bc Trapper is undeniably hot and is walking around shirtless and totally confident about it and BJ loathes it), against Trapper's implication that BJ doesn't care about Hawkeye in a healthy way.

Then Trapper is smug about BJ’s insecurity, and happy to rub it in BJ’s face a little. At this point the scene sortof wrote itself. The power of that iconic tumblr post 🙏. BJ working himself up into a fit at the concept of Hawkeye and Trapper fucking, and Trapper like, "yeah man" is inherently powerful.

I am however VERY proud of the "I wouldn't have thought I'd have to explain it to you" bit, which I think feels in character with Trapper while also being like, so fuckin mean and biting. I like that Trapper can be mean sometimes. He's not a mean person, like I think BJ often is, but he sure can turn on some cruelty when the situation calls for it and I liked writing that.

I actually love all the Trapper-BJ scenes, where it's just the two of them trying to suss the other one out. Like the scene where they decide to get drunk together I really like too! Both the moment of understanding on the stoop and then the afternoon of toasts. Love to write this dynamic that has no precedent from the show to mirror or ape! Fun!

OKAY! Moving on!

The Off-Screen Reunion!!

I have written 9,000 words of this that I hope to actually finish as a real fic someday. So you may get all this in real story form at some point bUT here's the gist: basically Hawkeye gets back, is having a weird time, staying with his dad because the house he owns doesn't really feel like home (he barely lived in it before being drafted). One night he re-reads the letters Trapper sent him (which are part of Crabapple Crabs. For the sake of this, Trapper wrote and Hawkeye just kept it to himself. Too personal! But he also never wrote back. Too painful!) and then digs out the tape-recorded letter he sent his dad that has Trapper's voice on it. Wanting more of that voice, he calls Trapper in Boston and they have the most stilted, uncomfortable, who-are-we-to-each-other conversation where Trapper is like, "I figured you didn't want anything to do with me" and Hawkeye says "Well I was pretty mad at you but I want to do with you, I love you." Trapper hangs up sortof abruptly and Hawkeye is like, okay that was it, I blew it, I'll never see him or hear from him again.

But Trapper shows up on his doorstep the next day, in the rain of course, and they talk all night about this and that and BJ and it's easy and comfortable and by the morning it's like... yeah things aren't the same, but we can be. We want to do the work to make it work. We care about each other more than the hardships.

Meanwhile Trapper's already divorced and is having a hard, miserable time in Boston. It's too busy, he's still operating on meatball time, working too hard and too fast and it's fucking him up. So when Hawkeye suggests he stay for a while, he does. And then he just... doesn't leave.

He fixes up Hawkeye's house, makes it a home for him, for them (cleaning and furnishing a house as a metaphor). Having Trapper around creates an excuse to introduce him around town, gets Hawkeye out of his head and back into the community. They decide they can do good by starting a clinic, which is an invigorating project for Hawkeye. Another instance of me being really into Mash Goes to Maine lol. Trapper likes the town and the weirdo people, and now they have something to work towards together. They play scrabble and eat lowkey vegetarian at home and the town is like, well those Pierces have always been weird so why shouldn't Hawkeye have a war buddy come live with him? Ain't any weirder than the other weird stuff. And we like the war buddy, he's a good fella and his kids are nice girls and ain't it nice they come up sometimes.

So that's how I imagine it happens, more or less!! Someday I'll finish the full fic version, which honestly so far is hugely about the rest of the town and Hawkeye's relationship to the town too lmao I can't help myself

[away-ward]

hi, i’ve always been too shy to comment or send asks before but i’m making this my first bc i wanted to let you know how much i appreciate your work! i read your hell yeah fanfic a couple of months ago & when i stumbled upon it again recently & found a whole master list worth of fanfics added, i was super ecstatic & read all of them in one go hahaha

my personal favourites are reality & arrival <3 reality bc their conversation in the carfax room was so in line w their characters, it just re-emphasised how much i wish we got more of willemmy outside of blackchurch. having a scene like that in nightfall would’ve really grounded them as a couple in the present. all the snippets from the first three books plus the high school chapters of willemmy were such good buildup only to have the willalexaydin bs instead 🤧 anyways, i have a soft spot for arrival too. to have the damon & indie dynamic play out like that makes so much sense! damon & will already have such a strong & unique bond so for will, of all his friends, to have the first girl in the group would definitely make their relationship extra special.

on a side note, your post abt aydin being a few years older than canon made me lose my shit btw since i completely agree 😩 whenever i’m in my devil’s night brain rot, i always pictured him like 6 years older especially w how penelope douglas was trying to portray aydin & emory together. oh & your timeline for the character’s ages made me happy! it never occurred to me for will to be the oldest of the horsemen (which i’ve seen a few ppl comment on). given his may birthdate, i just assumed he was born the following year after michael, kai, & damon were. i mean, it makes sense right?? he’s the baby of the four. i could be wrong but then that would mean damon is the youngest which i refuse to imagine for some reason given all the shit he’s been up to 💀

this post is getting longer than i expected & i could probably continue rambling on but i just wanted to thank you again for your contribution 🙏🏽 this fandom has practically a drought in fan fiction unless it’s for second gen but seeing as kaibanks & willemmy (my biases) were done dirty in the series, your account has truly been such a gem to follow.

It’s nice to hear from you!! I’ve definitely been on the fence about whether to reach out to someone or not but I’m so happy that you decided to leave this message. It really made my day.

I feel that ‘reality’ is the closest I’ve ever come to getting Em and Will right. I also a snuck in a few references that are dear to me, so it’s special in my eyes, despite its needed edits. It was originally a request, so I can’t take all the credit for it, but I’m just so I’m happy that it’s one of your favs.

And ‘arrival’ has been a personal HC of mine for a long time. It took me a while to get out onto a page, so it’s great to hear that it’s struck home with others too.

A lot of my fics are borne out of that ‘we didn’t get to see this in the book but we should have’ and ‘what would have happened if…?’ feeling. Having had the chance to speak to other fans, I know I’m not alone in that, so it’s nice that so many people are finding my fics...fulfilling? I know other writers could do better, but until then, I’m happy to be around to fill a void.

Ahhh! The aydin age thing! Thank you! Anytime Aydin’s age is brought up in NF I’m like, ‘no you’re lying. You’re, like, 32/33.” But nope. He’s 26???? smh. Missed opportunity. It could have done so much for his character to just age him up a bit.

Regarding the timeline…as much as I would have loved for Will to the oldest…I think he is the baby. For clarification, I think Michael, Kai, and Damon were born in 1994 and Will in 1995. I didn’t want to give actual years in the post because I think the vibe that PD was going for was a timeless/infinite ‘this could be taking place at any point in time’. except for the points where they put in things that would date the books, the years and timing were purposefully left vague. I didn’t want to take that away by giving concrete dates. But I stayed up til an ungodly hour on a work night, going over this stupid timeline with a friend who has never read the series because trying to untangle it in my head was driving me absolutely nuts. So I had to record it somewhere.

In the chart, they all start the school year the same age* and then end the school year the same age, but within that nine months, it goes Michael, Kai, Damon all before Devil’s Night on October 30th, the new year, and finally Will in May.

That being said, at one point we did get stuck on whether Will was actually the oldest and I loved what it did for his character too. If at some point, he got held back a grade, it would go to why he’s a bit insecure, feels like he’s the dumbest in the group, and doesn’t trust himself to act on his own. I kinda wish Will had some sort of learning disability like dyslexia or ADHD because I think it would contribute to his lack of interest in school and strengthen his addiction storyline. None of that is canon and I don’t HC that it is. I just kinda wish it was there…

But according to my calculations, Will is the baby of the group, and of his family. That, along with his privilege, can also explain why he is the why he is.

Also Damon being the youngest would be hilarious and I wish it were so.

No worries, I as a wordy rambler myself, I appreciate everything you had to say. Feel free to drop by any time. I talk way too much, but it’s nice to get this devil’s night brain rot, as you so accurately termed, out to others who understand.

Thank you so much for your message and have a great day!

*well, if the school year starts in August, which some places in the US do. Others start in September, in which case, Michael will already be the next age up at the start of the year.

[dredgen-dumbass]

Redo of my pinned post, again, because I'm indecisive.

At a glance:

No screen name, he/him. Predominantly SFW blog, tws follow the normal content of Destiny 2. I swear like a sailor. Not the type for dni lists, just don't be a bigot. Asks are open to all. I don't mind mass likes/reblogs, and dw about derailing. The rest is under the cut.

rp blogs welcome to interact, considering making one myself

Message from yours truly,

I genuinely thought I was going to just spam Drifter content for a few days, and then go delete Tumblr again once my brain calmed down about it. As it turns out, that isn't happening. I like the community here so far, which isn't something I've been able to say about Tumblr for some time now, and it seems like I'm going to stick around a while longer. That, and I thought I was just fixated on the one character, but Destiny itself is becoming a pretty big interest of mine, and I know I'll need somewhere to talk about it, so this is going to shift more towards that. I'm going to try to be a bit more cautious with tags so I'm not filling them with every Destiny related through that crosses into my brain, so I'm going to set up an (albeit shoddy) tagging system and be a bit more conservative with what gets put in the main D2 tag. Apologies if I flooded anything you follow, I'm used to posting in a much larger fandom where things get buried really quick, I didn't realize how bad it was until I tried to go through those tags myself, and... eesh. (it’s been a few months, but I’m leaving this here. iykyk.)

So, me.

I know it's Tumblr culture to put every last detail in your bio, but personally I'm not comfortable with that. If you need more than I give, then just click off and move on. I understand wanting some idea of who you're talking to, but I think the things that matter will come up naturally through my posts. What I do think should be clarified, just as a matter of perspective with all the queer stuff in this fandom, is that I'm a gay dude. Other than that, I don't think any labels are relevant to this account. If something else becomes relevant, feel free to ask for clarification, I understand that some things read differently depending on who's saying them. Otherwise, respect my privacy, thanks.

side note that I’m throwing on here late, my memory is shit, if I send you duplicate asks etc. I’m sorry. it shouldn’t really matter elsewhere bc wonderful and terrible thing of the internet is that all it is logged— but I digress.

Fandom chaos & such,

I want to keep discourse away from my blog, both fandom and real-world. Especially real-world, because Destiny is an escape for me, and I want to keep this as a separate space I've carved for myself, in the same way as the game is for me. That said, bigots can fuck off to all hell. Y'all aren’t welcome here just because I'm not interacting with the arguments. This is a safe space for everyone, provided you don’t make it unsafe for anyone else.

sm love for the ppl here theatre passionate abt d2 like I am. y’all are great, keep posting

Destiny stuff,

I'm a casual player, have been going for about 3 years now. I'm a solar titan main. Dredgen, not masochistic enough to have it gilded (I can’t spell shh)

My favorite character is drifter, woah big shocker. I'm still learning the game lore and such, so at the moment he's the only character I've actually gone in-depth reading about.

My other favorites are saint-14, saladin, shaxx, osiris, eido, holiday, and ofc ghost.

Expect my posts to mostly be about them.

This isn't a ship blog, though I may reblog ship content occasionally. I don't have any I particularly care for, aside from O14, but to me they're different because it's canon. Again, asks are open if you want to hear me talk about a specific ship.

I have been asked specifically about drifteris because I post sm about Drifter, and no I'm not a drifteris shipper. I read their relationship as platonic, and if I post about both of 'em it's not a shipping thing. I'm glad the ship brings more attention to the characters, though.

Fanart & fics,

I'll be honest, I've written a few short pieces of my yw. I don't plan on posting them, and even if I do I'm not sure that I'll connect them to this blog in any way. that's a question for future me, whether that's tomorrow or years from now.

updating this bc I’ve been doing more lately— you can repost my fanart, just credit and tell me. I would prefer it stay on tumblr tho for ai protection purposes, though.

I don't sit and vet all every account I reblog, so if I reblog something stolen or just uncredited let me know and I'll tag the artist.

If you have m/m or m/neutral (or just platonic) fic recommendations feel free to send em over. Gotta have something to keep me occupied.

Tagging system?

I've never made one of these before. I don't think I have the time to go through all of my previous posts and set them up with this, but from now on the structure will be:

#dredgenposting - all of my destiny-related rambling, because I don't want to fill the destiny 2 tag with my post spam.

#reblogs

#mild nsft - probably just sex jokes

#nsft - probably won't be used, but leaving it here in case it is so that I'm not coming back again to edit this

#discourse - not sure how much this will be used, but I'm bound to have a public opinion on something eventually

#my fanart - my own fanart

#asks

if there's something you'd like tagged to filter in/out while looking through my blog, lmk. chances are I'm fine with incorporating it.

and that's it. thanks for reading, live long and prosper y'all.

[thehighladywrites]

— “Okay, but in what way do you love me?”

☀︎ — pairing: tutor/nerd azriel x bimbo/ditzy reader

☀︎ — summary: It’s confession time! Last night you said you like him but over analyzing azriel needs to know exactly what “like” means.

☀︎ — warnings: 18+, mdni, smut, confessions, creampie, fluff, azriel needs clarification even though you are VERY clear

☀︎ — amara’s note: pls enjoy and lemme know what u think💗 also sorry for it being short it’s only bc i’m posting another drabble very soon, and it’s a personal favorite 👀💗

series masterlist

“Why are you staring at me, Az? Is there something on my face?” you ask panicked as you grab your hand mirror on his desk and check your flawless face

Azriel's gaze softens as he speaks, “No, there's nothing on your beautiful face. I just like looking at you. And, I want to ask you something.”

You exhale calmly, pleased with your appearance, as you turn your body towards him, jewelry jangling.

His stomach feels leaden, and he feels nauseous. What if your version of "like" and his version of "like" aren't the same? What if you say you like him, but only in a friendly way? What if this was all lust and you only wanted to fuck him? What if by “like” you meant you liked the sex?

You are miles out of his league, but he's not complaining. You actually make him happy and mushy when you call and ask him to go on little shopping trips with you, and it’s even better when you let him fuck your brains out from time to time. But he is in love, like deeply fucking in love.

“Okay. Do you recall—remember yesterday when you said you liked me? Do you want to clarify what that means? Why do you like me?”

The question makes you tilt your head in confusion, brows drawing in curiosity as you pull the strawberry-flavored lollipop from your mouth, resulting in a loud pop, lips covered in a thin layer of sticky, red residue.

“Wait, huh? What do you mean, Azzie? I don’t like you, I love you.”

Oh my fucking god, what? Okay, so he was literally about to throw the fuck up but he was a little hesitant to respond. Azriel couldn't help but think about the meaning behind your words. You were always so bubbly and affectionate, even with strangers. Did your "I love you" hold the same weight every time, or was it just another sprinkle of your charm?

“Okay, I hear you but in what way do you love me? Do you mean it as a friend or—?” He questions behind his glasses.

Azriel had, for the first time ever, brought you to his dorm. You were just laying in bed next to him but decided to straddle his lying body, smiling as his hands automatically held your thighs.

“No silly! I loooove you and I want you to be my boyfriend. You’re so hot and sweet and kind and you care about me, like a lot. Always keepin’ me outta trouble and kissing me too. You love me too tho, right?” You gaze down at him, your big doe eyes shimmering with hope, and your glossy bottom lip slightly quivering.

Love you? He was almost insanely obsessed with you. There was something about you that drove him crazy. How could he not love you? He gives you an assuring nod, all of your previous worries disappearing in an instant. “Yeah, I do. I love you too. So much.”

“That’s so adorable, gimme a kiss.” You puckered your lips, the sweet scent of your sweet Burberry Her Elixir filling his senses.

He tries to remove his glasses, but you stop him with a swat. “No, keep ‘em on,” you insist between kisses.

—

To no one’s surprise you were bent over his desk, getting fucked stupid as he made you list what you loved about him.

Maybe it was a little mean since you couldn’t focus, your fuzzy brain filled with pleasure, but Azriel wanted to know anyway.

“more,” he gasps, “n-need more—gimme more, sweetheart.”

So you did, saying everything you loved about him. Every single detail.

“I love it when you make me breakfast— fuck, and—and when you carry me whenever i want. ‘m so close, az,” you sob—and then, just as his thumb finds your clit again, rubbing desperate little circles to get you over the edge, you cum — harder than ever, spasming around his cock and pulling him in as you squeeze around him.

“a-azzie,” you gasp brokenly, “fuck, ‘s good—so good.”

“you’re so perfect. prettiest girl i’ve laid my fucking eyes on —prettiest pussy ever too. i, sh-shit—” he falls into his own orgasm, hot, thick ropes of cum spilling into you with every twitch of his cock, sweet little noises pulled from his throat that he sighs into your neck, fucking his load into you.

“Holy shit,” Azriel mutters before he kisses the back of your head, the biggest trail of cum he’s ever seen leaking out of you when he pulls out.

“I wanna go again, please Az, let—let me ride. I’ll tell you more things I love,” you lock eyes with him over your shoulder, a smirk playing at your lips.

Azriel obviously doesn’t deny. He’s happy someone for once in his life wants to tell him how much they love him. Especially when that someone is his first and last girlfriend💗.

🏷️: @ithan-holstroms-girl @whatdoyxumean @honeybeeboobaa @to-be-written @sidthedollface2 @stasiereads @andrewgarfield2022 @amara-moonlight @thescooby-gang @linoisqt @mischiefmanagers @tortured-artists @dwlyniii @scooobies @harryshoobies69 @caroline-books @kalulakunundrum @meshelleexplosionmurder @danikamariewrites @clairebear08 @redbleedingrose @jeannineee @rowaelinsdaughter @nocasdatsgay @v3lv3tf0x @liati2000 @teenageeggscissorslawyer @impossibelle @stonerpersona @dreamlandreader @djaaaa @callmeblaire @thelov3lybookworm @polli05927 @ahitsalyssa @evergreenlark @thegirlintheshadows101 @saltedcoffeescotch @acourtofladydeath @acourtofwhatthefuck @readychilledwine @daycourtofficial @azriels-shadowsinger @sapphicmsmarvel @hungryforbatboys @justasillylittlegoofyguy @luvmoo @emryb @meritxellao @mochibabycakes @artists-ally @azzieslittlebunny @viatorem-maris @berryzxx @riddlesb1tch @sweetshifter

[ooglywooglies]

i might not be the person to answer this, especially bc i'm more rad-adjacent than actual radfem, but i'll try to answer your question abt gnc transmen.

2 things beforehand, tho: 1) i think it's disingenuous of you to say you don't see us talking about certain points when you also state you have many of us blocked. (also, can i really trust you, internet stranger, to read our posts in full? & in good faith?) 2) b4 you make any assumptions — radical feminists like gender nonconformity... a lot. i have never seen a radfem suggest otherwise, & any woman who does can't be an rf, as challenging social/patriarchal norm & convention is part & parcel of radfeminism.

ok, now onto your question & trans gender nonconformity! when you replace "transman" or "transwoman" with what they are ("adult human female" aka "woman" & "adult human male" aka "man", respectively), they aren't being gender nonconforming at all. (i'm going to use "you" in a general sense here) if you, as an adult human female aka woman, are wearing high heels and sparkly dresses and a full-face of makeup... you're not breaking convention at all, even if you hurry to tell someone that, "no, no! i use he/him pronouns, so it's totally genderfucky." you're still a woman in heels, a dress, & makeup.

i will say i think a lot of rfs & rad-aligned women find femininity as a whole generally harmful (i pulled up a chart listing feminine vs masculine traits & it's clear femininity is meant to be degrading. that's not to say there aren't negative aspects of masculinity too; those are just exceptions, however, and not the rule). but on a more personal note, i don't think liking pink or something shiny really counts? pink used to be a "boy's" colour up until the mid-1900s & everyone wears jewellery. i'm definitely getting into semantics there, but those are just my thoughts. :)

again, i don't know if i can speak for radfems, but i think everything up to that last bit is what you'd see. if you need any more clarification or if you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and hopefully more actual radfems answer, so you don't just get my perspective. have a great day/night!

response to 1) its only really disingenuous if you were under any impression that i wanted to have some kind of debate, which i dont. so yes you can assume i read radfem posts in bad faith, but its irrelevant to my question. i havent personally seen the topic mentioned which is why i reached out not because i assume its NEVER mentioned. its purely a curiosity thing which is why im even engaging this community in the first place.

response to 2) i am aware.

i think the reason i wanted to ask is because ive seen before radfems trying to reason why someone would want to be a transgender man in the first place yknow. like, psychologically (from a radfem perspective) the whole point is to escape misogyny right? or because you dont follow societys typical expectations of women (used liking pink and glitter as an example but yes this obviously applies to everything from wearing makeup and heels to being a mother) so you think "oh this must not be for me then, i must be a man"

and as a trans person i dont think gender is quite so logical, like ive personally never had a moment where i was like "oh i like x and y and dont like z so therefore" its all about the body and labels really for me, which extends in to concepts but im not gonna make an argument here i know im talking to a brick wall. (and realize i too am in turn a brick wall)

but anyway so when that aspect:

"im a man because i dont things associated with girls"

"im a man because i dont fit in as a woman"

"im a man because im attracted to women"

are removed from the equation (as a trans man i can personally say that none of the above apply to me) what is the logic from a radfem perspective of why an AFAB person would want to transition to a man.

(also note none of this is meant to be passive aggressive or anything, im being completely genuine, i really dont want to start a fight)

EDIT: (also also it might help to mention when i say trans man in my minds eye i generally picture someone whos fully transitioned so deep voice and beard maybe even penis)