#chef!geralt

[whumpypepsigal]

#besties

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 110

Okay so we all know about how Regis told Dandelion in the books that his blood smelled nice, which was most likely about how none of his wounds were infected and whatnot, but what if it wasn't? What if Jaskier has a special type of blood, whether magically made, cursed, or perhaps just o- or some shit lmfao Either way, Vampires LOVE this shit. Their favorite delicacy when they choose to partake. This becomes a problem when Jaskier has a hurt foot and Geralt takes him to a medic. A vampire, whether the medic, the medic's assistant, or just someone lurking outside who caught a whiff of the blood, is like "Jackpot!" and tells all his little vampire friends, and now they're hosting a big feast just to drain this guy. But it's such a delicacy, the vampire decides maybe they should only drain him a little, so he can keep the human around, so the human can regain his blood, and they can drink from him AGAIN! Oh yes, marvelous! He throws the best parties! Jaskier wakes up with a horrible headache. He's dressed incredibly fancy, though he doesn't think these are his clothes- Speaking of which, he also doesn't think this is his room at the inn... Is he- Is he fucking chained to a dining table? "Let the buffet begin! I hope you're thirsty my friends!~" Fuck. He hopes Geralt gets here quick-

[ghostlylicious]

GERALT WATCH OUT THERE'S AN EVIL, POWERFUL MAGIC-USER GOING TO MANIPULATE YOUoh wait you're into that

(press for better quality)

[iron-way]

My asexual ass: *feeling like an alien for not being able to understand and relate to thirst talking in everyday life*

Also my asexual ass: *recognizing Joey Batey not by his face or voice but by his slutty waist and behind first* Wait! Wait wait wait wait wait wait!

[ilikebooksmoviesseriesandanime]

If Burn Butcher Burn is All Too Well

Then Extraordinary Things is Daylight

Joey Batey's voice and projection of emotions are ✨✨✨✨

And The Ride of the Witcher is the redemption of Burn Butcher Burn

[craybii]

No idea if this is for the show or just Cassie Clare being a goddess but Philippa + this hair in the show equals perfection.

[crushcandles]

favorite jaskier outfit

this is such a good question that turned out to be surprisingly easy to answer (I don't know anything formal about medievalish fashion, only that I like what I like).

my favourite jaskier outfit is from S1E4 "Of Banquets, Bastards and Burials":

I love how it flirts with ostentatiousness but doesn't grab attention with both hands like some of his other outfits. it's tight-ish, gold-ish, shiny-ish, lacy-ish. says oh, you should be looking at the queen in her blood-splattered gold armour but i'll be right here glimmering in the corner of your vision if you want me.

the front is lovely but the best part may be this:

this is no dragon scaling, fearsome and hard. this is an armadillo shell, meant for making yourself small and hiding your soft spots, and jaskier has so little of it on his spine and nowhere else.

ask me my favourites

[lorrainestea]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞?

𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝𝐲, 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧-𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲

W𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐠𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲?

[fandomwarehouse]

The Witcher 3 is a comedy

[bestiarum]

i luv dandelion's little spying interlude in oxenfurt so much. but why does it have to be intercut with ten pages of the most boring political conversation in the world. i really dont give a hoot if king henselt wants to attack nilfgaard from across the yaruga or whateverrrrr theyre saying. bring back the funny man.

NO LITERALLY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT LMFAO i'm always like. yes i get it important plot stuff but WHERE is geralts stupid dandy of a sidekick. that whole thing with djikstra where they are both lying for 99% of the entire conversation and they both know it is just. chefs kiss sdhfjks also i need the whole scene after jaskier walks through the window tattooed on my back adljfhlsjk

[spellwing777]

A common first-time rabbit owner mistake; bunnies should wear harnesses, which is safer for their delicate necks than collars. Take a look at this properly outfitted bunny enjoying his outdoor enrichment.

bunny on a leash 🐇

[ID Geralt on his knees looking up at Yennefer who is off screen. He is wearing a sexy bunny suit with knee high boots. He is wearing a collar and Yennefer is holding his leash. End ID]

[inexplicifics]

Geraskier 7 or 11 for cozy prompts?

Geralt opens the door to the unfortunately familiar sound of his boyfriend squawking at the fire alarm.

For a long moment, he genuinely considers closing the door again and going for a long walk. It’s been a miserable day, cold and wet and full of cranky customers and even crankier animals, and the sound of the fire alarm goes through his head like a knife.

But then there’s a final triumphant yelp and the noise cuts off. “Got you, you miserable traitorous creature,” Jaskier proclaims, gleeful in his victory. Geralt rubs his temples, smiling despite himself, and steps inside, closing the door quietly and sitting down on the bench to pull his boots off. He tosses his socks down the basement stairs - landing them directly in the hamper, which makes him smile again - and pads barefoot to the kitchen, pausing to lean against the doorway and survey the disaster zone.

There is flour everywhere. It genuinely looks like Jaskier attempted to sprinkle some over every surface in the kitchen, up to and including the light fixture. The trash can is open, and Geralt can see the remains of an entire eighteen-pack of eggs in it; given that it was new this morning, that’s not auspicious. The counter gleams everywhere it isn’t dusted with flour, a suspiciously oily gleam that Geralt suspects is melted butter. The windows are open to let out the smell of burnt cake.

Jaskier is standing at the sink, scrubbing at a baking pan and singing along to the radio.

Geralt waits for a commercial break before clearing his throat. “So.”

“Geralt!” Jaskier jumps a foot and whirls around, splashing soapy water everywhere as he clutches a hand to his chest. “Must you move like a cat? I swear I’m going to put a bell on you! When did you get home?”

Geralt shrugs. “Ten minutes ago.”

“Dreadful sneaky man,” Jaskier complains, mincing across the filthy, damp floor to plant soapy hands on Geralt’s chest and kiss him. Geralt kisses back, of course. Jaskier tastes mostly like himself, and a little like butter.

“What happened?” Geralt asks once they’ve greeted each other properly.

Jaskier sighs. “I found a recipe for pound cake,” he says, drooping like an unwatered flower. “It looked really easy.”

Geralt looks the room over with deep skepticism. Jaskier scowls and shakes a finger at him. “Don’t you make that face, mister! It could have happened to anyone! It just - the flour bag wasn’t open, so I had to pull it open, and then I melted the butter in the microwave but there was some on the outside of the bowl so it was slippery, and then I was trying to do that cool one-handed egg-breaking thing you see all the chefs doing on TV, and -”

Geralt puts a hand over his eyes. This is why leaving Jaskier alone in the house is dangerous, but it’s winter break, so Jaskier doesn’t have any classes to teach, and Geralt can’t afford to take a two-week break from his job, so…here they are.

“I’ll get the shopvac,” he sighs.

“You will go and lie down until your head stops hurting,” Jaskier retorts. “I will get the shopvac. And then I will come get you in half an hour when dinner arrives.”

“I don’t have a headache,” Geralt lies.

Jaskier taps his forehead. “That little crease between your eyebrows says otherwise. Go turn on the white noise machine and change into something less damp and rest your eyes a bit, and I’ll have this whole kitchen spick and span again before you know it!”

Geralt raises a skeptical eyebrow. He’s going to be finding specks of flour in unexpected places for weeks, and they both know it. Jaskier huffs. “I will have it habitable again,” he corrects himself. “Now shoo!”

Geralt curls a hand around the back of Jaskier’s neck and pulls him in for a gentle kiss, then obediently shoos. Warm dry clothes and a half hour’s lie-down sound really nice, actually.

He dozes off to the sound of the shopvac and Jaskier’s singing, and wakes to the smell of takeout from the amazing Zerrikanian place downtown, and somehow, despite everything, it’s a really good day after all.

(Or HERE on AO3!)

[outoftheseine]

mini misc. rec list!

you've been gone so long, baby • matt murdock x pregnant!reader

→ by @bellaxgiornata (angst, so much angst, hurt but no comfort, but happy ending)

as if you are still here • thomas shelby x reader

→ by @speckledemerald (very angsty, hurt no comfort, character death)

love drunk • miguel o'hara x spidergirl!reader

→ by @bruisedboys (grumpy x sunshine, so much fluff)

you're losing me • gregory house x reader

→ by @imaginesfordifferentfandoms (angst, house is a dick but what is new, age gap)

ethereal • jim halpert x reader

→ by @happyhalpert (this is series is literally chef's kiss but it hasn't been updated for a year)

treat me like a lady • steve harrington x fem!reader

→ by @hey-barnes-stole-a-jeep (enemies to lovers, angst, fluff)

one spoon for two • remus lupin x reader

→ by @dwindlinghaze (very shy!reader, veryy fluffy)

duty • geralt of rivia x reader

→ by @cinebration (princess!reader)

hook, line and sinker • harry styles x reader

→ by @adore-styles (dad!harry, angst)

a new campaign • infituated dad!eddie munson x mom!reader

→ by @luveline (fluff, comfort, tw: ppd)

main masterlist

[magdelanesingerin]

Oh NOOOOOO my HEART. OW.

Jaskier is absolutely the parent to do matching outfits!

[0dde11eth]

Cook geralt and server jaskier AU

Jaskier: They said the well done steak was delicious, and to pass their compliments to the chef

Geralt: Tell them to fuck off

Anyone who's worked in a kitchen knows that if you order a well done steak you're gonna piss of the entire kitchen staff

It's hilarious to watch

"New order, salad, the fish, and a steak: well done"

*collective groan and swearing*

[troiings]

For the character meme: Tissaia de Vries 🙌

How I feel about this character

*pats her on the head* this ancient and powerful sorceress can hold so much trauma

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Yennefer and Rita are so obvious but listen. listen. if i have a chance to throw those three into bed together.......... guaranteed i will take it. lmao. but also i have low-key shipped her with Vanielle for a long time. we don't see Tissaia touch many people, and it tends to be pretty intentional every time she does. she takes Yennefer by the wrist to remove her bandages. she touches Vanielle on the arm at the ball. she squeezes Fringilla's arm in comfort, also at the ball. she touches Yen's shoulder in Bottled Appetites, and her face at Sodden. that's it for s1. she has very particular reasons for touching someone in all but one of these scenarios, and Vanielle is the outlier. it's almost casual. those two were intimate is my point. that's my thesis, your honor.

i can also see the appeal of Tissaia/Regis because like. yeah, ancient gentleman vampire, you got it dude.

and of course, there was all that business with Philippa............ you can't tell me they haven't fucked, sir

My non-romantic OTP for this character

ummm i said i love her and Triss and that still stands. i'm not sure if it counts if it's already in the romantic section but she and Rita in cahoots together (or rather, Rita being Herself and Tissaia in the background just sighing wearily but loving that woman to death) is just. *chef's kiss* god i wish they had handed poor Rochelle a better script because show!Rita was awful and it was entirely the writers' fault (weary)

My unpopular opinion about this character

is it an unpopular opinion if people don't actively disagree with you, they just think something different? wait, i'm just realizing i'm not sure of the technicalities of an unpopular opinion even lmao. anyway i always headcanoned her somewhere on the aro spectrum. hell i could even see her as acespec, though that's not how i write her

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

nothing at all, because as we know she is living happily on Ard Skellige in a cottage with a dog and a horse, Yennefer, and occasionally Ciri and Geralt for company