#Geralt: “Hmmm.... Okay...”

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 110

Okay so we all know about how Regis told Dandelion in the books that his blood smelled nice, which was most likely about how none of his wounds were infected and whatnot, but what if it wasn't? What if Jaskier has a special type of blood, whether magically made, cursed, or perhaps just o- or some shit lmfao Either way, Vampires LOVE this shit. Their favorite delicacy when they choose to partake. This becomes a problem when Jaskier has a hurt foot and Geralt takes him to a medic. A vampire, whether the medic, the medic's assistant, or just someone lurking outside who caught a whiff of the blood, is like "Jackpot!" and tells all his little vampire friends, and now they're hosting a big feast just to drain this guy. But it's such a delicacy, the vampire decides maybe they should only drain him a little, so he can keep the human around, so the human can regain his blood, and they can drink from him AGAIN! Oh yes, marvelous! He throws the best parties! Jaskier wakes up with a horrible headache. He's dressed incredibly fancy, though he doesn't think these are his clothes- Speaking of which, he also doesn't think this is his room at the inn... Is he- Is he fucking chained to a dining table? "Let the buffet begin! I hope you're thirsty my friends!~" Fuck. He hopes Geralt gets here quick-

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Okay picture this:

Jaskier and Geralt end up by the coast for a monster hunting job with sirens. Geralt tells Jaskier to stay behind because he thinks that as a Witcher he will have a certain immunity to the sirens song, but as a man Jaskier would not. 

Cue the hunt Geralt goes down to water and Jaskier follows secretly behind. Geralt actually does get ensnared by sirens and Jaskier has to be the one to save him.

But Jaskier is pissed, “ I mean, really, Geralt you listen to these, these fish for five minutes and you’re already in love. But it took me!! Twenty years.” Jaskier never let him live this down, he brings it up in arguments over and over again.

“Oooh I fell for the monsters spell?? What about you mister oh the siren wouldn’t ensnare me”

“Oh you want me to be quiet?? Well I guess you prefer the song of a siren then hmmm?” (My headcannon is that Geralt actually like jaskier singing and talking but want him to be quiet on hunts)

Geralt is so confused on how Jaskier could be immune to sirens. He comes to the conclusion that Jaskier is one. He preforms bunch of tests that leave Jaskier perplexed, soaking wet and smelling of fish. But yet he can’t figure out why Jaskier has never changed forms.

He ends up, bringing jaskier to Kaer Morehn. He asked for his brothers and Vesmeirs help on trying to figure out why Jaskier was immune to sirens. They all believe his theory on Jaskier being a siren yet none of them can prove it. The tests get more and more ridiculous and nothing works. Jaskier firmly believes the reason he wasn’t ensnared is because he’s a musician.

Jaskier: “Why yes they had lovely voices but they were all very high pitched, a little scratchy if you asked me. Reminded me of my time in Oxford. Some of those singers could not hold a tune.”

Geralt: “you love the sea”

Jaskier: “of course I love the sea, do you know how many songs there are about the sea?? Hmmm Geralt?? Do you know how many different love stories I can create by using the sea as a metaphor??”

Geralt: “you like fish”

Jaskier: “it’s easier on my throat.”

Geralt is tearing out his hair. Vesmeir is so offended over the fact that he can’t prove anything concrete.

I don’t know what would be funnier ending, but I have options:

1: if he really was a siren who just didn’t know it

2: he challenged and siren (unknowing) to a singing competition, and the siren was so impressed that she blessed him with

2.5: he slept with a siren who liked him enough to bless him

3: he really was immune because he was a musician. I mean you really think that Oxford is turning out basic singers, absolutely not??

[iliumheightnights]

Clark kent (Cavill) and his boyfriend/husband- dealers choice. Sitting down to watch the witcher and as soon as Geralt starts talking we pause and look at clark.

“Babe? Go ‘hmmm’ for me”

"Hmmmm." M/n blinked at his boyfriend. "So...um..." He put his hands together and took a breath before pointing at Clark. "Do you have a secret acting career I don't know about or do you have a secret twin brother?"

Clark looked even more confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you...do you seriously not see it?" M/n almost made a noise when he saw how confused Clark still was. "I'm just...you look EXACTLY like Henry Cavill. Are you sure that's not you!?" "Honey. I promise. I'm not a secret actor. Okay?" He pulled M/n into him. "Okay." For a while, they sat there in an embrace. Suddenly M/n pulled out his phone. "I'm ordering a Geralt costume. I NEED to see you in this. I swear I'm not going crazy."

[velvet-apricots]

Ensha for the ask meme since I don't see anybody talk about that guy

OHHHH YAYA

favorite thing about them

I love how he is just... there. All the time. Just outside the door, leaning and watching. Why is he there? *shrugs* He just is. Kinda creepy. I also love how loyal he is, to a fault.

least favorite thing about them

He is very underutilized. Like, if you go the whole game with out ever getting a medallion piece, he just vanishes at the end of the game. Doesn't even leave his armor. *poof* gone.

favorite line

Bro says nothing. He says less than Horace from DS3. Horace groans a bit but Ensha just looks at you and gives you a gesture and thats it.

brOTP

Ensha and Gideon, and Ensha and my lil Kindred of Rot baby, Geralt. That is his uncle bones right there!

OTP

Don't have one. Ive considered Ensha/Gideon which shockingly has NOTHING about them (i thought y'all liked old man yaoi????) Also toyed with Gideon/Fyra/Ensha, but nothing has ever come of it. Id imagine if someone i knew started shipping an OC with him, I'd be into it.

nOTP

No one ships him with anyone. But let me filter through a list of npcs.... *pulls out a name card* Milicent? yeah okay. hate that ship.

random headcanon

Imma just toss a few in here, first i just flat out consider canon, second is an interesting 'what if?' thing, last one is from something an rp partner came up with (i miss you allknowingofnir =( )

Ensha is mute and speaks with sign language

Ensha is actually Gideon's maiden and is ftm. (he sometimes has breasts if you remove his armor)

Ensha is a former child soldier for a king named Ensha, who was an enemy of the Golden Order. Gideon saved him from death when the King and his forces were wiped out. He thus donned the king's bones and took the name Ensha

unpopular opinion

I don't really like the headcanon that he's a Puppet. I just think he's a loyal and weird dude who follows Gideon around.

song i associate with them

Uh.... Hmmm....

favorite picture of them

*shuffle shuffle*

[mamuzzy]

Hi! For the comfort character ask how about Gregor and 🛁

CARA-CARA-CARAVAGGIO BIIIYAAAATCCCHHHHHH Okay, so I saw the prompt and my the first thought: the bathtub scene with Geralt of Rivia from Witcher 3. Is this a good reason to draw clones with big tiddies? What stops me from painting clones with big tiddies? Oh that I usually draws them in armor. Hmmm. Tough choice. Peony's two favorite things: armor and tiddies. This time tiddies won. Gregor deserves a big hot bath after all the shit he went through. He also deserves big tiddies. Sorry, right now I'm as unhinged even a doorframe is coming with me. Aaaaand... I still don't have consistent art style, I try to experiment with digital painting. Thank you for the request and I hope you like it!

[xshimaeraxx]

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier, and Ladybug and Cat Noir but only for Adrinette .

OC's, art/drawing, their writing, blog specific only

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

hello!!! yeah, i love receiving asks, lmao, & as for ur questions:

self, job/work: hmmm. im not rly comfy w any major questions ab my irl life (like stuff along the lines of “where specifically t do you live” (like im a brit, but if somewhere were to ask js where i live in the uk, i wldnt answer, as is common sense (imo) when it comes to the internet), “how old are you” “what is (are) your irl name(s)” etc. etc. - identifying stuff, basically), tho anythin’ else is pretty much on the table rn.

fandoms: oh, fandoms my beloved. my main fandoms atm (for both reading & writing, tho some r only reading while some r only writing, etc. etc.) are cuphead (i have way too much worldbuilding for this one au of mine that branches off into so many aus of the au, its genuinely gettin a lil crazy /pos /lh; i write fic for this one, aswell- in fact, its kinda my main writing-for fandom atm ^^), the hobbit (bagginshield my beloved i love you shjshsjehejs - i also dable vaguely in lotr (mainly gimli/legolas + parentshield tbh lmao) but its mostly js the hobbit for me), good omens (i love the ineffables i love s1 & s2 & HSJSHSJSHSJ i js love it like. all around. fuck gaimon tho, death of the author tyvmm), my hero academia/boku no hero academia (i dont engage w fandom much other then a few fanfic writers’ blogs here on tumblr & ao3 fanfic lmao XD; love the anime tho), harry potter (FUCK jkr, speaking as a brit myself none of us claim her, the transphobes can have her, we dont want her /lh - love the (good parts of) fanbase tho. ive actually made some rly good fic-writer friends thru it over on discord lmao), & ofc rise of the guardians!!! (fuckin love that thing, so sad there was never a second move :sadblob: love playin around w fanon/fandom lore tho, & i LOVE jackrabbit (bunnymund/jack) its my main ship in the fandom, tho im a multishipper so im also kinda partial to some other ones ofc)

ocs, art/drawing, writing, blog specific: not entirely sure what this one’s asking/if its actually a question, but imma answer it any lolol XD. anygays - ocs: i have a few cuphead ocs, but none of ‘em r self-inserts & all only rly exist bc of/for/to enhance/move forward the plot of my (main) cuphead au, tho ofc theyre still ocs - love ‘em like my children even if i dont love ‘em as much as i do the canon characters, snirk. art/drawing: i do draw, tho i rarely post any of my art, and one or two times i have its usually bc im js proud enough of it to want to share it, ehehe. writing: i write. so much fanfic. none of its posted, but i have so many wips i frankly dont know when any one of ‘em will be, sooo… shrug. blog specific: my blog isnt rly “specific”; its more js a place for me to enage w cool art & fics & such & reblog stuff i like on here as well as probably self-promo my own fics & such, as well as js a place to put my random ramblings in XD.

story snippets & prompts: oh, i love ‘em!! always nice 2 get a new burst of writing motivation ::D

pets: ohhh, cats. i love cats. had one for a while for around a good two years or so but after he injured his paw & we had 2 keep him inside for 3 weeks straight, the flightly lil bugger’s runaway. he (might’ve; still don’t know for sure whether it rly was him or not, but he apparently responded to his name from my mother’s accounts, so :shrug:) came back in the middle of the night a week or so ago now, but idtk whether he’s dead, alive, or js been taken in by some other family who thinks he’s a stray. :sigh:

gardening & hobbies: i don’t garden, and as for hobbies… not much, rly. i like writing fic, i like reading, i like going on (short, i have shite stamina) walks every other day or so, i like talkin w my few friends. like i said, not much. ::)

like being tagged in things: yes, i do! and as for what… anything, rly! tag games, fic wip games, askbox/ask games, im good w ‘em all! ::D

thx for the ask; have a good day/night/timezone!! ::>

[wordsinhaled]

10 songs / 10 people

tagged by @notallsandmen - thank you for the tag! :D

hmmm, 10 songs, okay, let’s go!!! in no particular order, songs i’ve had on repeat lately!

1. depeche mode - in your room

2. harry styles - as it was

3. the amazing devil - fair

4. the cure - let’s go to bed

5. estampie - trotto

6. caroline rose - i took a ride

7. geographer - when will i belong - savoir adore remix

8. david buckley - the kingdom of dreams (main title)

9. geralt of rivia - both the twn version (sonya belousova/giona ostinelli) and the one from wild hunt (marcin przybyłowicz)

10. harley reid, líue - out of time (thanks to @dancinbutterfly fuckboi hob playlist for introducing me to this bop)

tagging randomly (no pressure lovely friends, only if you wish to do it!) @ghostboyjules @rooftopwreck @wizardofgoodfortune @issylra @moorishflower @ginjones @pellaaearien @queerofthedagger @dancinbutterfly @mandolinearts 😁

[dat-carovieh]

Leave him alone

Ship: Geraskier

Rating: T

Wordcount: 5.9k

Chapters: 5

Tags: Highschool AU, Modern AU, Bullying, Nerdy Geralt, First Kiss, Getting Together, Suicide Mention

Read on AO3

Finally, it was lunch break, Jaskier had been hungry for at least two hours. He should really remember bringing food to school with him, but he already knew, he wouldn’t. Everyday he got hungry half way through the morning and went hungry until lunch break and everyday he forgot to bring anything to eat. He was about to walk over to the canteen as he passed a group of people, he knew some of them but right now he didn’t want to deal with anyone, he just wanted to get food. It took him a couple of seconds until he realised what was going on. In the middle were a boy, he’d seen a couple of times before, he usually was alone. He was dressed in black and his long white hair let him easily stick out. He looked extremely uncomfortable; shoulders drawn up as if to protect himself. It immediately didn’t sit right with Jaskier.

“Ey weirdo, come on, say something,” someone yelled, another pushed him and he stumbled against the wall behind him. Such assholes, Jaskier was especially angry, since some of them were people, he knew and had hung out with in the future. He dropped his bag and elbowed his way through the group, now standing next to the boy in the middle.

“Really, what the fuck. Feeling good going after a single person in a group? Is this making you feel strong? Giving you a kick? I really expected better from you, Marc and Pascal,” he was looking at the two guys he hung out with occasionally. “Come on piss off everyone,” he yelled. He was absolutely ready to throw hands. But luckily it wasn’t necessary, because everyone started to leave. He started to calm down again and picked up his bag.

“You okay?” he asked the boy who seemed to be a bit older than him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answered in a gruff voice.

“I’m Jaskier,” he introduced himself and offered his hand.

“I’m Geralt,” he answered and took Jaskier’s hand carefully. He didn’t seem to trust him, which was probably understandable with most people bullying him, he was probably expecting Jaskier to be no different.

“I’m starving, wanna come to lunch with me?” Jaskier offered. Whenever Jaskier had seen Geralt, he had been alone, always sat alone at lunch, he wanted to change it, getting to know the guy. He should have probably done it earlier. Geralt nodded, he seemed surprised about the question but he followed Jaskier.

“Does this happen often?” Jaskier asked. Geralt had his hands buried in his pockets and was looking to the ground.

“On occasion,” he mumbled.

“Assholes, I’m gonna beat them all up,” Jaskier said. Geralt looked him up and down with a smirk.

“Are you?” Fair, Geralt was much broader than him and a little taller but that didn’t mean Jaskier couldn’t fuck someone up if he wanted.

“I might not look like it but I can land some good hits if need be. Got me into trouble a couple of times,” he said.

“Don’t want you to get into trouble because of me,” Geralt mumbled.

“It’s cool, I’m tight with Mr. Adams,” Jaskier explained, grinning.

“Hmmm.” So Geralt seemed not be one for talking a lot, Jaskier didn’t mind, he could easily talk for three people. They got their food and Geralt walked over to the corner table he was usually sitting at alone. As he sat down and realized, Jaskier had followed him and was now sitting down across from him.

“What are you doing? Not gonna sit with your cool friends?” Geralt asked dismissively. Jaskier looked over to them, they also seemed confused why he would sit with Geralt. Well they could shove it if they had a problem with it. Most of them weren’t really his friends, just Essi and Priscilla. The others were just people who were around a lot.

“Nah, they can deal without me, thought I keep you some company. That is if you want to,” Jaskier explained. He didn’t want to force his presence on the other boy but he felt like Geralt maybe needed a friend.

“’s fine,” Geralt answered and started to eat. He was talking so quiet, Jaskier nearly didn’t understand him in the loud room.

“You don’t trust me,” Jaskier asserted.

“Most people just talk to me to pick on me,” Geralt explained in a gruff voice.

“Most people are assholes,” Jaskier answered. “They like to pick on people who are alone and don’t fit in.”

Geralt didn’t answer. Maybe not the right topic to get him to talk, he probably didn’t want to talk about these idiots.

“So, you’re in twelfth grade, right?” Jaskier asked to change the topic.

“Hmm yeah,” Geralt answered.

“Please tell me, if you want me to fuck off,” Jaskier said laughing.

“Will do,” Geralt answered.

“Anyway, I’m in eleventh grade and also part of the school band I play guitar and sing,” Jaskier started to talk.

“Yeah I saw you at the Christmas performance,” Geralt answered. Jaskier leaned in and talked in a low voice.

“Let me tell you a secret, nearly no one here knows, because apparently I’m not as confident as you in being myself, I also play the lute and perform at ren fairs,” he admitted. He did hide the fact. Only his best friends knew and only two of them were in this school. He knew people would think it was weird and probably mock him. Geralt lifted an eyebrow as he heard that.

“Really?” he asked, sounding like he didn’t believe him.

“Let me show you,” he said and took his phone, quickly he searched through his phone until he found a photo where he performed. He was wearing blue tights under a pair of puffy pink pants and a doublet, lute in hand. Geralt grinned.

“Hot,” he said, clearly joking.

“I just told you my biggest secret, you’re not allowed to mock me,” he said, pouting.

“I love Gwent,” Geralt said, finally sharing something about himself. Jaskier was confused over the shift in topic for a second.

“Oh, I heard about this, but never checked it out,” he said. Geralt seemed a little embarrassed.

“It’s pretty nerdy,” he said.

“I figured, you’re a nerd,” Jaskier said grinning. “Maybe you want to show me sometime,” he suggested.

“Sure,” Geralt answered, but he didn’t sound convinced.

The bell reminded them that it was time to get back to class so they got up and cleaned up their table before leaving for class.

After Geralt had left for his own classroom Jaskier got surrounded by some of the people he would usually hang out with.

“Saw you hang out with the weirdo,” Thomas said, pushing his shoulder. “What’s your game, getting his secrets and then using them against him?” he asked.

“Wow what the fuck, you’re all assholes,” Jaskier said. “I was just being nice, wouldn’t hurt you to be as well.” Thomas looked a little taken aback but had the decency to apologize. “Honestly if you don’t like someone, just ignore them and don’t be a prick.” He was mad and walked quicker to leave them behind.

In the classroom Essi already waited at their shared table. At least with her, he knew, she wouldn’t make fun of anyone.

Read the rest on AO3

[kuwdora]

6 for the End Of Year Fic-Writer ask meme!

Everything is Witcher this year cause that's where the writing brain lives. And hmmm... okay both @handwrittenhello and @danegen asked:

What’s your favourite piece of dialogue you wrote this year?

For the life of me cannot do single lines so you're getting passages... They are from my scribe fic stories we tell, memories we share, and the words we hold dear. aka the one where Jaskier has Geralt write poetry that he's dictating.

“I beseech thee, o’ witchery muse. My dear new scribe,” Jaskier said and there was a rhythm without a melody as he spoke directly to the wolf doll. “Bestow divine inspiration from your ancient tome.”  Jaskier paused and dipped his chin at Geralt, his eyes dancing.  Geralt raised an eyebrow and Jaskier waved at the page with the doll until he began writing. Jaskier helpfully over-enunciated the words and began muttering under his breath, his gaze going unfocused, until he suddenly held the doll up like it was a revelation to behold. “You open for me with a sigh, when I part your pages—those oh-so very steady thighs,” Jaskier said, spreading his hands wide, his face sliding into that broad, leering grin. The doll slipped from his fingers and Jaskier cursed as it tumbled to the floor. He sighed and Geralt watched him judging the effort it would take to retrieve it, leave it, or ask for help. All the options weigh heavily on Jaskier’s face. Geralt took the moment of Jaskier’s indecision to dip his quill in the inkpot, listening to any and all particular catches in Jaskier’s breath when he finally and slowly bent over to reach for it. “Ah, hmm,” Jaskier said, glancing at Geralt, his nose scrunching. “Pages and thighs,” he prompted and Jaskier’s face lit up. He would have snapped his fingers at Geralt if his hands hadn’t been hurting, but Jaskier gestured at Geralt with the wolf doll and nodded enthusiastically. Geralt smiled into his wine and turned to an empty page. “Right, my source of knowledge,” Jaskier said and raised the wolf doll, peering into its button eyes. “Tome, book. My inspiration, my scholarly examination of a lifetime…Love how you open for me,” Jaskier said to the wolf. “Clenching tightly around my fingers. Now that is a massage.” 

I mean I love all the dialogue in my scribe fic but here is the other passage that is a big favorite (and one that I know @castillon02 was cackling about with me for literal months and months and months)

Jaskier licked his lips and shook his head. “You’re going to keep an old man waiting all night for a punchline? For shame, Geralt.”  His eyes were wide with admonishment. Geralt didn’t chuckle, but it was a close call. He made him wait just a little longer before he raised his chin and relented. “There’s no—” “—honey in the white honey,” Jaskier finished quickly and inclined his head, looking too pleased with himself. “But why was it named as such if not for poetic license?” Jaskier’s face slid into a stony seriousness that Geralt didn’t believe he would be able to hold for long with the way he was rocking on his heels, still ignoring the splatter of water on his socks.  Geralt shook his head and counted backwards from the count of five before he finally answered. He had learned enough over the years to know how much Jaskier appreciated the build of anticipation. “It was for the honeysuckle.” “Suckle your honey,” Jaskier said triumphantly and took a half-step towards him, placing the cup of water on the desk and he was rolling his wrists when he shuffled away, his stride a little longer now, but altogether slower. “See, it all works out. Nothing is off limits for my alchemy of affection,” Jaskier said and swept a draped silk arm about himself and Geralt, his elbow pulled in close, the gesture not as wide as usual. “Our literature of love.” He paused and leered at him. “This conjunction of cocks.”

And I'll give a shout out to Yen and Jaskier in Pivot:

Jaskier looks up, offering a genial wave to the girl as she flees, and he squirms so much that Yennefer almost stumbles. She kicks his leg with her other foot. “You’re so useless you couldn’t hack it as a doorstop.”

“Ow,” Jaskier rasps, his hand darting to aggressively rub his thigh. “You’re here because I’m a bard, not a board for you to step on.”

“I am a little bored, though,” Yennefer admits and Jaskier splutters with surprise and amusement that he covers with indignation by flapping a hand at her.

@danegen also asked:

Which fic this year was most fun to write?

Oh, it’s probably a toss up…hmmm. Surface Tension, my fic where Yen and Jaskier play with Geralt in bed and delay his orgasm all night. That was incredibly fun to write just because of the playfulness of Yen and Jaskier throughout the story. I enjoy the softness and laughter so much. My other favorite one that I wrote this year is I can see through you, the role reversal Geralt and Jaskier thing. Their banter is delightful to play with in this context of Jaskier being a standoffish bard-not-a-witcher and Geralt being the nosy one.A Beard for a Bard is also a top contender because of how silly it is to write Jaskier being a little high and very much in love with Geralt and Yen.

End Of Year Fic-Writer ask meme

[initial-lime]

(This briefly mentions SA)

Okay so. the people complaining about???? The witcher being a gloomy show????

Like fucking duh no shit that’s the P O I N T

Excuse me for getting all rant-y but seriously guys-

from day ONE we’re told “oh well shit, there’s war everywhere, people get killed by monsters constantly, the witchers are sold off as kids to go die in a castle or be hated monster hunters for like 400 years, sorcerers hate eachother and are assholes and are also generally treated like shit, oh yeah also it’s THE END OF THE WORLD. THE WILD HUNT IS HERE.”

But no, how dare these characters not be filled with determination and the magic of friendship

Ciri? An orphaned princess who’s torn from her home and family and threatened with rape and murder at every corner she turns? At what? The age of like 12-14? No. Stop it. Stop being sad, you’re ruining the vibe.

Geralt? The monster hunter who was sold to a bunch of hated mutants as a boy no older than 6 years old to train and go trough literal torture where he could’ve EASILY died but even worse survived to live a prolonged life of killing monsters and men till one eventually bests him? Stop 👏👏👏 being 👏👏👏 sad👏👏👏 this is a FANTASY franchise for crying out loud.

YENNEFER???? Who was SOLD by her parents for .f o u r. Fucking. Marks. 14 years old. Half the price of a PIG sold to a witch. a stranger after spending her whole life hated for her disabilities. Yennefer who suffered at aretuza to, once again, survive a destiny she never wanted and gods know what bullshit sexism she had to put up with after that. But no no no, why are you crying all over my hardwood floors? That’s not polite.

The witcher isn’t a fantasy franchise you get into to run away from the doom and gloom of whatever hell real life might be to you. Because it’s a commentary on those exact real world problems, that’s the POINT. The world is shit, and this is these characters struggle to reclaim what little autonomy they have left of their lives.

Yes, the show is bad, and it takes away the best characteristics of the characters and boils them down to singular character traits, but let’s be honest that was all there before, all the show did was take away the loving friendships, fireside chats and possibly, most missed of all, Geralt’s snarky sarcastic attitude.

Stop making him say “hmmm fuck” he’s not a profane Minecraft villager good gods. Let him have his sass back I digress though.

TL;DR, the characters are sad because that’s the point, stop pretending the witcher is escapism

[pherryt]

shipping ask game: Destiel, SamxRowena, JaskierxGeraltxYennifer

OH! A 3 in 1 - very nice! thank you! :D

Firstly - I think my AO3 proves definitively that I avidly ship Destiel :D I do low key ship Sam and Rowena (though they are not my favorite Sam ship) and I do love me some Geraskefer as well :D (Season 2 definitely helped with that)

Destiel:

What made you ship it?

Tumblr opened my eyes to it, but once I saw it, I couldn't stop seeing it.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

So much angst but so much loyalty too. So much genuine feeling. There's so much to play with, as a writer. I find it's hard to pin these things down because some of it boils dow to I just love the characters so much, so I want them to be together and be happy.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Hmm… if i do hold one, it is not one that i've been made aware of being unpopular. Maybe their sexualities? I think of Dean as bi (and i had a follower once who very much did not agree) and Cas as ace (which i've been questioned about, because the reader couldn't see that working, but it didn't really come off to me as they didn't like it, more that they couldn't understand).

SamxRowena:

What made you ship it?

I think it's the way they understand each other in ways other people just can't.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I mean - exactly the same reason that made me ship it. But i guess the potential for the two of them to get up to shenanigans :D

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think in this case, just liking the ship might be mildly unpopular? not necessarily because there's hate for it, but it's a rare pair for sure (508 fics if i did the search right) But I have never hesitated to dive into a rare pair just because it intrigued me.

JaskierxGeraltxYennifer:

What made you ship it?

the bickering/bantering ALL of them have going on, but then sometimes you can SEE how soft they can be for each other/how much they actually care. I don't think i would have gotten the same jaskier/yenn out of the books as we got for yen/geralt and geralt/jask, but season 2 more than made up for that. And I'm more than okay with blending canons :D

What are your favorite things about the ship?

i really am finding the more i look at these questions that I very much can use the same answers between this and the reason for WHY lol. But seriously, the banter/bicker between them all but especially jaskier and yenn is just so fun with exasperated (and sometimes confused) Geralt just along for the ride once he figures out they don't actually hate each other.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Hmmm... Honestly, again, I find myself coming up blank? I know there are folks out there that don't like Yenn, so would not like this ship, or folks that don't think Geralt deserves to get Yenn OR Jaskier back and there's no way for him to ever apologize to either of them. That his actions are unforgivable. But i don't believe it's that absolute. it could be fun to explore in fic, but I'm much happier with an all of them happy end game.

Honestly, i think i'm finding myself pretty lucky not being able to come up with 'unpopular' headcanons - guess I've avoided a lot of drama :D

For this game (and please ignore the typos. keyboard is still acting up)

[frostedbasilisk]

Fix it AU where they go to the coast together :) 

[sinfulpetgirlrd]

oh good god... also ty for blowing up my @ 🥰.okay... hmmm let's see.

On a Raven's Wing:

Meeting a vampire in a cemetery. How much more cliche can one get?” 👉 The last thing she heard before the cold seeped into her bones and she drifted off into unconsciousness was Yedret saying he would be done soon.

A 'special' shave:

"Ma-master Regis? There is ah— the-there’s—” A young boy’s voice stuttered out behind the barber, as the clippings of a fresh haircut drifted through the air like the first flakes of a coming snowstorm 👉 It would be my pleasure, Emhyr. It would be my pleasure.”

Happy Quack Day:

The gentle hum of his men’s voices downstairs was the first thing that greeted Geoffrey as he awoke. 👉 "I'm going to murder those two."

Accepting the consequences:

Regis sat quietly beside Geralt, whose shoulders were slumped, a nearly empty bottle of mandrake hootch in hand. 👉 One simply didn’t fuck another higher vampire’s mate without permission.

Created by Blood:

Dorothea had informed Odessa that she needed to leave early that night to return to Pembroke, something about a surgery the hospital's administrator wanted everyone to witness 👉 A smile crossed her lips as she just barely caught Jonathan's promise to protect her, before both of their bodies lie still, the warmth and life fading with the rising sun.

First and last lines

I was tagged by @definitely-not-iorveth, thank you, seems fun since you laughed your ass off... let's see.

Rules: go through your last 5 fics and share the first and last line. No context.

"Your Majesty, the minstrels are here." -> Emhyr pulled the bed curtains closed, smiling smugly.

The trip to Toussaint was a disaster from the start. -> The sun was rising.

The palace’s air was suffocating. -> His hunger was far from being satisfied.

"You want me to do what?" -> "Valid," Emhyr repeated with satisfaction and smiled.

Of all the complicated lovers Geralt ever had, Emhyr var Emreis was the worst. -> He underestimated Dandelion again... but that is another story.

Okay, okay, it IS kinda funny ;)

I'm tagging @valandhirwriter, @regis-favorite-raven, @jayofolympus and @bawdybean

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon - Ceremonies

What if the Witcher Schools each had their own Hakas they would perform for various events?

The Wolves of Kaer Morhen had a Haka that they would do when they all came home for the winter.

Jaskier had always heard of these ceremonial dances, but had never seen one in person before. He got to see one for the first time when he went with Geralt to Kaer Morhen.

And it had scared the absolute sh*t out of him. It had been one of the most intimidating things he'd ever seen. He did earn some instant respect points from the Wolves, though, for not p*ssing himself or passing out.

All he could imagine was how terrifying it must have been for an enemy to see a dozen Witchers walk up to them, then just start doing this war dance.

He was facinated by the ritual, and wanted to know everything about it. Once he started growing on the other Witchers (ok, they won't lie, it was love at first Voice Crack), they decided it was okay to share that little bit of culture, since he seemed so interested.

They had a long discussion with Vesemir after Songbird had gone to bed, and they came to the consensus that they wanted him to learn their Hakas.

Geralt had just smiled when they told him which one they wanted to teach Songbird first. It was fitting, Geralt thought, and Jaskier would be elated.

Geralt had taken him to the Great Hall the next morning and had stripped to the waist. "Take off your coat and shirt, Bard.

The Bard had eyed him playfully. "Er, shouldn't we be strippng somewhere more...private?"

"I'm going to teach you a Haka."

"And we have to be naked to do it?"

Geralt *exasperated Hmmm*.

"Okay, okay, I was just joking!" Jaskier divested himself of his coat and shirt, and shivered, whining "Can I keep the shirt? It's cold in here!"

"You've got enough hair on your chest to keep you warm enough."

"Prick."

Geralt started teaching Jaskier the Haka, with no explanation of what it was for. Jaskier had no idea what language the chants were in, but it wasn't one he recognized.

With a mysterious smile, Geralt told him just to say what he told him to.

The other Witchers peeked in on the practice sessions from time to time, just to see how their Songbird was progressing.

They never stayed very long, not wanting to make the Bard nervous.

Lookit him! He was working so hard! Stop staring, Lambert, you're going to make him self-conscious! F**k you, Aiden! I don't see you blinking, you smarta**!

Jaskier was excited the night he was going to actually do the Haka with the Wolves. He had entered the Great Hall and noticed that everyone, even Vesemir, was dressed in their best armor. And he maybe started feeling a little nervous.

Geralt had told him to relax. It was similar to wearing a costume for a stage performance. The Bard had relaxed at that, and stood next to Geralt, facing Vesemir and the other Witchers.

Geralt started the Haka, and Jaskier poured the same energy, power and passion into it that he put into performing his music.

The Wolves *trying not to lose it*: Look at him! He's f***ing killing it! He's really putting his whole little heart into it! Look at the energy he's bringing to it!

Jaskier could hardly think of anything but the feeling that roared in his blood.

Watching the war dance had been one thing, but actually participating? It stirred something in his blood. Something powerful, ancient, primal, alive.

It stirred images in his head of wolves hunting, battles, brotherhood, blood... He felt so many strong emotions, and...

Oh, Melitele, he was going to have compose a ballad about this!

Vesemir and the other Witchers joined in and the atmosphere changed. It felt charged, electric, like the air before a storm.

Jaskier felt a sudden shift in the energy in the room, when they joined in. Felt himself getting lost in an overwhelming wave of emotion, and then the Haka ended.

Silence descended, leaving Jaskier standing there flushed and breathless, with just the electric feeling in his blood, and the pounding in his ears... and the feeling that something really big, really important had just happened.

And then Geralt and his brothers had cheered and rushed the confused Bard, each one of them solemnly giving him a forehead bonk.

Er, Geralt? What just happned?

That was the Haka we use to welcome a new member into the pack. You've been formally adopted. You are now a Wolf of Kaer Morhen.

Jaskier felt as if his heart was going to burst. Tears gathered in his eyes as he processed what Geralt had just said.

He started trembling, his brain buzzing Am Wolf? I has brothers? Am belonging?

He couldn't think of a single thing to say, so he settled for passing the f**k out.

[thearvariblues]

Sing Me a Song

“You Geralt of Rivia’s bard?”

Jaskier looks up from his notepad and grins at the man who’s just sat at the opposite side of the table.

“Technically, I used to be,” the bard says, taking a sip of his ale. “We had a tiny misunderstanding last year. I’m sure he’s gonna be fine, though, I’m just giving him some time to cool down and wallow in self-pity.”

Jaskier frowns, because his brain has finally caught up with his mouth and informs him that even though the man who asked the question is very pretty (and he is – a bit short, but lean and clearly very agile, brown-skinned, with dark, wavy hair and stunningly unnatural green eyes), he also has got two big, scary swords strapped to his back, way too many scars and has, in fact, only one green eye, the other being covered by an eye patch, presumably missing.

And then there’s the Cat school medallion on his chest.

As Geralt would say… fuck.

“Unless you’re here to kidnap me and torture me to lure him into a trap. If that’s the case, I’ve never met a Geralt of Rivia in my life. Also, if you harm a hair on my head, he will hunt you down and kill you, very slowly and painfully. Just a heads up,” Jaskier smiles, utterly failing to sound at least a little bit threatening.

“Thanks for the warning,” the Witcher laughs. “But I actually need you to write me a song.”

“Sorry, I’m afraid this bard already has a Witcher to praise,” Jaskier protests, shaking his head firmly.

“Ugh. Who says I want praise?” the man says, making a face. “I just can’t seem to find a friend of mine, so I need to make him find me.”

“With a song? Do I look like a fucking pied piper?” Jaskier smirks.

“A little, yeah.”

“Fair enough. What’s in it for me?”

“What do you think is going to happen once Geralt hears that his bard has found himself a new muse?” the Witcher grins.

“Oh,” Jaskier says, chuckling. “Oh, but that’s good.”

“Are you in, then?”

“Absolutely. And, uhm… What did you say your name was?”

“By the gods, where are my manners?” the Witcher laughs. “I’m Aiden.”

*

Geralt places two tankards of ale on the table and sits down with a grunt.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting old, Wolf,” his brother Lambert smirks and promptly pulls one of the tankards closer. “Because that almost sounded like Vesemir when he’s trying to get up from his chair.”

“You’re so fucking funny,” Geralt murmurs.

“I know, right?” Lambert grins, tucking a strand of curly red hair behind his ear. “So, how’s life on the Path without your beloved bard?”

“Not my bard.”

“So pretty fucking terrible, eh?” Lambert chuckles.

“Fuck off, Lambert.”

“You’re being very nice and friendly today, you know?”

“I bought you a drink. So shut up and… drink.”

Lambert shrugs and for once does what he’s told. Within a few seconds, half of the tankard’s content vanishes.

“If it’s any consolation, life without my Cat is also pretty fucking unbearable,” he says then.

“Hm.”

“Oh, really, Geralt? You’re using your famous hm against me? Me, your brother?!”

Geralt groans.

“By the gods… Why can’t I just run into Eskel for once? Why does it always have to be you?”

“You’re just lucky, I guess.”

“Lucky. Yeah.”

Lambert rolls his eyes and focuses on his ale again – until the local bard grabs his lute and starts playing a slow, romantic ballad. Lambert growls.

“Fuck, I hate that song!”

“Why?” Geralt blinks, because he’s never heard the song before, and to be perfectly honest, it doesn’t really sound that bad.

“A brown-skinned woman with dark hair who’s seemingly killed, then comes back to life already plotting her revenge, only to find out that her lover’s already avenged her? Always reminds me of Aiden.”

“Aiden wasn’t exactly… A woman, was he?”

“He also hasn’t come back to life, as far as I know,” Lambert mutters.

“Who wrote it?” Geralt frowns, listening carefully. “It sounds like Jaskier’s work.”

“Some Master Dandelion. Never heard of him, but it seems he’s very popular now.”

“Hmmm…”

“Oh, not again!” Lambert groans.

“It just… It really does sound like Jaskier’s song.”

“You just fucking miss the bard, Geralt, that’s all.”

“No. No, I actually think…”

“That might be exactly the problem,” Lambert says and places his empty tankard back on the table. “The second round’s on me.”

*

“Seems like your plan’s not working as intended,” Jaskier comments. He’s spent weeks traveling with Aiden, and they still haven’t even heard about another Witcher trying to find them.

“I’m aware,” Aiden mutters, chewing his dinner without even noticing its taste – which is, honestly, probably for the best. “Could you be, like… less subtle?”

Jaskier shrugs.

“I suppose.”

“Fine,” Aiden nods. “Do it.”

*

“It’s a man now,” Geralt frowns, listening to the song he’s heard countless times already. “That’s new.”

“Looks like Master Dandelion might like to, uhm, dual wield,” Lambert snorts.

“It still sounds like Jaskier’s work.”

“Does Jaskier like to dual wield?”

“Hmm,” Geralt says dreamily.

“All the more reason to apologize, then, eh?”

“Oh, shut up, Lambert…”

*

“Still not working!” Aiden groans. He’s been waiting for three months for his Wolf to find him, and to no avail.

“I could, you know… Try something more obvious,” Jaskier offers.

“Please.”

*

“It’s a cat now,” Geralt blinks. “Dark-skinned, dark-haired… cat.”

Lambert sighs.

“Yeah, I hate those fucking metaphors.”

*

“I’m starting to think I should have just… kept trying to find him,” Aiden sighs, staring out of the tavern’s window.

Jaskier, cheeks still flushed from his performance, downs his ale and shakes his head.

“Don’t give up hope just yet,” he says. “I’ve already made a few changes to the song.”

“Oh, have you?” Aiden smirks. “Does it now say Lambert, I’m alive you moron, stop hiding and fucking find me?”

“Well, not yet… But almost.”

“Great. I can’t wait to hear it.”

*

Lambert is staring at yet another local bard singing the fucking ballad. He doesn’t even blink. Geralt is getting a little worried that his brother’s brain might have actually exploded.

“It says a Cat Witcher now,” he says, hoping it would get a reaction out of Lambert.

The redhead finally blinks. That’s probably good.

“A Cat Witcher who comes back to life only to find out his Wolf lover has already avenged him,” Geralt adds.

Lambert blinks again.

“And you know, I’m almost sure that this Master Dandelion is just Jaskier’s new alias.”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Lambert mutters when the song finally comes to its end.

“Which one of them?” Geralt smirks.

“Both of them!” Lambert growls. “I swear to gods, if I find out your stupid bard stole my Cat…”

“Excuse me, madam,” Geralt says to the innkeeper who’s just brought them their dinner. “Where did your bard learn this song?”

“That sappy ballad?” the innkeeper frowns. “From this Master Dandelion himself. He passed through the town last week with a Witcher.”

“And Master Dandelion…”

“You know the bard that calls himself Jaskier? It’s him with a fancy hat on,” she smirks.

“About this Witcher,” Lambert growls. “Does he look like in the song?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Kind of small for a Witcher, and almost too pretty, you know, but we had a little griffin problem and he slayed that beast like it was nothing, so…”

“I’m so gonna kill them both,” Lambert murmurs while Geralt has to try very hard not to chuckle.

“Would you happen to know where were they heading?” he asks.

“I would,” the woman says and looks at the Witcher expectantly.

“I see,” Geralt sighs. “You have another monster problem, don’t you?”

“Well. It turns out the griffin probably had a mate…”

“Of course it fucking did,” Geralt nods and picks up his fork. He simply refuses to deal with this with an empty stomach…

*

Jaskier critically eyes the clothes he’s picked for tonight’s performance.

“What do you think, Aiden?” he asks his companion. “Isn’t the purple a bit too much? It’s a small town, after all. Wouldn’t the steel blue look better?”

“I don’t know, I like the red one best,” Aiden shrugs from his spot on the bed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Reminds you of Lambert’s hair,” Jaskier says, rolling his eyes. “Melitele’s tits, I wish he’d find us already, because this is getting really–”

As if on cue, the door of the room slams open and a big, red-haired man walks in.

“You fucking bitch!” he yells when he sees Aiden.

The dark-haired Witcher beams and gets to his feet.

“Lambs!”

“Oh. Okay. That was fast,” Jaskier nods.

Lambert growls and grabs Aiden by the collar.

“Asshole!” he hisses. “I fucking mourned you!”

“Oh, honey, that’s so sweet,” Aiden smiles.

Lambert pushes him against the wall, so hard that Aiden grunts.

“I cried for you!”

“In my defense, it wasn’t exactly my fault,” Aiden smiles.

Jaskier inches towards the door.

“I guess I’ll just… leave you two to it.”

Needless to say, Lambert ignores him completely.

“I fucking avenged you!”

“Yes, that was very kind of you,” Aiden grins, utterly unaffected by Lambert’s angry face so close to his own. “You saved me a lot of trouble.”

Lambert groans, buries his face in Aiden’s shoulder and sighs deeply.

“You fucker,” he mutters.

“Yeah, I missed you too, puppy,” Aiden smiles, wrapping his arms around Lambert.

Jaskier, who’s already standing in the doorway, places his hand on his heart and takes a deep breath.

“Oh,” he whispers. “I shall write the most beautiful ballad about this… Ow!”

He’s unceremoniously dragged out of the room and this time it’s his turned to be slammed against the wall by a big, angry Witcher – but this one is white-haired and dressed all in black.

“Geralt!” Jaskier exclaims, his face brightening up.

“You won’t write a fucking thing,” Geralt growls.

“Is that so? May I ask why, dear heart?”

“Because you’re mine. My bard. And if I ever find out you’re writing about another Witcher again–”

“Then what?” Jaskier asks, cocking his head. “But before you answer, I’d like to remind you that I am not yours anymore, as you have made it quite clear on the mountain that you are not interested in having me as a companion–”

Jaskier is effectively shut up by Geralt’s lips pressing against his with determination that makes it absolutely clear that Geralt hasn’t merely lost his balance and happened to be falling in Jaskier’s general direction.

“Mine,” he growls.

“Well,” Jaskier sighs, slipping his fingers into Geralt’s hair. “When you put it like that… Fuck the mountain, I suppose.”

“Fuck the mountain,” Geralt agrees. “But I’m sorry. For what I said.”

“Apology very much accepted,” Jaskier laughs. “I’d ask you to fuck me, but I’m afraid my room is currently… occupied.”

Lambert’s loud moan only confirms Jaskier’s statement.

“Hm,” Geralt hums. “Do you think this tavern has a bath? I think I still have some griffin blood in my hair from last week.”

“Oh,” Jaskier purrs. “Oh, yes. And I’m sure I could get some chamomile oil…”

They hear another moan, this time Aiden’s.

“What are we waiting for, then?” Geralt grins and grabs Jaskier’s hand. “Come on, bard. We have some catching up to do…”

[araglas1989]

Yay the rift between the elves healt a bit 🥰 it's so sad what happenes with them.

Awww ciri wants to unite the Humans and elves again 🥰

Uoh rience again 😬

Huhu yens entrance to the fight is cool!

Lol why does Jaskier follow the dwarves when he doesn't have any weapons?

Uoh enter elves.... Nooo don't fight!

Awww Jaskier bringing one of the dwarves to safety!

Ouch Geralt Just turning rience hands around!

Uff fuck! Jaskier got shot!

Well at least yarpen and Jaskier are friends now and geralt thanked him. Though still He isn't a real friend to him. You can still feel the rift between them. Geralt needs to be there for Jaskier without asking him to do anything for him if he wants to heal them.

Poor Francesca losing her Brother....

And now Geralt splits Up with ciri and Yen. Not good!

And why does Jaskier wait somewhere else again? How did he move so fast away? And yarpen and his friends? Very confusing. Did yen portal them away?

Okay Jaskier wants to give ciri to redania? Hmmm doesn't feel right. He behaves strange when they talk?

Witcher Season 3 Episode 1 liveblog

Allright we start with Geralt killing the Professor and with yens Letter 😅