#characters coming alive in my head
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I love this part of the process of writing:
Finding that, to locate the characters in a predefined time and space, I have to understand how they would relate to it. And that requires me to understand their personal preferences, especially their movies and music. And then I start researching. And find their music, and their movies. And suddenly they have a way of being in the world, a point of view, and they become a little more real.
And they are about to start dictating their scenes, because now they trust me to tell them right.
#writing fanfic#there are so many headcanons that only work for my fic right now#i love the process#I hadn't listened to many of the things AJ would be listening to in the early-mid 90s#I love his angry and slightly pretentious playlist#I absolutely love how both my human AJ and AZ got to know each other by watching movies together#I just learned this by starting a list#I didn't knew that two days ago#characters coming alive in my head
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One of the things I like the most in books and series is when a character comes alive and just do the shits they want to do regardless of the author's intentions.
Take Drarry for example. It's obvious JKR never intended to write them that way, and yet there is so much involuntary Drarry in the books it's honestly so funny!
The descriptions, the mutual obsession (for years!! Even in the epilogue), the fact that they read each other like no one else and can tell what the other is feeling with a quick glance, Harry "I'd rather be going out with a Dragon" Potter, the uncountable parallels between them, the fact that despite being sworn enemies they never try to actually hurt each other except for Sectumsempra during sixth year and Harry broke down so badly over that, that he quitted completely trying to discover what Draco was doing in fear of hurting him again or Harry escaping gringott on a WHITE DRAGON...!
If she didn't spoke so loudly against it, I'd think she planned it since the beginning.
#and these are just the few things that come off from the top of my head#there's so much more#drarry#harry potter meta#I love when characters come alive
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ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think
#alien stage#ramble#idk#till alien stage#as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it#till era would be so fucking fun#especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?)#random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple#idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally#cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs#i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately#tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what#honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is#till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now#no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily#i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment#cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before#while handling the mizi desth thing#that he assumed was happening#if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive#knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt#and knowing he has a way out of the cage#because its a triple whammy#i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things#and what sort of person the revelations will make him become#also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now
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what piercings does Danny have in your CFAU?
Danny’s got double lobe piercings on both ears, and then helixes, and an orbital on one side! Then he’s got an eyebrow piercing on the right side of his face. I don’t have any particular reason for why he’s got piercings as an adult, I just thought it’d be a fun way to indicate a physical change from when he was 14 and last saw the Waynes, to the next time they see him. Although with this version of Danny (rather than my original, unserious beta version of CFAU), it probably would follow that he'd potentially get piercings when he was older. (So not a total shock)
#dpxdc#dp x dc#cfau#childhood friends au#cfau danny#piercings#danny did his lobe piercings at home but the upper parts were done by a professional in the ghost zone#his ghostly healing means he couldnt go to a human piercer it’d heal in an instant#i’ve considered giving him snakebites. or a tongue piercing#guys with piercings >>>#playing dress up with your characters is the best part of making an au!#its also lowkey a relic to what my original childhood friends au was like in my head when it was still more of a 'daydream au'#which was more cracky and unserious. it leaned more into danny being more like his pre-canon self ie: meekish and shy when he was in gotham#so him having piercings/being more confident/cursing/etc the next time they saw him would come off as more of a drastic change considering#the last time they saw him (when jason was alive) he was a skittish and quiet kid. bookish. him turning out all goth-rock and punkish and#willing to throw hands with anyone he sees. would have been a big “huh??” moment for jason and co#hey wouldn't it be fun if jason had a childhood friend who moved away when he was a kid and returned to kill#the joker after he died? and that friend looked almost unrecognizable from his memories?#'daydream aus' are what i call aus that aren't all that serious and stem from listening to music and daydreaming. they're largely silly#unserious. and more “hah wouldnt this scene/idea be fun” and would've been harder to write down as a longform au. cfau stemmed from me#listening to music and going and then it spiraled from there.
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It's my birthday tomorrow so I'm indulging with more OCs as a treat to me personally.
Halibut the wonderful mute (by choice) siren thinking about how in another universe, she can marry Tolliver. The other universe is Tomodachi Life. She married Tolliver in Tomodachi Life and I'm so normal about them being married and happy since they do not in fact get married and happy in canon. (thank you 3ds crack fodder game i love you and think about you often)
#my characters#im gonna be a mess tomorrow (emotionally) so the indulging comes today while i can function#when you grow up indifferent to your bday and then have a pet die on your bday it doesnt help much#so heres my baby girl halibut thinking about how shes happy in life#like she is canonically a happy bean and doesnt let kronos being a dick get her down#shes just happy to be alive and in other peoples lives and i love her so much and the fact she gets married in a 3ds game#and its such a cute lil marriage too im so happy its her and tolliver#it woulda been funny if she married kronos cause she does actually really like both of the guys in canon just#not romantically really so.... she coulda married either and i woulda been pleased for her choice#heck she coulda married another oc from another plot that i had in tomodachi life and i woulda been happy for her#she just deserves happiness and to say i do..........#one day when i have energy ill draw the five fanart ideas i have in my head#and ill draw the silly oc comic scenarios even lazily but not rn
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SPOILER below
Maybe don’t read chapter 117😬
(New chapter in 7 hours I don’t know what to feel)
we don’t speak of chapter 117. in fact it never happened. 117 isn’t even a number
#ALL I KNOW IS THAT KUNIKIDA CROAKS AND NOTHUNG ELSE NO ONE SPOIL THE REST#IM STILL DEVASTATED#its literally my fault like i hadn’t finished the show or the manga and i was scrolling the bsd tag. am i stupid?#so yeah. there’s that.#in my head they’re all alive and well actually#nothing bad ever happens to them hope this helps#i will literally not accept anything else#what pisses me off is that from like episode three or something it’s so clear that kunikida will be the one to die#don’t know how to explain it but im sure everyone understands what im talking about#principled character being forced to go against their principles/ being made to believe they did is literally a doomed tope#we all knew this was coming it was only a matter of how and when#oh yeah and on that note dazai ie character who wants nothing more than to die will probably live.#if im wrong do NOT tell me#dont tell me anything actually#there’s nothing to tell because everyone’s alive and happy#miss j's mailbox#aenishas <3
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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tlt enjoyers i am so curious to know what has been occupying your mind the most during the alectopause. i for one Cannot Stop Thinking about judith deuteros.
#tlt#judith deuteros#she is in my brain like she has been GLUED THERE#like: she is a lesbian. she cannot interact with people. she does not have a sexy bone in her body. coronabeth is obsessed with her. had a#cringefail codependent relationship with her cavalier so bad that she has to ruin everyone else's day about it all the time.#thinks she knows everything. truly knows not a thing. might know everything. might be dead. might (CRUCIALLY!!) be alive. possessed by#the spirit of a giant blue planet. has spent the last two books in a hospital bed. CORONABETH IS OBSESSED WITH HER. so repressed she makes#harrowhark look like a free spirited hedonist. none of the POV characters give a shit about her. she does not give a shit about the POV#characters. she is self confident to an absolute fault. she makes everything everyone's problem. she might have (somehow?) been the most#level-headed person at canaan house. did i mention she's obsessed with her dead cavalier. did i mention coronabeth tridentarius is obsessed#with her and shes so deeply repressed and deluded that she somehow doesn't clock it or care.#JUDITH DEUTEROS! CHARACTER OF ALL TIME#when will she come back to me#alectopause ... you have caused me to turn to ranting in the tags of tumblr posts... shameful
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New dad lore unlocked, what the fuck do you mean your friend knew Luca di Montezemolo so you did a test drive with a Ferrari once
#begging my dad to stop being so much cooler than me#me: I get into f1#dad: Have I ever told you about that time I drove a Ferrari on Circuito di Fiorano#f1#formula 1#ferrari#luca di montezemolo#I guess#my dad if I ever became religious: Have I told you about that time I met God#me at 21: maybe vroom vroom cars can bring me out of depression#my dad at (almost) 60: oh yes minor anectodote I met the guy Niki Lauda won two championship with#I can't stress enough how this is so fucking unreal my family does not come even close to the kind of money LdM makes#We are NOT the kind of people who would casually hang with a millionaire#Also I genuinely believe my dad's friend must have been sketchy to know LdM#I also feel like I can never read my two eye anymore like even the tag of an ao3 fic with Luca di Montezemolo#'Luca di Montezemolo/Niki Lauda' you mean my dad's friend's friend?????????#now I feel like I have a weird distant relationship with this guy#like I know I don't know him and maybe it's my problem that I think of old formula 1 people like that#but I sort of divorce mentally from the fact that old formula 1 grid are actual people they're like distant characters from a complex#mythology#and now I feel like if I was a paesant in ancient Greece and my dad just told me he partied with Dionysius once#does it make sense#rip LdM I don't feel comfortable watching your pictures from the 70s thinking slay twink anymore#I will miss saying you have American Next Top Model hips#do you think it's ethically correct to objectify some twink from the 70s if your dad met him#I know he is still alive now and he's old and stuff I don't care there ard two Luce di Montezemolo in my head one is the one still alive#and I don't give a fuck about him the other is still photogtaph from the 70s and gives me gender envy
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assigning a character the highest honour like *adds go home by julien baker to their playlist*
#and by honour i mean pointing at them like TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED! TRAUMATISED!#like yeah relating to this song is a red flag actually. yeah it's one of the most personal songs in the world to me#and i actively am not allowed to listen to it some days bc it makes me significantly worse#even if im in a GOOD mood because of the layers upon layers of emotions ive associated with it#yeah i literally wont even blorbo post to this song even if it's accurate to a character because it's so personal#so they have to be REALLY FUCKING SPECIAL AND FUCKED IN THE HEAD to get this honour. enter touya#i made him a playlist im going crazy like yeah actually of course i was always gonna be weird about him#like he's got fire themes. he's got body horror. he just wanted to be good. he's ethel cain coded. he's georgia coded#he's got mommy AND daddy AND sibling issues. he's the only other character ive let even come close to mary on a cross#he's a waiting room girlie. he's an archer girlie. im tearing my hair the fuck out of my scalp#why does the first character ive latched onto this hard since CHUUYA have to be from mha of all things#like that's embarassing for me im embarassed to be here. and yet#touya todoroki#the thing that makes me sick about touya is yes the abuse he went through via his quirk and his dad etc etc#but also bc sekota peak happened when he was 13 right? and he's 24 now? that's 11 years unaccounted for#like ik it's confirmed his burns put him in a coma for 3 years and all for one and the dr guy just stapled his stubborn self together#which is something else i will YELL MY HEAD OFF ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKKKKK HE WAS A CHILD STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT#but im pretty sure it's confirmed that after 3 years he goes off again on his own? which still leaves him as a teenager?#like he straight up burns himself alive at 13 wakes up at 16 and reappears at 24 with dyed hair and piercings and a bad attitude#and im not supposed to wonder? or get upset? like i absolutely am leaning into the 'he was on the streets' angle bc i hate myself#and that's devastating and also what alternative is there logically like he has NOTHING#no home no money no name that he can feasibly use not even an appearance that will warrant anything but more cruelty#so youve got this child on the streets with injuries that absolutely cause insane amounts of pain daily he's literally STAPLED together#and he's completely alone and the only thing getting him through is this growing hatred and rage#like id set all my plans around killing the guy that put me there too actually just to fucking get me out of bed in the morning#I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. WHERE WAS HE FOR THE PAST DECADE. HORIKOSHI PLEASE#I WANNA GO HOME IM SICK THERES MORE WHISKEY THAN BLOOD IN MY VEINS MORE TAR THAN AIR IN MY LUNGS#PIERCE MY SKIN NEEDLES TO WORN OUT RAGS THE FOLDS IN MY ARMS THE SICKENING BLACK AND I HAVENT BEEN TAKING MY MEDS#I KNOW MY BODY IS JUST DIRTY CLOTHES IM TIRED OF WASHING MY HANDS GOD I WANT TO GO HOME
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thinkbing about. him
#random thoughts#fnaf#rotating him in my mind like an orb or perhapps a microwavable tv dinner#love the idea of a character who for some reason has him in their house and does regular maintenance on him#someone who worked for fazbear fright and fucking. stole him#au where the place wasn't burned down and actually opened and some kid started working there and fucking took his ass#springtrap in my head is like. mostly an animal. running on instinct and ancient programming. only rarely lucid#the kid who took him oh my god. what if someone who was the sibling of one of the five missing kids stole him#and like. they know he's the man behind the slaughter and can remember him from when he was alive#and they take him and keep him running as like a form of torture. because fazbear fright was gonna be shut down and the animatronic#was gonna be destroyed or smth and they were like 'no you son of a bitch not yet'#and they can sometimes see the ghosts of the children and employees who died and henry. but like they're not done#they cant let go. not yet.#cant let him go to the beyond because that would be too merciful for a son of a bitch like him#but springtrap cant really understand whats happening and mostly just sees Some Guy keeping him running so most of his feelings#are positive#when he's semi lucid he tries to kill them#when he recognizes them from before he kind of shuts down#the range is 'friend!!!' to 'i am going to fucking murder you' to 'how did you do in pe today'#like this guy mostly isn't william afton. idk who he is but he isn't him most of the time#i imagine the springtrap suit is a unique model so its hard to get replacement parts for him so most of him is custom at this point#idk what they do with the bones. probably leave them alone for the most part out of fear of him passing on if they got rid of them#he smells like dirt and mildew and restroom deoderizer probably#i imagine their thoughts on him are 'i recognize this mostly isnt the man who killed my sibling so i dont want him to suffer'#'but also i cant handle the idea of even a little of the man who killed my sibling being able to stop suffering'#like this is william's idea of hell. complete depersonalization#they make his stay tolerable. decent maintenance. idk what kind of enrichment he needs#being kept in a basement away from regular social interaction is probably hell for any children's animatronic#so he loves when they come down for maintenance. probably rarely at first and then more frequently as they adjust themself to his presence#idk how he feels about maintenance. probably very used to the feeling of having a dude inside of him lmaooo
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The most recent session of the Starfinder campaign I've been in broke me so bad I had to go horizontal for a bit and then get the very last scene drawn <3 Tai really isn't allowed to keep anything good in his life.
After so many years they reunited at last in the worst way possible- and all this time neither of them have been able to let the other go in some fucked up co-dependency.
This arc was gonna be fun, they said. It's a Battle of The Bands event at Songbird Station for charity, they said. The team's Captain didn't sign up for his finally rebuilding confidence/mental health to shatter at Ikoma coming back into his life. Especially because it's unknown how much longer that Ikoma will even be alive for or if he'll even stay the rest of that time.
#Kat's Art#Kat's TTRPG PCs#Tai Kemi#It was SO nice to have an in person session again#especially one that right at the end had two characters' backstories come to the forefront#which included the long-coming yelling match between these two because Tai let loose all the fear and hurt he's bottled up#And his resolve was challenged so badly in the face of realizing how much his meddling's hurt Ikoma's efforts to keep him alive#All because Tai wanted to chase after the image of Ikoma that he's built up in his head since they were young#and be the heroic type#because he's so tired of being a coward#and so tired of his cowardice allowing others to be hurt or even die when there's something he can do about it#How could he have ever guessed that the BBEG would use Ikoma as a conduit?#The sentient manifestation of the concept of Absence?#It's so out of his scope of comprehension#they're so perfect yet so horrible for each other#both the other's kryptonite but they keep getting drawn back together#because each other's all they've ever known#Hey my lovely absolutely insane dm if you read this far into my tags I love you and this angst is such a good flavor#Travelers Of The Stars Campaign#Ikoma Lightbringer
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Wow I love asshole gay people (things have ALIGNED in the ASTRAL PLANE and Pav is WATCHING SOMETHING?? 🤯)
#Yeah it’s the scott pilgrim anime adaptation~#I actually did see the film originally when I was like nine? I enjoyed the nerd vibes and completely missed ALL the subtext lmao#It was also one of my first experiences of Canada as a concept other than South Park (especially the SP Bigger Longer and Uncut film#which I ALSO was certainly too young for)#It’s kind of funny now having a friend who is actually from the mythical land of Canada 😂 Hi V#BUT ANYWAYS THIS ADAPTATION IS GREAT#Yeah it went bonkers off the rails but I’ve told you guys I LOVE it when the plot feels like it’s just snorted 30 grams of cocaine#Episode 5 is going to live in my head forever. I was howling. Mock documentaries are already a fav trope but that was on another level#I love Wallace too. Homosexual icon. I really do have a soft spot for asses with a charming veneer to them#It’s what I love so much abt soren fe too#I have yet to see how Inigo will spell himself out on the page but I think he’s mellowed out compared to his roots#His game needs some more spice. character. nuance. You don’t quite get it in wafty daydreams 🤔#But from one tangent to another: I swear the next batch of head children whenever they come NEED to have just the silliest of times#YHNN was kind of locked in from the start— the inspiration was THE tragic musically-inclined anime of all time#And younger me just had some strange fascination with suffering and dystopia. So Sad LadsTM it was#But crack-fic is my thing and boy do I want it in my house. carnally#just pav things#Sry for disappearing for 4 days I forgot I actually have to reblog stuff on here 😅😂 I’m alive.
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trying to give up my Zhongli hyper fixation for a relationship was really hard, and it's not just because I'm obsessed with him but also because literally, all my emotional regulation had something to do with him, so when I was feeling things I didn't know what to do with myself and it makes me upset because 1 why am I like this and 2 how am I supposed to have any kind of healthy relationship when the thing that would help me be reasonable in a relationship is also a thing that feels like emotional cheating
#its hard becasue this year is coming up to 3 years of this zhongli obsession and its not going away and I have come to terms with that#and as much as i love the fact that I can find solace and respite and calm in this fictional character I know it will affect my capacity to#love and be in a relationship because#as embarrassing as it sounds#i dont think i can reasonably expect anyone human to take up the role this silly fictional character takes up in my life#i cant project all my problems onto a real person the way I do with zhongli and a real person cant know everything I want like the zhongli#in my head does#so err wtf am i supposed to do because lord knows it didn't work last time#also like#trying not to think abt zhingli also made me lower my standards in my last relationship and i put up with a lot of things that i really#should not have and would not have put up eith#its really hard bc i recognise that its unhealthy but when a 2d character is what kept you alive during#2 of the worse time periods of your life its not the kind of thing u can turn around#and just let go of
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bomb group chat is the funniest thing in the world to me. ratio really said you guys can figure this one out yourselves
#personal stuff#seraph plays star rail#OH OKAY HE IS HELPING. HE JUST LEFT THE GROUP CHAT THE MOMENT HE HEARD WHAT WAS GOING ON. REAL.#wisely. i would not want notifications of Literally Every Playable Character From Penacony blowing up my phone either#hiii sparkle. loving the adapted monodrama theme they're using for this#also aventurine who is not on penacony and dealt with his share of bullshit already going lol. have fun with that#argenti and boothill gay moments.#BLACK SWAN JUST SHOWING UP. HI.#oh. okay. that was kind of anticlimactic#everyone's supposedly rushing to the bomb site but then we get a long ass conversation with firefly. then everyone is just chilling out#was everyone in on it?? was i the only one who didn't know?? why was i the only one heading to the fucking bomb abt to go off come on#anyway aventurine just hanging out in the spot where he almost died was funny. king shit#also kind of weird that the screen was still damaged even though we did a whole event to fix it. what was the point of that then#a lot of weird inconsistencies with this quest idk if i'm liking it#like. kind of weird that we had that whole sidequest with robin asking us to find sunday only for us to know where he is the whole time#anyway my favorite parts were the aventurine mentions and when aventurine showed up alive and friends w boothill. also ratio#OOH WE GOT A BUNCH OF VISITORS TO THE EXPRESS WOO.#but no aventurine :(#like boothill black swan sparkle robin and argenti yaay woooo#no acheron i can understand. but no aventurine......
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Fr I spend so much time thinking about my muses and their survival verses that I forget they died in canon...
#i . ooc .#It's the same with my Marco blog. I talk and think so much about his survival verse that it's sort of... become the canon in my head...#Every time I watch Marco or Bertolt's death. Sure. It hits a nerve... and then two mintues later it's almost like it's a fan made thing.#A fever dream... my brain just cannot comprehend it. It's like. Ok ignoring this.#I've always written characters that are killed off. When I actually write one that's alive it's like. What am I doing.#Are you really rping a dead character if you don't just ignore their death though... Survival verses are so fun.#I am so happy they have come further in recent times because trust me. Being in the early SNK rpc. and EVERY time you posted about ur muses#birthday or a survival idea you got greeted w. 'But they're dead'. Not in my household sry
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