#cause i thought it wasnt my place
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#personal life ranting time#i am so fucking tired of men getting passes and the benefit of the doubt and coddling explanations for terrible behaviour#i realised today that in this particular situation#i may very well be the only person without a shitty male partner#for ages ive wondered why no one else said anything about the situation#thought it wasnt my place to say something because i dont know them as well as all these other people#but suddenly it makes sense: they all have shitty husbands and shitty boyfriends#they all think this is how men are and there's nothing to be said#this whole time i was the only one who even knew to say something#and i didnt#cause i thought it wasnt my place#and i thought id alienate myself from someone i really love#now theyre married. it's not too late per se but it is a lot harder to do anything about!!#fucking HELL#i know it's not literally my fault but it feels like it is#im upset!!! i want men to be better!!!!! i know they can be!!!!!!!!#AAUGHHHH
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the star you've longed for
#PLEASE WATCH REVUE STARLIGHT!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥#project sekai#revue starlight#pjsk#emu otori#nene kusanagi#emunene#prsk#proseka#yuri win. i make my fav pairing fight tothe death#HAPPY EMUNENE WEEK LOOOOOL#Can i be hinestni think this sucks it took way too long cause i forgot how to draw for a week#im seeing demons and stuff. i feel more normal now. Also you may recall emu has a big hammer for revstar#thats the bottom of it the gem thing all the weapons have hers is sharp#i remember seeing meta post abt how mahiru has a blunt weapon because she never actually aimed for the lead role#rather she only wanted to be by karen's side. so her weapon wasnt capable of cutting anything in the first place#Fastforward to the movie and well LOLLLLL#though i think its funny in the movie her mace is still mostly used for i timidation againstbhikari.. bc again shes not winning for a lead#revue starlight youre neat. maybe i like revstar.#<- has been insane for 4+ years#Needed their pose to be smth where nenes weapon isnt visible because I DONT KNOW WHAT WEAPON TO GIVE HER. OOMFS HELP. I NEED A NENE WEAPON.#i thought some sort of polearm/spear/halberd etc something with range but that can be ambitious#but i feel like smth with that much footwork needed doesnt suit her.. And she cant hsve a sniper i dont think thatwould fucking work#aruru gets pistols in the revue but aruru also is Ummm well shes uhhh. [screaming] [car crash]#throwing knives would be funny wouldnt it. Put that gamer aim to use#idk if the emunene week tag is on here but i'll donit anyways#emuneneweek2024#EDIT: i have decided nene gets a rapier. its awesome. thanks for coming#tsukasa has his giant flag and i dont want to budge on that. im thinking about giving rui the throwing knives since he juggles.#it would be funny. saki + rui knife juggling
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doctor confirmed that 👉 this guy 👈 got pcos and i just got an implant to at the very least get my whacky periods under control and hopefully get them to stop entirely
#i also have thought about how i was cared for today#i go to a free place that has rotating doctors so i didnt see the same one that told me to get a ultrasound of my ovaries + blood test#previous one was a cis woman and she insisted me having multiple cysts on my ovary (that was double in size to the other one) wasnt enough#(for a pcos diagnosis) so she insisted i redo my blood test on the 2nd day of my period#which i didnt realise at the time is dumb as hell cause my periods are so chaotic im not even sure when they start and when they stop#the doc i saw today was a trans doctor (using iel in french! love to see it) and after i explained my situation was like#well theres no point to check your hormones here since we dont have a point of reference#and your ultrasound shows you have multiple cysts in your ovary so thats pcos#then explained to me what that does to your body & all that its not dangerous per say but its good to monitor and take hormones to help#and i said i was already considering the implant to stop my periods and they said that can be arranged today#told me the other alternatives and the risks associated with the implant but tbh my choice was already made#i mean of course idk how much cisness and transness has anything to do with this#but i had seen another cis doctor about my periods being whack when they started being whack#and he did an ultrasound saw nothing and was like “well nothing wrong with you” and that was the end of it#i definitely felt more comfortable and better cared for in the hands of a peer#(also i had to try three pharmacy to get the implant cause the other ones were out of it#walked way more today than planned but good day regardless!)
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What would happen if Mikami would've found the death note instead??? And how would that affect L and light I NEED YOUR OPINIONS ON THISS😭
(tl;dr: "It's hard to say", but if you really want my absolute word vomit of a thought dump here you go:)
Ohhhh man those are Really hard questions to answer honestly, hmmm.
Death Note on its own has a Lot of constantly moving pieces, and trying to change up the scenarios demands a lot more than meets the eye. Like, A Lot.
For example with Mikami: While he is very similar to Light he also operates distinctly differently from him. Would he have made the Shinigami Eye Deal? The fact that he does in canon makes me believe it's pretty likely. Okay then how would that affect the story? How would that affect L's methods of investigation, since he would then likely figure out that Kira only needed a face to kill a person? How does this affect the plot when Misa comes into play? What are the consequences of him not having access to the information that Light had from his father's computer? How would he handle the FBI agents? Would he have encountered Naomi Misora??? Actually would the thing with the FBI agents even happen if Mikami doesn't have access to police information in the first place since L doesn't need to investigate the police????
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. While determining Mikami's movements throughout the first third-ish of the series would be difficult enough, it becomes nearly impossible by the time we get to where the Yotsuba Arc would be. I don't think Mikami would pull the same strings Light did to have the Death Note land in Yotsuba's hands, since it would be far too against his stricter code of judgement, and I don't know who he would give the Death Note to if he gave up his memories, assuming he'd be willing to, etc, so overall everything becomes. Kind of hard to determine!
Like. THERE'S A LOT TO COVER and honestly I'm not that good at answering for Mikami specifically because a) We only see Mikami for the last half of the series b) My knowledge on the manga is a bit rusty and I know that would be better for characterizing him than the anime. Also c) I'm. Really bad at making assumptions about characters LOL
I do think that the beginning of the Kira case would pan out roughly the same at the very least. Mikami picks up the Death Note and learns he can judge the people that he deems "evil" and begins killing people under his judgement code (which includes past criminals who no longer commit crimes, depending more on the idea of 'retribution' than deterring crime itself, basically it's different than Light's ideals but it's similar enough for the beginning events to occur) and he would likely still kill Lind L Tailor. I think he would make the Shinigami Eyes Trade, though when exactly I'm not sure, since it kind of depends on whenever Ryuk actually decides to tell him about it lol. Going forwards from there, though, like with the FBI agents? I'm not completely sure, and any one change to the main plot could end up changing Way more down the line.
As for how this change would affect Light and L, hmmm. I think, perhaps, Light would still hack into his father's computer, but this time with the intent to actually help in solving the case (especially since he helped solve a case in the past) while L would obviously still try to catch Kira as per usual.
Now I already know one of the big questions people are gonna ask is: Would Light and L still work together in person? Now that gets super complicated. Would L apply to Light's university to get closer to and keep an eye on him? No, he has a Kira to catch. Would L invite Light to taskforce headquarters after, say, he proves his ability by helping with the investigation? That's really hard to say as well. L allows Light to join the taskforce because a) He believes Light is Kira, and wants to keep a close eye on him, and b) If Light isn't Kira, then his abilities would be valuable to the investigation. This begs the question of if he would still invite Light without the former condition, which is arguably the more pressing reason for why he would invite him.
Yes they worked together during the Yostuba Arc to catch a different Kira than Light, but it was still under the very pressing assumption that Light was Kira, could be Kira again, and, if he was Kira, has a strong connection to the second Kira. The urgency of the case paired with Light Being Kira pushes them together, because Light Needs to find out more about L for his own survival and to kill him just as much as L needs to find out more about Light for his own survival and to catch him. Taking that factor away takes away the direct reasoning for them to make contact (since having Light as support for the case would be pretty secondary to him possibly being the Literal Culprit), and weakens the need for them to meet. Also L is very protective of his identity and only revealed it to the taskforce because they would not trust or follow him otherwise because the police did Not enjoy working with an unknown character whose methods they've deemed untrustworthy (using Lind L Tailor as basically a sacrifice, slipping up and getting twelve FBI agents killed) and support from the police, a pretty big and valuable asset to L, especially considering that he is not From Japan, was rapidly dwindling.
I just realized that the question also now stands about how Light would think of L as a person. Would he deeply disapprove of him for using Lind L Tailor like Soichiro does (*cough* You don't kill someone as a substitute *cough*)? I also mentioned earlier that Mikami might have likely made the eye trade, which would probably make L far more cautious about ever showing his face, which is another point deducted off of reasons to meet Light in person. I didn't even touch on the fact that L's need to assemble a small taskforce from the police was all part of Light's plan in the first place. Would Mikami have made this same plan and achieved it? It all gets very iffy and shaky when you not only remove their one, very important and very urgent motive for meeting one another, but introduce entirely new factors into the equation.
At the very least it's not like L Doesn't have Any reason to get closer to Light. Their reasoning and thought processes are very similar, and Light's deductions during the case would probably be valuable, but L also has various reasons Not to get closer (he doesn't need to keep an eye on him, he doesn't need him to draw in the Second Kira because he Isn't Kira, and then there's all the millions of new possibilities that come with Mikami being Kira, like the potential extra threat of the Shinigami Eyes earlier on) on top of his usual cautionary measures.
So. There are a lot of assumptions and "what if's" and "if x what about y's" and "well then if y what about z's" going on. It gets crazy. If I tried to go in-depth about what Mikami alone would do I'd be here for hours and even then my answer would boil down largely to "I'm not sure." (Also I don't trust my knowledge on him enough to make a definitive answer because, again, rusty knowledge)
As for how that would affect Light and L, with the assumption that things play out Mostly the same to canon (which is a very bold assumption already)? L pursues Mikami Teru, and also probably later on Misa Amane. Light pursues the Kira case as well with the information he can gain from his father's computer, and likely makes some breakthroughs similar to or exactly like L's. Perhaps he would tell Soichiro that he wants to help with the case, but Soichiro probably doesn't want to put Light's life in danger (remember, Soichiro wanted Light to stay focused in school so he could become a police officer, but Light being a prime suspect kind of got in the way of that). Also potentially because of Mikami, L has determined that Kira can kill with just a face. If he comes to this conclusion, then Light most likely will have also. Because of this he may be more understanding of the urgent need for privacy around his identity. Light may also be more trusting of L than the police, because he and L think the same way/have very similar reasoning, but may also disapprove of L himself for his less moral methods like his father. Likewise, L has no reason to spontaneously reveal himself to Light, because that would be completely unnecessary and dangerous. L and Light could collaborate with the case, but it would be at a distance I think. It could end up being like Naomi, where they work together but then separate after that. Overall, the drive for them to actually meet is massively weakened by Light not being Kira, but I still can't say anything definitively because there's just so much to take into consideration. Overall, them working together is certainly not impossible, but it wouldn't be to the same degree as it would be during, say, the Yostuba Arc.
Sorry this was basically a ramble of me going in circles when I basically could've just said "Uhh, yeah I don't know. It depends. Lol" and my attempts at explanation probably weren't very helpful but. Yeah those are my thoughts at least. It's so complicated, not only because of all the new factors you'd have to keep track of, but it also depends a lot on making assumptions about and filling in the gaps in characters (which is certainly not my strong suit LOL). I feel like it ends up coming down to an individual's read on the characters as well, and there are certainly bigger experts on these characters than me, but I hope my answer was able to give some kind of insight at least? If you think about it too hard the rabbit hole of possibilities gets Deep. Thank you for the ask anon, this was certainly very interesting to think about :)
#death note#asks#coda analyzes stuff#(or at least. I Tried to :') )#txt#ahhh sorry this is Definitely all over the place i am so very sleep deprived at the moment my brain is actively meltging#and this probably wasnt the answer you were looking for. but i tried to give my best answer at least#even a change as simple as “if x was kira instead” causes such Massive alterations to the plot#and its so hard to see how things would play differently if its anyone but light#i am also not an expert on teru mikami. i'm so sorry mikami likers if ive let you down forgive me i shouldve done my research#but if you do have thoughts of your own i'd also love to hear them...#listen man it gets crazy. it makes my head hurt. but like /pos. it's very fun to think about but Man does it get your brain thinking
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Y'all ever realize that you're not actually shy and for some reason your whole life everyone called you shy and introverted and your mother berated and compared you to your father for it but you're???? not even shy????????
Like I talk so much to my two friends and I dump information about shit I like or know about to other people and I can refuse to take flyers from people handing them out on the street I literally talk so much,,,,,like I'm not shy why did everyone tell me I'm shy I feel like I would talk to so many more people if everyone hadn't told me I was introverted
#like fr what was all that about#did i just wake up one day and declare im the most introvert to ever introvert and then forget about it???#why yall so sure????#i cab talk to cashiers like yeah its a lil awk at first but i get by just fine#i can talk to people i sit next to on the bus#i literally talk so much it might be a bad thing cause i genuinely cannot shit up once i start#idk im just angry i lived my whole life just accepting that im shy and not talking to people and now i cant change and i just sit there#in the corner because that's the place you said was mine and now it looks comfortable to me#or something idk#mental health#being shy#introversion#like does anyone else feel like this i want to know#idk how to explain but i just feel like shyness/introversion wasnt a personality trait i originally had but i stopped talking as much#because people(adults back then i dont think anyone my age ever called me shy back then i was literally so loud)told me i dont talk#and i thought that was me i believed them and that became part of me
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Catch me trying to copy this s5 Jonathan look irl this fall:
#i have many cardigans from my cardigan phase#and I now have a few band shirts so…#also#THEY BETTER MAKE THAT SWEATER AVAILABLE TO BUY CAUSE I WANT IT#I WASNT ABLE TO GET THE NANCY JACKET BUT ILL DEFINITELY GET THIS SWEATER FOR SURE IF IT IS#if it wasn’t obvious already this is my favourite s5 Jonathan look :3#this is subject to change if I see him wear a joy division shirt (preferably unknown pleasures but I’ll take anything)#jonathan brainrot hour#new tag cause I NEED a place to have brainrot thoughts I only want the moots to see
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i feel the need to reassure also that im exaggerating my mistakes a bit but it's like. almost like an exposure therapy thing.
#when i say i've been 'bad/done 'bad things' it is probably more accurate to say#ive made my share of mistakes that were not made with any hurtful intention#but were motivated from a deeply ill place of fear and panic and guilt#that i wasnt capable of analyzing or stepping back from in the moment#but still caused some level of upset to my loved ones#made me someone painfully difficult to have a non-judgmental conversation with#and centered my opinions on right and wrong above anybody else's leading to fretful and almost controlling behavior#definitely at least domineering. even if it was smthn i would speak out about anxiously or with genuine concern#like 'im worried u saying this means u believe this and thats something i dont morally agree with'#which to me. i couldnt see it that way until i was out of the fucking smog#to me in that moment it was the end of the world#i literally created my own personal hell and then when i got close to people they would inevitably find their way down there#undeserving of any of it#my brain sucks so fucking bad but i cant blame it on that really and truly#i need to have it just fucking stop#star's thoughts
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#listen. im just gonna rant abt something real dumb for a sec#the framing of missing 411 stories make me so annoyed. and if u dont kno. missing 411 stories are focused on ppl who went missing in#national parks or just out in nature with no real explanation. i dont even kno why i watch these videos they just make me mad#theyre not all bad but like mother fucker do u not kno how easy it is to get lost in thr fucking woods?#theyre like: this person was an experienced hiker. they wouldnt have just done X#like no. fuck off. it only takes one bad move. one bad day. one unexpected run in and boom that's it#its not that crazy???? its not magic or bigfoot. its ppl getting confused or disoriented and panicking#i mean. obvously not in every case but fucking im like 99% sure its not spooky stuff. its just easier than youd like to think to get lost#my little sister got lost in the woods when she was like 6. she took a wrong turn on a hiking path and walked so far my dad almost turned#back bc he thought she would never get that far but there she was. one tiny blip in a big big forest and she was on a path#its so so easy to miss one tiny point out there. this also goes for places out in the desert#like sure its flat. how could a person get lost in an open space? but no fuck u. ive gotten lost walking along a 50m flat transect#i looked up and for about a minute i wasnt where i thought i was. the heat and not drinking or eating enough can really mess with you head#ugh. i dunno. one of my lab mates has done more like serious outdoors stuff. like not going back to civilization for weeks doing field#work out in Colorado. and he says there is something weird about being alone out there. like some places have a call to them. a temptation#compelling you to do things u kno r bad ideas. but i also pressed him and it seems to come from a lack of othet ppl watching you#like a lack of socal constraint enables the temptation to make reckless choices. so like i dunno it sounds more like a human thing#than the supernatural but like what do i kno? anyway. missing 411 stories make me man#mad. god. there was one i watched where the guys were like. hm they seem to happen around weird places like swamps. or around bad weather#events. so maybe these places or events cause disappearances to happen. like fucking no! do u hear what ur saying?????#the disappearences occure around places that are objectively difficult to search under conditions that delay search effort????? is ur brain#broken? the bad conditions make it hard to find ppl so u find less ppl and theyre marked as missing. jesus christ#anyway. its baffling to me. but i keep watching thr videos. probably bc i have nightmares about running into wild animals out in the woods#so im searching for like. god what not to do if i get lost in the woods. when what i shoukd do is watch survival videos rip#unrelated#ugh. also ive done some work in a national park where u would think its super super hard to get lost but our fieldwork got delayed bc ppl#had to go do search and rescue and the person was dead by the time they were found. i dont kno the details but like its a thing that#happens. its not that crazy#not to mention all the dumb fucks who fall of the cliffs every year down where i grew up. every fucking year. it happened to one of our#neighbors. he was at the bottom of this cliff for a whole day and survived. i dunno bad things happen everyday. u r not immune
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Besties.. if you saw me fighting someone would you join in ?
#gamer txt.#i hate to say it but this question actually comes from a very personal and vulnerable place#im not sure why but i was just suddenly struck with a genuinely upsetting thought#i was thinking like 'oh so much humour is joking about hurting and killing people oh no do people think im joking'#like. esp with yknow the whole homoerotic death matches and everything#like i really hope people arent confusing my posts with those i really do want to hurt people for the sake of it#im not even sure why this worries me so much#maybe cause like? no one questions it here and ppl join in and the idea that that support wasnt. intended that way got to me
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Every guy in Yakuza seems like they have enough social awkwardness for Tien to role his eyes at…
there's no feasible chance on earth any man can be more awkward than mountain man tien I'm Going To Hide From My Friends Every Other Year And Then For A Decade After Telling Them I'd Never See Them Again For No Apparent Reason And Only Coming Back Cause the World Was Literally Ending shinhan
#snap chats#i already hear someone go 'what about kiryu' girl he didnt last five years before getting involved again#jo's prob a contender tho. tbh.#anyway i just got back from the fnaf movie#first off please remind me to stop going out to places with kayla i might as well be going by myself#does not help that she walks slow as shit like bro dont make me walk this turtle-ass pace#good things came of the trip tho :) first of all im broke 🧍♂️ since when did movies get so expensive I DIDNT EVEN GET FOOD#i did get a kirby gacha tho :) inflation's starting to hit the gacha machines now too tho what the fuck 😭#last time it was less expensive than the time before and now this is the most exp its been......#wow its not just luck on what you pull its luck on how much money youre dropping BYE#whatever i dont need groceries anyways. really i dont i swear i did all my budgeting this month already#on the bright side i picked up 25 cents collectively today :) might as well call me a millionaire already#ANYWAY someone give me an excuse to post the new kirby he's cute and his feet are a weird color#o my god i didnt even talk about the movie wait. fuck.#watching jp movies and media has been terrible for my us viewing experience cause it just makes it so abundant how.#AUDIBLE us movies are. and the camera cuts jesus fucking christ i could turn it into a drinking game#what's my verdict tho ????? tbh i thought it was cute. im still in awe of the suits tho if anything i give the movie full props for that#heh. props. get it. fr tho i love practical effects and yk what ill take it. cupcake was goofy as hell ngl but ill take it#highkey forgot coreykenshin was in the movie so it was cute being reminded he was there :) love him..#honestly it really was a movie for fans of fnaf already and i aint gonna act like i wasnt a fan of the series in its early years#def not a movie to watch on its own- not that the plot's incomprehensible otherwise but it prob just wont hit#like matpat and corey being there was neat and the credits song took me WAAAY back to when that song first dropped on youtube LOL#sorry ive turned these tags into a fnaf movie review. kayla didnt talk about it with me so i wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere LOL#im running out of tags Anyway i solemnly swear to only talk bout movies that ft mates that star in rgg henceforth <3#im lying of course. i dont know how to shut up <3 but ill shut up rn im making dinner. movie made me hungry for bacon....
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Oh my God, guys, my Dad smokes weed 😂
#found a vape in his office (sleeping on the couch there for christmas)#and at first i thought it was my sisters cause i know she smokes weed#but i was like why would she vape in my dads office she hates him and there are so many other places she could vape#it was right next to a watch though#and my sister has a sizable luxury watch collection#so at first i was like 'must be hers'#but the band was metal with an elastic mechanic which doesnt reek of luxury and it wasnt one of her go to brands#and i looked up the brand and its a watch for blind people#so the vape is definitely my dads but its mine now#whats he gonna do ask someone to help him find it?
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if you need me i’ll be gnawing on a tree branch at the bottom of a deep ravine somewhere in the olympic national forest
#ss original#’nobody wants to work!’ they cry as i get rejected by 50 jobs in a row bc they got too many applications and went with someone else#every single job ive applied to has told me they receive hundreds of applications to each job posting#and i am perfectly qualified! i have a bachelors degree!#im just sad cause the job i applied for at the zoo and i thought the interview went really well rejected me :/#and my other top choice is a long shot tbh but it would be awesome#jfc i really just dont want to go back to retail. PLEASE#honestly if money wasnt an issue i would volunteer at the animal shelter i volunteer at every day#just constantly#cause i love that place and i love being there and helping out and i love what they do#thats where the other job is thats a long shot#and it would be a hard job but im so down for it#… i just so badly dont want to go back to retail but my parents cant help me out forever and im running out of options#unless the perfect job miraculously falls into my lap and i get hired then i realky dont know what else to do#im so tired man#im sick of interviews that go fuckin nowhere#and the generic end of interview ‘we’ve got a couple more interviews then we’ll be in touch by the end of the week!’#proceeds to not contact me at all for at least a month#if ever#this is so sucks man please just employ me i beg
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#writing#poetry#2022#january 2022#january 23 2022#this one REALLY sucks#so many weird choices…#i thought using really old sounding words made it sound cool and more poetic but I didn’t wanna do it all the time#so you get me randomly using “mine”#it sounds so out of place#not gonna hold it against younger me tho cause i know the point of this poem#I was so hung up on emotions and needed to get them out but couldn’t really talk about#cause i wasnt close with any of my friends (+ i was trying out this new thing called actively avoiding talking about feelings to be manly)#So i wrote a shitty clunkly poem#I had this platonic obsession with this guy who comes up a lot in mainly my older poems#if i talk about snowboarding or winter or cold im probably talking about him#Speaking of! I haven’t tagged the title yet have I?#Him#there we go#not tagging for visibility id prefer as little people as possible see this ha
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Having a rain world oc moment. Dysfunctional family of the year award, they were so toxic that one of them found a way to kill themselves in a world where that was supposed to be physically impossible
#rat rambles#rain posting#oc posting#tbc Im talking abt my sliver local iterator group ocs that exists in a narrative place that borders on au#as in the stuff I do with sliver there is the sort of thing Id Never want to be anywhere near canon as I think the best thing narratively#would be for sliver to legitimately just be some guy who happened to find the solution first#but for my enjoyment and the sake of exploring some hashtag themes I chose to have this bubble where they should never breach#oh also idk if Ive said this but Ive renaimed star shes now a stars gaze 👍#just thought her old name was a bit too similar to moon's + it stood out a bit too much amongst the rest of her circle#I also should probably get around to doing a second take on her design at some point since my first concept was very eh#and then maybe one day Ill get to the other three lol#golden boon is a big maybe tho cause quite frankly I don't wanna figure out what I want to do with her design#oh this reminds me I should probably rename to the horizon too simply because her name is kinda boring#I mean all of them are in a way but like y'know#untold prosperity is more of a fit vibe wise than the other three but star is named after her location and the other two were named by a#shitty rich guy who built one of them to be a company town and the other to be a shitty rich person vacation spot#and by built I mean commissioned ofc#this is why boon's puppet just absolutely sucks for them to be stuck with due to it being decorated super heavily#like he has a full gold mask and everything she had to tear that thing off at some point to prevent fruther complications#I could just rename horizon to golden horizon for the bit#just make it abyndantly clear that these two had the same sponsor and he had no ideas#I might actually do that I think itd be funny#but yeah tbf to boon horizon and prosperity sliver mostly did what she did because of star#but on the other hand they absolutely did not help the situation at all and were violently emotionally distant from her the entire time#prosperity wasnt at first intentionally pushing sliver away. they were just too focused on trying to contact star after she cut her coms#but then star sent her 50 page essay on why she hates horizons guys and how she things theyre a horrible person and they snapped#the two used to have a fairly friendly relationship and were much closer back when they were the only two iterators in the area#but as the others came along a rift started forming between the two as prosperity tried rly hard to be the responsible one of the group and#felt that star was forcing all the work of maintaining their volitile fellow iterators onto them#and star felt like horizon had become less and less of a friend and more and more of a coworker every cycle
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Yet Finn is besties with serial abuser, cheater, racist and Zionist Jack Dylan Grazer and you have his profile pic...
Well we don't rly know his day to day personal life... just bcs ur friend does smth bad or believes smth shitty doesn't mean you also believe it,,, 4 me I take people for what they themselves say and finn hasn't said anything in the way noah has 😭😭?? I have a homophobic christian best friend and I'm trans and queer so.. sometimes ur friends don't define who you are but thts just my opinion
#this wasnt rly a huge issue for me in the first place just a passing thought 😭😭#i dont rly care tht badly what celebs are up to tbh unless they publicly support something insane like genocide#yk like ive done my part to help palestine and i continue to support the cause so whatever they choose to do in their private personal life#doesnt rly concern me.. but when they start spreading those messages to thwie fanbases like its okay then its a problem
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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .
#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk#its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared#of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the#but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character#and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest#and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending#but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good#enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else#but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say#bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place#again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up#guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy#flappy rambles
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