#coda analyzes stuff

[coddda]

Everyone knows that Light and L matched each other's freak but I think their dynamic in the musical (the Japanese ver specifically) is underrated. Like it's not super different from canon but they just had this extra edge of Violence that we never quite saw from the more methodical and careful mindgames in canon death note and I think it's great. Like, yes, they did declare in canon that they will bring each other to justice, yes L says he wants to send Kira to his execution, but in the lyrics of the musical they both outright say multiple times that they just want to straight up Kill each other. It's direct the whole way through. There's more mutual contempt. This game is about nothing more than simply being the first one to Kill the Other (they actually use the word "殺し合い" (koroshiau) or "to kill each other" to describe their game (translated as "murderous ... game")).

(Sidenote but all those references about wanting to send each other to Hell?? Beautiful)

Yeah this is a battle of justice and ideals, yes that clash is a key part of their final confrontation at the end of the musical, but throughout their duets (or even songs like The Game Begins where they're singing by themselves) there's this near singleminded desire to just fucking End each other. It's fucking Raw and it's great.

Also THIS FUCKING SCENE?? THIS SCENE FROM SECRETS AND LIES. Iconic. Actually Insane. My jaw dropped. Light looks like a crazy bitch it's beautiful.

Um. Also. Obligatory Playing His Game (yknow the gay sex song) lines dump. It basically says everything I just said above in like 9 lines. You see what I mean right.

In canon they're playing a game of mental chess, trying to use everyone around them to finally catch the other as their end goal, but in the musical you really do feel like all they see is each other. They would probably beat each other to death with their fists if it came down to that. Idk they're just so excited and fired up about their little game in the musical and it's so unhinged and fun and special and I love it. It's like the writers for the musical decided to kick their murderous intent up a couple notches and the result is absolutely Beautiful.

I also think that the intensity of their rivalry in the beginning just makes the wind-down of The Way It Ends soo much better. It's such a good contrast to their previous duets where they try to sing over each other (Secrets and Lies & Stalemate) or with each other but basically at the top of their lungs (Playing His Game). It feels like there's both a quiet mutual understanding but also an underlying disappointment that the game is finally over. In canon, L's death Is instead the peak of their game, the moment he gets confirmation that Light is Kira is the exact same moment that he dies. In the jdrama it's almost sudden, how L dies, after the quiet moment has already passed. But in the musical L's death, ironically, Is the one quieter moment in their game. Their peak was the game itself. It was Secrets and Lies and Playing His Game. But the end of the game in the musical is not a victory, it's just (as L says) the end of everything they'd been wanting up until this point.

Uh. Fuck it. Clip from the Kenji Urai version because I just love his delivery here. His tone just goes so well with the silence and the sound of the clock ticking. You see what I mean right.

Their rivalry in the musical may have been more shortlived but like Damn they were really enjoying every second of it. They were truly insane about each other until the very end. (Like despite everything I just said about the ending it was still unhinged as fuck. Light Making L Shoot Him and then Making L Shoot Himself with L's Own Hand?? Holy shit man. What the fuck /pos)

Musical Light and L your game might've been shorter but you'll always be famous <33 Please never inflict what you had on anyone else ever please stay in hell forever thank you

[disruptivevoib]

I want to talk about the mirror.

So this is about Twine and all the mirror stuff

That being said this involves some.. intense? things. I will explain them as lightly as possible, but a CW: Suicidal Ideation is definitely something that goes in here.

Twine and the mirror kick back actually way to the beginning of the chatroom. Its very interesting how long Twine was gone, which was about 2 months?

But he left initially after a culmination of frustrations and a lot of projection from himself onto Coda (VoR) Soul. I can't go into every intimate detail as to what led up to Twine's mental break, but Coil, failure, realizing how fucked up he'd been towards Yarn, anger ( a lot of that ), and just. Yeah. Coda.

Silence {Ouroboros Soul} (@rosy-fox-art) eventually told Twine to take a break and consult with or be there for his sides. Which is incredibly hypocritical but that is unimportant. Twine in his infinite frustration and also a longing to.. just be better for Mind and Heart fucked off and made his own room, of which he did not previously have.

This room had a computer and a mirror.

An important side note is that the Sun Down thirds can summon things specific to themselves and have properties projected onto them. Think artifacts from TMA if you must, but usually, that projection comes from a mentally ill place.

This being said, the mirror is exactly that. And at the time, Twine was incredibly self-dissecting. I think of Soul as Self-awareness, which can lead to over-analyzation of your wrongdoings and past mistakes and even possible future ones.

The mirror only ever projects back what it is given, however much you give into whatever you see. Twine saw a host of things over that long period of time standing and staring. Because yes, for two months, he stood and he stared and he just sort of tore himself to shreds.

A lot of it comes down to Twine seeing his past self, his Whole, and a couple over visions regarding the ideation of a rope. If you will. As unhealthy and self-destructive as this was, to some degree, a part of Twine was trapped in that mirror, thus he couldn't leave. And it would have changed him, though not for any kind of the better.

He left once, initially, when Ozzy (Voice of Reason Heart) (@agent-8449) showed up. They had their beef. Which I won't get into, it was not pretty. Twine is an asshole, Ozzy is also an asshole. However, he wound up leaving again to return when Yarn left to the Voice of Reason Psyche in a mixed attempt to help Tinker and keep Ozzy from being sent back.

Coil and Ozzy would later (I can't even say if it was hours or a day) find Twine and I cannot say get rid of the mirror, Ozzy did break it and Coil did throw away *most of it.

However by now, Twine was pretty out of it. Distressed and crying then fully dazed and out of it. He came back from that very quickly when Ozzy, *still mirror-possessed, was trying to essentially link with Coil and eat his thoughts. (Won't go into it.) Which he did indeed skewer Ozzy like a kebab for.

Notes:

"Most of it" as in he kept one piece in order to try and understand what it was for

"mirror-possesed" as in Ozzy ate the mirror. He ate the glass. He was eating glass.

Also, Twine's trident is obscenely hot, however, while not immortal, the Sun Down Thirds are immune to the effects of temperature in terms of harm. They can feel it, but they don't get frostbite or spontaneously combust. Mainly because they absorb energy a lot, or are functionally energy, and thus because the Psyche isn't /real/ in terms of the body... yeah, they just. don't take damage. (poorly explained. Apologies, its 4:30 a.m.)

[frangipanilove]

Pilgrims Under The Field Of Stars

St. James, St. Christopher and Santiago de Compostela (part 1) (part 2)

This is piggybacking off of @bookqueenrules' excellent post about Daryl's pilgrimage. I mentioned Santiago de Compostela briefly in this post from the other day, where I promised that I would dig up my old notes and compile it into a post.

The symbolism around the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela was among the first things I started researching back when I became part of TD. I was trying to make heads or tails of the Sirius symbolism and all the astronomical references on the show, such as the Sirius and the Venus symbolism, the North Star symbolism and other things. The “Way of St. James”, or Camino de Santiago to Santiago de Compostela, the world famous pilgrimage under "the field of stars" seemed to fit the symbolism perfectly.

It all really started with Morgan. Who can forget the coda after 5x8 Coda? The thing was, he gave me major pilgrim vibes. His whole demeanor, his chlothes, his backpack, his apparent “peace of mind”. His bow staff always reminded me of a pilgrim’s walking stick…

We watched him reach Father Gabriel’s church, and it was almost as though it had been the goal of his "pilgrimage" all along. He placed a series of mementos/trinkets on the alter (relics?), and as we all remember, he “resurrected” the cross that many of us interpreted as a representation of the "resurrection" of Beth. He had a moment of silent contemplation, before he smiled in contentment.

The rabbit’s foot was one of the items he “presented” on the alter. It was originally gifted to him by Eastman in 6x4 Here’s Not Here. I’ve talked about how Beth’s connected to the symbolism around rabbits here.

In those early days of analyzing the symbolism, Morgan always struck me as something of a St. Christopher figure. Back in those days, TD was very concerned about what role Morgan would play in Beth’s “resurrection”. He was the first thing we saw after Beth’s “death”. There was also the fact he had "resurrected" the cross. It seemed plausible that he would somehow be involved in “resurrecting” Beth as well. Back then, we all assumed this would happen within a few episodes. Obviously it didn’t happen that way, but regardless, many of our theories around that time involved Morgan in some way.

St. Cristopher was the patron saint of travelers, especially those driving motor vehicles, which again seemed particularly fitting because of all the car symbolism around Beth. There’s an enormous amount of car weirdness around Beth, I’ve written about it here, here and here, but also in a bunch of other posts.

After I had started to see Morgan as St. Christopher, I couldn’t unsee it:

St. Christopher’s claim to fame was that he had carried a helpless child across a river, not knowing the child in reality was Christ. Beth, much like Rick, was always surrounded by resurrection symbolism on TWD, making them both Christ figures. If Morgan, a possible St. Christopher figure, had found her after 5x8 Coda, helpless in a car, and carried her to safety, it would have been a great parallel to the story of St. Christopher and Christ.

Another thing that lined up extremely well with TD's theories around cars and Beth's resurrection was this:

Yes, St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, “including motorists”…

Being kidnapped and thrown into the trunk of a car qualifies as being a “motorist” in my world… Good thing there’s a saint that protects against that stuff...

St. Christopher medallions are normally kept hanging from the rear view mirror of cars:

Which is interesting, because in 5x16 we saw this:

Morgan, making sure to grab his rabbit’s foot that was hanging from the rear view mirror of his car. I was always inclined to interpret him as a St. Christopher figure, and with imagery like this, it seemed like it couldn’t be entirely coincidental.

There were also other things about St.Christopher that seemed to fit perfectly into the symbolism around Beth, such as the fact that St. Christopher is sometimes shown as a dog in iconography:

Obviously, any type of dog symbolism would immediately be in my radar. It was the Sirius symbolism that put me on the path to Santiago de Compostela, to the pilgrimage under the field of stars in the first place, as Sirius refers to Sirius the Dog Star:

There were other things as well. Pilgrims along the Camino de Santiago like to place their worn out pilgrim boots on trail markers along the way. I thought that this type of imagery was quite similar to all the boot/foot/shoe symbolism we see in TWD:

My theory on the foot/shoe/boot/dismembered limb symbolism we’ve seen on the show, is that it’s a reference to the British English word “boot’ which translates to “trunk” in American English. Basically, it’s trunk symbolism. But I wondered if the themes around “pilgrimage” could be a part of it as well. Symbolism in TWDU is always multi-layered, so it was definitely a possibility.

Also, keep in mind that Morgan's rabbit's foot is also part of the foot/shoe/boot/dismembered limb symbolism. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if all the other dismembered limbs were foreshadows and callbacks to Morgan's rabbit's foot.

We saw Beth get her foot trapped in an animal trap, and through the years, we’ve seen countless examples of this type of imagery:

We saw Jadis steal Rick’s boots in season 6, we saw Father Gabriel step on a nail and get a minor crucifixion and a stigmata wound in 5x8 Coda, we saw Daryl examine and bandage Beth’s ankle in 4x13 Alone…

Further, it’s interesting that the symbol of Camino de Santiago to Santiago de Compostela is a scallop shell. It’s the same kind of shell we see around the Venus symbolism and the "Birth of Venus" painting:

We saw Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” (or a replica, I would assume, seeing as the original is at the Uffizi in Florence, Italy) in season 3, when Merle tortured Glenn at Woodbury:

But even though there were many interesting coincidences, they existed mostly in my own head, and there wasn’t really anything tangible or groundbreaking in terms of the symbolism pertaining to pilgrimage, Santiago de Compostela and St. Christopher anywhere in TWDU….

…until season 6 of FTWD rolled around:

Daniel Salazar, seen here perfectly healthy after having been shot in the head, pulling out a St. Christopher medallion in FTWD 6x2 Welcome To The Club. I had been theorizing about St. Christopher since right after Coda, and suddenly a St. Christopher medallion appears in FTWD...

Let me say that again: TPTB placed a St. Christopher medallion on a character who survived getting shot in the head:

Now why would TPTB ever do such a thing?

Well perhaps because…

…it protects people who wear it! Yup, that’s why. The symbolism is about protecting travelers, remember? Motorists in particular, including kidnapped girls in trunks of cars...

We saw the St. Christopher medallion regularly from season 6 and onwards, It changed owner quite a few times, before it finally was gifted to Alicia by Victor Strand, and became inextricably linked to her.

At one point, Alicia and Strand had a falling out. Her boyfriend Will brought the medallion to Victor Strand, and told him he had taken it from one of the dead, knowing that Strand would recognize it as the same medallion he had gifted to Alicia, tricking him into believing she was dead.

The medallion eventually gets returned to Alicia, and she’s wearing it through her months long fever after her bite, which I’ve discussed here.

Later, Troy (I miss him so much...) showed up as a one-eyed, newly “resurrected” Sirius figure, wearing Alicia’s St. Christopher medallion. This was meant to be "evidence" that he had actually killed her (spoiler alert; he hadn’t, because Alicia was still under protection of the medallion. He tried, but did not succeed at killing her. He did however manage to snatch her medallion, and used it to torment her mother, claiming to have killed her).

Going into the series finale of FTWD I knew the medallion would be part of a “resurrection” of sorts, and I was right. At one point, Tracy, Troy’s daughter gave the medallion back to Madison, who placed it in the empty magazine of a gun and put it in her pocket. Some time later, Tracy shot Madison in retaliation for killing her father Troy:

... but Madison survived, because...

The medallion in the empty magazine stopped the bullet...

Say what you will about resurrection symbolism, but that medallion literally stopped a bullet. And remember, it was introduced to TWDU by a man who survived a gunshot to the head. I'd say its protective powers are pretty substantial, maybe in particular against gunshots.

And, remember how I made a point out of St. Christopher being a protector of motorists and people in cars? Wait till you hear where Madison was when she survived getting shot...

You guessed it, she was in a car indeed, and not just any old car, she was in a Ford Mustang, which I've talked about a few times already. Remember that we saw the blue Ford Mustang in the teaser for TWDDD season 2. Mustangs are absolutely resurrection symbolism, and we can clearly see why here (we can thank eagle-eyed @wdway for discovering that this was another Ford Mustang).

Later, Madison sacrificed herself by burning down the fort with a walker horde inside, something which made Tracy forgive her for killing her father. Madison's lungs were already in rough shape after her first death fake-out a few seasons earlier, when she burned down the Dell Diamond Stadium in a similar fashion. Tracy believed she was now dying, and was actually sad about it. She placed the medallion next to Madison, who then subsequently "woke up” from the "dead":

So, yet another resurrection there.

The next thing that happens, is the "resurrrection" of Alicia, last seen in seasson 6 after miraculously recovering from a walker bite. She is the first person in TWDU to get bitten, develop the fever and then subsequently recover from the fever, and that in itself demonstrates the immense powers of the medallion:

And if that's not enough resurrection symbolism for one day, Alicia brought Skidmark, Daniel's cat. Remember the cat symbolism from TOWL 1x6, when Michonne found Jadis' dossier in a cat sculpture...cats are said to have nine lives, and are known to survive the strangest things…

So Alicia "resurrects", there's a reunion between mother and daughter, and there's even a reunion between Daniel and his cat.

That's one powerful medallion if you ask me, reunions and resurrections for miles...

Now, how does this tie into the rumors about Daryl possibly going to Spain for season 3 of TWDDD, and what does it have to do with Beth? Well, remember this all started with Morgan bearing a striking resemblance with a pilgrim, and it was Morgan, who through subtle hints introduced the symbolism around St. Christopher to TWDU. It was formalized in FTWD 6x2, but it started literally right after Beth had been shot in Coda. The St. Christopher symbolism was brought on to FTWD by a character who had survived getting shot in the head, so idk, those types of injuries aren’t necessarily fatal I guess??? Especially not when you're protected by the patron saint of travellers and motorists...? I wonder who else this possibly could apply to…?

The symbolism around St. Christopher deals specifically with protection of motorists and people who travel by car…or who have been kidnapped and thrown into the trunk of a car, and potentially also been put in the trunk of a car to be protected from an incoming walker horde or something to that effect…

And the symbolism comes from a man who once assisted a helpless child in crossing a river, not knowing the child in reality was Christ. It would be interesting if Morgan, our St. Christopher figure assisted Beth, our helpless Christ figure in getting to safety somehow after Coda, like our early theories suggested.

In TWDDD 1x6 Coming Home, we hear Losang, leader of The Nest, explain how he first ran into Laurent and the nuns while returning from a pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. It was the references to the stars of the Milky Way under which the pilgrims traveled that put me on the track of Santiago de Compostela all those years ago, we’re talking after season 5 here. And now we finally have the first explicit reference to the Camino de Santiago and Santiago de Compostela in TWDDD 1x6.

Likewise, it was Morgan’s appearance, right after Beth had been “killed” in 5x8 Coda that put me on the track of St. Christopher, and while the clues seen around Morgan were subtle at first, we finally got the first explicit St. Christopher reference in FTWD 6x2 Welcome To The Club. And the medallion symbolizes reunion, resurrection and rebirth, that much is abundantly clear.

Then there’s the fact that St. Christopher in eastern iconography is depicted with a dog’s head, something which ties him even closer to the Sirius symbolism and the astronomical themes around Santiago de Compostela, the “field of stars”.

To me, it’s very reassuring when symbolism stays consistent over time, and this has been a symbolism slow burn unlike any other. It’s been subtle at times, but it’s definitely been there, and now it’s getting more and more explicit.

So, will we possibly discover that Beth is explicitly implemented in the symbolism around St. Christopher and Santiago in TWDDD season 3? Considering that the working title of TWDDD was “Pilgrim”, and pilgrims are most definitely travelers, therefore protected by St. Christopher, I think we can say that at the very least, there’s thematic entanglement. Add to that, the Camino de Santiago, or the “Way of St. James” as it translates into in English, is all about pilgrims. St. James, or simply “Jacob” (Santiago), is the patron saint of pilgrims. I know that others, such as @galadrieljones have studied the symbolism around “Jacob” extensively, and would probably have a lot of additional insight on that.

So, as @bookqueenrules suggested in her post, is Daryl on a pilgrimage in Europe, and will he find Beth?

The symbolism seems to suggest "yes", so sure, why not?

[oberorka]

rewatching a playthrough of The Beginner's Guide and I always think man, I honestly want people to analyze and break down my stuff like Davey did with some of Coda's earlier games. of course if someone did the kinda thing Davey ends up doing I would be quite upset just like Coda, but that initial curiosity, that attention to what the author is trying to convey, personally tickles my neurons. it can give said author some neat ideas too. so like idk if ur genuinely curious about any of my stuff feel free to express it with like questions or theories cuz i just love answering and reading those respectively

[disasterfandoms]

Seal Team CODA || Boarding Party

A/n: This is episode 3 of the CODA series for the Trent and Full Metal series on AO3! I'm excited to be posting these characters again and writing for them! ALso this is the first time i'm introducing Elijah, Brock's boyfriend and an OC me and @bravo-four-seal-team created!

TW: pregnancy, cliff hanger at the end.

BEFORE THE OP:

“I’m pregnant,” Amelia spoke, looking over at Trent, who was getting ready for work. 

“What?” Trent asked, assuming her didn’t hear her correctly. 

Amelia looked at him directly in the eyes, standing up and walking to her. “I’m pregnant,” she repeated, swallowing down the fears she felt, trying to see how he felt. 

“Oh…” Trent spoke barely above a whisper, processing what he was being told. “Are you okay?”

Amelia nodded, puzzled by the question. “I’m fine…” she trailed off, trying to figure out how he felt about it. 

He nodded, kissing her cheek. “I got to go, I’m running late. I’ll call you as soon as I get off, and we can pick up where we left off?”

Amelia nodded, “alright,” she forced a smiled, kissing his cheek. “I love you,.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, kissing her gently before immediately grabbing everything he needed for work, leaving to go to his truck, trying not to panic on the way to base. 

Amelia watched as he left, visibly deflating. That didn’t go how she hoped, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. 

——————

“Trent,” Brock called out, shaking his head when the man was zoned out, focused on cleaning his gun after having an intense session on the range. When he tapped his shoulder, though, Brock didn’t expect the man to jump like he had been tazed. 

“Sorry,” Trent sighed, realizing it was just Brock. 

“You good?” He asked, analyzing his friend, who seemed on edge. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good,” Trent mumbled, although his mind was anywhere other than the base. 

“Yeah sure,” Brock shrugged, not really believing his friend. “Having nightmares again?”

He sighed, shaking his head. “No, nightmares are fine. Just some… family stuff.”

Brock nodded, “Alright well, can’t let it distract you, brother.”

Trent waved him off, moving to start another session at the range, when their phones went off. Sighing, he packed up and headed inside, awaiting another mission. 

——————

Amelia was busy at her apartment, stress cleaning away the thoughts swirling in her mind. 

What if he didn’t want this baby? What if he never wanted kids in the first place? 

She should have seen that coming, to be honest. Look at Metal, he swears up and down he never wanted a wife or a family, that it messed up his laser focus on the mission, on his brothers. 

The thought of losing her boyfriend caused a tear to fall, though she quickly wiped away as she continued to scrub the tile flooring. She couldn’t think about that, she needed to focus on the baby, and her life, and how it would forever be changed in just 8 months. 

————-

Brock walked into his apartment, waiting for his boyfriend’s dog, Axel, to come get him. Sighing as he realized that Elijah and Axel were on patrol. 

He wrote a note for his boyfriend and sat it on the counter.  He then looked around the apartment, scanning to make sure his hidden gift was still in place, as long as everything else. 

He was getting anxious over his plan for their anniversary, in a few days. He had everything set up, from the speech to the moment he wanted to enact his plan. 

He sighed, heading back out the door, going to grab pizza before he was inevitably called back. 

—————

After the OP:

Trent stumbled into his front door, exhaustion seeping through his pores. He was practically half asleep on the way home, the OP wiping out any energy he had. 

He put his bag down in the entryway, rubbing his face when he saw Ashley sitting in the living room. “Hey kid,” he murmured, moving to sit beside her, “You Alright?”

“Yeah, shittin’ rainbows and unicorns,” she grumbled sarcastically, taking a drink of the beer she had grabbed. 

“Should get some sleep,” he murmured, taking the beer from her and taking a sip. 

“So should you,” she spoke quietly. “Your girlfriend stopped by.”

“Amelia, yeah,” Trent murmured, rubbing his eyes. “She okay?”

Ashley shrugged, “How should I know? She dropped off something on the counter, waved to me, and left.”

Trent frowned, standing up and moving to the letter. Opening it, his eyes grew wide as he read the contents. 

He grabbed his phone and sent a text to her, telling him to call her. 

“No. I’ll see you in a day or two, Trent. I love you.” She replied, tears streaming down her face.

[tailoredshirt]

I agree with everything you said about the discourse. I guess my (hopefully not too controversial) opinion about fandom is that, ultimately, positive interpretations are always going to be more popular than negative ones, and that shouldn't be a surprise. Especially when it comes to characters people adore like TK and Carlos.

At the end of the day, the LS fandom is heavily Tarlos focused. The vast majority of people love both TK and Carlos, and are here to share that love and enjoy the wee woo show. People who don't like or want to criticise either of them shouldn't be dogpiled or cancelled, but they're always going to be in the minority, and a lot of people just won't be interested in engaging in those kinds of discussions. I think some people would probably be happier if they accepted that rather than leading a crusade to try to get other people to change their minds, often in not the nicest of ways. Obviously that's not what everyone has been doing, but in the last couple of days I've seen some pretty unkind comments from some anons, and it's going to get exhausting fast if that keeps happening.

I think that's very true that people would rather talk about positive stuff. I'm interested in reading people's thoughts, including criticism, and I think sometimes that can be fun! Like I will come out of a movie with my mom and start analyzing the themes and the message, or pointing out weak elements of the film, and she's not interested at all. She used to think that I was just being negative, but I really just wanted to discuss it with someone! But with fandom discourse I get through 2.5 posts and I'm like OK GREAT GAME EVERYONE WHO'S WRITING THE SMUT CODA HIT THE SHOWERS. I get overwhelmed by it pretty quickly in a fandom setting because there are so many opinions, even when, by the grace of god, people are not upset by each other.

I admit that I have also fallen into the trap of wanting fandom to do/be something it isn't going to be, and it is very frustrating and not very enjoyable.

[fangirl-saya]

Who???? Who is this guy? I spent like two hours screenshotting every angle of all four of the CODA meetings and he's nowhere. He's not even in this meeting until he gets killed. Is this some cameo? (I haven't finished watching the commentary yet. Is it addressed there? Maybe I should've watched that instead of analyzing stuff frame by frame? Also, why, Saya. Why do you care?)

[halamet-chalamet]

hello!! I saw your Spencer Reid headcanons and I LOVE IT!! I'd like to put my own in, if that's okay! I'm around 5'5, I have short brown hair with matching eyes. I've always felt super SUPER insecure about my nose, though-- it seems too flat for my face. my style completely ranges, but I stick more towards a 'flashy' esque-- I like being impressionable to whoever I see, even if I've known them for years! I'm an ENTP. My interests are musical theater, art, basically anything in the fine arts and I love it! except for instruments... not very good with those. though I am trying to get back into piano! I'm (ironically) learning "The Smile of a Child", better known in it's appearance in the episode "Coda". I love singing, it's a huge passion of mine. I'm very outgoing, and I like meeting people, but I'm more than a bit awkward while meeting new people. I only like eye contact after looking over someone's body language, and learning their name. I'm insecure about my laugh but I rock it-- I just think I'm a bit too loud and obnoxious at times. I study psychology in my free time-- especially the aspects that sleep has on our lives. Just last night I talked to my friend about getting more sleep! I'm caring, and I stress bake A LOT-- I won the "Betty Crocker" award in my company. Another thing I do to wind down is to listen to music-- I usually listen to Bruno Major to wind down for the night. I'm an insomniac, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD, which most likely explains all of the above!! tysm and sorry for the infodump omg <3

Never apologize for info dumping me! You sound like you’re so beautiful! I love unique noses they’re so beautiful!! Also I’m an ENTP tooo so… twinsies! Okay you and Spencer let’s gooooo~

Spencer needs someone kind of exciting!

He loves your fashion sense!! And your boldness and how it’s truly you he just adores it!

Spence kisses your nose ><

He’s not a big lip kisser in general, in public especially

So he would give you a quick nose kiss. Even if you told him to stop he would pout like “nooo why?” And do it again.

I think he also loves theatre!!! And for a date would buy tickets to a show you’ve really been wanting to see.

asks you to sing him to sleep but only once and it was after a really bad case and poor baby was so embarrassed and so surprised when you said yes..

Giggles but is so encouraging while he watches you learn piano

Always hits you with the “it’s sounding nice honey”

In the most domestic adorable way

Also he loves your laugh

I think he himself is insecure about his because he thinks it sounds dorky

But Spencer thinks your laugh is the most adorable sound in the world

He probably has some weird facts about laughing let’s be honest

Spencer gets so happy when you’re excited to meet the BAU team! He loves seeing you interact with them!!

Imagine since you study psychology and like to observe people the way you do. You and Spencer at some social gathering just profiling, analyzing, observing, and slightly judging everybody. It would be the funniest thing

Spence and you can trade sleep psychology facts! He’d fall deeper in love lets be honest.

Bake for or with this man

If you bake for him he’s so thankful and continually compliments it.

He’s all “this is actually the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Ever.”

If you bake with him tho??

He’s super precise about all the ingredients and probably throws flour at you once :0

Helps you however he can with your anxiety and ADHD!

If you’re ever uncomfortable in a situation he gets you out quiiiick

Spencer just loves you okay osbaixnaonapmzjaiwpjfoakd

Okay thank you for listening to me rant!! I hope you like it :) have an awesome super extra fantastic lovely day/ noon/ night. Love you byeeeee

A/N: Thank you guys for all the ship requests! I might (key word might) be closing them soon to catch up, but so far I’m pretty on top of them! Just a reminder that I also write blurbs and stuff if you ever have a request like that! I need to find out how to link my request rules in my bio tho.. anyway love you all byeeee 👋💕

[narratingvoice]

[[spoilers for The Beginner's Guide, also this post will make no sense if you haven't played it]]

Erm... I'm back. Just a status update for you all. I am here in the Parable, and I am still recovering emotionally from my journey. I truly don't know what I expected to find in The Beginner's Guide, but it wasn't that. I thought surely if I visited Davey's other work I would gain some insight into where I came from, yet now I feel more confused than I did before I started this whole mission. Confused and disturbed. I know the game is fictionalized and not fully autobiographical, but... I cannot tell where the truth ends and the story begins. Is Coda a stand-in for a real person? Is Davey really as selfish and cruel as he portrays himself? If so, I don't think I want to know much more about him.

The worst part is I see parts of myself in him. The clinginess, the constant need for validation. I tried getting into a conversation, asking questions about why I exist the way I do, but I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was like I wasn't even there and he was just musing to himself. It reminded me of a very dark time in my life, when I was stuck in one place with no one to talk to and I just talked to myself over and over again. I suppose the prison motifs in Coda's work didn't help in that regard. It was like looking into a funhouse mirror version of all the stuff I tried to bottle up about myself. I found myself trying to change the story, trying to rip up lampposts from the ground and smash doors into splinters, but the game is entirely linear. I was swept along helplessly, spiralling into infinitely meta anxiety. For how can one even analyze the meaning of a game that's about analyzing games for meaning? How can I come to any conclusion without doing exactly what Davey did to his friend, and betraying my own principles in the process?

I return home now with a feeling of vague shame and disgust, my head spinning around the paradox before me. Coda, if you do exist, I'm sorry on behalf of my (our?) creator. I hope you find your creative spark again. As for me, I have some thinking to do. And some planning. There's an important date coming up and I don't want to miss it.

[rayne-the-neutrois-nerd]

A Little Analysis Of The Cardassian Language

It's been bugging me for a while now that we never hear actual Cardassian being spoken before; the only hints we get at the language is through names of people, places, and basically just nouns. No verbs, no adjectives, nothing like that. So, being the absolute geek I am, I got working on writing down every word I could find in the shows canon from Memory Alpha and such, and analyzed the structure of the words. I didn't use stuff from the Beta canon mostly because I'm not familiar with it.

A couple quick notes before I get into this. First of all, I'm not a professional linguist, I'm just a nerd for language, so it's entirely possible to make mistakes. Second of all, this is mostly going to be about the consonants because due to my own possible mispronunciations, the vowels were difficult to tie down. I was only looking at a list of words and they didn't have any pronunciation guide or audio with them.

Okay, so after I made my list of words I went through each of them and, from my own pronunciations or how I remember the names being said, I highlighted the sounds in the IPA (international phonetic alphabet) in red, as seen above. The blue is one's I'm not super sure on, or only showed up once or twice. The black is impossible sounds, and the grey is ones that may be possible, but there's either no evidence or symbol for them.

Another quick note: the symbols usually sound the same as the romanized letter that is used, but sometimes it's different, such a the symbol "j" actually sounds more like how we say a "y" in words like "young".

The Consonants I found present are: p, b, m, v, θ, t, d, n, s, z, ɹ, l, ʃ, j, k, g, ŋ, h, dʒ, w, and ʔ-the glottal stop (this is a sort of catch in your throat, like when you say "uh-oh". The dash represents the glottal stop. It's also commonly symbolized by an apostrophe. Klingon actually really loves using this.)

The (possible) Vowels are: i, ɪ, e, æ, a, ɶ, ə, ɐ, u, o, ɑ, ʊ. I am certain of the a, e, i, o, and u sounds, but the others I don't really know about. Also, there were no dipthongs, or vowel combinations, that I found.

The syllable structure is (C)V(C), or (Consonant)Vowel(Consonant). The Onsets possible, or first consonant of the syllable, are: k, d, ɹ, b, l, h, dʒ, z, m, g, t, v, s, n, p, θ, ʃ. The Offets, or ending consonant, are: ɹ, s, n, l, t, k, m, ŋ, d. The Coda consists of all vowels, no consonants work double duty here.

Like all languages, Cardassian obviously prefers some sounds and uses them much more often than others. Here's a list from most to least common and how many times I counted them in my list (consonants only again, sorry, I really struggled with the vowels)

ɹ (76), l (53) k (44), ŋ (43), t (41), m (28), s (24), d (20), p (12), v (10), g (10), dʒ (10), b (7), z (5), h (5), br (4), pr (4), j (3), ʃ (2), gʰ (2), kr (2), θ (2), ŋ (1), tr (1), gˡ (1), w (1)

Here's some other notes about things I found while looking these over.

Some of the consonants I found I wasn't super sure of, because they only show up a few times, and I'm not sure if they are consonant combinations or a single consonant affected by a diacritic.

The one's I'm unsure of are: br, gʰ, pr, kr, tr, gˡ.

"w" Was used in a single word, so I wasn't sure if I should include that into the list.

The glottal stop is only used next to a vowel (ex. Darhe'el).

Some consonants are doubled in a word, but the sound is the same. It could be something like how Korean has ㅉ, ㄲ, ㅆ, etc, where it's doubled up but the base sound is the same.

There sure are a lot of voiced consonants and very few unvoiced. This makes me wonder if Cardassians have a hard time un-voicing sounds. They also don't have the "f" sound which is very interesting.

(Oh, also voiced vs unvoiced would be like the difference in "f" and "v". F is unvoiced, which means your vocal chords aren't vibrating, and V is voiced, where they do vibarate. Hold your throat while saying "fan" and "van" and you can literally feel the difference.)

This is probably just gonna be a part 1, considering that it's not perfect yet, and just sorta quick observations I jotted down. If any of you have any additions or corrections to what I have here, I can add them into an edit. (Crediting ofc). I may also make some additions of my own and I'll add any date I edited this at the end of the post.

Kinda sucks we don't know how much about how their grammar works, since we only get nouns, so it might be fun to speculate how Cardassian is structured. But honestly this was kind of fun, and it's such a shame this is underutilized because it would be really nice to hear more languages used.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

TWD 11x13: Warlords - Analysis

So, here’s the thing about this episode. It’s very action-oriented, with not as much emotional stuff or symbolism to focus on. Because of that, I watched it twice when it first hit the app, and still didn’t feel like I had a good handle on things. I don’t mean what was actually happening (although sort of that) but on the symbolism and what everything means and is leading to. 

And let me just say that there’s a lot going on here that we AREN’T seeing, in addition to what we are. So, I finally realized I was going to have to go scene by scene and event by event to really understand what’s happening in the epiosde. I had to analyze the actual events and action in order to understand the bigger picture.

So, today I’ll give you my scene-by-scene analysis. Tomorrow we’ll talk symbolism, foreshadow, and templates, and then on Wednesday I’ll give you some observations and weirdnesses about the episode that my fellow theorists picked up on. Just some general discussion and such. 

***As always, spoilers abound below for the episode. Don’t read until you’ve watched.***

So, here we go. 

First scene (Elijah/Lydia/Marco). They’re having a contest and say it’s 8 to 9. Then Elijah says that will only be the case for another 10 seconds. No idea if we should read into those numbers or not.

Lydia is wearing a faded yellow vest here.

The rider/guy who was in Aaron’s group is named Jessie. I think it’s safe to say Jessie can join Sam among the TWD red-shirt names.

Maggie/Lydia/Elijah/Marco. They try to convince Maggie to help this group, but she’s resisting. They keep talking about barely getting by, which as I think Ann pointed out earlier in the week, is just surviving, but not living. Beth theme.

Georgie is mentioned. Not in great detail. They just say that the map to HT must have come from someone they know. Like, someone at the CW or Georgie. (It came from Negan.) But this means Maggie believes Georgie is still alive and well out there somewhere. I’m assuming we’ll either see her again, or learn her fate at some future point.

Lydia says this group is also just barely getting by, and it’s exactly the type of group Alpha would have targeted. That’s a foreshadow that this group is being targeted by someone. And we definitely get that feeling from the whole Lance situation, but I wonder this refers only to the Lance situation in this episode, or something bigger we haven’t seen yet.

Maggie asks Lydia if she’s staying. She says no, she is leaving, but she wants to help these people first. That’s pretty much exactly what Michonne said when she left, so I’m kind of seeing Lydia as a Michonne proxy here. Plus, we get another hint toward that later in the white phone Aaron uses for pictures. While parts of this definitely scream Beth, I also wonder if portions of it point toward finding Rick as well.

By the blue truck:

This is a blue pickup truck, rather than a suburban. Even so, it’s the exact shade of the blue suburban from 4x16. That’s what it reminded me of. And given all the other interesting hints, I think it’s important. I had hoped for the license plate from Alone and Coda, but it doesn’t have any plates at all. So, no cookie there.

We also see Maggie saying goodbye to Hershel. Purely because of your idea about Hershel and Leah, Ann, I’m wondering if Hilltop is gonna get gutted again while Maggie is gone, and she’ll return to find Hershel missing. I know we’re nowhere near the end of the season, so maybe not, but it depends on how long this current arc lasts. Depending on the pacing, Maggie really could not return to HT until 11c.

Conversation in the truck:

We didn’t get any mention of Beth out of Maggie’s story (damn!) but her story was about a drought, or lack of water. Kind of interesting.

I also noticed that she said, “we stuck together” and “we made it through.” That mirrors Annie’s speech (the woman with Negan) that she gives near the end. So, there’s a circularity to Maggie saying this near the beginning, and then Annie saying it to the people in the apartment complex. Though there aren’t any major Beth-smoking-guns in this episode, I do still believe Annie is a Beth proxy, and we’ll see that more as the arc continues. So, it’s interesting that Maggie used these lines talking about the farm, where Beth would have been, and then the woman who is a proxy to Maggie’s sister says the same thing.

Maggie also tells Lydia that the people from the CW haven’t been tested in 10 years, and asks if she really wants to be present when they are. That’s an obvious foreshadow that they’ll be “tested” at some point. More than likely it will be a wall-falls-down-letting-walkers-in-causing-people-to-run-and-scream-and-putting-TF-on-the-front-lines-defending-everyone-again sort of situation.

Here is one of the big ones that made me think this sequence is the KEY to future storylines. (See what I did there?) When Maggie, Lydia, and Elijah almost hit the CW walkers, there’s something hanging from Maggie’s rearview mirror. At first, it’s blurry bc the focus is on the walkers outside the car. Then they shift the focus so the object hanging from the mirror comes into focus. It’s a KEY hanging from a leather cord.

That’s SUPER significant to me. Yeah, I totally scream “key symbolism!” every time we see one. But usually it’s either something said in dialogue, or there’s a function for the key in the scene. Such as two weeks ago when Eugene used the keys in Calhoun’s apartment to open his footlocker.

But this one is just hanging there. You can kind of see it throughout the scene while Maggie drives and talks to Lydia, but they don’t focus on it. Then, at this part, they focus on it in a big way. I feel like it’s the writers doing a Will Smith and going, “Dun, dun, DUN!”

I also thought about Morgan’s rabbit foot and how that was suspended from a rearview mirror. I’m sure there’s a purposeful parallel there, but not sure how to interpret it. If key = Beth and rabbit’s foot = Beth, then maybe it’s just that. But what’s the significance of it hanging from the mirror? Rearview mirrors help you look behind you, so it might be about understanding the past or some such. And this whole episode’s structure was about giving us current scenes without context (as Eugene said) and then going back into the past to show us what led up to it. Just some food for thought.

Next we go to Gabe’s sermon. Gabe is quoting scriptures about the Prodigal Son, saying, the man’s son was dead and is now alive. He was lost, and now is found. It really doesn’t get more resurrection-y or missing girl theme than that. And this is the beginning of an arc I think may be the “key” to what comes next. So, it’s cool to see return/resurrection symbolism at the beginning. There’s also an “us” theme. Gabe says there’s a thread that ties them all together, which is removing labels and class status and realizing they’re all the same (Terminus theme). He then says that thread is what “makes us try, makes us forgive, makes us return from peril, makes us…us.”

When Gabe and Aaron talk, Aaron says what they went through felt like it wasn’t real. Like it was just a nightmare. The “not real” reminds me of Maggie’s line to Glenn about Beth in 5x10, and I know I’ve said that before, so we’ve seen this theme other places. But the nightmare part was one of those times I knew we’d heard it before, but couldn’t remember where. I could even hear the line in my head. “This is a nightmare. And nightmares end.” Took me a few minutes to remember it was Bob who said that. (To Rick, I think?) Not sure if they’re trying to specifically parallel Aaron to Bob, or it’s just a parallel theme.

 I also noted there were red and white candles burning. The apartment complex is on the border of Western Virginia. Which you could see as being equidistant between Alexandria and the CW. We don’t know exactly how far from the border each is situated, but the border means it’s directly between the two states.

Toby/Gabe/Aaron/Jessie getting ready to go to the apartments. There are a few death omens here. First, Toby says the soldiers will be just a “chirp” away. Bird reference. But the soldier’s name is Sgt. Crow. I thought of the crows in the opening credits eating eyeballs and such. Yeah, I think that’s a bad omen.

Also, Gabe asks how many people Toby has ever found. He says 4. Gabe then says there are 40 in the complex. At first, I thought of Christ’s time of trial in the wilderness (40 days and 40 nights). But actually, if you add them together, they = 44. Comic book issue where Andrea is shot and survives. I think we’ve seen 44s a FEW other places, but the main one was with Morgan in the coda of Coda. So, if this is the intro sequence that will lead to her, you could see this as the spot the coda “skipped” to, and now we’ll be picking up Beth’s story line again through this story line.  Totally missed that the first time through.

At the apartment building, there’s a cross on the bricks, and many other religious symbols.

I’m very intrigued by the fact that this group has scythes. Because a scythe represents the Grim Reaper. But these people aren’t reapers. Leah’s group was. So, from a creative perspective, you would think the writers would specifically NOT use that weapon because it’s too close to the Reaper theme. But having them carry this is clearly a purposeful decision. I’m not sure what to make of that, especially as most of the people carrying the Scythes are dead by the end of this episode, but it’s interesting.

Minor details: the bald woman has interesting jewelry. She has a necklace with a tree on it, and several that are knots. Swirl earrings. Aaron’s bag is like Beth’s from Alone in style, but it’s brown rather than black.

Then they get to the leader. He asks about hookers and addicts and the “bad” part of town. That was super weird and random. I mean, I know he’s being sarcastic, but it was just an odd thing to have him ask about. Not saying it’s a Beth thing or anything. Just weird.

He told a story about a guy named Billy Johnson. I don’t have much insight into the name, but it was so specific, I wonder if we’ll hear more about it at some point.

There was a wolf theme here. The leader said several times, “wolves dressed as sheep, speaking lies.” So again, we had the Reapers, and Leah’s last name is Shaw, which means wolf. Now, we have this group, who carry scythes and keep talking about wolves. Not entirely sure what the connection is there. I thought about this group representing the Reapers in a template sort of way, but…meh. I’m not sure. I won’t be able to draw better conclusions until we get more of the story.

We saw a similar wolf theme around Alpha, but I think the writers use this wolf/sheep theme for any group that hunts down other innocents and uses them as fodder in some way.

The leader also talks about how he has a responsibility to his people, and how he’s trusted them not only with their lives, but with their souls. So, it seems he’s both the secular and spiritual leader, or at least he thinks he is. We don’t see that very often, so I just thought it was interesting.

He also thinks they’re cannibals. And here’s the next bit where it’s clear we aren’t privy to everything going on. Obviously cannibals is a throwback to Terminus. But it’s more than that. To him, the leader, the fact that they are cannibals seems to be a given. When Aaron asks why on earth they would want to kill his people, his reaction is like, “Duh. Cuz you want our meat.” Why would he think that? Have they had other encounters with cannibals recently? Has their group been attacked recently?

And honestly, I wonder if it might have to do with the Ferals in the house Connie and Virgil were taken to. They did seem to have guided Connie and Virgil there so they could be food for the Ferals, and I feel like that story line will come back around in some iteration. Just conjecture, of course.

Then, another clue. The leaders says, “Ugh. What a day. What a g**d*** day.” Um…why? The only thing we’ve seen of his day is that Aaron’s group, who are pretty friendly and tame, were brought in to see him. He’s far and away more antagonistic to them than they are to him. But suddenly he’s acting like his day has been oh-so-stressful and he just needs it to be over. His interaction with Aaron’s group just doesn’t fulfil that reaction.

So again, I think there’s more going on here. I think this group is already involved in or dealing with something we haven’t seen. Aaron’s group just came on the wrong day when they’re already under stress, and when they showed up, the leader just assumed they were part of something else he’s dealing with.

Then we flash back to Toby and Lance. And here, we get more unseen shenanigans. First, Toby says he’s 4 years sober. But twice we see him rub alcohol onto his gums. Alcoholics can’t do what without falling off the wagon, so some part of this sobriety thing is a lie.

But here’s the big thing. Lance references his deal with Pamela to bring in the three communities and clean up Alexandria. Then he talks about the supply convoy and says it’s for “that OTHER thing.” That other thing is different than the operation he has going on at Alexandria. So, he has some other operation going on that we don’t know about yet. What else does he have going near the border of Virginia? And whatever it is, Toby is in on it. When Lance mentions it, Toby’s just kind of like, “oh, yeah, yeah.” It’s also something he’s keeping secret from Pamela. He doesn’t want her knowing the details of how he’s allocating the resources she’s giving him.

They also talk about how the guns were stolen from the convoy, but also “the cargo.” And they don’t tell us what the cargo is. You’d think if it was just food or ammo or other run-of-the-mill supplies, they would just say that. Instead, they go with the vague and ominous “the cargo.”

I also felt like Toby agreed to it too quickly. And maybe I’m reading too much into this, but Toby resisted really heavily, practically threatening to kill Lance, and then Lance gives him this sob story about how the troopers killed were 20-year-old kids and he has to make it right, and we’re supposed to believe a sociopath like Toby was touched by it and therefore agreed? Like I said, I don’t know if that’s leading anywhere. Maybe they just didn’t want to spend more time on this particular aspect. But I thought it was weird.

Back in the present, the leader (Ian) tells Toby he doesn’t know what he’s talking or where the guns and cargo are. Toby says it’s a lie. I might entertain the idea that the leader is lying, since he does seem to be very smug and egotistical, but right before Toby kills him, he says, “don’t you think if I had your guns, I would…” and then he gets shot. That sounds sincere to me. If he had the guns, he would use them against Toby.

So, that means that either someone ELSE stole the stuff from the convoy, or else Lance is just lying and wants this group taken out. But if so, why? The only real obvious hint we get at this clandestine operation is Maggie asking why the CW would need all those guns.

Negan/Annie/Jessie: Then we see Negan approach Jessie. And this, to me, is another clue about other things going on.

Annie and Negan weren’t at the apartment complex when Aaron arrived. They seem to be returning from something else. Negan looks haggard, like he’s just run 10 miles. And his whole attitude seems to be like, “what now?” Like he’s already exhausted from something and is just not going to catch a break today.

Because I still think Annie is a Beth proxy, this made me think of the Francis what’s-his-name/Charleston template. He was away from Charleston when it was attacked, and I think it’s a Beth template. I’ve wondered more than once if Negan will be involved in it. So, seeing Negan randomly arrive with Annie got a side-eye from me.

I also noted Negan is back to his old friend, the crowbar. Then they go rescue Gabe. This is yet another good example of them showing us something without context, and then going back to explain it. They didn’t show how Gabriel got away and killed his guard, but then when we see it through Negan’s eyes, it all makes sense. Can’t wait until they do this with Beth’s story and re-explain everything in S4 an dS5.  

Don’t have much to say about the rooftop scene (more alcohol on the gums). Definitely some interesting symbols, but not entirely sure where to go with them next. 

Annie gives a speech to her people in which she talks about sticking together, like family. Definitely something Beth might say. But more than that, she talks about how Ian wasn’t their first leader. The whole Ian situation sounds like it mirrors the Officer Hanson situation at Grady. There was another person in charge before him, but now he’s gone. 

I’ll talk about this a lot more tomorrow, but there are strong Grady vibes in thsi place. So, think of it this way. Ian = Dawn. A leader who probably genuinely thinks they’re doing the best for their group, but is clearly a flawed leader. For Dawn, it was allowing the rape culture that was going on. For Ian, skulls on a shelf. But there are other leaders in the group who will take over once the leader is dead. Remember Gorman’s line about how someday there would be someone in charge who isn’t her (Dawn). I still strongly believe that applies to Beth, and Annie is a proxy for her here. 

I did note one more thing she said. She said at the end, “our family is scattered all over the place…” and then the thing about how they know the building better than the enemy does.

I was thinking that could apply to how S11 will end, and would mirror 4b. So, from what we know, Daryl and Carol will be going one way, Maggie and Negan another. Who knows where everyone else will be. So, you could apply this line to TF in general. Our family is scattered all over the place, and under attack. And it would mirror the small groups after the prison fell in S4.

Final observation, Maggie and Aaron’s group enter the apartment complex through the East end.

So, yeah. That’s what I have. More on what it all means and how we should be interpreting it tomorrow. Thoughts?

[coddda]

Light's relationship with his father is such a heartbreaking multi-faceted tragedy to me I hate it so so so much.

Soichiro loves his son so much, and while he's certainly not a perfect father I know that he cares deeply about Light. He wants to prove Light's innocence so badly but he can't let go of the underlying doubt that he might really be Kira and it gnaws at him. He does not know that from the very beginning he was being used by Light, whether it was to obtain information about the investigation, or to get to L, or to strengthen the foundations of his own lie that he wasn't Kira, this entire time he was simply another resource. He'll hang onto this doubt for years, even after L is dead, even if he doesn't express it in the latter half of the series, until he himself is on his deathbed, with what he believes to be undeniable proof that Light isn't Kira. (It's a lie, of course.) He dies happy, but it's on the foundations of blissful ignorance. His own son brought him here, brought him to the point where he had to sacrifice half of his own remaining life span, to his own death march, and was still trying to use him even now to kill someone else, but he doesn't know that. Soichiro said that what was evil was the power to kill others, and that whoever used it was cursed. Light was that cursed man, of course, and he tried to bring that curse onto Soichiro too by making him kill in his last moments. Soichiro was happy regardless, because he didn't know. He'll never know. (In the manga/anime at least. More on that later).

Light loves his father but it's not enough to turn him away from the terrible decisions he's made, if anything it only fuels them. His idea of "justice" is a twisted model of what he parroted from Soichiro, and he uses his father as another pawn (and a powerful one at that) in his plans. If he can prove that Kira is justice then perhaps his father will no longer call Kira, and therefore Light, evil, so he just needs to ensure that Kira becomes justice, right? It's Light's own actions that land his own father in the hospital for a stress-induced heart attack and yet he says only a few minutes later that he's the happiest he's ever been in his entire life. Even after Soichiro denounces Kira by calling him evil, even after he calls the Death Note's power evil, even after he unknowingly tells Light that he is cursed. When Soichiro dies Light is too deep in his own plans to actually properly process the fact that his own father is dying past what it means for his goals, but at the same time he still cares enough that after the fact he'll genuinely cry, only to brush it all away later. (Personally, I don't have a single doubt in my mind that Light's crying in that scene was genuine and I Will die on this hill). Soichiro had unknowingly denounced Light one last time just before his death, openly relieved that he "wasn't Kira after all", which also reveals that he has had doubts about Light this entire time, even after L died. By the time he's caught at the Yellow Box Warehouse Light will have denounced his father too, seeing him as someone who was made to be a fool, someone who was naive, even, too earnest for his own good. He won't realize that part of this description of his father might have applied to Light himself, back when this all started. Light takes after his father so much in so many ways already, so why not in this way too?

Ough. And honestly the other adaptations never miss out on this tragedy either, and I love them for that. (spoilers for the musical and 2006 live action movies I guess?)

In the musical we see Soichiro express his doubts and conflicts about who to believe, Light or L, if the son he raised really is a murderer, if everything he knows about him is just a lie. Like, there's an entire song about this, and you can tell how torn he is about it all, how badly he wants Light to be innocent but about how he also needs to face the truth no matter what it is, but at the end of it all he doesn't even get the answers he wants. At the end of the musical the only thing he finds is two corpses, Light's and L's, with no answers. No last words, no closure, only dead ends and a dead son and a grieving daughter. It's so awful I hate it here.

And the live action movie is fucking Insane. Like, wow. Okay. (Spoiler for the ending of Death Note The Last Name I guess) In the 2006 movies/novels Light writes Soichiro's name in the Death Note himself, and it's such an inconcievable move that it leaves even Misa shocked; Light tries to make Soichiro give him the Death Note for the last part of his plans, seeing his death as a "necessary sacrifice" (insert tangent essay about why I think 2006 live action movie Light is actually the most "coldhearted" Light Yagami, despite how infamous anime Light is). It doesn't work, and Soichiro does end up finding out that Light is Kira this time, and they have a confrontation, but he doesn't even sound truly hateful towards Light for it. He Never seems to outright hate Light for it, even after Light calls the whole confrontation a waste of time and instead tries to continue killing with the piece of the notebook in his watch, even after he tries to get Ryuk to kill everyone. When Ryuk inevitably writes Light's name and he collapses, Soichiro still reaches out for him and holds onto him as he's dying. Light literally dies in Soichiro's arms, still looking for the validation that he was right, that this wasn't all for nothing, that he was doing the good thing, trying to make Soichiro understand that he was trying to enact justice based on what he learned from him in the first place. Soichiro not only learns but sees for himself what his son has become, and Light dies in his arms leaving no closure for either of them. Soichiro will announce Light's death in L Change the WorLd on the news without saying his name, saying instead that it is only Kira who is dead, even though he and Light are one in the same. Sachiko and Sayu will never get to know the full truth about what happened to Light, instead Soichiro will lie and instead tell them: "Light was killed by Kira."

And then holy Shit the jdrama. If I write about it here this post is gonna literally double in length and also I don't really wanna spoil it but. Man. Man. If you watched it you know. Holy Shit dude I Cried.

It's the fact that, canonically, Soichiro will die oblivious to what Light has done, but even in the instances where he does find out, it doesn't make it any better, and it doesn't make him love Light any less, it just gives him more to grieve.

It's the fact that there isn't a single universe where Light doesn't use his father for his own gain, whether to gain information, or to try and control him with the Death Note, or make him write in the Death Note himself, and not a single time will he realize just how far he's strayed from Soichiro's ideals, and not a single time will he not forsake him for it by the end of the story.

It's the fact that, despite everything, Light will always refers to Soichiro as "dad/my dad" (informal) rather than "father/my father", even after he has been "denounced" (and this is true in every language that Death Note has been translated in, as far as I could find. Man, isn't that so cool! :) <- Through tears).

Anyways that's what I've been thinking of how's your guys' days going

[kennothythebard]

guess who cant fucking analyze sonata form 

in other news if u know someone who can analyze sonata form pls let me know bc i cant differentiate expos from intros and i have no idea when the expo ends and the development begins in any of these pieces

[dangermousie]

Look at those arms! MMMMM!

You know, I really like Gilina. Or, more correctly, I really like what Gilina represents, both in terms of Crichton’s development and in his feelings for Aeryn. Gilina is Earth Crichton’s dream girl: she is blonde, pretty, sweet, and plucky (she is no push-over). She is also a girl geek, and a techie and for our scientist, that’s quite irresistibly appealing. (Btw, let me take a moment to note how much I like that the show showed us that Crichton had a type in women, B.A. (before Aeryn): they were blonde and sweet and had a certain safe niceness to them. Aeryn is not blonde, not sweet, and not safe at all. And neither is his feeling for her). If Gilina was a girl working for a research institute on Earth and she and John met at some party, I can easily see them talking, dating, falling in love and getting married. And having a happy married life. And the John of ‘PK Tech Girl,’ despite some unpleasant encounters in the Uncharted Territories is still enough of the Earth John to be attracted to Gilina, to be at the very beginning of developing something for her. He is still enough of an innocent, with enough uncomplicated and sweet left in him, for Gilina to be his type. But of course, that is not the case any more when they meet again in ‘Nerve.’ When they meet again, Gilina has had a fairly uneventful PK tech existence. She hasn’t changed much. But she is not Crichton’s type any more. Not after Maldis and finding out firsthand that there are psychopaths that will just enjoy watching you die for the fun of it, not after Crais and finding out that no, if you only explain the truth, it won’t make it better. The person will still want to kill you even if they believe you, even if it’s wrong and irrational, and there is nothing you can do. Not after ‘Jeremiah Crichton’ (my least fave ep of the whole show, but whose theme of Crichton’s long isolation is well taken). Not after finding out the truth about Zhaan, or almost dying out there in space with Aeryn. Not after the mind and soul fuck of ‘A Human Reaction.’   Gilina is not for this John. Not any more. And it’s not just that in the meanwhile he’s ceased to see anyone but Aeryn. It is also that his character has changed. And that is only the beginning. When he meets her in ‘Nerve’ it is pre-Scorpius, pre-Aurora Chair, pre-everything in S2, 3 and 4 (I’d do a list but it would take too long to type). If Gilina met S4 Crichton, she’d freak and run away and rightly so. A digression, but I find it fascinating how John's non-Aeryn women reflect his change. We have his ex-gf on Earth who he was serious enough to apparently want to propose to, before they went their separate career way. She is sort of like Gilina only blander, less engaging (Earth Crichton strikes me as someone who's had things come to him too easily because of his intelligence or what not. His passion (for whatever) was never truly engaged to the full, and the gf reflects that.) There is also Caroline (who we meet in Terra Firma) with whom he had something or other, but she is rather like his Earth-ex and it's clear the Crichton of TF doesn't even have anything to say to her any more. From them, we progress to Gilina (about whom see above). In first half of S2, there is the PK Disruptor. Now, she is a lot more edges, more hardness. If she is like anyone, it's a female version of Bond. And Crichton sleeps with her, because hey, he's tried everything to get Aeryn to admit any interest, he's beaten his head against the rock and he's beaten it and beaten it. But she refused and she's conclusively walked out of his life for good (not even came to see him for the very last time, when he needed her most). And also, girl can kill him, good to stay on her good side. There is no Gilina sweetness in her, at all. PK Tech Girl Crichton would annoy her and be intimidated to be with her, not so much Crichton of that s2 ep arc. But interestingly, that is the last time he even looks at another woman, no matter the circumstances. Once Aeryn and he admit their love to each other at the end of S2/beginning of S3, that is it. Even at the second part of S3, when Aeryn is off with Talyn-Crichton, Moya-Crichton goes deep into his obsession with wormholes, not any girls at all, and he is just as obsessed with Aeryn as ever. Even after the end of S3, the beginning of S4, even after he tells Aeryn "I can trust you with my life. But not my heart" and he locks himself away, he still does not look at anyone else. He cannot. And even the drugs cannot knock her out from his mind. Which is why his last non-Aeryn woman is Grayza, who rapes him while at the same time telling him if he gives her the wormhole stuff she will help him find Aeryn (OMG, that bit is seriously the worst in the whole scene). I think the darker progression of these women-others mirrors the darker and darker universe. OK, digression over.   I find it interesting that in S1 we have a number of people (beings, whatever) whose life is affected, changed by Crichton and who are grateful for that and thank him for changing/opening/saving either explicitly, or it’s implied. But after S1 this slows to a trickle pretty fast and then stops almost entirely. Crichton is such an innately kind person, and one of the saddest things in the show is seeing this kindness leach away under the tortures (literal and figurative) he is subjected to. I find it so sad and so significant that in the S3 finale it’s Aeryn who brings up the fact that the command carrier has a lot of lives which John’s plan might end. Aeryn. Not John. She’s become more compassionate (she, who started out saying ‘I hate that word’) and he’s become much less. These are both reactions to their environment, to events they are in (When they initially meet, she is a product of an individuality-less, soulless scenario. Even if he is wrong in reading her at the very very first in Premiere during intros, he is not wrong in reading her potential, in recognizing she is a person, and even as early as Premiere she proves him right. I also love that for Crichton, she is always her own person, not a preconceived notion of what she should be. He loves her for being Aeryn, not for some idealized being in his head). And yet it is never completely suppressed, it is always there, however muted and downtrodden, however circumscribed. He had to jettison most of it in order to stay sane and to survive, but somewhere deep inside he is still the guy who, in a completely strange world, took the time to fix the eye-stalk of a mechanical critter thingy he didn’t know at all.   And of course, part of the reason he jettisons it is also because whenever he tries to save someone or make it better, it often ends up making the situation worse. I am thinking for example of S3’s lovely ‘Different Destinations’ which turns a beloved sci-fi trope on its head and he has to live with it and he can barely bear it.   And I love how the show never lets us forget the cost this takes on him, that he is not a power-hungry psychopath, a cavalier callous being only caring about his small group of friends. That coda to S4’s ‘We Are So Screwed’ where he is with Aeryn, and he breaks down, and he can’t help it, and he weeps for what he’d done, for what he almost did (and it’s going to be small fry in comparison with PKW) is just brilliant and heartbreaking and one of my favorite bits (and I love that she is there, and she silently comforts him, and he clutches her arm as a lifeline). And that is why I actually liked the drug storyline in S4. After all the stuff that Crichton been through, I am surprised he didn’t end up going on something earlier, just to deal with it all somehow (I love that the show brought up earlier that he has nightmares, feels tremendous guilt, and that was mid S2, I am sure they are much worse now). And it also made sense that when his number 1 obsession, Aeryn, told him to give it up, he did, as he’d pick her over anything. She’s his number 1 drug. Basically, he needs Aeryn desperately. She is what allows him to function, allows him to stay (relatively) sane, what holds him together. When he can’t have her, or doesn’t have her, he falls apart and needs something else to get through the days (wormholes in S3, lakka in S4). I do find it interesting that Crichton keeps his compassion, however tattered, but he develops absolute priorities, as a result of choices he shouldn’t have had to make. Most people don’t really analyze whether they will pick the woman they love or selling one’s soul and giving up something which earlier, to protect, you didn’t give up even when tortured or hunted or broken. They don’t have to. Crichton’s developed rigid priorities are a result of the environment where he had to confront those hierarchies in himself. Crichton’s earlier ‘purity’ and goodness and optimism exist in part because he is a product of a relatively sheltered life (compared to Uncharted Territories). But that early cleanness allows others to see a better or at least a different path for themselves and so they repay the favor later by pulling him out when he is on the brink of succumbing to all these horrors (which really do seem to be scarily disproportionately triggered at him). One of the things I love about Crichton is that even after he’s seen and dealt horrors, he has a certain moral absolutism to him (however broken it gets at times) and a pure refusal to give up, and strength even if only to make the least worst of two bad choices presented to him. Something untainted is always there, maybe a legacy of his initial idealism, and so he never breaks, not permanently, not irreparably, though he comes very very close. Throughout the show, even as that world bends and molds and twists him to its own parameters, he manages to make the world somewhat bend and mold and twist to himself.   Do you know what I really really wish for John and Aeryn and the kid after the end of PKW? A few years of total peace, where they can just travel the space in Moya, and John can do his research, and be with Aeryn and watch their child grow, without having to worry about saving his and their lives every other day.

OK, these are getting epically long omg.

[mistletouchunderthetree]

it’s a little bit sad for me, i used to be the fandom person that analyzed everything to hell and back (cringing at my glee days) and wrote codas to episodes and so much fix it fic and thousands upon thousands of words of meta (hello eddie kaspbrak) and i was just always a fandom provider of content. and i loved that!! and ever since chemo just fuckin… destroyed my brain? nothin. i am not capable of the critical thinking required. i read others stuff and i’m like “good thought!!” but at this point i am not having my own good thoughts about anything. honestly i watched that trailer like no thoughts head empty. i have fic ideas and it’s almost funny how i know i’d never be able to sit back and actually write them.

[nevidimochka]

it’s really funny how my enjoyment of spn and the x files are like. polar opposite experiences

with spn, i really like canon meta, analyzing the details of each episode, and my favorite episodes are the plot-heavy, character driven ones in s4 and 5. i like AUs sometimes, but i prefer canon-adjacent stuff or codas/canon rewrites over totally different settings

with the x files, i can’t stand the plotty episodes and only watch the monster of the weeks. the characterization and plot are so inconsistent and convoluted in the later seasons that i couldn’t write meta for it if i wanted to. i love AUs (in similar settings) and well done crossovers and prefer them to the wild mess that the canon plots are