#ftwd alicia

[spiderbaby123]

Well I have recently watched all of Fear The Walking Dead so now I think I want to do one of those head canon things for pet names. So here you go. :) enjoy my thoughts.

Pet Names~~~

Troy Otto; gosh this man, where to start? First off i feel like he'd love to call his S/O Kitten, he's literally such a predatorial man. Second favorite would probably be something small as well, like Baby Girl or Baby Boy. Like he wants to protect you, so he's gotta remind you that you're smaller than him. (Side note: first nickname before you got to know each other would definitely be sweetcheeks or sweetcakes)

Nick Clark; please he's so gorgeous and sweet. He's protective, yeah, and a little unhinged like Troy, but different. He'd call you something more equal, like Love or Darling. Because yeah.

Wes; there's literally not enough about Wes anywhere. He'd probably put you on a pedestal, idk why I feel that way but I do. He'd use nicknames like Princess or Prince. At first it'd be ironic of course but as you got closer he'd really mean it.

Alicia Clark; this one. She'd be so iconic but she use such sarcasm at first with you. Pookie. It starts out as a jab to get you to hurry up and let her save you from a herd "come on! I don't have all day Pookie!" Shed say, not knowing your name yet. But it sticks much to your dismay

[fassylovergallery]

alycia debnam carey in ftwd s08e12

[frangipanilove]

Pilgrims Under The Field Of Stars

St. James, St. Christopher and Santiago de Compostela (part 1) (part 2)

This is piggybacking off of @bookqueenrules' excellent post about Daryl's pilgrimage. I mentioned Santiago de Compostela briefly in this post from the other day, where I promised that I would dig up my old notes and compile it into a post.

The symbolism around the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela was among the first things I started researching back when I became part of TD. I was trying to make heads or tails of the Sirius symbolism and all the astronomical references on the show, such as the Sirius and the Venus symbolism, the North Star symbolism and other things. The “Way of St. James”, or Camino de Santiago to Santiago de Compostela, the world famous pilgrimage under "the field of stars" seemed to fit the symbolism perfectly.

It all really started with Morgan. Who can forget the coda after 5x8 Coda? The thing was, he gave me major pilgrim vibes. His whole demeanor, his chlothes, his backpack, his apparent “peace of mind”. His bow staff always reminded me of a pilgrim’s walking stick…

We watched him reach Father Gabriel’s church, and it was almost as though it had been the goal of his "pilgrimage" all along. He placed a series of mementos/trinkets on the alter (relics?), and as we all remember, he “resurrected” the cross that many of us interpreted as a representation of the "resurrection" of Beth. He had a moment of silent contemplation, before he smiled in contentment.

The rabbit’s foot was one of the items he “presented” on the alter. It was originally gifted to him by Eastman in 6x4 Here’s Not Here. I’ve talked about how Beth’s connected to the symbolism around rabbits here.

In those early days of analyzing the symbolism, Morgan always struck me as something of a St. Christopher figure. Back in those days, TD was very concerned about what role Morgan would play in Beth’s “resurrection”. He was the first thing we saw after Beth’s “death”. There was also the fact he had "resurrected" the cross. It seemed plausible that he would somehow be involved in “resurrecting” Beth as well. Back then, we all assumed this would happen within a few episodes. Obviously it didn’t happen that way, but regardless, many of our theories around that time involved Morgan in some way.

St. Cristopher was the patron saint of travelers, especially those driving motor vehicles, which again seemed particularly fitting because of all the car symbolism around Beth. There’s an enormous amount of car weirdness around Beth, I’ve written about it here, here and here, but also in a bunch of other posts.

After I had started to see Morgan as St. Christopher, I couldn’t unsee it:

St. Christopher’s claim to fame was that he had carried a helpless child across a river, not knowing the child in reality was Christ. Beth, much like Rick, was always surrounded by resurrection symbolism on TWD, making them both Christ figures. If Morgan, a possible St. Christopher figure, had found her after 5x8 Coda, helpless in a car, and carried her to safety, it would have been a great parallel to the story of St. Christopher and Christ.

Another thing that lined up extremely well with TD's theories around cars and Beth's resurrection was this:

Yes, St. Christopher is the patron saint of travelers, “including motorists”…

Being kidnapped and thrown into the trunk of a car qualifies as being a “motorist” in my world… Good thing there’s a saint that protects against that stuff...

St. Christopher medallions are normally kept hanging from the rear view mirror of cars:

Which is interesting, because in 5x16 we saw this:

Morgan, making sure to grab his rabbit’s foot that was hanging from the rear view mirror of his car. I was always inclined to interpret him as a St. Christopher figure, and with imagery like this, it seemed like it couldn’t be entirely coincidental.

There were also other things about St.Christopher that seemed to fit perfectly into the symbolism around Beth, such as the fact that St. Christopher is sometimes shown as a dog in iconography:

Obviously, any type of dog symbolism would immediately be in my radar. It was the Sirius symbolism that put me on the path to Santiago de Compostela, to the pilgrimage under the field of stars in the first place, as Sirius refers to Sirius the Dog Star:

There were other things as well. Pilgrims along the Camino de Santiago like to place their worn out pilgrim boots on trail markers along the way. I thought that this type of imagery was quite similar to all the boot/foot/shoe symbolism we see in TWD:

My theory on the foot/shoe/boot/dismembered limb symbolism we’ve seen on the show, is that it’s a reference to the British English word “boot’ which translates to “trunk” in American English. Basically, it’s trunk symbolism. But I wondered if the themes around “pilgrimage” could be a part of it as well. Symbolism in TWDU is always multi-layered, so it was definitely a possibility.

Also, keep in mind that Morgan's rabbit's foot is also part of the foot/shoe/boot/dismembered limb symbolism. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if all the other dismembered limbs were foreshadows and callbacks to Morgan's rabbit's foot.

We saw Beth get her foot trapped in an animal trap, and through the years, we’ve seen countless examples of this type of imagery:

We saw Jadis steal Rick’s boots in season 6, we saw Father Gabriel step on a nail and get a minor crucifixion and a stigmata wound in 5x8 Coda, we saw Daryl examine and bandage Beth’s ankle in 4x13 Alone…

Further, it’s interesting that the symbol of Camino de Santiago to Santiago de Compostela is a scallop shell. It’s the same kind of shell we see around the Venus symbolism and the "Birth of Venus" painting:

We saw Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” (or a replica, I would assume, seeing as the original is at the Uffizi in Florence, Italy) in season 3, when Merle tortured Glenn at Woodbury:

But even though there were many interesting coincidences, they existed mostly in my own head, and there wasn’t really anything tangible or groundbreaking in terms of the symbolism pertaining to pilgrimage, Santiago de Compostela and St. Christopher anywhere in TWDU….

…until season 6 of FTWD rolled around:

Daniel Salazar, seen here perfectly healthy after having been shot in the head, pulling out a St. Christopher medallion in FTWD 6x2 Welcome To The Club. I had been theorizing about St. Christopher since right after Coda, and suddenly a St. Christopher medallion appears in FTWD...

Let me say that again: TPTB placed a St. Christopher medallion on a character who survived getting shot in the head:

Now why would TPTB ever do such a thing?

Well perhaps because…

…it protects people who wear it! Yup, that’s why. The symbolism is about protecting travelers, remember? Motorists in particular, including kidnapped girls in trunks of cars...

We saw the St. Christopher medallion regularly from season 6 and onwards, It changed owner quite a few times, before it finally was gifted to Alicia by Victor Strand, and became inextricably linked to her.

At one point, Alicia and Strand had a falling out. Her boyfriend Will brought the medallion to Victor Strand, and told him he had taken it from one of the dead, knowing that Strand would recognize it as the same medallion he had gifted to Alicia, tricking him into believing she was dead.

The medallion eventually gets returned to Alicia, and she’s wearing it through her months long fever after her bite, which I’ve discussed here.

Later, Troy (I miss him so much...) showed up as a one-eyed, newly “resurrected” Sirius figure, wearing Alicia’s St. Christopher medallion. This was meant to be "evidence" that he had actually killed her (spoiler alert; he hadn’t, because Alicia was still under protection of the medallion. He tried, but did not succeed at killing her. He did however manage to snatch her medallion, and used it to torment her mother, claiming to have killed her).

Going into the series finale of FTWD I knew the medallion would be part of a “resurrection” of sorts, and I was right. At one point, Tracy, Troy’s daughter gave the medallion back to Madison, who placed it in the empty magazine of a gun and put it in her pocket. Some time later, Tracy shot Madison in retaliation for killing her father Troy:

... but Madison survived, because...

The medallion in the empty magazine stopped the bullet...

Say what you will about resurrection symbolism, but that medallion literally stopped a bullet. And remember, it was introduced to TWDU by a man who survived a gunshot to the head. I'd say its protective powers are pretty substantial, maybe in particular against gunshots.

And, remember how I made a point out of St. Christopher being a protector of motorists and people in cars? Wait till you hear where Madison was when she survived getting shot...

You guessed it, she was in a car indeed, and not just any old car, she was in a Ford Mustang, which I've talked about a few times already. Remember that we saw the blue Ford Mustang in the teaser for TWDDD season 2. Mustangs are absolutely resurrection symbolism, and we can clearly see why here (we can thank eagle-eyed @wdway for discovering that this was another Ford Mustang).

Later, Madison sacrificed herself by burning down the fort with a walker horde inside, something which made Tracy forgive her for killing her father. Madison's lungs were already in rough shape after her first death fake-out a few seasons earlier, when she burned down the Dell Diamond Stadium in a similar fashion. Tracy believed she was now dying, and was actually sad about it. She placed the medallion next to Madison, who then subsequently "woke up” from the "dead":

So, yet another resurrection there.

The next thing that happens, is the "resurrrection" of Alicia, last seen in seasson 6 after miraculously recovering from a walker bite. She is the first person in TWDU to get bitten, develop the fever and then subsequently recover from the fever, and that in itself demonstrates the immense powers of the medallion:

And if that's not enough resurrection symbolism for one day, Alicia brought Skidmark, Daniel's cat. Remember the cat symbolism from TOWL 1x6, when Michonne found Jadis' dossier in a cat sculpture...cats are said to have nine lives, and are known to survive the strangest things…

So Alicia "resurrects", there's a reunion between mother and daughter, and there's even a reunion between Daniel and his cat.

That's one powerful medallion if you ask me, reunions and resurrections for miles...

Now, how does this tie into the rumors about Daryl possibly going to Spain for season 3 of TWDDD, and what does it have to do with Beth? Well, remember this all started with Morgan bearing a striking resemblance with a pilgrim, and it was Morgan, who through subtle hints introduced the symbolism around St. Christopher to TWDU. It was formalized in FTWD 6x2, but it started literally right after Beth had been shot in Coda. The St. Christopher symbolism was brought on to FTWD by a character who had survived getting shot in the head, so idk, those types of injuries aren’t necessarily fatal I guess??? Especially not when you're protected by the patron saint of travellers and motorists...? I wonder who else this possibly could apply to…?

The symbolism around St. Christopher deals specifically with protection of motorists and people who travel by car…or who have been kidnapped and thrown into the trunk of a car, and potentially also been put in the trunk of a car to be protected from an incoming walker horde or something to that effect…

And the symbolism comes from a man who once assisted a helpless child in crossing a river, not knowing the child in reality was Christ. It would be interesting if Morgan, our St. Christopher figure assisted Beth, our helpless Christ figure in getting to safety somehow after Coda, like our early theories suggested.

In TWDDD 1x6 Coming Home, we hear Losang, leader of The Nest, explain how he first ran into Laurent and the nuns while returning from a pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela. It was the references to the stars of the Milky Way under which the pilgrims traveled that put me on the track of Santiago de Compostela all those years ago, we’re talking after season 5 here. And now we finally have the first explicit reference to the Camino de Santiago and Santiago de Compostela in TWDDD 1x6.

Likewise, it was Morgan’s appearance, right after Beth had been “killed” in 5x8 Coda that put me on the track of St. Christopher, and while the clues seen around Morgan were subtle at first, we finally got the first explicit St. Christopher reference in FTWD 6x2 Welcome To The Club. And the medallion symbolizes reunion, resurrection and rebirth, that much is abundantly clear.

Then there’s the fact that St. Christopher in eastern iconography is depicted with a dog’s head, something which ties him even closer to the Sirius symbolism and the astronomical themes around Santiago de Compostela, the “field of stars”.

To me, it’s very reassuring when symbolism stays consistent over time, and this has been a symbolism slow burn unlike any other. It’s been subtle at times, but it’s definitely been there, and now it’s getting more and more explicit.

So, will we possibly discover that Beth is explicitly implemented in the symbolism around St. Christopher and Santiago in TWDDD season 3? Considering that the working title of TWDDD was “Pilgrim”, and pilgrims are most definitely travelers, therefore protected by St. Christopher, I think we can say that at the very least, there’s thematic entanglement. Add to that, the Camino de Santiago, or the “Way of St. James” as it translates into in English, is all about pilgrims. St. James, or simply “Jacob” (Santiago), is the patron saint of pilgrims. I know that others, such as @galadrieljones have studied the symbolism around “Jacob” extensively, and would probably have a lot of additional insight on that.

So, as @bookqueenrules suggested in her post, is Daryl on a pilgrimage in Europe, and will he find Beth?

The symbolism seems to suggest "yes", so sure, why not?

[lying-on-floors]

I'm a writer with an account on ao3 btw. I write for a varity of fandoms and have a few works up right now. I plan to write a whole lot more stuff to post on there but I haven't had much motivation recently.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lying_on_floors_12

I do not take requests. I may listen to suggestions and I am more than willing to accept any constructive criticisms of my writing or plot work and am always pleasantly suprised by compliments.

The existing works on ao3 include:

-A series of short drabbles of Leon S. Kennedy and Luis Serra Navarro in a domestic and happy life. (3 works up but I plan to write more.)

-A work entailing happy and domestic and fluffy lives of the characters from the first season of Fear the Walking Dead. (3 chapters but I plan to write more.)

-An abandoned/completed work of Camp Camp oneshots, if you're into that.

So, yeah. Follow me on there OR just check out some of my work, if you want to. Not to shine my own shoes but they're pretty good.

[butmakeitgayblog]

If I had a nickle for every time Alycia Debnam-Carey came back to save the finale of a terrible apocalyptic show... I'd have two nickles.

Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice

[daniikomtrikru]

😅

[rcsitastark]

ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY as Alicia Clark Fear the Walking Dead - S08E12

[ohlexa]

ALYCIA DEBNAM-CAREY as ALICIA CLARK in the Fear the Walking Dead series finale or Alycia doing what she does best✨

+ BONUS (if you squint hard enough, you can see Lexa)

[heda-in-the-clouds]

Alycia Debnam-Carey with her series finale hugs as Lexa and Alicia Clark

[meldalorian]

Alycia Debnam-Carey as Alicia Clark

FEAR THE WALKING DEAD | "DIVINE PROVIDENCE" 7.14

[bilbosspoons]

[mockysd]

canon

[momentarybleu]

Idk man

[parxmedicwinn]

[helloalycia]

the Clarks [five] // alicia clark

summary: you go on a supply run with Alicia and things don't go to plan, leaving her extremely pissed off at you. It takes a reality check for you to understand why.

warning/s: mentions of the dead, injuries, weapons and violence.

author’s note: and this is the final part! such a fun one to write and i do hope the person who requested it liked it! kinda went overboard but you all know the drill with me by now 😂

one / two / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

After being busied by chores and odd jobs around the stadium and then eating lunch, it was soon time to go on the supply run with the others. Alicia and I met the other two residents by the truck out front and we all made sure we were armed before heading out.

"This strip mall we're heading to should be clear enough, but we haven't had a team check it out in a while, so everyone be on high alert," Alicia warned everyone on the drive over. "Only go after the essentials, if there's any left. Ideally, some more clothes and shoes – stuff like that."

Everybody agreed, a focus in mind, and it was silent the rest of the way. Eventually, we arrived at the abandoned strip mall and Alicia pulled up, the four of us splitting into twos. They took to one side as Alicia and I took to the other.

Unfortunately for me, my thoughts were still on Rick and Alicia earlier, their flirting engraved in my mind and my jealousy still in full throttle. I couldn't help but bring it up.

"So, Madison and I were talking about the new residents earlier," I started, trying to make it sound natural. "Lots of good people joining us, don't you think?"

Alicia hummed as she kept her eyes peeled. "Sure is. It's amazing how big our little community has become."

I nodded in agreement, my grip on my knife tightening. "Yeah. New girl Sally is pretty friendly. Her kid's cute, too."

"Aw, yeah, he's adorable!" Alicia agreed with a smile.

"Yeah... there's Rick, too. What do–" I cleared my throat nervously. "What d'you think of him?"

She thought to herself, distracted by looking into the shop windows. "He's nice enough, I suppose. A bit too flirty for my liking, but nice. Definitely skilled with a knife."

What did that mean? She didn't like his flirty-ness? She did? God's sake, I needed more than that.

"Why? Did he say something?" she asked with confusion, glancing over at me.

I perked up, meeting her confused eyes. "What? No, no. Just wondering. I, er, thought the same."

She began to smile, unsure what I was doing, but nodded. "Right... weirdo."

Thankfully, she got distracted by a small thrift store and nudged me to follow her, and the conversation was dropped. There was lots of options to pick from, since it wasn't looted to the bare bones like other stores were, so we gathered what we could and loaded the truck.

Between that and the few others store, we managed to gather quite a few supplies, odd assortments of things but all that would benefit the stadium in the long run. As we were heading back to the truck, Alicia slowed down to look in the window display of a jewellery store. It looked pretty banged up on the inside, no doubt one of the first places to be looted back when the outbreak began, but Alicia was still intrigued.

"There's probably nothing worthwhile in there," I told her, but she was still up close to the glass, smiling at the rings on display.

"It's still pretty to look at," she pointed out lightheartedly, shooting me a smile before returning her attention to the rings.

Something about how excited she was for the moment made me smile to myself and I couldn't just leave it like this. She clearly wanted it.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I suddenly said, straightening up and going to the door.

There was a couch blocking the doorway, clearly put there by whoever had been here last, but it wasn't going to stop me. I began to lean against it in an attempt to push it out the way.

"Y/N, what are you–? Stop it, what if there's someone in there?" she followed after me, half scolding me and half worried.

"Only one way to find out," I said with a shrug, before finding enough strength to shove the couch forward, and it hit the tiled floor with a loud bang.

"Y/N," Alicia groaned at all the noise, but I ignored her and stepped over the couch to let myself in, before yanking open the other door so she wouldn't have to.

"After you," I said playfully, stepping to the side.

She fixed me with a disapproving stare but walked in, looking around. It was ransacked in there, as expected, but there were a few pieces of jewellery still on the shelves. We took a look around, Alicia warming up once she studied the displays. I could have watched her all day, the beautiful smile on her lips that matched the dazzle in her eyes. Seeing her happy was my favourite thing, as lame as it sounded.

"Okay, maybe you weren't that stupid to come in here," she admitted as we looked around.

"Let's not forget why we came here in the first place," I said with a smile, before leading her to the display window. "This one, right?"

I pulled out the ring from the display, a simple silver band with a gemstone embedded within the the metal. Holding it out to her, I tried to put it on her finger, but it was huge and would have fallen right off if I didn't catch it.

"Well, that was short lived," she said with a sigh, before trying not to laugh as she met my eyes. "Thanks anyway, Y/N. It was a sweet thought."

Unimpressed, I shook my head. "No way. That can't be it." I looked around, before my eyes fell to the stock room in the back. "Aha! There's gotta be more stuff back there. Let me have a look."

"Y/N.”

"Just give me a sec," I told her, before taking the ring with me and heading to the door.

Luckily, it was unlocked and I was able to walk right into a small closet-sized space that had an old, wooden shelf against one wall, full of stock.

"Alicia, I might need you to help me because there's a–" I began to call to her, but I was cut off by intense snarling from my right, and then something grabbed me.

I let out a yelp when I realised it was an infected man, the limited light from the front of the store shining through the door and letting me see his horrendous face. He must have been hiding behind a shelf, too late for me to see, and I struggled against him in the small space.

"Y/N!" I heard Alicia call, but I couldn't reply because if I moved my attention away for even a second, I was sure I'd get bitten.

He was so close to me – hot breath and rancid smell blinding me and burning my nose – that I couldn't find an opening to stab him with the knife in my hand. As I took a swing, he toppled right into me, knocking me backwards and to the floor with a thud. My head took the brunt of it, dazing me momentarily, but the snapping face coming at mine brought me back to reality and I just about managed to grab my knife again, stabbing him in the head before he could do any damage.

A second passed and his snarling ceased and I sighed with relief, feeling dizzy in the head. That's when I heard the creaking coming from my feet, and when I shoved the infected off my body, it was too late. The shelf against the wall suddenly toppled over, everything falling off and hitting the floor around me before the heavy shelf itself landed right on my leg, making me scream at the impact.

"No, no, no, no," Alicia suddenly appeared, taking in the scene, before scrambling for her radio and calling the others. "Guys, I need you at the jewellery store now! Y/N's hurt."

I forced myself to sit up, wincing at the shelf that was trapping my leg, and didn't move another muscle because it was too painful.

"You're such an idiot!" Alicia shouted at me, before kneeling down to grab the shelf. "I told you not to come here!"

As she attempted to lift it, I let out another shout of pain because she wasn't strong enough by herself and it was only making it worse. My leg was definitely broken and I wanted to throw up at how strong the pain was, but I forced my eyes shut and tried to push it away.

"You're so fucking stupid!" she continued to curse me out, but the worry in her voice was obvious. "I told you there'd be infected here!"

As much as I loved a good grilling, my head was still throbbing from before and I was still feeling dizzy, leaning on my arm to steady myself in the spinning room.

Finally, the others turned up and, between the three of them, they managed to lift the shelf up long enough for me to crawl out of it. My leg was definitely fucked though.

Alicia rushed to my side to help me stand, but I was nauseous as soon as I did and couldn't say anything for fear I'd throw up there and then.

"You didn't get bitten, right?" she asked, panicked and checking my face and neck.

I shook my head slowly, leaning my weight against her. "I think I'm gonna pass out, Alicia..."

"Help me get her to the truck," Alicia ordered the others.

After making it back to the truck, just about, we drove back to the stadium speedily, each slight bump making my stomach turn and head throb. Before I knew it, I was in the medbay back at the stadium, being sat upright on a bed and struggling to ease the dizziness.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Nick asked a nurse we had.

A bright light was shone in both my eyes, irritating me, and then the nurse replied, "She's got a mild concussion. Possibly a broken leg. But she'll live."

Nick grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, and then my moment of peace was ruined when Alicia burst through the door with Madison in tow.

"You fucking fool!" Alicia suddenly snapped at me, glaring ferociously. "You could have died! And for what?! A fucking ring?!"

I winced at every word, her words ringing in my ear.

"She's concussed, Alicia," Nick told her sternly. "You're not helping!"

Alicia clenched her jaw, eyes full of tears, and after glaring at me once more, she left the room, slamming the door behind her. I jumped at the sound, surprised at how angry she was at me. Nick gave me a disapproving look but said nothing, and all I kept thinking was how badly I'd messed up.

After being checked out by the nurse fully and having some medication, I fell asleep with a broken but bandaged leg that I couldn't put weight on for a while. I woke up to Nick by my side, who immediately gave me some water and helped me sit upright.

The look he was giving me wasn't easy to ignore, so after downing my pills, I returned his stare.

"What?"

He blinked. "Y/N, what happened out there? Alicia is pissed."

I sighed, Alicia's angry expression imprinted in my mind. "We were at a jewellery store and I went in the back. There was an infected I didn't see, that's all. It got out of hand, but I handled it."

"Handled it?" he asked with exasperation. "You broke your leg and got a concussion!"

"Only a mild concussion," I corrected, before adding, "and I'm alive, aren't I?"

He shook his head, annoyed. "You have to be careful, you idiot. Your life isn't worth some stupid jewellery. Why were you even in there? We don't need that stuff here."

Feeling bad for worrying him, I said, "Alicia wanted to look and I just– I thought it would be nice, y'know? Make things feel a little normal again."

He sighed, his head in his hands. I frowned slightly, the guilt sinking in.

"Is she still mad? I asked, hoping she'd have cooled off by now.

"Uh-huh."

I chewed on my lip nervously, wondering how I'd get her to forgive me. Nick left to go and get Madison, who wanted to be called in when I'd woken up, and I hoped Alicia would stop by, too. But the blonde turned up alone.

"Madison," I breathed out, still happy to see her, even though she didn't look impressed.

"I'll save you the lecture," she began, taking my hand in hers, "but it was pretty stupid."

"I know," I agreed tiredly. "I'm sorry."

To my relief, she really did save me the lecture, instead squeezing my hand comfortingly.

"Is, er, is Alicia coming?" I asked lamely. "I wanted to apologise to her."

Madison smiled apologetically. "Maybe not so soon, hon. She's really angry."

"Right. I guess that's fair."

I had hoped to see Alicia over the next day when I was kept in the medbay, expecting her to at least visit me, even if it was just to shout at me, but she didn't. It stung a little, but I also felt horrible knowing that I'd pissed her off this much.

When I was finally allowed to leave, with the aid of some crutches, the first place I headed was to Alicia's quarters to pay her a visit. I knocked on nervously, anticipating what could happen, and then the door opened to reveal the Clark girl.

"Hey, remember me?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood, and she simply rolled her eyes, about to close the door in my face.

"Wait!" I said, sticking my crutch in the way, and she stopped.

"What?" she snapped, green eyes darkened with fury.

Losing my humour, I met her eyes. "You didn't visit me."

"If I did, I would have strangled you."

Licking my lips at the awkwardness, I said, "Alicia, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. But I thought you'd at least–"

I went quiet. Well, I thought she'd at least visit. She'd never been this mad before, not at me and not for something so minor. And the longer I fell quiet, the more her jaw clenched and she stared daggers into my eyes.

"Can we please just forget it happened?" I asked instead. "Move on?"

Without another second wasted, she said, "Whatever," then closed the door in my face.

I stared at it in awe, stunned at her behaviour. How could she still be mad at me, even after apologising?

Unsure what else to do, I left her place to go and sulk in the stadium's stands which were empty. What else could I possibly do for Alicia to forgive me? I understood I worried her, but I literally apologised and I was okay! She'd never been so mad at me before...

As I got lost in thoughts of the green-eyed girl, sulking and thinking and wondering what I could do, I almost missed Madison finding me and joining my side.

"You seen Alicia?" she asked, knowing I was going to talk to her daughter earlier. "How'd it go?"

I shook my head, still surprised at what occurred. "Not good at all. She's still so angry and I just– I don't understand why! It was an accident, Madison, and I apologised!"

Madison glanced at me from the seat beside me, quirking a brow, and I was even more confused.

"What?" I asked. What had I missed?

She sighed heavily, earning my attention, and looked me in the eyes. "Y/N, hon, I'm saying this with love," she started, "but you're so blind to what's in front of you."

Blind, and apparently lost too since I had no idea what she was talking about. She must have noticed, as she rolled her eyes with impatience.

"Alicia cares about you," she said in a knowing tone.

"I know that."

Closing her eyes with pursed lips, she waited a moment before clarifying, "No. She's in love with you, Y/N. She's been in love with you since you were kids. Of course she's angry, but she's mostly hurt. You almost died over something so stupid! Why else would she be like this?"

My jaw dropped as I stammered to find words. "What? She– what– how do you know that?"

Alicia being in love with me? There was no way that could be true. I refused to believe it.

"I know my daughter, very well," she said like it was obvious, before resting a hand on my knee. "And I know you, too. You feel the same, Y/N."

Immediately growing flustered, I avoided her eyes. She knew? How the hell did she know? I was certain I'd hidden it well. I couldn't have hidden it better!

Oh, God, she knew I was in love with her daughter.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed," she suddenly said with a quiet laugh, "it's okay!"

Horrified, I swallowed hard, knowing my face felt as hot as the sun right now. What did I even respond to that?

"I did think you'd have said something to her by now," Madison added. "It's a lot, I know. But, maybe, it's time you came clean and reassured her. Because, quite frankly, I'm sick of watching you both not do anything about it."

If Madison was right about me being in love with Alicia, then surely she was right about Alicia being in love with me? And if that were true, then... holy shit. I guess it made sense why Alicia was so angry at me – or upset, I now realised.

I couldn't find words, not when the confession was shocking me to the core, so I simply nodded slowly in response. At least Madison seemed to be okay with it, the whole me liking her daughter thing.

"You're gonna be fine," she assured me with a small smile, before squeezing my knee and getting up. "I'll leave you to it. Remember to rest your leg, Y/N."

It took me a while to accept the fact that maybe Madison had been right, myself reliving every interaction I'd ever had with Alicia since I met her, overanalysing and trying to gauge whether she may have cared about me like I did her. Two days to be exact, in which Alicia avoided me completely.

When I finally decided enough was enough, I went straight over to visit Alicia with the hope of finding enough courage to either tell her how I felt or get it out of her first. Clearly I was too scared to tell her myself all these years, so I wasn't too convinced it would go to plan.

I found her at her quarters again, an old dugout converted into a room for her, and knocked on as confidently as I could muster. As soon as she opened the door, her expression hardened and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"I just wanna talk," I said before she could think to close the door on me.

"About what exactly?" she asked, her anger still as fresh as it was from two days ago. "About how idiotic you were trying to get a ring?"

Remaining calm, I said, "I just wanted to get it for you, Alicia. Give you a sense of normalcy again and–"

"I didn't ask you to do that!" she exclaimed, before scoffing at me angrily and walking further into her room.

Reluctantly, I stepped inside and tried to defend myself. "I know you didn't, but I wanted to! You seemed to like the display and I thought–"

"I don't give a fuck about a ring!" she shouted, glaring at me, and this time her hurt was present. "It wasn't worth dying over! I care if you're fucking alive! That you're safe!"

The guilt returning yet again, I nodded in understanding. "You're right. I get it. I'm sorry, Alicia."

"No, you don't get it," she retorted, frustration being replaced with worry. "D'you know how– how scary it was watching you back there? Hearing you scream and then seeing you– fuck! Seeing you look so– so fragile? And now look at you! Walking on fucking crutches!"

I chose to stay quiet as she continued to rant, my guilt deepening as she spoke her fears aloud.

"You can be so careless sometimes!" she added, a frown on her lips and glassy eyes darting between mine. "Though, I suppose that's why you're Nick's friend, right? He does the same fucking thing!"

"I won't do it again," I promised her. "I'll think next time."

"Yeah, I hope so," she said bitterly, crossing her arms.

I watched her closely, searching for a semblance of what I hoped to find. "I didn't think you cared so much."

My nerves were creeping in and I so desperately hoped she'd admit her feelings first, so I wouldn't have to.

She looked at me, face flushing shyly before looking away and playing it cool. "Of course I do. You're family. And Nick's best friend."

I waited momentarily, wanting her to say it, but she didn't. And I foolishly couldn't. I was too scared to put myself out there, even after all this time.

Unable to hide my frown, I nodded. "That it?"

She met my gaze, confused. "What else?"

Now it was my turn to grow shy and embarrassed, and I looked away, feeling a little humiliated. It wasn't Alicia's fault at all – she couldn't help how I felt. And maybe Madison had gotten it wrong.

Changing the subject, I shook my head. "Never mind. Sorry again."

I turned to leave, feeling her eyes bore a hole in my back, and somehow I knew that when I walked out of this door, there would never be another chance to tell her how I felt. After all this time, even if she didn't feel the same, maybe I should have finally come clean like Madison said. If I did and we could get over it, maybe I could finally move on?

"Actually no," I said, suddenly feeling an adrenaline rush as I turned around to face her. "I'm not sorry."

She quirked a brow. "Excuse me?"

I sucked up a breath and held her gaze, despite a part of me wanting to leave and never speak again. "I'm not sorry. Not for trying to get that ring. For worrying you, yes, but not the ring."

"Wow, thanks," she said sarcastically, but I didn't let it get to me.

"You wanted that ring," I reminded her. "You looked in that store window and you saw something normal and I wanted to give it to you. I'm not sorry about that. I went in there for you and, yes, you didn't ask me to, Alicia, but you didn't need to. I wanted to! To make you happy, I would do anything. I thought you knew that by now, but maybe I didn't make it clear enough."

Her expression softened as her eyes widened slightly. "What are you saying?"

Now or never, right?

"I'm in love with you, Alicia," I stated with all the confidence left in me. "I have been, since we were kids and since I was old enough to know what love is. And I've been terrified to admit it aloud, especially to you, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. I didn't mean to worry your or upset you or make you so angry, you have to know that."

She didn't say anything as she seemed to digest my confession, and the longer she stared at me without any indication to how she was feeling, the more stupid I felt.

"I can get over it," I told her with a small smile, avoiding her eyes. "You don't need to take this on or anything. I just– I had to tell you. If I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry and you have every right to stop talking to me."

"No, just–" she started, and I held my breath as she struggled to speak. "You're in love with me?"

"...Yes."

"I'm in love with you," she admitted, and I could have sworn I misheard until she repeated, "I'm in love with you, too."

"You're in love with me."

"I am," she said softly. "Why didn't you– why didn't you say anything all this time?"

I raised my brows. "Me? Why didn't you?"

She scoffed. "Seriously? I'm your best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

"Exactly," I agreed. "You're my best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

Her eyes flickered between mine. "Like you did just now."

My heart was thumping so loudly I was surprised she couldn't hear it in the quiet of her room. Now what?

"I care about you a lot because I'm in love with you," she said, stepping forward and shakily lifting her hand to cup my cheek. "I don't want you doing stupid stuff that could get you killed. Especially not for me."

"If I had known it was dangerous, I wouldn't have gone in," I told her seriously. "I promised you I wouldn't leave you. I meant it."

She tensed her jaw as she lowered her hand, resting it on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I got so angry and upset. I shouldn't have reacted like that, especially after you got hurt. I just– seeing you like that and knowing it could have been worse, it just– It was frustrating. And I didn't know how to express that, not without revealing how I felt about you."

"Yeah, I kinda thought I fucked everything up when you didn't stop by for a visit," I said, in an attempt to lighten the mood, and it seemed to work as she cracked a small smile.

"I should have visited," she said apologetically. "And I should have told you how I felt."

"Me too," I said gently.

She looked at her hand on my shoulder, avoiding my eyes, and I couldn't stop staring at her as she did. She felt the same way. How could that be possible? How had I missed it?

"Now what?" she murmured.

"Now..." I paused, making her eyes flicker to mine momentarily, hopefully. And, still on a high from being able to admit the truth, I asked, "Can I kiss you?"

She pressed her lips together, nodding slowly, and then I leaned in before I could stop myself, wrapping my crutch and arm around her waist to pull her even close. Her figure fit perfectly in my arms; her lips were as soft as I could have imagined; her fingers left goosebumps across my skin where she caressed my cheek. This was all I'd ever wanted, and now I finally had it.

We pulled apart for air and I was afraid that if I opened my eyes, she wouldn't be there and I'd have imagined it all.

"Y/N?"

I opened my eyes, only to be submerged in golden-green. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I lifted an eyebrow. "For?"

She didn't falter as she said, "For being here for me all this time. For not leaving. For keeping your promise."

I stroked her waist with my thumb subconsciously, eyes flickering all over her face, committing it to memory, and then a smile curled on my lips. "You don't know how much you've done for me, do you? We're even, Alicia."

She began to smile too, making butterflies blossom in my chest, and then just like that, she pressed her lips to mine and I was in heaven once more.

Looks like Madison was right after all.

[all-that-is-gold-is-now-gone]

Reasons why FTWD is actually GOOD and you should watch it!!

So I know FTWD isn't as popular as TWD, but in all honesty, it's slept on!! You guys don't know what you're missing! This show carries!

Okay so season 3 is a lot of people's favorite it has a lot of cool things, Troy Otto being one, but then people don't stick around after season 3. Season 4 I confess is clunky, but we meet so many new awesome characters!!! Then after that, the show REALLY TAKES OFF! I personally like the stuff after season 3 for a lot of reasons, but one is that, it focuses more on the group as a whole, not just on the Clarks.

So, here are some reasons why you should watch FTWD after season 3 & 4!

Morgans Cowboy era

The Dories (They're literal gunslingers guys)

Dwight being a Horsegirl

Just Dwight in general

JOHN FUCKING DORIE

FTWD women (powerhouses, they take no shit)

Sherry and Dwight being able to WORK THROUGH THEIR TRAUMA it wasn't pushed under the rug. Their character development is just *CHEFS KISS*

Some of the best power couples EVER