#i literally created my own personal hell and then when i got close to people they would inevitably find their way down there

[starredforlife]

i feel the need to reassure also that im exaggerating my mistakes a bit but it's like. almost like an exposure therapy thing.

[winterarmyy]

Never Lie To Me

A series of random Bucky Drabbles that I can't let go but don't have the brain to make the whole complete plot of.

Summary: In which Y/N's sinful thoughts towards the Asset is reciprocated.

Pairing: winter soldier!bucky x hydra agent!female!reader

Words: 3.4k++

Warnings: 18+ content, no minors allowed, nsfw, purely smut and lack of plot, honestly. messy writing and lack of dialogue, sorry for that. Others may include probably incorrect russian due to the use of google translate, marking kink (if you squint), metal hand kink, finger-fucking, clit spanking, unprotected sex, creampie, soldat doesn't talk much, i figured he is more reserved but that doesn't mean his actions are (*wink wink*) he is kinda rough but the reader highkey loves it, just bunch of horny pent-up mfs getting some action for once, y'know.

Inspiration: "Cause I can see you waiting down the hall for me and I can see you up against the wall with me." – I Can See You (From The Vault) by Taylor Swift.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Y/N didn't understand why was she sent to this field mission. There were literally dozens of others that were much suitable to do it and yet they chose her of all people? Considering her much leisure job for the past months, which basically just to guard a lab, Hydra seemed to forgot that her body have been lack of combat practice.

She hated this. This mission. This organization. All of it.

Y/N was one of those kids that Hydra stole from the orphanages for their Phantom program; it is where they train, or accurately brainwash, the kids into highly skilled assassin. And she was one of the top 5 out of the program in her batch.

But after a certain incident in one of the mission in Peru, she was temporarily relocated to Siberia to, as they say, "recover" before they can assign get into another mission. There, she was given a much lenient task, which was to guard the lab where the Winter Soldiers were created.

Those few months was both heaven and hell for her; heaven was that she didn't need to be soaked in the blood of the innocent lives and hell was that she had to be a bystander to the cruelty of the dehumanizing process of the Winter Soldier program.

Sure, everything Hydra does to its "followers" are, by nature, imbrute. I mean, she was trained like a dog since she was but a child, but this. This was just another level of evil. Such vile and merciless thing to do to another human being. The muzzles that Hydra shoved in their mouth doesn't really help to reduce the excruciating noises that they made.

Though, while she was physically forced to witness the atrociousness, there was one constant thing that kept her mind off from it all.

They call him the Asset. In fact he was the first one. But she'd rather think of him simply as a man sleeping in a cryo chamber.

Y/N had heard of this "monster", the rumours were terrible as they come and go, but she find it hard to believe that when the soldat had such a calm and kind expression on his face, even if his features were frozen in ice. That was her first impression of him; then day by day, and what felt like ages, she watched him.

Her curiosity got the best of her when she started to think of scenarios and possibilities that the man had quickly became her escape from the horrid reality around her.

Though she spend most of her time trying not to feel it, but the other times, well... the thoughts went a little wild. At one point, they got too personal even for her own mind to comprehend.

After a month of reporting at the new post, she heard the whispers of "thawing the asset" from other agents and scientists around the lab. And surely enough, one of those day, the soldat was brought back from his slumber.

It didn't cross her mind before, of what color laid behind those closed lids. But when she saw his eyes for the first time, she was in complete awe. They were blue as the vast ocean she once jet-skied over; but they were as cold like when she stepped foot at this snow covered facility.

The contrast of his dark hair and tanned skin only makes his bright eyes to become the most prominent feature on his face. And Y/N just couldn't tear her gaze away, especially when the Hydra agent that supposed to retrieve him was making such a big fuss over how slow the soldat was reacting to their commands.

What do they expect? He was literally frozen for lord knows how long just a few seconds ago. Everything must be dissociating for him. So of course, the man's mind and body needs time to adjust.

The soldat abruptly fell on his knees after exiting the chamber, causing one of the guards to strike a kick across his face, "вставай, паршивая собака! (Get up, you lousy dog!)"

And that was it, Y/N had enough of it, "Hey!" she shouted as her stomped towards the guards. The duo quickly stood straight and showed their respect to her; knowing that those who graduated from Phantom program has higher ranking than them.

The moment Y/N found her footing in front of him, the palm of her hand landed harshly across his face, "Do you realized what you just did?" She asked as the taller regained to his prior composure.

"That man!" She pointed at the soldat who was obediently sitting on the floor, "Is Hydra's most prized asset. He alone is worth thousands of you useless scumbags. And you had the audacity to lay your hands on him?!" She roared and the lab fell into silent.

The two guards can only bite on their own tongue knowing what she said was true. The soldat was in fact the Hydra's precious weapon, as for now that he was the only one who successfully weilded the super soldier serum in his veins.

Y/N walked around and stood in front of the soldat, "Are you hurt, soldat?" she asked as her gaze fell on him. His head was hanging low as he bored his empty eyes into the shine of Y/N's black boots; he shook his head and replied, "No, ma'am"

She knew he was lying, especially when she saw the drips of blood on his pants, "Look at me." She ordered in which the soldat complied. And there it was, the source of the mess, the red cut on the corner of his lips. Her frown only deepened when the bruises were slowly forming on his cheek bones.

Y/N crouched to his level, as her hand reaching for his cheeks. His body halted and stiffened when she approached, but only to be surprised by the soft carress of her fingers on his face, "If you're not injured, then what's this?" She whispered lowly; a tone where just the two of them can hear.

The soldat's empty eyes almost melt in hers; he never saw her before, who is she? Why was there so much kindness in her eyes? And why was she holding him so gently?

He let her careful thumb wiped the blood from his chin before whispered again, "Never lie to me, soldat. Do you understand?"  The soldat obediently nodded as a spiral of indescribable emotions stirred within him. His eyes lingered at the way her lips formed into a soft smile, "Good." She praised.

Since then, the soldat's gaze had remain on her almost all the time. From the moment she threatened the two guards, to the time she looked away from the tortured candidates of the Winter Soldier program, to this very second as she undresses every part of her suit.

Though the mission was a success however, their plane was utterly wrecked by an unforeseen mini gun. So they were forced to walk through the snow storm and find shelter at one of Hydra's safe house.

It was not rare for the soldat to be paired with other agents on a mission but never with a woman. Much less the pretty little bunny that he had been obsessing over. Ever since that incident, the soldat often think of her. And he really tried too keep everything professional but something within him changed lately.

One particularly distinct moment that he experienced that made it clear to him; it was when he was waiting in the hall for his handlers to drag him around the facilities, and she happen to walk towards him from the opposite side. And when he brushed pass her, he noticed how his hands was itching to grab her by the neck and push her up against the wall.

As if there was this strong urge to claim her, mark her, fuck her. That was when he realized. The soldat wanted her. He wanted ruin her for everyone else. He wanted her to be his. But, he knew they keep watchful eyes on him. On both of them. And he can't risk that.

But now that she was standing right in front of him, in her underwear no less, how was he supposed to control himself?

Y/N turned her attention towards the soldat, he stood absolutely still that she almost thought he was literally frozen, "Why are you not stripping? Even with that super soldier serum in you, I doubt that you don't feel cold from those snow-soaked clothes."

Maybe it was the dim-lit room, but she swore that the soldat eyes darkened when she walk towards him. Especially when his eyes ranked the way her wet undergarments stick onto her skin.

How many times did she fantasize about the way he was looking at her. How many times did she made herself cum from the thoughts on grinding her cunt into his metal fingers.

Too many to count.

Especially when, in her head, she could see him in his suit with his knives, she could see him throwing his black mask on the floor, she could see him bending her over to his will, she could see him make her want him, crave him, need him.

And whenever their eyes met, she often think of the what-ifs between them. Like, what would he do if she went to touch him now? What would he do if Hydra never found them out? What would he do if they never made a sound?

What would he think if she made him her own personal addiction? Then will he entertain her fantasies by making her his own secret mission?

"Remember what I told you, soldat?" She asked as her hands reached for his mask.

Without hesitation, the soldat replied, "Never lie to you." as his face was bare for her to see.

Y/N took a step forward, so close that he could almost feel her skin on him, "Now tell me, what do you want?" Her eyes found his diluted ones as he lifted his gaze from her cleavage to meet hers.

His cock was rather truthful even from the beginning; now more than before when it twitched painfully in the confinement of his pants. The soldat hissed to the feel of it before he confessed, "I want you."

Y/N couldn't help but to smile, "Then, have me, soldat."

That was all he needed to hear. Her permission to have her, to own her. Then, very next second, he had her body pinned firmly against the wall, his lips on her soft ones, his wet tongue exploring in her mouth.

The soldat had his metal hand gripping the back of her neck, not wanting that pretty head of hers to hit the wall; while the other hand unabashedly teared the bra off from her body.

Breaking the kiss, the soldat's lustful gaze watched how her breasts became bare for him. So pretty and perky. His cock twitched madly as if it was ordering him to touch them, suck on them. And he did just that.

The soldat took her right nipple into his hot mouth while his free hand pawed on the other. Y/N moaned lewdly at roughness of his hand and mouth. When she threw her head back, that was when she saw it. At the corner of the room, she noticed a CCTV camera directly situated towards their direction

She grabbed a handful of his long hair, and lightly tugged him back but he refused to stop sucking on her. Y/N huffed when she whispered, "They're watching us."

That was when the soldat quickly released her from his mouth and quickly hovered his huge body over her, he growled possessively as his quick eyes scanned for all the nearby camera.

Y/N chuckled amusingly at his reaction, "Do you not like it when they watch us?" She teased. The soldat growled again as he pulled her closer, her nipples perked even more now that they touched the cold fabric of his clothes, "Mine. Mine alone." He declared.

Y/N looked up at him with a pair of seductive eyes, "Then, what are you going to do about it?" She taunted. The soldat swiftly pulled his knives out from his thigh strap and threw it directly at the lens of each camera in the room. Now no one would have a chance witness her divine body, or see what her face looks like when he make her cum.

There weren't much of intelligible words that came out of his mouth after that, besides the grumble noises of the word "mine".

The soldat latched her mouth onto her skin, particulary around her neck, collarbone and the valley of her breast. He kissed and licked and sucked to leave his mark on her as his metal hand dug into her hips.

Meanwhile, the flesh of his right hand slide right into her panties. He fingers trailed the outer slit of her cunt; as if he was purposely teasing her, "Зайка (bunny)" he groaned against her neck when he felt how wet she was. She squirmed needily under his hand, when his middle finger poked her entrance while his thumb grazed across her clit.

"So wet, all for me?" He purred as his finger slowly dug into her hole. Y/N whined and grabbed his wrist before he could go any further, "Want your metal fingers, soldat." she slurred deliriously; already drunk with his touches.

It took all his might to not fuck her right there and then when she let him have her. The soldat wanted to treat her gently, prepare her sweetly. Now that she had confessed such sinful desire, something in him just snapped.

He pulled his hand out, and effortlessly ripped her panties from her body before lifting one of her legs up, pushing her thighs towards her body. She yelped at the sudden roughness, embarrassment crept across her spine when the soldat licked his lips at the sight of her cunt, wide open for him.

"Want my metal fingers huh,  Зайка (bunny)?" He trailed his metal fingers along her wet hole, "You got it." He abruptly shoved two of his digits into her, causing her to let out a loud gasp at the sudden intrusion.

The soldat didn't give her time to adjust, he simply pulled his fingers out to the very tip and thrust it back into her. And he does it again, and again and again. Until the pain turn into sheer pleasure.

When her eyes rolled back and shut close, the soldat growled disapprovingly, "No. Don't close your eyes. Look. Look down. Watch how your wet little hole take my metal fingers. That's it. Look at you. Fuck. Look. At. You." His pace didn't lose its rhythm when he fucked his fingers hard and fast; he curled them just right every time he hit that deep spot inside her.

His metal fingers was better that she had ever imagine, and the sight that she was looking at was so lewd that she was already so overstimulated from it, then when his thumb circled her clit, she thought she was seeing actual stars.

Streams of fluid was squelching everytime he shoved his fingers knuckles deep into her, that it trickled down his hand. It was so messy and the soldat loves it. He want her to be this messy all the time. He wanted to clean her up with his tongue. Lick every drip of her sweet fluid, swollow it like he was thristy and she was water.

At the this point, he would be willing to stay on his knees if it means that he get to have her cunt on his mouth always.

The soldat growled at the way she moaned so shamelessly at how harsh his fingers was violating her sweet pussy. He kept on rubbing on her clit and watched her body shuddered when he slap on it. Seeing her reaction, he continued to spank her clit and he fucked her harder; one, two, three, four, until she cried out a long moan and her pussy gushed with her creamy cum.

And seeing how her body trembled, her cream dripping out onto his hand, the soldat almost combust in his pants. Though apart of him wanted to feel her sweaty skin on his own, another just wanted to feel her warm pussy.

So, instead of wasting more of his time undressing himself, the soldat hurriedly unzipped his pants to release his aching cock out. He pulled his finger out and licked her cum clean while his other hand lazily pumped his leaking length, "Taste so good, Зайка (bunny). Bet you feel good too."

Y/N whined at his action, he looked so hot and bothered. And something about him fully clothed while pumping his needy cock for her; it just drives her to near feral. She let out an exasperated gasp when the soldat maneuvered her legs to cling around his waist, while his hand gripped on her hips. Her voice then stuck on her throat when he thrust his cock deep inside in one stroke.

His size was stretching her out so much that it burned, a good type of burn; in fact, the best type. The soldat on the other hand almost burst his cum the moment he entered her. She felt so good. Better that his rough hands when he jerked off to the though of her. But he was determined to make her cum on his dick before he get his own high.

So without letting her adjust to his size, he slowly pulled out and harshly slammed right back into her; fuck does it feel so good. And her mewling so needily for him does not help the situation at all. He repeated the same thing over and over until he managed to suck up his need to cum, then fasten his pace. And the sound of her wetness rubbing against his cock when he pounded into her was so damned and sinful, that never wanted to forget.

Her back repeatedly hit the wall from the force of his thrust that she needed to hold on his shoulders for support. His pace was fast and deep, almost erratic. Her moans broken when she felt the tip of her cock ramming at her womb, her walls clenching in delight to welcome such huge and hot length inside her. Every stroke was perfect and if she had no self-control she would be cumming each time the soldat forced his cock into her.

His hips slapped against her and she eagerly followed his every thrust, desperate to meet his skin as much as he was for her. And when she looked up to him, the soldat was looking directly into her. His ocean blues dove into her soul as his grunts tangled with her cries.

His breathing stuttered and his pace flatter. She could tell he was getting close. But, the soldat refused to; not until she cum first.

In and out. In and out. His pace became brutally delicious. Her nerves were stretching so good that her toes curled and that was when she felt the coil forming. Short needy pants left her lips, each one was a sign that she was getting closer to ecstacy, "I'm cumming, soldat. Please,, don't stop."

The soldat groaned, "Don't hold back." He pounded into her impossibly harder; and the delicious drag of his cock continued to punish her into pure ecstasy, forcing her cum to leak out and lather around his throbbing length, "That’s it, Cum for me, Зайка (bunny). Cum for your soldat,, ahh fuck so tight, i'm cumming too, ahh." The soldat chased his own release as continued to thrust inside her clenching hole.

"Fuckkkk i'm cumming inside you, Зайка (bunny). Will mark you mine with my cum. Ahhh ahhh fuckk", the soldat moaned to the addictive feel of her cunt milking him, and soon after when it hits him, his cock throbbed wildly as his cream leaked from the tip, endlessly filling her womb full with his warm cum.

Y/N whined to the amount of warm fluid spreading inside her. And when she thought his slowed thrust was a sign of an end, she couldn't be wrong. The soldat slowly pulled his cock out to the very tip, just pound it back into her. He groaned at the sight of his creamy cum spilling out, circling where his cock was stuffing her. Then he does it again, and again.

Until she started to moan for him, "hmmm,, s-soldat?" She hoped that he would explain himself.

His dark eyes only glint with lust and greed when a small smiled curved on his lips, "Oh, Зайка (bunny), I'm not done with you until I mark every part of you as mine."

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: This scene has been played out in my head the whole day when Speak Now (TV) came out. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this short read! Drop some thought behind for me would you?

[katuschka]

Out On The Tiles – Prologue

Jake Kiszka x Chris Turpin Josh Kiszka x Chris Turpin

Yaaay, my first AU! Welcome to the 70s rock&roll hell, baby...

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings – this story will contain: substance abuse, infidelity, debauchery, same sex smut, hetero smut, rough sex, and as always, an unhealthy dose of heavy emotions and feelings

Special thanks to: @thewritingbeforesunrise and her genius, twisted mind that helped me form this story in my own sick brain.

If you like the story and want to get notifications, you can join the Taglist.

AND if you already received the notif, but you're not interested in this particular story, just send me a message.

I'm just a simple guy, I live from day to day A ray of sunshine melts my frown and blows my blues away There's nothing more that I can say but on a day like today I pass the time away and walk a quiet mile with you All I need from you is all your love All you got to give to me is all your love

Prologue

1994 was an eventful year for the Kiszka twins. After years of unsuccessful attempts to launch respectful solo projects they could build upon after the infamous breakup of their band, they had been finally labelled as “has-beens of rock” when grunge hit the mainstream, only to rise up again like a phoenix from the dust of their once stellar career. 

Josh and Jake, THE ultimate enfants terrible of the 70s rock&roll music scene. Angel-faced devils, as they were called. 

It was no longer true, but it kept haunting them anyway. How could it not.

Born to free-thinking parents who never made it to Frisco with the other beatniks, but instead decided to “settle down” in a small town in Michigan after their mother became pregnant, they were raised – together with their younger brother Samuel – in what you could call a “respectful neighborhood”. But everything was different behind the closed doors, as their parents never grew out of love for art, music and literature. 

Their mother was not only a wonderful and respected teacher, but she could also bake devilishly good sweet treats, so the neighbors somehow “tolerated” the fact that she often indulged in painting “weird pictures.” 

Their father played the piano in church on Sundays, while their own house was filled with the sound of delta blues, bebop and rockabilly on Friday nights. 

Even as young kids, they never had to hide their passion for the new music made by Elvis and Chuck and Little Richard. In fact, their father encouraged it, together with their attempts to learn how to play and write their own stuff. Their longing to create was inextinguishable, partly inherited and wholeheartedly shared, so by mid sixties, they were already in a band. Their band, which they founded together with Sam’s friend, a talented percussionist from the school orchestra. And a cool kid, too. 

After the wave of new British bands hit the US coast like a tsunami, invading the music scene as well as their own ears, they finally found their own sound and everything snowballed pretty quickly during 1968 and 1969. They got signed, they hit the road and their career literally exploded! Air Javelin were on their way to become one of the most influential bands in rock&roll history. 

Fast forward back to 1994, they now found themselves sitting next to David Letterman, eager and ready to discuss their new mutual music project. 

It was good. In fact, it was great, already receiving many well-deserved accolades and praises from the very same people and magazines who used to shit on their music more than two decades ago. 

The only problem being that they were probably the only people who were eager and ready to discuss it at the moment. 

Josh’s recent coming-out was already old news and the questions that focused on that grew stale pretty quickly. It was the 90s after all, and things were getting better slowly but steadily. If anything, it made the message he managed to lace their new music with even more acute and sharp. The first single was a huge success not only among their old fans; it hit the charts with nearly the same force their old hits once did. 

Unfortunately, two weeks after the long-awaited release of the whole album, a book appeared on shelves of bookstores all across the country, and turned into a sensation almost overnight. 

Written by their former road manager Robert Mole, it was packed with juicy and scandalous stories from their heyday. The timing was deliberate. Robert just wanted a piece of the freshly baked cake, and so did the publisher. 

A lot of it had already been somewhat known, and perceived as public secrets for years and years. People may not have known all the details Robert decided to disclose, but it shocked no one. Those were the stories and anecdotes from a long-gone era. EVERYONE was already familiar with the infamous octopus story anyway, even though no one knew what really happened that day. That was the beauty of it. And as Jake already said in another interview, Robert had spent most of those days either drunk or high, often both, so a lot of the shit mentioned in that book was simply made up or blown out of proportion.

So, when Letterman asked about the contents of the book again, Jake replied nonchalantly: “Let’s put it this way, David. I can’t remember half of it, and neither can he!”

The audience laughed, but the host did not give up. 

There was one more story, one that they had managed to keep hidden, but which kept haunting them because it was extremely and painfully personal. Like a cold sore, it would never go away. It was also the reason why Sam still refused to speak with either of them.

They used to like Robert; he was once regarded and treated almost as a sixth member of the group. However, the fact that he decided to include this in the book turned him into an unscrupulous piece of shit in their eyes. 

Back in the day, when their heads were so big it was a wonder that they didn’t float above their shared stage, they thought no one could possibly push them out of their pedestal. But new bands appeared, some of them equally good. Bands such as the British wonder Mellow Yellow, with their charismatic, blonde frontman…

“Alright, alright,” Letterman raised his voice before the applause died down completely. “But I’m sure EVERYONE wants to know the truth behind those accusations that the real reason why Air Javelin split up was the affair you BOTH had with the late Chris Turpin.”

@thewritingbeforesunrise @fleet-of-fiction @writingcold @lvnterninthenight @its-interesting-van-kleep   @takenbythemadness   @edgingthedarkness @myownparadise96 @gvfstuddedmajesty @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @josh-iamyour-mama @lyndz2names @wetkleenex-gvf @peaceloveunitygvf @cheersdannyx2 @fleetingjake @lizzys-sunflower @emojakekiszka @gvfmarge @Dayumclarizzel @lipstickitty @clownstarr @gretasfallingsky @musicislove3389 @i-love-gvf @psychedelectable @allof--mylove @sacredsparrow

[jeannereames]

This is something entirely random that I’ve been thinking of a lot, but what do you believe Hephaestion would think if Alexander had kids of his own while he was alive? Or even what he thought of his marriage? This probably isn’t something you have evidence for based on historical fact, obviously, save accounts of their bond and general characters. This is more asking for your personal opinions/beliefs. Or just on the characters themselves in your books.

I know he probably expected him to take wives and have heirs eventually, realistically. But if he truly loved Alexander that deeply, to the point they were thought two halves of the same whole, I always wondered what he may feel about it in those situations, or even how he’d interact with the children/Roxana or his other wives in general.

I dunno, it’s just something that’s always interested me. I know I would probably not be able to take it well, personally, so it’s always made me wonder if Hephaestion did.

Hephaistion, Alexander’s Wives, and Romantic Jealousy

Honestly, I’m of the opinion that Hephaistion may have been one of those who encouraged Alexander to marry Roxana (in order to get the hell out of Baktria).

The issue of Hephaistion’s putative jealousy which movie- and documentary-makers return to again and again, creating (to my mind unrealistic) love triangles, owes to some pretty vast differences between Now and Then, regarding marriage and love.

The Greeks got jealous. We have LOTS of evidence of such jealousy in everything from lyric poetry to curse tablets and love philtres. Furthermore, there was nothing remotely like concepts of “When they go low, we go high.” No, when they went low, you were expected to go lower.

Once more, I repeat the ancient maxim for GOOD men and women: Help your friends and hurt your enemies.

Hephaistion absolutely subscribed to that—both the historical man and my character. The historical man apparently made life difficult for Eumenes, at least. And he participated in the torture of Philotas (whether or not one thinks it justified). Near the end of his life, a high-ranking Macedonian official was so fearful of him (and Alexander), he begged his brother, a Seer, to sacrifice and read the omens—and for Hephaistion first. He feared him more.

He was not a man to cross. But notice who he had quarrels with: his equals (or close enough). If there’s any truth to a quarrel with Olympias (I’m dubious for reasons I’ll go into in the monograph), it involved her influence over Alexander versus his own.

Upper-class men and women in ancient Greece, and Macedonia, simply lived very separated lives. Returning to those curse tablets, the bulk of them that involve rivals involve rivals of the same sex. Women curse other women their husbands may be involved with. Men curse other men who they believe/fear their love interest (not always a wife) might favor. If we’re often unsure WHO these people are relative to each other, as we typically have only names, I’ve just not seen much cross-gender cursing, as least not about love. Now, there are literally tens of thousands of these, so I’m sure there are some, but it doesn’t seem to be common.

And I think the reason it’s not OWES to that very gender-segregated nature of Greek life. Women are threatened by other women—not by men. And men are certainly not threatened by women. These are two different spheres. When we do hear men complaining about another man’s obsession with so-and-so hetaira, it’s the SON (or father) who’s worried their love-drunk relative will squander all his money on her.

This is why Hephaistion as jealous of a “mere woman,” even a wife, strikes me as anachronistic—especially by that point in their lives. Maybe in the first flush, he could be jealous, and I do have him initially jealous of Kampaspe in Dancing with the Lion: Rise. But not only does he get over it, he winds up friends with her! (She’ll continue to be important throughout the series, in fact.) He simply needed to know she wasn’t going to replace him.

A wife isn’t going to replace him, especially not a wife married for diplomatic purposes, which is ALL Alexander’s wives, and even mistresses (including Barsine and arguably, Statiera). It would be the same thing with heirs. Hephaistion sure can’t give any to Alexander, so of course he needs Alexander’s wife to do that.

I think, if anything, Hephaistion would have wanted to be involved in helping raise Alexander’s sons/children…just as Alexander apparently intended to be involved with Hephaistion’s. That’s reportedly why he married Hephaistion to Drypetis, the younger sister of his own bride, Statiera (the younger): so their children would be cousins.

For elite classes, there are just a LOT more people involved in raising children than a nuclear family. Alexander’s (and Hephaistion’s) children would have had nurses, attendants, tutors, etc. There wouldn’t have been any expectation that Alexander would “settle down” with his wife and spend all his time with them, like a Macedonian Father Knows Best. Hee.

Hephaistion’s REAL rivals for Alexander’s affections would be competing Hetairoi who might want to muscle in and usurp his influence, or younger teen boys who caught Alexander’s eye, especially if he seemed to be getting too close to one. Pretty Euxinippos was more of a threat (and maybe why he was packed off with the Scythians as an ambassador, at least for a while) than Roxane.

As I’ve said many times, Hollywood really is missing out with Hephaistion when they have him fuming over Roxane (or Bagoas). SO, so much more mileage could be made of the rivalries AROUND Alexander among his top men. The whole Philotas-hatred thing…it’s *juicy*. Eumenes as a bit of a dick at the court, and Leonnatos’s meat-headed arrogance. Perdikkas and Ptolemy sassing at each other. Krateros and Hephaistion. Kassandros like a little weasel back in Macedon. Kleitos cussing at everyone for getting too Persian. There’s the fun stuff!

But that’s mostly not romantic. It’s still about love though: affection.

[lanascurse]

: ̗̀➛ Some of my DR deets

JJK DR

Oddly enough, this is the one I tend to be most private about despite it being my main. I’d love to share soooo much but it’s all too personal. I’m part of the 2006 gang, and have a lovely s/o who I adore to death ! I scripted many things out (kenjaku dies off wayyy before 2018 lmao) so the plot is sort of similar , but I added my own tweaks to it? Also, my CT is related to crystals. I might explain it more in detail one day?? Idk if anyone cares tho but I love it sm. I’m considered a semi-special grade honestly…? It’s confusing but I’m definitely not a low grade 😋

Obey me! DR

Honestly my biggest concern about this reality was the language bc the game is meant to be in Japanese but I can’t imagine them speaking English 💀 the thing is they’re all demons living in “hell” so wouldn’t they have their own special language? Idk but I guess we’re all gonna be fluent in Japanese lmao. Anyway, there is so much chaos in the reality it’s so fucking fun. Lucifer is pissed 24/7 but I’m lowkey scared of him so I try not to slip out of line often. My S/O is Solomon because something about him hits diff 😍 I love my guys Mammon and Levi too but I don’t feel a huge connect to them in a romantical sense. MY OUTFITS TOO!! I mix the devildom and human realm fashion and it’s absolute perfection!! Also, even though there’s no sunlight in the Devildom, I will NOT be deficient in vitamin D 🥰

YouTuber DR

This is a fun one for sure. I’m basing this reality around sister squad mainly because first, iconic ass squad. Second, I eventually want Grayson Dolan as my s/o…I used to be Ethan’s lane lmao. I scripted for us to get together around 2020 since this is their “maturing” era. I have a YT squad of my own and we blew up in popularity years before we got involved with others YouTubers. I know James, Emma, and the twins personally, and quite close with them. And for fun I interact with Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star cuz why tf not? Doesn’t mean I wanna be their friend but they carried 2018 YouTube, let’s be so fr. 2018 is our prime year, my squad and I are drama free for the most part, even when people want to drag us into a scandal. Also making LA more ideal because…I think we all know why. Love this DR 😫

Waiting room

A cute cottage near the cliff-sides of Scotland where I have my bunnies, and all my cats (including the deceased ones). I chill, script, and am filled with absolute love and positivity. This is the place where time truly slows down and allows me to enjoy life. I get to watch edits of my dr’s (w me in them ofc), read goofy fanfics, and can literally summon anything or anyone I want ! It’s technically my dream life but without a career ;)

Haikyuu DR

In love with this anime/manga forever and always. My story goes deep so I won’t get into it too much but my s/o is most definitely Oikawa Tooru. I am a manager for Karasuno’s boys volleyball team and honestly might be like Hinata with how many encounters/friendships I develop 😭 I’m a second year so I’m close to Tanaka and Noya (two of the biggest doofus dingus heads ever I love them sm). My childhood best friend is Kageyama which creates an interesting dynamic around us imo. Wayyy too much to spill about this DR so imma keep it short !

Alice in Borderland DR

I was contemplating this one because it’s so creepy yet interesting. My occupation outside of the borderlands is still confusing to me because I haven’t given this DR any attention, but what I do know is Kuina will become my mf girlfriend. Have you seen that woman? Like idgaf about Chishiya, move over !!!!

Fame DR

I’m an actress with a background in musical theatre, and come from a successful family. I have some notable roles that led me to winning quite a few awards. In this DR, I have an older brother because I want to know what it’s like to have a sibling so bad. Idk why this is the reality I chose to experience that tho. I am friends with some of my fav celebs, ANDDDD one of my cousins is a K-POP idol as well!! We got them connections, y’all. NVM I don’t want a particular s/o in this reality but if I do end up with someone, I’d prefer it be a woman bcuz male celebrities do NOT hit the same :/

felt like yapping about my dr’s sorry. uh thanks if you made it all the way to the end. subscribe and like plz 🙏

[polyamorouspunk]

I've got a bunch of sex ed stuff I'm just gonna toss into one ask have fun reading my essay

This may seem obvious to some people but definitely isn't to everyone, you can tap out of sex literally whenever. It doesn't matter if you or your partner are close to finishing, if you're uncomfortable and want to stop, you should be within your right to stop and be able to exercise that right.

Safewords can be used for completely vanilla sexual activity as well. Safe actions are similarly available to use for completely vanilla sexual activity. They aren't reserved for super kinky CNC play and BDSM, if you find that they would be useful for you...then use them!

More lube is better than too little lube. This applies to PIV, anal, scissoring, fingering, jacking someone off, tit fucking, thigh fucking, anything under the sun. You will prefer a messy clean up than a chafed body.

For kinky play this is important but for first timers and inexperienced people as well it's incredibly important for the people involved to do check-ins. See how everyone is feeling, see if anything needs to shift. This doesn't have to ruin the flow of the mood, a simple "does that feel good?" Can be a check-in if your partner agrees.

Take everything slow. It is your body. It is your genitalia. Your most sensitive zones. Take it slow. Take it easy. Take it at your own pace. If someone tries to rush you along and it's not something you both agreed would be hot to do then stop that encounter immediately.

For free-use kinksters or people with very grabby partners: you might want a non-verbal visual signal on whether or not you're safe to just grab and use. Me and my boyfriend have a bracelet I wear when I'm not in the mood to be played with. The opposite choice of a piece of jewelry that says you can be played with is also an option.

If you're physically disabled, work with your partner to find positions and techniques that work for you both without causing pain (or much pain). Sort out what to do afterwards to help you relax and heal from whatever pain is caused.

Aftercare is always important. Always. No matter what sexual activity happened. Check in with your partner, ask if it was good, if one person is more aware and physically able, get water and maybe snacks for both parties, clean up together, cuddle afterwards, that sort of stuff. It's very important to connect with your partner afterwards and make sure the sex was good for both of you, to make sure if it wasn't that something can be apologized for or fixed in the future.

Communicating your wants and needs is embarrassing but it's so important. Telling your partner what you want them to do is hot as hell and highly recommended so that both parties know what they're doing during the sexual encounter.

For the inexperienced, asking your partner to teach you how to pleasure them can also be incredibly hot (altho this may be my personal kinks creating a bias). If both you and your partner want to fuck each other, it's good to learn how you each best get off! What places to touch, what places to not touch, how to touch, what to say or not say, all sorts of things.

THIS! ALL OF THIS!

I love the attitude and tone taken in this ask. Thank you so much.

[whywoulditho]

I'm glad, that DC writers are changing constantly and therefore the characters are protected from the Bat-family. The Bats are the cancer of DC comics. There wouln't be any independant characters anymore if they could gez their grubby hands on the other DC families

That's another way to look at it.. I agree that they're trying a bit too hard to connect every character to the bats' storyline. so you might have a point there. maybe it would create more bad than good if they let batfam authors interfere with the other storylines... but i still wouldn't call the bats the cancer of DC. I think if you took the bats out of DC, it would lose like half of its charm and quality.

with all that being said though, i still think the biggest problem of DC romances (or comic book romance in general) lies in each run having separate authors. think about why harley x ivy worked. it's because both of those characters already existed before they got together. both of them were loved villains and later anti-heroes, they both have their own story, their own past and their own redemption arcs. they're both INTERESTING. and when DC made the risky choice of making them a couple, it worked.

i'm not saying it would work with any other characters, or that they should make all their major characters date each other. but if you want to explore romance in your comics you have to give the readers an actual relationship, involving two realistically written and interesting people. not a major character and their accessory love interest. that's my issue with tim x bernard, or jon x jay. no one will get attached to, or even invested in, these relationships because we don't know anything about the love interests. they're just some random people. even if you try to give them personalities they will still not have a story outside of their relationship with the major character. bernard and jay were only created so tim and jon would have someone to kiss. it's hard to care about them, and therefore their relationship. they're just boring romance side plots.

you can introduce a character with the sole purpose of making them a couple with one of your major characters and still make it work, like batman and catwoman. you can create chemistry with a new character just as well as you can with already existing ones. but i think we need more of the first option. less last minute love interests and more people falling in love. i think what makes DC special is that they show us so many different versions of their major characters, we get to see them grow and change (take notes, marvel) so it wouldn't be off-brand to see already existing major characters, like superboy and robin, ending up together. not when it's DC. to be honest i think it would be like super iconic of them to do that. and i also think that DC fans would much rather have their favorite characters end up with the kind of person they went through hell and back with instead of like, a random citizen. tim and kon have so many parallels. they're both people who didn't have to be heroes at all, but still chose to do it. they both struggle with carrying a mantle too big and the fact that they were not chosen for it makes them even more insecure. they also have a past together, they're close friends, they would take a bullet for each other. so much potential. dont even get me started on damian and jon. those two are like, literal mirrors of their fathers. they have huge legacies on their shoulders and they're like quite literally the only people that could understand one another. again, so. much. potential. i'm not saying they have to be together, but if DC was gonna write romance for these characters I wish it could have been with each other.

[bluedalahorse]

I think I’ll say this once, since I need to say it before I can move on to more excited posting about promos and things:

Obviously Young Royals means a lot to me. It’s become another way for me to connect with my hyphenated-American heritage and to start teaching myself Swedish again. It helped me survive a pretty brutal year of bullying at work. It made me confident enough to start the process of getting formally evaluated for autism and ADHD. I’ve been writing a 200k+ historical AU fanfic for YR—the kind of fic I always read and adored back in fandoms when I was younger, the kind of fic I wanted to write myself. I’m proud of the way that Heart and Homeland has made me a better writer, and I’m glad for the way it’s deepened my friendship with @heliza24. It is Young Royals in part that inspired by thesis on restorative justice in YA literature. When I was in the hospital last fall because I almost had a literal stroke from stress, I was comforted and kept calm by the fact that I was wearing a YR t-shirt and had a plush doll of a YR character sitting in my lap. And all of that is the short list.

As we come close to the release date, I hope that every single member of the fandom gets something they enjoy in the new season. I don’t think every person is going to get everything they want, but I genuinely hope there’s a moment, a scene, a line that brings them joy. We’ve all stuck with this series for a while, and I want us all to have something we can take with us. A little bit of sparkle for the road, if you will.

There’s of course the possibility that some of us get a lot of what we want, and others of us are let down. I know this was the case for season 2, and it feels naive to imagine that everyone in the fandom will be equally satisfied by season 3. I’ve got my fingers crossed that I’ll enjoy the hell out of it, but I’m also trying to prepare my heart in case it’s not what I wanted. I’m trying to gently talk to myself right now and say that even if the third season leaves me upset and unsatisfied—even if the writing takes a nosedive or it’s good writing but it’s just not what I wanted—that I still learned a lot about crafting stories and being myself and surviving hardship and thinking about systems and whatever else, from this show. That my experience with the first two seasons still matters, that my work on my fic is something to be proud of. If season 3 is a disappointment, Heart and Homeland will be my new canon. I’m sure there are other people out there talking themselves up in this way too. I know we’re all pushing through the pre-season jitters.

The other thing I’m trying to reconcile right now is how I feel about the promotional material that’s come out, and the conversations around that. Like on my own, I actually feel pretty great? It’s fun to see the new stuff come in? But then I think about the ratio of Wilmon to other things and some of the responses I’m seeing to that. And I see people say like “oh the show is back to focusing on what’s actually good about it” and “it’s great that they’re doing this because the audience doesn’t really care about characters who aren’t Wilmon.” And… hello? Aren’t I the audience? Tumblr isn’t too bad (most of the time) but then there’s like, Instagram, where the Netflix Nordic posted whole set of photos of different pairs and friendships from a whole bunch of shows, and there was one (1) picture of Sara and Rousseau and I saw enough comments where people were like “ew! Vomit! Give us Wilmon instead!” that like… y’all. Frida Argento is a human being and a damn good actress, and Lisa is a good writer of female characters, and like. We can celebrate that, once in a while. We can create space for her too. It’s not Frida OR Omar and Edvin. It’s Frida AND Omar AND Edvin AND Nikita AND Malte AND Nathalie AND Mimmi AND Fabian AND Samuel AND… look I could keep on listing but I’m going to get distracted if I do.

Like, man. I love Wilmon. Don’t get me wrong. I love the complexity their relationship can run with. There are lines heliza has written for them in fic that make me swoon and I am giddy about the part where I get to read them first. I love the glowsticks. I love Wilmon’s sense of humor and the part where they cheated at Vincent’s rowing race thing and their utmost commitment to being dumbass teenage boys against the world. The first week I saw the show and came into work (where we have an athletic field) I went and took a selfie on the field after covering my hands in those gross fake dots. Look. I am all in.

And also… I came to the show for Wilmon but I stayed for so much more. I would have watched Young Royals once or twice and said “that was pleasant” without ever getting back into fanfic after a decade away, if the show was only Wilmon. I do like Wilmon, but it wasn’t Wilmon who inspired my thesis on restorative justice or made me a better writer overall. I survived that year of bullying at work because I could come home and write my ensemble fanfic, especially the parts where I focused on the non-Wilmon pairing I was in charge of writing. I finally felt confident enough to be evaluated for AuDHD because of a connection I felt to a character who wasn’t Simon or Wilhelm. It was a plush doll of a non-Wilmon character who sat in my lap and kept me calm while I was hooked up to those scary machines in the hospital this past October.

I guess my one humble request is that people be thoughtful about how they use phrases like “everyone thinks” or “no one wants.” Not every member of the fandom has the same opinion, and not every member wants the same things out of season 3, and there are some of us who are happy about the new Wilmon content but who are still feeling a little hungry for more of our most beloved characters, and hope they’ll get meaningful storylines (and not get ignored) in season 3. I do know we probably won’t all get what we want, and that some of us will probably get more of what we want than others. I hope that whatever happens, we’ll all get something we want, and we can all be gracious about it, and continue to find meaning in the canon.

For the people here on tumblr who are already including me in their everyone… thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you know who you are and I hope you know how much I appreciate you. And I do hope this Little Fandom That Could can keep going into all sorts of new creative places.

[unit-22]

Why the Evangelion Rebuilds are Awesome (mostly) (to me) (TO ME)

Y'know, I know that a lot of people dislike the rebuilds, but honestly, the rebuilds are my boy. My blorbo. My silly little guy. As much as I enjoy the original series and EoE, I think that people tend to dislike the rebuilds because they're not as iconic, and that may be true, but I love the rebuilds because of what message they're actually sending in the larger narrative context.

I mean, it's so disheartening to see Shinji grow through the series to only regress along with all the other characters, compared to seeing him grow as a person and follow the same pattern of regression (which is primarily shown through his trauma response to Kaworu dying) but end out differently in the end. In EoE, Shinji was immediately forced back into the field in an extremely vulnerable emotional and psychological state that only worsened as the movie went along and he saw the horrific fates of everyone around him. He felt as though he was alone and he was punished for opening to SOMEONE and then being forced to kill him as if he was nothing but another enemy when in reality he was the only person Shinji felt truly loved him. No matter he was emotionally screwed over! In fact, and I don't plead this ever, I'd say that on some level his mind must've legitimately snapped. By the end, he was still alive and the world didn't fully end, but it was a desolate version of itself and everyone Shinji cared about was still dead. Rei was dead, Misato was dead, Kaworu was dead. The only thing left was this girl who repeatedly showed how much she hated him, who refused to give him kindness when Kaworu gave it so easily, who was still alive but barely and decided to choke her out to put her out of her misery and to make sure he didn't have to suffer through another loss. And we don't find out what happens after that. It's a masterful ending, but so soul-crushing and so hopeless. Beautiful in it's horror.

However, compare this to the rebuilds, where Shinji and the funky bunch end up actually connecting and growing emotionally as time goes on. Asuka gets close to Mari, who obviously loved her very much and Asuka cared about as well. Rei connects with the villagers and is able to build her own soul and sense of self as time went on. Misato and Ritsuko grew closer as time went on and built an organization to help humanity and despite everything, Misato still loved Shinji and that love and trust saved the world. Shinji got the time to properly sit down and process his trauma. He was given space and time. And so by the final showdown in THRICE UPON A TIME, he was matured enough to take the advice of people he loved in order to craft a new universe and give his loved downs a happier ending. He gets his own happy ending.

It's a message of connection and hope and the importance of human understanding. The forces of heart and mind and will coming together to create miracles. Literally saving the world with the power of stable mental health and love. It's one of the most beautiful character progressions I've ever seen (even if there are some writing decisions I don't agree with and some interpretations I personally don't understand (shoutout to those two guys on the internet who said Rei and Kaworu were a couple bc they were standing next to each other, I'd like to personally say what the hell) )

Also, I think we can all agree that the rebuilds had an absolute fire soundtrack. I still get chills listening to stuff like The Ultimate Soldier, Fate, God's Gift, nerv euro, Beautiful World (all versions), and One Last Kiss.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. I just adore the rebuilds. Yes this spawned from me sad watching 3.33 over and over again. bc why not.

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone - Part eleven - John Wick x Plus Size Fem Reader

Summary: John has been in prison for nine months. He’s content to stay if it means appeasing the high table and keeping peace between the owners of each continental. However, he meets someone who erases that willingness. Peace be dammed.

TW; this is just really gross fluff. Like I didn’t even think I was capable of this mushy stuff but this chapter was HONESTLY my favorite that I’ve written so far. Enjoy some soft John Wick ❤️ And thank you for reading.

Work is literal hell. Not just for her, but the patient’s, too.

To replicate the infirmary, the prison has attempted to create a pop up hospital on the main level.

Literal curtains attached to metal poles separate the sick inmates from the main, drafty entrance. Blankets upon blankets is not enough to keep these people warm. The upper and lower levels have been partially closed off, and to get anywhere you have to navigate yellow tape and maintenance and construction workers and use the stairs instead of the busted elevator. That would be okay if everything she needed for her patient’s was right at hand instead of four floors down locked in a dark storage room.

She’s thankful to have her job back, but after a night arguing with managers about the safety of the inmates, and running up and down stairs with supplies including oxygen tanks and water jugs, she’s exhausted, scared for these grown men’s lives, angry, and wondering whether or not she should call whoever owns the place and tell them it needs shut down and the prisoners need relocated.

Even the guards seem scrambled, fried, like they don’t know what to do in the midst of all the damage and chaos.

She’s been looking for Mike all night, and finally she sees him as he’s walking down the hall and picking up pieces of fallen plaster.

She’s so glad that he’s alive she almost hugs him.

“Hey darling,” he smiles, letting the broom and dustpan dangle at his side. He’s pale and sweaty and his overalls look loose, like he’s lost a lot of weight.

“Are you alright?” She asks.

He shakes his head. “Just getting over whatever the hell decided to mess my lungs up. Are you alright? I was asking around, trying to see if you were here that night and if you were okay, but no one could tell me a damn thing.”

“I was here,” she nods, “but I got out fine.”

“I knew there was a reason I was praying for God to send his best guardian angel to you,” Mike tells her, wiping sweat off his forehead. “You’re blessed. A lot of people died that night.” He looks away, down the hall behind her, sadness crinkling his sunken face.

She cringes, looks at the floor, remembering. No angels have ever been in this prison, and no God exists in this fucked up world.

Instead of saying any of that, she thanks him for the prayers and asks if there’s anything she can do to help him feel better.

“Just keep yourself grounded, kid. I was in Vietnam for a long time, and I know what seeing this kind of thing does to a younger person.” He motions at the blood stains on the concrete walls. “It either makes you hard, or makes you crazy.”

They both try sad smiles for the other’s benefit before parting ways.

She looks for Benny all night, too, almost hopeful that John bluffed. But the big man is not here, and no one says anything to indicate whether he’s alive or dead, so she assumes that she signed his death certificate herself.

When she makes it home, aching and yearning for a shower and a soft pillow, John is outside her apartment.

In any other circumstance, he would see her immediately, but right now he’s helping two elderly women that live on her level load something big into their trunk.

She watches the scene unfold, sees the way they thank him and hug him and kiss his cheek like he’s just saved children in an orphanage collapse, and realizes something about John Wick: Mike’s prayers for God to send her an angel were granted. Here he is, catching her eyes and smiling, her deadly guardian angel. She couldn’t see it before while her vision was clouded by spilled blood and instinctual fear, but he’s saved her life twice, subdued everyone he’s met into loving him, threw their trash away at the bar instead of just leaving it on the table for the waitress, and, if given the opportunity, she knows, without a doubt, he’d save a kitten from a tree and carry people out of a burning building and then go back in for more.

The cold, white sunlight illuminates his tawny eyes into a pit that she’s falling into and never climbing back out of and she can’t believe him hoisting something into a helpless senior citizen’s trunk was the final push.

She reaches where he stands leaning against his car, and he kisses her cheekbone in greeting, the fever of his skin instantly warming her freezing flesh. “Let me take you for breakfast?”

This sickly sweet exchange has her all messed up inside. She feels like her heart is a sleeping dragon hoarding her emotions in a pile and someone is tickling its nose with a feather and waking the beast up.

“I’m dirty,” she tells him, as if somehow that’s going to change his plans.

He cocks his head. “I can wait while you take a shower?”

Going to breakfast with a beautiful angel sounds lovely, but she doesn’t want him to smell her sweat and run the other way. “Sorry, I’m just gross right now.”

“I love dirt,” he teases. “Just come. They run out of the blueberry pancakes fast.”

She sighs, “fine, but if you smell me it’s not my fault.”

He eases her worries by pulling her into his nostrils and inhaling the skin of her neck.

She squeals with laughter, pushing to get his stubble off her ticklish skin as he nuzzles and sniffs.

“Hm.” He pulls away, thinking. “Smells wonderful so far. Maybe I should try again-“

“No!” She flails in his grip. “No john. don’t. Stop!”

He’s in the crook of her neck again, terrorizing poor nerves.

She hits on his chest, presses her neck down over his face to buck him off, giggles obscenely for everyone in the street to hear.

Her laughter is infectious, and she is beautiful.

“Apple shampoo?” He guesses, grinning down at her after ceasing cruel ministrations.

“Apple conditioner,” she corrects, glowering.

He leads her, by the waist, to his passenger door.

While he holds the door open for her, she rolls her eyes and curtsies. “Thank you, Mr. Wick.”

He growls, playful, reaching for her as she falls into his cab.

She’s giggling and then screeching, shocked as he chases her in and folds her against the driver’s door.

It’s cold in here, but the heater that he calls a body can’t be fully enjoyed without some chill involved anyway.

And she can’t find the audacity to be cold when he’s tickle attacking her.

Facial hair in the crease of her neck and fingers on her belly and ribs is a deadly combination when he combines it with his huge, agile, speedy hands.

“Oh-o-k-Kay I’m sss-sorr-y!”

He digs into her armpits and she screams, bucking her body so hard that she actually lifts him up a little bit. He’s impressed.

“Please.” “No.” “Fuck.” “Shit.” All broken, yelping words from her feral mouth until he stops without warning.

He kisses her gasping lips, and grins. Zero percent disheveled or tired from fighting her while she pants and squirms. “Such language.”

“What about blueberry pancakes?” She flexes away from his lethal fingers.

“You gonna stop being a heathen?” He asks, hoping the answer is no.

“I’ll try,” she promises, grimacing while she waits for impact.

He slides off of her, and they climb over one another - mostly just John moving both of them to their respectful places since she’s so wobbly - to trade places in the seat.

“Pancakes saved your ass,” he tells her, starting the car.

“Good ol’ pancakes,” she grins, “always there in my time of need.”

The restaraunt is a tiny diner on the corner of 3rd and Cross. It’s retro, metal and faded gold red upholstery, with flowers in glass vases adorning each booth.

She wastes no time in smelling the poinsettias when they take seats across from one another.

“Wow,” she says, “these are beautiful.”

“They’ve always had fresh flowers since I was young,” John explains, leaning close and taking a whiff. “You’ve never been?”

“I just moved here a little bit ago. City of opportunity. I think I’ve been to four restaurants and they’re all pizza places.”

“When did you move?” He asks.

She tells him, then adds: “When did you move from Russia?”

“I can’t exactly remember,” he says, “young, though.”

“What was your favorite place to go?”

“Internationally?” John clarifies.

She nods, toying with the edge of her napkin.

“New York. It’s my home.”

She’s jealous of that word. Such a foreign thing for her to think about, a home. But she’s happy that he has some place he loves.

It’s strange and sad, to meet someone more lost than he’s ever been. Even when he was young, he can’t remember a time when he didn’t have a place to sleep even if it was a cold wooden floor on a burlap sack, and he still has family here.

He grabs her hand, startling her with warm touch on her freezing fingers.

Neither one is used to it, even though they crave the foreign feeling of intimacy.

He rubs her palm with his thick thumb, pressure heavy and soothing.

White snow turns blue, pink, and orange sherbet as clouds curtain back to reveal a painted, fluffed candy sky.

They stare at each other, oblivious to the rainbow of color framing their embrace in front of the big window.

John hasn’t been scared in a long time, but he’s horrified by what his chest is doing while he looks at her face.

Vulnerability hangs in the flower scented air between them, and each one is afraid to cross its’ path.

Like a near extinct species meeting another one of its kind for the first time in a jungle filled with chaos, and, yet, still extraordinarily lonely.

The waitress sets menus on their table, pulling them from uncharted sea back into familiar rocking ocean.

“John,” Cindy greets, leaning down to embrace him.

“Cindy,” he replies, smiling, patting her shoulder and squeezing her back.

The older, plump woman chokes laughter and pulls out from his arm, dusting off imaginary lint from his jacket. She cracks her back and neck and rubs her shoulder. “See you haven’t lost your heavy hands?” She asks playfully. “Gotta be careful with us older people, though. We’re breakable.”

The faintest tint of pink colors his cheeks as he chuckles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“And who’s this?” Cindy asks, grinning down at her.

John introduces them, and Cindy pulls her into a warm hug. “Hi honey.”

Cindy turns her delighted smile on John. “Delo?”

“Udovol'stviye.”

Cindy claps her hands together, laughing in joy. “I’m going to get Bill. Hold on.” She starts to scurry away, but then turns around. “Oh, what do you want to drink?”

“Black coffee,” John says.

“Orange juice?” She says.

Cindy’s gone again.

He’s reminded by the side conversation she didn’t understand that there’s something on his mind he needs to ask her, because as much as he appreciates it, it’s starting to make him paranoid. “You haven’t asked a lot about what I..” he struggles to find the right words. “Do for work.”

“Do you want me to?” Her face is forgiving, non judgmental, although a little timid.

“No.” He hopes he doesn’t upset her with the blunt answer.

“I figured.” She’s a little disappointed, but only because she wants to know if he’s safe while on the job. And also because people that don’t reveal a lot about themselves tend to just disappear without explanation.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

She waves his apology away. “You don’t really know what I do for work either.”

“Hmm.” He leans back, man spreading and dwarfing the booth. His knees knock hers and she laughs nervously, shying away. “Nurses. Hurt people to make them feel better.”

She cringes. “I never thought of it that way.”

“You give people shots, dress wounds-“ he refers to himself “-fix plumbing, cover for maintenance, open packages, argue with stupid doctors, make older ladies adore you, hold people’s hands. This list goes on. Am I close?”

She laughs. “You’re forgetting one huge part.”

He motions for her to tell him about it.

“We wipe a lot of ass.”

His head falls into his hands, and he shakes with heavy laughter. “Jesus,” he says.

“What?” She teases. “Tough guy embarrassed by ass wiping? But not ass whipping? It’s two letters.”

His laugh gets harder, now with added groaning at her embarrassing admission in the nearly empty but still occupied diner. Full of surprises. He peaks at her through his hands. “Just how you say it.”

She shrugs. “Nature of the beast.”

He puts his chin in his hand. “What’s your dream job? Surely not that?”

She tells him, then asks the same question.

“Librarian,” John replies.

She actually does laugh at him this time because she thinks he’s joking. He joins her laughter.

“Yeah?” She asks.

He opens his arms wide as if to embrace the career choice. “Yeah.”

Why is it so strangely hot to imagine him as a strict librarian working late nights at her local book dealer? There’s more to that fantasy, and it involves her getting lost in the maze of massive shelves right before the library closes and then sexy suited librarian finding her and deciding to punish her for her carelessness - but getting horny in a restaurant is not convenient.

And Cindy’s back with Bill, who also gives them both big hugs.

“Jesus John,” he says, “you swallow more iron every day?”

“That’s what I told him!” Cindy cries, elbowing her husband.

“Bill,” John nods.

Cindy sets their drinks down in front of them. “I was just asking about you the other day,” she tells John. “You haven’t been on one of your long trips for a while.”

John sips his scalding coffee and listens to Cindy talk, occasionally nodding and agreeing with the banter between her and Bill.

She drinks her orange juice and listens to the conversation about Cindy almost getting mugged on 23rd.

“And I said, if John was here those punks would have been sorry.” Cindy puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head, then looks at her.

“He’s always been my little - “ Cindy looks back at John “ - big guard dog. Anybody comes in her looking for trouble, he’s got us covered.”

She smirks over at John, who’s trying to act like he’s not blushing again. He narrows his eyebrows at her cheeky expression in a challenging warning at that says ‘comment on these pink cheeks, and you’re fucked.’

Her eyes shy away from his own as she drinks more tangy juice.

“Oh my god, Bill, he’s laying the charm on this poor girl,” Cindy whispers in her husband’s ear.

Bill glares at Cindy. “They can hear you,” he says.

Cindy pats John’s upper arm, quelling his elevated embarrassment.

“You take it easy on her, Johnny,” Cindy says. “She’s a sweet girl.”

She peaks up at John over the rim of her glass and he is adorable enough that it makes her forget some of her own shyness.

“Remember when you chased that drunk guy down the street with a coffee cup?” Bill asks, changing the subject. “Guy was so scared he pissed his pants before you threw it and gave him a concussion.”

Cindy laughs, addressing her again. “He did it because the guy grabbed me up for us being out of pie. I mean, how can I help it if we’re out?”

“You make the pie,” Bill tells Cindy, deadpan.

“That’s besides the point,” Cindy scoffs. “Tall, Lanky, growing John steps right in and grabs this guy’s shirt collar and drags him off me. Guy gets up, tries to grab a coffee mug for nefarious reasons, but John grabs it first, looks at it, looks back at the guy, and just goes right for him.”

Bill and John chuckle.

“And after he’s done knocking this guy out with a coffee cup, he comes back in and asks Cindy if she’s alright and she fell in love with the little demon,” Bill says. “Called him her adopted son.”

“And gave him free pancakes for life,” Cindy added.  “How many do you want, by the way?” She winks at John. “Fresh blueberries.”

They place their orders, and Cindy and Bill leave them to cook and check on other customers.

“They’re so sweet,” she tells John.

John orders a literal stack of pancakes and eats them all like he’s been starving for weeks. He also eats half her big plate of bacon, eggs, and cheesy hashbrowns when she gets full.

She wonders if the wild wolves in Russia taught him how to eat every calorie you can in one sitting and then go days without, because she’s honestly never seen him eat this much or at all. She’s jealous of him, again, for being able to stay lean and bulky even after meals like this. She contemplates asking him to switch metabolisms, watching while he drinks down a cold glass of water and looks at her from the rim of his glass.

“You work tonight?” He asks.

“Twelve hours,” she groans.

“Let me give you a ride in the morning?” He asks. “I’ll pick you up in the alley across the street.”

“Well, that’s not shady,” she jokes.

“Not at all,” he agrees.

Before they leave, he tucks a casual one hundred dollar bill under their neatly stacked dishes and then hugs part of his chosen family goodbye.

“Easy, easy,” Bill laughs, being dramatic while John squeezes him. “Jesus.”

Bill and Cindy pull her in for a hug, too, and Cindy kisses her cheek. “You come back,” the sugar-smelling woman tells her, holding her shoulders. Her heart swells as she tries really hard not to cry in front of them. This whole time in New York and she thought everyone was a soulless robot, but John’s people are just the opposite of that, and she’s grateful to meet them.

She only has time to say thanks before John is escorting her out into the bearable flurry of snowflakes.

When they get into the car, she raises her eyebrows at him and smiles like he’s the most precious thing she’s ever seen. He glances away, avoiding her adoration. “Thought you got free pancakes for life?” She ribs.

He shrugs. “It was a tip.”

She’s extremely reluctant to let Mr. Wonderful himself go about his day as they pull out front of her apartment.

They stare at each other for a minute, before John talks. “Can I pick you up tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she says, the word partially muffled by his mouth while he plucks at her top lip.

He takes his kiss back and she whines involuntarily, eyes still closed and mouth open expectantly.

He opens her door, walks her to the entrance of her complex, and lays a chaste kiss to her forehead. “Go to sleep,” he says. “See you in the morning.”

[blenselche]

Why do you ship finn/fern? I want to know what you see in it. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I think rare ships and why people like them are interesting.

how can i not when the show literally

ok but forreal, this is long so I'm throwing it under a cut, my fern brainworm really got away from me here...

Finn and Fern's story at its most bare bones is: someone incredibly damaged by abandonment is torn in half and those halves abandon each other. Fern does it literally, Finn more so emotionally. Only when it's too late does one half try to rectify the situation, showing unending patience and unconditional love and being met with vitriol and avoidance. And then... acceptance, and with that acceptance is the ultimate abandonment: death. Tragic, hurts just right. Add onto that-- their relationship references The Green Knight and the Narcissus Myth. The Narcissus myth comes through loudly in CAWM especially. My fav of Ovid's Metamorphoses and all Greek mythology, so that's def a factor. My dad said I cried when he read it to me for the first time lmao.

I don't ship them during/in canon. In canon all I can see is something nebulous and one sided, and we don't need to read into subtext for that, we can just appreciate the show as it's written: Finn helps create this person that 100% gets him after being the odd one out his whole life, Fern's existence even soothes his abandonment issues with a curse that binds them together forever, but he clings too close and doesn't give Fern space, reminding him of how he falls short. Ultimately this want to be "even closer" (very smooth, Finn) is what drives them apart. It's good where it is, it's a great starting point for shipping.

Where I ship them is past canon, blowing subtext up into large print font to pull Fern out of plot device hell into his own character, piggy backing off what we know about the grass demon.

The grass demon/blade was not made to serve the powers of good, but it actively changes/curbs its behavior for the approval of its hero wielder. It helps Finn with anything that deeply emotionally moves him (holding on to Martin, building the tower) keeps him out of unneeded conflict (refusing to attack the vamp king) helps impress his romantic interest (flute spell) it even reverses his arm nullification twice. The grass demon keeps him safe but it goes above and beyond its purpose for Finn's happiness. It reluctantly joins the fight against Bandit Princess because that sword is still Finn, and when its blade pierces/breaks the quillion it even cocoons the Finn Sword's essence safely away. Though, no matter how much good it might do it is still a demon. It has no morals, and doesn't understand them, all it cares about is Finn's safety and well being. When one of Finn's loved ones hurts him it doesn't hesitate to protect him, but (of course) Finn retaliates-- and so it creates a Finn of its own, one that won't hurt it for trying to keep him safe and happy. (OOPS! that backfired.) I love the grass demon, I love what we can glean about it because of its actions through the show and what that could mean for Fern and Fern's feelings surrounding Finn. This is the foundations of the ship to me.

I like to ship them when Fern remembers all of this/what he is (a demon that basically consumed half of Finn's soul), has accepted himself and has integrated his two ego states. We don't need to do any legwork on Finn's end. Dude's already weird enough about Fern canonically, but I do like to build his guilt up until he's a mess on the floor, crying over his past mistake of assuming Fern needed saving in the first place (the thing that leads Finn to ignorantly prompting/assisting in his suicide), haunted by the words of Fern's time echo from the The Beginning of The End comic, never truly being able to trust if he's actually helping someone again.

I like to play in that space of au/hc: a demon and the man he's bound to/he shares a soul with who loves him unconditionally, reunited somehow (a wish, diverging from canon, Penelope and Fern's next incarnation finding one another, etc) and coming to terms with the baggage of all the shit they inflicted on one another. Then maybe Fern can finally hear Finn out without the cloud of festering insecurity when he tells him again how he'd still like to be "even closer".

At its simplest I like finn/fern because I love Fern, and finally accepting and seeing Finn as a completely different person (enough to engage in a relationship, whether sexual/romantic/queer platonic/something that no label fits because of what they are, whatever) speaks to an ultimate form of self actualization, and Fern really deserves to feel that level of "himself" imo.

Hope that was adequately interesting.

[mylittlesecrethaven]

Idia's Signature Spell Is So.... Meh....

Dude, Idia's signature spell is LITERALLY JUST A FUCKING KEY!

It lets him open a fucking door in S.T.Y.X. headquarters.

WTF?!

Everyone else has really (some of then) fucking cool signature spell, and he just got the short end of the stick.

Fucking hell.

ANYWAY!

If you're curious, Ima list out the characters and their signature spells! (Don't worry, I'll link the post I got this info from here.)

Riddle - Off With Your Head - He basically puts a heart collar on someone and they can't use magic. Only he can take it off.

Trey - Paint The Roses - He can overlay an item's sensory characteristic with another characteristic of his choosing. Can sometimes work on magic, but it's not easy.

Ace - The asshole doesn't have one.

Deuce - Double Down - You hit him, he stores up the energy and hits back twice as hard. (Only with magic though) He has to reach a minimum to be able to use it though.

Cater - Split Card - He can split himself into multiples of himself. The more clones, the harder it is to do.

Leona - King's Roar - He can turn anything he touches into sand, even people. He has to do a chant though.

Ruggie - Laugh With Me - He can control a person by having them copy his movements. The more people, the harder it is, naturally.

Jack - Unleash The Beast (what are you, fucking Hulk?) - He can turn into a wolf. That's it.

Azul - It's A Deal - He can technically just take someone's magical ability, but that can cause harm and fast blot accumulation. To compensate, he creates a contract that could potentially take the signers ability depending on the terms of the contract.

Jade - Shock The Heart - He can force a person to truthfully answer any question he asks. However, they have to look directly into his left eye, they can't be too trusting or have strong mindsets or be very loyal, and it only works on the person once. (Kinda a shit ability to have that many requirements when compared to the fucking mind control abilities that don't need anything)

Floyd - Bind The Heart - He basically makes a force field (not really) around him that deflects magic attacks, making the magic attack miss him. Much simpler and better than whatever the fuck Jade's is, I swear.

Kalim - Oasis Maker - He can make it rain fresh water. Has to do a little chant though. (Some of these abilities, I fucking swear)

Jamil - Snake Charmer - He can hypnotize multiple people to do his bidding. Too many and he accumulates a ton of blot, and I think they have to look in his eyes? (Maybe. But also, why is controlling people easier than making them truthfully answer a question?! Wtf?!)

Vil - Fairest One Of All - He can put a curse on whatever he touches with whatever conditions he wants. He can't lift the curse at all, though, and I think he can be affected by his own curses (maybe), and I believe he can put a condition that gives the curse a time limit? (There's a lot of maybes on his. Sorry)

Rook - I See You (what a terrifying name holy fuck) (My bad, the ENG name is Arrow Afar. Idk wtf is up with JPN tho) - He can mark someone with his magic and track them. However, if they end up somewhere with magic blockers, he can't track them (obviously).

Epel - Sleep Kiss (The ability is too cool for that shit name) (Nevermind, the ENG name is Crimson Slumber which is much cooler) - He can make a glass coffin around someone that forces them to sleep inside. It also protects the sleeper, so it's either a defense for them, or a prison to keep them contained.

Idia - Gate To Underworld - He can open and close a fucking door.

Ortho - Poor little guy doesn't have magic.

(Ok, these below I'm not too certain on, so some of them may be wrong)

Malleus - Fae Of Maleficent (right on the nose) - He can make anyone near him fall asleep. (No more sleeping problems for Yuu)

Lilia - Far Cry Cradle - He can see fragments of memories attached to items or people he touches. (Silver could never keep a secret from this man)

Silver - Meet In A Dream - He can enter people's dreams. Very simple.

Sebek - Living Bolt - I'm not too sure about this one, but he either uses very strong lightning magic or actually turn into lightning. (Crocodile lightning.... pfft)

So yeah. that's pretty much it.

Some of these abilities are kinda shit. (Jade, Idia)

But the rest are cool I guess.

[punkpandapatrixk]

The Kind of Sad You Can’t Understand

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why.

For such a long time I lived with this kind of mood without being able to express it anywhere, not to anyone. I was struggling for my sanity; I was constantly thinking of destroying myself; and I was hoping someone would see me, and rush to save me. But nobody ever saw that of me.

I was a badass. I was a cool girl. I seemed to everybody else a smart, talented, expensive girl who's got all her shit together. Even on days she wasn't all that together, she had an enviable life anyway. I appeared on the outside too glamorous for anybody to even imagine that on the inside I was rotting. I was this close to being dead, all the time.

Who in their simple-mindedness would've thought a girl like that could be so macabre all the time? And that’s how I experienced an entire life witnessing people’s lack of empathy. I guess my point of view was fragmented but that was how life was for me anyway. Ironically, some intuitive peeps who were able to see the macabre in me thought I was frightening more than anything HAHAHAH That was all the same in the end. Enough with the gossips. I don’t know what normal people expect from everybody else they meet, to be honest. I don’t know what I’d expected from them either.

I guess it’s because the society I grew up in was like that that I couldn’t bring myself to show anybody my distress. Trauma. Mental illness. Disordered personality. All of that was nothing but insanity. And insane people don’t belong in society.

So simple. Yet so cruel.

Thank you, Jesus. Mother Mary. Catholic Church. Thanks for all the rejection. I’m SO happy now!

That’s fucking twisted.

In a society brimming with nothing but pretenders, we meet and chit and chat and act like all of our troubles are manageable to say the least. ‘Yeah, it’s not that bad, to be honest.' But it was; you've just got to pose real strong otherwise people think you're a loser. 'I guess I’m OK.’ But you weren't; you've just got to really make it sound like you're still keeping it together. 'I'll be just fine.' But you wouldn't know; you didn't even know if you'd still wanna be alive tomorrow.

In the midst of all those meaningless exchanges, I hated quite nothing more than to hear, especially from men, how strong I was as a woman. I hated it like I'd never hated anything in my life.

It was suffocating to be seen as holding it together when you were literally breaking at the seams...

I wanted someone to be able to notice I was screaming on the inside. That I was gasping for air every second I was sitting there listening to their trivial chitter chatter. Who cares about your silly drama? Would you care for mine if you knew my life was on the line? And I hated those expectant eyes. All of them. Were they expecting me to share in their self-made woes and console them in the end? HAH. Go to hell, losers.

I always thought, none of MY problems were created by my own reckless behaviours that would've obviously hurt myself or others. Not in the beginning, at least. Unlike some idiots, I was never into drugs, one night stands, or even smoking; I never caused anybody any trouble. So why did everybody cause me trouble when all I wanted was just a peaceful, normal life? Shit, what even was my IDEA of a normal life? I can't remember now.

Certain days I feel very deeply that I want to cry but I don’t know why. There's always not enough reason to do so now. Haah... If it weren't for my abundance of Aquarius, which makes me incredibly lazy and antisocial, I'd have paraded around town and rallied to become a Neo Hitler and kill everybody in this rotten world. I hated this world so much.

The first ever PAC I put out here was ‘What’s Your Crazy?’ What ever was my reason for writing that? I was crazy and I needed some explanation.

I used to look like the girl in the third pic before I chopped all of my hair off everyone began to suspect I was gay. I wasn’t gay; I was depressed. Those unassuming idiots.

[leofrith]

hii so i‘m way to invested in everyone‘s baldurs gate plays. can we see your tavs? I would love to see them haha😭

YESSSSSS i will happily take any excuse to talk about my tavs. 🥰 i'm sorry this took so long. i wanted to have their Lore™ a little more set in stone before answering this, but then i proceeded to make uhhhh 2 more tavs and a durge. 🤡

i am listing my characters in the order i created them. they're all good/neutral aligned because being mean in video games makes me break out in hives. aaaaand this is going under a read more because it got really fucking long. 🥴

marqwyn stoneheart

race: human

class: eldritch knight fighter

background: soldier

romance: gale

my first tav who i adore. ❤️ i stole her name from the very first character i created for a now abandoned dnd campaign (though she's nothing like og marqwyn). she's a former flaming fist who left their service due to the corruption she witnessed there. after leaving the city she became an independent soldier for hire—but she's a terrible mercenary because she's a bleeding heart who will help people because they need it, regardless of whether they can pay her or not.

she has dragged the party into many an unnecessary brawl because her charisma is literally in the negatives. we love a girl incapable of talking herself out of Situations. she also used to have two brown eyes before deciding to get herself volo'd during a brief moment of desperation-fuelled insanity.

her backstory has changed a lot since i first made her, mostly because i didn't really have anything in mind when i started playing. 😬 i also had no fucking clue what i was doing when i first started and it certainly shows (tons of missed content, didn't take enough long rests, completely missed lae'zel for the first ~30 hours of gameplay, have done quests in an extremely questionable order, etc.).

i romanced gale with her because the wizard had me by the jugular the second he opened his mouth, and buff wife who hits things with her big sword and her squishy wizard husband who casts counterspell is something that can be so personal. that being said, i do want to rework her character and do another playthrough with her, probably romancing wyll, because her playthrough is a mess.

i will now dip into the alternate canon that lives in my brain in which my next three tavs are allowed to coexist, so just stay with me here and trust in the vision ajgjsdgf

meadow moonwillow

race: mephistopheles tiefling

class: storm sorcerer, bard of the college of lore

background: entertainer

romance: karlach (or enya in the canon that exists in my head)

i made her specifically for my karlach romance run, because best girl deserves a little sunshine to match her own. meadow was born to play gigs in dive bars, but was cursed with a natural talent for magic. 😔 she'll use it because it's useful in a fight, i guess, but she'd much rather insult people to death. if there is shit to be disturbed, she will disturb it.

her and gale are best friends, because i think having some friendly spell caster competition with his bestie who (begrudgingly) lets him teach her wizard spells would be good for his mental health. her and wyll butt heads a bit at first, mostly because meadow's way of trying to comfort people is through humor, and her attempts to make him feel better about his new devil form come off as insensitive (inspired by the way i accidentally insulted wyll at the tiefling party in my meadow playthrough by joking that i was jealous of his horns. king i swear it was meant as a compliment!! 😭). eventually they become really close, which is certainly a necessity when you're both going on a vacation to hell with no set end date.

also my choice of name for her definitely has nothing to do with the fact that i am in the middle of watching the sopranos. definitely not.

landric sparrowsong, "the wrath-bringer"

race: human

class: oath of vengeance paladin, tempest domain cleric of ilmater

background: sage

romance: gale

his backstory is probably the one i've thought about in the most detail, mostly because he's a walking tragedy and i live for that shit. 🧍🏻‍♀️

he was once a school teacher and wasn't much of a fighter at all before his little village near baldur's gate was razed to the ground and his wife and (or so he thinks 👀) daughter were killed, at which point he took up his oath of vengeance. his favourite pastimes now include self-sacrifice and violently murdering evildoers, hence the "wrath-bringer" epithet.

he has been alone—mostly by choice, because he can't lose any more loved ones if there is no one left alive that he loves—for over a decade by the time he's infected, but the forced proximity means the companions very quickly get under his skin. he's very protective of meadow especially (when they're both in the party at the same time in the universe that exists in my head) because she reminds him of his daughter.

he is god's favourite sacrificial lamb, and is consistently the first to go down in a fight (inspired by me, constantly getting him killed by taking far too long to figure out how to play a support class). naturally i paired him with gale because i think the idea of a guy finally opening his heart to the love of another after over a decade of self-imposed solitude out of fear of being hurt again, only for gale to decide to take on a suicide mission just as they're finally realizing their feelings for one another, is soooooo good and tragic. ☺️

he has a soft spot for children, but being around them makes him sad and withdrawn (for obvious reasons), something that the companions notice pretty quickly once they get to the grove and see his cold exterior totally melt around the kids there. he carries a journal which he adds to often, either little blurbs or sketches of people he meets in his travels, ever observing from afar as an outsider.

he was actually a war cleric of mystra when i first multiclassed him because the idea of this man finding solace in his goddes during the worst years of his life only for that same goddess to tell the first person he's truly loved in years that he needs to kill himself is sooooo. anyway. but i decided to change it because war domain just wasn't doing it for me and also have you seen ilmater's whole deal?

also if he bears a close resemblance to my favourite unromanceable assassin's creed npc, that's just a coincidence (lying).

enya sparrowsong

race: human

class: beast master ranger/circle of the land druid

background: urchin

romance: lae'zel (or meadow in the canon that exists in my head)

enya is landric's very alive daughter. i made her in the character creator with no intention of actually doing a playthrough as her, which is a lie i tell myself every time i open the character creator. 😔

ideally she would not even be filling the role of tav at all, but that's obviously not an option for an actual playthrough. she spent her childhood hunting and gathering in the wilds and later pickpocketing her way through the darkened alleys of baldur's gate to survive. in the version of her backstory that lives in my head, she eventually caught the attention of jaheira (by trying to rob her), who then took enya under her wing. the harpers became a family to her, and she is with them in the shadow lands when we meet them at last light in act two. also depending on my mood on any given day, enya and meadow are either bitter exes or couple of the year.

she is generally very abrasive with most people she doesn't know well (her and lae'zel are very perfect for each other), but has a soft spot for animals and orphans. she likes her solitude and it takes a lot of effort to earn her trust (there's a reason she's survived alone as long as she has) but once you do, she's ride-or-die.

she has a raven companion and her preferred wild shape is a wolf, but i've also had a lot of fun using her wolf wild shape and a wolf companion for twice the mauling in combat (and twice the torment for shadowheart—thank you sam for pointing out that she would fucking hate this 😭). i also like to think that she's been helping shadowheart get over her fear of wolves.

her relationship with her dad is deliciously complicated!!! but that's for another post.

idunn

race: high elf

class: necromancy wizard/gloom stalker ranger

background: haunted one

romance: astarion

i haven't played as her much yet, and she's my first durge so i don't really know a ton about that whole background. but her brain is currently scrambled egg and she doesn't remember her past so i figure it's fine if i don't know anything about it either.🧍🏻‍♀️

she's trying so very hard not to kill people, and making up for the lack of murder by being incredibly rude to everyone she meets [astarion approves]. i named her idunn because i like the name but also in large part because i think associating the dark urge with the norse goddess of rejuvenation and vitality is really funny.

aelius lucilius

race: drow half-elf

class: light domain cleric of selune

background: acolyte

romance: shadowheart

he's my newest tav and the one i've played the least, so i'm still working out his backstory. i honestly just really wanted to romance shadowheart as a selunite, which is working out great so far because the shar is already out of the bag and now she loudly and openly hates his fucking guts. 🤪

[archivalofsins]

It's probably not something many people want to hear or even attempt to internalize.

However, if the way a person engages with any media is making people actively fearful, afraid, or anxious to engage with said media that's not good. If a good deal of people's response to trial two coming to a close is like they're clocking out of a long work shift, finally getting that vacation they've been hoping for. That's not healthy or fun.

I want it to be known that if someone cannot personally handle being around others with different opinions than them, if someone is asking why these people can't just see this how they see it- It's not even an issue of Milgram not being a healthy series for them to engage in anymore. At that point being a part of big fandom spaces may not be a healthy thing for that person in general.

Look I know that throughout trial two a vocal minority of fans have made Milgram a completely horrid experience for a good deal of people. Mostly fucking twitter users. Some of which are here now and like to bring their drama with them. I don't even use the fucking thing anymore. This ceased to be just a western fan problem and turned into a global one a long time ago.

Fans on twitter to my personal memory,

Complained about other countries being allowed to vote at all stating that Milgram should only let people who live in Japan vote, the same person who said this on twitter made a poll after the end of Amane's trial to figure out if it was just western fans that wanted her innocent. Consistently gave inaccurate information about dissociative identity disorder (focused primarily upon one person's individual experience with it multiple times in various spaces). Resulting in presenting the disorder as a monolith in order to push their own theories setting back progress for the millions of people who actually have it. Literally the western audience heavily headcanoned Mu's victim as half black while making fun of her death/how she died during her second trial. Along with using racist rhetoric/dogwhistles in order to push for an innocent verdict for the girl. Made a Kazui guilty shrine. Directly incentivizing people to vote the man guilty by giving them stuff each day they did-

Bitch I'm not paid for this. Hell I would like to be- Incentivize me real quick. Honestly, since they got paid just saying where's mine? People on tumblr write elaborate theories and analysis for free. Because they genuinely enjoy the media. Twitter is the fucking platform that's telling people how they should fucking vote and trying to decide who has the right to since trial two started. Then fucking whining when their piss poor behavior doesn't get them the verdicts they want. It's so bad that eastern fans have actively sought help from western fans to combat some of these problems on multiple occassions.

There are people in the east who wanted Amane innocent and celebrated when she was innocent just like there are people in the west who wanted her guilty. Whether the fandom on twitter believes it or not. This part of the fandom is so detached from the rest of it that they only dream about knowing what the fuck we do over here. They've created a fucking echochamber. Yet the people literally going think for yourself, this is my opinion what's yours are getting the most flack because the vocal minority doesn't like the fact the logic they share makes their feelings hurt.

That in the face of the actual facts of the situations presented to us none of the prisoners look completely good or completely bad. Yet, they're definitely not looking that good either. That some of the facts directly conflict with the squeaky clean always right image they've created of the prisoner they like in their head. Then they go online and make that the issue of whoever's take they like the least that day instead of I don't know not bothering others. Then the worst part is these people whine and play victim harder than the prisoners in their interrogations as soon as consequences present themself for their behavior usually as tangible trial results in Milgram.

Because they've continually thrown these fits publically just to have the verdict they didn't want happen over and over this trial.

Pushed for Mu innocent-

Pushed for Kazui Guilty-

Pushed for Amane Guilty-

I don't even give a fuck what Twitter is pushing for with Kotoko at this point because she's pushing up daises from the bottom of hell-

By audience choice. Literally by audience choice. Fuck the only thing I've heard about Kotoko's trial from twitter was from Star about how they're once again attempting voting fraud in an attempt to get her innocent. Though even I can admit this is fucking embarrassing. This is like really fucking sad. Everything Twitter has fucking pushed for this trial has not won. Meawhile I think maybe tumblr took one loss with Haruka this trial and just vowed never again.

I think everyone can realize how fucking wild that is. Can you fucking imagine how at your wits end you would be if you kept publicly losing like this? How dejected? It's only reasonable to think why isn't anyone listening to what I have to say or how I feel in this sort of situation. Yet, at the same time some of the fans on twitter have actively alienated the other fans on there they have no fandom unity. Which makes sense given they do the shit up there. They are literally eatting eachother over there for sport.

Because it's fucking twitter. That's how it's always been.

Hell, I fucking wouldn't even know these were losses for them if they didn't announce on every verdict post on twitter that's what happened. Or even go back to the comments of Purge March where they're still complaining about Amane's innocent verdict primarily blaming you guessed it the west.

Then they want to go I'm just trying to have fun why are people so mean- Without ever asking who their fun is at the expense of. What it says when they blame everything on overseas fans, state they shouldn't be allowed to vote, and Milgram is different now. This is the platform people are letting impact their experience and encite them into bothering people on other platforms?! People who are actually just trying to have fun in a way that is unique and personal to them? This is the platform running the milgram fandom narrative?

This is what people want the history of the fandom to be when all is said and done? I don't because I know the fandom is better than this. I know it can be better than this. The worst part of trial two is the fact that we let people with no intention to understand make us believe it couldn't be better than this. People who most of the time actively sought out someone who's privately enjoying themselves in the fandom to just go "um, actually you're doing that wrong" or picked someone from the tag to have bad faith discourse with.

Newsflash nobody asked, nobody fucking asked for a Milgram referee, nobody asked who's watching the watchmen, who's guarding the guard. If anyone's fandom hobby is trying to micromanage how others engage with media they're in a different book now and they deserve to stay in it alone or with people like them. Because the only thing people who act in this way want is for others to shut up. For them to stop saying the things that make their favorite look bad and there's only one thing to respond to that with after a while.

I hope you grow up someday~

Think about what makes people who do this more entitled to having fun discussing the things they enjoy than the person(s) that they're currently behaving in this way to? What makes them different from the others that they look down on and treat as an enemy from square one. All because they read a post and decided to define whether a fan was a good or bad person based on that alone. It's not different from coming to that conclusion from just listening to a song or watching a music video really.

Plus, I promise anyone who is doing stuff like this nobody is going to magically change their mind because someone behaves this way towards them. Because the people who do this shit are usually no different from the people who do the same shit listed above. Now everyone is not like this. This is why I said the vocal minority. It's still bad that people are behaving in this manner and treating others like this regardless of how little people are doing it.

At a point the Milgram fandom globally is going to have to reckon with how the way many have treated other fans in this space has been harmful and sown division. The solution to this hostility should not have to be disavowing an entire part of the fandom on a different platform and going we don't do that shit here. However, at a point that becomes the only correct response. Because at the point the behavior being exhibited by some fans is making others feel unsafe and anxious about enjoying the things they enjoy it is only right to go-

We don't do that shit here. We don't engage with people who do that shit here. I have no respect for anyone who mistreats real people over Milgram. If people want to have fun and not have these serious discussions the door is right there go out of it. Communication is a two way street and if you come to someone else with disrespect and hostility you should expect right back. The time of having both while some have none is fucking over. People who behave in this way, whining and bitching about how we don't need nuance it's not that serious one instance just to pivot into how can you not take this seriously are disngenuous and ultimately driven by serving only theirselves.

I myself am sick of pretending like they don't fucking realize that. Because the biggest kicker here is they treat themselves like prisoners but unlike them no one is forcing them to be here or engage at all. People who enjoy anlayzing these things and asking these questions aren't forcing them to fucking do that too. So, no one who enjoys Milgram that way is responsible for the feelings of those who do not enjoy engaging with the series in that way.

Every individual is responsible for currating their own fandom experience. Anyone entitled enough to bother another person into currating their personal fandom experience around them and only saying things that they like is the one being the issue. It's probably disappointing to hear but if the ways up there are how fans want to enjoy Milgram on Twitter and I don't like that I stay away from fucking twitter. Like I said I stopped going in the milgram tag on here and I don't go on twitter either.

I'm not going to act like the tumblr part of the fandom doesn't have problems or even a lot of the same ones as twitter. It spreads misinformation as though it's fact, the fans here can be just as hostile, a lot of fans on tumblr are from twitter as well or use it too. More fans from twitter are coming to tumblr. I can't imagine why-

On tumblr I've personally been messaged some of the rudest most guilt trippy shit by multiple people in this fandom and then blocked immediately. One of the reasons I made that post explaining what grooming is by definition was because someone condescendingly direct messaged me stating I had misused the term. Then when it boiled down to it they're entire issue was simply I don't think Kotoko is that and I don't like how you're stating that she is.

If people keep making they're interpretations your responsibility that's a personal issue not a failing on you the person they happen to be taking that out on today. Because if they feel emboldened to do it once they'll do it twice- Hell, they'll do it as many times as they can get away with doing it until someone stands firm and goes I'm not engaging in this anymore if this is the behavior that brings you joy fine go have fun. However, this isn't what I want my fandom experience to be and I'd appreciate if you respected that and if you can't we just won't talk.

Engaging with your own personal interests is meant to be fun. It's meant to be honest to how you feel and what you personally believe. Anyone making you feel bad about that for no reason by centering themselves and their enjoyment first and foremost in a shared space, regardless of how understanding you want to be, is taking advantage of you. They're saying you have to pay for my fun by giving up your own and being less of yourself publicly because the way you have fun is messing up mine. That's not fair to you and anyone who wants you to respect their fun by dampening your own fucking knows that and doesn't care.

Because if they did they would respect what you enjoy as something that makes you happy first and foremost and talk to you about like a person instead of a problem. Yet if others can't do that if they can't give you the good faith back that you extend to them. You just have to cut them off at a point. Because I'm not cutting off my own hands to put a smile on a strangers face. I'm not silencing myself just so others can applaud. That's not how this works and no one should ever think it is. Fandom while it can be personalized to one's own needs is about community and no community can be good when anyone in it is being mistreated.

Sadly we can't control others the only thing we as individuals can do is try to be kind and understanding of the other fans that share this space with us. And- when people do the things above extend the benefit of the doubt say they're having a tough time and then extend consideration towards yourself and ask is this something I want to see or engage with in any capacity. That's all. The prisoners may have to go through hell by the end of this but that doesn't mean we have to make this hell on each other.

[crazylittlejester]

since it’s almost Hyrule Warriors anniversary…do you have any lttc warriors facts you’d like to share 🤲 also I’m going to draw him as part of my drawing links from different links meets thing I do for each game’s anniversary. It will happen I promise you so uh. idk if you have additional facial descriptors for him that you left in the other posts 🤲 but I’m pretty sure I can draw him accurately enough with the information already provided 👍 anyways, hope you have a good rest of your day!

OH BOY A CHANCE TO YAP ABOUT MY BLORBO!!!!!!

- Zelda keeps trying to promote him and he keeps refusing and she’s so frustrated by it, but he refuses to accept a promotion for something he doesn’t believe he accomplished

- He genuinely thinks he’s so sneaky with the lifts he has in his boots, he’s genuinely convinced no one knows

- Proxi can acknowledge how much he’s grown, but she still sees him as her wet cat son who just desperately needed someone to look out for him. She’s very proud of him, but she still thinks he’s ridiculous

- It took him a hot minute to become fluent enough in ‘hyrulian common’ (english) to be able to understand fast conversations with slang in them and to be able to speak back and converse with other soldiers at that level because it’s not his first language (this is why he sometimes stares at people with an incredibly blank expression during the war, he doesn’t always understand what they’re saying). Proxi continued to speak on his behalf until he’d perfected a castle town accent as well because he didn’t want anyone knowing he didn’t grow up within Hyrule kingdom

-Regularly abuses the fact that the general public has a certain image of him in their minds, and when he does not meet that image he can literally walk around wherever the hell he wants without being recognized and it’s so good for his mental health. He’s still paranoid and worried, but people just don’t recognize him because they hear all the tales of a strong, confident young man and Warriors is actually fairly quiet and comes off as a bit shy, plus people just aren’t expecting the hero to randomly be walking around on his own. Without the make up, fancy clothes, and boots and all that, he can just walk around markets like a normal person, and without the green tunic, Mask can too. So he’d pretty regularly just take Mask around towns to buy sweet treats and they both got to experience what it might’ve been like for an eighteen year old to shop with his little brother

- During the war, he and Ravio got quite close. They’re a dangerous combination and make each other worse

- He and his Zelda are incredibly close, they’re extremely good friends and they like to get together every so often and just YAP

also for any additional descriptors: LTTC Wars looks pretty much exactly like how I headcanon LU Wars. He was deadass created from You’re A Part Of Me Wars when I one day sat back and went “oh my god at this point I’ve just made my own guy-” the main difference between LTTC Wars and You’re A Part Of Me Wars is that LTTC Wars grew up outside of Hyrule Kingdom surrounded by a different culture and he struggled a lot more with a language barrier when he went to Castle Town (while my version of LU Wars grew up IN Hyrule Kingdom and had to struggle with learning his mom’s side of the family’s culture while being unable to fully interact with it), and a few details of the war. But physically they’re the same guy, so my pfp pic could be used as an additional ref if you needed :) THANK YOU FOR DRAWING MY GUY I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH

i love to stick lttc wars and you’re a part of me wars in a room and see what happens, they’d both hate it but I think theyd have so much to say