#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caruliaa · 10 months ago

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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .

#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk #its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared #of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the #but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character #and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest #and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending #but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good #enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being #not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else #but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say #bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place #again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up #guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy #flappy rambles

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