#cause everyone was making a big deal of it
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More Than Meets The Eye
TFA Optimus! X F!Reader
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Summary: Being a rising journalist is difficult. Especially when you have to live a secret criminal life. Things get worst when you start to fall in love with your enemy, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots and hero of Detroit City.
You believe the feelings can't be mutual. Yet, he slowly starts to notice that you are more than meets the eye.
A/N: Lots of yearning. Jealously. Enemies to lovers?? You are a journalist who is also a criminal. Idk. Takes place between Season 1 and 2 of TFA.
Chapter 1: Ride or Die
....
Detroit City could be ugly, nasty, unhygienic, gentrified and many other things.
But never boring.
Especially with robotic aliens patrolling the streets.
Bots that you didn't trust fully nor liked very much.
Even more, that Optimus Prime that everyone seemed to like so much.
With his red and blue colors, his helm that looks like he is always wearing a cap and straight posture that was too authoritative for your liking.
While everyone was excited, taking pictures of the Autobots, you were there to ask the real questions. Your job as a reporter was to tell the truth and that's what you plan to do by exposing the leader of the Autobots.
"Mr. Prime, I have a question for you."
You raised your hand, not really sure if that matters but you wanted to keep being respectful.
"Oh, yes, how can I help you, ma'am?"
Optimus sees you walk through the crowd of people and paparazzi. Press conferences weren't unknown to him. The citizens, the reporters, the speechless mayor and his assistant that probably did everything for him.
"I've done some research and Detroit's oil supply has plummeted since your arrival to Earth. This has created a tax increase for all of Detroit's citizens. How do you respond to this?"
"Well, we do need to eat to keep helping the city," Optimus bends down to be able to speak on the mic. "But we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused."
"If you were sorry you and your team would have already found all the fragments of the AllSpark and departed Earth."
"How do you know about–?"
You didn't let him finish his question as you striked with another statement.
"But no, you and the Autobots are too focused on wasting Earth's resources and playing heroes to even think of recovering your world's most powerful energy source."
"What? No, we–"
He keeps getting interrupted by you. Although he tries to keep his cool, he wasn't in the best of moods either. Each statement you were making was ticking off his clock.
"Without mentioning that you have been spotted entering nearby natural reservation islands without the proper permissions or documentation."
"Well, yes but I thought it was fine–"
"Why would it be fine?" You look up at him. Even when you weren't very fond of the alien robots, you had to admit that they were a spectacle to look at. But you quickly shook the thought away. "Just because you are big and dangerous you think you are entitled to cross human law?"
"Look missy, I don't know what's your problem but–"
"My problem is that you are not answering my questions."
There's a bit of laughter coming from behind Optimus. If he had been smart enough, he could've said something along the lines of 'you aren't asking any questions, you are just saying statements.' Instead, he lashes out on you, giving you the exact reaction you wanted.
"If only you gave me time, I would respond to them!" Seeing his mistake, Optimus stands away from the pod, clearly frustrated at the situation. "You know what, we don't have the time for this."
Smiling Autobots was the first thing he saw as soon as he turned to look at them. He ex-vents, not wanting to deal with it.
"Autobots, transform and roll out."
.
.
.
The abandoned building had become their home. It was big enough to have rooms for everyone. Each catering for every bot's needs. But not even the vastness of the building could sparse the leader's rising annoyance. Walking from side to side of the hangar, looking down and with a servo on his chin, he questioned the previous interaction.
He doesn't remember seeing you before. Either that or your existence wasn't important enough for his processor to remember.
"How did that lady know about the AllSpark?" Optimus keeps walking as Bumblebee and Sari play video games on the sofa. "We haven't told anyone about the fragments."
Hearing something being dropped, Optimus quickly turns to look at the little girl who has taken long-term residence at their base.
"Sari?" Optimus questions, getting closer to her. "Is there anything you want to say?"
"Sorry, I thought yall were going to release that information to the public soon," she plays with her thumbs, moving them in a circle in between her hands. "So, I thought, why not sell the information to a reporter? Save you guys the time!"
"Why would you do that?"
Bumblebee questions her, he didn't know about her actions either.
"Because I need the money! If I don't have money, I can't afford food. If I don't eat, I'll die!" Sari feels threatened, especially when she sees the rest of the bots gathering around her. "And all my credit cards have been frozen ever since my dad disappeared."
It was as if everyone had a spoken agreement. Her explanation was a very good one. Feeling shy and maybe like a burden to them, she did what any little girl would. As best as she could with the current circumstances. No one was angry at her, just worried for what this could bring to the team.
"What else have you told her?"
Prowl asks this time, sounding as calm as ever.
"Nothing, I promise!" Sari exclaimed. "Actually, ever since I told her about my situation, she never fails to send me some money in the mail."
"Probably to gain your trust so you could later tell her more information about us," Ratchet always assumed the worst of people. A trait that no one could blame. Being a war-veteran, distrusting others was the best for survival.
"I don't think so, she just sends money. No notes, no letters, nothing."
"Whatever the situation is, we can't have her spreading misinformation about us," Bulkhead is the last to speak his mind.
"She wasn't lying, bulkhead," Optimus remembers your statements. Each of them had truth in them. "She was right. We did everything she said we did."
As much as he wanted to reprimand the little girl, he couldn't do it. Instead he takes a few seconds to think.
"But we can't have her writing negative articles about us," he says as he takes a moment to look at his very little friend. "Especially if we plan to ask for some monetary compensation for Sari."
He really didn't want to ask for any kind of payment from the humans. Everything he did, he did in the name of goodness and to further improve Cybertronian-Human diplomatic relationships. But Sari was part of the team and his duty as leader was to take care of everyone. And she was a helpless little girl. He needs to take care of her properly and for that he needs human currency. Not much, just whatever is needed for a human to survive. Food, maybe clothes? Water. Oxygen? Medication ... Education? Did she need that? He is not sure but maybe Sari could make him a list later.
For now, there is a reporter he needs to find.
.
.
.
You weren't new to doing undercover work. You enjoyed it, pretending to be someone else, getting the information you needed, then going home as if you had lived another life.
Tonight, it was one of those nights. Where you wore heels, a skirt and a revealing top. Loose hair and lip gloss and a wing to cover your real hair color.
During the day you were a reporter. Tonight you were a car enthusiast.
"So, would you take me?"
"A beautiful car needs a beautiful woman,"
You had been talking with a man for fifteen minutes. It's stupid how easy it was to get a man. Just listening to them talk for ten minutes straight without talking usually does the trick.
"And you know, racing is not the only thing I am good at."
Smiling, not because of his suggestive comment but because you were about to get what you wanted, you were about to make your way inside the car.
Until bright lights pointing at you ruined the moment.
"What does that freak want?"
There is a loud sound of engine coming from the large truck. Although the light was bright, you could see a few shades of blue and red.
"This is the police, stand down."
"Shit."
The man who you were talking to didn't hesitate to turn on his car and speed up. Letting off a train of fumes and leaving you behind.
Great, now you had to explain that you weren't a hooker but an undercover reporter to the officer.
Except that this wasn't a cop. It wasn't even a person. But a driverless car. A bot you tragically knew too well.
"So you have come for your revenge after today's press conference?" you ask sarcastically as you begin to walk away. You raised your hand and waved from side to side."Well, you got it. Now leave me alone."
You can hear the little 'click and clack' of your heels as they impact against the concrete ground. But close by you can still hear the roaring engines. Headlights were still pretty bright and you wondered if he understood human cues. Because this just looks like some guy harassing a woman.
"Not even a 'thank you' for saving you from that guy?" Optimus follows as he drives next to you. "I thought you would be more educated."
"Well, I didn't ask you to save me," you wanted to take bigger steps but you've been walking for so long with your heels that you can't do it anymore. "Is butting into other people's business an Autobot costume?"
"Look I am not going to fall into your tactics," he says. "I just came to say that I think we started off with the wrong pede."
"Oh? Really? Why do you think that?"
"Well, for starters, I think you have the wrong ideas about us," Optimus takes a closer look at you. Wearing a different style than what you wore this morning. "Yes you are right, sometimes we don't do the right thing. But we are new here and we don't know any better."
"So you should be excused for all actions just because of your ignorance?" you feel like you are being observed. Not in a desirable manner but rather a curious one. Optimus didn't have 'eyes' but optics. His vision is probably more enhanced, being a bot and all. "Is that what you are saying?"
"No, I am saying that maybe you could try and understand us and be more ... lenient whenever you write about us."
"And why would I do that?" you began to feel self conscious. Miniskirts weren't your thing, you liked them but Optimus heavy optics on you wasn't the most comfortable. Maybe it was all your imagination. Besides, you doubted that Optimus could feel attraction towards a human. "Are you going to hurt me if I don't?"
"What? No!"
You stop walking and suddenly turn to look at him.
"Then I won't change anything."
He doesn't want to think about it too much but he feels his something inside him short-circuit. Now, he realized he had been staring at you for too long. Particularly interested in your skin. As far as he knows metal and skin don't react the same way to cold. Your material being more sensitive to climate change. He was studying you and all he concluded is that you were cold.
"Why do you care so much about what we do and don't? How does it even affect you?" his engines roar louder. "We help the humans with crime, cleaning the streets, repairing buildings and other humiliating things without any type of compensation but I don't see you writing about that stuff!"
"Do you know what happens when you and your crew destroy a building?"
"The city repairs it."
"Yes, they do," you walk towards him, aggressively placing your hands on his door. His truck form was too large for you to reach his window. It's not like you were planning to punch him but rather make your point. "But who's money do they use to repair those damages?"
He stays quiet and you proceed.
"The people's money," using your index finger, you keep poking at him each time you make a statement. "Ever since you and your Autobots got here, things have become way more expensive. Food, gas, bills. There are families who will be homeless because they can't afford to pay rent. All because the city is raising taxes to pay for all the damages you cause."
His headlights blink every time you keep touching him, with every word that escapes your lips.
"It's already hard enough being a journalist in Detroit and now I have to focus on surviving too. I need to contribute good stories to the newsroom or I won't even have money to buy cigarettes."
Then, you point off into the distance, the road is clear but dark. Only the city lights illuminated the path but everything had an eerie feel to it .
"And that guy you just scared off? He was my ticket to have a warm meal tonight and you ruined it for me."
You take your hands off him. His headlights stop blinking.
"So, I am sorry. I am sorry I won't write about how the Autobots are Detroit's heroes and how good they are because they pick up some cans."
You walk away. Now thinking of whether to spend your last $20 bucks on food or a taxi to take you home.
At least you can't hear the roaring engine anymore.
As he sees you struggle to keep walking, Optimus notices your shivering. How you tried to cover your backside with your bag and how ever so often your stomach would quietly growl. Although he wasn't an expert on human biology, he knew that meant you were hungry.
He remembers your words and then Sari's. Although you were struggling to survive, you still somehow managed to help out Sari. A job he is supposed to be doing but failing miserably.
"I– " he drives up to you again. For a second, he doesn't have anything to say. Apologizing won't help you in any way. "Is there any way I can help?"
"Well, unless you can transform into a racing car and take me to do some illegal car racing, I don't think so."
Behind you, you hear metal shifting. Driving next to you is blue and red ... Corvette? Camaro? Ferrari? You didn't know a single thing about cars but the only thing you knew is that it was a nice looking car. Dynamic, elegant and shiny. Hot and sexy. And a beautiful car needs a beautiful girl.
"Anything else?"
.
.
.
It was 3 a.m.
A dark and isolated road on the outskirts of Detroit will be witness to your first car racing. You didn't know a single thing about cars and much less racing. But thankfully for you, your racer is a car. He should know better ... right?
As a reporter you are supposed to blend in with the crow but with Optimus, you knew that was impossible. All eyes were on you as soon as you drove by the starting line. Wondering who had just joined the car racing scene.
"Everyone is here ... Can't we just arrest them?"
"No, I am not the police. I am just here to report on things. To inform people this is happening."
You look around the vehicle, there was technology that Earth didn't have. There wasn't a single thing you could understand. Getting nervous, you tried to get some fresh air. Clicking a few random buttons, you hear Optimus make a few displeased growls.
"Would you stop that? You know you are touching my body, right?"
You quickly stop, not knowing how to feel about being inside a mechanic alien.
"Can you lower the windows then? I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic."
Optimus does as you told him and now you get a clearer view of your sides. To your right there is a white Camaro with black racing stripes. To your left, a red and white car. The fancy type which brand you didn't know nor care.
"Hey beautiful, when I win let's make out in the back of my car!"
Hearing that comment, you tell Optimus to roll up the windows again. He quickly didn't hesitate to ask questions.
"What is make out?"
You see another woman stand in front of the car. Holding a red handkerchief. Extremely beautiful and thin, she made walking in heels look easy. The cars start their engines and you start regretting this.
"If we win this, I'll show you."
"What do we get if we win anyway?"
Looking at the steering wheel, you think about holding it but then again Optimus seems very decided for you not to touch him. Not wanting to make him uncomfortable, you shake the thought off your head.
"I get a good story and three thousand dollars."
"Can I have some of that money? For Sari, of course."
"Absolutely but," you look around the car, trying to look for the seatbelt. The race was about to start and you couldn't find it. "Where is the seat-"
But the race had started, Optimus didn't listen as he sped though the road. You abruptly lay back on the seat. Making mental notes about the situation. The racers, the rules, the cars, the place.
You wished you could enjoy the excitement of the race ... if it only wasn't that your life was held by a threat.
As Optimus makes an abrupt turn, you move from one seat to the other. Almost doing a complete 360.
"Would you care to drive more carefully?!"
You rub your head. Feeling like a small bump on the back, you are thankful the windows are tinted dark. No one can see your humiliating falling and bumping into Optimus windows and door.
"Don't you want to win, missy?"
"I can only win if I get to the finishing line ALIVE!"
As if he wasn't hearing you, he makes another aggressive movement. This time you end up side down, with your head on the feet rest and your legs on the passenger seat.
"THAT'S IT! I AM DRIVING!"
You straighten up and quickly put your hands on the steering wheel, taking control of the alien mech.
"Hey, missy! Hands off the steering wheel!!"
"I'll do that when you learn how to drive!"
You fought against his strength, as he moved himself to the opposite side. It wasn't often that you fought against an alien but if your life wasn't in danger you wouldn't do so. Watching all the cars passing by was also alarming, you weren't only going to die but also lose.
"I'll have you know my driving skills have been renowned by the Elite Guard!"
"I don't give a f–"
He lost control, as you did. The screeching tires against the pavement could be heard as the rubber of them burned. You couldn't react as Optimus crashes against a pine tree. Hitting your head against the steering wheel, you thought you might get a concussion. However, you get enough strength to get out of the car and walk a few meters away from him. It wasn't until all the racing cars had passed you that Optimus transformed back to his robot form.
"I just got a new paint job and a polish!"
He says as he sees some scratches on his body.
"And you almost killed me!" you put a hand on your head, it hurts as if your whole brain was pulsating. Your sight is dizzy and your body is weak. "I knew it, I knew this wouldn't work out and I still trusted you."
"We wouldn't be here if you had only kept your hands to yourself."
"No, we wouldn't be here if only you had a goddamn seatbelt?!"
Optimus was also frustrated with the situation. Now he is too far behind to win the race and he needed the money to buy food for Sari. Not only that but after tonight he is going to have to give explanations to the rest of his team. He is probably gonna be made fun of for not having a 'leader-behavior' and they were right. Because why was he here? At first, he just wanted to help you. But it seems you don't want to nor appreciate his effort.
"And why would I? I don't let humans inside me," he points at you, unaware of your delicate state. "Besides it's not my fault your body is so weak."
"Well, for someone who is supposed to protect life, you certainly do a great," there is clear sarcasm in your voice. You probably shouldn't be fighting against a giant robot but if he were to squish you right now, he would be doing you a favor.
"I don't even know why you are on Earth if you don't even like humans."
"Oh, I like humans, I just don't like you."
"Well, the feeling is mutual."
You take off your heels and start walking back on the cold pavement. Feeling cold everywhere, you wonder what is going to kill you first. Hypothermia or brain damage.
"Where are you going?"
"Home."
"We are on the outskirts of the city, you'll get home by the next solar cycle if you walk."
As much as Optimus dislikes you, he wouldn't let a lady walk alone at night.
"Let me take you home."
"No," now it hurts to breathe. You probably got a few injuries but you tried to hide the pain. The last thing you wanted was to confirm Prime's idea that you were weak. You were, but he didn't have to know. "Just leave me alone."
"Does your pride have no end?" Optimus' words weren't helping either. "Just come inside–"
He was going to keep talking until he noticed that you had stopped walking. He sees you put a hand on your head and the other on your stomach.
Suddenly, you lose balance and he quickly reaches a servo out to catch you. He had assumed that most humans should be warm. The coldness of your body was not common. Analyzing you, he sees that you are still breathing but unconscious. You are small on his servo and he feels as though he needs to cover you.
Maybe, you were right ... he should have let you drive.
.
.
.
There were many questions in Ratchet's processor. But seeing Optimus' worried face restrained his voice box from instigating the Prime.
"I am not an expert in human biology but my analysis says that she is dehydrated and malnourished. She probably hasn't eaten in days."
Ratchet sees you in the medical berth. In a deep sleep and weakend, he doesn't know when you will wake up.
"Don't you think it would have been better to take her to a human medical center?"
"I thought about it but while I was driving, she woke up momentarily and asked me not to take her there."
Optimus had assumed that the reason you didn't want to go to a 'hospital' was due that maybe you didn't have a means to pay for it. The thought alone made him spark ache, he didn't understand why humans would charge for a basic right.
"Well then, make yourself useful and bring her some warm human fuel," Ratchet says. "And maybe some human clothes with more fabric or a blanket."
Optimus nods, but there is hesitancy. He doesn't move and Ratchet catches on this. His optics are on you as if studying you. Most obvious, there is guilt and worry. He takes a closer look at him. Some part of his paint was ripped off and his metal was scratched.
"Did anything of importance happen?"
"I tried to help her with something but things didn't occur as I planned them."
There was something he was keeping to himself.
"Did anything else happen?"
"It's just ...," he pauses and the longer he looks at you, the more Ratchet wonders. He has known the boy for some time now. He has seen him at his best and at his worst but this is different. It's like he wants to say or do something but he can't. Either because he is too timid or because he can't find the right words. But Optimus' eloquence was known through all of Cybertron.
"It's nothing."
.
.
.
The smell of chicken noodle soup wakes up. It is an unknown place but you feel warm. Much more than your cold, small apartment. It was a bright room, and underneath was a red, giant medical bed. A white blanket covers your body and the face of a little girl stares right at you.
"Hi!"
You slowly stand up, your head still hurting but at least you were alive.
"Hey, kid."
You take a better look at the place around you. At least it wasn't a hospital and for that you were thankful.
"I am Sari! And you must be (Y/N)? We exchanged Autobot information before?"
The girl was smiling, excited to see you. By hearing her name, you immediately knew what she was referring to. A few weeks ago, you had received a letter from someone, you assumed that it was a kid due to the wacky handwriting and simple vocabulary. Nonetheless, this kid was selling Autobot information to you, some things valuable, others not so much. After learning the truth behind the kid, you decided to help her as much as you could.
"I am guessing this is the secret base of the Autobots?"
You ask the obvious. You didn't find any other logical explanation as to why there would be such big beds and medical equipment.
"Yeah ... Please, don't tell anyone," Sari says. "Or Optimus is gonna have to threaten you."
"Well, I would like to see him try," you give the little girl a head pat. "But I promise I won't say a word, just because you ask me to."
This would have been valuable information if it wasn't due that it didn't matter anymore. You were supposed to have a story by today and the only thing you have is a headache. Another day, another non-existent payment. You are gonna have to get used to eating air at this point.
"You should eat," Sari puts the bowl of soup closer to you. "Optimus made it for you and I helped, of course."
After hearing his name, you quickly turn to look at the little girl. You could tell she was telling the truth but she also had a mischievous smile.
"Is there something you want to ask me?"
You weren't about to make a meal go to waste. Picking up the spoon, you start to dig in. It wasn't bad and you wonder if Optimus actually helped at all because you can't imagine someone who is unable to taste human food, being able to make something this good.
"Well, I was wondering ... Will you be staying with us from now on?"
"No," you simply say, too concentrated in eating to think properly. "Why are you asking that?"
"Well, do you want to?"
"Thanks for the offer but I don't think the Autobots would like me here."
"But I can get so lonely sometimes!" Sari puts puppy eyes on her face and you have to admit that it was slowly working. "I need a friend."
"You can still write to me if you would like."
"That's not enough ..."
Suddenly, you heard loud and big steps approaching from behind you. You didn't want to think about it. If you don't see it, it's not real. But then you hear mechanics moving and you are sure that if you were to turn around, you'll find a very unpleasant faceplate.
"Sari, do not overwhelm our guests," Optimus says. "She's still recovering."
"Don't mind me, I was just leaving."
Like an animal, you drink the last of your soup and put it next to you.
"Hey um ... About last night, I ..." He pauses and struggles with his words. "I wanted to apologize–"
"No need."
You stand up and let the white blanket covering you slip off your body. It gets cold immediately and you are tempted to ask if you can stay with the blanket.
"Wait! If you really need to, you can stay here,"
"And become your charity project? No, thank you."
His faceplate was still very close to yours. Now you can take a closer look at his optics. You didn't want to admit it but they were quite beautiful. A type of blue not found on Earth. Maybe not even in the entire universe. It was unique to him and you were a bit jealous of his own individuality.
"I am just trying to help."
"I think you have helped enough," you weren't about to fall for his kindness. It was his own stubbornness that put you in this situation. That and that you haven't taken care of yourself properly but he doesn't have to know that. "If I let you help me again, then I'll for sure die."
"If only you would put your pride away, we could help each other–"
"You want to help me? Why? Because you like me? Or to subside your guilt?"
"Because it's the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do?" You can't stand his righteousness. Pretending to be this all-good creature when you know that can't be. How good can he be when he is the cause of your misfortunes? Not only yours but to a lot of more people. The worst part of it all is that he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. "Why don't you start by leaving my planet first then?"
Optimus stares at you and you look back at him. It was a few seconds but to you it lasted minutes.
He doesn't say anything but slowly moves apart from you and walks away.
You turn to look at Sari who was still sitting close by.
"Sorry you had to see that kid."
"It's alright, but can I tell you something?"
You didn't want to be here. The sun was probably about to rise and you just wanted to go home. But you couldn't say no to the girl, she seemed too sweet and her situation was still lamentable. You nod, confirming for Sari to continue.
"I've known Optimus for a time now and I can tell you that he is not very well-versed with the ladies," she says. "He rescued a woman once and she asked for his phone number."
Tilting you heard, a lot of things crossed your mind. You have so many questions, especially about the kind of woman who would want a machine as something more than a friend.
"And what happened?"
"He gave it to her and she texted him," she raised a small hand, pointing up. "The text said 'Do you think I am pretty?"
"And Optimus texted back saying 'I think you look soft and squeezable. And she never texted back."
You stopped yourself from laughing. Although a small smile left your lips. You look away for a second and then look back at the young girl.
"Optimus is good at hiding his feelings but you can tell he was sad she never texted him back."
"Why are you telling me this?"
You finally ask, curious about the story but mostly about Sari's intentions.
"Just so you know that he can be an idiot sometimes but he has a good heart ... Well, spark," Sari's voice becomes more gentle and this caught your attention. This wasn't supposed to be a funny story and now you feel a bit shameful for laughing.
"And I think he just doesn't know how to tell you that."
.
.
.
The sun was starting to come out.
You took off your heels for a little bit until the cold pavement was too much to handle for your skin.
You weren't expecting for things to go this way. Wanting to start a new life, away from everything. It was all going smoothly until they arrived. Now you find yourself on a bench, cold and hungry. Waiting for the first bus to take you home.
How much longer did you have to endure?
You cover your face, ashamed of yourself. Of every decision you have made in your life. This is your reality now. About to be kicked out of your apartment, without a stable job and nowhere to go. No one to talk to.
Your cellphone rings.
Not recognizing the phone number on the screen, you were hesitant to answer but lastly, you picked it up, things can't get worse anyways.
"It was harder to get a hold of you than I thought."
You recognized that voice.
"But I am glad you are doing fine. How's the city life treating you?"
"How did you find me?"
You ask as you look around you. No one was out yet. Just a few cars passed by and the tweets of birds could be heard.
"That doesn't matter. I called thinking you may be interested in a job."
"I am not. No matter what you say, I won't go back there."
"Are you sure? I can send you over the first half of the payment right now."
You were in desperate need. He knows that and is taking advantage of that. Your instincts were begging you to say yes. To just do one more job, to get enough food to survive for a little while until you can get back on your feet. But ...
"I appreciate the offer. But I have to decline."
There is a long pause.
"We'll keep in touch."
.
.
.
"Still thinking about that woman?"
When Ratchet says things like that, it's difficult not to notice the subtle hits in his voice box.
"Perhaps."
Ratchet can tell many things from the Prime's actions. He wasn't drinking his fuel and in deep thought. At least he wasn't denying the question.
"I am sure you'll see her again," Ratchet says as he pat's Optimus' shoulder plate. "Next time ask for her number."
"It's not like that."
His cheeks have a slight blue. Very minimal but Ratchet knows better than that.
It was a lively evening in the Autobot's base. With Bumblebee and Sari playing video games while Prowl and Bulkhead stand next to them. Optimus and Ratchet usually watch from the sidelines, never participating but just treasuring the tranquility of the moment.
"If it's not that then what is it?"
"I just ..."
Optimus hesitates not because he didn't want to tell Ratchet but because he couldn't understand his own feelings. Was it guilt? Curiosity? It's strange and yet both emotions are something he wishes to not feel. He should be worrying about the things he can fix, people he can help.
He shouldn't think about you.
About yesterday night. About the drive back to the base. You laid on his seat, unconscious. Yet you mustered the strength to say three simple words.
"Don't leave me."
And just like that. His spark ached.
Damn you.
He doesn't have time for this. For all he cares, he hopes to never see you again.
Because how dare you play with his feelings like that?
"I'm going for a drive."
There was nothing else to do but ride or die.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A/N: Here is a new story I am working on. It was really fun to write this. Thank you for all the support you have given me this far! I'll continue to write. For any ideas, comments, concerns, comments you can always message me/or inbox me here. Thank you. Also sorry for any mistakes I made. I don't proof read. Regardless, I hope you enjoy and I'll be answering comments soon!
See you in the next story!
#optimus prime#optimus prime x reader#optimus x oc#optimus x reader#transformers optimus#transformers#transformers fanart#transformers fanfiction#orion pax#orion pax x reader#transformers animated#tfa optimus prime#tfa#optimus#tf animated#tfa optimus#optimus x yn#optimus x you#transformers prime#tfa bumblebee#tf au#sari sumdac#tfa fanart#tfa fanfiction#tfp optimus prime#tf one optimus#ratchet x reader#transformers x reader#optimus prime x human#tf x reader
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The Doctor's Match
Synopsis: The Administrator has decided to finally give Medic some much needed help on the battlefield, despite the male insisting he doesn't need it. But what happens when the Mad doctor finally meets his match?..
Pairing(s): Medic x 10th Class! Reader focused Pairing Name?: Medical Malpractice (Medic/The Nurse), Length: 3.4k words
A/n: GUYS GUYS I HOPE YOU ENJOY THISSSS, I was inspired by some of my fellow writers who are writing fanfics where they make the reader a specific class!! (Speaking of which I HIGHLY suggest the Respawn Malfunction Fic by the lovely the-teufort-nine)
"Ach, I don't really need help Miss Pauling, vhile I appreciate zhe thought—"
Medic was caught off by Miss Pauling's sheepish grin and hand raise. "I know I know, but think about it. You'll have help with surgeries, everyone wouldn't be screaming your name on the battlefield.. unless you like that—"
Medic tapped his glove to his chin. While he didn't necessarily need the help, it would be a great assistance to not have hear everyone screaming "MEDIC" on the battlefield. And to have someone who was on his level, that thought just like him when it came to medicine and other scientific discovering's?
It didn't sound that bad.
But then again, what if this person could be just as annoying as his teammates? What if they didn't help him out as he thought they would? He couldn't risk that!
However, on the flip side...what if they are perfect? They help him on the battles field, they help him with studies that he wanted to conduct. They might even let him experiment on THEM!
He hummed and sighed before dropping his hands to his side.
"Fine, Fine. I vill accept zhis..'help'."
"Good! Cause she'll be here tomorrow!"
Medic didn't have time to process what Miss Pauling had said because she left so quickly, rambling off about finishing finalization before their newest member gets there.
"She?.." Medic trailed off before he left his office to go and join the others in the dining area. Dinner was just being prepared when Scout called out to Medic.
"Ayyeee Doc! You heard about that newbie we getting? Hope he can keep up wit ya!" The rambunctious Boston yelled and Medic only rolled his eyes as he took a seat.
"I can only hope zhat SHE can deal vith the daily stupidity zhat I deal vith each day." Medic corrects Scout and that draws attention from some of the others.
"Oh? So our new help is going to be a Woman?..I pray for her." Spy muttered as he takes a drag from his cigarette. "Wonder what made zhe little lady chose here?"
"Don't kno', but it's best we treat her wit' respect fellas, she could be mighty useful round here when Medic is busy." Engineer chimed in. "Best to have two docs than one."
"Da, Engineer is right. Little lady can make big difference in life or death in battle. We treat her like we treat Doctor." Heavy adds on making Medic nod along.
"Zhere should be nothing to vorry about~, she'll be trained under zhe best!" "That makes me worry even more, I hope she's not a nutcase like you are-" "Vhat vas zhat Scout?" "Nothin'! Nothin' at all doc…"
Medic huffed as he fixed his labcoat. "Zhat's vhat I thought." He muttered before he walked back to his lab. When he walked in, he already saw a second door already installed in his medbay, kinda of similar to the one that led to his private quarters. But it had a different medical like logo. ‘Zhey work fast..” he thought as he decided to go into his room.
He needed to prepare for the new guest coming tomorrow
The mercs were all sitting together after another successful day of kicking BLU ass.
Scout, Soldier, Demoman and Pyro were sitting together, Spy and Sniper were playing cards, Engineer was moving around some things in the kitchen and Heavy was with Medic at a separate table.
Soft humming could be heard coming down the Hallway, along with a suitcase being dragged behind light footsteps. The click of heels against the hard floor of the base echoed, they didn’t really pay any attention to the sounds assuming it was Miss Pauling bringing something that they needed to go over.
That was until they heard the voice.
"Hello there fellas~!"
The guys all lifted their heads to see a woman, dressed in long nurses dress with a pretty white apron over it. She had a matching logo patch to Medic's with a syringe over the cross, she wore pink gloves that went up to her elbows, her hair was neatly tucked back into a low bun with the nurses hat on. She had a big smile on her face as she walked further into the room drawing all attention to her.
"My name is Y/n, and I will be your new nurse around these parts~! Now could someone please kindly tell me who is your head Medical specialist.?"
Scout rolled his eyes before he allowed a sly smirk to come across his face. "I wouldn't call him a professional toots…but he's ova there wit the large guy."
The woman, Who they now know is Y/n, thanks Scout with a pretty smile that had the young male blushing already but Spy knocked him in the back of the head.
“Oi! What the hell was that for??” “You’re making googoo eyes at zhe new hire.” “What? She’s cute! Ow! Seriously man! That hurts! “Zhen stop being such an idiot.”
Medic and Heavy were engrossed in a conversation when Y/n walks up next to them and starts to introduce herself.
“Hello! I was told that one of you was the doctor here, I’m going to guess it’s you sir..” She says pointing to medic. Medic looked her up and down and his heart felt like it was doing tricks already.
She was…beautiful.
She was everything that he had imagined in his head last night. Her beauty, her kindness, and Medic could already tell that a little something…unhinged lay right beneath the surface.
Heavy had to nudge the male because he was just staring at the beauty in front of him. Medic quickly cleared his throat before giving a grin to her.
“Ah yes! Zhat vould be me! I am guessing jou are zhe nurse, yes?” He finally managed to get out, making the woman infront of him giggle as she sits down across from him.
“Yes that’s me! I’ve heard such good this about you! I can’t wait to work alongside you in the field!”
Medic nodded as he leaned on his hand as he listened to her ramble on about how much she loved nursing and how her experience on the field was sure to lighten his load and help him the best way that she could.
As she continued to speak, Medic just nodded along and occasionally added to the conversation. He was so focused on her, he was imagining the two of them in battle together, covering in the enemy teams blood. He couldn’t wait to do the uber heart surgery on her so he could see and feel her from the inside out…
“Medic.”
Oh how beautiful she would look beside him.
“Medic?”
Oh how beautiful she would look underneath him—
“MEDIC”
Medic jumped as he shook his head, Heavy shook his head as he looked at his fellow merc. “You spaced out, Little nurse said she was going to bed.” Heavy states and Medic sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as he apologized to Y/n.
“Oh no no! You’re fine! I know you’re probably tired after this long day..” “Ja..The battle was very…tough.” Medic quickly says, making her giggle. “Oh well I'm not going to stop you, please go and get some rest for tomorrow!”
Y/n then backed away from the two males as she bowed and gave them a gentle wave. "Goodnight fellas! Can't wait to be beside you on the battlefield!" She happily exclaimed before she turned on her heel and left the room finally.
Once she left the room, Heavy looked over at Medic. “Medic is infatuated with little nurse.”
Medic looked at his friend and colleague, rapidly shaking his head. “Vhat? No! She’s just…really..amazing I guess. It’s rare to see someone as interested in the pursuit of science as I am!” He quickly says as he looked away from Heavy, pulling at his collar.
Heavy only chuckles as he pats Medic on his back. “You are terrible liar.”
Was all he said before he left Medic at the table alone to think. And of course, his mind went to the beautiful nurse that just graced their presence. He HAD to get to know her better.
He couldn’t just let her get away with messing with his head like this!
He will do it tomorrow! He would get to know her after working alongside her for the first time! After all, He had to know why a lovely lady like herself would come and work here and let alone be excited to work with someone like him…
Oh Boy, Did he quickly realize why he was so drawn to her.
She. Was. Crazy.
Once the Nurse set foot on the battlefield, that adorable and charming personality that she displayed to the others at dinner the other day was quickly replaced by a wicked bloodlust.
She was taking down the enemy teams left and right, assisting their teammates with a scary accuracy.
And she was smiling while doing it.
Her main weapon? A large syringe, one that he witnessed her stab and spear the enemy team, harvesting their blood and using it almost as some sort of wicked power source. He could've sworn that hearts formed in his eyes as he looked upon her on the battlefield. She didn’t care that she was getting blood on her at all, the way that it splattered across her clothes and she wore it with excited glee.
He was so busy day dreaming that He wasn’t paying attention, leaving him open for a backstab from the enemy Spy when he heard her call out to him.
“DOCTOR BEHIND YOU!” Medic didn’t have time to turn around before he saw the enemy spy...with a syringe needle through his back.
He stood back watching as his body turned to goop, and was collected by the Nurse, seeing it go into her own medivac.
“Are you alright? I followed the bastard after he tried to backstab, Engineer.” Y/n said to him as she offered her hand, helping Medic from the ground.
She holds his hand for a little bit as she checks over him, making sure that he wasn’t injured at all. She places her hand on his chest, making Medic jolt as she did it so suddenly. “Are you alright? Your heart is beating quite fast..”
Medic coughs into his hand before he backs away, nodding at her question. “Ja, I’m okay..Guess my heart rate is up after almost being backstabbed…”
Y/n gave him an eyebrow rise before she accepted his answer.
“Alright..if you say so. Then, Let’s go Doctor. I can hear our teammates screaming for us now.” Y/n turns to leave, expecting Medic to follow.
And follow he did, intrigued as he watched as she pressed a button on her MediVac, watching as she placed her syringe into a slot, and watched as the blood started to bubble and boil, turning into a molten weapon.
Y/n looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a wink before she ran off to go and cater to their injured teammates. Leaving him once again, speechless. He could feel a shiver trail down his spine as a smile broke out across his face.
“Mein..Gott..she's perfect…” He mumbled to himself.
He watched as Y/n reached over to Scout, shooting him with a syringe, the Bostonian yelled in pain before feeling a surging feeling. He suddenly cheered and gave Y/n a high five before running back into battle. Healing syringes, he remembered her talking about it briefly the night before.
She was so giddy and excited to have someone to ramble about her work, that Medic stayed nearly all night with her despite knowing that they had to be up the next morning. But that didn’t matter, seeing her happy, talking about a subject that most would squirm and ignore was all he needed.
God...was he falling in love with his colleague?! She had only been here for a few days, yet the bubbly and giddy nurse had managed to worm her way into his heart in less than a week.
Never has someone made him so weak in the knees whenever they would look his way.
Mein gott was he embarassing—
“ Medic! I need you!” “Coming Mein Nurse!~”
Y/n giggles as she shows off to Medic. Her main weapon, the syringe was used to collect samples, blood samples of the enemy and turn that into boiling liquid, almost like scalding water, giving the enemy team a burning and scalding effect that worked perfectly alongside Pyro.
She had a syringe Gun as well, filled with different syringes of various effects, some that could heal her teammates, some That could burn and melt the enemy skin, it all depended on who she aimed it at, as he saw earlier with her little display on Scout.
“Ahh..could you believe i almost lost my medical License because of this technology, I guess they didn't like me testing on murderers..” She mentioned sparking Medic's interest.
“Vait, jou made this yourself?” He asked and she nodded proudly. “Mhm! Did all the research Myself, I was a bio-chem major before I turned to nursing.” Y/n answered. “Took me a couple months to perfect, nearly burned a hole through my lab floor.
The two of them were walking together and just talking About previous experiments and things that they have done.
“Wait, you stole a skeleton?” “Several actually, it's how I lost my medical license.” Y/n giggled at that, before reaching for his hand. “You know, I could use mine, if..you ever needed..help,”
Medic froze a bit, her hand felt small in his as he grasped her hand, the two of them ended up facing each other.
“Jou..vould do zhat? For me?” “Of course~, Ya know , it's not everyday when you find someone who's so persistent in the pursuit of science like you.” “Oh really now?” “Yes really! It’s the least I could do for making you listen to my rambling about needles for two hours.”
Medic couldn't stop the smile that spread to his lips. “Jou know, I could listen to you read zhe most boring book in zhe vorld and I vould never get tired. “
It was Y/n’s turn to blush as she felt his hand come up to caress her blood soaked cheek. “Oh Medic..you’re just saying that..”
Medic chuckles and he was about to speak again when a loud yell broke through.
“Oi! Doc! Need some Help ova here! Could you stop makin’ googoo eyes wit the nurse!?”
Oh right, they were still in battle.
“Ve'll continue zhis later.” “We shall.”
The two of them readied their gear again as Y/n grasped his hand tightly turning to him with a smirk.
“Let’s go practice Medicine~” She says to him and Medic feels like his body was just lit on fire by pyro as a wolfish grin appears on his face.
When they would reach the enemy team, Y/n would signal to Medic that she was ready and he would nod to her before he would turn on his uber charge. He had only done the surgery on her yesterday, and while he was excited to see how it would work on a new host…
He hoped that it wouldn’t harm her.
Once he activated it Y/n jolted a bit before she started that boiling mass of liquid in her backpack. Medic watched as it was almost like she was spraying hot oil onto the enemy, They moved through the enemy, mowing them down like they were nothing but bugs underneath their feet.
...God did she look like a glowing red goddess...
The entire time Y/n was…laughing, giggling as she used her weapon on the enemy. Giddy as she saw how their bodies basically melted into nothing but BLU goo. It sent a shiver up his spine when she turned to him and gave him that award winning smile with a wink
He watched as the rest of their team came in to help capture the final point, most of them careful to step over or around the various piles of goo around the point.
The Uber charge wore off and Y/n squealed with glee before she ran up to Medic and grabbed his shoulders. “Oh my GOD that was AMAZING!!” She screamed with delight, once again catching Medic off guard.
“Ach..it vas nothing, it vas most—” Medic didn’t get to finish his sentence before he felt himself being dipped, and a pair of lips being pressed against his own.
Medic turned a bright red as his glasses fogged up. He felt light headed and when she finally let him up, they were declared the winners as they had successfully claimed the last point. When he regained himself, Y/n was standing infront of him with a big smile on her face as if she didn’t just KISS HIM.
“Did jou just–” “Yes i did. Would you like me to do it again?”
Medic looked back as he saw his teammates already heading back in, talks of celebrating and what they were going to eat in the air. Medic chuckles as he lifted the nurse into his arms.
“Ja, I vould…but if forgive me if i’m greedy and vant more~”
Now it was Y/n’s turn to blush as Medic carried her back inside to continue their own little form of celebration for winning.
“Man, I don't know if it's a blessin’ or a curse we got that nurse!”
Scout groaned as he knocked back a bonk! Atomic Punch, Engineer, who was playing cards with Demo and Soldier, tilts his head.
“What makes ya say that boy? I think it's great the Doc has himself A lovely lady that can keep up with him.” He chuckles as he turned back to the card game, watching as Scout took a seat with them.
“That's the problem! They are both nuts! I overheard them talking about doing surgery on each otha’ to put their hearts in each otha's body! That's weird!”
“Well, Son, that might just be their form of love-” “Then i pray dat form of love neva finds me!"
Engineer laughs as Demoman pats His back. “Aye lad, are ya still mad that the doc almost let you die because he was flirtin’?
“No! I'm just sayin’! They are weird!” “He's definitely still upset!” “I agree with Engineer!” “Course ya do Soldier! You prolly don't even know what we're talking about!”
Y/n and Medic were definitely closer after that battle, they were wrapped around each other's fingers. Always around each other.
When they had mission debriefing, she was sitting in his lap.
When it was time for their checkups? They were definitely giving PDA.
Speaking of which, the duo walked past them heading to the door.
Scout groaned in frustration before he looked up seeing Medic walking with Y/n. “And where are yall headin’ Out to? Ain't dinner about to start?”
Y/n smiles as she hugs Medic's arm. “Luddy has prepared a picnic for us~! We're going outside to enjoy each other's company, and talk about medical stuff~”
Medic nuzzled her forehead. “Ja, mein liebling and i vill be busy for the rest of the night, so please don't have any medical emergencies, jou might not like what you walk into.”
The duo laughs together as Medic leads her outside, opening the door and closing it behind them, leaving their coworkers To go back to what they were doing.
“Ugh..disgusting!” “Sounds like you're jealous sonny.” “How!? Jealous of what?” “Affirmative! Sounds like you are jealous that he has a proud American woman!” “Is she even bloody american?” “Course she is! That woman is a pure blooded American soldier!”
The four men ended up bickering about this, while Heavy who was coming from the kitchen quickly interjected.
“Lets just be happy Doctor has met match.” He started. “Means no more experimenting on us when he has a willing participant. She is perfect for him. Just a crazy as doctor.”
The others went quiet and Scout, the main one who was making a fuss crossed his arms. “I guess tons of fun ova’ here is right.”
Heavy rolled his eyes at Scout before taking a seat. “Deal me in. Besides. Tomorrow is ceasefire. Doctor is gonna be busy with little nurse.”
“What do ya mean by dat?” “I think you know what I mean.” “You could've jus’ Left us in the dark with that info Son.” “if I had to suffer listening to doctor ramble about it, you do too.” "NONSENSE THEY ARE JUST DISCUSSING BATTLE STRATEGIES" "Yea if strategies included fucki- OW WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM YA SPOOK!?" "I've been here zhe entire time, could you all please just deal zhe cards and not talk about what our doctors are doing."
GAHHH FINALLYYY ITS DONNNEEE
I plan on writing more with them, so be prepared for more Medical Malpractice— but until then, please be safe and take care of yourselves!
#tf2 fandom#tf2 fanfiction#tf2 x reader#tf2 fanfic#team fortress 2#tf2#team fortress 2 x reader#team fortress 2 imagines#medic tf2#tf2 medic#medic x reader#medic team fortress 2#tf2 medic x reader
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WAIT LET ME REQUEST‼️‼️ how about the reader which ls us , we are like months pregnant about 6-9 and everything ls going wonderful but unfortunately Baldwin lsnt fully healed since they are close to finding a cure so what lf guy got lnto a argument with Baldwin but to get Baldwin back , guy pushes us down the stairs when we are that many months pregnant and something goes wrong??❤️
♧ The Fool's Undoing - King Baldwin x Reader ♧
♧ Angst ♧
A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you for this request Anon, sorry it's taken so long to get too 😔. I hope it's what you had in mind! This one is very angsty guys so I'm sorry in advance about that 😭. As always, this is based on the movie Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!
P.S. I had a freaking STROKE because I forgot the word "physician" while writing this and spent a good 20 minnutes trying to figure out what it was😭😭😭. Big thank you to @minminambus for helping me through the stroke and finding the word 😭🫶.
TW: Mentions of violence, Mentions of m*scarriage, Leprosy
It had been a beautiful first few months. The maids worked tirelessly, adding the final finishing touches to the nursery adjoining the royal chambers.
It was a rather windy afternoon when it happened.
Y/n lay comfortable in the bed she shared with her husband, reading a book as she rubbed the swell of her stomach. Her pregnancy had been practically perfect with no complications and the young couple were expecting their first born (and heir to the throne) very soon.
Baldwin lay dozing beside her, worn out from a particularly stressful meeting earlier that day. He had been writing letters before y/n beckoned him to her side and insisted he lay with her. The poor man was too tired to refuse and after her delicate fingers worked through his sandy blonde curls for a few minutes, he was fast asleep.
The queen smiled down at him. Things really could not be more perfect at that very moment.
A sharp knock at the door disturbed the peace all too soon. Y/n called out for them to enter and was displeased with the news that Lord Guy requested to see the king.
After a few gentle nudges, Baldwin came awake slowly, drowsy and confused.
“Wha- what's going on? Are you okay?” he asked, a slight panic in his tone as he propped himself up on his elbows.
Y/n chuckled lightly.
“Yes my love, I am just fine. Guy wants to see you apparently”.
Baldwin sighed and flopped back onto the pillows, dragging his bandaged hands down his face in annoyance.
“And what does that harlott want from me now exactly?” he asked, his voice dripping with malice at the very mention of the man.
The queen grinned, her husband only spoke cruelly when he was tired. It was always interesting to hear the well mannered and measured king speak ill of another.
“I'm not sure, but you best go find out before he gets angry and questions your competence again” y/n replied.
Baldwin sighed heavily, sitting up as his wife placed a gentle hand on his back to assist him.
“Very well, only because I don’t need him causing another fuss” he reached for the silver mask that sat on the nightstand and slipped it onto his face, pulling his hood up and standing.
“I'll see you in however long this takes”. Baldwin pressed the iron lips of the mask against his wife's forehead softly.
“And i'll see you again then too” he said again, pressing the lips of the mask to the swollen stomach of his wife.
Y/n smiled as her husband disappeared out the door.
--------------------------------------------
Baldwin walked down the halls of the castle, in no real hurry to face Guy and deal with whatever made up problem he had fabricated in an attempt to make the king seem incompetent.
Baldwin knocked on the door of Guy’s chambers and entered upon hearing approval.
Guy stood to bow, a small jerking motion that showed no real respect and was only done out of mere necessity.
“My lord, I was hoping to speak with you,” he said, smirking.
Baldwin scowled under the mask.
“Please make this quick, I have other duties to attend to,” he said, taking a seat at the table, opposite Guy.
“It's a small matter it really shouldn't take too long at all- I was just thinking about where I will sit if your.. Child.. Is born as a boy? Because I understand as it is now, that I am the only heir but if your child is a boy then I will be.. Removed from the role when you.. You know..” he chuckled nervously and smiled sarcastically.
That damn smirk only made Baldwin's blood boil further.
Perhaps if the young king was in a better state of mind and more well rested he would have reacted differently. But unfortunately he wasn't.
Baldwin took a deep breath before speaking.
“So let me get this straight, you called me in here to tell me about how you're concerned that you won’t be king when I die. You called me in here with you, to talk about how you're worried you wont have your time to shine when I’m dead. How dare you remind me of such things! I am going to be a father Guy, something you wouldn't know about since my sister won't even touch you and give you an heir of your own. Not like you will need anyone to rule after you anyway because as I stand here today, I tell you that no matter the gender of my baby that they will rule. Man or woman. Just to ensure that you will never get the chance to call yourself king of this land”
Baldwin stood and left the room swiftly, not giving Guy a chance to even open his mouth.
-------------------------------------------------
Later that evening, dinner was called. As the young king usually took his meals alone, the queen was expected to attend the royal dinners as the figurehead.
Much to Baldwin's disdain because it meant that the two would have to part ways for an hour or so. They said their goodbyes and y/n slipped out of the chamber doors.
She was surprised to not find a maid outside their room as there was usually one there to assist her down the stairs and to the dining room, as her heavy pregnancy made it difficult to walk down the steep, stone staircase.
Y/n looked around for a moment, and then began down the stairs.
She was focused and methodical with her steps.
Perhaps too focused.
So focused that she didn't notice Guy approaching her from behind, only taking notice when two firm hands were pressed into her back.
The young queen was sent forward, losing her balance on the hard stone staircase and plummeting down to the bottom.
And then everything went black.
---------------------------------------------------
The first thing y/n noticed when she came too was the pain. Pain everywhere, a dull ache that spread deep in her bones.
The second thing she noticed were the panicked voices from every direction. One of which she recognised almost instantly.
“I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT MY DAMNED, SISTER SAYS, HE IS TO BE KILLED IMMEDIATELY. SENTENCE HIM TO DEATH”
“Right away my lord"
The queen's eyes fluttered open at the sound of her husband's voice.
“B-Baldwin?”
The king practically ran to her side, crouching down beside the bed.
“I'm here my love, I'm right here” he took her hand in his and kissed it with the silver lips of his mask.
She smiled weakly at his presence.
“What happened?” she asked as physicians bustled around the room.
“Guy defiled you with an act of violence most cruel but I can assure you he has been put to death for his crime and will never get a chance to harm you again”.
Hot tears brimmed in the young queen's eyes as she remembered the staircase.
“And.. and the baby? Is the baby okay?” she asked, a sudden rush of panic flooding her.
Baldwin took a deep breath before answering.
“We don't know right now. But while you were unconscious the baby was felt kicking by several physicians, so that is a good sign” he said, a spark of hope in his melancholy voice.
Y/n breathed a sigh of relief at that.
---------------------------------------------------
Later that night, when the physicians and maids had deemed the queen as stable and healthy aside from a few bruises and scratches (no broken bones, thankfully), the king and queen lay together in their bed.
The moonlight basked the room in a comforting pale glow and y/n was just about to fall into a light sleep when she heard a small sob from behind her.
It was quiet and if there was any other sound in the room she would have missed it.
“Baldwin?” she said gently into the darkness.
“Y-yes?” came the reply.
“What's wrong my darling?” she said, turning over to face him.
Her voice was so soothing, so kind, he could never hide his emotions from her.
“It's all my fault” he sobbed, burying himself into her warmth.
“What's your fault sweetheart?” y/n asked, wrapping her arms around her husband, sliding her hand into his soft hair.
“It's my fault that Guy did what he did! It's all my fault. I was such a child, I provoked him. He would never have hurt you and our baby if I didn't yell at him, I was immature, I'm so sorry” he cried, tears soaking into the bandages that covered his cheeks.
“Oh my darling man, it's not your fault. It's his own fault, you know that Guy is- was a savage man. He would have done it no matter what you said to him, the only reason he did it was because he wanted to be the only heir and eliminate any possible competition. His savagery is not your fault my love” she said, pressing a kiss to his head.
“Oh y/n, what did I do to deserve someone like you?” Baldwin replied, wiping his tears on the blanket that covered them both and burying himself further into her body.
Y/n chuckled lightly, pulling him closer.
“I could ask you the same question you know”
#king baldwin iv#kingdom of heaven fandom#kingdom of heaven#king baldwin#kingdom of heaven 2005#the leper king#king baldwin x you#king baldwin iv x reader#king baldwin iv x oc#king baldwin x reader#leper king#kingbaldwin#baldwin iv#baldwin iv of jerusalem#baldwin iv x reader#baldwin#koh fandom#koh#x you fluff#x reader#fanfic#x reader fic#x yn#yandere king baldwin#king baldwin fanfiction#baldwin fan fic#baldwin x female#baldwin x female reader#baldwin fanfiction#baldwin x wife
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I swear the adoption joke was fire I loved it but that’s so 2024. It’s a new year and Choscar has mad potential Like they’ve had so many moments together (just wait till I drop the post y’all will get it🫵). Lowkey if that joke didn’t exist there’d already be a ton of fics about them. But okay credit where it’s due the joke did bring them closer You can clearly see that Oscar really likes Charles and vice versa and Oscar feels very comfortable around Charles
Still can we please move on this year? Cause I’m telling you, if they started making out on podium everyone would just be like, “Oh, that’s normal, no big deal, It's just a father and son” Bro, what? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
look at this(They’re fucking each other)
#silly yaps#yapping#These are just my opinions everyone has the right not to ship them and to see them as family instead 🥰I don't want to cause any drama#oscar piastri#charles leclerc#op81#cl16#rpf#f1#formula 1#choscar#l hope this post makes sense I wrote it at ✨️2 a.m✨️#rpf f1
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the cut that always bleeds
park jihyo x f!reader
synopsis: jihyo has been grieving over the loss of her sister, as much as you try and help her move on she seems to get more agitated and bitter which causes the biggest argument of your relationship.
warnings: drinking, kinda toxic jihyo, death and anything else i didn’t say
wc: 1.8k (its short im sorry)
a/n’s note: oh my god its been so so so long 🥲🥲 thank you @cry4mina for encouraging me and giving me ideas your soooooo nice and sweet for reaching out to me ☹️🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷x infinity
You and Jihyo have never had many arguments—mostly just bickering. This is largely because you both are understanding and mature with each other. The few disagreements between you aren't serious, and you typically make up quickly. You love Jihyo, and everyone close to you knows it. No one would have thought things would turn out like this.
-
day one
It was just your typical morning routine with Jihyo, and you nevertheless cherished every moment of it. You lived in an average-sized apartment with her, and both of you were very satisfied and content with your living arrangements.
You had been married to her for quite a while, and it was quite obvious that would not change anytime soon.
While at the table, having your hands on the delicious avocado toast that was made by Jihyo, there was suddenly a tense moment as she picked up her phone and answered the call that had been made while she was in the midst of brewing coffee. She was in such distress that you could tell something was very wrong. After a few minutes of giving her time, she put the phone down and mumbled, "My sister... she's not here anymore... she's dead." You looked at her face, her eyes glistening in the light as tears filled her eyes. You just hugged her as she sobbed into your shoulder.
You held each other for what felt like twenty minutes before gently guiding her to sit down. You assured her that everything would be okay and that her sister was in a better place now. Through her tears, she spoke about their close childhood bond and her deep regret about not interacting during the holidays. from the little times you met her sister, it was clear that she was really a nice and kind woman, it also pained you seeing how wretched she was processing all this.
you called out from work and took the next 2 weeks of just to help jihyo and her family out.
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day 7
it has been a week since the death of your sister in law, who is now 6 feet buried underground. jihyo still hasn’t taken in the fact that she would never be able to see her sister again.
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day 90
3 months has passed since the tragic loss of jihyos childhood best friend. to say jihyo was still taking it hard was an understatement. jihyo hasn’t been able to do much other then work and go on her phone reminiscing the memories of her sister. every chance you get, you try and get her to go out and spend some time together but she always seems like she’s out of it. as much as you try to help, she pushes it away and ignores it.
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day 365+
it has been a year since the death of the park sister and jihyo has still yet to move on. although you still insist in trying to help her deal with her feelings and emotions, she becomes more insistent about being able to deal with herself. and you really can’t lie about how aggressive she has been lately and how much it has been frustrating you. you really just care for her and want to know if shes okay, but how could you if shes trying to push you away? you’re her wife and you feel like you should be responsible for her and her emotional needs. now she’s making you feel like you haven’t been caring and doing your responsibilities as a wife.
all of this causes a big change in her attitude towards you. her being more agitated and angry made you feel like you shouldn’t be talking to her as much anymore than you should. it gets to the point that you try to start avoiding her, worried about making her angry.
-
The clock was hitting 1 in the morning and you still weren’t home. The door clicked open, slowly creaking wider. She saw your familiar shoes and flowy silky black hair tip inside the door. The lights were turned off, just her sitting on the sofa staring at the television in front of her. You slipped off your shoes, placing your sweater on the door. you slightly jumped when you saw her figure get up from the sofa walking towards you.
“hyo? baby why are you awake?”
“don’t even think about talking to me in that sweet tone. what have you been doing at this hour? there cannot be an excuse reasonable enough for this!”
“jihyo you know i would never do such a thing! what kind of person do you take me for? its like you dont even know me anymore. you never try to even bring up a conversation with me!” you fired back at her. She was mainly the dominant one in the relationship. You never made statements like this. “i have been through so much this year and you still treat me like this like its nothing!” its like she was made to make people feel in the wrong, like she purposely wanted to make you feel terrible, like how she has been how the pass few months, and you don’t want to deal with it anymore. You didn’t want to feel like that anymore, you wanted to tell her the truth. “I have been doing my best to help you cope and deal with your grief for months and all you have been doing is pushing me away! how do you think i feel jihyo? i have feelings too! i also am devastated that my sister in law passed away! i also had connections with her but i had to care for you too!”
she stays silent for a little while, taken aback by your words. you thought it was done, maybe she started to understand that what she did was wro- “excuse me? are you trying to tell me that me grieving over my dead fucking sister is crazy? i spent my entire childhood with her, you don’t get it! i am her sister, you are her sister in law. its very different from what i know, or what? are you gonna tell me what i know is wrong too? i am never right to you, is that right?” you were left speechless, unable to process what you had just heard. “no way you just had the nerve to tell me that..” she just raised her eyebrow as you both stood there. you decided that you didn’t want to hear her voice anymore so you took your coat, packed up and left, ignoring whatever protests she was doing.
you got in you car, rethinking everything she had done and how much she neglected you. all the effort to make her feel better, all of that pushed down the drain so easily. all of that and she still called you the problem. you didn’t even know what to do and where to go. your mind was still trying to process everything that had happened in the past 15 minutes.
meanwhile, you could say that jihyo was astonished. she never knew you would go this far and leave the apartment, but she definitely knew that she did something terribly wrong. she was probably sitting on the couch, head in her hands in the most distress she has ever been. obviously she still loved you, but the loss of her sister took a toll on her and she started losing her mind not being able to deal with the pain and grief. she was starting to realise how much she messed up and had a pang of guilt hit her. she called and texted you, pleading that you would give her another chance, that she wouldn’t push you away from helping her. whatever she did you just didn’t answer, she was without a doubt starting to get worried.
it has been hours since you left the house and you genuinely didn’t even know where you were anymore. all you knew was that you weren’t ready to go back to where jihyo was. you were afraid that some unintentional words might slip out which would cause an even deeper misunderstanding with her. you hesitated checking your phone, aware that there would be tons and tons of messages and missed call notifications from her who is named as “my loml 🧡”. you needed a place to stay for the meantime, but you didn’t want to stay at her members place.
if you went to a members house they would probably question you (which isn't unreasonable at all because who the hell shows up uninvited at nearly 3 in the morning?) unfortunately you didn’t want to deal with that with how dazed you were. you knew they would very surely take you in without any protests, you just hated the fact that you would have to explain everything and make even more conflicts and problems.
after the hours of driving and reflecting on your situation. your last hope was to sleep in the backseat of your car. fortunately you had some blankets to keep yourself warm. sleeping in the backseat of your car in the parking lot of your apartment complex, something you never thought you would have to do one day.
-
at 6am
3 hours of minimal sleep, you drove to the nearest convenience store and got yourself some coffee to keep your mind running while on the verge of breaking down again. you didn’t get yourself any food, you doubt you were gonna eat it anyway and it would go to some pigeons in a park or something. you were trying so hard to prevent yourself from having to return back to your house.
you genuinely wish it could start over. things shouldn’t have been like this. there was no one to blame. no one should be forced to get over it.
-
it hits you. your facing what she faced. your sitting at a graveyard, in front of a tombstone.
there it marks the words.
“here is the forever home of
Park Jihyo“
you cry again and again, begging her to please just come back.
why did it have to end like this? you hated it, you wish you had never left the house. she wouldn’t have to go looking for you. then she wouldn’t have gotten into the car crash.
this whole thing could’ve been avoided. if you just continued giving her the time and she would’ve just allowed you to help her.
you wanted to blame the stupid drunk driver. but who are you to blame when she was driving to look for you? you made her worried? driving all around all alone. you thought losing a sister in law was one of the worst experiences. your sister in law will never know she was a reason her sister died just a year later.
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coming outta left field and talking about something that has nothing to do with me bc i don't have anything better to do with my time right now.
that whole fandom discourse was whack and i'm sorry @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles had to deal with that. there's def been plenty of posts i haven't liked or haven't agreed with in fandom and you shrimply just have to scroll! there's no need to make a response unless you're coming from a genuine place and can have a respectful discussion. if you're coming from an emotional place you just have to say "people like different things" and move on.
i personally am not mutuals with shan because we have a lot of different opinions about things - this is not a dig at shan, she doesn't follow me either prob for the same reason! i think she articulates her posts incredibly well and comes from a very genuine place. i don't know turtles that well bc i haven't been in the space much these days but based on what i've seen she seems much the same.
media analysis is and should be vast and varied, that's what makes it fun, and not everyone is going to share your opinion and people will always interpret things differently based on past experiences, differences in knowledge, etc. they aren't evil for that.
this is what i think is one of the most important things from shan's post -
You don't owe anyone your presence here, and you don't have to express opinions on everything or respond to tags or asks if you don't have anything to say. Sometimes you might just want to take a break from posting, some things in the discourse might just flow right on by you, sometimes you will not have a firm opinion on a debate. You can post as much or as little as you want. You can suddenly decide you don't want to talk about a show anymore. You can not log into your tumblr for days or weeks at a time. Do you, boo!
to add to this, and i know this won't be a very well received statement, if you're finding yourself having these big emotional responses just because someone didn't like your fav it may be time to take a step back and reevaluate your priorities in fandom. as someone that took a break from fandom and dramas in general i highly recommend taking a second and finding your peace again. humans are emotional by design, it's what makes us great, but if you're getting violently wound up about someone else's opinion of a fictional piece of media created for entertainment purposes i think it's time to take a deep breath.
fictional media is art and people can and should always have different opinions about art. yes, even art featuring your favs.
i left the fandom for a long time because Last Twilight deeply hurt my feelings as a disabled person with an incurable disease - but that's on me. i'm sure many people found the message an uplifting one of hope (as i believe it was intended to be.) my personal experiences caused me to have a different take on it - but again that is because of my personal experiences and does not make my opinion of it right or wrong, it simply is.
tldr: i think it's important to remember that there are no correct opinions in fandom; if there were they wouldn't be opinions but irrefutable facts. you need to get used to seeing opinions and reads that differ from your own and embrace the art of filtering unless you feel capable of having a calm and respectful discussion.
i wanted to share my thoughts as someone completely unassociated with shan and turtles from a place of complete neutrality. if you're going to have a discussion have a discussion, if you're just gonna rag on someone because they didn't mindlessly jerk off your fav keep it to your group chat or something, don't be a tar pit.
this being said, get used to seeing things even if you try to filter! it's not perfect, i've filtered out spare me your mercy bc i haven't seen it yet and want to form my own opinions but things have absolutely come across my radar (either in my own tags, clicking links, etc.) it happens, don't be weird about it.
#oat yaps#lurkingshan#waitmyturtles#fandom discourse#last twilight#spare me your mercy#hi shan and turtles#idk i don't NEED to be involved in any of this#it has literally nothing to do with me#but this is a very large part of why i left and stopped posting meta#so i wanted to give my thoughts as an unbiased 3rd party
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‘Cause She Walks like a Saint
Relationship: Remy LeBeau/Gambit x Reader
Fandom: X-Men
Request: Yes by Anon
Warnings: Fluff, Mentions of Drinking, Mentions of Rude Behavior Towards Women
Word Count: 1,342
Main Masterlist: Here
X-Men Masterlist: Here
Summary: A Cajun thief walks into a bar…
Consider Donating Here
“Where’s the Cajun going?” Wolverine called, watching a figure leaving the school.
“Who knows with him?” Cyclops commented, cutting his eyes over as well.
“Maybe he’s finally found a life outside of this school, unlike some of us.” Storm retorted, taking about sip of her tea.
And found a life, he did. Remy did not care to tell the rest of his friends about this. He suspected that the professor knew about it, but it was futile to keep anything from him. That did not matter to him though. For now, he had his secret life that no one needed to know about.
As Remy made his way up to the doors of the club, he smiled as he saw the bouncer up there. “Ah, Dave, mon ami.”
“Gambit, good to see you. She’s inside. Was wondering when you were gonna show up.” He replied, shaking the mutants hand.
“Couldn’t leave her alone for too long now, could I?” After shaking the bouncer’s hand, Remy stepped inside the doors of the club.
Inside, it was a wonderful place to hide and get away. Dim lighting coupled with colorful strobes, and neon signs that caught your eye. Yeah, this was a neat little place. Girls were dancing all around; some in cages, others on platforms. But there was only one go-go that he had his eye on.
Making his way over to the back bar, Remy got himself a quick drink of some Louisianan whiskey, before heading over to a small table. Seating himself near the back corner stage, he did not make any move closer to said stage. Just sat in the back, sipping his whiskey, and watching the show.
The woman on stage just mesmerized him. How she managed to move like that was beyond him. But that combined with her cute little outfit, it made Remy sigh. But, at least for the first hour or so that he would come in, Gambit would just sit and nurse his drink while he watched. Sitting here allowed him to things; the time to decompress, and to think.
If he sat there long enough, he could remember the first time that he came here. Years ago, back before he committed himself to the X-Men and he was running around doing what he did.
Stalking inside after having to pay the stupid cover fee, Gambit was already hating tonight. The Thieves Guild better appreciate his sacrifice. Not only had he come all the way to New York to make this deal, but he had to come into a go-go club to do it.
His only saving grace was the fact that the bar sold J.T. Meleck. Settling into his seat near one of the back stages, Gambit kept an eye on the door for his contact to show up. But as the hours ticked on by, he felt the anger begin to creep up in him. If there was one thing he hated, it was being kept waiting.
Before Remy could be bothered to get up and go get another glass to calm himself, someone walked up to his seat. A beautiful girl, wearing a shiny magenta two piece, and matching go-go boots. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders as her jewelry clanked against itself.
“Hey there, big guy. Whatcha doing here all alone?” She purred, leaning closer to him across the table.
Being as near as she was, there was an undeniable sparkle in her eyes. Something there that was teasing yet innocent. “Jus’ waitin’ on a friend, chere.”
“Want some company till that person gets here?” Not waiting on an answer, the mystery woman planted herself in the chair right in front of his. Remy just chuckled as he watched her. “What’s your name, pretty boy?”
“Dey call me da Gambit. What ‘bout you, chere?”
“Everyone calls me Doll. But I think I might like chere more.” Her giggle reached his ears and it sounded like bliss. If only he could get her to make that sound more often.
“Anythin’ you wish, ma chere.” Remy took another sip of his liquor, focusing more attention than he should have on her. So much so, that he did not notice the man he was supposed to be meeting show up. Not until that man dared to touch her. Grasping one of her arms, he held her in such a fierce grip that she began to protest.
“Get lost, tart. We’ll employ your services later.” He dismissed her, tossing her aside like yesterday’s newspaper.
“Ow!”
“Hey!” Remy snapped, standing up to his full height. “Now, maybe da Gambit don’ know how you do things up here cause he from Bayou country. But I don’ think dats how you treat da ladies in New York either.”
“Oh relax,” the man rolled his eyes as he turned back to Remy, “these girls are a dime a dozen. Ain’t gonna have much trouble finding some more for later.”
With a chuckle, Remy stuck his hands inside his coat pockets. “Maybe I didn’ speak clear ‘nough for ya. Treat a lady of any status like dat in fron’ o’ me again, and dat’ll be da last thing ya do wit’ dat hand.”
“And what are you gonna do about it, Cajun?” The idiot sneered, letting go of the woman with such a fury as he stepped into Remy’s space. But the man did not care too much about something like this. No… LeBeau had no reason to fear. Getting even closer to the man, he pulled out a single playing card and held it between them.
“Da Gambit does dis… boom!” With a final whisper, the card exploded between them, sending the New Yorker flying across the room. Ignoring the shouts of the other patrons, Remy stepped across knocked over chairs and tables to hoist the man up by his jacket. He dug his hands around in the pockets of said jacket, before finally pulling what he needed from it.
A pouch of jewels that his Thieves had been looking for a long time for. Maybe not something that you would normally go to the other end of the country for, but this was stolen from them. And anyone who was bold, or stupid enough to steal from the Thieves Guild deserved an in person meeting.
“I’m sorry to cut our night short, chere,” came Remy’s solemn tone. He turned to face the dancer behind him again. “You not hurt, are ya?”
“No. Thank you, Gambit. He usually comes in and doesn’t make a fuss.” She shrugged, rubbing her arms. After the shock had worn off, the music was back up to full volume, girls and boys were dancing, and the man was being escorted out by the bouncers.
“Is alright. Till we meet again, ma chere. And trust da Gambit, we gonna meet again.” Collecting her hand in his, Remy pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Waving, he left upon the breeze as fast as he entered.
And Gambit was sure to keep his promise. Almost a year had passed, and he was still as infatuated with his dancer as ever. He had lost count as to how many times he had come to see her here, even excluding the times before they were dating.
“Hey there, big guy. Whatcha doing here all alone?” A voice broke him free of his trance. Instead of on the stage, the woman was standing near his chair, tracing fingers over the edges of it.
“Jus’ waitin’ on a friend, ma chere.” Remy smiled, taking another sip of his drink.
“Oh, are you now? Care for some company?” Now, her nails trailed over his shoulders.
“Always if it’s yours.” With a grin, she happily slid over into the empty seat, falling into the routine they knew so well. While he ordered her a water, she just enjoyed her break. It was always a treat to have her lover with her, even if he said very little. Even after all this time, he was still entranced by her, and she loved it.
#rebelliousstories#writing#xmen imagine#x men 97#x men comics#x men movies#x men imagine#x men#remy lebeau imagine#remy lebeau#remy lebeau x reader#gambit x reader#gambit#gambit imagine
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Also im just gonna gently. Want to make sure this is reiterated, even to this day, major surgery is risky and painful. it is not some walk in the park to compare it to, its quite often a big deal from major procedures.
anesthetic itself takes a long time to recover from, the body takes a long time to heal, not to mention all the other things that come from the various different types of surgery can caused. complications can occur, and everyones body is different. it is inherently a traumatizing experience for many and one that has a lot of affects all around.
#the prophet speaks#medical cw#i think we as a society are often encourgaed to minimize medical situations#and get back to work or school or whatever as soon as possible#but its really not. something to be taken lightly
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Hey uh, quick question, was it ever explained what the fuck Mal did as Lady of the Court or
#fuck was it ever explained what the court does????#as descendants was all about modern stuff#and really no clue what modern courts would do#let alone what descendants ones do#let alone what mal does as a lady of it????#does that just mean shes the kings girlfriend or#does she have duties or#cause everyone was making a big deal of it#and third film did not explain#as they just went straight into future queen stuff#and the court wasnt mentioned there just the most brain cell-less council#(except for ben he has some brain cells still#even if film determined to kill them so he'll do what mal wants)
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Happy Birthday to the only AU Vanessa I have that has a birthday lol
#a hat in time#demondoodles#my art#ahit#queen vanessa#ahit vanessa#ahit au#role swap vanessa#role swap au#first role swap au art in a loooong time lmao djskssns#I always try to make something for her birthday cause she's near and dear to me uwu#birthday facts let's go:#she never had a cake before but secertly baked one when she turned 16 which sparked her love for baking#there was a lot of snow when she was born and it kept going to a week#her first gift was at 5 she was given a plush rabbit from a foreign dignitary which her mom had to let her keep#she never celebrating her birthday until hattie came around and found out basically making a huge deal about it until she relented#her favorite cake flavor is strawberry with her favorite dessert being strawberry tarts#says she hates everyone making a big humbug of the day when Christmas is just around the corner but is secretly happy hehe
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sas rh: let eoin survive the fall au » the astronomer philosopher, the earth and the moon
#sas rogue heroes#sasrh:canonau#augustin jordan#eoin mcgonigal#paddy mayne#although it is true paddy orbits eoin like the moon does the earth (moreso after the first jump)#and that everyone knows theyre basically attached at the hip (however you wish to interpret that)#it is *also* true the more the sas wins and advances the more david is requesting paddys presence for important matters#(and *yes* david's quite sure LT mcgonigal can handle waiting outside the tent on his own paddy hes a big boy alright now get in there)#HOWEVER#paddy starts noticing that ACTUALLY eoin is not waiting on his own so much cause theres another fucking lieutenant#who keeps orbiting around almost like moth to flame#and its weird but its no big deal at first - eoin is a social guy anyways so it makes sense even if this ones french ?#(plus paddy keeps his one on one time so no notes there)#BUT#suddenly they're sharing looks and smiles and sort of digs at each other and paddy knows damn well the way eoin is teasing#and apparently frenchie goes along with it adding his own brand of *something* and what the fuck#and then it seems like they have almost inside jokes and sometimes paddy gets out of his stupid briefing#and jordan is walking away all too pleased and eoin is all to calm smiling up at him like he didn't just maybe spent an hour#talking to a fucking french of all people. THIS ONE french of all people.#but then eoin is very good at distracting him and hoarding his attention away from other things#especially when he grabs his arm to drag him to the piano#(and in truth what nags at paddys brain is that he doesn't *hate* this necessarily ?? even if the knowledge picks at his brain)#(it... gets his attention it makes him think and wonder and he gets a little grumpy sure cause thats his eoin BUT#he doesn't hate it necessarily. and *that* should be a problem or something)#anyways back with my all have two hands agenda !!! look how cute they look together !!!
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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
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“officially a full legal adult” is crazy
#in a 21 way not an 18 way#like. i can’t even say i quite feel anything age-wise#i know I’m over 18#but only in concept#idk what any of that actually means#and i certainly dont feel 21#guess everyone makes such a big deal out of it cause you can drink??? but i don’t rly like drinking so it feels like any other birthday#also cause here (studying in england for this semester) you can drink anyways so it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed#soni rambles
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dnd is one of the safest ways to *feel emotions*... Tal took them on a thrill ride, I don't think anybody is that mad for it...
#i haven't watched it yet#so idk what everyone is going on about#i mean i know emotions were running high#but i guess it just proves they care about these characters just as much as us#that it causes them physical reactions to see them in peril#it's a win win for me. i love seeing actor in distress#fun distress i mean#also guys stop making such a big deal out of it. people were making the same speeches about fcg and the magical bull#and look at us#cr stuff#cr spoilers
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I wish I just knew when/if I did something wrong
#the truest repairman posts#I’m probably making a big deal out of notjing but hey ho this is tumblr what is it for if not. Ranting about your emotions#A little too personally#I’m glad my cat is here honestly because I’d probably be reacting worse if she wasn’t here#I won’t remember this in a month so I don’t need to worry about it jaw clenched hands shaking#I guess I should have expected this I mean what’s the point of feeling like you’ve done something wrong and being upset when it’s confirmed#I just wish I knew what because now it’s the triple element of#If I did something wrong feeling guilty for that#If I didn’t and someone is just upset with me feeling guilty for causing that#And if someone is just a dick not caring about what they say but immediately worrying that by brushing it off as some shitty comment im#Ignoring someone who I actually upset#I shouldn’t get this worked up over something it’s 100% because I’m so tired#I was just already feeling so shit and then it was just confirmed like that… I wish I had someone to talk to now even so I could feel like#Haven’t upset EVERYONE at least#God I hope someone was just being a dick so I can stop giving a fuck#I’m too old to get upset like this man#Sorry for the long tags ig#Vent#Yeah we’re getting there I’d say#Probably should have tagged my like. One other post as vent too
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I just found a section on my new job's scheduling app (who knew such a thing existed!) where I can set my preferred availability!? They didn't tell me about that! So I set it up so I'm unavailable/prefer not to work every other weekend. Along with the Tuesdays and Thursdays I cannot work. This way I can pick up a shift those weekends if I want to but I could avoid working every single weekend AND it leaves my WWII reenactment weekends available and I'd only need to put in time off requests for the fridays before. I HOPE THIS WORKS AND THAT I DID IT RIGHT AND IT WON'T UPSET MY NEW BOSSES! I'm still gonna work weekends just hopefully every other one and not every single one.
#mod post#personal#i know this all seems ridiculous to fret kver but when you have anxiety thet partially stems from the fear of upsetting someone#or being a burden or anything in that realm#then shit like my work availability becomes a big deal#i dont want to look lazy by not working the full 30 hrs a week#i dont want my bosses to think im lazy or a flake#but i also don't want to make my household schedule any more complicated than it already is#im trying to please everyone and i just end up making myself insane#story of my life#if this availability works with my bosses then that gives me 3 days a week occasional weekends of for life things#while also still working weekends which are peak traffic days for the museum#and i can always pick up a weekend day if needed and im available#they said theyre pretty good at accommodating people's preferred schedules#so i guess ill see how this goes#cant wait for the newbie feeling is gone and fully into jaded exhausted long time worker#i much prefer that stage cause then the job is easy and second nature#this beginning stage i just feel useless and awkward and nervous and dumb and i hate that so much
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