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greengoblinswifey · 2 months ago

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Swim

summary— your dad’s best friend accompanies your family on a trip to California and things take an unexpected turn.

pairing— dad’s best friend!rafe x fem!reader

warnings— age gap(rafe is 40, reader is 20), unprotected sex, creampie, choking, ass slapping, degrading kink, praise kink, daddy kink, face fucking, fingering, reader is referred to as little girl by rafe a few times.

The sun glistened off the California shoreline, warm against your deep skin tone as you strutted along the beach in your skimpy black thong bikini. The ocean breeze felt good, and you were aware of the heads turning as a few boys nearby tried to catch your attention, throwing casual compliments your way. Your dad noticed and frowned from his chair, clearly uncomfortable with what you were wearing.

“She’s still your little girl, man, but she’s not a little girl anymore,” Rafe Cameron, your dad’s best friend’s voice cut through the air, smooth and relaxed. He sat next to your dad, sunglasses on, trying to look nonchalant. But you caught him staring, his eyes roamed your body, lingering just a bit too long on your curves. You bit your lip, pretending not to notice, but you could feel his gaze burning into you.

“Still, that bikini’s a bit much, don’t you think?” your dad muttered, flipping his book shut and shaking his head.

Rafe chuckled lowly. “She’s twenty, dude. You can’t control what she wears forever. And trust me, plenty of girls her age wear less.” He was trying to sound casual, but you didn’t miss the way his voice dipped, almost possessive. You smirked to yourself, knowing full well you’d caught his eye. The man you’d be pining after for as long as you could remember.

Your dad sighed, grumbling under his breath as he pulled his sun hat lower and reclined back, clearly defeated. Rafe’s eyes were still on you as your mom walked over to rub sunscreen on your dad’s shoulders. With your dad’s attention elsewhere, you decided to push the boundaries.

You walked over to where Rafe was sitting, your hips swaying slightly as you approached. “You two used to swim a lot back in Kildare, right?” you asked innocently, tilting your head as you looked at him. “Wanna join me for a swim, Rafe?”

Rafe raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. “Yeah, we did. And you’re right, I could use a dip.” He stood up, tall and broad, and pulled off his shirt, revealing his toned chest. Your stomach tightened just watching him, the tension between you thick and undeniable.

You both glided into the cool water, and you felt his large hand subtly rest on your lower back as you moved deeper into the waves. Every little touch sending a pulse of heat through your body. As you floated in the water, one of the boys who had been hitting on you earlier passed by, smirking.

“I didn’t peg you for the caregiver type,” he sneered, glancing from you to Rafe with a raised brow.

Before Rafe could say something snarky, you cut in, your voice dripping with confidence. “I like my men older, and more experienced.” You met the boy’s eyes with a smirk. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Rafe let out a low chuckle beside you, clearly pleased. “Damn right, she does,” he muttered under his breath, his grip on your waist tightening slightly.

You swam a bit deeper, away from prying eyes, and Rafe stayed close, his hands accidentally grazing your ass as he floated you. You could feel him stealing glances at your chest, your perky breasts barely covered by your bikini top. The air between you two sizzled.

“Oops,” Rafe said with a teasing grin as his fingers brushed over your ass again. You knew it wasn’t an accident, but the thrill of it all only made your heart race faster.

“Careful, Rafe,” you teased, meeting his gaze with a mischievous glint. “Wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, would we?”

He laughed softly, his voice deep. “Not unless you want me to.” His words sent a shiver down your spine, the heat between you two growing. He floated closer, his body brushing against yours, and you could feel the tension crackling in the space between you.

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” he murmured, his eyes flicking from your lips to your body.

“You seem to like it,” you said back, feeling bolder with each word. His eyes darkened, his hand slipping down to your hip, his fingers skimming the edge of your bikini bottom.

“Maybe I do,” he admitted, his voice husky. I’d like to fuck it, was what he wanted to say. You floated closer to him, your chest nearly brushing his as the waves gently rocked you together.

He leaned in just a little, his lips hovering near your ear. “Keep teasing me like that, and we’ll see what happens.”

You smirked, biting your lip. “Promise?”

Rafe grinned wickedly, but before he could say anything more, the sound of your family calling broke the moment. You both pulled away, but the heat between you lingered as you returned to the shore, his eyes never leaving your body.

Rafe quickly straightened up as your mom called out from the shore, waving you both over. “Dinner time!” she yelled, gesturing to the towels where your dad and brother were already sitting, towels wrapped around them.

You exchanged a quick look with Rafe before nodding and heading toward the shore. The air between you two still buzzed with everything that had happened in the water, but you both played it cool, keeping some distance now as you approached your family.

“Fun swim?” your dad asked, raising an eyebrow as he glanced between you and Rafe, though his tone was light.

“Yeah, it was great,” you replied, flashing a smile as you grabbed your towel to dry off.

Rafe casually plopped down next to your dad, pulling a beer from the cooler. “Like old times,” he said, clinking his bottle against your dad's, his tone easy, though his eyes briefly flicked over to you as you settled on the towel across from them.

As everyone settled into conversation and dinner, you couldn’t help but steal glances at Rafe. He looked relaxed, chatting with your dad like nothing was out of the ordinary, but you noticed the way his gaze lingered on you when he thought no one was watching. That same electricity sparked every time your eyes met, and you found yourself playing with the hem of your bikini absentmindedly, your thoughts drifting back to the water.

After dinner, the sun began to set, casting a warm golden glow over the beach. Your little brother and parents decided to go for a sunset walk along the shore, leaving you and Rafe behind at the towels.

“Want another swim before they get back?” Rafe asked, his voice low as he stood, extending a hand toward you.

You hesitated for a moment, glancing in the direction of your family as they walked off, before nodding and taking his hand. “Why not?” you said, your pulse quickening as he pulled you to your feet.

You both glided back into the water, the cool ocean now contrasting with the lingering heat between you. This time, when his hand brushed your lower back, there was no mistaking the intent. You turned to face him, your bodies close again, the space between you disappearing just like before.

Rafe leaned in, his lips close to your ear as he whispered, “Thought about what you said earlier, about liking older, more experienced men.”

You smirked, looking up at him through your lashes. “Still thinking about that, huh?”

He chuckled, his hand sliding down to your waist. “Hard to forget when you're parading around in that little bikini, little girl.”

You felt your heart race, the playful banter quickly turning into something more as his hand slipped lower, his fingers grazing the curve of your ass. “Rafe-” you started, but the warning in your voice was half-hearted at best.

“I can stop," he murmured, though his hands stayed where they were, "but I don’t think you want me to.”

You didn’t respond with words, but the way you pressed your body closer to his was answer enough.

Rafe pulled back slightly, his eyes searching yours as the waves lapped around your legs. “We should head back,” he said, though there was a hesitant note in his voice that didn’t quite match the determination in his gaze. “This is wrong.”

“Yeah, but you’re not known for doing the right thing, are you?” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

He chuckled. “No, I’m not,” he admitted, leaning closer. “You can stop this right now, you know? I won’t push you.” His gaze locked onto yours, searching for any sign of uncertainty.

You didn’t want to stop. Instead, you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him closer as you whispered, “I don’t want to stop.”

His hands moved to your ass, squeezing as he captured your lips with his. The kiss deepened, filled with urgency, as the ocean swirled around you both. Rafe broke the kiss, his breath hot against your cheek. “Use your words.”

You swallowed hard, looking into his eyes. “I want this, Rafe. I want you.”

His signature smirk appeared, the corners of his mouth curling up. “Then let’s go.”

You pulled out your phone, quickly texting your brother to cover for you. With a rush of adrenaline, you followed Rafe as he led you back to his hotel room, the weight of what you were about to do hanging in the air like a charged storm.

Once inside, the door clicked shut behind you, and Rafe turned to you, his expression a mix of mischief and desire. “We can take this slow if you want,” he said, but the way he looked at you told you he wasn’t sure he could handle that.

You didn’t want slow. You stepped into the bathroom, your heart racing as you took a deep breath. “Let’s shower,” you said, your voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions.

Rafe followed, his eyes darkening with hunger as he watched you. You turned your back to him and slowly peeled off your bikini. You glanced back at him, and you could see the awe in his eyes. “Wow,” he breathed, taking a step closer. “You’ve grown up, haven’t you?”

You smirked, biting your lip at the way he looked at you like you were a masterpiece. He slipped off his swim trunks, revealing himself, and you gasped at how impressive he was. “Wow,” you muttered, your heart racing.

Rafe stepped into the shower, the warm water cascading over both of you. He pulled you against him, his hands exploring your body as you gasped at the sensation of the water mixing with his touch.

As the water poured over you, he slid his fingers down to your pussy, finding you already eager and soaked. You moaned softly as he teased you, his other hand wrapping around your throat, applying just enough pressure to make your head spin.

You moaned again, the heat pooling low in your belly. “Daddy,” you whined, feeling a rush of thrill at how wrong this all was.

“Such a naughty girl,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. “Calling me daddy when your real daddy is probably wondering where you are.” He smirked, clearly enjoying your submission. He shifted his grip, and you felt the intensity of his fingers as they curled inside you finding that sweet spot. The sensation was overwhelming, and you could hardly catch your breath.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he murmured, his voice low and gravelly. He continued teasing you, his movements becoming more urgent.

You could feel yourself on the edge, his relentless movements pushing you closer to ecstasy. Every touch sent shockwaves through you, and all you could do was surrender to the pleasure as you felt yourself about to explode.

“Do it, cum for daddy, sweet girl,” he ordered and as he did, you felt yourself let go on his fingers. Your moans filled the bathroom but were masked by the sound of the shower.

“That’s it, that’s a good little girl.”

You smiled and he finished cleaning you up before you stepped out of the shower and dried yourselves off.

Get on your knees,” he commanded softly as soon as you were out the bathroom, a mix of dominance and lust in his voice.

You looked up at him, heart racing, excitement coursing through you. There was something thrilling about this moment, something you had never experienced before. With a slight nod, you sank to your knees and looked up at him with wide, eager eyes.

Rafe smirked, a dangerous glint in his eyes. “I’m going to use your mouth like a pussy. Just like this.” He stroked your cheek, his thumb grazing your lips. “You ready?”

“Yes daddy,” you breathed, the word slipping out before you could think. You were ready for whatever he had in mind.

He guided you closer, your heart pounding as you felt his presence looming above you. “Just remember,” he said, leaning down so his lips brushed your ear, “you can always tell me to stop.”

You nodded, determination filling you. You wanted this. You wanted him. Fuck telling him to stop.

With that, he held your head firmly, guiding you as he pressed forward. The sensation was overwhelming, and you could feel the heat rising between you. He thrusted harshly, your breath hitching as he filled the space around you.

“Good girl,” he murmured, watching you closely, his expression a mix of pleasure and satisfaction. “You’re doing so well for your daddy.”

As you adjusted to him, he began to set a rhythm, a harsh pace that filled the hotel room with the sound of muffled breaths and gagging. You could feel his hands in your hair, holding you in place as you surrendered to the moment, feeling exhilarated as he shoved his cock into the back of your throat like there was no tomorrow

“Look at you,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. “So eager, such a perfect slut.”

The air around you was charged, and in that moment, you knew that everything had changed. You were both aware of the boundaries being pushed, the thrill of doing something forbidden igniting a fire within you.

“Daddy’s gonna cum baby, and you’re gonna swallow every last drop of my cum yeah?” You said something inaudible with his dick down your throat and he let out a mix between a chuckle and a moan.

“Here it comes slut, open up that fucking throat, yeah, fucking take it, swallow it whore.”

You nodded, parting your lips as you leaned forward, ready to please him. He watched you, eyes dark with desire as you took him in, the heat of the moment consuming you both. His hands tangled in your hair, guiding you as he thrust gently into your mouth.

“Good girl,” he praised, his breath hitching as you adjusted to him. “Just like that. Keep going.”

You complied, taking him deeper as he let go, your mouth filled with him. The sensation of him spilling into your mouth was overwhelming, and you didn’t hesitate to swallow every drop, relishing the way he looked at you afterward, part shocked, part completely enthralled.

As you caught your breath, he lifted you up from your knees by your neck, his expression shifting to one of seriousness. He threw you onto the bed, the softness of the sheets contrasting with the intensity of the moment. “If we do this, there’s no going back,” he warned, his voice low and serious. “Your dad would kill me if he found out.”

“I don’t care about that right now,” you replied, your heart racing with excitement and danger. “I only care about the daddy in front of me.”

He raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk dancing on his lips. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” you said, biting your lip. “I want your cock, right here, right now.”

With a low chuckle, he climbed on top of you, his weight pressing you into the mattress. “Then let’s make this count,” he said, locking eyes with you as he prepared to take you further than you ever imagined.

“Please daddy.”

With a swift motion, he captured your wrists, pinning them above your head. “Good,” he said, his lips curling into a devilish smirk. “Then let’s see how much you can take.”

He thrust into you hard, filling you completely in one smooth motion. A gasp escaped your lips as pleasure and pain intertwined, your back arching at the sudden intrusion. Rafe’s breath was hot against your ear as he pressed his weight into you, dominating the space between your bodies.

“Tightest fucking whore pussy I’ve ever had,” he groaned, pulling back and slamming into you again, harder this time. You moaned, feeling the pleasure build with each thrust. “You like that, don’t you?” he taunted, a wicked glint in his eye.

“M-mhm,” you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Use your words, baby,” he said, his grip on your wrists tightening just enough to remind you who was in control. “Tell me how good it feels.”

“It feels amazing, daddy! Don’t stop!” you cried out, your body responding to his every movement.

He released your wrists, allowing you to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he picked up the pace. “You’re going to be my little secret, my fucking cock slut, my baby girl,” he growled, his lips brushing against your neck as he left hot kisses along your skin. “No one else gets to see you like this. I’m going to ruin you for anyone else.”

A shiver of excitement raced down your spine at his words. “Yes, please. I want you to ruin me,” you replied breathlessly.

With a primal growl, he increased the intensity, thrusting into you with a relentless rhythm that had your body and the bed shaking. “That’s it, baby. Take it all,” he encouraged, his voice laced with raw hunger.

You could feel the tension building, coiling tighter within you. “I’m so close!” you gasped, your nails digging into his back.

“Cum for me,” he commanded, his hips driving into you with fervor. “Show me how good I make you feel.”

With a final thrust, you shattered, waves of ecstasy crashing over you as you screamed daddy. Rafe followed closely behind, burying himself deep as he filled you, the heat of his release mixing with your own.

He collapsed onto you, both of you panting for breath, your bodies intertwined. “What did I tell you?” he murmured, kissing your forehead softly. “You’re mine now.”

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ask-jamtheimp · 6 months ago

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"Hey there kiddos, im big right now so...yeah. Just dont cause *too* much trouble aight? Or its air jail for you until I finish my coffee" -Spooks

(Art by @/theogclownboy)

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purple-babygirl · 9 months ago

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don't call me daddy IV

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x little!f!reader

Word count: 5,540

Summary : In a world where littles are openly themselves, they volunteer to help and be helped by willing caregivers. In spite of himself, Bucky finds himself stuck with one and to keep the nagging away, he has to learn how to be around her with everything that that entails.

Warnings: crying, a flu, coughing, shots, age regression

A/N: forgive me for the lateness with this one. i was very sick, like bed-ridden sick, and when i got a little better i got to writing right away. please be kind to me with this one, i'm still high on meds:" please enjoy xx💜💜

“Call me daddy.”

“What?” She was suddenly pulling away as if Bucky was made up of scorching metal.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asked with a small smile, wiping any residue tears on his face.

What she wanted… he was only suggesting that she called him daddy because he thought it was what she wanted? Was this his way of returning the favor because she hugged him after a nightmare?

Now she was really hurt.

Bucky was unknowingly emphasizing the fact that he didn’t want this type of relationship, didn’t want her. He was only doing it to show gratitude.

“No.” She shook her head, getting up from the floor.

“No?” Bucky was genuinely confused as he followed her with his eyes.

He thought he was finally making things right, giving her what she wanted.

“I wanna go back.”

“What?!”

“I wanna go back, please take me back.” Her voice wasn’t even sad or frantic, only small and disheartened.

“Back where?! The couch is right there if you wanna go!” Bucky became angry again.

He felt rejected and he felt small. Was it his touch that made her pull back? Was it the daddy thing? Was he so repulsive?

“No, back, out of here.”

“Back where?! It’s the middle of the night!” Bucky raised his voice in frustration, the nightmare nerves barely out of his body.

Has she lost her mind? Why was she acting like this now? What was he supposed to do to please her and her little mind?

“Take me back to Mrs. Morrison,” she insisted calmly as she collected her slippers and stashed them back in her bag.

He looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth, not getting what happened or where he went wrong.

She wasn’t even tearing up, it was like a switch has flipped inside of her.

“Just— just talk to me, okay? What happened?” Bucky fervently needed her to stop, needed to understand.

“Bucky was right. This isn’t gonna work. Please just take me back.”

Her words reopened Bucky’s wounds that her sweet gestures had once closed. What did she mean “isn’t gonna work”? Was he just deemed irredeemable? Again?

“But why?!”

“I just wanna go back.” Was all she gave him; no explanation and no reasons.

Bucky wouldn’t understand.

“You know what? Fine! I’ll take you back first thing in the morning. Go back to the fucking couch, stay away from me!”

She silently got the wolf stuffie, leaving it on the kitchen counter, and went back, no crying and no trials to correct him on his choice of bad words.

Did she really want to leave? Was she really going to leave him come morning?

When it was lit up enough, Bucky went for a run, trying to blow off some steam because he felt like he was about to explode.

Why did he let her in? He shouldn’t have done that. She didn’t deserve to get this close, no one did.

Did he seriously think he was accepted and understood by this stranger after 7 days of time together?

No matter what the purpose she was serving was, she could never understand how hard Bucky had had it.

Still, something kept pulling him to her. Something inside of him didn’t want her to leave him. Not now that he was used to her; that he wanted to be used to her.

It's been only a week and Bucky was ready to give human relationships another chance. She made him feel like healing wasn’t a faraway dream.

He was going to try and talk to her one last time and if she still wanted to leave, he would gladly let her.

When he opened his door, she was dressed and waiting for Bucky on the couch, ready to go.

“So you were serious about leaving?” Bucky asks as he kicks his shoes off.

“Yes. Bucky is gonna take me back, right?”

“If that’s really what you want?”

She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded.

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Talk to me like I’m talking to you!” Bucky snapped.

She remained silent this time, not ready for a fight.

“Why do you wanna leave? What did I do?”

“Bucky didn’t do anything.”

“Then what is it?!”

“That is it.”

“What?!”

“Bucky didn’t do anything. Bucky didn’t even look at Doll’s file. Bucky never even called Doll Doll.” Only now did her tears come back, rolling down her cheeks with ease as she spilled out all that she’s been holding inside of her, “Bucky never wanted Doll.”

“I— I didn’t have time to look at the file. We were in a hurry so I picked the first one in the batch!” Bucky tried to explain, but quickly realized what he'd said.

A sob escaped her at the revelation that she was picked at random, that it could’ve been anyone else and that he really never wanted her.

“That’s not what I meant. I— listen, at first maybe I didn’t want you, but it’s different now!”

“Bucky never even picked me?” She cried, her broken voice crushing his heart.

“I—”

“Please take me back.” She wiped at her face, trying to steady her breathing.

“But—”

“Please, Bucky, please.”

The way she begged him with teary eyes and a shaky voice made Bucky stand up despite himself to put his shoes back on to take her back.

He might’ve not gotten a chance to explain himself, but he’s done her enough damage and he wasn’t going to continue being the reason she cried when she has been the reason he stopped.

“Let’s go.” Bucky pursed his lips and opened the door for her, her bag in hand, knowing it will never be the same when he came back.

“Doll, now that you’re big at least tell me anything, dear. Did he do anything—”

“He didn’t do anything, Mrs. Morrison. I promise you. Bucky was nothing but a gentleman with me.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing. I just think I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have listed my little self as ready.” She shook her head with a polite smile.

Mrs. Morrison wasn’t buying it, but she couldn’t push her anymore.

“Alright, dear. I’ll go finish the report so Bucky’s therapist can get her copy in the morning.”

“Mrs. Morrison, please,” she held the older woman’s hand imploringly, “Bucky didn’t do but good. Make sure you’re just to him in your report.”

“Okay, doll. Whatever you say, dear.” She woman shook her head, giving up the argument before standing up and leaving the room.

It wasn’t the full truth, but she did believe she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t going to be ready for a long time, so it was better if she just went back home and let herself be grounded a little.

“Please, I need to see her.” Bucky begged in front of Mrs. Morrison’s desk.

“Not before you tell me what you did to her, Mr. Barnes!”

“I— I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s what she said too, but I know it’s not the truth!”

“Wait, what? I— please let me see her.”

“She’s not here, Sergeant Barnes.”

“What? Where is she?”

“Home,” the woman replied shortly, still mad at Bucky.

“I thought that was where they lived?”

The woman shook her head in disappointment, “you never read your copy of the file, did you?”

Bucky remained silent, too embarrassed to speak. Why did everyone keep asking about the damn file!

“No, they don’t live here. She went back to her life at her house.”

“Well, can you give me the address?”

“Of course, not! That’s private information and you two don’t even seem to have ended on good terms!”

“Please? I need to fix this.”

“You already had time to do that, Mr. Barnes.”

“Well… At least give me a chance to apologize.”

“I don’t know.” The woman hesitated.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” Bucky begged sincerely.

“Anything?” Mrs. Morrison smiled suddenly, making Bucky worry a little, but he meant his words nonetheless.

“Anything.”

“Corgi, calm down!” Bucky heard her sweet laugh as she approached the dog’s barks.

“You call your corgi Corgi?” He asked her with a smile.

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” Her smile quickly disappeared and a surprised frown replaced it.

“I—”

“Okay, I finished moving the new planters to the right side like you wanted— hello?” The man who cut Bucky off was offering him a hand.

Bucky shook it coldly, his signature frown staring the man down, “hey.”

“I’m Adam,” the man said with a friendly smile.

“Sergeant James Barnes.”

“Bucky, this is Adam, my best friend and neighbor, Adam, this is Bucky… a friend.” She introduced them, not sure of what to say about Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky felt something weigh down on him. Was it the fact that he wished she said more than just “a friend”? Was it the presence of this Adam guy? Was that… jealousy?!

“Right, so I’m gonna go now, but call me if you need anything, okay?” Adam said, looking at them both suspiciously.

“I will. Thank you for today, Adam. You’re the best.” She gave the man a hug, smiling from ear to ear as she did it, too.

That was a smile Bucky has never seen.

“I know I know. Bye, Corgi! Bye, Sergeant, nice to meet you!” Adam shouted as he walked out of her porch.

Bucky only nodded even though he knew the man couldn’t see him. He didn’t care if he was rude. Who was that anyway?

She was expecting Bucky to talk when Adam was gone but he just stood there, fiddling with the bag in his hand as he stared at her, so she didn’t say anything either.

She was done initiating. If he came all the way here on his own, he could start a conversation on his own.

“Who was that?”

“Really? You came all the way here to ask me that?”

He stuttered and swallowed, knowing fully well that he had no right to such a question.

“You seem different.”

“You mean big?” She smiled sadly, noticing how much more comfortable Bucky was dealing with her like that.

Bucky nodded guiltily, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I do have a life and responsibilities after all.” She shrugged, gesturing to her house and the puppy by her feet.

She was disappointed to say the least. First, he gave her a terrible week with him, then he returned her and never looked back and now he was on her porch for no clear reason or explanation, questioning her and her life?

Still, she felt a spark of hope in her chest at the fact that he was standing before her. There must’ve been a reason he came and it couldn’t be so he could fight more.

Bucky felt embarrassed, tongue-tied with guilt as he’s forgotten everything he has been wanting to say.

Then the sky started speaking for him, thundering loudly and making her jump with a hand on her heart.

“Oh, it’s gonna rain. Let’s go inside.”

For some reason, he assumed she was talking to the puppy but when she kept looking at him, Bucky gratefully moved his feet.

Her house was the epitome of coziness. It was a true home and it was nothing like Bucky’s.

It had actual furniture, colorful pieces he knew were carefully picked. It had wallpaper and picture frames and kitchenware and cute mugs and plates.

Only now did he know how much shit she could’ve given him for the place he made her stay in, but she didn’t.

“Bucky!”

“Yes?”

“I asked about your favorite tea.” She smiled, motioning to a number of varieties on her shelves.

“A coffee would be fine.”

“I’ll just make you earl grey with me.” She shrugged, ignoring his choice for a coffee at this relatively late hour of the evening.

“Hey!”

“It’s my house, my rules, old man!”

Wow! Big her was kind of feisty and it was making Bucky smile.

“What do you have there?” She asked, looking at the small plastic bag that Bucky’s been carrying in his hand.

“Oh, I— this is for you.” He handed her the bag, cheeks burning as he was still brand new when it came to such gestures.

“Oreos! And wolfie!” She called out happily when she looked inside the bag, “thank you so much!” She squeezed the tips of his fingers, smiling at him like he’d gotten her a rare diamond.

When she let go of his hand to open the package and taste the cookies, Bucky felt fear settle in his chest at the idea of having lost her forever.

He watched her try to hide the hug she was giving the white stuffed wolf before slipping it to her curious dog, “careful, Corgi.”

She didn’t lecture or blame him about his treatment of her, yes, nor did she even bring up the week she stayed at his house, but would she be willing to forgive him? Would she give him another chance?

Instead of screaming at him, she was sitting him down on a comfortable couch that had a soft blanket draped over it and serving him tea and cake. What kind of angel was she?

“If you don’t like it, I’ll make you coffee. But taste it first,” she set the tray with tea cups and a plate with a couple of cake slices on the little wooden coffee table and Bucky knew the smell of this tray was the only thing missing from her living room.

Now it was all perfect. It suited her so well.

“I made lime key cake this morning so you’re in luck. It goes really well with earl grey,” she told him, trying to get him to talk, to tell her why he was at her place a week later at 9 in the evening.

But he only nodded.

She didn’t push him. She has done enough coaxing and enough pushing. She didn’t have to do that anymore. If Bucky wanted to talk, he would have to talk on his own.

But he didn’t.

An hour later, she was getting sleepy and the rain was pouring even harder.

“I— I better go.” He stood up, patting his pockets nervously as if to make sure his belongings were in place.

So he came all the way here for nothing? He found her house and rode on his motorcycle all the way here for nothing?

“No way, you can’t drive your motor cycle in this rain!”

“I’m a super soldier, I don’t get sick,” Bucky argued with a smile, heart swelling at the idea that she still cared for him.

“I don’t care. The roads are slippery. It’s dangerous!”

“But—”

“No buts. You can have my bed, let me show you the room,” she said, never giving him space for a reply as she led the way to her bedroom.

“You really don’t have to. I can take the couch.” Or the floor

“The couch is mine. Corgi cries at night and doesn’t like to sleep alone. He’s still just a puppy.”

“Why don’t you just move his crate to your bedroom?”

“Because there’s a system in this house, Sergeant. We’re disciplined people.” She smiled playfully, “good night.”

And just like that, Bucky was alone in her bedroom, with her bed and sheets and blankets, where all the pillows smelled like her hair shampoo and the air was light and sweet. He was in heaven.

Bucky took his jacket off, draping it over the armchair by her vanity and her perfumes caught his eye.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself as he picked up the first bottle and neared it to his nose.

Oh, lord, was this sexy. He imagined himself eating her up if he was to smell this perfume on her skin. It was captivating and it went well with her playful grown up personality.

He tried another bottle and it was a softer scent that he knew all too well. It was the one she wore when she was staying at his house. It smelt angelic, soft and welcoming.

Bucky had to stop himself from going down the line of perfumes because he didn’t think he could keep going.

He’d better go to bed and try to catch a few hours of sleep before the mind attacks started.

Grabbing a pillow that smelled like her, Bucky made himself as comfortable as could be on the wooden floor next to her bed, draping her overly soft blanket on his body.

“You call it a disciplined house but you don’t even have a dining table,” Bucky teased as he helped her bring the rest of the plates to the coffee table.

He was right actually. She lied last night. She could easily take Corgi to the bedroom with her, but what kind of hospitality would that be to give Bucky the couch when it was his first time visiting?

“At least my coffee table has space for more than 2 noodle cups,” she teased right back, hardly biting a smile.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her sassiness, smiling like an idiot at how easy she made everything.

Talking was easy around her. Existing was easy around her. Breathing was easy around her. And oh did he miss her.

“So…” she trailed, pouring orange juice in Bucky’s glass.

She couldn’t stay silent anymore. She had to understand why Bucky found her house and came to her after he’d clearly proven he didn’t want her. She wanted and tried to be the bigger person, but if he had something to say, she was ready to hear it now.

“I— I came here to say I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said the words that have been sitting on the back of his tongue for so long.

“Bucky…” she locked her eyes with his for a second, unable to read him, “you didn’t have to come all the way here. I didn’t tell Mrs. Morrison anything.”

The way she reassured him broke his heart. It was as if she wholeheartedly believed that all Bucky cared about was the final report.

But he cared about so much more. He cared about fixing this. He cared about her.

“I know. I did.”

“What?!”

“I told her everything.”

“Bucky— why?”

“I had to make it right.”

“Well, what did she say?” She chewed her lower lip nervously, worried everything has been ruined for Bucky.

“She made me serve a few hours at the institution and only when she got everyone’s approval did she agree to give me your address.”

“Everyone’s approval of what?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Of my storytelling skills,” Bucky replied proudly, putting some cheese on her plate for her when he noticed her freeze.

“Your storytelling— what?!” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, a huge smile breaking on her face.

“I spent a few nights reading bedtime stories to the residents there and I’ll have you know I did a pretty good job, though most of them wanted lullabies so I stole some of yours—”

“Hold on! You, Bucky Barnes, read bedtime stories and sang lullabies to littles at the institution?”

“Yes, I did.” Bucky nodded with a shrug.

“You did all of this so you could have my address?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I missed you, doll.”

“Doll?” Her eyes instantly teared up at the sole use of the name coming from him.

“And to tell you that I got to meet everyone that was available at the same time you were and none of them could ever compare. They’re all amazing people, but none of them made me feel like you’ve made me feel in that short week,” Bucky admitted softly, eyes hesitant to leave his fingers.

“I was terrible to you and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry. I know now that I should’ve been better.”

“Bucky, it’s okay,” she said with a content smile, simply satisfied with his presence as she passed him the bread. That apology was genuinely enough for her.

“No, doll, it’s not. I— I did the opposite of everything a caregiver should’ve done. It's just… you made me nervous, scared.” Bucky admitted.

“I scared you?” She scoffed in surprise. She wasn’t expecting this one.

“Yes. The way you were fully yourself, the way you weren’t afraid to show it, the way you did the effort to relieve yourself of whatever you were suffering from, it all scared me. How you openly cried when you needed to. It scared me because I didn’t know how to be like you. I didn’t know how to choose trust and kindness again after everything that had happened to me. Your courage scared me.”

“Oh, Bucky.” Tears rolled down her face as she desperately felt the need to hold him and kiss every inch of him better, “why didn’t you talk to me? I would’ve understood.”

“I tried… that day… but talking about it made me wanna close up on myself even more. It made me more scared. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. And I can’t help it,” Bucky’s voice trembled as he fought his own tears.

He couldn’t believe he said those words out loud to someone else.

She left her seat and went to sit next to Bucky on the couch, her hands finding his and holding onto them for dear life.

“But when I came home to an empty living room after dropping you off at the institution, I knew what I'd lost. I realized what an asshole I’ve been to you. And I missed you. I missed you so much when I closed the door and you weren’t on the couch looking at me,” he poured his heart out to her with tears in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand more, trying to hug his fingers with hers but they were too short to fully cover his hands.

“You don’t have to give me another chance, but I felt like I could’ve died if I didn’t tell you how sorry I was and am. I’m sorry I didn’t give myself time to understand you and appreciate you for everything that you were, doll. I’m sorry I was so stupid and let you slip away from my hands. I’m sorry I was undeserving of your kindness and softness and love,” Bucky told her with tears pouring down his face, matching hers as she finally got to listen to all that he had to say.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to be a good daddy to you and I’m sorry I didn’t try to learn. It’s all my fault because you, doll, deserve someone who would bust their ass trying for you,” Bucky sighed, “but if you’d let me, I’ll spend as much time as you’ll allow me doing that.”

“Thank you for finding me.” She threw herself in his arms and Bucky felt his soul come back to him as he held her tight to his body.

“Thank you for welcoming me back in despite everything I’ve put you through. I know I don’t deserve it.” Bucky squeezed her closer, the smell of her hair calming his senses.

“You’re welcome.” She pulled back to wipe his tears away, giving him a smile prettier than anything he’s ever seen, “now let’s eat before the eggs go cold.” She wiped her eyes quickly before grabbing the spoon and putting some eggs on Bucky’s plate.

“Does that smile mean you forgive me, doll?” Bucky asked hopefully.

“I forgive you, Sarge.” She smiled at him, what was in her heart showing in her eyes.

“You won’t regret it,” he promised, putting some food in his mouth to stop any upcoming tears.

They ate silently in peace for a second before Bucky spoke out.

“Seriously though, who was that Adam guy?!”

“Way to ruin a moment, Bucky,” she teased.

But Bucky didn’t smile. He remained silent waiting for her answer with a tiny frown.

“I told you he’s my best friend and he lives next door.”

Bucky’s frown deepened slightly. So that man got to see her every day huh?

“With his wife,” she added, biting back a smile as she watched his face relax.

“Don’t toy with me like that, doll.”

“I couldn’t help it. This is all new to me and I’m having fun!”

“Does he come here a lot?”

“Yes, Bucky. It’s what friends do, they visit,” she laughed.

“I don’t see Sam that often and we’re fine.” He shrugged unconvincingly, making her laugh more.

“He’s a good man, you’ll come to like him. Plus, he helped me a lot those past weeks and took care of my garden and Corgi while I was away so I owe him.”

“So I’m seeing a farmer now?” Bucky teased.

“Oh look who’s not so quiet anymore!” She teased back with a giggle, “at least my fridge never runs out of tomatoes.”

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asked, his face serious again.

She nodded in reply, a smile gracing her patient features.

“Why did it bother you so much when I told you to call me daddy?”

She hummed, letting go of her fork.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna answ—”

“It made me feel like you were returning a favor. Doing something because you felt like you had to do it, like it was the right thing to do, but not because you really wanted it. Yes, I wanted to call you daddy with my whole heart, but only if you wanted it too. It hurt because at the time I knew you still hadn’t accepted me for who I was and was just saying that so you could repay me for the hug I was giving you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky shock his head in remorse, “I will never understand how you managed to put up with me for a whole week.”

“It’s because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted, Bucky. I know what it feels like to be unloved and unaccepted, especially by those who should give you unconditional love.”

“Family?” Bucky asked with a sad smile.

She nodded with a similar smile, “I know what it’s like to be more than your pain and anger with others only seeing the snapping and frowning. Little me doesn’t want anyone else to feel unloved like that because she knows how bad it all is. So she gives. She’s patient and she’s kind and sometimes I don’t think I could’ve accessed that part of myself if it wasn’t for her.”

“How so?”

“Grown ups are more cautious because they always have the consequences to things like vulnerability right in front of their eyes. We’re more likely to be afraid to show our hearts because we know we could get hurt bad because of it. Little me isn’t scared of that. She wakes up brand new every day. She wears her heart on her sleeve and trusts her love to do the magic.”

“You’re an amazing person.” Bucky raised her hand to his lips to press a timid kiss without much thought, “I guess I have a lot to learn from you, doll.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” She whined playfully, cheeks going hot as she turned away shyly, “plus, do you have a death wish?” She raised a playful eyebrow.

“It’s true though— what?”

“I didn’t give you permission to kiss me,” she teased, reminding him of the time she kissed his cheek on her first day at his house.

Bucky smiled sheepishly, whispering out an apology even though he knew she was joking.

Bucky stopped himself when she started coughing abruptly.

She’s been coughing a little here and there since morning, but he didn’t think anything of it.

She shook her head, still coughing as she ran to the bathroom, needing to find any sort of cold medicine. She knew what this was.

Bucky hurried behind her, “what’s wrong?”

In a second, she was bending forward, coughing her heart out.

“Are you okay?!”

She shook her head again, trying to calm down, “I thought it was just a sore throat but it’s getting worse.”

“Let’s get you to the doctor,” Bucky said, worry eating away inside his chest as he watched her cough more.

He quickly grabbed her jacket and keys, leading her out to her car.

“It’s because I let you sleep on the couch, isn’t it? You got cold,” Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he paced around the room.

He hasn’t stopped blaming himself since they’d returned from the doctor’s. She caught a bad flu and Bucky quickly believed it was his fault.

“No, Bucky. It’s not that.”

“You don’t have to defend me, doll. It’s because of me. I’ve managed to hurt you again. And I don’t even use beds. I should’ve never let you sleep out here.”

“Hey! Calm down please! It’s not you... It was me.” She released a sigh, biting her lip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when the rain got even worse after you went to bed. I thought I’d come out and cover the motorcycle so that it wouldn’t get all muddy and you’d have a hard time cleaning it,” she explained, fiddling with her fingers.

“That’s still because of me,” Bucky sighed.

“Come on, it’s not like you made me!” Her hoarse voice tried to reassure.

Bucky only ran his fingers through his messy hair again, not knowing what to say or do to make this one right.

“Bucky, please, I’m sick. All I want is for you to stay beside me and not blame yourself.” Her frown was back to her beautiful face and Bucky didn’t like it, “can you do that for me?”

He didn’t like how sick and scratchy her voice sounded either so he wasn’t about to make talk more with a throat like that.

“I’ve already proven I suck at taking care of you, doll,” Bucky chuckled sadly.

“Do you want forgiveness or not?” She joked.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m right here.”

“Is it dangerous for you though? I don’t want you to get it too.”

“I can’t get sick, remember?” Bucky smiled, rubbing her back lightly, “I’m your nurse now.”

“Is that so?” She giggled.

“Yeah.” He nodded confidently.

“You’re definitely not dressed for it,” she teased, giving him her tongue.

“Oh, are you into that kinda thing, doll?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile she has never seen before on his pink lips.

“Bucky!” She squealed, hiding her face with the covers, making Bucky laugh.

The sound was heaven to her ears and despite being awfully sick, she couldn’t wish for a better outcome for Bucky’s visit.

“Shit, here it comes again,” she gulped before starting another fit of harsh coughing.

“Bad word,” he whispered to her, making her smile tiredly as she continued coughing.

“I don’t wanna go,” she whined as Bucky gently forced her arm inside her jacket.

“We have to. You need your shots to get better.” Bucky covered her head with the hood of her jacket to make sure she was warm before leading her outside.

“But shots hurt,” she whined more with teary eyes.

“I’ll be right there, remember?”

“That’s not gonna do anything!” She whined further.

“Hey!” Bucky pretended to be hurt as he helped her inside the car.

She sighed with a grateful smile, “fine, hugs or I don’t go.”

“Hugs it is.” Bucky smiled back, taking seat next to her before starting the car.

“No, no, no, please. I’m not ready, I don’t want it. Give me pills instead, give me pills,” she cried in Bucky’s chest as she saw the doctor get the shot ready.

“Doll, it’s okay, I promise. I got you,” Bucky said, feeling as helpless as ever.

He wished he could get the shots for her, but it wasn’t possible. He could feel something different about her. She looked like she was slipping into her little headspace and it made Bucky nervous, oh so nervous, that he might mess up and not be able to deal with her again.

She barely calmed down enough for Bucky to help her small hands lower her pants just enough for the doctor to have space to push the needle in.

She moaned in pain as she hid her face in Bucky’s chest, crying for real when she felt the strong medicine inside the needle spread inside her.

“It stings. It stings bad,” she sobbed, hands clutching Bucky’s shirt as he covered her behind again and made sure she was properly covered.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’re going home now, it’s over,” Bucky cooed, rubbing and patting her back with his big hand.

“It hurts, daddy,” she sniveled in his ear and Bucky froze.

Those innocent teary eyes looking up at him like that made him feel a lot of things. But most importantly, they made him feel like he could do this. He could take care of this sweet girl without messing up this time. Her love would show him how.

“I got you, doll. Daddy’s got you.”

part V

Tag List:

@harrysthiccthighss

@tinystudentfirepurse

@lavendercitizen

@tumblin-theworldaway

@pretty-pop-princess-hs

@lilymurphy03

@idontwannagomrstarkk

@glxwingrxse

@littlelioncub43

@mathletemadison

@canned-rootbear

@pandaxnienke

@loveisallyouneed1125

@floral-recs

@littlemoonkiller

@hallecarey1

@vespasianphantom

@vicmc624

@winters1917

@ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal

@blkmystery

@millercontracting

@trappedwriter

@am-3-thyst

@obsessedwithquinn

@sydnielauryn

@alittlerayof-pitchblack

@olipiaa

@peterparkersgirl-blog

@buckybarnessweetheart

@thealyrs

@colorfulbluebirdpainter

@stuckysgirl27

@ihavetwoholesforareason

@princess-bee0

@pastel-noah168

@steeph-aniie

@buckitostan

@onthr-dream

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kitty-safe-space · 9 months ago

Text

Intro post:

hii! i hope you're having a nice day <3

this is my agere caregiver account! it's meant to be a safe space to chat, relax, and chill. age regressors, age dreamers, pet regressors and system littles are all very much welcome here (as long as you follow my dni)

about me: i'm a flip, my agere account is @agedre-kitty . i'll mostly make random cg textposts, with the occasional reblog. i don't have a little, and i'm not closed to the possibility of finding one, but i'm also not actively looking for one. i go by he/they but u can call me dada or mama or anything like that in asks if u want

about the account: some texts posts will be gender neutral, but others won't- they'll be tagged accordingly, and you're more than welcome to request different pronouns for any of the posts i make. everything will be completely sfw and mostly free of triggering content, but i'll use tws if it was ever necessary! you can also ask me to tag anything if you want.

asks are open if you'd like to chat, ask for comfort, tell me about your fav show, or just babble. no judgement here! just please try to keep all of your asks child-safe and and use tws if necessary. (this is a place to ask for comfort, not to vent about triggering things! please respect that <3)

below you can see my tags!

requests: open! just send me a theme, pronouns (gender neutral will be the default) and i'll make a little caregiver textpost for u.

Dni: lgbt+ exclusionists, r/adfems, ns/fw, e/d, s/h or discourse blogs, pr0ship, anti-agere/petre/sfw cglre or if you call people cringe because of their interests. Anyone who sends triggering asks without warnings will be blocked.

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eclipseslayer · 7 days ago

Note

thinking abt pet play with nanami 🙂‍↕️ walking you around on a leash, making you wear a pretty pink collar, sitting in his lap as he pets you he’d be such a doting owner so kind and loving but so rough during sex, pulling your hair, slapping your ass, telling you what a dirty pet you are ugh do u see my vision my vin

Yes yes yes!!!!

• cw: Nanami Kento x f!reader smut oneshot; pet play, collars, leashes, Nanami is rough, impact play.

"Oh, you dirty little puppy..." Nanami tsks, tilting his head to the side as he examines your naked body, eyeing you from head to toe, though his gaze stops at your slick, puffy folds.

He huffs and he yanks on your leash, pulling you towards him, earning him a yelp from the poor puppy-girl below him.

It's not like Nanami to be so rough with you, as usually he's so gentle and doting—but when he sees that you're wet without him even touching you, he knows he has to change to be that rough caregiver, to remind you of your place.

"I haven't even touched you, and you're already this wet? Have you been thinking about me, pup?" He asks, and an eyebrow twitches as his scowl meets your gaze.

You nod and you look down, collar jingling as you move your head.

"Yes..." you whine.

Nanami huffs, and quickly, he flips you over so you're on all fours. He climbs behind you and pulls your hips towards him so you're arching your back. He takes his hand and smacks your ass, making you mewl.

"This is what bad puppies get for thinking about their masters out of turn," he adds, with another smack to your ass, earning him yet another yelp from the helpless puppy below him.

"Ken, please!" You beg, wanting mercy, but Kento is having none of that.

He huffs and reaches down and pulls down his zipper before pulling out his thick, angry cock. He pumps himself a few times before he slides his tip against your weeping hole.

"Oh please," he thrusts into you, sharply, and you let out a whine as he forces himself inside of you, his tip hitting the back of you so harshly. "No mercy for whiny, puppy girls like you."

With another thrust, you let out another whine, and you grip the bedsheets tightly as he suddenly starts going at a mean, fast, punishing pace where his hips smack against your ass. He reaches over and grabs your hair, fisting it into a ponytail so that he can hang onto it easier.

"Such a dirty fucking puppy, yes you are," he leans down, and coos into your ear, with fake sympathy. "Little puppies like you aren't allowed to get wet without my permission, right?" He slaps your ass again and you let out another cry. "That's right. Keep crying. You're mine—and you have to follow my orders from here on out, got it?"

#🌑 postings #🌑 my fics #jjk fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk smut #nanami kento x you #nanami kento smut #nanami kento x reader #kento nanami smut #kento nanami x reader

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guiltyasdave · 1 year ago

Text

it’s nice to have a friend

this is a secret santa gift for @wethairjoel - merry christmas my love 🫶🏻

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: ~2.6k

summary: Joel and you have been best friends for years, but maybe this Christmas it’s time for the both of you to admit that that’s not all you want. (Goddamn I should write Hallmark movies)

tags: no outbreak!AU, friends to lovers, idiots in love, Sarah is alive, Ellie is reader’s sister, able-bodied reader, bits of angst/jealousy, Joel being emotionally constipated, mentions of alcohol consumption, FLUFF <3

dividers by @/saradika-graphics who is amazing!

full masterlist here / follow @guiltyasdavenotifs and turn on notifications for fic updates!

much love to @reddedmiller for assuring me that this is cute and not terrible, i love you 🫶🏻

“Ellie, come on! They’re here!”

Your back is turned to the door as you’re yelling up the staircase, waiting for your younger sister to finally come down. You turn around, fixing the open door and your waiting friend Joel with a tired smile.

“Hi,” you sigh, waving at Sarah, who’s waiting in the backseat of Joel’s truck.

“Rough morning?” Joel chuckles and lets you pull him into a quick hug.

As you’re nodding, Ellie finally comes trudging down the stairs, her backpack haphazardly thrown over one shoulder and her hair in a loose ponytail. She wordlessly flips you the bird as she walks past you and you roll your eyes, used to her grumpy mood in the morning.

“Sorry,” you mutter in Joel’s direction, ushering her out of the door, “didn’t mean to make you guys late.”

Joel laughs and shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it, darlin’, it’s no big deal.”

He casually throws an arm over your shoulder as he leads you to his car and opens the passenger side’s door for you while Ellie is already climbing in beside Sarah.

Joel starts the car and makes his way to the girls’ school, the radio playing soft rock music in the background and the girls chattering away behind you.

“Thanks again for doing this,” you smile at Joel.

“‘Course. You’re the one doin’ me a favor here, really.”

Joel and you had both agreed to take the day off and go shopping for Christmas presents for your girls while they were at school.

You had moved to Austin two years ago, a few months after becoming Ellie’s legal guardian. Ellie and Sarah had classes together and had quickly become best friends, easing your worries about Ellie being an outsider at her new school, and they asked to spend more time together outside of classes almost constantly.

That’s how you met Joel, the both of you bonding over being the sole caregiver for your girls and being younger than most other parents at the school. It’s an easy friendship and one that you cherish greatly. Joel is a good friend, making you laugh when you’re with him, always willing to help if anything at your house needs fixing, hosting barbecues for the four almost every weekend in the summer, and someone you can always turn to for parenting advice.

So what if he’s also so handsome that it almost hurts to look at him sometimes and your heart rate still picks up when he’s close to you? When you had first started hanging out more, you had thought that there might be more between you, with the way he kept calling you “darlin’” and the flirty remarks he threw at you, but nothing more ever happened and he never gave you any indication that he wanted anything more, so you figured that it was just his southern charm and that he treated everybody like this. Not wanting to screw up the one real friendship that you had managed to build in your new hometown, you continued to swallow down any deeper feelings, any attraction that you might feel towards him.

You drop the girls off at school and continue the drive downtown, stopping on the way for a coffee. Joel, who you have never seen drinking anything else than plain black coffee, teases you relentlessly over the Christmas themed drink with syrup and an obnoxious amount of whipped cream that you have picked for yourself. It’s a never ending discussion that comes up every time you have coffee together and one that you've gotten used to, with Joel not understanding why you would taint the coffee’s taste and you not understanding how he’s able to drink the bitter beverage without smoothing it out with milk at least.

When you finally reach the mall, already packed with bustling crowds of Christmas shoppers, you sigh. At least you’re not alone, and you have a plan of what you want to get. You pull out the list of potential gifts and stores where you might get them that you had written the night before, making Joel chuckle.

“Always prepared for anythin’, huh?”

You grin back and nudge him with your elbow. “You’re gonna thank me later, trust me.”

“Don’t doubt it,” he mutters and follows you through the crowd of people, a calming presence by your side.

You make a good team, somehow both more equipped to pick out presents for the other’s young girl. Sarah had wished for new CDs, movies and posters of her favorite bands to redecorate her room, an endeavor that you’re more than happy to help with. Ellie wants new strings and picks for her guitar, one that you had bought second hand and that Joel is teaching her to play almost every weekend, and new drawing utensils.

Due to your thorough planning, you manage to secure all the goods before noon, a fact that you don’t hesitate to rub into Joel’s face and he reluctantly agrees that this shopping trip had been done much faster than if he had gone alone, playing up his grumpy demeanor but you know him well enough to see the warm and playful glint in his eyes.

Since you still have a few hours to yourselves until the girls will return from school, you decide to get another coffee and maybe a snack together, this time actually sitting down in a café rather than picking it up. You’re treating yourself to another fancy drink, Joel is sipping on another black coffee and you’re sharing a blueberry muffin while you’re talking about your plans for the holidays.

Ellie and you will be over at the Millers for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, a tradition that you had established last year and that you’re more than grateful for. You love Ellie and she’s the only family that you care about, but you want her to have the best time possible, especially at Christmas.

Joel excuses himself to use the bathroom and leaves you alone at the table. You’re aimlessly scrolling through your phone when another person sits down in Joel’s seat. You look up slowly, taking in the guy in front of you. Slim, blonde, about your age, kind of handsome, you presume, if that part of your mind wasn’t taken up by another man. But that’s not a thought that you’re supposed to have, you try reminding yourself.

“Hey,” the man says, smiling at you. He has a handsome smile, too. “I’m Dan.” He extends a hand to you and you shake it, too perplexed to do much else.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, I just came in and saw you sitting here all alone and I just thought I’d take the chance and ask if you wanted to go out with me sometime?”

You stare at him for a second, the question barely registering in your brain, before you snap out of it. Why not, you tell yourself, this might be good for you. Good to get the idea of Joel and you out of your head once and for all.

“I- um, yeah. Sure!”

You plaster a smile on your face and exchange phone numbers with Dan who promises to text you and gets up just as Joel comes back, scowling at Dan’s retreating back.

“Who was that?” he asks, and you wonder if you’re imagining his tone being colder than it was before he left.

“Just a guy,” you murmur, feeling embarrassed and weirdly guilty, “wanted to go out with me, I guess.”

“And, will you?” You’re not imagining it, Joel definitely sounds colder.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Who knows if he’ll even text me,” you shrug and stand up abruptly, suddenly desperate to get out of the situation, “let’s go.”

Joel’s answering huff doesn’t do much to calm you down and the walk back to the car is more silent than you’re used to with him, none of the usual bantering between you two.

He drops you off at your house and while you had planned to invite him in to maybe start wrapping your gifts together, you’re now kind of desperate to get out of this weird tension between you, so you just grab your bags and hop out of the truck. Joel mumbles his goodbye and you watch him drive off while you’re standing in your doorway, your eyebrows furrowed. You think that maybe something just soured his mood, even if you can’t fathom what it might have been, and calm yourself with the thought that you’ll just text him later.

You do just that, sending him a photo of your wrapped gifts a few hours after you got home, but he doesn’t respond. You don’t hear from him for several days, your calls remaining unanswered and there are no replies to your texts. You actually resort to asking Ellie if Sarah has said anything, but she’s just as clueless as you are.

The weekend rolls around and you go on your date with Dan, who, unlike someone else, has texted you. He takes you out for lunch and while the date is nice and he’s being polite, easy to have a conversation with and you’re fighting with yourself trying to like him, you’re bored.

You don’t feel any spark between the two of you, a spark that you, as you begrudgingly have to admit to yourself, always feel when you’re with Joel. You decidedly swallow that thought back down as soon as it occurs to you, but it stays in the back of your mind, like a kind of craving that you just can’t turn off.

You tell Dan that you’re sorry but that you don’t see the two of you turn into anything more, which he accepts graciously and wishes you all the best and you once again want to kick yourself for not feeling anything at all for this kind and blissfully uncomplicated man.

Grinding your teeth, you call Joel the next evening and to your surprise, he finally picks up.

“Where the hell have you been?” you demand without as much as a greeting.

“Just busy with work,” his voice huffs through the speaker and you can’t help but start feeling slightly more at ease at the sound of it, even if you don’t believe that he was too busy to contact you for days, but at least he picked up your call now.

“How’d your date go?”

He sounds… careful, like he’s not sure if he wants to know the answer. You’re confused for a second; you didn’t even have the chance to tell him about those plans; until your gaze falls on your sister who’s sitting on the couch opposite from you with headphones over her ears and frantically scribbling in her notebook.

“Between Sarah and Ellie, no secret is safe, huh?” you grin.

“So it’s a secret?” His voice is tense.

“I guess not, I just didn’t- I don’t know.” You huff a frustrated sigh. “But it doesn’t matter, I’m not gonna see him again, so…”

“Did he do something?” Joel demands immediately and you feel your cheeks warming at the way he switches into protective mode.

“No no, don’t get all riled up. He was nice, just… not it. I wasn’t really interested in him anyway, so.”

“Huh,” Joel mumbles and though you can’t see him, you can tell that some of the tension is dissolving.

You chat a little more, working out the finer parts of the plans for your shared Christmas celebration in a few days, and by the end of the phone call, you feel like things between you are back to normal.

It’s the second Christmas Eve that you’ve spent at the Miller household and it’s just as chaotic as the first one. Joel’s brother Tommy comes to visit, bringing with him a bottle of whiskey and an air of mischief that immediately infects the two girls who are already giddy with the energy of Christmas, the prospect of getting presents tomorrow morning and the inevitable sugar high that comes with consuming mountains of Christmas cookies.

Ellie and you are meant to sleep over, Ellie in Sarah’s room and you in the guest room, so you indulge in a few glasses of whiskey, feeling pleasantly tipsy and like a warm, hazy glow is surrounding you. You sing Christmas songs along to the radio with the girls, laugh loudly at Tommy’s crude jokes and even get Joel, who is slightly drunk himself, to dance with you for a few minutes.

When you finally retreat to the kitchen to get yourself a glass of water, you somehow already sense Joel’s presence behind you before he speaks up.

“Hey,” he murmurs as you turn around, his gaze trained on the floor at your feet.

“Hey,” you echo, searching his face, “what’s up?”

He rubs his neck, a mannerism that you’ve come to connect with him feeling uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, “I know I’ve been acting weird around you the past week, and…” he trails off again, still not meeting your gaze. Joel has never been good at expressing his feelings, and you can’t deny that you’re curious about what he’s going to say. You knew that it hadn’t been just about work stuff. Joel takes a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself for what he’s about to tell you.

“I didn’t- shit, I’m not good at this.” He rubs his neck again. “I didn’t want you to go out with that guy. And I know that that’s no excuse, but I wanted… I wanted you to go out with me. I’ve wanted that for quite some time, honestly. And I never knew how to tell you, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship that we have, but then that- that fuckin’ guy came along and I just thought, what if I had my chance and I missed it? But still, I shouldn’t have put that on you, I-”

You interrupt his rambling when you step into his space and place your hand on his upper arm, his gaze finally flying up to meet yours.

“You wanted… to go out with me?” you whisper, almost not able to believe what you’ve just heard.

“I- yes. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’ll never mention it again, I just wanted you to know.” He shrugs helplessly and you can’t help the smile that’s slowly growing on your face.

“Joel,” you murmur, taking another step closer to him. “I’d love to go out with you. I never thought- you never said anything, and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us, but…”

This might be it, the moment that you’ve always hoped for but never thought would happen.

“I like you. More than as a friend. I mean, I really like you.”

Now you’re avoiding his gaze, feeling heat flush your cheeks at your admission. You feel his fingers on your chin, tilting your face up to meet his warm brown eyes, so close to you.

“Guess we’ve both been kinda idiots,” he smirks.

A grin is slowly spreading on your face. “Guess so.”

He leans towards you and your eyes slowly close, just before his lips touch yours.

None of you are aware of the audience that’s observing the both of you from the living room.

“Fuckin’ finally,” Tommy mutters as he leans back into the couch and takes another sip of whiskey. Sarah and Ellie both sigh in agreement.

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