#careful I will yap about my thesis

[thunderc1an]

what is your thesis about?

runs around happily! This is my simplified version of what my argument is about

TLDR: that Angel under god in the creation of Adam? Yeah that’s St. Michael

[mcytblrconfessions]

Hi, little hater here from earlier. At no point when writing that out did I think it was misogynistic, but like. Yeah it might have been a little bit. Idk if I would care enough to yap about it if it had been just another guy being added. Maybe I am holding her to higher expectations then I would for a male creator.

I was hoping for other female creators to get in, and maybe since she was the final person announced in the 6 we expected I'm salty cause she 'took' the hypothetical slot that other creators I was hoping for for lifesteal. And that's stupid, and looking back I know that that's stupid. And that's not on Kab, that's on Lifesteal for adding 6 guys and 1 girl, and that's on me for bitching about it in a public place.

I've been watching her for a while now, and I really do want her to succeed. I think some of my hesitancy for her in Lifesteal is the sort of lack of commitment to real storybeats that we saw in the final stretch of s5, and Kab deserves to be in better stories. She's at the top of the artform of mcrp, and so far Lifesteal has not been. I want Lifesteal to do better, and maybe Kab can bring some of that to the server, but like unless they can reach that level idk if its the right place for her. I just don't want to see her on a server that refused to meet the energy level she brings to things.

Idk man. I'm not that pressed about it, just between seasons is the time to yap cause theres no streams to watch to focus on instead, by july 7th I'll be hyped to see her there. I'm sorry about that prior ask. I will be paying Kaboodle the unfair hater tax in the form of a gifted twitch sub tonight.

first off, thank you for the apology.

i dont have any real bias for lifesteal or kaboodle. i started watching lifesteal this week and im not familiar with kaboodle at all. and the reason ive stayed away from pvp focused mcrp is because it's so heavily male dominated especially lifesteal, ive been making jokes that there's a secret no girls allowed rule since ive heard abt it.

this fandom has a long history of not treating women well and when a woman is a fan-favorite she's really only allowed to be 1 of 3 things, a fighter, a girl-boss, or ur soggy poor wet little meow meow. its just not fair to creators to be essentialized and treated as support for their male peers. made to fit into men's stories instead of getting recognized and respected for their own. and smps themselves have horrible ratios, my favorite is hermitcraft but 5(4?) out of 27 is less then 20 percent! that's terrible! there's so many wonderful women ccs out there yet so little space is made for them. 2(3? idk squiddo's gender) out of 31 is the ratio for lifesteal 6. i dont need to point out how bad that is.

so to get an ask with "I just don't think that the vibes are going to be right with her there" put me really on edge. it's putting the fault on her, and it's ignoring that there was a group of lifestealers who already agreed that she was a good fit because she's on the smp! she's on the team! the difference between "the vibes arent going to be right with her there" and "they can't reach her level" is huge. but you know lifesteal better then me. if you say they cant match her energy i believe you! but if it's true, her and lifesteal dont work out because she did put her all in and they didnt that is still completely different from the thesis of your original ask

ive turned off the reblogs of the other post but i hope moving forward we can be more critical and careful with how we treat our women creators. there's already so little space for them in creator spaces let's not push them out of community spaces too.

[chernabogs]

i really like the concept of the draconias being cursed with their love, although love is a curse and heart is a heavy burden in itself,,, it's still a fun subject to talk about. your fic in maleficia pov is such an eye opener for this 🥺 id love to see more of your insights w that trope lol

Ouagh idk if you're aiming to let me just yap away about this, but that's precisely what I'm going to do because the prospect of bloodline curses/hereditary curses is one of my FAV things in folklore. This isn't a theory as much as it is me talking about just some things I've noticed and how I interpret it

To preface this, this has absolutely no hold in canon LMAO. This is just what I've noted when taking a step back and looking at the Draconia family—which is that they have a shitty track history with things happening to them. As a secondary point, I have no idea what Yana is pulling from for her background of fae information. Myths of fae come from all over the world; you got them in Europe, in Scandinavian countries, Oceania, Africa, etc (like really, they're all over). I do know her bits and bops about Malleus loving ice cream/dairy items falls more in line with European interpretations, so I'm rolling that she's drawing somewhat from that.

Which kind of leads me to noting the poor luck the Draconia's seem to have. In a lot of European folklore, fae love to curse (most often piseóg)—be it humans, dwarves, elves, or even their own kind (this really fantastic thesis digs right into that concept via an analysis of european folk stories). One story I like a lot is The Two Sisters and The Curse, a lovely tale of pride and fae. One sister brags that her sister has a fae lover, failing to follow the stipulation that she's never to tell anyone about that fae lover. The result is tragic, as expected, but the line 'If a fay-being has power, revenge will be taken though it may be on your descendants.' really sticks out in this.

Hereditary curses are curses passed through a bloodline that, understandably, can only be broken when certain stipulations are met; the ancient Greeks especially loved them. Some might think them as geas (a curse/gift, which is kind of what Meleanor put on Malleus before he was hatched; humans would fear him, fae would adore him, etc.). A lot of piseóg in European folklore are hereditary curses intent on really fucking with a family.

In my opinion, it kind of feels like the Draconia's either have the worst luck streak on record with how many things happen to them, or they have a curse. We don't know what happened to Maleficia's husband, but the assumption is that he's probably dead. Meleanor's husband went MIA in the middle of a war that her family and her people were also dragged into. Then, Meleanor died, robbing Maleficia of her only daughter. Upon her death, Maleficia was unsuccessful at hatching Malleus' egg because he began to reject her magic; if Lilia hadn't existed or had declined to help, Malleus would have died too, leaving Maleficia.

In addition, Malleus (due to his nature as sole heir and only family) was raised in an incredibly contained environment his entire life. Hell, he was chronically alone since he was in an egg. Even now he still holds this belief in his mind that he has no one except for the same 4 people he's known his entire life, and even then, one of them (Lilia) who he cares for a lot is also about to die. Silver will die before him. Sebek will die before him. His grandmother will die before him.

Really, it looks bad when you step back. This is kind of why I focused the Maleficia fic on the concept of a curse. I wrote it like she had an inkling someone in her family line had crossed the wrong person and it resulted in a piseóg, and she just doesn't know how to break or stop it.

Frankly, I love the trope to bits. I love the tragedy, I love the many ways it can happen (pissing off fae, pissing off a tenant, evicting a fairy king from your farm because you're just tryna do your harvest, etc.), and I love when one person finally manages to figure out the niche needed to break the curse. I imagine the relief of freedom from generations of tragedy is immense.

I kind of hope that happens with the Draconia's, or at least their luck turns around with Malleus. I feel like the whole family has been dragged through the mud enough LMAO.

[deadeyeedangel]

trial run - moira o'deorain x intern!reader

˚✩ ⋆｡˚ ✩ hi ! it's my wife's birthday today, so naturally i thought i'd finally get around to those hcs i was planning on writing! these posts will probably never be formatted with those pretty little headers i see around and i'm pretty unapologetic about it, i can't lie i kiiiinda care a lot less about the presentation and more about the actual writing and i'm a pretty busy person, soooo... sorry i guess? anyway sorry for yapping and i hope you all enjoy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOCTOR O'DEORAIN!!!

˚✩ ⋆｡˚ ✩ TAGS: sfw, reader was meant to be fem but tbh no gendered terms are really used so reader can be seen as gender-neutral, age difference (reader is implied to be a doctoral student in early 20s), canon-divergent/au because i'm projecting my own internship problems here i cannot help it, moira being moira but it's way tamer than usual, actually kinda really fluffy i needed some comfort oops, mayyy make a part 2 with the date if you guys reeeeally want it :p

✧˚ · . suffice to say she wasn't a fan on your first day- to be honest she wasn't a fan even before then. the doctor preferred to work in solitude and silence, and hearing that she would have to practically babysit a doctoral student for a whole summer? forget it.

✧˚ · . she very begrudgingly opened up to the idea of having a shadow, however, after she found out her lab would be receiving more funding as a result of the research you were being hired to do. unfortunately that still didn't mean she liked you, though.

✧˚ · . you were young, fresh-faced and naïve, and when you shuffled in through the doors to her lab you were met with a cold presence that you didn't necessarily care for at all. it was what you were expecting when you were told who you would be working with, though, so it didn't come as a surprise. after all, no matter how much better you thought you would fare working alongside your sweet professor dr. ziegler, there was only one in the facility that could find even some use in a bioinformatics student.

✧˚ · . you barely had a moment to introduce yourself before the lanky irishwoman waved off your extended hand.

"wasting time will get you nowhere. unless you wish to bring me my coffee and just sit there every day, make yourself actually useful."

you were silent after that, doing exactly as she said and leaving her alone. no words were exchanged for the rest of the day.

✧˚ · . your first week was pretty unremarkable, but you were easing into the schedule you had made, making a small dent in the large workload you had to do for your thesis. moira was always just moira, working silently in her own corner of the lab and occasionally taking a break to examine your own work but saying nothing at all. by week two, however, the silence was beginning to drive you insane.

✧˚ · . your first real conversation was initiated, surprisingly, by moira. the older woman was hovering over your shoulder as usual, examining your catalogs of the dna structures and compositions of the various modified rabbits she kept in the lab, and she decided to snarkily point out you had missed a section. expecting that to be the only thing she had to say, you sighed and corrected it before moving on but she kept speaking, pointing out areas that you missed in a tone that you could only describe as pointed and patronizing.

✧˚ · . in certain... other situations, you'd find being talked to in this manner by a quite attractive older woman to be much more pleasant, but this was your hard work she was critiquing.

✧˚ · . don't worry, though, it's her love language. she might not say it but she wants you to succeed.

✧˚ · . expect more conversations about your work and hers. you begin to speak more in the mornings when you first walked in, and at nights when you left.

✧˚ · . as the days went by and your final deadline for your thesis was approaching quicker and quicker, you ended up spending nearly all 24 hours of each day in the lab, and of course, moira had noticed.

✧˚ · . she leaves small things out for you that she'd usually leave for just herself: two mugs of coffee now, two plates with some small meals, two shot glasses in case things got rather dire... but don't ask her about them, she'll shut down that it was her doing quite quickly.

✧˚ · . one very early morning she returns from the bathroom to find you slumped over your desk, fast asleep. your face was smushed against your keyboard, keying in a constant and ever-growing string of the letter h into your catalog. if you ever found out and asked, she would have simply said she didn't want the data to be messed up. however, that was most certainly not the case as she gingerly lifted your head up carefully to delete the keyboard smash, saving your work and turning off your computer before leaving you back to your rest.

✧˚ · . she was back at her work for a good five minutes before she decides to take her lab coat off, draping it over your still-sleeping form like a makeshift blanket. you woke up that morning confused but grateful, with a slightly flushed doctor o'deorain saying she simply didn't want you to get sick, as it was cold in the lab anyway.

✧˚ · . your thesis was due the day before your last day of work, and moira was quieter than usual. you've been stressed and working dilligently all day, but when you finally submit it right before the clock struck midnight, moira got up from her side of the lab, and retrieved two glasses and a bottle of champagne.

✧˚ · . you never thought she'd be the type to celebrate this sort of thing, especially when it took her away from her work, but when she motioned you to come over, you couldn't help but listen.

✧˚ · . clinking your glasses together, moira congratulated you on your work, and over the alcohol, conversation brewed quickly. you spoke of your plans for the future, your research, her research, discussion flowing for hours, as if it were meant to be. a well-received moment of relaxation for the doctor, you assumed, surprised she'd spend it with you rather than alone.

✧˚ · . she never got the chance to ask if perhaps the two of you could see each other... outside of the lab, maybe for dinner or a coffee. a trial run if anything, she said.

✧˚ · . or- well, she didn't really say it. angela came up to you after a class and told you on her behalf. nerd with a crush doing nerd with a crush things, i guess.

[sailorspica]

what do you think is Kenny's fatal character flaw?

to me it always seems reductive to attribute his failings to violence on itself and not something more rooted, to me what debilitates him more than anything is cowardice. But again, what do you think?

we're on the exact same page about violence for this universe because the whole damn point of the uprising arc and kenny's entire appearance in it, imo, is a prelude to paradis' re-entry into international conflict. measuring any of these characters based on quantitative on-page violence is so goddamn naive, but that's a tangent for my defense of gabi braun

kenny himself identifies too closely with violence as "the only tool he had," and it's silly to take his snk 69 narration as reliable/his sense of self as clear. cowardice is a great word and i think the ultimate truth of it all, but another excuse he might make is he focused too hard on uri, and later his "grand dream." another lie he tells himself could be: he's a u-haul lesbian. he fell so hard and so fast that it didn't even occur to him he was failing kuchel. kuchel and levi are like succulents or sourdough starter he forgot about

because really! if he's employed as uri's pretty much 24/7 bodyguard (the irishman dir martin scorsese), then yeah, he doesn't have time to be "some kid's dad." but childcare? you're basically aristocracy again, how you sit on the council, surely there's governesses looking after noble children. or if you want to reinstate the ackermans as a warrior house bound to the crown, levi could have grown up like, frieda reiss' gay older cousin. there were options

besides stifling his own guilt about levi (or guilt toward kuchel), i think he actually... does care about his squad, but realizes it too late, when the caves are fucking falling in! his "everyone's drunk on something" monologue shows traute and the rest of his squad on the panel for "dreams." in the tavern, he tells levi he'll kill anyone to get to his goals, but i think he was, again, too focused on the founding titan to consider this massive squad of what, 30 people? probably because they're supposed to be elite, seasoned MPs, they know what they're getting into, etc. but in this respect, he's kind of like eruri as one: trying to do the erwin thing of "calculated risks" and convincing people to die for his cause with sheer charisma and rhetoric, only to realize just before death he's too soft for that shit. (but i don't think he'd go on levi-style family condolences tour for his squad because he is a coward.) i've compared him to erwin before: he has no real idea of what he would do with the founder if he had it. he just wanted the view from up there, like erwin had no dreams for a future past the basement

i'm not entirely comfortable making this metaphor but his death speech sets it up: kenny is drunk on something more elusive than power. it could be uri, for whom his euphemism is "a grand dream" (jesus christ). i don't think what matters as much as just how plain destructive habit or addiction is, and how disinterested (or afraid) he is to consider another way of living, like rod's "fuck off now" line about finding something else to do. his pattern has been: kill as many MPs as possible for a grudge he doesn't actually care about (where is his sister? dunno); then stay glued to this dying man's side (where is his nephew? who cares); then pursue the founder (he could kill his nephew and several teenagers in the process? who cares). his yapping at levi about hobbies is way more revealing to Me about his character, while the drunkenness monologue is more of a series thesis statement

[plusultraetc]

hii three questions in one ask for fun. who r ur favorite charas, what r ur fav arcs and what r ur fav subplots in mha :}} big fan of the todofam sideplot and the endeavor agency arc… bkdk third wheeling family drama. hilarious… 😁😁

genuinely HOW could you do this to me, I am so indecisive and I have so many favorite things </3 Also get ready for the sheer volume of words I am about to throw at you :D

SO, favorite characters. Obv there are So Many Characters in this show, but I still feel like I can count the ones I don't like on one hand and have fingers left over. I definitely have some obvious favorites (Aizawa, Mic, Shinsou) and some only-slightly-less obvious ones (Shigaraki, All Might, Hawks), but there are also some faves I don't yap about as much like Kirishima, Jirou, Miruko, and VLAD KING the LOVE of my LIFE. I queued a post recently about Inasa being an underrated fave, which is still true, but Vlad King is truly the king (haHA) of underrated faves. I love that man a ridiculous amount. THE TL;DR HERE IS THAT I LOVE 98% OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SHOW SM IT'S UNREAL.

Arcs & subplots under the keep reading bc my main personality trait (never shutting up) struck again ! The short answer is Sports Festival & Todorokis, Shinsou, Rooftop gang for anyone who doesn't want to stare at that wall of text 😭

Favorite arcs: I have almost as many favorite arcs as I do favorite characters LMAO. You are SO RIGHT about the Endeavor Agency arc; usually people are forced to witness Midoriya & Bakugou's drama but oh, how the tables have turned. I also love Fuyumi and Natsuo and am always delighted to see them, even if they <3 punching me directly in the feelings :(

The USJ arc is, imo, a perfectly executed plot point, so from a writing perspective I really love USJ. It's got action, it's got character spotlights, but most importantly, it ties together the plot/character/worldbuilding threads of the first season so perfectly. Like. It's seamless. It was a writing school level moment. No notes.

The Hideout Raid arc (specifically All Might vs AFO) and Paranormal Liberation War gave me grays at 25. Joint Training is always a delight. But if I had to pick One Arc to Rule Them All it might honestly be Sports Festival?? It features all of my top three favorite characters for more than one (1) scene each and it is just. Such a wild time.

There is so much to unpack about this arc but it has a very special place in my heart bc the first time I ever watched it (so, like, 5+ years ago) my sister and I for some reason decided to treat it like people who care about the Super Bowl treat the Super Bowl. It was our Olympics except the team we were rooting for changed depending on the episode. To this day I remember my sister turning on a DIME from hating Bakugou since Season 1 Episode 1 to CHAMPIONING him with her whole chest bc Monoma pissed her off so much when he stole Bakugou's headbands. And now he's like her second favorite character in the entire series so?? Origin story moment ig.

Last but not least, favorite subplots!!

TODOROKIS. YEAH. Their entire plotline was one of the major factors that motivated me to catch up on the show. I was like what do you mean they're trying to give superhero Fire Lord Ozai a redemption arc? What do you mean that other fire guy was actually a Todoroki? Like... you have to remember that where I left off w this show, Endeavor seemed to exist solely to give Shouto a backstory, and honestly I remembered like nothing about Dabi. If getting back into MHA was a pit of quicksand the Todorokis truly walked me right up to the edge of it. It was like that part of TAZ where Taako is like 'okay that's weird enough that I'm gonna go in there.'

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shinsou's off-screen character arc is EVERYTHING to me. I could write a thesis on this side character who appears like. Three times in the entire show. Shinsou really said 'I will be a mirror character AND undo the First Great Contradiction of this series AND have tangible, believable character growth, all while being given less screen time than Mineta' and I love that for him.

The rooftop gang... I'm not going to say much on this one for manga reasons but it's definitely a subplot I find very compelling. I'm still ruminating on its execution so far but I Did Cry over the Reveal in season 5. It re-contextualized so much, not just about Aizawa and Mic, but about UA and the lives of hero students. Ack.

TYSM FOR THIS ASK, this week has been three weeks long but I had so much fun writing this exhausted ramble <3

[sang8262]

in a yapping mood, and i cant draw well, so here's some *gasp*, self insert-OC related ramblings?!?!?

the elevator pitch summary is:

A fledgling author and researcher who becomes unwittingly enthralled in JP's schemes after visiting Nayshall for a thesis project.

Forced to work for his NGO (and later Neo Shadaloo) as an advisor after showing promise with Psycho Power.

Wrestles with doing the right thing and opposing JP's influence, yet unable to abandon her deeper emotions towards him.

...with more deets below-

I don't even have a proper name for her yet, since I'm bad with that lmao. But I guess as a sorta self insert, they could be Millon.. for now?? Eh I'll figure it out later.

---

The impetus and circumstance for which she meets JP is that,

she's researching Nayshall's rapid devlopment, and the public health problems its facing as a nascent country. Particularly, how the visitors and participants of the Suval'Hal Martial Arts Tournament (SMAT) have access to the best doctors and emergency aid available... yet the greater local population lacking reliable access to affordable health care.

She has the chance to interview and speak with tournament organizer, Johann Petrovich, about the SMAT and current issues. She surprisingly finds him agreeable, polite, and level-headed. Realizing he has a lot of power as the country's policy advisor, she tries to convince him towards implementing healthcare policies that would allocate more resources for those who need it.

Her mistake is trusting JP as someone willing to aid the suffering, someone who wants things to be better for everyone. Once she does though, it's far too late to rid of his clutches on her.

---

I'm imagining she initially is on good terms with him. She respects his investment into developing the country, and even finds his NGO, Terra Network Partners (TNP) potentially a place to work at. Of course, this is before realizing the money laundering and his connections with Shadaloo.

I can see JP convincing her into relying on him and being complicit in his schemes by offering her a stable position within his NGO. Or funding her research and writing. Having the support and endorsement of someone his calibur would be a huge boon to her academic career afterall...

Then, maybe it's either from her own prying, or after a not-so-chance meeting with Kalima and the resistance, but she eventually realizes the kind of person JP is.

By then though, she's far too entangled with JP and his organization to cut ties and escape. In fact, she realizes that her discussions with him have been helping him make more predatory decisions.

---

In a heated revelation of the truth, he might use Psycho Power to fully subdue her: mostly with expectations that she'd not survive it, silencing any incriminating publication about him in the future. And because even if she didn't die, she would now be dependant on him as a mentor, to continue surviving the awful power forced upon her.

Turns out she has a lot of disdain and despair, enough to fuel and sustain Psycho Power. He's not fully interested in helping her per se, but decides she will do less potential harm if kept close under his watch. And so she struggles now, to find a way to escape Shadaloo and quell her bloodlust. But it's not an easy influence to overcome...

---

I mean, it's a self SHIP afterall, so I'm having it be like a development of:

-wow this guy is GREAT, i respect him a lot! he's so kind! we could work together to do a lot of good things :)

-wow nevermind, this guy SUCKS, i have to escape/ stop him!! >:(

-Psycho Power makes it very difficult to think clearly and all my worst emotions are amplified a ton! i am also forced to learn under JP, and work for him, and woah did he always look so handsome :0

Then throw in a healthy amount of manipulation and sweet talking on JP's behalf and poor self insert OC is doomed to tragedy.

---

Design wise, I have no idea!!!! I guess I would make them The Cooler Me, but right now I got nothing. I'll come back to it lmao

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

okay so i jsut finished s1 (i know im so behind 😭😭😭😭) and started thinking about reggie and i have some thoughts ( im going to yap) so!!!!! return of:

TUAMRE24 ALGAMATION POST (real ones remember these from the summer of ‘23) FOR S1

i feel like a large fanon reputation for him is him being this completely evil asshole of a dad. and this is mostly unrefined bcs of the lack of canon material for the hargreeves’ childhood (i am yet to read young blood but i do have it, ill make a post). but i think a different reading would be more accurate to canon

in a way he kind of haunts the narrative of s1 up until plus contacting him, and even then he is so vague it’s hard to grasp a motive from him.

s2 and s3 kind of only bring more questions, which are more frustrating because in s3 so many things are revealed -and s2 has the alien reveal too- but this reginald is not the one that raised them.

so that original reginald, no matter how similar, continues to haunt the narrative (i hope im using this term correctly 🙏). he’s not the one they’re talking to, collaborating with, getting murdered by (luther ☹️) but he’s the influence behind not only their perceptions of the sparrow reggie but also everything they encounter considering he raised them and all

this bring us back to my thesis, i think a better reading of reggie (that a lot of people have touched on b4 me don’t get me wrong) is where he genuinely cares for the umbrellas in his own sort of way.

i mean, going back to s1 he obviously says that shit to klaus in the barbershop about potential, which probably points more to the marigolds thing than anything- but what i found interesting is when viktor was given the violin and there’s the whole flashback with abigail (?) and he seems to genuinely have some fondness for viktor learning the violin outside of just fulfilling his dead wife’s (?) wishes. (how did aliens get a violin? we’re they introduced to the earth by aliens in the first place? is reginald from the future? these are all questions i worry will not be answered in six episodes)

i think it’s interesting to take into account how aliens might have a different way of viewing love and affection. their culture and even biology might be so wildly different that humans and aliens are incompatible for connections. of course this is more speculation that anything else, but i feel like reginald’s alien status should be utilized more in the text because genuinely what the fuck is going on

this turned into a lot of different thoughts about reggie so i’m gonna make some smaller posts abt other s1 stuff

if anyone reading this hiiiii ☂️☂️☂️☂️☂️

[nectardaddy]

♪ positivity prime time! share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile ♪

hmm I'll do the second one

my class is finally starting to understand that I don't fucking play lmao so I can start to do more fun things with them in science lab

going back to college tbh (more so getting my masters but yknow)

getting to start my masters thesis about how behavior and communication go hand in hand (it's a whole thing and I WILL yap about it if given the chance)

mr dodger and I are going to a winery this weekend :)))

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

hellooo how would you rank the aftg characters personally? like in order of favorite to least favorite?

bestie I actually wrote a whole thesis essay response before realizing how unhinged it is so here is the abridged version: (note this is all for the canon versions of these characters, fanon ratings would probably be different)

Neil Josten

David Wymack

Nicky Hemmick (I know I know but it will take me 1000000 years to explain all my Nicky thoughts)

Kevin Day

Matt Boyd

Andrew Minyard (WHY IS HE THIS LOW?? Guys I don’t know I do love him I promise I would do anything for him)

Allison Reynolds

Jean Moreau (once again should be higher I love him I do)

Danielle Wilds (her and Allison could also swap places and I’d still be like “yeah that’s right” bc I love them both)

Catalina Alvarez (my fave tsc character besides Jean she means everything to me you don’t understand)

Jeremy Knox (I love him I do I just know nothing abt him)

Renee Walker (it physically hurts me to put her this low I love her so much I would die for her)

Laila Dermott

Aaron Minyard (don’t come at me pls I like him and I love fanon Aaron I just wasn’t Aaron’s number one fan in canon but I still have so much love and respect for him I swear)

Seth Gordon

I don’t really hate any of these characters I swear (except Riko he’s ranked so low he didn’t deserve a spot on the list) ((he’s a compelling villain tho)) (((Tetsuji is ranked like -100000000 I will never forgive Tetsuji ever)))

if you really want my never ending thoughts here they are under the cut:

warning for a long ass post I’m so sorry because sometimes even I can’t focus enough to read my own long posts

I have spent so long staring at this ask and trying to figure out how I can pit my children against each other but here is my best try: (this is in order of how much I enjoyed their characters personally when I was reading. The list would prob be different if I was ranking them as people and not as characters):

Neil Josten. It’s always gonna be Neil I’m sorry. Recency bias means that I’m currently thinking (and posting) abt Jean 24/7 but Neil Josten will always take the cake for me in ways I can’t even articulate. His dry humour and narrative choices always have me in stitches. He’s got so much trauma but he doesn’t want to do anything about it but push it down until he meets people he cares about and they found family him into actually healing. He cares so deeply and loves in such a subtle but incredibly strong way. I don’t know how to even express this without saying that the reason I can’t put aftg down every time I pick it up is because of Neil. He tells the story in a way that makes me want to know everything about literally every scene. It’s all Nora ofc but the personality between the lines is how I define “Neil” and I will never not love it. You’ve got me going and now I’m not gonna stop. I can’t even apologize for the length bc I will never apologize for yapping about Neil Josten I say that shit with my FULL CHEST

David Wymack. Do I even have to explain myself here? Those are his fucking KIDS and he would do ANYTHING for them while being a SASSY LITTLE SHIT about it the whole time plus he’s a DILF I would kill and die for him.

Nicky Hemmick don't shoot me pls LOOK do I think what he did to Neil in Edens was at all ok? Absolutely not. When I first read tfc I was HARDCORE hating on Nicky and then trk and tkm made him one of my favourite characters. I don’t think he’s perfect but I love the way he loves. It isn’t hard for him, none of the monsters had to prove themselves to Nicky, or even try to be a decent friend for Nicky to automatically decide that these were his people and that he cares about them. When we meet him Aaron is a homophobic dick to him and Andrew literally pulls a knife on him and yet we immediately find out that he willingly dropped everything and moved an ocean away from his home and his boyfriend to raise them both in the US and not ONCE does he act like he seriously regrets it. Me? I would be holding that shit over their heads every time they act disrespectful but for Nicky loving them despite the shit they put him through is not even a question. It’s not even just the twins too. That one scene where Neil asks “are we? Friends?” And Nicky is SO SHOCKED that Neil didn’t know and goes “oh kiddo of course!!” is my Roman Empire. Plus he’s hilarious obviously.

Kevin Day guys I love him ok, the first two books he compelled me but TKM he POPPED OFF. “I’ve never been skiiing” BANGER “I’m gonna be the deadliest piece on the board” GOOSEBUMPS, “My father comes to all my games” HAD ME IN TEARS. Don’t even get me STARTED on that sexy ass racquet hand switch at championships I’m going to combust. I love that he’s literally obsessed with exy and has the most complicated relationships with the mc’s of every book and yet steals the show every time. Kevin Day I love you.

Matt Boyd. I love him because he would love me for putting Neil first and kill me for not putting Dan before him. He loves his girlfriend and his homies and his sport and cars in that order. He’s a golden retriever who saw a team full of scary-ass wolves and still tries to be friends with them. He wasn’t a part of the “clique” that Neil was in but he did not let that affect his perception or love for Neil in any way. He’s been to hell and came out with just as much love in his heart as he did when he came in. He told Neil that he didn’t know if Andrew would be good for him but then he saw that Andrew fought Kevin for him and decided that he approved bc all that mattered to him was that Neil had someone who would defend him the way Matt would. Then he immediately becomes the #1 wingman right before the shower scene bc he would rather die than cockblock his homie. I love him so much

Andrew Minyard. Like Nicky, I was absolutely a HATER in book one and then he became one of my faves. I like that he’s brave and determined, standing despite everything when the world tried to put him down, but not without his flaws. I really appreciate that Andrew isn’t perfect, he struggles, he’s violent when it’s necessary and sometimes when it’s not. I love how he was always willing to protect Neil, despite everything in him telling him that Neil couldn’t be trusted. He’s a flawed man, but at his core, a good one.

Allison Reynolds is that girl. She reminds me of Andrew (both of them would kill me for saying that) because she takes no shit and gives no fucks. She’s who 16 year old me wanted to be when I grew up. She goes through every emotion in these books and comes out full of righteous anger and uses that to kick the raven’s ASSES and I’m so here for that

Jean Moreau. It’s weird to me that he’s so low because I love him he’s my special boy. I thought that he was interesting in TRK but Riko was a more compelling villain to me. Then ofc we learn that he was never meant to be the villain and he was ranked just below Kevin for me because I just wanted him to be happy. Then tsc happened and he became my hyper fixation. He has a VERY similar sense of humor as Neil except for Neil his jokes were directed at abnormal behaviour, and for Jean he just gets so appalled at the most normal things. I digress about his humor I love Jean and if u want to know why just read literally any of my posts

Danielle Wilds is my GIRL. Her story compels me so much and I really wish we got more backstory for her (obvs we got plenty considering the cast of characters is so huge but still… I want more). She loves her team so much despite everything and she works so hard to keep them together I wanna give her a hug and a kiss. (That scene in TKM right after Andrew breaks Riko’s arm Dan was the FIRST one to find Neil and she was so concerned about him she cares about him so much STOP they’re FAMILY I LOVE THEM)

Catalina Alvarez was my favourite character in tsc (aside from Jean) because I love her so much. @theresalwaysafiresomewhere said that cat reminds her of me and it was still to this day the best compliment I’ve ever received. I cannot name a single thing abt cat I don’t like so I’m just gonna keep going.

Jeremy Knox is only this low bc I still know nothing about this man. Reading his pov and seeing him thru Jean’s eyes was helpful in securing him a spot in my list of faves tho, I want to know everything about him please Nora please

Renee Walker also should not be this low it physically hurts me to put her here but like most other characters in this half of the list, she didn’t compel me as much until tkm. Just a personal thing I guess. I do love her though and I wish she got more time with Jean. It still bothers me that she loved Jean but was the bigger person about it and knew that they weren’t at the right place in their lives, and yet we don’t get to see how making this decision affects her. I think she deserves to be loved more. I hope she gets a happy ending the same way Jean does.

Laila Dermott I love her I just don’t really know enough abt her

Aaron Minyard I like him I promise I do he’s got some of the best one-liners! He killed drake did all that in college with an gf and all the power to him but really I think that fanon aaron just appealed to me way more. Canon Aaron just annoyed me because— gunshots actually you know what maybe it’s once again because unreliable narrator Neil hated him and Neil’s my fave so I had to be a hater too 😔

Seth. I know some fans love him and I respect that but I just… idk I don’t see the appeal. Fanon Seth is great tho I’m a fan.

Canon Thea is somewhere on this list near Laila again bc I love her but I don’t know enough about her to be like “yeah she’s my fave”. The version of Thea I created in my head based on the crumbs the books and the ec gave us, on the other hand… she’d probably be somewhere up there with Kevin

[forabeatofadrum]

Guys, it is El WooWoo Wednesday and all the others. We know the drill by now. But you know what is big news? It’s February, aka Figuary! Thank you @artsyunderstudy​ for the tag on this fine Figuary day.

(Gonna plug my figure drawing Snowbaz AU The Naked Truth real quick!)

Yesterday I didn’t write anything new to make a fire out of this flame, but instead I spent an hour formatting it. The good thing about textfics is that I do not care for typos etc., but the bad part is the formatting. I should’ve taken the Little Numbers approach, but I also love the occasionally silly usernames.

I am actually a bit stuck on the ending, though. Like... I am so close to finishing it, I can practically taste it, if it were able to taste fics (this would be a fun ask game, as in, what would your fic taste like?)

Have some pining Baz:

I have some general writing thoughts under the tags and cut, so feel free to skip them, but first the weather, and by weather I mean the tags. I started Welcome to Night Vale yesterday after all the #cecilsweep hype, but I actually used this bad joke before.

ANYWAY. Tags! @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @takitalks @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla ​ @nausikaaa​/@wellbelesbian​​ @facewithoutheart @boyinjeans​ @captain-aralias​ @martsonmars​

Basically I am thinking about how I want to approach writing this year. I like writing. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here yapping about writing, but I have talked plenty about what I have dubbed “my girlboss situation”, which is that I took on so many things last year that I was “girlbossing too close to the sun”, which I need to credit Christina’s fic Thirst Trapped for, which in turn has to credit TikTok. So I am already not doing potenial challenges like the Klaine CC Valentine’s challenge and the Carry On Big Bang, and I am very on the fence about the Klaine Roulette because I want to join but also... no... girlboss situation. But I do want to do something.

I know I have many WIPs and that I also want to finish them, but there is just so much to write and honestly, I don’t mind if it takes a while. That’s why I came up with the whole hospital thing.

So I guess I am doing smaller new things now? I knew I was fucked when I claimed not one, but two prompts at the AU Please! fest, but come on, one was “Dex has the superpower to turn into a lobster”. I might actually drop that one, because I have no idea what to write for it, so ideas are welcome. And the other is a prompt where Jack travels in time and meets his past/future self, and I picked that one in the hope to get me back into my own Zimbits time travel fic. Apart from AU Please! I will do some small things for that new Radio Silence challenge, because if there’s one thing that will break my restraint, it’s a small fandom. If someone takes the effort to make the possibly first challenge for a fandom, then I am 🥹. But I hope that all of these fics will be around 1k. There was, for example, another prompt in AU Please! that I absolutely love, but the story that I saw unraveling in my mind was a big one so *wink wink nudge nudge* if you are a Zimbits writer, please claim the role reversal one so that I can read it.

I don’t really have a point here. I said above the cut that it’s just some musings. It’s on my mind because my 3rd university semester happened and I had an existential crisis at 1:30AM, as you do, about my potential OFFLINE girlboss situation (2 commissions at my queer organisation, master thesis, Chinese classes, art organisation, sidejob, intensive university course... ya... I may have girlbossed too close to the sun here) and I had a moment of “what do I do with my limited free time I do not have time to write if I also want to read and paint and draw and game.”

Look, I know I just wrote a WIP for my SJAEU about how terrible it actually is for Luke to be awake 24/7, but also, he does have more time than I do!

But yeah. Just some musings from a 24 year old having a potential quarter to life crisis. Also, I only recently found out I’ve been misspelling potential for over a decade. I wrote potentional. No idea where the extra o and n came from.

[junco-baby]

Late to this, but tagged by @don-humes-tiny-shorts ! Thanks for the tag, soph :>

List 5 topics you could talk about for an hour without preparing any material for it:

Music - I know that's super generic lol, but literally you could just ask me "what music have you been into lately?" And I'd yap for hours about my favorite artists/albums.

Birds! - I could give you fun facts about birds in general; I could talk about my fav bird species; I could give you tips on birdwatching; I could share my fav birdwatching stories; I could even tell you about my ornithology masters thesis if you really wanted lolol

Writing - again kind of generic, but I love talking about writing as a skill/craft. I had a creative writing minor in college, I was a writing tutor for years. I love writing, I love viewing it as a craft that can be improved with practice, I love encouraging people that they can do it! I love sharing about my own writing process. It's all so good!

(certain) sports - I love a good sport (is this surprising to anyone who follows my side blog? Lol). Specifically: college basketball, especially during March Madness (although my fav player finally graduated, cries); the Olympics!!! Both summer and winter, I don't even care what sport I will watch them all (been watching some trials this week!); golf (booo, I know. It's bad for the environment. But I used to play and watch with my dad, so it holds a special place in my heart I'm afraid); ice skating (did it for 10 years in my youth, specifically ice dancing [non competitively though, I was bad at it lol. Still so fun!]); I went through a baseball phase, I haven't watched in awhile but I bet I could get back into it lol

Wes Anderson movies - I'm a basic bitch lol, I love Wes Anderson movies. The designs, the writing, they're so fun. I can never decide if my fav is Grand Budapest Hotel or Moonrise Kingdom. Also really enjoyed Asteroid City and its exploration of grief.

This was fun!

[neverending--ending]

Someone ate too much and feels too sad, so now he yaps pessimistically about love.

Love seems like a lie. A distraction, delusion, hallucination, redirection from the truth that life consists of suffering and we all exist to use and get used; life is the thesis of the ever deeper honesty. Perhaps my opinion is invalid for I have never "loved" nor been "loved". All of my "crushes" lasted less than one week and sprung up after a stranger asked if I was okay during my lowest in depressive episodes, and I would never think of them that way once I went back to baseline depression.

I've never seen proper love either. While I do believe my father loves my mother, his language is through gift giving. And I do not believe my mother loves my father, but tolerates him. They are not "married because they love each other" but "not divorced because they tolerate each other." My mother "loves" him when he does nice things, and bitches about him every time he passes by, wishing he was gone, when he is not.

I also lack a good first impression. My mother told me to never date, for pregnancy equaled homelessness. Then, she told me to never marry, for marriage is a lie. Then, she told me to never date masculine women. Then, she gave me permission to date whatever girl I want, but any aspect of the relationship must be kept to myself and any trouble I have with the relationship must be kept to myself, for she did not care nor want to hear it. Thus, I learned that it would be problematic to develop feelings. I would be treated as a nuisance. If she was abusive, or broke up with me, I would have a plethora of feelings to force down for those would render me a nuisance.

And while I never actively thought this until now, I subconsciously knew this, and it has manifested through aroacity. [Made up term for aroace] I've concluded its aromanticism because it is egosyntonic; it doesn't bother me. Now, I dont think all aspec people have some lore or reasoning for their aroacity, I dont think many do. And if they do, its still valid. If anything, I'm only bothered when I feel excluded from the group for not having a relationship, or I'm judged for never having feelings. Though that may be because I don't plan on living long. Part of me wonders if I'd be upset if I could see myself living until 70. But I can live a good 20-25 more years, pernamently alone, before I have my first and last kiss with a GF00. I am unsure if i am passive or active, or on that borderline wherein a bit more access would make me active. But also, I'm terribly lazy, and I'll probably keep delaying it until I die of some common health condition.

This is also because I have seen "real" love, and it honestly makes people annoying. The blushing, the obsession, the stupidity one degrades to when suffering the illness of "love". Why would I be in love when I have seen love make a friend annoying? Irrational? Prone to accepting abuse? Willing to die for someone they just met, and likely wont remain with, especially if I think back to high-school. Love makes people weak. I don't hate lovers, I just hate what love can do to people. The definition of love also seems quite weak. By the most common explanations, I'm in love with many, so many that I know it's none of them.

Besides, I'm already in "love" with my ed, based on the way normal people treat their crushes. Everyone says personifying it is annoying, but it's quite comforting. I'll never make any posts treating my ed as a person though. This is just an imaginary lover. That I'd be stupid for. That I'd die for. That I'll take abuse from. That I'll be irrational for. And frankly, it's all I need.

[silke-doomflare]

Meet the character: Silke

BASICS

► Name ➔  “Silke Doomflare. And yes, it’s got something to do with my profession!”

► Are you single ➔ Silke’s eyes suddenly get a bit wider. She blinks, and then purses her lips, becoming oddly interested in the nearby wall. “It’s complicated.”

► Are you happy ➔  “Mm, yeah, I guess I could say so”, she states after thinking for a moment. “I’m studying things I love, my family is safe and alive, I have a handful of people I could consider my friends.. Can’t really complain, although a little bit more gil wouldn’t hurt...”

► Are you angry? ➔  “Well, usually not. Though, at the moment I’m a bit pissed off at a certain colleague of mine who loudly and unnecessarily harshly judged my thesis of pyromancy in front of our professor and classmates. Like, hellooo? You can give critique and still be polite about it, geez…”

► Are your parents still married ➔  “They are”, Silke nods proudly. "I’ve seen so many broken families lately. I feel very privileged… and lucky.”

EIGHT FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “I’ve heard it was the place named Skatay Range. But I can’t remember a thing from it. I was so young when I was taken by slavers. So I like to think Kugane as my real birth place, since I grew up there.“

► Hair Color ➔ “Black I guess? At least it was the last time I checked! In bright light it looks like dark grey, though.”

► Eye Color ➔ Silke leans closer, so that the deep turquoise can hardly be missed. "You have troubles with your eyes or what? I happen to partly know a shady medic from a certain dark alley nearby. Want to know the address?”

► Birthday ➔ “Ninth sun of the first astral moon, I’ve heard.”

► Mood ➔ “Right now? I guess I’m feeling somewhat eager. There’s this new portal we’re going to test out tomorrow, and I was permitted to take part in it. Can you believe that? Usually they’re just like ‘no, Silke, don’t touch it, don’t touch anything’, but this time I’m allowed in. They must’ve finally noticed the genius I am.“

► Gender ➔ “God!” Silke yells and gets on her feet, pointing towards the roof. A long silence follows. “Seriously! Have you ever seen me on a battlefield? Have you seen the havoc I’ve --- no? Oh...”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Agh, such a difficult question. I like both. I like to swim and lay on a soft grass under a tree. But then again I also like to drink hot cocoa when it’s cold, wrap myself up into a blanket and watch the flames of our fireplace or snow falling outside.“

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon of course? I’m not even awake before noon… no, wait. I like sleeping as well. Both?”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “Of course I am. If we don’t count the feeling of aether flowing through me while I cast spells and blow things to smithereens, I love most the smell of old tomes, parchment, ink and all sorts of sweets, especially ice-cream. I also love chocobos. If it wasn’t possible to be a mage I’d definitely become a chocobo breeder. Perhaps I’ll become one when my career is over and spells no longer stay in my head. I’ll retire and start breeding chocobos. Yes, a perfect plan!“

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “I definitely do! I fell in love with my dog the moment I saw him. Have you ever visited Kugane? Well anyway, they have these small, orange, pointy eared and curly tailed dogs there in almost every house. It’s like their national dog or something, they’re so popular.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I hate to admit this, but it was him… I thought we were doing fine, but one day he started to complain I didn’t give him enough attention, and that I was studying too much. I mean… how can one even study too much? I don’t get it.“

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔  “I guess I have. Not on purpose, though! Honestly, some people are so sensitive it’s harder not to break their hearts, geez… What an annoying subject to talk about, anyway.” Silke ruffles her head uneasily.

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “Of course not. I wouldn’t be able to ever become an archmage if I wasn’t dedicated to my studies.“

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Silke’s usually cheerful expression grows darker suddenly. "My sister. We don’t see very often, but when we do, I try to show my care as much as I can. She’s hanging out with shady folk sometimes, and I can’t help but worry at times will she come home or not.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “I surely hope not! Would be creepy to have someone admiring you from afar, without letting you know. Isn’t that like stalking? It’s only good manners to make yourself known so we can find out do we get along or not.“

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “No, I don’t think so. Or perhaps I once almost did… there was this huge tome - as big as those holy scriptures they have in the cathedral - in a certain old bookstore. The merchant was old as sky and I was afraid they’d close the place soon. And the tome was expensive. I was a lot younger back then and didn’t have much money, and my sister was like ‘no Silke, you totally won’t buy a book written in some dead language no one can read to take more room in your previously cramped room and collect dust.’ At first I was about to leave it at that, but I ended up snitching money from her cache.” Silke grins impishly. “No regrets!”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “I have to choose again? You’re, like, asking me do I like to enjoy nice things existing or actually take them to be mine.”

► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “What if I started to ask you annoying questions like strawberries or chocolate? Can’t choose, huh? Huh?”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ Silke falls silent for a moment. “…just when I was yapping at you for silly questions. Dogs all the way! I like cats too, and maybe I would be more of a cat person if my first pet had been a cat. But it was a dog, and there’s no going back!“

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few best friends, absolutely. I have both, but I’ve noticed I enjoy the company of my closest friends a lot more. You can do all sorts of crazy stuff with them you can’t with anyone else.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “Definitely a wild night out! I have romantic nights by myself all the time with wine and chocolate and our fireplace, and I rarely get to go out.“

► Day or night ➔ “I like both, actually. At days I’m studying, and at nights I’m doing my homework.” Silke shrugs and grins.

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Silke becomes more serious once more. “Like I told you, I was taken from my original home by slavers. Life wasn’t very nice back then. I tried to run, many times. But I was very small and weak, and they were big, strong and fast.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “This actually happened during one of my escape attempts. I was lucky I didn’t die. I still have a scar left.“ Silke lifts her bangs and shows a scar near her temple.

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Freedom. Yes… I think losing our loved ones is the first thing we usually think of when someone asks for the thing we fear the most. But I think losing your freedom would be even worse. If you’re free, you can always start anew, but if you’re being held captive, you can’t do anything. Nothing at all.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ Silke gives a long look at you and raises an eyebrow again. “Considering the things I just told you, there just may have been such situations...”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Mmh, both are important, but I think I like eyes more. I’m not a spiritual person, but I still think you can kind of see their soul there. Their essence. If they’re good or evil. The creepiest thing I’ve seen is probably living people with empty eyes, especially those without any kindness in them…”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “Shorter, definitely. I’m quite short myself despite my heels and I don’t like it when someone looks down on me. Well, most of people  kind of have to, they can’t help it, but you know?“

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔  “Pff, do you even need to ask? Intelligence, of course. There are very few things that… truly infuriate me… But the one thing I absolutely can’t stand in others is chosen stupidity. Yes, chosen! Can you believe, that there truly exists people who don’t want to learn new things, be it about themselves or other people or the world that surrounds them?” Silke starts to imitate an elderly person, talking in a low, hoarse tone: “Silly girl. If we would discover new things or try them out, we would be in a situation we’ve never been in before.” She bursts into a mocking laughter. “Yes, someone really said that to me…”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Relationship, hands down. I’ve had my share of hook-ups.” Silke apparently can’t stop her eyes rolling towards the roof as a protest.

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “Yeah, we get along very well. I have some arguments every now and then with my two siblings, but nothing too serious.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Not anymore. It used to be such a mess, though.” Silke lets out an uneasy laugh. “After me and Asagi were adopted, we got our life eventually back together. Despite a few ups and downs it’s been quite stable after that. A place to belong to and meaningful chores do wonders.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “No, definitely not. My parents have always been reasonable. Even during our wildest teenage years I can’t remember there would’ve been anything too major…“

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Silke has some difficulties holding back a sudden laughter. "I got kicked out of class, yeah! Though I still think it was unfair towards me. It wasn’t my fault. It was an alchemy class and I guess I had made some miscalculation with my mixture… I tried to tell my professor I’m not quite sure about it, but he just had to go and push his big head too close to the cauldron.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “No, I don’t hate my friends. If I did, I wouldn’t be friends with them, would I? Some of them have some annoying traits, but... hate? Nah.“

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ "Sadly no… I’ve had some… disappointments. You know, there’s quite a lot of people who seem like they’re good friends, but once you have a bad day, or few bad days, they suddenly disappear and want to hear nothing about it. So weird. I certainly wouldn’t abandon my friends like that.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Absolutely Iris. She’s a bit odd sometimes, in a good way though, and her vocabulary is quite vulgar and it upsets some people, but I think it’s hilarious. I’ve never met anyone so quick-witted before. There’s not a single boring moment while she’s around. Oh, and nowadays there’s also this certain miqo’te called Shaura. We haven’t known each other for very long, but just like with Iris, we just clicked right away.“

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “I think my sister might… I’ve tried to keep some secrets from her, like me loaning her gil without asking sometimes, but I think she knows. I have no idea how the heck! I mean, I’m smart, but she’s even smarter… If it was possible, I would like to change brains with her for a day or two. I want to know how she does it.”

[amzngphil-rp]

The Motions of Dealing With People You Hate|| Baby Shower AU

@wishes-in-the--markmark @kristenmcatee-rp @crywastaken-rp @nerdynumme-rp

“But Papa-”

“No buts, Elliot. We have to go to Auntie Ro’s baby shower.”

“But the baby isn’t even there yet...” the boy fussed, folding his arms and turning away from Phil. He sighed and stood up, “Daniel!”

“What?!” screams the man from the other room, rushing in and standing in the doorway, “Phil what’s going on, he’s supposed to be dressed?!”

“Your son’s not getting dressed. He claims that because the baby’s not there, he shouldn’t have to go to the party,” Phil explains.

“Yeah, you guys just like dressing us up to go to parties,” Elliot adds.

Phil and Dan look at each other, concerned, then shrug as the dark haired one stood up and walked towards his husband, kissing his cheek in passing, “Your turn, babe.”

“B-b-b-bah..Phil..PHIL- ah god,” Dan tried to say before Phil was already downstairs.

“Love you, too, honey! I’m gonna get Persi something to eat, so we’ll meet you at the party-”

“But I-”

“I have to talk to my daughter, babe....go talk to your son!” he yelled as the keys jingled and the door opened.

“Bye Dan!” Persephone yelled before the door closed and locked.

“You had a point, Elli, but you get to see Harlan, and I get to drink with Papa, so let’s go get dressed.”

Shawna walked into the house and saw Vega playing with his puppy and smiled, “Hey Alti, how’s it going?”

“I’m Vega,” he looked up and let the dog lick his face.

“Sorry, buddy, I like your outfit...where’s your dad?” she asked, walking up and holding up her hand for him to five. 

He fived back, “He’s in the room with Altair, I think he’s trying to cheer up or get ready to see mommy again...I dunno.”

“He’s still in the room, Vega...He’s not getting up-” said Shawna, expecting it.

“Oh my god! We’re gonna be late...We can’t be late to our baby sister’s baby shower!” Altair stomped down to greet Shawna, also giving her five.

“Uncle Joey will have a conniption,” Vega added, looking at his twin.

“Well yes, but your mom will be very disappointed in your dad,” Shawna said, “So I’m gonna see if I can get him up.” 

“Miss Shawna likes my outfit,” Vega said as he stood up.

“Why can’t he get up himself?” Altair asked.

“Come here,” Shawna said, bringing them in and putting her hands on each of their shoulders, “Boys, your mom and your dad are having some problems agreeing with each other and your dad feels...very very bad about missing your mom.”

“Well, if it’s daddy’s fault then he should fix it,” Vega said folding his arms.

“It’s..welll..like I said, they are disagreeing with each other. It happens, just like you two don’t like things that each of you do all of the time, it still happens when you grow up,” Shawna explained, “So your mommy and daddy put themselves in time out.”

“But they have our baby sister coming,” Altair said, concerned.

“Is that why Reiner and Sylvan are with mommy?” Vega asked.

“More or less, yes...They’re taking care of your mommy and telling daddy that she’s okay and when the baby kicks and stuff when Uncle Joey can’t be there because he’s got kids of his own,” Shawna replied.

“I remember that. He slept over the first couple nights-” said Vega.

“Oh and remember when Uncle Ryan made us shepherds’ pie?” Altair piped up.

“Alright, then why don’t you guys get a bottle of water from the fridge and I’ll meet you guys back out here?” Shawna asked. Both of the boys nodded.

“We have to take Muffins for a walk anyway,” Vega said as they could hear the dog whine and paw at the door.

“Deal.”

Shawna was very surprised when Mark called her, but if the boys were any indication that shit had hit the fan, this was all she needed to know. She crept into the room, which was dark and full of trash. She dredged through it and got to the window, turning the shades on and getting some light going, which erupted a roar from the man. “Mark!”

“Shaw...what?!” he sits up, “How’d you get here so fast?”

“I own a car now...And you called me like last night? This morning, all I know is you told me to help you get over to the shower while your car’s getting worked on,” Shawna explained.

“What time is it?” he grumbled, rubbing his face and checking his phone, “OOHH SHHIT!” He begins to rush out of bed and starts throwing his clothes around running around the room, “Th-th-the Boys!..Aw god!”

“They said they’ve been ready to go for a while, they went to go walk the dog,” Shawna said, sitting on his bed, “When’s the last time you showered?”

“Yesterday, I just..I don’t remember after I got home from the gym..” Mark explained, rushing into the bathroom, turning the water on and throwing himself around, grunting as he frantically showered.

“Well you skipped the shower, but you fed the boys. There’s dishes in the sink...This is grad school all over again-”

“I didn’t...Ok, maybe I had to a few times,” Mark said, scrubbing furiously all through his body, “I’m not trying to.. be like that..today..especially.”

“Yeah, I know it’s hard, but you’ve got some good boys there, Mark. I can just let you borrow my car and you can take them-”

“NO..no..well..maybe,” Mark said as he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around himself, “Y-you wouldn’t mind?” he asked, sheepishly, shampoo still in his hair and squinting as he panted.

“Yeah, I could..watch the dog while you’re gone,” Shawna shrugged with a smile.

“But you’re all dressed to go..I wanted you to go with me..I-I need you to go with me...for the boys-”

“The boys will be fine, Mark. They’re older now, and their older brothers will be there..I’d think you just want me to drop you guys off or something..You’re the father, so- go wash your hair back out!” Shawna said, pushing him back into the bathroom, “Come on, don’t skip steps!”

Mark went back into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth and began to feel himself smile. Shawna’s good at keeping him on top, he was alone in doing this before, and who’s to say how many times he’s stopped getting ready because he just would. Grad school made the difference for him because he was doing it for Ro, he was doing it for his babies, but it was all still so hard. He never would have thought he’d befriend the girl who manipulated him and who used to make him uncomfortable if it wasn’t for their class project and that they were assigned as partners for working on their thesis. She really kept him together when he felt the most alone. He just never really said anything to Ro, who had been focusing on her cookbooks and her baking show, all the while being a mom. He knew they would disagree about being apart and doing what they both needed for each other, but he had to do good for himself and not just ride her coattails. 

Shawna always kept in the back of her mind that Mark and she are really lucky they had an opportunity to hit it off in grad school because she at times would look at Mark and see Andrew and his simple air, his caring eyes and his devotion. It reminded her of better times. Now as a wounded woman who grew, Shawna saw something in Mark in grad school that gave her strength not to do anything dumb- his devastation and fear of losing it all. His fear of losing Ro- the only thing that kept him sane, the fear of losing his boys- the things that kept him going, the fear of losing his family- the thing he created that could die in his hands. She wasn’t there to be with him, she was there to be for him, to be a friend when he was alone. Help him keep his routines up.

“Cyr...put that out and help us!” Joey called from across the room.

“Can it, Joey, I can work and smoke,” he said, taking one last drag.

“I’m surprised he’s still smoking actual cigarette,” mutters Cry.

“I’m sorry, but my vape’s in the shop. I’ll chew tobacco next time,” he said back, walking past them.

“Ew,” Cry and Joey said together.

“Aren’t you two just charming? Now..Rosie, dollface,” Cyr said, walking up to her in the kitchen, decorating cupcakes and cookies, “You need me to help you in here?”

“Uhmm..well yeah, can you first off not smoke in my house? Thank you,” Ro said, not looking up from the cookie, “Also there are salads in the fridge that need to come out. Fruit tarts and treats for the little ones and the last of the souffle need to come out of the oven and set, BE CAREFUL-”

“I got it, I got it, I know how souffle works,” Cyr said, closing the refrigerator gently and setting down the trays of treats, “They look great, doll..”

Ro blushed and looked up at Cyr, smiling at him. She felt a pang in her heart because Mark should be here. He should be here: helping with the party, helping with the decorations, helping her with the food setup. She just couldn’t deny herself him, either. She remembered the night. She had just gotten out the shower, they hadn’t even been sep-apart for more than a month. They were still blaming each other. And she had been...not here. She needed to feel, she needed something to get her going- she needed him. She called from a number through an app and couldn’t believe it was still the same. Her voice was croaky and shaky, it stuttered in her step to say it was her. She wanted to lie. She wanted to stop this. On the other hand, it was just a phone call, she could hang up at any time- she could just-

Well if it isn’t ring around the Rosie...How’s life?

Her breath had never caught harder. Toes curling, mouth agape, trying to crumple herself up so he couldn’t see her in her PJs and through her. 9PM turned into 11, and 11 turned into 3AM. 3AM turned into him coming over. He offered her a cigarette in the yard and she refused- she broke the news and loosened her robe. He nodded and pushed his hair back again. Ro felt her lip swollen from biting it so much, he put his hand on her face and stroked her cheek, just hard enough to make her stop biting her lip. He walked past her and went back into the house. She yapped quietly for him to come back and he turned around, confused. She realized then she reached for her wedding ring and her right hand to the necklace he bought her- and the left hand was bare. She covered her mouth and then tightened her robe, walking towards him with her own charm and talked with him about the party with one more cigarette. 

They would get into this routine frequently, for the next couple of months while she planned and didn’t speak to Mark. She’d put her phone on Do Not Disturb just after the last kid put his head on a pillow and he’d be outside. They’d go for a drive, he’d talk to her. He’d barely touch her, and when she did she felt fireworks. She frequently forgot her wedding ring. Lied to Cyr when he asked where her necklace went about the clasp being broken and needing to be cleaned, so it’s away. She’d lie to her friends about talking to Mark and writing him letters. Shawna came by Mark’s every other day or so and there wasn’t a single parcel or note. 

Joey and Cry were seething as they hung decorations and watched those two in the kitchen.

“I thought she was done with him,” Cry muttered, “Wasn’t that what she said?”

“Urgh..I really...really can’t right now, babe,” Joey said, throwing down the excess decorations and stomping towards the group of balloons starting to separate them.

“Babe..you’re upset..come here, take a break,” Cry said, pulling his husband close to him.

“SHE LIED!” Joey yelled, stomping, “She never lies and here she is with the grand master of fucking lies!”

“Alright alright, babe, let it out, come on..come here..I’m right here,” Cry soothed him, walking him to another part of the house.

Ro and Cyr were too busy laughing and having a brief water fight to notice.

The party has just begun and Shawna pulls up with the boys and a clean and put-together Mark. She looked and saw everyone here and all the kids running around and smiled, spotting Kristen and walking over to talk with her and PJ. 

Ro saw the whole thing from their bedroom window, she seethed. How dare she touch him? How dare she bring him here? How dare she touch their children, their dog? She shouldn’t be here. She ripped up a letter she had written to Mark and headed downstairs.

Mark was reacquainting himself with his house that he bought for his family, walking through the halls and touching everything. He never felt more together. He rushed upstairs, skipping steps, “RoBoat?!” He went faster as he approached the other flight and ascended some more, “RoBoat?!” He ran past the second landing and froze at the steps to their bedroom. He panted, enraged, YOU.

Cyr looked down and was raised his eyebrows, “Uh...Rosie?” he called back into the room before he was thrown against the wall.

“What are doing here...HUH?!..What are doing here?! Speak, you fuck! You bothering my wife again?! You can’t take a fucking message?! Even after all these years you goddamned snake!” Mark was tightening his grip and slamming the lanky man against his wall, pictures further down the hall falling, “I swear to GOD you laid one fucking filthy hand on her or my fucking children you’re a stain, you hear me?! A STAIN! FINISHED! OBLITERATED!”

“MARK?!” Shawna came running up the steps with Joey, Cry, Kristen, and Leda not far behind.

Hearing the ruckus being caused in the house, PJ acted quick and closed the door, turning to the concerned people who had gathered.

“Alright everybody, grab your kids and grab a seat! Uncle PJ is gonna put on a magic show!”

While Shawna and Cry were attempting to pull Cyr and Mark off of each other. Leda was standing still in shock that Cyr was here. He was actually here. She knew he was in Cali, but she hadn’t..it just hadn’t crossed her mind. She only kicked into gear when she heard a resounding slap from where Shawna was standing,  “Woah what the fuck?!” she exclaimed.

“Don’t you touch my HUSBAND!” Ro screamed when she slapped Shawna and wrapped her hair around her hand and wrist, dragging her back, “You don’t think I SAW you with him, you whore! Why can’t you leave us alone?! Putting your dirty..fucking..fingers all over OUR CHILDREN!” She was blind with rage, slamming the girl into the ground, pulling her up to kick her in the face and then slamming her into the opposing wall and knocking down the other frames hanging on the wall. 

Kristen and Leda ran up to the other women and got Ro to let go, and Shawna lay motionless on the floor. Ro was still in a state of rage and hysterics until she exclaimed from pain, and she clutched her stomach. Both girls ran her up to her room and the men stopped fighting as they looked at Ro clearly in discomfort. Mark sprung up and sprinted towards their bedroom with Joey and Cry behind him. Cyr sat up against the wall, panting using his sleeve to wipe the blood off. Kristen came back into the hallway and helped Shawna up, who was regaining consciousness, “You alright?...Holy fuck she did a number on you!”

“Y-yea..” Shawna said, panting as well, holding her head, “She’s got a helluva hurt for a pregnant lady..And look at you..am I seeing a ghost?” They both giggled as she started to clean herself up and asses her injuries, collecting the hair that got pulled out in the thrashing.

“I’m gonna go get some ice,” Kristen said, getting up then stopping to look at Cyr, “I’ve heard about you..hate to meet ya like this, brother.”

“Vincent Cyr...pleasure’s all mine, you woulda met me like this anyway..and just make that ice a double sweetie,” he said weakly with a bloody grin.

Scoffing Kristen rushed off with a slight blush on her cheeks. 

Leda came rushing back down and looked at her friends who looked back at her- as if to ask if Ro’s okay, “She’s just too excited, and her and Mark need to talk anyway..but god you two look like shit.” They all chuckled a little then Shawna groaned.

“I think she broke my rib,” Shawna said.

“I think he broke my nose,” Cyr said.

Leda sat in the hall next to Shawna and Cyr crawled over to sit next to them, “What am I gonna do about you two?” she sighed, putting a hand on both of their knees.

“An ambulance is a place to start,” Shawna said, smiling and looking down at the both of them, “And she musta knocked me hard cus I swear I’m seeing ghosts.”

“You?! Shit, I got this woman here pregnant and hadn’t seen her since,” Cyr said.

“Not funny,” Leda said, texting Matt downstairs to call an ambulance, “And I’m sorry. But..I’m definitely doing better now.”

“That’s good to hear, Leeds. ANd Shawna Howson is talking now?! Crazy,” Cyr said, looking at her, “How in the hell did you get involved with Mark to the point that you brought him here and Ro fucked you up like that? I’ve never seen her like that.”

“I always could, but it was just hard before,” Shawna began, “And neither have I. When they weren’t together and Mark was going through it, he had to clean the art room as punishment for some destruction he did to the Theta house and I had to supervise...His meds were fucked up and I told him that if we played a little game of Simon Says I’ll do him a solid and say he was here the whole day and he could go to his dorm and edit.”

“Oh MY GOD! SHawna! What’d you make him do?!” Leda asked, looking at her incredulously, “Cus I knew it musta been bad if I’ve never seen her like that either.”

“Did you fuck’em?” Cyr asked.

“Nah, we got a little handsy and we made out..Nothing deep. I forgot who, but someone went back and told her and she went off and warned me then to stay away from her and him or else,” Shawna explained, “I had no idea miss sugar sweet would be so rotten.”

“So you must have done something right if you’re cool with him to bring him and his kids to his wife’s baby shower while they’re separated,” Cyr said.

“Yeah well, I don’t think that was it. Cus see, something like this happened in grad school. She was pregnant again and him and her were really struggling. So they separated for a while, and his friends had all moved away so he was stuck on grad campus with me for six months before he could move back in with Ro, who was running around doing her book tour...And I didn’t do anything, obviously...he had just gotten married! But! He needed a friend. So I’d moved in with him to save on room and board costs and kept him alive and well while we finished our thesis. I just assumed he just never told Ro because he was only getting taken care of and wasn’t fucking me, and now today is a fact that I know he didn’t. So, you know, same thing four years later, he called me up and him and the twins have been sharing my house with me for the past couple months,” she explained, “And I’m guessing she called you up, Cyr?”

“Wait, wait! Cyr you were fucking her?!” Leda interrupted.

“No, no, nah..She’s married. If I wanted to ruin a marriage I’d go home and watch my ex-girlfriend text me behind my ex-roommates back- who’s now her husband, but that’s another story for another time,” he began, “Cus Ro likes the idea of being intimate with me and it soaks her panties that she can’t. So, I was a good friend and listened to her talk and took her on late night drives after her kids went to bed. She told me the first night we met up again two months ago she was pregnant with the baby because she refused to sneak cigs with me or drink- and when she did, she wanted wine. So you know, nice talk here, gentle platonic touch there, just anything to get her out of her head a little and stop biting her fucking lip. I’m surprised it never bled.”

“Wow...what card,” Shawna scoffed, “PJ did that for a while but then he realized I’m dependent on it, so he essentially put me in rehab to stop and I’ve been trying to find that someone since. Also, he couldn’t have his house vice a mess.”

“Cyr, come on, you’re telling me you were that clean? That doesn’t seem like you,” Leda challenged, “You didn’t finger her or eat her out or anything?”

“If I told you, I wouldn’t say it upstairs with them in the next room,” Cyr chuckled, “But I will say that some things happened but I’d stop because it’s...it’s just not right, you know? They gotta work their issues out by themselves and she can’t run off to live in her fantasies and lie to her husband about it. We’re adults now, we coulda gotten killed. Also, she’s got a fifth child to think about, and that means she’s not taking birth control and I’m absolutely not even touching that with my dick or a fifty-foot pole.”

Just then the ambulance pulled up and Kristen came upstairs with bags of ice.

[shytiff]

Mar 2021 Wins

1 - Work againn except the medical record ran out. So we went back at 12 am. Relaxeddd at home. Fasted today (still got 2 fasting debts to go). Meeting with dr dafsah dr bayushi and dr debby at 20:30. I embarrassed myself lmao,,, and what you can say as "asal bunyi". Let the overthinking and fear begin. I actually woke up 3 times during the night, lmaoo is it anxiety? Never happened to me before.

2 - we need to take care of administrations to get more medical record so we did. Wasted almost half of the day but we finally managed. Immediately fell asleep at home lmao

3 - the usual day in harkit. Asked more medical records. Planned to go to cp to see slip ons but the tj i wanted to ride went straight to kalideres so like the sane person i am of course i went back home. Timing is very222 great sometimes in life. Zoom meeting with the ever so kind dr eva. Mahmud and dela joined the assistant gang

4 - magang. Met dr eva in pediatric icu. late late evening lunch was kungpao chicken sec bowl (which i exclaimed as sweet. And then my friend said kungpao is supposed to taste like that. Huh). I was picked up after maghrib. Laid down in bed, playing my phone until 22ish and i fell asleep. Damn i shouldve slept earlier yknow

5 - magang. Ate spicy salmon onigiri from lawson for lunch. Went to btkv basecamp with mahmud since RM was a bit crowded. Not even 10 mins in, and we excused ourselves because misuh2 btkv near the computer on our table. Went to nonama in le meridien after magang with ara ness gen cal hanin amal alya. The sushi was so so (too much rice). Yay for lots of sashimi. Salmon kushiage was tasty. Salmon aburi cheesy stuff was tasty. Soba so so. Takoyaki explodes in your mouth. While waiting for mom, saw live piano performance in the lobby. Shes playing alone. I hope she knows someone out there appreciates it *oddly melancholic*

6 - slept in. Felt good. Hurriedly showered and got ready bcs i thot it was getting a bit late and turns out i arrived in halte kalideres 9:11 am lmao. Breakfast slash lunch was penyetan cok ayam. The sambal was not THAT spicy but my tongue has weakened now. Picked up some data in RM. Went to central park with my heavy ass bag to search for slip ons. Didnt find one yet. Went to kkv for the first time. Went back home and its heavy rain on the tj but dry in kalideres. Snacked on fitz cookies (its basically vegan tuffis) on the bus since i felt hungryyy. Juan bought chicken satay and when i arrived theyre all eating but i didnt feel like eating with them lmao (its been a while since i last did) so i just went upstairs, finished that fitz cookies, fell asleep in my mukena (after maghrib) and skipping isya :(

7 - didnt feel like doing anything when i woke up, but forced myself to open laptop for nemo. Played a bit of keyboard. Ate last nights satay. Rly was in a rut until i managed to shower (i last showered yesterday morning,,,) and felt a bit better. Even did night skin care and mask (which i didnt do lately)

8 - magang as usual while listening to curhat babu. I was still feeling "off" even though i was outside already. Felt a bit more normal after i had lawson's ice arabica gayo covfefe. Lunch was spicy sec bowl with extra chicken. Coffee's effect is amazing im just blown away. Like im not tired. I feel normal. I dont feel like immediately going to bed when i arrive at the house. Read and finished starving anonymous before bed. Its... A lot to take in. Especially before bed lmaoo

9 - mencret2 in the morning and i blame it on spicy sec bowl. my pace in magang is so slow why :( lunch is carbonara spaghetti from Barilla (29k with discount). It does make you feel full, and it is creamy. But the beef bacon is so few 😐 it will be more delish if it has more bacon. Picked up by mom after maghrib today. At 19:30 ish my stomach hurtedddd bcs of rising acid.its been a while since it happened. Thankfully mom bought tan ek tjoan and brownies. The ache dissipated after i finished my bread. Its so cold in the car tfff or is it my poor metabolism

10 - magang til after isya since tomorrow is a holiday. powered by lawson’s arabica gayo after lunch (good habit’s minimal-taste fried rice lol). while on the way back, kapjagiii ukmppd result announcement. alhamdulillah i passed. congratulated by some. slept late seeing people’s social media update.

11 - woke up late. didnt feel hungry, so i ate at 13:00 ish (tuna, peanut-chocolate sandwich). slept after eating. ghosted mahmuda calling me regarding after zuhur liqo. didnt pick up atikah’s calls. cant seem to talk lmao. rly rly tried to do dr dafsah’s excel this day, but cant seem to start my day. i was like “i’ll take a shower” but i didnt. “i’ll start the excel at 20:00″ i didnt. i just slept. and woke. and slept. dreamed about going to dufan with clara but we bailed since there was no promo. i practically didnt no anything today lol

12 - finally showered (that was supposedly done yesterday lmao). my pink flats broke down. i was the only one who come lmao. did dr dafsah’s excel and finished at 10. went to TA and tried popolamama’s ayce. tried chicken arabiatta (very tomato-ey taste, not a fan), pepperoni, bolognese and banana caramel with vanilla ice cream. Managed to eat 4 small pizza out of 9 flavor choices. While eating i remembered i came to celebrate passing ukmppd. so in my mind i pat myself in the back and said (not out loud) congrats for passing ukmppd. it felt bittersweet, but a nice validation. tried to search for slip ons again but didnt find one. bought a black top in uniqlo. started reading here you are

13 - lazed and lazed and jhs friends wanted to meet up but i cant even muster the courage to shower lmao. after zuhur was the meet up time but i slept at 12. lets go. come on. out. suddenly i have to build up a will to socialize just like with running. and i managed. left the house at 13:30-ish. went to ali kopi dm and got thai tea. slowly warming up my social battery. and then things felt a bit better. and we moved to flavola (got the somay). and talked we did, until suddenly its near isya. and then i had to go back bcs mom was being restrictive as usual. if it werent for that i would stay longer w atikah and pupuy. felt energized afterwards, read more of here you are and slept at 00:00 ish

14 - woke up, played some keyboard. im not prepared for another monday. Mangago is down. Unboxed my knockoff airpods that arrived couple of days ago. The sound and function was ok. Showered near the end of zuhur.

15 - magang as usual. Got out of my gloomy (felt a bit better) after going out. Lunch was ayam pedas lawson with added fried chicken. Also bought arabica gayo. Went back home before maghrib. Why must i be here while my dad talk about whatever before sholat maghrib. I hate it here. Ara and redita stayed over bcs theyre 'supposedly' going to rsut to pick up samples. Except it was cancelled and in the morning they went back to rscm,,,

16 - its only morning but i yapped abt worrying in our future to poor ekal who just sat there lmaoo. I told him how i realized im easily bored. Tried K-Chop for lunch, bought kimchi bokkeumbap, pajeon and kimchi jeon. The fried rice tasted like fried rice but with a hint of kimchi. Kimchi jeon was good and refreshing. the pajeon was basically egg with added ingredients. But it did make me feel full. Suddenly felt like singing life goes on with the keyboard.

17 - tried fitfut for lunch. Got mushroom chicken steak and katsu wrap. Their katsu is,,, simply put, tasteless. Like those HEALTHY healthy foods. The (small) chicken steak was ok. The mushroom sauce tasted good. Zoom call with dr dafsah at 12 am. More work i guess,,,

18 - fasted today. Still got 1 debt to go. Sahur was indomie, banana and protein shake. Did not feel hungry in magang but i kinda felt lightheaded. And then i cant take it anymore and went home at 2 pm. Arrived after ashar. Theres PLENTY of time to do stuff, right? Nope. I just laid in bed playing my phone til maghrib (iftar was chicken noodle) and continued until i fell asleep. My dream was absurd lmaoooo

19 - had custom salad hut for lunch. felt suuuper fult. bought pop cookies since it was the last day of grabfood’s 50% promo. was picked up after isya by mom. we talked with the resident who’s doing his thesis stuff and it turns out he’s from the same shs as mahmuda lmao. he bought kopsus and donat kampung for us, how kinddd :”) i said “mantap ni kakak kelasnya mahmud” and he said “kamu kan adek kelas saya juga”. kind seniors. i hope they have great careers and be successful and im learning to be kind from kind people. i dont know, im just easily touched by simple gestures lmaoo. first time trying tuku’s coffee. it’s smooth and creamy (like the milk and coffee unites (?)) and it doesnt separate when you leave it. its milky but has a strong coffee taste. Slept at 11 pm-ish, playing my phone

20 - lazed. saw long covid webinar. ate mom’s salmon mentai, pop cookies matcha cream cheese and dark chocolate. the dark chocolate one, especially a bit cold, taste soooo good wtf. concentrated sugar and chocolate at its finest. played some keyboard. saw youtube vids about the genius jacob collier. lent my byu phone number so ara could use it to catfish in coffee and bagel lol. bought sbux green tea and caramel macchiato 1 L for 100k + delivery fee and my bro said it tasted good

21 - tried pop cookies red velvet this time. Its super sweet yall and i thought martabak orins was the epitome of d40 bolus. did pamela reif 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill you. except i got doms WITHIN the day of work out. also attempted sun salutation and my leg is so damn stiff. did some work on sunday!!! wow!!!! (after wasting 2 weekends) finished skimming air gear lol. it still made me feel glorious. 

22 - volunteered to help vaccination at rptra planet senen w akis els yud kind. Finished at about 13:30. We got chicken noodle, nasi padang and mcd lol. Went to senen bus station. Prayed there. Called mahmud and turns out theres no new medical record so i went straight home. Ate the mcd and lazed in bed

23 - vaccine volunteer again, this time in sd 01 kramat, w regen nagit red adita. Observation table again. Except its twice the amount of pt compared to yesterday. Nebeng redita to gang IX and walked to nessa's place. Went to GI and we watched violet evergarden (tif gen ness kris indah ara). The ac in the screenX cgv theater wasnt even on. Picked up by mom at 20:30 ish so i hurried down. The movie was hilarious w indah's commentary

24 - sooo sleepy and lazy but finally went to harkit. Waiting for pak oji to get medicak records, i shopped at sociolla lol. Bought eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, blush since i dont have those (i only have cheap 3 color mizzu eyeshadow). Did some work. Met kiki in RM. "planned" to do the rest of magang work at home and arrivd back at 3-ish pm but we all know thats a lie. Lazed. Maghrib. Bought sbux 1L to have some caffeine through the green tea. Sinau airway class by dr zeta (focused thanks to the caffeine). Had some "awake time" left and did not feel sleepy til 10:30ish pm but i had to sleep since i got 1 more fasting to go 2mrw. No progress on magang work aaaaa

25 - had indomie, boiled egg, banana and protein powder for sahur. magang. emir took a while to pick me up even though i already told him the time im arriving and i ended up ordering grab lmao and he showed up right before the grab. liqo w kak kartika and mahmud while sipping caramel macchiato. did some translation (job by dr triya)

26 - picked up pld medal, gown and buavita (lol) at salemba and then went to harkit. met kiki again. lunch was k-chop. quite good and fulfilling. waiting for mom to pick me up before maghrib. Was lazying around at night and it turns out clara came w kefas. She called but dumb ass me had my phone on silent. She surprised me and came all the wayyy with a little tayo cake and a line friends pillow. I was awkward w kefas bcs im awkward w new people :):):) she went back and then i cried afterwards in my room. Fianti sent me a wish before midnight (somehow havent fell asleep) and then i close my eyes and go to the dream world

27 - had mie goreng for breakfast. fell asleep again. woke to silvi and racheel calling me and as usual my phone was not ringing. there’s racil silvi devi reza outside the door lmao. they (including atikah) surprised me with gift (a bag). i asked them to come with me to gi since im gonna eat w regen. we tried yakiniku like and the meat was juicy and yum, better then kintan. racil dkk ate marugame udon just below. wanted to get banban but it was so crowded. went back by grab. racil and atikah stayed over. talked until like 12 am. forced myself to pray isya. 

28 - talked for hours like we usually do, tried some makeup bcs i need to practice for pld lol. tarik tiga to their place bcs i needed to borrow pld clothes lol. rearranged my room and i was sweating. i should’ve drank macchiato and did some work but i cant bring myself to so i just sleep. hangovers post feeling normal are never the best feeling

29 - woke up super late. cant bring myself to go to harkit. i feel like shit. sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ((quoting jhene aiko)). mustered some will to shower. rode my on bike pretending im going to harkit except im going to mcd. got big breakfast and lemon tea. went to flavola, ordered kopsus coklat and indomie + telor. Went back home after isya. 

30 - Binge watching sean and kaycee’s vids lol it all began with their leave the door open dance :). went to harkit by TJ after the redcap was unaccessible at 09:30ish. lunch was truffle belly chicken mushroom (somehow there’s 50% disc). Took some needed data and went back home at 14:20. did (new) translation for dr Triya. finally drank homemade matcha latte after a while. 

31 - originally intended to go to flavola after zuhur, but i just cant muster the strength. did dr triya’s translation work. didnt do any ecmocard today. felt like shit. ate the tayo small cake from clara. quite good and not too heavy. gladi kotor pld today. did green screen using mukena lol. fell asleep. skipped isya and the next morning’s subuh :( basically i ended march feeling like utter shit lol