#candlelight diaries

[candlelightdiaries]

Hi, my name is Ember and I’m an alcoholic (“Hi Ember”). I’ve been sober for over 2 years now and I still have no clue what the fuck I am doing. The first year was just surviving and the second year was trying to deal with all of the problems of the adult world now that I actually want to live again. Who would have thought?

Year three is going to be the year of self discovery. All of my traumas and past experiences made me turn towards the “victim mentality” and filled me with self-pity, and I don’t want to live that way. Now that I want to live and am not always 10 seconds away from taking a drink I have realized that I don’t know who the fuck I am. I have things that I do, but it never feels like me. I desperately want to know who I am and eventually grow to love that person.

In AA you learn that you have a higher power of YOUR UNDERSTANDING and that can be whatever you want it to look like, as long as it is outside of yourself and it loves you. Growing up catholic was really hard for me. I was an anxious kid who thought that god was going to send me to hell because I forgot to look both ways before crossing the street. It’s been tough for me to divorce those feelings from my new reality—my new understanding of the powers that be—but we’re getting there. I have the willingness to be willing, and that has to count for something.

I’ve always felt a pull towards witchcraft and paganism. It just seemed so cool and beautiful and I wanted to join. Well, now that I’m going through the steps again it’s time for me to really focus on what my spiritual life looks like, because without it I will drink again. I’ve decided that as of right now, witchcraft and our relationship with all that is is where I want to start. Who knows, maybe this won’t be for me. But I really want it to be.

This blog is a place where I am going to record the process of learning new things and unlearning old things. I hope that my journey through this time of discovery of self is fruitful, and maybe all of my ramblings can help someone else. If there is one thing I do have to say about reading this blog: buckle up and get ready for the wild ride and all of the emotional rollercoasters that come with it while I journey through this phase of life and try to get my shit together.

[life-spire]

[ssparksflyy]

shrek the musical has no right to slap as hard as it does

[squadron-of-damned-writes]

Chapters: 1/4 Fandom: Judge Dee Mysteries - Robert van Gulik, 薬屋のひとりごと | Kusuriya no Hitorigoto | The Apothecary Diaries (Anime) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tao Gan (Judge Dee Mysteries) & Dee Jen-djieh, Lahan & Maomao (Kusuriya no Hitorigoto) Characters: Tao Gan (Judge Dee Mysteries), Dee Jen-djieh, Maomao (Kusuriya no Hitorigoto), Lahan (Kusuriya no Hitorigoto) Additional Tags: Murder Mystery, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions Summary:

Judge Dee and his assistant Tao Gan are left stranded in a town torn away from the rest of the world by a sudden flood. The creeping boredom is cut short when during a theatre play a dead man falls on the stage from above with no obvious fatal wounds - and it seems this is not the only dead body that has mysteriously appeared in the theatre. And if the two unlikely siblings from the capital are not part of the scheme, why are they getting involved?

Likewise Lahan and Maomao are trapped by the flood in the town. When the murder in the theatre happens to be obviously the work of a skilled poisoner, it goes without saying that they take a part in the unofficial investigation. But the two scholars - a lowly bureaucrat who makes decisions above his station, and his shady assistant - seeking alongside them are obviously not who they claim to be...

Oh, and of course, sweet potatoes are everywhere.

[ghostvvitch]

[kucukbiroyku]

[echantedtoon]

Lmao, so this one is going to be a crazy!

Reader who in fun tries to summon a demon with her friends and ends up proposing a marriage to the demon in joke. Nothing happens. But as soon as her friends left and she is left cleaning there, the demon actually appears and accepts her offer and refuses to leave. The demon is serious about the proposal and considers her his wife. She eventually gives and by time they do adjust and actually end up falling for each other??? (Btw, the demon is only visible to those he wishes to see him. So whenever reader goes to work he accompanies her.)

(you can choose any one between Kokushibo or Akaza to write for this. And I'm sorry if it's too much to ask or causes any issue-)

HERE YOU GO!!

(warning for demon summoning if that makes you uncomfortable. I just made up some stuff for this based off video games where that happened hope that's ok.)

"Let's summon a demon!"

A thunderstorm rolled across the sky that night. The sun was just setting over the horizon with the last few rays of daylight disappearing but it was hard to tell when the dark storm clouds took over the sky and claimed them as their own. Thunder shaking the lanes of the windows and lightning sounded off like an angry whip from whatever deity was angrily stomping around the clouded skies, lighting up the sky and city below for nothing but a brief second.

It would've been absolutely dark if you hadn't lit up a few candles inside the comfy room and placed them on the table to light up the room. The warm light comforting against the scary night sky that just appeared as the last few daylights were chased away. The candlelight was pretty but you might be asking yourself one question. Why are you using candles to light up the room when you can just turn on the light switch on the wall or use a flashlight like a normal person?

Well because it wasn't your idea. It was your friend's. 

If it were up to you, your bedroom light would've been on in an instant and you four wouldn't be sitting here in the dark. But as another thunder clap shook the sky outside, her face had scrunched up into a mischievous grin wide enough to let the other three ladies around her know that she had come up with a devious idea. It started when of your friends said that they were bored during the usual sleep over activities and so you suggested watching a scary movie instead! 

"How about The Death Book?"

"What's it about?"

"It's about this girl who finds this blank diary and everything she writes in it becomes true! It turns out the diary is possessed by a demon who becomes obsessed with her and grants her wishes with horrible twists!"

That's when your most devious friend gotten that look before hijacking the convo. "I have a better idea! Y/n, you have any candles?"

"Only scented candles. Why?"

"That'll work! Go get them all and we'll do something that's actually thrilling!"

You had no idea what she was talking about but decided to humor her and go get them and matches she asked for. You had a few scented candles collecting up space in your closet, most were Christmas gifts you were just planning on regifting that year anyways since you never really used them. But you were curious about what your friend was up too so you grabbed up all the bars, the different scents making your nose snort, and brought them out to everyone watching you take them out of your closet and plopping them down on your bed. Your friend then proceeded to grab a glass jar containing a 'holiday sugar cookie' scented white candle, lit it, and then got up to turn off the lights and ask you to close the curtains. 

Oh! She wanted to do the classic ghost story telling in the dark game! Nope. As soon as you turned around and you along with your other two friends looked at her, the statement left her mouth.

"Let's summon a demon!"

The three of you stared at her and her smile lit up by the scented candle, a nice scent of sugar cookies in the air. The only sounds being the thunder still rumbling outside. Eventually one of you broke the weird silence.

"You mean like...Use a ouija board? That's something everyone does at sleepovers-"

"No! I meant actually summon a demon!," she corrected excitedly clenching a fist!

"Uh..Have you lost your dam mind?"

"Oh come on! We all know that ghosts and stuff don't exist anyways!" She waved a hand dismissively. "We've tried using a ouija board since we were ten but nothing ever happened so why not try taking it up a notch!"

"Because it sounds like a waste of time." You deadpanned raising a brow. "Why go through all the effort to do something when we already KNOW that it's just stupid Hollywood stuff?"

"For the thrill of it!" You three looked at each other. Two of you having bored looks while the third looked worried. "Come on! Just this once! And if nothing happens I'll pay for two pizzas from that pizza place we all like!"

"...Throw in those chicken tenders and a couple sodas and you have a deal," your bored friend bluntly stated.

"DEAL!"

"I don't know.." Your friend that looked worried frowned. "This is how a bunch of horror stories start. What if something really happens?"

"PSH. It won't. If nothing happened when we used a ouija board then we got nothing to worry about!"

"And you just magically happen to know how to summon a demon how?"

"Not just a demon!" Her hand pointed up as she grinned. "A Yokai!"

"A yo-..What?"

"A Yokai! Or oni if you prefer to call it that instead! It's a Japanese spirit!"

"We know what that is! And you happen to know that how?"

"During my culture studies at school I was studying the local folklore and stumbled onto an old legend of the area! They say that a night monster used to roam the lands and strike down people every full moon until a shrine was put up for him. It's still there now! I visited it during a school trip!" She explained excitedly. "I did an interview with the caretaker for my extra credit report and it turns out his family's descendants of the shrine maidens that used to be there!"

"That's good and all but that still doesn't answer my question."

Your friend groaned loudly and slumped her shoulders with an eye roll. "He said the shrine maidens used to have a symbiotic relationship with the specific oni. They'd perform a ritual once a year on a new moon or full moon to summon him and leave him really good offerings. If he liked it enough he might grant you something in return!"

"And he told you how to summon this thing?"

"Yeah because he didn't believe in it. I don't either since ghosts and goblins only exist in books and movies. But what's the harm? If nothing happens I'm buying everyone food and we can have a good laugh if we do happen to summon something we might get a wish granted! Whaddya say?"

There was more silence from you three until your bored friend sighed and rolled her eyes from where she sat. "Fine I guess. Sounds like a win win situation. And I wouldn't mind getting an A on my next math exam."

You sighed. "Alright. Let's just get this over with."

"That's the spirit! But first thing's first!.. Does anyone know if it's a new or full moon tonight?"

Your nervous friend, who still looked nervous, had to pull out her phone and look it up online. The glow of the screen making her face light up in the dark as the thunder still rang out and the first few raindrops began hitting the roof of your home.

"Full moon b-b-but does it count if the storm is blocking out the sky?"

"He only told me it has to be a full of new moon, not that you had to see the moon. We're also gonna  need right white candles to represent the right moon phases, something red to draw the symbols in, and an offering from each of us that has some kind of connection to our wishes!" Her eyes lit up in excitement. "Let's try it out!"

If it got you free food and your rowdiest friend to be quiet, then you weren't going to complain. So you four got to work. A friend found an extra red lipstick when she dug out her bag and like you said before, you had a bunch of scented candles you weren't using....but that begs the question.

"Does scented candles even count?" You gazed down at two white scented candles with the scents labeled 'fresh morning snow' and 'shortbread blast'. 

"He just said that the candles had to be white, not that they couldn't be scented."

"Yeah. But there's another problem. I only have seven white candles. .." Your eyes looked around the mini candle collection. The others were different colors like the red one that smelt like cinnamon and the purplish-black one labeled 'midnight lilacs'. Eventually you found a glimmer of white in the limited darkness with only your phone to see, and pulled out a candle that was half white half brown labeled 'chocolate and vanilla delight'. "I got a brown and white one. Does that count?"

"We're gonna have to make due with it. Well just put the white half facing the center and maybe that'll help."

Well if that's all you had then you four really were going to have to make due with what you had on hand. One friend helped you cleared up space in your room at least a yard and a half clear, while your devious friend drew red lipstick marks onto your floor and the fourth began placing the candles in a circle around her lighting them up as she went until both stepped away and you four were left looking down at the circle of eight candles and three symbols in the center of them. Lightning clashed outside behind the curtains barely lighting up the room but you managed to make out three words written in Japanese kanji in red lipstick.

Upper. Moon. And One.

You didn't know what that meant but it was ominous in your eyes. The room smelt far too heavy with the pretty scents of sugar cookies, vanilla, daisies, and a few other scents. It was overwhelming and one of you snorted from it all.

"Dam. It smells like someone spilt the entire isle of Fabreath from Wallace-Market in here." She waved a hand before pinching her nose and turning to her. "So what now?"

"Now we put down an offering related to what we want to wish for? Like if you wanted to wish for a million dollars you put down like some rare collector coins or something! Just look around and see what you got!"

While the others looked through their bags, you mindlessly searched around the room for something meaningless you could just throw meaninglessly into the circle. Your eyes gazed over at your jewelry box...and you shrugged. Why not? You had a pair of thick hooped silver earrings your uncle gave you for your birthday last year. They were even real silver, just cheap copper ones painted to look silver. You never wore them anyways so they'd be perfect for this. You opened up the lid narrowing your eyes into a squint. Despite the light of your phone, it was hard to see in the dark. Your hand moved things around inside the box. Old necklaces and things jingling until you saw them. Ah! There they were! Right next to your great grandparents' wedding rings. Now THOSE were actually worth a lot. Real gold and studded with real diamonds. You inherited them box along with their old jewelry box but that didn't matter right now. You wanted the useless tacky earrings next to them. Even now most of the shiny silver paint had peeled off revealing the cheap copper hoops underneath.

"C'mon Y/n! Hurry up! I want that pizza as soon as possible!"

You looked around mindlessly just reaching in and grabbing two round things into your hand. "Coming!"

"What did you grab?" Her brow rose as you just rolled your eyes. 

"Just some old jewelry. What about you?"

She held up an ink stone. Probably got it from her school bag. "I was gonna use it for an art project but since I want an A for my exam and I have to write on the test, it was a good enough match."

"Sounds like a good start."

Your other two friends pulled out a book on rare poetry and a small bag of store bought mochi candy. ...Strange offering but you guessed it was the only thing that they could find. Your friend instructed you all placed the offerings on the strange words in Japanese and stepped back without a second thought to look at them....And you four stood there in your pajamas with nothing but the candles to light up the darkness and the rain still pounding at your rooftop.

Silence other than the storm rang out and you four looked around the room exchanging looks sometimes.

".....Is that it?"

"I told you it was a waste of time! Let's just get some food now. I'm starving!"

"Wait! I forgot about the last important step!" She held up her hands as your mutual grumpy and hungry friend turned to go flip on the light switch. "I need to chant the incantation and then we have to say what we want!"

Her arms folded. "Well get on with it! I'm hungry and this is really not fun!"

"Alright, alright! Let me try to remember what the guy told me!"

She stood there staring at the mess of lit candles and lipstick smeared kanji scrunching her brows in deep thought. You and your grumpy friend exchanged mirrored deadpanned looks before she cleared her throat and held her arms out.

"Full moon on the rise. New moon hides from eyes. Abyss of darkness conquering the skies! We summon, summon him from the ground. To our circle lit and round. Oh one who walks the path of Moon, we come once more to ask you soon! Come from slumber, to seek out what we offer! Great one of Moon bound light, we ask for you to once more walk the night!"

Her voice shouted out loud enough that you were sure you'd be getting a complaint from the neighbors tomorrow morning. As she finished her chant, a lightning bolt struck out temporarily lighting up the sky outside as the rain poured out...As you all waited looking around more.

"Would you look at that? Nothing happened again. NOW can we get food?"

"Wait! We didn't say what we wanted yet!," she protested to her, "The wish is a part of the ritual so let's complete it ok?!" Your friend groaned but she quickly excitedly exclaimed. "I wish my mom would finally give me the secrets to famous udon recipe so I can start selling it myself!"

"Um..." You nervous friend cautiously and worriedly looked around the dark room. "C-Can I m-meet my favorite author please? O-Only if that's ok! I'm fine if nothing happens really!"

"Oh what the hell. I want an A on my next exam."

...All three looked at you expectantly. "What?"

"Say something, Y/n." 

"Like what?"

"I don't know. What did you put down?"

You shrugged. "Some cheap jewelry I don't want honestly."

"OOOH. Wish for something good then! Oh! Oh! I see you always sitting by yourself! Ask him to get you a boyfriend?," you friend teased making you laugh.

"Really? We summon a Yokai just for me to ask him for a boyfriend? If he was real, he'd probably think I was crazy."

"Well it doesn't have to be a boyfriend. You can ask for a sign of who you're meant to be with." That devious smile returned again. "Y'know that caretaker guy told me a lot of maidens would pay the shrine maidens to do rituals and summon the onis as offered brides in exchange for good fortune for their villages. Why don't you ask him to put a ring on it? You'd be the first person to be get a real life monster boyfriend. All the monster lovers on the Internet would be so jealous."

"Plus you're beautiful," your grumpy friend added also with a teasing grin. "You made home coming and prom queen in highschool!"

You laughed again. "Looks aren't everything." You could barely contain the giggles. You then rolled your eyes sarcastically. "But sure." Your hands clasped together and pressed against your chest as you spoke. "Oh great Oni please hear my pleas for your heart!" Even your nervous friend giggled along now as you dramatically fell to your knees. "Bind our blood in ceremony and let me share your name." A hand outstretched to no one as you fake acted out processing your love to an invisible imaginary person. "Under the stars of the heavens, I solemly swear, that this hand will always be kind and never cruel. That my voice will only speak truth. That this life is now forever yours." The outstretched hand pretended to take the imaginary person's hand. "Now as yours is mine."

A loud snort went off as one of your friends fell back on your bed where she sat giggling out the cheesy lines you were making up on the fly.

"Bind our souls to infinity and I will promise you love and devotion through sickness and health and beyond the realms of death." You continued to speak remembering some lines from a rom com chick flick you saw last night. "I will love you in all your forms now and forever. Through several lifetimes and back." Your voice was low and smooth now speaking it like you meant it with pride. "From now to infinity. Unyielding. Untainted. Undeniable. With this voice I promise you my love and heart. With this offering, I ask you to be mine!" You then bowed your forehead to the floor as everyone continued to giggle loudly. 

You all continued to laugh and laugh and laugh as you finally broke into laughs again too and sat back up- 

And then all the candles went out at the same time.

Pitch black immediately enveloped the room and at once all laughs ceased. Nothing but silence rang out other than the rain and thunder and occasional strike of lightning. You four stayed silent as you all say there in the dark before your friend became grumpy again.

"Ok. Haha. Very funny, Y/n. Now we can't see shit!"

"That..w-wasnt me," you stuttered out staring at the floor in front of you silently and wide eyed.

"Sure it wasn't. You're literally kneeling in front of them!"

"I don't have the ability to blow out right giant candles at once! Besides some of them were out of my reached! I'd have to crawl over! It wasn't me!" 

"Well it's not me! I'm standing up!"

"It wasn't me!" "I'm sitting all the way over here on the bed."

Silence fell Once Again as you all sat there 

"....It must've just been a draft! There's no such thing as ghosts and demons! Get the light! I'm tired of this game now!"

Someone was heard stumbling and shuffling around in the dark before you heard hands patting along the wall and then a serious of clicks as someone tried turning on the lights. "It won't turn on!"

"No one panic!" Someone finally turned on the flashlight on their phone and lit up the room. "The storm just cut out the power supply. Let's just get some food and call it a night!"

"Wait! The offerings!"

The light shines towards the middle of the circle. One bag of mochi candy, an ink stone, and a book still laid there. Where was your earrings? You pushed the book aside and froze as you realized that it wasn't a cheap pair of earrings that greeted you..but one beautiful gold ring. 

"My great grandmother's ring!" You quickly snatched it up safely into your hands in horror. "I-I must've grabbed them by mistake!" Wait. You remembered feeling two hoops in your hands. "My great grandfather's ring!" Quickly you pushed aside everything else and was horrified to discover that it was gone. "IT'S MISSING!!"

"Calm down. It must've rolled away or someone accidentally kicked it in the dark. It's still around here."

"Yeah. And so is everything else. I CALLED IT! I TOLD you it wasn't gonna work! Now order the food!"

"B-But my ring!"

"It's too dark to look with the power out. Let's just wait until it's day time and then we'll look around. Ok?"

"I-...*sigh* Alright."

"GREAT! Now let's eat. And don't forget the chicken and drinks!"

Little did all of you know that the curtains were moved back on their own. Six eyes staring at your beautiful face and a glittering gold band wrapped around his ring finger.

[zablife]

Lee congratulations on 2.5K!!!

🎉👏🏻🙌🏻 for your celebration, can I request a story with this gif? 🥰xxx

Thanks, Mar! I love the GIF you chose! Even in profile his baby blues are striking 😍 For this one, I chose to write about a young Tommy going to pick up his gf. As promised, the blurb took a naughty turn which I hope you'll find entertaining.

18+ MDNI

Just a Peek

Tommy held his breath until his lungs burned for oxygen, listening for the sounds of your household to quiet for the evening. When he finally heard your father's rumbled snoring reverberating through the wall, he knew his time had come. With crisp blue eyes eagerly darting back and forth, he ventured a hand between the lace curtains at your window to beckon you away for a night of revelry.

Ready to hoist you over the peeled and cracking windowsill as he'd done many nights before, he hesitated at the sight of your nakedness. Suddenly his mouth went dry, a lump anxiously forming in his throat, as he found himself unable to announce his presence. He knew a gentleman would look away, but somehow he couldn't stop himself from having just a small peek. Stepping back into shadow, he watched you move about the room in silent awe.

The way the flickering, orange candlelight illuminated the soft curves of your body made his heartbeat quicken in his chest, pulse rising steadily as you shifted to reveal the pebbled flesh of your breasts, nipples hardened from the cool night air. A slight breeze carried the notes of jasmine in your perfume toward him, filling his senses with a desperate need to hold you close, feeling those stiff peaks press against his shirtfront.

With every toss of your hair, he imagined gathering fistfuls in his hand as he took you in his lap, a languid fuck that would make you moan in sweet, breathy gasps. The pleasure so overwhelming you might shed a tear onto his shoulder. Thinking of you in the throes of passion made his breathing grow irregular, made worse when you decided to bend forward to retrieve your dress. Tommy gulped harshly at the sight of your glistening core, a throbbing ache growing in his trousers as his fantasies ran wild. He couldn't help but picture himself behind you, fingers clutching your hips as he buried himself in your tightness.

Despite the chill outside, he felt heat rising in his cheeks as he remembered anyone could find him there leaking into his pants like a schoolboy. Leaning down to rearrange himself, he heard the distinct lilt of your voice and his head shot up to find you leaning out to greet him.

"Have you been here long?" you asked nonchalantly, toying with the buttons of his shirt.

He cleared his throat, wondering if he should say. Shifting his weight nervously, he finally asked, "Did you know I was watching?"

Stroking a manicured hand down his face, you flashed a wicked smile. "I wanted you to."

Zablife Sleepover

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[coqxettee]

February༄₊🍓♡⋆🍰✿

Lipstick stained love letters, cups of warm coffee, red splashed everywhere, winter bleeding into Spring, slow evenings by candlelight, dark chocolate and rom-com movie marathons. Early Sunday baking, pyjama days, writing in your diary about your latest crush, romance novel reading, candy hearts and pink skies at dusk ༄₊♡⋆

[candlelightdiaries]

This blog is likely going to have more than one post per day. I just got a lot of thoughts, ya know?

I just had an amazing spiritual experience with a friend of mine who is pagan, and I think I understand a little bit better what serenity feels like. We were drawing tarot cards to see what our topic of conversation should be after our AA meeting tomorrow morning and she pulled a card and I lit a candle on my alter then pulled the tower. At first I was scared because I was like “oh shit, more crazy shit is about to be happening in my life, idk if I can handle this”. I started reflecting to her about how I’ve been having these mini mental breakdowns lately and how overwhelmed I feel about change, and how stressed out I’ve been even just thinking about the concept of my higher power. I told her that I’m afraid I’m not a witch or pagan because I really want to be. I’ve always felt drawn to it. I told her about how I don’t know what is right and what is wrong to believe and while I know there is no right or wrong but I’m scared there is. I’ve had so much stress and change lately but I didn’t realize I needed to get thi out. I feel like she is one of the few people I can talk to about the Powers That Be because there aren’t a ton of pagans/witches in AA, at the very least that I know about in my area. I left the candle on the whole conversation because I wanted to invite the Powers That Be into the conversation. I felt such a sense of peace and continued to meditate after we ended the call. My friend said she would help me as much as she can on my journey into a spiritual practice and it feels so good to know that I’m not alone in figuring this out. I’m so stuck on doing everything “right” that I’m keeping myself from actually practicing my beliefs. I need to start reading the books that I have on witchcraft and paganism and actually figure out my beliefs and what my options are. I like having something organized and structured to go off of when it comes to the Powers That Be but I think I need to accept that I need to make my own structure. That doesn’t mean I can’t have help from those around me but I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want a sense of comfort from my higher power and to not feel alone in a spiritual sense. I don’t want a “me vs them” attitude, I want a “we’re in this together” attitude with the Powers That Be.

I sat and watched the candle after we got off the phone and the flame remained steady. This made me feel a sense of comfort, knowing that things would be okay and the Powers That Be were and still are with me. Drawing the tower card feels like a blessing. I thought that our conversation tomorrow would have to be about more shit that’s going to happen in my life, but in reality I just needed to talk about the chaos and change that is going on currently in my life, I just needed to let it out today. The right time for the conversation was tonight and I am so thankful to the Powers That Be for guiding me and helping me to be open with my friend, because it has helped me so much. Thank you, whatever is out there.

I feel like I could write forever about this. I have so many feelings and thoughts but I think it might be best to just have a quiet night to reflect. I feel like I’m in this meditative and spiritual state and I don’t want to lose it because it feels amazing. My friend and I are going to meet sometime soon one-on-one to talk more about this and I’m actually really exited to. I want this to be a fun journey of learning and finding my beliefs.

What I’ve learned tonight is that I am not alone with my thoughts and there is so much value in sharing them with other people. I am so grateful for my friend and I’m grateful to whatever is out there that I will come to believe in. It’s okay to not know what’s going on and it’s okay to talk about those things. I have a taste of peacefulness and comfort and I want to keep it around. I got this, I am going to be okay. Maybe this is what I need to help give up control and follow the will of the Powers That Be. Goodnight.

[skeedelvee]

Carry On Countdown Day 10 - Dinner

For this year's COC I've decided to put together daily fic rec lists! Let me know if you find any new favorite reads from these <3

For todays prompt I've gone with fics that prominently feature a meal or food

Lemon Blueberry Shortbread by @aristocratic-otter and @letraspal

Rated G, 2,912 words

Two afternoons of learning to cook a family recipe, thirty years apart.

Good to You by @otherworldsivelivedin

Rated E, 11,032 words

Simon has decided to treat Baz to a sophisticated meal for Valentine’s day; but, when they get there, they find they're more interested in each other than the food.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye by @facewithoutheart

Rated M, 588 words

(I'm counting this because it relates to the family dinner in Snow for Christmas)

Malcolm goes into the kitchen to grab more champagne and gets more than he expected.

Domesticity by @bloodiedpixie

Rated T, 743 words

Baz tries to make dinner for Simon.

If I Fell In Love With You by @bazzybelle

Rated T, 4,417 words

This is ridiculous… I am being utterly ridiculous. I am a ridiculous, romantic fool, who has gone completely soft for a walking disaster with bright blue eyes and soft bronze curls. On a crisp, fresh, October evening, Baz decides to surprise Simon with a romantic dinner and something extra special for him. For no reason, other than he wants to find a way to show Simon just how much he loves and cares about him, and this is really the only way that makes sense to him. Takes place after Carry On, but before Wayward Son.

Love Season by @krisrix

Rated E, 3,922 words

It’s Valentine’s Day. Which is not something I’ve put any thought into since Agatha and I broke up. I realize that makes me even more of a terrible boyfriend to Baz than I already am... Except, well, maybe not as terrible any more, given we do actually have plans for the holiday for once. They’re Baz’s plans—still, I agreed, so that’s progress. Even Baz asking at all is progress.

Take a Walk on the Wild Slice by @youarenevertooold and @that-disabled-princess

Rated T, 20,302 words

It's almost time to be heading back to school for their final year at Watford. Dev & Niall drag Baz off for a night out at a new pizza place as a treat, because it has, according to the internet, a Very Hot Mascot. Meanwhile, Simon has managed to find himself a job to while away the tedious hours of summer. It's not ideal, but fortunately no-one from school will ever see him dressed as a ridiculous slice of pizza. Right? Pizza, pining, and plotting ensue; all combined with a healthy side serving of friends helping you realise what's actually important.

crisp and sweet by @mostlymaudlin

Rated T, 4,134 words

The White Mountains are almost as far from Las Vegas as you can get in the United States. That’s comforting to me. I don’t think I could keep up our no-murder streak if I ran into the King of the Vampires again. In her travel diary, my grandmother described the town of Conway, New Hampshire in October as “bloody picturesque,” and she was right. We’re surrounded by deep reds and golds, kind of like the desert of the American West. But instead of feeling like we’re surrounded by flames, it’s more like being bathed in gentle candlelight. - Five years after the events of AWTWB, Simon and Baz return to North America with one mission: to peep some leaves.

Straight Boy by @bazypitchandsimonsnow

Rated M, 30,804 words

Simon Salisbury is totally straight...but there's this guy... Based on "request kiss" request.

Too full to hunt by anonymous

Rated M, 2,167 words

*THIS IS A BELLY STUFFING FIC* *DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT* This takes place right after one of the last scenes of awtwb. "Simon." "Hmm?" He hums cutting another spoonful of cake. "I'm very full." "Do you want me to stop?" He asks as he puts the spoon in front of my mouth. I don't have to take it. I know he would stop if I told him to but his gaze is on my lips and his pupils are bigger than usual. Simon with a stuffing belly kink, wow, so shocking

If you have any recs that fit the prompt that I've missed, feel free to leave them in the comments! There's plenty of gaps in my reading so there's a good chance I may not have read it

Also I've had a hard time finding if some people are here on Tumblr, so if you know someone who hasn't been tagged, feel free to leave that in the comments as well <3

@carryon-countdown

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

Dates and Rewards Translations (2023-24)

“And if you set this brain of mine afire, upon my blood I then will carry you.”

—

[The dates are listed chronologically, from the newest to the oldest]

【2024】

✦ Candlelight (烛火之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Canned (罐头之约)

Translation Thread + Tidbits

Subbed Video

✦ Mundane (琐碎约会)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Reliance (依靠之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ MQ: Burning Imprints (灼痕)

Mind Quest: Part 1 || Part 2

Accompanying ASMR

Subbed Video

✦ Former Times (昔年约会)

Birthday Date

Subbed Video

─

【2023】

✦ Metropolis (都会之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Cold Mountain (凛冬之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Luolan (楼兰之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Carefree Years (岁月无忧)

Story

Carbon Pen and Glass Beads Event Stories: Day 1 || Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5 || Day 6 || Day 7

Calls

✦ Nostalgic Memories (旧忆之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Enthrallment (着迷之约)

Date

✦ MQ: Melding Into You (纵融流入你)

Mind Quest

Accompanying ASMR

Subbed Video

✦ Sea Voyage (寻海之约)

Date

Subbed Video

✦ Confrontation (对抗之约)

Date

Calls

Subbed Video

✦ Endearing (可爱之约)

Date

Event stories: mum’s smile || little gentleman || art and love || mum’s companionship || endearing thoughts

Home Decoration Model

Subbed Video

✦ Springtime Revival (逢春之约)

Date

Prologue and Day 1

Diary entries: Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5 || Day 6 || Day 7 || Day 8 || Day 9 || Day 10 || Day 11 || Day 12

Calls

✦ Heart in Flames (心焰之约)

Date

Calls and Moments

Subbed Video

✦ Sweet Tangerine Date (蜜橘之约)

Date

✦ MQ: Not the Slightest Gap (至无隙无间)

Mind Quest

Exclusive Radio

Subbed Video

✦ Snowy (漫雪之约)

Birthday Story

Date

Birthday Epilogue

Birthday Video Call

─

【2022-21】

Sub-masterlist

—

[cambion-companion]

The Priest A Devil

One upon a dusky twilight, a lone mortal treads upon hallowed ground defiled by a devil.

A tender heart stricken by guilt bleeds so easily when in the wrong hands.

Yes, I did the deed. Happy Halloween!

Raphael x reader (gn)

Ao3 Link : Raphael's Diaries - Chapter 1 - MysticAwareness - Baldur's Gate (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

The gloam of early twilight settled upon misty moors rising purple against the dusky sky.  A chill ran down your spine, the biting cold of approaching winter dewing upon your clothing as you walked through the mist.  

Up ahead candlelight glimmered through the chapel’s stained-glass windows, casting a dance of light and shadow upon the frozen ground. Each of your footsteps crunched, hastening toward the promise of the warmth and restful refuge of your church.  

An owl swooped low overhead on silent wings, hooting a doleful warning. Not for the first time on your journey the hairs on the back of your neck rose, alerting you to an unseen presence watching as you scurried like a church mouse up the sloping hill.

At last, your numb fingers brushed against the splintered wood of the chapel door, and it swung inward with a groan.  You had expected to be greeted by the usual gathering of villagers, welcoming and warming you into the cozy and expected ritual of every weekend evening.

Instead, stillness and silence invaded your ears, though the flickering sputter of the candles next to the confession booth drew your gaze.

You frowned.

The pews were empty. Had they gathered earlier today and just forgotten to tell you?  The bell that rang clear and loud hung motionless by the far wall. You touched the cold metal, and a layer of dust came away upon your finger. Within your bosom you felt the sudden heaviness of an unexplained dread. Somewhere from afar outside a piercing cry rose up, unlike any nighttime creature you’d before heard. It cut off abruptly, and the following silence was fraught with tension.

Your muscles were tense as a frozen deer under a hunter’s gaze. They slowly eased when no new noises followed the unexpected cry.

“May have been a fox.”  You muttered, the sound of your whispered voice too loud inside the stone walls. “Or a night hawk.”

The door where you had left it open crashed closed in what must’ve been a sudden breeze. The bombastic sound nearly sent you leaping out of your skin as you spun around and tripped over your own feet, your weight careening back against the wooden confession box, knocking the wind from your lungs.

“My apologies.”  A disembodied voice spoke at your back, seemingly coming from all around and nowhere.

A shriek tore from your throat, again your muscles twitching at the whim of your fear. You realized the voice was coming from inside the booth. It also gained a face as a middle-aged man ducked out and stood tall before you, smiling slightly as if suppressing mirth at your flighty reactions.

“Calm yourself.” His voice was rich and gravelly, decadent even.  

You recognized his priestly garb and sucked in lungfuls of air, holding a calming hand against your hammering heart. “Father.”  You said with some relief. “You gave me quite a start.”

“Have you come to confess your sins? I was just finishing with another client of mine.”  The priest motioned toward the dark entrance to the box, and you peered inside, not seeing evidence of another person inside.

Your brow furrowed as you glanced back at him. “Client?  No, no I came for the Saturday gathering.”

“Saturday?”  The priest chuckled low through closed lips. “Nay, my child.  You are a whole day early, in fact.”

“That’s not…possible.”  You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the irksome buzzing you heard, like the murmur of a hundred flies. Your eyes again found the unfamiliar priest. “Who are you? Where is Father Mors?”

The candles upon the altar crackled and danced violently as if in a sudden breeze. Though all the doors were closed. You glanced behind you, that unnerving prickle tingling against the nape of your neck.

“My name is Raphael.”  His black robes rustled against the rough stone floor as he bent politely at the waist, touching a hand to his chest. “My dear, you look positively blanched.  Come. Sit.”  Father Raphael moved to your side, the flickering candlelight throwing his form into a twisting and distorted shadow upon the wall behind. “I’m certain there is much we can discuss, you and I.”

His hand found the small of your back and practically pushed you into the confession box.  The dim light of the chapel dimmed into semi-blackness within the enclosed space, and you settled down uncertainly, hearing Father Raphael do the same beside you. A thin wooden wall and a small rectangular metal grate separated you from the unfamiliar priest.

There was silence, unprecedented as the only sound you heard was your own breathing echoed back at you.  From beyond the confines of the confession booth and the cobbled chapel you heard again a short wailing cry.  It sent a spike of cold fear through your heart.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”  Your throat was nearly too tight to speak properly, dread coiling like a twisting vine inside your soul.  You cleared your voice and continued. “My last confession was two weeks ago.”

No answer.

The sound of your breathing continued, growing heavier and shorter as the unease within your chest mounted.

“Father?”

Then Raphael spoke at last, the dim orange glow from the candles reflecting through the metal grate like two flaming eyes. “My condolences about your late husband.”  His words sent your heart into your throat. “What a truly tragic affair.”

“How did you-”

“Know?” Raphael interrupted, chuckling again. The sound reverberating against the metal grate. “It is, quite literally, my business.  My bread and bloody butter.  But don’t allow me to interrupt, you have a confession to make.”

All warmth had drained from your face, your eyes staring wide into the darkness of the booth. You licked your lips, mouth suddenly dry.

You squeezed your hands together upon your lap until your fingers hurt, trying to block out the memories that had followed you like ghosts since that dreadful day.

“Come now.”  The priest’s voice sharpened sternly. “Cat got your tongue?  You came all this way to play the part of the penitent sinner. Well then.  Play.”

Hot tears began rolling down your clammy cheeks. “It wasn’t an accident.”  You spoke into the abyss, willing the words to take your torment with them into the void. “It was my fault.  My anger.”

“You killed him?”  Raphael spoke and his tone rang mocking against your ears. “Shocking.  Would you like to know where his soul is right now?  What torment he suffers that you will soon take part in?”

“I…what?”  Your voice rasped with shock and alarm, the feeling of impending doom rearing like a snake about to strike. You fumbled in the box, striking your head against the wooden frame as you burst through the opening back into the chill chapel air.

You threw aside the adjoining curtain and fell back with another strangled cry, your eyes wide upon the empty bench.

“Oh my god!”  You stifled your cry against your shaking hand, stumbling back until you found the wall to lean against, your horrified gaze still fixed upon the vacant booth.

Slowly lowering your hand, you looked around the chapel, every flicker of shadow sending a jolt of alarm through you.

“Father?”

“’Bless you’?”  His breath was hot upon your ear, sharp nails digging into the back of your neck before you could flee. “For you have sinned.”  Raphael towered over you now, his visage changed into a creature from beyond the scope of your most dreadful nightmare.

Firelight sparked within black eyes, horns sprouted from crimson skin, sharp teeth grinning down at you.  Batlike wings spread wide, caging you against the wall and muting the firelight beyond into a red glow.

You closed your eyes, tears streaking down your face, and muttered a rapid prayer to your god.

Raphael listened, amused, with a cocked head.  His glowing eyes roved over your tear-stained face. “No god will deign to help you now, little pet.  You killed your husband.”

You gasped, the edges of your vision dimming as you fought to stay conscious. “It was self-defense!”

“A paltry excuse!”  The devil laughed at you. “I am no impartial judge!  Your blundering resulted in the premature end of a most beneficial contract.”  His hand moved to tangle in your hair and tightened, arching your neck back. “And I always exact what I am owed.”

With a sneer of disgust, the creature released you and stepped back, his wings flaring wide before nestling against his back. A long tail whipped in agitation, drumming against the confessional booth as Raphael considered your quaking form. “Thwarted after decades of painstaking planning. And by such a wilting flower too.”

That rankled. “He got what he deserved!”  You spat out, your fear beginning to morph into desperate anger.

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps.  The only justice I care about, however, is mine.”  His eyes traveled the length of your body before once again meeting your eyes. “And my ledger states you now owe me a great debt. Come.”  He strode forward and seized your wrist, only smirking when you fought to break free. “We have business to attend to. Together.”

[autorosycheeks]

Auto Date Ideas Menu~

Below are a list of autoromantic date ideas listed in the style of a menu that you can mix and match to create your perfect auto date!

Appetizers — These are activities you can use to prepare for Mains or Sides

Research a bunch of solo games such as solo TTRPGs to play with yourself! You can find many of these on itch.io or reddit by searching for 'solo ttrpg'

Look up a bunch of movies and TV shows that you think you'd enjoy! Look for lists of media with your favourite tropes (e.g. fake dating) or favourite genres (e.g. horror)

Make a playlist of songs that remind you of yourself, a playlist of your favourite songs, or a playlist of songs that make you happy!

On YouTube, compile a playlist of videos that you love to re-watch

Make a list of date ideas and number them, then use dice (or a random number generator online) to pick your date!

Gather a bunch of craft supplies like stickers, glitter, markers, and colour paper

Make a list of your favourite things such as favourite scents, movies, clothes, artworks, or flowers!

Look through your schedule and see where you can set aside some alone time for a date. Make sure you'll be able to have some uninterrupted quality time with yourself. Note it down in your calendar, journal, or phone and look forward to your date!

Mains — These are activities that will typically form the bulk of your date

Do a craft such as making a self-portrait of yourself or an artwork of some of your favourite things <3 Feel free to either draw it OR get creative and use collage, stickers, etc.

Go out to different cafes/restaurants by yourself and order the same thing to see which place has the best [insert food/drink here]!

Paint your nails a cool colour

Play a solo TTRPG

Watch the YouTube playlist you made for yourself under Appetizers

Write yourself a love letter and seal it in an envelope. Plan to read it again some day in the future when you've forgotten its contents

Take a bubble bath and just relax in the tub~

Make a moodboard on Pinterest of images that remind you of yourself

Go for a walk

Watch a movie or TV series

Play video games

Dance around!

Write a fanfiction about yourself! What would you be like in some of your favourite shows or movies? Would you have superpowers and, if so, what would they be? How would your outfit look in the fictional world you're imagining yourself in?

Write in your diary using journaling prompts to get to know yourself better. You can search online or use ask games on Tumblr for prompt ideas!

Go on a gym date with yourself or exercise at home — bonus points if you can watch yourself in a full-body mirror while you exercise!

Cook yourself a meal and set up a romantic atmosphere with a nice tablecloth, fancy plates, and candles

Read a book, Wikipedia articles, or anything that catches your fancy

Take yourself out to the movie theater~

Sides — These are activities you can do alongside mains to add to the experience!

Listen to any of the playlists mentioned in the Appetizers section

Sit in the sun amongst nature (remember sunscreen!)

Have a sweet or savoury treat

Have a delicious beverage like tea or hot chocolate

Wear comfy clothes or pajamas, an outfit you absolutely LOVE on yourself, or wear a super fancy outfit — even if you're just staying at home!

Light a candle

Hold your own hand or rub up and down your arms or legs

Give yourself a hand or foot massage with some nice-smelling lotion

Say affirmations out loud to yourself in the mirror or in your head

Speaking of mirrors: look at yourself in the mirror! Whether that be a full-body mirror when you're dancing, or a smaller mirror while you're watching a movie so you can glimpse over from time to time and admire your expressions

Caress your face gently

Put on makeup

Listen to a podcast

Dim your lights or use candlelight to set a romantic atmosphere

Practice mindfulness to be present with yourself during your date. Take note of the scents of the candles you're using, the way your hand feels in your own hand, or the way you chuckle at a movie

Feel free to add any ideas in the replies or reblogs to this post!

[ghostvvitch]

Celebrating All Saints’ Day 🕯️

Instead of Halloween most people in my country celebrate All Saints’ Day. There are Halloween parties and all that, but we don’t do trick or treating.

I love it because there’s always so many candles burning and taking a walk in cemeteries in the evening is supremely beautiful and calm.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Make the Fire Burn

Bones in the Ocean Masterlist

Kira had gone through a phase, during her apprenticeship, where all she read were swooning, brainless romance novels. Her days, after all, were spent filling her mind with magic, learning symbols and their combinations. The silly stories of beautiful women and handsome men were the only things she’d found that held off the worst of the headaches. 

She had traded the precious few copper coins she had to spare for these tales, damsels in distress or troubled lovely lads with torn bodices and breeches rescued by the strong prince or princess, knights in gleaming armor sweeping them off their feet. The blood that must have stained them during the floridly described battles against wicked villains was never mentioned but implied, somehow deliciously implied. She’d stayed up too late many times reading by candlelight and magic the way these heroines would come undone and then… well, she would usually stop reading before the final chapter.

She often lost interest before the books could make it to the happily ever afters. The final cooing happiness was so much less important, to her, than the breathless ways they got there.  

Now, though, Kira was beginning to realize the books - many of which featured captivity, thrilling references to bonds both real and magical - had left out one very important truth. Perhaps the most important descriptor of them all.

None of them had ever made it clear how deeply, achingly, excruciatingly boring being held captive would be. 

This room, with its portraits of the dead who had suffered her fate before her staring down at her from the walls, was a very pretty cage, but it wasn’t a very entertaining one. The servants brought her meals but refused to answer her questions, only giving her sad smiles. Occasionally she woke up in horror to find herself wearing different clothing than she had gone to sleep in. At least there had been no more breakfasting at the dining table - melting the silver in her hands despite having had her magical tools taken from her had apparently made an impression on the loathsome Lord Wentworth.

That, she had to admit, was a little satisfying.

Still, she hadn’t been able to make it happen again, and so she was trapped here in this room torn between hours of lying on the bed and staring sightlessly at the ceiling and frantic attempts to discover some sort of secret here she could use to free herself.

So far… no such luck.

She had found some dust-covered books shoved between the back of the bed and the wall, but they appeared to simply be old primers for some long-dead child learning to read. The pages, scrawled in childish loops and swirls, had nearly crumbled under her fingertips. 

In the wardrobe there were out-of-date dresses, ribbons for her hair, even shoes that didn’t fit. She had… eventually tried on the shoes. It was something to do, it used up at least a few seconds of her otherwise eventless existence.

No wonder the damsels in her romances had been so desperately grateful to their dashing rescuers. She’d rip her bodice off herself just to have someone to talk to.

She wasn’t even entirely sure how long she’d been trapped here. It had to have been a month, right? The full moon had come and gone, waned day by day back to a sliver of itself lit like silver, with the rest only barely implied in the shadowy sky.

The sliver was widening again, working itself back to fullness. Perhaps six weeks, then, and had no one come looking for her? Did Kiraya Losna’s life matter so little, in the scheme of things, that not even her landlady had come looking for her when rent was due and she was gone? Had they sold off her clothes and books to make back a little bit of what she owed, or simply tossed it all in the gutter with the trash, to be torn apart for any hint of value by strangers?

Her heart twisted if she thought about it too long.

Her diaries might make an entertaining night’s read for some scoundrel who wanted to amuse himself with the pain of a girl who must learn on her own how to make herself a woman, when her body wasn’t correct without some help. The life of a girl with too much magic but no mother must make for quite the tale, indeed, for someone who did not care about the real person behind the pen-marks on the pages.

Would whoever had found her diaries in the refuse laugh over her joy when she had unlocked the secrets to the spell that made her reflection match her inside and out? Would they mock her dreams, even if they’d been fulfilled?

It didn’t matter. Not really.

She was never getting those diaries back. Hells, she was never even going to leave this place, and she knew it. She would be held here, and then die here, and have no choice in how it happened. Guilford Wentworth had declared her the betrothed to himself - or his son, she still didn’t quite understand - and her fate was to be the tame magician-wife for a lord whose demands would be great. And still, another would have to be taken to bear him children, which Kira could never do. 

So even in her captivity, she would damn someone else to the same fate. She felt very like the siren, in that way - trapped as a way to trap others in her same prison, this labyrinthian hell. If only she could have spoken to him again, she might have felt less lonely, more able to bear the boredom.

Some nights, at least, her restless attempts to sleep were broken by the siren’s mournful song winding up through the walls, a mourner’s wail of wordless melody, but he didn’t try to talk to her again, or even to control her.

He was trapped in his own lovely prison.

Although, honestly, at least he could have a swim in his.

Kira had resigned herself to her third read-through of the only genuine book she’d found in this room - hidden under some lovely scarves in the wardrobe, it was a story about pirates that absolutely had been written by someone who had never so much as seen a ship or an ocean and was more or less simply inventing how it might work as they wrote. It was absolutely worthless, and yet it was the only thing she thought might be keeping her sane here.

At some point, she blinked out of her stupor and realized she could hear the sound of horses’ hooves, the rattling of carriage wheels. Kira shot to her feet, the book dropping to the floor immediately and thankfully forgotten. She raced to the window, curving her fingers around the cold iron bars, listening.

She couldn’t see much from here, but-... yes, that was definitely a carriage. Had someone come to look for her, finally? Had someone realized she was still here?

Had someone noticed she was gone?

There were voices she didn’t recognize, pitched just too low for her to hear. Men’s voices, maybe one woman. She pushed her face between the bars, listening as hard as she could. Babbage was definitely one of the voices, and Wentworth, but she didn’t know the others. Wentworth and Babbage seemed perfectly chatty and friendly, setting Kira’s teeth on edge, but there was something to the other voices that didn’t sound the same.

The voices faded and were replaced by the stablehands moving the carriage horses to the stables, she assumed, and she slumped against the window, staring down at the topiary maze that led to a small fish pond below. Her heart had briefly raced - now it shuddered back to its usual slow beat. Even her heart could not find a reason to either fear or hope in this endless repeating nothing.

How long she stayed like that, she didn’t know. Her brain and body seemed simply to… pull away from the larger world around them. She was here and not-here, despair and absolutely nothingness warring within her. 

She had been an idiot to feel even that single bright spot of hope.

She had gone back to pick up the pirate book when there was a knock at the door. It wasn’t time for any of the meals brought to her, nor was it early enough to be the washbasin needing refilled. Kira swallowed, slowly standing up straight. She kept her eyes on the door as she slowly backed up, until she bumped into the wall and nearly knocked down one of the portraits that watched her sleep.

She said nothing.

They would come in or not - she knew by now it had nothing to do with whether she wanted it to happen. At least she would be awake this time. She lifted her chin, crossed her arms in front of her, and tried for all the world to look like she could do anything at all if they decided to drag her down to the siren and rob her of her mind right here and right now.

The door swung open, and there stood a man she had never seen before, but she knew immediately just looking at him that he was Guilford Wentworth the Fifth, here in the flesh. He had the same sort of look to his face, but so much younger, with a thick head of hair and wider eyes he must have gotten from his mother. He was tall and lanky where his father’s waistline had thickened over time. The family look was there, yes, but the young man was clearly his own person, too.

The lord himself stood behind his son, with a hand on his shoulder. “Here she is,” Lord Wentworth said, his voice thick slime as he gestured, stepping inside and pulling the younger Wentworth with him. “Your bride.”

Kira lifted her chin just a little more, so she had to look down her nose at the two of them. “We will see about that.” She kept her posture loose, unbothered, even as she felt her fingernails dig into her skin and her heart start to race. “I have my own thoughts on that,” Kira said, voice flat. “And you are…?”

The younger man swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly as he shifted, working himself out from under his father’s hand. He turned cold eyes on her. “Guilford Wentworth the Fifth,” He said, hostile and sharp. Only when the lord shoved at his back did he stumble forwards, brushing imaginary wrinkles from his waistcoat and pants before reaching out for her hand, bending forward at the waist with a straight spine.

He intended to kiss the back of her hand.

“Absolutely not,” She said, and did not move an inch.

The young man dropped his hand, one lip curling in a sneer. “Rude.”

“Oh, I am ever so, especially when held against my will. You’ll find my impolite instincts much harder to suppress without the siren to silence me.”

The young man snorted. “You find yourself terribly clever, don’t you?”

“Maybe. Could anyone think more of themselves than your father? Doubtful. Now, is there anything I can call you besides your father’s son?” She asked, tipping her head to one side. Her hair fell slightly against her cheek - she hadn’t bothered putting it up in at least a week and it hung in a riot of tangles down past her shoulders. She tried not to feel the Lord Wentworth’s eyes as they moved over her, and focused instead on the clearer, cleaner feel of his son’s dismay and hostility. “You must go by something, and I assume only the one man allows himself to be known as the lofty lordship here.”

To her surprise, she caught a slight twitch at the corner of the young lord’s mouth, as if he very nearly smiled before he got himself back under control. He had to duck his head just a little so that his father didn’t see it. “Ford,” He offered her, voice softening - just a little. “I go by Ford, where I live in the Colonies.”

He offered his hand again.

“Ford, then,” She acknowledged, hesitantly. This time, she allowed him to take her hand, felt his warm, dry lips press against her knuckles. She wiped her hand on her dress when she took it back, and watched his mouth twist again at the sight. “I am Kiraya Losna.”

“I know,” Ford said, and his eyes flickered towards the looming, smug presence of his father and then back to her. There was something to the look on his face she struggled to read. “I have been… told about you.”

“In preparation for our wedding, I imagine,” She said, dryly, and then turned abruptly away to look outside again. “For the sake of honesty, I should say I don’t intend to go through with it.”

“It won’t matter,” He answered, and she glanced back at him, eyebrows furrowing a little. He didn’t sound smug, like his father, but instead a little… battered. Perhaps he had witnessed rebellions before, or at least their aftermath. She wondered if he had ever rebelled, himself. “I will be… kind to you, Miss Losna, if I can-”

“I think that’s enough,” Lord Wentworth said, and clapped his hands together, just once. Ford flinched at the crack of palm on palm, even though Wentworth was all the way across the room. Her chest went cold as she saw how he hunched over himself, and then just as suddenly straightened his spine and set his shoulders back, jaw locked at a harsh angle. “Come, Ford. You and your sister need to see to your rooms, unpack your things… get settled in. The twins will be here within the week, as well, after all-”

“The twins?” Ford’s head shot up, and he turned on his heel, moving back to his father with a sudden burst of energy and speed. “The twins are away at school, Father, why-”

“For the wedding,” Guilford said, smooth as a snake’s belly soundless along the ground. “I thought you were fond of them, Ford. Was I mistaken…?”

“No, not mistaken, just-... I wouldn’t-... want to interrupt their studies, is all-”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that. In any case, Miss Losna, you’ll be joining us this evening, won’t you?”

Kira’s eyes moved from one to the other. “I… suppose that’s… your prerogative, Lord Wentworth,” She managed, her voice seemingly speaking with perfect polite without her consent. “I will… see you at dinner, I suppose, Ford.”

“Right.” Ford rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. As he walked out the door, he slunk past his father, his steps hurrying him past the man as quickly as he could go. “At dinner, Miss Losna.”

He was gone. 

Guilford lingered in the doorway, looking back at Kira, his eyes moving over her body in a way that held entirely too much possession. It made her want to show up to dine with a bag on her head, draped in the comforter until no piece of her could be seen at all. Not that she thought it would make any difference. He would lust over what was beneath whether he could see it or not. 

She wondered if she could melt his bones with the wild magic that had worked on the silver, if he hurt her badly enough. If she only could become angry enough. It was only with effort she kept her voice calm and seemingly careless. “Will you be sending Nadette to help me prepare, Lord Wentworth? These dresses here were made for a woman with servants, I cannot do them up myself.”

He smiled at her, and it brought no warmth to his expression whatsoever. Only seemed to freeze her further. “A lovely image to hand to me, my dear.” 

“I am not your dear,” Kira sneered, leaning back against the wall, her hands pressed against its gentle texture, her palms somehow freezing and burning right to the tips of her fingers. Her heart raced within her, trying to run from the confines of her imprisoned body. “And I will never be your anything. I will not be your son’s, either. No matter how he must hate you.”

Wentworth paused, framed by the door, and chuckled, shaking his head. “You will, Miss Losna, be the loving wife to my son at the end of the next month. You will adore him wholly and utterly. And the both of you will adore me just the same.”

She pressed her palms back harder. The feeling of the wall made them ache but it was the only thing that kept her voice steady. “And his feelings on this marriage? He didn’t seem to agree-”

“What does that matter?” Wentworth blinked, as if surprised by the question. “My children do as I bid them, Miss Losna. They always have, and they always will. Or they cease to have a reason to be alive. Much like you.”

He closed the door and left her there.

The key turned in the lock.

She could hear him humming a jaunty tune until his voice faded entirely, and she was - once again - alone in her gilded prison cell. 

Kira stepped away from the wall, panic making her nerves spark and muscles jump under her skin, with no way to run, nothing to run away to. She took one step, and then another. Somewhere down below, the siren began his song again. There was no magic in it. He was only crying, in the way of his kind, and his despair echoed hers.

Kira ran, flinging herself onto the bed and burying herself beneath the heavy covers, pulling her pillow over her face with its lavender scent and screaming into it until her throat was raw. Her lungs burned for air and her throat ached, but still she kept screaming. 

At some point, screams became heaving sobs, hot tears that soaked into her hair, her pillow, and seemed to boil their way down her cheeks. 

She wept until there were no tears left. Then, she lay in silence and simply waited for the next step in what felt like an inexorable slide off a cliff into the darkness below. The siren's song rose higher and higher, slipping underneath her skin.

Sleep, He must have sung to her. Sleep now and dream of better things.

She drifted off, and knew only that his voice felt not like chains, now, but like a hand on her head, arms around her, the way her mother had once held her after nightmares.

If only this had been one.

If only she were able to wake up from this.

Where she had been standing, two handprints had burned black into the wall. Magic smoked, sparked embers, and then faded to soot unseen.

-

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