#can't wait to watch the ones i missed
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really enjoyed the program for this year's final girls berlin brain binge weekend <3 everything should be uploaded on their youtube in a week or two but these 4 i'd recommend: the horror of hair; bathory’s daughters: the lesbian vampire and leather ritual; women in trauma within horror; the ghosts of gothic arthouse cinema
#currently watching the maternity horror panel but it's making me depressed ngl#can't wait to watch the ones i missed#why is tumblr legit moving the link to different words in the post?
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no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh
#star wars#clone wars#star wars fanart#ahsoka tano#captain rex#anyway i bring you this a) because i'm going back to my tcw roots of late and b) because i miss them terribly#as you can see because i can't handle reality i put her in the novel design#cause wdym they split up after order 66 haha what no that didn't happen you're crazy#read it however you want idc ^^)b any interpretation of their dynamic is the best one i think#yea anyway in this amount of time i've gotten a lot better at anatomy and i don't really care about social media anymore#but i have like nowhere to put my art now so *shrug*#star wars the clone wars#artists on tumblr#i've wanted to do one of those post-type drawings and i am .-+ too lazy +-. to color it sooo#signature got cropped sigh. whatever#if you see a mistake no you don't. you know the drill#also i finally watched bad batch season 3 around christmastime and hewiutgeh.#singlehandedly took the show from a 4 to a 10 for me so thx dave filoni we love u as always >>>#lowk kinda missed it here *gazes fondly at the bot spam and screaming and cursing in my feed*#btw i have never used instagram in my life so if this is formatted wrong it's your fault. bye#someone tell me whether or not i should tag this as rxsk because i am very much debating#does tumblr even like them anymore ?? i know ao3 does they're still going crazy over there (>1k works God bless)#“bro's first post back and she's yapping her head off” cmon you know me by now anyway can we talk about season 7 ahsoka#i find no fault in her. she is perfect. she is the greatest version of any star wars character ever at all#no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told her about fives. no i will not be thinking about whether or not anyone told echo#ok that's enough bye i'll wait for this to get four notes at most and three of them being comments screaming at me#one more thing uhh suspend your disbelief since anakin liked the post. rots didn't happen and everything is fine !!#my art
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The Expanse | Season 1 (2015-16), Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby
#the expanse#theexpanseedit#aaaah i missed my space babies so much!#excellent first season#so much foreshadowing is unreal!#knowing what comes next most of this season felt like an introduction#also i realized how much i forgot and how far apart the season were from one another#and i can't wait to have a coherent idea of the whole show watching them back to back#tv 2024#i made this#i just want a tag for the things i personally put out into the world
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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LOVE how interview with the vampire is just men competing about who's the biggest bitch
#txt#saskia talks#iwtv#SO SO SO SO GLAD IT'S BACK!!#finally got around watching the first 2 episodes of s2 and GOD what a thrill#i missed it#can't wait to see who wins the competition#the characters in this show god!!!#like technically i think daniel is the biggest bitch despite being the most normal one there (which is already AMAZING)#but this season armand & louis are really giving him a run for his money#also just wanna say claudia you are exceptional i love u so much#not sh
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so from my academic research so far, the few times when things are going pretty good/world not currently ending and nobody's mad and dean is alone with cas, dean's like lit up and appears to be full of joy in a way he never is otherwise so whattaya gonna do? not ship that? 🤷🏻
that would be silly.
#watching spn#i just watched 'heaven can't wait' and the 'I MISS MY BOYFRIEND' vibes are STRONG in that one
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I ASSUMED IT WAS GONNA BE THE CHICK. HOW CAN IT BE FUCKING LESTER??????!!!!!???!??!!?!??!?!?!
#beth watches tv#omitb#i was watching from the beginning so#i managed to miss the whole season as it was coming out#what the actual fuck#you can't kill lester!!!#i can't wait til the final season when it's revealed that Uma was the mastermind behind all of the killings#honestly I was wondering who they were going to kill off to connect the next season#I'm glad it was an actual Building person#not just some rando who happened to die in the building like Ben was#I was really not much of a fan of the last two seasons#they just didn't feel quite the same#but this season#through a few bumps#felt like season one again
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i haven't drawn anything in a whileee. wonder if i'll get anything done for january
#sylph.txt#it's a stars aligning kinda issue for me#it would b nice to do at least smth a month so i can do one of those yearly recaps for once#i wnna draw fanart for strange men series and we played the mad father remake recently so mb that too#hollow knight in general has been waiting around.. and psychonauts would b cool to do#actually i tried to watch a (no commentary) playthru of the first game the other day bc i missed it and it kinda made me nauseous?#can't remember if it was like that the first time i played it but motion sickness has def been affecting me more as i get older bwehh#anyway if i'm being real i probably won't even draw fanart. u get ocs again 💥
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Anyway. 150 days left until I see TMBG.
#i already counted down 150 days. and 100 days left until i see them before#but the tour was postponed a full year so we're doing this again#it was going to be my first 'proper' concert but due to the delay i got the chance to already go to two other concerts earlier this year#they were both amazing and exactly the type of thing that's been missing in my life before as it turns out#i'm very glad i went and they really made me even more excited for this upcoming one#because now i can kind of imagine what it might look like#just seeing all these people with their band shirts was such an amazing moment#i can't really imagine seeing dozens of people in tmbg shirts even though it IS going to happen#and that's mostly because i have met ONE tmbg fan in real life#and overall it's incredible how completely unheard of they seem to be where i live#all those music store sellers who are like 'who???' when i ask them about tmbg#at least there was this one guy who not only knew who sparks are#but also told me all about annette and who plays in it and where to watch it#so yeah. still feels far away but maybe i can already start getting excited again. this time it's gotta happen#and my london trip!! and first plane flight!! it's gonna be so fun#i've been waiting for this for a year and a half already auughhhh#when the time for my dream trip finally arrives i won't be shutting up about it for even a day#goosepost
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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i want to get started on the Full Hands List but i am waiting on my apartment people for scheduled maintenance and i don't really want to start until they leave but i also have no idea what time they'll make it to my apartment so we're just playing the waiting game now
#at my old apartment i was one of the first to get the maintenance bc my apartment number was just higher on the list#so it was usually around 10-11am#but im much further down now and idk how long it'll take#this isn't my FIRST TIME having the preventative maintenance in this apartment but the last times i just went to bed and got woken up#when they knocked#bc i was still on nights and i had no idea how long it'd be and didnt want to stay awake#and i did NOT check the time when they finally arrived#i just let them in and waited until they left so i could go back to sleep lmao#so#we'll see ig#I'm also splitting this into 3 days instead of don't all 3 seasons at once ill do a season a day#largely bc of time in general and how it's like. 12 hours of show.#and im be starting late today bc of *gestures at post*#but also it's going to be LONGER cus i have to pause every time hands shown up so i can note the timestamp#which ofc makes the whole process much. MUCH longer as seen with s3's preliminary run lmao#ough#I'm talking so much jdfjjsjd#also just my attebtion span is NOT great and i need to actually be WATCHING THE SCREEN THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME#and can't be checking my phone or anything#cus ill miss shots!!!!#i missed at least 2 on my og s1+s2 list and im sure i missed others#i also have to decide how to count the montages#cus there'll be like 2 shots of hands immediately one after the other in the montages#sigh#......... I'll probably count them separately. just for accurate numbers.#which ofc means that ALL of my bonus aren't QUITE right rn cuts ik i lumped montages together#lmao#oh this will be so much fun#shh ac#young royals
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#going a bit insane over micah nemerevers these violent delights#no i'm not becoming a book blog but I'm rediscovering an old passion#books feel like my first language of fiction and they are#and this one is so beautifully insane and intricate and the characters are so fantastic and their relationship so natural yet wild af#it's like watching two buildings slowly collapse into each other and in the end you can't find which pieces belong where anymore#but they're definitely both shattered and they would probably still be standing if they hadn't been so close to each other#both of them started out with such potential for so many things but brought out the worst versions of themselves in each other I LOVE IT#[their names are paul and julian btw. yes they're gay]#it's like they were waiting for someone to come along and utterly wreck them and they probably were#and if this sounds like they were violent with each other they weren't really at least that wasn't the point most of the time#they loved each other so completely but also so brutally that they fed each others fears and insecurities more than anything else#they'd have done anything for each other AND THEY DID and that was the catastrophe#it is such a fantastic book#obsesses with the way julian clearly only starts smoking when he meets paul fully aware that he is already missing half a lung
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What I imagined happened off camera during the filming of The Pact (1999)
Director: Hey can you play a guy that doesn't have homoerotic subtext with the other main character for once?
Rider Strong: Uhhh yeah I guess. Weird thing to say, like... I'm just reading the script.
Director: Cool, awesome. We'll even throw some slurs into the script, so the audience knows your character is homophobic and definitely not gay
Rider Strong: right of course that always works.
#I think Greg and Dalton definitely made out at some point but that's neither here nor there#I think the director probably looked at like a mega angsty bmw episode and said “hey can you play the entire movie like this”#The first scene we see him in a goddamn leather jacket. Parody.#Wait i...#The director watched Chick Like Me and missed the point so hard.#I think Greg and Dalton should have kissed and my feelings on that is first of all how do you know they didn't you know? It was long trek t#Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh Dalton getting shot and Greg having to save him from drowning#The pact 1999#If you like mediocre movies. Watch the Pact. I actually liked it and will be watching it again#However the only place to watch it is in 9 parts on YouTube. It doesn't take you out of the experience tho#This is my fight club#Idk if that's a bad example I have no idea what fight club it about#Fellas is it gay to save a guy from drowning and then have that guy beat up some guys for messing with you and then form a pact to always#look out for eachother while the guy is looking for the guy you used to be before you went into witness protection and then when he finally#figured out it's you he was looking for he tries to shoot you and when he can't bring himself to do it and the guy he was working for point#The gun at you he sheilds you with his body and gets shot in the shoulder and you have to save him from drowning again and when he's#about to leave at the end of the movie you ask if you can still be friends and he says 'yeah dude we have a pact remember?'#Answer: apparently not if he won't stop calling your roommate a fag#Bro literally had to be like 'dalton bestie can you stop calling my roommate a fag??'#my posts#Why is there no fanfic for this fucking movie. Do I have to do everything myself around here?#One of my favorite letterboxed reviews for this movie was 'This movie have everything. Rider Strong saying fag'' (etc etc but that was the#part I thought was funniest. They gave it 5 stars)#Another one of my fave reviews was ''i feel like I just got hatecrimed by Shawn Hunter'' which. Hilarious
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through a newly discovered marvel of science i manage to have bisexual sex by being equally attracted to myself and my boyfriend
#''that's a weird thing to say'' but it is real and it is true ❤️#it's called feeling yourself. one of the most enjoyable parts of fucking#i have anorgasmia i might as well be sexy about it#this post is brought to you by I have started working out alà calisthenics style again#something intrinsically sexy about having good core strength. feel my waist. right. that's what i thought#can't wait to be that guy agai n#FUCK#i am patrick bateman#me 🤝 patrick bateman = being bisexual#however my boyfriend is not a prostitute. it was one of the first things he ever said to me#''oohh cool well if you want to help me repair my bike i can pay you a li—'' I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE!!!!!!!!!#anywayyy uhhh#smashes my skull against a wall i miss him so much i haven't seen him in NINE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!#does it count as a dick appointment if it's your boyfriend and also you have vaginismus and also vulvodynia#it feels like it's what ive got planned for tonight either way#home-cooked dinner and sleepover!!!!!! also i will try to trick him into watching american psycho with me#🫶#pickapost
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Chances of your childhood cat reincarnating into a near exact replica of herself just to choose another lifetime with you are low, but never zero 💜
I love you both to the moon and back, my babies. Rest easy, sweet girl💜 I'll take care of her, don't you worry.
#pet loss#pet grief#griefandloss#dealing with grief#grief#childhood cat#childhood pet#my sweet girls#the first one is Dove and the second(grown) is Nyla#I'm watching my best friend grow up all over again and I'm so emotional#i miss you so much Ny#you were a good girl#she's already so much like you#i can't wait to see if her eyes are green too
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