#can't even fucking get that far.
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rjalker · 2 years ago
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once again attempted to put on a binder and failed miserably. this is a size large. I weigh 113lbs. How in the absolute fuck is anyone putting these on to begin with, let alone binding safely?????
I was like "okay well this is probably a medium so I could just get a large -- " and then I checked the tag. And it is a large.
what in the absolute fuck.
I should not have to buy a size XL just to put the damn thing on. My chest is only as wide sideways as my fucking rib cage requires. how in the absolute fuck is anyone else supposed to be able to wear these things if this is what's considered "large"????????????????????
(feel free to reblog btw)
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benevolenterrancy · 3 months ago
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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buttdumplin · 3 months ago
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going to look at houses with one of the boys because yall need a bigger one with more rooms now that ale and rudy have officially joined the polycule and the agent is really working the kids angle for "you and your... husband?" and ofc it's johnny who goes with you and he's feeding into it by only referring to them as "the boys" that by the time you've settled on a house and you get the agent to do one last viewing so they can all come see, her head fucking explodes first when she sees "the boys" and again after they all take their turns giving you and johnny your initial smooches, and the smile on johnny's face tells you this couldn't have played out as perfectly even in his dreams
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htub · 2 years ago
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I really like that they made Jor-El speak Kryptonian and Clark unable to understand him. The whole "aliens speak English" thing that happens in every goddamn media has bothered me all my life. Ik sometimes Clark just gets zapped in the brain for insta-second language but that always felt like a cheap shortcut.
Jor-El had a lot on his mind when he set up that magic spaceship okay. The world was ending and he was trying to do as much as he could before time ran out so he could be there for his son. He was rushing. He likely didn't consider Kal would be raised with a whole different language and not know any Kryptonian nor have anyone to teach him.
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fluentisonus · 1 month ago
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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katerinaaqu · 4 months ago
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Epic the Musical:
Athena: Please dad help Odysseus! I realized he is my good friend and needs help!
Zeus: Who? That shameful man I made him choose to kill himself or his men? Why would I do that? It was so fun!You just seek attention! I'll tell you what though; if you convince others then I shall release him! Let's play
Athena: *does that*
Zeus: How DARE you!
Zeus: *strikes her*
The Odyssey:
Athena: Please father how could you forget on Odysseus who was always pious to the gods?
Zeus: Me? Forget about him? How can I? He is like one of the best when it comes to sacrifices and respecting the gods.
Athena: Then why won't you help him?
Zeus: I have nothing against the man. But my hands are tied! He committed hubris and nemesis had to find him and my brother is pissed off at him. I can't do much.
Athena: I cannot face him but now he is away please help Odysseus at least escape Ogygia! Send Hermes to bring the message and I shall go to help his son! The prophecy needs to be fulfilled!
Zeus: you speak the truth. Let us try.
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zykamiliah · 11 months ago
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since this post is doing the rounds again, i want to take a moment to remind everyone that saving lbh from the bullying disciples, saving lqg's life, almost sacrificing himself to protect the sect during the demon invasion, are things that sqq does without any ulterior motives. if he wanted to capitalize on his good deed, he would have revealed himself after protecting lbh. when he meets lqg in the lingxi caves, it surprises him to see him there, and it's after he's already rescued lqg from a qi deviation that it occurs to him that "hmmm, this is a good ally to have, just in case". and during the demon invasion, after getting poisoned, he was ready to self-detonate so that he could take out sha hualing.
like, yeah, sy!sqq is smart and cares about his own survival-- but he's also a big softie that can't stand seeing people hurt and do nothing
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corpocyborg · 15 days ago
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so like... the Qun being reveled to be pro-trans in DAI makes zero sense... considering both sten & the arishok are shown to believe strongly in gender roles... and that sten even goes as far as to say that a person can never be anything other than what they're born and that a fisherman who tries to become a merchant will never be a real merchant and will only ever be a fisherman pretending to be a merchant... like... ?????
I mean i get wanting iron bull to be pro-trans himself but wouldn't it make way more sense for that to be something he actually dislikes about the Qun... and then it would actually create tension in his storyline between his own viewpoints & agency and the messages he's learned from the qun and partially actually believes and has partially been forced to believe through literal indoctrination and abuse... and therefore whether he becomes tal-vashoth or not could actually be something that matters instead of just a meaningless pseudo-choice...
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cementcornfield · 5 months ago
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Ted has had ENOUGH
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clownowo · 2 years ago
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I'm not gonna lie when I started Persona 3 i wasn't particularly invested in Akihiko. Definitely wasn't planning on romancing him. Then I encountered the most insane piece of dialogue. I haven't been the same since. It haunts me.
the full dialogue under the cut:
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happyk44 · 12 days ago
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Thinking about Percy with BPD for the millionth time and how he thinks Grover is the most perfect special boy that everyone should be nice to and thinking about Annabeth with NPD realizing Percy doesn't see her the same way and getting supremely agitated about it
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allthepandasintheworld · 3 months ago
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i think the most fun thing about pocket (other than being a pocket main of course) is that im pretty sure i've been training my entire life specifically to draw this little goober. like im pretty sure they were entirely made specifically to my tastes and i love with video games do that for me thank you valve thank you deadlock
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hestzhyen · 1 month ago
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Chapter 60 Plot Posting
Hi again, dear void. So, about those complaints I've had in regards to the pacing... and others that I've been holding off on to see how they'd be handled... this is a long and mostly negative yapfest that rambles about the chapter itself and some general writing choices.
Bad TL of Editor's note stuff:
First Page: 会議-!! [kaigi-!!], "A meeting-!!" Last Page: 征くは修羅の道...!! [yuku ha shura no michi...!!] "Leaving for battle on Asura's path...!"
Asura are the demigods who fought against the Devas in Hindu and Buddhist mythology, by-the-by. Basically, the gist is that Chihiro and the Masumi are heading out on a road fraught with carnage and strife to face an extremely powerful foe. Oh, and Hokazono-sensei clarified that the squad are indeed called "Masumi" and not "Makizumi"- the latter is a typo.
Before I rant, I got something wrong with my interpretation of the Japanese version last week. In the last panel here:
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"Controlled the war" is still not the greatest way to phrase the line, but mine was way off too since I got too hung up on the literal meaning of a particular kanji (駆ける [kakeru]). The actual meaning of what John's saying there is more along the lines that Samura's an experienced war veteran, which isn't as cool but if that's the more accurate translation then so be it. Please do not ever trust my translations to be correct and I'll do a better job of relaying that I'm not to be trusted if I try to interpret something.
What the Fuck, Man
Alright, so... I'll get this out of the way. This chapter was a huge let-down for me.
It did all the necessary things but the proportion of time spent on what and the way they played out made my concerns about the fast pacing boil over. Come on, Hokazono-sensei. Slow down just a smidge to let us maintain our bonds with the characters.
Slower chapters are necessary to make it easier for the reader to keep their suspension of disbelief and stay immersed! A great story is more than racing from points A through Z with just the bare minimum detail to give context for the next cool action scene. When people ask for the pace to slow down or for there to be more "filler", what they're really asking for are more meaningful times spent with the characters interacting with each other and getting in their heads. Letting some emotional moments linger, bonds get set up and maintained outside of tense moments and strictly necessary plot events, things like that.
After such heavy chapters back-to-back for about a month with Samura's betrayal, I think most of us need a breather. Just some time to sit with the characters to reflect on everything that happened and how they feel about it, you know? A lot of stuff happened and Chihiro especially has a lot to process. We even had a time limit of a week set up to do that- surely one day or even half of one could be given over to letting the cast regroup and take a breath on-screen before the next beat. But Hokazono-sensei seems allergic to giving us time for quiet reflection so now I'm more exhausted than the protagonist who died and came back to life a few hours ago. Yes, Chihiro rested for a few days off-screen before rolling out but we didn't get to see it. So it's not a break for us.
I've been holding back on criticism of this because I wanted to see where the story was going and what the author would do but the pacing is an outright flaw as of this chapter. It's something that I wish had been left behind in the action movie genre; that kind of pacing works for films because you're doing 90ish-minute installments every few years. But it's terrible for a weekly manga.
I will eat a whole stick of apple cinnamon incense if this is some long-con on the author's part to eventually slap Chihiro down for running on fumes and force him to sleep for a week or something. But I'm only making this bet because by now I think it's clear that we're in thriller action movie pacing for the rest of the series' run. It's just something that will have to be accepted as part of the experience going forward. For me, it's a drawback. An acceptable one since everything else is still holding my interest (for now) but a major one nonetheless.
What Did we Not Rest For?
An administrative meeting, a Shiba & Chihiro conversation, and Minimura exposition; Hakuri was so unimportant that he gave an offscreen info dump and went back to sleep, apparently. That's a hell of a lot- there was a ton of yapping and all of it was related to the plot and keeping the momentum up. That's not appropriate downtime! It's the manga equivalent of working from home early Saturday morning after pulling all-nighters at the office from Monday through Friday.
Anyway... this chapter was dense as fuck. I don't catch everything each week but damn I feel like I'm missing a lot of things to speculate on this time. I don't have the brain power to get every little thing until we start tying up some existing threads; hopefully what I caught here is good enough until more room can be made. Early Bird Kamunabi Conference
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Azami! Good to see you again! Please do stuff more often to give me a heads up so I can start preparing defense statements against those traitor allegations.
First up, the Kamunabi convening at a little after 3 in the morning. Using Magatsumi's still on the table despite the sealing process being partially complete, obviously. And based on the discussion it seems like we'll probably meet Subaru, the Sushi Chef Bearer from Sushi Subaru next. Sorry girl Bearer fans. Hope Ms. Masumi in a suit can tide you over until then.
In terms of Kamunabi member insights, I'm really warming up to the mask Kamunabi guy that was impressed by Hiyuki's evaluation of Chihiro (and helped Kunishige hide after the war). He's the one who cares about the well-being of others the most out of everyone who we got to hear from. I'm thinking he's also a true believer in the mission with a more compassionate bent to his philosophy than Mutton Chops. Mutton Chops is pretty competent when he's not being a Rokuhira Hater, though.
Everyone else is pretty much on the practical discussion side to get us away from a bunch of talking heads as soon as possible. Except Ear guy- he's still as flippant as ever. I've still got my eye on you for corruption and/or negligent incompetence, buddy.
They all get failing grades for sending Chihiro back out again so soon, though. Guess we won't be dealing with the political side of the conflict just yet. Samura using Owl to monitor all of Japan for Enchanted Blade signatures is pretty spooky though!
Shiba and Chihiro
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[Slaps Shiba] This bad boy can fit so much misguided grief in it.
The long conversation was a must-have and I'm glad it happened! I just wish it had gone a bit differently. Less Minimura, more just the two of them, you know? (Or solo Chihiro reflecting on things before Shiba comes in!) They've got a lot of complicated emotions going on and I really wanted to see more of Shiba's conflict over how he wants to protect Chihiro but also feels like he can't. It's been there in the background since Chapter 1 and this would have been a great time to dig into it a little more. He just watched Chihiro die in his arms and some stern faces are all he can muster?! After shaking and nearly crying for comedic effect over the stunts Chihiro and Hakuri pulled in Ch. 46? And busting into the hospital room with a yell in Ch. 11? Call it a nit-pick if you like but it just feels weirdly subdued from Shiba's end when he's normally so emotive about Chihiro's well-being. I guess this is the "heavy feelings make the comedy guy get serious" trope in effect. Boo hiss bad application, let this man be more emotional about his adopted nephew!
I guess I can at least appreciate that Shiba being subdued contrasted with Chihiro being the most outwardly emotional we've ever seen him (in the present) when he echoes the words his dad spoke to him:
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Passionate, glossy-eyed Chihiro gets anything he wants forever and ever no questions asked.
CHIHIROOOO you need to rest and get some hugs, not go out and kill more people! But we're already well aware of why he's out here doing this, so... damn it, you get to go. Just don't keep accumulating wounds and stuff, OK? And don't freakin' die again!
I understand why Shiba didn't put up much of a fight when Chihiro asked for Enten back. He's driven by guilt just as much as the rest of the major characters this arc, especially over failing to protect Kunishige. Won't commit on the exact reasons right now but they're probably along the lines of "If I hadn't failed that day then Chihiro wouldn't feel the need to do any of this, so the least I can do is train him and catch him when he falls". This is good stuff honestly! I just wish we'd gotten to see a bit more of his inner thoughts.
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The second biggest thing I disliked about this chapter was the implication that Chihiro finally heard at least some of the truth of things from Shiba there in the hospital room but we the audience still can't know about it yet. Which is fine for us- it's tough being teased about it for so long but I don't mind. What bothers me is that I think this is something that's important enough for us to learn about the same time Chihiro does. So we can feel the weight of whatever this monstrous cover-up was, you know? We're supposed to be on this journey with him, seeing the world from his point of view and coming to understand things as he does. Something this massive should have been dropped on the reader and the protagonist at the same time! I don't want the reveal relegated to a flashback in the middle of a fight- give it the full attention it deserves. But maybe the author's cooking again. No choice but to wait and see anyway.
Zombie Chihiro?!
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HMM...
Samura spared Chihiro, which makes sense. He just wants Chihiro to stop before he goes too far down this path. But of course Chihiro's gotta have that clash of ideals and say "I'm a sinner too".
I did feel really bad for Chihiro again this chapter. Being reminded that he's just a nice 18-year-old kid pushing himself to be a killer out of grief and feeling like he can't turn back hits right in the kokoro. I hope we can see how a Bearer bonds with their sword since his contract with Enten was severed...! Samura can sense blades with contracts when they're in use so I wonder how Chihiro will adjust to that too. He's watching all of Japan for signs of enchanted blade activity so Chihiro might have to use Enten as a regular sword for a while.
Chihiro's rapid recovery could either be ascribed to Samura's precision in slicing him or some other kind of power, possibly from Tobimune.... HMM... do we really need more little details to chew on in this chapter? Sure, why not. Let's add another thing to ponder on while we wait for resolution on the all the other hanging threads too. At least this one's tied to some blade or Chihiro sorcery lore. If it's a Tobimune power, wouldn't Chihiro know about it? Unless it's a True Realm ability that hasn't been documented. More things to theorize over, yay...
It's also the last remaining shred of hope for Uruha being alive despite apparently being in autopsy. I'll admit, it's pretty damn fishy that Shiba can't get info and Chihiro refuses to believe the man is dead, so I guess I can't complain if my favourite goofy ronin dude comes back somehow. Would still prefer it if he was left definitively dead though because we have more than enough "but maybe?!" threads hanging around already.
Not to get too gruesome, but... if this is a flag that the Kamunabi are doing unethical things to Uruha's corpse, hoo boy. Oh man. I'm not ready for that kind of development despite being a horror fan.
The Sore Spot
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Couldn't you have saved this for next chapter?
And then... a lotta Minimura exposition yap.
I feel like this conversation could have been pushed to the next chapter with Minimura stepping into the hospital room as the cliffhanger to end this one. It's just too much information overload and exposition when we've been begging for Chihiro to rest for months now in real time. Even if the in-universe timeline remained the same, it would have given us readers a lull while Chihiro had the heart-to-heart with Shiba and thought about everything that just went down. Heck we might have even gotten some time with Hakuri too.
The last page of Chihiro and the Masumi stepping out in suits was cool as heck but it didn't land due to how sick I am of these characters running from plot point to plot point. Now it's Chihiro and the ninjas out there doing Things and Stuff to find their answers from Samura... I'm interested in the conflict that will arise from Samura's old guards -basically his little family- fighting against him, don't get me wrong. It's got some very tasty parallels to Hakuri's story and resonates deeply with Chihiro's need to know the truth about the people he cares for so much. Again for the millionth time though, I just wish this had gone down a little bit differently.
Hakuri Where?!
There's a lot of baseless venting here and some raw, barely-edited thoughts- sorry in advance. This chapter is kind of an information overload (and I'll be honest, I got super petty over Hakuri's status being hand-waved away). I just don't have it in me to condense it all like usual. Sorry.
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Oh, he's just drowning in self-hatred offscreen. Don't worry about it we gotta get going.
So, Chihiro's the MC and this is his story. Stuff with him will usually take precedence over other characters. But when you barely acknowledge Hakuri -ostensibly one of the most important characters in the cast other than Chihiro himself- in the aftermath of a series of major events that he was directly involved in like this, I gotta wonder.
I'd be happier if he wasn't mentioned or shown at all beyond still being alive because that would mean there was more to say that needed proper time to be allocated. But much like Chihiro waking up alone and the Shiba and Chihiro conversation, a prime chance for character and/or relationship quality time was skimmed over to keep the plot moving at mach five.
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"Finer details not necessary."
I'm not saying this because I wanted HakuHiro hospital fluff that badly. I'm saying this as a Hakuri fan who's worried that he'll be reduced to an exposition and gag delivery tool. It's happened to some of my favourites before despite the prominent billing they got, and I hoped it wouldn't happen again here after the Rakuzaichi arc set Hakuri up to be second only to Chihiro in terms of narrative importance. But shoving him offscreen so we get updates about him indirectly -giving us no time to even see him wake up or express anything directly- feels like side-character treatment. You know, how Hinao was treated in Chapter 11 (where's she been lately?).
The best that can be hoped for is that he gives us a PoV that lets us explore the Kamunabi side more via his hospital stay somehow. Feels bad when the author clearly hates deviating from the action to do those kinds of scenes, so I wonder how much we'll actually see of Hakuri struggling and working through his issues while he's setting up plot points for other characters and the larger narrative. All while Chihiro's shoving him out of mind for one reason or another to keep focusing on the story events too.
Chihiro not checking in on Hakuri after he wakes up isn't a huge issue- that can readily be ascribed to guilt thanks to the panel of him recalling how he said he'd rely on Hakuri's help with a sad expression. He's worried in general too even if it would have been better if he'd been more proactive about expressing it. It's not like Chihiro has to wake up in a cold sweat and demand answers but shouldn't he be a little more concerned about his "equal partner"? Especially after all the emphasis put on how important they are to each other during the last arc?
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Chihiro seems hesitant to broach the subject of Hakuri at all despite obviously caring a great deal.
The most generous interpretation I can make of this is that Chihiro and Hakuri are both too guilty to face each other right now. Chihiro's got a lot of other stuff going on anyway, so he can avoid thinking about the guilt of dragging Hakuri in to his mess by continuing on his mission. Meanwhile Hakuri's clearly thrashing himself something fierce. The panel of him curled up on the bed under Minimura's narration combined with him requesting the Masumi to help Chihiro in his stead is all we need to see based on what we already know- Hakuri is absolutely drowning in self-loathing right now. So he probably doesn't want to see Chihiro either even if he can get out of bed and walk himself over.
I don't want to go on a fuckhuge tangent about this but I've not got a lot of hope that these guys will interact or resolve the situation any time soon. It seems like very small potatoes compared to facing Samura, dealing with the Hishaku, and whatever's yet to come with the Kamunabi. Honestly, though? I just plain hate miscommunication drama. It's realistic here and very understandable from both sides but please, for the love of god, don't drag it out for the rest of the arc. Let them talk when Chihiro gets back or so help me God I really will think the author is pulling their relationship beats out of a generic BL tropes bin.
After Having Calmed Down...
Alright, alright. Enough of that. At least a few days passed between Chihiro waking up and rolling out again, we just didn't get to see it. So maybe they did meet up at some point. Or maybe the avoidance is to follow up on the "friendship" flags set up by Hiruhiko. Something about how they should still be relying on each other in situations like this instead of flagellating themselves in isolation. That's classic shounen, right? At any rate, we have Hiruhiko and Hakuri one-sidedly calling themselves Chihiro's friends for a reason, so we'll just have to wait and see what comes of that. I don't think that will end with Hakuri and Chihiro not being friends somehow.
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Also, despite the dialogue about Hakuri not having much hope for healing his damage nerves, I'm pretty sure he will at least partially recover at some point. I just hope it's not entirely off-screen. The vast majority of character development in Kagurabachi happens through combat and the direct lead-up to the fights, which is a big strength of the series. But that also means that characters who can't fight don't get much on-screen development.
Hakuri's going to have some time to examine his circumstances in a future chapter after all the set up he got earlier in the arc. His thing will probably be learning to value himself; most likely in the sense that he's not just a tool, but a person. Hard to see how that will happen while he's stuck in recovery mode though. Will the author change tack and start having more scenes of talking heads and political drama to explore between action scenes? Seriously doubt it. So either Hakuri gets put on an expedited recovery schedule of his own or he'll be out of the story until he's useful to Chihiro('s story) as a sorcerer again. ...Not great vibes with so much of his trauma being tied to "utility=worthiness of love" but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised? I hope?
It'll be really tough for him to learn his lesson for this arc if he's burnt out after failing to save someone he swore to protect, too. A day after finally proving himself to be a genius of rare talents capable of doing so no less. God this poor kid. He finally got everything he wanted and deserved and lost it all... well he didn't lose Chihiro and Shiba, but he probably thinks he deserves to right now. Especially since Chihiro seems to have left without seeing him even once.
Which would have just made his guilt worse anyway because of what happened to him and Uruha. Hakuri summoned Chihiro back in a panic and got him killed too! And now he's totally burnt out and may be forever, so he can't even try to make up for it by training his power and "earning" redemption by becoming stronger and saving more lives. The last thing he did with his abilities was fail to save a life he promised to protect and get his friend killed. He was already being crushed under the weight of what happened to Ice Lady and now...
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Huh, wouldn't that kind of be a good point to make though? That you have to forgive yourself before the guilt eats you alive. Else you'll never stop self-destructing... wonder if the author will go that route for Hakuri and/or Chihiro.
... Man. The feelings I have about Hakuri are really messy and way too closely tied to my own life experiences, so it's hard for me to be objective about him and how I want him to be handled. His journey mirrors my own in so many ways and made this series a ride or die for me based on how he was written last arc. In terms of Current Events, though? From a neutral standpoint, I think we'll get scenes of him interacting with other characters for side-plot reasons while the focus is on Chihiro's exploits. From a personal standpoint, I want in-depth explorations of him like we got in the Rakuzaichi arc. I want to see more of that, as much as possible. Even if it means deviating away from cool spreads and Chihiro doing awesome stunts more often. (In other words: the author's priorities and mine probably don't overlap right now.) So even though I know objectively that it's just not time to get back to Hakuri yet, I'm anxious that even when we do it won't be handled with grace because he can't be directly tied to the action scenes.
There are a lot of complicated thoughts about how Chihiro interacts with people in general, too... Hakuri's not the only one who does the emotional heavy lifting when it comes to depicting the relationship between them. A lot of character screen time is devoted to establishing bonds and such with Chihiro but rarely from Chihiro's point of view in return. He's completely consumed by plot things and we don't know how he feels about the people close to him directly for the most part. Hakuri is actually the lucky one who got a whole few sentences of Chihiro's inner thoughts acknowledging him as someone stronger that one time! Everything else is left to context and facial expressions -which is appropriate for a relatively reticent MC- but it would be nice get in his head to hear what he thinks about Shiba, Hakuri, and others more often.
Normally I work all that feelings stuff out in a private draft, but I'll leave it here in case you were starting to think I was anything more than a sad sack mad man, dear void. Depending on how next week goes I might not post; maybe not until after New Year's if life keeps being difficult. Be kind if you're given a choice, okay? Take care out there.
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tinystepsforward · 4 months ago
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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rawliverandgoronspice · 4 months ago
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No but we need to keep talking about Gaza online, on every platform possible, actively and relentlessly, or they will actually get away with criminalizing any mention of the genocide altogether and that would put the palestinian people, palestinian immigrants/refugees and the people who are still actively advocating for their rights to immense risk.
The milder the general public's outrage gets, the more pressing the danger.
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kandicon · 2 months ago
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Actually I can't stop thinking about Tim gaining a bit of weight during her time as Persephone and it's killing me now
#she's been an immortal for so long she has no idea how she looked before the lunar war#she was 3-4 years younger and matured during that time despite the starvation#and she probably got a buzzcut when she was drafted but nobody kept up with hair regulations bc they couldn't see each other enough#for them to be enforced#After she first got mechanized the eyes were just one of the many parts of ger body she didn't recognize#and it competed in importance with the weight loss and aging and new scars and more#But when she sees herself at a healthy weight as Persephone bc she hasn't had a complete death in so long that she's managed to hold weight#she just cries because she thinks this is how she must have once looked#though her memory fails to give her any confirmation. she can only guess#she sees in the mirror a person who didn't feast on the corpses she could find#and she can pretend she actually Is Persephone- not Tim#that she's lived a happy olympian life and has never died and that she doesn't occasionally unwillingly salivate over brains in the acheron#and the worst part is she Knows this is temporary#her fantasy and joy is limited#limited until the day she doesn't throw a grenade far enough again or the day she annoys Ashes enough to set her on fire#she can't stay this way for the eternity she is so damned to#and once she does experience a full body reset it's an uphill climb to regain that weight again- if she manages to not die in that time#it's the inevitability of it all that really gets me#and also Ashes obviously thinks Tim looking healthier- well taken care of- is hot as fuck. tho they think Tim always looks hot as fuck#but they don't understand why she freezes when they run a hand along her chest now- unable to even feel her ribs unless they press down#or why she starts making flimsy excuses to leave whenever they offer to take her out on their arson runs
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