#can't even fucking get that far.
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once again attempted to put on a binder and failed miserably. this is a size large. I weigh 113lbs. How in the absolute fuck is anyone putting these on to begin with, let alone binding safely?????
I was like "okay well this is probably a medium so I could just get a large -- " and then I checked the tag. And it is a large.
what in the absolute fuck.
I should not have to buy a size XL just to put the damn thing on. My chest is only as wide sideways as my fucking rib cage requires. how in the absolute fuck is anyone else supposed to be able to wear these things if this is what's considered "large"????????????????????
(feel free to reblog btw)
#binding#trans#nonbinary#binders#this is absolute fucking bullshit#not that I could actually wear one safely but I wanted to at least fucking see what it would look like#but nooooooooooooooooooo#can't even fucking get that far.#what the absolute fuck#trans hypermobility#nonbinary hypermobility#this should be illegal.#how is a size LARGE too fucking small for me literally skin and bones to even get past my shoulders#how is that allowed#what are people who actually weigh the normal ammount or more supposed to fucking do
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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going to look at houses with one of the boys because yall need a bigger one with more rooms now that ale and rudy have officially joined the polycule and the agent is really working the kids angle for "you and your... husband?" and ofc it's johnny who goes with you and he's feeding into it by only referring to them as "the boys" that by the time you've settled on a house and you get the agent to do one last viewing so they can all come see, her head fucking explodes first when she sees "the boys" and again after they all take their turns giving you and johnny your initial smooches, and the smile on johnny's face tells you this couldn't have played out as perfectly even in his dreams
#poly boys#it's honestly really cute that johnny considers it this secret little tool in his arsenal#because he never thought he'd be lucky enough to have a single partner to actually see him and love him. and to have this many???#man is fucking overjoyed#he's going to keep getting as much fun out of it as he can#and even tho yall grumble about his shenanigans you can't help but love how happy he is about it all#johnny's out here like “oh no this won't do this room will be too far for simon he'll want to be closer”#and the agent is like “oh is he your youngest? it's always so hard to get them to sleep in their own rooms at first”#johnny viciously nodding along as you picture simon in the mom i frew up pose
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I really like that they made Jor-El speak Kryptonian and Clark unable to understand him. The whole "aliens speak English" thing that happens in every goddamn media has bothered me all my life. Ik sometimes Clark just gets zapped in the brain for insta-second language but that always felt like a cheap shortcut.
Jor-El had a lot on his mind when he set up that magic spaceship okay. The world was ending and he was trying to do as much as he could before time ran out so he could be there for his son. He was rushing. He likely didn't consider Kal would be raised with a whole different language and not know any Kryptonian nor have anyone to teach him.
#my adventures with superman#two talks#he still might get zapped with kryptonian but at least it wasn't immediate#let there be a language barrier#it hits home so hard too bc i barely speak my mom's language and can't really talk to my family members bc of iz#it*#that's what being raised on a different planet IS! It's isolating and sad bc that's your FAMILY and you can't even understand them#fucking love superman#clark is so close and yet so far bc everything he craves to know about himself is Right There#but he doesn't speak the language of his own people and has no way to learn#it's heartbreaking and i'm so fucking here for it
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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Epic the Musical:
Athena: Please dad help Odysseus! I realized he is my good friend and needs help!
Zeus: Who? That shameful man I made him choose to kill himself or his men? Why would I do that? It was so fun!You just seek attention! I'll tell you what though; if you convince others then I shall release him! Let's play
Athena: *does that*
Zeus: How DARE you!
Zeus: *strikes her*
The Odyssey:
Athena: Please father how could you forget on Odysseus who was always pious to the gods?
Zeus: Me? Forget about him? How can I? He is like one of the best when it comes to sacrifices and respecting the gods.
Athena: Then why won't you help him?
Zeus: I have nothing against the man. But my hands are tied! He committed hubris and nemesis had to find him and my brother is pissed off at him. I can't do much.
Athena: I cannot face him but now he is away please help Odysseus at least escape Ogygia! Send Hermes to bring the message and I shall go to help his son! The prophecy needs to be fulfilled!
Zeus: you speak the truth. Let us try.
#honestly why! fucking why! 😭😭#epic and odyssey differences#like every media portraying zeus as a total jerk even in things like this#zeus was the embodiment of justice. he obayed the laws of cosmos#he never had something against Odysseus!#odysseus was beloved to the gods it was Poseidon that had true problem with him!#that was also essential part of the whole personality build up!#just a little runt#greek mythology#odysseus#the odyssey#tagamemnon#odyssey#homeric poems#homer#homeric epics#also...WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE “is she dead?”#like even Calypso clearly states “goddesses can't die”#but apparently fucking ATHENA gets other fucking OLYMPIANS worried she died?#even Dionysus who gets a random trip to the underworld every now and then rebirths#so not really death just a road trip lol#kinda like Deadpool#athena clearly defies zeus in fucking Iliad by siding with hera and gets away with it#like...can we have like SOMETHING of the Odyssey into a freaking ODYSSEY adaptation?#the only thing we kinda got so far was Calypso!#songs amazing as always melody-wise!#but at this point...WTF!?
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feral cats, pt 2
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#character art#illustration#fantasy art#comic#gnome#rogue#he's felt-- often justifiably‚ sometimes not-- pretty helpless and useless for... well. the entire campaign so far#it's been frustrating. he's stuck adventuring with a group but he feels like he can't even help them when it matters#not that that's going to stop him from trying#here's hoping it gets better going forward#meanwhile imagine the cat keeping vigil at the end of your bed knows full well 'if anything bad actually does happen we're both fucked'#simon#... I guess I'll tag the two in the tent? lol#limerick#pahvu#my OCs#felix#emberstead#dungeons and doodles
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The intimacy is important to show the contrast between Thomas and Orlok in the movie. Thomas repeatedly fails throughout the movie. He fails communication and understanding test with Ellen, he fails self-imposed masculinity test in general, he fails sex and intimacy test with Ellen. He even fails fully acceptance and full love test with Ellen because till the end he expects that Ellen can be somehow cured from her powers, and killing Orlok should do the trick, meaning he’s incapable of just accept her fully the way she’s without trying to correct it. The part that Ellen was happy for awhile with Thomas because for that time her powers were blocked is a big giveaway, that it’s already in fact wasn’t working between them from the start because if she could only be happy with him while suppressing huge part of herself, then such foundation was bound to crumble. Orlok meanwhile fulfilled the crucial basics for Ellen - understanding and acceptance of her nature and powers in full, intimacy and sexual realisation the way Ellen wished and imagined.
yessss exactly - as much as I do like Thomas as a character, and as much as he might care for Ellen, he's not a good fit for her, and she knows this!.. She wants, desperately, the sort of emotional connection that he will never be able to give without first unpacking the prejudices and insecurities that instruct his entire life and his opinion of her; and while that is not impossible, it is still quite unrealistic, given his background and societal context.
The reason Orlok is able to think outside those bounds, despite also being a man from an even older society, is because he exists in opposition to its restrictions. His attitudes are not reflective of whatever people around him would've thought of women or queerness or neurodivergence when he was alive; they are, however, directly informed by his making "covenant with the devil." Unlike the proper, god-fearing, Rational people that dictate Ellen's daily life, he accepts and desires every aspect of her that is considered "sinful" - her sexuality, her lack of deference, her eccentricities; and it is this fundamental understanding that she craves.
TL;DR -
"you could never satisfy me the way he does" was about emotional connection, not sex - and, of course, Thomas went straight ahead and proved her right
a relationship that is blocking her powers and allows her to be "happy" as long as she acts normal and hides her real self is not a good relationship. regardless of how one may interpret her connection with Orlok, Ellen's marriage to Thomas is an allegory for being in the closet/masking - and I personally think she deserves better
#nosferatu#nosferatu 2024#nosferatu (2024)#ellen hutter#thomas hutter#count orlok#ellen x orlok#ellenorlok#nosferatu meta#nosferatu analysis#gothic horror#gothic romance#horror film analysis#vampires#vampirism#ALSO AS AN ASIDE:#on the Doylist level Orlok's vampirism is symbolic of Ellen's fear/guilt vis à vis her true self#she's into his monstrosity bc it's a visual metaphor for the ugliness of accepting oneself#on a Watsonian level however. and perhaps even more importantly#women (and ppl in general) prefer an 'ugly' man who understands them over a pretty boy who doesn't fully see them as a person#it's about emotional connection#and i think Those people who act like she Should have chosen or did choose Thomas don't like to think abt that#i mean just LOOK at this fucking situation#Orlok's look is heavily inspired by the og Vlad Dracula. so it's not that far a stretch to say he's likely got erectile dysfuction#given that it's been a popular theory as to the Impaler's obsession with. uh. Impaling#so he's a 400yo rotting corpse who can't even get it up and he STILL had her eyes rolling back into her head#while all Tommy boy managed was jackhammer simulation 3000 fully clothed
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since this post is doing the rounds again, i want to take a moment to remind everyone that saving lbh from the bullying disciples, saving lqg's life, almost sacrificing himself to protect the sect during the demon invasion, are things that sqq does without any ulterior motives. if he wanted to capitalize on his good deed, he would have revealed himself after protecting lbh. when he meets lqg in the lingxi caves, it surprises him to see him there, and it's after he's already rescued lqg from a qi deviation that it occurs to him that "hmmm, this is a good ally to have, just in case". and during the demon invasion, after getting poisoned, he was ready to self-detonate so that he could take out sha hualing.
like, yeah, sy!sqq is smart and cares about his own survival-- but he's also a big softie that can't stand seeing people hurt and do nothing
#svsss#svsss meta#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#zykamiliah-svsss#lol and this is just from the first arc i'm not even touching the post iac timeline#hey remember how mushroom qingqiu stayed in the borderlands instead of getting the fuck away from there#like the smarter thing would have been to beat it#run for the hills far away from the plot and everyone else#with his mushroom body he was overpowered enough to go anywhere do anything he wanted#but nooooooo he had to meddle#ooh disciples captured i must act i can't help himself#sqq you damn mother hen
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so like... the Qun being reveled to be pro-trans in DAI makes zero sense... considering both sten & the arishok are shown to believe strongly in gender roles... and that sten even goes as far as to say that a person can never be anything other than what they're born and that a fisherman who tries to become a merchant will never be a real merchant and will only ever be a fisherman pretending to be a merchant... like... ?????
I mean i get wanting iron bull to be pro-trans himself but wouldn't it make way more sense for that to be something he actually dislikes about the Qun... and then it would actually create tension in his storyline between his own viewpoints & agency and the messages he's learned from the qun and partially actually believes and has partially been forced to believe through literal indoctrination and abuse... and therefore whether he becomes tal-vashoth or not could actually be something that matters instead of just a meaningless pseudo-choice...
#dragon age critical#dai critical#literally nothing about iron bull's storyline is well written#honestly after the first game nothing about the qunari as a whole is well-written#or the dwarves for that matter#elves are hit or miss#like sorry i know i'm 10 years late to dai but for fuck's sake#this is the typical bullshit where authors try to make things more sanitized and politically correct and end up with soullessness#like there's a reason a game like disco elysium which says a ton of “incorrect” shit is actually far more caring and meaningful and kind#compared to bullshit corporate-approved diversity initiatives#it's not a coincidence it's not like that in spite of those things they are actually actively connected#you can't have real depth if you refuse to sound like anything other than a cozy children's book#about a young witch trying to find her neighbor's lost cat in the swiss alps#with dragon age it's even worse bc it's trying to do that to really dark media to begin with#like hello??? the qun use lobotomy and literal physical torture to get deviants back into the fold????#sometimes i despise this game
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Thinking about Percy with BPD for the millionth time and how he thinks Grover is the most perfect special boy that everyone should be nice to and thinking about Annabeth with NPD realizing Percy doesn't see her the same way and getting supremely agitated about it
#i think she'd be kinda annoyed about it in any world but in the npd!annabeth au she definitely gets far more bothered by the concept#like her npd requires that she is the world's most special princess#and so to have Percy believe she is flawed but think Grover an overly anxious goatman is the pinnacle of perfection gets under her skin#she would be annoyed with herself for being annoyed at Grover because of Percy. but then she'd rationalize that she's allowed to be annoyed#because she is the world's most special princess and Grover isn't so why the fuck would Percy think she's flawed but not Grover??#so she's icy with Grover for a bit and overly pushy with Percy to prove her perfection and specialness#but lol Percy can't handle someone being even a little bit rude to Grover in a normal way so the cycle just continues#happy talks pjo#percy jackson#annabeth chase#grover underwood#npd!annabeth#bpd!percy
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this show is melting my fucking organs
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#SOMEONE HELP MY BABYGIRL KAIJI BEFORE I RIP MY FINGERNAILS OFF#i just finished s1 ep15 btw. like ik it HAS to get worse but it's been so harrowing so far#he doesn't even have that scar (see image) yet. he's gonna keep having experiences i just know ituhhhhhhhhhhhghhh#kaiji ultimate survivor#kaiji itou#losingmy fuckignd mind somebody help him please#hguhhhhhhhhHhhhh#jesus fucking christ#i feel like that tweet/format was made for him like he just cannot be having a normal one at all#extremely attached to him already i need him to be okay#ive been interrogating what about it is SO good as ive been watching it and like. gwuagh#'psychological thriller' my psychology is getting its fucking ass kicked!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT THRILLING LET ME OUT (<- thrilled)#having One Main Character diminishes some of the stress of a death game but also allows for greater endearment (avoiding what im gonna call#the saw problem) but it's so emotionally intense for him and us that what happens to the others IS of great importance to us#what he experieneces deeply affects him going forward and sticks with him so it doesn't feel like useless tragedy#and his kindness and desperation making him get Right Up To The Line Of Killing but never quite crossing it (thus far) feels so much more#real than other characters' to me. and there's more initial understanding/endearment for the side characters bc we understand thru kaiji an#real life how these ppl have been manipulated and exploited. we know their fear and desperation intimately#which makes it hard to hate anyone even when they do cross lines kaiji wouldn't. desperation is dehumanizing!!!#they do not have the luxury of being morally clean and that's real as fuck!!!!#there's a lot more going on here but it's so sick i can't believe it's taken me years to watch it gAUGHHHHH#it's so deeply human to me and i've been Actually Yelling In My Home about it all day#fkmt#(<- this appears to be the tag of choice o7)
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Ted has had ENOUGH
#god i do love me some pissed off ted#we all remember 'up your's tennessee' ted#now we've got 'fucking ridiculous!' ted#that was a HUGE hit on yoshi though oh my god#and charlie was getting some too??#beating up on the second year guys cuz you can't touch tee (or ja'marr! were he actually participating)!#well actually ja'marr is participating because look at him just wandering around near the defense right after#i'm sure saying all kinds of shit <3#anyway. i have a feeling saturday against tampa could be brutual 🥲#ted karras#andrei iosivas#germaine pratt#ja'marr chase#i mean i'll tag#joe burrow#even though he kept his 275 million dollar ass far away from the action
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I'm not gonna lie when I started Persona 3 i wasn't particularly invested in Akihiko. Definitely wasn't planning on romancing him. Then I encountered the most insane piece of dialogue. I haven't been the same since. It haunts me.
the full dialogue under the cut:
#my art#og post#highlight reel#persona#persona 3#p3#persona 3 portable#p3p#akihiko sanada#Kotone Shiomi#minako arisato#hamuko arisato#persona 3 femc#i think this counts as#akiham#i imply it anyway#going 2 date Akihiko deliberately to piss of those girls#i want to take my naginata to school and challenge them to armed combat#like come on. PROPERTY?? SHE CALLED HIM FUCKING P R O P E R T Y ??????#anyway. yeah this is my first playthrough. i know playing as femc/p3p for your first time isn't recommended. but uhhh i want be girl. sorry#come on if i hadn't played as a girl i wouldn't get this dialogue. i'd probably be still ambivalent to akhiko.#even worse i could have found another insane piece of dialogue from the fangirls#but since the male protag can't hang out with akhihiko i'd be left in the dark. unable to investigate further#anyway i've spent far too much valuable persona 3 playing time on this art. goodbye#1k
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i'm not much of a doorkeay shipper but every time i think about "anybody else" by dom fera as michael distortion and gerry my brain stops workingi'm like ndksodmrnwpalsnfne oh ogdo oh my ogooooood oh god oh ood please no
#“i get cold in your ex's clothes that you left me” <- i'm going fucking insane#“she said i'm older than the golder rule but we can say i new” <- i'm going fucking crazy#because yeah yk. an ancient being the distortion took the form of michael shelley. almost new. gerry can still pretend it's him and not it#I think gerry will have to do a lot of pretending. that twisted mockery of michael shelley next to him is his michael even though it's not#and the distortion in turn wants to tear his memory of michael shelley free itself from this curse from the box it is meant to fit into#i mean. maybe herry will learn to love it no shit but it's kinda boring to me ngl#no comfort for them ssry#gerry learn to live with something that will never be who you remember yet at the same time the most thing that remains of him#michael distortion learn to live in the other's illusion about you.#you are never fully yourself you are never fully him you are too much and not enough at the same time#gerry grieves. loves and hates how close and how far you are from michael shelley#.#peak of romance i believe#hey maybe i should write a fic about that. i actually already did but#there is no such thing as too much fics about the thing that makes you a true freak#i can't even say that i love doorkeay. i think i just love watching people (and things) suffer.#thank you for coming to my ted talk#!#tma#the magnus archives#doorkeay#micheal distortion#gerry keay#gerrymichael#not art#BUT THERE WILL BE.
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i think the most fun thing about pocket (other than being a pocket main of course) is that im pretty sure i've been training my entire life specifically to draw this little goober. like im pretty sure they were entirely made specifically to my tastes and i love with video games do that for me thank you valve thank you deadlock
#deadlock pocket#pocket deadlock#idk if those are two different tags#deadlock fanart#deadlock game#valve games#deadlock valve#doodles#digital art#wips#i need more cute pocket fanart!! now!!!!#they are everything to me!!!!#i love the way valve is continuing their trend of#creating characters that are so stereotypical they are just BARELY on the edge between#offensively stereotypical and 'god fucking dammit it's true though i can't even be mad'#like cmon.#pocket is the object name swampcore frog non binary with an undercut and cuffed pants#someone at valve is either non binary themself or has spent a long ass time around non binary people#oh and a shotgun. can't forget their shotgun. its not very strong honestly. i dont like it.#i play pocket like a battle mage#a really annoying invincible dashing and blinking battle mage#they are very fun. i love being a little nuisance#i havent even attempted to learn a single other character so far#its not like anybody plays pocket anyway so like. no competition. i always get my first choice.#and also the patron line????#'don't let others label you pocket' or whatever??? that one is really good#i do love it a lot#i like that its got a double entendre to it. like don't let others label you as just a nepo baby#and don't let others label you as anything other than who *you* are#i really like it honestly. their non binary-ness has narrative parallels with the rest of their backstory
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