#can you tell I am autistic
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Emeryfession
Hello NEN Tumblr! Tumblr NEN fans! NENblr! Whatever you are!
There are like 5 of you at most, even when rounded up, but I have a confession to post.
This shrine, you see this “shrine” right here? From the NEN website? (CONT. under cut)
That is MY shrine. I made that. Those objects are in my possession.
This image is sort of old. I haven’t cleaned my bedroom in awhile so I will hold off on taking new ones for the time being, but here are my Emery related trinkets I have and projects I have worked on. This is not a complete list by any means, mostly just my biggest or most well known ones.
Lets get the big stuffy fluff-filled elephant out of the room, the pillow. Yes that is an Emery body pillow! (Or dakimakura I suppose.)
YES it is hand made! YES I do sleep with it every night! and YES my mom did help me make it! While it has become SIGNIFICANTLY more faded over time, it is well loved. That is my wifey! Of course I take care of her!
It's almost completely homemade, my mom prints t-shirt so we just printed on some fabric. There is a heart-shaped button and a few feathers in the stuffing, think like a BaB plushie.
Enough of that, time for a walk. Here’s the Emery engraved collar!
Real metal! After saving a bit of money and walking and hour or so, I purchased this at a store to be made by an engraving machine. Why? Because I can! And have you seen Emery? That’s definitely a critter.
I'm hungry... so hungry I could eat... an Emery!!!
Here are three separate Emery cakes I made! Left to right in order. They're all box mix but I baked them and frosted them on my own.
My grandma made this one. Goo Goo Gah Gah...
By now, all the cakes are long gone.
First Cake Death
Second Cake Death (My favorite!)*
Third Cake Death
*(also a remake of the first.)
Quick time event!!! Here's some Emeries I made in video games.
Note, while I did not make the Emery Mii (Hal did) I am including it here because I think it's notable that I got to marry Emery in the game.
I have lost my membership in this time so the full outfit is not possible for me anymore, but feel free to recreate it. Its simple and the items shouldn't be too hard to acquire.
It's just 1, the Square Glasses (members only) from Jam Mart Clothing in green for 350 gems 2, the tie from Jam Mart Clothing in red for 100 gems, and the Rare Crimson Topcoat (members only). While the topcoat is marked "Rare" its quite common for a rare item and IIRC I may(?) even have more than one.
I want to update the Petz 4 Emery. I could probably make it better now and I want him to be a dog when I decide to remake it.
I have lost my old save for tomodachi life but someday I will get married to him again... just you wait!!!
You know what games are made of? Code. So are webbed sites... Usually not the same code, but you get the idea.
This is my Emery web shrine! I will not link to it because its very old and not very good by my current standards. You can see its age by Emery being called "Telly" and some of the older artwork ( being by Hal of course.) Someday it will be made better and strong...
and yes. I did help with some (a lot) of the code on the NEN site. I'm blaming any of the messy stuff in there on Hal though because she's the one doing most updates. Sorry Hal! Maybe learn more than some HTML and I won't throw you under the bus. I need to log on and fix up some of that in a bit. I am sure it looks like a tornado hit it from the inside.
I have been at this for months, even years now. Longer than the NEN official site even existed. A lot of this is hand made and if not that, completely out of my own pockets. I plan to continue being crazy even if my pockets are reduced to nothing but lint and moths (they have, more than once.) I love Emery Phone.
Peace and Love (except for the french, that being Emery. I will get you Emery.)
Tschüss! Buh-Bye! Until next time! Au revoir! (Eww... French...)
#speak boy speak#emery phone#long post#this is a very long post I'm warning you#WIFEY#nen webcomic#new england nightmare#emeryfun#can you tell I am autistic#shrine#Emery shrine
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i love chewing on my drink bottle straw nothing hits like my drink bottle straw. perfect texture, perfect durability, perfect toughness PLUS at any moment i can take a sip of water. genuinely my love for chewing on my drink bottle is the only reason im ever hydrated
#can you tell i am autistic#it's a sistema drinkbottle and i got it from woolworths just fyi#yes im australian#hot girls dont gatekeep their drinkbottles#im not a girl but my point still stands
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how to not fall in love with anyone who treats me, an adult, as an adult, and not as a child. asking for a friend
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How does one move on from the fact that two women loved each other so much for centuries that they even created a child? Two women lived together in a cottage and made memories… calling one another ‘my love’ and ‘sweetheart’. Two women, madly in love and obsessed with each other, lived a life together for years until the death of their son tore them apart. These witchy lesbians have done me in. I’m broken. I fear I may never recover.
#agatha x rio#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio vidal#nicholas scratch#i am gay and autistic#can you tell?#ops
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day 345
soooo guess who has ADHD
the state of Nebraska and its arcane policies have once again laid me low
#day 345#year 5#it me#now dont get me wrong. i am Very Very Psyched to have these meds on board.#but i am also. just a wee bit salty. that i could potentially have had them on board for the last NINE YEARS if this psychiatrist had like#simply used a little critical thinking about the assessment technique she was using#but also she looked at me and didnt figure out i was autistic so like theres only so much that can be done for her i think#anyway even though it is pretty rough you can tell im medicated because i did a Fucking Twelve Panel Comic
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An exhaustive headcanon post about Bruce Wayne's unhealthy mentality.
trigger warning for: mentions C-PTSD, Survivor's Guilt, shitty dietary habits, insomnia, self-ableism, masking, workaholism, somewhat shady parenting, technically self-harm, and passive suicidal ideation.
Ok, so:
•Bruce def feels like he has to earn things. Like affection, respect, or just any form of a good thing happening to him.
•He earns his life, or so he says, but it's more like he's trying to earn the right to be alive, which is a wild thing to believe.
•Bruce is autistic as all hell, right? Diagnosed and everything, his parents used to pay for private treatment since the mental health system in Gotham is so ass. Well, after they died, Bruce just, doesn't do any of that anymore, he avoids therapists or psychologists like the plague, even ones outside of Arkham. He has a whole lot of Other Things™ outside of autism now, but he still refuses to go get proper help.
•Similarly, Bruce would rather die than to actually mention it to anyone. Like, yeah, as Brucie Wayne he's definitely masking hard (to the point where it's kinda upsetting and he gets overwhelmed), but like, he also doesn't tell shit to the whole rest of the Batfam, or the Justice League. The only person that knows that Bruce is autistic AND just generally mentally ill/traumatized, is fucking Alfred.
•This causes people to misunderstand him a lot, but part of him feels like that's more "deserved". Like, he thinks that he'd hate to be judged by his mental illness because he he dislikes the idea of his actions being justified retroactively of excused by his illnesses, not being self-aware enough to notice that this horrifically heightened sense of hyper-responsability about just fucking everything in his life is itself, a trauma response. Also, he's the world's biggest hypocrite, who famously believes that other rogues and people like Jason Todd need to be helped instead of killed or put down, going directly against his own attitude towards himself.
•He genuinely believes that whole "[insert mental illness here] is not an excuse to [insert a behavior or symptom of aforementioned mental illness here]", but like, only towards himself. To everyone else he rightfully thinks that stuff is bullshit.
•Bruce puts himself up to some crazy standards, actually. He works non-stop as both Brucie, Bruce, and Batman, always doing something, unable to stay still or even sleep. He skips meals, neglects his well-being, he puts everything on the line and expects himself to do it everyday, every hour, without fail, every single time.
•His kids think that he's neurotic, they're kinda right, the Justice League think he's too paranoid, they're right too, Gotham city thinks he's a saviour, it's true, the rogues think he's a monster, that's fair as well. Alfred? He just thinks Bruce is hurt, he's the most right of all.
•Part of this is a form of punishment, atonement for being alive, for surviving that fateful night when his parents didn't, for daring to go on with life when they're both sixteen feet under, for having the audacity to raise a family, the gall of having friends, the sheer nerve to even consider having a romantic relationship, when his parents couldn't even hug him. Not anymore. He's here, not them.
•And it kills him, because he saw it, saw them die, saw them gurgle on their own blood and sat with their bodies until the police arrived, this is what led him to become Batman, to mask as Brucie, to guide so many young people away from being like him as Bruce. So how dare he, how dare he be happy when they died? How dare he forget that alley, for even a second? How could he? Didn't he love them? Didn't he make a promise to live out the rest of his life in a mission to prevent events like this?
•It's like he's in a toxic relationship with two corpses, they're cold and their eyes follow him, he's hollow and blind to anything but them. Part of him would love to argue that his parents, Thomas and Martha Wayne themselves, would prefer to see him happy and fulfilled. Another part of him remembers gunshots, blood spatter, and the sound of choked gurgling, and Bruce spirals all over again.
•Perhaps he's waiting for this life for kill him, finish the job that gun didn't do years ago, kill him like his parents, hurt him so deeply he can't recover, destroy him until he's repented for being so inherently horrible. Because he is, he knows he is, he's neurotic, paranoid, a saviour complex having monster, this is what he aimed for, he seeked out this outcome, just waiting to be put down like those before him.
•He's passionate about his cause, sure, but that's surface level. The front used to keep the image of an asshole neurotic paranoid man that has a saviour complex, instead of exposing the truth behind himself. Who he really is.
•A child, that's who he is, a kid reliving his worst bad day over and over and over again.
•He earns his life, he'd earned this.
#bruce wayne#batman#bruce wayne headcanon#batman headcanon#jesus christ dude#I am so ill about him can you tell#autistic bruce wayne
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i think a really great aspect of oofuri is how much it gets mihashi's ass for being overly timid and dependent. it would be really easy to write off the way he and abe interact as being abe's fault because he is overbearing, and a lot of people do, but it has some really great moments of going "hey, you cannot hide behind abe or depend on him to make every decision. it's not good for you, or him, or the team."
#oofuri#yeah abe is a little overbearing but it is often because mihashi does not make decisions on his own so abe is just filling in the gaps#because he really and truly cannot make a good guess about what mihashi wants#because mihashi has never said anything about what he wants#but any time mihashi has ever voiced a complaint or suggestion abe takes it into account#he is not dismissive#he just doesn't think to ask because 1. mihashi has never given abe a straight answer to anything 2. abe is not very good at being social!!#autistic teen boy who needs things said simply to him paired up with autistic teen boy who thinks saying things simply will get him killed#abe should ask more but mihashi also needs to say more. abe can't read his mind and he shouldn't have to that's not how relationships work#i get a little irritated at the perception that abe is treating mihashi poorly#what is he meant to do when mihashi doesn't talk to him#i am thinking about the scene where tajima gets mad at mihashi#and tells him 'you can't play baseball with just abe'#because mihashi being incapable of speaking his mind and acting on his own isn't good for the team#and abe will pick up the slack but that isn't how things should be#i did not like the bijou game but i really liked it showcasing the strain it put on abe to make all of the calls#and there is a lot there to be said about how his willingness to do everything but actually pitch for mihashi#stems from how bad catching for haruna was for him#because he felt alone at the catcher's plate the same way mihashi did on the mound#and that. fucking scene of abe begging haruna to pitch. augh. he'll do the rest please just pitch#abe can do everything else as long as mihashi stays on the mound#obsessed with mihashi and abe mutually being so worried that the other person will not be there
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Love and Deepspace Timeline: MC, Philos, and the Aether Core
Look I finished Xav's myths card. I don't regret waiting until I was done with it to post his timeline because the last two nodes have more to do with MC than him, but I am in a state so we are making this to cope.
This is all speculation and should not be taken as fact, I have done two other posts, one on Zayne and one on Xavier and I will not be doing one on Rafayel please see this reddit post by u/joonmin for relevant information about his myths card blah blah blah.
This post is less of a timeline and more here to answer questions you very likely have if you: A) decided to browse reddit and saw people saying Xavier feels like the "cannon ro" [this is a gacha game there isn't one] but have never read any of his memories, moments, or dates B) read chapter 8 and went "none of this makes sense I feel like I am missing something" or C) just generally are confused about L&D's world building and what's up with MC. I have answers for you. Wibbly wobbly soupy answers. This post also has a TL;DR in case you don't want to see me break out the string board and just want the relevant bits of information about MC you won't get from the msq.
SPOILERS FOR ALL IN GAME CONTENT UP TO CHAPTER 8, VARIOUS MOMENTS, AND ANECDOTES RELATED TO ALL 3 ROS, PROCEED WITH CARE.
Current Timeline MC (i.e. The one we are playing as)
The game starts with MC's graduation from the Academy and first day as a fully licensed hunter. We learn a few things in this first chapter, namely that MC is combat trained, has a rare heart condition known as Protocore Syndrome that has no known cure, and that her decision to become a hunter has something to do with what she experienced fourteen years ago during the Catastrophe when the Deepspace Tunnel opened and Wanderers started invading earth.
Specifically MC describes something burrowing itself into her heart. She feels helpless, like prey, and has a strong desire to never feel anything like this again. Which is unfortunate because I have a feeling a lot of someones are going to be on her trail sooner rather than later.
In Chapter 5 it is revealed that MC has an Aether core fused to her heart. This sort of human experimentation is highly illegal and it is unknown who did this to MC other than our beloved Grandmother was directly involved. Grandma appears to have taken MC away from wherever this happened after the tests started to threaten MC's life.
This is known to Dr. Zayne and Dr. Noah, though neither seem to know more than what Grandma told them. Neither of them seem to fully understand what an Aether core is or what it is doing to MC's heart. Zayne in particular seems to find this extremely concerning.
Uncovering the mystery of the Aether core seems to be what will be driving the first arc so we will not be discussing it at length here. I do want to note that Xavier absolutely knows what it is, while Zayne does not but does seem to know more of the technical aspects of how it is effecting MC, and Rafayel is at least aware of it being valuable and maybe why exactly the people in the N109 Zone want it.
At some point in the past MC met and made a promise to Rafayel. It is my personal theory that this likely took place on Hat Island during the field trip MC talks about due to some of the comments made in Chapter 7.
MC and Caleb were friends with Zayne in childhood. MC's exact age is a bit fuzzy, but the game does seem to suggest she is younger than Zayne. She does not know why Zayne disappeared from her life or what led him to become a doctor.
Comments in Chapter 4 suggests that Caleb encouraged MC to become a hunter. He seems to be very supportive of her, but Grandma seems more interested in trusting MC's protection to Zayne.
On the surface MC seems pretty normal. Her memories from before the Catastrophe seem to be gone, if she had a mother and father or other blood relatives, she doesn't remember them anymore.
Philos MC (i.e. What is Going on in the Myths)
It is revealed in Xavier's When Shooting Stars Fall anecdote that Philos is Earth in the distant future. This has confused numerous people in the notes of my Xav's timeline so I am going to be insufferable and attempt to assist with a graph:
The MC you play belongs to the game timeline, the MCs (plural each myths card features a different one) in the Myths cards come from the Philos timeline. I have tagged the Game timeline as a "potential tangent" as the events that take place in game are entirely reliant on the existence of the Deepspace Tunnel, which is created in the Philos timeline.
At some point in the Original/Philos Timeline, Earth's core ceases to function. Humanity replaces it with a new, artificial core that causes noticeable weather changes and fuses all of the tectonic plates together, and begins a new calendar counting forward from the years since Earth ceased to be and Philos was born. As a result, we don't know what exact year Earth's core giving out happened in the Original Timeline. The artificial core allows almost all humans to "live eternal." They seem to be like Tolkien's elves in the sense they can live for an eternity but they start to get tired after a while and give up on life. This is why there is a royal family that needs a line of succession. Xavier is the Crown Prince of Philos, he meets MC in school and learns she has a rare disease called Protocore Syndrome which will not allow her to live forever. He attempts to cure this by finding a specific protocore she mentions, but fails to reach her in time and is forced to watch her die. This all happens in the year 214.
At some point MC is reborn and assigned to the same teacher as Xavier. She is to train to become his knight and serve as the leader of the Lightseekers, an order tasked with killing Wanderers. At some point during or before Xavier's coming of age ceremony, he learns the truth about Philos: the planet is dying due to the artificial core never having been meant to sustain the planet this long. The Royal Family's solution for this is to occasionally feed humans to the heart of Philos in Starfall Forest. When they do this, it creates Wanderers. As if that wasn't bad enough, Xavier learns that his father and the royal family have found what they think could be a permanent solution: there is a girl who has achieved true immortality. She is the only person on Philos who can die and be reborn constantly, and while they don't seem to know why she does this, the royal family believes this girl is the life force of the planet itself.
This girl is MC and Xavier does not want this to happen. He has a plan that he does not explain to MC, but it involves traveling back in time. He says they have specific places in time picked out, but we know from Xavier's Passing By anecdote that something went wrong with his team's attempt at time travel and now there is no guarantee that the MC he left on Philos as its Queen is still there.
So now we have two timelines: Original/Philos Timeline and Game/Tangent Timeline. But all of that is just taking Xavier's anecdotes and Myths card into account... so what happens if we try to plug in the other two ROs?
Rafayel
In u/Joonmin's reddit post they mention two very important bits of information: 1) It has been 30,000 years since the sea dried up and 2) MC is a member of the royal family of Philos, not by birth but because "she has a heart that’s been blessed by the gods" and has "awoken from the depths." If all three myths cards take place in the same Philos timeline as the one Xavier leaves, we can reasonably place Raf's myths card after Xavier's backtrack mission.
So the Philos timeline would look like this. I have a note for Zayne's card there as well, but if I had to get picky with it I'm slightly tempted to place his Myths card between MC's first death and her being reborn to meet Xavier again. The other explanation would be that there are three separate Philos timelines created because the MC was successfully scarified to the Heart of Philos. In Xavier's Myths 6 MC briefly takes a dip in the space time anomaly at the center of Starfall Forest which could also explain MC scattering across different timelines, but the in game spacepedia makes a point to say that there is a chance that life still exists on Philos:
So it could simply be that MC over there has been stuck in the exact cycle of death and rebirth that Xavier was trying to prevent. It could also mean that when they add that mystery fourth love interest there is an explanation for a fourth possible myths card. Anyway all this information leaves us with a set of timelines that currently look like this:
This still leaves a lot of unanswered questions. For example, if the Philos timeline is where this all starts, what version of it is? What caused Earth's core to give out in that original timeline? Is Rafayel and Lumeria's existence the consequences of clashing timelines or are mermaids cannon to this universe? What effect on the space time continuum did Xavier's actions have? And how much of this is actually going to be answered in game?
TL;DR
Philos is Earth in the future with an artificial core that started running out of power, and never should have been made in the first place.
The royal family fed some of their long lived humans to the anomaly in Starfall forest to keep the planet running, but then they found out about a girl who could constantly be reborn each time she died and had an idea.
An idea Xavier wasn't very keen on but who cares. They thought that "when the time was right" they would sacrifice her to the rift and leave her there to die and be reborn forever. They also did not think to ask her.
Oh yeah when they fed people to the rift they turned into Wanderers. So wanderers = people as mentioned in Zayne's Still in the Dark anecdote.
Whatever makes MC reincarnate might have something to do with Lumeria, or at the very least the Lumerians in Rafayel's myths card seem to think it does.
In game MC, current timeline MC knows none of this, and has no memories from her lives, past or future. This is consistent across all her incarnations.
Final Thoughts
The only reason why I think this way about timelines is because I watched Donnie Darko in a college theater class. People like to argue about that movie and how it is supposed to be interpreted, but generally speaking they all seem to think that Tangent Timelines and the Tangent Universes they spawn get deleted very quickly, so maybe that's why the game starts by talking about "being able to leave this loop" and why Xavier seems to think something bad will be happening to Linkon City soon.
Chapter 8 ends with Xavier attempting to send a message back through the Deepspace Tunnel to make contact with someone. Interestingly enough he calls this "Traceback II." This sounded familiar to me and sure enough the game starts by mentioning that exact same thing, it is going past a black hole and is what says that line "we are stuck in this loop."
I thought in previous posts that the Aether Core is what could cure MC... but now I think the Aether Core is likely what Philos's artificial core is called... so who created it in the first place? 「(゚ペ)
The Deepspace Tunnel is a spacetime anomaly likely caused by Philos's existence since it was "never meant to exist." So why was it created? And by who?
#love and deepspace#l&d#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace zayne#love and deepspace rafayel#as a side note i hate how the reddit girlies are like#“just finished this myth card! can anyone tell me what to think of it?”#if you gave me the details of what happened yes i could otherwise please do not waste my time#i am autistic and cannot make you a spreadsheet without the data you are denying meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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ERIDAN: i lovve you…
FEFERI: Swordfis)( slas)( to the c)(est. And you’re on fire.
#submission#homestuck#incorrect homestuck quotes#eridan ampora#feferi peixes#mod terezi#does this count as eridan bullying?#i think it can slide#but then again i am sleep deprived from playing mass effect 2 for the first time#they really gave us the gnc woman of all time had her say she's been with women and proceeded to make her straight#i was robbed i tell you#first tali in me1 now this#i swear if there's a hotted woman in the next game that fits my taste and make her straight i'm gonna launch a planet into the sun#a universe full of women and none are lesbians for shepard#well#at least not on my crew#i know kelly is there but she's a narc and liara is kinda boring when she's not out for blood#i also got to the doctor's brother and uh#they had the perfect autistic character in mordin but they just felt the need to fumble the bag so hard it turned into a skirt
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okay because people have shown up in my dms talking smack I'm going to make one blanket statement on the 1000 year loli chilchuck thing.
yes, there has been a problem with young girls being put in suggestive positions in anime with the "uhmmm she's actually a bajillion years old" excuse. yes, other characters don't treat chilchuck like an adult. yes, he is short with big eyes.
However, chilchuck consistently acts like a grown man. he- in both the manga and the anime- straight up just is an adult. He looks like an adult when he is any other race during the swaps in the manga. When the other characters get turned into half-foots they look similar to chilchuck. He is explicitly stated to have more dungeon and general life experience than laios, and he acts like it.
The 1000 year loli trope explicitly functions as an excuse to prey on people who are inexperienced and unable to advocate for themselves. Chilchuck is a parent, is a union organizer, has explicit boundaries that he enforces rigidly, and he is treated as an adult man by everyone who doesn't have a fantasy racism-focused character arc/issue.
I can see how if you haven't read the manga and seen that he has an established life that he later reveals (and haven't paid attention to him in the anime lol) you could get a mistaken impression about him. Marcielle does too in the source material! It's part of her character at the start of her arc that she has issues with longevity!
The thing that irks me a little about this interpretation is that it leans into the child-coded discourse that was prominent a while ago (she's short!!!!! but has boob???? ILLEGAL!!1!) and it does a disservice to the themes of infantilization as a policy maneuver hurting the working class.
I saw chilchuck and his labor advocacy for half-foots both as a metaphor for racism (obvious take ik) and for ageism.
The working gen z as a cohort are being infantilized and pushed out of job markets due to infantilization, similar to half-foots in the show. gen z is being maliciously portrayed as too young to vote, enter office, know themselves, know their rights, and take advantage of their resources. Simultaneously, child labor protections and protections against workplace abuse are being rolled back in the US. In Japan, young people are being worked to the bone for nothing and are becoming disenfranchised as a generation while simultaneously expected to be the labor faction that supports the postwar generations in their old age.
Chilchuck's being treated poorly I saw as a clever commentary on the ways infantilization allows for protections to be stripped away under the guise that "oh it's just a job for teenagers- they don't need more than minimum wage" or "let the kids rescue the economy! they're always complaining about that job market!" while simultaneously stripping away rights under the guise of protection- "We can't have that on the internet! think of the children!" "to protect these young people we must raise the age of medical consent for hormones/reproductive health decisions!"
Kui's work with this series spoke to me on many levels, and specifically, the infantilization issue touched me in a way that few other pieces of media have. The struggle to be taken seriously in a stem field as someone young, as someone female, and as someone who had a high-pitched voice to the point I did years of voice training to be taken seriously, chilchuck's character resonated. I (kinda) understand your instinct to think "SHORT! CHILD! RALLY THE MASSES AND KILL THE PEDOS!!1!" but in this case, it's misdirected- mostly because the author was trying to use this misdirection to prove something to you, the reader.
Kui consistently makes cutting commentary on modern issues, the show's take on food neutrality as its headliner, but also the author's takes on cultural issues and the environment (with a focus on our place in the food web as animals). I feel that reducing chilchuck's very conscious position as a tradesman and an activist discounted due to his apparent age down to "1000 year loli ewwww let's send this random tumblr user suicide bait" just displays a lack of critical analysis of the show and a level of disrespect towards Kui and the work as a whole.
TL:DR- stop sending me kys messages I'm fucking that old man
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#suicide mention#fandom critical#dw I blocked the person but please refrain from telling people to kill themselves over chilchuck#hes a cool character but he is- still- only a character#long post#I know he's short but short people can still have sex#shocking I know#the person who sent me the message also has a lot of weird opinions of laios#like that he's too 'pure to think about sex'#broooo nooooo don't have weird opinions about autistic people being unable to consent!!#that's weird as fuck! autistic adults are still adults!!! quit infantilizing an already marginalized class!!#you're falling for the blatant misdirects that legislate away our rights!!#I get that it's just an anime it's not that deep#but at the same time the analysis skills are not skilling!!!#the reading comprehension is not comprehending!! the media literacy is not FUNCTIONING!!!#i am WORRIED ABOUT THIS#YOU WILL FALL FOR A PSYOP YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPAGANDA#your words and deeds online are indicative of a deeper issue in your thinking that reveals a lack of understanding towards your own biases#you retain puritanical reactions and instincts despite carrying a new title#your understandings of the world are deeply and evidently shaped by flawed and cruel systems that you have failed to examine or grow out of#AUUUUGH please learn and grow as a person suicide bait helps nobody
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Why I think Eddie Diaz is autistic !
(As an autistic individual)
- Struggle with emotional expression:
He often struggles to express emotions, particularly in his relationship with women, (look at the way he acted with Sharon, Ana and Marisol, never communicating clearly, or doing it VERY straightforwardly (-> “you should go”)
He struggle with articulating his feelings, to name his emotions and process them (seemingly alexithymia) and he close off a lot, even with his therapist !
- Literal Thinking:
He tend to interpret language literally, (interactions with his colleagues and fast problem-solving, keeping a cool head under very stressful situations, the way he react to jokes, the way he doesn’t believe and ‘judge’ the way they fear superstitions, only believing what he can prove)
It seems to me like he experiences challenges with understanding figurative language or sarcasm and only believe what is proven, he’s very closed off about the idea of superstition which can be seen in some autistic people who struggle with theses concept
And he can be really straightforward (see the “you should go home Ana” or the “last time he wore that was at his mom’s funeral”) -> stating facts straightforwardly without processing it first and without realizing how stating it like that can be ‘awkward’ to others
- Meltdowns and Coping Mechanisms:
He experiences moments of intense frustration and resorts to unhealthy coping mechanisms (-> fights and destroying his room, hurting himself and other in the process (as in a lot of autistic meltdown and the way a lot of us turn to violent coping mechanisms to fight against sensory overload and the complexity of understanding our own emotions -> resorting to violence)
He parallels experiences of sensory overload and regulation, also his panic attacks and the way he avoid addressing his trauma and feelings by brushing it off and ignoring his own mental health, struggling to understand his own feelings about what he’s experiencing
- Difficulty with Trauma and Normalcy:
His reluctance to address trauma and persistent efforts to appear "normal."
It reflects challenges faced by autistic ppl in processing traumatic experiences and blending in with neurotypical society (force conformism and such)
There’s something about the way he and his father approach emotions, keeping it hidden and close off, that resonates a lot with my own experiences as someone autistic raised by someone who’s (probably) autistic too ‼️
+ the way he quickly connect with Buck exemplifies the ‘neurodivergent link’ : ADHD and autism solidarity is a reality ! Neurodivergent people tend to feel more secure, comfortable and friendly with other neurodivergent individuals!!
He basically just give such a autistic energy, like- I really connect with his struggle and the way he interact with the world around him, but please tell me what YOU think 🫶‼️
To have a better view of this part of him we would need more of his pov, sadly we rarely get it so I’m basing this of what I remember, what I personally see in him, what I connected with :’D
(Keep in mind that I probably projecting and it’s just an headcanon, not hate please <3 constructive criticism is welcome tho !!)
Credits it to @thisonemaniac that helped me make this post :D !! We talked about it a bit, I highlighted in orange what he remind me off ‼️
(Since you asked me about it you might want to read this :D !! I explained it better I think xD @lesbianphoebespengler )
#autistic eddie diaz#autism#eddie diaz#911#911 abc#911 theories#911 headcanons#buddie#< target audience#+ adhd x autism is literally the best couple combo isn’t it ? 😔🫶#actually autistic#projecting my autism on another of my comfort character#no one can stop me#no but fr#im serious about this#I always am tbh#I feel like I forgot something tho#tell me what you think ‼️#Wally’s post !
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sillies
#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk mayor#lmk bai he#theyr so sibling coded#can you tell i've thought about them too much#im sick#bai he cringefail furry girl and her wierd dead autistic uncle#i love them#it’s 2 am and they’re haunting me.
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sleepovers will include me telling you about Hannibal and then going off on random tangents that have nothing to do with Hannibal because I random word I said while talking about Hannibal reminded me of a side story and after 15 minutes of telling you that story I will go back to talking about about Hannibal and then the cycle repeats
#someone fucking help me#actually autistic#autistic culture#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#autism#actually autism#autistic experiences#autistic things#hannibal meme#hannibal the cannibal#hanniblogging#hannibal lecter#hannibal#hannibal nbc#adhd things#adhd problems#adhd brain#actually adhd#my new hyperfixation#hyperfixation#im hyperfixating again#can you tell im hyperfixating#i am hyperfixating#sorry im hyperfixating
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Punkflower hairday fics are gonna do it for me…every…single…time. Every time. There are other culturally black things I enjoy seeing too like attending cookouts or whatever…but it’s just….the acts of service…thinking of what style suits the other best…the gentle care they take with in each others head (cuz they’re BOTH tenderheaded!!!) the non sexual intimacy of it all is just too much Black love is so beautiful
#hobie brown#miles morales#punkflower#once again I would like the fandom to consider: Miles being the one to do Hobie’s hair#what if miles one of those people who can do other peoples hair but not his own#and is too impatience for his own but can for others…or just Hobie#also?#Idk comics or insomic miles but#I think it’d be really cute if a fic had Miles doing a wave check with Hobie#like that’s so adorable#we all saw the concept art of Hobie and I am down atrocious for locs Hobie because YES#but consider#Miles’ autistic rizz x loc retwisting#you can’t tell me Hobie wouldn’t loose his MIND internally while Miles is just#:3#or better#>:3
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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autistic becoming a neutral/positive adjective in todays culture would make my younger neurodivergent self so happy and hopeful (and i hope others can find that too:))
#it definitely has not become fully positive#i have seen it be an insult (to me and others) in casual conversation#<- someone said i was the boring kind of autism and i have grieved ever since then (/hj)#<- people also just add on to anything weird or wrong i do ‘ur autistic’ which I’ve come to realize is in a demeaning way#(didn’t realize bc of the autism)#but i feel like i can tell people that i am autistic now. as opposed to when i hid it so people wouldn’t think less of me#or change how they acted around me#now i have people being like (real conversation btw) “yeah but that guys an asshole. and the other is autistic and cool’’#<- this was a neurotypical childhood friend who would never say this a decade ago#I’ve heard kids say cute things like ‘i am so happy you’re you’‘I wish i was autistic like you’ <- a little confused but he’s got the spirit#i know the world is still shitty and rude and disrespectful#but i have seen such a growth of love and support and overall normalization in todays world#and progress is progress <3#don’t forget that!!#autism#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#positivity#idk what else to tag#but ily all<3#the rare og text post
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