#can stomach cancer cause back pain

[ceyhanmedya]

What is stomach cancer? What are the symptoms and treatment methods? 2023

New Post has been published on https://bankakredin.com/what-is-stomach-cancer-what-are-the-symptoms-and-treatment-methods-2023/

What is stomach cancer? What are the symptoms and treatment methods? 2023

Stomach cancer is caused by abnormal division of cells in the stomach. The stomach is a muscular organ located in the upper part of the abdominal cavity on the left side just below the ribs. Oral food is delivered to the stomach via the esophagus. Foods reaching the stomach can be kept in the stomach for a while. They are then destroyed and digested.

The stomach consists of four parts: the “cardia”, to which the esophagus is connected and called the stomach gate, the “fundus”, which is the upper part of the stomach, the “corpus”, which is the body of the stomach, and the “pylorus”, which connects the stomach to the small intestine. Gastric cancer, also known as gastric cancer, can originate from any part of the stomach. In most parts of the world, the most common site of stomach cancer is the body of the stomach. However, in the United States, the most common site of gastric cancer initiation is the gastroesophageal junction, where the stomach and esophagus connect.

Stomach cancer is a slowly progressive disease. It mostly occurs in people between the late 60s and 80s.

What Are the Types of Stomach Cancer?

Gastric cancer originates from the glandular cells that cover the inner surface of the stomach at a rate of 95%. Stomach cancer can progress and spread to the stomach wall and even to the blood or lymphatic circulation.

Gastric cancer is named according to the cell from which it originates. Some common stomach cancers are as follows:

Adenocarcinoma : The most common type of stomach cancer. The tumor is formed from the glandular structure that covers the inner surface of the stomach.

Lymphoma : It originates from lymphocyte cells in the immune system.

Sarcoma : It is a type of cancer originating from adipose tissue, connective tissue, muscle tissue or blood vessels.

Metastatic cancer : It is a type of cancer whose primary cancer tissue is not in the stomach, which is seen as a result of the spread of other cancers such as breast cancer, lung cancer or melanoma to the stomach.

Other types of stomach cancer, such as carcinoid tumor, small cell carcinoma, and squamous (squamous) cell carcinoma, are less common.

What are the Causes of Stomach Cancer?

The mechanism that triggers the uncontrolled growth and proliferation of cells in the stomach and leads to cancer is not fully known. However, it has been determined that there are some factors that increase the risk of gastric cancer. One of these is H. pylori bacteria, which can cause a widespread asymptomatic infection and stomach ulcers. Gastritis, which is defined as inflammation of the stomach, pernicious anemia, which is a long-lasting anemia, and polyps, which are structures protruding from the stomach surface, increase this risk. Other factors that increase the risk of stomach cancer are given below:

To smoke

Being overweight or obese

Excessive consumption of smoked and salty foods

Consuming too much pickle

drinking alcohol regularly

Having stomach surgery due to ulcer

A blood group

Epstein-Barr virus infection

some genes

Working in the coal, metal, timber or rubber industry

asbestos exposure

Having a family history of stomach cancer

Having Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP), Hereditary Nonpolyposis Colorectal Cancer (HNPCC)-Lynch Syndrome, or Peutz-Jeghers Syndrome

Stomach cancer begins when cells in the stomach change their DNA, which is the genetic material. These changes allow cancer cells to divide and live very quickly while healthy cells die. Over time, cancer cells combine and wash away healthy tissue. Thus, it can spread to other parts of the body.

What are the Symptoms of Stomach Cancer?

The most common symptom of stomach cancer is weight loss. The patient has lost 10% or more of his body weight in the last 6 months. The following symptoms can be counted as early signs of stomach cancer:

Indigestion

feeling bloated after eating

burning sensation in chest

mild nausea

Loss of appetite

Symptoms such as indigestion or a burning sensation in the chest alone do not indicate cancer. However, if the complaints are too many and more than one symptom is seen, the patient is examined in terms of risk factors for gastric cancer and some tests may be requested.

As the tumor size increases, the complaints become serious. The following serious symptoms can be seen in the later stages of stomach cancer:

Stomache ache

seeing blood in the stool

Vomiting

Weight loss for no apparent reason

difficulty swallowing

Yellowish eye whites and yellowish skin color

swelling in the stomach

constipation or diarrhea

Weakness and fatigue

chest pain

The above-mentioned complaints are more serious and require a doctor’s consultation.

How is Stomach Cancer Diagnosed?

There is no screening test for stomach cancer. In the last 60 years, there has been a decrease in gastric cancer cases. However, people with a family history or syndromes that pose a risk for stomach cancer should go to routine controls. The patient’s medical history is taken and begins with a physical examination.

If the doctor deems it necessary, he may order some tests such as:

Tumor Markers:  Blood level of substances known as cancer markers (CA-72-4, carcinoembryonic antigen, CA 19-9)

Endoscopy:  The stomach is looked at with the help of a thin and flexible tube and a camera.

Upper Gastrointestinal System X-ray: A  limy liquid called barium is given to the patient and the stomach is visualized on the direct X-ray.

Computed Tomography: It  is an imaging device that creates detailed images with the help of X-ray rays.

Biopsy:  It is examined pathologically by taking a sample from the abnormal tissue of the stomach. The definitive diagnosis is biopsy and the type of cancer is determined by the pathology result.

How Is Stomach Cancer Treatment?

The most important factor determining the treatment of gastric cancer is the stages of gastric cancer. Stomach cancer stages; It is determined by the size of the tumor, whether it has spread to the lymph node, whether it has spread to a place other than the stomach.

Stage 0 : It is the presence of unhealthy cells that have the potential to turn into cancer cells in the epithelial layer covering the inner surface of the stomach. A cure is achieved by removing part or all of the stomach with surgery. Along with the stomach, the lymph nodes near the stomach, which are an important part of the immune system in our body, are also removed.

Stage 1:  At this stage, there is a cancer cell in the stomach and may have spread to the lymph nodes. As in stage 0, some or all of the stomach and lymph nodes in the nearby region are removed with surgery. Chemotherapy or chemoradiotherapy may be added to treatment before or after surgery. It is used before surgery to reduce the size of the cancer and to remove more with surgery, and when done after surgery, it is used to kill the remaining cancer cells after surgery. Chemotherapy is drugs that aim to kill cancer cells. In addition to drugs, chemoradiotherapy aims to kill cancer cells by making use of the high energy of the rays with radiotherapy.

Stage 2 : The cancer has spread to the deeper layers of the stomach and lymph nodes. Similar to stage 1 treatment, the main treatment in stage 2 consists of pre- or post-surgical chemoradiotherapy and surgery.

Stage 3 : Cancer has spread to all layers of the stomach, as well as to nearby organs such as the spleen and colon. The entire stomach is removed with surgery and chemotherapy is given. However, although this treatment does not provide a definitive cure, it relieves the patient’s symptoms and pain.

Stage 4 : Cancer has spread to organs far from the stomach, such as the brain, lungs, and liver. Curing is much more difficult, the goal is to relieve symptoms.

What Can Be Done to Prevent Stomach Cancer?

Some of the measures that can be taken to prevent stomach cancer are listed below:

quit smoking

 Treating a stomach ulcer

Eating a healthy diet with fiber-rich foods

not consuming alcohol

Using pain relievers and medications like aspirin cautiously

If you have a lot of stomach ailments or if you have serious complaints such as seeing blood in the stool or losing weight quickly, it is recommended that you apply to health institutions and get support from specialist physicians.

stomach cancer,are stomach cancer symptoms intermittent,are stomach cancers curable,are stomach cancer and colon cancer related,are stomach cancer symptoms constant,are stomach cancer symptoms persistent,are stomach cancer lumps painful,what are stomach cancer symptoms,what are stomach cancers,what are stomach cancer treatments,what are stomach cancer chemo,can stomach cancer be cured,can stomach cancer kill you,can stomach cancer be detected by blood test,can stomach cancer cause diarrhea,can stomach cancer cause weight gain,can stomach cancer be seen on ct scan,can stomach cancer cause back pain,can stomach cancer cause itchy skin,can stomach cancer cause shortness of breath,

[fairyniceyeah]

🧚🏻‍♀️Emeto cheat sheet

Causes of vomiting:

Alcohol (+Flush gene)

Allergic reaction

Anxiety

Appendicitis   

Bulimia

Cancer (+Chemotherapy)

Coffee on empty stomach

Crohn’s Disease

Cycling Vomiting Syndrome

Exhaustion

Extortion (sports) on empty stomach       

Fevers       

Flu

Food intolerances       

Food poisoning (salmonella, E.Coli …)·       

Gallstones       

Gastroenteritis       

Gastrointestinal Obstruction

Gastroparesis    

Hangover

Heat/Heat stroke   

Indigestion

Kidney Infection

Labyrinthitis (ear infection)

Lactose Intolerance

Medication (Antibiotics, opioids)

Ménières Disease

Meningitis       

Migraines/Headaches       

Motion sickness (cars, buses, boats, planes …)       

Norovirus

Overeating       

Pain      

Panic Attacks  

Poison

Pregnancy

Reflux     

Rollercoasters       

Stomach flu

Ulcerative colitis

Ulcers

UTIs

Vertigo

What happens before:

Abdominal pain

Clutching Stomach

Dizziness/Vertigo

Dry Mouth

Dry-heaving

Gagging 

Hand (Back of hand/Palm) to mouth

Heaviness of limbs

Nausea/Queasiness/Feeling sick

Paleness/Ashen, green or grey face

Panic/Fear

Rapid heartbeat

Reacting to stimulants (sight/smell/taste of food e.g)

Salivia builds up/Mouth waters

Shallow/Rapid breathing

Sour stomach

Stomach cramps

Sweating

Throat tightening

Wanting fresh air

What happens during:

Sound:

Burp/Hiccough

Coughing

Echoing back 

Gagging/Retching/Heaving/Wretching

Gurgling stomach

Rapid breathing

Splattering

Vomit hitting water/receptacle

Sight:

(No) Remnants of previous food

Color (Brown/Depends on previous food) of sick

Liquidly/Chunky/Thick sick

Vomit in corner of mouth

Vomit/Sick/Throw up splattering on floor

Smell:

Acidic

Putrid

Rancid

Sour

Taste:

Acidic

Bitter

Previous food

Sour

Feeling/Misc.:

Back rippling

Burning in mouth/throat/nose

Choking/Feeling like there is no air

Crying

Curling up into themselves/into caretaker

Gagging/Retching/Heaving

Hot vomit/bile/stomach contents

Hyperventilation/Panic

Liquidly/Chunky/Thick sick

Sticky sick on clothing

Stomach contracting/Rolling/Gurgling

Stomach contents sloshing around

Torrent/Wave/Spray/Mouthfuls of sick coming up

Trembling

Vomit gushing/rushing out of mouth (+nose)/up their throat

Vomit seeping through fingers

What happens after:

Being overwhelmed

Blurry vision (from tears)

Changing clothes/Cleaning

Coughing

Cramps

Crying/Sobbing

Cuddling/Soothing

Dehydration

Dizziness/Vertigo

Drinking water

Falling/Slumping forwards against toilet/bucket

Lost/Rough voice/Pain in throat

Medication

Passing out/Fainting

Resting head on toilet seat

Shaking/Trembling

Staying hunched over – not sure if gonna be sick again

Taking Temperature

Wiping away tears/vomit

What the caretaker can do:

Call for help (another caretaker/medical)

Cleaning/Disinfecting

Hold bucket/trash bin/other receptacle

Holding back hair (strands/at the neck)/fringe

Holding sickie upright

Holding sickies hand

Make hot water bottle

Make sickie blow their nose

Make sickie drink to replenish lost fluids

Make sickie lay down (on their side/on caretaker’s lap)

Make sickie take medication/temperature

Make soup

Rubbing circles on back

Rubbing stomach

Soothe sickie (don’t hold it in, you will feel better after …)

Whispering comfort

Wiping away tears/vomit

Other related symptoms:

Abdominal pain/cramps

Bloating

Diarrhea

Dizziness/Vertigo

Fever

Headache/Dehydration headache

Hiccoughs/Burping

Inability to keep anything down

Nausea

Paleness/Grey, green or ashen face

Shaking/Trembling

Possible scenarios:

Bathroom is occupied

Being in public/situation they can’t escape from

Caretaker finding sickie on bathroom floor

Carrying a bucket around wherever sickie goes

Clutching a bucket/bin/plastic bag/toilet so hard their knuckles turn white

Cramps so bad sickie can’t move

Curling up on bathroom floor

Eating something despite knowing they are allergic to it

Eating something without realizing they are allergic to it

Feeling sick all day without relief

Feverish and dizzy

Getting admitted to hospital

Inability to keep anything down

Movie marathon as distraction

Multiple sickies (+ not enough bathrooms)

Rubbing sick tummy

Sick during transport

Throwing up in (empty/full) trash bin

Throwing up in bag

Throwing up in bucket

Throwing up in hand

Throwing up in toilet

Throwing up on blankets

Throwing up on floor

Throwing up on something/someone

Throwing up the medication/pills

Throwing up what they just ate/drank

Unable to leave bathroom

Unable to make it to bathroom

Waking up sick in the middle of the night

If you have any more suggestions, please contact me ✌🏼

[leqonsluv3r]

hi! hope you’re doing well <3 so this past months i have been feeling really bad and going to the doctor he said one of the possibilities would be cancer (im scared as fuck) so could you write some hcs about how leon would deal with it? i guess im just searching for some comfort since im a little scared lol i love your write hope you have a great day <3

trepidation

—leon!kennedy x reader, a headcanon list

masterlist taglist

an: i’m so sorry anon, i really hope it isn’t cancer. i did my best with this one and it took priority because it struck a chord with me. you can imagine whatever leon you desire, i used re!2 for aesthetic purposes. pls let me know the results anon, praying for ya <333

leon!kennedy who does his best to make sure your comfortable all the time, everyday, wakes you up with breakfast in bed and some pain meds for your headaches.

leon!kennedy who puts on a brave face when you feel ill and you don’t know the cause. your scared and so is he, he’s trying his best to be strong for you.

leon!kennedy who admires your strength these days. that even when you feel like your lowest because of your pain and illness that your still smiling and trying your best to laugh. he loves that about you.

leon!kennedy who sees you have a good day, one out of the few you’ve had in this month. he sees you read, laugh at a tv show your watching with him. he even lets you kiss him a little because he knows your having a good day. and he wants everyday to be like this.

leon!kennedy who is rubbing your feet at the foot of the bed, watching you try and find joy in the book your reading. you have good days and bad days now, today was in the middle. it was filled with a little bit of hurt but also a little relief.

leon!kennedy who presses kisses to your head while your curled up next to him, hand resting on his chest as you slept. as you got a reprieve from the hurt that drowned and consumed your body. these little moments with you were precious to him, happy he could give you some reprieve from everything. he was glad to be that for you.

leon!kennedy who watches tv with you, you don’t feel like going out these days, the unknown sickness of your body was worrying him. but he was determined to be strong for you still, because that’s what you needed. you needed support.

leon!kennedy who makes you some lunch and rubs your back as you eat, trying desperately to stomach some food and try your best not to feel ill. your doing your best to be strong for him too, even if it kills you.

leon!kennedy who runs you a bath each evening, letting you both relax into each other in the tub. your body soaking in the hot bubbles and water, letting him rub soothing circles on any part of your body that he can. he knows he can only take away so much and he’s hoping that it’s enough for you.

leon!kennedy who wash’s your hair and scrubs and massages your scalp with such care, trying to ease some of the hurt your feeling. trying to do anything he can to make you feel better.

leon!kennedy who drives you around, gets you out of the house. he wants you to have a little bit of normalcy even if you feel ill all the time. he drives you to the bookstore, to a nice cafè and even to a park. he wants you to feel like your world is okay, that your safe and happy. only if it’s for a little bit.

leon!kennedy who tries not to notice how weak your becoming, who holds your hand when you feel pain and feel sick. when your joints ache and you have splitting headaches that caused you to cry and soak your face with tears. he just holds your hand, holds you, he can’t bare to see you like this but he loves you. so he’s going to stay even if it makes his heart ache.

leon!kennedy who takes you to the doctor after you finally give in. he doesn’t want you to be scared so he whispers reassurances into your ear even if he doesn’t entirely believe them. he just wants you to feel better.

leon!kennedy who sits with you in the waiting room, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, holding your hand tight as you both wait for the doctor to come out.

leon!kennedy who walks close to you, still holding your hand and making sure your okay, trying to soothe your nerves with just a simple touch. even if he wishes he could take it all away just like that.

leon!kennedy who comes into the doctors patient room with you. who lets the doctor run a couple procedures and asks you about how your feeling. asks what’s been happening and whatever you don’t remember, he’s happy to help and fill in. he wishes he could take the pain away, the pain you dealt with.

leon!kennedy who listens as the doctor tells you that it could possibly be cancer. that you could have it, he doesn’t miss the way you squeeze his hand tighter at the doctors words or how you have water in your eyes. and now he really wishes he could take that pain away, because you didn’t deserve this. you didn’t deserve a single bit of it.

leon!kennedy who after the doctors appointment holds your hand, holding it over the console of the car as he drives. he keeps looking over at you every few seconds. your eyes still red and watering a little as if your trying to hold them back. this is killing you, all of it is and you don’t deserve it. he knows that, his own eyes water a bit as he drives.

leon!kennedy who lets you cry into his chest and holds you on the bed, letting you wrap your body around his. he holds you close, he gives you comfort and love, his own reassuring words that he’s trying to desperately to believe and grapple onto.

leon!kennedy who wiped your tears away and presses kisses to your head, your cheek as he kisses some tears away. he presses a kiss to your lips, soft and loving. he keeps you close, he holds you. because no matter what, he would hold you. cancer or no cancer. he was there for you. and he’d never go away, not ever.

an: i love you all. pls reblog if u feel like it, like and my taglist is linked above at the beginning. i hope this brought comfort to you anon, thank you for asking this of me. i hope it didn’t disappoint. im honored you came to me for this. we always need a leon when times are tough, and i hope this helped.

[bessiejoan]

Astrology: How trauma lives in the body via Mars signs

Warning - Content may be triggering. Reach out to those who love you and medical professionals when you need.

Aries Mars - Headaches, migraines, rapid heart rate, physical burn out and poor eye sight. Sudden outburst of anger and risk taking behaviour. May have an urge to carry a weapon as protection. Exercise, laughter and childhoid nostalgia can be healing.

Taurus Mars - Neck pain, throat conditions and infliction of the voice. Negatively affects the self worth. Healthy relationship with food and love is healing.

Gemini Mars - Hands and arms can feel shakey. Nervousness and tingles in the body. Hormonal deregulation. Trauma may be sibling related or occurred during teenage years. Ruled by Mercury, so self talk and words directly influence the body. Working with the hands can be healing, such as drawing, writing, video games and touch therapy. Strenuous physical exercise can be triggering, as the heart races the mind may experience this sensation as anxiety causing the mind to race faster. Therefore, relaxation exercises may be more therapeutic.

Cancer Mars - Can suffer from stomach problems, breast pain, lack of energy and digestive issues. Gaining weight and water retention around the stomach. Ruled by the moon, so the wellbeing and safety of the moon sign will have a direct affect on the body. Trauma within the body is likely to be family related or passed down from the maternal line. Water is healing. Swim in it, bath in it, drink it.

Leo Mars - Back pain, chest pain, heart pain. Inflicted solar plexus, causing the chest to cave inwards in an attempt to protect the heart and soul. Ruled by the sun, the self worth and life force directly affect the physical. Trauma within the body may be related to the Father or passed down through the paternal line. The sun, summertime, creativity and warmth is healing.

Virgo Mars - Nervousness in the body and hormonal deregulation. Unexplained illness or diseases. Feeling "dirty" or tainted. Ruled by Mercury, so self talk is absorbed by the body. It is important to keep the mind as healthy as the body. Physical injuries may occur as the body is pushed to be strong and healthy despite the mind.

Libra Mars - Lower back pain, ulsers and poor kidney health. Trauma may be relationship related or was a great injustices due to power dynamics. Witholds anger in the body. Believes they have rejected the feeling of anger, but they actually just suppress it.

Scorpio Mars - May manifest as sexual dysfunction, pain during sex or inflicting self-harm. Truama could have been deeply psychological. Can be prone to anger outbursts, which is triggered by their fear of being attacked or betrayed. The body may feel overwhelmed with emotion and pain. There is a strong need to re-gain strength and power. Exploring sexuality and the subconscious is empowering and deeply healing.

Sagittarius Mars - Truama can manifest physically as weight gain and discomfort in their thighs and hips. Ruled by Jupiter, the body heals when there is connection to spirituality, freedom and joy. Travelling can be physically healing.

Capricorn Mars - Restricting food, overeating, excessive exercise or burning their body out through work. Immensely self critical of the body. Aches in the bones and suffering skin conditions or scars. At times it may feel as if the skeleton wants to escape the body. Trauma is linked to the Father or people in positions of power.

Aquarius Mars - The body can feel alien or unusual to the person. Sudden disconnection to the physical self. Sudden outburst of emotions or anger. Trauma within the body may be linked to those in positions of power or social groups. Embracing their uniqueness is healing. May change their appearance or physical presentation suddenly as a way to re-establish ownership of the body.

Pisces Mars - Struggling to connect to the body and can disassociate. Pain in the feet. Difficulty feeling grounded and connected to the earth. Dance is healing and empowering.

You can also look at where Pluto is in the corresponding house, eg. Pluto in 12th = Mars in Pisces

[gazeofseer]

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

Why are you manifested here?

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

'We all are a manifested purpose of intention, by someone, by something, and that some is what keeps you restless, wandering, making full circle back to it through a different way and means, so what ties you must set itself free from you'

The earth is the world of matter here we are manifested for some reasons it can be obvious as one's nature of being, and doing even the one who is nothing is ultimately something that thing is your everything in that moment, but what if there is this one constant thing lying inside you keeping you awaken at night and sleepy during the days.

Note : Have a careful look at each image below, they have a say but it is heard only from your end and you shall know what it is through the below messages.

Image.1.

- The world is full of fillers but very rare does fill the distance between the delusion and reality, you are the one.

- Your signs are Aquarius, Venus prominence, Scorpio and Sagittarius with Jupiter prominence

- You often come across complexity with the world and people, as if the chaos is happening all around you but you can see through it's not a chaos for real.

- You are not a problem solver but a natural filler because of whom the energy and the elephant in the room sets itself at ease, you may have this poignant and quite demeanor which makes people perceive you as someone worth to behave on front of.

- You have this yearning and limerence around your heart which usually aches when you sit or might take a pause of breathe.

- Even after healing you are somewhat convinced that life is quite intense, serious and endearing and not funny, dramatic and chaotic.

- You have this inner rage which keeps screaming in silence because it is the people's voice who were just like you but were counted in or as an essential life.

- A common person is seen as a problem by an abnormal and as threat by an delusional person but it's the hardest and the truest way to sustain life is by being a human for what it has to be and that you are, you have been through a lot of insults, misunderstandings, especially when you have explained to the core of yourself with proof and stuff but people leave their weights at your door because they feel where light lies is where the peace resides.

Channeled Message : You are Manifested to live life at it's raw essence of nature and your gift of reward is a great life, is a better one, where no shortcomings comes in the way of the relationship, harmony, humanity, kindness, community, family, friends and especially your kids it comes at full of delight of dawn and dusk.

Guidance : Accept whatever life brings to only you, as I see your family won't be mostly by blood and they are more rooted from heart and spirit.

Image.2

- Damsel who knows her worth but still fears to become the queen, you play safe unless the next risk becomes safer than this one.

- You are a player of intent, like an absolute projector people fear the thoughts you carry on them as it impacts the way they feel towards you.

- I see subtle pains as if it never surfaces because you evolve them into a knack of your next move and wisdom.

- Your signs are probably, Capricorn, Virgo and Cancer you may even have Pisces moon, and stomach ache as often as a week.

- The world lies and you just know it but you do not cut the energy but rather you chose to play along with it a manipulator.

- You are quite convinced being alone now I have this thirties feminine and masculine balanced vibes where grace screams through a poker face.

You are manifested here to use your wisdom at the cause of something important like I see you do not easily make decisions but when you do the least make sure it doesn't cost at someone else or somebody in that means and process, never own the power you have rather lay it into small goals and attain it one by one.

Guidance : Just be cautious, you may have some misfortunes that can create small things turning at the edge of something big badly so just be aware with whatever you do.

Image.3

- Love is not cursed it is not yet best served to you so it keeps tasting bad from every other person you meet.

- You and people have this good thing of being naturally kind to each other because they believe you are pure and needs to be protected while you are like I know how tough and worse one can become so let me be kind.

- You hurt people easily because you have this flowy mindset like happens happens not so not just leave it.

- Not careless but neither careful like comfort is major here your comfort zone whatever falls under it is precious anything disturbing is like a problem and makes you anxious.

- Major Pisces, Scorpio vibes more than betrayed I see half ended friendships and ghosting and like confusion there is a gloom which is constant even when you are happy there is something confusing.

- It is like you are rich, people are there everything is fine but not me and my mind.

- Just there is this sudden nerves ache, maybe you have these almost fainting situations ( Confirmations if not avoid this )

- Major queer, weird and unfit people vibes but you are exactly at the right place because the world is rare because of your presence of energy.

You are manifested here to actually be the kind of love people are missing on which is beyond the idea of simply being together with someone else but being for oneself, like finding life exactly when you are running out of breath and suffocating disease reaches your nerves there is a flow of energy which can fuel it to cleanse and regenerate it's all the way you love it.

Guidance : Why do I feel you have some sort of allergy or sickness ? Get treated kindly if so beyond medication have patience and have space of existence whatever way you are it is your world as long as you are alive make it own with love, for your body to breath and mind to rest and soul to align you towards abundance of love.

❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•❅✧───❅

DM FOR PAID READINGS AT 999/- INR

❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•❅✧───❅

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex Witch,

So this isn’t about sex really but it is a concern I have in regards to my body. So I am really bad at picking at scabs, pimples, bumps, you name it, and I have been completely unable to shake the habit. And I get this kind of acne on my face, shoulders, back, and boobs. And I’ve got scars as well from how much I’ve picked.

I’ve gotten some meds (twice a day pills and a lotion) but at least for the pills, they need to be taken with a glass of water and it’s recommended that they be taken with some food in the stomach. I usually take my meds right when I wake up so that I don’t forget since I have ADHD. Which means that I usually forget the acne meds in the morning, and I’ve not ever had meds in the evening so I rarely take them then. I don’t even know if they actually work because I take them so rarely.

My main concern is that if I ever get breast cancer, I won’t know because bumps are already so common on my boobs.

I know that the best solution would be to just stop picking but I don’t know how to actually do that. I guess the other obvious thing to do would be to actually be taking my meds consistently but I also don’t really know how to get into that routine.

I don’t really know what advice you can offer about this but I figure it doesn’t hurt to ask

Also thank you so much for answer questions all the time, I think your blog is really great and really appreciate how supportive you are when people ask questions

✨💙✨ <— just so that I know this was mine when I see it

hi anon,

one of the best things you can do to help head off this fear would be learning about practicing breast self-exams and recognizing when a change in your breast is something different than the bumps you're used to.

bumpy breasts aren't the only warning sign of breast cancer (nor are they always a sign of breast cancer; about 4/5 of bumps are caused by something else). according to the American Cancer Society, a more complete list of warning signs includes:

Swelling of all or part of a breast (even if no lump is felt)

Skin dimpling (sometimes looking like an orange peel)

Breast or nipple pain

Nipple retraction (turning inward)

Nipple or breast skin that is red, dry, flaking, or thickened

Nipple discharge (other than breast milk)

Swollen lymph nodes under the arm or near the collar bone (Sometimes this can be a sign of breast cancer spread even before the original tumor in the breast is large enough to be felt.)

being familiar enough with your breasts to quickly notice any of these changes and seek medial consultation if you're worried is important preventative care!

also, this is important: I don't know how old you are, but unless you have a family history of developing breast cancer early, it's unlikely that you need to seriously worry about this until you start approaching your fifties. by all means learn the signs and how to be proactive, especially if it will grant you some peace of mind, and feel free to express your concerns with your healthcare provider, but also please let this relieve some anxiety if you're not yet in the age range where breast cancer is most likely.

[cialovesklopp]

prologue

❪ masterlist — ❫

summary — it's no secret anymore to anyone that follows f1 that mercedes is doing bad. something just isn't going the way it should. the silver arrows are going through a rough phase which leads toto to become a bit more creative about recrutement.

song — mercedes [ brent faiyaz ]

warnings — light mention of death and toxic environments

word counts — 5k

cia’s quick rambles — so sorry for the long wait, exams came up and i couldn't find enough time to edit this over. i'm so excited for this and hope i can make it justice to all the other good max stories.

— july 2023

there was always a certain sense of belonging that people attributed to specific persons or locations. often it was due to certain attachments and feelings people had grown for those persons or places that created this invisible bond. but it had never been like that for aaliyah. 

she failed to form connections, to embrace attachments to people or things. like a program glitch in a computer, she couldn't fulfill the command despite the correct codes. she never truly felt rooted in any place — she never belonged somewhere.

she was too smart to be here, to sit in a back with other people that attended this class of university. yet the fear of her own intellect hindered her from leaving it. going to university was like going to school again — one schedule and one job. nothing else to worry about for the moment. she was relieved of the concern for something else. 

going to university eased the pain of knowing that she felt like she would never belong somewhere. 

after her father died, all she had received for giving ao much love was rejection. as if an unspoken rule had been set up, that stated that aaliyah had been the cause for it. and it certainly screwed up the rest of the life she had lived till now. 

aaliyah had been destined to do great things — she remembered the way her middle school teachers told her that she would be the one to cure cancer. she had always been intelligent, not just smart — but terrifyingly intelligent. 

they would laugh if they saw her now and where she was. wasting her potential away at a simple university in munich. 

sometimes she looked out of the window and the resentment towards her family, especially her mother, burned hot in her stomach. getting lost in her thoughts meant her mind wandering off to far and opening boxes that were meant to stay closed. memories being replayed that contained secrets she wanted to take to her grave with her. 

she may be closed off towards others but it was an efficient way to live. to protect her heart from disappointment again. she did not have the space to let a lot of people in again. 

her heart had built a thick stone wall around itself after the accident. an accident, she would always blame herself for. everything was different from now: she was left with nothing but the void created by the loss of the only thing that held any meaning in her life.

now she felt like an empty shell of her former self, with no purpose or path to follow. the man who had said, a man with no purpose is no man knew what he was talking about. 

aaliyah was walking on an endless journey that seemed to have no finishing line, a particular hopelessness gripping her tighter with each step she took. and it felt like an invisible string was always pulling her back. 

tugging at her harshly till she fell back to where she started. it was a vicious circle, a haunting loop of pain — one that seemed to take no end. aaliyah was simply lost and no amount of therapy sessions could cure the inner pain she wandered around with. 

“just one more day,” aaliyah murmured to herself. it was her typical mantra she told herself everyday to calm herself down, to reassure her that she was not caught in her past life anymore. 

there were always the easier days and the harder days that needed assurance. days she passed on ease were often spent with eva. harder days however had her shivering in her bed, her entire body shaking and freezing. 

she sat down on her usual spot in her physics and thermodynamics that were part of her engineering degree, her mind shutting down again while her eyes travelled around the room. it felt good to be able to think of something else when your brain was working twenty-four seven. when thousands of thoughts travelled through her brain every second and seemed to over analyze every information too quickly. 

but something felt weirdly off today. the room was busy, full with more people than usual. this wasn’t a class for just anybody — people in here were ready to get their degrees in engineering. this class could compare to a harvard’s law class in terms of difficulty and intelligence. not everyone was able and allowed to take it and yet today the room was bustling with more people than usually. 

aaliyah noticed the long queue outside the door, filled plenty with faces that she had seen on campus but all unfamiliar to her. she was not one to usually look for socialisation when it wasn’t exactly necessary. in addition to that there was also a feeling of anticipation, lingering lightly in the air. she was curious what all the turmoil was about but at the same time, she was reminded of caution towards it. the less she knew, the less were the chances to be entangled in it. 

she smiled when her professor — who was her favorite — walked in and aaliyah instantly remarked that even he seemed excited about something. so she had definitely missed an important detail. but what exactly?

just like in every class, the professor began with reading out the attendance list, aaliyah lifting her hand to confirm her presence. she was surprised however when her professor then sent everyone else, that had not been named, out of the class. 

“everyone whose name i have not called for the attendance of my class may leave now. i’m sure you all have your classes where you’re supposed to be today,” said her professor loudly, so that even in the back it was clear who was welcomed and who was not. aaliyah turned around and was surprised by the large number of men who all walked out disappointedly.

the rest exchanged excited whispers, all giddy about something but she couldn’t care less. it wasn’t like she had any friends in her class anyway. she wasn’t the only girl that took this class but she was one of the few that seemed to excel in it. and for some universal reason, women found it easier to be jealous than to work together. 

their class started just like always, with one of them presenting their work about the mechanical piece they had been assigned to design as homework. the professor went on with his class, and aaliyah felt herself drifting off, her eyelids becoming heavier and heavier with every minute that passed. another impact of her insomnia that plagued her in the night. even running on several cups of coffee wasn’t doing it for her anymore, so that she resorted to sugar to stay awake. 

she flinched, jolting awake when there was a knock on their door. she watched the way her professor’s lips turned upwards, forming into a smirk as he turned towards the door. “come in,” he said and in walked a man, tall and formally dressed in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black pants. he oozed a certain air of authority that had everyone quieten. 

the atmosphere in the room changed instantly, aaliyah noticing her seat neighbour’s eyes widening but all she could observe was that he definitely did not belong here. he was definitely overdressed in comparison to her loose grey sweatpants that she had matched with a sweater that had yale university printed on. the irony of it. 

her professor greeted the man like an old friend, making it clear to aaliyah that the two knew each other and it wasn’t a mandatory visit like the others they had gotten. however to her she did not know of his significance, completely left in the dark. 

“so for today we have a special guest some of you may already know,” he interrupted them from their work, everyone stopping what they were currently doing to listen to him. “he is an old friend of mine and owed me a favor. but i’m going to let him present himself.” 

the instant the guest began to speak, aaliyah could immediately make his austrian accent out. she was sure to have seen the man somewhere before but her brain, that was usually running at one-eighty, was failing her tragically. 

“some of you may know me from racing, others just from motosport — but for the rest who do not: i am toto wolff and i’m the team chef of the mercedes-amg formula one team as well as the ceo of mercedes-benz motorsport.”

— so apparently, they had a celebrity in the room with them. explains the queue outside, aaliyah thought to herself. 

“for those who do not follow motorsport as much: formula one is the elite of what concerns motosport. it’s the best against the best that compete there and the world of f1 is constantly changing due to this. as eighth time constructor’s champions we know that and what is expected of us. but for you, who are the future of engineering, i think it’s important that you get a realistic insight into what that actually contains.”

aaliyah now understood what all the turmoil really was about. they didn’t just have anybody in front of them — they were speaking to engineering royalty. not in the sense of wolff actually working in engineering but he was the reason the best worked with the best. because they absolutely needed to excel. 

standing in front of them with their professor sitting down at his desk, he began to speak and tell them about the world of motorsport and the constant changing requirements they had to adapt to. he instantly had all of them hanging onto every of his words, captivating them with the way he spoke about the subject.

the main point of his entire talk was of course mercedes amg and its evolution; however he also highlighted the complexity of the entire motorsport business and how the industry actually worked. something that reality was hiding from them. it was a big field that covered all kinds of sections. aaliyah listened closely even though she didn’t see herself ever working in that kind of environment. 

who would even hire her?

when the talk ended and students were allowed to ask questions, she found herself drifting off again and started to sketch mindlessly into her college block. it wasn’t that she shied away or conceived her fellow students as annoying; she just found socialisation exhausting and it wasn’t like they were going out of her way to speak with her. 

her existence was only acknowledged by them when they required something from her, leaving her to always sit all alone in her row. her presence faded there into the loneliness and solitude she felt comfortable with. now she wouldn’t want to change it anymore. 

after the whole questioning round, toto challenged the class to design a specific piece for a car to apply what they had learned the entire semester long. something that aaliyah was able to do in her sleep now. it was one of the rare occasions where she liked to let her brain run crazy to overanalyze every detail. to say that aaliyah was a perfectionist would be a clear understatement. 

it was the curse of a mind that raced ahead of the rest, interpreting sometimes more than what was needed and leaving behind a lonely trail that she herself couldn’t always understand. 

it was no surprise to her that she finished her sketch earlier than the others. however instead of just leaving it like that and calling toto over to see if she had gotten it right — which she had of course — she continued to develop her idea, letting her mind do its own work. 

it wasn’t really refining that aaliyah was doing. the perfectionist in herself would call it stepping outside of comfort zones — and as long as it worked, no one cared anymore that there had been one. it was something her mother had taught her.

gloria, aaliyah’s mother was no saint. and she had enforced the lifestyle to aaliyah of finding loopholes in the system whenever she could. last time aaliyah had spoken to her had been two years ago, shortly before the accident. 

possessing the knowledge that her own mother did not come by to see how her daughter was doing who was fighting between life or death — that had done it for aaliyah. cutting her mother off had probably been one of the easiest and yet also things she had accomplished. it wasn’t exactly a secret but it also wasn’t something she just shared with anyone in order to let the deep-etched wound in her heart heal. 

the whole trauma-dumping aspect and all that.

caught up in her mind, aaliyah didn’t notice toto going around and looking at what the students had produced. his eyes stopped once they fell on aaliyah’s drawing and a slight look of surprise appeared on his face when he saw her drawing.

it was more like the astonishment and impression that appeared on his face when his eyes caught her sketch — he had given the same task to all the classes, especially those at harvard, and while they had all completed the task no one had ever thought further than the solution. 

just like math they had solved the equation; found the x and that was it. they did not think about the correlation in which the answer might be related with the task or how they could give it more depth.

toto walked back down to the front where the professor sat and pointed discreetly at aaliyah who still seemed caught up in her thoughts. 

“who is she?”

a mishevous twinkle lit up in the professor’s eyes. “ahh, that would be one of my students,” he retorted playfully. 

“i’m serious.” he replied with a dry chuckle.

the professor looked at aaliyah, studying her in an interesting way, trying to take her all in again. “the student you’re so interested in is aaliyah prince. she’s one of my top student.”

toto nodded, his brain processing the information. “she’s smart. you’re teaching them well.” 

“i can assure you she’s more than smart. it’s all her brain.” he had seen where toto wanted to go. one did not have to be an idiot or live behind the moon to know that mercedes was doing badly at the moment. 

and he would be lying if he denied his soft spot he had grown for the black student. especially after find out out what she had all gone through. 

the professor stood up, leaving toto with a perplexed expression. he cut the working phase in order for them to compare their results. aaliyah looked up and secretly took her airpods out to listen what they had to say.

she did not need any confirmation to know that her exercise was done correctly — it wasn’t really to sound (überheblich) but she had designed the same thing a hundred times before for exam preparation. so she only listened half-mindedly to what the others had to present. who were trying their best to impress the f1 team chef.

a small smile made its way onto her lips when she saw the message her best friend had sent her. with eva studying psychology and ethics, she often had more time than aaliyah and usually finished class earlier than her. and the two girls had started the habit to always get lunch together when possible — it was often the one thing aaliyah looked most forward to during the day. 

class finally ended and she was one of the first persons to pack her things together and leave however her professor had other plans. 

“frau prince, könnte ich kurz mit ihnen sprechen?” he asked her and aaliyah slowly trodded back into the room. she suppressed the growl her stomach let out and waited patiently for what her professor had to say. — could i speak to you quickly

her professor pointed to toto, who was still mustering her with a skeptical yet curious glance. “he is the one who would like to talk to you.”

“me?” she asked perplexed.

toto nodded. “your drawing was very impressive. you thought ahead of the task and developed it to make it more than just a simple design. that’s exactly what we need.”

“for what?”

“a job,” toto replied in a short way. “we need someone like you and you do seem to fill out all the requirements.”

aaliyah looked at him confusingly. “excuse me sir, i don’t want to be rude but do you usually give out jobs to students after giving a lecture?”

toto let out a small-wholehearted laugh. “no, i actually do not. you’re a special case i guess.”

was zum himmelswillen, aaliyah thought in her mind as she looked at the man in front of her. and people told her she was crazy sometimes. 

she pinched herself, just to make sure that she was not dreaming this and still in class and stared at toto with wide eyes. she was no one special, she did not come from huge money and she had a huge past that she would prefer if it stayed hidden. 

aaliyah couldn’t leave, even if she wanted to. all roads led back here anyway. 

“and this job… where and what would it be?” she inquired carefully. 

“i want you to become your new chief technical engineer. well not officially but i want you to fill someone’s position while they’re on personal vacation.”

her professor smirked at her whereas aaliyah’s face scrunched up in confusion. 

“i thought you needed the best of the best? i’m sure there are thousands of people who probably meet the requirements you have and have the actual experience. i know nothing about formula 1 and racing cars.”

“maybe but i think a fresh pair of eyes would do us some good. and i’ve been told you have a degree in physics which is incredible at her age.” he reached for his bag and pulled out a small green card. “think about it and then give me a call.”

“why me? if it’s because of the task, everyone finished it and got it correct.”

“but they didn’t think further than the basic task which you did. you thought ahead, developed your starting idea and that’s exactly what we need right now. innovation. someone to think outside of the box.”

he bid goodbye to her professor, waved one last time to aaliyah with a small smile and then left the room. her eyes did not leave the door, even after he had left the room as she stared into the distance. she had already forgotten eva and their planned lunch date. 

she looked at the card in front of her and turned it around to inspect it more. it was probably the weirdest thing to have happened to her in the past two years. 

the thought of leaving, as nice as it sounded, also terrified her deeply. petrified her mind when she wondered whether she could. she had rebuilt a life here, created a new identity that was not instantly connected with the pain and trauma she had to go through. 

she wasn’t aaliyah, the stupid girl from back home anymore. who had mistaken attachment for love and fallen deeply into a trap that could be described as the demise of her life. the peripety if her life story was ever made into a movie. 

“i can see the wheels turning in your head from here,” her professor tore her out of her thoughts and aaliyah turned. 

she let out a small chuckle, staring at the card in front of her. “this is probably the weirdest thing that has happened to me since i started here.”

“could also be seen as the best thing,” her professor replied. 

“i don’t know how smart it is to start something else when i haven’t finished this. finished here.”

“aaliyah, you’ve always dreamed of doing this, getting out of here. and somebody just handed you your way out of here on a golden plate.”

aaliyah put the card into her bag. “not everything that shines is usually gold. this could hurt me in many ways if it backfires. and what about my degree?”

her professor waved dismissively. “i’ll simply write this down as a project. we’ll admit it as your fourth semester internship that you would have to do anyway.” 

it seemed easy, way too easy for aaliyah. it couldn’t be as simple as this. 

she grabbed her bag and was about to walk away when her professor called her back again. 

“aaliyah, please think about this. i know you probably think you do not deserve this but you do. let some happiness into your life again.”

“i’ll think about it.”

she nodded and exited the class. at least this time she would have something to tell eva in her class. she would rather drink acid than listen eva rant about her crazy sex escapades from last night.

the two girls were sitting on aaliyah’s bed in her bedroom, adorned with the soft rays of light as it took its descent and a bottle of wine between them with two glasses in front. they were sipping on the bordeaux liquid while she recounted what had happened to her today, the wine making aaliyah pour all her feelings out. 

the blonde sat across from her, listening patiently as she tried to console the black woman. too often the two found each other in this position, with eva either bringing the best wine or the cheapest vodka she could find. 

aaliyah always found a certain sort of solace and calm within her best friend. the two had met at a stupid frat party aaliyah had been forced to go by her roommate and had been inseparable since then. and over that time, eva had stayed by her side when she had gone through the endless trauma of her mother and had helped her get out of her toxic environment. 

they were connected through more than friendship at this point with the amount of shit the two had already gone through. 

“i have no idea what i’m going to do,” she sighed, swinging her glass absentmindedly. “it’s a good job offer — like i  want to do this but i can’t leave everything just here.”

“girl, the only thing i see is you sabotaging yourself again. i mean, what are you leaving here? your annoying class of misogynistic assholes? that sorry excuse of a woman that calls yourself your mother? i’m sorry honey but the only thing you would be leaving behind is me and i can take the family jet anytime if i wanna visit you.”

aaliyah threw a pillow at her best friend. “hey, they’re not all bad. we are five girls in my class.”

“and four of them choose to be jealous, racist bitches towards you,” eva replied sassily. “look, i get it. change can be scary as fuck and speaking as a philo-major, we humans don’t like stepping out of our comfort zones. but staying won’t make you any happier.”

she chewed on her bottom lip, taking in eva’s advise. “but you know how much they sacrificed for me, to come here and start over. how much it meant to him for me to do this.”

eva threw her arm around aaliyah, pulling her back  with the sudden force and making her nearly lose her drop her glass. "oh love, i can assure you the last your father probably wanted was for you to stick and waste your entire potential here. clinging to familiarity is never going to change things and it’s not gonna be the salvation you’re seeking so much.”

deep down aaliyah knew that eva was spot on with her analysis of her. but behind the truth hid so much more. aaliyah wasn’t looking for happiness and forgiveness anymore, she had accepted that she could never deserve his pardon. she had tried to forgive herself, to move on but she always stayed in the same spot. the huge amount of guilt that paralyzed her from moving on would never allow her to thrive and live. because she was the reason someone else couldn’t. 

and that person deserved it so much more than she did. 

eva grabbed aaliyah’s hand. “i don’t want you to stay here because i know you’re not happy. this entire city will always remind you of them. and you’ll never get over it if you stay here. you deserve to thrive and let’s be honest, that’s not gonna happen here.”

“but even if — this job is just a lot. working there would mean constantly traveling and not settling down.”

“wasn’t it your dream to travel the world just like your dad? taking this job would make it ten times easier. it’s practically your ticket to do this.”

“so you really think i should take this leap?”

eva snorted. “i would be lying to you if i said i want this completely because you’re my best friend and i hate you leaving. but for you, yes. take this job and be happy. it’s not only what your dad would have wanted for you — micah would have wished for you to do the same.”

she nodded, disregarding the pang in her heart at the sound of his name. her presence here, away from the turmoil she'd created, stemmed from the cascade of events that led to his demise. a single misstep initiated the unraveling, each consequence toppling like dominoes until the crash. it all lead back to her.

when the last drops of bordeaux had been consumed by the two students, the blonde stood up and bid her goodbyes to aaliyah, announcing that she had an early morning tomorrow. eva hugged her once more and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek — a habit they had developed. 

“please promise me that you’ll think about it,” eva had murmured into her ear and aaliyah had nodded, which seemed enough to satisfy her. her best friend had left then and she found herself all alone again. 

taking this job seemed to be so easy, everyone she had talked to seemed to push her towards it. but it was almost too easy which frightened aaliyah so much. 

she was qualified enough for the job in terms of intelligence. the job was not completely out of world for her but she could not imagine herself leaving. her mind had twisted everything to the beautiful life she lived in that in the end was just an illusion -- but an illusion so ideal and perfect that she didn’t want to leave it. 

it was like knowing that one was wearing rose-colored glasses and deliberately leaving them on, with no regard for all the consequences it could cost. 

taking this job was a risk for her, she knew that much already. but eva was right, micah would have wanted this for her. and she owed it to him to at least try. no matter how big the impact of her fall would be. it was the least she could honor him with after destroying everything. 

accepting this position posed a gamble for her, she knew that much already. but eva was right. micah would've wanted this for her. she felt indebted to him, compelled to make the attempt, regardless of how big her potential downfall could be. it seemed the minimum homage she could offer after dismantling everything.

it was way past eleven when aaliyah grabbed the card toto had given her earlier and her phone and tipped in his number. she was anxiously tipping her foot as she waited for the caller to take the call and was surprised when it only had to ring three times. 

it was now or never. 

“hello?” a hoarse voice asked on the telephone and aaliyah innerly groaned. people were sleeping at this hour, of course it was the wrong timing. 

“this is aaliyah, the girl you offered a job today sir,” she said nervously. 

toto gave a small laugh. “yeah, i remember and you really don’t have to call me sir.”

she nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “okay, understood. i just -- well, i wanted to inform you that i’m taking it. the job as interim chief technical engineer.”

“i’m very happy to know that you’re accepting my offer.”

there was no going back now, aaliyah realized. she had taken the first step towards a vast mountain that had no way to return back. there was only one path and she had just sealed her fate by taking it. 

“yeah, i just hope i won’t regret it.”

“i have no doubts that you’re going to excel. but remember: formula one is ruthless and you’re competing with the best now.”

if she had known before, how far people were willing to go to win, she definitely wouldn't have taken the position.

[dark-side-blog3]

You ever think about how the effects on the body that Purple Haze's virus has can lead to over a ton of body horror imagery in a Pannacotta Fugo route?

I do indeed.

++++++++++++++

While Fugo is very fearful of his stand, and he tries his best to keep it repressed, he does have moments even he can't get out of without its help. He tries to avoid those moments as much as possible, as the rabid apparition could kill its owner easily; Fugo is not immune to the virus he creates with his stand. Should his manifestation turn towards him in ire, Fugo needs to act fast to repress the spirit again, before buboes of phlegm swell his throat, cutting off air while splatters of blood and plasma erupt from a rash of blisters on his skin, the torn flesh melting and merging with itself as it gets covered in new blisters, each layer covering itself in torn shreds of skin from the previous layer that only emerged seconds before.

If Fugo is unlucky enough to be "saved" by a healer stand before he dies, after suppressing the stand, his skin will carry the scars, stretching and straining under the evergrowing disease under his skin. The disease never left, always mutating at an incredibly fast rate inside of himself.

In mere hours, his body is bloated, and cumbersome, unable to lift parts of himself off the ground and instead dragging them behind, tearing gently at the skin that gets raked over the concrete, oozing viscous strings of colgulated blood and dotted with white, shaving-foam consistency pus. His face is obscured under bulging, beating bulbs of flesh, with thin blue veins visibly trailing clots of blood through his body like threading a bead on a string slowly, and with great difficulty as his cancerous arteries lead back into each other, enough times that some of his- at one time- extremities turn a sickly necrotic purple and black.

You'd barely recognize the shambling mound of flesh as Fugo if it weren't for the fact you'd seen him get attacked by his stand after trying to deter it from you.

And if it weren't for the fact you'd seen birds and dogs die from the same disease as he got close to them, you'd be tempted to offer comfort to the former man. Despite lasting this long with the disease unable to kill him, it seems he's still a carrier for the original death Purple Haze entails.

You'd been running from him for hours now-- though he's not particularly fast, his persistence despite what must be agony is what keeps you moving. Resting in any place for too long will only let him close the distance. The blisters and swelling have no doubt gotten to his brain, killing whatever could have been left in him, causing him to act irrationally and chase you in the open, undeterred by pain, threats, bribes, empty promises, or gunfire. He's not Fugo anymore, unable to call upon his Stand, or even understand his old name (and you've tried to use it to escape before, attempting bargaining with the creature). He's just... A monster. Determined to follow you wherever you go, until it can absorb you with bubbling stomach acid, or infect and fuse with your melted, blistering, corpse.

[skippyv20]

Our Prayer List🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers and good thoughts for Princess Anne. We pray for quick recovery and quick healing.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s mother who is in the hospital fighting an infection. Also, for our friend who is going through a difficult time.

Prayers and good thoughts for @sandiedog3’s good friends, Darren and Kim. They are mourning the loss of their brother Simon. He was only in his forties and he spent that last decade nursing his much older partner with leukemia and dementia and now he has died suddenly bless him.

Prayers and good thoughts for Kylee who is missing. It has been months since her mother and grandmother have heard from her. Today is Kylee’s 18th Birthday. We pray Kylee is safe. We pray for her mother and grandmother as they are so worried. (This will remain until we hear Kylee is home safe and sound) June 15

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s 22 year old nephew who is struggling with anxiety, depression & panic attacks.

Prayers and good thoughts for The Princess of Wales as she continues her battle. We pray for The Prince of Wales and their children, and Catherine’s family during this time.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s mother. She is battling gall bladder and liver cancer and had an ischemia that obligedi the surgeons to remove 70% of her intestine. She will have to live with a colostomy bag permanently. The doctors are waiting for her to be strong enough to submit her to chemo and immunotherapy to reduce the liver tumors. She is still young (78 years old) and also because she spent her life taking care of her children and their father who now has Alzheimer's

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is suffering from ringing in her ear. It is constant and she can’t sleep. Neither her doctor or dentist can find the cause.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who is in the hospital with a blockage, he’s been there for 2 days, and his wife is hoping he’ll come home on Monday. She will has had her surgery and is in terrible pain. Her husband is losing his job at the end of June, and her heart doctor said to be prepared for heart surgery once she heals from her foot surgery. She has a leaky aorta valve.

Prayers and good thought for our friend’s brother who was just diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer, secondaries in his liver and lungs. We pray for our friend and her sister to have their trip go smoothly as they plan their trip to be with their beloved brother. Also, we pray that their brother will be pain free and that he will be at peace.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s BIL who has passed away. Praying for his family.

Prayers and good thoughts for my cousin’s 3 yr old granddaughter Maize who is battling cancer.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s mother who is feeling a bit confused at this time.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having suicidal thoughts, and having difficulty finding employment. Praying she finds employment soon.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s son and husband. Her son has spinal fractures and they don’t know why. Her husband is having issues with his back as well. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who has just had surgery. We are praying for good results, and quick healing. May 8

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who still suffers from effects of having Covid 19, and struggles. May 3

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose husband had a mental breakdown and they are now facing financial hardship. He is bidding on numerous jobs and needs prayers.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s niece who is five months pregnant. She fell and hurt her hands and knees, to protect the baby. She is only 22 and having severe migraines

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is caregiver to her husband. Praying for them both. Praying for her to have extra stamina as caring for a loved one is so hard both physically and emotionally. Apr 10

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s oldest daughter. Her daughter is on dialysis now. She did test positive for drugs, and her boyfriend is a known drug dealer. This is of great concern. Mar 27

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is mourning the loss of her beloved father.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is trying to find the right maintenance dose of medication. Without it she is susceptible to many different illnesses. We pray this appt brings good results. Also, prayers for her mother who is still recovering from surgery. Mar 24

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s FIL who has been diagnosed with cancer. Still waiting on results as to what type of cancer. He has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Mar 11

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s treasured son-in-law. He has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer with mets to the liver and lymph nodes throughout his abdomen. He has a very poor prognosis - less than a year, probably just a few months. He is only 48 years old. Our friend is heartbroken, her son-in-law has been in the family for 17 yrs, and he is so very loved. He is scheduled for a PET scan next week. Mar 05

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who will be having surgery. The waiting list is one month long. Also prayers for our friend to feel God’s loving presence during this trial she and her husband are facing. Feb 26

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s nephew who is struggling. Feb 11

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who needs to have re-surgery to repair her broken femur bone, which has not fused. She was told that it was surgery failure the first time, and she would have to travel to back to Singapore to have the re-surgery done. Feb 5

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s nephew who has been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Feb 3

We pray for our friend who for 36 years has suffered from a progressive, painful, debilitating neurological illness that has her housebound, and she is tired.  Jan 19

We pray for Princess of Wales as she recovers after major surgery. We pray for her recovery to be quick and without any issues. We pray for Prince of Wales and children as they go through this trial as a family. Jan 17

We pray and send good thoughts for our friend and her daughter who is going through some things. Jan9

We pray and send good thoughts for one of our Tumblr friends who has stepped away and we await her return. Jan6

[queeranarchism]

The eating insects thing

A far-right anti-vax conspiracy theory that has existed for a few years now has recently increased in popularity and has been breaching containment, especially in vegan circles, so I guess we have to talk about it:

Keep an eye out for scary sounding posts about eating insects.

Some of the claims to expect are this:

Governments are secretly allowing more insects to be put into food. - It is true that more edible insects have been approved for the EU market lately, but this process is not secret at all.

Some people are allergic to Chitine, which is found in shellfish and hard-shelled insects - this is true.

Chitine is also dangerous to people who are not allergic to it and causes cancer - this is not true. It traces back to study that has been taken out-of-context about the impact of concentrated Chitine in cancer identification and treatment.

Eating large amounts of the insects being approved would damage your stomach lining or other intestines because of ‘toxic chitine’. - this is not true. It traces back to an old dietary advice on a Dutch website which only mentioned that insect consumption was safe up to 45 grams at a time. What this meant was: we didn’t find a study that researched higher doses. There are plenty of studies by now and it turns out it’s fine.

Insects are ‘bird food’ and humans did not evolve to digest the insects currently being approved for consumption. - this is not true. There are 1500 insect species that are regularly safely consumed by millions of people around the world. The insects that are currently being approved for the European market have been consumed by humans for as long as we can trace the human diet and many are consumed by our closest primate relatives.

Bill Gates and other insert-conspiracy-name-here billionaires are buying up farm land to deliberately cause food shortages and to force us to eat bugs - this is not true. Land is just a popular investment right now due to other economic pressures.

Governments are pushing for lower meat consumption to force us to eat bugs. - this is not true. Any minimal encouragement of reduced meat consumption by governments is in response to the impact of meat consumption on climate change.

If you buy in to some of these scare stories, the next claim is that forcing people to eat bugs serves some darker government purpose, either simple misery and humiliation (accompanies by the claim that we’ll be forced to eat weeds and drink sewage water), forced population control (the Great Reset bullshit) or preparing us for the rule of reptilian overlords (antisemitism crap).

Now, let me be clear: there are valid reasons why you might want to avoid eating insects. ‘I just don’t want to’ is a good enough reason. Being vegan is an excellent reason. We know very little about the inner lives of insects but observations suggest that they are intelligent and feel pain. We do not currently know what constitutes a high quality of life or a painless death, so we could not ‘humanely’ farm insects even if we wanted to.

However, most of the claims above are misleading, racist and dangerous. They pave the way into far-right anti-vax and antisemitic conspiracy theories. Recognize them and avoid them. If you see your vegan friends share these claims: let them know what they’re doing. Don’t give this shit space.

[sensualnoiree]

astro health notes pt.2

Cancer: Nurturing Instincts and Emotional Health

Ruling Anatomy: Cancer governs the breasts, diaphragm, womb, lymphatic system, vagina, stomach, and right eye. It embodies nurturing, motherhood, and the Moon principle, associated with substance change but lacking vitality.

Health Connections: Possibility that Cancerians might encounter weight gain in later years due to their fondness for food. Emotional stress, anxiety, and tension often cause digestive problems such as ulcers, gastritis, and digestive upsets. They might struggle with gall bladder issues, nausea, and gas pains, while also being susceptible to overindulgence in alcohol.

Characteristics: Cancer individuals exhibit a nurturing nature akin to motherhood. Their susceptibility to digestive issues and emotional stress underscores the impact of their emotional state on physical health.

Challenges: Afflicted Cancerians may suffer from dropsy, indigestion, and sclerosis. Symptoms such as dizziness, syncope, and watery or congested nose and sinuses can manifest, reflecting the sign's vulnerabilities.

Leo: Vital Energy and Robust Constitution

Ruling Anatomy: Leo rules over the heart, circulation, blood pressure, spine, back, and left eye. It symbolizes vital energy, creativity, and power associated with the Sun principle.

Health Connections: Leos boast robust constitutions, often excelling in physical activities like dancing and sports. However, overexertion might cause strain, especially in their upper back. They might experience heart-related issues, like pains and pressure, and are advised to slow down in later years to prevent potential heart attacks.

Distinctive Traits: Leo ascendants are identifiable by their voluminous hair, regal posture, and tall stature. Their physicality exudes strength and royalty, marked by their golden undertone and bright, bold presence.

Challenges: Leo individuals can suffer from tension in neck and shoulders, headaches, nosebleeds, and visual disturbances due to aggravated heat and choler. Conditions such as apoplexy, convulsions, and syncope can arise from severe heat imbalances.

Virgo: Selective Process and Health Concerns

Ruling Anatomy: Virgo governs the digestive system, pancreas, small intestines, eyes, and ears. It symbolizes selection, utilization, and nervous temperament.

Health Connections: Virgos tend to worry themselves sick, turning emotional troubles into physical ailments, especially intestinal issues like indigestion, colitis, ulcers, and bowel problems. Their fussy digestive systems and hypochondriac tendencies often lead to digestive discomfort and nervous system complications.

Characteristics: Virgo ascendants possess delicate features with clear, bright eyes and a tendency for a "resting b*tch face." They often have lean muscles and are sensitive to energies around them.

Challenges: Melancholic disorders like neurasthenia and cerebrovascular issues may afflict Virgo individuals. Their sensitive digestive systems and nervous temperament can cause chronic stress, insomnia, tremors, and digestive disorders.

For more info follow me here! :D

[nabaath-areng]

So apparently bonus dad got screened as early as 2013-2014 after passing out behind the wheel and told that he's at risk for alzheimers or dementia but of course he cannot remember that ever happening and gets angry if you point it out... but when he got stung he kept repeating "how could I forget" and "how stupid am I" over and over. Fortunately I'm one of the people he's the most receptive to even during duress so I managed to steer him back on track so we could finish up for the day and get him meds.

I just hope this can be a wake up call for him, because this could get dangerous. Our village is famously neglected when it comes to ambulances and emergency services, and these services even outright admit it themselves that we are specifically the ones who help reaches the latest. The fact that there's one dementia specialist in our municipality feels fictional almost, but he needs to be willing to accept that it's a problem before we can do anything.

What if he passes out behind the wheel like back then? What if he forgets something even more important that causes something actually devastating? He was never brought up in this type of life either, he still doesn't fully know how to react accordingly to the emergencies that typically happen at an old farm.

God I'm sorry I just. My mormor is having stomach pains now a year after the horrifically rough surgery for pancreatic cancer, my second mormor died the other week from sudden cancer having spread through her entire body, my morfar had surgery that was highly risky and it's still not clear if we can relax yet or not, my bonus sister got infection in a face nerve that's made half of her face paralyzed and it's not clear yet if it can heal on its own, and now this with my bonus dad. It's all just so much and I feel like today's incident made it all kinda well over emotionally. Fucking hell it's just all so MUCH right now

Actually it probably doesn't help that I've been awake for almost 24 hours too. Send help LMAOOOO

[coastxlwaters]

What happened to ur thumb?!

So, this happened yesterday

0. I had a low level of light headedness and a stomach ache but I needed to get out to the barn to exercise autumn

1. Autumn wasn’t ridden for 2 days and was energetic

2. My crop and saddle felt off, I later learn they were used and modified slightly without my permission (I’m not mad at whoever did, just confused on why they did it as well have that stuff at the barn)

3. My crop and set being off, shifted my normal no anxiety routine to a “oh god, do I need to check Autumn’s back and legs for injuries?” Routine.

4. My legs were awkward trying to reposition correctly, and since autumn is used to me being a quiet and relaxed rider and caretaker that probably ticked her off, her ears were pinned back but flopping, no fucking idea what that means but I have seem some horses do it when anxious or stressed, but idk

5. The crop kept hitting the wrong place on the shoulder, I hound be able to tap once and she goes, and since I’m a rated-shows rider I can’t look down as it’s frowned upon, and have to keep my head up until the lesson or atleast course is over. So I wasn’t able to see what the difference was other than the slightly off feeling.

6. Ticked her off more that I continued to try to use the crop. MY fault, I have no fucking idea what I was doing there other than me failing to follow proper barn rules.

7. We start the course and I she goes speed demon and I could tell she was abt to do SMTH, whether it was a buck or rear I honestly don’t know nor want to find out. I just cut off and out of the course halfway through

8. I got called a coward, (JOKINGLY) so I laugh and say “fuck you than, let’s see what shit I can do now that her energy is out” and get back on.

9. Same thing as 7 but this time I don’t cut off the course and the literal next jump she bucks

10. I land HARD on her neck, I really need to check it out but my friend said she looks fine for now.

11. My hand obviously hits her neck first, my thumb taking the most damage

12. I stayed on, THANKFULLY, cause if I fell off I have no fucking idea what would have happened

13. The rest is kinda like, foggy ig, I remeber making my usual “it can’t be to bad, I lived!” And then my thumb started hurting. At first thought it was SMTH I could ride off. I was wrong and for the next 15 mins I was a mess from it, both being my birthday and smth bad happening on my birthday for th 3rd time in a row. I get home, see my finger and go “damn I’m overdramatic as hell, it’s only a minor jam”

14. Just ice it and kept it elevated the entire night

(Today)

14. No sleep last night

15. It looks weird so I prob need to get it checked for possible infection

16. I get to the doctors and expect to be laughed at for coming in with a minor jam

17. I get X-rayed cause they wanted to see if it’s fractured, told I did amazing for being actively hurt and staying still and calm during it

18. I get to the actual office, Hear I shattered the tip of my thumb and it will forever be slightly bent, get banned from horse riding for a month, (sucks for them as I won’t listen to that)

19. I pull the cancer joke on @stormbreaker-290 again while walking to the room I’m supposed to go to, since I’m MEAN-

20. I get measured for a 1 finger cast as the injury is not severe in the sense I would need a full handed cast, but apparently shattering your tip of your thumb is relatively severe, since it doesn’t happen often and will leave me with my thumb being bent slightly forever unless I decide to do an overpriced surgery. Spoiler alert, I’m broke. Doenst hurt like what I expected tho, it’s only in that category I think for a longer healing process (I wasn’t listening but it was MENTIONED) and a permanent difference in my thumb even if it’s barely noticeable.

So, yeah it’s not severe in the sense of pain, it might take a bit to heal, I’m gonna take care of autumn still obvi and completely ignore the no-riding rule. I MEAN, ILL ONLY DO WORKOUTS AND NOTHING TO BIG OR SHOW PRACTICES OK?!

It’s also on my left hand, and I’m a boring right handed person so I’m fine lol. Gonna use it to hopefully get out of school obvi, but like yeah

Preppy cast✨

[naterpillar]

Angleyes

Sirius Black x Reader

Inspired by song "Angeleyes" by Abba

While recovering from a breakup, you look back at your time with Sirius Black, all while realizing an undeniable truth.

Warning: Mentions of Adult Activities, angst

The Greeks believed that the stars, galaxies, the constellations were created by the gods.

For reference, the placing of Callisto.

The beautiful, loyal, and favored hunter of Artimes. But it seems that loyalty only got you so far with the gods. She was soon turned into a bear by her goddess due to the birth of a child caused by an assult by Zeus. Years later, the same child would come upon her bear form and attempt to kill it. Zeus would see these events unfold and take "mercy" upon the two. He would place them in the sky so they would never be separated again.

Another, Andromeda. She was the fair wife to Perseus, the slayer of Medusa. Although their meet cute probably wasn't as romantic as she was hoping it would be. He found her chained to a rock by her own people as a sacrifice to Poseidon's monster. He would slay it, and they would soom have a whopping six children. Athena would later place her in the sky as a way for people to remember her for all of eternity.

The brightest in the sky though, at least in your eyes was Orion's dog, the Star of Sirius.

And a dog he was.

~~~~~~~

You'd spend the better half of 2 weeks moping in your bed. Although you would never say that aloud because then that would mean he won. It would mean that he had been able to wiggle his way into your heart like a parasite. It would mean that without his touch on your hand, your shoulder, your lips, your legs, you were lost. That you were had loved him.

So you blamed your absence on painful, the worst you-ever-experienced, period cramps. Although that could only work for so long, even if none of your peers didn't really believe it in the first place. So, it didn't take long for your scar covered friend to come barging in.

"You know, it's considered rude in most of the world to come in without a heads up," you grumbled, not having to look up to see who it was, the scent of chocolate reaching your nose, "What if I was naked?"

"Then what a site it would have been," Remus replied sarcastically, "It's time to get out of this room, love."

"See, I would love to Rem, but my cramps are just killing me," you grasp your stomach in mock pain.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't think menstrual periods, or at least yours, last twelve days."

You gasp, "then it must be menopause," you fall back onto your bed sinking into the warm sheets. "Oh, I should have seen the signs, the gray hair, the wrinkles... oh Rem! Do you think this spot is cancerous?" You both fall into laughter, and you realize this is the first time you smiled since the incident. Remus plops onto the space beside you with a smile still spread on his features, your shoulders touching.

There was a comfortable silence, hearing the laughter of students, stories down from your window. The window he once climed through after almost killing himself scaling the outside wall of the castle. You cleaned the material out of his hair and kissed his wounds better that night, your heart glowing that although a stupid action was directed so he could get to you. You shoke the memory from your brain, opting to turn the boy beside you.

"How do you even get in here?"

"I'll give you three guesses"

"Why didn't they just talk to me themselves?" you ask, thinking of your roommates/best friends

"Well, I don't know if you realize this, but you are quite argumentative... and a little bit scary. I'm surprised you weren't sorted into Slytherin."

"So you were thrown into the lion cage," he lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Well, I've been told I can be quite stubborn. I am the one who pulls the boys out of their beds." The smile slipped off your face, and you could feel the gaping pit in your stomach return. Remus immediately realized his mistake and felt his heart break a little at your dimming eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-,"

"No, you're okay, it's fine. I'm fine." You gave him a tight lip smile even though you both know he could look right through it.

There is another pregnant pause. You were happy that Remus came to check up on you. Though friends before, you cheating off his work and him being graced by your impeccable charm, he was one of Sirius's closest mates. And you wouldn't have been surprised if he stopped talking to you. You couldn't say that wouldn't have stun, though.

"I just really don't want to see him. I don't know what I'll do if I do."

"It'll be okay," he said, bringing you closer to his chest, "it'll be okay."

You let yourself relax in his grasp. Though you knew it was wrong, you couldn't help but picture yourself in someone else's arms.

"I'll let you have some of my chocolate if you come in to walk with me."

"Deal."

~~~~~~~

And that's how you ended up here. Walking among the land of the living again, trying to ignore the whispers and stares, all while looking out for a pierced boy. You thought you saw his back at one point, but it was just his younger brother Regulas, who when he turned around and saw you, give you a polite nod.

Talking with Remus was nothing but a pleasure, catching you up on the gossip you had missed and adding his own commentary. It seemed nothing would be able to dampen your mood until you felt the thundercloads roll over again.

You had been walking down the shore of the lake when you saw the tree. The tree where you and him had shared countless laughs, deep conversations, (most of which talked of your future together) kisses, and intimate touches. Where you shared stories of your day, read to one another, and even a few nights of love making.

But your favorite pastime with Sirius, besides the sex, was the star gazing. You would lay out on the ground, his warm leather jacket the only protection from the prickly grass, and Sirius would rest his head on your chest. Then begin your game. Sirius would point to a light in the sky and say its name, although most you already knew, then you would tell the stories and mythology behind that star. As you looked up at the galaxy, you could imagine that you were somewhere else in time, somewhere without the threat of an impending war, maybe a peaceful farm with geese roaming around.

There were more than a few times that you and the boy would have to sneak back into the castle, being woken from your slumber by the streaks of dawn flooding the sky.

But that sacrade tree was not without company. There leaning on the stump was Sirius. But what really cemented the dagger into your heart was the girl curled into his chest reading aloud the lines of a book.

Remus followed your line of sight and quickly turned you away, starting to chatter on about dinner.

But it was too late, you already felt a shiver go down your spine despite the heat. The look he was giving her was one that you were plenty familiar with. A look of awe, admiration, maybe even love. A look that used to be able to stop you in your tracks and make your heart mush still had the same effect, only befriended with a sour emotion.

You recognized the girl, believing she was in the year younger than yours. She was also the one he said not to worry about.

As you began walking away from the scene, you couldn't help but compare it to a car accident. Wanting to look but knowing as soon as you see the damage you wouldn't be able to unsee it. But another thought lingered in your mind. The urge to walk right up to the couple, to the girl, and warn her. Warn her that she was just a pawn in a game he likes to play; fun to play with but easily expandable.

But you could tell it was too late for her. Having already looked into his eyes, being put in a hypnotic state of adoration. A parallel to your own experience.

~~~~~~~

The first time you were really captivated with Sirius was when you really took a look into his eyes. Having known of each other, you never began talking until you were partnered in Charms class. It's said that eyes are a window to the soul, and as disgusting as it sounds, you could see your whole future in them. They were hypnotic and put you in a trance like state of borderline obsession.

Angeleyes were the only way to describe them.

With Sirius Black, every day felt like paradise. He was everything one would ever need in a boyfriend. He was doting and wasn't afraid to show it. Blowing kisses at Quddich games, buying expensive gifts, and even creative once in a lifetime dates.

Every day was an adventure. For your half-year anniversary, Sirius had managed to bag front row tickets to see Bowie. You and him danced under the stars that night, the euphonious voice of the Starman himself filling your ears like honey. That night was filled with tipsy lovemaking and a warm shower to wash the colorful makeup off your faces.

Everything was perfect...

Until it wasn't.

You had heard the rumors of his past, you would have to be living under a rock to not have. Of breaking hearts left and right. It didn't matter who you were, how you acted, Sirius Black would break your heart.

But when you hit your two month mark of dating, you thought you were different. How unfortunately and totally wrong you were.

He was getting distant by the nine month mark. Although you knew what was to come, you tried to hold it off as best you could. He began acting weirder. Trying to distance himself from you in public, keeping touches to minimim. He would partner with his friends on projects, when before his eyes would quickly find yours when a group project was mentioned. Then, when you were in private, he was back to his old loving self, the Sirius you feel in love with.

He broke up with you in public. In the Great Hall. In the middle of dinner. In. front. of. everyone. The room became silent, something that never happened, as they watched the Heartbreak Prince collect another broken heart. You tried to maintain your dignity and not let your tears fall as you moved to the opposite side of the table from him, your friends following. It wasn't until you got to the dorm that night that you broke down in Mary's arms, the mutters of Lily and Marlene's threats to kill him accompanying your broken sobs.

You were right about his angeleyes. Though his love and innocence was just a wear of disguse, underneath it all, he still was an angel, but rather to add, a fallen angel. A man who plays the game and continues to collect hearts as his victims pay the price.

But sometimes at night, in the dark of the dormitory, or you're feeling extra lonely, you like to imagine he's lying next to you, stunning eyes still trained on you. You believe that will forever be the price you pay for falling in love with the boy.

Or in the halls, as you walk by the Gryfindor as if he's a stranger, the pain that you had managed to wear away had all come back like a flood of cold water. It still hurt to even think about your time together, a time you never thought you could life without him. A part of you couldn't, and that part died the day he broke your heart, a part you will never get back. But as time goes on, you know you'll get stronger and one day break free of his spell.

As Sirius struts the hallway with a new student every week, you stare down his new prey, hoping they get your warning.

Don't look too deep into his angeleyes.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

on a dime, your whole life can change

or: Ice breaks the news of his cancer diagnosis to his goddaughter 

like father, like daughter masterlist

warnings: swearing, cancer diagnoses, canonical deaths, this picks up right off of a piece i’m still writing, like father like daughter pieces are intentionally small, unedited

word count: 1.7k

Your godfather sighs as he sits down next to you on the porch swing, causing you to glance up from your book.

"How you doing?” He asks as you tuck your bookmark in between the pages, shutting the book softly. You shrug. 

“I’m okay, I think.” 

He hums. “You excited to be back home for a little while?” 

You nod. “Shame it’s for this though.” 

After your Dad’s accident, you had submitted a request for extended caregiver leave to care for your Dad as healed up. The request had gotten approved, no strings having to be pulled on Ice’s part. It would be unpaid, but honestly, at this point in your life, a paycheck was the last thing you cared about. 

Your Dad would be a few weeks out from getting cleared to move back to Miramar from Pensacola so you and Ice had headed home, leaving him under Slider’s watchful eye to get ready. 

It would be an adjustment, you being home with your Dad and uncles at the same time. But it was an adjustment you were willing to make and you were all too happy to be close to them again. 

“I’m excited to have you here though. Gonna make this conversation a little easier knowing I don’t have to send you back out right after.” 

You cock your head. “What do you mean? What conversation?” 

He sighs. “Kid, I’m really sorry to have to tell you this on the heels of what has gone down with your Dad but we- well, really, I can’t hide it from you any longer.” 

You shift, concern growing in your stomach. “Ice, what’s going on?” 

Ice blows out a breath through his teeth, unable to meet your gaze. “I’m really sorry, kid.” 

“You’re scaring me, Ice.” You whispered. 

Ice’s got the same look on his face that he did when he had to be the one to tell you Carole wasn’t getting better, your Dad too distraught after Bradley’s reaction to the news. 

It’s the same cautious look, like he’s going to do his best to keep his goddaughter from falling apart when her whole world has been turned upside down. 

“Okay, just gotta rip the band-aid off.” He whispers. 

It’s unusual to see him like this, which is making the pit in your stomach grow. 

Had someone else been hurt? Was Bradley okay? Had something happened to him? What couldn’t he hide anymore? 

“Kid, I have cancer.” 

It feels like breathing has suddenly become impossible, all the breath being sucked from your lungs in that moment. 

Part of you wants to bite out a bitter laugh, unable to fathom that this is happening again. 

How much more unfair could life get?

“It’s up in my throat. The doctor’s are optimistic. Say they caught it early and that they’re...” 

Ice’s voice drown out as you swallow, unsure of what to do. 

When Carole had been sick, you’d turned to Ice, unwilling to burden your father or Bradley with your emotions about the loss of Carole. They’d needed your support more than they needed your tears and you knew you had to be a rock for them. 

Ice had made you feel safe enough to break down, had allowed you to cry to him more than you ever thought you could. It was a needed support, one you wouldn’t have been able to get through without. 

But this time, it was Ice who was sick. He’d have to go through the hell that is chemo, lose his hair and his appetite, suffer painful surgeries, wither away right in front of you. He couldn’t be there for you, living the diagnosis every day of his life.

Your Dad would be losing another one of his best friends, Slider too. 

And this time, Bradley was gone. There was no comfort or support to be found in his hatred. 

This time, you were all alone. 

-

“How’d she take it?” Slider voice murmurs from the living room. They all thought you were asleep, no idea you were sitting on the stairs in Ice and Sarah’s house. You tucked your head into the fabric of your elephant-covered pajama pants. They’d been a gift from your Dad in high school, unsure of what to get you for Christmas. They were a little goofy, but the sentiment and thought was sweet and they still fit, becoming a pair you slipped on when needing a little extra comfort. 

“Worse than I thought she would honestly.” Ice mutters back. 

“What happened?” Your Dad says. He’d gotten back this evening, a bittersweet arrival. As much as you were relieved to have your Dad near, it’d been tamped down by the knowledge of the fact that he had to have known what Ice was going through. 

How long had they all known and chosen to keep it from you, to walk on eggshells around you? 

Wasn’t this something you deserved to know, that your godfather, essentially your second dad for all intents and purposes, was dying and there wasn’t a goddamn thing you could do about it?

“I thought for a minute there she might start freaking out or crying or get angry or anything but she was just...” He trails off. “She just shut down.” 

“She didn’t talk to anyone for three days.” Sarah says softly. 

“That poor kid probably thinks she’s going to lose everyone important to her by the time she’s thirty.” Slider’s voice sounds. 

“With the way things are going, she might.” You hear your Dad say.

“Over my dead body are you leaving your daughter Mitchell.” Ice rasps out. “Hell will have to freeze over first.” 

“Let’s be realistic here for a second, okay, Kazansky?” Your Dad snaps. “We can be optimistic all we want about the prognosis but she knows just as well as everyone else in this room does that it doesn’t fucking matter how optimistic the doctors are. She watched cancer destroy her only mother figure, who’s to say it won’t destroy you?” 

“Mitchell...” Slider sighs, but it’s too late, the sounds of your Dad attempting to leave the room echo in the hallway. “Jesus Christ, Maverick.” Slider says and the sounds of someone helping your Dad back to the couch can be heard even from your position in the hallway. You can’t stand the thought of your still-injured father trying and failing to stand and leave. 

“We’re all fucking struggling with this, Pete.” Ice snaps after a few moments. “This isn’t easy on any of us. In case you forgot, I was that girl’s main support when Carole passed. I didn’t forget all the nights she crawled into my bed and cried while she was over here.” 

“She needs you Ice, you can’t leave her yet.” 

“Oh, and you think she doesn’t need you?” 

Ice’s words are harsh, full of heat, and you wince again. 

Ice sighs after a few moments. “Pete, I’m going to do everything it my power to be with her. I know what I took on when I agreed to be her godfather. The last thing I would ever want to do is leave that kid alone.” 

“I think we should let the two of you talk.” Sarah says softly, and the sounds of her and Slider leaving the room make their way to you. 

You know you should move, not knowing what would happen if they all knew you had overheard this conversation but you can’t seem to bring yourself to move. 

“Night Sarah.” Slider mutters to the woman as she disappears into her bedroom. Slider pauses as the foot of the stairs when he notices you sitting at the top step. “Kid-”

You stand up, walking back towards your room as Slider’s footsteps follow you. The bedroom door slams behind you, the lock clicking shut, just as Slider reaches it. You can hear him jiggle the doorknob before knocking on the door. 

“Kid, let me in please? Talk to me.” 

You plop down on the bed before anger thrums through you, propelling you off the bed and wrenching the door open. 

“You want me to talk to you? Let’s talk about how it’s not fucking fair I have to lose my godfather over fucking cancer. Let’s talk about how I am in fact, terrified, I am going to lose everyone I love by the time I’m thirty. Let’s talk about the fact that I no longer have anyone I can turn to for support because everyone needs me to support them more than they can handle me being upset. Let’s talk about the fact that I have to be the one to keep it together because-” 

You blink, realizing Slider isn’t the one in the doorframe.

It’s Ice. 

He sighs. “Kid, you’re not alone in this. It’s going to be okay, I promise. You still have so many people in your life who love you and aren’t going anywhere, including me. I’m gonna fight like hell, I promise-” 

You’re slamming the door shut before you even realizing it, the hollow promise striking somewhere deep in you. 

Carole had said the same thing long ago. Look at what had happened. Look at all you had lost because of it. 

A sob escapes your throat as you fall back on to the bed, hand flying up to silence it. 

Your chest physically ached with all the weight you were carrying and there was nothing more than you wanted to hug Bradley in that moment. 

The ache made you angrier, confused as to why he seemed to be appearing in your mind so much lately, how the anger was somehow drowning out underneath the knowledge that you missed him. 

He should’ve been here to comfort you and somehow the thought makes you angrier, your chest heaving as you sobbed. 

Lately, it all felt like drowning. You felt unable to carry the weight of your Navy service, becoming restless in the career you had chosen for yourself. 

The career that had always been laid out for you. 

You missed Bradley and that made you angrier. 

And now, now who’s to say they wouldn’t all become a memory? That you wouldn’t end up all alone? 

Would this ever be over? Would this feeling ever end? 

Underneath the sobs and the heaving of your chest, through the sounds of the knocks on the bedroom door, you weren’t so sure. 

[shychick-52]

My physical disability (long post)

Given that it's Disability Pride Month, I wanted to share a bit of my own experience.

After experiencing HORRIBLE back pain for weeks in late 2016 (the doctor didn't send me for an MRI or any deeper scan after the x-ray didn't show anything), I woke up one morning in January 2017 with literally ZERO balance. Like, I could move my legs, but I still couldn't walk. It was the most terrifying sensation.

Called the ambulance, they took me to the hospital where I had the proper scan done, and it turned out to be a massive tumor pressing on my spine and crushing the nerves. Because it had been growing for months, everyone agreed it was a miracle I wasn't totally paralyzed. (The tumor turned out to be cancerous, and I had several more tumors in other places too, including my stomach, ovaries, liver, and kidneys). After it was removed, I still had zero balance.

Well, the entire five months I was in the hospital getting treatment wasn't fun, made even worse by my destroyed mobility. During my stay, I switched back and forth between a wheelchair and a walker. I was so depressed, terrified I'd never walk properly again and convinced my life was over. Even after I was discharged from the hospital, and still continued to use a wheelchair and walker, I can't count how many times I freaking bawled. I had very poor control of my legs, and had to look down at them at all times to know what they were doing so I didn't trip.

And for the first time in my life, I was met with challenges that able-bodied people don't have to worry about (the worst of which were stairs). I could finally appreciate how frustrating it is when able-boded people selfishly use the handicapped stall in the washroom (when the other ones are perfectly available) when you have to go!

Not long after I got out of the hospital, I started attending physical therapy. I worked for months and months, and graduated from a walker to two canes to just one cane. I practiced walking in the pool by my place (with aqua-therapy, I didn't have to worry about injuring myself if I fell in the water, and I fell plenty at first). I gradually got better, but it was HARD.

Shortly after my very first visit to physical therapy, my therapist diagnosed me with spasticity in my legs and feet. That's a condition caused by a spinal cord injury; the injury to the nerves in the spine cause the signals between the nervous system and the legs/feet to be thrown completely out-of-whack and fail to communicate properly (which was why I couldn't sense what my feet were doing unless I looked at them), forcing the leg muscles to be in a permanent state of horrible stiffness and constant spasms. It's a horrible feeling.

Finally, in the later part of 2019, I no longer needed a cane. I could walk just fine on my own (for the most part), and I haven't had to rely on walking aids since then, and I don't have to watch my feet to know how they're moving when I walk. But the spasticity- which is permanent- remains. I manage it with medication, which helps the stiffness a bit. And my biggest challenge remains stairs; I absolutely cannot go up and down stairs (especially up) without a banister. But because of how generally stiff my muscles are, my balance will never be perfect. And I can't really run, although I can walk just as fast as I used to.

Cold weather, rain, and atmospheric pressure all make the spasticity worse.