#can i tag this as poetry or something
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Concept: the Chernobyl warnings in the Phantomhive manor after Sebastian claims O! Ciel's soul. Just imagine it.
"This place is not a place of honor... no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here... nothing valued is here."
- The entrance hall, dilapidated, with the stairs collapsing on themselves. The Phantomhive insignia is scattered around the room.
"What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about danger."
- A hallway, with paintings falling and torn. The portrait of Vincent and Rachael is present.
"The danger is in a particular location... it increases towards a center... the center of danger is here... of a particular size and shape, and below us."
- Panning downstairs to the kitchen, then to the servants quarters, then to Sebastian's bedroom.
"The danger is still present, in your time, as it was in ours."
- Lingering wisps of magic, a shadow in the corner. Sebastian is long gone and yet the tainted nature of him lingers.
"The danger is to the body, and it can kill."
- An abandoned silverware knife near the sink. There's dried blood on it that was never cleaned. There was no one left to clean it.
"The form of the danger is an emanation of energy."
- An eye patch left behind on a random floor. It should not be there. But no one remains to claim it.
"The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place physically. This place is best shunned and left uninhabited."
- The Young Lord's room. A tea set sits untouched. The binds are drawn. The candles are unlit and burnt down to the base. No one is left.
#sorry for being unhinged#it will happen again#black butler#sebastian michaelis#kuroshitsuji#o!ciel#can i tag this as poetry or something#i may draw this actually because it is a very cool concept
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two brothers on a motel bed, a poem by me
#winchester residue is something that can be so personal#thank u for the encouragement liv hehehe <333#and for fighting w/ tumblr's useless html for me loll#alexa play brothers on a hotel bed by death cab for cutie#(#spn#samdean#salmondean#american gothic#i guess???#ro writing tag#ro poetry tag#)
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just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount
branwen
- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall
- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.
- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.
- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.
- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.
- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.
boaz
- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle
- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.
- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.
- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.
- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.
- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella
ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry
#i’m at the gym for the first time since my od and ouugghh i’m so emotional#it’s 2am aslo. ouu they haunt me#i love thinking about them being silly little domestic cowboys#and just going on dates and riding their little horsies#my fav horse girls !1!!11!1!1!! even tho javi isn’t a horse girl really but in my heart he is cuz kieran loves trail rides#and so javieran go on trail rides a lot as well as “’riding into town’ as an excuse to get out of camp together#javier is so good at listening he truly learned the art of shutting up when he couldn’t speak english and also was learning in america that#he really should trust sparingly because the new world was so incredibly hostile to him from the start simply for being who he was and where#he came from#so he’s such a great active listener and while it’s kinda a trauma response it also works very well for javierans relationship because kiera#has never in his life ever felt important or safe or like anything he said mattered to anyone so perfect brilliant ‘i’m listening go on’ jab#vier makes kieran feel so loved and heard in ways he’s never ever in his life experienced and javi takes them fishing and riding and to the#stables constantly because he’s LISTENED to kieran and kieran never has to ask to do something he wants to do because javi’s already HEARD h#im (and he also knows kieran would never ask for anything first ever because he never feels like he deserves anything at all. nor even feels#safe enough to dare).#and javier gets his cake and eats it too when kieran asks and asks and asks because kieran cares about EVERYTHING right from the getgo beau#se unlike javier kieran has been entirely unable to turn his heart off at all in any capacity so he loves and loves ans loves against his wi#ll so javier has been so adored from the start because kieran can’t HELP it so he gets him gifts and learns things for him and javi just as#much never has to ask for much other than courage from kieran. ever. can anyone hear me is anyone lidtening ouuu#ok enough sorry they make me so emptipnal#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#javieran#kieran duffy#javier escuella#text#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s waxing poetry again#i think that was the tag ¿#im gonna throw up i miss them so bad they’re everything to me oouuggyuuuy
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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i tried to find myself in the stars but i was too small for them. then i tried to find myself in the trees but i moved too much for them. then i tried to find myself in the sea and i cared too much for it to accept me. then i tried to find myself in god but i wasn't divine enough for her. then i tried to find myself in the government but i don't enjoy having power enough for them. and i tried to find myself in the work of my hands and of my mouth but it was always imperfect and i got too tired too quickly and i tried to find myself in stories but i never leave my room and i tried to find myself in the void of space but it's nothing and i'm something. i even tried to find myself in myself but i couldnt recognize anything id ever done. exhausted eventually i went back home to find something familiar but i was a stranger in my own house and nobody recognized me anymore for the world had changed me in ways they couldn't understand so really what the fuck am i supposed to do now?
#ray's tag#this one's actually a poem and its titled 'some brand new type of Whatever The Fuck This Thing Is'#keys' writing#poetry#writing#im gonna go like. work on the draft ive got or something i fucking guess#still have 30mins left to go before i can go home
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— Arundhati Roy
#collage#collageedit#arundhati roy#poetry#poetryedit#collage journal#quotes#typographyedit#useriselin#userbymine#rellylook#usercellphonehippie#tsusermoon#let me know if I can tag you in art edits! not that I make them often#and yes I made something wow! no I didn’t scan it like I should’ve this is literally a photograph#and you can tell#my art
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Theater is
Theater is a kid, trying to figure out what clubs to do in second grade, knowing that they've seen musicals and plays before and loved watching them and seeing drama club on the list
Theater is
Audition
Casting
Rehearsal
Theater is the kid, old enough to sing in the musical, memorizing their lines and others, loving every second of being onstage
Theater is
Memorization
Blocking
Choreography
Theater is the kid, now in middle school, deciding to do the theater class since there is one at their school now, meeting the theater teacher, meeting new friends, being good at it, finally auditioning for their first actual musical
Theater is
Stage Fright
Friendship
Confidence
Theater is that kid getting the main role, doing theater again the next year, knowing so much about all of it and teaching the newer kids, painting set pieces with their friends, the friends that they now have because of theater
Theater is
Props
Costumes
Lights & Sound
Theater is the kid going into high school, leaving their middle school theater teacher and younger friends, so anxious about it but quickly finding their place in their theater class, volunteering at a drama fundraiser and meeting older theater kids there, learning their names and being able to make an impression
Theater is their first high school audition, for the fall play, multiple smaller plays directed by seniors, and having fun, getting cast in one of the biggest ones with the best directors they could've asked for, still anxious about being a good cast member but getting more confident again
Theater is rehearsals 3 times a week after school, the kid finding their footing in the cast, making friends with the older kids, being able to make suggestions or point things out that need fixing in the show
Theater is the kid being able to impress people, being able to memorize their lines, being able to be confident, being able to fix things, being able to say hi to their cast in the halls, at first just smiling at their director when they passed each other during passing period but then saying hi, even talking for a minute or two, the cast walking to the grocery store together at the start of a rehearsal for almost no reason, the kid being able to talk to their castmates, their friends, and not feel out of place, being excited for the bigger productions later in the year, not being worried about stage makeup because they know the older kids will be there, knowing that the older cast members and their directors will help them if they need it, knowing that they'll still be able to spend more time with them, knowing that they'll be so sad when the seniors graduate, but knowing that they still have almost all of the school year with them
Theater is
Belonging
Safety
Laughter
Freedom
Joking
Focusing
Acting
Acting, but with people that you trust. With people that even though you met them 2 months ago, that you know. You know their mannerisms, how they laugh, their sense of humor. You know that they're kind, you know that they care, you know that all of you love this. You all love this so, so much. You know that if you make a mistake on stage, that they'll improv and cover for you, and that you'd do the same for them. You know that no matter how anxious you are before the show, that they'll be someone with the same nerves and you can comfort each other.
And then the last show will end, and the audience will applaud. You will bow, with these people, these people that you may not have known a few months prior, but that so much trust has formed between. You've played improv games with these people, walked to the store with them, rehearsed over and over and over again with them, learned so much from them, taught and helped and been taught and helped, and it's over.
Until the next show, and the next, and the next year with more new freshmen, some of the kid's younger middle school friends now there too, until the year that the kid will direct their own show, as a senior, and try to be just as good a director as the ones they had their freshmen year.
And they will belong.
They will all belong.
#here's a little bit of my soul please be careful with it-#this got out of hand#but this is what theater means to me#this is mostly about my personal theater experience as I'm feeling sentimental at the moment#not sure if this is poetry or word art or a story or something else entirely#but whatever it is it is mine#I love theater and I always will#I don't think any of my cast is on tumblr but if they are and somehow found this and know its about them#I love you guys and thank you so much for making my high school theater experience a good one. I'm going to miss you all so much#and I hope I can make you proud#alright normal tags now-#theatre#theater#musical theatre#plays#theater kid#theatre kid#high school theater#high school theatre#poetry#poem#(i think)#art#word stuff#belonging#fawn's poetry
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I’ve started watching Utena because of you. What. Is going on
HI. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, watch the trigger warnings. but yeah, revolutionary girl utena veers more and more towards surrealism the further you get into the series. it often and voluntarily forfeits narrative/logical consistency in favor of visual storytelling, metaphors and symbolism. i was just talking about it with nic the other day, and if the story weren't so harrowing, i would recommend it to everyone who wants to get into literary analysis, because it is SO packed with symbolism EVERYWHERE that it actually encourages you to try to decode it.
whatever you think utena is about, it is NOT. you can't go in and treat it like your 49293th classical shoujo. utena is a firework show of visual symbolism and it very rarely, if ever, explains itself to the viewer. it refuses to handhold you, but it never berates you for trying and getting it wrong either. there is SO much handholding in modern day media, but utena trusts its viewer to take away something meaningful from itself and to piece its message together on their own. it's one of my favourite pieces of media of all time just for that
#it's almost closer to a poem and to poetry than to a story in the sense that we think think about today#you see why ye standard transformative fandom was never able to take hold with utena?#my suggestion is try to actively analyze what's going on and the symbols presented to you as you go along#find recurring motifs. utena deals a LOT with cycles and repetition (they were playing into their budget limitations and did it brilliantly#what objects keep returning. what characters are they associated with. how do they relate to the irl systems of power the story criticizes#what does the white rose mean#^ had a lot of fun trying to figure that one out. i landed on something other people in the fandom also got but then nic told me his take#and yeah they basically pried my third eye open with a crowbar.#this anime made me want to try out symbolism and allegories in my own works#it's so fucking good#but hey if you finish it and still feel like you didn't get 90% of that you can go to nic metanarrates' blog and check out his rgu tag#basically 50% of the fandom posts are visual and narrative analysis. the other 10% is breathtaking art. the remaining 40% is memes#BUT! wait until you're finished..watch for spoilers#rgu#answered asks
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- grief hues - -
a little visual reflection over the past three months. i moved to new york city, and wanted to explore the tension that comes with going to a place everyone expects you to be excited about while the grief of leaving is still very heavy. all pictures by me.
(april 2024)
#personal issues#photography#art#visual poetry#kinda?#sorry if you saw this on insta or twitter#i have updated tumblr on my life for over a dozen years#and i'm not going to stop now#mine mine all mine#sometimes i need to create to understand my emotions#or to process them#something about creating a mirror and then holding it up#idk#new york city#sorry i keep adding tags like they're commentary but i keep thinking of things#like in the scheme of things and all the death destruction sadness in the world#moving is Not the worst grief that i can experience#it's not even the worst that i have experienced!#but i am feeling it and so therefore it needs to be acknowledged and processed#<3
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loki/william rufus fic, where bill explains that as the second son he has inherited england while big brother bob only got the duchy of normandy, ha ha ha.
#no offence to normandy of course i'm sure it's a fine duchy with many things to recommend it.#oh but wait! England Son then dies in a “Hunting Accident” and the next brother heads for the capital ASAP!#where is Bob? idk i think he was on crusade or something. BUT! he'll get to stay in england when henry keeps him captive for life <3#apparently robert got very into welsh poetry while imprisoned for being the older brother so maybe that made up for it all?#PLOT TWIST: henry the first of england leaves no legitimate sons and england ends up having a civil war when he dies.#btw it still throws me a bit that post-conquest kings have names like william and robert while the pre-1066 dudes are all named Aethelthing#*whispers* i kind of feel like asgard should be on a atheling system like pre-conquest england but i don't want to complicate things.#though this would explain why Thor 1 treats a Loki succession as a real possibility and thinks aptitude for kingship in any way matters.#whereas the later movies all assume it works on primogeniture (and none of us in fandom really absorbed the fact that when hela shows up#thor instantly accepts that she's ahead of him in the line of succession and objects to her evilness rather than her sex/gender.#so clearly if thor and loki have an older sister the OLDER matters more than the SISTER. right? yet sif is the only female warrior.#and while i think the 'kings NEED to go into battle!' thing was overstated by the past and by modern observers we do all go along with that#in the context of these films don't we? loki is unsuitable due to his *checks notes* weak fragile feminine form.#*looks at him and experiences a brief moment of cognitive dissonance before moving on*#and that's a story more of us want to tell (or i assume that's what's up) so we all just ignore The Hela Evidence don't we?)#(i can explain my own reasons if anyone asks but nobody will so i won't bother doing it in these tags.)#btw a friend once made a william the conqueror joke about passing the duchy on the left hand side which was FANSTASTIC#but explaining it would take far too long so i won't do that either. BUT IT WAS RLY FUNNY U GUYS (gender-neutral)!#history shitposting#plus the mcu because of course
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— get out
#mine#writers of tumblr#poetry#spilled ink#writing#okay to rb#poem#spilled words#tw: trauma#tw: animal cruelty#?? i think#tagging in case#the animal cruelty is a metaphor; if thats any comfort#wrote this on christmas eve#alone in my apartment thinking about the cost of “getting out”#christmas is a hard time for me. so many feelings that are so confusing#wanting my family but not. wanting the family I should have had but not. wanting no one. wanting everyone#lost#anyway#whether you celebrate christmas etc. or not. i hope this time of year is kind to you#you've almost made it to the end of 2024; for better or for worse#im proud of you. always#do something kind for yourself today if you can#i'm thinking of you often
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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spring is well underway. cannot stop thinking about the inherent sensuality of the Garden. sweet nectar on the tongue. plunging fingers into the ripe flesh of fresh fruit waiting, impatiently, to be consumed. dirt and soil smeared across the face and hands, caked into the nail beds; you are stained dark with the irrefutable evidence of your laborious, limb-loosening efforts. the temperature is rising, but not yet high enough for proper perspiration, and so you straddle this tantalizing precipice all day: damp skin, sticky brow, temples smooth with slip, but it could be hotter. you could be so much hotter. the constant buzzing reverberating in your skull -- is that the sound of beating insect wings, nature's jaw yawning open to unleash a primordial hum of reawakening? or is it just you? maybe both. probably both. is there even a difference?
#obituary#my writing#drabbles#mine#sorry i love writing with the seasons#new yuuta project incoming & you can bet your ass it'll look something like this#sorry mielle that last tag was a spoiler look away pls lol#freeform writing#prose poetry
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what a joy how we have watched ourselves change and grow up.
i remember how my friends text me late at night, "i just found..." i find old pictures captioned "player one" and suddenly winter break feels lonely without them. there was a summer me and him stopped talking, and we came back different people. to me, he seemed happier. to him, "you've changed."
there are great halls in my head painted with murals of the people i love. historic monuments are dedicated to everything they have ever done for me. oil-painted birds soar the ceiling and perch on oil-painted branches, their calls bouncing off the marble dome vault. i recognize the sounds and call their names back to them as i pass. behind me i close the door on a boy who loves trees and ahead i see an empty chamber, its walls blank canvas.
my brush is light in my hand and i begin to paint my new favorite bird—a bearded vulture.
welcome to the world, atlas!
#my writing#writing#prose#poetry#is this poetry?#i like the idea of my brain being a city#or a labyrinth#and each wall is painted with my memories from different times my life#i think i've run out of room in this hall#so i'm moving on to the next one#but it's somewhat comforting that even when we change as people some things will stay the same in between#i've wanted to be an ornithologist for four years now.#through everything that's changed and moved around in my life i think that it's insane that that's still the goal i'm working towards#so i guess it's not other people changing that scares me#it's more like. i like that something in me has stayed the same when everything is shifting around me#that i can still have the same comforts and come home to the same bedroom and watch the same shows and have the same dreams#sometimes it feels like the world is moving too fast.#whoops. tags got kind of long.#anyway#first actual post excluding my intro so i guess we can consider this my debut piece?#welcome to the world!
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rereading the worst scene I have ever written in my entire life and why did harrison have to drag lonan so hard here:
The sound of Lonan’s voice is like crashing into a concrete wall.
#this is a simile that in my poetry workshop we might say isn't quite symmetrical enough#BUT IS IT FUNNY YEAH#not that I care to critique the line because literally not the point of this book but since we're here and I mentioned the symmetrical thin#LET'S TALK ABOUT IT BC IT'S ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I LIKED#ABOUT MY POETRY WORKSHOPS (this is a joke if my prof ever sees this)#anyway so basically entails having a simile where the comparison doesn't feel quite accurate to what it's describing#that can entail accuracy in tone size etc#like for example here it's hard to grasp how a voice can BE like crashing into a wall#bc the senses here aren't quite symmetrical (hearing the sound of a voice VS feeling or seeing something crash)#ANYWAY not saying I don't think it works it's just a neat thing I learned that I actually do like and think you can use#intentionally too....... but I'd never thought of the symmetricality (? lmao) of similes before#& I think it's made them stronger#a revision could be adding a verb that makes the simile more congruent btw#like “HEARING lonan's voice is like crashing into a wall” etc bc the verb hearing is symmetrical with the “image” (in this case sound)#that a crash makes..... anyway this has helped me when i'm like why tf does this simile not work#ANYWAY RANDOM CRAFT CHAT IN THE TAGS AS WE LAUGH AT LONAN HAHAHA YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES U etc
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Prefacing that I have an extremely complicated relationship with Christianity/God
I had an extremely cathartic moment today in church. Yesterday I had my last day of high school and because of how depressed I was feeling I decided to give it a shot and pray for my friends and classmates and ended up basically yelling at god (mentally, I was surrounded by people who would have figuratively ripped me apart if they heard me) about my girl crush from class and that I don't care what happens I just want him to bless her. That he can send me to hell all he wants for being gay, idgaf anymore, but to at least save her.
Technically he should know already being an omniscient being but formally and unapologetically announcing it: Telling him that I'm sapphic and that I love a girl, almost a challenge, and asking him to give her his blessings. Not us, I don't really want to date her for... Reasons, nor me, since I don't think I'm deserving of it, but her.
The person who has no faith cried out to God in the name of her same gender love.
I may never tell anyone about it, but I have sworn to God my affection for you even in the face of death itself and dammit if that's not love then I don't think I'll ever understand what love is.
May one day challenges such as this be simple truths, not something that feels like a revolution.
#i can't stop thinking about it and if may be extremely self centered but I do see poetry in all of it#surrounded by people who'd hate me announcing my love and affection at someone who could very much make me suffer for all of eternity for it#it's sad and ironic#but it's also beautiful in a way i think#and it's even more ironic since not only i struggle with religion but also with love itself since I'm arospec lmao#queer christian#religion tw#religious trauma#i think i can tag this as that??#queer#sapphic#happy vent#i really hope that one day queer folk can be accepted by the church because probably the only thing keeping me from actually trying to get#closer to god are the anxiety inducing radicalist ideals of my pastor (my family is evangelical) and the fact that I'm a big ass homo#also this is not to brag with or something#I just felt the need to have this out there#to you#my dearest of friends#you may never know and I may never have the courage to tell you#but it was real#even for a little while
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