#came from work and no one has made this?
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if no danlou then wth is this all about, huh? jk, unless…
#he really said 🤨 lmao what is that face#interview with the vampire#vampterview#danlou#iwtv#tdl#iwtv spoilers#i'm not coloring it. what's the point we're seeing it in good quality later this week anyway#haven't even finished rewatching the 4th ep yet 😭#cw smoking#came from work and no one has made this?#*gif#vampchives
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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just saw someone say Rick Riordan making a TV show is just as bad as anything JKR has done. BFFR you're comparing Rick Riordan trying to make his world more inclusive, changing some parts because of money/time constraints, or just making changes cus he thinks they're needed, to JKR being a terrible person!
#and not to say Ricks work is perfect. ill be the firat to tell you his mistakes. his aspec rep is shit. his minorities rep has problems#he has general time line problems. im not says hes perfect but he tried from a good place#jkr named a character ChoChang. her Scottish character blow stuff up and tried to make alcohol. named a black character Shackelbolt#like damn get over yourself.#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#percy series#pjo series#pjo#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#pjo tv adaptation#if you wanna say shit about Rick ok. but be correct about it#how is he just as bad as jkr for not using the book he made in the early 2000s an exact script for the TV show being released in 2024?#and they yall had the audacity to be pissed when he didn't put a song about sex thats literally says `fuck her face° in the background of#LITERAL 12 YEAR OLDS in a place with memory altering properties..... thats whats you wanted. children getting high to a song about sex.#°oH bUt iN tHe mOvIe tHaT i WaTcHeD wHeN i waS tWeLvE' where the actors where like what 18? and weren't 12? that one? 🙄#some of you are getting on my nerves. yes the show's pacing is eh really thats a reason to curisfy Rick Riordan? thats what you're deciding#this is the line? a tv show thats on its first season and is more accurate then the movies that came out?#good to know
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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha#a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him#not even just the overall theme the words just work great#first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT#-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention#‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself#-posing and joking for the crowd and himself#‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general#‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros#‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged#+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him#‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole#-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright#also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that#okay that one is just a joke but he would#(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music#and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested#may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet#it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short
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Look what came through the mail today! The letters & ( •̀ω•́ )σ 3 little gremlins from letterstoear.
Just wanna say i adore the flower stickers on the letters too much, they are that much worth mentioning.
#letterstoear#nui#twst#twisted wonderland#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#twst grim#mod posting#okay but i love squishing the bears with my thumb; they just have the right thickness to be pressed on#i really like the flower stickers; they look like romantically artistic wax seal#the letters are pleasantly nice#i love the part where cheka personally request for an audience with yuu thru sebek 🥺🥺🥹🥹 too cute hnggh .......#sebek becoming our little mailman for our little invitation aw 🥹 for those who wanna know the context of the letter;#i requested a letter from sebek that he sent home while he was away accompanying malleus on other country duty#my other favorite part is just him simply opening the letter with 'My love'#i'm sealed 🥹 the first paragraph is written so sweetly#i enjoy reading the letter slowly outside in peaceful afternoon today; i ran it through together with sebek nui#this will be my treasured keepsake from now on 🥹; it seriously made me miss letters and wish i have someone to send this kind of letter to#it was a bit funny how the envelope sebek's letter came from is sticked with the guys from free! sticker fhsdsh 🤣😂#and me with the white haired guy like WHo are u?? fsjdsdjsd (´つヮ⊂); but it's a really nice service#the thank you letter came with such a cute and yummy folding paper; thank you for the stickers too#i feel like there's a bit whoopsie on grim's winky eye fshfh like i think the sharpie just blurs the separating space '<' supposed to have#and just combine it all together into one angry eye; and sebek bear's eyes are just a little bigger than i expected it to be#but the more i look at them i think they are just having a little individuality & still cute#i embraced it all together while knowing the fact none of handmade thing would always be the same one with the other; hehe sebek nui has fr#i kinda forget that there's this kind of clip earring fshd; because i always get the ones that work like screw from aliexpress#i know that the literal clip one would just be literal meaning of pain fsh; just like the magnet one my father once got me when i was a kid#it was painful but pretty; tho i lost it quickly bcs magnet easily get loosed once one part of it moves around when u touch ur hair or face#anyhow i had a pleasant day because of this; thank you very much ! sebek nui said 'thank you' too! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. ❀ ✿ 𖤣…
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🌻Blade Breaker II & The Rose Noble🌹 - Power Couple of New Fodlan -
I am SO EXCITED to show my full piece for Sunflower, A Leonie zine. What a beautiful book, with all it’s fantastic merch, and I’m so glad I got to be apart of it and show my fav cavalry girl all the love she deserves!! Thank you to everyone who supported the zine, but if you missed out the first time around, don’t sweat it! Sunflower is now having it’s leftover sale!! 🌻 Pick Up A Copy Here 🌻
#Fire Emblem: 3 Houses#FE3H#Leorenz#Leonie Pinelli#Lorenz Hellman Gloucester#Sunflower Zine#Leonie Zine#Fanart#Zine Work#'scuse me while i toot my own horn here but UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I LOVE HOW THIS CAME OUT!!!!!#my linework went OFF on this I am So FUCKING PROUD!!!#from concept to finish I've been bursting at the seams to put this in front you yall#I made a pinterest board for this! I had a Vision!!!#my only regret is that i couldn't fit more of the soldier in so that you could tell it was an Empire leftover#the important part is the shattered blade but yknow... woulda been nice :)#and on a very peripheral note; sylvain has now gained my eternal ire for make everyone in this zine draw a million and one sunlowers#his days are numbered
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Darrel Sr. came up with the name Sodapop/PepsiCola bc it was Mrs. Curtis’ biggest craving throughout her pregnancy and she asked for one so often they started joking the baby would just be like 99% soda.
#has anyone thought of this#my bad if so#sodapop curtis#the outsiders#darrel curtis sr#I had this thought on the way to work and HAD TO TELL THE PEOPLE#hc#also thinking of that one post someone made that said pony boys name came from him kicking so much like a pony#I just think it’s adorable and funny
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"In Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South (1854) a girl who is dying of tuberculosis accuses her master of refusing to invest twenty pounds in a ventilator which would have made the air much less harmful to breathe."
Reader, I'm slamming my head on my desk.
#this is not the first time someone calls Bessy's illness tb#despite the illness being described very explicitly and exactly#but as always Gaskell the author who lived in Manchester and walked between its people#must be stupid and mistaken and not knowing what she's talking about#she surely is wrong in her description and her own character that she herself wrote really actually has tb#akjgbhaehjuykuii#of course it's made even worse by the rest of the paragraph being wrong too#Bessy accusses no one#She's not working by the time of her telling about the wheels to Margaret so she also has no master#and I have absolutely NO idea where that number of 20 pounds came from
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A DEVIL REBORN
Happy Halloween!!! A detailed ID will be placed under the cut (it's close to being 1K i could literally post this to Ao3)
p1. ड्याम्म (dyamma) - Nepali for "(feeling) full", "hitting something"
p3. Chutiya - Hindi for "idiot", "moron" and other related insults
p5. க்ரீச் (kreech) - Tamil onomatopoeia describing scraping/screeching sounds
[Extended Image ID: DYAMMA! Slamming his hands on a table, Achanba Okram finds himself in the darkness of his laboratory. He is wearing black clothes and a white lab coat on top, and has a bowl cut with rectangular glasses.
His thoughts whirl within boxes that are coloured gold and are outlined with red; they put a voice to the uneasy feelings Okram knows are stirring inside of him. The thought boxes read:
With Pavitr gone, I finally have time to string my thoughts together. Half-drowned answers bleed out of my pores. Coalescing like some great, abysmal creature of unknown origin.
Bracing his hands against the table, Okram is acutely aware of his body, of the gaping holes in his back that bubble with demonic energy. His thoughts narrate, My body quakes when I begin to question, wracked with paranoia. With dread, as if the idea of what I had to face was unbearable.
The holes in back — four of them, spaced evenly from each other — begin to ooze golden liquid, hot like fire and viscous like tar.
And yet, Okram thinks, I felt it all the same: that crawling, scintillating horror of my reality. Of my tainted flesh and blood. My being here is the work of demonic forces.
Golden arms, fluid yet bony, powered by some otherworldly thing, unravel from the void in his back. They flounder and expand around him, filling the lab with a cold glow. The fingers are tipped with talons, and, if he looked hard enough, Okram swears they are edged with blood.
I died years ago, Okram thinks. I lost my humanity to the fire of the devil's madness. Thus, the question remains: what is the future of Achanba Okram, a DEVIL REBORN?
The lights of the lab suddenly brighten, and Okram hears him before he sees him. His arms register the presence of the other person, immediately unraveling and slipping out of reality. Just outside, Pavitr Prabhakar's voice calls, "HEY, DOCTOR OKRAM! Sorry I'm late! Traffic was abysmal today."
Pavitr's entrance catches Okram by surprise, and he stutters out, "PAVITR?! You- ah- you have one of your shifts today?"
His thoughts reprimand him, You CHUTIYA! Pavitr always has his shifts on Tuesdays!
Pavitr is unaware of Okram's turmoil, sauntering into the laboratory while hefting up a white plastic bag. He's wearing a black and white flannel shirt, and he has circular earrings. Pavitr's eyes are trained on the bag in his hand. He answers Okram's question with, "Yeah, I do. I, uh, got a little hungry along the way (I'm always so hungry)." Pavitr whispers the last part as he lifts the bag up. He continues, "so I went and bought some vada pav, and—"
He suddenly pauses, his eyes locking onto Okram. He can't tell what is going beyond Pavitr's eyes, but the other man's analysing gaze unnerves Okram to a degree beyond description.
(In Pavitr's POV: his Spider-Sense was just triggered. Red and gold squiggly lines emanate from and surround his head in a halo.)
Pavitr lowers the bag slightly in concern. "Uhm," Pavitr says "are you okay, Doctor?"
Dread and fear floods Okram's system. Suddenly he is hyperaware of everything in the room, including the golden arm that has sprouted from his back and was lying on the workbench behind him, right in Pavitr's line of sight.
Play dumb! Okram's mind screams at him. Accordingly, Okram replies, a tad too tightly, "Of course I am, Pavitr! Why wouldn't I be?"
KREECH. The golden arm scrapes its taloned fingers across the table, no doubt giving away its location.
Okram chuckles nervously, sweating almost immediately, at which his mind howls, Not that dumb!
Pavitr narrows his eyes at Okram and at the golden arm on the workbench. "Are those...demonic arms?" he asks Okram, a shadow crossing his face.
(In Pavitr's POV: In the back of his mind, Pavitr sees a vague and faded image forming in response to seeing the arms. He remembers Doctor Octopus, the man with two extra sets of arms who had attacked him many years ago; he was one of the first villains Pavitr fought as Spider-Man. But... Doctor Octopus died a long time ago. Perhaps...?)
"Oh, Doctor..."
Pavitr's gaze softens as he asks, "Are you being haunted by demons? Have you been attacked by them? Why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry this has been happening to you. I can't imagine how stressful this is for you." A moment, and then, "Do you want to talk about?"
Okram hides his face in his hands, quickly responding, "No, I'm alright, Pavitr."
Pavitr walks forward, placing his bag down and reaching down to place a reassuring hand on Okram's shoulder. "But, Doctor, men of your generation have ignored their mental health for too long."
"Yes, I know," Okram sighs.
"It'll be okay, Doctor," Pavitr promises, "we can figure something out!"
"And what?" Okram asks somewhat sarcastically. "You will be here with me 'every step of the way'?"
"One hundred percent!" Pavitr says.
Behind them, one of Okram's demonic arms reaches out to peer at Pavitr and Okram; if an arm could be happy, it certainly was. The arm is seemingly pleased with Pavitr's helpful and understanding nature. /.End ID]
#i finished this comic the night before an exam. pray for me#anyway THE COMIC IS HEREEEEEEEEE#this thing has been rolling around in my mind for SOOO LONG lmao#only real spidey fans will understand that this interaction is based on that one scene between peter and otto octavius-#-in the first ps4 spidey game#friendly reminder that pavitr prabhakar (at least in the comics) does not know the identity of his version of doctor octopus#so my brain knew it would be super fucking funny to have this scene happen in the mmau except the roles are swapped. how fucking funny#(please tell me it's funny i worked so hard on this hyperspecific joke)#also yes that picture of pavitr with the bag? that i've been reblogging where he picks up sad peter parker or gets jumped by miguel?#yes that came from here. I AM A COMEDIAN#but narratively-speaking. considering this is now canon for the mythic mumbattan au....#thinking about how i far i can push the insomniac spidey agenda into this universe. thinking. just THINKING. wait I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHI#and it is FANTASTIC oh you guys are gonna love it#cackling. you'll have to wait for it tho <3#spider man#spider man india#pavitr prabhakar#achanba okram#(also in case you didn't know. achanba okram ISN'T REAL. HE'S MY LITTLE GUY. I MADE HIM)#(he's like. half oc half established character)#artoftheagni#mythic mumbattan au#atsv#across the spider verse#atsv pavitr#doctor octopus
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regained my 12 year old swag(read an entire new percy jackson book in one sitting)
#CHALICE OF THE GODS WAS SO GOOD#AUAUUGHHHUHGHHHGHHHSH#i was laughing out loud every few minutes for like 5 hours straight#this was a book of BITS#(spoilers in tags from here on out)#i keep thinking abt percy’s river rage tantrum and how he came out of it to annabeth saying ‘yeah he’s scary sometimes when he gets worked#up. do you want more tea?’#COMEDY#the entire bit with him hiding under the pastry cart. the thing about annabeth having a secret fanclub and percy’s not even phased.#THE HIMBO JUICE THING. RICK RIORDAN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THERES A HOOTERS BUT FOR MEN AND SMOOTHIES#annabeth apparently specifically won’t bake clue cupcakes. and this is happening less than 2 years after the famous sixteenth birthday blue#cupcake that she and tyson made for him. the one that looked like a blue brick that they are with their hands.#<— not inconsistency. comedy.#percy’s whole thing with playing with the snakes with the rainbow as he’s fully prepared to be eaten😭😭😭😭😭he is SO unserious#the entire mt olympus scene where he keeps getting distracted from what he’s doing bc he can’t stop roasting zues in his head????#PERCY I LOVE YOU#ugh i forgot how much i adore percy pov.#pov of not knowing what’s going on ever. pov of being distracted every 10 seconds. he’s literally so real#i thought eudora was hilarious#the whole concept that percy has to do this at all. i think it’s so funny#ppl who are mad that the premise of the quests is stupid. like yeah. percy jackson has a stupid life.#when annabeth broke through his window at 4am to sit on his bed and talk about rocks and trees. everything#percy not knowing the names of anyone at his school or on his swim team#when the god showed up at his cafeteria and percy just ate his lasagna sandwich before talking to him😭😭😭😭that child is TIRED#i loved the light graffiti in the tunnel. when percy wrote their initials i SCREAMED#WHEN. WHEN HE ASCENDED AND TURNED INTO RAINBOW LIGHT WITH THE POWER OF WANTING TO TELL ANNABETH HE LOVED HER.#I DIED.#THE POWER OF LOVE ALWAYS SO STRONG‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#AUGH i am weak#pjo
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...okay, so I'm probably not the first person to notice this.
But gear's earing that he points towards when he says that he did the same ritual he wanted to help kuro with already on himself before:
actually looks pretty similar to the pieces of the necklace the count used to create the servamps:
The different pieces of the necklace seem to contain one demon each and the count used them to create the servamps.
So...did the count either learn this technique from the werewolves or is he possible even originally a werewolf himself? It would explain why he's immortal, that's why I'm wondering about this.
Gear says that the ritual is used to remove spirits, could it be that the count removed his own sins using the werewolf ritual and created the demons this way? But he went too far and removed too much unlike gear who only removed one part of himself? Him removing the sins from himself would also explain why he's so weird and doesn't understand other beings. As the sin demons say, they are a natural part of being a human and we have seen multiple times that denying their existence is harmful, removing them all from you would probably lead to you not being able to relate to other people anymore.
Maybe removing all these parts of himself is also why he has no appearance. Without his demons he's not a person anymore.
The count originally being a werewolf would also explain why he has magical abilities (gear can also use magic) before other magicians existed and why he's so anxious about certain people dying. Gear talks about how his immortality makes him sad because human friends do die, but unlike the count gear seems to accept death, grieves in a heathier way than the count and is able to move on and make new friends. Could also explain why his magic and creations are all strongly tied to the (full) moon.
Another similarity is that while werewolves apparently can't reproduce gear was able to have descendants by sharing his life force (it's mentioned in chapter 135 which isn't translated yet) with a woman and through her human children tsurugi is related to gear. Sigurd explained to nicco that the magicians came to be because the count let humans drink his blood, three survived, got magical ablities and became the ancestors of all human magicians:
Maybe the count is more of a werecat though. He and the sloth demon do seem to have a closer connection, even though the count's appearance changes depending on the person looking at him he does usually keep his tail and the tip looks exactly like the one of kuro's cat/lion form and similar to the the one of inner sloth's non-human form.
It was also stated multiple times that the sloth demon is the strongest. I wonder why that is. Servamp comments on the fact that being lazy is often actually a sign of depression/anxiety through kuro's arc, so maybe the count was depressed and that's why the sloth demon is the strongest? Basically the demons strength depends on how much the count suffered from the different sins? It would also explain why melancholy is so strong, I assume kuro refusing to see him no matter how many siblings he sent his way to tell him to come looking for the count made him extremely sad and probably even made him come up with the plan to have himself be killed and then put in the same body as kuro through the ritual.
I assume he was behind C3 ordering the servamps to kill him because he's the one who created the magicians and thus C3 and lily who is kind of working for him was probably the one who put the idea that the count needed to be killed into the head of his eve (aka a member of the alicein family who hold a lot of power in C3 basically since the beginning. I explained this in more detail in another post). The people from C3 even said that the count can only be killed if he wants to and yeah, kuro didn't truly kill him, but he did destroy his body and kuro seems to have met little resistance when he attacked the count. Which probably means the count wanted this to happen.
#servamp#...if the servamps/demons all came from the count and the magicians are all basically the descendants of the count#does that mean this truly is all just a huge family conflict#since basically everyone involved is somewhat related to the count?😅#Sigurd says he's related to one of the three people who drank the counts blood#I'm still wondering if mahiru is special because he might have the blood of all three bloodlines#and C3 has a rule in place that forbids all three bloodlines from crossing#probably put in place by the count or lily#and that's why akira told nobody who the father of her child was#I still like my absolute crack theory that because mahiru might have “more” of the counts blood in him that he has no fixed appearance eith#But because he's so normal everyone perceives him as normal so nobody noticed until now that mahiru looks slightly different to all of them#honestly it would explain/excuse some questionable choices made by characters who as far as we know should be good people#Like why akira didn't tell anybody who the father was#why tooru tried to avoid being seen with mahiru in school by always saying he's to busy#Why tooru told mahiru not to tell the secret to anyone else#and why mahiru was raised as mundane as possible and as far away from C3 as possible#even why tooru kept his work for C3 secret from mahiru even after mahiru made the contract#and why he still didn't tell him the name of his father#If people know your relatives they start comparing you to them#If people knew that touma was mahiru's father they might expect mahiru to look like him#If people only knew mahiru was related to akira and tooru they would expect him to look like them#If people at school only knew mahiru but never met tooru before mahiru's appearance to them might be too different from tooru#Touma saying mahiru looks exactly like tooru doesn't disprove this crack theory either btw#Touma sees mahiru as tooru 2.0 and he's not 100% convinced he's actually mahiru's father so mahiru appearing as a copy of tooru makes sense#Just like mahiru would perceive himself as looking like akira and tooru because those are the only close relatives of his he knows#Sorry but I'm having too much fun with this crack theory#the twist that raising mahiru as the “ordinary high school student” was all a plot by his family#to keep people from noticing that they don't actually agree on what he looks like is too funny to me
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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#my desserts#okay the hot dog and hamburgers aren't my design they're one of the standard designs we're supposed to make#and about a week ago we were having a store tour#which is essentially when a bunch of rich people from higher up in the company come walk around the store#so everyone has to work way harder to make everything perfect and jam pack the shelves with food#so that they can look at it#and they send in people who's job it is to micro manage everything in the lead up to them coming#and they always insist on coming on like a monday or tuesday so most of that stuff expires and goes in the garbage#like if they at least came on like a thursday we could be prepped for the weekend rush#it costs a lot of money too like my manager owns the store and he personally has to pay for like#getting everything professionally cleaned and the extra hours and the extra product#and this was like the 6th visit in the past year! usually you get 1 or 0 visits in a year! why do they keep coming back!!!!#and this visit they were adamant about having those hot dog and hamburger cupcakes out as 6 packs#and if you're going to do 6 packs anything less than 24 packs looks pathetic#those of you who can do multiplication know that that is 144 cupcakes#and those of you with keen eyes can see that the bun is made by cutting off the top of the cupcake. which is very tedious#those cupcakes took me THREE HOURS to do#then as soon as they went out on the floor someone placed an order for 24 6 packs this coming weekend so that took me three more hours 😑#anyway after all that the higher ups didn't even come. they had 'dinner reservations'#but yeah making 16 to sell individually isn't so bad
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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.
#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats#that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know#i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles#i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face#sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat#or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally#it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely#and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in#somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year#because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision#to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in#i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too#of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in#and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community#it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood#and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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