#Literally .5 seconds of googling says tattoos were for criminals

[backpackingspace]

Okay no idea if tattoo's were a thing in ancient greece but regardless imagine penelope and odysseus having an olive branch tattoo around their hands that connects when they hold hands.

[wyndryga]

black widow (2021) review

aka liveranting while i rewatch it at 1.5 speed. spoilers ahead

i dont think this movie was smart enough to have symbolism. blue curtains are just blue curtains

inaccurate fireflies. meant literally nothing despite being the only attempt at symbolism

american pie is the main song of the movie. about a russian spy organization.

no on screen confirmed police deaths. lame.

david harbours character sucks. brings nothing but bad 'comedy' to the movie

first onscreen death is an asian woman, by brutal stabbing, after getting hit by a car. her final act is saving the white woman who killed her. preventable death by seconds

ot fagbenle's character is never named in dialogue. had to google him to find out his character is Rick Mason

lack of romantic subplot b/w mason and widow appreciated, but likely only because this whole movie is a zerosum plot with no larger impact

how tf did taskie track the vials from budapest to buttfuck nowhere when mason is supposedly good at his job

taskie's fucking helmet. with the hood up it looks like a gd ski mask

props for expandable weapons backpack though, that was cool

movie does a poor job showing off taskie's mimic abilities. incredibly mediocre combat sequences

mimic abilities possibly soley tech-based, taskie isnt shown fighting without the helmet. weak lame and boring

2nd piece of media after a criminal minds episode i watched recently where supposed ballistics experts dont know what arrow wounds look like. tf is wrong with these people

black widow says the 'maybe in english next time' line despite A. russian being her first language B. yelena's explanation being extremely simple C. being a fucking superspy with high intellect

chastises yelena for giving an EILI5 answer despite literally just asking her to do so

somehow naiively belived she was the last widow for more than like a decade. why tf is nat dumb as shit

rediscovers a world threatening top secret spy orginization with a floating fortress and at no point calls up walking tank tony stark because 'we arent talking' despite others suggesting she call him

top super spy too stupid to check for a body. like jfc no body no death, this is comics get your shit together

second onscreen death is a south asian woman who gravely injures herself trying to mindlessly stab at widow who is saving her from falling, then kills herself under mind control seconds before yelena rounds the corner with a cure. facial disfiguration. preventable death by seconds

widow has moral crisis over stealing a guys bmw while being chased by a fucking apc

entire plan is 'driving away'

the tic-tac-toe games were funny. i can smell the fics being written

dreykov's daughter line was a red herring to nat's parents this whole time lmfao. cunt really failed at blowing up a child and didnt check for any bodies. how can you be this bad of a spy

widow surprised shes not considered a heavy hitting avenger despite having a god from space on her team and trying to get into the hulks pants

literally just assumed that the red room was gone and all those other girls were fine

shits all over yelena referring to her as a sister despite her entire relationship with barton and the avengers being found family

yelena critizes everything about nat's public persona and past directors' bad characterization, nat and current director make zero changes throughtout the movie

talking about highly classified information and being killers in front of random civilians

sex/child trafficking fearmongering throughout the movie

5 year old nature valley bar my beloved

karl marx knuckle tattoos. jesus fucking christ

red guardian learns hes escaping prison, traps other prisoners. lame.

"we're both doing a really good job! :) 👍" best line

period jokes. why is david harbour here

is immediately useless and has no info

'no offense'

literally a manchild designed by someone who heard about communism from an american politician in 1945

'did i do something wrong' bro you. trafficked children. jfc.

no one here has any morals but nat keeps acting like they should

just gonna waltz onto the property huh

widow really feels the need to say 'no funny business' are you five. did a five year old write this script

straight up asks about booby traps

tbh i felt claustrophobic just watching the red guardian suit up

alexei is just. ridiculous. swinging wildly between morally bankrupt, secret heart of gold dad, misogyny, and 'i love my fake wife'. such a stupid character

widow constantly asking stupid questions like 'what are you doing' when its very obvious what other characters are doing

'i can blow up children but i draw the line at animal abuse'

melina somehow oblivious to her mind control discoveries being used on children and tested inhumanely

former widows are just dumb as hell huh

thank you david 'piss hands' harbour for the worst rendition of american pie ive ever heard

i know arctic camo is a thing but these white suits are so gd impractical

the red room generating its own cloud cover really doesn't seem sufficient to keep it hidden for two decades from the likes of tony stark and his satellites

cant believe this whole movie was a character assassination against martin scorsese because he pissed on feige's ego

third (possibly fourth) onscreen death(s) are two male black doctors. false authority trope, deaths """justified""" bc they were about to kill yelena

why only one earpiece set. i thought yall were professionals

Antonia is trans as hell

PHEREMONES?????

mcu has gone full a/b/o

taskie doing the wakanda pose when accessing t'challa's fighting style feels like a microagression

leader of spy org easily baited into revealing all his secrets

'girls are an overabundant natural resource' jesus christ this movie is half character hitjob half fearmongering about nothing

pheromone lock beaten by.....breaking your nose...........

red room has the exact same flaw as the original helicarrier from the first avengers. who the fuck thought backup engines were unnecessary

one normal guy in body armour is enough to demolish a military planes tailfin

fifth and final on-screen death and the only non-poc is main villain dreykov, with particular attention paid to his glasses, a clear parody of martin scorcese's iconic frames

pretty sure you cant survive a drop opening a chute that late but whatever

god i hope taskie comes back in a later movie

red guardian grows as a character by learning to shut the fuck up

fucking fireflies

straight up could not tell the difference between madame hydra and agatha harkness at first

yelena vs clint is apparently going to happen despite nat telling yelena they were friends and worked together

overall a forgettable movie, zero stakes and no real larger impact on the MCU story. basically a two hour intermission. props for costume design and score, the choir chanting in russian was amazing

really seems like this movie is the MCU's divorce from ScarJo and Florence's rise as her replacement. yelena is portrayed as more intelligent, funny, attractive, and competent than nat in every way, has the best lines, and is immediately critisizing and one-upping the actress and character. fans dont want to see scarjo anymore and marvel knows it. i bet the same thing is gonna happen with the hawkeye show and theyre gonna kick Jeremy renner to the curb. while hopefully also introducing kate bishop as the new hawkeye.

cant believe i watched this movie twice lmao