#calling bi women 'het' for being in a relationship with a man

[elderdaemon]

Men have degraded and oppressed women for all of recorded history, and the moment women express righteous anger and walk away from them in disgust as a 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘦, the men double-down and say, "Well since you hate us anyway, we're going to treat you even worse than before."

It's like that friend you lend money to, and when you remind them of their promise to repay you, they accuse you of having an attitude and use that as an excuse to never pay you back at all. Users, abusers and manipulators look for reasons to justify their wrongdoing.

Hetero/bi women degrade and torture themselves in innumerable ways to attract and keep a man. They bend over backward to please them, and they overlook a LOT to keep a relationship with a man going. I don't think I can emphasize enough how fed up these women have to be to suppress their natural desires to partner with a man and write them off forever as a matter of 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘭.

And these men who do nothing to maintain a relationship, who hold their gfs/wives to impossible physical standards while looking and smelling like a goddamned pig, these men who have to be reminded to shower regularly and can't even wipe their as*es properly... what is their response to women's pain?

"HAH, you 4B 'women' are dumb and ugly." 🐷

"Your body, my choice, always."

"Why do you ugly women think anyone wants to date you anyway?"

They say all this, and like an ex who calls you an "ugly wh*re" because you dumped him, they're also secretly assuming we'll be back.

But none of them are sorry, and none of them ever intend to change. They've made that abundantly clear. And I wish het-partnered women who never intend to join 4B look at this and understand that this is how men respond when you do nothing more than take a step back from them. According to men, the only difference between us and you, between a "dumb ugly *****" and a "good woman with common sense" is literally our willingness to cater to them or not. That goes for every woman, including you. So think about that tonight when your husband, father, brother, male friends or male colleagues are praising you for not being like us. That approval is extremely conditional, and it hinges on what's best for MEN - nothing more.

[neechees]

I was searching this blog to try see if they wrre biphobic, & literally the only nice thing they had to say about bi people (before I started to stop bc I'd had enough) was calling lady Gaga a "bi icon", & every other post was basically them just being perpetually annoyed by bi people. Blocked, obviously

[shapelytimber]

Just saw your Star Wars sapphic AU, and,,,,, PLEASE tell me they're all actual sapphics/lesbians and not manlikers 😭 Just one sapphic AU without bihets and switch hitters in it PLEAAASEEE I can't handle any more of their cis man worship in this fandom

Ok so this message is disgusting ngl, but I will *try* (and fail) to take your message in good faith, and assume the weirder parts of it are born from ignorance and not a wish to other and harm members of the queer *community*, especially bi and trans people.... Right ?

No, not everyone in my sw au is a lesbian, or cis, that's why it's called a sapphic au and not a lesbian au. I started listing specific orientations in my recap, even if I usually like keaping it ambiguous.

But your message kinda rubbed me the wrong way :) so just for you anon, let me share the most bi aspects of my au !

- Padmé had multiple relationships before Anakin, Palo and Rush Clovis, both men.

- I ship Vader and Boba Fett, and in my au Vader uses he/him (contrary to Anakin who uses she/her, link to a previous ask were I explain it further) and Boba she/her, making it *technically* a het adjacent ship, and Boba bisexual.

- Obi wan and Lando are bisexual because obviously.

- I really like the idea of Luke being asexual bi romantic, and I like both the Luke/Biggs Darklighter and Luke/Zevulon Veers ships, both men (rip the Han/Luke shippers kdidkdk I respect it, but I prefer Hanleia-)

- And while I'm at it, Luke Lando and Han are all different flavors of non binary, so not women. (As a lesbian I do find non binary people attractive, and know non binary lesbians. But seeing how this ask is formulated, I just felt the need to reinstate that <3)

To sum it up, in my sapphic au I concider Obi wan, Padmé, Boba Fett, Lando, Leia and Luke bisexuals :)

Frankly, from a lesbian to another, in your message you sound like a huge loser who doesn't have male friends and experiences the queer community only through tumblr. Go outside bro, "manlikers" are awesome.

PS : English isn't my first language, so I had to google what "switch hitters" meant. I don't know if it's a slur, but what definition I could find said it implies a bi person is indecisive about their sexuality. And that sounds biphobic to me ngl- I could be wrong, but seing the dog shit message it's attached to....

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

It pains me to see how low gold stars' self-esteem can be, because we've been gaslit by the so-called lesbian community to think of ourselves as privileged no matter how much shit we went through for being lesbians.

I was thinking of this because I stumbled upon a twitch channel hosted by a fakebian and her gold star girlfriend. They were talking about their couple, their sexuality, their past, etc. The gold star was apologetic and kept saying that she was so much luckier than her girlfriend because she didn't "go through comphet".

However, here are the facts as they were telling them. The gold star:

Got repeatedly belittled by her mother for being a lesbian as a teen ("you're only a lesbian because you're too ugly to please men")

As a result, allowed many bicurious girls and women to "experiment" with her (= use her sexually)

Had a toxic long-term relationship where she was raped

Was the live-in sidechick of a bi woman in a het marriage for years, even though she admits that it destroyed her mental health, until the bi woman left the husband for her (that's the fakebian)

The fakebian:

Had many boyfriends and was in a happy marriage with a guy for years, has a child with him, still friends with the guy.

Bragged about having an open-minded family who never cared if she liked women, admitted that she never felt any social pressure to be with men but just went with the flow

That's it.

The fakebian never told her girlfriend that no, actually, she was the one who had it easy and being a gold star seems very difficult. It's very clear that she's still the one calling the shots in the relationship and the gold star got brainwashed into thinking that having boundaries or desires is messed up. The gs would say things like "It took her a few times to start reciprocating but it's ok! I never asked anything of her, it's fine, I swear! It would have been fucked up to expect her to reciprocate since she had never been with a woman! I prefer giving anyway!" (meanwhile the fakebian was repeating to the nervous bicurious women in the chat that they'll always be better in bed than any man ever) and "I never minded being a bi woman's first time with a woman, no one cares!" and her gf answered "only assholes care about that" 😬

I'd like to help other gold stars be unapologetically themselves, to know who they are, what they want and speak up about it, to be in touch with their emotions and their instincts, but that lack of confidence and boundaries can be so ingrained I don't even know where to start...

[lesbianp1lled]

It sucks, because compulsory het could have been an interesting theory—there is absolutely social pressure that rewards women for being in straight relationships. There's also economic benefits (filing taxes as a married couple wasn't available for all gay couples until 2015), women are praised for having children with men, etc. This is a very real phenomenon.

Absolutely none of this means that lesbians want to have sex with men. The "masterdoc" absolutely destroyed useful vocab to discuss the way society rewards hets and punishes gays and lesbians, in addition to devastating the lesbian community by filling it with larping bis

I do believe societally women do get praise and a lot of benefits for being in a heterosexual relationship, this is true. But a LESBIAN is never going to sleep with a man when it goes against her natural sexual orientation. One of the most traumatising things I can think of as a lesbian would be having sex with a man. It would be traumatising, point blank. So when I see women who call themselves lesbians say they’ve had sex, consensual sex, with men I know we are not the same. Because this is something as a lesbian I would never do, and I know plenty of other lesbians that feel the same.

[heterophobicdyke]

I'm seeing so many bi women getting mad that most radfems prefer febfems to nonfebfem bi women and like zero of them saying a peep about how lesbophobic and misogynistic het partnered women are. A lot of women on here like to oversimplify the psychological effect one's partner has on oneself to "hurr dburr s*m*n make women stupid" but the only effect that disgusting secretion has is on women's vaginal flora/pH/vaginal health (yeast infections for one thing 💀), it's bending over backwards for males constantly to justify their shitty jakey's misogyny that then normalizes misogyny in their eyes, they can't acknowledge certain things as misogynistic without also being forcibly confronted with the knowledge they've been putting up with/sleeping with a misogynist themselves. osa women on here don't want to talk about that tho, they want to twist what women are saying because they're deeply uncomfortable that radfeminism is het critical and they don't want to examine their choice to pursue het relationships even knowing how harmful it is to them and every woman who knows them. Just like the makeup fandom shitting themselves and crying every time someone criticizes the toxic sludge they waste so much money and health on

I stopped calling myself a radical feminist years ago because even the theory treats every female experience as the same, as if misogyny is the only form of oppression and women don't experience further disempowerment if they are lesbian, POC, poor and/or disabled.

Het-partnered radfems will spend all of their activist energy critiquing gay men for things like drag and leather kink while they go home to OSA men who are attracted to women - the ones who actually rape us. Het-partnered radfems will have all the empathy for women who get botox and boob jobs but turn into Mean Girls when "discussing" trans-identified females (often lesbians), despite both types of females succumbing to gender and its expectations. Ironic how "radical" feminists have more empathy for conforming women than those who rebel the expectations of womanhood so much that they feel they can only survive by identifying as men. Again, feminine het women are the victims to "manly" lesbians.

I am tired of hearing how much women who are in relationships with men "hate men." I hate how much het-partnered women feel the need to overcompensate for their relationship decision with their lil radblr blog. I'm tired of them banging on about gay cultural things for GNC gay men like drag while literally sleeping with the enemy. I'm tired of het-partnered women expecting lesbians to abandon gay men in our shared experience of homophobia when they can't even abandon the men who rape us.

And you know what? Being bisexual and choosing a man while claiming to be a radical feminist is 10x worse than a straight woman doing so because you're actually attracted to women. You can't claim fear of being lonely, fear of having no sex, or whatever else. You're into women and you still chose a man.

So yeah, I am not a radical feminist. Because all it is is having empathy and unconditional love for the most conforming, privileged women while judging the gay and lesbian community's most vulnerable because they have a gender identity. As if straights need an excuse to hate gays though, right? Gender identity is just flavour of the month.

[insectfem]

your rs with your bf sounds awesome but as a radfem I don't know how to overcome the shame of being bi/attracted to men/wanting a rs with a man. how did you?

hi thank you! now, honestly, i do still feel a sense of shame, but im in love, and im not gonna hide a huge part of my life over the fear of being called a Fake Feminist. the biggest thing for me to remember is that.... a lot of feminist 'icons' or whatever were/are het partnered. jk rowling has been married for 23 years and loves her husband, and she's very popular on radblr. andrea dworkin (despite being a polilez) called a man the love of her life. norma mccorvey (jane roe) was bisexual and raised 2 children with a man. chimamanda ngozi adichie has a husband and a daughter with him. a huge part of feminism is helping heterosexual women live life while partnering with men (abortion, divorce, separate bank accounts, etc), considering the fact hetero and hetpartnered women make up the vast majortiy of female humans on this planet. hetero and bi women have done so much for feminism while being partnered with men, it's literally stupid to try and ignore it

there is no shame in being in love. if you have a safe, warm, loving partner that you share views with, and treats you with the utmost respect, there's no reason to have shame. most women on here who shame hetpartnered women are lonely, hateful, and misogynistic. they're not familiar with human relationships, and that is THEIR problem😭 it isn't our responsibility as bisexual women to defend our male partners and explain why we love them and all that. if they don't understand that people who are different can love and respect each other, then they're pretty much a lost cause

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

911 Thoughts

Haven't watched the new episode yet, so bare with me. I have some thoughts on the recent Bi-Buck stuff and they are semi conflicting and all over the place so I am putting it all in one post.

Firstly: The show has always been queer, it had gay characters since the start. I agree that it's not just gay now.

Buck being Bi is still amazing and huge. For many reasons: the figuring it out late rep, and the fact that we have seen hints for ages, we have all been here we have all seen it, and it finally happen. 7 Seasons in.

I do think it's good for Buck to explore dating men and figuring stuff out before jumping into buddie (if we are getting buddie)

I like Tommy. I think he and Buck have a nice chemestry.

I understand why people like the Even bit, but personal pet peeve. I hate when characters do that. Like at least give me a scene where Buck gets asked if he wants to be called Evan. I don't know I hate when someone has a prefer way to be called and then another character ingores that. At least give me a scene where he asks. Like ok I can assume Buck is ok with it and maybe he asked off screen, but like let me see it.

That said, it's not nearly as annoying then when Anna full named Eddie. That shit got my nerves. It felt like it was full naming him like you would a child who is in trouble.

Speaking of which: If no buddie, can we all agree that Eddie should be single. I don't know what it is about 911 that lets them write amazing female characters and then renders them unable to write a decent one for Eddie to play off, I don't know why someone that I know can have chemestry with women (Ryan Guzman) suddenly is unable to have any in this role. But it's painful to watch. The man has moved on from his dead wife, he just likes to be single. If the writers can't have a love interest that feels like it's there for more reasons then to remind people Eddie is straight by giving him emotional scenes with women instead of just with Buck then they just fucking need to stop and keep him single.

Like I said I like Tommy, and I do not think that Buck being Bi is useless or lessen if we don't get buddie.

That said if we are not getting buddie I will forever find it a little sus that they give Buck a male love interest that is so similar to Eddie.

I still want buddie. Not just because it's a ship between two main characters, who are equal in the series, and it would be the first gay ship between main characters in the show (SIDE NOTE: I can't help but notice that despite HenRen being amazing, they are the only major romantic relationship of the show that is One Main and One Side character, and it's the gay one. Like yes 911 has always been gay but it has not always been equal) but also beacause it would be first slow burn multi season gay ship in tv history (at least in the west).

Think about it, the hets have many ships like that, multi seasons arcs, slowly showing us them falling for each other. Pam and Jim; Booth and Bones; The main ships from Parks and Recs (I don't remember the names); Amy and Jake from B99. And many many more. But with gay ships if they are both main characters (rare) it always starts in the first season they got introuduced. Or they are already together, or they get a side character. I am not saying those are lesser ships, and sometimes that is the good choice for a show but I want my gay multi season slowburn (and don't say suprenatural I am not counting that)

GIVE ME DEMI EDDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lokiinmediasideblog]

It's just me or Loki stans tend not to care about female character's much? One thing I've noticed about Loki-centric blogs is that some of them have side blorbos, but always male blorbos. They only care about female characters when they have some canon connection to Loki so they can talk about him through talking about her, and only when the connection in question is platonic (Verity, Frigga...). When Loki has a canonically romantic/sexual connection with a woman (Amora, Sylvie, Lorelei, etc) they either demonize her or erase the romantic factor to make them into ~mean queer besties~ like he's her gay bff. There's a difference between disliking het (valid) and erasing the canon dynamic of his relationships with women because the thought of their canon bi fave liking icky women makes them uncomfortable. Face it, Loki fandom: your fave likes boobs and coochie, stop pretending otherwise. You don't have to personally ship het to recognize that some women canonically turn him on and/or matter to him romantically.

I don't think it's unique to Loki stans. It's a misogyny problem that is both based on the biases within fandom and those of the writers. The Loki fandom is far from being the only one that targets a woman love interest so viciously (*cough* ST fandom, I've also heard other Marvel ships are like that too). And I definitely do get annoyed when Loki's bisexuality gets erased because they don't deem the female characters worthy. And yea, they'll always try to make it platonic with women characters. The "these two characters with little shared background that kissed are siblings" shit is so fucking annoying. It's fine if it's not your cup of tea,but pretending they have "sibling energy" is weird.

Writing biases:

S2 gave very little exploration to the female characters. And most Marvel female characters have little depth. Like just look at the Thor movies, we don't know much about Sif (personality is the woman warrior), Frigga(personality is mom), and Jane is just there as love interest for Thor. Valkyrie's interesting but her name isn't given in Ragnarok, and I heard she got sidelined in TLAT, the movie I refuse to watch. Sylvie had decent focus in S1 but was sidelined in S2 and relegated to product placement.

Speaking of the source material, I am not joking when I say many of the female character's characterizations in the comics before maybe the 2010s were nothing but "wanting to fuck Thor." Also, BW was a prime example of Whedon's "empowering" brand of sexualized strong female character and took forever to get her movie after getting unceremoniously fridged.

Granted, I have not kept up-to-date with Marvel movies because I am only interested in Loki and I find a lot of characters annoying, in case the shitty writing conventions for female characters have improved.

Fandom biases:

Fandom can't stomach anything other than saccharine sweetness as a personality for women, especially when they interact with a popular male character. It has been shown that in real life, women are more likely to be seen as rude or bitches for more tame behavior than men.

People claiming that Mobius was "compassionate" for blaming Loki for his mother's death and locking him in a time loop where he's beaten repeatedly, while Sylvie calling him a "clown" was "abusive".

This is interesting and one of the many examples against "abusive women are given a pass" because the "victim" in question is the same Tumblr sexyman, but the woman's non-abusive behavior that makes sense in-context is scrutinized ridiculously and Loki was not hurt physically by it, while Mobius "gave him therapy".

No one can even argue it's because Loki is the Tumblr fandom fave rather than pure fucking misogyny because actual harm to Loki gets passed as being for his own good by a rather vocal portion of fans when it's a man doing it. You'd think the fandom would have lost their shit over one of the OG Tumblr Sexymen being mistreated. But nah. (And yes, I forgave Mobius for risking his skin for Loki in S2, lol. He more than made up for it.).

Also, Sylvie RIGHTFULLY called Mobius out for putting his head in the dirt like a fucking ostrich, and the fandom threw a fit and babied him.

[bisolationist]

Do you know if bannedwebsites ever remade? I miss her.

/pusheen-the-radical/707800096738263040/menalez-menalez-bannedwebsites-menalez

I'm so mad shit like this made us lose a great woman and ally. They just came in and decided obviously anything asking for basic respect is instead evil and homophobic. There was no reason to assume it was about wanting to invade lesbian spaces specifically that was such an asspull, it was obviously about LGB spaces as a whole. They're not bi so I don't expect them to get it but no, "everywhere else is a you-friendly space" is just not true for bi women. They always want to equate how we're identical to het women and then say we're being homophobic if we don't agree. that post speaks to me so much because when i dated a man i lost so much of my support network. its about how people, and other bi women too, dehumanize us and see us as 'ruined', call us nasty names behind our back, and encourage other people to also dehumanize us on threat of ostracizing them too. and i was lucky, i've seen bi women who were abused by homophobes who then had it much worse, with people even supporting their het abusers, or attacking them at LGB support groups. One woman I met wasn't even dating the man that SAd her but people still said she had no place in LGB groups.

No I have no idea :( though I agree I thought she was great. (though tbh even if I did know if she'd remade, I wouldn't out someone unless I explicitly knew they were trying to find old followers. Psst people sending me asks about other tumblr users - this is why I haven't responded, sorry). And yeah oh god, I remember this shit. I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences. Unfortunately I've heard a lot of things like that. I experienced something very similar, with a lot of my friends ditching me very quickly when I figured out it was bi. It was definitely hurtful, isolating, and set me up for a lot of bad relationships (ironically mostly with older men, since I was suddenly frozen out from most social gatherings on campus). I've unfortunately heard from a staggering amount of bi people at this point on similar things, especially about being treated badly by LGB groups after being assaulted or abused in some way. I've mentioned this repeatedly on this blog, but it baffles me how biphobia seems to intensify whenever bisexuals are victimized by heterosexuals, as if being shown that we DO experience homophobia makes them angry? On the micro level, if people find bisexuality so abhorrent for whatever reason, it's not like we can force them to be better friends/people, and there's no amount of messages like this that'll make those people act any different. They're proud of how they treat bisexuals just like those people are proud to read malicious intent in even the mildest pleas for respect or civility. On the macro level it's like... yeah we do need to challenge this notion that we become immune to past, present, and future homophobia the second we're in an other-sex relationship and therefore it's okay to treat us exactly like heterosexuals. I don't know why they think people that were homophobic to us will suddenly treat us well, or that we won't face homophobia in the future. For the millionth time, it's really extra nasty to say this about bi women considering how often they are abused by their male partners. But that of course is discounted (despite it being directly addressed in the third post), this is obviously a nasty evil plot by bihets to pretend to be oppressed. And yeah it's funny how they always end up comparing us to heterosexuals and insisting we're just as widely beloved and supported as they are. It's pathetically transparent since something as simple as "don't treat bi women as extensions of men" seems to cause so much indignation.

[shinra-makonoid]

(cw dysphoria & sex life, wanted to ask some questions) You've posted in the past, that you're only into cis men and that you had relationships (and I also think you're a top). We're sorta in the same boat, while I'm bi, I'm more into men. I wanted to ask, how open are you with your partners? I'm afraid that any cis man who would date me would try to pressure me into PIV, because that's what nearly all FTM porn is about. And some T4T people online act so weird that I'm afraid to end up with a trans man who wouldn't act any better, but instead of "let me fuck your pussy", it'll be "pussy4pussy". And if I think further, it boils down to the same issue with hypothetically dating a woman. Some trans women also act weird about trans men, and cis women... either lesbian-leaning or I'll have to go to a bullshit circus called "het dating culture", though from this POV straight women who don't care much about natal penises feel the safest. Basically, I feel like most people who're open to dating trans men, only desire those parts of us that are "leftovers" or resemble our AGAB. I know it's my paranoia and dysphoria speaking, together with the experience of casual lying and manipulation/gaslighting, so I wanted to ask someone who seems to have more experience than me.

First of all, I don't think I have that much experience. I don't currently date anyone and I have no interest in pursuing anything in that regard because obviously I'm focusing on other stuff these months. I can't tell you anything about women either for obvious reasons.

I'm more ambivalent to trans men now as my thought process kinda changed. Like... I do think the T4T culture is often uncomfortable but it might also be a place where you feel safe, understood and secure. There aren't many cis people who are careful and/or who actually do the work themselves before dating you, so you will end up having to go about dumb stuff like the idea you can be a top. And like... Sure it can be done, but it's a hassle, and for my part it really makes me uncomfortable, which eliminates very quickly the person from the dating pool.

My last ex that I dated was a cis gay guy, who didn't ever think about dating a trans man before, and was shook when I told him I was one. He was a huge bottom so he was relieved when I told him I could top and all. But he was still a cis guy, and he told me he went to see porn to "see what it's like" and would talk about how he was okay/wanted to touch my parts and... Idk if it's dysphoria or if it's just him being awkward about it but that made me feel super uncomfortable because I do everything to not think about those parts of me and it's like everything about us was making me think of it. He didn't have any/much understanding or maturity in regards to what he would do/say would actually be harming me unless I specifically explained it to him and it was tiring. Is it a maturity issue or a cis issue exactly idk. But after that I reconsidered T4T mainly because these issues wouldn't arise, and in some way I'd be free of the pressure to perform at a "cis level".

I never got pressured to get PIV sex but I had one guy asking me several times if I'd be open to being pregnant at some point because he was gay but he was also a hardcore alt right and that was also uncomfortable. Usually cis people just assume you only have the PIV possibility and you have to do a whole explanation about how you can do it other ways and it's just boring. I hate that this is a subject, and I specifically hate this is the main subject everyone is worried about any time you discuss something a bit serious in terms of relationships. It is very superficial.

I'm super open about my desires (like being a top, a sadist, hearing the other guy moan etc) and what I don't want (being touched, pregnancy, piv etc), but it doesn't mean the cis partner actually understands it because it's often a bit too strange and most cis people are actually super vanilla.

Hope that it helps? Thanks anon for the ask.

[catgirlforeskin]

"Being in a het relationship", you mean being in a BI relationship? Is this difficult for you? Are you having problems keeping up?

girl call it what you want but I’m never gonna say that lmao. A man and a woman together is a het couple, two men or two women together is a gay couple, that doesn’t invalidate whatever identities the people within the relationship have.

I’m sorry you have some weird insecurity about this, but I don’t think being anonymously condescending to a stranger online is gonna help you come to terms with it 🙏

[piqued-curiosity]

#misogyny isn’t okay just because you don’t like somebody

but you have shielded the people that was about repeatedly.

Just soon back you were reblogging black pills and telling us, oh stupid bi women, stop getting "hung up on" being called dick worshipers, say you're identical to tims, and having your abuses discredited. Ohh fine you say, maybe she should use nicer words to say same things, but she is very right, listen to the things of real importance not your stupid little rape statistics or whatever. Of course she is not a misogynist no no, she is insightful and it is based that everyone reblogs those things. So you get annoyed at bis because they wont ignore misogyny and biphobia, you don't get annoyed at misogyny or your friends reblogging it. wau!

Then just now you get so angry bisexuals dare say we should not feel shame for any aspect of bisexuality. You pretend that post said "het relationships are oppressed by gay people" so you can move the straw man into the goal posts, but what it actually said was that bisexual people are degraded and internalize shame about OSA, even in het relationships. You ignore how first post was bisexuals telling other bisexuals, and literal example in next post was bi woman saying about herself. Yet you pretend its bisexuals forcing gay people to worship us. Reach.

Could not be that its about how people call us dick worshipers, degenerates, sex beasts without love, kink freaks without boundaries, that is bi womens fault if they get raped for being sluts, and even worse things? all that affects us, gets in our heads? But no of course saying those things is fine against a dick worshiper. Well for us is not fine, we feel pain that our fellow bisexuals internalize those things deep in their hearts and it makes them alone and afraid, only you can think that is evil and homophobic somehow. Hetero relationships are celebrated but that does not mean bisexuals or bisexuality are celebrated by heteros, the statistics on the abuse and everything prove that very much. But no of course you ignore any of that to tell us to go "touch grass" as if hetero world is peace for us. Then when the reality reveals itself and the heteros are - the gasping here! - homophobic, you are first in line to coddle the people that tell us we are playing victim and our rape and other abuse is not real compared to what homosexuals feel.

I do not think you are against misogyny, misogyny is fine against bisexuals you by how treat it. You are not getting angry at misogyny you are getting more angry at bisexuals for not putting up with it. What you are against is seeming of misogyny and only just barely.

Oh my fucking god here we go again.

I apologised. I admitted I was wrong. I meant it. And yet you still come at me like this. Honestly you’re just making it clear that I’ll never be good enough for you. If you have such an issue with me and with accepting that I’m both a human and a learning feminist meaning I will make mistakes, just block me.

This whole time I’ve disagreed with language like “dick worshippers”. I’ve made that clear and I don’t know how many times I have to do so for you to stop pretending I haven’t. And even if I was once out there yelling misogynistic language at bi women (which I was not), me reblogging the post speaking against it should make you think “good, she’s changed”, not “ooo let me tell her off for reblogging a post about the issue I want her to address”???? Talk about not leaving room for growth.

The post you’re referring to…I EXPLICITLY STATED I DISAGREED WITH WHAT YOU ARE MENTIONING. Because I am able to read a text critically, I took the good bits which were the criticism of lesbophobia from bi women (and tbh I think you probably take issue with this too, because how dare we talk about anything other than uwu wlw solidarity), and acknowledged it wasn’t perfect. One of the first things I pointed out in my reblog was that I disagreed with saying bi women and TIMs were the same, so you acting like I agree with that is either you ignoring what I said, or being intentionally obtuse.

I agree bisexuals shouldn’t feel any shame for being bisexual. I also agree that a lot of bisexuals get hilariously pissy when gay people don’t give a shit about their OSA and opposite sex relationships. Tbh I’m actually not sure what specific post you’re talking about here because just tonight I’ve seen so many posts where OSA people cry about their het relationships not being seen as “queer” or “gay enough” or some shit. But look, I don’t believe anyone can truly feel shame regarding OSA, because the whole fucking world celebrates and encourages OSA. And I don’t think any homosexual needs to give even an ounce of compassion to OSA people crying to us about how much they don��t like being OSA, because we’re too busy focusing on the victims of homophobia (before you get angrier with me, I’m talking about both gay and bi victims of homophobia).

If you want to talk about the negative stereotypes about bisexuals, or the degrading language used to discuss specifically bisexual women, then talk about that! I’ll support you! But you can do that without making it about how it’s so so hard to be OSA. Idk maybe you’re talking about some post I’ve forgotten about that I misinterpreted and it really is talking about everything you’re saying and isn’t pulling the “gay people make it so hard to be OSA” card, because I’ve seen a bunch of those posts on my dash recently so they’re fresh in my mind and are what I’m thinking of while responding to this. So just know if that’s the case idk what post you’re talking about, and I’m strictly talking about the kweers who cry about people thinking their m/f relationships are straight, and being upset that gay people don’t want to hear about their OSA.

I know in my heart that I’m against misogyny, you can think what you want of me. But in my humble opinion, I think you have a very black and white perception of me that doesn’t allow for realising mistakes and growing from them.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

you are so real for that response to nansheofearth's comment. lesbians are stuck licking crumbs off the boots of bihet feminist women or queer/trans identified people.

ive been to polilez/radfem events too, and hearing them talk is as alienating as being a homosexual women in queer spaces. sorry i dont want to listen to women talk about how boring their husbands became, or the 4 kids they had with a man before they "became lesbians". it is so alienating as a lesbian, you feel like you truly are a freak of nature, when even other "lesbians" can talk so casually about sleeping with men, so what's wrong with you that your whole being seizes with disgust and wrongness at the thought. or maybe there really is no one like you in the world.

it sucks that even other lesbians make allowances for radical feminist homophobia. our self esteem is so grounded into the dust that we think we need to put up with this homophobia for the "greater good".

your blog has become the go-to for lesbians haha, i check it regularly even if i don't otherwise check tumblr, so i'm throwing in my few cents into the discussion.

Hi anon!

(Anon is referring to that post.)

Thank youuuu, your last paragraph made me so happy 🥹 I'm glad my blog can be a positive lesbian space! Now I'm thinking I should post more beautiful women and gifs from lesbian movies hehe

I totally understand what you mean, that's pretty much how I felt when I went to that lesbian festival (tbh I knew something was wrong when the woman who handed me a flyer at the entrance had super long glittery stiletto nails, I almost left then and there 🤣)

To summarize the first edition of that lesbian festival last year:

First there was a panel on lesbian representation in the media that was derailed to trans males within ten minutes (and even complained about trans criminals being misgendered!), the second panel about intersectionality of lesbians of color had zero lesbian in it, only bi women and trans males

Then there was a lesbian comedy show with two fakebians talking about their ex-boyfriends and making jokes about lesbians' supposed obsession with astrology + a non-binary bi woman who claimed that her gender identity made all her relationships gay (she called herself a dyke and a faggot)

There was a sex-ed booth held by an influencer who had DYKE (yes, in all caps) in her Twitter bio while talking about her het hookups (and throwing a real tantrum when people told her it didn't make sense), she also made sex ed videos on our national tv channel's website where she said that lesbians have sex with men and that men can be lesbians. She has since removed dyke from her bio.

A lesbian bookstore had a booth too, the original owners retired and the new ones are polilez queers who keep promoting books about lesbianism being a choice... Half of the books at that booth were about trans people.

Needless to say, I wouldn't even inflict that on a lesbian I dislike as a prank!

What you said about "lesbians" talking casually about having had sex with men reminds me of a French podcast I listened to years ago that was about bisexual and "lesbian" women who were with men before realizing they were attracted to women. The first conclusion I had was that I couldn't relate at all and felt very uneasy about it. I didn't even dare write my second conclusion back then but it was basically this:

I couldn't differentiate their stories at all. And deep down, they must know this because fakebians use their experiences with men as a way of relating with bi and het women while being mostly hostile to gold stars and finding us unrelatable!

Anyway, this is really long already haha Question for the gold stars: what would be your dream lesbian event? 💃 (apart from being only for actual lesbians, of course!)

[lesbianp1lled]

as a fellow gold star who's never been lucky enough to experience reciprocated love and has been led on by many bi women, I probably do read more male gay fiction than lesbian fiction tbh. because I obviously don't get anything out of straight romance, osa makes me nauseous or feel nothing at best, however every time I even watch a video of a lesbian couple or read lesbian fiction I get so deeply envious and sad, not in a toxic hateful way ofc, just flat out crying out of loneliness like an idiot.. so m/m fiction is the only emotional relief for me to relate to homosexual love while also being completely detached from any personal feelings since I'm not male nor into males.

I have no trauma with men, have thankfully never even had to pretend to have any romantic feelings towards any in my 25+ years and have never had any self-insert thoughts about any of the gay fiction I've read other than the occasional 'I wish I had a lesbian version of that relationship'.

I want to make it clear that it's not about internalized misogyny, just plain lesbian solitude and the feeling that no woman is really attracted to women (I know it's ridiculous but that's my trauma) and specifically to me. which is all the more upsetting since as I guess a conventionally attractive feminine woman I have to beat straight men off with a stick.

although I do realize now that this sort of escapism and detaching yourself from your own sexuality to get secondary emotional fulfillment from fictional relationships completely unrelated to you isn't healthy in the long run. it's just very hard to find a gf in my homophobic country so I've used fiction as a crutch to not deal with my own personal life.

I do think most so-called 'fujos' who actually fetishize gay men are bihets though who think thirsting after fem gay men makes them qweer, when that's literally ultimate het behaviour. just saw one call herself a lesbian while openly lusting after a gay man, saying she wishes she wasn't a lesbian and that he wasn't a 'man kisser' so they could be together because 'she needs him bad'. girl, you never were a lesbian, probably not even bi, also actually consider ki!!ing yourself, these homophobic fakebians have 0 shame nor logic denying the existence of homosexuals of either sex.

no lesbian would ever conjure up such a homophobic double 'conversion' fantasy, I'm enraged to the point of wanting to hurl. the gen z larpers are so unhinged now that they genuinely don't even respect homosexuality existing, all they do is fetishize opposite-sex homosexuality while spouting actual 'corrective' r*pe level hetero fantasies which I've noticed a lot of bihets from either sex have. a lot of this obsessing over 'p3gging' and feminizing men is born out of their fetishization of gay men, doubt any of them would even enjoy any of that, they just want to 'queerify' their zesty straight sexuality to look subversive, they even pretend it's 'feminist' somehow.

and ofc they either support the homophobic tiffies who larp as gay men of eventually become them, straight up admitting to wanting to r*pe gay men under the pretense of totes being men as well while wanting to have het aka piv sex with males.. it's sinister how every gay fandom is overrun with transhets or normie hets, don't even get me started on the yuri hentai fetishizing het male 'transbians' invading 'lesbian spaces' made up mostly of bi women anyway.. it's just way too personally offensive and painful to even witness.

what should be the only safe haven and a joyous source of entertainment makes me spiral with rage against the hetero machine instead. so often I see sb seemingly decent, exclusively posting about gay topics only to eventually reveal they are a bihet thirsting after opposite-sex homosexuals and my heart drops again. where are the real lesbians?

so while I know from personal experience that people can enjoy fiction that doesn't relate to their sexuality, it is rare and usually related to some sort of trauma. I know het women who never consume het romance because it's so unrealistic/ insulting to their experiences and only read f/f fiction. whereas for me I do now admit it stems from loneliness and trust issues with women, fearing all women will turn out to be hetero and leave me to the dust again. my ex told me I was the perfect woman for her and that she'd never date a male again only to ghost me randomly and get married to a male who looks like he could be her uncle within a year or two lol.

I was just happy to see a lovely post from a woman about her wife only for her entire feed to be about obsessively thirsting after a ton of famous men. imagine just getting married to a woman as a same-sex attracted woman only to write insane s3xually harassing comments like a het coomer towards a grown strange man (who at least presents stereotypically gay btw, common denominator), saying bs like he's 'her pwecious pwetty boy' whose abs give her an aneurysm.. and it's just some skinny twink, no offense. I've never even met het women this male-crazed. bet her wife's the same if she tolerates that. they genuinely think calling a vaguely 'pretty' man their 'girlfriend' justifies their hetero attraction towards males as a supposed 'lesbian'. they truly are our worst most insidiously evil enemy, they're the ones who embolden trans-identified het males to believe they can be included in lesbianism. I'd rather stay single and loveless forever than humiliate myself by dating a bihet like that..

I would never trust sb is actually a lesbian if they have a dedicated account for posting about men, fictional or not, obsessing over a particular man/ men. nah, I'm a fan of some male singers etc but having an account for posting about everything they do is simply not lesbian behaviour even if they pretend it's platonic admiration. no lesbian is that obsessed with a man/ men.

that’s the main sign to look out for, it's one thing to root for a gay couple and completely different to have any ideation about inserting yourself into that relationship or fantacize about the men in question. which is so disgustingly homophobic as well, idk even if the characters are bi, having het thoughts about people in a same-sex relationship is gross peak bihet behaviour. I'm also generally heterophobic to be fair, spare me of any mention of osa.

so it does bother me that anyone female who consumes any male gay fiction/ media is automatically associated with these homophobic osa lunatics, however as mentioned, it is unfortunately often justified. there is ofc gay fan fiction in particular written by hetero-attracted women which fetishizes gay men but a lot of it is just general escapist romance from a female perspective, reading more like a lesbian relationship which is why it's relatable to lesbians as well while retaining that sense of detachment. I truly just need one good woman to fix me lol and bring me out of this self-destructive denial of myself as a romantic/ sexual person who deserves love.

I have hope for you anon that you will find the woman of your dreams one day, even in a homophobic country it’s still possible 🙏

I get why you read m/m fiction. It’s just when these women are SO OBSESSED with m/m fiction and nothing but m/m fiction that I side eye them. Like I said before, I have read books with m/m characters in them, even though it’s not my first choice, i’d go for a sapphic book first, but I think there are good m/m stories too! I read Maurice which is one of the first classic gay books by e.m foster a few years ago and it’s really good even though mid-way through to the ending it’s quite sad.

[heterophobicdyke]

i am trying my best not to be a stereotypical 'bihet hater' but i am getting worn out by the homophobic sentiment i keep coming across on radblr these days. it's always the het-partnered bi women and some straight women who goes around screaming at lesbians for the tiniest shit, especially if it has anything to do with separatism or how they think that lesbians who are open about our sexual attraction towards women are the exact same as men. almost once a week, i can expect to find some osa screaming in my notes because i back the separatism movement thanks to statistics and how personal experiences dealing with violent sexist men my entire life. and what's worse is that sometimes i'll even see some lesbians who try to attack ~bad lesbians~ like me or just ignore it so that they can stay on the osa's good book, like jfc WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATES LESBIANS SO MUCH. i don't want to end up becoming completely jaded and push all straight/bi women away from me because i knowwww there are some who aren't like this, but still....

Yeah the issue is they’re so concerned with making male/female relationships compatible with radical feminism (impossible) that they focus on the easy targets, lesbians, despite so many febfem and celibates saying the same things we are.

We’re easy targets not only because we have less social power by virtue of not being “normal” to heteropatriarchy (which hetfems constantly remind us, as if they’re not backing the system they supposedly want to overthrow by constantly calling us abnormal freaks), but also because if they can chalk the hetrelationship-separatist argument up to “lesbians being jealous and wanting bihet pussy” then they think they can discredit the entire argument.

Like it’s such a circus that these women are acting like libfems circa 2013 being told their choices aren’t conducive to female liberation and that no woman is empowered by virtue of Making a Choice within a patriarchy that influences those choices. Sure, romance and sex are great things when considered outside of patriarchy. But nothing exemplifies the power difference between men and women under patriarchy quite like the male/female relationship. And so many of these women are literally bisexual; they don’t need a man for sex and romance!

I know what it’s like to fall in love. Nobody gets away with ripping us to shreds quite like someone we are in love with. Men use the supposed inevitability of male/female relationships to rest easy and exhibit their worst atrocities, including on female children whose mothers OFTEN don’t believe in order to extend the fake fairytale they were sold about a man.

“My man’s different” or “I’m different to other women, I can’t be hoodwinked,” are honestly gross, anti-radical sentiments. A male friend could never puppeteer a female, on average, like a male husband can, because they know how integral sex and romance are to human beings. Lesbians are often radical because we don’t desire the sort of closeness with men that allows for such influence on our lives. It’s that simple.