#calling bi women 'het' for being in a relationship with a man

[maikelfist]

Working Title: Man With Big Dick Fucks His Precious Boy

Okay so I had the weirdest, most random ass idea for post-breakup BuckTommy and it just got more and more random the more I kept going. It's all over the place, I kind of rushed near the end, I have no idea where I was going with this. I would call this a fever dream more than I would call it a fic but it's here now so might as well throw it at you guys PS: Don't get fooled by the working title, this is more sappy than sexy

Edit: There's a more refined version of this on ao3 now and I updated it here as well

Buck's sex life went from mind-blowing, life-changing and so-so-active to Missing In Action in what felt like seconds, and unfortunately, his libido hasn't gotten the memo yet. He'd been advised to throw himself out there again multiple times now, but every single cell in his body recoils at the idea. I'm not your last, I'm your first. Yeah well, we'll see about that.

It feels like a no-brainer to start watching gay porn since that's what Buck's currently missing the most. He jerks off to a handsome guy—the hint of cleft in his chin may or may not have been the reason Buck clicked on the video—fucking into a pretty twunk, and honestly, Buck is having a good time. It’s only when tears begin to swell in his eyes after he comes with Tommy’s name on his lips that he realizes he should not do that again.

The next videos he watches pointedly feature plump bears and dainty twinks, but even then, Buck can't help but make comparisons. Can't hold a rhythm, not attentive enough, where are the reassurances?

Buck comes to a visceral, gut-wrenching realization: Every single guy he considers will have to measure up to one Thomas fucking Kinard from now on.

So.

No gay porn for Buck anymore.

He moves to het videos, and the second realization of his latest porn binge hits him a lot quicker. There is absolutely no way he will ever be able to go back to regular straight sex again. Buck is very, very bi, and even relationships with women will have to be queer from now on.

Of course, porn isn't reality, but being confronted with the exaggerated heteronormativity of it all—the idea of fulfilling a society-given role after Buck learned what things can feel like when he's allowed to be himself—makes his stomach churn.

Living in a post-Tommy world is not an easy feat.

Buck's baking bouts aren't enough to distract him. Doughs need chilling, batters need baking, and before the waiting time can make him spiral, Buck keeps going on a Goldilocks mission of trying to find just the right porn that would help him take his mind off Tommy.

Luckily, after browsing the most obscure, likely virus-infested websites the internet has to offer, Buck finds a video that instantly becomes a staple in his tabs—a comforting presence whenever he feels lonely, which these days is all the time. He doesn't even bother closing it.

As long as it took him to find the video, it’s quickly forgotten when Tommy and Buck make up.

The reunion is messy and like a balm for Buck's wounds. It is filled with tears and Tommy's ability to make difficult conversations feel easy—something Buck had desperately missed when Tommy chose to walk out of his life. It’s a skill Tommy can apparently lose when he’s petrified with fear. Buck vows to chip away at all of Tommy's worries now that Buck is aware of them. Now that Tommy lets him.

It's strange and not surprising at all how much like coming home it feels to have Tommy back. How easy it is for Buck to cook for them in his kitchen while Tommy looks for something they can watch later on Buck's laptop.

"I found this documentary about hyper-regional food," Tommy says.

Buck perks up from the herbs he's cutting. "Like Threads of God? Do you know that only three women in Sardinia know how to make that type of pasta?"

Tommy hums at that. "Sounds like we don't need to watch it."

Buck laughs and lowers his eyes to the herbs again. "No, I want to. But isn't there a new part of that car restoration series you like?"

"We can watch that later." Tommy emphasizes the last word in a way that makes another part of Buck perk up.

Early in their relationship, they found out that there are few things that can make Buck relax and fall asleep quicker than the sight of competent hands making old things look new to the rhythmic sound of metal being hammered and ground. This means Tommy has to make sure it's him that gets to tire Buck out before his favorite mechanics have a chance to. Thankfully, Tommy seems to be fine with Buck never reaching the end of any of the restoration videos he enjoys.

Tommy makes an intrigued noise of interest that breaks Buck out of his musings. "Ooor we can watch this."

Buck listens to the sounds of shuffling and smacking coming out of his laptop's speakers, confusion furrowing his brows before recognition seizes him by the throat.

"Oh my God!" The parsley Buck is holding ends up somewhere in Nirvana as he frees his hands to grab his laptop. "OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod—" Since when is closing a laptop so fucking difficult?

Tommy lets him fumble for a moment, a teasing smirk playing at his lips. It’s infuriating how he can just calmly wait till Buck, wide-eyed and pink-cheeked, finally meets his gaze. Only then does Tommy speak, slowly and deliberately, savoring each syllable.

"Woman With Dragon Dick Fucks Her Precious Girl."

Buck is glad he wasn't cutting chili because there's no way he can stop himself from pressing his fingers into his eyes as he whines, "You don't have to say it out loud!"

"I simply appreciate the originality of the title."

God, why was Buck a firefighter when he couldn't even do anything about his face being on fucking fire?

"Look, I missed you, and I-I couldn’t watch gay porn because they—they either reminded me too much of you or they weren’t you, and regular straight porn was tedious, so I found this feminist porn site, a-and I didn’t feel bad about supporting them, and please, please don’t judge—"

"Evan." Tommy says his name in a way that allows no ifs and buts. "I'm not judging." Whenever Tommy's voice falls into that no-nonsense sternness, something in Buck stills. He has learned to hold his breath when Tommy speaks to him like that. It's a Pavlovian reaction that only Tommy can ignite and it sends shivers down his spine. Tommy raises his thumb to the birthmark on Buck's temple, gently brushing it as his voice softens. "I'm taking note." Buck exhales shakily and leans into the touch.

Tommy reaches for the laptop, opens it, and enters the password that Buck shared with him even before they broke up. He moves to stand behind Buck, arms wrapped around him, as he hits play again.

The titular precious girl is on all fours surrounded by luxurious wine-red pillows and candlelight, purring kittenish noises into the mattress as the woman, adorned in gold and jewels only, kisses her neck and shoulders, murmuring sweet nothings into her skin. She's fucking her strap-on in between her thighs, making sure the dildo rubs against all the right spots.

"The shape is interesting," Tommy observes. He glances at Evan, curious about what kind of reaction his comment will provoke. Maybe some more bashfulness or a sweet sigh, similar to the ones the girl is making on screen while the dildo enters her.

Instead, Evan turns to him with an excited smile on his full lips. "Yeah, right? I found this website! Wait, hold on—" Evan pauses the video, opens a new tab, and Tommy is greeted with the sight of colorful, artfully crafted fantasy dildos. Handmade, apparently.

Evan starts rambling about which ones he finds the most appealing, what media they're inspired by. Tommy has never heard him talk this much about pop culture, and no one is ever allowed to know that Evan learned about Avatar this way. Howie would get an aneurysm.

Having Evan in his life means being in a constant state of whiplash, and Tommy has learned that he wouldn't have it any other way.

Tommy keeps in mind which ones Evan pointed out and makes a mental note to check out the cock sleeves the store offers before gently nudging Evan back to the porn.

"What else do you like about the video?" Evan relaxes back into him as they keep watching. Tommy can guess what Evan might find hot about it, something that has nothing to do with pretty girls kissing, but he would like to hear it from Evan before making assumptions. He also just wants to hear Evan, period.

"I like— I like that she's sweet to her? Women in straight femdom porn are usually just mean, like men being dominated by women is automatically degrading. I don't like that."

Tommy hums in acknowledgment, enjoys the small gasp he receives as he dips his fingers into a gap in Evan's button-down shirt, soothingly playing with the trail of hair on Evan's stomach. That Evan likes sweet talk isn't new information, but hearing it is always lovely. "Keep going," Tommy encourages.

"But she's also kind of… possessive about it? She calls her 'my treasure' a couple of times. I love it when she does. It's like—it's—she—she's—"

"Cherishing her?"

Evan sighs and nods, rubbing his temple against Tommy's.

Tommy leans in, noses at the pulse point of Evan's neck as he goes in for the kill. "Claiming her?"

Evan's moan sounds like it was punched out of him, and Tommy barely has enough time to hold onto the laptop to keep it from being dragged down as Evan turns to kiss him.

Tommy braces himself, gathering more and more courage with each kiss, praying to whoever might be listening that he's not mistaken when he asks, "You want me to hold on to you? Make you mine and never let go?"

A heart-wrenching sob escapes Evan's mouth, and Tommy swallows it greedily. "God yes, please!"

Evan keeps pressing pleas against his lips, and Tommy desperately wants to give in, but there is just one small thing that needs to be done first.

"Evan, the thing you're making, can—can that wait?" The last time they allowed themselves to get distracted while cooking, Evan kept pouting afterwards over the food being 'ruined'. In an attempt to cheer him up, Tommy had said that he couldn't tell the difference which had just made things worse. He wouldn't make that mistake again. There are many mistakes he wouldn't make again.

Evan utters a dazed noise before clarity settles into his beautiful features. "Oh. Yeah. It'll just marinate."

Tommy nods and moves to turn off the stove, Evan clinging to his side. He returns his attention to Evan, fingers playing with his curls.

The stove was a short distraction, but long enough to ensure that Tommy's next words are spoken with all the gravitas they deserve.

"My treasure."

Another broken sound escapes Evan's throat as he burrows into Tommy and continues what they started.

Tommy hates breaking things, but, God, does he love repairing them. He knows he has a lot to make up for, and he will do it happily. If that means wiping away his boyfriend's tears and indulging in his trauma-induced dragon kink, so be it.

[tirfpikachu]

bruh just saw a post where a tumblrina got all defensive saying it's 1000% valid and above criticisms for a woman to get creeped out and be scared of stds if a dude she's into turns out to be bi

like. girl. this shit is why i sometimes don't fuck with bi & het women. if you either fetishize or feel grossed out by being with a man who just so happens to have had flings or relationships with other men... you're just a homophobe. gay/bi men can be lesbophobic. gay/bi women can be homophobic. the amount of homophobic dykes i see running around, running their mouths and still associating stigma with male homosexuality and even TYING IT UP TO STDS ??????? like holy fucking shit. did the aids crisis teach us nothing about lgbtq solidarity when gay/bi men were hit the hardest?? to me you're instantly as boring as any homophobic het tradwife. and i'm glad some gyns are calling it out in themselves and know they need to work on it, bc we all grow up under homophobic society, but some of y'all are making the craziest excuses and i'm instantly like HMMM noted. you would have 100% been the type of homophobic bi girl making gay/bi boys at school uncomfortable. gotcha. noted 📝

btw this includes if you suddenly learn your bf has a history of sexual trauma and you suddenly find him gross and "emasculated" btw. that's the heteropatriarchy lodged deep inside your brain. and i think you should get out of that man's life asap and let a cool bi chick snatch him up or smth. i see this especially with het women, which is why so many bi men are bi4bi when they're in het relationships, but honestly bi women aren't above it either... we need to send some respectful fujoshis over i stg cuz the biphobia is embarrassing af. and no, it's not the same as sexualities being at times sex/agab-exclusive, this is straight up just stigma. bisexual stigma. and picturing your male crush with another guy and being like "EWWW" like the homophobic bi girls in my highschool 💀💀 so ridiculous honestly. boohoo a dude you're into is not conforming to heteropatriarchal standards! shockers! y'all always say you want femboys and sweet anime yaoi boys or whatever but when a gnc guy hits you up and isn't straight you feel attacked and lose all respect for him?? such weirdos

[starstruckbyacomet]

Who Didn't Want Buddie to be Canon?

Is it the network or the actor?

In regards with the notion that ABC's best chance to make canon Buddie happened was in Season 7 (for promotional purpose & screen time efficiency), there are speculations why it didn't happen. We know that Oliver Stark didn't mind to play bi Buck, so it's unlikely he was the cause. It leaves us with 2 remaining suspects: ABC and Ryan Guzman. Let's explore the result of each possible scenarios:

SCENARIO 1: BOTH ABC and Ryan AGREED to make Buddie canon.

What could possibly happened:

Buddie would be canon in Season 7. ABC would gain more hypes from Buddie shippers. There would be no need to re-introduce Tommy, or to make ep. 7x04 "Buck, Bothered, & Bewildered". The extra screen time could be used for other storylines, e.g. Kim-Eddie-Marisol, Amir, and the deleted Eddie & Christopher's conversation about how Eddie and Shannon met.

SCENARIO 2: ABC DIDN'T WANT to make Buddie canon, but Ryan WAS WILLING to play gay Eddie.

What could possibly happened:

Tommy would be re-introduced and paired with Eddie. ABC wanted either Buck or Eddie to have a bisexual awakening to bait attract new queer-leaning audience. Buck is more popular than Eddie among the majority of fans, who are mostly cis het women. That's also why the show sends Oliver for promotion more often than Ryan. Making Eddie queer instead of Buck, is a safer bet to minimize the risk of losing queer-averse audience.

SCENARIO 3: ABC WANTED to make Buddie canon, but Ryan DIDN'T WANT to play gay Eddie.

What could possibly happened:

Tommy would be re-introduced and directly paired with Buck, without even being considered to be paired with Eddie behind the scenes.

In this scenario, ABC's preference was canon Buddie (for promotional purpose & screen time efficiency). Oliver and Ryan would be asked whether they were willing to play queer Buck and queer Eddie. Lou Ferrigno Jr. would be called ONLY AFTER one of them refused, which most likely was Ryan. Since Ryan had refused to play a queer Eddie, it doesn't make sense to even consider pairing Tommy with Eddie. And Lou WOULDN'T SAY that "It was originally, possibly going to be with Eddie and Tommy, but that fell through," in his interview.

SCENARIO 4: ABC DIDN'T WANT to make Buddie canon, AND Ryan DIDN'T WANT to play gay Eddie.

What could possibly happened:

ABC wanted to bait attract new queer leaning audience. However, they already had Henren as the main queer couple on the show. Adding another main queer couple could upset their existing queer-adverse audience. One possible baiting strategy is to make either Buck or Eddie had a bisexual awakening, dated a man, broke up with the man, then continued to date women (and sometimes men, if necesaary). That way, either Buck or Eddie could claim the bisexual label but didn't have to show their queer relationships on screen for too long.

Tim Minear might have planned to make Buck bisexual since at least Season 2. However, after the show had been airing for 6 seasons, Buck seemed to be more popular among members of the general audience compared to Eddie. To minimize the risk of losing the existing queer-averse audience, Tim and/or ABC chose Ryan to be the one who'd play a queer character, with Tommy as his first boyfriend.

For whatever (probably more than one) reasons, Ryan refused. Thus, Tim was back to his initial plan: making Buck bisexual. Unlike Ryan, Oliver (whom probably had been told about the possibility of bisexual Buck since a long time ago), was easily on board. This makes sense considering what Lou said in his interview, "It was originally, possibly going to be with Eddie and Tommy, but that fell through. But Oliver was willing..."

CONCLUSION: Who didn't want Buddie to be canon? ABC or Ryan? It's ironic that the answer might have been inadvertently hinted almost a year ago, by unsuspecting Lou, nonetheless:

The fact that ABC even planned Eddie to be paired with Tommy, means ABC had rejected the idea of canon Buddie.

The fact that the plan fell through, most likely because it was rejected by Ryan, means Ryan didn't want to play a gay Eddie.

The most plausible answer is both. Both ABC and Ryan Guzman didn't want Buddie to be canon.

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/768968789660467200/this-is-kind-of-late-but-in-response-to-fandoms#notes this is a nitpick, but i wish people would stop saying shit like "straight people can't experience biphobia." if a straight dude gets called a f*g that's still homophobic even if he isn't gay. if a straight woman has a dalliance with another woman to experiment, for instance, and she is attacked for that in some way, that's still biphobia or homophobia even if she's straight. it's just a really reductive way of understanding oppression. if a darker-skinned white person is attacked out of perception that they're not white, idk what structural thing you would say is motivating that but "racism," etc. and that's also how we get these bonkers takes that trans men can't "experience misogyny" when they are oppressed for being seen as women, or by stuff like restrictions on abortion and birth control. those restrictions are motivated by misogyny even if not every person they affect are women. but more importantly - this ask gets it the wrong way around. the "biphobia is just heterophobia" is based on the misconception that it's always phobia toward bi people's opposite-sex attraction. F/F and M/M fans being biphobic doesn't disprove that. the more relevant thing is when fans of an F/M ship are threatened by the idea that one of those characters might also experience same-sex attraction. which, tbh, that's where i see the bulk of the biphobia in fandom these days. i feel like very few M/M and F/F shippers these days are unaware of the existence of bisexuality or the potential for bi headcanons. if anything, i feel like i see more people attacked as "biphobic" just for disagreeing with a popular bi headcanon that people started to treat like it was canon rather than fanon, than genuine biphobia dealing with M/M and F/F ships. (i'm sure it's still around, especially since there's still way too much in the IRL gay and lesbian communities. but i see less of it personally) but have you guys spent much time in het-heavy fandoms? like all the drama that was going on with Bridgerton earlier this year? a lot of het-only shippers will still throw a huge fit at anyone perceiving their favs as bi, and genuinely seem to not understand that, say, a man can be attracted to both men and women and still be completely faithful to a wife/girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. like they still seem to see his bisexuality as making him "a little bit gay" or even suggesting he's not really into women at all. and then with bi women, a lot of them see headcanoning a woman in an F/M relationship that way as saying she's a slut. in a lot of het-focusd and het-only fandom, bisexuality is still anathema and a lot of people fundamentally don't seem to understand what it is. the biphobia is way more rampant than it is anywhere in M/M or F/F fandom these days. if you really want evidence that biphobia is not just phobia toward "the straight side" that's way better evidence of that point.

--

[radfemfessing]

I find it a bit hilarious when women on here say that bisexual women can't possibly know what oppression for your sexuality is like. Or that bi women just don't have the experience of growing up facing homophobia, not knowing a way out etc etc because bi women can choose to just fuck a man anytime if they aren't in the mood for homophobia. And I can imagine that for some women, it might be like that? But it isn't for a lot of us. I am bi, yes. But I can NOT choose to be with a man anytime. I have an extreme preference for women, I had my sexual awakening and my first sexual experiences with girls, I only had relationships with women, I have only fallen in love with women. I didn't know I could like men until years after I discovered I was attracted to girls. And even then, I never felt the intense attraction and love that I have for women. I never wanted to be in a relationship with a man, I tried sex with them but it was so bad that I never want to do it again. I was beat up for having a girlfriend in school. Being with women in public has gotten me harrassed and threatened with violence. As a teenager I self harmed because of the homophobic bullying and I wished I was just "normal". The "Normal" never happened despite being able to be attracted to men. Do you think I would have gone through all of that bullshit if I could have said "lets date/marry a dude" anytime? Sexuality isn't a spectrum, bi women shouldn't call themselves lesbians, lesbians can date exclusively lesbians if they want to and het partnered bi women are privileged and hold oppressive power over lesbians. That's all true but why do these things always go along with "bi women are all bihets who could just date a man to get away from homophobia and thus dont know what homophobia is like". Sexuality isn't a spectrum, but bisexuality is. And some women are at the very far SSA end of it. Not the same experience as lesbians of course. But also not "can choose to be with a man anytime and is basically straight". All of you looove to believe in the bihet woman who doesn't even like pussy and only sees men as "the real thing" in regards to relationships and sex. Why is the opposite of that so impossible to believe in? Bi women who never considered men for relationships (and sex) and only have sex/relationships with women? It certainly is more rare but why should it be so impossible? My suspicion is that a lot of these women call themselves lesbians and that pushes two harmful myths: that bi women on the far SSA end of the bi spectrum don't exist. And that lesbians can be attracted to men, even if it's just a tiny bit. I encourage bi women like me and bi women in general to actually call themselves bi to end this bullshit.

🦧

[honeylemony]

I don't disagree with anything about your post, and I'm sorry you had those experiences, that sounds ridiculous. Of course having a het relationship is a huge privilege. But... "We are not trying to challenge your place in the community. We are not trying to remove you." Okay, but some people are. They see you with a man and make assumptions about what an oppression-free and hetero life you've had, as if touching a man negates your whole previous life. They don't care that your parents disowned you, that you had to drop out of college, that you had a gf before and were in dangerous situations, that your SA is because of your bisexuality. Even here on tumblr you can find communities that make fun of the SA of bi women and call us things like "dick worshipers". Even after that when I was later in a long-term relationship with a woman for YEARS, people insisted I didn't experience oppression just "misdirected homophobia". That I didn't have a right to be hurt or angry by some of the things they experienced, because even though I bore it, it wasn't "for" me. What the hell does that mean? This doesn't negate anything you wrote. I do think bisexuals in het relationships should stop pretending those relationships are anything but het, with all the privileges those provide. But I wish people wouldn't instantly assume they know our history or experiences with discrimination/sexual violence based on us being with men or even just being single. Bisexual women have very high rates of SA and IPV. I think this is at least partly because of how negatively all communities see us.

that sentence meant that someone sharing their experiences with homophobia is not an automatic challenge to anyone else's experiences with homophobia.

I'm not trying to be rude or mean, I've experienced a lot of what you have. I just don't understand why every time a mono-attracted (gay, lesbian) person talks about not being able to hide being gay, multiply attracted people often automatically take it as a personal challenge. It doesn't make sense. Even now, literally all I'm talking about in my post is my experiencs of homophobia due to being mono-attracted. And it sounds like you in general get that, that I'm not trying to challenge you by also experiencing homophobia in a different way, but then what is your ask trying to do. I know that bi people can experience homophobia. Nothing about me, a lesbian, experiencing homophobia changes that you also may experience it. I don't understand why the first impulse is to assume I haven't heard of bi people experiencing homophobia, or that I don't have bi friends or partners who have experienced homophobia. Why am I being treated like a child.

[somedudenamedanthony]

OUAT QUEER and other HEADCANNONS bc fuck you it's my blog vaugly related to this post made with @june-rambles

Emma is genderfluid, using all pronouns regularly but she has her days where she just feels like one gender and have one set of pronouns. Occasionally she'll say her gender is "Sheriff Swan". She's also an aromantic lesbian but thought she was bi because of severe comp-het and generally being gay in the 90s was bad.

I also need to mention she's an agere flip, specifically kidre (around 7-10) and tends to be in boymode a lot when regressed.

Reggie or Zorro or Junior or Pup or Gee of whatever you wanna call them (formerly Regina) is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns but didn't figure it out until VERY late in life. They're also a lesbian with a comp-het history where they only ever dated trans guys bc it was a guy who could love her in the way a woman would because she can't sate women right that's crazy. Therapy is needed. (Bonus: their trauma made them extremely hypersexual, rather than super skittish as some would believe).

Reggie is also agere, switching between babyre (1/2-ish) and teenre (15/16-ish).

Ruby is a trans girl and also a biromanric demisexual. She was always secure in her identity and sexuality, and Granny and her friends always supported her so she just had more chances to thrive.

Emma, Reggie, and Ruby are all dating.

Also Ruby and Emma are Reggie's cg a lot of the time, and occasionally Ruby is the cg fir both Emma and Regina.

Snow is bi and demisexual. Her first crush ever was Reggie the day they met, but she never realised it was a crush (bc comp-het) until she met Red and was told what gay people are. She likes being with Charming tho, and can't see herself with anyone else EVER.

Charming is straight as a rod (which caused a lot of confusion because James was very openly pansexual and dating a trans woman (Jack) before he died), however, old David here would sleep with a man for 20 bucks, especially if that man was Hook.

Dwarves are an inherently asexual spiecies, with Grumpy being a rare but not unheard-of outlier. Him being straight is weird though bc every other non-asexual dwarf is gay.

Tiny/Anton is a trans man and aroace.

Graham is a trans guy and lived basically his whole life as a nameless barely existent man. Reggie picked out his name for him and it kinda stuck. Graham is also a wolf therian, and 100% heterosexual.

Archie Hopper is a gay man. Fucking look at him, that is twinkdeath.

Rumple is also demisexual, but happens to be straight otherwise (a tragedy I know). He really only ever cared for Milah, Cora and Belle, and all his other relationships are non-existent in his eyes.

Belle is pansexual, but she REALLY wants to fuck that old man so any of her other relationships aren't relevant.

Victor is bi. I will not elaborate. Jefferson is a trans man gay as fuck. I will not elaborate. And, Grace is the product of Victor getting Jefferson pregnant. Again. I will not elaborate.

Mulan and Aurora are dating. Mulan is a lesbian and Aurora is bi.

Also Aurora is agere (toddlerre about age 4) and Mulan is her cg.

Maleficent is a lesbian, Cruella is bi, and Ursula is aroace. I can't tell you why, but it's correct.

Zelena is the only straight Mills woman. YES I AM SAYING I THINK CORA MILLS IS BISEXUAL SUE ME.

Captain Hook is bisexual and has a crush on charming.

Also August and Neal def hooked up a few times

I'm uhhh running out of things and it is VERY LATE I'll reblog this with more stuff tomorrow.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

It pains me to see how low gold stars' self-esteem can be, because we've been gaslit by the so-called lesbian community to think of ourselves as privileged no matter how much shit we went through for being lesbians.

I was thinking of this because I stumbled upon a twitch channel hosted by a fakebian and her gold star girlfriend. They were talking about their couple, their sexuality, their past, etc. The gold star was apologetic and kept saying that she was so much luckier than her girlfriend because she didn't "go through comphet".

However, here are the facts as they were telling them. The gold star:

Got repeatedly belittled by her mother for being a lesbian as a teen ("you're only a lesbian because you're too ugly to please men")

As a result, allowed many bicurious girls and women to "experiment" with her (= use her sexually)

Had a toxic long-term relationship where she was raped

Was the live-in sidechick of a bi woman in a het marriage for years, even though she admits that it destroyed her mental health, until the bi woman left the husband for her (that's the fakebian)

The fakebian:

Had many boyfriends and was in a happy marriage with a guy for years, has a child with him, still friends with the guy.

Bragged about having an open-minded family who never cared if she liked women, admitted that she never felt any social pressure to be with men but just went with the flow

That's it.

The fakebian never told her girlfriend that no, actually, she was the one who had it easy and being a gold star seems very difficult. It's very clear that she's still the one calling the shots in the relationship and the gold star got brainwashed into thinking that having boundaries or desires is messed up. The gs would say things like "It took her a few times to start reciprocating but it's ok! I never asked anything of her, it's fine, I swear! It would have been fucked up to expect her to reciprocate since she had never been with a woman! I prefer giving anyway!" (meanwhile the fakebian was repeating to the nervous bicurious women in the chat that they'll always be better in bed than any man ever) and "I never minded being a bi woman's first time with a woman, no one cares!" and her gf answered "only assholes care about that" 😬

I'd like to help other gold stars be unapologetically themselves, to know who they are, what they want and speak up about it, to be in touch with their emotions and their instincts, but that lack of confidence and boundaries can be so ingrained I don't even know where to start...

[anon-radfem-posts]

I am bi and I struggled quite a lot with my sexuality and I feel quite lonely with it. I had intense attraction to girls as a teenager and didn't realize I could also like guys (I guess the hormones for my crushes were too intense or something). So all I knew was that I am a girl who likes girls and that that's bad. I grew up in a time where the old kind of homophobia was socially very acceptable so I got bullied for it. To the point of physical harm and almost exclusively by other girls. It was horrific. I was outed by a "friend" who basically wanted me to be bullied into suicide because she was homophobic. And she almost succeeded. I felt like a predatory creepy piece of shit. For years I couldn't date girls (not that I had many opportunities but my bi and lesbian friends had more going on than me) because I always started to hate myself when I thought of actually touching them or flirting with them. I worked through all of that, got therapy, finally had sex and relationships with other women etc. I realized I was bi in the meantime but that was just a footnote in my journey, I continued to just date women because my attraction to men is quite mild and never blew me away as my love for women did. I don't like to talk about all of this with people because I had several instances of being told that what I experienced wasn't that bad because I could have, at any time, chosen to just date a man and be free of all of the hatred and bullying. I was told that by straight men and women, by lesbians and also by other bi people, especially other bi women. The latter hurt me the most. I do believe that bisexuality is a spectrum and one can fall on one far end of it. Somehow, people understand that quite easily with het-leaning bi women. "Of course they like men more and only see women as a quick distraction after a breakup! Of course they had five boyfriends before realizing they could like women as well!That's how bi women are!". But that it could be the other way around seems completely impossible to many people. Homophobia plays into that for sure. Maybe also that bi women like me often times just call themselves lesbians and thus are completely invisible as a role model for other ssa-leaning bi women. No idea. But I know my truth. And that is that I am bisexual and that I can't just choose to be with a man. I wish people who only like one sex could accept this, sure. But even more so, I wish other bisexual people who fall on a different spot on the bi-spectrum would accept that. Because right now I just feel like a failed bisexual, a failed person really.

-

[lesbianp1lled]

It sucks, because compulsory het could have been an interesting theory—there is absolutely social pressure that rewards women for being in straight relationships. There's also economic benefits (filing taxes as a married couple wasn't available for all gay couples until 2015), women are praised for having children with men, etc. This is a very real phenomenon.

Absolutely none of this means that lesbians want to have sex with men. The "masterdoc" absolutely destroyed useful vocab to discuss the way society rewards hets and punishes gays and lesbians, in addition to devastating the lesbian community by filling it with larping bis

I do believe societally women do get praise and a lot of benefits for being in a heterosexual relationship, this is true. But a LESBIAN is never going to sleep with a man when it goes against her natural sexual orientation. One of the most traumatising things I can think of as a lesbian would be having sex with a man. It would be traumatising, point blank. So when I see women who call themselves lesbians say they’ve had sex, consensual sex, with men I know we are not the same. Because this is something as a lesbian I would never do, and I know plenty of other lesbians that feel the same.

[insectfem]

your rs with your bf sounds awesome but as a radfem I don't know how to overcome the shame of being bi/attracted to men/wanting a rs with a man. how did you?

hi thank you! now, honestly, i do still feel a sense of shame, but im in love, and im not gonna hide a huge part of my life over the fear of being called a Fake Feminist. the biggest thing for me to remember is that.... a lot of feminist 'icons' or whatever were/are het partnered. jk rowling has been married for 23 years and loves her husband, and she's very popular on radblr. andrea dworkin (despite being a polilez) called a man the love of her life. norma mccorvey (jane roe) was bisexual and raised 2 children with a man. chimamanda ngozi adichie has a husband and a daughter with him. a huge part of feminism is helping heterosexual women live life while partnering with men (abortion, divorce, separate bank accounts, etc), considering the fact hetero and hetpartnered women make up the vast majortiy of female humans on this planet. hetero and bi women have done so much for feminism while being partnered with men, it's literally stupid to try and ignore it

there is no shame in being in love. if you have a safe, warm, loving partner that you share views with, and treats you with the utmost respect, there's no reason to have shame. most women on here who shame hetpartnered women are lonely, hateful, and misogynistic. they're not familiar with human relationships, and that is THEIR problem😭 it isn't our responsibility as bisexual women to defend our male partners and explain why we love them and all that. if they don't understand that people who are different can love and respect each other, then they're pretty much a lost cause

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Info Card ♡

Call me Lottie (not my real name)

I mostly made this account to figure myself out since I don't have a set aesthetic or brand. I will be so cringy but I'll have a lot of fun. Unfortunately I've been in some negative friendships that have made me extremely closed up and makes me lie about stuff I like in order to not be judged BUT on this acc I plan on being myself 1000%

TLDR: Lottie 22yrs (soon 23rd June) European i like makeup and zb1

Stuff I do know about myself

I'm turning 22 this year

I'm so so so shy and I'm on my way to get an evaluation for autism (my sis is diagnosed)

I'm trying to find my aesthetic so I might switch stuff up pretty often

I MIGHT have dyspraxia I'm trying to get it checked out so I might not, either way I find fine movements and talking a lot more difficult and draining than I think it should be

I used to be a huge BRIIZE and MY but since Seunghan's mistreatment I am no longer supporting groups under SM ent. (I was an exoL at 12 too 🥹)

Trying to ult zb1! I'd like to say I'm a pre debut stan but i didn't watch BP since survival shows make me physically sick of worry. However, I did vote for Ricky EVERYDAY while crying. I think I voted for Matthew too. My bias line is Ricky, Maet and Hao ♡

I know a lot of idols and groups since I've liked kpop for 10 yrs so I usually get along with most stans

If you recognise my face from a semi-popular coquette blog on here it's bc it's me lmao... ignore that

I HATE ppl irl but more bc since I'm so shy about who i acc am I end up being with ppl who arent a good match for me. I have no friends IRL rn and I'm trying to cope. However I love making friends online since they don't have to see me trip over my words and feet all the time

Feel free to moot me or DM me! As long as you are not a het man (no offence)

I live in Europe but I won't say where since on my other acc I'm so fed up with men in general and I've managed to piss of quite a few and I'm scared they'll get me some day

I don't anti any groups but a particular bg fandom scares me since all interactions with them have been borderline traumatising but I'm trying to be open minded

I am a loser lowkey. One of my goals for 2025 was to become a basement-dwelling fujo but it's been proven impossible since I absolutely can't stand most fujos bc of romanticisation on certain topics that should NOT be romanticised

WILLING TO HAVE FUJO FRIENDS its okay ik a lot of you are sm fun ♡

I don't know if I'm straight or what. It's lowkey embarrassing not to know at 22 but currently I'm not seeking any relationships and I find both women and men attractive so do with that what you will. I don't want to lesbian-bait or something 😭😭

Tw (a little feel free to skip I'll mark it in pink just in case)

This is the most I'll talk abt stuff like this abt myself and I'm doing ALMOST good now so yay!

I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and 4n4 but my depression is gone(?) And my 4n4 is a LOT better and I'll never post abt it bc duh

Might disappear for awhile at times. I'm prolly doing just fine but a little worse. Sometimes I just don't know what's happening.

I used to be ftm I think when I was 12-15 idk how to describe it but I was going SOSOSO bad and gave up on it and I'm happier now but I have mixed feelings abt my past (LOVE T PPL THO like i mean idk if I got affected by the stuff that happened in my teens or nawt)

I'm on SO MANY SSRI i do fluox and bup lmk if you have questions ig? I do A LOT of it like I do 60mg fluox

End

Somethings I like

Sohee

Zb1 (Ricky, Maet, Hao, but obvi ot9)

Makeup

Pretty men ♡

Collecting stuff

Pop girlies like Sab, Taylor and Olivia but some of my fav bands are deftones and the used (not in the fandoms of these tho)

I like k rnb some of my favs are BI and Junny but i listen to most (not in the fandoms either)

I also am a causal listener of WOODZ, The Weeknd, boynextdoor

I LOVE lana del rey she's been my top artist for 3 years in a row (I used to be a coquette lux lusbon female hysteria girlie when I was 18-19 iykyk)

I love that little Yoshi guy from treasure despite not being a teume like he's SO CUTE

I like to collect twinky/cute idols like I'll obsess abt them from time to time idk I think it's bc I like looking at pretty men

Pretty men are the only men I like except for atj and mads (they're pretty too tho)

I'm a BL writer but I never publish stuff I've been writing for 5+ yrs

Sour candy and battery acid drinks lmao

Somethings I do NAWT like

Fujo culture for reasons previously listed but I can make exceptions

Oversharing wo being asked like I get so worried abt random strangers online sometimes 😭

I am not the person to talk to if you feel bad like I'll freak out more than you I fear (im trying to be better tho)

I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR SUB STOP ASKING lmao like ppl clock me for a sub and try to become my dom coach like thank you but also absolutely not (this mainly happened when I talked abt feeling bad on my other account)

Some ppl also pin me for a fujo bc I like zb1 like I think some ships are fun and jokes but I don't read fanfics or hcs or engage in mpreg (fine if you do tho)

I am Christian and I respect all religions however pls don't argue about God or Christianity with me like I cannot defend the actions of ppl I do not want to associate with some ppl are terrible and like I don't want to have to defend myself for believing in God and idc if you think believing in God is oppressive to me(?)

I will probably never post vids with my voice but if i do pls don't tell me i sound stupid i literally think i might have a speech impediment like children tell me this all the time

That's everything!

Feel free to moot me or DM me ♡

[wolfertinger]

I question how people aren't calling out the fact that salem is dating someone who identifies as a lesbian AND bisexual, and salem is a trans man. I dont see anyone else talk about it outwardly except for this blog and its like, hello? are people just fine with it bc "oh, good for them, not my place to dictate someones sexuality ^p^". I'd also understand because like, salem has 50k+ followers on here and you may get some nasty stuff lol. And oh BROTHER I saw a post from Wis saying "I might be bi but i keep the lesbian flag around because lesbians are awesome and I love lesbians." Bestie, you can just say you're Bisexual with a sapphic lean

for some reason. bi phobia is extremely rampant in the queer community. if you are a woman, and date a man. how are you a lesbian, at the end of the day. i ask this honestly. why is simply being bisexual, such a big deal, unless you are actually biphobic, or think being bisexual, is in some way inferior or scary. and admitting publicly, you are adopting the lesbian flag even though you are a bisexual woman, dating a transgender man?

again. any self respecting trans man. would NOT be comfortable with dating a person calling themselves a woman who loves women.

to that topic. i find it ironic. the amount of slurs the two are willing to throw around, while being in a "het" relationship. maybe, they feel the need to say "d*ke" "f*g" and "tr*nny" all the time, to make sure everyone knows they are queer. when really. they look like suburban middle school kids discovering slurs.

[italianpersonwithashippersheart]

911 Thoughts

Haven't watched the new episode yet, so bare with me. I have some thoughts on the recent Bi-Buck stuff and they are semi conflicting and all over the place so I am putting it all in one post.

Firstly: The show has always been queer, it had gay characters since the start. I agree that it's not just gay now.

Buck being Bi is still amazing and huge. For many reasons: the figuring it out late rep, and the fact that we have seen hints for ages, we have all been here we have all seen it, and it finally happen. 7 Seasons in.

I do think it's good for Buck to explore dating men and figuring stuff out before jumping into buddie (if we are getting buddie)

I like Tommy. I think he and Buck have a nice chemestry.

I understand why people like the Even bit, but personal pet peeve. I hate when characters do that. Like at least give me a scene where Buck gets asked if he wants to be called Evan. I don't know I hate when someone has a prefer way to be called and then another character ingores that. At least give me a scene where he asks. Like ok I can assume Buck is ok with it and maybe he asked off screen, but like let me see it.

That said, it's not nearly as annoying then when Anna full named Eddie. That shit got my nerves. It felt like it was full naming him like you would a child who is in trouble.

Speaking of which: If no buddie, can we all agree that Eddie should be single. I don't know what it is about 911 that lets them write amazing female characters and then renders them unable to write a decent one for Eddie to play off, I don't know why someone that I know can have chemestry with women (Ryan Guzman) suddenly is unable to have any in this role. But it's painful to watch. The man has moved on from his dead wife, he just likes to be single. If the writers can't have a love interest that feels like it's there for more reasons then to remind people Eddie is straight by giving him emotional scenes with women instead of just with Buck then they just fucking need to stop and keep him single.

Like I said I like Tommy, and I do not think that Buck being Bi is useless or lessen if we don't get buddie.

That said if we are not getting buddie I will forever find it a little sus that they give Buck a male love interest that is so similar to Eddie.

I still want buddie. Not just because it's a ship between two main characters, who are equal in the series, and it would be the first gay ship between main characters in the show (SIDE NOTE: I can't help but notice that despite HenRen being amazing, they are the only major romantic relationship of the show that is One Main and One Side character, and it's the gay one. Like yes 911 has always been gay but it has not always been equal) but also beacause it would be first slow burn multi season gay ship in tv history (at least in the west).

Think about it, the hets have many ships like that, multi seasons arcs, slowly showing us them falling for each other. Pam and Jim; Booth and Bones; The main ships from Parks and Recs (I don't remember the names); Amy and Jake from B99. And many many more. But with gay ships if they are both main characters (rare) it always starts in the first season they got introuduced. Or they are already together, or they get a side character. I am not saying those are lesser ships, and sometimes that is the good choice for a show but I want my gay multi season slowburn (and don't say suprenatural I am not counting that)

GIVE ME DEMI EDDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[diabetesnscoliosis]

Uhhh haven't made any posts referencing online discourse directly but since I went on a long tangent, I might as well make my own post

It's disappointing to see (again) that an ideology i was introduced to by reading the experiences of lesbian and detrans women has just left them behind and has been overrun by upper class het women. They're now the representatives of the movement, and its all the worse for it.

Like many other more eloquent women have said, radfeminism has become "GC" choice feminism. Completely not what I've signed up for. Honestly gender critical isn't even what it should be called anyway; anyone that's visibly gnc gets lumped in with "groomers" and harassed. Even ignoring that a lot of transsexuals are ssa... so woo hoo. Way to own the trans. That's become the whole focus of radfeminism instead of women and the female class as a whole. Criticism of transition isn't even about health, mental health, or how heteropatricarchy impacts people's perception and livelihoods anymore.

Most influential GCs are too friendly with the right wing. I personally believe this has helped cause the shift that's been happening for a few years (I've been here since 2018ish) Again I have already made posts on some of these figures, but there's been no mass opposition to the infiltration (again, osa radblr is too "own the transes" than actually focusing on women)

As an osa woman myself (bi with heavy osa preference) I find all the whinging about osa relationships quite boring. If you feel attacked about being with a man, go outside. You will find people that won't say anything (because under our current system, that's the status quo) Again I think the focus away from women's issues has caused this sort of brain rot; there's camaraderie with fighting transition, but not with radfeminists in other parts of the world??(like SK, China, Iran) It would be odd, but because the people supposedly apart of this ideology have shifted at enough mass, this is what we have.

TLDR for anyone that actually cares about women, you need to be able to listen. Listen to people you don't agree with (believe it or not, there's gendies out there that take misogyny seriously) find out why you agree with something, or not. Ask how you're positioned to feel. If this seems condescending, i don't give a fuck so many of you are falling great victim to confirmation bias and that's why we're getting "radfems" who are saying lesbians can like dick.

[shinra-makonoid]

(cw dysphoria & sex life, wanted to ask some questions) You've posted in the past, that you're only into cis men and that you had relationships (and I also think you're a top). We're sorta in the same boat, while I'm bi, I'm more into men. I wanted to ask, how open are you with your partners? I'm afraid that any cis man who would date me would try to pressure me into PIV, because that's what nearly all FTM porn is about. And some T4T people online act so weird that I'm afraid to end up with a trans man who wouldn't act any better, but instead of "let me fuck your pussy", it'll be "pussy4pussy". And if I think further, it boils down to the same issue with hypothetically dating a woman. Some trans women also act weird about trans men, and cis women... either lesbian-leaning or I'll have to go to a bullshit circus called "het dating culture", though from this POV straight women who don't care much about natal penises feel the safest. Basically, I feel like most people who're open to dating trans men, only desire those parts of us that are "leftovers" or resemble our AGAB. I know it's my paranoia and dysphoria speaking, together with the experience of casual lying and manipulation/gaslighting, so I wanted to ask someone who seems to have more experience than me.

First of all, I don't think I have that much experience. I don't currently date anyone and I have no interest in pursuing anything in that regard because obviously I'm focusing on other stuff these months. I can't tell you anything about women either for obvious reasons.

I'm more ambivalent to trans men now as my thought process kinda changed. Like... I do think the T4T culture is often uncomfortable but it might also be a place where you feel safe, understood and secure. There aren't many cis people who are careful and/or who actually do the work themselves before dating you, so you will end up having to go about dumb stuff like the idea you can be a top. And like... Sure it can be done, but it's a hassle, and for my part it really makes me uncomfortable, which eliminates very quickly the person from the dating pool.

My last ex that I dated was a cis gay guy, who didn't ever think about dating a trans man before, and was shook when I told him I was one. He was a huge bottom so he was relieved when I told him I could top and all. But he was still a cis guy, and he told me he went to see porn to "see what it's like" and would talk about how he was okay/wanted to touch my parts and... Idk if it's dysphoria or if it's just him being awkward about it but that made me feel super uncomfortable because I do everything to not think about those parts of me and it's like everything about us was making me think of it. He didn't have any/much understanding or maturity in regards to what he would do/say would actually be harming me unless I specifically explained it to him and it was tiring. Is it a maturity issue or a cis issue exactly idk. But after that I reconsidered T4T mainly because these issues wouldn't arise, and in some way I'd be free of the pressure to perform at a "cis level".

I never got pressured to get PIV sex but I had one guy asking me several times if I'd be open to being pregnant at some point because he was gay but he was also a hardcore alt right and that was also uncomfortable. Usually cis people just assume you only have the PIV possibility and you have to do a whole explanation about how you can do it other ways and it's just boring. I hate that this is a subject, and I specifically hate this is the main subject everyone is worried about any time you discuss something a bit serious in terms of relationships. It is very superficial.

I'm super open about my desires (like being a top, a sadist, hearing the other guy moan etc) and what I don't want (being touched, pregnancy, piv etc), but it doesn't mean the cis partner actually understands it because it's often a bit too strange and most cis people are actually super vanilla.

Hope that it helps? Thanks anon for the ask.