#but you can tell someone who beats themselves up all the time that theyre fucking stupid but you KNOW they arent listening to SHIT

[owlf45]

A couple comments on Candor going like:

“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”

Or

“So none of it mattered”

Or

“He didn’t have to go through all that”

THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!

[suffarustuffaru]

arc 8 ottosuba and mutually assured destruction (devotion)

basically i wanna talk about this again but more Specifically bc they are gonna fuck each other over so fucking bad. like this is the most disastrous combo of all time. you got natsuki subaru who has rbd AND a suicide pill in his fucking mouth that he can use at any time AND he will die as many times as it takes to save Anyone he cares about. and then you pair him with otto suwen, aka a devoted little freak whos willing to let entire countries and millions of people, including people subaru cares about, die to save subaru. and otto has died for subaru twice now and will gladly do so again on top of that. they are the absolute worst combo of all time bc natsuki "ill save you no matter how many times i die" subaru and otto "i would let anyone and anything die to save you" suwen are inevitably going to come into conflict. otto wont let subaru die at any cost but subaru having rbd means that hes gonna win no matter what. hes gonna get what he wants. hes gonna die and theres nothing otto can do to stop it. and even if otto does stop subaru, its a lose lose bc either subaru dies and uses the info he got to beat otto next time, or subaru and otto end up having more fights with each other anyway, or otto does end up stopping subaru in some way (example: otto wanting louis to die) and subaru gets pissed at him over it, or all the otto permadeath flags end up being real and otto dies permanently and subarus gonna be destroyed and i bet ottos still gonna be like "i told you we shouldve left vollachia when we had the chance" on his literal deathbed bc him permadying proves his literal point this whole arc. and subaru can save otto all he wants but if otto ever figures out this hurts subaru in any way ottos never going to get over it. hes gonna be upset and pissed forever. there is no winning with these two. their devotion is violent and theyve literally found their match in each other. bc their devotion strips the other person of their own free will and choice in the manner bc they keep saying "no. i have to save you no matter what, even if you get upset at what im doing and even if i do all of this behind your back without ever telling you." and if they keep being stubborn theyre just gonna end up dragging each other down - which is the exact opposite of their goals to save each other. they are likely going to kill each other by the end of this, metaphorically or not. and its going to be because of love. do you understand. how do you save someone who wants to save you first. how do you save someone whos devoted themselves to you, body and soul, in the most violent way possible.

also if otto manages to read the tome once its restored... he's gonna figure out rbd.

[chai-dye]

ive been focus on the gay loosers for too long. PANNA time :3 theyre a fucking fun one :3

To the Panner! They're an old powerful immortal like I said before, and very silly :3 they have caused plenty of troubles before and have 0 morals basically. Everything they do is to entertain them, so in the past people have figured a way to basically seal them away. Panna was like kay. And proceed to have a fat fucking nap through the decades unless someone break their seal, and after a while they figure to break it themselves, but still decide to play along lol.

So when panna first met Chris and Eric, they truly has been a well-known established scientist for a while and truly have been sent by the international peace coorporations. They had fun with Chris and Eric, got weary by the confrontation and yelled at both during the confrontation also, and storm off.

Then gun guy comes and immediately snatch them up and try to make them a damsel in distress to lure in chris and eric, but Panna casually broke their chains, walked around the room and criticize Gunguys choice in evil machinery and science stuffs ("seriously dude?! Get on with the science times… the they don't make good villians these day anymore do they?..) Gunguy was pissed af at first but then was like “huh wait, you don't care about Chris or Eric anymore? Can you join my evil conpany?" and Panna nodded 'Not like I have anything else better to do!"

And that's how gunguy poach Panna basically lol. At first, Panna put up the facade they were brainwashed by gunguy, but then they reveal their true intentions: they were simply acting for themselves all along, everything is to entertain their whimsical ways ^_^ "I'm just a guy who wants to have fun, You know that from the start, it's not my fault you assume I have morals is it!”

And so officially they "join" gunguy's side. Gunguy doesn't like them also lol, he thinks they're annoying af and untrustworthy, but Panna is extremely competent and. he figured he could just play along with them for a bit to exchange a massive benefit: scientific knowledge, forbidden old knowledge, not having to mess around in the lab anymore, details to used against Chris and Eric.

And near the end of Gunguy's arc, to really emphasize his point toward Chris and Eric, when Panna protested killing the duo "what's the fun any more if you kill them so soon?!”

Gunguy shot them dead

in the final beatdown, gunguy when hes almost dead cackled and shouted that they were going to all die anyways, because now he has all the requirements to summon one of the most powerful forces even if he died. and The Force will beat both Chris and Eric's asses. He succeeded in doing the summoning… but nothing step out except for Panna who, because of the summoning, was teleported teleported to the dead guy - a sacrifice, and crawling out covered in blood. “Y-YOU WERE THE RUMORED CHAOS DESTRUCTION?” “Mhmm! You never ask me who they are my dear so…. I dont see a point in telling you! Oh well, considering our contract is no valid after my death… say byebye! You should have never deny my cock and ball torture ballpit”

Panna proceed to one hit killed Macabre right there and assume the role of the new leader of the evil company immediately lol.

Start of villain Panna act ♡

With the knowledge of Panna's source and summoning, Chris and Eric now know Panna could be sealed back again.

But that begs the question. Who summoned Panna before? Aye, surely nothing to do with a tall menacing man with a blood stained scarf, mysteriously stabbed and killed at his own table with no evidence, who totally isnt the father of eric? Surely not! Snile ^^

thats panna for today, stay tuned for “eric getting his arm chopped off and gettibg divorce with chris” or a silly girl that will appear later on in panna villain arc that i havent talk about yet, or theres an alrternative universe (alternative? Maybe idk lol its really funny if it was canon) out there where in the final battle with angel disease-stricken chris, eric did something you will never fucking imagine /silly

OOOO Panna. The silly. Sometimes you just gotta do warcrimes for the fun of it. Ivan the Narrative Haunter

[midnighteloquence]

upside down cat plush

small rant roday because i wanna talk about today and stuff

um so straight off the bat im in the bus with C and a friend of ours ill just call D for the time being. and so theyre just talking amongst themselves not really including me which yeah i kinda feel shitty because of that but eh. they get off the bus still not talking to me at all which is kinda unusual because theyll atleast try talking to me

anyways i can already tell that C does not wanna be near me like theyre showing B stuff and not showing me unless i ask “can i see?” which just sounds soooo desperate ugh and they were also just not talking to me only responding with a “ok.” which like okay

um so i go with B walking around talking about mario (and a little bit of C because i wanted to mention that C does not like me) and so he and A are walking around idk what they were talking about mmfao

the most came from my dance lesson where C and D are talking shit about someone which to my overthinking mind im immediately rhinking me so i go to get my bottle in a separate room because its like my only chance to be by myself and chill out so i dont breakdown /nav

um so then at some point C is RIGHT NECT TO ME. with my tiktok up, ahowing D. and theyre talking about me. right fucking next to me. which uh what the actual fuck?? they moved away and i heard D say faintly “shes waiting for you to leave first” which no the fuck im not?? im actively sending you apologies for being distant, im sending you nice tiktoks and you think that?? um so i just get really anxious and panicky (none of this is a vent) like close to tears breathing heavy the whole package!! i go to the bathroom so i can fucking calm down (and apparently they were shittalking me while i was gone) uh im still feeling nauseous

anyways so english is next and i have B in my vlass so i tell them that like “hey i have to talk to you about stuff” and so at lunch i tell them about what happened in dance and i also told them about the fact that C does things that i donttttt like at all (i told her to continue acting normal and not confrontational because i dont wanna cause a rift in the friendgroup)

so end of the day woo hoo im boiling ik nauseous i have a headache im tired overall doing grand and im in the bus and D and C are talking to some guy on the phone and idk why but all of a sudden C starts talking to me normally again??? like you spent all day either avoiding me or shit talking me and then youre just gonna talk about some random cunt i dont care about anymore thats a therian?? like dude and you expect me to act normally the whole fucking day?? its like what

um so i gave him a huge apology since ive been distant recently but to be honest i think that wasnt good of me to do. like he was the one that did me wrong, that insulted me, that repeatedly made me uncomfortable, that bit me, that stole my phone and went through it, that lies to me constantly, that shit talked me infront of me, the list goes on, but somehow im the one who ended up apologising and its just so backwards. it happens so much that i end up apologising to people who fucked me over and i just dont know how to stop i just cant handle people hating me or ignoring me or just ugh.

anyways thats my dayyyyy :3 have a nice one by- AHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHELP ME HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *drunken father beats me to a bloody pulp, laughing track plays*

also i was rlly stressed out about the whole kissing thing because idk what if i fuck up and so i asked him and be said like lemme put the screenshot. like soskiejsidhhuhhhhh

istg this cannot be platonic anymore istggggg

[mr-kiwi-the-wizard]

The Dreamscape

Once more it seems i’ve fallen asleep. It is dark and cold and oh so more comfy than a moment ago. I cant even remember going to bed or what i was doing. My head feels dizzy and the mists as thick as cake rolls in. how can a mist have the consistency of cake. I reach out for the cake. This is the ground. Ah. i push myself up it is still foggy but soon that fog rolls away. It is bright today. I love it when its bright. That means things are going good. I stand up and brush myself off. Its little more than a gesture really. Im not normally this awake when im asleep. Its what you would call a contradiction. Its what I call a contradiction and im the only important one here. Huh. im here and little else. The ground it seems has more colour over yonder. Neat. i walk down the path. It is a degrassed dirt path that is hardened with sunshine and track beating. Hedges of green flank me side by side. I see cottages and small houses on small plots of land beyond the hedges. There are all sorts of people. I cant clearly make out what theyre doing. Perhaps my imagination in this dream isnt fully awake. Most people here are peacefully within their homes or outside enjoying themselves. I see two people discussing the past while a group of strangers sit by and occasionally pipe in. wonderful. As i walk down the road i see an old hag of a lady babbling to herself about a hundred different things. Theres a small gathering of people around her like human shaped cats. She occasionally yells at one or another for telling her what they though of her or what they think she is. I know exactly what i am! She would yell. I cannot hear the people with her say anything but im certain thats whats being said. Who has a one sided conversation with someone like that? I hop the hedge which is about as high as my legs and walk over. The grass here is full of sporadic bushes and small stones covered in moss. There a tiny bog pond with a statue that looks remarkably like a dead person. I sort of pause and look at a little longer. Its mouth is agape and its expression is… hard to describe. The word pog comes to mind but it looks more like the man was gut punched. He is covered in thick moss save for the mouth and closed eyes. Freaky thing to keep in a pond. The lady seems to be ignoring me and keeps rattling off to no one in particular. She contradicts herself five times in one rant only to say in her next rant that its not only human to contradict yourself but also to lie and lie often. Shes rather wise i thought. As my brain tried to unravel her nonsense and found many unconnected threads of truth. She then started biting one of the people present who only blushed as he started bleeding. Ok weird. I walk over join the group. She flings back into another rant about her life and experiences which seem to follow her current philosophy. Neat. i add in my own experiences to the conversation. She suddenly goes wild. Her eyes bulging. Her skirt flowering out as if it were inflating beneath her. She reached under and removed a menacing knife from what i could only assume was her nickers. Oh fuck. She began screaming at me. How dare i enter her house. How dare i abuse her space. How dare i. How dare it all be about me. I flee in horror as the others sit around and watch the assault like nothing new was happaning and i leap over the hedge. I start running fast down the road. The sky was getting gray and clouds began to form and the colour was beginning to be sapped from the very landscape. I look back but the old hag was no were to be seen. I slow my pace. Im scared and anxious. Like a rat bastard with huge teeth was about to jump out and nab me. The road was lined with fences and small shrubs. I couldnt see over them. I couldnt see much of what people were doing now. Was i no longer allowed? We all occupied this small space together right? I could hear all sorts. Partying, carrying on and even shouting and abuse over the fences. At one point i hear a scuffle. I try to pull myself over the fence to see whats going on. There are three men in white masks kicking a poor man huddled on the ground. They shout about taxation, exploitation and how the man does not own the land he lives on or has the right to have a say in who gets to live there. I dont know if the mans allright. I dont even try to help. Im afraid. I drop down and start running again. What if they saw me. I have no where to go. The path was flanked by concrete walls that aimlessly tower into the sky. Why… why am i running. I look back. Its a dark alleyway that is blocked by a chained fence. I can only go forward. As i walk forward i notice the walls are tagged in long winded paragraphs with neat colourful pictures illustrating the walls on occasion. Neat. i stop to look at one. Its a picture of a clown. He looks upset, perhaps stressed. There is some text but it has been tagged over with smaller more happy clowns under it. Weird. I dont want to read a wall of text on the wall. A lot of it looks political, doesnt concern me. Kind of… deranged, like someone is calling out for help to an audience of beggars and back ally thugs. I see an opening ahead. I walk forth. As i step out im nearly blinded by the sun above as i see a grand sight. Tall buildings in every direction covered in signs and electronic billboards. Theres even some art being shown off. The plaza im now in looks very inviting there are orange leaved trees surrounded by benches. There are no roads just open space and people walking around and sitting around. I look up again as i hear the sound of a electric train. It runs on rails that sit on pillars that go up into the air. They zoom by with great speed. I can even see walkways higher up alongside the buildings and between them with similar looking plazas in high places. I step out in awe oblivious to my surroundings for only a few moments before the people begin to feel off. Very off. I look around and see everyone in gray suits and white masks. Very bland. Like just gray business suits. The masks are different looking on occasion. Some are painted and some even have full on paintings and illustrations on them. Like someone supplanted a picture onto the surface. I walk out into the plaza and try to keep my nerves calm but a few people stop and stare at me. The people ive met here so far are either insane or vacant. And these people are no different. They stare at me unmovinglingly as if i was the center of attention. Soon a crowed began to amass around me and i was surrounded. I stopped. They were everywhere. Looking at me. One of them lurched forward almost like he was possessed by a brain eating worm under that thing. His muscles spasamed and drool was beginning to stain his suit his shoulders were raised to his ears. He whispered. Heretic… It was dead quite, no one made a sound so the whisper carried over like a pricing note. What? His body convulsed as he threw his head back. HERETIC!!! He shouted as he fell to the ground and began to shake. The man was clearly having a seizure and would die if i did nothing but as i stepped towards him more strange staunch men in plain masks stepped out from the crowed towards me. Im not a hero. Im just… scared. I stepped back as they shambled towards me. The rest of the crowed watching like it was all some great big performance. The man on the ground began to get up and started running towards me. I panicked and turned to my left and ran bowling into the crowed. I kept my head low as tears filled my eyes almost blinding me. The strange men in suits and masks didnt make any attempt to stop me. Nor did they make any attempt to move out of the damn way. It was a rough sea of people and gray suits and over coats. Some were brown some were trenchcoats one or another were a sort of black but soon a hand grabbed my own. Come with me. I didnt exactly have a choice but a voice devoid of malice was the only thing i could cling to in that mess. I was dragged through the crowed like they were made of water and soon we were on the outside. I was being dragged along by a masked man in an olive brown coat. He dragged me around a small wall the jutted out from the building. It was a wall that was designed to stop people walking into the pit some stairs had dug into the ground to let people enter a lower floor. Behind this wall was a 2ft high window that was wide like a slit adjacent with the ground. He got on his butt and slipped legs first through the slit pushing the little window back as he dipped inside. Not wanting to be caught out in the open i follow suit. Legs first then my ba-AHHHH. I bend wrong as i slide in as my back connects with the edge bending my back too much from the pressure as i push the rest of me in. there is no surface for my legs to catch on and i fall a good distance into the ground hurting my hands and legs and back. I am in pain. Sorry about that. I look up. The man in the olive brown coat and a mask with blues and reds and purples painted on his mask is just standing there in a broad stance. Ahhh ha ha… he sits down on a leather couch infront of a wooden coffee table. Theres a nice green mat on it with a kettle and two cups. And a few other silver wares. Tea? He asks. I try to get up using another couch next to me and sit down across from him. I am in a lot of pain right now. True. True? I shake my head. He pours out a cup of tea and adds some milk. Sugar? Err… yes please. He puts a single teaspoon of sugar in my cup and stirs it before pushing it towards me. Does this man intend to drink with his mask on? No. he removes his mask which is attached to a black elastic hood to seemingly fully obscure his face. He was a young looking man with long curly hair, brown eyes and a short beared. Who are you? I asked. A stranger. Wow, very helpful nice introduction. He sipped his tea and sort of resented doing so by the look on his face. Clearly he’s just trying to be accommodating. Which is a first. Nothings spiraling out of shape here everythings still the same. I take a sip of my tea. It tastes weirdly faint of chocolate. Weird tea bags. I looked at him and he was just staring at me with a piercing gaze. Like he was looking at a point behind my head. I had to strain to not lookbehind me. I was sweating up a storm. Ummmm.. Thank you for helping me out back there err. Stranger. No problem. You dont look like your from around here. Its my damn dream of course not. I need to get going soon but i know you must have a lot of questions so ask away. Questions? I couldnt get your name and now your offering. If he hasnt got time to answer my questions i better make them count. What is this place. My house. Ehhh! I figured that! I mean what is this place. As in outside too. Oh, thats spiral city. A utopia if you can believe it. A utopia? Everyone here is mad not to mention it sort of appeared. Ok so who were those people. He shrugged. Assholes i guess. Unhelpful. They sort of tried to attack me. Who are they its kind of important and whats with the masks. He looked at me again with that scaring look of his like his eyes were about to drill into my brain. This isnt a Q&A its an interrogation! People around here dont like the idea of freedom of expression. You dont question anything. You dont make anything you alone want. You dont stand out more than your allowed. And if you do, you better be there to outperform every son of a bitch in that there supermarket. We’re in a city! Not a super market who talks like that. He stands up. One final question before i go. He pauses… oh i thought he had a question for me no its for him ok an important one. An important one. Hmmm. Do you like it here mr? He looks up at the ceiling it looks clean and polished. Which people generally dont keep. He speaks without looking back at me. We get free healthcare, free food, free housing, free time and a small allowance for any luxuries or small time trading. Its nice here. Its peaceful. You arnt afraid your being enslaved here? He looks down at me without tilting his head. And turns around. I’ve no more time for questions right now. They're going to turn out the lights soon. The lights? You mean the sun right? Right? Or do they have access to your apartment lights too. Hey im talking to you! He had already left. And now i was alone. What a weird dream. This sucks and i hurt. You dont hurt in dreams. I’ve had my lungs fill with water harmlessly and even been sawn in half once without hurting. This sucks. I finish my tea and lie my sore self down on the couch and grab a pillow and drift off to sleep. Sleep while asleep. This place is weird.

[reveriespiral]

<- begin cut ->

two other asks by this person

controversial take but just cuz jude is a nerd doesn't mean he gets beat up all the time. i feel like if anything he is the person who causes the most problems at school. idk if u ever watched donnie darko but the protag is p schizophrenic and ends up flooding the school due to one of his delusions. jude should be that kid that constantly ends up having the police called on him and getting suspended multiple times, and is generally known as the kid u should be cautious around.

OK sorry for spamming ur asks i just got jude autism. idc if ppl say its ooc jude harley is kind of donnie darko pilled. we need to make donnie darko jude art that is my crazy idea.

ANON. YOU GET IT. YOI GET ME. he would not work in some high position like in the government or as any teacher of any kind. if anything hed barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs hed ever get would be like... janitor or cashier. constantly on the run from everyone he loves only staying in one place a few months at a time because he thinks theyre spying on him and trying to keep him away from the truth by putting him in the psych ward.

on judes school life: joey is bullied a lot iirc and i definitely think jude would be too. being transmasc AND being autistic in 1995 hes cooked. in his younger years hed be bullied a lot for the way he is and i think this would result in a lot of lashing out. hurting other students and being suspended a lot because of it. he does seem like a smart kid though. hed be the 'pleasure to have in class beside behavioral issues' type. eating lunch with teachers because nobody in his school wants to be near him because hes scary and weird. he wouldnt get beat up though if anything hes the one hurting other kids like i said. someone calls him weird and leaves with 2 broken bones and a target on their head for months.

i think part of the reason joey would be bullied is for her little brothers behavior issues. jude does get better with it as he gets older but he still has outbursts obviously. at around 11-12 he stops with his constant angry outbursts and after that they are rare but worse than anything he ever did as a young kid. shit like you said-- flooding the school, setting fires, getting into fights, getting the police called on him, ect ect. the police especially fuels his paranoia about government and authority figures. also the older he gets the more his delusions worsen-- as a young kid it was mostly because of his father leaving and his mother dying and his bottled up anger at his dad, but because nobody not even adults and people who are supposed to help him recognize that he continues bottling it all up and also doesnt have anyone to tell about his very obvious schizophrenia symptoms so he never gets medicated for it. im kind of running in circles but my Point is hes very heavily bullied in his early years and later on he still is but mostly everyone is too scared of him to do it directly. they talk amongst themselves when he walks by saying somethings wrong with him and he needs to be put in the looney bin and all of this only fuels his delusions that everyone is against him and out to get him even more.

also elaborating on his adult life-- i think again if he tries to fit in with normal people he would barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs that would take him would be like... cashiers at middle of nowhere gas stations or janitors for restaurants on edges of town that nobody visits because the employees are all strange. in his mind his *real* job is being a paranormal investigator, which he does VERY diligently. he investigates anything out of the ordinary-- haunted houses, alien and cryptid sightings, ect... if he goes full cryptid and fucks off from society he would live in a bunker in the woods. underground bunker only he knows of stocked up on canned food and growing his own fucked up plants to eat. comes out every 6 months to walk 10 miles to the nearest walmart and buy a shitton of frozen meat to last him the next 6 months. either built the place himself or refurbished an old nuclear fallout shelter. either way he paid for it all with cash that he stole from the half harley manor when he left. assuming hes 13 in 1995 he would be 27 in 2009 when the world ends. he wouldnt even make it to 30. i ALSO feel like he predicted 4/13. type of guy to dig through skaianet archives and documents that he found looking to see if aliens are real and finds a deadly prophecy that only worsens his delusions. he would already be terrified of end of the world scenarios but the very real threat coming in 2009 would make one of his delusions true and probably make him think the rest are too. if he was right about the world ending, it isnt a stretch to say people would be stalking him and spying on him and trying to prevent him from getting the truth out, right?

ive gotta watch donnie darko to fuel my jude autism even further... ive been told id like it but i havent watched it yet. i have to get on that soon. everyone start making donnie darko jude art NOW. and in general acknowledge judes schizophrenia more. my final message. good bye

<- end cut ->

update on this i did watch donnie darko and it IS jude core. rip jude harley youd love donnie darko and serial experiments lain

DUDE YEA like people seem to hc jude like he'd be working in the FBI or with NASA like dude Jude is mentally ill as hell chances are hes isolating himself to the maximum, constantly visiting pysch wards for psychotic episodes, and can barely keep a job especially with his track record for delusions. not to say he cant have a job but i think itd be really fricking difficult. ideally he is surviving off the grid.

two other asks by this person

controversial take but just cuz jude is a nerd doesn't mean he gets beat up all the time. i feel like if anything he is the person who causes the most problems at school. idk if u ever watched donnie darko but the protag is p schizophrenic and ends up flooding the school due to one of his delusions. jude should be that kid that constantly ends up having the police called on him and getting suspended multiple times, and is generally known as the kid u should be cautious around.

OK sorry for spamming ur asks i just got jude autism. idc if ppl say its ooc jude harley is kind of donnie darko pilled. we need to make donnie darko jude art that is my crazy idea.

ANON. YOU GET IT. YOI GET ME. he would not work in some high position like in the government or as any teacher of any kind. if anything hed barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs hed ever get would be like... janitor or cashier. constantly on the run from everyone he loves only staying in one place a few months at a time because he thinks theyre spying on him and trying to keep him away from the truth by putting him in the psych ward.

on judes school life: joey is bullied a lot iirc and i definitely think jude would be too. being transmasc AND being autistic in 1995 hes cooked. in his younger years hed be bullied a lot for the way he is and i think this would result in a lot of lashing out. hurting other students and being suspended a lot because of it. he does seem like a smart kid though. hed be the 'pleasure to have in class beside behavioral issues' type. eating lunch with teachers because nobody in his school wants to be near him because hes scary and weird. he wouldnt get beat up though if anything hes the one hurting other kids like i said. someone calls him weird and leaves with 2 broken bones and a target on their head for months.

i think part of the reason joey would be bullied is for her little brothers behavior issues. jude does get better with it as he gets older but he still has outbursts obviously. at around 11-12 he stops with his constant angry outbursts and after that they are rare but worse than anything he ever did as a young kid. shit like you said-- flooding the school, setting fires, getting into fights, getting the police called on him, ect ect. the police especially fuels his paranoia about government and authority figures. also the older he gets the more his delusions worsen-- as a young kid it was mostly because of his father leaving and his mother dying and his bottled up anger at his dad, but because nobody not even adults and people who are supposed to help him recognize that he continues bottling it all up and also doesnt have anyone to tell about his very obvious schizophrenia symptoms so he never gets medicated for it. im kind of running in circles but my Point is hes very heavily bullied in his early years and later on he still is but mostly everyone is too scared of him to do it directly. they talk amongst themselves when he walks by saying somethings wrong with him and he needs to be put in the looney bin and all of this only fuels his delusions that everyone is against him and out to get him even more.

also elaborating on his adult life-- i think again if he tries to fit in with normal people he would barely be able to keep a job and the only jobs that would take him would be like... cashiers at middle of nowhere gas stations or janitors for restaurants on edges of town that nobody visits because the employees are all strange. in his mind his *real* job is being a paranormal investigator, which he does VERY diligently. he investigates anything out of the ordinary-- haunted houses, alien and cryptid sightings, ect... if he goes full cryptid and fucks off from society he would live in a bunker in the woods. underground bunker only he knows of stocked up on canned food and growing his own fucked up plants to eat. comes out every 6 months to walk 10 miles to the nearest walmart and buy a shitton of frozen meat to last him the next 6 months. either built the place himself or refurbished an old nuclear fallout shelter. either way he paid for it all with cash that he stole from the half harley manor when he left. assuming hes 13 in 1995 he would be 27 in 2009 when the world ends. he wouldnt even make it to 30. i ALSO feel like he predicted 4/13. type of guy to dig through skaianet archives and documents that he found looking to see if aliens are real and finds a deadly prophecy that only worsens his delusions. he would already be terrified of end of the world scenarios but the very real threat coming in 2009 would make one of his delusions true and probably make him think the rest are too. if he was right about the world ending, it isnt a stretch to say people would be stalking him and spying on him and trying to prevent him from getting the truth out, right?

ive gotta watch donnie darko to fuel my jude autism even further... ive been told id like it but i havent watched it yet. i have to get on that soon. everyone start making donnie darko jude art NOW. and in general acknowledge judes schizophrenia more. my final message. good bye

[curedeity]

Shogun Steel Episode 9:

-im hoping this episode is less painful to sit through. Please let it be less painful.

-sidenote theres a clip in the intro where phoenix is surrounded by three beys like yeah, even the intro understands that rens experience is just getting ganged up on

-apparently i missed the scene last episode where sakyo challenges shinobu

-sakyo looks so dumb in that scene i cant believe i missed it dhdjsjsjd. Like they try to make him intimidating but like i can just imagine shinobus thoughts being "??????"

-discount aguma time! How does he expect to actually take control of a stadium by beating zyro? Yall realize that bladers are like... individuals and not part of a wider team right now, right?

-these bandits are a more cooperative team than any in the world championship

-someone please tell me who dorected the voice actors of this season to speak like this

-sakyo speaks like hes in a middle school theater production

-i dont know if the battles in shogun steel are genuinely worse or not but i find them wayyyyy harder to enjoy

-"maru, are you and zyro both safe? Because this guy is wandering around doing a really good copying ryuga. And by that i mean just randomly destroying people. And misogyny."

-not going to lie, i do like the fact that sakyo basically defeats all of zyros rivals first, it builds him up a lot. But there still isnt much of an emotional connection so they really needed that time. They were able to throw ryuga straight into a battle with gingka because of their emotional tension but for sakyo thats nonexistent so theyre trying to manufacture someone.

-love that sakyo is bringing back the bey violence though i miss the dramatics of people getting tossed around by beybattles

-salamander isnt even broken. Stop being a baby shinobu

-"gingka haganes strongest and greatest rival" poor kyoya can never catch a break. Even ryugas ghost looms taller than him

-takanosuke can you shut up you dont deserve my respect yet

-"why is takanosuke with him" "well maru when two guys are gay-" or at least thats what shinonu would say if he wasnt repressed

-maru should make shinobu help her make banners and signs to cheer on their friends. She forces him to use finger paint

-i think you should be able to tell how boring i find the battles that i just think of stuff like that

-how many cough drops do you think bladers take a day due to all the screaming they do

-not takanosuke though

-what is that necklace sort of thing takanosuke is wearing

-"sakyo could show me the path to become stronger" takanosuke pls, misogyny isnt strength

-god theyre really just shoehorning in these rivalries. I really wish they could do a commentary on how theyre all forcing themselves to fit roles of a previous generation and carrying on mistakes from that generation. Like not just in a "youre your own person" sense but like... idk how to explain. I want sakyo punched in the face for thinking fucking ryuga was a good person to copy.

-sakyos claims are so fucking dumb like ryuga would ever give up power to someone else.

-au where kenta gave him ronin dragoon actually but kenta is also not the sanest person so accidently ended up making sakyo think he should copy ryuga.

-that was a lame loss. That wasnt even a good loss. That was a cop out loss.

-Someone please stop making sakyos voice actor speak like that.

-summary: more enjoyable than the last few. Gave me a lot of fluff and au fic ideas. But honestly the funniest part is how clearly this episode is supposed to parallel ryugas entrance and yet all these kiddos are just kinda forcing themselves to.

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

LET'S GOOOOO it literally typed this all up in a google doc to answer this question lol

HAHAHAHA YES

okay so wikipedia tells me very little about barrys childhood so i know nothing about it and the cw backstory doesn’t work for what i want to do so this is just rubixburd’s (trademark) barry allen backstory

when barry’s mom dies he first gets bounced around from distant relative to distant relative and then finally he’s placed with a foster family

by the time he’s like 16/17 he starts working on becoming an emancipated minor because he gets moved around so much and he’s just over it and wants to finish school

one month they set up a seminar for a bunch of foster kids at the police station and it’s shitty for most of it because the cops take one look at them and are treating them like theyre already criminals until they get to the crime lab section and barry is like !!!!!!

so he gets an internship and just spends the whole time following around this old and grumpy doctor that kind of just lets barry do whatever so barry gets to do his own thing

so in the midst of 1) focusing on keeping his grades good until he graduates 2) applying to be emancipated and get his own place 3) applying to colleges 4) balancing an internship 5) working part time at the local grocery store and 6) realizing he probably has adhd barry allen gets superspeed

barry is going through A LOT

his first suit is just an all red tracksuit and his shoes are pretty much ruined every single week lol

the superspeed helps him in that he can now finish things SUPER QUICKLY and clears up his schedule BUT he now has to eat A LOT and his current foster family aren’t dicks but his sad little check from the grocery store doesn’t really cover a lot

so he’s stressing about ALL THIS until one day he’s out on patrol and takes down captain cold (who is the father of leonard snart aka cold jr, who was a former Fellow Troubled Foster Teen with barry and he DID manage to get his own place and his life set up to take care of his sister until his fucking dad broke out of prison and recruited len for his shitty operations so barry beats cold up and then him and len go eat hot dogs or whatever)

when JAY FUCKING GARRICK, FLASH AND MEMBER OF THE FORMER JSA shows up and is like hey are you that new speedy kid and barry is like WHAT THE FUCK, YOU’RE JAY FUCKING GARRICK, FLASH AND MEMBER OF THE FORMER JSA, and jay is like awesome you’re my kid now

jay garrick and joan garrick adopt barry at the ripe old age of 17 lmao

so while all this is going on, the justice league trinity have now become Besties and go around and beat people up together and joan is like oh honey you should go try and make some friends :) and barry is like i am 99% certain that isn’t how this works

(that is how this works)

so he’s not sure what do about That so he just does his own thing with jay (who is retired but still mentors barry and also gave barry like three panic buttons on his suit lmao) ((maybe not retired actually because everyone is younger in this au so maybe jay is younger???))

OH MY GOD BARRY ALLEN IS KID FLASH ELIFNEIL

Flash (jr) meets iris west who runs Central City’s High School Journalism Club and is also a REALLY big superhero fan so all her articles and blog posts are just about the justice league lol. She has a big ass JSA poster.

Yes iris west and lois lane have journalism crushes on each other and follow each other on twitter

Barry winds up meeting green lantern who ends up in central city following some corporate espionage (the rathaways set up a shell company on the west coast to try a hostile takeover of queen consolidated by killing and bribing people, so hal is in central city to bust some heads).

Green lantern runs into (kid?) flash who is investigating the same thing so they spend the week adamantly NOT working together to try and solve the case until finally they’re forced to take down a bunch of bad guys together and then they are BFFs for life.

Jay and joan are convinced hal is barry’s boyfriend despite barry saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO GIVE THEM THAT IMPRESSION

Yes jay and joan give hal a shovel talk yes its absolutely terrifying

So anyways yes flash jr and green lantern quickly cement themselves as a duo and then suddenly everybody on earth is being attacked by parademons so they team up with the Justice Trio to stop a hostile takeover of earth and also holy shit there are MARTIANS AND ATLANTEANS NOW

They all decide to become a Formal Team but really they just hang out in bruce’s mansion and eat pizza (because bruce has an allowance and he is Not Allowed to build a superhero hangout club so if he wants to hang out with his friends- I’m sorry, have Strategy Sessions with his Super Serious Justice League, they can do it under the watchful eye of Alfred Pennyworth) ((alfred, jay, joan, martha, and john are the Real Justice League))

Barry knows very little about Actual Fighting because jay and barry are fast enough that they never… actually… learned how to fight so the first few months they know each other is just bruce and diana (and alfred) kicking barry’s ASS while sparring because they’re all used to clark’s superspeed so they can actually fight barry and barry is like :(

Literally EVERYONE on the Teen Justice League is bi it’s so fucking funny

Like obvs regular justice league has so much drama but Teen Justice League just has off the charts levels of drama someone cries over something every other week lmaoooo

[wqk-k]

Obey Me Brother react to an idol!MC

 hi this is my first set of headcanons for the brothers  👉👈 i apologize if the brothers are ooc in this, though i tried my best jksajdufhj. i hope you enjoy!

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Warning(s): Cursing

Reader Pronouns: They/Them (4A)

Background: MC is a very popular idol in their world, best known for their impressive singing skills, music and the amount of rewards they have recieved because of their talents. Surprisingly, they aren’t only popular in their world, but in the Devildom and Celestial Realm as well.

++++

Lucifer

since lucifer didnt actually read who you were on the paper that had blown to his feet, he had no idea you were an idol at first

but after couple days at RAD, he noticed that random demons kept coming up to you in between classes and didnt leave until the next class started

most of them had come up to you with a pen and some paper asking for your autograph

he was just like ??? 

after a while of this happening luci decided to just ask you straight up why they were coming up to you like that and you had told him you were an idol back in the human realm

that explains it

he honestly doesnt mind

if people start hating on you in public, he’ll honestly just shoot them a death glare and it works

so damn well

he got too much pride to deal with those underlings

if you start working on music/mv projects that you left off on in the human realm (like shooting mv or singing) he will absolutely rent you a recording booth or fuck, even a whole ass theatre if you needed it

sometimes he likes to sit in the recording booth and listen to you sing for a bit before returning to his stacks of mammon’s bills 

v proud of you dont get him wrong

but he will make sure you’ve done all your homework first LMAO 🛌

Mammon

when mammon first found out you were an idol he started digging through boxes that had been in his closet

after what seemed like hours he finally found the box he was looking for and he started to dig through it

he pulled out an old camera that levi gave him a couple hundred years ago bc he said he didnt need it

mammon had the best idea ever, he could sell pictures of you to your fans for at least 10,000 grimm each.

surprisingly it worked

like really well

so well that you found out

you confronted him about it, saying that you find hella uncomfy with him snapping pictures of you at random times. not only that but it was an invasion of your privacy

despite him earning so much grimm, he agrees to stop but keeps some of the pictures to himself to look at when he misses you 

if you get hate in public he’ll turn into his demon form and scare the person away, maybe scaring you in the procees but apologizes right away if he does

if you start working on music/mv projects he’ll offer to help you shoot mvs or record you singing if you need the help

just make sure he gets some credit for helping you

but he genuinely thinks you look amazing in anything, like anything

you could be wearing a big bird cosplay and he’ll think you look breathtaking

gets you to model w him sometimes

Leviathan

wait you look really familiar

really really familiar

you almost look and sound like that one really popular human idol that hes simped for time and time again

wait

oh shit

v embarrassed when he finds out it is actually you and gets really nervous when hes talking to you

is the demon asking for your autograph

but you have no idea how much power you have over this man

you could tell him to come out of his room and he’d come out with ease, no protesting, no nothing

may ask you to record a ringtone for him for when he wakes up

even after months of you two knowing each other, he still gets flustered when you start talking to him with your stupid cute ass eyes and your perfect hair and your perfect voice and your perfect-

yeah you get the point AKJSDKLASFBG

if you get hate in public he will deadass growl at the person before escorting you to your favorite ice cream place

if you start working on music/mv projects he will be by your side 24/7

he wants to see the god/ess themselves at work

hes like your personal butler for the time youre working on the projects and its adorable

hes bby

Satan

when he finds out youre an idol he will 100% voulenteer to help you write lyrics for your next song

but besides that, like luci, he really doesnt mind

he hears some other demons talking shit about you after art class and he’ll be angy as usual, but after stomping off and accidentally bumping into you he just

turned into puddy??

idk what it was but it was something abt they way your hair was a lil messed up and looking at him like that wish a small embarrassed look

just wow

every ounce of anger just evaporated while you apologized over and over again because the face he was making made him look like he was angry for some reason 

when he snaps back into reality he says its cool but then asks if youd like to go to the library w him because honestly youre his safe haven now

sometimes he asks you to hum a tune for him when hes reading

if the demons start hating again, you may need to hold him back KJASNDJFG 

if you start working on music/mv projects, again, will voulenteer for helping with lyrics

if you already have the lyrics down he’ll review them and give constructive critisisim if needed

or he’ll just write every lyric himself and you can judge it after hes done

Asmodeus

is not surprised at all

hes actually heard some of your songs and damn id he doesnt have them on his “on repeat” playlist on devilfy

he thinks you have an outstanding voice, not only that but youre a gorgeous lookin thing

asmo likes to hit on you a lot because he likes to see that flustered look on your face but he would never over your boundaries

he wouldnt want to be over the internet bc he made one of the most praised artists in devildom (thats not even a demon) angry

asmo doesnt want to be cancelled yet JKSJKDGFUA

but seriously, he thinks youre amazing

like really amazing

there like no lust involved in his admiration for you he just geniunely thinks youre cool

but he does think you look amazing 24/7

will ask you to model things for him for devilgram

if you get hate in public, he’ll hold your hands and shower you with compliments and tells you to ignore them

if you start working on music/mv project he will insist on doing backup vocals or being a backup dancer

or like the head backup dancer or whatever theyre called

is like your personal stylist wherever you go as well

along with that he can also help you come up with a beat for your song if you need one, he is more than happy to help someone like you

Beelzebub

he honestly thinks youre really cool

asmo showed him one of your songs before and thought it sounded really catchy

not only that, you sounded beautiful, almost like you were actually from the celestial realm, consider him a fan

so when you showed up for the new exchange program he was surprised but got really giddy

was one of the demons who asked for your autograph

you gave him a sweet smile after he asked and he just- melted

man down man down

will want to spend lost of time with you and take you to ristorante six on fridays as his treat

you usually end up paying though which he feels really guilty about but you tell him its fine

youre an idol who is loaded to the chest, youve got nothing to lose KLSKADJHF

if you get hate in public he’s also the type to death glare but people dont really hate on you in public when youre w him bc he has a naturally scary aura

lowkey thought you wouldnt like him at first :(

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll start cooking you meal and making sure you get enough water

will absolutely cook your favorite meal- or any meal in fact- if you request it

if you dont request anything he’ll just wing it and make something he think you’ll like kjskdhsf

Belphegor

couldnt care less  🧍

he thinks your voice is pretty nice tho

hears beel listening to your music once and agrees w him on you having a really nice voice

lowkey sing him to sleep

like its super cute

plus he thinks youre gorgeous?? like wow you rlly pretty

once tried rubbing your face bc he thought you were wearing makeup but when nothing came up on his thumb he muttered a small “wow” and hugged you

it was the cutest thing ever ohmy god KJSJDSIF

ever since that day hes obtained a habit of rubbing your face when he finds you stunning or at random moments

if you get hate in public he will literally murder the person?? but in like an alleyway or something

he’ll say something like “wait here” and walks toward a dark area to do his thang

when he comes back he’s covered in this red shit and you worry for him but he just glosses over it and takes you into a pillow shop LMAO

he is v protective over you

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll occasionally help out but most of the time he’s sleeping so he doesnt really care 

sometimes he’ll give beat/lyric suggestions or help flim the mv but thats it  🧍  

++++

[evilkitten3]

#i think mdr also doesnt rlly care abt younger ppl's opinions sdffggfds#he's like. old man shakes his fist at a cloud#he is so OLD and i think he believes that its part of why he must be right#like ... he has all this experience. he has lived an extensive life#tried and failed to make 'teamwork' (cooperation) work#so for him it is. it seems naive probably of naruto to believe that this would work#(it is notable tho that he SEES that the shinobi villages are cooperating. he mentions this Twice actually the other time is#right after his edo tensei resurrection. its the very first thing he remarks upon being faced w the alliance#that theyre all wearing the same headbands but they seem to be coming from different villages#this kind of .. does blow his mind. but its too late for him to take on a new ideology Now ^_^#he has to go thru with it. he's so smart and so sexy after all <3 he has to be right. and they must be wrong#bc he has lived and seen that any alliance will just fall apart at the end and so thats why theyre 'pathetic' at the end of the day anyway)#it is very funny tho i think asfgdfdgd#bc obt is like out there screaming and arguing with everyone. and mdr is like ummm who the fuck cares. LMAO#lets beat the shit out of each other and whomstever wins. that one's the one that has rights. and IS right w their ideology#i also do think its notable that team 7's 'teamwork' doesnt actually manage to bring him down BUT#their teamwork does lead to the defeat of kaguya. so. i feel like at the end of the day#u can still say that the teamwork/cooperation ideology is the winner here#bc they get to have a future and konoha continues to exist. whereas mdr fucking explodes and then dies. lmao#so the narrative does. still prove him wrong albeit indirectly

1000% true he only cares about opinions of the youth (hehe) when said youth can shatter his ribcage. and even then he's still more interested in getting kicked again

alternatively i think he might find it somewhat amusing that the way to get everyone to cooperate turned out to be. having them all be really really really about-to-shit-themselves scared of him (obito but that's that same thing as far as he's concerned). moreover, if the only time they can work together is when they have a common opponent, then as soon as that opponent is defeated (entirely hypothetical ofc bc he's perfect and about to become the second sage and can't be stopped ever) then they'll just. go back to fighting each other. which just proves his original point (it in fact does not, but since he never tells anyone anything there's no one who can point out the itty bitty teeny weeny gaping massive gloryhole flaws in his logic such as that. while they can't prove that that's not true. he also can't prove that it is.)

your logic concerning the narrative is technically correct but unfortunately madara operates on his own crazy caveman logic, and while team seven can do. basically jackshit to stop him, as soon as kaguya takes over, they manage to beat her, which i think madara could easily interpret as black zetsu sacrificing madara to bring back someone weaker than him (did kaguya survive maito gai? no. did she survive a living full-power hashirama? no (neither did madara but pointing that out will just make him hard again). as far as he cares, all kaguya did was show up, steal his body via black zetsu hax, and then get pummeled by three teenagers, some corpses, and obito's ex. all of whom tried and failed miserably to stop madara).

now, technically, madara is crazy so his own potential thoughts on All That should be irrelevant.... if that had been the final battle. but the final fight of the series is naruto vs sasuke, and whoever is stronger is the most correctest, ultimately just. proving madara's power-over-all stance to be the correct one (i guess you could argue that naruto worked with kurama? but. idk kurama still doesn't really have the ability to just. leave. so i would at the very least have an asterisk there, personally)

wait so, as the holders if the most and 2nd most insane naruto characters, what did madara and obito have to say about team 7 dynamics ??

As a past memeber of team 7 Obito's opinion doesn't count cause he thinks kakashi's gremlins are the only normal people in the world. I don't remember Madara saying anything on the dynamics of team 7 but I'm not an authority on the matter so I turn it over to my resident Madara Scholars @evilkitten3 and @narutoenjoyer5000

[twink-frank]

hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself  but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

[dinolikes]

IMPOSTER - PART THREE

summery ❤︎ Nobody has any quirks and is stuck on a ship like Among Us

pairings ❤︎ Imposter!Dabi x Reader

content warnings ❤︎ major character deaths

| prev.|

"at least this means we dont have to worry anymore." kaachan shrugs, you snap your head towards him,

"what do you mean?"

"I mean usually theres only like one, right? meaning we're most likely in the clear." you nod, you honestly forgot kaachan existed there for a sec, he was just so...quiet.

"kaachan c'mere, you too deku." the former looked at you weirdly but complied, while the latter bounced over to you.

you briefly let go of dabi and pulled shoto with you, and hugged all three of the young boys closely.

you knew that them and ingeniumu were in the same classes all through highschool, and they joined headquarters together, to lose a friend like that...you couldn't imagine it.

shoto grabbed onto your arms again, hugging himself close to you, deku, wrapped his arms around you and kaachan -surprisingly- leaned into you, he didnt hug you back but he showed his appreciation and a few sniffles could he heard from all of them.

"c'mon guys, we just have to finish our tasks and soon enough we'll be home, okay?" they nod and slowly pull themselves off of you. "ill show you guys my place and we'll get froyo, all of us,"

shoto lets out a small smile whereas deku didnt hide his, even kaachan didnt bother hiding the goofy smile that broke through.

during your time together you had become a bit of a mother towards the three, especially kaachan and shoto, deku already having a healthy relationship with his mum.

as deku and shoto walk away, kaachan lingered.

"thanks." he mumbles, looking at his feet, you hold his cheek in a protective way

"no problem kaa, now shoo, go with deku," kaachan smirks and walks away.

dabi almost regretted when the moment ended, but was happy to have you in his arms again.

"that was sweet."

you hum, "yeah, your gonna have to include those kids in our little life plan you wrote," you smirk up at him, teasing him about the page you found a couple months ago, which was filled with things he wanted to do with you.

"shup up," he smiled, genuinely smiled at you, and you leant up to give him a peck on the lips.

"wonder, you ready to go?" you turn slightly to see hawks, and you pout.

"actually, do you mind if I take her from now? you and shoto can team up," hawks shrugged.

"sure! ill rescue shoto and let him be with someone cool for once!" hawks laughed as dabi was obviously annoyed.

as everyone went off with their group to finish their task you couldnt help but think.

you were glad fun loving hawks was back, you were glad everyone was back to normal actually. you dont think you guys would ever officially be healed but the thought that this was over made you happy.

dabi tugged on your hand and you looked towards him.

"can I kiss you?"

you blushed, he never outright ASKED, but you nodded anyways, filling with electricity as he cupped you cheeks and smashed his lips on yours.

you both moved in synch, as you ran your fingers through his hair and lightly tugged at times, knowing that made him go feral and right now you just wanted to forget.

you thought of how ingeniumu would react to finding you and dabi like this, the kid would probably start waving his arms and going berserk, thirteen would probably have to calm him down and tell him that it's fine, he's always nice like that.

or, he WAS always nice like that.

you felt dabi pull away and you were about to question it until you felt the tears on your cheek yourself.

"what's wrong doll?" he cupped you face and you saw worry in his eyes.

"n-nuthin." you hiccup, the weight of the reality of this situation finally crashing down on you.

they were dead, they really were dead.

"is it because of, yknow?" he jerks his head towards the cafeteria, referencing exactly why you were crying.

you let out a sob as you bobbed your head.

"awh, c'mere doll," dabi cooed and grabbed the back of your head, pulling you in for a tight hug and his other hand slipped around your waist, softly squeezing to show support.

"t-theyre go-gone! a-and ingeniumu will n-never be the-there to sco-scold us ag-gain and a-and and-" you hiccupped out, they were gone, they were really fucking gone.

"shh shh doll, it will be okay, think about having froyo with the kids and me, how about we make it a tradition? every Sunday how about?" you slightly nod as he moves his hand around you head to cup your cheek, whipping your tears, "yeah? and with me, you, kaachan, deku and shoto, we'll all have froyo each sunday, and when we eventually have kids we'll bring them along too,"

you hum, that did sound nice.

"kaachan would probably try to teach them how to probably beat up deku before they reached 5," you let out a laugh, he would do that.

"and if they didnt learn how to properly throw a right hook on their own before 3, he would probably stay up all day and night to make sure," your voice sounded croaky but dabi still smiled.

"exactly. even if we have to change the life plan a little bit it will still be our life plan, and we're gonna spend it together," you smile and look up at your boyfriend.

"thank you touya," you lightly kiss his cheek,

"anything for you doll,"

he went to kiss your lips again before both of your watches beeped, an emergency meeting.

you both ran back towards the cafeteria, deku, shoto, twice and hawks already there, where was kaachan?

hawks seemed to catch your eye looking throughout the room, and spoke up, "kaachan is dead."

suddenly it felt like everything came crashing down.

you didnt understand, he was- he was there and alive! and your plans- oh god you cant go for froyo now.

it seemed silly to worry about that but you were panicking, it was what you were supposed to do!

you stared at hawks, "n-no. no. hes not dead."

hawks took a step forward, "wonder-"

"no! he- he cant be dead! t-the froyo and the the-" dabi grabbed you and pulled you into his chest again, your newly dried eyes watering again but you just pathetically leaned into your boyfriend. "he cant be dead." you whimpered.

dabi affectionately rubbed your back, "it's okay doll, its gonna be okay,"

everyone stared at you in sympathy, they were all affected but it was obvious you were struggling.

twice had a different look though, like guilt, one that hawks didnt miss.

"hey twice?"

he snapped his head up towards the blonde, "yeah?" his voice slightly cracked.

"where were you?"

"I-"

"oh god not with this shit again! hawks will you give it a break for two fucking seconds?" dabi snaps, "I dont care if this is your way of coping is fucking interrogating us or something but just leave it alone!"

"oh im SO sorry for worrying about who's gonna be dead next!"

"i dont ca-"

shoto interrupted the two, "tomura said he was with twice last time and twice agreed. but now we know tomura was killing." shoto's voice cracked.

twice widened his eyes, but nodded. "i-im sorry."

everyone stared in shock, even hawks was silent.

he didnt look up, "the system is fucked, I'm telling you that, but I didnt want to hurt any of you i swear!"

hawks didnt say anything as he pushed him into the trash chute room, and neither did twice, he didnt even protest.

"can I ask you one more question?" hawks asked, twice slowly nodding.

"are there anymore?"

twice makes eye contact with dabi, another look hawks doesnt miss, and nods, holding up a finger.

with that hawks pulls the switch and out went twice, into space.

| next |

[jaskicr]

reverse!au but geralt, eskel and lambert are all bards

(probably bardsexual) witcher!jaskier and his merry boyband of bards consisting of geralt, eskel, and lambert, featuring vesemir as their tired dad, with future additions of yen, ciri and coën (and some valdo bashing)

bard!geralt talks a little more than in the show, he’s sassy and witty in the way we only see bits of in canon, he’s slightly less emotionally stunted but he‘s still dumb

he has curly auburn hair (bc that’s adorable ok) and green eyes, he’s very squishy and pretty and adorable, also he has freckles and blushes easily

he and eskel and lambert were all orphans, taken in by vesemir, a gruff but kind-hearted professor at oxenfurt

they grew up in oxenfurt as brothers with vesemir as their father figure and now they travel the continent as a band (bard boyband that i have dubbed kaer morons courtesy of @kaermorons)

vesemir gave up his position as professor to travel alongside his sons bc they’re really chaotic and he needs to make sure they don’t get themselves killed (but also he’s a tired dad who loves his disaster sons)

ok so one day they split up because they’re competitive bastards and they’re competing to see who first writes a song that gets popular across the continent

this is when geralt travels to posada and spots a witcher in the corner of a tavern

jaskier is a witcher from the wolf school and he goes by julian of kerack

he’s not as chatty as in canon but he’s definitely chattier than a normal witcher

it’s just a normal day on the path when he meets a bard called geralt in posada

geralt is intrigued by the witcher in the corner, takes one look at jaskier’s distinctive silver hair and golden eyes and scarred face and exclaims, ‘oh, you’re julian of kerack’

jaskier is surprised - this human knows who he is, and yet chose to approach him. he doesn’t even look afraid, merely curious, so jaskier decides to see where this goes

‘my friends call me jaskier,’ jaskier returns wryly. ‘at least, they would, if i had any friends’

geralt is stunned. the witcher is funny! and he has a very cute nickname to match a very cute face (even if it is slightly intimidating. but he’s cute)

‘well, nice to meet you, jaskier. i’m sure we’ll become great friends’

then they get kidnapped by elves, and geralt is taken aback by this witcher’s surprising eloquence as he talks them out of the situation

geralt wants to know more about him

also, it’ll be a good way to get a new song, what with his witchery adventures, so geralt decides to follow this witcher for inspiration for his songs

he can easily beat eskel and lambert if he sings songs about a witcher’s adentures

it’ll also improve the reputations of witchers in the process, so it’s a win-win

but also, geralt finds this witcher deeply interesting, and what better way to get to know him than to travel with him?

jaskier is bemused at the bard who decides to follow him. he almost leaves the bard behind, but well, he’s lonely, he’s missed talking to people, and geralt is kind of adorable, so he lets geralt follow him

the bard makes good music, jaskier notes. usually, most sounds grate on his enhanced hearing, but geralt’s music is low and pleasant, and jaskier finds that he doesn’t mind

geralt’s view that all witchers are taciturn and silent is quickly overturned. while jaskier rarely starts a conversation, once geralt asks him questions, he actually talks quite a lot, rambling a bit

geralt finds it quite endearing, and jaskier’s smile when geralt engages him in conversation lights up his face, and oh the witcher is really gorgeous

geralt tells jaskier about his band with eskel and lambert, and sheepishly admits that he partly tagged along with jaskier to win the competition

jaskier isn’t mad. he’d suspected that the bard had an ulterior motive, so he shrugs it off. geralt’s been good company after years of loneliness, and jaskier isn’t about to chase him away

geralt is relieved - jaskier has grown on him, and he finds himself reluctant to leave the witcher’s side

geralt’s version of toss a coin is debuted 2 weeks later and the humans eat it up

within a month it’s spread across the continent like wildfire and geralt knows that he’s all but won the little competition against his brothers

during this time, geralt has, despite jaskier’s insistence that he stay back, joined jaskier on several hunts. there are around 3 more songs in the works, ready to be debuted with his band

a tentative friendship has grown between them, a comfortable banter unlike anything jaskier has had over the long years of his life, and geralt finds himself becoming attached to the witcher

one day, geralt asks jaskier to travel with him to meet his band

they meet up with eskel, lambert and vesemir in oxenfurt at their planned meeting time

eskel and lambert have resigned looks on their faces as geralt turns up with a smug grin and a scary witcher trailing behind him

‘you found a witcher,’ lambert grouses, ‘that should be cheating.’

‘that was never in the rules,’ geralt replies, still high on his victory. ‘suck it, lambert.’

but the wolves take a liking to jaskier very quickly after a chat over a meal, and they collectively decide to follow him

jaskier is very confused (poor bby is confused throughout this whole thing) because he’s a big bad scary witcher?? and somehow all these bards have decided that they like him and want to follow him??

but it’s not like he can stop them so they tag along on his adventures, singing his praises

whenever jaskier gets a contract, he tries to make the bards stay behind in town, but it’s 4 against 1 and jaskier can’t do anything but give in

so the bards huddle some distance away from the fight and watch

the first time, they’re tense and on edge, fearing the worst, and only geralt is relaxed, knowing that jaskier is more than capable of taking down some measly drowners

by the third time they follow jaskier into a fight, the bards are totally chill and start a running commentary about the fight

‘bet you our next meal that jaskier’s gonna run to the left’

lambert snorts. ‘please, eskel. he’ll definitely jump on its head.’

‘as if. he’s gonna roll under it and stab it,’ geralt argues

‘HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HE JUMPED INTO ITS MOUTH’

they all lose the bet

theyre panicking until jaskier casually slices his way out of the corpse, covered in guts but unharmed

their bets become wild after that

‘he’s running at it is he getting ready to do an aerial somersault’

‘he’s gonna grab onto its wings and ride on its back’

‘he’s gonna igni that nekker and toss it into the rest of the nekkers’

theyre never able to predict what jaskier does because jaskier is just a very skilled witcher and he also delights in how annoyed his bards get when they guess wrong

the bards are also very feral especially when it comes to defending their witcher

someone insults jaskier? they get assaulted by 3 snarling bards while their dad nods approvingly

someone tries to cheat jaskier out of his payment? lambert mysteriously has a knife and jaskier has to physically hold back eskel and geralt from jumping on the person

eventually word spreads around the continent that julian of kerack has 3 very feral bard protectors and a their scary father who looms at anyone who dares speak a word against julian

this is based on a post i made a few weeks ago, there are more ideas for this in the reblogs of that post - if you want to check it out, i’ll put the link in a reblog!

there are definitely more headcanons for this that i’ve already written and i will post them soon!! hopefully one day i’ll get around to writing this because i LOVE this concept a whole lot

i have more headcanons featuring witcher!jaskier disguising himself as dandelion the bard, his rivalry with cat witcher valdo marx, his friendship with pre-transformation yen and coën, and how ciri fits in with it all - thank u @brothebro for bouncing ideas with me<3

[sanstropfremir]

episode 9 baby!!! dear lord that was a lot!!

frankly, i'm still in shock that i full on manifested an opera stage, AND it was a rock opera stage at that! plus i got a jazz stage AND a taemin stage??? if they’re pulling out all my favourites now then what on earth are they gonna do in the finale??? this was a very overwhelming crop of stages, i thought i was going to be prepared, but oh no i was not prepared. i'm just going to get right into it because this one is gonna be long and i have many words. i'll discuss in airing order first, and then put my personal rankings for this round at the end.

btob

costume

changsub, you absolute king. spectacular. stunning. incredible. zoot suit riot playing in my brain on repeat. will i finally get the zoot suit revival of my fucking dreams instead of this current drab ill-fitting suit trend? for those who are wondering why in the fuck changsub is dressed like that and what on earth i’m talking about, the specific cut of suit that he’s wearing is called a zoot suit, which were popular in mexican, black and italian american communities in the 30s and 40s, until they were outlawed by the united states war production board as a fabric rationing method as part of the war effort in 1942. there was a huge amount of mob violence surrrounding the wearing of them (there were actual zoot suit riots) as they were direct counter culture fashion to the predominant drab trends of white americans at the time. i'm actually very impressed they got a proper (modernized) cut of zoot suit instead of just putting him in an oversized one; there are actually specific structural differences. the pegged trouser legs, large should pads, and knee length single breasted jacket are key features, and they were often in much more flashy fabrics than a pinstripe, but they get points for effort. i wish they had put all of them in zoot suits but he’s playing the ‘lead’ actor so i will begrudgingly forgive them.

eunkwang those are the stupidest sleeve garters ive ever seen i love them never take them off. they’re like someone decided to repurpose a suspender in the worst way. excellent. i do love that they’ve got three of them in oxford saddle shoes, another great touch.

love the three piece and the fedora* on peniel. it's also in a relatively close period cut; waistcoasts (vests) were generally cut much higher in the neck pre-war, we only start seeing the neckline slide down in the 60s (i think? i don’t remember when exactly). also love to see a proper sleeve and jacket length, it's good practice to have at least a finger’s width of sleeve cuff visible ahead of the jacket sleeve when hanging at rest. also looks like there’s french cuffs on everyone, which is also great.

minhyuk in his slutty lowneck shirt....thank you. in addition to the zoot suit revival i would also like a revival of those ultra low necklines on mens’ shirts from like 2010-2011. i don’t think those are the same boots from the backdoor stage but those are some beautifully cut boots. i also loved the little details of his crewmember look, especially the chunky watch and the string bracelets; those are super realistic, i know so many crew with them and i had several for many years. and who doesn’t love a visible button fly?

none of any of the other costumes are period in any way shape or form but i’m forgiving it because there’s several layers of meta in this stage, and they explicitly based it on la la land, even though we don’t respect la la land in this house. do i wish they had gone more strictly period with at least the jazz club ‘actors’ a little more? absolutely, but i'm not mad about it.

set

again we’ve got a good delineation of the two different ‘stages,’ there’s the club itself in the smaller stage and the soundstage set in the larger space. you can pretty clearly see all the ‘pieces’ of the set on the soundstage, especially the obvious set painting techniques on false prosc frame and the window facade from that first little scene. also the you can see the castors (wheels) on all the setpieces too, which is another nice little versimilitudinous** (triple word score!) touch, as old hollywood movies were made still using theatre stagecraft techniques.

i love how the visual shorthand for ‘this is a set wink wonk’ is just...leaving a ladder on stage. i see it all the time and it's so funny. it doesn’t always make sense because as soon as there’s actors on set the ladders are the first thing cleared because actors cannot be trusted, but yes there are always ladders, so. also psa ladder safety is no joke, please be careful on ladders.

nice streamline of the mnet deco into the club. i’m consistently surprised at how well the designers have been able to mask it or use it to their advantage, because in the normal kingdom stage lighting it is SO obvious and stylistic that it always sticks out.

i'm going to ignore the fact that they implied changsub and miyeon were drinking wine out of martini glasses.

lighting

no complaints, it does its job. everything is visible and super clear. love that the ‘scene’ changes are made through the lighting, it's a really simple and effective device to change atmosphere. purple/blue/amber are the most flattering colours on human skin and that’s why you see it so commonly in stage lighting. also blue/lavendar is the best way to show nighttime/moonlight.

really nice and subtle projection work, especially with the billboard bit and the blue moon sign in the club. despite being obviously meta/’world breaking’ it’s actually very seamless and fits well into the flow of the stage.

sound

i love love love the big band feel in the intro, combined with the piano lead. very duke ellington, as all things should be.

no complaints. i love big band. i love eunkwang’s voice. i have nothing else to say.

staging

i LOVE this movie within a movie within a performance meta nonsense! it's such a fun concept and it is exactly what i wanted ikon’s first round stage to be! i also love to see btob consistently coming up with concepts that are inventive and fun and allow them to showcase their technical performance skills without the aerobics the younger groups are putting themselves through. it provides a really lovely variety and it just goes to show that you can make impressive, dramatic stages without having to be serious or ‘dark.’

i do wish they had leaned into the band director/lead singer with eunkwang a bit more; this could have been a really excellent place for a tap number a la the nicholas brothers or an homage to cab calloway. i know i know this was meant to be la la land themed but la la land is a cheap and whitewashed version of jazz and look me right in the eyes and tell me this isn’t the greatest tap routine of all time. i know i’ve typed this out somewhere before but la la land is just a conglomeration of old hollywood tropes and so stylistically cheap that this would have such a better visual core if they had actually looked back at the real old hollywood musicals like stormy weather. even singing in the rain and an american in paris have such phenomenal visuals and are really beautiful examples of the scope you can pull off with a limited technical capacity and sticking to these old techniques.

now that i'm thinking about it, oh my GOD i would DIE for a lindy hop routine in kpop PLEASE. i know it would never happen because kpop doesn’t like partner dancing and not a single kpop boy has the chops but oh you think fourth gen has too many acrobatics?

this got off track but i think you see my point.

---

ateez

costume

these are really sharply cut suits. and the detail work on the beading??? so beautiful. i'm disappointed that they gave me a rock opera stage without the true ridiculousness of rock opera costuming, because they could have pushed this a lot farther if they really wanted. a tragic lack of gay little outfits, seonghwa’s lace choker is just not enough! two favourite suits: hongjoong’s and yunho’s.

that being said i do actually really like these. this stage is actually very modern opera with a kpop twist and i'm a little surprised by that? i continue to be impressed by the ateez team who are clearly doing their research.

i'm absolutely not going back through their stages to check all the choreography but i wonder if you can track all the ‘wound’ placements to places they’ve been ‘hit.’ i wouldn’t put it past them to have put that thought in but also i’m not expecting that much either.

who is this white grim reaper bdsm executioner chain arm man. where did he come from. i have no idea and i love it.

why is honjoong blindfolded. it was such a fast beat, if youre gonna blindfold someone give it a little longer and some more obvious narrative weight!

seonghwa does that quickchange, runs across that massive stage to the smaller set, and gets into places in like 45 seconds. it's not the hardest quickchange in the world but still, under a minute is fast for any quickchange, especially when there’s travel time involved. i think the fastest, most complex quickchange i ever did was in university which was a 50s cocktail dress into a flannel and culottes with a shoe, hair, and jewelry change in 35 seconds. and that took three dressers. quickchanges are always impressive. the added bonus of this review being later is that i can specifically reference that you can see him book it the fuck off stage in the full cam!

cute moment with the backup dancers dressed in costumes from the previous stages. i'm assuming this is a time travel reference? i'll get more into my thoughts on this in the staging section. regardless, love to see that iconic seonghwa moment again.

set

this is such a restricted space! they really pared down their dancing space with those staircases and ....arms? honestly i have NO clue what these are supposed to be. the only thing i can maybe think of is flying buttresses??? but why?? i mean, i'm 90% sure theyre just there for drama and i agree but i do still have questions.

there’s a lot of moving parts in this set? the buttresses, and the upstage centre staircase. i don’t think the staircase is totally automated because i spotted some dancers securing it in place, but it’s still a moving part. i do really like that we get that expanding upwards energy, because it's really tough to get functional level movement in this kind of a performance, mostly because of its length and because it moves so quickly. so seeing the downward vertical movement and then the upward movement was actually a really nice visual contrast that made use of how tall those fucking ceilings are, and the fact that they had less horizontal space. in sort of similar way to sf9’s jealousy stage, using long, narrow vertical lines really makes it feel like a castle space. the interiors of castles, especially the really old ones, are a lot smaller than you think they would be.

i’ve actually seen that type of small house/tent/thing several times in various types of performances before, but i think this is the first time i’ve seen it used as a time travel device (other than in the say my name mv). aesthetically it's a bit incongruent but i dont really mind because i'm used to watching rock operas that look a lot weirder than this.

lighting

there is so much happening. i have NO clue what the projections are doing. i dont hate it though, so that’s a plus? there’s a clear-ish colour arc even if it does get a bit funky in the middle, which is why the projections dont feel as insanely distracting as some of the other stages we’ve seen.

the climax is a perfect example of how to light a busy stage with primarily red but still maintain clarity on the performers. a little bit of red goes a long way; the spark stage from last week would have looked so much better if they had done what the ateez designers did here.

sound

i know it's only ode to joy, but answer already gets my motor running and then i get so gassed by the guitars and then by the time those vocals come in i'm inconsolable. i don’t know why i wasn’t expecting a rock opera stage but i'm so glad i got that surprise because i genuinely love rock operas so much. it's two of the most dramatic genres in music, what more could you possibly want?

staging

the choreo for answer is so goofy that I'm kinda glad this was mostly terrible mnet boom shots. i love it, but you can't deny that it's goofy. i spotted a couple of moves from their other choreos as well?

choreographing dance fights is just as difficult as choreographing real fights and i think they did a fairly good job here. i think it was a solid mix of dance and conflict that erred on the side of dramatic rather than accurate and i prefer that over trying to be ‘realistic.’ i’ve only ever seen one truly realistic fight scene on stage and that was for a deeply naturalist play (boring and a waste of the medium), but the best fight scene i’ve ever seen was in the prague national ballet’s adaptation of kafka’s the trial where three ballet dancers beat the absolute snot out of the main character with the most beautiful leg extensions. that whole show was probably one of the best pieces of dance i’ve ever seen, holy fuck it was so good.

despite how insane the music and the visuals were going, i actually really liked how sedate this was, on the part of ateez’s performance. there was a really sophisticated and resigned energy from them that is very different from what we’ve previously seen and i think that was a pretty admirable risk to take. reaching the top and then throwing away the crown? especially in a competition where every other stage has involved stealing crowns or royalty and there’s a group competing that got here through that very concept? that shows a real maturity, peace of mind, and foresight that i did not at all expect from a bunch of 22 year olds.

here we come to a very interesting comparison. both ateez and tbz are very heavily leaning on previously established group lore. we all know my thoughts on why it isn’t working for tbz, but here’s why i think it is working for ateez: it's because it doesn’t matter to the audience’s understanding of the stage. i had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on the first time i watched this, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the music and all the weird shit they were doing. i totally believed that they understood what was going on. there’s a loose enough established conflict right at the beginning that draws us in, and really it doesn’t matter who they're fighting because they win in the end. the key here is that they’re so earnest. they believe 100% in every move they make on that stage. there’s no winks to camera, there’s not a drop of irony. they really deeply care about the ridiculousness of it all and that’s what makes it work. i sure as fuck dont know what’s going on, but i can see that they do, and i trust that. this is what i meant when i talked about convincing the audience you belong on stage in my stage presence post. i’ve never once believed that juyeon was anything other than an idol. he’s talented and very beautiful and he may occasionally stand on that stage like he owns it but it's always as juyeon. as an idol. but when hongjoong flaps around in that gigantic fur coat i 100% believe he’s a pirate captain. I believe he’s a punk rebel leader. i believe him a resigned king. there’s always a level of irony you have to fight as a performer because we all start from a place of disbelief. acting is not just lying to the audience, it's lying to yourself too. and if you succeed in convincing yourself? well, you’re already halfway to convincing us.

i checked it out because i wanted to see if they did the blindfold how i expected them to and was genuinely surprised by hongjoong’s fancam. the boy is EMOTING even when he knew the camera wasn’t on him; that’s a real dedication to craft.

ok i'm finished talking about this stage, this is over two pages in my document, there’s so many things i have not covered here but that’s fine, i'm quite sure any further thoughts will end up out there at some point.

---

sf9

costume

let’s get it out of the way......crop top. crop top? crop top. crop top.

ok, besides the crop top, i think i might actually like the backup dancer outfits more...? i find mannequin adjacent looks really fascinating and i thought there was a lot more they could have done here in connecting the two thematically. i actually think a change of costume on the boys would have been very interesting, especially because there was a lot of inference and direct reference to changes of colour.

ALL the backup dancers are wearing the same wig and i LOVE that.

special mention zuho’s.....jacket? the right idea but it absolutely should have been one of those extreme french cut bodysuits, you COWARDS. don’t come at me with this ‘male version of venus’ if you don’t have your whole torso out! come on!

set

not sure if this is meant to be a department store, a factory, or a white cube gallery. honestly you could make the case that they’re all the same place anyways. more on this later.

i loved the movator and wish they had used it more! that sequence was so good and they could have done some more interesting repetition sequences to further highlight the ‘sameness’/the breaking of that sameness.

i feel like the set could have been used more as a whole? i would have loved to see some mannequin interactions with those boxes, because all they did was dump colour everywhere.

....why did they feel the need to include the rain bit? i know it's likely because it's in the mv and at the 2018 dream concert taemin does perform move in the rain, but with the standing still and the box walls with the words it just looks like a department store ad. which i...dont think is what they were intending?

lighting

nothing really to say here. it has a similar feel to the mayfly rap stage, which is fine because the lighting for that was good. i could tell what was going on all the time and that’s the most important part. notable standouts are the lips sequence, that's fun use of pop iconography and very effective, and the scanning lasers at the beginning.

the repeating sequence in the edm dance break is actually done pretty simply, it's just what happens when you point a camera that’s livestreaming to a monitor directly at that monitor. it's a very cool effect and it was neat to see it used intentionally, especially with the handheld leds.

actually i also really liked the lightbox tables, those were cool.

sound

the remix was fine for the most part, it was about what i expected it to sound like. i did however greatly dislike that unnecessary edm break in the middle. what was the point of that? it didn’t add anything to the overall sound or arc of the stage because it was SO out of place. there was no connective tissue around it.

oh i was also not a fan of the effect on zuho’s mic. no one else had a discernible vocal effect so it felt a little out of place. also for some reason his cadence and tone right at the end made me think of some of the voices that bo burnam uses for his vocal masque sketches/songs, especially repeat stuff, weirdly? took me right the fuck out of it. i listened to it again after i slept and i’m still getting it, so maybe i’m just going insane so best ignore this part.

staging

loved the mannequin tree, not a clue why it was there.

do actually think this is a successful cover because it does what i was hoping it would, which is take move completely out of the taemin context and put it into an entirely new one. however, i’m really struggling to figure out what exactly that new context is? and what theyre trying to say with it?

obviously they went for a ‘show your own colours/individuality’ vibe, like i said in the set section, where exactly is this supposed to be? from the start i get factory/mechanized environment, which is fine and grand because mannequins and making repetitive motions and products and all that, makes sense. but then there’s stacked shelving type units happening and curtains and that combined with the mannequins give me pretty big department store vibes, which is also fine, because that’s still a comment on commercialization and the mass production of product. but then we get to the movator and the repetitive movements of the dancers say pretty clearly factory, but the lighting and projections are very pop art referential, plus combining that with the white set, just makes me think of an art gallery. so now is this a comment on the commercialization and commidification of contemporary art? are they making a statement about being ‘real’ artists among the others who have lost the critical understanding of why pop art was even a thing in the first place? and then the rain bit at the end literally looks like a department store ad, so are they then making another statement that they still are that packaged product? maybe the episode has more clarity in it but i’m genuinely a bit baffled by what the underlying statement is here.

i suspect it is not as deep as i'm making it, but i did say that i was likely to be hyper critical of this stage AND i am a grad student, so here we are.

---

tbz

costume

ok of all the ‘fourth gen’ style costumes we’ve seen, i actually like these ones more than most. i'm not entirely clear on the theme but i'm assuming it's meant to be post apocalyptic, and i'll take that.

backup dancers in black!!! we’re beyond this!!!

this will be a running theme with this stage, but i’m disappointed these don’t have more depth.

set

compared to every other stage, the set here seems especially plain. there’s so little set dec that it's disappointing. i do like the movement of the pieces themselves combined with the blocking; that first slide underneath the arches was slick and i would have liked to have seen more of that.

yea ok the big snake was cool and also a fairly complex build, but the transitions around it were a bit awkward for my tastes. especially the turn around, why did they even show that at all? you have control over what the audience sees, you can totally not show scenic transitions. skz were super smart about hiding theirs in last week’s episode.

also if you have a bigass puppet like that, i wanna see some more movement from it! it doesn’t have to be complex, we literally just saw a kraken balloon arm wave around aimlessly, but at least there was movement! that snake had a long ass body, why didn’t they at least take a pseudo dragon dance movement with it, that would have been such fun to watch with the iridescent scales. there was a lot of opportunity here!

lighting

i don’t hate it but also.... not a lot to say about it on the whole.

there were two really smart ideas here, the first being the front projection section, which i was SO glad to see! i explained in a previous review, but the projections in kingdom are not actually projections per se, because they’re actually massive led screens. there are two common types of projections in performance, rear projection and front projection. rear projection is when the projector is behind the screen, and front projection is ‘normal’ projection. rear projection can produce a crisper image because you have full control of the light values, because the projector is in a separate room from the performance space. but the downsides are that the projector has to be in a separate room from the performance space. so if you’re short on real estate, it's not ideal. front projection is much more common, because the tech is a lot cheaper and easier to access, especially now, and it requires less real estate because you can ceiling mount about the audience (you can move a projector wherever, this is just the most common spot in commercial theatres). but! in order to get an actually crisp image, you have to be really careful with your light bounce. it’s exactly the same principle as how you kinda can't see a projected screen when you have all the lights turned on, but when you turn them off it's a lot clearer. front projection works best in pitch dark, so when you use it in a theatre you gotta be smart about it. i use front projection a lot in my personal art practice as a singular light source, and that’s what tbz did here in that traveling/snake intro sequence. it’s a really fun technique that they used as a good gimmick because it’s not something we’ve seen before, and you get some great shadow effects because the projector is throwing light directionally at the performers (they have it set up close to the floor, it’s probably on a wheeled cart of some kind). however i did not like the snake intro. a bit too cheesy and out of place, especially because the asset quality didn’t match the rest of landscapes that we have been seeing.

the second smart idea, which is partially also a set and blocking thing but whatever, was that final image of the eclipse within the circle architecture with all the members standing in front of it. it was a great shot and a great ending pose, but it felt like a concept photo. like someone had that image as the idea that they then built the stage around, instead of a narrative first and then imagery after.

sound

this remix had SO much promise! those first two minutes were SO GOOD. i love that dirty discordant strings bit, it's gross and right up my alley. but it really fell off in the back half and i'm sad about that.

staging

i'm sorry tbz but.....what did you actually do differently than exo here? with the exception of the continual game of thrones references? nothing here felt transcendentally different from the original monster. and especially coming RIGHT after sf9’s move, which did go beyond its original context. this feels more like an awards show stage cover than a stage at the level of the others we’ve seen just this episode.

again like with the skz stage, there’s no conflict here. no tension. yes they do a great job covering the dance but it just isn’t enough! this is obviously personal preference and i'm sure lots of people liked the fact that it was uncomplicated, but even just a hint of narrative tension could have pushed this into more engaging territory. and if they didn’t want to do that, i would have loved to see them make up for that with extra visual spectacle. this is the no limits round! ikon is putting a full jungle on stage and these are grey cubes!

i think this is a perfect example of what i talked about at the end of my tbz section in my episode four review; this is a good performance, there are good elements at play and good ideas at their genesis, but the core of the issue is that nothing about this is transformative. all of the ideas here are just exaggerations of the original song. fuck, the snake was even IN the mv! and they didn’t even include the best part which is the lip chains! ive said before and i'll say it again; being a good artist has two steps, the first is understanding the material and its context, and the second is elevating the material from that context and synthesizing something new. tbz are really good at the first step, but terrible at the second.

---

ranking

btob - the cleanest and the most fun of the round. everything i wanted.

sf9 - fun and a good cover, despite being conceptually baffling.

ateez - very extra dramatic nonsense with an unexpected dose of sincerity. and it’s rock opera, of course i love it.

skz - fun, with some good thematic devices but generally lacking in arc. also australian accents, that’s an automatic ding.

tbz - honestly the first two minutes of the remix and the costume are holding this above 6th. it just wasn’t fully formed.

ikon - aesthetically this is a great set design and although i do love the opening and closing moments, everything else scrapes me the wrong way. super personal preference here, i’m not expecting anyone else to agree with me.

i feel like my rankings were probably pretty easy to guess if you’ve been around reading the reviews for long enough. i do have very specific tastes after all. i know sf9 ranked first in the episode but i have no idea what the other slots are. i’ll find out when i watch the episode in a couple of days, but i think yea a first for sf9 is fair. i do think its mostly because it’s a taemin song and you have to do something horrendous in order to fuck up a taemin song, but there is a lot of thought and work that went into that stage.

ok i'm done now, sorry this was later than usual, but i was busier and there were four stages that i had to review. also technical difficulties because tumblr is a garbage platform and nothing works properly. comments/questions/opinions always welcome, i know i didn't expand on a couple of points that i could have so hopefully y'all have some thoughts too!

* the type of hat that ~society~ has told you is a fedora is actually a trilby. what peniel is wearing is a real fedora, i felt the need to correct this unjust hat malignment.

** meaning ‘the appearance of being true or real.’ you do sometimes hear it used by normal people, but it’s more commonly used as a descriptor in film and theatre. it’s also one of the five rules of neoclassical theatre, which are: versimilitude, purity of form, five act structure, decorum, and purpose. the most prominent playwrights from that era are moliere and racine if youre interested in what those look like in an actual text.

[dropoutparty]

shurara corps ark fix-it concept babeyy!!

under a read more bc this shits long LOL

also this is kinda rambly but whatever

when it comes to shuraras motivations here, maybe he could have been another childhood friend of keroros. idk how they could have been introduced, maybe through pururu or just by meeting in school, but ig that part doesnt rlly matter. what DOES matter though is that shurara decided to tag along with keroro, giroro, zeroro, and pururu on one of their misadventures and he gets hurt during it. BADLY. pururu patches him up, and zeroro apologizes like crazy (since he knows how much this sucks), but shurara is left with a strong dislike of keroro and friends. except for pururu, who he still likes (but im not keeping the crush bc it serves no purpose here) and zeroro who he kinda forgives a little bit but just because he apologized so much. maybe this could have resulted in some major physical injury that affected how he lived for a while, or maybe it spawned a phobia, but either way it left an impact.

putata and mekeke are sent in first with the goal of beating up the platoon a little bit and taking the star because they are the most skilled team. shurara doesnt want the star because of some stupid bandaid, but he wants to take it in order to both deeply hurt keroros pride and also to potentially have his platoon no longer be officially recognized, taking away something that means a lot to keroro. they actually succeed in taking the keron star kinda. when they get back to base, they realize that the star is fake, its just a piece of fabric or paper with tape on it (like what happened in the original arcs ending). this way the shurara corps will be established as an actual threat and also the ending will have actual stakes.

gyororo sends word back to base that the keron star putata and mekeke got was fake, so giruru is sent in to ACTUALLY get the real star, as well as punish the platoon for embarrassing the corps like that. this one plays out kinda like the actual episode (bc im too lazy to think of anything else), but all that matters is that he still ends up captured.

after this, the platoon is like ok this might actually be serious so they go on high alert. one day dororo notices gyororo (who was sent in a little before putata and mekeke to scout the place out and gather info) bc hes the only competent member of the platoon and confronts him, outing his presence to everyone. gyororo fights back but he is also captured in the end.

after the platoon has captured giruru and gyororo , shurara plans to capture and torture a member of the platoon as revenge. before he can do this though, dokuku and nuii decide to rescue giruru and gyororo in secret. nuii serves as a distraction to everyone while dokuku goes to rescue the fellaz. theres some minor conflict but in the end the four of them escape. after that happens, shurara is furious about his subordinates disobeying him and doing things behind his back, but he keeps his goal the same.

im gonna change yukikis powers bc they kinda suck and hes confusing. anyways yukiki isnt actually a snowman, but hes the hat! kinda like in mario odyssey, you put the hat on anyone or anything, and it will immediately be controlled by yukiki. he was an experiment done to try to make a sentient object, and he got his name because he was first tested on a snowman (which also makes it the form hes most comfortable taking). anyways, shurara sends in yukiki to capture someone by taking control of them, but hes defeated somehow and returns empty-handed.

im also gonna change robobos powers a bit. with robobo i dont think that he should have the ability to turn people into electronics because thats dumb and doesnt make any sense, so im gonna give him the ability to just control other machines. he also doesnt have a giant form, and can switch his hands between their magnet form and their drill form. anyways, at this point shurara is furious and decides that he doesnt care about capture anymore, he wants the platoon dead. he decides to send robobo for the job because robots dont have the same margin of error that living things do, or at least theyre supposed to. turns out, they totally do bc robobo also comes back with a failure.

after this, shurara somehow lures the platoon to his base (just like in the anime) but this time everyone is waiting for them there in a big empty room together. shuraras disembodied voice gets a monologue like in the anime and the roof opens, lighting the room up because its a bright spring day. kagege then appears and takes control of the platoons shadows like in the anime! all of the shadows are used to fight the platoon, as well as the corps themselves fighting. its an epic fight, but just when it seems like the platoon is all gonna die, the corps suddenly decide to stop fighting. they all tell the platoon about how shurara has been acting worryingly erratic and obsessive, so they agree to spare the platoons life as long as they confront shurara. the platoon obviously agrees, and theyre taken to a holding area so that shurara thinks that theyve won. they give them this offer because theyre not personally invested in killing these nerds, they dont really care. they ARE worried about shurara though, seeing how obsessed with this hes become.

anyways kagege reports to shurara (in my headcanon hes like shuraras right hand man or something like that) and is like "we beat the platoon, but we didnt kill them. theyre our prisoners right now and were gonna torture them before we let you do the honors" and then shuraras like "poggers!!! thats a great idea!!" and then proceeds to drink his choccy milk and play minedcraft. meanwhile, some of the others are actually patching the platoon up and telling them what to do with shurara. they tell the platoon to try to hurt him as little as possible, and DEFINITELY dont fucking kill him, but just try to knock some sense into him and restrain him or something.

the platoon asks why shurara hates them so much and whoevers patching them up doesnt know, but kagege comes down soon after and tells them shuraras motivations. after this, some understanding can be felt by giroro and dororo (bc they were there, even tho dororo is the only one who remembers shirara like at all) and keroro feels kinda guilty but not too much bc head empty. later, the corps has a big celebration feast and shurara declares that hell painfully kill the platoon bright and early tomorrow. in all the commotion, nuii convinces gyororo to sneak down into the platoons holding cells to bring them some leftover food.

the next day, the platoon is brought to the same room that they fought the corps in, and theyre tied up. shurara is talkin abt how hes gonna kill them all super painfully and stuff but little does he know that the ropes holding the platoon are actually not secure at all (on purpose), so the platoon all escapes their bindings and a fight with shurara ensues. when the platoon is in a tight spot, one of the corps will show up real quick and help them out, kinda like a support in a fighting game. eventually, shurara is tied up and defeated technically.

shurara is whining and stuff and calling the corps a bunch of traitors, but the corps talk to him about how worried they all are about him and that this whole thing has gone too far (you rlly think these goobers are worth all this effort??). shurara says something about how keroro hurt him before, so he wants to hurt him and his platoon back. the corps are like ya i get that but killing them is wayy overkill no pun intended. keroro apologizes and maybe dororo can say something about how keroro also hurt him in the past but hes been able to move past that or whatever and shurara is like bro ur right and he starts crying like da babey he is lmao and there u have it!!! the arcs over and everyone is ok and happy!!! found family trope pog!!!!!!

[eponinemylove]

Neil + getting hurt

this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but

alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something

he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it

he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.

his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)

sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help

but

if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron

(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)

the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time

anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner

They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad

Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him

Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want

Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”

Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”

and Neil takes off his shirt

a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE

aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.

and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him

His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”

Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up

They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not

Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy

like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered

this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him

Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by

Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small

Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)

So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby

he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!

there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital

It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad

It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself

he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him

they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”

everyone is confused af but they go with it

They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most

the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit

he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him

The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know

Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad

it is

After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up

It’s Nicky

“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”

And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so

“idk. It’s just, when my father-“

collective wince

“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“

so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying

“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“

ok he stops there

they get the point

Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation

it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead

any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions

andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking

he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again

neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore

andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe

170%

everyone goes home eventually

later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs