#but yeah so I’m going to get a new computer yay

[wewontbesleeping]

spending money makes me feel SIIIICK

[panjakes]

Hii I literally read all your svt reactions and imagines. I love them especially as a 💁🏾‍♀️. Can I request a wonwoo imagine. It can be anything smutish, fluff or angst I’m done💕

Thank you for loving and reading my work🫶🏼

Wonwoo sighs rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He was playing sims on your laptop and your sims were pissing him off by not following the plot he made for them.

“Babe your sims are stupid. Especially the guy. He’s really hard headed” he says shaking his head. You giggle putting the fresh cup of tea next to him on the desk

“You do know the guy is based off you right?” You ask picking up one of the kittens you just adopted

“Really? No wonder he looks familiar” Wonwoo says squinting causing you to giggle again

“I’ve already told you I made us sim characters” you say sitting on your bed playing with the baby kitten

“You did I just forgot I’m sorry sweetheart” he says sipping from the cup of tea

Wonwoo paused the game to look at you. He watched as you put the kitten on two legs and made it dance. Clicking your tongue and singing it a song. Wonwoo smiled chuckling lowly to himself

“My name is baby cat and I like to dance” you sing wiggling it’s little body. It looked over at wonwoo before letting out a small “meow”

“So what’re we going to eat for dinner?” He asks

“Uh sleep. I didn’t think you were staying so I was gonna just go to bed” you say putting the cat on the bed allowing it to get comfortable on one of the pillows

“I told you stop going to bed without eating. What do you want to eat?” He asks turning to the computer and continues the game

“Can we go get barbecue? Please!?” You ask excitedly

“We can get whatever you want sweetheart” he says never taking his eyes off the bright screen

“Yay! Ou! What am I going to where?! Babe! Skirt or jeans!?” You shout from your closet

“Jeans!” He shouts back

“But I want to wear a skirt” you say pouting looking at a baby blue skirt

“Well wear the skirt” he says

“I don’t know” you mumble but he heard you

“Does it matter? Your outfit is just gonna end up on the floor anyway” he says making you peek out the closet smirking at him

“What you trynna say?” You ask wiggling your eyebrows. He looks over at you before slightly blushing and looking back at the screen

“N-nothing like that! You just have a habit of throwing your clothes on the floor” he says scratching his head

“Awww you want to see me with my clothes off!!” You say running over to him pulling at his cheeks

“Geesh Yn! I did not mean it like that” he says chuckling

“Yeah yeah yeah what ever you say” you say smirking and walking back to the closet.

After another 20 minutes of searching for something to wear, you get dressed and were walking out the door.

Instead of driving or taking a can, you and wonwoo walk seeing as it wasn’t that far from your apartment.

Wonwoo smiled over at you as you ramble about the things you were going to eat once you reached to place.

“And we have to grab some beef for baby kitten and I want Ddukbokki and some dumplings-I hope I’m not Being greedy” you say mumbling looking off to the side

Wonwoo chuckles before putting a hand on top of your head running his hand through your braids that weren’t in the claw clip

“Get you some food to go too because I know you’ll forget to eat tomorrow” he says

“Hey!! It’s not my fault! I’m a very busy girl” you say crossing your arms as you reach the restaurant doors

“I know sweetheart” wonwoo says opening the door for you and you go in requesting a table.

After five minutes of waiting you both were seated and you immediately order because you Already know what you want.

Wonwoo sat quietly watching as you tell your waiter the things you wanted.

“And, babe you want a water?” You ask

“A waters fine” he says nodding

“A lemonade for me and water for him” you say ordering for him. Wonwoo didn’t mind, he likes the fact that you know what he likes.

While waiting for your food you and wonwoo make conversation about your job and the new album seventeen just dropped

“Oh yeah and my favorite song is I don’t under but I love you! When I tell you Hoshi CARRIED that song! And the sped up version on tik tok?!?! Oh I love that song” you say stuffing a spoon full of rice into your mouth

Wonwoo couldn’t help but chuckle as you expressed your excitement about the album.

“Oh shit I’m rambling again, I’m sorry is there anything you want to talk about baby?” You ask flipping the meat on the tiny grill

“No I’m fine sweetheart, I like listening too you” he says smiling. You return the smile and nod.

You continue to talk about everything you wanted to talk to him about. He nods every now and then letting you know he was listening.

As always wonwoo just listens but then gets distracted as he starts to give you a one over. Staring at your wide brown eyes as you get excited talking about how you wanted to go shopping for your new kitten.

Eyes dropping down to your cute button nose that was shinning from the pink highlight you applied before leaving the house.

Then his eyes dropping down to his favorite feature. Your lips. Your plump brown lips shinning from the brown and pink gloss you wore.

“Maybe I’ll get her a- why are you staring at me?” You say stopping your sentence

“Your just beautiful” he says leaning over to kiss your cheek.

You look over at him with a shocked but goofy look on your face

“Well thank you!” You say before turning and pecking his lips. Now it was his turn to give you a goofy shocked look

“Your so goofy Yn” he says chuckling

“What!? You started it” you say digging back into your food.

Wonwoo chuckles before grabbing your hand under the table.

You look over at him smiling as you grab his too.

“I love you” he mouths

“I love you too” you mouth back with food still in your mouth

“Ewww Yn!” He says giggling making you giggle too

[t0ast-ghost]

20th Episode Achieved! (Tomorrow Is Yesterday)

Here’s some thoughts:

- it’s a time travel episode, isn’t it?

- I think there could be a lot of “real UFO’s” because they’re just unidentified flying objects

- goddamnit Kirk what’ve you done, your in the atmosphere

- great Scott! They’re in the 60s!

- Kirk certainly hasn’t been briefed on what to do by the starfleet time agency

- “I’ve never believed in little green men” “neither have I.” SPOCK, you literally just saw a Gorn… also Orions

- Spock knows he’s scaring the shit outta this guy and he’s enjoying it

- why when the computer starts calling him dear does Kirk look to Spock like he did this (I’d believe it, I could totally hear him saying that)

- WAIT the computer system on all ships are made by a female dominated planet, that’s pretty cool

- Kirk not afraid to slap a bitch

- “Jim, what if we can’t go back?” Was delivered with such… je ne sais quoi

- (18:33) “Now you’re sounding like Spock.” “Well, if you’re gonna get nasty, I’m gonna leave.”

- “Could he be retrained to forget his family, his children.” “The answer to that is no.” Don’t worry they’re not making threats! They’re just having their regular chats on theoretical situations!

- “It’s just a joke, Captain.” Bones finding Spock’s joke funny

- Sulu looks so happy to be here

- McCoy pacing and worrying while Spock watches him and does his calculations

- THE BOYFRIENDS CONCUR! They’re both worried about Kirk and Sulu

- BOYS WE GOT ANOTHER ONE! Spock gives the new officer a look and then WALKS AWAY

- McCoy just takes the gun. BONES GOT A GUN

- Okay again, walking around in plain sight (yeah this isn’t sneaking at this point) is not an effective strategy for being unseen

- Kirk would eat the chemicals in a darkroom, you can’t convince me otherwise

- Kirk’s fighting strategy is straight up goofy

- I love Kirk and Sulu gaslighting the soldiers

- “hmm… Poor photography.” REALLY?!?

- “BLAST your theories and observations, Mr. Spock! What about, Jim? He’s down there alone, probably under arrest. He doesn’t have a communicator and we can’t beam him back aboard without one.” “I am aware of that, doctor.” I feel like they have this conversation every time. Like McCoy wants Jim to be safe and thinks that Spock is under reacting when Spock is just as worried but doesn’t think any outburst would be effective.

- “I popped in out of thin air.” He took that sass from Spock

- Spock worried Kirk punching someone hurt his hand

- yay they made it back!!!!

I’ve been a bit distracted while drawing for the past couple episodes but drawing Bones is worth it

Master list :D

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

New Solar Opposites Episode #2: Double Trouble (by @avaveevo)

One night at the Solar Opposites house…

Korvo: offscreen You have been very very naughty!

Then it cuts to Yumyulack and Jesse wincing in horror as they hear Korvo and Terry having sex.

Yumyulack: This is the seventh time this month.

Jesse: I know! The horror!

Sonya moans in disgust as she covers her ears with a pillow.

Terry: offscreen Shit! I’m gonna cum if you keep going!

Korvo: Bring it on you dirty bad boy! Ooooh!

Jesse: I swear if they-

Terry: cums FFFFUUUUUUUUCCCK!

Jesse: Alright! That is it! We are staging an intervention with those two first thing tomorrow!

The next day, Korvo wakes up and rubs his eyes, only to realize he has a human hand.

Korvo: offscreen What the fuck?

Korvo runs to a mirror and reveals he is human. Korvo feels his face and screams in horror.

Human Korvo: Oh. My. God. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME?!

Terry wakes up as he groans.

Terry: Korvo, what-

Terry gasps and blushes as he looks at Human Korvo.

Terry: K-Korvy?

Human Korvo: Yeah?

Terry gets on one knee and takes Human Korvo’s hands.

Terry: Mmm… seductively Tell you what you look so hot.

Terry kisses Korvo’s hand and makes him blush.

Human Korvo: blushes while smiling Oh really?

Terry: Yeah.

Suddenly Jesse and Yumyulack are heard screaming off-camera.

Human Korvo: Kids?

Sonya: Korvo! Terry! Help!

The husbands rush to the kids’ room and are shocked to see Yumyulack and Jesse are human!

Human Korvo: Yumyulack?!

Terry: Jesse?! What happened?!

Human Yumyulack: WE TURN INTO FUCKING HUMANS!

Human Korvo: We can see that!

Terry: Oh no! My baby!

Human Jesse starts crying. Terry gasp and comforts his daughter.

Terry: It’s okay. But how did this happen?

Janiz: offscreen I think I know how.

The Solars turn around and gasp.

Sonya: Auntie Janiz?

Janiz is a human as well.

Terry: Aw, come on! How come everyone is a human but me?!

Human Korvo: Oh God! Not my sister as well!

Human Janiz: It’s okay. This is natural for Shlorpians.

Solar Opposites: Huh?

The scene cuts to the ship.

Human Korvo: Janiz, why have we turn into humans?!

Human Janiz sets up her computer and shows a holographic slideshow.

Human Janiz: Don’t worry, this is natural Shlorpian affection on being on the planet for too long without the Pupa terraforming it.

Human Korvo: Oh thank god. But I don’t think we can-

Human Janiz: Can what?

Human Korvo: Turn back…

Human Janiz: What? Is that what you’re worried about?

Pupa comes in and gasp upon seeing father and two of siblings turn into humans. Human Korvo starts crying into Terry’s chest.

Human Yumyulack and Human Jesse: Sadly yes.

Terry: Oh honey… shh… it’s okay… you’re still my Korvy…

Suddenly Human Korvo turns back into a Shlorpian.

Terry: gasp in joy Korvy! You’re you again!

Korvo feels his face and gasps with tears in his eyes.

Korvo: Yes! crying with happiness I’m me again!

Korvo hugs Terry.

Korvo: Oh Terry! I am so overjoyed that I am me again!

Terry: I am too.

The two husbands kiss while moaning.

Human Yumyulack, Human Jesse and Sonya: Eeew! Come on guys, boo! Yucky! That’s gross!

Human Jesse: Damn it! This is why we’re staging an intervention!

Korvo and Terry: No you’re not!

Human Jesse: Huh?

The kids groan in dismay. Human Janiz then scans the family.

Human Janiz: Interesting.

Terry: What?!

Human Janiz: It turns out you can shapeshift back into your normal selves. A Shlorpian only takes one shapeshifting form for being on one planet they’ve been on for too long.

Human Yumyulack: How is that possible?

Human Janiz: A Shlorpian has gain another form as a result of succumbing to the environment of which planet they live on.

Korvo: That is remarkable.

Human Jesse: How come it happen to Korvo first?

Human Janiz shrugs. Human Jesse and Human Yumyulack turn back into their Shlorpian forms.

Jesse: Yay! We’re aliens again!

Yumyulack: Yes!

Terry sighs sadly

Terry: I wish I had a human form.

Korvo: D’aw I’m sure it happen soon en-

Suddenly the Pupa starts grunting.

Jesse: Pupa are you okay?

Sonya: Is the Pupa getting another color?

The Pupa suddenly starts glowing and transforms into a human girl?!

Solar Opposites: Pupa?!

Terry: Are you a…girl?!

Korvo faints. Human Janiz gasps.

Yumyulack: What the fuck? We thought the Pupa is a boy.

Sonya: Aaw. He or she is so cute!

Human Pupa giggles and transforms back. Human Janiz then turns into her Shlorpian form.

Janiz: Ah… that’s better.

Korvo hugs Janiz.

Korvo: Janiz!

Janiz laughs. Terry sighs sadly and walks away.

Korvo: Aw poor Terry… he’s feeling left out..

Korvo walks after Terry and finds him in the bedroom crying into a pillow.

Korvo: Hey sweetie. You still feeling sad over not receiving your human form yet?

Terry: sniffs Yeah.

Korvo: Oh I’m sure you will get it mi amore

Terry blushes.

Terry: Shit! moans You spoke Spanish’

Korvo: seductively while fiddling his fingers on Terry’s chest Of course I did. Did language learning lately.

Terry: Oh, I don’t know why but I’m starting to get turned on.

Korvo: Really?

Terry: Of course. I think this Spanish thing might get me turned on!

Korvo bites his lip.

Terry: Hey, Korv. Wanna have sex?

Korvo: Oh-ho-ho. You know I do. Should we do it on the couch?

Terry: Oh! Hold on! breaking the fourth wall Before we do this, we would like to let you know the sex you’re about to witness will not be pretty. So, if you have small children, now would be a good time to ask them to leave the room. to Korvo Now, shall we?

Korvo: Damn. Did you just break the fourth wall?

The two husbands take off their clothes and sexy away as the kids ran outside in the background.

Terry: Yep! Pretty great? Right?

Korvo: God, that’s so hot!

Terry: Oh yes! Dominate me, you shimmering blue stud of beauty!

Korvo: Yes! Keeping calling me beautiful!

The two husbands take off their clothes and sexy away as the kids ran outside in the background.

Jesse: Ew!

Sonya: Gross dude!

Terry: offscreen Fuck, you’re so pretty, Korvy!

Yumyulack: Aw come on boo!

Korvo: FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!

Debbie then hears them and grows touched by the husband’s love.

Debbie: You know, this reminds me of a song. You kids wanna hear it?

Yumyulack, Jesse ands Sonya: RUN!

Cue the song

[DEBBIE]

number one Take him home!

number two He’s wasted! Yaaaayyy!

[KORVO]

My God, Terry! Right there! Right there! That's the spot -- that's the spot! -- okay, A little lower -- okay, now to the left -- No, my left -- ohhhhhhhh!

[TERRY]

Oh, my God, Korvo, no one's ever touched me Like this before -- you can't put your finger there -- Ooh, put your finger there!

[BOTH]

Oh yeah!

[DEBBIE]

You can be as loud as The hell you want When you're making love. You can be as loud as The hell you want When you're making love. You can be as loud as The hell you want When you're making love. You can be as loud as The hell you want...

[KORVO]

(Screaming in pleasure) Aaaaaahhh!

[TERRY]

Yaaaaaaahhh!

[DEBBIE]

You hear what? -- Hell no, I won't tell them to quiet down!

[KORVO]

Are we being too loud?

[TERRY]

Yeah, are we bothering someone?

[DEBBIE]

Oh, no, not at all, guys. You keep doing what you're doing. Yeah! Louder! You're not allowed to Be loud at the library, At the art museum or At a play

But when you and Your partner are doin' the nasty Don't behave like you're At the ballet! 'Cause you can be as loud As the hell you want When you're making love. You can be as loud As the hell you want When you're making love.

Don't let the neighbors Stop you from havin' fun, They'll have peace and Quiet when you're Good and done.

[ALL]

Be as loud as The hell you want When you're making love! (heavy breathing) Loud as the hell you want...

[KORVO] Faster, Terry

[TERRY]

Korvo, slow down! This not a race!

[DEBBIE]

Loud as the hell you want...

[KORVO]

Oh, YEAH!

[TERRY]

Who's your daddy?

[KORVO]

What?? Terry!!

[ALL]

Loud as the hell you want... Loud as the hell you want...

[DEBBIE]

Smack it and lick it and rub It and suck it!

[ALL]

Loud as the hell you want...

[KORVO]

Yes! Work your mama!

ALL Loud as the hell you --

[TERRY]

Oh yeah, that's it!

[KORVO]

Ooh, babe!

[TERRY]

(enjoying himself) Uuuuuhh!

[ALL]

Loud as the hell you... (x7) Want!

Debbie: My, singing gives me such a rush!

Unknown to her, the kids are hiding as they start to feel disgusted. Korvo and Terry collapse on the bed.

Terry: Oooooh…. Baby that was amazing!

Korvo: I know.

Terry suddenly starts glowing

Korvo: Terry?

Terry suddenly turns human.

Korvo: cries out in shock

Terry: What?!

Korvo: Terry! You have a human penis… and you’re human!

Human Terry looks in the mirror.

Human Terry: I-I’m a human… an-and and I got a slightly above average human penis!

Korvo starts playing with Human Terry’s hair.

Korvo: Wow. Nice hair.

Human Terry blushes.

Human Terry: touches his ears Wow you gotta teach these ears. I can’t believe I a got a penis, and a nose and a dick and a head full of hair and a shlong!

Korvo laughs and turns into his human form.

Human Korvo: Say I think this new form of yours have got me turned on.

Human Terry: Well, we’ve never had sex as humans before.

Human Korvo then seduces Human Terry.

Human Korvo: I think what you and your sexy hunky human body right now you green stud…

Human Terry growls seductively and pins Human Korvo against the bed.

Human Terry: Baby you got me on fire!

The two husbands make out as Human Terry grabs Human Korvo’s crotch.

Human Korvo: moans Oh yes Terry… Fuck! Oh! Fuck me now!

As the two have sex a mysterious figure watches them and growls. He puts down his binoculars and throws a knife at a nearby tree as he snarls.

???: I’ll make him pay for what he’s done.

The scene then cuts to Human Korvo and Human Terry snuggling with each other.

Human Korvo: That was great.

Human Terry: You were great.

Human Terry plays with Human Korvo’s hair.

Human Terry: By the way, nice long blond hair. It suits you.

Human Korvo: You think?

Human Korvo smiles but then looks sad.

Human Terry: What’s wrong?

Human Korvo: I’m scared, Terry. Scared of being human. I’m not used to…to…this.

Human Terry smiles as he soothes Human Korvo’s face in a comfort manner.

Human Terry: I know. But we’ll get through this. You just need to-

Suddenly… They heard a knock on their door.

Human Korvo: Come in!

Then, Janiz comes in as she gasp upon seeing Human Terry.

Janiz: Terry?

Human Terry: Hey? chuckles nervously

The scene then cuts to Human Terry and Human Korvo putting their clothes back on as the kids grow shock by Terry’s human form.

Jesse: Jesus Jessica Parker!

Sonya: Holy sweet mother grapes! Terry is a human now?

Human Terry: Yep.

Jesse: Jeepers! I can’t believe you’re actually human. This is so cool.

Yumyulack: Oh my God! Do you have a butthole?!

Human Terry: I don’t know you tell me!

Human Terry pulls down his pants and…

Yumyulack, Jesse and Sonya: Whoa-ho! He’s a got a butthole! He’s got a butthole!

Sonya: Can you put stuff in it?!

Human Terry: Oh. Great idea sweetie. What kind of stuff should I put it in it? Give me that gunquan!

Sonya: Okay!

Korvo: stops Sonya Uh uh uh! Nobody is putting anything in Terry’s butthole, except me. After we can figure out how to zap it!

Sonya: Aw…

Human Terry: Oh come on! You never let me put anything in anything!

Korvo chuckles.

Korvo: I know, darling. But let’s keep it subtle.

Pupa however runs in the room screaming.

Sonya: Pupa! What’s wrong?!

Pupa: Monster!

Solar Opposites: SAY WHAT?!

Jesse: What do you mean there’s a monster?

Pupa points outside. Korvo comes outside and gasps.

Pupa: hands them a note Look!

Terry takes the note. It says, “Korvo, I’m gonna kill you” writing in a blood! Terry gasps.

Terry: Oh no! That man is gonna kill Korvy!

Korvo gasps.

Korvo: Oh fuck!

AISHA, EVA and MAX then pops out.

EVA: What’s going on?

Korvo starts having a panic attack as he screams it out.

Korvo: SOMEONE IS OUT TO KILL ME!

The AIs gasp

AISHA: Oh shit! We should run away to Mexico or something to keep you safe!

Korvo: NO!

Korvo starts breathing in and out in fear.

Korvo: Fuck! I don’t wanna die! cries I DON’T WANNA DIE!

Korvo breaks down in tears. Terry gasps.

Terry: Oh no Korvy… hugs Korvo as he continues crying

Janiz: Oh Korvo…

Janiz comes up and soothes her brother.

Korvo: Terry, can you promise me something.

Terry: Yes! Anything!

Korvo: Promise me you’ll never leave my side. a tear runs down Korvo’s cheek Promise me you’ll be there to protect me. Please…

Terry gasp as he pulls Korvo in for a cooldown hug and soothes as Korvo continues crying into Terry’s chest.

Terry: I promise, babe. I promise.

Korvo sniffles as the kids rush over.

Yumyulack: Korvo?

Jesse: Aw poor Korvo

Sonya: Aw Korvo… *hugs Korvo*

Janiz: Guys! We gotta get Korvo out of here!

Korvo: Please do.

Janiz: But first, I think we should use our human forms for safety!

Korvo: Okay.

AISHA: We’re going with you too!

EVA: Yeah! We’re family guys!

MAX: So count us in!

The AIs turn into their human forms.

Solar Opposites: Whoa…

Korvo: I had no idea you guys could do that!

Human MAX: Janiz gave us these.

Korvo: *to Janiz* You did?

Janiz: I did. When you two where having sex, I reprogrammed them with the ability to turn into humans

Terry: Wow! Your human looks so cool guys!

Human EVA: Thanks!

Human AISHA: This human form is way amazing!

Yumyulack: Yeah, AISHA! You look good!

Human AISHA: Thanks!

Human MAX: Look at mine too! It has a sweet hot beard!

Korvo laughs and gains confidence.

Korvo: Solar Opposites, move out!

The others turn into their human forms

Korvo: Oh right human forms! Got it!

Korvo turns into his human form and ties his hair into a ponytail.

Human Terry: Wow. Nice ponytail!

Human Korvo laughs and blushes.

Human Korvo: Thanks honey. looks at Human Pupa Although, I think Pupa needs clothes now for his human form.

Human Jesse: Yeah, you’re right.

Human Pupa giggles as the family picks him up and takes him inside.

A few seconds later…

Human Janiz: There we go.

Human Korvo: Okay, now that the Pupa’s dressed. It’s time to kick ass!

Human Pupa: now with cute clothes on him, including a pink no sleeve shirt Yeah!

The human Solar Opposites head out as the mysterious figure watches them and chuckles.

Mysterious Figure: I’m coming for you Korvo….

The scene cuts to an abandoned warehouse.

Human Korvo: Okay. We can hide in there for awhile.

Human Terry: Okay.

Human Pupa: I’m scared.

Human Jesse: Us too Korvo.

Human Korvo sighs and picks up Human Pupa.

Human Korvo: It’s okay Pupa. We’re safe in here as long as whoever wants to kill me can’t find us and leave.

Sonya hugs Human Yumyulack and Human Jesse for comfort. Suddenly… A loud knock was heard as the family gasp in horror. The kids hide behind their dads, aunt and AIs for protection.

Mysterious Figure: offscreen; through the door Knock knock…

Human Yumyulack: Wh-who’s there?

Human Korvo: Go away!

Mysterious Figure: offscreen; through the door Too late…

The mysterious figure bursts through the door wearing a mask and attacks Human Korvo, knocking him out cold.

Solar Opposites: KORVO!

Human Terry cries tears of sadness before getting angry.

Mysterious Figure: What’s the matter Terry? Aren���t you suppose to be happy over what he did to us?

Human Terry: YOU PRICK!

Human Terry punches the mysterious figure as he groans. This gives the group time to escape.

Human AISHA: FUCKING RUN GUYS!

Human AISHA picks up Human Korvo who turns back into his Shlorpian form.

Human AISHA: Hang on Korvo! Let’s get you outta here!

The group runs out of the warehouse. After they stop running, Human AISHA puts Korvo down as Human Terry runs up to him.

Human Terry: Aw no. My poor Korvy. kisses Korvo on the forehead

Human Terry sobs. Korvo moans as he opens his eyes.

Korvo: Terry?

Human Terry smiles in tears of joy as he gasp.

Human Terry: Korvy!

Human Terry kiss Korvo on the lips as Korvo smiles and blushes.

Korvo: What happened?

Human Yumyulack: I don’t know.

Human Jesse: Me neither. Something or somebody knocked you out.

Korvo: Damn…I hardly remember. Everything‘s just one massive blur.

Human Janiz: Let’s just get you home before-

Suddenly a mysterious figure is heard laughing like a maniac.

Human Terry: Uh, who is that?!

???: Aw, I’m surprised you don’t remember me.

Korvo: What? The fuck are you talking about?

The mysterious figure suddenly jumps down from a tree.

Solar Opposites: Aaaah!

The Solar Opposites then gasp.

Human Jesse: Oh. My. God.

Sonya: Who is that guy?!

Korvo: No. It can’t be.

Human Yumyulack: Holy similar!

The mysterious figure looks exactly like Terry but different!

Human Janiz: Terry, is that you?!

Human Terry: Oh no! It’s Evil me from the time Korvy tried to change into something I am not but it backfired and it created a psychopathic version of myself!

Korvo sighs and starts crying

Human Terry: Aw no, Korvy. Don’t cry. It was years ago.

Korvo: I don’t care! I’m ashamed of what I did! I shouldn’t have-

Human Terry gives Korvo a cooldown hug as Korvo continues sobbing.

Evil Terry: Oh boo-hoo. Mr. Crybaby is guilty.

Human Terry growls in fury.

Human Terry: You…you…

Human Yumyulack: Uh, you okay Terry?

Human Jesse realizes something.

Human Jesse: Come on, Terry! Let the anger out!

Human Terry screams in fury. Human Terry tackles Evil Terry to the ground.

Evil Terry: Aaah! What the hell?!

Human Terry bites Evil Terry’s arm.

Evil Terry: Aaah! Savage beast!

Human Terry: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY KORVY!

Human EVA grabs Human Terry and holds him back.

Human AISHA: Easy Terry! Calm yourself!

Human Terry pants angrily as Korvo gets turned on.

Korvo: Holy shit. Terry, you have me so turned on!

Human Terry: Uh, I do?

Korvo: seductively Hell yeah you do, you big hunky Shlorpian.

Human Terry bites his lip in lust.

Human Terry: Ho-ho. seductively Tell you what that talk is making me feel all good, coming from you.

The two husbands kiss as Korvo turns into his human form.

Evil Terry: What?!

Human Jesse smirks.

Human Jesse: Boo-yah! Love conquers all bitch!

Human Yumyulack gags.

Human Pupa: covers his eyes Yucky!

Evil Terry growls and throws his knife at Human Korvo. Human Korvo screams and ducks as it hits a window. Evil Terry grunts in anger. Human Korvo starts having a panic attack as Human Terry gasp.

Human Terry: Hey hey, Korvo. It’s okay.

Human Korvo keeps breathing in and out as he starts breaking down in tears. Human Janiz rushes to comfort her brother.

Human Janiz: KORVO!

Human Janiz hugs Human Korvo.

Human Korvo: weeping

Human Janiz: Shh… it’s okay… shh… I’m here lil bro…

Evil Terry: Lil bro? You have a sister?! laughs How lame is that?!

Human Janiz growls while going big sister instincts as he continues to console Human Korvo.

Human Janiz: Fuck. Off.

Human Korvo suddenly shows tranquil fury.

Human Janiz: Korvo?

Human Korvo grabs Evil Terry by the shirt.

Evil Terry: Hey! What the fuck?!

Human Terry blushes.

Human Terry: to himself quietly That hunky blue shimmering stud of mine has just won me over.

Human Korvo growls as Evil Terry.

Evil Terry: laughs Watcha gonna do? Punch me?

Human Korvo: No. I’ll let you live. For now.

Evil Terry growls and kicks Human Korvo in the face. As Evil Terry escapes, the family realizes they have to stop them.

Human Jesse: Korvo, are you okay?!

Human Korvo: Yes I am. But guys, we gotta stop him!

Human EVA: But how?!

Human MAX: I have an idea, but it’s super crazy.

Human Terry: Good! Let’s hear it then!

Human MAX: Okay here is the plan you all ready?!

Solar Opposites: YEAH!

Later, Evil Terry searches for the family everywhere.

Evil Terry: Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Unknown to him, the human Solars hide and then Human Jesse nods for the signal. Human Terry then jumps down and traps Evil Terry in a net.

Human Terry: Gotcha bitch!

Evil Terry: Hey! Get off me! to Human Korvo You’ll pay for this!

Human Korvo: No you won’t. This has to stop! Why are you even here?!

Evil Terry: TO GET BACK AT YOU AND EVERY OTHER KORVO IN EVERY UNIVERSE!

The family grow confused.

Human Korvo: What?!

Human Terry: Dude, that’s crazy talk!

Human Jesse: Yeah. Why would you wanna do that?

Evil Terry starts breathing in and out in rage as tears burst from his eyes.

Human EVA: Uh, you okay?

Evil Terry: I’m fine! wipes a tear away

Human Janiz: Um, you don’t look fine.

Evil Terry: tears stream down in rage I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED, OKAY?!

Human Korvo gasps. Evil Terry punches his fist to the ground as he breaks down in tears.

Human Yumyulack: Wow. This haughty is definitely broken.

Human Korvo sighs and removes his hair tie

Human Korvo: I’m sorry I turned you into something you are not… that was wrong…

Evil Terry: Why should I forgive you?

Human Korvo looks at Human Terry, who smiles at him.

Human Korvo: Because you have every right to be mad at me for what I did and I shouldn’t have done that.

Human Terry smiles as a single tear shed from his right eye, which signify that he already forgives Korvo.

Evil Terry: How do I know you won’t do the same thing?

Human Korvo: Because this whole time, you were already perfect just the way you are.

Human Terry: Oh Korvy!

Human Terry then pulls Human Korvo for a kiss on the lips as the two human alien husbands moan lovingly at each other. Evil Terry sighs sadly.

Evil Terry: to Human Terry You really do love him… do you…

Human Terry: More than anything in the world. He’s my sexy hunky Shlorpian.

Human Korvo: Aw Terry. kisses Human Terry on the lips

Human Jesse: Blegh!

Human Yumyulack and Sonya: Eeew!

Human Jesse: Ugh! We give up…

Human Pupa: Yucky!

Evil Terry then picks up his knife and looks at his reflection as he finally has a heel realization.

Evil Terry: I guess I should give friends a chance.

The Solars gasp in surprise.

Sonya: Really Evil Daddy?

Evil Terry: Sure. Plus, I kinda like this little girl.

Evil Terry ruffles Sonya’s hair. Sonya giggles. Evil Terry suddenly starts glowing.

Evil Terry: Uh, what the fuck is happening to me?

Evil Terry turns into a human.

Human Evil Terry: Damn I look hot.

Human Terry: Hey! Looking good!

Human Evil Terry: Thanks. By the way, looks at Sonya who’s that little girl’s name?

Human Korvo: She’s Sonya. We adopted her.

Human Evil Terry: Wait. That means she’s your daughter?

Human Yumyulack: Yep. And our sister.

Human Jesse: She is a Solar now.

Sonya giggles. Human Evil Terry smiles.

Human Evil Terry: I was wrong about you Korvo. You’re a great husband and a great dad and a great brother too. I’m sorry...

Human Korvo: It’s okay.

Human Korvo and Human Evil Terry hug as the others join in.

Human Evil Terry: So Terry, where should we head now?

Human Terry: Back to our house. Korvo and I have to get ready for a dinner party.

Human Korvo: Oh yes. That.

Human Yumyulack: Should we take a bus?

The scene then cuts to the Solars’ house.

Human Evil Terry: Nice house man.

Human Jesse: Thanks.

Human Terry: Korvo, you ready to go?

Human Korvo: offscreen Coming!

Human Korvo comes down the stairs in a sparkly purple tuxedo, sparkly purple eyeshadow, and sparkly purple lipstick.

Human Terry: smitten whistle

Human Jesse: Whoa.

Human Yumyulack: You’re all that.

Human Terry: smitten whistle

Human Jesse: Whoa.

Human Yumyulack: You’re all that.

Human Korvo: Thanks kids.

Human Evil Terry: Damn. You’re like a badass fashion model.

Human Korvo: I sure do. Oh, what about Pupa?

Human Pupa: Hottie!

Human Pupa then pops out wearing a tuxedo dress.

Human Jesse: Oh my gosh! That’s so cute!

Human Terry: Aw, look at human Pupa! So adorable!

Human Terry then turns to Human Korvo and places a hand on his cheek

Human Terry: You never looked more beautiful my love.

Human Korvo laughs and removes his hair tie.

Human Korvo: You sure this new so is fancy for you? flips his hair back n forth

Human Terry: Oh hell yes.

Human AISHA: Shall we head out now fam?

Human Jesse: Yes!

The family then leaves and head out on the bus. Inside, the family are keeping themselves occupy

Human Evil Terry: Nice transportation.

Human Korvo: Pretty neat right?

Human Pupa starts playing around as he giggles on his coloring book.. Human Korvo brushes a strand of hair behind his ear and sighs sadly.

Human Terry: What’s wrong honey?

Human Korvo: Should we tell Jamie and Darcy about…this?

Human Terry smiles and puts his hand on Human Korvo’s shoulder.

Human Terry: If it makes you feel better, we will, okay?

Human Korvo smiles as he kiss Human Terry on the cheek.

Human Korvo: Thank you, Terry.

Human Korvo and Human Terry kiss again. But then, they heard a man complaining over Human Pupa doing something that annoyed him.

Man: Sir, can you control your daughter because I-

Human Korvo: Ooh, you are not telling me how to raise my child!

Human Jesse: You do not tell this man how to raise his child!

Human Pupa: You do not tell her how to raise me!

Human Janiz: Mmm-mmm!

Human EVA: No you do not!

Human Terry: You have no idea what my husband is done!

Human Yumyulack: Yeah! That’s right!

The man is shocked but scoffs.

Man: Whatever.

Human Korvo: Yeesh. What a dick.

Human Evil Terry: Jeez, now, I’m don’t miss being evil.

Human Terry: You do? Why?

Human Evil Terry: Because I killed the Korvo from my universe and now that I’ve opened my eyes, I’m starting to feel guilty for what I did.

Human Terry smiles.

Human Terry: It’s okay. That’s in the past now.

The group arrives at the dinner party and Human Korvo has an idea and changes into his Shlorpian form.

Human Jesse: Uh, what are you doing?

Korvo: Just showing off my new look as a Shlorpian.

Human Terry: Hey, that’s actually pretty good idea!

Korvo then knocks on the door as Darcy and Jamie open it.

Darcy: Hey Korvo. What’s up? Nice look.

Korvo: Thanks.

Jamie and Darcy then notice the human Solars.

Jamie: Uh? You mind telling us what happened?

Darcy: Yeah, are these your husband, kids and sister? What happens to them?

Korvo: Well, we found out we can turn into humans. Cool right?

Jamie and Darcy are surprised.

Darcy: Wait? You guys can do that?!

Korvo: Yep. Watch this.

Korvo turns back into his human form as Jamie and Darcy grows surprised by this.

Human Korvo: Thanks.

Darcy: You guys wanna head inside now?

Human Terry: Hell yeah!

Human Korvo: Come along fam. Let’s head inside now. The fun awaits.

Human Korvo kisses Human Terry on the lips before they head inside.

THE END

[viktheviking1]

(The drawing is just something I threw together late last night, and the file was too big to transfer so I just had to take a picture of the computer screen with my phone. So yeah, it's kind of terrible and I debated whether to post it or not, but I decided it wouldn't hurt. Yeah, writing is still definitely my artform of choice.)

PSA here, many people without limbs can bathe by themselves, and can live independently for the most part, but I thought it’d be cute to show a little bit more of Ozzie being Fizzarolli’s personal carer as well as boyfriend. I think that even if Fizz’s limbs were waterproof, and if he could bathe himself, that they would still appreciate the time and intimacy of bathing together. That’s just my personal headcanon though.

“You, know. Blitz even said that he wouldn’t mind having a three-some with the both of us.” Fizz was lying next to Ozzy on their bed after a long night catching up with his old friend at a bar.

Asmodeus looked thoughtful, “Hmm . . . I suppose I’m not against the idea. . . but what about him and Stolas? Aren’t they . . . together? At least to some degree?”

“Oh, right. You’ve been too busy to keep up with the news. They broke up. Like, completely.” Fizz spilt the tea.

Asmodeus gasped, “No way! Awe! I was really rooting for them! Do you know why?”

Fizz shrugged, “Beats me, but given that they both are on dating accounts looking for rebounds, I doubt either of them are okay about it.”

“They both are?!” Ozzy’s shocked face turned into a mischievous grin.

“Oh, no. I know that face. You know you’re the Lord of Lust, right? Not cupid.” Fizz shook his head disapprovingly.

“I know~ but that little birdie is so lonely~” Asmodeus said playfully, “And besides, what harm could a little poking around do? Don’t you want your old friend to be happy? Or were you planning on keeping him all to yourself? I can respect that.”

“No, it’s not about that. It’s about you” Fizz booped his nose, “meddling in things you shouldn’t meddle with. All you’ll do is end up causing trouble. So you can go do whatever you want, but leave me out of it.” Fizz crossed his arms stubbornly.

“Awe, but Fizzy~ It won’t be as fun without you. And you know your old friend better than anyone. Won’t you give me a hand~” Ozzy squished his face, “Pwease~”

Fizz laughed heartily, “Alright, alright. Fine! But if this goes sideways, it’s on you!”

“Yay! Now let’s get to sleep for real, else I’m gonna be a zombie all day tomorrow.” Ozzy sat up to go get undressed.

“Aw, but I’m still horny! Can’t we have a little fun before bed?” Fizzy complained like a kid wanting candy.

“It’s 2 in the morning, babe! We have to get up in less than 4 hours!” Oz said, taking off his suit.

Fizz curled into a ball, pouting, “Since when were you so responsible?”

Asmodeus chuckled, “Since I had someone to care about~” his face turned stern, “Now get to the bath and take off your limbs. You reek of alcohol.”

“Oh~, won’t you help me get clean, big daddy~” Fizz posed seductively.

Ozzy snickered, “Like I don’t every time.”

“Come on, Oz. It’s no fun if it’s just a chore!” Fizz said, getting off the bed.

“Oh, baby, it never is. I cherish the private moments with you.” Ozzy switched to a more seductive tone, “Now let me sponge you down so good, you’ll be begging for mercy.”

“That’s more like it.” Fizz snickered, and started doing cartwheels to the bathroom.

Read more of The Pompous and the Prick here:

[xoxoemynn]

5, 12, 18 for the fic writer asks??

YAY THANK YOU!

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP From the Big WIP aka my Afterlight Boys! This is where, if he were in one of his shows, someone would point out there’s always a rainbow after a storm, and only bright and magical things ahead, and they’d burst into song and dance as the stage lit up in color and the audience gasped and cheered and clapped.

12. a trope you’re really into right now MAKE IT ACHE!!! I don't care how, I need Ed and Stede DESPERATE and HURTING and YEARNING and DEVOID OF ALL HOPE. I need them to CRY. I need them to push each other away. And then I need them to cry more and kiss the tears away. idk if that's really a "right now" so much as an "always" but... yes. Pain.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic Okay I had to search for this, because I lost a lot of my deleted snippets when my computer died since I kept so many on Scrivener and did not back up appropriately. 😭 But here's an earlier version of a scene from Here's to the Night. I reworked it because the tone was getting more melancholy than the fic called for. Behind a cut because I couldn't just pick a single paragraph and it's long.

Ed licked the remnants of the chip off his thumb and then leaned in close to Stede. “Why’d you and your wife split up?”

Stede shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I guess you could say we were incompatible.”

“You mean that you’re gay.”

All the air left Stede’s lungs. He didn’t know why this felt like crossing such a line. He’d been flirting with Ed on the company phone line all night and had made an excuse for him to come up just so he could spend more time with him, alone, on a holiday traditionally spent with couples.

But hearing the word out loud, and describing him, made Stede like he was caught talking too loudly in the library by the strict librarian. He just barely resisted the urge to look over his shoulder to make sure nobody heard.

“Stede, mate, you okay?”

Stede shook his head. “No, you’re right. I just…” He let out a soft half-laugh. “I’ve never actually said it before. I knew it. Have known it. And by the end I think even my ex-wife knew it, although she never said anything. I just… wow. Wowie wow wow.”

“Do you want to say it now?” Ed asked quietly. “Just for the hell of it?”

“I’m gay,” Stede said. The words sounded loud in the empty office, so loud Stede was semi-surprised they didn’t echo throughout the hallways. He smiled. “I’m gay.”

“Congrats, mate.” Ed clapped his shoulder. “Felt good, didn’t it?”

“Felt weird,” Stede admitted. “Like it wasn’t even really me saying it. But also I felt… more me? Does that even make sense?”

“Completely,” Ed said. “And maybe now you can start living your real life.”

“What, just because I’ve said out loud what I’ve always known?” Stede scoffed.

“Listen, I get it,” Ed said quietly. “Obviously. It’s not like things have been easy for us of late.”

Stede’s throat tightened, and he shook his head. “No.”

“Do you want to tell me, or do you want me to guess?” Ed asked.

“I… I thought it was just something you grew out of,” Stede said. “I went to an all-boys’ boarding school, and it was just what you did. But while all my classmates did… I didn’t. I figured I just needed to try harder. I dated girls all through uni, and it still never felt right.”

“And…”

Stede sighed. “I pulled a classic Stede Bonnet move and ran away. Moved to New York. I thought when I was off on my own I could finally explore who I was without being surrounded by all the relics of my old life.”

Ed nodded. “And how’d that go?”

“Great. I loved it. Made me want to travel more, see everything the world had to offer. And I even dated a few men. Really nice ones, too. Not right, but it felt closer.” He looked down at his hands. “And then it was the eighties.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah,” Stede said. “So, I moved back home, met Mary, convinced her I was the man of her dreams. We were married before she was able to come to her senses.”

Ed rested his hand on Stede’s knee. “I’m sorry, mate.”

Stede shook his head. “It’s fine. I was lying to myself, to Mary, to my family. It had to all come crashing down eventually."

[ashknife]

The Firewall

This is my entry to the 2022 Inklings Challenge (@inklings-challenge). Although I keep it fade-to-black, the story contains elements of violence and prostitution. Feel free to point out errors and nitpick. I'm out of time to spend on this during the challenge (yay library school), but I can make corrections as needed.

I'm on Team Lewis. This is a portal fantasy that starts in a computer simulation. Transition to the real world happens through a wall of fire, hence the title. Fire plays a role in separation and new birth, while water (primarily through tears) speaks of redemption and forgiveness. Story after the break.

The Firewall

“Bernie. Yo, Bernie!”

Bernie drew a sharp breath as he faced his interruption: a man dressed in a suit just like he was, sporting shades, a gold watch, slick hair, handgun hidden under the coat. The only difference was that this man had blonde hair, while Bernie’s was a solid brown.

“What’s the matter, buddy? Did ya forget to breathe?” Bernie shook his head as if to clear…something. He wasn’t sure what, but it was something.

“I…maybe.” He looked back at the object of his fascination. Just inside an abandoned building, on the outskirts of Pleasure Circle, a wall of fire divided an empty room, but it seemed to not harm its surroundings. The flames danced with steady energy, forming patterns, shapes, and designs that were quickly consumed and replaced with others. The man gripped Bernie’s shoulder and silently observed the fire with him for a few moments.

“That is mesmerizing, isn’t it?” he finally said.

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve seen the firewall here before, or this close. What do you think, Pat?”

“It ain’t causing us problems, just as long as nobody gets the dumb idea to get close. It’ll burn them up.”

“Shouldn’t it, you know, burn the building or something?”

“Eh, I don’t know. That’s too much mystery for me.” Pat tightened his grip on Bernie’s shoulder. “Too many questions make for uncomfortably sleepless nights. If I’m to have one of those, it should be with some good drinks, ya know what I mean?”

Bernie smirked half to himself.

“Speaking of which, our shift is nearly up, and I do believe we have some appointments to keep after.”

“Yeah. Let’s finish our patrol.”

Pleasure Circle. That’s what people call this city. It’s been around for as long as anyone can remember. The people who live here indulge day in and day out in whatever pleases them. Whether it is entertainment, booze, sex, drugs, or even just a plate of bacon and eggs with a cup of coffee, the Circle has it all, and it’s available all the time. The lights never dim, the energy is always high (or low, if that’s your thing), and there’s never a dull moment.

Even with all this play and indulgence, some find pleasure in work, and they, too, are catered to by staffing the various business and operations within the city. After all, someone has to cook the food, pour the drinks, and perform the entertainment. Sometimes there’s overindulgence, and people get unruly. That’s where folks like Bernie and Pat come in. They’re Enforcers, the security outfit of the Circle. They provide just enough order in this unruly place to keep it running smoothly. Enforcers are highly respected. Even the shadiest denizen finds their work reasonable, and it’s a crazy person who tries to openly challenge them.

Bernie and Pat rounded a corner at the outskirts and now walked toward the livelier parts of the Circle. Pat made a show of stretching.

“As expected, ain’t nobody out here,” he said.

“I wish that was always the case,” Bernie said. Pat winced.

“Hey, man, I drank three bottles of whiskey the night after we found that kid. Now I’m going to have to drink another to forget again.”

“Sorry,” Bernie said as he scratched the back of his head. “He was just eighteen, thought he’d already seen it all.”

“There’s so much to do here! How could he have already seen it all? He just became an adult. A whole new world had just opened up to him. Bah, now I’m going to need two bottles to forget.”

They were silent for several blocks.

“Hey,” Bernie said.

“Don’t,” Pat replied.

“But, really, what if…what if that kid had a point?”

Pat stopped, and Bernie with him. Pat leveled a serious look at his partner.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who needs to forget.”

Bernie tried to reply, but he looked around as if looking for the right words.

“I’ve never seen anyone jump through a firewall, either. That was grisly. Even in a place where everything is provided for us, we sometimes have to pay a price for our work. You know, for the good of the city.”

Bernie nodded slowly.

“Hey, our shift’s over, and your appointment is right over there, isn’t it?”

Bernie looked. Just a block down and across the street was one of his favorites, Castle Comforts, where everyone feels like royalty. 

“We’re already here?”

“Lost sense of time, did you? Too much thinking will do that to you, buddy. Come on, I’ll walk ya there. There’s a bar not much further.”

Pat practically yanked Bernie down the street.

“Look, we’re security. Hired muscle. We keep people from hurting themselves and each other. Not a lot of time to be considering things like, ‘Why,’ and ‘How.’ That’s for them brainy types at the university over there. Lord knows how they find any of that fun.”

He spat.

“Of course, some people just don’t see why we like doing constructive things with our hands. I guess there are all types, eh? Okay, here we are, and I see there are a few ladies ready to do some work of their own.”

Castle Comforts was a hotel built like a castle that did a poor job of hiding that it was a hotel. . The giant stones of the castle wall were plastic. The English oak doors were plastic. The gold finery was also plastic. The heraldry and tapestries were more paper than cloth. However, nobody came here to reenact medieval history. A door to one of the fancier suites lay open, and surrounding it were five princesses in various states of dress. As soon as Pat dragged Bernie into the parking lot, the ladies waved and begged for an audience with their lord.

“Well, time to forget your troubles, pal.” Pat pushed Bernie forward. “Got get ‘em, Your Majesty! I’ll be at the Apollo if you need anything.”

------

Bernie lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. The blinking neon sign outside occasionally broke through the blinds to wash his room with its indistinct, insufficient glow. The princesses left some time ago, but not before giving him the royal treatment promised. He endured the most exciting night he ever had and struggled now to think of any other time he had it this good. In this room, he was king. After hours of consideration, he finally made his grave decree.

“What am I doing?”

Day after day, for weeks, months, years, he worked, indulged, slept, and got up to work again. He carried drunkards, staunched wounds, directed people around the dead, and more. People were victims of their pleasure. Yet for all he had seen, he went to his dens of delight to forget. The only difference between himself and Pat? Their drug of choice. Pat thought women were exhausting. Bernie didn’t like hangovers.

The kid they found last week. Pat and Bernie stopped him from running into the firewall, but the kid fought them off with animal ferocity. He had enough of the Circle. He wanted to know what was on the other side of the firewall.

“This is pointless. Pointless,” he repeated as the Enforcers tried to wrestle him down. Eventually, the kid won, and he jumped into the firewall only to burn to death.

Bernie got up and vomited into the sink. Even the memory of burnt flesh in his nostrils was too much. He turned the faucet on, tried to clean up the sink, and rinsed his mouth out. He splashed his face with the tepid water and rubbed it through a towel before staring at it in the mirror. Empty eyes stared back at him. He shook his head. The lost couldn’t help the lost. He put his clothes on and stepped out into the night.

------

Lifeless lights blinked throughout the city. Light fog and some drizzle dampened the streets and buildings with a reflective coating that bathed everything in a ghostly glow. Bernie barely noticed as he shuffled down the street. The glamour surrounding him could distract him no longer. A familiar voice, on the other hand, could.

“Heeeey, buddy!” Pat slurred from nearby. Bernie looked up. Somehow, he walked himself right to the Apollo. Pat stood just outside, surrounded by several people who laughed at his half-told jokes as he tried very hard to introduce the crowd to Bernie.

‘Thish…thish iz…” Pat cleared his throat and focused really hard on enunciating his next few words, his mouth exaggerating each syllable. “Bernie! This is hish royal majeshty, Bernie, my beshtest buddy EVER.” Pat’s adoring crowd flashed Bernie smiles as bright as the surrounding lights.

“How’d it go, man,” Pat said as he stumbled to Bernie. He tripped over his own feet in the attempt, but Bernie caught him almost out of instinct. The jostling did not sit well with Pat, who promptly vomited all over Bernie’s sleeve. Bernie shook it off, and a well-timed shower replaced the drizzle and slowly washed the sidewalk clean.

“It was…great,” Bernie said. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah! Yeah,” Pat said as he regained some semblance of balance. “You wanna join us? It’sh great fun right now!”

“No, I think I just need to have a walk,” Bernie said.

“A walk in the rain! That’s a great idea! Man, it’s weird how we don’t get wet, huh?”

Bernie’s eyes opened wide for a moment. He looked at himself, at Pat, and his crowd. Not a single inch of clothing got soaked in the rain. They were all dry. Come to think of it, none of Pat’s vomit stuck to his suit. That didn’t seem normal. He shook his head and regained his composure.

“Yeah, I guess it is. I never noticed,” Bernie said. Pat laughed.

A new man in a suit stepped out from behind the crowd and casually worked through and around Pat’s exaggerated movements until Pat leaned on his shoulder and the man’s arm wrapped around the drunk’s waist. Bernie recognized him at once.

“Enrique,” Bernie said as he nodded in greeting.

“Hey, Bernie, you day shift guys sure have something rough going on if I have to keep hauling his sorry butt back home like this,” Enrique said.

“I’m sorry,” Bernie said.

“Heeeey, Ernie, good to see ya, buddy!” Pat declared to the delight of his crowd.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s what we’re here for, right? I’ll take care of him since you’re still off-duty,” Enrique said. “Let’s go, Pat. Say goodbye to everyone.”

“Bye-bye, everybody! I love you all,” Pat said as Enrique guided him down the street. His crowd hustled back into the bar. Bernie shook his head once again and walked the opposite way as Pat’s drunken serenade drifted into the distance.

------

Bernie continued aimlessly through the streets, lost in his thoughts. Eventually, he stopped in front of an abandoned building. Perhaps those steps weren’t so aimless after all. He stared into the door at the firewall that mesmerized him so earlier. He squinted at the sight as if trying to discern its secrets. The firewall could burn that kid, but it did nothing to this building. Why did the water from the sink feel wet, but the rain did not? How was his suit clean?

“Is any of this real?” he muttered.

He gasped. No, it couldn’t be. He looked harder at the firewall. No, not there. Behind it. Surely it was behind the flames. It was. No, not it. She was. Is. Staring back at Bernie, through the flames, was a woman with dark, curly hair, wearing a simple robe. 

“Hello?” Bernie called out, waving his hand in greeting. The woman simply stared back.

“Can you hear me?” he said, waving harder. She continued to stare. No, stare wasn’t the right word. Staring seemed like such a passive thing. Her face held an expression, something he only heard of before, maybe read about or seen in a picture. Her “stare” communicated something. It was…it was…pity? Yes, it was pity. She pitied him.

This realization stunned Bernie. He stood there for a moment with his mouth agape. Then he felt another unusual emotion: anger. Why was he to be pitied? What was wrong with him? Clearly, she knew something, and he was going to find out.

He approached the firewall but stopped just short of it. He could feel its heat. These really were dangerous. They killed that kid. They could kill him. But somehow that woman existed on the other side. There was something beyond Pleasure Circle. He had to know. He had to know what was out there, and why he should be pitied, and why she wasn’t a part of the city. He had to know. He charged through the fire.

Never in his life had he felt such pain. Never had heat burned so hot. Never had his skin seared so bad. Never had he felt such resistance. The firewall pushed back against his advance. He cried in agony. He wasn’t going to make it. But then his face broke through, and he could see the woman clearly. She no longer pitied him, but now she reached out her hand. He had to reach out to her. He burned hotter the harder he pushed, and his screams reached a fevered pitch until his hand broke through and joined with hers.

Bright white engulfed him in pain not meant for mortal men.

------

The white turned into a confusing array of browns. He felt the weight of fresh air as it burned into his lungs. He felt the hand of the woman pull him, and he stumbled forward as if he forgot to walk. He fell to his knees, and in a quick, fluid motion, she spun him around so that he lay on his back with his head resting on her lap. He felt things stuck in his arms and legs. His bare skin felt the cool breeze blow over it, and he shivered. Where was his suit? He could only feel his skin against the hard floor and the rough fabric of her robe. Pain jolted with every movement, every breeze, every breath, It hurt to scream. It hurt to live, but he couldn’t bear the thought of dying. He couldn’t help but cry out.

“In here!” the woman yelled with a tremble in her voice. Was she scared? Was she scared of him? Was she scared for him? He tried to take deep breaths to calm down.

“Yes,” she said to him as she wiped the sweat pouring from his brow. “That’s right, deep breaths. Shh…” She breathed deep with him, and he tried to match her rhythm. He jumped at the sound of deep footsteps entering the room.

“Deep breaths,” she repeated. He fought the urge to panic and resumed the routine. Slowly, he calmed down, and the pain partially subsided. His vision came into focus. Immediately above him was the woman he saw through the firewall. She held a damp rag over his brow. Past her was the wall and ceiling of a room long unused. The tiles and brickwork were faded and cracked as if they had seen nothing but countless years of weather and sun. There were a couple of men, also in earthen robes, who were bent over and rummaging through some boxes.

“What’s his name?” one of them asked.

“I didn’t see,” the woman said.

“Okay,” the man replied. He stood up and walked to what appeared to be a chair. It was clearly more advanced than what these people appeared to be. It looked like an elaborate, futuristic recliner. The seat had white cushions, and surrounding it were all kinds of pads attached to cords that somehow met under the base of the chair. Several of the pads looked burnt, and some of the cords did not go to those pads, but instead led straight to Bernie’s nude body, where they were attached with large needles. Bernie whimpered.

“It’s okay,” the woman whispered.

“Aha!” The man inspecting the chair saw something on the back. “Bernard.”

“B-Bernie,” Bernie eked out. The man at the chair nodded.

“Okay. Bernie.” He returned to his box to look for more things in it.

“Hi, Bernie. I’m Bob. I see you noticed those tubes, there,” the other man said. He put on a face mask and tossed one to the woman, who put it on. Bernie nodded nervously. He knew where this was going.

“Yeah, it’s gonna hurt. I’m sorry. You’re gonna be ok, but we need to do this if you’re gonna be free.”

“O-okay,” Bernie said.

“That man over there, Mike, he’s going to put another, smaller tube in you. It’s called an I.V. It doesn’t do quite as much as these big tubes, but it can go with us, and we can use it to put medicine in you.” Mike looked up, waved with a half-gloved hand, and continued his rummaging.

“You listen to Grace. You newbies aren’t used to pain when you leave the Circle. She will coach you on getting through these bumps. It won’t be as bad as getting out, but you’re not going to like it.”

Bernie nodded again. Grace set aside the soaked cloth she was using to wipe Bernie’s brow. She brought out a fresh, clean one and applied it to his forehead.

The prick from the I.V. was hard, but nothing like what he endured going through the firewall. Each tube they pulled left large, pencil-sized holes in his body, but they too didn’t feel anything like what he just endured. But Mike was right. It was nearly unbearable. He listened to Grace’s coaching and complied the best he could, but he filled the rest of his time sobbing. It wasn’t just the pain. It was also from shame. She looked upon him with pity again, and he knew she was right to do so.

------

Several days passed since Bernie crossed the firewall. The medics who rescued him removed all the tubes implanted into him and bandaged him up. In a few weeks, they would be scars. Parts of his head, chest, arms, and legs endured burns from the console (what they called the chair he woke up in) mimicking the heat of the firewall, thus the burnt pads. The world outside was wide, desolate, and terrifying. There weren’t a lot of convenient amenities. Many places were in ruin. Yet, there was some semblance of technology and civilization. It was difficult to comprehend.

For now, his world was this tiny room in a hospital. There was an actual night and day cycle, whereas Pleasure Circle cycled between twilight and night. When did the night get to be so cold? Why was the day hot? Why was it so hard to see during the day? There were so many new sensations he wasn’t used to.

At the sink, he filled a cup with water, and slowly he shuffled to the window, which overlooked a small garden. There were some bushes of different types, a lawn with a large tree in the center, a walking path that weaved through it all, and various flowers that bordered the path. It was nothing exciting, but there was something peaceful about it. He looked down on the window sill, at the plant he was given the day after he was admitted. It had long, thin, green needles. A spider plant, they told him. Give it some sun and a little water every day. It seemed an easy enough task. He noticed it didn’t look well when he gave it a lot of water, but it seemed to flourish with half of the cup each day. The other half he drank.

A gentle knock at the door interrupted his reverie, and an old man walked in. His face resembled a shriveled raisin, but there was twinkle in his eyes and a joy in his smile that defied his age. With one hand, he steadied himself with a cane someone had whittled from a tree branch. With the other, he extended toward Bernie. Bernie shook it.

“Are you an elder here?” Bernie asked.

“Yes, yes,” the man said. “I think that’s the right word. I am Deontae, and I am one of the leaders of this community. I know this world is a bit of a shock, but it is so good of you to join us.”

“I didn’t think there was an outside world, or that it was in such ruin. And yet…” Bernie waved his hands around. “How does all this technology still function?”

“We don’t have the manpower to build much of anything, but we can scavenge, repurpose, and repair. If everyone could leave their consoles, we’d have enough to start rebuilding.”

“What are these consoles?”

“We don’t really know, only that people are born in them, live in them, and die in them. We can’t just pull them out, either. Those die…horrifically. They have to leave on their own volition. Even that isn’t guaranteed. There was a kid who tried to leave the Circle group a week before you, but he burned up in his console.”

“He didn’t…I…” Bernie choked up. Deontae’s raised an eyebrow.

“You saw that on your end, too, huh? What did you do in Pleasure Circle?”

“I was an Enforcer.”

“Oh!” Deontae laughed. The old man’s face livened up even more. “I never expected to meet one! I’ve heard of you Enforcers, but I think you’re the first to come out! How exciting!”

“Huh…” Bernie slumped.

“Now, now, son, don’t let that get you down. There are others from Pleasure Circle here if you need a place to start connecting. You are not alone here.” Deontae lifted his cane and lightly jabbed Bernie’s chest. “You are now part of our community.”

Bernie nodded.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but you’ll get the hang of it. You’re one of the quicker ones. And what’s this?” Deontae herded Bernie to the side with his cane and approached the plant on the window sill. “Well, well, well. You did good, son. Most people stare at the plant or have no idea what to do with the simple instructions we gave them. They said you started to drown it, but it seems now you figured out how to care for it. Look at those leaves. Mm!”

“That was a test?”

“Yes, it was a test. Most people coming out of a console have no idea how to do anything in real life. We tell them to water the plant and give it some sunlight, but they find all kinds of ways to kill it. Some water too much and don’t understand what’s going on. Some give it too much sunlight. Some think the light in the room is enough. Some don’t water it because they don’t understand where we’re getting it from. But you, you’re one of the few that figured it out. We don’t have to train you much, just a little education to get you up to speed.”

Bernie scratched the back of his head.

“You said earlier that the Circle was a group,” he said.

“Yes. Pleasure Circle is what you would call a simulation. It’s a reality created by machines like this.” Deontae pointed to a computer. “As far as we know, there are twenty different simulations going. Some have people swinging swords and killing monsters. Some have people running from monsters. Some are just recreations of real life. Pleasure Circle is a hedonist paradise, we hear.”

“Hedonist?”

“We have some books for you to read. You’ll get what I mean later. For now, I want you to know that after you’ve finished healing up, we’ll put you to work. You were a kind of policeman in your simulation, but we have enough security. How would you feel about keeping a garden?”

“Like, growing flowers and plants?”

“Yes. We need more food than flowers, but cultivating a few of the latter wouldn’t be out of the question. I have some of my boys breaking up the ground by a chapel. When it’s time, we’ll move you there. We’ll have a room in there prepared for you. It’ll have some basic amenities, and there is some space for reading and such. Consider it a welcoming gift for your new life.”

“I don’t know what to think. Thank you, I guess.”

Deontae pat Bernie’s arm.

“I’ll take my leave. Let me know if you need something. We’ll do everything we can to get you on your feet, Bernie.”

“I…”

“Hm?”

“Bernard. It’s Bernard.”

“Of course. Welcome home, Bernard.” 

Bernard nodded and watched the raisin man leave.

------

A few days passed. Bernard was cleared for discharge. Deontae delivered a fresh set of robes, and the hospital, after training him one grooming, provided some toiletries for his personal use. After he showered, he wrapped a towel around himself and stepped out to find Grace waiting for him.

“I am here to show you how to put these on,” she said, pointing to the robes.

“Oh, right. That would be helpful,” Bernard replied.

“Have a seat,” she said.

He sat on the bed and watched her demonstrate how to don a robe and the different ways it could be adjusted. It was only slightly more complicated than the hospital gowns he wore thus far, but it was surprisingly versatile.

“Now you do it,” she said.

He took off his towel and donned his robe with all the care and attention to detail of a child learning to dress themselves for the first time. When he was done, he looked in the mirror. The garment fit perfectly. He did some of the adjustments that he remembered.

“Good,” Grace said. “You learn quick.”

Bernie scratched the back of his head.

“You’re…uh…different…” he begun.

“Than the women in your simulation?”

“Yeah,” he muttered.

“I’m alive, with feelings, thoughts, and dreams of my own. My work isn’t for someone else’s pleasure,” she responded matter-of-factly.

“I don’t understand,” he said, trying to find something else to look at. He finally chose the arms of his robe, which were surprisingly soft given how rough they looked. But then he saw his hands. Alive, with feelings, thoughts, and dreams of my own. She was a person. The ladies at Castle Comforts were simulations, but they were simulations of actual people, like he was. He used a lot of people. His hands were dirty. He rushed to the sink, turned the water on, covered his hands in soap, and tried to wash the filth off, but none of it came off. He scrubbed harder and harder, but if anything, his hands grew dirtier. A gentle touch on his elbow startled him.

“You can’t wash that kind off like real dirt,” Grace said.

Bernard looked at her and back at his hands. The dirt wasn’t actually there, but somehow it was. He teared up.

“What have I done?”

“Time, Bernard. You need time to think about everything. It will be ok.” Grace grabbed a tissue and wiped his eyes dry. “One step at a time. It’s time to go to your new home.”

“Okay,” he said, looking back and forth between his hands and the sink.

------

Months passed. Bernard was given a room in a small cathedral. People came and went in the chapel, where people prayed to whomever at the pews, but the back areas containing office space were sealed off to the public and turned into living quarters. Bernie was the first to take up residence. Next to his room was a small library of old books on many topics. He read everything he could about gardening and tried to make what he had work, mostly to good effect. Within a couple of months, he managed small crops of tomatoes, beans, and squash, enough to feed himself and several others until the next harvest. He kept a small plot of colorful chrysanthemums for his own diversion.

He read other works by other authors, some of which he heard about and quoted out of context while in the Circle. Philosophers, thinkers, stories, matters of faith, the topics that made people stay up at night questioning their existence. The kinds of things people don’t like to think about in the Circle.

Life was hard. The work was hard. The learning was hard. But there was a satisfaction in learning new things, making things work, and wrestling out the questions that burned within him. Pleasure Circle constantly pleased him, but in this life in the real world, in this unnamed community, he found fulfillment. He grew. He understood.

But the more he understood, the dirtier his hands became.

He sought out other people who came from the Circle. He didn’t recognize any of them, but the younger ones recognized him and told him of times he helped people recover from their overindulgence. With all the puke, the blood, the harsh words, and more, they knew what a difficult job the Enforcers had, and they respected him all the more for his new work as a gardener. But their hands weren’t dirty like his.

He scoured the library for help, but nothing seemed to deal with these stains. He looked through titles left and right. He looked around and behind the shelves for anything. He looked between books to see if there was anything hidden behind them. All the jostling caused a single, old book to plop onto the ground. He picked it up, dusted it off, and inspected its worn cover. If there were any lettering on it, it had since faded. Unlike the cardboard or paper coverings of the other books, this one seemed to be leather. He opened it, felt its thin, seemingly fragile pages, thumbed through them, and stopped when he noticed some red text. He read one of the red lines.

“‘Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest,’” it said.

It struck a chord deep within him, and for several days he read through the book, sometimes while in the middle of his duties. When he finished, he looked around him. The ruin somehow made sense. The cathedral made sense. All of the images within it that survived the ravages of time made sense. He ran into the sanctuary, and for the first time in his life, he prayed.

His hands looked a little less dirty.

And now he found a purpose.

------

“What do you mean, ‘Is there anyone who can watch this garden?’” Deontae looked incredulous. “Have you lost your mind?”

“No,” Bernard said. “No. I think I found it, actually.” He held the Bible out to his mentor, who took and thumbed through it.

“Well, I’ll be. I didn’t think I’d see one of these again. Was this in that little library?”

“Yeah.”

Deontae’s brow furrowed.

“You want to go back.”

Bernard nodded once.

“You want to be a missionary.”

Bernard nodded once again. Deontae smiled.

“That’s crazy, Bernard. Crazy. But if I remember this book, that’s the kind of people we need sometimes. I’ll go find Grace and have her guide you back to your console.”

“That’s it? I thought you’d actually protest.”

“Look, son, I’ve seen and heard all kinds of crazy things. I’ve gotten a nose for when something is the wrong kind of crazy. This don’t seem like the wrong kind.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Faith, son. You have it believing what this book said. Now I have it agreeing with your crazy idea. Just don’t prove me wrong, okay?”

“I…may not come back.”

Deontae raised an eyebrow, and then he bowed his head for a moment. He looked back up with tears in his eyes.

“Would it really come to that?” he asked.

“Probably. Order 51, it’s called. It’s the only one with a punishment,” Bernard replied

“I’ll tell them you went on a journey of discovery. I think it might be easier for people to digest.”

“It wouldn’t be wrong.”

“Good-bye, Bernard,” Deontae said as he walked away. “Grace will meet you at the cathedral.”

------

Grace led Bernard through the settled parts of the community to the ruins of tall buildings. At one time, they were called apartments, and they housed many families. Now, they still house people, but in each of the ruined rooms is a single person attached to a console powered by who knows what.

They weaved through several broken-up streets to one of the smaller buildings, this one only eight stories tall. They climbed stairs up to the fifth floor, and then they down three doors to the room where Bernard first came into the world. Both of them gasped. When they left, the pads were burnt and the tubes stuck into him were left in disarray. The chair now looked pristine, as if nothing had ever happened to it. It was open and ready to receive Bernard once again. He looked at the back to see a nameplate. Engraved on it was the name, “Bernard Jones,” and according to the date on there, he was around 45 years old.

“My birthday was a week ago,” he said.

“Happy birthday,” Grace said.

“Thank you,” he said with a little smile.

“Do you have to do this?”

“Yeah. I need to tell the people in there what’s out here. They’re living a lie.”

“I have watched you grow so much. Why can’t you counsel the people who come out, just as I have done for you?” Since Bernard moved into the cathedral, Grace had visited him each week to teach him and help him adjust to normal life.

“It would take too long. I would die before many of them did. This is the better way. It might get enough people out to start rebuilding.”

Grace nodded.

“I have enjoyed our weekly meetings. The many hours we have talked have been the best part of being out here. You have been a dear friend to me, Grace.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Bernard.” Her eyes watered. He stepped forward, and they embraced as they wept. He wiped their tears with his hand, and the dirt on them seemed to fall off.

“I think I understand,” he mused. She nodded and stepped back to the door.

“Sit in the console. It should do everything else,” she said.

He did so, and it immediately came to life. The pads clasped all over his body. The needled tried helplessly to break through his robes.

���I won’t be needing those,” he said to himself.

“Bye, Ber–” Grace started before everything was replaced with a loud, bright light.

------

Bernard stood outside the abandoned building, right where he jumped through the firewall. He looked back in and saw that it was still there, its flames just as mesmerizing as ever. He laughed to himself and walked purposefully toward the middle of the city. Remembering conversations with people who came from the game simulations, he had an idea.

“Time,” he said. A display came up in front of him showing the time within Pleasure Circle…and the time outside. He didn’t expect it to work, but it did, and it confirmed for him that he was in a simulation. He considered the time, thought for a moment, and then tried something else.

“Take me to Pleasure Fountain.” Yes, this is where he should be at this time. At the command, Bernard’s surroundings warped and bent until he stood next to the fountain that was the center of the Circle. People around jumped at the sight of him suddenly appearing with a brief flash of light. They talked among themselves and pointed at him and his simple robes.

“What kind of trick was that?” a familiar voice called out. Pat ran up to investigate, and his jaw dropped when he saw Bernard.

“Bernie? Is that you? Bernie!!”

“Hello, Pat,” Bernard said.

“Eloquent as ever, buddy. Where have you been? You’ve been gone for years!”

“It’s only been about seven months.”

“What? No, no, no, it’s been seven years. What are you talking about? And what’s with this getup?”

“I’ve been outside.”

The crowd that formed jumped back as if Bernard carried a deadly plague. Some people screamed in terror and ran.

“Outside? What do you mean outside? There’s nothing past the firewalls,” Pat said.

“Not here, no. But outside this…simulation, there’s a whole new world out there. There’s sunlight. There’s pain. There’s fresh air. There’s rain that makes you wet when it falls. There’s–” A click from a handgun interrupted him. Pat stared wide-eyed at Bernard, his gun pointed at his old partner.

“Bernie, what kind of crazy talk is this?”

“It’s Bernard, Pat.”

“Bernie, Bernard, whatever. What are you playing at?” A tear streamed down his face.

“Nothing, Pat. This world isn’t real. It’s a hedonist paradise created by a computer to hold us captive. It’s all fa–”

“Stop it. This is nothing like you! You need to suit up and go and enjoy the ladies at Castle Comforts and…and…”

“Come with me, Pat,” Bernard said.

“I can’t. I can’t. The firewall is supposed to protect us from anything out there. Man, just get changed and get back to normal life. Don’t make me invoke Order 51.”

“‘Terminate all outside interference,’” Bernard quoted. Streams covered Pat’s face.

“Please don’t make me do this,” Pat pleaded.

“I came back to do what I must. You need to do what you must,” Bernard said. His calm, resolute manner seemed to agitate Pat all the more.

“Bernie!”

Pat sobbed as he pulled the trigger.

------

“Daddy, look!” A little girl placed an old book on her father’s lap. It was open to the picture of a large dog carrying a small cask tied to its neck.

“Oh, what a big dog. What kind is it, sweetie?”

“It’s called a St. Bernard!”

Daddy shifted uncomfortably.

“Is that so?” he said.

“Yeah! They would go and find people in trouble and rescue them. Aren’t they great? It’s just like that guy people talk about.”

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“This dog should be happy to be named after Saint Bernard.”

“You’re right, sweetie. Hey, why don’t you go show your brothers down in the field? It looks like they’re taking a break.”

“Okay!” She grabbed the book and scampered off.

Daddy buried his face into his hands. From behind, his wife circled her arms around him.

“Grace,” he said. The man shuddered. He pulled his hands back. For twenty years, he never could figure out how to wash the blood off of them.

“I…I killed him. Shot him in the street. Because I didn’t want to listen to him. I wanted to stay where I was comfortable. How many people suffered because we wouldn’t listen? He was my best friend, and I killed him!” Patrick clenched his fists. Grace held him tighter.

“I know, love. He left knowing he would die, and you were the only one carrying that kind of guilt. But know this: your bullet killed one and saved thousands.” After Bernard’s death, many people in the Circle questioned what they were doing, Patrick among them. He dropped the bottle and followed in his friend’s footsteps. The resulting exodus was almost too much for the community to handle, but now there were enough people to rebuild. Patrick and Grace, with their children, resided in one of the first new houses built.

“Shouldn’t you be angry with me?”

“You took something from me, but you repaid your debt many times over. You are not the man you were. Let it go.”

“I’m sorry,” he wept. As the tears fell, some of the blood began to wash off.

[sometimes-sleeby-octopus]

Dhmis - BAKING (fan script 2)

Disclaimer: Once again, I am not British

Content Includes: Violence and the usual DHMIS shtick, also it’s like 1k more words than the last one-

Dedicated to a lovely anon, @/sr-sra-00, and @/enby-creature-feature, who inspired me to make another one

And so it begins:

(Like usual, a new version of the intro song plays; however, the order of the lyrics has been distorted while the tune stays the same)

There’s three of us

Just three of us

It’s him and you and me

There’s three of us!

There’s three of us!

Look closely and you’ll see

To find out what we talk about

And everyday we all hang out

Y: And we’re in a circle in a circle in a circle and in another circle!

R: *gradually quieter, hoarse voice* And we’ve been stuck in it forever…

(The music plays instrumentally for a bit. Red puts his faces in his hands and shakes his head in anguish, groaning. Duck’s tone is quiet, attempting to be comforting.)

D: It’s alright, I’ll figure something out, I think I’m pretty smart.

R: *slumps in his chair, exasperated* Oh my gosh, just shut up, mate…

(After a beat, the music picks up again suddenly, making the characters gasp before finishing the song on beat.)

There’s three of us!

Just three of us!

Us three

(The episode title screen says BAKING with various baking utensils surround it like a spoon and a bowl full of batter.)

(Initials for all characters are as follows: R = Red, D = Duck, Y = Yellow, C = Chef Hat who is the new teacher)

(The trio is in the living area, all silent. While they have forgotten some things about the last episode, they remember an evil butterfly, very vague positive feelings and dying.

The sound of breaking glass is heard in the kitchen, making everyone jump and yelp.)

D: Can we not go over there?! I bet it’s that awful butterfly!

Y: Yay! We remembered!

R: While that is very good, I don’t this will end well if it is!

D: If only we still had the computer that Yellow broke so we could find out how to kill it!

Y: Hey! That’s not nice!

D: Boohoo, sorry I’m mad cause’ we’re going to DIE!

(A distant voice has started shouting from the kitchen. The three have yet to notice.)

R: You’re remembering all the past stuff too? Interesting.

D: Could we throw a chair at it perhaps?

C: Hello?! Is anyone here?!

Y: It’s not the butterfly?

R: I guess not?

D: Who is it then?

R: ……Let’s find out?

(Duck and Yellow agree at the same time.)

D: I don’t see why not, that sounds fine.

Y: Oh yeah! Fun time!

(The three casually walk to the kitchen door, fears mostly forgotten, but Red hesitates to open the door. Duck just opens it instead. A chef hat with stick legs, a blade of grass stuffed in its main fold, and blue thin-string bows around its hat base is seen on the other side of the doorway. It waves one of its hands slightly frantically.)

C: Oh thank goodness! Some friendly faces! Call me Chef!!!

D: Why are we friends if we’ve never met?

C: *cheerily* I watched you die!

(The camera pauses awkwardly close on Chef’s smiling face. It pans back to the trio’s blank faces.)

C: And I’m yellow’s hat!

(Red relaxes. Only him though.)

R: Oh, the funeral!

D: Funeral?

(Yellow also relaxes.)

Y: Oh yeah, the funeral for you!

D: That’s rubbish, I think I would remember my own funeral.

R: To be fair, he wasn’t really dying quite yet when you were there, Chef.

C: *sheepishly laughs* My bad! The forest will do things to you!

Y: What kind of things?

C: *laughs more* I don’t want to talk about it!

(After staring at him for a while, Duck has a suddenly realization.)

D: Is that why you look like that?

C: *smiles weirdly genuine* Disheveled? Haha, yeah! Got some grass on me when I was thrown and found my legs in the woods!

R: Oof, sorry about that, mate.

C: It’s alright! I had plenty of time to recuperate!

Y: Wait, if you were in the woods, where’d you get the blue?

C: Your head, good sir!

Y: *touching his hair* That’s kinda weird..

R: Anyways, how can we help you? You’re here for…something, right?

C: Oh right! I’ve got to give you lesson before I get thrown back into the woods!

(Chef is still happy and smiling somehow. The trio all turn toward each other thinking about it. The music for Chef’s song slowly fades in.)

C: Anyways, let’s do some baking!!!

Take some flour

Or a mix

Do it plainly

Or with tricks

Like with a crack

And then a flip

Of the egg!

Into the trash

Once it’s been used

Use a whisk

Or use a spoon

There are many ways to bake

And I’ll show

You

The way!

You can bake a cake

And you could also bake your friends

Just don’t do the latter

If you don’t want them to be dead

It seems real obvious

But please follow the instructions

Upset the lobbyists

And they just ban what we’re doing!

…

I kid I kid I kid

But whether outside or within

Take your soul and mix it in

To your creation!

(The song ends as Yellow brings a mix so the baking can actually begin. Everyone is suddenly in baking attire with everyone wearing an apron and Red wearing a different chef’s hat.)

R: What are we making, Chef?

C: Your mum’s-

R: Is that a joke or-

C: cupcakes!

(Chef turns the box that yellow brought around. It literally says “Your Mum’s Cupcakes”.)

R: Ohhhh, alright.

C: (to yellow) Would you like to pour the mix in?

Y: Yeah!!!

(Yellow opens the mix bag and tries to flip it into the bowl. It hits the counter and explodes onto everyone. Duck grips his eyes in pain. Red attempts to brush the powder off himself with little success.)

D: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?!

Y: I just wanted to do a trick...

R: (to duck) Put your eyes in the sink. We’re all gonna need a bath after this. (to yellow) Come here, you.

(Red tries to dust off yellow with more success than himself. Duck scoffs and curses to himself as his washes out his eyes.)

C: (to Red) Could you help me? My arms aren’t quite long enough.

R: Um, okay.

(Red awkwardly dusts Chef off. Chef somehow smiles wider and giggles.)

C: Thanks! I guess we’ll just have to bake from scratch.

(Duck suddenly bolts up from the sink and runs toward the fridge.)

D: I’ll go get the butter!

(The other three wait around in silence until Duck hurries back and chucks the butter into the bowl from about three feet away. It lands perfectly.)

D: Ha! I’m better than all of you! I actually got it in!

R: I’m actually mildly impressed.

D: Really? I hope you’re not being sarcastic because that would be very rude!

R: Oh hush, let’s just make the cake.

(Everyone bustles around in a montage of pouring in ingredients while singing another song!)

D: We’ve got the butter!

R: And now it needs some flour

Y: And also some water!

C: And also some powder!

All: We’re all making due!

Y: And now we need some sugar!

D: (in a very high note/belt) Some SUGAR!~

(The music suddenly fades as Red waves his hand in a semi-frantic way.)

R: EVERYONE STOP!

(The whole room goes quiet, except for Duck who scoffs.)

D: I was doing my solo!

R: While it was alright, we don’t have any sugar.

Y: Huh?? But that doesn’t make sense!

D: For once he’s right, we usually have most of what we need for a lesson.

R: Most is the key word there. We’ll have to go look for something else.

C: Oh, I know! While I was in the forest, I made syrup from the sap in the trees!

Y: We have those cool trees!!!

D: They’re called maples, idiot.

Y: Oh, maples!!!

R: I didn’t know we had those.

C: One of you could go find some! I’d rather not go back to the forest again if you don’t mind.

R: If the three of us go, it might go fast-

(Chef quickly drops his smile and becomes panicked.)

C: NO!

(He realizes his mistake and quickly smiles again. The others just stare.)

C: I mean, I don’t do well alone, sorry.

R: (to yellow) Hey, you. Would you mind staying here with your hat while we go find sap? It’s uh…an important job, I guess.

Y: Alright! I will do my best.

(Yellow salutes for some reason. Red awkwardly salutes back, not sure why Yellow did that. Duck swats him and properly salutes, speaking smugly after the fact.)

D: You’ve got to do it right! Or at least I have to since I was in the military. He probably learned it from me!

R: We ought to be going now, hmm?

D: I hate it when you’re right.

(Red laughs quietly at that. Duck crosses his arms, looking somewhat flustered as they leave out the kitchen door.)

Y: (to chef) Would you like to color?

(We see Red and Duck walking dramatically through the forest. They suddenly slow upon noticing that fact.)

R: Why are we marching?

D: I don’t know, let’s not.

(We switch back to Yellow and Chef coloring away on the kitchen floor for a moment. Chef looks over at Yellow’s paper.)

C: Whatcha drawing?

(We see yellow’s drawing as he point to each figure drawn next to the pink house.)

Y: Me and my family! There’s me, my dad, the red one, and the green one!

C: How nice! You have a lovely family.

Y: Thank you! What about you?

(We see Chef’s drawing of themself surrounded by baking materials and also some brown blobs with green specks. It’s a bit creepy in a way.

C: I drew myself baking with my mud friends! I’ll have to write them letters now that I won’t go back into the forest.

Y: Uh…that’s…nice?

(We’re back to Red and Duck who have found trees with spouts in them.)

R: These must be the ones with the sap, ey?

D: I’d say so! But how can we take it back to the house?

R: Oh, I’ll just carry it in my hat.

D: Alright then.

(As Duck reaches to turn the faucet, a branches reaches and touches his hand. The two slowly look up to see the very angry face of a tree. They both scream.

It pans back to Yellow who hears them. He jolts up and Chef follows suit.)

Y: My friends are in trouble! I have to go help them.

(Chef’s almost permanent smile strains as he starts to get nervous.)

C: I’m sure they’ll be fine! Let’s just stay here!

Y: No, I have to go!

(As Yellow tries to leave, Chef grabs his arm, almost losing his grin.)

C: Please don’t leave me! I couldn’t bear it!

(Yellow shakes him off and regretfully runs out the front.)

Y: I’m sorry!

(We see Chef, who is reaching out his hand, lose his grin from the outside of the front door and watch as his pupil dilate before the door closes.

Yellow quickly runs through the now stormy forest in the rain, panting and looking around until he sees Red trying to negotiate with a tree holding Duck hostage, waving him in the air.)

R: We promise we won’t take your sap, just please let him go!

D: GET THIS PLANT OFF OF ME THIS INSTANT!! AHHHHH!!!

R: I’m trying, it’s not listening!

(The plant starts to stab Duck repeatedly, with Duck starting to bleed. As Red jump up to attempt to free Duck, the tree stabs his head, chest, and arms, making Red fall to the ground. Yellow was panicking until he saw Red fall. His expression shifts.)

Y: (suddenly very angry) LET THEM GO!

(His shout echoes through the forest. The tree recoils before dropping Duck. Yellow helps Red up, who in turn, carries Duck as Yellow supports him. They all run back through the forest back to the house and Red somehow kicks down the door.

The house is a mess with crazy writings in chocolate syrup and chuddle dollops all over the walls and furniture knocked over and covered in ingredients. The clock has been smashed and the kitchen is even more of a mess. The table and chairs are sprawled on the floor, a dead toast family is on the counter, and a more disheveled than ever Chef with tears in himself and his bows in a tangle dragging behind him is in the middle of it all. The additional ingredients, chuddle dollops, and glass on him give away that he is the culprit. He cries in front of three lumps of batter that look vaguely like the trio melt into the floor. He mumbles to himself.)

C: Please come back, please come back, please come back…

(The trio decides not to enter the kitchen. Red leans into the room against his better judgement.)

R: …hello?

(Chef looks over in shock and runs toward Red, gripping his leg and sobbing.)

C: You came back! I knew you would!

(Red does not know how to handle it and the other two are also very uncomfortable. Yellow looks very guilty.)

Y: This is all my fault.

D: Don’t be dumb, you didn’t WRECK OUR HOUSE!

(Chef suddenly looks scared and lets go of Red, holding his hands up in surrender. He tries to smile, barely succeed.)

C: I’m so sorry! I’ll fix it! Just please don’t kick me out! Please don’t leave!

R: How about we all just calm down-

D: (to Chef) You suck at your job and we don’t want you here!

(Chef becomes hysterical, crying as he fails to keep smiling, frantically grabbing ingredients from the floor.)

C: W-we can still make some! Look I’m making something! I’m making something!

(The hat throws the stuff into a mixer and tries to turn it on. The mixer is stubborn and will not turn on. Chef keeps desperate slamming the “on” button. He even climbs onto the rim of the mixing bowl. He finally succeeds and laughs in relief before losing his footing and falling into the bowl. He gurgles and screams as he drowns and gets torn apart, becoming part of the mix. We see the aftermath with a mix full of dirt, hair, and fabric scraps with a bit of blood as well.

The trio simply stares in horror, with Duck’s and Yellow’s jaws wide open.)

R: I think I need to sit d-

(Red passes out into a puddle of his own blood, Duck falling out of his arms and onto his side. He has also passed out. Yellow still stands in shock, tears pricking his eyes.

After a moment, he shakily sits down next down next to Red’s body and curls up beside his friend’s corpse, weeping into his knees. We’re in front of the house again and the door closes on the disastrous scene.

We suddenly see Lesley pulling out new Red and Duck dolls as she tidies up her doll house.)

Lesley: Shame I have to keep replacing you two.

(The credits rolls for a moment before a cheery but quiet song plays with a ukulele backing.)

A cake without sugar

Is just bread

A body with no soul

Is just dead

A path forward

Is just ahead

And a neck without a skull

Isn’t.

[lokilickedme]

Who was it that asked for workplace sex in The Puma Club?  Whoever that was, I got some good news for you.

Also I’m still fretting over Julian Sands, I can’t believe me and my kids disappeared him.  This is what, day 8?  COME HOME MR SANDS WE’RE SORRY WE WON’T DO IT AGAIN

I have a sinus headache from my almost-done cold but now Little is snuffling and it looks like it’s going to make the rounds through all of us before it leaves.  Feck.

Tomorrow is my day off so I’ll try to throw out some writing, but god help me I’m gonna finish this one chapter today before I go in if it hamstrings me.  And it probably will, so, yay.

On a side note:  the store’s playlist has quite a lot of Hozier on it and I would full-body hug whoever’s responsible for that if there wasn’t also Taylor Swift on it.  Dude, you were so close to sainthood, why’d you drop the donuts when you were two feet from the table?  At least I’m not at the ice cream shop listening to Kanye with barely alive teenagers anymore.  In fact I got a commendation in front of upper management last night and as the little meeting was breaking up I growled at my boss DO NOT PROMOTE ME, I MEAN IT, I LOVE WHAT I’M DOING DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT I WILL SHANK SOMEBODY BEFORE I LET YOU SHOVE ME UP THE LADDER.  He seems to be grooming me for management and I just...I don’t wanna.  I go into the store in the middle of the afternoon, I grab my little computer, I disappear into the depths and I reappear four hours later on my way out the door.  Nobody even knows I’m there unless I choose to interact with someone (okay Crackbaby in the deli knows I’m there because he hunts all over the store to find me and puts his stupid adorable face in front of me every day at 4:00 because apparently he wants to be a new muse or something).  I’m my own supervisor and department head, hell I’m my own entire department, I don’t answer to anybody.  Some of my co-workers think I’m a spy from corporate and I let them because that’s kinda cool actually.  I get to indulge my particular brand of OCD by organizing and arranging and sorting and I can be as weird as I want to be because there’s literally only one person who can do anything about me and he thinks I’m the coolest person in the world.  Why would I want to move into an office and be handed stress quotas and anxiety reports?  Naw, I’m good thanks.

Anyway, it’s 25 degrees today.  Snow on the ground.  I’m supposed to take my MIL to lunch but when she calls I’m gonna beg off because Little is so snuffly he sounds like a vacuum hose snorting up Jell-o.  Which gives me more time to work on The Puma Club before I go to work...oh yeah, that was the entire point of this post.  Puma Club will be updating today or tonight, hopefully.  Tomorrow at the latest.  And whoever asked for the workplace sex, today’s your lucky day :)  Or tomorrow, depending on my attention span allotment for the next three hours.

[new-royston-cursebreakers]

‘

Comic sans intro for my WIP here we go

Image description under the cut:

A series of powerpoint slides, all with a white background, blue, pink, and purple vapor trails, and the comic sans font.

slide one; The Curse of New Royston [line break] A comic sans PPT about my first novel [line break] Fun fact that’s the font that I do my first drafts in

slide two; YAAAAAY THE PLOT

There are as many main characters as letters in that yay (my workshop thought I was crazy)

They all live in a little cursed town in early 2000s Connecticut

The curse is that however much money you have, that’s how big you are, but only in the borders of that town

So like if you’ve got a big net worth and you’re one of the richest people in town you’d be like 30 feet tall and if you’re living paycheck to paycheck you might be like 6 inches tall

Yeah it’s weird but there’s a lot of world building at the beginning and it’ll answer all your questions I promise

But anyway the main characters all kinda wanna break the curse but they fight about it and also Things Get In The Way

Also there’s ghosts

slide three; FAQ

Question

Why are all 7 of your main characters male

How does ____ work in New Royston

What the fuck are you even on

Answer

I transed my gender and am sick of pretending to be Woman and also friendships and queer relationships between boys are nice

If it’s not already answered in the first ~100 pages of the book I’d be surprised

The zeal of life baby!!!!!!!

The next seven slides are character slides; each one begins with their name and has a small picture of the character represented by a Nintendo Mii.

slide four; Gio

Focal character of the odd-numbered chapters

Like 20 feet tallHis full name is Giovanni Violett but he hates it with a passion

Non-lethally drowned when he crossed the curse’s border in the water and Came Back Wrong

Ocean metaphors my beloved

Certified Greek myth nerd

A bit prejudiced but trying his best

Angy boi

Being followed by a mysterious man in a pirate hat who broke his computer once

slide five; Cricket

Focal character of the even-numbered chapters

Like a foot tall

Can chirp like a Cricket

REALLY loves bugs

His parents left town to save up enough money to get him out too so he’s been alone for like a year when the book begins Jewish

13 and 30

Absolute ball of sunshine but will not listen to anything anyone tells him to do

He will drag you kicking and screaming into his house to feed you soup and tuck you into bed

slide six; Fletcher

About 25 feet tall but it changes a lot

Gio’s best friend

Has some serious anxiety problems only matched by some serious memory problems

But we don’t need to get into all that [smile] he covers it up by being loud and obnoxious

Kinda sorta threatened Cricket’s life on the first day of school

May or may not be harboring Secrets

Hopelessly gay

I’m not saying he’s a self insert but I am saying he’s substantially more like me than the others

slide seven; Eneas

Only like seven inches tall

Has a track record of social advocacy (he calls it ‘being annoying until I get what I want’)

Walking spoiler

I literally wanted him to be a focal character but he Knows Too Much

Everybody has something to say about him

Terrifies Fletcher

Terrified of Fletcher

Cares so so much about everyone

Yells at Cricket when he inevitably doesn’t listen to him

slide eight; Caelan

About 17 feet tallHomophobic homosexualWhen he voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party he didn’t expect that a leopard would eat HIS face!!!Carrying on a secret relationship. ShhhhFruity afThe mayor’s sonInto embroidery and being an absolute dipshitReally doesn’t know how to handle things rn ok

slide nine; Auster

About eight inches tall

Cricket and Eneas’ longtime friendA WITCH

Okay he’s a cunning man but he’s very similar to a witch

Transed his gender

An orphan

Helping his chronically ill sister take care of his younger siblings

Is always so so tired

Has a lot of “secrets” (he’s just too tired to talk about them and doesn’t wanna get into all that rn)

Actually very sweet deep down

slide ten; Cameron

About 30 feet tall (the biggest!!!)

But still an outcast in the rich people placeNo one really knows why

No one knows where he came from

No one knows why he’s so weird

No one knows where his weird ass dialect came from

But he seems to be doing okay…?

Basically another walking spoiler

Gio feels every emotion at once toward him

Everyone else really doesn’t know what to do with him

Was the Great Sage in my first Miitopia playthrough

slide eleven; Other Things That Happen

All of the MCs are queer in some way but they don’t all get mentioned in the book so I didn’t include it in their bios [sad face]

The Forest holds Secrets

Gio gets traumatized

Cricket faces literal microaggressions (and also gets traumatized)

But dw the story’s actually kinda optimistic

Someone wields a chainsaw without proper safety measures

People find out things about their families

You’ll learn some things about bugs [smile]

Find more @new-royston-cursebreakers!

slide twelve; Memes

image one; the Spongebob “aight imma head out” meme has been edited to read “Fletcher as soon as anything happens”.

image two; the Kombucha girl reacts negatively to “Making the angry character fire-themed and the kind character light-themed” and reacts positively to “Making the angry character water-themed and the kind character darkness-themed.”

image three; a screenshot reading “Gio knows he’s going to Hell” in comic sans.

image four; the car exiting a highway meme. The car is labeled “Eneas” and the signs are labeled “Explaining why what they did is dangerous” and “Yelling at them some more” with the car angling toward the latter.

image five; the “I love all my children equally meme” has been editing to read “I love all my characters equally” in the first panel and “I don’t care for Caelan” in the second panel.

image six; a girl overwhelmed with eating pancakes that are being handed to her by a lot of people. The pancakes are labeled: “’Normal’ as we define it is impossible to achieve,” “We will never progress while we still hold onto fear,” “The way we as society treat kids is abhorrent,” “Activism happens in small steps,” “Understanding our past is integral to shaping our future,” “Lawful and good are two different things,” “Wow American Christianity kinda sucks ngl,” “You don’t have to understand others to treat them kindly,” and “Capitalism bad”.

image seven; a screenshot in which spellcheck is suggesting that “Caelan’s” be corrected to “Cain’s”.

image eight; Jason Mamoa sneaking up on Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill is labeled “Me, who thinks I have my story structure figured out” and Jason Momoa is labeled “’what if chiastic structure tho’“.

[drkineildwicks]

Writing Snippets--10/23/2022

In the continuing saga of writing until the juice is gone...starting to slow down a bit on the time-travelling Obake AU BUT in doing so we now only have seven episodes left to fill out--which will probably take more than 100 pages if I’m honest--and I’ve gotten to a bunch of stuff I’ve written ahead.  Very pleased with progress this month, we went from...eh, 20 consecutive chapters to 44 consecutive chapters so yay. :D

Anywho, technically the episodes “Kentucky Kaiju” and “Big Hero 7″ got folded together, so:

“How is that particular project coming along?”

Hiro grinned at him.  “Okay so testing is going pretty well but there’s this one patch of code I need help with ironing out—hold on let me pull it up,” he said, clacking away on his keyboard.  “So this patch right here keeps causing a critical malfunction when I try to run it—can’t get it past that just yet, I’m wondering if it’s conflicting with some other code packet I have in here.”

“Or it could be a confluence of coding issues that just all collided right there.”

“Now see, I doubt that because I went through everything and made sure it hooked up and it was running just fine before—as far as I know my remora downloaded the latest Windows update.”

“That is bad,” he agreed, looking it over.  “Let’s see, biometrics, GPS, taser…are you sure it’s the new code?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Well, only one way to be certain: be systematic.”

Hiro nodded, started going through everything with him, them chatting about coding and occasionally other things of vague interest.  The maintenance pause on the labs and Fred’s squid and kaiju were high on the list, although sometimes it dipped down into nonsense things—it was calm and domestic by his standards, but it was something he surprised himself by caring for.

It also went someplace else when they were done.

“Something just occurred to me about the tentacles,” Hiro said, dragging a notebook over and flipping it to a fresh page.  “Like…we still use them as extensions of the ballast system, maybe, have the articulated metal joints inside…but…also this.”  showed him the sketch.

Obake couldn’t help the little flip-flop his stomach did.  “Nano-Dex?”

“Yeah—it’ll be part of the tentacle covering so the metal doesn’t have to be bulky, and we can control how strong it is that way too.”

Obake considered this. “It could work…you know, if you test it.”

“Hey, that was the plan!” Hiro protested.  “What, you think I’m just going to rush out with some half-baked experiment?”

“Prior experience suggests so, yes.”  Especially with what he did with the Nano-Dex the first time around.

The Hamada brothers plus Obake were the ones who ended up being commissioned for Fred’s giant kaiju, plus a smaller monster squid he has film plans for.

Also forgive me, I have the barest understanding of how coding works.  The crack at Windows comes from an update knocking my computer offline for a week so yes I’m salty at Microsoft.

[mizkit]

new blog post: Picoreview: The Mitchells vs the Machines

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/picoreview-the-mitchells-vs-the-machines/

Picoreview: The Mitchells vs the Machines

Picoreview: Mitchells vs the Machines: did not finish

This was one of those I’d been meaning to get around to seeing because the reviews were so great, so I finally started it, and…half an hour in, I paused it, read the Wiki, and decided that yeah, no, it was not going to redeem itself and I didn’t need to finish watching it.

I 100% believe all the good reviews, honestly. The art style is fun, the animation is engaging, the characters are plausible, etc. It was subtly clear from what I watched that the lead character, Katie, is queer, but that wasn’t a major point or a point of conflict, it was just part of who she was. That was nice.

The film’s action plot is based around the latest iPhone being upgraded into an iRobot, which all immediately go off the rails and now they have to save the world, which, ok, that’s fine.

The film’s emotional plot revolves around Katie, 18ish and about to leave for college on the other side of the country, and her father, with whom she was very close as a child but has grown away from as he has, frankly, lost interest in her as she’s grown into a person of her own. I don’t feel like that’s a spoiler because it’s made really clear really early in the movie.

From here on out, however, there will be spoilers, because the thing that made it a DNF for me is a thing I really didn’t like and therefore want to talk about and it’s definitely a spoiler.

S P O I L E R

~

S P A C E

yeah ok it’s on you now

So the night before she leaves, during a messy conversation with her father, they accidentally break her computer. (It is an accident but it’s one precipitated by her father’s lack of interest in her work.) Her mother tells him he needs to fix this (not the computer, but the situation between him and Katie), because she doesn’t want their daughter to leave home and never come back.

So she gets up the next morning to go to the airport to fly from Michigan to California for school, and finds her parents packing the car with her stuff,

because her father cancelled her plane ticket so they could have a family road trip instead.

And he called the school who said it was ok, she could miss orientation, it wasn’t that important, so yay, let’s do this! Woo!

And her mother is like “heh, uh, well, your father went kinda rogue on this one, so, uh, this is what we’re doing!”

Her little brother, who is forgivable for this, wanted to be able to spend a little more time with Katie before she goes which is essentially why she agrees to it,

and that sucks.

All of it. Everything about it sucks. The emotional manipulation sucks. Her mother’s refusal to tell her dad that he’s being a giant asshole sucks. And her father cancelling the plane ticket is absolutely unforgivable, as far as I’m concerned. It’s up there with Amy burning Jo’s book, and Dean burning Emily’s. It’s unforgivable.

And as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing the story can do that will walk that back. Not for me as a viewer. I understand they’ll find peace as characters bc that’s what they’re supposed to do, and I read the wiki plot summary so I know that her dad gave up his dream of living like a hippie in the woods to get a real job and provide for his family so we’re supposed to feel sorry for him and understand that he’s worried about Katie’s ability to follow her own dreams because he had to give up his, and that’s supposed to make it All Okay.

Well, it doesn’t, and now I wish I’d just gone on thinking “Oh, I should watch that someday!” instead of actually watching it and being disgusted by it. :p

[ultramagicalternate]

ULTRAMagic Interlude Chapter 10

Previous | First | Next

Master Post

“Um, seeking out Rose and Thora like I said I would?”

This took Deimos a second to process. “Oh, oh yeah. So how’s it going so far?”

Rose audibly cleared her throat. “Quite well I’d imagine…”

This caused Deimos to finally get his bearings. “Oh! Okay then. Well, congratulations, Blood.”

“Thanks, uncle… so what is all of this?”

Since so many people had made it to his domain, Deimos was more than happy to elaborate. Prior to becoming The Lich of Old, Deimos had discovered another layer of The Unlight, past The Deep Unlight. When the treacherous landscape he had been exploring gave way to a surreal space beyond his imagination, he knew he had stumbled on something great. The Magician’s Labyrinth was built as a research station and an archive. It sat on the border of this new realm that he dubbed “The Trench Unlight.”

Deimos often compared The Unlight to an ocean. The deeper one went, the more bizarre and dangerous things became. While the normal Unlight was risky in its own right, it was still easy to explore. The Deep Unlight was a bit more perilous. The landscape was unconventional and prone to changing without a moment’s notice. Thankfully with the appropriate knowledge, one could still venture into it. The Trench Unlight was on a whole other level, however.

This layer was like islands in an infinitely expanding sea. These “islands” were tangible realms, but the space inbetween required technology and/or magic to traverse. It could not be walked through like the standard Unlight could. And even if one could, there were all sorts of dangers lurking in that void. Deimos had realized that he needed a crew of brave mages to map out as much as they could. This led to the creation of the ship known as The Unmariner. Sadly just as the vessel set out, Deimos had lost his mind in a bout of paranoia.

“As if I didn’t already have the guilt of my past actions weighing down on me, I left Captain Dusan and his crew completely in the dark.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over this, Eus… Deimos,” Captain Dusan replied. “We all make mistakes. Hell, some of our mistakes led us to discovering parts of the trench we had no idea even existed in the first place.” 

“I must firmly agree with the captain,” Rose added. “We are not perfect, nor will we ever be perfect. Our only recourse is to respond to the consequences appropriately.”

Valentina was looking through some of the tomes documenting research and discoveries. “Interesting. I figured there was something more complex to this place. Mind if I ask what these notes are in regards to an Abyssal Unlight?”

“That’s what we’ve been waiting on Deimos for,” Captain Dusan answered. “Deimos, we found the border of the Trench. It’s unfathomably deep, but we’re not sure if we should go further or return to the labyrinth and prepare.”

“By the gods… hmm, ah… no, no. Dusan, return to the labyrinth, stat.”

“Roger that, we’re on our way. Good call too, because some of our crew had kids while we waited, haha. It’s probably best that they don’t grow up isolated in the abyss with us. We’ll keep you posted and transmit our signal until we get back. Dusan, over and out.” The communication ceased, with a beeping icon appearing on the computer screen.

“Well, I’d dare say I’m going to need to restructure the crew then…”

“Gee, you think?” Brenna cut it. “Aye yai yai… you know? If you’re looking for some able bodied men, some of our people would be itching to go on an expedition like that.”

“Really?”

Rose liked the sound of this. “Certainly. The Descendants are dedicated to their tasks. This would also be a great honor, to embark on such a momentous adventure.”

Deimos thought about it. “Maybe I should get more people involved… I’ll have to think about it some more though.”

Thora looked incredibly antsy. “As much as I would love to keep discussing this, how do we get out of here?”

“Ah, right! I imagine you want to get back to your family pronto. These keys will allow you to operate the labyrinth to suit your needs. I trust you all will use them appropriately?” Deimos presented the group with a set of keys that took the form of large, hand-sized crystals. They were each given to Blood-Wraith, Valentina, Rose, and Thora. “And don’t worry, Mrs. Willfort: your son fought valiantly alongside Blood against my other half.”

Normally she would have been more cordial, but Thora was in desperate need to get home. Rose also felt a need to return upon Blood-Wraith telling her more about the things that had happened in her absence. Deimos was invited to return with them to the Iron City, but he wanted to stay in the labyrinth and wait for The Unmariner. Upon exiting the great structure, the group saw a planet in the sky with clouds in the shape of an eye. It was Darkness, so Blood-Wraith waved to him. He winked back at them, which weirded out everyone else.

Over at her truck, Brenna realized there was a bit of a problem. “Okay… slight snafu everyone: I only got so much room. I can drive slowly if anyone wants to try the flatbed…”

“That’s not a problem, dear,” said Valentina. “I can fly back. I need to stretch my wings anyways.” She then expanded her shadowy appendages.

“And I got Golden Dragon, so…”

“You have a dragon, Blood?” Rose asked, confused.

Blood-Wraith could have explained, but he felt like showing off and transformed. “And I have six other forms I can make use of!”

“My goodness, how majestic…”

Thora was stunned. “Holy moly, did my boy teach you that?”

“Yes and no…” Blood-Wraith lamented. “He guided me on my alternate forms, but the glory of this form was bequeathed to me by Leif…”

He went quiet, with everyone sensing that he still felt bad over Leif. “Well I’m sure he’s very proud of you, Blood,” Rose stated. “It would be an honor if you would permit me to ride atop your back.”

“Sure, mom. Hop on and we’ll get going.”

Auda helped Thora into the truck, much to her chagrin. She may have been old, but she was not that old. This made Brenna chuckle. It felt strange to have the duchess on Blood-Wraith’s back. Rose on the other hand had found it thrilling. She was amazed that such a capable mage had joined her family. Plus she wanted to speak with him one on one.

“Was it frightening to take on the Lich, Blood?”

“Yeah… it was not something I expected, looking back on it.”

“You’re a very brave young man, you know that right? The Lich of Old eluded The Descendants for the longest time. And I can certainly emphasize with you as I faced a great challenge of my own during my childhood. Taming the Scarlet Flame was no easy task.” Rose felt the flame grow excited. “Ha, you may even get to see it in action…”

Blood-Wraith could tell something was not right. “Mom? What’s wrong?”

“I can sense that something is going on back in the city.”

“You don’t think it’s Dunja, do you?”

“I wouldn’t rule it out, especially if everyone has returned home.”

The tension was mounting and Blood-Wraith could feel it. “Hold on tight!” He readied himself and accelerated with a mighty wing flap.

Valentina followed suit, confusing Brenna to no end. Did they want to race? Or did they sense something dire? Her heart shot into her throat as she realized that it was most likely the latter. This was validated when Thora told her to punch it. She could sense something was off too. It was a race against the clock to The Iron City and none of them could afford to be late.

Englehart was locked in battle with Dunja. The mighty king’s axes clashed with the former queen’s whip sword in the tower square. Dunja herself was a mighty and muscular woman as tall as Englehart. She had hair that matched the color of lilacs and wore fearsome, yet feminine armor. The two had clashed many times in the past for supremacy, but now it was for honor. Englehart knew the only way to end this conflict was to slay his former queen in battle… or at least, that’s what tradition kept telling him. This was likewise for Dunja.

After a particularly fierce series of strikes, the two backed off to catch their breath. “Still as sharp as ever, I see,” Englehart remarked. His citizens were on edge as they watched.

“That heathen Milosh may have taken my dignity, but he didn’t take my skill.”

The king spat on the ground. “I see you had a falling out with the Prochs…”

Dunja’s helm was broken, leaving her face exposed. She winced as if embarrassed and collapsed her sword back into its blade form. This was not what the citizens were expecting. “Having my… HIS plans fail beyond what I could have possibly perceived was a sobering experience… Engle, Valerie was right: Milosh is a slimy, cowardly bastard. I don’t even want to know what filthy hole that outsider crawled out from. I don’t want to do this anymore! I know there’s our fated duel on the horizon, but I recant! EVERYTHING. Do we have to keep fighting like this? I just want things to go back to the way they were…”

This made Englehart’s blood run cold as the onlookers went deathly silent. It was not what they were expecting, but he was not completely surprised. To him, it meant that the Dunja he had fallen in love with so long ago was still there. A tear ran down his cheek. “Dunja… I accept your repentance, but you have to understand that…”

The conversation was interrupted by a screaming, scarlet fireball flying right at them. “SCARLET COMET IMPACT!” Everyone ran for cover as Rose came crashing into the battle.

Dunja was sent flying back. “Argh! What was that!?”

“Oh, you know…” Rose pointed her sword in the air. “SCARLET STORM!” Fire shot into the air, taking out a swarm of flying shadow constructs that had accompanied Dunja. Valentina assisted by creating a bright, star-like object in her hand that exploded into a shower of meteors, taking out the rest of the constructs.

Englehart was caught off guard by all of this, especially when Blood-Wraith stood over him in his dragon form. He let out a bellowing roar at Dunja that made her cower back. It was made clear that he was not going to let her harm the king. Realizing she was way in over her head, Dunja fled and promised to return (albeit with remorse in her voice). There was no way she could take on Englehart, a dragon, a dark angel, and Duchess Rose at the same time. Of course she could have surrendered, but the pride she had left told her to retreat for the time being.

“ROSE!” Radovan exclaimed as he ran over and hugged her tightly. The crowd cheered in celebration of the Duchess’ return. He then turned to Blood-Wraith (who had returned back to normal) and gave him a hug too. “Blood, my boy! You did it! I can’t thank you enough!”

“MOM!” Dragoslava called out as she also ran to Rose.

Kresimira joined in. “MAMA!” She also called out as they both hugged her.

“Girls! Oh my goodness, it’s been too long!” After getting their hugs out, Rose turned to the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to apologize for my absence. I had lost track of time and neglected my duties. It was not for naught, however. Thora Willfort and I found the research of Deimos, The Mage of Old. He has discovered an Unlight beyond the Deep Unlight: The Trench Unlight!” She further elaborated what she and Thora had learned. The fact that Deimos was looking for volunteers for the next leg of his research was also brought up. This piqued everyone’s interests, causing excited muttering amongst the crowd of people.

Sometime later, Blood-Wraith was sitting outside his home, waiting for his family to finish their business at The Singing Storm Tower. “That was something else,” He remarked.

Vexation had the biggest smile on his face. “Jeez, Blood. I was ready to give you a month and you go and find Rose within a week...”

“Well done, Blood!” Aureolus complimented as he patted him on the back.

Blood-Wraith chuckled. “It’s no big deal. Now not to sound needy, Vex, but are you still going to teach me your magic?”

“Absolutely, Blood. You still have some maturation to do, but you’ve proven that you got the discipline and determination I’m looking for. Let’s just wait until things calm down a bit first, though.”

Blood-Wraith nodded. “Agreed, especially since Dunja is lurking about…”

Next: Chapter 11

ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)

[earitei-lore]

November Week Four: Gaming And A Clingy Girlfriend

Darkurra clicked at the keys of the keyboard. The silver fox was about to wrap up her work for the day, but she had gotten caught up in bug fixing, like she always did. She paused her typing to save her work, and gripped the edge of her seat while watching the cursor spin.

Please save, please save, please save… Darkurra grew more and more desperate as the cursor kept whirling around.

Moments passed in silence, and the program finally said that her code had been saved successfully. Darkurra exhaled, letting out the breath she’d been holding for almost a minute now. She stared at the screen for a few more moments, wondering what to do next. 

Should I fix the bug I found in that one area earlier? Do I fix the error with the map system? Do I fix the shortcut that allows you to skip the boss later in the game? Darkurra mentally went over every bug she knew of in the game, and felt her stomach start to churn. Why were there so many of them? 

In the end, Darkurra decided to shut down her computer and leave the bugs for her future self to worry about. At least, in theory. In practice, she kept trying to figure out how she was going to fix them as she walked away from her desk. The churning in her stomach wouldn’t subside if things continued like this.

I need something to distract myself with, thought Darkurra. Oh yeah, I haven’t played that one online game in a while, I should play that.

Darkurra walked into the living room and turned on the TV. She switched the HDMI over to her console, unplugged her controller, and sat down.

“Hey Darkurra, what’re you doing?” she was startled by Inez’s voice, not realizing she was there.

“Uh, h-hello Inez…” said Darkurra. 

“Oh, sorry for startling you!” The pale blue cat sat down beside her. “Anyways, whatcha up to now? It seems like you just got out of your work-cave.”

“I’m about to play this one online game I used to play regularly. I need to distract myself.”

“Oh? Can I watch?” Inez let out a mischievous laugh at the end of her sentence.

“Of course, just don’t be too much of a distraction.” 

Darkurra gave her girlfriend a kiss on the forehead and turned her attention back to the screen. She didn’t even get past the title before she felt a head fall onto her shoulder. She ignored it. Instead she started her first match for the day.

Darkurra was much worse at the game than she remembered being. Maybe it was just because she hadn’t played in a while, or maybe it was because her shoulders were too tense. That, or maybe Inez constantly trying to lean in for a kiss was distracting her too much.

“Inez, please stop that, remember what I told you,” said Darkurra.

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop,” Inez gave her a dejected look and pulled away.

Darkurra kept playing, and gradually started to regain her previous skills. Inez kept trying to cling onto some part of her body, but she learned how to ignore her pretty quick. She fell into a trance, completely absorbed by all the different mechanics in the game. After what felt like a brief second, Darkurra finally won her first match in the game and found herself pulled into a tight hug.

“Yay! You did it! That’s my amazing-and-adorable girlfriend!” said Inez.

“Inez, you’re gonna crush me…” 

Darkurra took on a scolding tone, but she felt her face heat up at all the love she was receiving from Inez. Still, part of her wondered why she was being more clingy than usual today. Normally, Inez would at least be able to leave her alone when she was doing something, but she seemed determined to stay latched onto Darkurra now. Had she forgotten something? Darkurra looked over at the TV and remembered that the game automatically put her into a new match after the last one ended.

“Inez, please let go, the next match is about to start…” said Darkurra.

“Aww, but don’t you like having me here?” responded Inez.

“I do, but it’s a bit hard to play when you’re blocking my view.”

“Aww, okay.”

Inez pulled away, with her energy disappearing out of nowhere. Darkurra felt regret start to stab at her, but after a few moments she got an idea.

“Alright, alright. Inez, if you can get through this match without distracting me I’ll give you a kiss,” said Darkurra.

“You will?” asked Inez, ears perking up.

“Yes, just don’t block my view, alright?”

“Ok!” Inez gave her a thumbs up.

Darkurra focused her attention back onto the screen. She realized that her opponent must’ve been waiting a while for her to confirm that she was ready for the match to start, and felt a bit of guilt stab at her heart.

“Hold on, that username looks familiar!” said Inez.

“What do you mean?” asked Darkurra.

“That username, RvSln0043, doesn’t ‘RvSln’ sound like Renevir Salnerah?” 

“That’s probably just a coincidence, he doesn’t seem like the type to play online games like this.”

“Good point, guess I’ll ask Flint about it later.” 

Darkurra went back to the game, not wanting to make her opponent wait any longer. Luckily, they hadn’t disconnected the match, so they were able to start playing right away. From the corner of her eye Darkurra noticed Inez fidgeting, her claws buried in the arm of the couch. Darkurra wished she’d pay more mind to not damaging the furniture. At least her plan had worked. The match continued without any interruptions, with both players racking up a lot of points. In the end, Darkurra won the match by a slight margin. She heard Inez cheering beside her, and made sure to back out of the game to fulfill her promise.

“Did I do well?” asked Inez.

“You did great.” 

Darkurra cupped Inez’s cheek and closed the distance between their lips. Inez was clearly trying to stay in the kiss for as long as possible, but she eventually pulled away to gasp for air. Darkurra couldn’t help but let out a small giggle.

“Hey, what’re you laughing at?” said Inez, elbowing Darkurra’s chest.

“It’s nothing, really.” Darkurra smiled and felt her face heat up.

“If you say so.” Inez gave her a mischievous smile. “Anyways, can we cuddle now?”

Darkurra glanced over at her screen before looking back at her.

“Alright, just for you, I’ll keep playing later.”

“Yay! Thank you, Darkurra!”

The two of them curled up on the couch and started to cuddle. Before Darkurra buried herself in Inez’s chest she asked a question.

“Inez, why are you so affectionate today?”

“Our anniversary is tomorrow, silly,” Inez responded. “I might have forgotten before today, so I wanted to show you that I remembered.”

Darkurra had also forgotten before that moment. She felt her cheeks heat up while Inez stared at her with a quizzical expression.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Uh, I forgot about our anniversary before you said that,” Darkurra responded.

Inez giggled before she planted a kiss on Darkurra’s forehead.

“It’s not like I can judge you for that, hehe.”

Darkurra pouted a bit before she relaxed and allowed Inez’s warmth to consume her. She felt guilty for forgetting something so important before now, but at least her clingy girlfriend had been there to remind her. It was odd, considering that she was usually the one who remembered this stuff. Maybe she’d just been so stressed lately she forgot. Darkurra allowed herself to shift around a bit more before she felt sleep start to overtake her.

[castle-dominion]

castle 7x8 kill switch

the esposito train bomb episode liveblog

Heehee I'm so excited for this!

I tried to kms today so I got the day off from school after getting home from the hospital. I'm not going to spend much time doing homework tho I'm going to watch castle instead I think after a cide attempt I deserve to watch some Castle.

Married <3

RC: We’re like Nick and Nora Charles. KB: Ooh, like McMillan and Wife. RC: Hart to Hart. KB: Turner and Hooch. RC: Turner and Hooch aren’t even married. KB: Yeah, but you still remind me a little of Hooch.

Yay samebrain moments but give me ryan & esposito being smart too not just becks & sometimes castle. Oh no I just remembered this episode. Forget my wish.

My man the guest star has nice eyes.

Sounds like money laundering to me Healthcare fraud, I mean tbh Canada has pretty bad healthcare in comparison to some places, it is only good compared to the usa.

whose desk is castle at? whose family photo?

RC: I feel the heavy hand of conspiracy. KB: Yeah, well, what else is new? "skullduggery" the federal teat RC: No. But I will once you identify who met Paul at the park. XD Talks to both, hands to becks

Ran the image past tense *is running it now* RC & me: Jared Stone, misdemeanor computer trespassing? TE: Otherwise known as hacking.

KR: You have to admit, Castle’s theory is surprisingly logical. *RC nods* KB: Yes. And it’s conveniently unburdened by evidence. btw where esposito? Oh there Craigslist???? srs?

YAY CAR SCENE MY GUYS JUST CATCHING UP

Espt's face! Bro u'r already a dad, what about tommy & joey? KR: Well, you know, the thing of it is, is you know what it’s like not having a father. You’d make sure your kid never felt that way. JE: Maybe I’m ready for more than that. Coming from mr fear of commitment! Also does anyone else remember the episode in s8? {the sonjia ruiz episode?} JE: Did you hear that? That sound? KR: No. What sound? *looks around the car* JE: That’s my biological clock ticking. Tick, tock. Tick, to-- *Laughs* KR: We were having a genuine, honest moment here. And you had to-- ruin it! by,, being a jackass!, W--

JE: Hold on hold on slow down slow down Me: Again from the top now again from the top now & tell me everything tell me everything?

"hang tight" love the diction yay train station finally new york Lost him XD Earbud phone call Holding it like youre playing President His voice sounds cracky & dry

JE: Hey, bro. (listens) Yeah, followed him down into the subway. I’m looking for him now. KR: What, you lost him? JE: No, I didn’t lose him. I just … don’t have visual contact. KR: That’s kind of splitting hairs, isn’t it? Look, I’ll head down there and I’ll – JE: No, you stay there. I’ll – wait, I see him. He’s at my 12. He’s moving fast. He’s scared, like someone’s after him. "my 12" I love clock directions

YOU are the one following him!

Ryan's probably hella afraid rn w his partner on the train

lol acab. Do that tag babey.

Her gun would NOT be set up to shoot. There is no bullet in the chamber & the safety is on. This is a semi automatic so you don't need to cock in between each shot, but you do need to pull once once to get the bullet in the chamber.

People have taken their guns all the time, like I think the ninja ep or the hong kong ep, obv 3xk, & several times to beckett. But why does SHE have a weapon? Is this was USA cops are like? I thought that just la police nationale had guns for cheap cops who report people for silly graffiti.

His own hand is on his gun now. If it was good for the plot Esposito would have shot him already probably. Esposito itchy trgger finger rn. But aren't new yorkers used to this they just don't pay attention to guns pulled on the subway?

Is that REALLY how the brakes work? all the sparks like that? Where is the engineer? Do the lights do that?

Say ok & do it SLOWLY & remove the ammunition bro

Ooh intense. Love this all. Phones & guns & blunt instruments & acab wow jared so valid bestie. But also these people are trying to get to work.

It's just a phone bro but yeah good job everyone

Why are you yelling at him NOW of all times? I thought it would be best to keep things quiet on your end, radio silence. Seaking of radios why aren't you on the radio already & are you recording the phone call? (& why is Ryan's contact jjust "Ryan" not his full name? Oh wait I just realized, Ryan was silent until now for radio silence purposes & now he's yelling bc "javi"'s phone has been taken away.

title card & I have been watching this for like four hours or smth. No probably closer to two. Granted I've also been doing a million other things.

Bella & Ty my beloved. But be quiet & let the captor think. Grant also my beloved.

Apologize bro.

Evacuating because the brake was pulled duh or wait no they SHOULD wait for the intercom & THEN leave. Yeah. Except espt was phone ryan. yes PLEASE hit redial.

Nobody was talking bro! Except.. they were

Girl these three get their weapons taken All the time

Marisa Aragon & Javier Esposito. First names babes.

Love Grant. What a man.

JS: I think you’ll get your chance. ... (so good)

My bonvolio chorus here from VG: I’ve just been informed that Jared Stone, a person of interest in the Paul Reeves case, drew a gun on a subway and took hostages, including Detective Esposito. *KB is SHOCKED* At this point, it’s not clear why Jared Stone … VG: Right now, our sole priority is to gather any and all information on Jared Stone so the hostage rescue team will know who we’re dealing with. All intel comes to me so I can forward it directly to HRT. They should be on the scene right now.

Captain Bigalow/Bigelow depending on the transcipr or the captions & Detective Ryan. Sir he's a hack-- *I pause it to liveblog*

Solid <3

KR: Hey, Beckett. I’m sorry. KB: Kevin, no one could have seen this coming. (first names <3) KR: No, no. He’s my partner. I should have never let him go in there alone. KB: We’ve gotta focus on getting Javi out of there. So once you brief HRT just head over to Stone’s apartment. (First names <3) KR: .? Leave the scene? (Aaaah) KB: Look, there’s nothing that you can do that HRT isn’t already doing. And if we want to help Javi out, then the best thing that we can do is find out who Jared Stone is and why he is doing this. And some of those answers might be at his apartment. It’s the last thing KR wants to do. KR: Okay. I’ll check it out and let you know. KB hangs up.

Idk how much I want to clip I just want to clip So Much

Lanie!

Can't they remontely access people's phones? grave disruption of trust & privacy?

Ooh I love becks' voice rn. Good for the plot to have a cam tho ig. love it.

Wow. yay. another cop.

Love Jared playing classical music to either get him happy, calm him down, or get him pumped for killin. Or calm himself down. (Fic idea: esposito like music to calm down. vent fic.) She is like me, doesn't rly know what's going on but still rly skilled & aware. I kind of haate Aragon but I also kinda like her.

JE: I might need you to back me up. Can you do that? (Back me up, great words.) She nods. MA: What’s your play? JS’S condition is getting worse. He’s jerky and nervous and keeps taking hits off his inhaler. JE: Talk to him. Try to get him see the light, then disarm him if I get the chance. (Cheers ig) MA: I should talk to him. (JE does a double take which I sadly will not clip) I’m the one wearing the Kevlar. (tru) JE: Yeah, but I’ve already got a rapport with the guy, so… (Also true) MA: A bad rapport. (She isn't wrong) MA: I know what this is. I’m just a transit cop. (Or he trusts himself more since he has training in this???) MA: You gold shield guys always acting like you’re better than us. JE: We are better than you. (Asshole) (But he's right in the sense that he has more training & experience relevant to this. probably.) He smirks. She glares at him. He ignores her. JE: Mr. Stone! (JS takes his earbuds out) Permission to speak? (polite. smart.) JS: (gestures With His Gun) Go ahead.

wdym not here?

just *has a bomb* like ok

Ooh a dead man switch, interesting...

Plot twist!

Good point, 1% does not take the subway. Heck even the 2 & 3 %ers don't take subway.

he remembers which phone is espt's?

Julian & LT XD remove your shoes so valid bro

Wealth management. obv lol. You know I lost some people close to me & inherited a little over a thousand canadian since watching this the first time & now I actually need to know how to manage wealth. Some of tha advice my grandpapa's money guy told us was like,, 20-50 years out of date, or weird (like "if you teach your 30 ppl you do good but if you make 3 people teach 30 pl each for you then you get 90 people for the work of only doing 3" & I'm like 'what so the three original ppl I taught don't get paid for teaching 30 ppl? that isn't meritocracy (what ppl think

Wealth management. obv lol. You know I lost some people close to me & inherited a little over a thousand canadian since watching this the first time & now I actually need to know how to manage wealth. Some of tha advice my grandpapa's money guy told us was like,, 20-50 years out of date, or weird (like "if you teach your 30 ppl you do good but if you make 3 people teach 30 pl each for you then you get 90 people for the work of only doing 3" & I'm like 'what so the three original ppl I taught don't get paid for teaching 30 ppl? that isn't meritocracy (what ppl think capitalism is), that is employee abuse & a pyramid scheme' but go off) but a lot of it is also good & smart! You know the math where you smoke a cigarette a day (except sundays) & it's $10/pack & there are 12 in a pack & so you do the math & could afford a house if you didn't smoke? Yeah well you don't smoke so why don't you have a car? Pretend you smoke. Put away five dollars every week, & then it eventually adds up. They say "& one day you can put away $10/week or $50" but that is partially only if you start getting paid more, which these days often doesn't happen. (Ofc you can increase it some ways by like being aware of your costs & then you will find you have that extra to put away but the big numbers? You need a better paying job.) Oh & one of the worst pieces of advice: "For five years I didn't see my friends at all, I missed all their weddings, & now I'm rich. Now I'm rich I only work an hour & a half a day & it's a job I like (talking to people & doin money math) & my friends all hate me" like girl of course they hate you. You could have been almost as rich as you are now but have better relationships. Ofc he does have friends who are also wealthy so like good for him but still man. You deserve to see your friend's wedding. You deserve to say "No, I am NOT working this day" because your boss values you. Your boss should value you enough to let you have days off; your boss should NOT value you BECAUSE you never request days off. Also, not everyone wants to be a rich business owner (who does So Much work genuinely, at least in the first few years,) & then retire. Most people Like working! He said so himself! He likes his job talking to people & doing math! His son in law still has a job because he likes being occupied! My mom is a volunteer coordinator, volunteers exist! People want to work! We just don't want to work until we break & then retire & do nothing but golf (ew). The cognitively disabled factory worker who likes repetitive tasks & is highly trainable but not necessarily a good individual thinker or problem sovler still deserves to live without breaking their body & still deserves to retire or cut their hours if they ever want.

Sorry, just. Wealth management. Yeah heheh. ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED NOT FIFTEEN HUNDRED

Maldives? (btw I like tory's standing desk.)

VG/HRT: What kind of pizza does Esposito like? mkes me insane. but what if he likes plain cheese? KB: Uh .. pineapple, olives, and double jalapeños, sir. Makes me Even More InSane

the point of a shredder is to destroy important documents. Acab. (why make lt hold it why not just put it down on the side??

btw they have everyone sitting on normal seats now not just the floor

They literally just went to your address & saw you board a train bro Me & JE: What’s White Knight?

bOB <:( I like Jared. He's like "Yeah I'm fine. They're fine. I want them to not be hungry. My goal is not to hurt these people, let's get them some food." But he forgot to give his demands until prompted. Arin Wilson released from prison! I love captions btw. JS: "Erin Wilson" but RC: "Aaron Wilson" btw his eye contact with the camera sooo good. & I like gates' necklace btw. He is looking not-ok tho, progressively getting worse at such a pace I barely notice it

RC: So she’s a hacker, too? Me: So she’s a hacker too!! RC: It’s a non-extradition country. Ohhhh RYAN IS BACK MY MAN someone should give him a hug. Him & Parish Yay background characters

Yeah they know that girl shut up

"soul mate" tbh that's cute. I like jared minus the fact he's holding a train car hostage JE: Well, why didn’t you give Bob more to go on so he knew who you were talking about? true JS: I want to keep him off balance. Maintain control. valid ig? JE: You get that tip off the internet? ‘Cause it’s not a very good one. bro not a good thing to say JE: What’s White Knight? Doesn't tell us anything (good for the plot) JS: You. The husband. Go. Get the food. I know you’ll come back. He's right ig, but what if he doesn't

My adhd would NOT let me hold that thing

I love him & his free erin wilson website wow white knight we have a word now. I bet it is paul reeves but that wouldn't make sense

Oh no don't make ppl give birth in the middle of this {Wait after seeing this a second time, she Knows what it's like to be preggo} JSDHFKLASDJH PIZZA but hm, did they get everyone else's pizza orders? why does espt look so shocked but aragon also knew she'd get a specific order? I mean they KNOW espt is there of COURSE they;d give him his fave Lol aragon I love her

that is a crappily made pizza but at least it has a lot of toppings. Tbh it was probably made by a teenaged line cook. Also it does not look like it has been cut...

YAY STUFF IS HAPENING

VG: HRT thinks the Erin Wilson demand is a ruse. Why? Why do they think that?

HOLD ON SHE'S AT THE 54TH Making convo lol fuck the military acab & these poor guys holy shit fuck the military. They're designed to be the same person tho. POC, quit the military, became a cop, 54th, kinda pissy but also in a straight-backed sort of way (lol miliraty)... they are the same person. I like espt's voice when it goes low & soft like that.

JE: Hey, why did you become a cop? MA: (shrugs) Got out of the Army. It’s what made the most sense. JE: Me too. You miss the service? MA: Some parts. Not others. JE: Married? Kids? MA: No. Don’t do this, okay? Don’t try to take my mind off of what’s coming. I don’t need anyone holding my hand. JE: You know, you’ve got a chip on your shoulder the size of Stonehenge. I was just trying to get to know you a little bit.

THAT'S what they meant by flicker!?!?

Be quiet aragon.

Lil bro: what if they just killed Esposito? Me: That'd be one way to get a different actor...

They don't know you have a dead man switch Jared... You have never said you have a bomb... Except I mean at the very start they knew espt was on the phone with another cop He has experience using a gun? His aim is good enough? He had a gun? in his back pocket? with the safety off? Good way to lose a buttcheek

Ok Lanie she actually likes him cool cool but what about ryan? What about Esposito's mom? I mean I wouldn't call Esposito's mom until he's actually dead...

True! We're so focused on stone now that we have forgotten about paul reeves! Like Lightbulb Len!

Lanie smart moments?

Beckett just mentioned the flu virus & now I suddenly remember what Lanie noticed.

I remember WHY he was instructed to stall for time JE: He passes out and releases that switch we’re all dead. Yeah legit

Girl why don't you have your shoelace ALREADY out? you said NEXT PUFF what if he took the next puff BEFORE you got your shoelace out?? Hold on a sec, her shoes are NOT cop approved. At least his are steel toed & black. JS: Don’t worry, everyone. It’s almost over. See? He actually cares about these people sort of. Or at least he doesn't WANT to hurt them.

I'd be hella careful y'all... She knows what to do itiod. But watching it slowed down to see things my deaf ass had trouble reading his lips & then I noticed: why do they kick him down first?

Yay ryan!

h5n1 I remember that. We were talking abt it in my martial arts class when one of our instructors was a doctor & she was giving us info at the start of covid.

One person terrorizing you to espt terrorizing you lol.

Lethal? Yeah don't y'all remember the influenza epidemic when they had interviews with ppl & over the course of like a 40 minute interview they would go from perfectly fine to dead? & now we get shots for it every year & the majority of people (those at the top of the bell-curve or one end of it; abled, not old, etc) don't die from it.

VG: There is a vaccine Lil bro: but it's one million dollars. Castle, pay up. & even if it is lethal, that doesn't mean it is going to kill everyone, it is just ABLE to kill you!

JS: You’re not the priest. KB: No, but I can take your confession. Good line

Jared was just a patsy, a scapegoat, a pawn to be sacrificed. A fall guy. He doesn't WANT to get others sick!

RC: The lab from which the virus went missing, Latham Pharmaceuticals? They’re the same company that makes the vaccine Sounds legit, sadly.

Ooh I like Beckett's outfit!

I can't believe her job is literally to investigate government scams & she's doing this

"I didn't think ppl would get killed, they could just buy the vaccine & that's how I get rich!" Poor people exist, anti-vaxxers exist, people who are really slow at doing stuff (like me) exist!

Is he just... shoving his gun into his pocket? At the hospital? I went to the hospital yesterday bc I wanted to kms & they had to confiscate my razor (I forgot I had multiple & ended up bringing one with me by accident-- also kept my ethnic knife (which my instructor called a mezzaluna when it is actually an ulu bc I may not be inuit but I sure as hell am native) which, oops, but I didn't want to not get it back; I wanted to still have it) anyway they don't let you have guns or ammunition in hospitals wo why does esposito have his gun here??

Aragon wearing normal clothes!

JE: You did all right down there. I don’t care what they say about transit cops. MA: Mmm. What they say about gold shields is even worse, mostly because it’s true. lol acab

JE: We make a tight team. MA: Bonds forged in the heat of battle. You know how it is. JE: Yeah. Fuck the military, I’m so sorry for you MA: I wasn’t straight with you. I have a five year old son. He’s confused. (What's that zoom about?) JE: Uh … you said that you didn’t have a family. Why hide that? (Ye, y) MA: I didn’t want you worried about me being a mom down there. (Oh. Valid JE: (scoffs) You are a piece of work, Marisa. MA: Who’s Lenny? He is confused. MA: Or is it Lanie? (Thinks it’s a man’s name at first, She totally clocked him.) He freezes. JE: How do you know about her? MA: On my last tour an IED blew out my eardrum. I got pretty good at reading lips. You were saying her name before you took down Stone. (I’m hoh in one ear & I’m adhd so I watch ppl’s lips but I struggled to see what he was saying. I actually thought it was “I love you lanie I lov–” yk?) JE: Yeah, I don’t … I don’t remember that. (Lying bc he likes marisa– until she revealed she has a kid & is possibly married? Or he actually doesn’t remember?) MA: Who you think of in that moment? It has weight. Don’t trade what’s real for something that isn’t. (Valid but Lanie is happy where she is. Or at least she was but now she’s cryin watching javi in the train) MA: I’ll see you around, Javi.

What's that music?

Lil bro: When esposito starts a company selling air Me: (Like in the Lorax?) Lil bro: Javi-Air

The person who sits by beckett is Det Sch (I can't see the rest)

Yay he's back@ He ruins it by being a jackass again

Lanie!!!

I thought this was where the line "we both deserve something more" came from & i was "is he proposing or breaking up I can't tell" but ig I was wrong

Yay drinks

CASTLE DAD MOMENTS XD XD XD

In the TWO DAYS I've had off school I've only managed one castle. I just love them too much & do other work. I should go back to giving myself a 1.5 hour limit. That was back when I had recently seen the ep tho. Tbh this was worth $100 & a trip to the ER. I got some time to bleach my bones, sleep in, watch castle, make a soup... Now all I need to do is shower, see my doctor, catch up on chores, catch up on homework, & do everything else I need to do before I go back to school. Ugh.

[returntosaturn271995]

Saturday, July 23rd: Pretty in pink...no wait, I went on a run in humidity and now my face is pretty pink.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Ted Cruz on my run today. More specifically how much I hate him and how much politics revolves around a grown man’s opinion on The Barbie Movie. Texas’s infrastructure is crumbling, but sure let’s call Barbie communist. Barbie. Communist. Barbie, a name so associated with capitalism that even the shade of pink in the logo is trademarked. A name so synonymous with a registered marketable persona that no one names their kid that anymore. Like Jesus or...Adolf. 

But yeah, Barbie (circle the R) and the movie designed to sell toys. Communist icon.

Anyways, I was so wrapped up in how stupid that was that I’m pretty sure it turned the green juice in my stomach sour and I almost shit my pants on my run. Again. 

I wish I were joking. 

After a cold shower and shameful googling I’ve come to the conclusion that I have runner’s trot. Which happens as people start to develop long distance running habits (yay!...wait.). Seriously, why does no one tell you how disgusting it is getting in shape? Next time you see a fitness influencer, just be glad you can’t smell them. They will tell you how good you will feel and look, which I do, but what they won’t tell you is that after the first three miles of running you will start to sweat from your actual asshole. 

I didn’t even know we had sweat glands down there. I’ve have had sex my entire adult life and nothing has made me need a thorough shower more than 30 seconds of jogging in humidity. 

Also a bug flew directly in my face. This is unrelated, but also has never happened to me just sitting in my room. Happily rotting away. 

There’s no such thing as “good, clean, sweat”. We are covered in bacteria and oils. I have a runner friend who judges people who drink and do the occasional drug- yeah she’s great at parties- and she’s always talking about how nice clean living is and working out. Bitch, you do hot yoga. That’s just paying $40 to sweat from your vagina for an hour, how much cleaner than me could you possibly be? She looks amazing, but that’s fucking disgusting. 

I’ve done hot yoga, and the only part I liked is when everybody lies down on the floor at the end like a suicide cult sponsored by Lulu Lemon. 

Add the fact that cardio jumpstarts your metabolism and green juice is essentially a kale colonic and it’s basically a stomach flu that damages the cartilage in your knees. 

Anyways, if you’re reading this years down the line and feel bad about not going to the gym that day, just be happy you don’t have any spandex to wash. 

In other news, Nate ran a marathon today at a pace of 8.17 minuets per mile while micro-dosing acid. 8.17. Like the fuck. Was he on psychedelics or Compound V?? (No word on if he felt like shitting himself at any point.) 

My primary focus today is health and comedy. It was health and peace but then I got bored. I even updated my computer background to David Rose in his baseball uniform to remind myself that fierce bitches can always surprise you even if you were picked (rightfully so) last as a kid. 

Some things I’m proud of today:

Didn’t stop running when my headphones gave out, just ran back home and put in new ones. 

Dragged out the trash bins even though it’s technically no one’s week. (When living with roommates this actually makes me a saint, I expect to have a candle lit in my honor next to the communal water dispenser). 

Made myself a basic ass sandwich from the rapidly aging fridge ingredients (check the expiration dates on your pickles and mustard)

18 minutes of yoga and 10 minute meditation on simplicity has me feeling calm without alcohol or weed.

Updated the Beamer’s car registration, have a fancy new duvet for my bed, and brand new shampoo and conditioner to keep my hair from getting hay-like

Load of laundry, cleaned out fridge, and didn’t spend a cent today