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norman reedus and his son mingus dont look related at all

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[alicehealer2]

Oh no

It's true

It is like something out of Douglas Adams. And yet it is actually happening.

The Queue.

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reddit but in the pokemon universe, part 2 [x]

[alicehealer2]

Having 2 blogs is hard ;-;

The Rose and The Knight

A roaring crowd, camera drones float around the concrete arena. Platforms of carved marble hold up the competitors facing each other. One a beauty of black and red, a rose hiding behind their bangs and a small crystal embedded in their leather glove is raised to eye level so they may not need to avert their eyes from their opponent. Black and gold armor stands stalwart across the stage, if the spectators did not see it walk into the arena themselves, they would think it an empty suit waiting for its knight. As if a lie the suit of armor raises its jewel encrusted left gauntlet and rests into the stance of a martial artist, waiting for a strike to parry. Three loud digital horns blare across the battlegrounds as the audience raises their excitement higher and higher.

“Draw!” The beauty and the knight yell in. A dark void swirls out from each challenger creating a ring for the two to do battle. The Knight pinches two fingers to the silver gem mounted on their gauntlet and pulls out four crystalline cards. They hesitate for a moment and push one card back into the gem.

The challenger in a crimson dress across the dark field in turn draws four cards and returns two into the crimson gem. The Knight sweeps their arms out, leaving those translucent cards to hang suspended in the air and proudly shouts more to the audience than their opponent. “You have come far, little steppingstone, but you will advance no further past the iron defense of Sir Sheffield Sunborn!” The invisible smile behind the helmet could be heard and was absolutely infectious.

With a quiet snort the competitor retorted, “That may be so, but even iron can give way to the power and patience of nature!” Wearing a beaming smile to mirror his own.

“As I, Sam Lotus, am your challenger, you shall take the first turn.”

“I, Sir Sheffield Sunborn, thank you for the honour”

“I play Squire in Training to the field, and place two cards face down to end my turn.”

[Squire in Training] 0/2 1-Cost Steel Unit *Effect hidden until activation*

--- Sam’s POV ---

A small orcish boy rises from the void glancing nervously around without managing to actually land eye contact with anything in particular, clutching a steel sword as tall as him to his chest. As Sheffield ends his turn, he draws one card to replace those he put back into his gem during the mulligan.

Now it was my turn. I draw two cards to complete my mulligan and one more to start my turn.

[Shro’s Cat] 0/0 1-Cost Earth Unit When this unit is destroyed, negate all damage from the results of the battle and: *Summon a ‘Cat’ card from your hand to the field or *Draw a random ‘Cat’ card from your deck

[Natures Hand] 2-Cost Wood Spell Destroy all cards in your hand and draw two.

[Natures Hand]

[Saber-Cat Tiger] 4/2 2-Cost Earth Unit At the end of the turn, if this card has battled, destroy it.

[Chosen of the Sphynx] 8-Cost Fire Unit At the start of the turn, deal 4 damage to the opponent’s health.

It’s rotten luck to draw a second natures hand and annoying to draw an eight-cost card when I only have access to one mana but to curse a turn 1 play is bad luck.

“I summon Shro’s Cat to the field and end my turn.” A cardboard box rises out of the shadowy arena and two feline eyes stare out the open lid. Sheffield inhales to start another speech

“As my turn begins, Squire in Training gains 1 attack and 1 health, which activates my face down spell Perfected Technique! Which doubles the power of a stat boosting effect!” The numbers roll across that ever-familiar blue screen updating [Squire in Training] from a 0/2 to a 2/4.

Drawing a card, Sheffield announces in an overdone voice “I’ve seen your matches, Queen of Ro-“

“Not a girl” Sam interrupts

“Ah sorry, Scarlet Sam”

“That makes me sound like a bad superhero”

“Whatever, Sam, I know that Shro’s Cat’s effect saves you from damage and lets you summon a cat from your hand” Sheffield slowly composes himself, then continues.

“So, I will not fear a zero attack unit this day, Squire in Training attack!”

Squire in Training raises his sword and runs haphazardly to Shro’s Cat striking down on the box, only for it to transform into mist and be slowly swallowed by the dark rolling fog.

“Shro’s Cat effect activates! I can draw a random ‘Cat’ card from my deck!” The look on Sheffield’s face is priceless, but unearned. There isn’t a ‘Cat’ card I know of that’s more than 3 mana besides Fat Cat, but I’ll also be guaranteed to play it in the next 2-3 turns. Speaking of which.

[Fat Cat] 4/4 4-Cost Earth Unit You may summon this card without paying its mana cost by destroying a ‘Cat’ on the field. At the end of the turn this card heals 1hp (To a maximum of 4).

Just what I needed.

[alicehealer2]

The Princess and the Dragon(born)

A tale of a lesbian Dragonborn who is 100% convinced she is a weird species of dragon. She sets off to kidnap a princess but finds her heart stolen instead. Heavily inspired by Vanquire The Dragon on Royal Road. Oh and in case it wasn't obvious, draconic bloodline sorcerers get wings at level 14 which is the whole concept for this character.

##

Chapter 1: I need a hero

Today is easily one of the best days of my life. Is it that I get to meet a real-life princess straight from grandpas stories? That I stopped *another* lich from... Something? Or was it that I liberated all those gold coins from his evil grasp to live safely in my hoard that I keep in this "bag of holding"? No, it's because I've finally grown my wings! Gramps said if I kept practising my sorcery and gained 14/20ths of a true dragons power I would grow wings just like him! I can even retract them! Not that I would want to but still! I should probably stop flying in circles at some point. I'm getting kinda dizzy. Maybe they'd let me float a few feet off the ground?

No, I must show self-control as the superior being. Not to mention that no child (even adopted) of Struthwin the legendary princess hunter would make a bad first impression in front of a princess. I make a slow descent to the ground and regretfully land. I stumble a bit as the fatigue wears in, flying took more effort then I thought it would. A small boy in a white robe catches me as I stumble. Despite being the youngest, Alex is always putting our needs before his. Maybe it's a healer thing or maybe it's a warlock thing? I'm kinda new to adventuring so I'm not sure.

"It's okay to be excited but you shouldn't overdo it." Alex says handing me some water "Come, sit down for a bit while we still have time".

"Hate to disagree with you but she's been flying for the past 30 minutes" a man that can only be described as 'gruff' interjects "You don't keep royals waiting, they got nothing better to do but nurse grudges all day."

My other compatriot, Roland, is a pure warrior from personality to fighting style. At first, I mistook him for a knight but he's covered in furs and depression instead of steel and stupidity. Maybe this is what happens when a knight lives long enough without attacking a dragon? Apparently, his class is 'general', that or 'retired'. Supposedly it makes him a master of battle, but I think that sounds too general.

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Shadow Boxer

There are many venomous creatures in this world, snakes, jellyfish, octopi, even the platypus uses a venomous barb to kill its prey. There’s a country known for housing some of the most dangerous of the lot, a place thought where every plant and animal could kill you and they wonder, how anyone could live in a country like that? The answer, of course, is to be more toxic than any venom that could flow through your veins.

10:30pm, a youth walks down the street, soaked in sweat and a gym bag in hand. Further up the road a man lights a new cigarette, with a sleazy look in his eye. The youth gives a slight nod to the man, a simple greeting, an acknowledgement as he passes by. Probably not the best idea in hindsight.

“Ay kid, wantsome candy?” He laughs as if he’s told the funniest joke in the world.

The ‘kid’ about 16 years of age, with short blonde hair grimaces as he quickens his pace. A hand reaches out and grabs his shoulder jerking him around to face the man, cigarette smoke billowing from his mouth. The blonde wrinkles his face as his lungs are assaulted by the sour, choking taste of tobacco.

“Don’tcha know it’s rude to ignore people?” A devious smile emerges as he squeezes down into an iron grip, the other reaching for his back pocket.

A hand from the darkness extinguishes the cigarette. A deadly silence surrounds the area as the man looks in confusion at the killing intent radiating from the blonde’s face.

“You picked the wrong fight. 「Shadow Boxer」” The human body can deliver 428 true punches in 60 seconds. That’s seven punches per second for a full minute. Without touching the man once, 6 punches are delivered in 1.2 seconds directly to the man’s face. The blonde boy known as Benjamin Angel, exhausted, leans on the shadowy figure that delivered the blows.

“I need to be more careful. Stop getting carried away. Maybe even take morning classes? Nah, I’d never survive.” Benji laments, to no one in particular.

Next to Benji is a deep purple figure that blends into the night. Upon close inspection it not human, but rather a strange imitation of one. No mouth and microphone like bulbs for eyes, nothing left on its head but markings eerily similar to the buzz cut of Benji’s head. Tattoo like tendrils of gold snake down its arms to connect to webbed hands with Armor in the design of MMA gloves. It’s torso is nothing more than a slim, muscular abdomen, creating the illusion of a chest. This demon that would send shivers down the spines of antique dollmakers cradles Benji in its embrace like that of a lover, letting him rest in its arms. Enveloped in its embrace, Benji’s image flickers in and out of existence as the shadows coil around his form, masking him from the outside world.

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Mechanical Curious Message

“Why do you exist?” The first evidence of alien life was a simple yet loaded question. If we were back on earth, I’m sure philosophers would have a field day. Fortunately, I am no philosopher. I am captain of the Starship Hermes. A scouting ship to discover the validity of a deep space mining station. The rumor mill is spreading like wildfire, and I fear our chance to respond is dwindling. So, I take up the console and respond.

“We are a creation of circumstance. An anomaly that pulled itself out of the ground and reached heights we never thought possible. We exist to defy expectations.”

[alicehealer2]

wrong tumblr oops

Flowing Crown

The flowing crown is a series of 5 waterfalls flowing into a single lake. 5 mighty mountains face inwards to a ruined city, built over the lake that’s formed. Crescent lanterns hang over the dilapidated roads, said to guide spirits back to nature. Cloudy glass lay shattered, like the thunderbolts the region is known for. At the center is a pristine statue of a long dead pirate, who was said to sail up each waterfall to claim the treasure from the peaks and bring them down so mortal hands could build towards the clouds.

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Misty Enchanted Petals

I dance upon the water, the reflection of the stars as my muse. Petals float through the sky creating a colourful veil of purples and pinks. The wind gives cheers while the trees sway along, to this silent dance and this rainbow song. I sometimes wonder, what lives outside my pond, an endless sky with endless ponds. Every star in the sky charts my dance, perhaps my pond too, is just a step in a waltz.

I do not ponder, and I do not wait, for encores are needed before my final fate, a final twirl, my highest jump, a brand new birth, a brand new song.

Misty enchanted petals mourn the end, they form a pod for my final rest, from birth to death, no more than steps, my final song, a silent rest. For one day the pond shall burst anew, for a brand new song and a brand new muse.

[alicehealer2]

A Dream

I once had a dream, in the literal sense not the motivational sense, where I did not doubt what I wanted and simply went for it. I did not take no for an answer and any who tried to shame me were nothing but roadblocks. I still think of that dream and what I accomplished and ask myself, is this a sign I should just go for it? Take what I want and be who I want to be? The answer seems simple, but I fear I need more support. I stagnate, and thus I am worse than dead, yet I…

[alicehealer2]

A Magic Library in the city of Eltot

Chapter One: Light Reading

“My name is Alexander Antonio the fourth, I hail from the eastern isles and I am an adventurer. Slaying monsters, punching Krakens, the works. I come here for adventure, fortune, and glory, but most importantly I wish to see the sights of this fine city.”

“Sir I’m going to have to ask you to order there’s a line forming.”

“Ah! Right, sorry, one Eltot-Kebab please.”

The young man in front of the brick and mortar grill rolls his eyes and passes me a kebab. I have the decency to blush.

It’s been too long since I could eat real meat. Being at sea for a whole twelve hours does that to a man. Granted it only took so long because of that damn Kraken. You’d think the army would have done something by now considering it’s a major trade route, but then again, it’s more work for me so I won’t complain. I walk through the cobbled streets, taking in the towering architecture of this ancient city of stone when I come across an anomaly. Far taller than the rest, a temple of black rock looms over the city radiating a powerful presence as if to say, “I will still be here when this city falls.”

I feel like a rich kid staring at a toy store.

The wrought iron gates open up to a wild garden of trees and bushes, covering all but the path, creating a tunnel out of the tree branches. To the side of the gate lays a bronze plaque stating this is ‘The Grand Library of Eltot-Sira.’ As tradition for possibly haunted buildings, I bow in front of the gate and say a prayer to the architect who designed it before trekking on. As soon as I enter the gates the trees give me shade from the coastal heat of the sun and managed to filter out the smell of the sea with its flora. A modest oak door stands at the end of the path, I knock three times, wait, then push open the door.

A bell chimes and I’ve entered another world. Shelves, taller than any boat and half as wide fill the cathedral. The rows are lit by small orbs of magic but fail to reach the windowless roof, if there even is an end to the abyss of the sky. I’ve never been much of a reader but who knows what ancient quests lay dormant in these walls. I start forward and try to find the ‘secret quests for heroes’ section.

…

I’ve been walking in a straight line for what must have been an hour and I still haven’t reached the back of the library. Finally, I find something I recognize, a cute girl!

She’s standing in front of a bookshelf with a book larger than I’ve ever seen before, not that I’ve seen many, but she seems completely absorbed in its contents. I can’t imagine it’s comfortable standing up reading all that, but I’ve had worse sleeping positions. Long Blonde hair tamed by a red clip with a small ornamental rose. A long, flowy black dress with a scarlet shirt underneath and a thin cardigan over the top covers up her frame, almost cylindrical like a wizard’s robe.

“GREETINGS!”

A girlish scream comes from the screaming girl as she throws the book at my face. I deftly catch it only to almost drop it as the weight of the book overwhelms me.

“Apologies! I did not mean to scare you! I didn’t expect to find another person here!”

“P-please stop shouting.”

“O-oh sorry”

She straightens up and walks towards me holding out her hand.

“I’m Joanna, the librarian here, although the library tends to do everything itself so caretaker might be a better name.”

I grasp her hand to shake it.

 “U-uh no- “

 “My name is Alexander Antonio the fourth, you can call me Alex.”

 “Uh, I’m Joanna and it’s very nice to meet you, Alex but, uh, I was reaching for the book you’re holding.”

 “AH! yes, here you go!”

She manages to make the book look absolutely weightless, picking it up with one hand before, to my astonishment, levitating it away into the dark, upper shelves.

“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?! THAT WAS AWESOME!”

She flinches away from my voice and I can’t help but frown.

“A-ah, it’s because I’m the librarian. The books just sort of do what I want them to do.”

 “That’s so cool!” I try to lower my voice and it seems to work as she smiles at me.

“Yeah, I guess it is kinda cool. I’m so used to the library I forget this isn’t something you see every day.”

“Do you think if I stood on two books, I could use it to fly?”

“Please don’t stand on the books.”

“Yes, mam.”

She bounces from foot to foot as the silence extends.

“OH YEAH! Do you have any books with like, super-secret old quests that point me to a treasure or a dragon or something?”

“Um, no but we do have a book on local mythology, a book on ancient king burial grounds, and a book called ‘Better Homes and Dragons’ which I haven’t read but might help.” As she says this, three books fly into her hands, and hands them to me with a smile on her face.

“Thank you! I’ll read them straight away!”

“Just take a left here and the library will guide you to a reading area.” “I’ll talk to you later, Joanna!” I give her my most heroic smile and start walking to the right. Just like Joanna said, a reading room forms out of the endless abyss with the first window I’ve seen all day, looking out over a garden with a marble gazebo, untouched by the wilds.

[alicehealer2]

My alt account. Would appreciate feedback/interest in reading more

Microtransaction Hell

Prologue: My death is way too cliche

Damn. Ran out of data.

Whose idea was it to make single player games online only? Luckily, I managed to do all my dailies. Now I’m stuck in an empty bus with nothing but my thoughts.

Terrifying.

When I was in school, I was always told I had my head in the clouds. Unfortunately, metaphors were never my strong suit back then, so I just smiled and nodded. That strategy stopped working when I was 14. Surprised it took them that long to figure out I had no idea what they were talking about. It took a teacher that didn’t have English as a first language to recognize that look in my eye.

I’m half tempted to just buy more data now, so I don’t have to remember such embarrassing memories.

I absorb myself back in my phone looking for apps I haven’t touched in probably years and find an old idle game. The genre gets bashed on a lot for being a literal waiting game but what they tend to miss the point of the games. Beat boss A to unlock mechanic 8 to use a soft reset that carries buffs over in order to beat boss B repeat until there’s more mechanics than hours in the day.

A logo for “Lord of Hell Studios” pops up, which I don’t need internet to know this is probably the companies only game.

[Achievement Unlocked!] [Dedication: Stick to a single incarnation for 20 years] [New Ascension unlocked! Hard Reset]

Oof, I really need to uninstall apps I don’t use. Oh well, it benefits me this time.

I basically ignore the 10 different pop ups telling me I got a lot of resources that won’t matter next reset, so I press the new Hard Reset button.

A loud honking noise pulls me away from my phone, why is this bus empty? Where’s the driver? What was that-

“In this week’s headlines, the ‘Ghost Crash’ of 2027, a bus and a truck have crashed in the L9 Intersection. Neither vehicles seemed to have a driver and the cameras were reportedly damaged. The bus had only one unidentified passenger. Police suspect foul play and the company owning the vehicles has yet to be revealed. More at seven.”

Chapter One: One-Hundred and One Percent

Darkness.

The void.

An endless abyss.

And a single floating loading bar of pure white.

Despite the lack of computer screen the bar still seems pixelated, as if any extra detail to clue me into this cosmic joke would be wasted.

0.5% complete.

It’s felt like hours, I still don’t know what’s going on. I can’t be dead because I’m thinking, but I can’t feel myself moving. I’ve tried, but when the only anchor to this being a physical space is a white loading bar that stays perfectly centered to your vision, it’s kind of hard to tell if I am moving at all.

I can’t feel anything.

Except fear.

It’s been…

Well time has passed.

Specifically, the loading bar has too.

99.5% complete.

It doesn’t feel like it’s moving.

And it only updates every .5%.

100% Complete.

…

Is that it?

I feel like I should feel something. Anger, Betrayal, Disgust.

But I’ve used a computer before.

100% is never 100%.

I something sucking me downwards. Or at least I think it’s downwards. Floating in a dark abyss tends to mess with your sense of direction.

But I’m gonna bet on that way being down.

And down means out, and away from this loading screen.

So, I will let myself fall.

And fall.

And fall.

I might not have thought this through.

I wake up in a field.

Not a grassy field or a football field or a field of wheat. No, I fell in a pumpkin patch. I feel sticky. And I do mean fell. Whatever that falling feeling obviously had something to do with whatever punchbowl I drank from to end up here. I feel bad for ruining the crops, so I better go apologize. My clothes are covered in dirt and pumpkin goo so I’m gonna have my best puppy dog eyes to use their shower. Not that I like using a stranger’s shower but they’re a farmer, so they’re probably ripped as hell.

Man, I’ve been walking for a while. This is a damn big pumpkin patch. There’s gotta be at least a thousand of these. I don’t know much about crops but aren’t you supposed to rotate them or something? How do you rotate a plant? How did I get here? Could I survive on pumpkin alone or will I need to Barbeque Ursa this? Why hasn’t he done a survival guide on the infinite pumpkin patch? Mysteries upon mysteries.

It’s nearing sundown and I finally manage to see a small wooden cottage on the horizon. How they house enough people to harvest everything is beyond me. Maybe this is just an outpost and people get lost often.

*30 minutes later*

-and that’s why I’ve always hated the ugly duckling. What a dumb bird.

Anyway, I’ve arrived at the cottage and there’s not a soul in site. So, I knock on the door. Then I yell out for anyone awake. Knock on every window and maybe accidentally impersonated the police, FBI and girl scouts. Luckily, I decided no one was home. Those girl scouts are terrifying when they see competition. So, I test the front door.

Then I test it again.

A bit harder this time.

“Oh no, this building is so old and run down that the door fell apart as soon as a random rock hit it.”

No answer.

I start looking around the house to try and figure out where I am. There’s an old bed, a fireplace, and a desk with a journal on it. Obviously since I respect their priv-

Dear journal. My status stopped showing up today. I was sad to see it but knew it must be fate calling me. My time on this world is almost up. I wished for nothing more than my humble pumpkin patch to bring me something, but alas it did not. The path of the pumpkin is a path of ruin and my life is the country it lay waste to.

“Humble?” I murmur mostly to myself.

“And what the hell’s a status?”

Name: Quinn Burgundy

Age: 29

Job: Homeless

Income: 1 MP per day

Current MP: 0/20

I’m not unemployed? I have a job stupid pumpkin dream! This is a dream, right? Unless…

Oh no!

No this can’t be happening!

I LOST MY JOB!

No, I worked so hard to get it!