#but wording it is hard suddenly
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OC Halloween Challenge 2023 Oh, You Wanna Play Psycho Killer? Can I Be The Helpless Victim? Day Twelve: The Final Girl
Her entire life, Aki Tomani (Ninja's Unite) has known nothing but tragedy, always feeling like it seemed to follow her from the moment she lost her family to a fire when younger to present where just as she thinks she's got a good thing going training under Sensei Leo in being a ninja, the other students of Leo suddenly start getting picked off one by one by a vengeful former student of Leo, until its just her, Leo and the vengeful former student. But when Leo is badly injured and it looks like vengeful former student will finish them off, Aki, sick of tragedy ruling her life, fights back, determined to stop the vengeful former student by any means necessary.
#oc halloween challenge 2023#ohc2023#oc halloween challenge#ninjas unite#aki tomani#(yeah uh kinda weird i thought i had the idea for this day#but wording it is hard suddenly#like uh this wording best i got really)
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Last of her kind Emperor!Alpha!Zhongli + Omega!Dragoness!Reader
cw/tags: Your usual mentions of slavery and sexual themes, A/B/O dynamics and heat mentions. Also allusions to depression and mentions of death.
notes: Aahahaha this took forever..... allow me top explain: first of all my new job is killing me and second of all I'm going through a hard period where I don't really like anything I write anymore. This work in particularly I kept struggling with the pacing, the dialogues, the way I wanted feelings to come across or scenes to flow it's just hhhnnnggg. I told a couple of friends that I set the bar so high with the first part I feel like nothing else I write will be that good. Then the second part was "ok" but cut off in a cliffhanger and has been there for SO LONG that now I feel this will be underwhelming after all the buildup//hit
I hope it's not. I hope it's good.
Anyway this part is in Zhongli's pov and contains flashbacks which will be fully in italics! Enjoy! and thanks for caring so much about this story ;w; ILU all <3
<- Part 2.
Your instincts mess up with your head.
Your crying and anxiety have simmered to a cold numbness.
Hours blur together, time loses meaning.
The doctor comes by sometimes. The maids bring you food. But everything feels⊠off, distant.
This doesnât feel⊠like your usual heats.
You curl up and sob, a choked soft noise.
You donât feel hot, but rather cold. Limbs weak. Dizzy.
Your heart aches.
Youâre so tired.
And so sleepyâŠ
Zhongli puts down the seal stamp and deflates back into his chair with a sigh, he must have read the same line at least five times already. He cannot concentrate at all. Itâs not even been three days and each hour, each minute, feels eternal.
Heâs already gotten so used to your presence, so smitten with you and your little quirks, your rare smiles, the way your ears and tail flicker, your pretty eyesâŠ
And he remembers those same eyes begging for him, teary. Your pitiful cry. Your distressed scent.
Guilt eats at him. As well as something elseâŠ
Heâs been restless, barely slept. Your scent is a sirenâs song on the blankets, tart and fresh and tantalizing, but you are not with him. Anxious energy flows in his veins. This emotion, this thing that is like regret and sorrow and fear all tangled together, cleaves him through. His instincts are screaming at him, rattling inside a cage of his own making. His mate, his precious Omega is in heat, youâre scared and lonely and need him. Zhongli has to suppress a growl and feel the shudder of his scales at the fact that heâs not with you. In your nest. Taking care of you.
Itâs agonizing.
"How is she?"
The same question, over and over, at any chance he gets.
"She refuses to eat, your majesty." Xiao tells him, and he can feel the concern in the younger Alphaâs voice. âAccording to the maids she only took a few bites of the ajilenak nuts, the rest of the food was left untouched.â
âŠ
"She's um... she's always sleeping when I go check up on her." Ganyu explains a little crestfallen. She too is worried. âA-at least I think sheâs in no pain⊠she was clinging to one of your hanfus.â
âŠ
"You should go see her, Zhongli." Ping states, a rare serious expression on her usual gentle factions. âBaizhu says sheâs going through the worst case of separation sickness heâs ever seen. Is that really what you want your poor Yin to go through?â
He lets out a frustrated rumble.
âOf course not. But itâs for the best, I donât want to⊠take advantage of her, or force her to anything.â Zhongli frowns, trying to focus on the papers in front of him again, in an attempt to ignore her piercing gaze.
âIs it really any of that if she wants her mate?â Ping retorts. âShe was begging you.â
I know.
He growls this time, and shakes his head at his memory of you. It haunts him.
âShe doesnât know what she wants.â
âSo, youâre deciding for her then? Is that it? Honestly, are you listening to yourse-â
âSheâs been conditioned to serve.â He cuts her off, voice grave and somber. âTrained to be submissive and please. She likes me simply because Iâm kind to her, she wants me because she thinks itâs her obligation as my mate. I feel the pull of the bond too, the need, the yearning. But I also know she is afraid of Alphas and she thinks⊠she thinks she has to obey me. That she owes me something or that own her.â His eyes narrow. âI didnât need to bond her. I shouldnât have bonded her. I just⊠wanted her to be free and instead I chained her to me. And now sheâs in heatâŠâ
And it drives him insane.
âListen to me, weâve both spent time with her, enough to know sheâs opening up and learning to voice her feelingsâŠâ Ping reasons gently. âItâs a slow process, donât hurt her this way. At the very least⊠go see her.â
âI lost control once with just one kiss from her. I will not do it again. I will not harm her any further.â
The elderly woman keeps silent for a few moments. Zhongli sighs and rests his forehead in his palm in defeat.
And then Ganyu approaches, a little tense, a stack of papers in her hands.
âYour majesty, the Qixing are starting to arrive, council meeting will begin soon.â
âVery well. Thank you Ganyu.â He stands up and nods at her, then turns to Ping and his demeanor softens a little. âYou know I just want to correct my mistakes, and give her the life she deserves. At least a fraction of it, of happiness.â
It wasnât supposed to go this way⊠Zhongli sighed as he walked up to the room where the âreunionâ with the sumerian would take place. It was long overdue seeing as he had spent the night by your side, refusing to leave after you had cried and begged so desperatelyâŠ
After he had bonded you.
He had initially taken the eremiteâs claims with a grain of salt, but naturally he had to make sure. The last dragonblood had supposedly died decades ago, so howâŠ?
And yet when he saw you for the first time in that room, he knew.
You were real, you were beautiful. Suddenly he felt a million things at once: He wanted to get to know you, stay close to you, protect you. Old draconic instinct vibrating excitedly on his soul. You smelled vaguely familiar, your tail was gorgeous, your ears adorable. What if you didnât like him though? What if he harmed you? Scared you? Suddenly he was nervous, nervous of ruining this, nervous in a way he hadnât been in so long, like when heâd been young and Liyue had been at war and he had lost everything to fire and smoke and dust and he had to make difficult decisions and-
He had always calculated his moves. No room for risks. Too much at stake.
But you, you disarmed him. Completely.
You, with your polite gentleness despite the obvious cracks beneath the surface.
You, with your beautiful looks and enormous potential, even if you didnât see it yourself.
You, with that look of yearning and hope, with your soft lips and sweet moans, with your warm body fitting perfectly against his.
For once, he allowed himself to make a decision with his heart, not logic, not politics. Just instincts.
And he claimed youâŠ
âŠ
He enters the room. A couple Millelith soldiers stationed by the door, Xiao standing by his side loyally as he sits at his place of honor as the emperor. Your âmasterâ, an Alpha eremite named Zaheer, kneels respectfully a little below.
âI see you liked her, your majestyâ He offers a sly smirk. âDid she satisfy you properly? Sheâs been trained on her gag reflexes to-â
Zhongli -Morax- resists the urge to growl. âWe are not here to discuss that.â
âAh, of course, business!â
Business.
âSince sheâs such an exotic and well-trained slave I suppose we could agree onâŠâ
âDo you think of me an idiot, Zaheer?â Moraxâs eyes narrow.
âP-Pardon me?â
âShe is a pureblood xiÄnshĂČu. I want to know exactly how she ended up being enslaved by you and your people.â
Cold and calculating golden eyes stare down at the eremite.
âW-What⊠sheâs desert-born!â Zaheer retorts back angrily âShe was born at a heat house. Maybe she has traits from your people because one of them decided to get a cheap fuck while traveling.â
âYou expect me to believe that?â Morax asks unfazed âLiyue has records of the last of her kind disappearing and presumably being murdered when a village near Sumeru borders was razed to the ground. Do you have a disclosure?â
Zaheer stands up and growls, clearly an Alpha not used to having to bow his head and accept things not going his way.
Clearly an Alpha used to intimidating and attacking others.
Xiao wields his spear and changes his stance to an offensive one. The Millelith guards also tense.
Zaheer gets even more irritated, feeling like a caged animal. Backed into a corner. âEmperor or notâ He starts through gritted teeth. âIf youâre not going to pay me then Iâll take my merchandise back and do business elsewhere where Iâm not being accused of ridiculous claims.â
âYouâre right that I wonât be doing any business with you, but weâll see how ridiculous those claims truly are. Zaheer, by my word as the emperor you will now remain detained in Liyue.â Morax sentences.
The eremiteâs red eyes widen in shock and rage and the desert-dweller shoots up to attack Morax, getting easily overpowered and neutralized by Xiaoâs quick moves. In seconds his weapon drops to the floor as the Yaksha general points his spear at the unconscious man. The Millelith quickly retrieve him and the blade before Morax simply nods at them.
Months. It had been months since then and he had to begrudgingly release the man as no accusation connected him to anything. They were essentially out of leads. There did appear to be documentation of your birth at a desert village but Zhongli would be hard pressed to believe the half-assed story youâve been toldâŠ
And since you are pureblood, then both of your parents, and most importantly your dam, was also a dragonblood. Thatâs at the very least one Liyue citizen enslaved in a foreign nation.
He would get to the bottom of this.
For now, however, he had to cast those worries aside.
The Seven members of the council sit around the large table, the Liyue Qixing, leaders of all the commerce and trade sectors of the nation.
Zhongli takes his place at the head of the table. Ganyu does so as well by the sideline.
âVery well, whatâs our first topic today?â
âDid Master just⊠leave?â
There was silence at the table, Zhongli and Ping sit frozen and you get just a bit nervous.
Itâd been a few days since you started your new life, and though Zhongli was sure you were warming up to it he knew you still had a long way to go. It was probably still a little surreal for you⊠such a big change from everything you knew.
The tension on his shoulders quickly drops again. He continues eating. âYes.â He says simply. Ping follows his lead, saying nothing.
The faster you forget about that eremite, the better.
âHmâŠâ You continue eating as well. Your expression is a little conflictedâŠ
You inhale.
âWas he⊠happy⊠that I finally found a mate?â
Zhongli turns to you sharply and tenses again like a cat bristling. He holds back his tongue so as to not say something heâd regret. Why do you still care about that despicable manâs opinion? Why do you still seek his approval? Did you really think he cared about you? Zhongli desperately wants to make you understand how that slave-owner only saw you as an object, how he fed you lies, how his mistreatment is inexcusableâŠ
But he can only imagine how deep your scars run, and how that toxic mindset has settled and accompanied you for years. He cannot judge you for caring about someone who doesnât deserve it.
âWhy do you ask, dear?â Ping asks instead.
âI donât knowâŠâ You mumble, poking at the congee with your spoon. âI always wanted to make him proud.â
Proud.
Him?
âI think what matters most is how you feel.â Zhongli says, his hand reaching out for yours invitingly and you place your fingers on his palm, getting a soft reassuring squeeze. âYou donât need to rely on how others view you or think about you.â
You seem thoughtful for a second, your ears flickering back insecure but then standing up alert again. âI am happyâ You admit. âVery happy. I have the best mate in the world.â You smile brightly.
Zhongliâs heart does a flip.
âWith the excessive rains in the northern villages, there have been many floods and a lot of crops have been severely damaged or lost. Our previous contingency plan is in action already and donations are being sent to help the affected families. However, we must prepare for a decline in the harvest of certain grains and vegetables this season, as well as an increase in prices for a few months due to the shift in demand and supply.â Keqing explains expertly, the young alphaâs expression is serious and solemn.
âItâs an opportunity to strengthen commerce with Mondstadt and Sumeru.â Ningguang chimes in, leaning back on her chair, arms crossed. âThe value of jade and other crystals is on the rise as well.â
âNot to mention, weâll be employing several architects from the Akademiya to help with the rebuilding.â Keqing adds, turning to Ganyu, who nods.
âGreater lord Rukkhadevata and lesser Lord Kusanali have agreed on a certain exchange program with Liyue. I started drafting up some proposals already if youâd like to see.â The blue-haired secretary passes along some documents.
Ningguangâs eyes skim along the page. âItâs almost like our new Sumeru-born empress was a sign.â She smirks. âBy the way, where is she?â She turns to Zhongli, curious about her fellow Omega.
âSheâs rather indisposed at the moment.â The emperor replies dryly, not wanting to delve much onto the touchy subject. âGanyu this looks good, however we need to think about-â
There is a knock that quickly surprises everyone. Who could interrupt a council meeting and why?
Baizhu peeks in with Changsheng curled around his neck, a frown on his usually gentle features. âYour majesty, a word. Itâs an emergency.â
All the members at the table stare silently as Zhongli stands and follows the doctor.
Ganyu has a bad feelingâŠ
âWe have no time, follow me.â The green-haired doctor walks briskly along the wooden corridors, he looks⊠frustrated, dejected.
âWhatâs wrong?â
He doesnât want to panic. He never panics. But something inside him does. Itâs obvious that this has to do with you.Â
âI apologize, your majesty. I thought it was just a case of separation sickness but⊠the empress is showing signs of widowâs wasting.â
Zhongli stops.
His heart skips a beat. His skin prickles with dread.
âSheâs⊠dying?â
Baizhu shakes his head. âIt hasnât reached that point yet, but⊠sheâs deteriorating.â
The guilt is back. The fear.
âGiven what happened, Iâm pretty certain the shock of your rejection was the trigger. Still, it is highly unusual for a Yin to suffer from widowâs wasting without their partner actually dying, even more so for it to settle so quickly. Her reaction is akin to someone who had never left their mateâs side for years.â Baizhu explains.
You trusted him.
And he turned his back on you.
What have I done?
âIn any casssse, itâssss not too late.â Changshengâs little voice pipes in. Baizhu keeps leading the way and Zhongli follows, though he obviously knows the entire palace like the palm of his hand, at the moment his thoughts are scattered and far far away.
âShe needs her mateâs reassurance. I have done what I can with medicine but this is a bonded pair matter.â Finally, he stops at a juncture and turns to Zhongli. âPlease, your majesty, only you can save her. I will tell Ganyu, Xiao and Ping of the situation, and if you need anything, just ask.â
Zhongli nods, mute.
The snake narrows her eyes. âDonât leave her sssside.â
âChangsheng.â Baizhu shushes.
She is right to chastise him. He deserves that and more.
âI wonât.â Zhongli nods and heads down the hall.
Widowâs wasting.
The words echo in his head. Heâs seen the damage it can do. How a broken bond, the loss of the most important person, can destroy someone inside. Did you really care that much about him? Did he really hurt you that badly?
âPleaseâŠâ
He didnât mean to.
âI have the best mate in the world.â
He feels like a monster.
âI want to stay with you. Sleep together. Like mates.â
He needs to see you. He needs to make sure youâre okâŠ
He stands in front of the nest room. The same one where he first met you.
Opening the doors only slightly to slip inside, Zhongli's eyes widen and a hand flies to cover his nose and mouth when a strong smell shakes him to his very core.
The room he expected to be completely saturated with intense heat pheromones⊠instead bears the acrid scent of despair.
This isnât the lustful call to breed and have children that made an omega vulnerable and pliant. No. It is a desperate cry from a heartbroken omega for their mate to come back, to stay with them, to love and protect them. It is grief.
You are suffering because of him.
To think all this time⊠he was afraid he'd make you uncomfortable. That heâd scare you, hurt you, ruin the bond youâve carefully built. Instead, he is overcome by an all-consuming terror. Every part of him screaming at his mate's weak essence.
And there you are, his precious treasure, his sweet dragoness.
You lay curling in on yourself letting out small muffled sobs.
âY/nâŠâÂ
No reaction.
âDarling, my dear dragonessâŠâ He rushes up to you immediately, grabs your hand and pets your hair. You look so weak, your skin is feverish, how has it only been three days? It feels like a lifetimeâŠ
You shift a little and your eyes blink open, staring at him dazed, red and puffy and your expression defeated. You let out a pitiful whine and more of that bitter sad scent is released.Â
âNo my dear, donât cry, Iâm here. Iâm sorry, Iâm so sorry.â Zhongli coos as he curls up to you, frantically starting to scent and nip at your neck and shoulders affectionately. His horns manifest and his tail follows through, lashing about a little restless. The bond⊠feels wrong, broken. He should be able to intimately feel you this close and yetâŠ
He tries to reposition you a little so you can lie on top of him, rest on his chest. Itâs concerning how easily he can do so, youâre like a ragdoll in his arms, unresponsive and unmoving. His hands cup your face, thumbs rubbing at the traces of tears in your cheeks. You let out a frustrated whimper. âShhhh shh itâs okay. Iâm so sorry.â
Even if he says it a million times, it wonât feel enough.
Zhongli nuzzles at your neck and proceeds to do something he hasnât done since he was practically a teen. He purrs. Itâs a little rusty, comes off more as a grumbling but it seems to work as he feels you relax just slightly in his arms.
âIâm right hereâ Zhongliâs deep voice assures you, tugging you closer, mouthing at the soft skin along your collarbone. âIâm not going anywhere and Iâm all yours, I promise, I promise. I wonât leave you alone, not ever.â He soothes.
He lowers a bit of your clothes at the shoulder and grazes his fangs along your faded mark, you tense and let out a long shaky breath.
âEverything will be ok.â He kisses the spot. âIâm sorry.â
And then he sinks his fangs in to reestablish the claim.
You cry out in pain and squirm, clawing at his clothes, but he holds you, his hand rubbing circles at your back, his tail intertwining with yours.
...
.....
...
At first nothing changes, but after a few moments⊠a low strained purr bubbles up from within you again.
#genshin x you#genshin x reader#zhongli x reader#zhongli x you#genshin impact x you#genchin impact x reader#genshin imagines#genshin impact imagines#crys writes#fem reader#LohK#minors dni#just in case#me: it gets worse#also me: //reader is dying and it's zhongli's fault woops#we have his pov now about the first meeting#a bit of his feelings!!#see I really hope I did a decent job showing his thoughts/side bc I don't want him to come off as âsuddenly Zl is being stubborn/a jerkâ fo#he has valid concerns about the relationship and yes he had good intentions#shoutout to Baizhu best doctor and changsheng for having zero chill#Ping voice of reason#despair and grief are such hardcore words I love how hard they go here
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heh, so for kinktober or just a regular fic atp. Can u do toxic relationship w/ yeonjun. Like reader and yeonjun are in a situationship and yeonjun says that him and reader canât have any strings attached if theyâre just gonna have sex. But like reader rlly doesnât care so they just keep having one night stands with random people at the club. And one day, yeonjun catches her and gets jealous and BOOM raw sex. But then angst bc reader says he doesnât love her so theyâre free to hit on whoever they want. So they argue and reader never sees yeonjun again. BUT LIKE IF U DONâT WANNA MAKE THIS ANGST THEN U CAN MAKE IT A HAPPY ENDING :3 heh, my brain is going brr brr rn. Ok ty! đ
Escapism.
mdni, nsfw!!
pairings: choi yeonjun/reader
genre: smut, angst. hurt/no comfort??
warnings: fwb?yeonjun, meandom!yeonjun, mentions of beomgyu, mentions of club bathroom sex (Dont!), name calling (slut, whore, etc), unprotected sex (Dont! pt2), gender neutral reader but they have feminine anatomy, jealousy, anger, kinda dubcon if you think too hard about it, player!reader, if i forgot any lmk!
jjae's comments: this is.... insane. I sat down to write this thinking itd be like.. 1k? around the same length of my other fics? but no... welcome to 3k words of pure smut and sadness. i made yeonjun a lot more pathetic in this fic than i think the ask originally intended, but i hope it still reads well!! enjoy!
âNo strings attached.â he had said. No strings attached. If that's what he wanted, then why was Yeonjun acting this way? He hadn't the faintest idea, but the sight of you dragging a puppy-looking guy to the bathroom with your finger hooked into the front of his jeans made his chest cave in.
He thought this was a good idea, months ago. Back when you were only focused on him with your puppy-crush. Maybe it was the power he held over you back then that convinced him to do this. The strength he had over your every move made his head too foggy with desire to see the fatal error of his ways. Back then you seemed like just a nerdy college student, out of place and quiet. Just his type. He was glad the work of approaching you had been done for him, smirking at the board with your name scrawled next to his. âJust how cliche would this get?â He wondered at the time. It was practically fate. He spent weeks breaking through your cold and bitter exterior, dead-set on tasting the sweet softness that he knew you kept well-hidden. It was the thrill of the chase. The promise of something forbidden, off-limits. Sure, he could give any excuse he wanted, but getting into your bed with you was always his goal. You were a sweet poison, he soon found. You were the sweetest of nectars, yet shockingly deadly. He was in bed with you, his plush lips pressing open-mouthed kisses to your heated skin. He drank in the quiet whimper you let out when his teeth scraped at you with the sharp promise of his canines marring your soft skin.Â
âNo strings attached.â He had whispered to you huskily, and you dumbly nodded along, eager to please so he would keep going. So he would consume you like the fire you knew he was. He said it more for his own sake than yours, he thought. He knew from the first time he had you under him, obscene sounds coming from where your hips collided, mouth spilling rivulets of drool around his fingers which pressed and prodded at your tongue, that he was thoroughly fucked.Â
But now, after months of being your.. What was the right word for it? Was this a situationship? Was he your friend-with-benefits? You two had never talked about it. Hell, you hardly did anything more than moan into each other's mouths and skin. Neither of you were next to one another by the time the sunshine graced your apartment windows. He knew better, now. If he was going to continue drinking in your poison by the mouthful, he needed to be careful. Precise, even.Â
Yeonjun sighed, watching you go as he swirled the drink in his hand. You didnât know he was there. You didnât even see the text he had sent you 2 hours prior on your phone, you were too busy scanning the crowd. He had texted you the second he walked through the doors into the club he knew you frequented. He was perhaps a little desperate to see you, but he would never tell you as much. Hell, it was hard to even admit it to himself. He craved you like he craved air.Â
But you didn't care. You didn't even react to the buzzing in your pocket, sharp eyes intent on finding your next victim. This club was your web, and you were a black widow. He hadnât known it when he stumbled into your trap all those months ago, but you were vicious. You took control of him like a possession, the thrum of your power over him was buzzing under his skin constantly. Your kiss was a brand, ruining him for anyone or anything else.Â
The great player, Choi Yeonjun, reduced to a simpering, desperate boy. How far he had fallen in pursuit of you.
He recognized the man you had picked - your victim for the night - as Choi Beomgyu. He was a friend of Yeonjunâs, actually. They bickered a lot, but they got along well enough. He recalls mentioning you to him before.. Had Beomgyu sought you out because of him? The thought made his stomach churn. Jealousy cut through him like a searing hot knife, the jagged edge catching his anger in just the right way. His eyes remained fixed on the bathroom door, sipping away at his drink the entire time you occupied it. He wasnât stupid. He knew what you were doing in there, but he needed to see it. He needed to know that you were really doing this.Â
He had no right to be jealous, he knew that. Rationally, realistically, this was none of his fucking business. He was the one who suggested you two wouldnât be exclusive. Why should he be upset now that his own words were haunting him. Was it because he never expected to get this attached? Or was it the realisation that you didnât feel the same? It was obvious that you didnât care for him the way he cared for you. He could live with that, he thought. He could live with you not loving him back, but seeing you sneak off with someone new right before his very eyes? This was an anger he was unfamiliar with. He was never on the receiving end of this. Perhaps this was karma, finally catching up to him and providing him the pain he usually dished out freely. Perhaps he deserved this.
When you finally emerged from the bathroom, makeup smudged and clothes wrinkled, his heart plummeted to the floor. He glanced behind you, watching Beomgyu walk out with a dazed look in his eyes, shirt halfway undone and hair a mess. You loved pulling on his hair when he gave you head, He thought. The memory of him being the one between your thighs finally snapped the cord in him.Â
He slammed his drink down onto the table next to him, ignoring the way the other patrons flinched at the loud crack the glass made against the worn wood. He was already halfway across the floor. You didnât even notice him until he was on you, grabbing your wrist and dragging you out of the club with the shadow of his rage hanging over him like a cloud. He barely registered you tugging at his arm, trying to get him to let you go, trying to ask him what was going on. Your questions fell on deaf ears. He was on a mission as he dragged you to his apartment for the first time, only a few minutes walk away from the club.
He was going to prove he was better. No one else could have you the way he could.Â
Yeonjun liked to believe that he was a gentle lover. That he could be mean when it was required or requested of him, but for the most part, he was a giver. Full of plush words and promises that usually held no actual weight. A phrase echoed in his mind at that, something about truth being singular, and lies being words, words, words. In that case, Yeonjun guessed he was a liar of a lover. It tracked, if he really thought about it. Like now, when he had you pressed into the door the second you two were beyond the threshold, kissing you like a man starved. His hands were possessive, gripping onto your flesh wherever he could. He wasnât sure what he was trying to prove- actually, scratch that. He did know. He wanted to erase every memory of Beomgyuâs touch, He wanted to burn it away with his own until only his touch remained on your skin.Â
You weren't sure where this animalistic side of Yeonjun came from, but you hardly had it in you to complain. You should probably push him away, demand answers, but you couldnât bring yourself to deny him. The knowledge of this made yeonjun grin against your neck before sinking his teeth into the soft junction between the column of your throat and your shoulder, pulling a pleasured scream from your lips. He practically growled against the skin, fingers trailing down to push aside the skimpy shorts you wore.Â
âYou let him finish inside?â He grit out, fingers sliding easily through your soaked core. The sound of Beomgyuâs cum leaking onto Yeonjunâs hardwood floor should have made you embarrassed, but instead of shame burning through you, only lust remained. You shivered, nodding at Yeonjun like a bobblehead, mind swirling in the wake of his rough handling of you. He just laughed, but the chuckle he released was devoid of humour. He was angry. You let him fill you? Did you let anyone else do the same?
âDirty fucking thing.â He spat at you before hauling you up, legs around his waist. He carried you to the bed, flinging you unceremoniously onto the covers. You were still bouncing on the mattress from the sheer force he used to toss you onto it when he descended on you. He was all tongue, teeth and rage as he practically tore your clothes off of you. He hardly gave you any space to breathe, let alone think. Your mind was a useless puddle of mush as he manhandled you, adjusting your body the way he wanted. By the time you could gather the mental presence it took to move your eyes downward, His breath was already fanning hotly at your still-sore cunt. Your eyes widened comically, but he only laughed at you before diving in and eating you with the crazed frenzy of a man who had never eaten before in his life. He had to clean you, had to rid you of any evidence of his friend. You had to become pure again, only for him to defile you himself, make you his the way you had made him yours. He had to show you, even if he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. Surely, you'd understand, right? You understood him. He was sure of it.
Your hands instantly tangled in his silky locks, tugging harshly enough to pull a hiss from his lips the second his tongue made contact. You squealed, body still sensitive from your previous orgasm with Beomgyu, but Yeonjun didnât care. He wasn't doing this for pleasure, he was doing this to make a point. To make you his. He ate you with fervor, a mix of your arousal, Beomgyuâs release and Yeonjunâs drool making his face a fucking sopping mess. It dripped onto the sheets below, but he paid it no mind, allowing you to rock your hips desperately on his tongue and nose as he worked you up again. You were sobbing, fat tears streaming down your face and clumping your pretty lashes together. All he could think about while you bumped your swollen clit against his nose was how badly he wanted to ruin you once he was done. Your wails and pleas fell on deaf ears. He had no plans on slowing down, giving you any breaks. You had teased him enough, he thought, parading around with Beomgyuâs cum still stuffed inside you. He was intent on replacing it with his own. When you finally came, sobbing out his name into the silent, cold air of his apartment, you collapsed, boneless onto the sheets. Your hand clasped at your naked chest, sweat cooling your skin as you scrambled to catch your breath. You couldn't remember a single time when Yeonjun behaved like this, did things like this, ate you like this. Sure, he loved having you on his tongue, but he was always so sweet, drawing out every little hum and movement out for your pleasure. This shift in his demeanour left you confused, for sure, but you found it so hot that you couldn't stop to ask any questions. Your eyes flew open again, desperately clawing at his arms when he shifted your body again. He lifted you with ease, flipping you onto your stomach like you weighed nothing.Â
âCan't- jjunnie, please!â You cried, voice slightly muffled by the pillow he shoved your face into. He just sneered down at you, dragging his drooling cock through your soaked folds. He had no mercy for you, not anymore. He leaned down, smirking at the way your breath stuttered when the head of his cock caught your entrance. The feeling of his hot breath on your skin paled in comparison to the mean words he spat into your ear.Â
âYouâll fucking take what I give you, slut.âÂ
You couldnât bring yourself to feel any shame at his words. In fact, you revelled in them, pushing your hips back against him. It caught him by surprise, and you were so wet that he sunk into you with ease with that simple movement alone. A punched out groan fell from his pouty lips, one of his hands gripping your hip in a bruising hold. You were sure his fingertips would leave bruises for you to press on by tomorrow morning.Â
âGod- Youâre so fucking desperate, arent you? Just got your pussy stuffed with cum and you're already begging for more?â He laughed, the sound mean and cruel in your ears as he set a brutal pace. You were so slick that the sounds that reverberated in yeonjuns bedroom was fucking obscene. You felt filthy, dirty, used- and you loved it. You werenât sure how, but Yeonjun could tell. You knew he could. Maybe it was the way your walls fluttered helplessly around his fat cock, spearing into you with no mercy that gave you away. It didnât matter, though. You hardly had the mental presence to care about anything beyond the way he stretched you out so so well. âLook at you, fucking pathetic. So eager for dick. Do I not give you enough? Huh? Do I need to stuff you full every hour of the day for you to be satiated?âÂ
All you could do was claw at his sheets, nodding pathetically along to his words. He scoffed, reaching up to grab your chin and forcing your mouth open. âSpeak, whore.âÂ
You scrambled for words, but the syllables fell through your fingers like grains of sand. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, reminiscent of a fish out of water, before you finally managed out something akin to verbal language.
âNeed- please- more- jjunnie-!â Your voice quickly dissolved into a chorus of pornographic ah, ah, ah-âs, and it sent a thrill through Yeonjunâs body. He was doing this to you. In this moment, right here in his bedroom, you were his. He shoved his fingers into your still open mouth, keeping your head thrown back as his hips ploughed into your sopping heat from behind. His thrusts were so intense they were punishing, sure to leave you sore and wobbly on your feet for days. Thinking about you stumbling around, needing his help to walk only made him growl and fuck you harder. He was far too drunk on you, on your moans, on your pussy. He couldnât help himself.
âNeed-? Getting fucked so good you cant speak, huh? Donât worry, baby.â He grinned, but the smile was sharp and cheshire. It held no warmth for you, not that you could care or open your eyes long enough to even see it. You could feel it in his words, though, in the way he nibbled at your earlobe before shoving you down into the pillows again. âDaddyâs got you.â
He was entirely right, really. You were fucked positively stupid on his dick. You couldnât deny that. In fact, you wouldn't. âDaddy-â you whined, voice barely audible over the lewd sounds of Yeonjunâs cock sinking into you and his hips snapping against the plush of your ass. ââs fucking good- fuck!â
Yeonjun let out a breathless laugh before he pulled out of you. You hardly had time to whine at the loss, the aching empty feeling he left you with, before you were being moved again. Now you were on your back, and before you could even get your vision to focus on him, Yeonjun was already balls-deep in you again. With your head thrown back in bliss, throat bared for him, he couldnât help but sneak down and leave angry, splotchy hickeys along your soft skin.Â
âThatâs right, baby- fuck⊠take it. Take it. Gonna fill you up better than he did- fuck!â His hips were beginning to stutter, but his mouth kept running. He was dissolving into horny babble, but he had the presence of mind to sneak his hand down, fingers drawing rough circles on your clit that had you spasming underneath him.Â
He had slept with you enough times to know your tells, to know when you were going to finish. The way your head fell back, eyebrows drawn up, pretty lips making that pretty âoâ shape- the way you fluttered around him wildly, trying to milk him dry- you were close. He knew it. Just a few more thrusts, a slight change in angle and-
God, you were so beautiful when he had you like this, crying his name again, nails clawing uselessly against his back and leaving angry marks that he loved.Â
âThatâs it, baby- shit. Take it, slut. Fucking take it-!â He gripped your hips firmly in both hands, using them to move you on him. It made his thrusts hit deeper, and- God, were you squirting? If anything, the revelation only made him rougher with you despite your protests that you couldnât take it, that you needed him to slow down. He wouldnât, though. You knew he wouldn't. He only grabbed you harder, cock slamming into your cervix in a way that made you wince before he finally filled you, pressed as deeply into you as he could manage. He pressed into you over and over, as if trying to force his seed even deeper into you. As if he could fuck it right into your little womb.Â
After a few more mean thrusts, you began to squirm and whine in his grip. Only then did he snap out of his jealousy-filled rage, looking into your eyes with his own so wide and pretty. There he was, that was closer to the Yeonjun you remembered. You smiled lazily at him, lifting your arms to him. With no prompting, he fell into your embrace. He peppered kisses along any skin he could reach, sighing happily into your skin when your fingers ran through his hair, nails scratching at his scalp in the way you knew he liked. You chuckled, but made no move to push him away. That was all he needed for hope to bloom in his chest again. You understood him, right? You knew what he was trying to do, what he needed. He needed you. He needed you more than air. He looked at you expectantly, hoping that you would say what he did not have the courage to.Â
But you didnât say anything.Â
You didnât say anything when he cleaned you up. You didnât say anything when he carefully brought you to the bath he drew for you. You didn't say anything when he gently scrubbed your body. You didnât say anything when he helped you back into your clothes.Â
You only opened your mouth to deny him when he suggested you sleep over. He didnât know his heart could shatter so easily with just a few words. He supposed he had this coming. Yes, he was right, earlier. This was karma for all his previous misdeeds. You were karma, and you were cruel.
âNo strings attached, remember?â
#jjae hard thoughts#txt smut#beomgyu x reader#beomgyu smut#kinda#yeonjun smut#yeonjun x reader#tomorrow x together#jjae's kinktober#this one posessed me im sorry#i blinked and suddenly there were 3k words on my screen...#sorry not sorry?
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cannot wait till the interview vid drops and we learn whatever theyre giggle gaggling about here isnt actually that funny in the first place
#its gonna be the driest matter of fact statement that has enough midwestern drawl in it to barely constitute as humourous#and then suddenly a flock of turkeys have entered the chat#sasha... maffhew... is it really that funny? with your track record signs point to no and yet we persist#im sorry sasha is practically slapping his knee#and maffhew is looking at him as if he can find constellations in sashas eyes if he tries hard enough#whatever they have is so deeply tender i cannot put it into words other than#the joke isnt funny but i so enjoy the person whos telling it so much i laugh because i cant believe i get to spend the mundane with them#god take me out with a sniper rifle
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My SCREAM JAM 2024 entry, Portrait of a Ghost, is now playable!
Arthur Hope is a spirit photographer, able to capture images of the departed with his camera.
At least, that's what he'd like you to believe. After all, any price is worth paying to see a loved one's face again, isn't it?
Unfortunately for him, ghosts just might be more real than he realised...
Featuring:
5k words
Three endings
Some light pointing and clicking
Original soundtrack by Calamanser
An awful protagonist
An adorable ghost
Play the Game on Itch
#visual novel#spirit photography#game jams#indie vn#scream jam#I said I wasn't going to do scream jam this year but this game idea suddenly came and put me in a chokehold#and now im currently a mess from crunching too hard#how tf did i make this 5k words long#anyways it has a very cute perfectly ordinary girl who just wants her picture taken that's all
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kitchen of witch hat vibes
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i have more stuff but this looks like a normal post someone normal would make#MR QIFRY SOUNDS SO GAY IN KITCHEN VOLUME 3. WHAT IN THE. every single word he says.#i'm sorry i scorned the translator because i thought orufrey was being made less gay. i still have Quibbles but im sorry.#sensei drew live orufrey in canada but i dont know that actually bc if i read about that i would feel so jealous i'd feel sick! thank god#(takarazuka talk->) REIKOUMI.......i have not thought of zuka for months bc i really drifted away due to reasons#and it was hard to feel the full emotion i should be feeling. :( mix of depression & witch hat atelier hyperfixation#that makes it physically impossible sometimes to access lain aside feelings that i really do feel#BUT...right at the end of the sayonara show with the long long held kiss and the music suddenly everything HIT and i started bawling#they were/are deeply deeply special. i will NEVER forget what they mean..i'll go on my personal reikoumi pilgrimage leading to tokyo raku..#i love takarazuka even if i love witch hat atelier <- Autistic affirmations
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what do you think about victor grantz ?
#idv#identity v#emma woods#identity v gardener#survivor ask blog#idv gardener#ask emma woods#identity v ask blog#to whoever asked this#im so sorry it took 2 years#BAHA I WAS STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH WORDS#my brain suddenly mushed to english#THE ART WAS LIKE DONE 1 YEAR AGO BUT THE WORDSS
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My 2023 art summary
#the art of a lemon wedge#WHAT A YEAR#looking at this like#1#stressful stuff was happening during summer and mayhaps being so productive then is whats kinda kicking my ass these last few months#and well getting sick too but#eh#anyway#comparing this to my last art summary aND MAN#i last year i was crying over how much i was struggling to paint#then january happened#and suddenly#well im here#strange to think ive only been painting like this for only a year#i feel like ive finally found something i can connect to in my own art#in the sense that like#i look at it and can feel myself#'style' is a very hard word to use#since its somethig i associate more with#consistency#having a set way of drawing/painting#while this was more exploring#the best days were the ones i realized i didnt have to make my newest painting look like me last#and learning something new from it#ive got 10 bajilllion things i gotta learn how to draw and paint#and u know?#i cant wait to figure that out#ahahah#i wonder what ill end up making next year :D
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hiiiiiii ruby i LOVE you and i would like to request a â€ïžâđ„ from the hundred different kisses list! 46. a swirling reunion kiss <3 love u xo @familyvideostevie
 hiiiii em <3 i love YOU and i hope u sincerely enjoy whipped as fuck boyfriend stevie <3 he's pathetic and i desire him carnally MWAH @familyvideostevie 1k+
Itâs not often you and Steve are apart.
Definitely not for this long. Call it codependency or call it âwe survived some tumultuous life-changing-but-in-a-bad-way shit togetherâ but itâs become a habit between the two of you.
You can have a couple nights apart, here and there, of course. But between the nightmares and Steveâs affinity for touch, itâs never too long before you wind up back attached at the hip.
A lifetime ago, before you knew anything about demogorgans or how to wield an axe to save your own skin, you wouldâve kept yourself up at night wondering if you were being too clingy. Wouldâve consulted gossip magazines and toed the line of flirty and playing hard to get.
Steve leaves no room for doubt; heâd have you around always if he could. Itâs shown in his utter delight upon seeing you or in his pouty disappointment every time you have to go.
It just makes it all the worse when you do have to leave â this time in particular, itâs a week away, to visit your grandparents out of state.
Steve thinks a week is entirely too long and tells you so with a grumble, his face tucked away in your neck. Youâre both tucked up on your bed but really, heâs supposed to be over to help you pack. Your suitcase sits open on your floor, untouched since Steveâs arrival and subsequent flop on your bed.
âItâs just a week,â You say, aiming to cheer him up, even just a little. Steveâs resounding grumble tells you that it hasnât worked. In fact, he wrenches his face out and somehow, the crinkle between his brows gets impossibly deeper.
âJust a week? Are you even hearing yourself?â
You donât mean to smile but your boyfriend is so dramatic that sometimes you canât help it. You hide it behind a cough and try to school your expression back to seriousness â you are going to seriously miss him.
A week will be hard. But maybe not quite the impossible feat Steve seems to be making it out as. He looks as though youâve asked him to consider raising a demodog together, all aghast in the face.
âItâll be over before you know it,â You assure him sweetly. Reaching out, you card a hand through his soft hair, the strands fluttering against your fingers.
Steve sighs, his entire chest deflating a bit, and he wastes no time burying his face back into your neck. You manage to catch a faint mumble of what if i forget what you smell like? and this time, you actually canât stop yourself from laughing aloud.
This only encourages Steveâs grumbling. He pinches your side, not meanly, and you squeal, batting his hand away.Â
âItâs a serious concern!â He insists, wiggling his face out once more to face you with a pout.
You giggle lightly, just moving forward to press a quick peck to his puckered lips. Steveâs lashes flutter, momentarily distracted by the feel of your lips against his. He chases your lips, more disappointed when you donât let him steal another kiss.
âYou arenât taking my boyfriend concerns seriously,â He whines, his hands setting alight with movement. Your apprehension grows as they near your sides, prime tickle zone, yet you canât stop your smile.
âGuilty as charged.â You admit with a sheepish smile. His fingers move before you can seize the chance to wriggle away, beginning a relentless attack.
Very little packing gets done that night. You blame Steve when you show up at your grandparents with just two pairs of pants packed.
The week is hell. Mainly, because your grandparents are old-school and had frowned deeply when you had tried to sneak off to call Steve on the first night. It results in an accidental week-long detox from your boyfriend, no phone calls, no nothing.
By night three away, you have to admit, all his grumbling was correct â you desperately miss the sound of his voice, the scent on all his clothes. His boyfriend concerns were well-founded and you find yourself wishing you had stolen a sweater of his before you left.
It also means, by the time the week is done, youâre practically dancing in your seat with anticipation the entire drive home.
So, to see your doorstep empty, not even a glimpse of Steveâs maroon BMW on the drive in, sinks your heart just a bit. You're sure he'd come meet you today. All the excited energy you harbored seems to dial down a bit and suddenly, your suitcase seems even heavier than on your original departure.
You lug it up the stairs, steps heavy, and ignore the faint calls from your parents telling you theyâre heading out to grab some takeout for dinner. Your appetite seems to have dwindled in your disappointment. Your only hunger is for a kiss.
It feels as though your heart has crumpled, just a bit, at Steveâs absence. For all his whinging and whining, you wouldâve thought heâd be here the moment you returned. Worse, you know he doesnât have a shift today. Your chest screws up a bit tighter at the knowledge of that.
Nudging open your door with a shoulder, you must look a picture of downtrodden, head hung low, feet dragging along the carpet. With a pathetic sigh, you all but drop your suitcase carelessly and begin to toe off your shoes.
You let out a little shiver at the breeze coming through your window â wait, your window? You didnât leave your window open...
Head shooting up, you get about one second to notice him before Steve is on you. His arms are around your waist, head burrowing into the crook of your neck and you barely get out a surprised noise before your feet are up and off the floor.
âSteve!â You manage to squeak out, a bewildered noise of happiness. You waste no time in wrapping him back up in a hug, though itâs not as you have much choice with the way he swirls you around, all brazen and wild.
âBaby, baby, baby,â Heâs muttering sweetly, barely stopping even when he finally places you back on the ground. His hand is on your face, sweeping along your jaw and he seems ecstatic, body buzzing like a live-wire, âYouâre back.â
You nod, a bit overwhelmed by the love. You suddenly feel silly for even considering he wouldnât be here.
âIâm back.â You affirm, a happy laugh tumbling out.
Steve eyes are a bit misty but you hardly get a moment to coo over him when they dart to your lips and he moves like a man possessed. His lips capture yours, passionate and strong, a kiss heâs been saving up all week. It smooths out every crease in your heart, makes your chest tingle until it feels utterly light inside and youâre positively glowing from love.
Heâs breathing hard when he pulls back, staying close enough to press his forehead to yours. Heâs flushed a bit in the cheeks and his grin is wide, betraying his pure glee.
âHi.â He pants, tongue darting out to lick his lips momentarily. âWelcome back.â
You laugh, unable to help yourself, so delirious with happiness; so content with his love. âMight be worth going away if this is the welcoming committee I get.â You say, teasingly.
Steveâs hands on your waist tighten and without missing a beat, his feet begin to tug you both backwards in the direction of the bed. You stumble after him, completely enamored and warm in the face. Your cheeks hurt from smiling.
âYou thought that was the welcoming committee? Sweetheart...â
By the time you wander downstairs to nab some dinner, what feels like hours later, your mom fixes you with a particular look. The hickies on your neck are too high up to cover and youâre too happy to notice them, until the look you receive. She just smiles, rolls her eyes teasingly, and pushes the takeout container in your direction.
âFix him a plate too, and tell your boyfriend I said hi.â
#every time i finish one of these at the moment#its a goddamn miracle#why are they suddenly SO hard#blaming it all on my period fr#i literally want so badly to have a good ol makeout w him#that ends with us both covered in hickies :) pls#ruby's very own tour of hawkins#steve harrington#steve x reader#steve harringon x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington blurb#stevie blurb!#lessssgo#i keep making these like 1k+ words that'll by its taking me fuckin forever#SORRY TEAM but no im not#brain works on its own schedule i simply do what i can#ruby writes steve
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Anyway... thank you.
#(Talking to anyone has suddenly gotten extremely hard for me)#(Especially after what happened a few weeks ago)#(Even if I mean what I say I hate that what comes out of my mouth nowadays just seem... automatic)#(But one friend's kind words made me nearly tear up today if not smile)#(I really do appreciate everyone that has still been checking up on me ad are still trying to talk to me)#(Even though i am either extremely slow now or am the dullest potato to chat with)#(I'm still healing from something)#(I do want to chat more with friends again I really do...)#(And it means alot that people have been so incredibly understanding that I'm not myself at all this past month or so)
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I have to wonder how many people celebrating AI translation also complain about "broken English" and how obvious it is something was Google translated from another language without a fluent English speaker involved to properly clean up the translation/grammar.
Because I bet it's a lot.
I know why execs are all for itâAI is the new buzzword and it lets them cut jobs thus "save" money and not have to worry about pesky labour laws when one employs humansâbut everyone else?
There was some outcry when Crunchyroll fired many of their translators in favour of AI translation (with some people to "clean up the AI's work") but I can't help but think that was in part because it was Japanese-to-English and personally affected them. Same when Duolingo fired many of their translators in favour of LLM translation. Meanwhile companies are firing staff when it's English to another language and there's this idea that that's fine or not as big a deal because English is "easy" to translate and/or because people don't think of how it will impact people in non-English countries.
Also it doesn't affect native English speakers so it doesn't get much headway in the news cycle or online anyway because so much of the dominant media is from English-speaking countries and English-speakers dominate social media.
But different languages have different grammar structures that LLMs don't do, and I grew up on "jokes" about people speaking in "broken English" and mocking people who use the wrong word when it was clearly a literal translation but the meaning was obvious long before LLMs were a thing, too. In fact, the specific way a character spoke broken English has been a way to denote their native tongue for decades, usually in a racist way.
Then Google translate came out and "Google-translated English" became an insult for people and criticism of companies because it was clearly wonky to native speakers. Even now, LLMsâwhich are heavily trained on English compared to other languagesâdon't have a natural output so native English speakers can clock LLM-generated text if it's longer than a sentence or two.
But, for whatever reason, it's not seen as a problem when it goes the other way because fuck non-English readers or people who want to read in their native tongue I guess.
#and it's not like no people were doing translations so wonky translations were better than nothing#it's actual translators being fired for a subpar replacement#and anyone who keeps their job suddenly being responsible for cleaning up llm output rather than what they trained in#(which can take just as much time or longer than doing the translation by hand from scratch)#(if you want it done right anyway)#hell to this day i hear people complain about written translations of indigenous words and how they 'aren't english enough'#even though they're using the ipa and use a system white english people came up with in the first place#and you can easily look up the proper pronunciation and hear it spoken#but there's such a double-standard where it's expected that other languages cater to english/english speakers#but that grace and accommodation doesn't go the other way#and it's the failing of non-english speakers when an english translation is broken#you see it whenever monolingual english speakers travel to other countries and utterly refuse to learn the language#but if someone doesn't speak in unaccented (to them) english fluently in their home country the person 'isn't trying hard enough'#this is just the new version of that where non-english speakers are supposed to do more work and put up with subpar translations#even as a native english speaker/writer i get a (much) lesser version of this because i write with canadian spelling#and some people get pissed if their internet experience is disrupted by 'ou' instead of 'o' or '-re' instead of '-er'#because dialects and regional phrasing/spelling is a thing#human translators can (or should) be able to account for it but llms are not smart enough to do so#and that's not even getting into slang and how llms don't account for it#or how llms can put slurs into translations because it doesn't do nuance or context and doesn't know the language#if you ever complained about buying something from another country that came with machine-translated instructions#you should be pissed at companies cutting english-to-[language] staff in favour of glorified google translate#because the companies are effectively saying they're fine with non-native speakers getting a wonky/broken version
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Im so sorry but the L word is absolutely fucking hilarious - none of these women have an ounce of morality between them and yet they're all somehow still loveable characters. Despite the atrocities. And the bad 2000s haircuts. And the deeply questionable fashion choices.
#shane your haircuts mean the world to me this isnt about you sweetie#also in general sorry but alice's chart? so unethical but so fucking funny just as a concept#bette and tina? their whole NINE SEASON thing? hilarious#alice liking a uniform? so funny#helena peabody going from being so awful in her first season to suddenly becoming the most pathetic sweetheart as soon as season 3 starts??#funny as hell#jenny schecter's whole thing?? the random dream things? her becoming more gradually insane? man. i could never ever hate her even though#the writers tried so hard to make her unlikeable and evil#marina being a central character in season one then the writers deciding to have her drive into a fucking hotel then leave for italy or#some shit? what the fuck! also Jodi did nothing wrong ever and she didnt deserve all that. also Dana broke my fucking heart#anyway im losing what i was rambling about here... anyway would i recommend the L word? probably not lol it has so so so many problems#but despite that - all the characters became so important to me despite how batshit and bad this show was.#the l word
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saiki k is 90% stellar comedy and 10% what the FUCK
#most of the time itâs hilarious and amazing#the shenanigans make me laugh so hard I cry#but then 10% of the time it suddenly gets so dark itâs like being thrown out of a moving vehicle#and then the driver does a 180 picks you back up and speeds off#without so much as a word of acknowledgment that you FELL OUT OF THE CAR#draft dated Jun 28 2021
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hot take: Skibidi Toilet (as in the og series and not the stupid exploitative content farm shit) isn't even as bad as people say it is. like yeah it's definitely silly and nonsensical, and maybe super young kids shouldn't exactly be watching it, but can you really say that the insanity of Skibidi Toilet isn't at all similar to the types of Gmod videos we used to watch when we were kids and teenagers? are we seriously trying to act like our own nonsensical Source Engine shitposting from way back in 2007 is somehow better than the more modern shitposting of Skibidi Toilet? or are we just deeming anything liked by kids as "cringe" now. cause that's what it seems like.
also the whole "Skibidi Toilet Syndrome" thing is really stupid and is literally just describing kids reenacting stuff they like on the internet which is a completely normal thing for kids to do. i used to reenact Viva Reverie's old MLP toy horse nonsense videos back when their channel was still called "IMATOONLINK" because they were funny as hell. kids acting out their favourite medias isn't new and it isn't suddenly a bad thing or a "syndrome" when it's something that's generally considered to be "cringe" on the internet. you guys are just mean.
#skibidi toilet#cringe culture unfortunately never went away. it just has a different coat of paint now.#people trying to pathologise their kids reenacting and doing their little skibidi cosplays as a ''syndrome'' will never not be funny to me#better go ahead and classify every slightly weird thing kids do as a syndrome because that is literally just normal kid behaviour#kids always incorporate a bit of their own experiences and the stuff they like into play. i did it all the time when i was a kid.#if i were a kid today would me reenacting mlp scenes word for word with my toys be considered a ''syndrome''? yeah i don't think so#so why is it suddenly a syndrome when kids reenact those silly gmod videos they watch online through play? hm?#is it actually an illness or do you just find it ''cringe''?#i think the double standards of the internet when it comes to what kids like are so fucking stupid#stop trying to act like your bizarre tf2 gmod videos are somehow better than the og skibidi series because i promise you they are not.#you're likely just clouded by nostalgia and being gatekeepy for no reason. let kids enjoy stuff and stop bashing it just because-#-''ohhh its so cringggeee'' when you used to watch the exact same type of shit when you were a kid.#i personally will always prefer ''Heavy's Odd Fastfood Experience'' to skibidi toilet but i don't bash the latter because it-#-doesn't bother me in any way and i don't care if kids like it. it's not evil or bad. it's just different.#anyway rant over gmod videos go hard and cringe will be dead someday#i will keep killing cringe until it's nothing but a tiny lil red stain on the floor
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is it strange to genuinely not know what people think of you or how they feel about you? most people seem to just know if someone dislikes them so they can move on, or they just know when someone enjoys their company and is their friends. I have no way of knowing without people explicitly telling me, and people are horrible at doing that.
I don't know what my first impression gives. I don't know what vibes I have or what type of energy I have. I can't tell if someone hates me, doesn't care about me, or genuinely likes me. I can't tell what people's opinions on me are, if they think i'm nice, funny, rude, boring. I don't know if i'm bothering or annoying someone. I don't know if i'm upsetting someone or making them uncomfortable. I don't know if they are comfortable around me. I don't know if they enjoy my presence. I don't know if they are being fake nice and fake friends. I can't tell when someone loses interest in me. I cant tell if someone is trying to be a friend or is just being polite. I don't know if i'm easy to get along with, or difficult to be around. I don't know if my presence fills someome with joy or annoyance. to make it worse, each person thinks and feels different things. so i'll never figure out all of them.
if I try to think about what my presence and existence means to other people, i'm met with a massive blank hole. there's nothing there. I could never answer the questions "my friends/family would descove me as ___" because I genuinely don't know. I can only say what I think of me. unless someone explicitly told me with clear words, i'll never know. i'll usually know how I feel about another person at some point, and I try to tell them if I have the chance. but it's never reciprocated. they never tell me. so my presence in other people's lives is always a blank enigma I can't figure out.
any time i've tried talking about this, I just get a response like "stop worrying and caring about what other people think about you/just be yourself that's all that matters"
that's not the advice you think it is. that's more of what you'd say to someone who beats themselves up because they are worried about people disliking them in general and it fills them with anxiety to be disliked. they usually have low self esteem and think their worth lies in other people liking them. that's not the case here. hate me if you want, I don't care. i'd just rather know upfront before investing my time and energy in you.
this type of "caring what others think" is more about human connection, rather than acceptance....I wonder...is one reason I struggle to connect with people because I can't feel the presence of their feelings towards me? all I know is they are aware of my existing. thats it. try being in a group chat and not knowing if any of them actually like you or secretly hate you, not knowing if they are your friends or just being nice, and not knowing anything about how they feel about you, but you enjoy them very much. I try to share inner feelings with them, but theirs don't reach me. so I wonder, do mine even reach them? somewhere between us, the connection fails to reach. perhaps this is one of the problems i'm having with connecting to others.
if you don't know what people think or feel towards you, how can you connect with them? either you make assumptions, like "I think they hate me" and you could be wrong and push away someone that thinks you're friends, or think "i'm sure they enjoyed talking with me" and they later tell you they were just being nice but never wanted to talk to you becuass you're annoying. but assumptions are dangerous because those reasons, so the only other choice is to assign a blank slate to them and wait for them give you words to write on it. but if they don't use their words, they stay blank. you will never know if you are making a connection or it's staying superficial.
it's selfish to only go off your own feelings towards someone. you could really like someone, want to be friends, want to hang out and chat, but if they don't feel the same way, you just cause them problems and inconvenience. you bother them and ruin their time. i've noticed people often won't be direct about that and get even more upset because I missed it. I thought we shared a vibe or similar energy. but I might have mixed up my feelings with their vibes. if I like someone and enjoy them, not knowing how they feel about me can lead to me wasting my time and energy and also annoying that person unknowingly. it's bad for everyone.
if you can't assume the worse or even the best, you have to assume they feel neutral towards you until told otherwise. the problem is, most people go off of subtle hints, but if you can't see those, you get left out. while neither good nor bad, neutral feelings are still that of strangers. if you can't read people's thoughts and feelings on you, but it's rude to ask or people don't tell you the truth, you end up with many neutral people in your life. many strangers.
is this normal? do other people have an idea of what someone feels about them? or do you all "not care" what they think and go off of how you feel about them instead? is everyone making guesses, or do most people actually know without asking? how do you bond and feel connected if you aren't sure if someone enjoys your presence or if they actually loath it? I truly don't know....all I know is, not knowing makes me feel very disconnected from everyone.
I haven't gotten anyone else to talk about this or seen anyone else talk about it. so there's a good chance it's just a me thing. this type of topic usually gets reduced to "stop caring what people think" and goes nowhere beyond that. but!!! I think it's actually important to be able to know what people think or feel about you!!! at least to an extent. not obsessively caring to the point it becomes a mental disorder like social anxiety. but just enough to at least know if you are actually making a connection with them. just enough to know if you are able to reach them....
#if people actually tell me how they feel 99% of the time its been to tell me something negative that i didn't pick up on#id think we are friends and they like me and suddenly get hit with âi havent ever wanted to talk to you but youre annoying and wont leave!â#only once can i remember a positive one. it was someome at a health clinic. they said i make them feel very comfortable#and they just want to sit in the same room with me and read a book because im so calm and relaxed#that was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me đ„ș i wish i remembered the exact quote....i hope theyre doing well wherever they are#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#once again is this caused by the autism? or is it just a me thing?#but also. how do i know what people to pursue or reach out to if i dont know how they feel towards me?#ive spent so long writing this amd tryijg to fix typos and errors. too tired to fix more#trying to word this thiught correctly was very hard so i overexplained and said too many words that probably make it hard to understand....
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Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.
Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that itâs blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesnât like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:
#doctor who#dw critical#spoilers#dw spoilers#i get it edgelord you donât care for religion. you donât have to alienate religious members of the audience.#i at least appreciated that the doctor agreed with splice that gone and dead are different things and told her to keep the faith#but like. he immediately thereafter still tells mundy that he doesnât like faith and spent the whole episode disparaging it.#which just feels so wrong for a show thatâs supposed to be open minded about the beliefs and cultures all across the universe#i hate when writers gratuitously make the doctor take a hard and broad stance on something that he would NOT#reminds me of s8 when twelve suddenly hated all soldiers#as if some of his closest friends havenât been soldiers? brigadier? benton and yates? sara?#big difference between corrupt military and literally every soldier#the same way there is a big difference between a corrupt religious organization or individuals who use religion as an excuse for cruelty#and like. ALL faith and the idea of having a faith that you live by whatsoever.#just because his comments were aimed at something corrupt doesnât mean they werenât WAY too sweeping as if he meant it on the whole#i definitely enjoyed the bulk of the episode but that just felt like it was done in bad faith and made me uncomfortable#and i just read moffatâs comment on the thoughts and prayers thing and UGH#i get why there are circumstances in which that can feel hollow â usually if itâs coming from a corporation that could actually do somethin#but can we not villainize all the normal people who genuinely mean that with love?#people who often CANâT do anything but say prayers for you?#that IS a legitimate response and a legitimate action#someone canât physically aid you but cares to take the time to talk to the God of the universe about you and your need and plead for you#donât tell me that isnât love or that itâs not really doing anything#sometimes thatâs all you CAN do and itâs more than people give it credit for#blatant disregard and willful misunderstanding of faith like this just rub me wrong#itâs painting with a broad brush and itâs close minded#and yes iâm gonna post this. iâm feeling controversial.#my love/aggravation relationship with moffat continues#in the wise words of kira nerys. if you donât have faith you canât understand it and if you do then no explanation is necessary.
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