#but with nick for various reasons these communication falls through which i get

[celestial-sapphicss]

well that came crashing down real quick (:

they are everything to me 😭

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Final Four: Beaks in the Shell! or JESUS WEPT!

This.. this is a big occasion for me. It’s a return to regular Ducktales coverage.. but it’s also the first episode of the LAST four of the series. It was thanks to Ducktales my blog got a following, first through in character chat things, then through my reviews of this very season. It was starting this last year that took my blog from something I was passionate abbout but did ocassionaly to a vital part of my being and my source of income via one lucky boy who just wont’ let me stop! I kid of course, I thank kev for it, though i’d gladly welcome any other review comissions from you fine folks and fit them into the schedule. There’s a page on my blog for how and if your on mobile you can simply send me an ask or submit to ask about comissiong an episode or episodes of an animated shwo you like and i’ll give you my prices and what not. But it’s thanks to these Kev started comissioning in the first place and thanks to you all clicking on these reviews every week I do them that kept me doing them early on. So I wanted to thank you all. 

Covering the last four episodes is really bittersweet for me. It’s not the end for ducks here: I have most of seasons 1 and 2 to cover, and will be covering a lot of season 1 next month so I can properly cover shadow war for my Lena retrospective, not to mention continuing to cover life and times when I have the space, various birthdays, including Carl Barks Next Month!, and so on and so on. But this is not only the first show I covered on a weekly basis but it’s the first show i’ve covered like that to end. To put it in perspective, Loud House won’t be leaving until it WANTS to and even then nick will probably prepare a second spinoff to follow it up in some form, Amphibia has both the rest of season 2 to go, starting next month!, and a third season renewal meaning while that probably WILL be it i’ll have had two full seasons to cover by the time it’s over, and I went into Close Enough FULLY expecting it not to make it past season 1 as it’s long and harried production cycle lead me to belivie Time-Warner was just going to dump it on HBO Max and be done with it.. and to my utter and everlasting delight the opposite has happened: It didn’t just get renewed but it’s become one of HBO Max’s most popular shows, the flagship of it’s adult animation lineup, and been given THREE more seasons, two of which are coming very soon, and likely will get as many as it wants for the forseable future. 

The point is.. I went into covering Ducktales expecting at least one more season and genuinely not knowing if i’d make it thorugh covering this one, and once this started to really work out for me, to the point from doubting i’d EVER be able to set up a Patreon to having one that nets me ten dollars a month, feel free to contribute if you enjoy these reviews even a buck a month helps, honest. Plus thanks to that ten bucks a month i’ll be covering the five part 87 Ducktales pilot in April and if you get it up to ten i’ll cover super ducktales. But I wouldn’t even had one without these reviews giving me something to start with, and I figured they’d be around for a few more years, at least one more season. I didn’t think the show would just.. end with this season and while the season IS a proper final season of the show, wrapping up arcs, introducing long overdue cast additions, giving us the biggest and best overarching plot thus far.. a good final season dosen’t make it hurt any less. But as a wise Synthizoid once said...

It hurts it’s going.. I wasn’t prepared for it.. but it’s giving us one hell of a last act, and if this episode is any indication, just because the end is in sight dosen’t mean the last few eps before the finale are phoning it in. This is the end... so now i’ve got my emotional stuff and the weight behind it out of the way, for now i’m defintely going to be bawling come the finale and I’m not ashamed, we can dive into the begining of the end. Counting down.. because really when else am I going to get to use this...

We’re at four and under the cut it’s beaks in the shell. Let’s get dangerous. 

We open with a crime in progress as Gandra is stealing a thing for FOWL and Fenton has shown up on the scene to stop her as you’d expect.. along with Huey the boy wonder! He’s finally Fenton’s Sidekick!

Seriously it’s just so sweet to see this little payoff, to see Huey, after talking about it and clearly wanting to assit Fenton however he can, actually participate. Granted he dosen’t have an armor, yet, of his own, but still he’s been through enough stuff to be helpful> plus, Gyro’s reaction to Fenton trying to ge the resources for another gizmosuit was...

Gandra trips up his wheel, and im with 87 Scrooge in Ducktales Remastered, which I finally got to play recently! Horay!, what WAS gyro thinking with that design. Regardless she gets away, and our heroes return the loot off screen. Good day’s crime fighting. 

Except something’s off with Fenton as he’s been working extra late lately and lying to both Gyro and Ma’Ma about it with both suspcious, Gyro because he dosen’t like not knowing things and especially not knowing what his former intern’s up to because he’s a bit of a control freak.. and because he probably can’t go visit his new clone farm and work on speeding up the process of his replacement bodies after moonvasion used em all up without Fenton finding out as he’d tell Scrooge and Scrooge would be like “Stop playing God in ways that could get me a steep fine!”. It’d be a whole thing. The fact Fenton’s also using their now shared intern in Manny and neither is telling him why probably isn’t helping and i’ts only that workplace harassment seminar that keeps him from trying to strangle either of them again. That and Manny dosen’t have a neck.

Ma’Ma is more upset that not only is he lying to her again, more on that later, but .. that she’s figured out he has a new girlfriend and understandably thinks there’s some dark reason he’s not telling her, and unlike Gyro turns out she’s two for two. I mean she is a detective while Gyro is more worried about his clone army, his man horse and his robot son. I mean the last two are valid but still Mama just has to worry about her job and her socially awkward adult son. She has more time to focus on this.

But yes, not only is Fenton seeing someone.. but it’s Gandra again. A bit abrubt but honestly this isn’t the first Fenton episode to move his life fast.. and frankly i’m more lenient on final seasons, or seasons INTENDED to be the last ones in terms of offscreen stuff, as your trying to get everything you can wrapped up in the span of 13-24 episodes depending on how lucky you get, if not less. Sometimes you just gotta use a reveal and some exposition to hurry things along and if presented right it works.. and here it is a while the summary for this episode spoiled the reveal, i’ts still subtly dramatic that not only has hef ully forgiven her.. but their together.. despite the fact she still works for fowl. Wuh-oh.  After the credits we get an idea of what their working on, as Fenton used the gizmoduck suit to enter some kind of VR scape. This is the Gizmoscape! It’s a vast virtual reality landscape.. that looks like a fancy version of the VR Interface from community. Marble pillars, flowing water falls. Though ironically enough Jim Rash’s character is NOT a part of it and despite Fenton suggesting letting him in to help with their glitch problem she’s reluctant as it’s THEIR baby and she wants it to be perfect first before they allow other people in. Though i’m also sure part of it is that Gyro would start screaming JESUS WEPT! over and over. 

Meanwhile Mark Beaks is having a big flashy press confrence to announce the new Waddlephone. Only a 50% chance of exploding! And that’s not my dig at Samsung but the shows as that’s really Beaks sales pitch. Unsuprisingly only one VERY bored looking nerd is there at the confrence. As for why he’s finally fallen so low part of it is explalined in the episode: His attempted thefts of the Gizmoduck suit have gotten stale. As the bored nerd puts it he’s tried to steal it four times already, two that we’ve seen but i’m VERY unsuprised he’s tried again off screen. He’s made it PAINFULLY clear he has no ideas of his own, constantly steals them, and the public’s tired of it. As for why it took THIS LONG.. this is sadly realistic. As the throngs of “hardcore gamers” defending Cyberpunk 2077 before it was released can attest to, internet nerd culture can often be toxic, stupid and defend big personalities even when they’ve CLEARLY done something terrible as long as their doing something they like. Beaks was clearly pilfering enough good products and doing enough antics on social media to still be liked and for them to ignore his blanat and douchey crimes and had enough money on him during said crimes to walk away from it. 

Problem is.. while people can be awful and defend someone despite them not deserving their loyality, being a douche in public and doing VERY terrible things.. you have to have something to earn that loyalty. Waddle had that at first iwth project ta-dah, Waddleduck, various aps i’m sure... but it’s clear from context by this point Beaks has nothing left and no cult of personality to insulate him. Unlike say Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos he dosen’t HAVE some big product to mask his shadier wealth hoarding actions, he just has rampat supervilian attempts to steal someone else’s power armor and a hired hyjacking to get back at his cold unloving mother. Even when he does supervillian stuff like that.. he can’t be bothered to do it originally. The public will, and very sadly, defend you from terrible stuff, we’ve seen it with people supproting Gina Carano even though she’s actively spreading harmful disnfermation and then had the GALL to compare herself to jews hiding from the nazis, and one journalist trying to defend her had the gall to compare this to the hollywood blacklisting if the 50′s instead of you know, someone who woudln’t shut up about harmful dangerous shit finally getting fired for using teh platform said job provided to spread said harmful dangerous shit about masks and the vacine. But if you have nothing to offer.. thieri just going to forget you and move on. He has nothing to offer so they’ll gladly gravitate to some other jackass who can at leasat given them a neat phone instead of trying to steal a superhero suit for the 8th time. Mark realizes if he can’t steal something soon.. he’ll be forced to go with the Nuclear option: MAKE SOMETHING HIMSELF. 

Back at Fenton’s toilet lab, Huey finds Fenton having some cyber makeouts with Gandra... which translates to him kissing the air and Huey feeling evne more awarkd than usual. As for why Huey’s here despite it being late, he got a piece of Gandra’s nanotech during the robbery and figures they can track her. Fenton is.. less than enthused about that for obvious reasons but things soon get worse for our hero as our other hero notices the linkup. And while sidekicks are a good thing in my eyes; They allow young heroes to get proper training, help nuture their talents and prevent assholes from telling them to stop it instead of you know helping them. It’s.. a more common trope than you think let me tell you. 

But Fenton’s discovered the Downside is they can show up anytime, want to hunt your criminal girlfriend down not knowing the full story, and if their a genius like you, figure out what your up to with no effort and really want to try it. Seriously Huey’s almost as smart as you Fenton and will no doubt surpass you one day, this was a matter of when not if and you shouldv’e been more prepared. But Huey wants to try, and while Fenton tries deflecting since he only has the gizmoduck helmet and it only works for him now... Manny comes in with a bunch of vr rigs and Huey dives in.  Naturally, Huey soon running directly into Gandra dosne’t go great.. and given this is huey his natural instinct is to have a panic attack over his best friend, mentor and the only person besides maybe his family, boyfriend and girlfriend that really gets him possibly betraying him and his entire family. Gandra is of course mad Fenton invited someone in when she didn’t want that, and even more someone whose clearly not happy with her and will likely tell on them because that’s basic hue-man nature. 

Fenton explains he didn’t ask for this, so we get easily the best part of the episode: Gandra’s solution to the child having a mental breakdown.. is to summon a weighted blanket and throw it over him, which Huey mistakes for a trap and she explains helps with Anxiety.. and while he struggles.. it really does. Damn gotta get me one of those. Also while his Autisim remains vauge, likely on puprose, Huey having anxiety disorder, while obvious before, is now 100% confirmed. 

So now he’s calm, though his Anxiety meter shows he’s still not happy and Gandra doubts he’ll listen, Fenton can at least try and explain: The two have been seeing each other and working on this in secret.. but it has NOTHING to do with FOWL other than Gandra embezzling resoruces to make it happen. Gandra also explains why the project is so important to her and Fenton via her own backstory: Super Science is a dangerous, unrpedictable field and accidents happen a lot, and given people tend to hate what they don’t understand, hence why the X-Men founded their own island  after getting spat on one too many times, it often gets an unfair bad wrap.. and she shows she’s had to put up with this her whole life, making an intresting lazer thing as a kid that lost to a volcano and getting glared at for it accidently destroying said volcano. And as an adult due to her work’s dangerous and experimental nature, no one would take a chance on it and like many a super villian she had to experiment on herself. It’s also why she worked for Beaks last season and works with FOWL now, only supervillians with thier grandiose ambitions and lack of care for property damage would fund her. 

That’s part, at least, of why this is so very important to her: The Gizmoscap eprovides an invorment where scientests and others can experiment unabated, where the only limit is imagination and those glitches they keep having and any accident can be frozen , dragged and dropped away with no damage. There’s no risk but all the reward and they plan to give it out for free, to let the public use this and let the world grow from it. 

It also fills in a lot of Gandra’s character and gives weight to her last apperance: Her working with Beaks, while hypocritical, now has a tragic edge as he was simply the only one who’d fund her work. Her hatred of Fenton’s corprroate job and people like Scrooge.. is that in general billionares like him usually aren’t good people, and even SCrooge has his clear faults, and she assumed he was just making Fenton shut up and do things just to beniefit him and make him more money.. when Scrooge was instaead paying him to do a genuine public service as gizmoduck, and gives him and Gyro a LOT of leway and a pretty bottomless budget and only turns things down if their way too dangeorus for public release. The tragedy here is if she’d gone to Scrooge.. she never would’ve had to work for FOWL. He wouldd’ve genuinely supported her and likely given her a full ride and a spot in the lab of her own, maybe as an intern but probably on her own merit given how game changing her tech is and how he of all people understands a ballance of risk and reward. It turns her from a very hypcoriticla techie who works with the very people she scorns.. to someone who has no choice and desperatley wants out.  And this is her way out: something new and bold that’, while not hers alone as Fenton co created it, could change the world and make it safe for people like her to do what they do without ridcule, scorn or risk. It’s everything she could’ve dreamed of and more and once it’s done she promises to leave fowl and as the end of the episode bares out, and as her tone makes clear, she’s genuine about it. She also TRULY does love fenton and vice versa and both are desspearte for Huey to keep a lid on things from Gyro till it’s ready, as she rightfully worries if it gets out unfisnished they’ll just be mocked agian.  Naturally being a good soft boy Huey is now entirely on board, because he loves science, and he loves love and this is both. And frankly given what we saw way back in Astro BOYD... .he knows more than anyone what its like to be laughed at and mocked for being diffrent and simply being smart. And even though his family lvoes him.. only one member is as smart as him in the same way, his mom whose still a very diffrent person, and it wasn’t till this season he really got to connect with people his own age like him. And both Violet and BOYD could benifit form this.. everyone could. So he’ll keep it secret for now.  This proves problematic as both Gyro AND Mama are there and both have questions. And while Huey ducks gyro, Mama.. interrogates a small child who she’s defintely met and likely knows has anxiety over something as trivial as her son having a secret girlfrined. You.. you guys might’ve wanted to remove this bit given last year. I”m just saying. Does not play well. The most Huey can come up with is a girlfriend in Canada which fenton plays along with... but given neither her nor gyro are really buying into things, though Mama has a check done on seamstresses in canada just in case because this bit was clearly written years ago and not rerecorded for whatever reason, Huey uses little bulb to fake a gizmo emergency so Fenton can get out of there, go home and work on this himself while Huey stalls and lies. But since his best on the fly lie was “a girlfriend in canada”, which is somehow worse than “who’s Dewey”, and while our boy is many things: excellent at opera, a good friend, a wonderful wingman, excellent at setting a mood, a good son, great at panic attacks, a genius, an expert woodchuck, knowledgeble on quantum mechanics.. the list goes on lying is not one of those things and he seems to be in a pickle. 

Meanwhile Mark is struggling to create, can relate, because he’s entirely creatively sterile. And that’s probably why out of Scrooge’s foes.. he stopped being a threat. He has no vision. And while true the Beagle BOys also don’t besides steal stuff and maybe get our deed back, that’s by design as Ma knows they can’t take scrooge or gizmoduck so why cry. Stick to petty crimes and stuff he isn’t aware of or dosen’t care about. But Magica and Glomgold do. Magica is cunning, if not subtle, and manipulative and when on full blast horrifyingly powerful, and it took everything Clan McDuck had to stop her at full, and she still nearly won without any powers when she came back, and even if Lena can keep her in check now, she still GOT her powers back and got her new arch enemy to defeat her old one. Glomgold while only slightly more comipitent than beaks, and even then VERY slightly, he at least has vision. His schemes are entirely stupid.. but he dosen’t stop coming up with them. They may be his first draft but damn if they aren’t entertaining and damn if one or two haven’t WORKED. Simply stealing a few cents from scrooge and gaslighting him in a devil costume NEARLY drove him insane and cost him his fortune.  Beaks.. has no ideas. He has ambiation.. but it’s to steal the same tech that even if he got it, he woudln’t know what to do with. The ONLY time he’s been a full on threat has been using someone else’s scheme, that Gandra clearly came up with and STILL required piggybacking on the gizmo suit. He has nothing and while it was fine for a while.. eventually h’es left iwth nothing. Glomgold at least has money, magica at least has power... Beaks HAD both.. but had no idea what to properly do with it and now is on his last legs. Even his idea for a coffee cups with aps is taken because of course “even the dumbest ideas are taken”, this is america. Making dumb shit for rich morons is our primary export. But he sees the fleeing fenton, has a breakdown and declares FINE if that’s what fate wants i’ll steal the armor I’LL STEAL THE ARMOR ALL DAY. 

So Fenton heads home to recharge in both senses of the word, and to tell Gandra the timetable’s moved and Huey can hold them only so long. And he seems to be wrong as Huey confidently prepares to answer their questions.. but is seemingly thrown when we get the real reason Mama is so upset: She’s just worried and still a bit hurt from Fenton not feeling he could tell her he was gizmoduck and it breaks her heart that her son feels he has to hide from her again. However while this is genuinely sad and emotional.. the reason he’s thrown is it’s NOT huey, but Louie, whose a bit miffed as he DIDN’T know Fenton was Gizmoduck, and can’t properly bullshit without full info. it’s also really nice that bit FINALLY came up as the rest of the four main kids have known for a while now. But Huey convincnes him to do it.. for 6 months allowance. Frankly the real shocker here is that they actually GET an allowance. 

However Mama.. is again a cop. One who REALLY needs to rethink her ethics.. but a cop, and the best one on the force, and thus has easily guessed this is not Huey, and given she’s probably ran into his schemes before, figures out which one he’d bring in to buffer for him and easily gets rid of Louie by asking him to tur informant on himself, since the REAL Huey would under pressure and Louie instead flees in terror not wanting to get arrested and leaves both the lab and the episode. Though I’m pretty sure i know where he went

So yeah things are not great and only get worse, as Mark breaks into fentons house via the open window and upon finding out abotu the Gizmoscape naturally plans to hack into it and take it for himself. Before he does Fenton talks to Gandra and admits they may have to let other people in and we get another reason: She’s worried she’s not good enough. He reassures her.. and this tender moment is interupted by Beaks who imprisons them, hyjacks fenton’s security system aka a gizmo armor, and while still a creatively sterile douche, does have a decent if horrifically scummy way to profit all of this: use the open coloabreation concept to get the legal right to steal all this and say it’s his. 

Fenton bemaons the fact that Gandra was right, one bad apple spoiled the bunch and unveling it too qiuckly would’ve gone bad as she feared.. but Gandra’s grown and realizes Fenton was also right, and that they needed more people. While the wrong people can ruin a project, collaboration can help, finding perspectives you didn’t see and helping fine tune ideas. Huey, whose collapsed at Fenton’s due to the exustion of lying, wakes up to find Beaks crimes and being unable to just unplug him, as while Beaks is VERY dumb, even he’s not THAT stupid. But Fenton gets out an SOS over morse to tell everyone So Huey does.. and the calvary arrives, as Huey enters the Gizmoscape with Mama and Gyro. And while Mama is pleased to realize she’s right about the girlfirend thing they don’t really have time for that, so once Huey explains the basic concept, he uses it himself to give himself GIZMO ARMOR. AT LAST. 

He also has extra long legs, because of course, just.. of course. Naturally Beaks steals it, and everyone else takes a stab at their own gizmotech armor: Mama daawns a stunning police themed one, Gyro goes for a bulb mecha based on the giant version of little bulb from the great dime chase, an idea brought up by LB, and Gandra goes for a sleek tron esque nanotech number. Beaks take sa bit from each and our heroes wonder how to beat him.. but Fenton realizes that’s simple: Beaks can only copy and steal... they can create. And Gandra uses this against him by pointing that out so he drops his super armor.. to look like Andross from Starfox.. which shows that EVEN when trying to come up with a cool final boss form... Beaks has to steal from something. The rest of the Gizmo Corps, my name for them I own that, Gizmo Legion would also be good, after Iron Man’s iron Legion, suit back up and kick beaks ass as a team. I smell second spinoff.. or first if darkwing ends up hyjacked by Seth Rogen.. who I have nothing agianst he’s just not the one who put in the work for a reboot. 

So our heroes win in an awesome sequence, seirously spinoff and Beaks is knocked the fuck out and presumibly will FINALLY go to jail for good to this as he can get away from a lot but directly breaking into an officer’s house and stalking her son, they can omit the gizmopart and even if Fenton went public.. no one would care and he and Mama can take care of htemselves, as can Huey, Gyro, Gandra and Manny, so it’s not like anyones in danger. Beaks is well and truly defeated: he has no idea, an imminet jail sentence, and no one to back him up. Fenton’s finally got the little boil off his back

So now the big fight is over, Gyro can actually process the Gizmoscape.. and is genuinely impressed.. he tries to hidei t because of course he does.. but it’s clear for someone who himself has constnatly been called crazy and had his ideas blow up.. this is paradise to him. a place where he won’t be judged and has unlimtied funds to experiment with his ideas without having to get yelled at when they destroy a city block or nearly choked to death by his own robot son, daughter or nonbinary person. He also easily fixes the problem and proves Fenton right for wanting to include him, as he points out they hadn’t been DELETING anything, simply downsizing it and it naturally caused stress on the server.  Fenton talks about Gandra and defneeds her to Mama.. whose just happy he’s happya nd someone can take her son. Alls well that ends well right. 

Final Thoughts:  So this was a... wait.. why are we cutting back to fowl.. why is bradford there. 

Yeah turns out megalmanoical diabolical msterminds kinda monitor their employees so he knew she intended to quit and stole resources, and while she plans to leave, he simply calls in a bunch of eggheads who overwhelm her with sheer numbers and has her fined two weeks pay.. and taken to the lost library to indefintely lock her up. What’s that she asks “You have your secrets, I have mine”

So yeah a bit of a downer ending

Actual Final Thoughts: 

This was an excellent capper to Fenton’s character arc. While the Gandra relationsihp is a bit rushed the rest is a masterful capper to his character arc: This episode shows off how he’s changed from EVERY one of his previous three focus episodes, while a major part of astro boyd and how he got his docterate it dosne’t quite contribute to his character arc,  and grown from them: From beware the buddy system! he’s learned to colaberate properly and taken his desire to WORK with other people, like he always did with Gyro but was constnatly shut out, and found a proper and brilliant way to that allows people like him, gyro, gandra and huey to really express themselvs. He’s grown from a niave rookie trusting the wrong people in who is gizmoduck.. to someone whose STILL fully trusting despite constant betryals, but now knows who to trust, and an experinced hero who once freed easily counters his nemisis.  And finally from Dangerous Chemistry, he’s finally got a ballance in his life: inastead of running from gizmo or treating his alter ego as something else.. he’s found a way to use the gizmotech for science, and FINALLY found his world changing invention one so good and so practical even his mentor, despite trying to walk it back, is genuinely proud of him and genuinely in awe.

Every step lead to his happy ending.. well okay his girlfriend still needs to be freed from her insane ex-boss, but that’s just a few episodes away. Fenton has everything he wanted when he started: his boss finally respects him and treats him as an equal, his mom not only knows who he is but is proud and supportive of him, he has a loving partner creatively and romantically.. and a best friend who while a good two decades younger, is there for him and who he genuinely apologizes too for putting so much on him. LIke all the endings so far this season.. it feels like a throughly satisfying end to the journey we’ve been following. This fits in nicely with Penny realizing earth could be her home and that she dosen’t have to constnatly fight to have a purpose, Lena finally accepting magic instead of running from it and thus gaining peace of mind and power to stop her former abuser from hurting anyone else, Goldie finally accepting how much she cars about Scrooge and his family and that she CAN change... all of this, except penny obviously has been built up through three seasons and while I DEFINTLY could see frank and matt returning to all of them.. i’ts nice to get some closure.  It feelsd earned and impressive. The episode is also.. REALLY fucking funny, from the weighted blanket gag to Beaks in general, to Huey yelling at fenton about Mama “She somehow broke Louie!”. It’s a masterful and throughly satisfying end to Fenton’s story. And again we’ll likely see him in the finale but character arc wise.. its a good place to end his. 

Next Week: FINALLY, AFTER 10,000 YEARS, IT’S THE TAILSPIN EPISODE. OWEEOOO, OWEEHHHH. 

Tommorow: We return to the noiry furry world of John Blacksad as everyone’s favorite panther detective battles white supremacists to find a missing girl and we’re introduced to your faviorite sidekick and mine Weekly. 

Later on this week: The Lena retrospective continues with Jaw$, we celebrate Tex Avery’s birthday, and I tackle the awful original tom and jerry movie. 

So if any of that tickles your fancy see you at the next rainbow

[jazoriah]

Chaos and Clockwork

Here is my ZR secret santa for @wubbelwubbwubb .

Thank you for setting this up, @runnerzero

Title: Chaos and Clockwork

Length: 2970 words

Pairing: Amelia/Five

Rating: Teenplus

Summary: Some thoughts on the predictability of life.

The world is chaos.

Runner Five knows this. She learned when her carefully constructed life was brought crashing down by a delivery guy with a cough. Small events escalate and however hard you try to drive the course of events you cannot know where you will be in a day, a month, a year.

Beyond that, she is pretty sure the destination is obvious. All threads lead in a single direction.

All she can do is run, and hope that her influence is enough to keep the people around her above water.

And you know, most of the time she’s pretty good at it! Even with all her mistakes, all the moments that haunt her, she knows that Abel is a safer place because of what she does. She runs, she retrieves, she investigates. She draws the zombies to her and away from the pulsing heart of her community. Runner Five rides the chaos, and her family rides with her.

But even the most resilient, adaptable runner can be blindsided on a mission. Little details have consequences. Little events, like the fizzle of a wire in a wall, which blows a fuse, which shuts down the heavy electronic doors in the abandoned military base, which traps three exhausted runners in a corridor that is slowly, inevitably filling with smoke.

Four reaches the metal door and slaps her hands on it in disbelief.

“Are you kidding me?” she shouts.

Peter jogs to the control panel, tapping at the buttons insistently to no effect.

“Veronica, what’s going on?”

A tinny voice pipes up in their headsets.

“I’ve lost contact with the door system. It’s completely shut down.”

“It’s all wired into the mainframe right? Can’t you just reboot?”

“There is no connection point for me to access. There must be a hardware fault.”

“Can’t you do something?” asks Jodie, determinedly scanning the area.

“Not with that door. I’ll see if I can clear you a way in the other direction.”

Five’s head shoots up, and she and Peter lock eyes.

“You mean,” says Peter, “the way that’s full of zombies? And fire? And zombies on fire?”

“There is a twenty-two per cent chance that I can draw the zombies to the other end of the complex with strategic broadcasts. You will have to crawl through some of the rooms to avoid smoke inhalation. There is a one hundred per cent chance that staying in this corridor will cause Runner Five and Runner Four to asphyxiate within twelve minutes.”

“Right! Hot-zom-dodging it is!” declares Peter. Beside him, Five lets out a choking cough and lowers herself to the ground to avoid the worst of the smoke.

The three of them crawl back to the door they had entered. They can faintly hear the pulsing tones of Veronica’s broadcasts, but the scratching of undead fingers against the metal does not cease.

“It’s not working,” says Jodie.

Five blinks grit from her eyes, pulling her backpack off her shoulder and desperately scrounging in case there were any of Steve’s explosives that she might have missed. She bites her lip in frustration and tries to breath shallowly, fighting off a coughing fit.

Peter’s eyes are watering and she can see Jodie scrunching her brow against a growing headache.

“The tones are not working,” says Veronica, unnecessarily. “I cannot draw them away. But if you can get past them there is another exit on the left that will bring you to the southwest hills.”

Five grits her teeth, closing her eyes in a moment of impotent frustration. Then she nods, and swings her bag onto her back. Jodie rolls herself onto the balls of her feet, falling into the stance of a sprinter at the starting block.

Peter glares at the door, and says, “Hug the wall on the left and keep me between you and the zoms. I’ll keep you shielded as best I can.”

Five frowns, but can see that it is the only real course of action. She wonders what it must be like for your life to become one long, unending shriek of self-sacrifice. She feels for him, but it makes sense. It always does.

“Door opening in three.”

Five coughs, tensing her body.

­“Two”

She closes her eyes for a single moment.

“On –“

“Hold your horses, traumatic trio,” cuts in a new voice on comms. Jodie trips forward as her launch is aborted half way through.

“What?”

“Honestly, I leave you to your own devices and you decide to throw yourself directly into a field of flaming corpses.”

“Amelia??” gasps Peter.

“Who else would be saving you precious freckled hides?” comes the gleeful reply. “Now, I’m going to need you to stay up the far end of that corridor so this itty bitty explosion doesn’t cut you to bits.”

Five blinks twice, then curls back into herself, hands thrown over her head. Peter stretches himself so that his body covers as much of the other runners as possible.

“Honestly,” says Amelia, almost chastising, “what would you all do without me?”

The door explodes.

--

Everything is clockwork.

Amelia knows this. She has always known it.

People are ultimately predictable objects. With the right influences, the right leverage, objects can be manipulated in a myriad of useful ways.

So could businesses. So could markets. With enough forward planning, so could entire societies.

It wasn’t that she didn’t value the people she interacted with. It was just that she did not hold with the romanticised mystery that other people assigned to them. The world was not an open system to glide through and hope for the best. It was a finely tuned machine. You can admire the cogs and gears and even enjoy their company, but if you can point them in the direction that suits you and get something out of it, then why the hell wouldn’t you?

She will admit that the apocalypse was not something she could control, but experts had been warning for years about the various risks to society and it was not in her nature to leave things to chance. Within a month of the outbreak, she had a supply chain of biscuits, tampons and condoms stretching along the west coast. Within two, she had secured a high position in the newly established Ministry.

Since then, it had not been quite smooth sailing. As it turned out, that Ministry was not where she saw herself long term and there had been a pesky few machine parts that kept getting gummed up in the works.

Take these three idiots for example. Give them a room with nothing but a chair and a candle and they would somehow unearth a conspiracy to enslave all mankind and immediately get marked for death by the local sociopath and his pet murderbot.

Five is the worst. Stubborn and righteous in all the wrong ways with a sacrificial streak that is barely made up for by that incredible arse. Honestly, the woman would run over a field of needles if it kept her precious Abel residents from a papercut. And she’d hold her head high like a bloody fallen angel the whole way. Moron.

Which is of course why Amelia’s lovely afternoon had to be interrupted again.

She had been enjoying an Irish coffee with rather more Irish than is strictly recommended when her home network alerted her to a movement in the scrubs to the West. She brought up the camera feed from that area and saw the three musketeers heading into the abandoned base up there.

Interesting. She had long since picked that base clean of anything useful. What could they be after? Was their information out of date or had she missed something?

She thought for a moment, then smirked, rolling her shoulders til she heard her back crack.

Worth checking it out, she decided, and gathers some supplies.

Now she finds herself tuned in to a broadcast that is sounding increasingly bleak. Veronica is trying desperately to draw zombies away from one of the doors so that three can escape after the other door shut down completely. It does not seem to be working, and all three are preparing to run straight out into a flaming hoard. Of course.

It’s just as Peter is offering to be torn to pieces to protect them that she decides it’s time to make her presence known. She does carefully wait for the moment of maximum drama.

“Hold your horses, traumatic trio,” she drawls, delighting at the gasped responses and what sounds like one of them falling over in shock.

The shocked replies tickle her as she bends down to place det-cord around the frame of the door. She gleefully chastises them before giving a warning to step back. She takes five long steps herself.

“Honestly, what would you all do without me?” she says, and hits the detonator.

The door spasms in its position as a long line of heat blasts around its edges. It shudders in place for a moment before falling backwards, slamming to the ground.

An ocean of smoke pours through the opening and up towards the ceiling. Following it, the room belches out three bedraggled runners, all clutching a hand to their face and coughing.

“Really now, I thought you knew better than to go into a fortified base without adequate explosives.”

“We… used them all,” says Peter between hacks. “More zombies than we thought.”

“Hence the massive fire,” Jodie sasses, turning to lead the way out of the building.

“Hm, yeeees,” agrees Amelia, taking in Five’s forlorn form as she slowly straightens, controlling her breathing. Five catches her looking and raises an eyebrow.

“Good plan that,” continues Amelia, not looking away. Five flips her the bird and stalks past, swaying her hips in a way that Amelia is sure cannot be intentional but is the most enticing thing she’s seen in weeks. Amelia dawdles so she can keep looking.

The four of them emerge into the sunlight and Amelia sees some of the tension drain from Five’s shoulders. Despite herself, she feels her smirk softening into an actual smile.

She feels a nudge at her shoulder, and finds that Peter is watching her.

“Good timing, that,” he says. “What brought you here in the nick of time?”

He is searching her face, and she realises he is trying to figure out if she was there for the same reason as them.

She looks at him innocently, which unfortunately for her has become a warning sign to him and anyone who has known her more than a few weeks.

“I was in the neighbourhood,” she says with a shrug. “My network told me you might be about to get yourself killed again.”

“Some network,” comments Peter.

“Fortune favours the prepared, dear man.”

Peter rolls his eyes. They come to an open space with enough trees that the exhausted runners can sit with their backs leaned against them for support. Amelia happily sprawls in the grass with her weight back on her elbows. She watches them as they recover, Peter letting his head drop back against the trunk as he breathes, Jodie fastidiously sorting out the remaining material in her pack, and Five discretely scanning the other two for injuries.

Amelia looks to Peter and Jodie to see if they have noticed. Neither seem to realise that they are being mother-henned without even being spoken to. She smiles to herself softly and looks back to Five, only to find her eyes scanning Amelia this time, carefully cataloguing any scratches and bruises she can see.

Five’s eyes snap up to hers the moment she realises she is being observed. Amelia raises an eyebrow and Five cocks an unimpressed chin at her in challenge. Amelia’s face splits into a predatory grin, which she at least partially puts on to hide the small bubble of warmth in her belly at being the subject of Five’s concern. She may flirt and fantasise, but she is not a simpleton. Five is far too straight-laced and good to reciprocate, and Amelia is not in the business of forcing the issue. Instead, she shoots her a wink and watches as Five rolls her eyes and drags herself to her feet.

“Home time?” says Peter with a groan.

“I need a forty-minute shower,” says Jodie, standing with legs that only shake for a moment before steadying.

“I trust you won’t mind if a join you part of the way,” announces Amelia. Jodie looks at her in disbelief, but Five just shakes her head with an unsurprised quirk of the lips.

“Why?” asks Peter suspiciously.

Amelia rolls her shoulders back and stretches like a cat.

“I just saved all your lives! Perhaps I just want to make sure you all make it home okay.”

“Sure,” says Jodie, rolling her eyes. “Whatever, just don’t be a pain.”

“How dare you suggest such a thing,” she says with glee.

The three start to walk in front of her, and as she watches she notices a piece of paper sticking out of Five’s back pocket. It had clearly been tucked in there hastily. Probably something from the base.

She nonchalantly quickens her pace until she is shoulder to shoulder with Five.

“You three do seem to have a talent for finding trouble.”

Five rolls her eyes but makes no sound of disagreement.

“Honestly, if you are running low on explosives I can set you up with a wonderful deal. All the det cord and napalm you can carry. Though you probably shouldn’t. Much. Napalm is a tricky beast.”

Five says nothing, though the babbling does seem to help her relax. The tension slowly starts to bleed out of her shoulders.

“In future, “ Amelia continues, “you really should contact me if you need to infiltrate any more bases. I have more intel than any other source on this side of the mountains, and I can tell you when you’re about to get baked to a crisp. Seriously, why would you go in without backup?”

Five is listening, and a part of her actually seems to be considering her words.

“Keep in mind in future. We’d all rather not lose the great Runner Five of Abel Township. Half of England would cry.”

Five scoffs at this. Amelia carefully adjusts her gate to slightly smaller slower steps. Not enough to indicate an injury. Not even enough to be particularly noticeable. Five, ever the gentlewoman, automatically adjusts her pace to match.

“I’m not kidding,” continues Amelia. “You would not believe how they wax poetic about you. It makes me think of Batman. You know, that whole thing about a symbol being more powerful than a person. You really should be careful what you risk.”

Amelia tosses her hair and sees that Five is staring at her, confused and a little curious. She smiles warmly back.

“It’s really rather sweet. All these people finding hope in an intrepid runner. But you do need to consider what is worth risking your life for. What on Earth could have been worth today’s fiasco?”

Five’s eyes have begun to narrow, and Amelia tosses her hair.

“Seriously,” she says lightly. “What was the point? If you tell me, I can help. Think of all those chil-“

Amelia chokes on her last word as Five drops her back, grabs her by the shoulder, and slams her against the trunk of a tree.

Amelia blinks in shock, staring back at Five’s intense eyes, at the sharp line formed between her brows as they draw together. Five’s breath is soft against her skin.

“Enough,” says Five, her voice low. Amelia lets out a tiny puff of air at the sound. Five hardly ever speaks. Almost never. It is a quirk that makes her harder to read than most. The result of trauma, or perhaps personal preference, whatever it is, it takes a lot for Five to break her silence.

And Amelia had made it happen.

“Oh sorry, dear. Did I overstep? I assure you it was never my intention to invade your boundaries.”

She shifts meaningfully against Five, whose frown begins to fade. She stares at Amelia’s face, and Amelia wonders what she sees. Are her cheeks pink? Are her pupils blown? For once, she has no idea what she looks like.

Five looks at her, softly but thoughtfully, and with one hand gently runs her fingers through Amelia’s hair, letting the strands curl around her digits. Amelia’s breath stammers, and Five looks her in the eyes.

“Go,” she says, and softly steps back. She picks up her bag, swings in up to her shoulder, and looks back to Amelia, still leant against the tree. “And thank you.”

Amelia nods back, pulling her composure back over herself, and Five turns on one heal, running to join her friends who had strayed quite far ahead.

Amelia places a hand over her heart feeling light and tight all at once. Perhaps Five was not so straight-laced as she had thought. Or straight, for that matter.

She waits another minute to make sure the runners are out of sight, before lifting her other hand to see the white paper clutched in it. Pickpocketing may be a touch crass but it did serve her well, and no one could say she was bad at multi-tasking.

She delicately unfolded the paper and inspected the contents. There were three words, hastily scrawled in what Amelia assumed must be Five’s weirdly loopy handwriting.

“Fuck off Amelia.”

Amelia let out a great huff of laughter and crumpled the paper in her hand. She let her head fall back against the wood and felt great, glorious giggles overtaking her.

That little…

She turned in the direction that the runners had gone and smiled in admiration and excitement for a new challenge.

Perhaps a little chaos might not be a bad thing.

[anotherisodope]

Master List of Fallout Canon and Canon AU Muses

Fallout 3

Charon

A gigantic, forbidding-looking, brainwashed badass of a ghoul whose protection, and combat services, are tied to the holder of his very high-ticket contract. Nobody knows who the organization was that Ahzrukhal purchased his contract from, how long he was in their service, or what horrors he was subjected to in the process of making him what he is. He isn’t talking, if he remembers at all. But despite the mental cage he is in, Charon constantly seeks ways to assert himself, follow his personal code, and prevent his own exploitation--or avenge it. A highly trained commando with a preference for mid-range weapons such as his combat shotgun, he lives for a good fight, and becomes bored and restless if his guns go cold too long. He’s got great instincts and is very protective--but is mentally and socially stunted, is observant enough to recognize that on some level, and is frustrated by it and his captivity, making him grumpy and sarcastic. He uses very formal language, sometimes with painstaking effort, in part as an attempt to be better understood. Will cause unmitigated chaos to save your life in a fight, then yell at you because you attacked an innocent shopkeeper. Probably not good to give him too many explosives.

Fallout New Vegas (or wherever)

Robert Edwin House (postgame AU)

One of the most brilliant men ever to be born into the prewar world, Robert House is the owner and primary programmer and inventor of RobCo Industries, which is responsible for everything from Fallout’s programming language, to most of its robots, to the PipBoy. Calculating the coming thermonuclear war down to a one-day window, House leveraged his tremendous wealth, influence and genius to save his beloved Las Vegas. This included preserving his body on life support while wiring his brain straight into the city’s network and defensive grid. Though not entirely successful, he survived and was able to eventually recreate and defend a walled-city version of the Las Vegas strip: New Vegas. 

The AU

In a twisted version of a Good Karma Courier House playthrough, House won but was convinced by the Courier to make more merciful and thoughtful decisions. However, the Courier then betrayed them at the eleventh hour and murdered House’s physical body, leaving everyone convinced that House had died. Details can be found here. However, House had used another contingency program stored aboard the Platinum Chip to enable him to upload his mind to his own network. The Courier ended up fleeing New Vegas. (I am currently working on a description of the fates of various factions in this AU).

After the events of Fallout New Vegas and his takeover of the Hoover Dam, this version of House used code hidden in the chip to make the following changes from current canon:

Recreate a nationwide wireless Internet using freshly activated networking capability in every single Robco product

Make this Internet publicly available through the persona of the benevolent hacker Snow

Escape onto this newly created Internet, gaining access to and potential control of all RobCo products

Use this to access various new bodies, eventually including a pair of comatose synth bodies from failed Railroad memory wipes

Since then, he has been hatching plans all over the former US to steal Institute and Brotherhood of Steel technology--and reclaim as much of his own as he can. While doing this, he is acting through multiple personas. These include two Gen 3 Synth bodies he stole from the Railroad’s comatose “failures”. 

House’s aliases (besides Snow) include 

Edwin “Ed” Case (Gen 3 synth body, former infiltrator), a brilliant repairman and roboticist operating in the Commonwealth who recently did a lot of repair and upgrade work at the Memory Den. Closest to House in voice and diction, but significantly less of an asshole. Always has at least two combat-capable robots with him. 

Daniel Mason (Gen 3 synth body, former courser), recently arrived in New Vegas. Not well known, as this body is largely used for physical infiltration and social engineering, or when House wishes to oversee robotic combat units more directly. Sounds nothing like House but still talks like he ate a thesaurus, though in a much more cool and reserved way. House being House, he has no idea why this body gets so much attention. Armed and dangerous. He is currently acting as House’s lieutenant and enforcer in New Vegas, along with his force of upgraded Securitrons.

He is still working on his Robert House synth body, which needs to be perfect of course...

Because of his activity in the Commonwealth and his ability to reach anywhere his network reaches, House can be interacted with by literally anyone in the Fallout universe circa 2287. Unless your character is in a memory pod or other full-interaction environment, however, you will be interacting via text, via robot, or via one of his two synth personas.

Vulpes Inculta (postgame AU)

One of the most wicked and bloodthirsty of Caesar’s commanders, this former head of the Legion’s Frumentarii was one of the most infamous men in the entire Mojave. Thoroughly and hopelessly indoctrinated in Caesar’s depraved and brutal values, he carried them out with terrifying zeal, sometimes resulting in the destruction of entire communities. Always cool, calculating, wily and in control, he never let anything get in the way of his duties--including his own needs, desires, and safety. His loyalty to Caesar was almost worshipful, and rooted in the belief that he served the actual Son of Mars.

To this end, he even plotted with the Omertas to release poison gas in the opening volley of an attack on the New Vegas strip. Forcibly stripped of any independent moral thought on the matter and thoroughly indoctrinated, he never thought twice about such actions. He served the son of a god, how could his actions not be righteous?

And then Caesar died. And Vulpes lost everything except for his life. And that was only the beginning of his comeuppance.

The AU

After brutally murdering Caesar upon learning that he had lied about his divine heritage and was afflicted with a mortal disease, Lanius took over, and promptly ordered Vulpes’s execution. Vulpes, who had anticipated this, fled, getting as far as he could from the Mojave. He knew that under Lanius’s hand, the Legion would first become a monstrous shadow of itself, and then would fall.

Illusions shattered and shamed by having to run, Vulpes spent years traveling with caravans in disguise as he sought a place to settle. Landing in the Commonwealth, he started carving out a place for himself, but his sense of purpose beyond survival and security was gone.

Worse...with it had gone his certainty that his depraved actions had been necessary and for a good cause, Doubt had crept in, and it kept growing and growing as he reconciled the differences between Caesar’s words and the reality he had lived through. Left to his own thoughts for far too long, and realizing that any remnant of the Legion that still exists will be hunting him, he is starting to crack.

He is very good at hiding this, however, being forced to learn to keep his cool in all kinds of bad situations. And so he has set himself up as a high-end, “independent problem-solver” in Diamond City, handling the kind of bloody and unethical work that would horrify Nick Valentine. But even as a showdown with his horrific karma is brewing internally, so too are external problems and temptations as he gets more and more deeply entangled with the Commonwealth’s Underworld.

Vulpes is a cold-blooded, scheming, psychopathic asshole with a volcano of repressed emotion that really only comes out when he fights. As he does not drink, date, use chems or confide in anyone, violence is and has been his only outlet, which leads to him often charging into dangerous situations with ripper in hand. When he is better under control, he deals with targets through stealth kills of various types. Unlike the vast majority of the Legion he is comfortable with most technology (science as a tagged skill), and has taken even more of an interest since fleeing East. For some reason, neither animals nor wasteland beasts will attack him when he travels alone.

His primary motivation while he wrestles with his many inner demons (which he will never let on about to anyone) is survival. He believes he will soon be the only one left who remembers what the Legion once was, and the higher aims it once strove for (through horrible means, but he doesn’t see that). While he is now hunted by the Legion’s remnants, he believes that he has a duty to survive, and maintain his discipline and his traditions before finding others to spread them among. The problem is, instead of going straight for taking over a settlement or raider gang, he’s dealing with growing doubts about Caesar, who was revealed to be mortal, and what Caesar taught him. This has made him hesitate. However, he is still using the time to gather as much information as possible about the Commonwealth, its people, its factions, and of course, their weaknesses.

Vulpes’ alias: Victor Renard

Victor Renard is a new Upper Stands resident who moved into the Latimer residence after both father and son were presumed killed by Triggermen outside the city. He has a part stake in the Colonial Taphouse, which has recently had a change of management, and is often found there, brooding over a glass of watered wine. He has a developing reputation for being very private, likely very dangerous, and being some kind of high-end mercenary. He generally wears a black suit and carries concealed weapons--at least, inside the city walls. He and the mayor/security team have a strained but polite relationship...so far.

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

A highly talented Chicago detective, on loan to Boston PD, whose original life came to a crashing end after crime kingpin Eddie Winter murdered his fiancee and disappeared. Traumatized by the loss, he was ordered to seek treatment at a facility that was run by what would become the Institute. They scanned and copied his mind and memories, and he then died in the nuclear bombardment that soon followed. When he woke up on a trash heap in a damaged robotic body around a century later, he was left with no context or explanation for his bizarre “reincarnation”. That mystery would haunt him, like the mystery of Eddie Winter’s escape from justice, for another century. After wandering the wastes for a time, and slowly acclimating himself to his new environment and interactions with modern humans, he settled in Diamond City as a handyman after returning the late mayor’s missing daughter. Eventually, he became a trusted member of the Diamond City community...and took back up the mantle of a detective. Nick stoically carries a lot of trauma, and a lot of outrage. He works to provide peaceful, rational alternatives to the constant violence around him, and tends to be smarter and more competent than most, especially when it comes to computers or investigation. He is a bit of a curmudgeon, with a dagger-sharp wit he’ll sometimes overuse when sufficiently angered. He smokes, though he gains no benefit from it, as a tie to his human past. He tends to feel divorced from his own body to some degree, and that plus his distrust of most roboticists has caused him to forgo repair thus far.

John Hancock

Mayor of Goodneighbor and a self-styled revolutionary hooligan who is usually high on something, Hancock has more layers than you might expect, and a tragic history. Born John McDonough, he grew up in a shack with his parents and brother on the Boston waterfront. His brother was something of a bully, but not particularly wicked. They started growing apart as they grew up, with John sneaking off to Goodneighbor regularly to party and do chems. Empathetic, and significantly smarter than most people, he was able to see the suffering and inequities all around him, even after his family moved up in the world and ended up in Diamond City. John realized that his brother had...changed...when he decided to run for mayor. Running on an anti-ghoul platform, he capped off his inaugural speech by announcing the banishment of all ghouls from the city. John watched in horror as the ghouls fled with their few belongings, being brutalized by citizens and police the whole time. After confronting his brother to no effect, he forced himself to act, successfully leading several families to temporary safety in Goodneighbor. Most did not survive, however, leaving him despondent and forever loathing his pogrom-promoting brother, who is still Diamond City’s mayor. That night changed something in him, and it wouldn’t go back to sleep no matter how many chems he took. Finally, on learning that Vic, the gangster running Goodneighbor, was letting his men gun down drifters, he had a bizarre, chem-fueled epiphany. He discovered John Hancock’s coat and hat in the depths of the State House, and suddenly realized what he needed to do. He took on the clothes and cause of John Hancock, and after brutally liberating the town from Vic’s people, gave an inaugural speech declaring Goodneighbor to be “of the people, for the people”, regardless of who those people were. He took on the persona of a daring, reckless, ferociously protective folk-hero Mayor and started the long process of turning Goodneighbor into a safe haven for all. But even that wasn’t enough for him. Less than a decade ago, he discovered an experimental serum intended to turn the user into a ghoul. Sick of the face in the mirror, and motivated by half a dozen different reasons, he completed his “remaking himself” by becoming the same sort of being that his evil brother so loathed. Now, having consolidated power, he has found himself in a rut, spending most of his time putting out fires and dealing with challengers to his position and to Goodneighbor’s safety. Constantly wrapping himself up in his role and work when not carousing, however, has left a lot of painful unfinished business in his life to fester.

[bastillewolf]

The Grand Tranquility Hotel (III)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: An eccentric hotel owner and an inquisitive writer find solace in each other when they both seemed to be at the edge of rock bottom.

Notes: These chapters keep getting longer. I hope you don’t mind ;)

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list.

Chapter III - One Point Perspective

“Good morning, Nicholas,” she greeted, joining him at the breakfast table. “Have the others already eaten?” Nick’s jaw momentarily stopped chewing his food as he glanced down at his watch with a surprised expression, before he swallowed. “Uhm, I didn’t expect you to be up this early, miss. I’m pretty sure Matt is still in bed. Jamie’s in the kitchen, though. I could ask him to cook you up something.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll go ask him myself. I wasn’t sure what time breakfast would be served, and I wanted to take an early walk through the garden,” she explained. Nick quickly shook his head and before she could protest, he’d already barged into the kitchens.

After having a nice and simple meal with eggs on toast with Jamie consistently reminding her that he could make her a dish more elaborate if she desired and her cutting him off and telling him it was delicious, she wrapped herself in her coat and finally headed outside.

The fresh morning air hit her face and instantly woke her up as she breathed in the smell of freshly cut grass, pine trees and that distinct whiff of autumn. Her feet carried her across the gravel pathways which lead her around symmetrically cut hedges and marble statues overgrown with moss. It was a peaceful environment, the only sounds being produced by the running fountain, wafting wind and chirping birds around her.

She eventually found herself in front of the stables and her keen eyes sleekly moved across the field to see if she was being watched. No one ever really gave her a reason to believe she wasn’t allowed in the stables, but the mysterious impression the hotel and staff were giving her made her doubt everything she was doing. When she felt the coast was clear, she slowly opened the creaky wooden door and stepped through.

She hadn’t noticed a curtain shift on the second floor of the Grand Tranquility Hotel.

There were about five boxes, but only one held a horse. It was the one she had spotted through the window yesterday; the rowdy one Matt was trying to calm. It had a dark brown coat and a white triangle-like shape on its head. She slowly approached it, and when her hand reached out to touch it, it only huffed in response. She smiled and ran her fingers along its neck. “You’re a real beauty, aren’t you?” she muttered.

“That’s Mardy,” a voice behind her said. She jumped and the horse made a noise of protest. She turned to meet Matt’s calculating gaze and put a hand over her rapidly beating heart. “Christ, Matthew. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you. It’s just that Mardy usually has a bit of a temper and doesn’t do well around new people. But it appears that she likes you,” he told her. She raised her brows, “and what if she didn’t like me? What would you have done?” Matt blinked, clearly not having thought through that his guest could’ve gotten hurt purely because he was curious. She let out a chuckle. “It’s fine. I’m afraid I was being sneaky, too. I wasn’t really sure if I was allowed in the stables.”

“Why wouldn’t you be allowed in the stables, ma’am?” he asked her with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t know…”she replied, thinking it over, “It’s just the vibe the hotel is giving me, I suppose. I can’t really explain it. I must seem like an idiot, I’m sorry.”

“Not at all, miss. I know exactly what you mean.”

Matt took her on a more extended tour around the gardens and told her of the origins of Mardy’s name. One of his co-worker’s old girlfriends – he wouldn’t say who – went by the name Mardy and he explained that they always used to call her Mardy Bum because she had such a bad temper. “Perhaps the horse is payback for that nickname,” she laughed. “Probably,” he grinned, “Now that you mention it, she kind of did remind me of a horse.”

“I was wondering if you could tell me a bit about how the hotel started?” she hesitantly wondered. Matt seemed to remain calm, so she felt a heap of weight fall off of her. “It was really all Alex’ plan. He’d been friends with Miles since high school and they’d always talked about opening a hotel together. When Miles became mayor, he’d upheld his promise and made sure Alex had the funds to make their dream come true.”

“So that’s why the mayor visits so often,” she concluded. Matt nodded, “They’re still great friends to this day. I met Alex in college, and we quickly became mates. When he told me that he’d hire me as staff in his hotel that he was convinced he was going to open, I’d laughed with him and jokingly told him I’d want nothing more. I didn’t think he could actually make it happen, and yet here we are.”

“You must’ve felt very proud of him.” “I did. I still do,” he smiled, “We’ve been through a lot together. Don’t tell him I said that, though. He might be my mate, but I wouldn’t want to add to his already massive ego. He’s still an idiot.”

They arrived back at the hotel just in time for lunch, and this time Jamie and Nick were both already waiting at a table for them, casually holding conversation. “I didn’t know what you’d like,” Jamie explained, “but I wasn’t going to let you have me make you a grilled cheese sandwich or whatever other basic lunch item you most likely would’ve picked.” He waved towards the trays of sliced fruits, triangularly cut sandwiches, pastries and a big steaming pot of some sort of vegetable soup. “I really appreciate it, Jamie, but it’s a tad excessive. I’m only your guest and I don’t need any special treatment from you,” she tried to communicate, but Jamie was having none of it. “Nonsense. You’re our favourite guest. Just don’t tell mister Turner I said that. Or the mayor.”

“Tell me what?”

She nearly choked on her tea and gently set the cup back down before she would drop the expensive china. She turned to meet the now familiar brown gaze as Nick quickly filled the hotel owner in; “We were just talking about how much we enjoy the missus’ company, mister Turner. She’s been very kind to us.”

Alex’ calculating gaze landed on her, and he hummed. “I suppose she has been very kind. You don’t mind my staff joining you during your meals, do you, miss?” “Not at all,” she replied, “In fact, it was my suggestion they join me.” His eyebrows sleekly quirked up. “Is that so? Then you wouldn’t mind me pulling up a chair?” She was at a loss for words for a moment, not having expected this sort of behaviour, so she simply just shook her head. The others seemed a bit uneasy as well. It was clear to her that he never did this sort of thing with any of his guests, and perhaps neither with his staff.

While Jamie ladled the soup in each person’s bowl, Alex leaned his elbows on the table, his fingers adorned with golden rings intertwining as his eyes locked with hers. She didn’t look away, but she sure as hell didn’t feel as bold as Matt had been when he’d talked back against the hotel owner just yesterday.

“I was wondering what the purpose of your stay was, miss? If you don’t mind me asking, of course,” he said, a glint forming in his eyes. His voice was as smooth as velvet and though there was an underlying tone that made her uncomfortable, it also provoked a different feeling deep in her stomach. Something she wouldn’t necessarily describe as a bad feeling. She just hadn’t experienced anything like it in years.

“Well, as I told you before, I’m curious about your hotel. A writer’s instinct, I suppose.”

“But that couldn’t have been the only reason to visit this particular hotel. Lots of hotels have interesting stories,” he continued to prod. She hesitated. “I suppose you’re right,” she said. “My mother used to visit this hotel on her birthday each year. She always talked about it in such high regards, I had to see what the fuss was about. She passed away a few months ago, you see. Her birthday would have been tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said quietly, and it was with a sincerity she hadn’t expected. “I’m glad we made her feel comfortable.”

Matt cleared his throat, “Maybe we could hold something in celebration tomorrow, boss. I’m sure her mother would have liked that.”

“What do you suggest?” Alex asked. “Just a small gathering. We could kill two birds with one stone and celebrate that other thing we talked about as well,” Matt replied vaguely. Alex hummed, “I’ll think about it. I’ll let you know at dinner.”

Jamie’s eyebrows nearly shot through the roof. “You- You’ll be joining us for dinner, sir?!” “Of course, I am,” Turner answered, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to suddenly join his staff during meals when he hadn’t done so in a very long time, “I’d like to get to know our guest a bit better.” It was in the sultry way he’d said it that made her doubt his intentions. She had a feeling dinner was going to be a real ordeal.

While they finished their soup and ate the various delights spread across the table, they held conversation, but this time it felt more strained and superficial and she had a good feeling it was because of mister Turner. He didn’t say much else throughout lunch and when they had finished, he politely bade them farewell and took off to do god knows what. Her eyes followed him as he buttoned his jacked and clenched his jaw until his tense shoulders disappeared around the corner of the hallway. His feet carried him in such a way she was almost entranced by watching him come and go. He was a fascinating figure, to say the least.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about tonight, miss,” Nick snapped her out of her trance, “Mister Turner might be a bit held back, but he’s a man of honour. He’d want nothing more than to commemorate one of his guests.” “Then why does he have to think it over?” she wondered. Matt sighed, “he probably just needs to map out how things will be arranged for tomorrow. Just let it sink in. It’s how he usually deals with these things. He’ll lose his train of thought otherwise.”

She’d spent the rest of the afternoon roaming around the grand hotel, taking in the scenery and paintings when she stumbled upon the library. It was an open room, not nearly as big as the dining hall but still very spacious. Bookshelves built up to the ceiling that were filled to the brim, illuminated by the last rays of sunlight streaming through the large windows. Rugs with various designs were strewn across the floor and the velvety curtains along with the matching red loveseats gave a warm and inviting impression. Before she knew it, she’d gotten lost in one of her favourite books that she’d accidentally stumbled upon and Matt was already asking her if she was ready to have dinner.

“Is you escorting me to various rooms becoming a thing now?” she asked with a smirk. Matt chuckled, “Only if you’d want it to be, ma’am. I for one, wouldn’t mind.” She playfully smacked his arm and a blush dusted his cheeks.

Nick appeared to have been alone and anxiously waiting for their arrival when they entered the hall. He informed them that Jamie was still in a craze about getting everything perfect for when she and mister Turner arrived, and she couldn’t help but pity the man. It was his job, of course, but she’d always been the person who didn’t want other people to fuss over her. She was about to get up to go and ask Jamie if he needed any help when the hotel owner himself casually strode in and took his seat across from her.

When he finally acknowledged Matt’s intensely questioning gaze, he sighed. “I’ve mulled it over and I’ve decided that your mother should be commemorated at the gathering tomorrow.” “What made you reach your final decision, if I may ask?” she questioned curiously. Before he could answer, Matt cleared his throat. Alex shot a look at him, silently conversing something, before answering, “I’d looked over some of the files in our archive. Matthew and Nick had both already voiced the fact they found you to have a familiar face. Only when we found your mother’s old details did they remember who she was, and they only had good things to say about her.”

“Your mother actually helped me get the job,” Nick informed her. “Really?” she smiled. “She did. I was young and didn’t have much experience. I applied for the job as a secretary at the place she worked, but they didn’t really need any more staff. So, she helped me get a job here. Wrote a letter to mister Turner herself, she did.” “I still have that letter,” Alex murmured quietly. He looked so fond when he’d said it, she could see he’d never had any regrets about hiring Nick. His stoic façade snapped back in place when Jamie barged through the kitchen doors.

“Good evening,” he said, slightly out of breath and sweating, “My name is Jamie and I will be your chef during your stay here. May I take your order?”

“You don’t have to introduce yourself, Jamie,” Matt whispered to him, but Jamie quickly shushed him. An awkward pause followed; Alex silently observing the chef with a raised eyebrow until Jamie had realized his mistake. He came back with a set of menus.

Dinner went surprisingly well. Apart from their chef’s worried glances to his boss, his boss’ calculating gaze and Nick accidentally throwing wine over himself, there was no further incident. She’d even had a bit of wine herself, and she was feeling a tad woozy because of it.

“I think I’m going to take a stroll trough the hallways and then retire for the night. Enjoy the rest of your evening, gentlemen,” she said as she got up from her chair. Alex stood as well, and the others automatically followed, but more out of obligation. The hotel owner eyed them in irritation, before asking her, “Mind if I join you?” She paused for a moment. “Not at all.”

She didn’t know if he’d expected to gain some sort of information by accompanying her, but he certainly wasn’t making an effort by remaining silent for the first few minutes. Eventually he seemed to cave when she’d stopped to inspect a painting. It was a picture of a great ship in a lightning storm. “You appreciate art?” She raised a brow at him, “Does that surprise you?” She’d sworn she’d seen a flicker of amusement cross his features before that wall went up again. “I didn’t mean to offend you, madam. It’s just that usually the people who visit this hotel are the people who buy paintings just to own them, not to admire them.” “Well, I’m not the usual people, am I?”

“You are most certainly not,” he quietly muttered.

He continued to bewilder her by showing her the hidden gems of the hotel, the paintings and statues hidden in the crooks and corners. Something in particular stood out; a group photo taken in front of the hotel. A bunch of people were waiving their arm at her, with Alex proudly standing in the front, shaking hands with who she presumed to be Miles Kane. He looked so young, a messy mop of hair on his head and a bright smile adorning his face. Quite the contrast to the serene man standing next to her today. On his other side were Matt and Jamie with their arms wrapped around what seemed to be another staff member. She wondered if he’d lost his job, too.

“That was when the hotel first opened,” he explained. “These were the first visitors. I believe your mother is in the top right corner there.” Taking a closer look, she indeed spotted her mum. It made her heart ache to see her so happy and healthy. She’d almost forgotten what she’d looked like before getting sick. She turned to meet the hotel owner’s gaze. “Thank you for showing me this.” And she meant it. He only hummed in response.

She took a moment’s hesitation before asking, “What happened to the hotel?”

When his gaze hardened almost instantly, she knew she’d made a mistake. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.” “I don’t mean any harm, I was just curious,” she tried to explain, but he wasn’t having it. “Perhaps if you didn’t spend as much time sticking your nose in other people’s business you would’ve published a book by now,” he snarled.

She was at a loss for words. So, he continued, “It’s probably best if you retire early, miss. I’m sorry if our hotel couldn’t give you the juicy gossip you were hoping for,” and stormed off.

She was absolutely fuming. She stalked back to her room, passing the front desk where Nick had been about to greet her until he’d realized he wasn’t getting a response from her. She slammed the door behind her, took out her pen and notebook and wrote down the truth about what kind of an arrogant, narcissistic ass Alexander Turner really turned out to be.

[queerwelsh]

Bisexuality pages from ‘Freaky Queer,’ a punk, anti-war, working queer zine published in Cardiff in 1992. Transcript below.

Sources (that they used in these pages of the zine):

Off Pink Publishing, Bisexual Lives, London, 1988.

Lorraine Hutchins & Lani Ka’ahumanu ed. Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, Alyson Publications, USA, 1991.

This whole copy of ‘Freaky Queer’ is available to read here.

PAGE 1: clippings of quotes on a photo of a man.

Bisexuality

“I’d rather be bisexual half the time than heterosexual all the time.” ♀️ 

“It is entirely for me as an individual to decide exactly where my attraction may lie and for nobody else to insist that I conform to their specifications. Bisexuality for me has nothing to do with ‘swinging’; it is about the ability to respond to someone without the obligation to leave well alone because of gender.” ♂️ 

“We must not think of ourself as second class gays, but as first class people. No bisexual I have ever known though of themselves as a second class straight.” ♂️ 

“We are not sitting on the fence - we are building a new garden.” ♂️ 

“If people could only accept that sexuality is infinitely variable and that it was never meant to be confined to the parameters it has been, then not only would MY life be easier but the world would become a much better place.” ♂️

“Like many people I was so scared of my own gay feelings that I found it easier to dislike in others what I disliked in myself. Looking back I must not criticise myself because the anger I felt then was protective in keeping safe a part of me I could not handle. I found that liking men did not alter my feelings towards women. In fact I got on better with women because I was more relaxed.” ♂️ 

“A heterosexual lover once said that she would always love the part of me that could belong to her, but she understood that to possess me entirely would be to smother the essential ‘me’ that made me so dear.” ♂️ 

“I feel VERY bisexual at the moment and very positive. I just wish there were more bisexuals around and that non-bisexuals would accept my choices more.” ♀️

“So what if I WAS sexually attracted to men as well as women? Did it make me any less of a human being? Was my friend any less of a human being for being gay? Why did I feel that intolerence towards gays was intolerance towards me? I wasn’t gay. I loved women too,

[CONTINUED ON THE SIDE OF THE PAGE:]

but if you loved men at all, you were a ‘poof’ or a ‘queer’ and that meant you were dirty and that you couldn’t love women. I mean, NO ONE is going to believe you can like both and not be ‘confused’. I’ve fantasised about men and women so much that I wouldn’t know which I preferred.” ♂️

“For me, being bisexual is a part of being open to myself. I have always tried to see things from both sides. I don’t understand why more people don’t acknowledge that both men and women can be sexy. I guess it’s because I like people.” ♂️ 

“I’ve always seen myself identified as loving both sexes. Until I came across the term bisexual I was a long time without a label. I’ve very ambiguous feelings about labels but despite the misconceptions about bisexuality, saying I’m bisexual seems less of a non-statement than saying I’m neither straight nor lesbian.” ♀️

“Since heterosexuality is so ingrained in the prevailing consciousness, it becomes almost impossible to get some heterosexuals to recognise that any valid alternatives exist. I think the word ‘normal’ was created by those people who are afraid to say ‘heterosexual’ just because their fear of the body is such that they dare not admit to sexual feelings.” ♂️ 

Handwriting at the bottom of the page:

“1st Bit: Nicked from “Bisexual Lives” (off Pink Press)

2nd Bit: Nicked-> ‘Bi Any Other Name’

PAGE 2: Clipping: ‘Myths/realities of bisexuality’ by Sharon Forman Sumpter (from Bi Any Other Name)

“Sexuality runs along a continuum. It is not a static “thing” but rather a process that can flow, changing throughout our lifetime. Bisexuality falls along this continuum. As Boston bisexual activist Robyn Ochs says, bisexuality is the “potential for being sexually and/or romantically involved with members of either gender.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals are promiscuous/swingers. TRUTH: Bisexual people have a range of sexual behaviours. Some have multiple partners, some have one partner; some go through partnerless periods. Promiscuity is no more prevalent in the bisexual population than in other groups of people.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals are equally attracted to both sexes. TRUTH: Bisexuals tend to favor either the same or the opposite sex, while recognizing their attraction to both genders.”

“MYTH: Bisexual means having concurrent lovers of both genders. TRUTH: Bisexual simply means the potential for involvement with either gender. This may mean sexually, emotionally, in reality, or in fantasy. Some bisexual people may have concurrent lovers; others may relate to different genders at various time periods. Most bisexuals do not need to see both genders in order to feel fulfilled.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals spread AIDS to the lesbian and heterosexual communities. TRUTH: This myth legitimizes discrimination against bisexuals. The term “bisexual” simply refers to sexual orientation. It says nothing about sexual behaviour. AIDS occurs in people of all sexual orientations. AIDS is contracted through unsafe sexual practices, shared needles, and contaminated blood transfusion. Sexual orientation does not “cause” AIDS.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals are confused about their sexuality. TRUTH: It is natural for both bisexuals and gays to go through a period of confusion in the coming-out process. When you are an oppressed people and are constantly told that you don’t exist, confusion is an appropriate reaction until you come out to yourself and find a supportive environment.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals are not gay. TRUTH: We are part of the generic definition of gay (see Don Clark’s Loving Someone Gay.) Nongays lump us all together. Bisexuals have lost their jobs and suffer the same legal discrimination as other gays.”

“MYTH: Bisexual women will dump you for a man. TRUTH: Women who are uncomfortable or confused about their same-sex attraction may use the bisexual label. True bisexuals acknowledge both their same-sex and opposite-sex attraction. Both bisexuals and gays are capable of going back into the closet. People who are unable to make commitments may use a person of either gender to leave a relationship.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals can hide in the heterosexual community when the going gets tough. TRUTH: To “pass” for straight and deny your bisexuality is just as painful and damaging for a bisexual as it is for a gay. Bisexuals are not heterosexual and we do not identify as heterosexual.”

“MYTH: Bisexuals are in “transition.” TRUTH: Some people go through a transitional period of bisexuality on their way to adopting a lesbian/gay or heterosexual identity. For many others, bisexuality remains a long-term orientation. Indeed, we are finding that homosexuality may be a transitional phase in the coming out process for bisexuals(?). It is important to remember that bisexual, gay, lesbian and heterosexual are labels created by a homophobic, biphobic, heterosexist society to separate and alienate us from each other. We are all unique; we don’t fit into neat little categories. We sometimes need to use these labels for political reasons and to increase our visibilities. Our sexual esteem is facilitated by acknowledging and accepting the differences and seeing the beauty in our diversity.”

PAGE 3: Bisexual Groups and other Contacts

BRITAIN

BI-MONTHLY - the magazine for bisexuals. Write to: LBG, BM-BI, London WC1N 3XX. Obtainable from alternative bookshops nationwide.

MEN’S ANTI-SEXIST NEWSLETTER exists as a forum for exchange of news, ideas, thoughts, feelings and information who are challenging sexism and particularly for people who wish to find for men alternative roles to those which society casts for them. Write to: MAN, 60 Rhymney Street, Cathays, Cardiff.

THE FEMINIST LIBRARY AND INFORMATION CENTRE works to provide information facilities on subjects of importance to women and the Women’s Movement. The possess many facilities including a newsletter every two months. The library is open to non-subscribers but membership is necessary to borrow books. Subscriptions vary according to income. Write to: Hungerford House, Victoria Embankment, London, WC2 6PA. Tel 01-930 0715.

IN HANDWRITING: WE AREN’T ALWAYS WAT WE SEEM!!! NICKED FROM “BI-LIVES” (OFF PINK PRESS)

LONDON BISEXUAL WOMEN’S GROUP, write to: BM Box LBWG, London WC1N 3XX.

BISEXUAL AND MARRIED GAYS GROUP, Phone: Nigel 01-558 5203 (5.30-10pm.)

SIGMA is a support group for relationships where one partner is gay or bisexual. Details from Gay Switchboard 01-837 7324.

BISEXUALS IN NALGO, write to: BM-BI, London WC1N 3XX.

EDINBURGH BISEXUAL GROUP meets every Thursday, 8pm, at the Lesbian and Gay Community Centre, 58a Broughton Street, Edinburgh EH1 3SA (no disabled access). Write to this address for further information or send an sae to join the Pen-Pal Scheme. The Bisexual Phoneline (see above) operates a contact serice.

MANCHESTER BISEXUAL GROUP, Write to: Box 153, Manchester, M60 1LP or Phone: Paul Owen, 061-228 3554 (2-4pm.)

[lettucetacoboatsix]

Open to Love: What We Mean When We’re Talking about Polyamory

Recommended Reading:

More than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

Recommended Viewing:

Steven Universe – No, I’m not kidding. The whole series skirts around the edges of queer relationships and definitely showcases beautiful and positive examples of polyamory, but if you don’t have the time to binge five seasons of a cartoon, I would recommend the song “You Both Love Me and I Love Both of You” at the very least (it gets complicated, but, hey, that’s kind of appropriate).

What is Polyamory?

This part is relatively easy. We can break down the word into its roots poly- from Greek, meaning “many” and amor from Latin, meaning “love.” So polyamory is the practice of loving many, i.e. more than one person.

Side note (this paragraph isn’t terribly relevant, but I really just needed to nerd out about this): I, personally, find it interesting that the word “polyamory” is a mix of both Latin and Greek roots, but I’m also a bit of a linguistics nerd (in addition to being a sex nerd). The Ancient Greeks had four main concepts of love: eros (bodily, sensual, sexual, passionate love); philia (friendship, shared goodwill, willing the good of another); storge (parental/familial love); and agape (universal love, compassion, altruism). Modern philosophy and psychology of love have also thrown in ludus (playful, flirtatious, fun love), pragma (hence pragmatism, love out of duty or obligation or for one’s own long-term interests) and philautia (love of the self). The taxonomy of desire generally would lead us to name this phenomenon as polyphilia, but mixing the linguistic roots actually prevents us from making assumptions about polyamory in relationship to things like paraphiliae (but like, really though, how are there people that are not intellectually curious about all things sex and sexuality?). It also means that we’re talking about more than polyeroticism (finding sexual satisfaction in having more than one partner). That’s right, folks, poly- is pretty self-explanatory, but the most important part of polyamorous relationships is the love.

Okay… so what are Polyamorous Relationships?

I have scoured my own personal library, the farthest reaches of the interwebs, and even the darkest recesses of Tumblr for a definition of polyamory that works for everything that I want to address in this post, and there really isn’t anything that I found that gave me that Eureka! moment.  Polyamory is complicated, for reasons I will happily go into, and a lot of the definitions out there are either too rigid, which forces them to be exclusionary, or too general, which makes them include things like open relationships, which I talked about last week, and swinging, which I will be addressing next week. The problem lies in the fact that polyamory is both a very specific thing and an umbrella term for the various relationship structures that may fall beneath it, but I have to define the term in a way that gives this post a manageable scope and yet is open to the possibility for expansion. I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a suitable and justifiable definition because I want this part to bear witness to the fact that polyamorous relationships are valid and beautiful when conducted properly (that is to say safely, sanely, consensually, and healthily), so here it goes:

Polyamorous relationships are consensually non-monogamous relationships involving more than two people in which all partners are aware of and acknowledge all other partners, and partners’ partners. If that sounds super technical, bear with me because it’s about to get worse. These relationships may or may not be “open,” which is to say that one or more partners may or may not actively be seeking out additional or rotating partners, and partners within a polyamorous relationship may or may not be involved with every person in the relationship. If that’s hard to follow, don’t worry: there will be diagrams later to help sort that out.

While everything about communication, openness, and honesty from the previous two posts certainly applies here, the thing that sets polyamorous relationships apart from open relationships and other consensually non-monogamous relationships is the fact that there is some level of acknowledgment, awareness, and involvement between each member of the relationship, but this involvement does not need to be sexual or romantic in nature for each internal relationship.  

 An example, if you will:

Pat and Alex are in a committed, open and loving relationship. Pat meets Sam. Sam is aware of and acknowledges Pat and Alex’s relationship. Pat develops a committed, loving relationship with Sam. At this point: Pat, Alex, and Sam are in a polyamorous relationship.  Alex and Sam become friends and develop a social relationship. Pat engages sexually and romantically with both Alex and Sam as individuals. Pat, Alex, and Sam may engage socially as a unit. Alex and Sam become lovers. The dynamic of the polyamorous relationship changes. Pat engages with Alex and Sam sexually and romantically as individuals; Alex engages with Sam and Pat sexually and romantically as individuals; Sam engages with Pat an Alex sexually and romantically as individuals. The three may or may not occasionally all engage with each other sexually or romantically. Pat, Alex, and Sam decide that they are all they will ever need and form a ritualistic meditation triangle that opens a gate to a higher plane of existence as they transcend humanity and become fourth dimensional, soul-bonded beings or something (I imagine)… (*Please note, this is meant to be a joke. One of the most frequent myths that come up with when people talk about polyamory is that people who practice polyamory are somehow more evolved or enlightened, which is ridiculous. People who identify as polyamorous are still people.)

Now this is not meant to be an all-inclusive example. This is just a bare bones look at one possible way that a polyamorous relationship may develop. Notice when that relationship structure technically becomes a polyamorous relationship, though. It first occurs when Pat is in a committed, loving relationship with more than one person. Although this is a fantasy relationship and everything flows extremely smoothly and they’re all genderless and sexually open individuals who are cool with possibly engaging sexually and romantically with other genderless and sexually open individuals, I hope you can see how internal relationships may work within a polyamorous relationship and how the romantic and sexual aspects of each relationship may ebb and flow.

So… It’s not just about sex?

Oh, hypothetical reader, you ask all the right questions at exactly the right time! And they say you’re just a rhetorical device.  I think I might be falling in love with you.  Correct! Polyamorous relationships are not about sex. Or, at least, not just about sex. Think of it this way: an asexual panromantic person can totally be involved in a polyamorous relationship. *surprised gasp followed by Nick Kroll saying, “Wait, what?!”*

Polyamorous relationships are about diversified need fulfillment through multiple partners. They involve experiencing love with more than one partner, and not just bodily love, not even just romantic love. Before Alex and Sam became romantically involved in our example, they experienced that sort of social love, that philia, that wanting good things for the other person simply because they acknowledge that the other is a good person who deserves good things. Maybe they bonded over their mutual love of Pat, which is totally valid. Pat is a great person. Maybe they just really like the same type of sports ball and color combinations. Maybe Pat doesn’t like that sports ball team and thinks those color combinations are hideous. Alex and Sam bond over their mutual disagreement with Pat. Silly Pat, don’t you know that their sports ball team is the best team…

Polyamorous relationships are not just constant threesomes, foursomes, or more-somes. Sure, there may be polyamorous relationships that exclusively engage sexually through group sex, but there are also plenty of people in polyamorous relationships who never engage erotically with more than one partner at a time. Allowing yourself to experience a wider breadth of your own sexual needs and desires doesn’t change who you are as a person. If you think group sex is gross from an individual perspective, then regardless of how many romantic relationships you may be developing at one time, you probably shouldn’t force yourself into a threesome with your partner and their metamour. If you think group sex is just the bees’ knees and your partner and their metamour are into it and you, then more power to you, but both are valid and beautiful and wonderful expressions of polyamory.

Now, I know what you might be thinking, by including non-sexual love in this equation, aren’t I just opening this up to something like a deep-rooted friendship cluster? As long as at least one or more pairings within the deep-rooted friendship cluster are involved in some form of committed loving relationship, then yes, absolutely. That is exactly what I am doing. And now you might be seeing the grander appeal of polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationships are essentially your chosen family, in the same way that, say, a spouse is your chosen family in a monogamous relationship. And now that Steven Universe suggestion at the beginning makes a lot more sense. If you think of dancing/fusions in the series as an expression of sexual love, then it becomes pretty obvious that the Crystal Gems are in a polyamorous relationship. They are not family but they are certainly more than friends. They all clearly love one another, and there’s even some co-parenting involved in the first season when Steven is coming into his own. Yes, I recognize that it is all more complicated than that, but then again so are polyamorous relationships.

Polyamory by the Numbers

So polyamory is enjoying its time in the spotlight right now, and recent studies have shown that this phenomenon isn’t going anywhere. Polyamory is here to stay and is gaining in popularity. In fact, as many as one in five people may be involved in some form of polyamorous relationship in their lifetime, and another study found that 75% of self-identified polyamorists were between the ages of 25 and 44—I see you, fellow millennials, doing your thang—and nearly 60% identified as women. The majority within that latter survey also agreed that polyamory is gaining visibility and that the general population is becoming somewhat more accepting.

What? In this Economy?

Generally speaking, attitudes towards sex and sexuality have been growing more accepting since the mid ‘60s. That might be why the self-identified polyamorists are skewing a little bit younger. Social pressures and sexual shame may be keeping people in the higher age brackets in the closet, but I think it’s a little more complicated than that. If, like me, you know what it’s like to be a child of divorce, you might see the institution of marriage as a waste of space and the government over-stepping its bounds by regulating family structures and getting in bed with sacramental religious practices, and so it might make sense to forgo marriage altogether. You might even take it one step further and outright reject monogamy as a practice, as well, thus opening yourself up to the possibility of polyamory. 

But looking at it from a different perspective, how many millennials are out there right now struggling to make ends meet? Doesn’t a communal living arrangement seem like a better option than moving back in with your parents? A mostly platonic but semi-romantic love unit with five of your closest friends cohabiting with you, helping to pay your bills, and maybe even co-parenting your children could absolutely relieve some of that financial burden, and if actual love is involved it might even fulfill some of your emotional needs, as well. So yes, polyamory is absolutely a political tool. It is absolutely a rejection of the institution of marriage and government involvement in shaping family structures. Heck, it’s even a big FUCK YOU! to capitalism. But not for everyone who practices it, for some, it’s just about finding love within more than one person, and allowing yourself to experience that love freely.

What Polyamory is Not:

Polyamory is not polygamy, or plural marriage. Again, many people identify who identify as polyamorous do so as a rejection of the idea of monogamy and the institution of marriage. Polygamy also has a very specific connotation, especially in America, and hearkens images of men with many wives, trying to secure their own legacy through their biological imperative to reproduce. While the love that polyamorous individuals may certainly be equal to that between two spouses in a monogamous relationship, polyamory generally rejects the notion of a relationship hierarchy, which is why we have things like the solo-poly identity, or one person identifying as polyamorous and having multiple partners, but rejecting the notion of a primary relationship and instead focusing on their own personal development, growth, and need fulfillment.

Polyamory is also not for everyone, which is fine, but even if you do not identify as polyamorous, I hope this post at least serves to provide some information and lets you see that polyamorous relationships are valid and beautiful things when conducted properly, just like monogamous relationships are.

Polyamory is also not accepted by the general population as a whole. Polyamorous relationships are queer relationships, and, as such, face discrimination. Even when the people involved all identify as heterosexual, there is still a stigma generally associated with being in a polyamorous relationship, equating it with promiscuity and looseness of morals. Polyamory is generally left out of the conversation when we talk about protected categories of identity and people certainly do face discrimination for being involved in polyamorous relationships. Apart from facing the general ignorance, people can be and have been fired from their workplace or shunned by their family and friends for being polyamorous. Please treat polyamorous relationships with the respect and understanding they deserve because, chances are, based on those numbers from earlier, you probably know someone who is or has been involved in a polyamorous relationship.

So about Those Diagrams…

As promised, here are some of the possible relationship structures within the polyamory umbrella. To be clear, though, this is not an extensive list, and it’s important to not try and force your relationship to match one of these images. Make your own shape. Be your own colors. Throw a bunch of dots on a page and draw some lines between them.

How to Let Polyamory Work for You

Polyamorous relationships can be tricky, but following the lines of thought from my posts on consensual non-monogamy as a whole and open relationships, there are some guidelines you can keep in mind if you are interested in allowing polyamory to work for you. One of the most important things to keep in mind when developing a polyamorous relationship is acknowledging that any relationship is its own organic, living, and growing thing that will change and develop over time. Your relationships with your partners or your partner’s/partners’ partner(s) are all unique, and no two-person relationship within the framework of a polyamorous relationship is going to be exactly the same as any other, and that’s okay. If your partner has a partner that you’re not terribly keen on, that’s okay. What is most important is that you are acknowledging your partner’s needs and allowing them to experience love.

By allowing relationships to grow and breathe naturally, you may avoid one of the pitfalls that many inexperienced polyamorous couples face: forcing or coercing your relationship to fit the mold of something you think you want will not work. Generally speaking, if you’re expectation is that you will join an existing couple and easily slip into a triad, in which you are all romantically and sexually involved with each other, you’re more than likely going to be disappointed. Like with open relationships in general, to make polyamory work you really kind of have to put your pride away and practice some humility. You have to expect little, and try to let things develop naturally. Forcing any relationship, monogamous or non-monogamous, into what you think it should be will put undue pressure on everyone involved and will more than likely leave everyone hurt at the end of it all.

People are wonderful, silly, complex beings all with their own idiosyncrasies and each individual person will have their own ideas and desires and needs in any given relationship. Polyamorous relationships, by their very nature, involve more people, and those interconnected relationships are only going to provide additional layers of complexity. People generally don’t like being pigeonholed. Trying to force an entire relationship, and even more than one relationship, into the confines of a very box tends to not work. It is exceedingly difficult to be an established couple and only to date a third person together and demand that that potential partner love both of you the exact same way is extremely unreasonable. If you don’t even love each other the same way because you are different people who give and receive love in different ways, how can you expect someone else to love you both identically.  This is, after all, about relationships and love. Each partner needs to have a voice, and each voice needs to be respected and seen as valid. If you’re looking to add another partner to the wonderful thing that is your love, treat them like a partner, not like a living sex toy or a spare part.

There are real people involved in these relationships, and that means people can really be hurt. If you’re only interested in racking up points for your imaginary game between you and your partner, trying to determine who can hook up with the most people, then polyamory probably isn’t for you. You cannot keep score in polyamorous relationships. I know those diagrams might have given you a different impression, but polyamory really isn’t about math. It’s not about making sure a partner’s time is expertly and evenly divided between all of their lovers equally, it’s about allowing your partner to meet their needs, and potentially doing so without your direct involvement from time to time.

The concept of fairness within polyamorous relationships needs to be equally organic. There may be times when one partner, for whatever reason, is going through some sort of crisis or is facing problems or for whatever reason needs more support and attention. And that’s okay, as long as that support is available to all the people in the relationship when they need it. Likewise, one partner may be better equipped to provide a particular type of support and might need to step up and offer that support when the time comes. This can also lead to feelings of jealousy and resentment based in our own fears of inadequacy, but at some point, within any polyamorous relationship, you’re going to have to accept and embrace the fact that it’s not all about you.

With that being said, though, it’s okay to frame your needs from your perspective. Time for some Relationship Therapy/Conflict Resolution 101: there’s a very important difference between asking yourself “Are my needs being met?” and “Am I getting what that person is getting?” These are where those “I” statements and “you” statements come into play. By all means, voice your needs, your concerns, your desires, but don’t make it a competition. Likewise, allow your partners or your partner’s(s’) partner’s the opportunity to express their own needs and desires and, certainly, any doubts or concerns they might be having.

I know that addressing problems is never comfortable. Approaching a person who is behaving in a way that causes you pain or who isn’t meeting your needs carries emotional risk, and being involved with more than one person can make that anxiety feel like it’s growing exponentially, but like I said in my post on open relationships, toxic qualities don’t just magically vanish when someone enters a polyamorous relationship. These things need to be addressed, otherwise they will fester and grow and infect the other internal relationships within your polyamorous relationship.  I know it’s tempting to let the little things slide, but you really cannot do that, in any relationship. If something bothers you, it’s going to continue to bother you until it’s been addressed.

Just keep in mind, polyamory is never going to be the solution to a struggling relationship, but nor is it usually going to be the problem. If you’re thinking about maybe joining an existing couple, take a good look at their current existing relationship. If you see a lot of toxic qualities within their relationship, you’re not going to manic pixie dream girl the shit out of their hellscape into something beautiful. If you treat each individual within the relationship as a fully recognized individual you will generally be all right. Just allow yourself to be flexible and realize why you’re exploring polyamory in the first place: because you recognize that you have a vast array of needs and desires and you want to experience love in all of its forms, and you want your partners to experience their version of that too.

One Final Thought…

There is so much hate and dread and despair in this world, even if, at the end of this article, you don’t identify as polyamorous yourself, I hope that you can take that away from this post: an openness to love in all of its forms.

[wanderlust-and-road-dust]

F’nor Azril

THE BASICS ––– –

Name: F’nor Azril. Formerly Fonn Byquist, but due to her leaving her people she’s adopted the Mi’qote mechanic of naming, not initially understanding the apostrophes in their names. She’s stuck with it though, as she finds bears to be a good representation of her solitary wanderings and stout self reliance.

Age: Seasons come and seasons go, so why count them? 87

Birthday: 30th Sun of the 5th Umbral Moon

Race: Viera, Rava.

Gender: Trans woman.

Sexuality: Pansexual.

Marital Status: Single.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ––– –

Hair: A burnished copper that abruptly shifts to black tips. Recently shorn short after an incident with an ink pot, though she kept one long braid on her right side that she fiddles with on occasion. Usually brushing the end against her lips and chin as she’s thinking.

Eyes: Left eye Cactuar green. Right eye a startling vibrant purple, which she’s blind in. Usually keeps her right eye covered with a patch, or wears glasses to aid her ailing eyesight.

Height: 5 fulms, 10 ilms.

Build: Wirey, in a word. She’d look scrawny if not for lean corded muscles defining her arms and legs. F’nor’s physique is reminiscent of tough roots. Long hours of traveling by foot the length and breadth of the map, she’s in peak physical condition.  

Distinguishing Marks: A smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the oddity of her purple right eye. Beyond which F’nor is relatively free of any other distinguishing features. Perhaps ink smudges on her face, ink stained finger tips from absentminded quill work. Or a myriad of minor nicks and scrapes from hard travel, but they quickly heal and fade in due time.

Common Appearance:  Almost always in her orange poncho and traveling moccasins, she stands out like a sore thumb. Though often her poncho isn’t quite as flashy due in no small part to the large quantity of road dust she accumulates on her wandering.  Sometimes wearing an eye patch, sometimes wearing glasses, sometimes she just forgets either until reminded. An idle stance of crossed arms and bemused curiosity finish her ensemble.

PERSONAL ––– –

Profession: Vagabond story hoarder, cartographer and amateur botanist.

Hobbies Reading, collecting and sampling tea, retrieving odd little artefacts. 

Languages: Common, Vieran

Residence: Wherever she happens to find herself in the evening. Sometimes a travelers lodge, other times at a campfire by herself.

Birthplace: An out of the way corner of the Golmore Jungle.

Religion: Better to acknowledge the gods than to deny or doubt they exist.

Patron God: Azeyma, though she honestly falls under the patronage of Oschon more so.

Fears: Large crowds of people, confinement, spiders.

RELATIONSHIPS ––– -

Spouse: None

Children: None

Parents: As a Viera who has left the fold, F’nor is dead to her parents

Siblings: None

Other: None

Pets: A toad named Hopalong and her trusty chocobo Farstrider.

TRAITS ––– -

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless (extremely so)

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader (unless someone has a better plan or is more qualified) / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between (rather informal and not much for the strictures of civilized societal hierarchy and the like) / Uncultured

Loyal (extremely so) / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between (this one is more to do with faith as in belief than faith as in loyalty) / Unfaithful

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ––– –

Smoking Habit: Sometimes after a hard days travel a pipe of weed is nice to unwind with, especially by a campfire with a good book.

Drugs: No particular habit for drugs.

Alcohol: Has a soft spot for harder spirits, particularly earthy and smokey flavored drinks. Like whisky (difference between Whisky and Whiskey is one without the E is Scotch and with the E is every other Whiskey besides Scottish Whisky. I don’t really know how that translates into game lore, but I’m sure there’s a distinction somewhere. There’s not an overly in depth dive into the alcohols brewed by the various races and regions. Or at least that I’m aware of)

RP HOOKS ––– –

Not all who wander are lost: F’nor likes to wander. To explore, to rove off from the beaten path and travel paths less traveled. The world is a wide and wild place dramatically different from the sweltering confines of the Golmore jungle. As such she can be found wandering the byways of Aldenard exploring ever outward from Limsa Lominsa. Currently her travels have taken her into the winter locked lands of Coerthas where she was not properly prepared for the cold and as such promptly turned back around to the Shroud of Gridania to better outfit herself for the horrendous cold. Though not one for staying in anyone one place long, who knows when she’ll move on to another portion of the world?

A message in a bottle? How curious... - A chance encounter of finding a stoppered bottle in a tree she was harvesting for mirror apples has piqued F’nor’s curiosity. Opening the bottle to reveal the contents to be a vague and crude map she’s avidly been tearing her way through every tree, bush and rock looking for more of these mysterious bottles. If you chance upon a madly muttering Viera diving head long into a bush or peering into every knothole on a tree, odds are good you’ve ran into F’nor. Treasure finding and the satisfaction of solving these vague scraps of parchment are one of her most favored past times. Not only does it set her off on a whirlwind adventure, usually on the spur of the moment, it usually has her go to places she’s never been. Truly a win win situation. If you have a map and are willing to share the journey with her, she’ll happily tag along for the journey alone. The trifles and baubles dug up might interest her, but she’ll happily abide by map owners claim for the rewards.

Tale as old as time - Besides seemingly wandering aimlessly and mapping her travels, F’nor’s rambling jaunts across hill and dale serve a greater purpose. Though the reason is equally vague as her meandering. She’s on the hunt for stories, folk tales, anecdotes and myths of the regions she roves through. If you’ve got some time and are willing to spin a yarn or two, F’nor’ll be more than happy to share her fire and company to listen to you.

Ramblin’ Woman  - Once primed to a subject matter, F’nor has a tendency to just... well... run at the mouth. Sometimes she’ll wax poetically. Other times she’ll just talk for what seems like hours. There’s no rhyme or reason to when she’ll set off like a chocobo in search of choice gysahl greens. Just prepare for a veritable deluge of talk about whatever topic has currently caught her fancy. That’s not to say some folks can’t get a word in edge wise, she’s attentive and will let whomever she’s bludgeoning with words have a chance to speak. She just fully intends to have her say first. At length. Much to many a persons dismay. Seemingly a rather quiet individual, she’ll often blindside a random stranger who just wanted to sit in peace and quiet by another seemingly quiet stranger. However if you’re up to the challenge of mincing words with the quirkily gregarious Viera, have at. She likes a good talk, particularly if it’s something she’s fascinated by. Truth be told, that can be just about anything. She’s an avid hoarder of information.

Absentminded Woolgatherer - Lost in thought, head in the clouds, feet off the ground. F’nor is likely off in her own little world thinking about who knows what. Caught in the rain without cloak or other rain protection, she’ll blithely wander around, gaze fixed inward as she plods on. Sometimes she’ll wander into an inn or market stall and blink in surprise and wonderment as to how she got to be where she is. Sometimes if she’s particularly caught up in her own thoughts she’ll run into you, your chocobo, that tree over there. She’ll bounce off random objects and reorient herself and go careening off until she runs into the next object in her path. Hells, she might even wander into a stream, cross it, and walk around with squelching boots without noticing what she’s done. She didn’t mean to startle you. Oh and if she doesn’t apologize, sorry. Thoughts in chaos and all that.

CONTACT INFORMATION and OOC NOTES ––– –

  ‘eyo and hello and hi and all that jazz, greetings etc. F’nor’s and old hat of mine that has been rattling around the byways for a long and long time. I’ve been role playing in a variety of different formats for... an astonishingly long time now that I think about it. Pen and Paper since I was twelve, other table top rpgs, video games and what not for a good going on twenty years now. Yes, that means I’m 32. Or turning 32 this year. I honestly stopped counting somewhere in my twenties. Honestly that’s just an excuse for me to say I forget regularly how old I am exactly. I’m in this community to have fun, to build wonderful stories. To revel in shared experience and craft truly remarkable things with you. So, why don’t you come and join me on this adventure? It’s a long road and best shared with good friends, good food and good drink.   Side note, I’m not really into ERP. Romance might happen, things develop organically. Might go the way of a pleasant night of shared company that gets a little more intimate. But I’m just flat out bad at it and even gets a bit tedious. There’s only so many ways one can write about sexual encounters before it gets repetitive. If that’s your thing, fine and good, just don’t try and drag me into it. Please and thank you.   You can find me here on tumblr on either this blog or my other inspiration blog @fnorazril. You can also get a hold of me on discord as well as Transdimensional Shambler#0179. Not to mention Balmung of FFXIV, though more often I’m on Mateus bumbling around chasing a courier.

[bpoole500]

Tusk Revisited

This fall marks the 40th anniversary of the release of Tusk, Fleetwood Mac’s defiantly offbeat opus that was underappreciated in its time, even as it presaged trends in music.

After the unprecedented success of 1977’s Rumours, the Mick Fleetwood/John McVie/Christine McVie/Stevie Nicks/Lindsey Buckingham incarnation of Fleetwood Mac pretty much had carte blanche to do whatever the band wanted. A situation like that gives an artist several avenues for their potential next act.

Many acts have followed up a landmark album with “Part 2.” Think of Adele’s 25 or Michael Jackson’s Bad. The artist delivers a follow-up that’s very much in the vein of their big last album. Reviewers will tend to be less enthused, but it will sell well and produce more hit singles, usually pleasing most fans and the record label. It’s a good career move, even if the follow-up can’t help but be overshadowed by its celebrated predecessor.

Other artists respond to a significant breakthrough album by, essentially, not following it up. Perhaps a live set might emerge or some earlier recordings are repackaged for the new mass audience that came aboard for the big hit. There could be live shows. But in essence, the artist just chooses, for any of a variety of reasons, to sit it out. Look no further than the trajectory of Lauryn Hill after The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Fans usually never understand it, even if it makes sense to the artist.

And then there’s the path that Fleetwood Mac took with their follow-up to Rumours. As has been pointed out many times, there is no topping an album like Rumours, a collection that earned strong critical accolades, major sales and cross-genre airplay dominance. It’s one of those albums that, even decades later, remains a strong seller, as new generations discover it (and often access it in new ways, thanks to media evolution). Warner Bros. would certainly have been thrilled if the band had delivered Rumours II. That would have played well with fans, as well.

But that ignores the fact that Rumours was a “lightning in a bottle” moment, the kind of personal/professional alchemy that a band can’t plan. And in the case of this group, likely would not have wanted to re-live even if they could have.

Instead, the band followed the third path that acts sometimes embrace after a major success: go in an unexpected direction. No description drives record company execs to the antacid bottle more than “experimental.” Especially when its affixed to the new album of a key act. But that’s what Fleetwood Mac did with Tusk.

Buckingham is widely acknowledged as one of the guitar virtuosos of the rock world. He’s also recognized for his love of studiocraft and production experimentation. So with a blank check, the band essentially handed the wheel to their resident mad genius and let him steer them into waters that took a different path from the era-defining sound of their recent hit. The result was Tusk, a double album misunderstood at its time, that only years later would be embraced as a lunatic masterpiece.

While Buckingham was thoroughly grounded in the classic rock idiom, he listened to, and was inspired by, everything that was going on in the industry at the time. The restless energy of post-punk and the trashy electro-sheen of new wave. The fearless disregard of tradition of art rock and the sonic collage experiments of industrial music. He was inspired to go beyond what a band could produce using instruments and voices, using production not just as a facilitator, but as a sonic medium in its own right. He wrote numerous songs that sounded little like what he’d produced before and then wrapped his feverish sonic ideas around Christine and Stevie’s more traditional compositions, pushing them to unexpected places. At its core, Tusk was a major, mainstream classic rock band charting the future of alternative music.

As has been pointed out many times, Tusk often feels like the mash-up of two different albums: Buckingham’s paranoid opus, full of sharp edges and nervous tics, contrasted with the more conventional songs produced by his partners. It’s not an unfair paradigm, but even though Tusk has Buckingham’s imprimatur firmly stamped on it, it’s still definitively the work of a band. Drummer Mick Fleetwood and bassist John McVie follow their guitarist’s lead and achieve the kinds of beats and rhythms necessary to execute Buckingham’s ideas, while the layers of harmonies he envisioned wouldn’t have hit with the impact they did without the unique interplay of his voice with Christine’s and Stevie’s.

Still, Buckingham did go in some startling directions. Bits of everything from rockabilly and the Beach Boys to punk and World Beat are evident in the mix, the album often presaging trends that would dominate the music scene in the decade that followed. The title track is a prime example of Buckingham’s ideas coming together in a striking manner. It boasts the sinister paranoia of many of Buckingham’s contributions, using almost tribal rhythms that referenced African sonic traditions half a decade before Paul Simon’s landmark Graceland. Married with layered harmonies, distorted guitars and an actual marching band, it was like nothing else on the charts in 1979.

“What Makes You Think You’re the One” was another moment where Buckingham managed to translate his impulses into something with commercial appeal, working nervous energy, edgy rhythms and echoes of doo wop harmonies and instrumental flourishes into an engaging stew. Throughout, Buckingham’s songs were filled with off-kilter melodies, production tricks and distortions, layers of harmonies that pushed song structures that could have been familiar into some places listeners hadn’t been before. He borrowed the economy of punk, with most of his compositions clocking in within the range of two to three minutes, often ending abruptly or on an unexpected moment of dissonance. He surrounded the songs with spacey, detached qualities, adding propulsion even to quieter moments. With titles like “The Ledge,” “Walk A Thin Line,” “I Know I’m Not Wrong,” “That’s Enough for Me” and “Not That Funny,” with unsettled lyrics and performances that communicated a certain alienation, Buckingham’s songs more dared listeners to engage with them than invited them in. It’s not what you might expect from a superstar release, but it was brave and creative.

While some critics were inclined to dismiss the more conventional tunes that Christine and Stevie composed, one of the more fascinating aspects of Tusk was seeing how Buckingham co-opted those songs to fit his vision for the album. You got Christine’s sunny SoCal pop and Stevie’s mystical rock and folk run through Buckingham’s offbeat paranoia, for some often interesting results.

Take Christine’s “Think About Me,” a charming Top 30 hit that’s often overlooked today. Buckingham’s production is drenched in the surf pop of the Beach Boys, but spikes it with fuzzy edges, jittery harmonies and wailed vocal counterpoints. Deceptively simple songs like “Over & Over,” “Brown Eyes” and “Honey Hi” took on more complex structures as Buckingham injected the emerging New Wave ethos into them, giving them layers and textures that pushed them out of Christine’s usual comfort zone, adding tension and friction that provided contrast to her cool, clean vocals. Even a gentle ballad like “Never Make Me Cry” got a jolt from the subtle pulse of a strummed electric guitar that Buckingham ran throughout.

Unsurprisingly, Stevie’s songs provided a robust canvas for Buckingham’s production work. Tusk is best remembered for hit single “Sara,” one of Stevie’s more engaging poetic explorations. Even in the edited version (which chops off nearly two minutes, including the entire second verse), it’s a beguiling mix, with Buckingham using a complex layering of harmonies that builds slowly to surround Stevie’s lead, giving an exotic charm to the mix, while he adds fuzzy touches to the edges to give the song an insistent energy. He transformed “Angel” into a harbinger of the country-pop that would come to dominate Nashville a decade later and gave a jittering, unsettling edge to the gentle “Storms” that set out a roadmap for the contemporary folk sound that was right around the corner. Most daringly, Buckingham used Stevie’s mystic rock opus “Sisters of the Moon” to pioneer the template for the dance rock that would become a staple of alternative radio.

Fans and critics didn’t know what to make of Tusk. The title track became a hit because anything that Fleetwood Mac released after Rumours would have made the Top 10. “Sara” and “Think About Me” succeeded with radio as the best examples of the band’s traditional sound melding seamlessly with Buckingham’s futurist production. But many critics at the time didn’t get the album and fans who had bought Rumours in droves didn’t embrace Tusk. It was seen as a failure and would set the stage for a retrenchment (the far more conventional Mirage (1982) and Tango in the Night (1987) would bring this chapter of the band to a close on a more commercial, mainstream note).

But Tusk has had a healthy afterlife. While it hasn’t enjoyed the long-term sales power of Rumours or the group’s eponymous 1975 album, it has remained available consistently and won over new converts over the years. Critical re-evaluations of the album, especially in the context of the ‘80s alternative revolution that followed, came to appreciate how ahead of its time Tusk was and what a crucial touchstone it became for the development of modern rock music. It grew into an “artists’ album,” one of those works cited by other musicians as one of their influences. Both “Tusk” and “Sara” have remained in regular rotation on classic rock and soft rock radio formats, while “Sisters of the Moon” developed into a cult favorite among Stevie’s loyal fans. The band included several cuts from Tusk on their various “best of” collections and incorporated them into their latter day tours to strong effect.

Tusk makes almost perfect sense when viewed from a remove of forty years. Fleetwood Mac took advantage of the opportunity that success afforded them to go out on a creative limb. And in the process, thanks to Buckingham’s feverish creativity and work ethic, helped advance the evolution of rock and alternative music.

[bmichael]

Tanis vs The Southern Reach

In order to talk about the Southern Reach (TSR) trilogy, you have to talk about Tanis. There are a few reasons, both personal and intrinsic to the work. The most basic is that I’d have never heard of TSR without being a part of the online Tanis community. They would come up whenever anyone asked about works similar to Tanis, but they were generally recommended wanly, with the ending being a particular weakness. (This is absurd, because --) This was enough recommendation to get me to buy the book, but it took the first book from the trilogy, Annihilation, being both film-adapted and involved with my day job, to give the final push for me reading the books. 

The second main reason the two go hand in hand is that, without exaggeration, the Tanis podcast has tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to adapt or steal every good idea found in Jeff VanderMeer’s TSR books. Looking into Tanis provides an accurate map of the books’ general brilliance in the manner of a photo negative. An abominable necromantic double.

Fairly everything TSR covers -- psychological sessions and hypnosis; mysterious sylvan phenomenon; shadowy, quasi-NGOs running roughshod; oh yeah, and necromantic doubling -- Tanis has taken and used to worse effect. Everything. Instead of being set in a vaguely southeastern forest region of the country, Tanis sets its drama in the northwest. Again, another mirror-image type play, and not enough to give any sort of plausible deniability of blatant rip-off. But that Paramount money probably smoothes over any professional displeasure VanderMeer holds for Terry Miles’ podcast series.

Tanis is easy to explain and difficult to describe. It’s a serial fiction podcast centering on the investigative radio journalism of Nick SIlver, for a fictional northwestern radio station (now) called the Public Radio Alliance. He investigates a phenomenon called Tanis, which is found in the woods of the Pacific Northwest. Its fourth season recently began. (Good timing?)

Going more into it, the story of Tanis unfolds glacially. The first season forms a relatively clean arc that doubles back upon itself using a neat trick of storytelling. From there, the Tanis podcast tells an essentially ten-page story over the course of tens of hours of audio drama (insert scare quotes) by 1- having characters speak slowly and repetitiously, using dialogue that moves in fits and few starts; 2- picking up various narrative strands like the suicides of Kurt Cobain and Elliot Smith; shod feet washing up on shore; necromantic doubles; Nikola Tesla; Baba Yaga; Manson Family-style cults; time dilation; exotic locales around the world that aren’t in the Pacific Northwest; etc. etc. etc. and never resolving or developing them past basically stating them as premises; 3- finally, falling somewhat under the first rubric but deserving special attention, the dramatically stunted narration/actions of Nick Silver, the protagonist. I can’t recall there being a more unlikeable yet vanilla character in any sort of fiction or literature I’ve experienced. The voice actor is obviously Canadian, which somewhat contributes to the blandness of the character. Throughout the podcast, Silver is supposed to be a journalist or investigative reporter or something, but he displays virtually no curiosity or initiative. He’s happy to passively be told (or not told) things by interlocutors, asking no follow-up questions save for repeating whatever he’s told back to them with a slight upturn of voice. It’s maddening and deadening and a perfect symbol for the total plot stasis and lack of narrative drive that surrounds Tanis like a noxious miasma.

So, while the second TSR book, Authority, is a little slow (by design), it’s nothing like the complete vaporlocked and broken narrative engine that is Tanis.  

Now, I stopped listening to Tanis after season 3, and even going through that was a slog. The podcast has recently taken up season 4, but I already have the work of Morton Feldman and Max Richter to help put me to sleep. It’s not that the narrative moves at a glacial pace; an overarching narrative thrust can proceed exquisitely slow and glacial if that’s part of an intentional narrative strategy. Kinetic pace and frenetic plot can serve some types of stories, but would be totally out of place for a piece that’s more about exploring space like, say, L'Avventura. The Southern Reach and Tanis are on the more meditative side of the dial, but I believe Tanis moves the way it does due to a lack of storytelling ability rather than design. Take a look at this piece of transcript from a season 2 episode. (The reader should note that things deteriorate rather steeply from season 2 to season 3, but I couldn’t find a transcript online for 3.)Two characters, Nic and Geoff (“Geoff”), are exploring part of an outdoor anomaly that is linked to, or possibly is, Tanis. They’re walking along a wall. After noticing a crow that he thinks is more than a crow (which he doesn’t elaborate on other than to say he doesn’t know why he feels this way), Nic says he sees something “interesting”. I understand that podcasting is an audio medium. For that reason, even more than for a written work, the narrative has to show and tell vividly. Tanis takes the opposite approach. Details are muted and obscure, the storytelling palette is limited to shades of gray. The bit-by-bit pieces of the story comprise a push-pull of exchanges like:— This is impossible.

— What? — This. — What is it? What? Here? — Yeah.

And you can read on above. It’s bad dialogue, sure. But also, given that it’s an audio medium, the eye can’t skim or travel quickly through soft focus detritus to get to the details of the bigger picture. There is no bigger picture, and all the details are like little croutons floating on top of a mushy, rotting word salad. Characters often can’t mutually decide, it seems, on what they’re seeing or thinking and exposition is stretched out to absurd lengths of what’s thises and who’s thats. This storytelling-by-stasis is my main complaint against Tanis, and 95% of the reason why I don’t listen to it anymore and would never recommend it to anyone. But it’s just the rotting frame that holds up an incredibly slender narrative idea, and I do think that’s by design. Very little happens in each episode. They’re edited such that several different storylines unfold in parallel, none of them very far, and they’re told so slowly and vaguely to mask how little happens. The first season had an arc with a beginning, middle, and end. If it had ended then, Tanis would have joined Limetown and Wolf 359 (which went on MUCH longer, though) as great narrative podcasts. But it’s continued drib drab storytelling over, now 4 seasons reminds me more of a modern “video game as service” than anything resembling a piece of fiction told by someone or someones in control of a story they’re telling. Every week you sorta log on to Tanis, see what minor things have happened, which for whatever reason takes 30 to 50 minutes, and you get to hear 4 or 5 ads as well. There doesn’t seem to be a larger point to anything, and that, I guess, is the point.

Most of the things that make Tanis a slog end up being positive features of TSR trilogy. The narrative metes out information in order to decontextualize and recontextualize different plot points and developments, sometimes in devastating fashion. Like most literary fiction TSR is about intergenerational family drama. The ways the past births already condemned presents and futures. When you’re finished reading it, you realize that the books told a relatively slight story powered about the mystery of Area X as it wove through a couple generations of the families who grew up in and around the environs of Area X. It’s not so different from various parts of Ulysses, where a minor event for one person is a major event in another’s life, which has a ripple effect for hundreds or thousands of other people in the environs of the plot. And when you experience the events through the different characters eyes, you experience a new meaning and significance.

I think, ultimately, I wanted to vent about Tanis and communicate that TSR is a significant improvement (or rather, that Tanis is a great degradation of it). Without spoiling (ugh) too much about TSR, it’s a propulsive story about ecological biomes and how change happens glacially and then all at once. This theme is somewhat reflected in the way the story is told, but it never drags and it generally always seems like the narrative energy is well-directed for the story it’s telling. Highly recommended. C+

[renn-and-the-trashcan]

Idiot by Association

THREE. THOUSAND. SEVEN HUNDRED. AND SIXTY SIX WORDS. What the hell me?! It’s not even the day of the prompt anymore, it’s past midnight! But that shows how much I put into this I guess. I just hope this doesn’t continue, or else I’ll be ruined before the end of the week 2.

Swear warning. I really need to remember to include these.

Week 1, day 4 prompt: Alternate Universe version of PTA. Universe: PTA Underfell

Sans sighed, looking at himself in the mirror, anxious. He was wearing the nicest non-suit he had, a fancy schmancy red dress shirt, a nice pair of black pants Papyrus recommended, brown dress shoes, and a sky blue tie that Frisk gave them (he didn’t care if it didn’t go with the outfit, he was going to goddamned wear this bloody amazing gift the kid went out of their to get him, clashing or not).

Papyrus peered into the bathroom where Sans was, taking a look at him. “Ahh, there you are! Still getting dressed, are we brother?”

Sans looked over, yet again sighing. “Yep… Watchya think?”

Papyrus looked him up and down, commanding him to turn so that he could see the back. Finally, he said “It will do. My research indicates this to be a semi-formal attire event in terms of apparel, so that should do you well brother, though I recommend gloves to go with it. Just do not say watchya during the proceedings, keep yourself formal and respectable! We’re representing monsterkind and- more importantly- Frisk here! Understood?!”

Sans nodded, they’d been through it all before. “Got it bro.” he turned back to the mirror, checking his teeth for anything before quickly turning back to Papyrus. “Hey, wait, why aren’t you goin’ to this thing instead of me?!”

Papyrus quickly answered “Because Sans, Frisk ask you to attend as opposed to me!” He struck a flaunting pose to show off the wonderful suit jacket he was wearing. “Besides, me and Frisk are going shopping! We’re going to pick out various outfits for Frisk!”

As much as Sans wanted to argue or let out a sigh at least, all he could do was look away and smile at how excited Papyrus was to buy outfits with Frisk (something he knew nothing about, thus Papyrus’s help with his own outfit).

It didn’t matter how shitty this whole thing was, so long as it made Frisk and Papyrus happy.

Papyrus interrupted his train of thought. “The meeting is in thirty eight minutes Sans! I expect you to be at the door in approximately eight at maximum!”

Sans sighed, holding back a chuckle as Papyrus walked off. He looked in the mirror again. Teeth clean, golden tooth twinkling to a shine, face washed, clothes “dapper” as Alphys had told him…

He kept wondered if he should do anything about the crack in his skull, until he heard Papyrus shout “FIVE minutes Sans!”

___________

As Papyrus and Frisk drove off, Sans looked around the front of the school. He remembered scoping this place out once (he wanted to make sure Frisk would be safe), and he’d been here plenty of times to pick up Frisk on his motorcycle (which kids really seemed to like for some reason), but otherwise he’d never gotten to know the place.

He began walking to the front doors of the school, feeling more and more anxious and glad Papyrus had given a pair of gloves in the car (they went with his outfit, and hid his sweaty, bony palms).

He walked through the wide open door, and looked around. He immediately noticed a whiteboard pointing him in the direction of the meeting, and so walked down the hall it pointed, taking his time to see what the school looked like along the way.

After walking through a few halls and past some classrooms (nothing of interest to Sans), he saw another whiteboard next to a doorway, and made his way inside.

The room was fairly large, tables pushed off to the sides with food and beverages laid out on them and a circle of chairs in the middle for approximately thirty people. Sans was quick to count heads, eighteen people present aside from him, one of them standing next to the door in a suit with a clipboard.

The man stared at Sans for a moment, before clearing his breath and saying “Uhh- Sorry, sir, but this is a PTA meeting for the teachers and parents of students attending this school.”

Sans nodded, confused. “Uhh, yeah, I know. That’s why I’m here.”

The man stared at him, much more confused than before, and quickly looking over his clipboard (list of attending parents, if Sans had to guess). After a brief moment, he looked back up and told him “I- Uhh… I’m sorry to say, but you seem to be mistaken somehow. No monsters have chosen to-”

“Been allowed to.” Sans corrected him.

He continued. “No monsters have chosen to attend this school, so I fail to see how you could possibly be one of our parents tonight.”

Sans shook his head, somehow unsurprised. Looking him straight in the eyes, he explained “My name is Comic Sans MS Gaster, my kid’s name is Frisk.”

The man seemed to recognize the name Frisk, as he began scanning over his clipboard again to check. He put his finger to the board, underlining something with it before grabbing a pen from his pocket and marking it off. He turned back up to Sans and held out a hand. “Well- uhm, I’m pleased to meet, Mr.Gaster. I’m Henry Pascuzzi.”

Sans grasped his hand, giving him a firm shake and a smile. “Pleased to meet ya Henry, but just call me Sans.” He didn’t like going by his last name, and would have prefered Frisk not have taken it if possible (unfortunately not by human law).

Henry nodded. “Anyway, the meeting should start in fifteen minutes. Feel free to get to meet the other parents.”

Sans nodded in return, turning back to the rest of the room and noticing how, by now, all seventeen other people were staring at him. Some seemed confused, some angry or fearful, one or two simply curious.

He bit back a retort aimed towards them all and walked into the  general room, trying to look around innocuously as though he didn’t notice their blatant staring.

He decided to walk over to one of the food tables, one without anyone, and looked around at all the non-magical food he couldn’t eat. Lemon squares, some brownies, homemade fruit punch, all delicious sounding…

But again, he couldn’t eat any, so he considered what it was he should do.

“Excuse me, but have we met before?” Sans turned, and saw a man wearing a light brown jacket, a tshirt, and a pair of jogging pants, clearly unfamaliar to him.

Sans let out a chuckle, answering “Yep, we totally did. Remember it like it was yesterday… My adopted kid asked me to attend the PTA meetings at their school and you walked up to me because monsters don’t attend the school. Wait, that’s right now, whoops.” He let his joking expression fall, about to bite back with a proper retort before realizing he should probably not make these people hate him. Instead, he put out his hand with a serious expression. “Call me Sans, your name?”

He swallowed any spit he had sitting around his mouth and shook it, saying “Name’s Dan. So- errmm, you’re a skeleton, huh?”

Sans nodded, keeping his serious expression. “Got a problem with that?”

Danny’s eyes widened as they quickly shook their head.

Sans let out a small burst of laughter at their scared expression. “Ahh, don’t worry Dan, you’re already doin’ better than a lotta of people by just talkin’ to me.” He leaned against the wall and asked “So, you a parent?”

Dan nodded, slightly eased by the laughter yet slightly unnerved by how Sans laughed. “Errm, y-Yes! My kid’s name is Nick. He’s a quiet kid, but he behaves and is friendly enough, smart too.”

Sans let out a chuckle. “I can relate, pretty sure my kid’s selectively mute. Err- Frisk. That’s their name.” He never did well with social interaction. Growing up it was either “They might kill you so analyze everything” or “I love you but man you are an asshole,” resulting in lackluster communication capabilities.

He nodded, before pausing for a moment. “Wait… Frisk, as in the kid vouching for monsters?”

Sans took a deep breath, understanding that Dan was probably not meaning what it felt like, like he was judging them and his child for being goddamned decent people. “Yeah, that’s them. Guess it explains how I got to be their Dad, huh?”

Dan shrugged. “I don’t know, you seem pretty good to me. You’re coming here after all just because- uhh... they asked you to. Makes sense they’d want you as a parent.”

Sans stared at them, utter shock in both his eyes.

“Uhh…” Dan asked “Are… Are you okay, Sans? You’re not- like, having a stroke or anything, are you? D-Do I need to get a doctor?!”

Sans slowly began to shake his head, laughing out loud in honest to god relief and in part simply at how much they freaked out the guy. “Nah, nah, don’t worry pal, I’m all fine!” He took a deep breath, relieved this guy wasn’t an asshole. “So… You a stay at home dad, or what do ya do for a living?”

________

Sans and Dan sat down next to each other on one end of the circle, Dan insisting so as to help Sans become acquainted if need be (they had just spent the last twenty minutes or so talking and getting to know one another).

The man from the door, Henry, stood up and spoke to the almost thirty adults. “Well hello there today, welcome to this month’s PTA meeting. Today, we have someone new joining us, on account of their child only recently joining our school. Sans, would you please stand up?”

Everyone already knew who the new person was, now they just knew his name. Sans stood up, once again feeling the eyes of everyone on him, though this time with less confusion than previously. More were simply curious, some had left behind their confusion for fear, while a few tried to give warm (if awfully quiet) greetings and welcomings to him, a few still staring at him with anger and hatred.

Not knowing what exactly he was supposed to do, he gave a small wave and sat back down, making note of the few who seemed to almost want him dead (he very well knew the difference between them and the ones who wanted him dead, none of the people here thankfully).

Henry continued on, saying “Now then, I have some notes written down here for various complaints different parents have as well as various topics from the district and the the board, as well as the national PTA, so let us begin.”

Sans sat there, not sure how to handle this. Should he deal with it like when he tried to gather information (pretending to sleep but listening in the whole time)? Should he be trying to sit there and stay businesslike? A few people were wearing t shirts, would it be okay if he just lied back and roughly listened to what was going on?

He decided to sit there attentively to start, and to see where to go from there.

_____________

It was the most dreadful hour of his life.

He did his research to know what to expect, but this was boring him to death still. Spending budgets, cafeteria food, some political stuff involving guns and putting guards in schools (which, though he agreed with the concept, he didn’t trust any of these fuckers with a gun around his child), all boring garbage.

He was just lying back lazily in his chair by now. Eventually, he knew they were getting close to the end, when Henry finally said “Well, that’s a rap for today. The next meeting will be scheduled-”

“Uhm, excuse me?” A woman had interrupted, who Sans glanced over to. He recognized them as one of the ladies who seemed to hate his ribs, as well as a massive idiot based off half the garbage they spouted throughout this meeting.

He could see how Henry froze up slightly, how he held back his sigh as he said “Yes, Linda?”

Linda stood up (as people had been doing throughout the meeting), and said “I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t bring up my complaints regarding LGBT issue we’re facing?”

Sans’s shoulders stiffened, as he rolled his head over the back of his chair slightly for a bit of a better look (still just lying back lazily).

Henry nodded, obviously feigning confusing and looking through the cards he had on his clipboard. Sans could see them cycling through back to a previous card they had discussed, but he acted as though it were a new card. “Oh, yes, here it is. Linda here had quite a bit to say about LGBT expression and tolerance in our school and district, and ultimately given all they had to bring up regarding it I believe it may be best if they lead us temporarily to talk about it and what we all think on the matter.” He sat down, giving the stage to this Linda lady while clearly hoping that people would stand up to her.

Linda smiled, akin to a grinning canine Sans thought (he’d know). She said “Well, recently quite a few of our older students- mostly ages nine through thirteen- seem to be defining themselves by these ridiculous labels that keep getting created by our society and seemingly doctors as well.”

Sans was intrigued. Either it seemed they were going to comment on something important along the lines of people judging others and forcing them into roles, or say something incredibly stupid and phobic about those who fall under the LGBT spectrum.

She continued “Many students seem to be pursuing unnatural and unhealthy relationships at a young age, society seemingly fixing it into their minds that these are truly parts of their identity.”

Sans gritted his teeth and sat up, making as though to yawn but in fact fully engaged.

“Recently, I have had students saying to me that they identify as either a boy or a girl, whatever is opposite to their actual sex, as well as some students saying that they don’t identify with either, or it changes. We have had a few students coming into school wearing the most ridiculous outfits for what they are supposed to be wearing and being ridiculed by other students.”

Sans spoke up for the first time this meeting, saying “I understand I am new here, but I have not heard of such a thing from my child. They say that they find this school to be an accepting place for them with much less harassment and bullying compared to their old school. As it is I fail to see the issue unless there are students who are being targeted, though your phrasing makes it sound as though, well… It sounds like your concern is with changing those supposedly targeted rather than reprimanding those responsible for the bullying themselves.”

Linda stared at him in appalled shock that he’d speak to her, and in such a way that most members found satisfyingly articulate. “I’m sorry Mr.Skeleton-”

“Sans.”

“-but you don’t seem to understand how this school works,” she continued on. “There is no reason for the mass to conform simply for the one. I can assure that there has been issues regarding students and harassment, and it’s better for everyone that those who decide to put on these ridiculous labels simply go on as they should. I actually have a list of students who have been caught breaking school conduct and dressing in ways inappropriate for their proper-”

“Let me see.” Linda had pulled a note out of her pocket, which suddenly went flying across the room and into Sans’ hand as he interrupted her.

He began to read over the list. Dennis Hartworth, Kellum Smith, Nit Mahamud, Kaily Brentworth, Frisk Gaster, Elij-

“Why the hell is Frisk on this list?” Sans demanded, pupil glowing a fiery green as he squeezed the note in his burning fist.

Everyone stared at Sans, not only for the magic he used in snatching the list but also because of how furious he sounded. After a moment, Linda answered “Well, Frisk has been going around wearing ridiculous ensembles not appropriate for-”

Sans stood up, the page burning away in his hand. “For what? For their IDENTITY?! The one thing nobody can take away from them as hard as they try?! Or inappropriate for your fucking bigotry-”

“That is enough! That is enough for today!” Henry stared between Sans and Linda, sighing. He continued “We can continue this at another date. The board has recommended that we meet once every two weeks instead of once a month, so keep a look on the school website or visit our staff in the office for the new schedule. If some of you can not attend, that is fine. Please feel free to come speak to me if you have any concerns or questions, alright?”

The general circle nodded, content to leave things right here for now.

Sans and Linda stared at each other, Linda doing her best to stand tall to this short angry skeleton, while Sans did his best to get his temper in check and to calm down his soul and flaming eye.

As nobody said anything, Henry said “Well, I hope all of you have a great night, see you all in two weeks.”

Everybody else stood up, and most people went to grab their chair and take over to the corner of the room and pile them into a stack.

As Dan did the same, he tapped Sans on the shoulder and nodded towards his own chair, before Sans finally turned away from Linda and went to put it away himself.

Dan then said “Sans, don’t bother with Linda, she’s not worth it. Most of us disagree with her so usually any arguments go our way.”

Sans shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, that I ain’t gonna let an idiot like go and-”

“I get it I get it!” Dan interrupted. “I’m just trying to warn you, she’s a pain you don’t need or want, trust me.”

Still, even as they stacked the chairs they’d been using, they couldn’t help but think about how much they wanted to throttle them.

He saw Henry walking over to them, so he turned to face him and asked “Yo, Henry. Why did Frisk get in trouble for-”

“It’s not that, it’s not that.” Henry explained. “While indeed it has been pointed out by some people, the real issue was with the bathrooms. Some days Frisk would use the women’s washroom, while other days they’d use the men’s. It was a legal issue that a few people complained about so I had to have a discussion with them. We came to the conclusion they could choose one type of bathroom, and stick to that one as well as the unisex handicap bathrooms.”

Sans nodded, that seemed much more reasonable (though he found the concept of segregated bathrooms to be both peculiar and moronic). “Hmm, well alright then.”

Henry asked “Sans, are you planning on attending anymore PTA meetings from now on?”

Sans took a deep breath, and considered it.

It didn’t take long. “I wanna finish that argument with Linda. Hell I’m in.”

He seemed torn between a smile and a sigh of pain as he heard that answer. “Well in that case, let me write a few things down for you.”

_________

The door opened nicely, as Papyrus shouted “We are home Sans! Have you returned from your PTA meeting yet?!”

Sans looked down from the upstairs railing, and Papyrus wearing a refined red suit and tie, the peak of fashion and perfect for his scarf, as well as Frisk there as well in a pale lovely green dress and faintly purple tights, a red bow in their neatly brushed hair, both of them carrying several bags of clothes each.

He flashed them his usual wicked grin. “Hey. How was the shoppin’?”

Papyrus nodded, “It was quite good, me and Frisk found an immensely large assortment of outfits, didn’t we?”

Frisk nodded eagerly, trying to show Sans what was in one of their reusable bags from downstairs.

Sans let out a chuckle, before walking around to downstairs.

As Sans came down, Frisk reached into their bags and began pulling stuff out to show Sans. Papyrus had spoiled them with the likes of suits, dresses, skirts shorts and shoes, ribbons and ties, jeans and jogging pants, all sorts of stuff intended for both boys and girls.

Sans had his mind on the meeting, and let out a sigh. He asked “Frisk, did you get in trouble at school and not tell us?”

They took a gulp, and looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes.

Sans grumbled to himself. “Frisk, why didn’t you tell me, or Papyrus?”

Frisk began shaking, and hugging Papyrus’s leg. Papyrus leaned down, and Frisk whispered into their ear socket. Papyrus turned to Sans to say “Frisk says they did not wish to be hit.”

Sans stared at the kid, getting down on his knees and spreading his arms out wide. “Kid, I… I’d never hurt you, alright?” That was one thing he’d stand by. He’d never wanna hurt a kid, much less one he loved so much as Frisk. He had no idea where they got that idea from.

Or, at least, didn’t want to know.

Frisk looked over to them, before turning back to papyrus, unsure of what to do. Papyrus said “It’s alright Frisk. How about we discuss this later, for now we can put away and sort you outfits, alright?”

Frisk nodded, turning to Sans and saying “S-... Sorry…”

Sans sighed. He couldn’t be upset at the kid even if he wanted to (which he didn’t). “It’s good kid, don’t worry. Just be sure to tell us and we’ll understand, alright?”

Frisk nodded, a smile creeping back onto their face,

Papyrus excitedly said “Now then Frisk! Let us go and sort out all these outfits in your room, shall we?!”

Frisk nodded excitedly, happy to move past what just happened. They grabbed their bags, and followed behind Papyrus as he led the charge to Frisk’s room first.

Sans sighed as he watched them go off. He wanted to figure Frisk out, he wanted to know what the kid had needed to go through before falling down.

Still, now wasn’t the time. Now was the time to learn about baking.

Next week, he was going to wreck Linda at that bakesale planned.

[xseedgames]

2017 End-of-the-Year Q&A Extravaganza Blog! #5

It’s time for our last Q&A blog of the year. It’s been a fun time answering all these questions--you guys had some seriously good ones!--but now it is time for us to chill out and celebrate 2018. Hopefully we can give you guys good reasons to celebrate 2018, too!

For our final Q&A blog, we have answers from:

Ken Berry, Executive Vice President / Team Leader John Wheeler, Assistant Localization Manager Ryan Graff, Localization Lead Liz Rita, QA Tester Nick Colucci, Localization Editor Brittany Avery, Localization Producer Thomas Lipschultz, Localization Producer

Question: Does working on a game affect your enjoyment of it in any way? Do you anticipate playing the full package after it is done or do you play through it beforehand anyway? Have you ever been spoiled on a game through work and if yes how severe was it? - @MizuUnNamed

Brittany: It definitely does. It's like the difference between babysitting a kid over the summer vs. giving birth to that kid and raising them till they leave the house. Even the most frustrating things about a game will somehow become something you love in a weird way, because it’s your kid and it's your responsibility to raise it right. When you're localizing a game, you're choosing every single word, and every single decision you make for that game will shape the experience for the thousands of people who play it. Characters I'd normally hate as a player become characters I love because figuring out their dialogue is a joy, and stuff I never thought about in localization are now very particular to me because I want my kid to go out into the world looking its best.

I will always play the games I work on. Sometimes I play them in Japanese beforehand, but there are days where I edit a file while playing line-by-line just so I can look at a character's expression and match the line written to the face. Then I replay it a few time as the English builds come in, tweaking it bit by bit, because it feels different to see the English on a sheet compared to seeing it in-game. It takes a ton of time, but I'd rather have a final product I can be proud of than to give up because something requires extra work.

Liz: When I started working here the first thing I tested was Corpse Party PC. I played it for like 200 hours and that game is much shorter than that haha. I loved every second of it, and recently got to test it again for the Linux + SteamOS release. Oh boy, that was a treat <3 I also got to work on Cold Steel II and at the time I didn't have the consoles the first released for, so I just watched playthroughs online... bless Cold Steel PC! I don't think I've ever been spoiled on a game through work before.... except maybe for Book of Shadows? But I don't even remember that spoiler so does it really count?

Nick: This is going to vary widely from person to person. For me...admittedly yes, working on a game does impact the enjoyment I’m able to derive from that game as a finished product. I understand, going in, that simply by virtue of working on a game, I will know its plot from beginning to end, see all the character development (including optional stuff that you might not even be able to view in a single playthrough), and in general become a subject matter expert on its world and lore. I’ll have knowledge of all the optional events and the items it’s possible to get – and sometimes, even a few that exist but were never implemented.

Working on a game is usually a months-long endeavor, during which we often end up playing the game in various stages of beta (or even alpha) readiness. We experience bugs we hope you never will; all the times text isn’t displaying correctly, voice or music isn’t playing right, or the battle system is falling over foaming at the mouth. By the time a game is ready to be sold, we’ve spent more time with it than would probably be considered healthy from a consumer perspective.

Outside of post-launch support/tweaking I’ve done for games like Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection, I’ve never picked up a game I’ve worked on here after it launched. They’re good games, and I’ve been proud of each project I’ve worked on so far – it’s just that I’m someone with a low tolerance for repetition. You know – the sort who would get sick of even my favorite movies if I watched them every day for a week straight. As cool a game as Trails of Cold Steel might be, I’m in no hurry to sink 80 hours into an RPG that I focused all my attention on for the better part of an entire year.

While it IS perhaps a bit regrettable that I “ruin” my ability to enjoy a game in a normal-player context by working on them, I feel it’s a small price to pay if I can help deliver something that players will really enjoy their time with.

Question: When you brought over Rune Factory 4 to Europe, what difficulties did you encounter? How was the process? - @Marower

Brittany: Hey! This is perfect for me! We really wanted to bring RF4 to Europe, but with the developer now shut down, it wasn't possible. We spent ages looking for a programming team who would be willing to help us that also had Marvelous Japan’s blessing, and then it became my little pet project. I had zero experience with the process, so it was a lot of learning and guidance from my boss, Ken. We were able to update the text a bit to fix typos, but because we would never be as familiar with it as the original team, we wanted to touch the game's code as little as possible since we didn't want to risk breaking the game.

I tried to reproduce this one rare bug that causes the game to crash at the end of arc 2 (this is present in the Japanese, too, so it wasn't introduced in English), but it was impossible. I started the EU version from scratch and went up to that point. There were rumors that soft resetting the game caused the issue since it really wasn't programmed to handle soft resets too much, so I did that as often as I could. Nothing. Oh, man... I wish I could've found the pattern that caused such a weird crash. It's rare, but no one wants a crash in their game.

NA only has one rating, but Europe requires several different ratings, so that's an interesting process. The store pages all require various languages, too, depending on the region. I learned that because you could palette-swap character models to simulate gay marriage that the game had to be 18+ in Russia. 18+! For a Rune Factory game! All of the processes take a bit longer, but it was mostly a lot of communication, paperwork, confirmations and such. All worth it to finally get that game out there!

Question: What process leads to additional content in localized releases? Things like additional voices for Trails of Cold Steel on PC. How do you decide which titles get "a little bit extra"? - @Baust528

Brittany:

Me (messaging programmer on Skype: hey are you up Sara (programmer): Yeah. What's up? Me: lmao wouldn't it be awesome if we could put x in the game Sara (ten minutes later): It's in the game.

That happens a lot. As a more serious answer, since we try to localize games we're personally passionate about, it's easy for us to see what we'd want as a fan, too. So we'll sit around and go, "Wouldn't this feature be nice?", and we'll see if it's doable. If it is, we'll do it.

The extra voice acting in Cold Steel PC came about because we wanted to do it for PS3/Vita, but it wasn't possible. I asked if we could put the games on PC one day, the boss worked out the numbers, and we realized that avenue was perfectly possible. We thought adding new voices would be great, because the English cast was very well received in English. Turbo Mode and ultra widescreen were both Durante, though. Those were awesome.

Generally, if our programmers have an idea they'd like to add to the game, we allow it. They're programmers! They know if it's possible, and if it makes the game better, who are we to say no? That's how the Sky games have gotten so many improvements over the years, too. We're incredibly fortunate to have Sara as a programmer, because she takes each project very personally and still finds ways to improve them years after launch.

Tom: There are a lot of factors that go into things like this, but one that's come up a couple times now has definitely been our inability to license the Japanese voices. We figured, if we can't offer dual voice to players, why not use whatever budget we may have set aside for that to give them something a little extra? It may not be exactly what they want, but it's at least something we can offer them to show that we truly did put our best foot forward with this release

Nick: As weird as it may sound, it starts with just someone asking, “Hey, could we do this?” Sometimes, what we’ll want to do is evident due to what’s perceived as a shortcoming in a game. Trails of Cold Steel had a lot of voice acting, but weirdly left protagonist Rean silent in a number of scenes where all the other characters were voiced. That was the initial impetus for us wanting to get back into the studio for the PC release and record all the voicework we couldn’t for the PS3 release (in which we could only supply voices for lines that were voiced in the Japanese version).

Similarly, when I was planning out the recording for Zwei: The Ilvard Insurrection, I thought, “We’re having people in to record these battle voices and we’re gonna pay them a minimum session fee anyway, so...why not add some story scenes onto that?” So in the end, we managed to include a solid amount of voice acting in there for a game that, in its original version, had very little.

Question: Have you ever considered localizing otome games? It would be nice if you can bring us some handsome boys. （*＾＾*) - @NymphNayade

Brittany: Hmm.

Question: Can you comment on the difficulty in trying to get Japanese developers to support same-sex couples/marriage in games like Story of Season or Rune Factory? - @atelier_michi

Brittany: XSEED's always been very openly supportive of adding that. I don't know what difficulties there would be in Japan, but I try to think of how much progress we've made to be able to openly ask for same-sex couples/marriage in games. It wasn't long ago that the idea was ludicrous. I remember when Ellen DeGeneres came out in the '90s and it affected me very strongly, especially since my parents would actively tell me, “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” So even if it's not in the current SoS games, I'll ask for the feature every time I visit Japan, because I think being open about it is an important factor to making progress on that front. Nothing will happen if you don’t fight for it.

I'd really like a whole variety of relationships in the SoS. Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals, or even a unique relationship outside of sexuality like dating a single parent or supporting your partner as they transition. It's that sort of variety that makes life interesting and great, and I think introducing these concepts in a series as darling as SoS normalizes them and helps children to perceive them as innocently as heterosexual relationships and concepts. It's very educational. Normalizing it more would teach people to ask more questions, too, instead of rejecting any type of orientation or relationship that seems foreign to them.

I remember for the first SoS game we published, Hashimoto-san said he had animals die in the game because he wanted children to be introduced to the natural process of life and death. It wasn't meant to be a bad thing, but something we should be comfortable with because that's part of what it means to be alive. Something to that, lol. Anyway, I'd like for just as much heart to be taken to represent more kinds of people in life, too.

Question: A rumor is going around that you guys are avoiding publishing fanservicey games outside of Senran Kagura. This came in wake of you guys seemingly passing on Valkyrie Drive. Is there any validity to this rumor, and if so, why? - @WaywardChili11

Brittany: did people forget we did a game with literal strawberries and a banana as a costume

That's a weird rumor. It’s also dumb. We've done fanservice games in the past, and we'll decide on whether or not to do them on a game-by-game basis. We're not necessarily passing on them because of fanservice, but I also don't think fanservice is core to the XSEED brand, so it shouldn't be a given for us to do fanservice titles just because we’ve done them in the past. Many of us enjoyed Onechanbara and we have some SENRAN KAGURA fans in the office, so we published those because we originally liked them as games that happened to contain fanservice.

We’re also not big on censoring games, so I’d rather pass on a game than work on it after it’s been censored. If I were to localize a title and actually choose to censor it, I’d piss of people who don’t like the fanservice content, I’d piss off the people who want that content, and then I’d be pissed off because if I felt something was so horrible that it needed to be censored, then I probably didn’t want to work on the game.

That doesn’t mean every fanservice game is off the table for me, but I would need to evaluate it to see if the game is for me, as I would any other genre. Like, Lord of Magna is overall a super-cute game, but it also has an out-of-nowhere hot springs scene. I felt that scene detracted from the game because the rest of the game was adorable and innocent. That said, I didn’t remove the scene, and I still loved working the game. It’s a game with fanservice I would still happily play again. 

Meanwhile, SENRAN KAGURA sells on fanservice, but the gameplay is pretty good. I admit that I prefer the older titles for DS/3DS which were more ridiculous titillation with a good story than the more overt modern titles, but again, that just means the series is no longer for me, and that’s fine. We still have SK fans in the office, and they enjoy working on the series. 

Another factor is gaming trends and our overall rep as a company. Fanservice games weren’t always as hot as they are now, and XSEED started off with a variety of genres, with our niche eventually falling to RPGs and such. Every trend has a rise and fall, and if we pick up every fanservice game regardless of quality just because it’s hot now, we’re alienating the audiences that love us for action, RPGs, and so on. We may even alienate retailers or future marketing opportunities for the games we license outside of that genre. We’ll have shot ourselves in the foot if the fanservice trend falls when we made it our bread and butter. I like having a job.

Tom: We certainly don't have any problems with fanservice, as I think we've proven quite thoroughly at this point. But we also don't ever back a game simply BECAUSE of its fanservice. When we release a game, we do so because (1) we like it, and/or (2) we see some really good potential in it. If it happens to have fanservice, great! If not, also great.

On the flipside, we also turn down games for a variety of reasons. Maybe we hated the story. Maybe we hated the gameplay. Maybe we felt it took its themes a bit too far, or that it had a lot of wasted potential that it never quite lived up to. Maybe we put in an offer on it but were outbid, or the developer appended unusual terms to the license that we weren't willing or able to accept. Maybe the developer simply didn't want to work with us for some reason, or we didn't want to work with them. Maybe we didn't have time to work on that title, or maybe we simply felt someone else would be able to do a better job with it. Tl;dr version, there are a LOT of factors that go into licensing decisions!

Our reasons for turning down a game aren't really something we can ever outright tell you guys, due to the NDAs we all signed when we got hired. But suffice it to say, it's never simply because of fanservice. Fanservice may potentially contribute to a larger tapestry of reasons for passing on a title in extreme cases (though they'd have to be pretty extreme!), but rest assured, we'll never say no to a game simply because it shows a lot of skin. Good games are more than skin deep, after all!

Nick: Here’s the Nick take: Most of us here don’t mind fanservice. It’s fun, it’s saucy, and folks can have a good time with it. If you look at our lineup, you can see we don’t shy away from games that have fanservice (Oneechanbara!), and games that push the boundaries, as Senran Kagura sometimes does, certainly aren’t out of the realm of consideration. A boob, a bulge; it’s all fair game here.

But here’s the thing. The games a company releases become part of their oeuvre. We have a reputation for quirky Japanese games because we’ve released enough of them that it’s a noticeable trend. The same would happen if we opened our gates to every fanservice-laden game that came knocking. Speaking personally, I don’t want us to have a reputation as a publisher whose stock in trade is mainly cheesecakey fanservice or smutty games. That kind of pigeonholing doesn’t help us as a company, and at worst, might even preclude some future licensing opportunities.

I think a lot of people get the impression that we turn down fanservice-laden games for some sort of censorious or moral reason, but that’s not especially true. There ARE cases where we might think, “If we licensed this, the ESRB wouldn’t let it through without forcing us to censor enough that the primary audience we were licensing it for in the first place would be upset,” and there are times when a game might simply be in bad taste and we decide we don’t like how it handles sexuality.

Sometimes, iffy material gets through in spite of all that. The SENRAN KAGURA series has done well for us, so we continue to publish those games even though a number of us in the office have concerns about how each new game seems to push the boundaries further and further in terms of what’s allowable (either by the ESRB or by common decency). We keep a close watch on that, and we’ve communicated our feelings to Takaki-san and his team. We strongly dislike having to alter content in this way, so if a game is so stridently sexual that we think we’d probably be forced to do so by the ESRB (as was a going concern with Valkyrie Drive, iirc), that factors into our decision-making process.

More often, the mundane truth is that we’ll turn down a game of this type because our evaluation play-tests show it to not be very fun to play. It’s not uncommon for games in this vein to just focus on piquing prurient interests or trading in tawdry titillation while the actual game underneath feels janky to play, or has no depth once you get past ogling your favorite waifu. That’s something that can’t be conveyed through a screenshot or even game video, which leaves hopeful players confusedly thinking we passed on a game for reasons more related to its content.

There’s a solid balance to be struck between acknowledging and publishing content for a mature audience and turning down projects that don’t jive with us, and I want you guys to know that we DO put a lot of thought into keeping this balance healthy.

Ken: When we first published SENRAN KAGURA Burst in late 2013, it was a much stricter retail environment so we had to approach the title with caution. We needed to see if there was a market for the series in the West, and even if there was the absolute worst thing that could happen would be to start manufacturing only to hear that retailers suddenly don't want them or want to return their units because of a complaint they got. Due to the success of the digital-only release of SENRAN KAGURA Burst we were able to release the next few games in the series physically at retail (so the "no physical no buy" people really need to thank their digital-buying colleagues), but that doesn't mean that we get a free pass to release anything in the future. As each new iteration seems to push the envelope further and further, we need to be careful exactly how far we push - at some point if we push too far and the whole levee breaks, it could have repercussions for games that have already previously been released.

Question: Who is best girl and boy? - @MizuUnNamed

Brittany: Can I get Crow Armbrust and Crow Armbrust for $500?

Tom: Narcia and Pietro, of course. But only for each other.

 Liz: Rottytops and Ludus! What did we do to deserve them?

That’s all, folks! It’s been a wild ride, but hopefully we answered your questions well enough. 

[recentanimenews]

Here's Five Sights You Won't See Anywhere But in Symphogear!

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Why It Works. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been catching up on a show that’s been near and dear to me for years, but had its final seasons stuck in streaming limbo for a while. If you haven’t heard of it, Symphogear is a show that regularly defies expectations, explanations, or any sort of dramatic coherency. It is an exuberant, explosive, and endlessly inventive action spectacle, absolutely packed with absurd powers and lovable characters. Symphogear is a must-watch for any action fan, and though I’ll do my best to briefly run down its merits, my plan here is to actually let the show’s own absurd turns do most of the talking.

The first season introduces us to Hibiki Tachibana, a girl who swiftly finds herself possessing the power of Symphogear  — ancient relics which are powered by song, and which let their wielders transform into superpowered warriors. In practice, this means that Hibiki and her fellow Symphogear wielders must sing while they battle, expressing sentiments like “why can’t we get along” or "I’m gonna kill you so hard" in verse as they punch and shoot and slash the crap out of each other. Gathering allies along the way, Hibiki and her friends must do battle with other Symphogear wielders, wizards, mad scientists, alchemists, robots — and a variety of other charismatic villains — in a narrative that falls somewhere between JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, and Love Live!

That’s Symphogear’s elevator pitch, but explaining that does little to indicate quite how exciting, hilarious, and downright absurd Symphogear can be. So with that all established, let’s celebrate a few of the moments that truly define Symphogear’s genius  — the moments that make you want to ask a narrative referee if that’s really allowed, or at least confirm that what you just watched actually happened. Without further delay, here are my own top five Extremely Symphogear Moments!

#1: The Time Hibiki Beat Up A Tank With Another Tank

Hibiki’s actually accomplished even more impressive physical feats than this, but there’s just something inherently satisfying about the crunch and impact of beating up a tank with an entirely different tank. Most Symphogear wielders have some kind of signature weapon, but Hibiki fights with her fists. As she explains it, that affords her the power to hold anyone’s hand at a moment’s notice. However, when faced with a pair of unruly tanks, Hibiki makes do with what’s on hand — that is, she rips the turret directly off the first tank and uses it to bat the second tank into oblivion. It’s that sort of thinking on her feet that makes Hibiki the best in the business.

#2: The Time Symphogear’s Villain Picked a Fight with the Moon

Frankly, the moon and Symphogear’s villains have had a rocky relationship ever since the first season, wherein the villain revealed they’d secretly built an impossibly large laser cannon to blow up the moon entirely. Her reasons for doing so were somewhat vague. As she puts it, the moon carries the “Curse of Balal,” which apparently prevents true human communication ... or something? Either way, blowing up the moon is clearly a villainous act, and so the Symphogear wielders must fight to protect it, even as Symphogear’s various villains assault it with lasers, rockets, potions, and whatever else they have on hand.

#3: Action Movies, the Essence of Training

Hibiki and her teammates have a stalwart ally on their side: Genjuro Kazinari, the leader of their team, and a man who deeply believes in the power of action cinema. Genjuro claims he learned everything he knows about combat from action movies and his results speak for themselves. The man is perfectly comfortable batting missiles aside with his bare fists and eventually takes his young wards on a variety of Rocky-styled training montages, with apparently effective results. Hibiki herself swears by her sensei’s methods. After beating the crap out of foes, she’s been seen to proudly declare that action movies teach you everything you need to know.

#4: Idol Performance War Zones

If you want to stay safe in Symphogear-land, you better not even think of enjoying any live music. Given Symphogear users are both singers and warriors, there are times when its stars indulge their artistic passions, and actually sing for a live crowd. This is, almost without exception, a terrible mistake  — both Symphogear’s first and second seasons commence on a live concert erupting into unimaginable violence because when you make your superheroes pop stars, you have a tendency to attract a lot of supervillains to your concerts. That said, successful Symphogear concerts tend to be incomparably beautiful experiences, so perhaps the gains are worth the risk.

  #5: The Time Hibiki Punched Through a Mountain

Symphogear season premieres tend to be a rolling cavalcade of action one-upmanship, as the show barrels through action sequences that pile improbability on top of absurdity to arrive at absolute genius. Never is this more clear than in the show’s third season, when a ship falling from the moon (there’s that pesky moon again) must be stopped by any means necessary. In this case, “any means necessary” apparently includes punching a hole clear through a friggin’ mountain, to allow the ship to pass without … doing something worse to the mountain? The reasoning is unclear, but the fact remains: Hibiki literally punched her way through a mountain.

There’s plenty more I could highlight, from the show’s charmingly ridiculous banana monsters to the many times its villains have picked fights with their various gods, but hopefully, this serves as a representative sample of the Symphogear experience. I wouldn’t want to spoil anything, after all — even if Symphogear’s perpetual escalation and absurd narrative twists make the idea of “spoiling” anything feel quaint and irrelevant. Symphogear is a uniquely thrilling experience within anime, and with all five seasons available on Crunchyroll, you have every reason to check it out this very instant!

Get out of here! Go watch Symphogear! Then come back and tell everyone your own favorite Symphogear absurdities in the comments.

  Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time, or follow him on Twitter.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

  By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[theatre-and-social-engagement]

Week 6:

1. Describe in your words what is meant by oppositional theatre and consider why documentary theatre might be useful technique for social engagement?

Oppositional theatre is a contrast to naturalistic theatre which often presents opposing views or addresses issues with the then current political climate or situations of the referenced time period and location. This type of theatre holds facts at its core which the theatre is created with/around and involves adaptive actors and typically interactions with technology (Forsyth and Megson, 2009). Its main purposes being to reassess national/local histories, celebrate communities and marginalized groups (and their histories), to investigate important events and issues, to be didactic with its information and sometimes to interrogate the very notion documentary (Forsyth and Megson, 2009). Documentary theatre may be a useful technique for social engagement as its contrast against popularised naturalism means that different theatre styles are able to produce different types of effects and possibilities in times of necessity. It may also be perceived and used as artillery against political struggles in certain countries due to its historical fact (Forsyth and Megson, 2009). As a direct addressing of the audience is typically present this also causes requirements from the audience which are not often present in naturalistic theatre. Brecht believed that the audience produce high attention by exercising ‘complex seeing’ (Forsyth and Megson, 2009) which it turn causes viewers to become ‘active in the production of meaning’ (Forsyth and Megson, 2009) and self-awareness. 

2. What do you think might be some of the tensions involved in creating this type of work?

As most documentary theatre is created in and for times of crisis, this may cause this ‘confrontational address’ (Forsyth and Megson, 2009) to fade away once the issue passes. It can also become a difficult theatre type to make as it may lead to being put in compromising situations. In situations of verbatim theatre and creating performance from data, issues can arise between balancing the gathered research and the needs of the audience, in the sense that if focus on theatrical engagement is lost then the facts and research will not have an attentive audience (Anderson, 2007). The data being expressed needs to be understandable and have meaning to a viewer, which may cause tensions between theatre-makers and researchers over what they deem as important. Many theatre makers would take the information given to them and minimize it, portraying a lot more meaning with a lot less speech, yet this would be an issue in terms of what researchers want to ‘get rid of’ or wanting to portray things in the exact same way as originally gathered (Anderson, 2007). Another aspect to be considered would be both maintaining respect and integrity of research participants whilst they are being theatricalised and also allowing audiences to create their own opinions on the characters presented (Anderson, 2007).

3. How did reading Home impact your understanding of homelessness? Does it motivate you to want to take action?

I think it is a useful insight into homelessness within youth which draws attention to various reasons for such homelessness, especially as many people make assumptions as to individuals’ life ‘choices’ and why they have found themselves in that position. It did impact the way in which I view homelessness, in the sense that, although the people in the interviews have a place to stay, food to eat and community to be made this doesn’t mean they have a home. Obviously, not enough is done as a country to combat homelessness, yet the things that are done and set up such as places like ‘Target’ which superiors believe to be fixing the issue, are not actually fixing anything in its entirety. I wouldn’t say it motivated me to take action because it didn’t hit me particularly hard and it wasn’t teaching me anything new. However, it did make me angry in terms of what is available for homeless people and triggers questions as to what more should and can be done. I appreciate the fact that this play was created through real life interviews and perspectives, so if anything, it’s inspiring as to new ways to approach plays and ideas.

Reading:

Anderson, M., 2007. MAKING THEATRE FROM DATA: LESSONS FOR PERFORMANCE ETHNOGRAPHY FROM VERBATIM THEATRE. NJ: Drama Australia Journal, 31(1), pp.79-91.

Fall, N., 2013. Home. London: Nick Hern Books.

Forsyth, A. and Megson, C., 2009. Get Real: Documentary Theatre Past And Present. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan, pp.224-237.

[quietpagan]

TH What Falls and What Grows 11

“But he who dares not grasp the thorn

Should never crave the rose.”

― Anne Brontë

 Alexandra spent the rest of the evening, through the night, and into the morning tearing through Kanjigar’s library. It was an incredible collection – as vast and diverse as that of Blinky’s brother’s. There were anthologies of poems and sagas that Kanjigar liked –

- And damn, was it weird to think of Kanjigar in both past and present tense –

- and books of obscure lore; personal diaries of previous Trollhunters; the short, bloody journal of a Gumm-Gumm that ominously cut off in the middle of the page; several incongruous human comics and graphic novels; pages of construction details for pieces of Heartstone Trollmarket that Alex guessed Kanjigar had been helping with; letters from people who needed the Trollhunter’s help, and from others thanking him; Supernatural-esque journals of how to defeat certain creatures; sixteen beautifully illustrated manuscripts, both human and troll; stone tablets covered in swirling carvings and indecipherable runes; the entire Lord of the Rings series and accompanying books; a bunch of rocks delicately carved with notes from a goblin spy; a page from what Alex really, really hoped was a Codex Regius; two books that she knew by smell were bound in human skin, and another that was bound in troll skin, which was as impressive as it was gruesome, because the troll would have had to have been alive at the time of the skin-removal; and a much-annotated list of children suspected stolen to the Darklands (her name wasn’t on it), to name a few. It was heaven.

It was a Library of Alexandria, in a pocket dimension underneath a small California town. In fact, she was sure that one of the scrolls had come from the Library of Alexandria.

Blinky could spit in her face and kick one of her cats right now and she’d forgive him immediately.

She left only once, before getting too deep into anything, to get more lamps and a pot of tea, but as soon as she approached the first shelf she lost all sense of time.

Hopefully Kanjigar wouldn’t mind her digging through his stuff, but if he did, it was too bad. She’d landed a punch on his chest and he was a fucking ghost, so he could deal with her reading his love letters to Draal’s delightfully crude mother.

It was weird. She was looking through the personal items of a dead man, but a dead man who could still berate her for it.

This will be entertaining, Alexandra thought, deliberately setting her tea cup down on a hand-drawn journal of medicinal plants and tapping her feet to one of his Santana records. She got comfortable on Kanjigar’s neatly-made bed, now stacked with disorganized books, and only was pried from the room when Blinky and AAARRRGGHH came to collect her mid-morning, bearing food and apologies.

She was in a good enough mood that Blinky was ‘forgiven’ for the whole Changeling debacle, and they finally put the incident aside and settled in the Forge for a proper training session.

Blinky was convinced that her sword skills, such as they were, would at least allow her to get away from her opponent. So, she was banned from using the sword for the next several sessions. His lessons instead included, but were not limited to: rock climbing, dodging fireballs, being attacked from all sides by larger opponents, being attacked from all sides by smaller opponents, and then archery, which she actually rather liked.

“Where in the hell would I need to know how to climb a damn rock?” “Your fights will not be restricted to only Bular, Master Alexandra! What will you do if confronted, for example, by a hydrabeast? One cut, and you will have a multitude of opponents instead of just one!”

“Then I set it on fire.”

“Where will you get matches,” Blinky said dryly.

Alexandra dodged a rock, caught it, and threw it at his head.

“A hydrabeast has weaknesses under its scaly armor,” Alex said, remembering her texts and making Blinky grin even as he ducked. “Strike when its scales are flared, and then kill it.”

“Excellent, Master Alexandra! Just be sure to – “ Alex didn’t hear his next words, as she was barreled over by a stone arm from behind.

“Ah. Yes. Do not get distracted while trying to think of how to defeat your opponent,” Blinky said.

Alexandra huffed and picked herself up, throwing herself at a large blade as it flew past her. Digging her claws into the rock, she pulled herself to the top of the blade and ran along its flat edge, and then jumped onto a moving level when the blade reached its zenith.

“And…oof! You’ll find all of these opponents in Arcadia?” “Oh, surely not,” said Blinky, as he activated another part of the Death Arena and forced her to dodge a swath of flaming arrows. One nicked the edge of a horn.

I swear if I lose another goddamn eye…

“You’ll be hard-pressed to find a ­­­­rust-troll or Batmugg here, but that does not mean that one may not come, or that you might not be called away to a different locale. As Trollhunter, your protection spreads over the whole of the human and troll worlds, and you most likely will have to travel extensively to fulfill your duties.”

“Your domain stretches farther than Arcadia,” said a whispy voice, one that Alex wasn’t entirely sure was not in her head.

“Not you assholes again,” she hissed,  as the red of the Forge began to dim. She quickly jumped to the main floor and ran over to Blinky, surprising him when she grabbed him by the arms. Surely they wouldn’t grab her and Blinky. The darkness and stars receded as quickly as they had appeared, and after a moment she let go of the other troll, who looked completely stunned.

“You were summoned?”

Alex nodded, still giving the Forge a look-over. When she glanced back at Blinky, he had his hands over his mouth and something suspiciously twinkling in his eyes.

“What?” “The Trollhunters of old – they gave you council?” “In…a manner of speaking,” Alex murmured. In the distance, she heard the tapping of Vendel’s staff. “They mostly insulted me and offered bad advice.”

Blinky rolled his eyes.

“Only you, I believe, would take being summoned by our most esteemed warriors as a session of ‘bad advice’, and refuse another summons.” “I’m busy,” Alex said, and threw her sword across the arena, where it lodged in the side of a stone statue’s head.

“And you are about to become busier.”

Alex and Blinky turned to the bridge, where Vendel was slowly making his way across. AAARRRGGHH was following him, looking unusually glum.

“Ah, Vendel! Perhaps you would like to see how our Trollhunter – “ “I know how she progresses,” interrupted the larger troll, completely ignoring Blinky and standing directly in front of Alexandra. She refused to back down, even though his cataract-sprinkled eyes seemed to bore right through her.

“What I am interested in is how she manages on an actual assignment.” Blinky, not to Alexandra’s surprise, did not argue but instead clutched his hands behind his back. She and he both knew that it was far past time for her to do some actual troll-hunting.

“Your physical training goes well, Trollhunter, but you must be able to assist in any situation. Many will not involve battles or fights, but will be tests of how you deal with people and how sound your judgement may be.”

“What’s the assignment,” Alex asked. Vendel briefly looked over at Blinky.

“The Killahead Bridge, as you may know, was torn apart and scattered, to various locations around the world, some of which even I don’t know about.” “Has something gone wrong,” Blinky asked. Vendel nodded grimly.

“I have lost communications with one of my contacts in England. She was supposed to send me an updated census of trolls in the United Kingdom, but has not answered my letters or scrying-calls. I want our new Trollhunter to check on her and ensure that both her post and what she guards are secure.”

Alexandra nodded, already gearing herself up for the assignment. “Alright,” she said. “Where in England does she live?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

  I guess this is part of the test.

It certainly was going to be a test, because she and Blinky needed to go to the museum, and Alexandra had no idea if Nomura would be there or not. She hoped to hell that she didn’t have to encounter the other Changeling, especially since Nomura would possibly recognize her.

Blinky wouldn’t be swayed from accompanying her, and when AAARRRGGHH found out that his friend was going he decided that he was coming too, and Alexandra wanted to claw her eyes out. She could run a recon mission, but not with two other trolls, neither of whom was particularly good at being sneaky. She was feeling testy already.

The reason they had to go to the museum was to find some sort of text that hinted at locations of some of the Bridge’s pieces. To prevent discovery or betrayal, there was nobody who actually knew the locations of more than a few pieces; instead, they knew where to find clues to some of the pieces. It was horrendously complicated and convoluted, but effective; in order to put together the bridge someone would have to go through dozens of people and go on hundreds of scavenger hunts. It wasn’t efficient, but Alexandra could appreciate the complexity.

“Why not just smash the pieces,” she muttered later that evening, when night had fallen and she, Blinky, and AAARRRGGHH were scoping out the museum. “Just turn it to dust and scatter it on a beach somewhere. Boom. No need to guard fucking dust.”

“The Killahead Bridge is an object of immense power,” replied Blinky. “Each stone is seeped with magic. One cannot simply destroy it.”

AAARRRGGHH, ineffectively hiding behind a short tree, nodded in agreement of his friend.

“Would if we could,” he rumbled.

“Exactly. Now, should we proceed, Master Alexandra?” Alex kept her eyes on the museum but nodded. She’d had them waiting and watching the place for almost two hours, just to see if anyone came or went, and since no one had shown she really couldn’t put it off for much longer. Her lower hands worried over the loading of the little gun she’d brought, in case she needed to shoot Nomura in the face.

“Come on,” she whispered, stowing it in her back pocket. “And stay quiet.”

She led them around the back of the building. From her pocket she felt a little stone amulet, something Blinky had gotten for her from a shop. It was inscribed with a sigil that meant sight, and then violently chiseled over. Apparently it was supposed to cause any cameras to go dark in its presence, but Alexandra knew it was unnecessary. She’d only been to the museum once, but once had been enough to see that the cameras were not in operation. It was a good thought, though.

She jimmied open a window just barely large enough for her to fit through. She and Blinky had to find a door for AAARRRGGHH, which made her grit her teeth, but she stayed silent about his and Blinky’s presences. Two of the doors were alarmed, but the third, a maintenance door hidden behind an over-crowded archiving room, was not. Together again, Alex led them silently through the halls, her ears strained for any sound. They turned the corner to a hallway under construction, and that’s when the smell hit her.

Goblins.

It was faint – probably from the other end of the museum – but the scent was distinct and put her on edge. She backtracked and took them around another section of the building, going at an almost snail-like pace until they reached a small room dedicated to manuscripts. She shoved Blinky forward and he looked around before silently pointing at a large book under a glass case.

Luckily for them, the museum had been more concerned with architecture than security, and Alex lifted the glass case off without any alarms sounding. Blinky paged through the book, eyes roaming at impressive speeds, and Alex stood guard with AAARRRGGHH at the doorway.

She didn’t like the presence of goblins here. When she first visited the museum over a year ago, they hadn’t been in the museum, or at least she hadn’t smelled any evidence of them. So it was a new development, and Alex wondered what had changed. Whatever it was and whatever Nomura was getting up to, it wouldn’t be good for Trollmarket. Everything seemed to be happening in Arcadia; understandable, since it stood directly above the largest population of trolls in North America, but by Alexandra’s count there were three changelings in the town, as well as goblins, and the son of Gunmar. Wherever Bular was, something important was happening. She knew that they were looking for ways to get the Bridge back together, but had they really found enough pieces to begin building?

The disappearance of Vendel’s contact was an even worse omen if the actual rebuilding of the Bridge was becoming a reality.

A very soft aha drew Alex’s attention away from the deserted hallway. Blinky had found what he needed.

Alex shushed him when he began to explain what he had found, and carefully replaced both the manuscript and the case it was under. The three of them tiptoed through the empty museum again and encountered nothing of concern, until the last hallway before the maintenance door.

The scent of Bular hit her like a brick to the face, and by the way AAARRRGGHH froze behind her she knew that he had recognized it, too.

And he was close.

Alex motioned for the others to stay still, smacking Blinky into submission when he kept gesturing for her to don her armor, and she crept forward into the hall, keeping close to the shadows and the walls. She wanted her armor too, but it was too shiny and it clanked to high hell.

A bright light flashed through a doorway at the end of the hall and Alex hastily beat a retreat, grabbing Blinky and AAARRRGGHH and rushing them as quickly as she could to the maintenance door. There was no was in hell that she was going to risk getting caught for the sake of checking that out. Whatever Bular was up to in the museum would have to be a mystery until Alexandra could come back without two huge liabilities walking around with her.

She refused to let them stop or speak until they were safely inside Trollmarket again, the portal shut behind them. A cold shiver ran through her shoulders even though she knew they had not been followed, and she shook it off with a huff, still creeped-out.

Blinky waited patiently for her to gather herself.

“Yes, Blinky, what did you find?” “Have you ever heard of curse tablets?” Alexandra, jumping down the crystal staircase, pursed her lips.

“No, I can’t say that I have. What are they?” “Well,” Blinky began, climbing down behind her, “They are sheets of metal inscribed with a text, sometimes names, sometimes prayers, sometimes pleas for justice, that are buried or placed in tombs, or even occasionally tossed into wells. They originated in the Greco-Roman age, and the manuscript I found featured illustrations of several of them. One held an untranslated inscription thought to be a form of Celtic language; it is, in fact, Trollish.”

“Ancient troll curse?” asked AAARRRGGHH as they made it to the bottom of the staircase.

“Indeed it was, although not so much as curse as a plea. It was incomplete, but from context I can infer that the words inscribed were ‘may he never rise’. ‘He’, of course, is referring to Gunmar.” They scooted through Trollmarket for a minute, until Alexandra finally asked, “Alright, what the hell does that mean? Where is the stone?”

“The stone, Master Alexandra, is in Somerset, England,” said Blinky triumphantly, walking ahead of her and turning them in the direction of the gyre portal. “In the waters of Sulis, in the valley of the river Avon and the Roman baths built thereupon!”

“Hate gyre,” AAARRRGGHH muttered beside Alex.

  Blinky loved the gyre. Where spars and fights thrilled others he just got tired and grumpy, but the gyre pumped his adrenalin and made him feel like he was flying. He felt a little bad because his friend loathed the experience so much and so he made up for it by not using the device nearly as often as he would have liked, but Alexandra seemed to get some enjoyment out of the turns and flips and immense speeds gained by the machine.

Their foray into the museum had not nearly been as exciting nor as dangerous as he had anticipated; he wished they could have stayed and explored a little longer – so many wonderful artifacts! – but Alexandra had been on edge the entire time and even AAARRRGGHH, who rarely had a problem being above ground, had tensed on the way back. Blinky had only figured out that the smell of strange troll had been Bular’s scent later, when the excitement of figuring out the clue had faded slightly.

The gyre trip was relatively short, from California to Arizona, where they would catch a bridge to London.

The New London Bridge in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, was the only place where a troll could travel by bridge from North America to Europe. The bridge had originally been built over the Thames river before being sold and relocated to Arizona in the late 1960’s. A new bridge had been built in its place over the Thames, and the two London Bridges shared a magical connection that allowed trolls to move between continents without having to resort to hiding away in a boat or a plane.

The actual crossing of the portal was one of the most interesting experiences Blinky had had in the whole century; the process was a mixture of a typical portal opening using a horngazel and something akin to Platform 9 ¾ from the Harry Potter series, hidden from human sight by use of the tunnels under the bridge. They emerged in the London underground just as night was beginning to fall, and they caught another gyre to the city of Bath in Somerset County. AAARRRGGHH, who had never been to England apart from their initial crossing to the New World, was fascinated by the landscape and architecture they saw when they finally departed their gyre. Alexandra too looked around with interest, and Blinky wondered if she had ever left the United States. He himself had been to England a few times before the migration, but so many things had changed in the hundreds of years since that he recognized nothing.

  They emerged from the underground just as the sun began to rise, which meant that they would have to wait the entire day before they could explore Bath. It was not a popular troll destination and did not have many places to stay the day, so they opted to remain in London until nightfall. Most of the underground was bedding down, but although Blinky found them temporary lodgings Alexandra was more interested in exploring than sleeping. Both Blinky – who had been recognized by several of the stall-keepers in the market that surrounded the portal – and AAARRRGGHH, who spent nearly an hour meeting-and-greeting with people who wanted to have a word with the famed former general, retreated to their rooms for some well-earned sleep. Alexandra watched them from the other side of the market, having ducked away as soon as they’d arrived. Blinky was everything but subtle, and she wanted to have a little time to herself before he outed her as the new Trollhunter.

The market was quite extensive. Built in the troll counterpart of a busy airport, it wasn’t really as homey as Heartstone Trollmarket, but the stalls held a more international selection of cures and curios, and there was an immensely greater variety of trolls meandering about. She actually wandered past a group of her and Blinky’s kin, but as they only spoke Norse and a universal Trollish, she didn’t stay any longer than to say that she was from out of town and no, she wasn’t kin to Edda’s husband Ragnold.

Alexandra – who still didn’t have any money, Trollhunting really didn’t pay well at all – swapped her old, faded (vintage, she called it) sarong for an actual pair of pants, and traded in one of the hairballs she now hoarded for a small history book and the most recent edition of the troll equivalent of a newspaper.

For the first time, Alexandra found herself in the local watering hole, sitting by herself in a corner table with a drink of questionable palatability in a stone cup under her nose. She faintly remembered the foul smell of glog from her Darkland days and did not count herself lucky to have encountered it again, but it seemed like the popular drink of the establishment and she was trying to be popular-ish. Really, her head was pounding and she probably looked even more tired and disheveled than she felt, but hey. Effort. ‘Be nice and a people person’ was penciled into her schedule for the next millennium, or at as long as it took to get a decent reputation.

She probably looked unsociable, sitting alone with a book under her nose, but if she was going to be with these people, performing this role, living this life until she died, it was going to get very tiring to keep up an entirely fake persona, especially when that persona was supposed to be gregarious. When she first entered Trollmarket she had a distinct personality she had assumed, but keeping it up for the next forever was not something she was willing to continue.

She read for an hour or so, only getting up once to refill her disgusting drink. As far as bars went, it was a good one, quiet-ish and atmospheric.

A group of trolls at one of the middle tables kept giving her looks, their gazes moving from her freshly-scarred face up to her horns, down to her arms and the hand she was tapping on one knee. It had been a while since she’d been given a good appreciative glance. She wasn’t sure exactly what passed as attractive for trolls, but since no one here yet knew her as Trollhunter and the group was staring at her biceps, she assumed that she made the bar.

Sorry, boys, Alex thought with a measure of amusement, I don’t have a second of time for you.

She hadn’t had a relationship in a while, but was not in need of one now. Another complication might just kill her.

Did trolls even do sex? She hadn’t actually got to a book that really described the physical process of making whelps yet, a gap in her knowledge that, in relation to current events, was not actually important but seemed glaring anyway. She knew, at least, that there were ‘gronk-nuks’ and a need for some trolls to wear pants or loincloths, so there had to be some useful bits somewhere.

Considering that most trolls were seven feet or taller and nearly as broad, Alex wasn’t quite sure if she really did or really did not want to know. The fact that she herself only wore a vest out of habit, not need, was a stark reminder of how little she knew of even her own anatomy.

Either way, she wouldn’t be finding out from experience anytime soon, so unless she wanted to bug Kanjigar into giving her a horrendously awkward Talk she’d just have to guess.

It might annoy him, though…

Her growing amusement was interrupted by a presence at the end of her table; she looked up to see one of the males from the middle tables grinning at her.

“Enjoying your stay in London, love,” he said in Trollish, standing in a posture that he probably thought was rather roguish.

Oh, Lord, it’s like he looked it up in a book. ‘How to be Creepy and Cliché, 101’.

“Until now,” she replied sweetly, pointedly tapping a finger against the back of her book.

A female from his table egged him on, and he sat down in an unoccupied chair.

“No need to be like that, woman, I’m just trying to be friendly – “ Alexandra tossed down her book, grabbed him by the collar of his vest, and hauled him out of his chair, slamming his face against the table hard enough to cause it to crack. Spilled glog softly dripped on the floor. The bar was quieter, but not silent, clearly accustomed to rowdy patrons. The male’s mouth was bleeding and he tried to pull away, but Alexandra had two extra arms and leverage, and he was pushed down again.

“So am I,” she said in his ear. “But talk to me like that again and you’ll see me be unfriendly.”

He trembled against the table for an instant before she let him go, and as he tumbled to the floor Alex picked up her book, made an apologizing gesture to the annoyed barkeep, and settled back down to read, keeping one eye on the bleeding troll. She silently crowed in triumph as he massaged his jaw and stared at her. He was blushing greatly and Alex realized with a jolt that she had probably just done the troll equivalent of flirting outrageously. He watched her for another moment, his friends at his back shouting for him to try again, but he slowly retreated. Alex watched him down the rest of his drink and leave the bar.

She really was enjoying her stay in London.

Around nine in the morning she dragged herself into the city above, Changing quietly in the shadows before blending in seamlessly with the crowd of the Underground. The problem of money was resolved by pick-pocketing a tourist with a fanny pack, and she got a train to Bath, using the travel time to update her appearance.

The baths were unlike anything she had ever seen before, and part of her wanted to take a flying leap into the green waters. The rising sun was at an angle to perfectly illuminate the yellowed stone walls, casting deep shadows into corners. Outside there was a bit of morning traffic, but in the baths it was quiet, and peaceful, with only a few human voices mingling with the sound of flaming torches and rushing water. A few pigeons cooed as they bathed themselves, and from the top Alex could see a magnificently built cathedral. She felt peaceful – but she couldn’t just perambulate with no rhyme or reason; she had a job to do.

The baths seemed innocuous enough, but she scoured the place for any sign of troll or Changeling activity. She knew there was at least one troll around – Vendel’s contact, who had gone missing – but she didn’t know if the woman stayed in the baths or if she lived elsewhere. There was a faint trollish smell in some of the quieter rooms; the shadowed nooks and rising steam actually made very good cover for any troll working around, especially in the East baths and changing rooms, but whoever Vendel’s friend was, she was good – Alex didn’t see a single trace of troll. Considering that the woman was missing, that could be a very good or very bad thing.

“Gunmar wafa prieklan,” she muttered to herself whenever she passed an employee of the Baths, giving them a knowing look as she did so. Most of them smiled politely and moved on, but the receptionist in the tiny gift shop snapped her eyes on Alex and sharply grinned.

“Gunman wafa prieklan,” she replied, putting down her western romance. Alex briefly allowed her eyes to glow. She’s put on a new face on the train, wrapped in a floral scarf and with pigtails, jeweled glasses, and a small gap painted between her front teeth with ink from a pen she’d eaten, and with a Welsh accent she was the picture of a country-girl touring the city.

“Stricklander sent me,” she said, casting a brief glance to the door before leaning on the counter.

“He is anxious to make sure all loose ends are tied up. Are you sure every troll is accounted for?” The other Changeling nodded, lightly fingering her necklace of beads. Alex noted that several of them looked to be carved out of teeth. Jesus.

“There were only the two,” she said, “And our spy overcame them easily enough. There’s not much you can do against a horde of angry goblins.”

Alex, who had known a horde of angry goblins, nodded in agreement.

“There’s also the matter of the stone…” The other Changeling allowed her eyes to flash in annoyance.

“I’ll find it when I find it,” she said. “There’s only so much information you can get out of a corpse.”

“Which is why I’m here,” said Alexandra. “Stricklander is very insistent about getting the stone as soon as possible.” “What, he can’t be arsed to come and get it himself?” “He’s too important, the bloody twmffat.” They shared a mutual grin. Nobody liked Stricklander, who was more pompous than a peacock and enjoyed pretending that he was the boss. Alex was glad that most Changelings had an immediate comradery, born of being the outcasts of both worlds. They’d happily stab each other in the backs at a moment’s notice when it became necessary, but until then any Changeling was as good as family as soon as they met.

“I’ve got until tonight,” Alexandra said. “Information from one of our spies says that a delegation from Trollmarket will be coming around. They’ve noticed the absence of their contact here.” The Changeling cursed, quietly and fervently.

“I can’t get my information organized that quickly,” she hissed. “Is this someone we can take out?” Alex shook her head.

“They’ve got the general AAARRRGGHH with them,” she said. The Changeling paled. “That’s the only one I know of for sure. There are two or three others.” A pair of tourists came in then, giggling about the taste of the spring’s water. Alex gave them a smile and turned back to her fellow.

“Is there somewhere we can meet for lunch?”

It was nearing nightfall before she got back on the train, her head buzzing with information but her heart heavy with guilt.

She never used to be guilty about killing someone. It was always a necessity, for safety or secrecy – as this murder was as well, but she still felt bad.

In her defense, she had tried. She’d told the Changeling – Emma Anglia – that she was working for the Trollhunter, that Gunmar’s rise would bring nothing toward the improvement of Changelings’ lives, that there was a place for her in Trollmarket.

She had a sizable cut down her breastbone from Anglia’s reaction, and a shoulder that had been wrenched when the woman had thrown her against the wall of an alleyway. The killing looked like a mugging gone wrong; Alex still had the woman’s wallet, but she’d thrown the earrings and necklace into the river. Anglia’s address was in the phone book and Alexandra had taken a look around, but there were only a few bits of paper and keepsakes in the hideaways she’d found.

Anglia’s verbal information, however, was startling. Alex knew that Bular was looking for the pieces of the Killahead Bridge, certainly, but she hadn’t known that they’d gathered enough to start building. And they were building it in Arcadia; no wonder there were so many Changelings about. It was rare to see two or more Changelings in a single state, let alone one town. This was very bad.

Anglia had had a fetch in her apartment, tucked away in a chamber only another Changeling could access. Alexandra spent two hours copying the woman’s handwriting before she sent a message through it, saying that she – Anglia – had received warning of a delegation from Trollmarket coming to investigate the disappearances of the trolls in Bath, and she had to run before she found the stone. It would keep Stricklander from sending anyone else for a while, and Anglia’s lack of communication would not be suspicious.

Alexandra got back to the London trollmarket and her temporary lodgings as night fell, and collapsed on her bed about a half hour before AAARRRGGHH dragged her back out.

“You look quite tired, Master Alexandra,” commented Blinky as she quaffed down an enormous mug of Turkish coffee which had been spiked with what smelled like lighter fluid.

“I’m good,” she replied, although her arms were beginning to shake. “Let’s get going.”

 A/N: Got a few more references to the book in here. I love Blinky in that book; he’s even more verbose than he is in the show, and is delightfully and unintentionally rude, and is just as overdramatic as show!Blinky.

Fuck this was longer than I expected. I researched the shit out of ancient witchcraft and spells and the Roman Baths, which I only picked because I wanted to write about something I’d actually been to so as to make it more realistic, and now I know to how to find the difference between California and London time and more about the London Bridge(s) than I ever needed to know. It’s true, though, that they shipped and rebuilt the bridge from London to Arizona.

The thing about the curse tablets is true; there are many found in the Roman Baths in Bath, England, and a couple of them feature the only examples of written Celtic text, inscribed with Roman letters but in an untranslatable language. For the sake of this story I’m gonna call it Trollish.

The Roman Baths were really cool and we got to drink a little water from one of the springs there and I loved the architecture and the caves.  

I hope you enjoyed the paragraph of library p0rn, because I sure loved writing it.

Going to have to split this up into two chapters, because I’m exhausted and don’t have the brain-space to keep writing for now. Sorry this took so long, but I’ve been a$$-fucked by work and school and there wasn’t room or time to write. Hopefully we’ll be hiring someone soon, so I’ll actually have days off again.

And I hope everybody enjoyed the eclipse! I went upstate to my favorite city and got to see totality! It was cloudy, for the most part, but still really, really cool and special.

[shelleyseale]

9 Great Finds for Summer

From new style staples to smart hair and skincare to ways to amp up that summer soirée, these 9 finds will help get you through the summer season in fab form.

Ah, summer. Sun in our face, wind in our hair, flowing fashions and travel...lots and lots of travel! Such an eagerly anticipated and exceedingly enjoyed season indubitably ushers in an array of covet-worthy beauty and style solutions and, lucky for you, I’ve found nine fine ones among them.

William Henry ‘Zurich’ Design Money Clips

Photo Courtesy of William Henry First are the stunningly gorgeous money clips from William Henry, a luxury jewelry and accessory brand. The company’s Zurich design money clips are stellar for summer. This striking ‘Raven’ design features a hand-forged 'brain wave' Damascus frame by Chad Nichols, inlaid with carbon fiber and a blazing red topaz. A beautiful engraving is bright cut against the matte-finished background. The Zurich ‘Panama’ design features hand-forging by Mike Sakmar using an ancient Japanese art used to decorate samurai swords. The inlay is cocobolo wood, punctuated with smoky quartz. Its engraving is also bright cut against the matte-finished background. Only 1,000 pieces of this special design are available. The Zurich ‘Talon’ money clip features a hand-carved sterling silver frame, inlaid with Kingman turquoise and a white topaz gemstone. This exquisite piece is another limited edition with just 250 available. Known for its meticulous use of classic natural materials, precious metals, gemstones, and state-of-the-art alloys, William Henry is a benchmark luxury brand that has an upper echelon following world-wide. Just visit the “Proud Owners” section of its web site to see what entertainment power players like Harrison Ford, Nick Jonas, Jared Leto, Laurence Fishburne, John Varvatos, Luke Bryan, Pierce Brosnan, and Adrien Brody own from the company’s collections. Evan A-list ladies like Cameron Diaz have bought this brand’s baubles.

Photo Courtesy of William Henry

Kut from the Kloth Apparel

Embodying the summer season and spirit of California overall, Kut from the Kloth is a vibrant, contemporary lifestyle brand. With innovative fabrics, a flawless fit and sophisticated style, the Kut collection is designed with your busy life in mind so you can confidently go from day to play. They recently debuted the go-anywhere “vacation vibes” line of ultra-fashionable travel staples designed for easy packing, wearing and washing. In fact, you can vacation with on-trend pieces created to wear right out of the suitcase. An online boutique beloved for blending modern trends with coastal flavor, Kut from the Kloth makes couture-inspired fashion both accessible and affordable. Their essential summer escape collection is great for jet-setters who want to look like a million bucks and still have plenty of cocktail cash. Short-sleeved button-ups feature palm fronds and pastel pinstripes, perfect underneath a soft, quilted sweatshirt or white denim jacket for chilly evenings. So feel those vacation vibes of delicate florals in shades of pink, coral and yellow that’ll help you stand out in the crowd.

Metalicious Silver Shark Tooth Necklace 

Photo Courtesy of Metalicious Thanks to the Metalicious line of luxury jewelry made from recycled metals, ocean-lovers can tell people their wearing the tooth of a maneater! The company’s Small Silver Shark Tooth Necklace is cast in sterling silver from an original shark tooth, then oxidized to bring out the details and give it a soft finish. Available with choice of a 17", 20" or 22" sterling curb chain to ensure it falls in that perfect spot on your necklace, the shark tooth pendant itself is 1" long x 3/4" wide. I like this piece because it can be edgy and sophisticated, but sweet and subtle also. It looks like a work of modern art! You can wear this every day, mixing and matching it with various looks. Metalicious sources recycled metals and ethically mined gemstones to create meaningful, handcrafted heirlooms that adhere to strict environmental and sustainability standards. Also charity-minded, the company donates a portion of its profits to City Harvest, a non-profit organization that provides meals to over 1.4 million New Yorkers a year.

Ekster 3.0 Parliament Smart Wallet 

Photo Courtesy of Ekster After reportedly raising over $1,000,000 in their previous crowd- funding campaign, Ekster, the world’s largest smart wallet brand, has launched their latest edition perfect for discerning men: the Ekster 3.0. This time they have engineered both the slimmest and the first voice-activated smart wallet to date. Owners can now call their wallet, find it on a map or even make use of the widespread Chipolo community to help locate their missing belongings easier than ever before. Battery issues are also no longer a problem due to Ekster’s patented solar-powered tracking solution, which on a full charge can last up to two whole months. These identity theft, RFID- blocking wallets also look extremely handsome. They’re held together by handcrafted premium leather for a luxury look and feel, while the design provides instant card access whenever necessary.

Dining Elevated Utensil ‘Uplifts’ 

Create a more stylish table setting and eat smarter at your summer soirées with the help of Dining Elevated Uplifts. These offer a cleaner, more sophisticated dining experience by elegantly raising all flatware and cutlery above a table's surface. Similar to a chopstick rest, Uplifts elevate western-style utensils to establish an improved aesthetic and hygienic standard. Uplifts look, feel and function better than the traditional table setups. Supported by research from the University of Arkansas and showcased by the National Environmental Health Association, Dining Elevated brings the highest level of food safety to hospitality. Featured on Top Chef and reportedly showcased in some of the finest hotels and restaurants, Uplifts are a game-changing addition to place setting design that the world never realized it always needed. Of course, there are a myriad to styled, materials and designs available to suit your desired aesthetic and complement your tableware.

Bloomers Frosé and More

Courtesy of Bloomers Frosé Bloomers Frosé is a vegan, non-GMO, gluten-free and kosher non-alcoholic mixer that’s ready to use and enjoy. They enable anyone to whip up an icy-smooth version of their favorite beverage in just minutes—important when you’d rather be poolside soaking up those rays. Bloomers Frosé makes it simple to take different variations of Rosé, Prosecco, Sparkling Wine, Sauvignon Blanc and spirits to the next level with easy-to-create frozen concoctions that are sure to please both intimate groups and large crowds, alike. Because what summer gathering is complete without the frozen beverage brigade? There are also brand new, low-calorie and low-sugar formulas offered by the company so, for those who want to keep their summer bod in check, there are plentiful options on that front as well.

Gleamin Vitamin C Clay Mask 

Photo Courtesy of Gleamin Gleamin is a yellow Australian Vitamin C Clay mask that's helping women worldwide achieve a natural glow! In fact, all over Instagram customers are talking about how this skincare solution has helped their skin tremendously, which is part of the reason this product actually sold out at least twice since it launched. The product is formulated from 100% vegan, natural and ethically-sourced ingredients like Yellow Clay, Aloe Vera, Turmeric, Kakadu Plum, Desert Lime, and Finger Lime Caviar. It’s designed to banish dark spots and hyperpigmentation, replacing these areas with a natural brightness. This Vitamin C-infused Clay Mask also revitalizes skin and replenishes moisture thanks to the Aloe Vera, while turmeric enhances and revives skin tone. Native to Australia, the Desert Lime, Kakadu Plum, and Finger Lime Caviar ingredients are among the richest known sources of Vitamin C. Together, this trio fights acne, heals imperfections, evens the skin tone, and prevents future breakouts. It’s especially helpful for users with deep skin tones. Gleamin offers a Glow-and-Go single kit that features a 60 gram jar of the vitamin c clay mask, plus a brightening brush, for just $39.99.  Value-minded customers can even save 25% if they purchase the Glow-and-Go Duo package that includes two masks and two brushes, available for $59.99. And, the company offers free shipping on all orders, so gotta love that!

Herban Body Care 

Imagine being able to hand-make soaps and elixirs from scratch, like a batch of fresh-baked cookies or homemade soup. Using only plant-based and concentrated formulas, you’d mix organic ingredients with herbs and essential oils from around the world. Now imagine if these soaps incorporated only body-nurturing ingredients which possess healing properties and promote a feeling of rejuvenation for all skin types. No need to get out the mixing bowl for such hand-crafted skincare, as you can turn to Herban, instead. Their collections are unisex and their custom-molded versions of different soap varietals are even featured at high-end wellness retreats and boutique hotels around the United States. All of their formulas are created in-house, so you never have to worry about outsourced ingredients. Particularly popular items include their Plant Bar soap and Salted Butter moisture scrubs. The company’s name has significant meaning as well. Breaking it down: Herb - they use herbs in all of the formulas; Ban - they ban all chemicals from their formulas; Her – it’s "her" company (woman owned); and Herban - originally targeting an underground urban culture. The line is also entirely gift-worthy!

Pura D'or Hair Care 

Photo Courtesy of Pura D'Or Get the shiny, chic hair with voluminous undertones that you can flaunt all summer long with the help of Pura D'or Hair Care. This brand features proprietary blend of organic extracts and oils helps heal your hair. With ingredients like Tea Tree Oil, Ylang Ylang, Lavender, Vanilla, among other natural vitamins and nutrients, there is no shortage of quality that helps to get the job done quite effectively. This cold press, preservation-harvested oil, known for centuries as pure gold, fuses inside each formula to help solve problems like thinning hair and hair loss due to breakage and dandruff. With products such as Hair Thinning Therapy Shampoo & Conditioner, Energizing Scalp Serum, Volumizing Styling Spray and Moisturizing Masque, Smoothing Therapy Shampoo and Conditioner, Smoothing Therapy Cream, Curl Therapy Shampoo and Conditioner and Curl Therapy Cream, take your next step to healthier hair this summer, all season long. Rest assured that, o matter what your particular hair challenges might be, there is a Pura D'or formula with a solution just for you. ~~~ ***Some or all of the accommodations(s), experience(s), item(s) and/or service(s) detailed above may have been provided or arranged at no cost to accommodate this review, but all opinions expressed are entirely those of Merilee Kern and have not been influenced in any way.*** Read the full article