#but when im having a depressive swing and it comes to things i need to do for myself? well.

[bittsandpieces]

Sometimes I get stuck in this very specific rut of executive dysfunction, and I know for a fact that having a caretaker dom who would help talk me through my tasks on bad days would be lifechanging for me. But instead I have no dom and just this stupid ass developmental disability that makes me periodically unable to function like a real human being

[evandore]

me when im normal

[kitscutie]

august (conrad fisher x reader)

𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽 𝖿𝗂ꜱ𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀ꜱ: ᖯ𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒 𝗄𝗂ꜱꜱ𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗆𝖺𝖽 ᖯ𝖾𝗅𝗅𝗒, ꜱ𝖾𝗑𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽

𝗉.ꜱ: 𝗂'𝗆 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝗍𝗉𝖺𝖽 ꜱ𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗂𝗇ꜱ𝗉𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖽 ᖯ𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂ꜱ 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍 - 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗒𝗅𝖺𝗇, 𝗂𝗍'ꜱ 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗃𝗎ꜱ𝗍 𝗒𝖾𝗍 ᖯ𝗎𝗍 ꜱ𝗍𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗎𝗇𝖾𝖽!

ꜱ𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 ᖯ𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 ꜱ𝖾𝖼𝗋𝖾𝗍 ꜱ𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗄-𝗎𝗉ꜱ 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖺ꜱ𝗍 𝗍𝗐𝗈 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋ꜱ, 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝖺𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗈 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖺𝖽𝖺𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒ꜱ, 𝗎𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗅 ᖯ𝖾𝗅𝗅𝗒 ꜱ𝗁𝗈𝗐ꜱ 𝗎𝗉 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 ᖯ𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝗋𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖼𝖾𝖽.

a/n: been wanting to write this for a while so BOOM here it is, sooo excited for season two, also im in a deep dylan obrien depression i need help :p ALSO sorry like all my fics are in different styles at the start i'm experimenting atm!

You and Conrad Fisher had known each other since you had popped out of the womb nineteen years ago in the same hospital, only a floor and two hours keeping you apart.

Your moms had been friends since rooming at college and so your friendship, some might say, had been written in the stars quite literally. Fate.

Things had started to change on your sixteenth birthday. It was just before the annual summer reunion, and of course, you and your mom had gone down just one week earlier in order to have a joint birthday celebration with the Fishers and stayed until the Conklin's arrived.

You had hit puberty and he hadn't seen you since the big change but when he did, his eyes could've fell from his skull. It was almost comedic. Of course at the time his stares meant little to you. He was your best friend after all.

Until last year. It was the start of summer bonfire and all was normal. Belly was at home, Jeremiah was off talking to girls with Steven which left you and Conrad. You found it strange he didn't have the same interest in girls as Steven and Jeremiah but who were you to say anything. You wanted him to stay.

Long story short he finally made a move and a kiss began in the abandoned life-guard tower a couple feet away from the main event, it was all going well, almost too well. And you were proven correct when Steven and Jeremiah came down the beach looking for you and found you in that very compromising position.

Seeing as they weren't exactly in a place to talk they agreed to keep it a secret and so it became the new norm for them, seeing the two of you together while your mom, Susannah, Laurel and Belly were non the wiser.

The bonfire was in full-swing, Summer had officially begun and what better way to start it than in the lap of Conrad Fisher on Cousins Beach.

He was sat cross legged on the blanket you'd brought from the house, while you sat atop him, legs either side of his own.

"I just think we should be nicer to her, I mean that was us three years ago." You sighed, you'd had a beer or two and were feeling increasingly guilty about the disallowance of Belly to come tonight.

"None of us were allowed out at sixteen, it's only fair." Conrad replied, voice low and relaxed. Something you appreciated about him, he was a very soothing person.

"Yeah, but that's different! We all had each other and now-" You began but he cut you off with a groan.

"Can we please not talk about Belly when your sat on me?" He said, smile gracing his lips.

You began to 'ew' and berate him but were soon cut off by his lips on yours, one of his hands holding your jaw in place while the other sat comfortably on the upper part of your thigh.

It didn't take much for you to open up, his tongue instantly hitting against yours as he deepened the kiss. When your mouths disconnected, it made a sound which made your head go light and airy.

"Do you still feel bad?" He whispered. Hand moving up to put a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"No." You answered, shooting forward to connect your lips once more. He chuckled into the kiss, teeth clashing together but you didn't care you just wanted him.

His spare hand slowly and nonchalantly drifted to the hem of your shorts, groping your ass gently, you were still in public after all and Conrad wanted to be able to say he had an ounce of class and respect. Even if it was a lie.

A disruption to the left of you and Conrad caught your attention and you went to turn your head, lips still interlocked but he denied that, hand on your jaw tightening and turning your head back to look at him.

The final straw was a resounding 'Ooh' from the crowd and you decided no matter what he did you were going to see what was happening.

Finally turning your head you found Belly. On the floor. And looking directly at you. A lot was wrong with that.

"Shit, Conrad." You said, which finally got his face away from placing delicate kisses across your jaw and to see the same thing as you. His face also dropping.

"Belly?" He said, unable to stop himself in disbelief.

Really this would've been the right time to get out of his lap but you were frozen in fear, forgetting you were sat there in the first place.

"I thought me and Y/N were like your sisters." She said, anger painted on her face. You didn't like confrontation in the first place and so saying something was hard but you couldn't let Belly think badly of you or Conrad.

"Belly look- it's different-" You defended, but she once again cut you off in anger and while your throat tightened in anxiety, you felt Conrad's hand soothe over your back. Reassuring and subtle.

"Different? I know him just as well as you do. It's not different." She seethed. Stepping closer to the two of you.

"Belly, c'mon you know what I mean." You whispered unintentionally. Your eyes were going glassy, feeling looks from all around you. Some in agreeance with you, some with her but none knew the full story.

"We've been together since last year. It was after you left to take Steven to look at Colleges." Conrad stepped in while Belly processed. Preventing another dig at you.

"I thought you weren't ready for a relationship and that, may I remind you again, we're like sisters to you?" Belly replied.

"I didn't-" Conrad started though a hurt look from you cut him off. "Look I said that like two years ago, it isn't even relevant anymore. Clearly." He said. Eyes connecting with you to reassure you, not her.

"You're such a brat." He added, seeing the affect her words had on you.

"Well you're an asshole." Belly yelled back, all while you sat stunned and quiet.

"Belly! You came, great, we can all hang out." Jeremiah said enthusiastically running over. You appreciated his intervention, as obvious as it was that he was trying to distract her.

"I'm about to take her home." Steven cut him off.

"What?" Jeremiah said, confused. Though the situation was bad she was old enough to be out past ten pm. Whether Steven liked it or not.

"Yeah, we're leaving, are you kidding me?" Steven replied as if it was obvious. Grabbing her hand.

"Ok, Steven come on. Go hang out with Shayla or something." Jeremiah answered and you couldn't help but admire the boy and his love for Belly.

You tore your eyes away from the conversation above you as they dispersed, looking back at Conrad who was sighing and pushing hair from his face.

"It'll be okay." You said, knowing what he needed without having to ask.

"I know." He smiled gently, though his eyes didn't fully match. He was worried, and you couldn't blame him.

Belly knew, and worst of all, just five months ago she had confided in you about her crush on Conrad and so it was unclear if she would ever even speak to you again.

Guilt was swallowing you whole.

[kentopedia]

How do you think Nanami would take care of his gf/wife when she's on her period?

omg THIS REQUEST <3 i think about him every time im on my period bc i just know he would be the very best :(

kento is (of course) a knowledgable man when it comes to this ! he thinks it's ridiculous when men get uncomfortable or awkward about periods. he will encourage conversations about it, because he likes to understand how you're feeling and what you need from him !

when you've been together for long enough, he definitely reaches a point where he knows when your period is going to come. he is super observation of all the little changes in the way you act, even if you aren't very good about tracking <3

and he is so prepared ! if you're on your period or close to it, he'll carry a couple tampons in his pocket just in case you accidentally forget :,)

if you have pretty bad mood swings, he is obviously not judgmental at all! he is so so patient with you, because it's not your fault your hormones are all mixed up, and you're crying to him for no reason in the middle of the day :(

he is definitely the husband/bf that knows if you prefer pads or tampons, which brand you like, etc, ! and he will alwaysss go pick them up for you if you ask. he's a mature man

and he'll spoil you a little more than usual for sure. especially if you (like me) get more depressed or anxious right before your period.

he'll pick you up flowers, cook you dinner, buy you some little gifts just to cheer you up

even if that makes you cry ten times harder

and he sends you the sweetest little messages throughout the day just checking up on you: asking if your cramps are super bad, if you're feeling better, little i love you's, things like that !

he always wants to know if there's anything he can do to help you out. and even if you're the type to insist you'll be fine, he just wants you to know that you can lean on him if you need to.

during your period, if you get home after a long day very fatigued, he'll rub your back and massage any part of your body that hurts

ooh he loves taking a nice hot shower or bath with you too to help your pain

if it's sometimes hard for you to work up an appetite during your period, kento would be super conscious of that. he notices immediately, and wants to make sure you're taking care of yourself and your body!

& of course, he'll get you pain killers and heating pads to help your cramps !

he loves when you lay curled into him, partially on his chest so he can rub your stomach. the feeling of his warm hand pressing soothing circles into your skin is better than a heating pad anyway

if you get super fatigued during your period, kento really really doesn't mind picking up some of the chores around the house for a few extra days.

honestly, whatever you need, kento is willing to provide for you! if you just want some space, he'll let you have that too. he just really wants you to communicate your needs, that is so important to him

NSFW BELOW

just for the record.

if its something that will help your cramps go away, kento does not mind period sex at alll

he's a sorcerer, he has seen his fair share of blood, has cleaned up plenty of wounds, he doesn't get queasy or weird about it.

and he loves you so so much, he hates seeing you in pain :( he'll do anything he can to help, especially if he gets some enjoyment out of it too hehe

[r1poutmygvtz]

°•*⁀➷ Introduction °•*⁀➷

TRIGGERING BLOG: BLOCK DONT REPORT

cws for my blog: weed, alcohol, shrooms, and nicotine use, ed, occasional sh and suicidal thoughts/talks about attempts, occasional mentions of physical/verbal/child abuse, religious or childhood trauma, pet/family death, medicine misuse, and overdoses

please tag any posts about christianity/god with "tw christianity" and any sh posts with either "tw sh" or "tw sh implied"

links proof-checked by my awesome moot @/atlasisneverenoughx

°•*⁀➷ About Me °•*⁀➷

Name: Vivian

Age: 17, im ok with adults interacting just don't be weird yk? id prefer followers/moots aged 15-22 but i'm ok with people older or younger following, i just may not interact as much (unless we're already moots)

Gender/Pronouns/Sexuality: im gender apathetic/non-binary, i could care less about my gender or how i'm perceived. i use all pronouns but when asked i just say they/them or they/xem if we're close. (moots are allowed to use xey/xem for me freely btw and i encourage it!! :3) i'm aroace and pan (more specifically; i rarely get crushes on people but still find some people attractive regardless of gender and i'm a sex repulsed asexual)

Diagnoses: depression, anxiety, and derealization (depersonalization is not diagnosed however im aware i deal with it and need to bring it up next session) my therapist is trying to diagnose me with ptsd and my mom wants me to get diagnosed with anorexia

Be Aware: i don't censor most things but i will tag everything i post according to what's mentioned (tw guide below cut). Another thing; i struggle to communicate properly most of the time so i may sound dry or uninterested at times, also if you're venting or talking about something and i talk about my personal experiences, i am not trying to make it about me, i just don't know how to carry on a conversation or show sympathy in any other way and i apologize for that

DNI: basic dni stuff (racist, homophobic, sexist, etc) generally bad people, christians (only if you post about it otherwise idc just don't tell me), kink/NSFW/18+ blogs, anyone under 13, men over 23, (unless we're already moots for the last two) and non-ed/shed blogs (preferably, they can interact but i may not follow back)

Professional stonerexic and yapper; i occasionally post about smoking and share pretty much every thought that comes to mind, sometimes i post to-do lists and my plans as well 😻✊

I'm a satanist, a spiritual person, and occasionally practice witchcraft but i don't think i've ever posted about any of that stuff; i need to get back into the craft, it's been a while

Hyperactive with mood swings and occasional breakdowns; replies will vary between paragraphs and a few words depending on my social battery and energy levels, posts made during breakdowns are often rapid, uncensored, and/or depressing so be aware of those if that's triggering to you!! :3

Send gr0ssp0, d!3t, m3alsp0, and occasional th!nsp0 requests to my askbox, anons are on!!

Fill out this form to get your name on my taglist for picrew/reblog games, do not reblog with tags list, and to get any trigger you want tagged with a tw put in my tag list!!

Stats, Goals, Blog Rules, Links, and Tagging Guide below cut; Stats will be in my bio as well from now on

°•*⁀➷•* Stats °•*⁀➷•*

Height: 5'5.3

HW/SW: 136.6lbs

HBMI/SBMI: 25

LW: 98.6lbs

LBMI: 16.3

CW: 107.4lbs (updated Dec. 10th)

CBMI: 17.7 (^^^)

UGW: 90lbs

UGBMI: 14.8

°•*⁀➷•* Goals °•*⁀➷•*

GW1: 110lbs

GW2: 105lbs

GW3: 100lbs

GW4: 95lbs

UGW: 90lbs

°•*⁀➷•* Blog °•*⁀➷•*

Rules

Be respectful towards everyone on my page, if you have a problem with someone then please take it to the dms

Dont argue with people through my comments or through reblogs under my posts, again, take it to the dms

Please don't cal check my wieiads, i have a food scale and weigh just about everything to be as accurate as possible, cal checking just makes me anxious about nothing

Don't send me asks saying that i need to recover, im aware youre trying to help and i appreciate it but saying that means and does nothing for me, it just makes me more motivated because someone's worried about me

If i reblog something that has misinformation or something that's accidentally offensive, pleaseee let me know so i can take it down, i don't always double check like i should

°•*⁀➷•* Links °•*⁀➷•* Apps

Instagram

Twitter

Pinterest

Tiktok

Breezer

Step up

Masterlinks

Wieiads

M3alsp0

Diets

Gr0ssp0

Th!nsp0

Tips/Advice

Music

Picrews

Others

Anonymous Emojis in Use

TWS Added to Posts

°•*⁀➷ Tag Guide °•*⁀➷

There's a lot and most are self explanatory but in case you were wondering here's all of them :3

#gvtz- all my posts/reblogs

#gvtz life- talking about what's going on in my life, reblogging things i relate to

#gvtz rants/vents/rambles- my posts where i rant/vent/ramble and talk too much or let my mind wander while typing

#gvtz eats- wieiad

#gvtz cooks- recipes or talking about cooking

#gvtz works out- talks about exercising, progress, and anything fitness related

#gvtz asks- answering asks!!

#gvtz moots- reblogging moots stuff, playing reblog games with moots, moot related posts, or when my moot sends an ask

#gvtz will eat- meal plans/ideas

#gvtz 🩻- th1nsp0 (updated!! old tag used the 👙 emoji but this one's more fitting)

#gvtz 🍽️- m3alsp0

#gvtz diets- diet requests or diet related posts

#gvtz 🤢- gr0ssp0

#gvtz recipes- low cal recipes i find

#gvtz music- sharing my music or talking about music

#gvtz wants to eat :((- complaining about cravings probably, or complaining about not having food that i want

#gvtz advice- giving advice to asks!!

#gvtz is unstable- talking about mental problems other than an ed like mood swings, hallucinations, etc or posts i made while having a mental breakdown!! :3

#gvtz is productive??- talking about things/chores i did, planning my day

#gvtz kitty :3- posts about harley!! occasional posts about her sisters; often called the "spare cats" but their names are robin and slow!! (slows full name is slow crusty, harley used to be named crusty until i realized we were keeping her, they both looked noticeably more crusty than the others when they were born)

#gvtz binged- probably complaining about my lack of self control or whining about how horrible i feel; warning, i may talk about purging/wanting to purge through lax or overexercise, i may also talk about wanting to purge the stereotypical way and those posts will be tagged with #emeto tw and #tw emetophobia

#gvtz bc- b0dych3cks

[valarie-lovely]

"Only Lasting Good Thing" Adam Stanheight x reader ♡

TW: Angst ~ Fluff ~ swearing ~ Self Harm

Adam had just escaped the Jigsaw trap and he's been more emotional and depressed than ever before. He only finds comfort in the burning of his own skin with his lighter. Desperate for affection without having to ask for it, Adam tries to find a healthy coping mechanism for his PTSD.

CHAPTER 1: ALL I NEVER WANTED

—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—

All alone, sitting on the curb outside his shithole apartment. The flame continuously burns, then immediately flickers off every time Adam lets go of the wheel on his lighter.

The only spark in his eyes is the reflection of the orange flame, turning on and off like a flashlight. He shuts his eyelids, bringing the flaming light closer to his wrist, wincing once he feels his skin slowly decay under the heat.

He huffs out a whine when his thumb slips off the hot, metal wheel of the lighter, then he looks down at his burning skin. He believes it's the only way to get rid of his burning hatred for himself and everyone else around him.

Everyone else but you.

Speaking of you, he suddenly hears a door swing open from behind him, the door that leads you inside his apartment complex.

"Adam, baby, it's been 20 minutes. It doesn't take that long to smoke a cigarette, you know. Come inside."

Your voice echoes throughout his mind, slowly clearing out every other self-deprecating thought that lingers in there. He could never say no to you, not after his trap. Not after how much you managed to help him in his darkest moments.

"C-coming, love." He coughs, his shaky hands almost dropping his lighter as he scrambles to get up and follow you inside.

You stand and watch as he slides his cigarettes into his pocket, along with his black Bic lighter. Adams always picky with his smoking "tools", you'd say.

He always picks Marlboro's, and if he needs a new one, always a black Bic lighter. He hasn't changed one bit with those choices ever since high school.

He follows behind you inside like a lost puppy, keeping at least a 3 foot distance. Far enough for personal space, but close enough to grab you if he needs to. He just always wants to be close to you, because he knows you're the only one who cares.

When you make it into the apartment, the whole place smells like cigarettes and some other smell from a candle, yet it's hard to decipher the scent. And of course, Adams' cheap cologne lingers in the air.

"Listen, I didn't mean to take so long outside. My cigarette—" he chuckles, trying to play it cool. "I dropped it down the gutter, so I lit another one! That's why it took me so long, I have butterfingers, im sorr—"

"Arms. Now." You cut him off. You stand in front of him, concern and disappointment shines in your pupils, knowing what he actually had been doing out there alone.

His hands tremble as they stroke the hem of his jeans pockets, and his diamond eyes can't even bother to look into yours. He's embarrassed in himself. "I.. I can't do that." He mutters out, his Adams apple bobbing when he swallows his saliva.

You take matters into your own hands once you grab his forearms, bringing them to your chest to examine them. Low and behold, there lies about 5 burn marks along each one of his wrists.

Your chest tightens and your heart quits beating for a second. He promised that he'd stop. He promised that he would be good and that he wouldn't bother to ever feel a flames heat again.

He's just a pathetic liar.

"I'm.. sorry." He quietly whispers, sensing your immense disappointment. He can't bring his eyes to look into yours, let alone speak another word.

"If you were sorry, you'd stop. You've said sorry numerous times before. Sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Adam!" You begin to lash out, taking your bottled up emotions out on this poor excuse for a man.

He stands there like the boy he is. Unmoving. Broken. Lost.

"You're a liar! A fucking liar, Stanheight! First, you say you have never hurt yourself intentionally before. Then, you say it was one time. And then, you told me you would stop for good! Why can't you see that you're ruining your own life!"

He stands there as if a knife had just been twisted into his heart, causing all blood in his body to sit still. Tears that were recently threatening to fall from his eyes finally do, streaming down his cold, rosy cheeks.

"Baby, I—.." You stutter out after seeing the state hes in, but you can't find the right words to apologize for your anger. So, you do the only thing you know how to.

Bringing him closer, the cold feeling of your fingertips press against each side of his neck as you bring him into your embrace, gently stroking the back of his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He repeats like a broken record. His diamond blue eyes flood with tears. The sobs of a broken man escape his lips once you two fall to the floor.

You quickly shake your head, denying his claim. "No. This is my fault. I should be helping. Yet, instead of that, I'm lashing out at you as if you're a bad guy. You're not a bad guy. You're my baby boy.."

[howdoesagrapewrites]

im not the anon who asked for something like tricycle but HEAR ME OUT what if like something where the reader has to travel outside the country and pav and gayatri are like “what ?? we’re coming w you tf ?” and you and gayatri have to point out that hes spiderman … and cant leave … so then you ask gayatri to stay behind for him and idk where else to go from here 😭

𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙞𝙨

Cw: slight angst/comfort, poly!gn!reader x Pavitr Prabhakar x Gayatri Singh, long distance relationship, depressive behavior

Notes: I had to use an online roulette to tell me if I should make angst or fluff, fluff won. I interpreted this as "they're moving away" but if this isn't what you wanted, just tell me

>You were horrified as you heard them tell you that you were leaving the country

>You tried to protest, be logical, be emotional, cry, lay a well researched and sensible argument, beg, anything in your control to convince them otherwise, but your tutor just won't budge

>You had the biggest fight over this

>You locked in your room, refusing to speak to anyone as you cried and cracked your head open thinking about how you'd explain this to your partners, what would they think? You want to communicate this the best way possible, is there even a good way to do it?

>You didn't answer texts, and you hated yourself for it, you hated yourself for getting shut down and wasting the little time you have left

>You didn't want your partners to feel neglected or think you were mad at them, so you made sure to tell them it was just issues in your home, and that they didn't do anything wrong

>And they tried to respect your alone time, they really did

>But four days was enough:( please

>Pavitr calls you, and you just start crying and word vomiting things that don't make any sense

>"jaanu, are you there?"

>"I am, but I won't, and I really- I-I mean that it won't be like this forever, and I really want to say it to you, but you'll feel sad, and I need you here, but then we have to talk and if we talk you'll - I'll- if we talk that means I have to go- I don't want to go"

>You sob even harder when you listen to the beep indicating he finalized the call, you are there just having an absolute meltdown, hugging your pillow as you rot on the bed you've been the whole week

>Your crying is loud, but loud enough to cancel out the loud banging on your window, it's your boyfriend (in his spiderman suit) carrying your girlfriend in his arms, waiting like two stray dogs for you to open the window

>He was really fast, he probably started swinging the second he hanged up

>You clumsily open the window, crying and struggling with the safe, to finally let them in, they almost knock you down on the floor with the strength they used to jump to hug you

>You hold them as a close as you can, they don't ask for explanations and carry you to your bed to cuddle until you calm down, always with reassuring words of "it's okay", "whenever you're ready", and infinite "I love you"s

>When you gather the strength to talk, completely forgetting whatever script you had in mind, they can't believe it

>"We're coming with you!" Gayatri blurts out, anxiously biting her lip, looking at Pavitr and then at you

>"That's right! We'll come with you, it'll be an adventure for the three is us!" Pavitr smiles, unaware of the million of flaws in his train of thought

>"You can't leave Mumbattan without a spiderman, love" you stroke his cheek looking to soothe his worries

>"And you can't leave him, Pavitr, your father, your country, everything you know and love is here"

>"Not everything" she said, a single tear cascading down her face, bitter expression

>Gayatri hugs you close, crying into your shoulder "not everything, not without you..."

>It took you some time to finally convince Gayatri to stay, took you even longer with Pavitr

>And it want easy, at times they'll come up with a newer crazier idea to travel with you

>You spent all the time you had left, glued to them

>and when it was time to say goodbye, they had to be physically restricted to leave the plane go without doing anything reckless

>You stayed on facetime with them almost 24/7, going to sleep on calls kind of thing.

>And you're just depressed in this new place, nothing is like home, nothing is as lively, as beautiful, as comfortable as Mumbattan

>after failing several classes, and practically snapping back at everything, your tutor agreed that you simply needed to go back, so they told you that if you couldn't find 5 reasons to stay here, you could go back and captain Singh would be entrusted with your care

>As much as it was physically painful to, you managed to keep it a secret

>And when december was here, you were counting the seconds to get in the plane. You failed the school year due to those early months, but you tried to stop dwelling on that, there's nothing you can do about it

>"what are you doing today?" -you

>"today's christmas silly, just staying home" -Gayatri

>"I wish you could be with us, captain Singh invited me and my Maya auntie for dinner" -Pavitr

>"damn, so you really have no time to do anything? Not even opening the door?" -you

>"What door are you talking about?" -Gayatri

>you knocked, Gayatri's breathing became irregular, so nervous and scared this was just a joke

>but she saw you with two backpacks, on her door, she couldn't contain herself, too much joy inside

>Pavitr heard the happy squealing and came running, they kissed you and smelled you hair, touching you like they were making sure you were real

>There's really no place like home

[iamawolfstarsimp]

Sup bitches im back

currently snowing where I am so thought I'd make a cute lil cozy fluffy fix for ya'll (plus, who doesn't like those)

Hope you all are well, I recently got sick and finally am rid of whatever sort of illness it was. but I'm just gonna get into the swing of things again now that I'm better so what better way to do that than write a fic for ya'll

but anyway, enjoy!

Sirius didn't know what this feeling was. A sort of misplacement.

It happened every few weeks or months, where Sirius would wake up and not feel right in his bones. As if his soul was uncomfortable in his body.

It wasn't like the regular winter or autumnal melancholy, but a deeper feeling than that. It weighed him down for however long it stuck around, dragging within him like some sort of ball and chain.

You could usually tell when it happened, the symptoms were pretty obvious. He was less energetic and wasn't in on any pranks or mischief making, he ate less and dressed more proper instead of his usual mushed up look, and either avoid the others like the plague or follow them around like a helpless puppy.

He rarely ever talked to anyone about it (as far as Remus knew) except for James. He would wordlessly crawl into James' bed when he felt the need to and they would talk (so he presumed, they always put up a silencing spell. He used to wish he could know what they talked about behind those curtains, to be included in their mystery conversatios. It hurt sometimes how Sirius would hide away all of the things he found ugly about himself and only show them to people he truly trusted. Of course, those memories were years ago, before they had even started dating so now he got to see plenty of Sirius' parts. Both the good and bad.)

On days or nights he felt that sense of longing or depression, he would crawl into Remus' bed and they'd talk or not talk. Whatever Sirius needed at the time.

This time was one where he wanted to talk. It was morning before classes and the others had already left. Remus was never a morning person so he stayed and slept in, snoozing his alarm every few minutes.

Sirius walked over and opened his curtains timidly. Remus turned and looked before smiling.

"Can I come in?" Sirius murmured. Remus nodded and rolled over to open the blankets for Sirius to crawl into which he did gladly.

"You wanna talk or jus' 'ere for a cuddle?" Remus slurred, blinking awake.

"Both?" Sirkha shrugged. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius' shoulders, ducking his face into his shoulder to hug him. They stayed like that before Remus pulled back.

"M'kay, what's up?" Remus asked, resting his head on his pillow but remaining eye contact.

"I don't really know, I just-" Sirius sighed, looking away. "How do you feel upset about something that you don't feel upset about?"

"Like, I feel sad about my body right now but my head knows I'm hot and I have no reason to dislike myself but I do." Sirius explained, looking up at him.

Remus paused, letting the air settle. "Feelings and emotions can be confusing. Sometimes you can't control or rationalize them. They can be wildly incorrect but you still feel them not matter how you much you try to rid of them." Sirius looked away again. "And that's okay." Remus turned his face so that he'd look him in the eye. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is just feel, even if that's all you can do."

"No one's gonna judge you for being human and not loving yourself all the time." Remus smiled.

Sirius gave a small smile back. "What's bothering you this time?" Remus asked.

"Just my scars," Sirius replied, tracing up and down Remus' arm as he spoke. "Memories of how I get them, the pain I experienced as I got them, the house." Sirius shuddered slightly, shaking his head. "God, the house."

"I understand." Sirius knew he did but felt glad to be reassured. "My scars get to me too."

"Yeah, but, your scars are badass!" Sirius said immediately. Remus eyerolled but he was smiling. "Yours are like battle scars, they make you even hotter. Mine are just evidence of where I came from."

"If anything your scars are "battle scars", with all the fighting you and your mother had." That got a chuckle out of Sirius. "Mine are self-induced and you know that." Remus aimed a poke for Sirius' middle. Sirius swatted away his hand.

"Don't be mean."

"Don't be such a grouch." Remus snarked back, poking him again.

"Don't tickle me." Sirius grabbed his hands, or tried to.

"Oh, sorry, was I tickling you?" Sirius grinned and rolled over, hiding his face.

"You know you were, you meanie!" He said into the pillow.

"Can't help it, you're too fun to mess with." Remus leaned in and spoke in Sirius' ear, hands moving to wiggle against his sides.

"Rehemus!" Sirius shouted, arms slamming down to protect his sides.

Remus only grinned and continued. Sirius flipped over to properly defend himself but only succeeded in revealing more spots for Remus to "torture".

"No, wait, don't!" He laughed as Remus pinched along the bottom of his stomach. He threw his head back and cackled, hands weakly hitting Remus in the arms and shoulders.

"Hm? Don't what Padfoot? Honestly you're making no sense right now." Remus tutted, kissing the corner of Sirius' outstretched mouth.

"Tickle me! Don't tihihickle me!" Sirius giggled, yelling when Remus slipped his hands underneath his loose sleep shirt.

"Tickle you? Well if you insist." Remus shook his head and drilled his fingers into the bottom of Sirius' ribs, kissing different places his mouth could find. Sirius was lost in his own mirth, back arching, squeaking all the while squirming like mad.

Remus backed off and just trailed his fingertips across Sirius' sides lightly. He tugged up his shirt to inspect the scar that ran across Sirius' side, three prosice lines cut evenly on his left side, his mother's doing. He traced the lines a few times till Sirius caught his breath.

"You're an awful boyfriend." Sirius scowled, but there was amusement in his eyes. Remus only laughed and kissed him again.

"Better?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

"No, but I'll accept your measly apology for now because we have class in twenty minutes." They both hopped up from the bed.

"But I expect a hundred more later!" Sirius shouted from the bathroom. Remus shook his head in the moment but fulfilled Sirius' request and some.

Hope you liked!

[valley-of-headcanons]

ask you anything more like tell me ANYHTING YOU WANT ABOUT ALEX!!! romanced him the first time i played and he is the only man to exist (alongside elliott)

general alex headcanons

big headed men with an even bigger heart deserve some headcanons too <3

warnings: mentions of abusive fathers (verbal), physical and emotional self-neglect, mention of mother's death. poor boy :(

requested by: anon, thank you so much for the request! im sorry this took so long, my brain is genuinely fried, a lot is going on. it's a doozy. i hope you enjoy the request though, and i hope that it's worth the wait!! love alex, he deserves so much more hype fr <3

• Alex's music taste is pretty diverse, there are two sides to it. Sometimes he wants an upbeat vibe, in which he listens to Bleachers, Wallows, Cavetown, Bruno Mars, and Dayglow. Summer, driving down empty roads at night kinda vibes. Enjoying life. The other side is The Neighborhood, Glass Animals, and Ricky Montgomery. He hides it that side of his music taste and denies listening to 'depressing' music. Music is the only way he expresses this sort of stuff, but it's only in private.

• His love language is giving physical touch and receiving quality time with a touch of words of affirmation. The way he shows his affection is with simple touches, like small hands squeezes and back rubs. Days when you're exhausted after a long day, expect to be pampered by simple touches, because Alex is happy to provide. The only thing he needs is time with you, he just wants to have fun experiences with you that he can look back on. That sprinkled with soft affirmations that he's doing well, you've got him wrapped around your finger.

• He is not very picky at all when it comes to gifts, he has things he favors over others, but there is a high chance he will love what you give him. He also really cherishes things, he hates to admit it but he is a sentimental person. He commissioned Robin to build him a wooden box to put all of the gifts you've given him in it, he keeps it hidden under his bed but it's pulled out very often. He keeps certain mementos of you out around his room though, and always keeps at least one thing in this pocket.

• Gridball has been one of his interests since he was a kid. Watching it while sitting in his mother's lap as a child always helped him calm down. Although, his father did taint his image of the sport. He always said things like "Why can't you be like that?" It then began to dwell on his mind a lot, he could be like that if he really wanted to. He was hyperfocused on it, causing him to neglect things. School, his health, his relationships with his friends. He's beginning to get better about it, though. His mental and physical well-being is important, too, and he's beginning to let that set in.

• One of his weekly rituals is every Sunday, he swings by Pierre's and buys Evelyn a bouquet of flowers. He really wants to show her that he appreciates her, since he didn't get a chance to show that to his mother before her passing. He'll buy the bouquet and take one flower out of it, sitting it by her grave on the way back home. He tries not to dwell on it, so he makes his visits brief, but he still wants to show his love for both of the women in his life. If you like flowers, regardless of you gender, he'll incorporate you into that routine. You'll get your own bouquet of flowers every Sunday as well.

• While in a game, he always gets really excited if some of his friends or family come to watch him. Between plays, you'll often see him looking out to the crowd, hoping to see the people that are the most important to him. If he has his phone, he'll often text asking where they are, and then he'll finally find them. Whoever comes out to support him will get the biggest hug whenever he sees them next. He loves supporting his friends, and when they support him, it means a lot to him.

[nickeverdeen]

Hehehe could I get an Arcane and/or Nimona matchup😋 I’mma yap a lot so prepare LMAOO

My name is Kathryn (or Kat for short) and I'm in school for graphic design and communications - I originally wanted to go into cosmetology to become a desairologist, but I didn't get in. I play piano, dance (hip hop, ballet, tap, and jazz), and sing. I also produce my own music.

Idk how to classify my style so I'lI say it alternates between morute, gloomy coquette, dollette, gothic, and alternative. I also lean heavily towards the feminine side of the spectrum.

I practice witchcraft and l'm also a Christian. I have a weird fascination with dolls and I collect them, specifically porcelain dolls. Like, it's so bad LMAO my friends are scared to come into my room atp!!! Literally I'm probs on someone's rob list I have one worth $400😭🙏

I also collect vinyls. I have over $600 worth of them save me…

Some of my favorite music artists are Bambi Baker, Melanie Martinez, Solya, Elita, Ha Vay, Baby Bugs, and Mercy Necromancy. I also like a lot of rock; AC/DC, Scene Queen, Delilah Bon, BANSHEE, Gurldoll, Ashnikko (she's sometimes rock), and Ennaria

I suppress literally everything until I just burst and it’s been building for two years now so uh yay😍

My humor’s honestly really weird. I can laugh at bread falling but find a really good dad joke stupid and unfunny. I also tend to match the personality of the person I'm speaking to. I’ve also been told I’m really great at comfort but I don’t know about that. A lot of people confide in me with their problems. Like a lot..🥲 not that I mind, it just gets a bit tiring

I’m more attracted to masc leaning people but I’ve also dated fems before. It doesn’t really matter to me as long as we have chemistry, but I do find myself eyeing a lot more masculine girls.. I’m kind of attracted to men, but not a whole lot.

I also don’t like touch unless I’ve known the person for at least 6 months or I initiate it. I’ve had multiple breakdowns because someone who wasn’t a “safe person” touched me without giving any warning…… I tense up MASSIVELY when someone hugs me even if I know they’re going to. The only people that don’t have that effect on me are my best friend (who I’ve known for 4 years) and my dad.

I took a state personality test and I’m exactly 50% INFP and 50% INFJ. Legit confused the test and it gave me both💀

Im diagnosed with anxiety & depression. I've been told I might have OCD, BPD and some sort of depersonalization/derealization disorder.

I believe I could have autism or ADHD. I also have heavy hallucinations that can last either 30 minutes or 2 weeks. I have major mood swings too. One minute I can literally be bouncing up and down while wanting to blow something up and then the next I’ll be crying on the floor😭

Aaanyway I think that’s enough of me yapping have a great day babes<3

Your Arcane match is…

Caitlyn Kiramman

Caitlyn would love discussing your music collection, especially rock and alternative genres

It may not seem like it, but she has a soft spot for underground bands and loves discovering new music

Caitlyn’s patient and empathetic nature makes her a great listener, offering comfort and understanding when you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious

She’d be your rock during your mood swings

Provides a calming presence and helpes you through tough moments with patience and care

Caitlyn respects your need for personal space and takes care not to touch you without permission, understanding the importance of consent and comfort

Caitlyn would plan unique and adventurous dates, like exploring hidden spots in Piltover or attending underground music gigs

She herself would maybe prefer a classic restaurant one, but when she tried this she prefered this

Caitlyn would like your unique style and often compliment your outfits, even suggesting accessories or outfits that might suit your aesthetic

She’d be a bit unsure and creeped out by the doll thing, though

Caitlyn would silently encourage you to express your emotions and not suppress them

Caitlyn’s love for photography would complement your graphic design skills, and you’d often collaborate on creative projects

She would cherish quiet, quality time with you

Whether it’s listening to music together, having deep conversations, or simply enjoying each other’s company

Your Nimona match is…

Nimona

Nimona’s playful nature would match your quirky humor

She’d often make you laugh with her antics and shapeshifting abilities

Nimona would love going on spontaneous adventures with you, whether it’s exploring new places or trying out new activities

Nimona’s fierce loyalty means she’d be incredibly protective of you, always ready to stand up for you if anyone tried to harm or disrespect you

Nimona would appreciate your artistic talents and often encourage you to express yourself through your art and music

Her unconventional ways of comforting might seem odd, but they’d always make you feel better, like turning into a cute animal to cheer you up

Slowly she would learn to respect your boundaries over time, ensuring she doesn’t touch you without your consent

Nimona would love discovering new music with you and often play your favorite songs during your adventures together

Despite her tough exterior, Nimona has a deep understanding of emotions and would be there for you during your highs and lows

Nimona’s idea of a date would be anything but ordinary – from sneaking into restricted areas to watching thunderstorms from a safe spot

She’d like your unique style and individuality, often praising your confidence

[weebsinstash]

On my platonic yandere Batfam bullshit again thinking about, like, deliberately dramatic scenarios because I crave emotional tension

-imagine if Bruce gets called in to regressed!Reader's school because you got in a fist fight with another kid, and this kid is the son of one of his prominent business partners and Bruce, uh, doesn't immediately believe you when you state for him and the principal why you got into a fight because, hey he knows that boy, he isn't THAT bad! And Bruce scolds you and makes you apologize and even grounds you once you two are in the car alone and you're just noticeably extremely angry and quiet to the point you won't even come out of your room for dinner. And after some time has passed, days even, a couple members of the fam are in a room together with you and someone cracks a joke about you losing your temper over a misunderstanding and you just, stare directly at them as you pull out your phone, press play on a video, and walk away as they watch where you had been trying to take a photo of something like idk a flower or the weather and began accidentally filming after Selina helped dropped you off at school and the footage caught the boy outright calling her a slut for what she was wearing

And of course Bruce is upset because that kid insulted Catwoman and also got some swings back at you (he's probably proud to a certain degree that you defended Selina and shes absolutely delighted when she hears about it) but he asks "well why didn't you tell me you had proof im the first place" and you just spit at him "oh so I need PROOF for you to BELIEVE ME?" And extra bonus points if Reader has their old memories back and hits him with "after everything you've done to me, I finally ask for your help and ACTUALLY needed you this ONE TIME and you couldn't even believe me? Wow, my hero 🙄" so now he knows he's broken your heart AND you're back to the "old you" that he wants to, father all the depression and trauma out of

-since Dick, Barbara, and Reader would all be going to a prestigious school I think of like, what if your class got kidnapped for ransom while on a field trip. And Robin and Batgirl look over to you thinking you're going to panic and freak out but you're suspiciously calm, or, calmer than the anxiety stricken adopted 'sibling' they've had this whole time, and maybe despite being kidnapped by like, idk, Babyface or Black Mask or Two Face, and maybe you even just outright insult them and it becomes horribly obvious to them "oh not only do you have your memories back, they've unintentionally turned you into an explosive powder keg of repressed anger and frustration because they betrayed what little trust you had left"

You just look at Two Face and start fucking with him, this criminal looking down as a teenager starts roasting him way too casually and maybe with facts you shouldn't even know, things you remember from your time as a hero before. "Hey Harvey, what's hanging, it's been a while. Hey can I ask a question? You ever think about just outright asking someone like I dunno Bruce Wayne to fix that fucked up meat gristle face of yours? Like, I'm sure having half your body resemble the same consistency of a breakfast sausage has its uses in intimidation, but, like, I'm sure if you just walked up to Batman and said 'hey if you make me look less like a rotisserie chicken I'll quit crime' and he would probably just like, HAND the money for the sugery to you, like, do you think Batmobile money falls out of the sky, he's clearly fucking loaded"

And of course the follow up/alternative of "the stress triggers Reader's metagene or old memories or both and you just start whooping ass unapologetically and Barb and Dick are sweating because they're trying not to break incognito but like you're significantly hurting these dudes, you're clearly really angry and upset and taking it out on them" and tbh I imagine Batman already has contingencies for this possibility. He shows up in costume and Two Face has already fled but you're standing there in your preppy school uniform now dirty and torn, blood on your knuckles, about to beat a man unconscious while your classmates either cower or cheer or fear you. If Reader has some sort of magic, then he just has to get Nth metal from Hawkgirl or Hawkman, maybe he'll make it a cute bracelet, just a nice gift from Dad. Bodily autonomy to use your own powers and be an adult again, what's that? He's disappointed in you for caving into the darkness and also? you're grounded >:(

-Reader becoming a mugging/gun violence victim and now you're never allowed to leave the manor, period. I can only imagine like the projection of trauma from Bruce if, after losing his parents, he has to watch you weak and recovering from a gunshot, wheezing in bed struggling to breathe properly because a bullet went through one of your lungs. You're put in a total bubble to recover in absolute peace and sterility, but, even far after you've recovered, your "guardian" is still convinced someone will leap out of the bushes to hurt you, so, no leaving the manor unless he's with you. Like. Imagine him being so scared he doesn't even want to trust your safety with the other Batfamily members, and maybe he even cracks down on several of the other younger members because he doesn't want them to get shot too (also like, resulting trauma and overprotectiveness if one or multiple of them saw you get shot and are like, still fucked up over having to apply pressure to your bullet wound as your warm blood leaks all over their fingers and they can't do anything to stop you and-- like do you see how that would send some of them into borderline psychosis when theyve already got So Many Many Issues)

-all of them try to exert control over what you're exposed to and consume in terms of entertainment. You have spyware on your phone and any member of the Batfam who can use the Batcomputer can see your past and current browsing history and I will die on this hill. Bruce and Alfred are rigorous in making sure you don't ruin your mental health. Like you know how I talked about "what if you had a yandere that was in tech and he gave you a phone that he occasionally spies on and remotely disables if he thinks you're spending too much time on it/seeing something you shouldnt"? Bruh that's like half of the Manor, Bruce especially. He has to "make sure nothing bad happens to you". All it can take is 'one bad day', after all...

-obsessed with the idea of them getting jealous of you spending time with other alternate universe versions of themselves, in concepts where Reader is a JL member/vigilante and has the power/tech to multiverse travel anyways. Batman hasn't seen you in a couple weeks and, actually maybe he's a little concerned about you, you've kind of just vanished off the face of the earth, and he bumps into you on a Gotham rooftop with. Another Batman, and getting along much better and being more casual and friendly with the stranger than with him. Broody fucking "I am darkness, I am the night, I am vengeance" Bruce catching you like. smoking weed on his couch with the hilariously weird version of him from the Harley Quinn cartoon universe and God forbid if anyone shows signs of having feelings for you

(also could you imagine how ballistic he and or Jason would go if they caught you hanging out with, you know, one of the super violent "murder is ok" Jasons/Batmans and you tell them straight up "actually I agree with what he's doing, I want to help him, in fact maybe I'll work with HIM now instead of you" like, y'all, I think Batman would permanently never let you work as a hero or sidekick ever again because he's genuinely worried you'll fall down the slippery slope and make a mistake that ruins your life. Like depending on the depiction of Batman you're looking at, some of them admit straight up that they don't kill Joker because they know they're legitimately filled with so much anger and hatred that if they kill even one person, that'll break the barrier to killing tons of criminals outright and they won't be able to stop)

-all I'm saying is that if they ever caught you like being cordial or mildly friendly with an alternate universe version of a villain, no matter how good they are, they shut that shit down immediately. "Y/N who is that" "oh this is my bud The Jester from the universe where the Joker is actually really good and a superhero and--" *jester proceeds to be grappled back through a multiverse portal* "wait no don't freak out this poison ivy is actually really chill and she's married to Harley and she sells me really good weed and she only does a liiiiiitle bit of ecoterrorism and--" immediately thrown in Arkham

-I just genuinely think it's funny that they're probably either smoking weed with you bc trauma and stress or are vehemently anti drug. Can you imagine just in general like, regressed reader, batfam member, either way, just being an actual adult just minding your business and smoking weed and Bruce reacting like he just caught you with a loaded gun in your pocket "y/n is that a weed" "yeah its for my chronic pain--" "I'm calling commissioner gordon" like, Bruce practically acting like you need to go to rehab

-I kinda love the drama of Bruce or Dick or Barbara or just any of the Batfam members accidentally basically ruining your social life and social reputation. You were at a house party one night and eventually pics start getting texted around of Nightwing confronting you in the yard and pulling you away and now there are rumors you're a criminal on parole. You get invited to smoke weed at a friend's and suddenly Batman is in the house and suddenly everyone's parents are there to pick up their kids as he lectures about the dangers of drugs and now absolutely NO ONE from school wants anything to do with you "because what if Batman shows up and gets us in trouble"

-I feel like, as one of those vaguely morally gray areas, that Bruce would make you take medication and get treatment for, like, really anything that needs it, but more specifically anxiety and depression and just overall psychological issues. And as a dark twist what if you aren't really naturally anxious and don't even have an anxiety disorder or anything but he puts you on pills to mellow you out because you're freaking out at him for completely valid and understandable reasons like, you know, being confined in his home against your will. "What, you aren't mad about being kidnapped and controlled and lied to, you clearly just have pre existing emotional issues that keep you from reacting properly, but don't worry I'm here to help" 🙄🙄🙄

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[purgemarchlockdown]

For the ask game !! 2 and 9 for Amane 25 for Muu 8 for Kotoko

I'm a bit tired (I haven't eaten the whole day, Im about to though dw) so this might be shorter than you'd like! Sorry about that!

Amane:

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? Everything about her next question-

(Cat Symbolism if you Really Had to make me choose)

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Yeah, she acts like younger me and I have a younger sibling.

The question is would she tolerate being roommates with me, person who talks for 5 hours unprompted and says that I'll be "done quickly" even though I never am.

Muu:

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I've said before INMF was my first impression of Milgram generally. I remember it really clearly.

Me: Oh huh this is some really pretty animation, she seems like an ass but that's entertaining to- oh my god she killed someone. Oh??? What???? *checks comments* This is a series?????

I think of her more sympathetically now compared to before. I still think she's...a questionable person but also everyone here is a questionable person morally. Extremely enjoy her and her cycle.

Kotoko:

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Coming here swinging huh- this is a weird grip with Kotoko discussion I Have. I think we focus too much on how the actions are bad and why she does them, without fully examining her mindset and ideology? If that makes sense?

She sits in the same boat with my feelings about how people view Shidou. Those actions come from genuine places of grief or depression or self-hate yes but they aren't...just that. Their part of a character's wider ideology.

Kotoko being self-hating and wanting to get rid of the "dirty" parts of herself...does not change the fact that the way she's doing it is by eliminating the people SHE sees as dangerous, degenerate and destructive. It's why I'm trying to get more confident in just calling her a fascist. I like how Milgram forces us to realize that the "monsters" are not really...separate from us. That there's nothing really separating us from falling into those mindsets. But to do that we have to acknowledge what those mindsets Really Are? If that makes sense.

Kotoko is ableist, Kotoko is misogynistic, Kotoko aligned with the system of Milgram. These are all important parts of her character.

When Kotoko hates "evil" she's describing Groups of people she considers inherently flawed in some way and thus needs to be eradicated for the greater good.

This mindset is self-destructive, no one can be perfect enough for Kotoko, least of all Kotoko. But it harms So Many People outside of her.

Admittedly, Kotoko is more personal to me, uh- I know for a fact that ten year old me would of been murked by her. I also know ten year old me wanted to hurt everyone who hurt her. This colors my view of her significantly. I try my best to be kind to her but that really weighs on me sometimes.

...That got sadder than I meant it to be.

[abimee]

i get where posts are coming from when they talk about the, i dont know what better way to example them besides ''weird/strange disorders'' people are often adverse to, and in ways that try to make them palatable/less scary like ''oh my friend who hears voices actually enjoys them and she finds comfort in them'' and doing things in a way to mitigate the fear of them, even people who have them themselves doing this. but i dont really enjoy that this is the only line that these thoughts go through, of how entertaining or enjoyable these things can be, when i think we do need more understanding of them by demanding the outside participant recognize that theyre not always going to get that feel-good depiction of our disorders

like the best way i can personally put it is yeah some of my disorder symptoms are enjoyable on my part, but a problem with that is when im manic and in a state that makes me feel good i can often become a danger to myself or others because im so hopped up on my own euphoria that i forget consequences and limitations exist, and so often mania is just as bad for me if not worse for me than depression because im incapable of being self aware, critical, realistic, and the mania can often feed into a dangerous mindset teetering me closer to suicide than depression. but mania getting played off as just '' i have so much energy! i got zoomies!" or ''mania is actually really cool because [x]'' when in all actuality of someone like me with insane bipolar swings starts telling you how enjoyable mania is Thats A Bad Sign

or like with the symptoms that float somewhere between my bipolar and ocd. im going to ask for some incredibly insane accomodations or say things that i dont understand may be hurtful because what may be a silly little quirk you do may feel like someone is putting their nails into my skin and dragging them down my back until they draw blood. or i may act offputting because my brain is either trying to tell me that i was destined by god to save you from your relationship, that i have no basis to believe is unhealthy purely besides my brain telling me that because you arent dating me that you are surely in a shitty relationship, or the complete opposite where im certain you are in fact only in my life to steal my friends and make a mockery of me by long conning me into getting close to you and revealing information for you to put out and get me hunted down and killed like an animal for, even thought there is no such information besides my brain telling me There Might Be and I just forgot

and to have friendships and close relationships with people similar to me is to have to not only respect back but understand that youre not going to get the feel good caretaker shit where my bipolar actually makes me a fun and interesting person to be around or my comorbid ocd actually makes me a really safety orientated person, it means youre going to have to watch me just directly not say some things to you on a discord call because i think were being recorded by secret agents and me asking you to come pick me up a 3 mile drive away randomly because i tried taking a vacation but psyched myself into believing im going to die if i dont get back home and i need to get home NOW. like i get positivity posts about the ''scary/weird'' disorders have their time and place but when all i see is people trying to make us palatable i wonder if even people like me who are defined and live day by day with their neurosis would be included because we exemplify some of many reasons why these disorders are in the neurodivergence category, one defined by the fact that we dont need medication and to be ''cured'' as much as we need the world around us to learn to accomodate us and accept us without trying to change us.

and theres people more severe than me! certainely! im only in the medium to extreme range of bipolar being youthful and not experiencing more psychosis symptoms, but even i can be offputting and upsetting to others purely by thr way my bipolar has wired me, and i wonder if IM considered ''too much'' for people how my siblings who need 24 hour round clock assistance and care to live will be treated and if the people who wanna de-fang disorders can accept those people as friends and family and closed ones. this also goes into stuff like how we can pass these disorders onto their kids, and what if your child is the violent stereotype? what if the voices arent nice? what if your child cant be left alone with a babysitter or anybody besides a select set of people without freaking out? what then

[lacunasbalustrade]

made by @utterchaios and I thought it’d be a fun tag game! (I’m so sorry if you didn’t want it to be a tag game.)

also, I love open curtains.

tag game, bold what applies, italicise what sometimes does, cross out what never ever applies

types of people - places

library dank chemistry memes, coffee, has a gigantic purse with enough stationery to start a store, "pls stop breathing im trying to study", eats a LOT of candy, curses you in a dead language, carries textbooks literally EVERYWHERE, dark academia, watches harry potter bc nostalgia, takes showers at 3 am while listening to audiobooks. why have pillows when you can have books?, "who folded the corner of this page?, im gonna commit homicide" , the encyclopedia of the group, has like 25 sweaters and one pair of chuck taylors, short hair, most likely the valedictorian. Stranger Things.

art gallery mysterious eyes, leather jackets, hands stained with paints and pigments, " if you open the curtains, i swear to God i will obliterate you", may or may not be a soul-sucking vampire, changes clothes every 2 hours bc" its icky ok?", stares at a painting for hours unless you physically carry them away, would always rush to help you, DIY Michelangelo Plaster sculptures, lost count of their pinterest boards, wants to eat mac and cheese but its 12 am and the fridge is empty,"i have crippling depression", doesnt remember their birthday or anyone elses, likes blueberry cheese cake, reads Dan Brown, owns a reptile. buys you coffee without asking.

the park flower pressings, "i only consume caffeine when i need to", doodles on their shoes just because, wants to have a swing in their backyard, most likely cottage core, plays minecraft on creative mode only, makes pies for everyone, loves sunny days, the optimistic one in the squad, " im made you this flower crown, here!!" , prefers milkshakes, home-cooked meals, has cool colored hair, "i will only come over if we can watch "spirited away" again", you really wanna be their friend, looks like a softie, but will sucker-punch someone to mars if they had to, watches nature documentaries, hand-woven journals, names their plants, likes green tea.

planetarium shiny eyes, sleep is for the weak, the most motivated one, usually quiet in their own thoughts, probably neurodivergent, has a cat or cats, " free food WOOOOOOOOOO" day-1 organization guru, day-2 "where IS my wallet???", wears different socks on each feet, pizza pizza PIZZA, doodles little planets on your arm, productivity who?, will eat anything, f.r.i.e.n.d.s, unlimited vine references, solves a complex equation within 2 minutes, but can't figure out the directions for the nearest fast food, looks at the sky like its their first time, forgets to study, but aces the exam anyway, "why can't movies follow the laws of physics? im calling the cops bc this breach is UNNACCEPTABLE!!!", never sleeps on time bc vsauce rabbithole, the kindest person you'll know.

@melting-morning-blues @thehistorynut19

[melting-morning-blues]

types of people - places

[ made by @utterchaios, reposted from @lacunasbalustrade! ]

tag game, bold what applies, italicise what sometimes does, cross out what never ever applies

library, dank chemistry memes, coffee, has a gigantic purse with enough stationery to start a store, "pls stop breathing im trying to study", eats a LOT of candy, curses you in a dead language, carries textbooks literally EVERYWHERE, dark academia, watches harry potter bc nostalgia, takes showers at 3 am while listening to audiobooks. why have pillows when you can have books?, "who folded the corner of this page?, im gonna commit homicide" , the encyclopedia of the group, has like 25 sweaters and one pair of chuck taylors, short hair, most likely the valedictorian. Stranger Things.

art gallery, mysterious eyes, leather jackets, hands stained with paints and pigments, "if you open the curtains, i swear to God i will obliterate you", may or may not be a soul-sucking vampire, changes clothes every 2 hours bc "its icky ok?", stares at a painting for hours unless you physically carry them away, would always rush to help you, DIY Michelangelo Plaster sculptures, lost count of their pinterest boards, wants to eat mac and cheese but its 12 am and the fridge is empty, "i have crippling depression", doesnt remember their birthday or anyone elses, likes blueberry cheese cake, reads Dan Brown, owns a reptile. buys you coffee without asking.

the park, flower pressings, "i only consume caffeine when i need to", doodles on their shoes just because, wants to have a swing in their backyard, most likely cottage core, plays minecraft on creative mode only, makes pies for everyone, loves sunny days, the optimistic one in the squad, "i made you this flower crown, here!!", prefers milkshakes, home-cooked meals, has cool colored hair, "i will only come over if we can watch 'spirited away' again", you really wanna be their friend, looks like a softie, but will sucker-punch someone to mars if they had to, watches nature documentaries, hand-woven journals, names their plants, likes green tea.

planetarium, shiny eyes, sleep is for the weak, the most motivated one, usually quiet in their own thoughts, probably neurodivergent, has a cat or cats, "free food WOOOOOOOOOO", day-1 organization guru, day-2 "where IS my wallet???", wears different socks on each feet, pizza pizza PIZZA, doodles little planets on your arm, productivity who?, will eat anything, f.r.i.e.n.d.s, unlimited vine references, solves a complex equation within 2 minutes, but can't figure out the directions for the nearest fast food, looks at the sky like its their first time, forgets to study, but aces the exam anyway, "why can't movies follow the laws of physics? im calling the cops bc this breach is UNNACCEPTABLE!!!", never sleeps on time bc vsauce rabbithole, the kindest person you'll know.