#but we're not meant to know all this awful shit

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm starting to really feel like I might have to like. stop being online. in any form. but especially on social media.

I already don't read the news anymore because it made me too anxious. but social media is basically like the news except worse. at least with the news you know that you're mostly gonna get bad things. on tumblr/reddit/wherever it's a pleasant stream of fun/interesting/entertaining posts and then bam here's some really bad shit that's going to ruin the world as we know it and we're all fucked and there's nothing you can do about it! and right below it is the next cute cat picture or a cool drawing or a silly text post and you just keep scrolling

[dollypopup]

I think it's real obvious that if you actually like Colin you don't belong in the Polin fandom. y'all are all so ableist about him and think the absolute worst of him and a huge number of the posts and fics are romanticizing Penelope straight up abusing him

we should make a new tag because this one is NOT it

[random-thot-generator]

Simon's drunk and just wants to go to bed with his sweetheart.

cw: MDNI- gets a wee bit hot spicy , possible dub con (or is it?) 😏

>>>>>

It's after one in the morning when a heavy knock at the door startles you out of a sound sleep.

You sit up in bed, still half-asleep and confused, and squint at the clock on your nightstand. Not sure what woke you, you're about to lie back down when you hear the knock again. That's never a good thing this late at night.

Now wide awake and scared out of your wits, you slide out of bed and throw on your robe. Creeping through your flat, you tiptoe up to the door and peer through the peephole, seeing an all too familiar face blinking blearily at your door.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, you unlock the door, but leave the chain on, and open it just enough to peek through the gap. "Jesus, Simon. You scared the shit out of me!"

The big Manc is standing on your stoop, swaying in place, his dark brown eyes bloodshot and drooping. "'M sorry, sweet'art. Know it's late. Had a few wiff the lads an' now I can't find m'keys." He inhales a deep breath then hiccups and makes a face. "Will ya let me in?"

He's obviously drunk, but that pitiful, hangdog face gets to you. You slip the chain and open the door. "C'mon in."

Simon shuffles inside and immediately stoops to unlace his boots, nearly pitching face-first onto the floor. "Simon!" you gasp, grabbing his arm. "You're going to hurt yourself. Go sit on the couch."

Unsteady, he stumbles to the couch and basically falls onto it, grunting as he rights himself and drops his head back on the cushions.

"'M s'sorry, love. Shouldn't uh woke ya. Jus' missed ya. Needed t'see ya."

You quirk a brow, smirking. Yeah. Totally wasted. Probably best to let him sleep it off on the couch, then give him hell in the morning. You'll help get him comfortable then let him pass out.

"Let's get your boots off, Si."

Kneeling at his feet, you start working on the laces when you feel his big hand rest on the top of your head. You glance up and smile at him, amused. His hand slides down to cup your cheek, his dark eyes watery as he stares down at you.

"Yer too good t'me, sweet'art. Bess day uh my life is when I met ya."

That actually makes you melt a little. "Aw. That's sweet, Simon."

His brows scrunch together. "'S true, love. Knew the moment I saw ya, you was meant t'be mine."

"What?"

"'M gonna take care uh ya, sweet'art. Gonna take a post at base, trainin' recruits. No more leavin' ya all alone. Worries the hell outta me, doin' tha'."

"Simon, love, you're drunk, talking out of your head. You and me aren't—"

"I know, love. I know," he murmurs, cupping the back of your head. "We're not married yet, but we're gonna be. Be proud t'have ya as my missus. Olready think uh ya like m'wife, anyway. An' one day, ya'll be the mother uh my kids. Yer gonna make a damn good mum, sweet'art; I can tell."

You huff out an exasperated laugh. "Whoa, Simon! This is getting a little too—"

He presses his thumb over your lips and chuckles lowly. "I know, sweet girl. Gettin' ahead uh m'self. Don't worry, love. We'll find a nice place t'settle, first. One uh them quiet li'l villages near the base. Need t'put my pretty wife in a proper home a'fore we start makin' babies." He smirks. "Don't mean we can't practice, though, yeah?"

He reaches for you, but you crab walk backwards. "Si, you've been drinking. We can't—"

You bleat out a startled yelp when he grabs hold of your ankles and drags you back within his reach. Big hands gripping your waist, he picks you up off the floor like a toddler and plops you on his lap, then proceeds to kiss you stupid. Hands kneading and groping, tongue shoved down your throat, you can feel his erection pressing up into the thin material between your legs.

Oh, mercy!

Finally breaking the kiss, he stands in one swift motion, making your already spinning head reel. Pupils blown wide, he smirks down at you with a feral light smoldering in his eyes. "Never too drunk t'give my li'l woman a proper fuckin'," he purrs darkly, then his lips latch onto yours again.

Lying limp as a ragdoll in his arms, he carries you back to your bed and shows you just what a proper fucking is. Several times. He must not have been as drunk as you thought. Come to think of it, he didn't taste like alcohol at all.

The sky is beginning to lighten with the approach of dawn before he finally turns you on your side and curls himself around you. One hand wedged between your legs, the other holding onto your tit, he nuzzles the back of your neck until he eventually drops off into an exhausted sleep.

You blink tired eyes at your bedside clock, remembering you're scheduled to work. Your head flops back down on your pillow. There's no way you're making it into work in the morning. Hell, you're not even sure if you're going to be able to walk tomorrow— not normally, anyway. Even so, you can't be mad about it, not after all those orgasms. Simon truly had a gift; the man is a giver.

Feeling sated, safe and warm, you snuggle back into Simon, ready to fall asleep. Still, your hazy mind can't help but wonder...

What's he going to think when he wakes up next to his favorite barista and not in his own bed?

-

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

My thoughts about the Trump assassination attempt

After having a few hours to process this whole thing and see reactions from across the political spectrum, I'm having some thoughts and some feelings.

First off, as I said earlier, Trump is a fucking boss. Take anyone who ran for president in the last 20 years, put them in that exact situation, and I don't think a single one responds by raising his fist and snarling in defiance and righteous anger. They run. They cry. They keep their heads down and the first statement you h ear from them is hours later filtered through 20 different speech writers. Today proved to me that, whatever else he may be, Trump is a genuine bad ass. He's exactly the person I want at the end of a sword pointed the United States. Because he's going to have a sword of his own pointed right back, and he's not going to run and hide when it comes time to use it.

Second, the modern left is full of monsters. The amount of people screaming and crying because this assassination attempt failed actually sickens me. It's one thing to have fantasies about easy solutions to the things that scare you. Hell, I'm not innocent. I've thought about how much better things might be if this politician was no longer around or this activist group got axed. But one of the things I did today was think about how I would feel if the assassin succeeded. And then I thought about how I'd feel if someone took a shot at Biden and he didn't survive. Neither thought gave me any good feelings. Obviously I'd be more upset if Trump died, but today showed me that I don't want us to start down the path of shooting political leaders. But too many people on the left, people who should know better, at least enough to hide their true feelings, have no problem publicly wishing Trump was dead right now. That assassinating presidential candidates was a legitimate tactic--but only against the politicians they don't like, of course.

Fuck that.

Fuck them.

America is better than that. Americans are better than that. We're not some third world shithole like Mexico. We're the greatest country in the world. We're the last bastion of representative government. The last place in the world where freedom exists. And it's time we started acting like it.

Third, I ain't got no time for conspiracy theories. Sorry guys, but this wasn't staged and this wasn't a CIA hitman. Unless real, hard evidence comes out otherwise, you won't ever get me to believe any of the nonsense I've seen floated around. Don't be so lost in the true things the media has dismissed as "conspiracy theories" that you immediately jump to the most conspiratorial explanations first for everything that happens. It's lame and cringe and a lot of people I've seen seriously putting these theories forward should know better. I know we're in our emotions right now, but keep your heads.

Fourth, my heart breaks for the families of the people who were hit with the bullets meant for President Trump. But that's the kind of evil we're facing. Whoever did this decided that the idea of a Trump presidency was so awful that they were okay with shooting innocent people just to stop him. And this is after he was already president and none of the things the media is fear mongering about happened during his first term. Those people just wanted to see a man speak. To have some hope for the future. And some piece of shit shot them because he didn't like a presidential candidate. Or worse, because the TV made him scared.

Fifth, fuck the media. You think you hate them enough, but you don't. The media is the driving force behind our enemies, and there's no such thing as a good journopig. They're all lying propagandists. We just like some of them because their propaganda occasionally hits on the truth.

And that's all I got. None of this is organized, none of this is proofread. These are just the thoughts I've been wrestling with for the past few hours. This is the only place I can get them all down without being interrupted or feeling like I need to censor myself. Do with them what you will.

[georgeclarkesgf]

forgetful | george clarke

the minute george stepped into the flat, he knew something was off.

"y/n? you here?" walking further into the flat, he found y/n in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, "hey, sorry i'm back so late. we missed t-"

"don't. i can't believe you. all i asked was that you not plan to film today and i wake up to a message telling me you've gone to film a video for arthur. do you even know why i asked you to stay home today?"

he was trying to remember, really he was. but his mind was blank and the guilt began to seep in, only just noticing the tears that left stains on her cheeks.

"no. of course you don't. my parents are in town george. i planned a nice lunch, maybe go on a walk, come back to the flat for a few drinks, but all that went to shit because you left to film a stupid video and then ignored my messages all day. you know how important it is to me that you get along with my parents so having to cancel on them last minute because you weren't even here was not something i wanted to have to do." the tears in her eyes were threatening to fall again, hating how needy and pathetic she sounded.

"we can sti-" george tried, again quickly being shut down.

"no george, i'm mad at you. you don't get to say it'll be alright and that we can still do something. we're not playing happy families. you've hurt me. when we sort this out, then we organise something else."

now the guilt was in full swing and he immediately started to think of ways he could make it up to her, knowing it would take a lot of grovelling to get back onto her good side.

"i'm going to bed, i love you." a soft kiss being placed on his lips.

"i love you too." slight relief evident on his face, knowing she'll never not say 'i love you', even during an argument.

she rounded the kitchen island, starting to make her way to his room and get ready for bed. george watched as she closed the door, still stood in the kitchen, contemplating whether to follow her or give her some space.

he decided on the latter.

--------

it was nearing midnight when george decided he needed some sleep, and the dip in the bed as he got comfortable was enough to wake y/n, a groan leaving her lips.

"sorry. i didn't mean to wake you," she let out an agitated hum of acknowledgement and rolled over, curling into george's side, unable to resist the heat his body always provided, "still mad at me?"

"yep." she responded, accentuating the 'p'.

"okay. can we talk about it?"

"i've said my peace. you go."

"i really am sorry sweetheart, i feel awful," her nails were running along the lines and dips of his stomach, a habit he'd grown accustomed to over the several months they'd been together, "the video was planned ages ago and i didn't even realise the dates clashed. when you reminded me of 'that thing' that was happening today i thought you meant filming. i promise to make it up to you. and your parents. please say they don't hate me."

george hoped it was enough, not that he wouldn't do anything she asked to get her to forgive him, but he couldn't stand the thought of her staying mad at him.

in y/n's head, he was forgiven. during her time alone, she realised she didn't even give him a chance to explain before locking herself in his room for the rest of the night.

"i'm sorry too," george was slightly taken aback by this, unsure what she was apologising for, "i shouldn't have stormed off like that. not even letting you speak before i disappeared all night. and my parents don't hate you. we can do dinner tomorrow if that's okay with you?"

"that's more than okay. i have my whole day free to spend with you and them. we can do whatever you guys want. i love you."

"i love you. so much. even if you are forgetful."

and george stuck to his promise. safe to say y/n's parents like george more than her.

a/n have this as an 'i'm sorry i haven't posted in a while present' <3

[batboyblog]

I keep seeing the take of "vote blue no matter who is fascism/leads to fascism" literal days before the election and people going on tirades about how we're licking their boots while they kick our teeth in and I'm just so fucking tired. I just. Am so tired. I also saw someone explicitly mention "they could eviscerate a baby on the stage and you'd still vote for them" and that just SEEMS anti-Semitic. I sincerely hate this so much. I see people also claiming that "withholding your vote is the only political power you have" and I want to scream.

And I'm straight up seeing people say "Oh so republicans will be so much worse? Then we die together" and holy fucking shit these people are awful, straight up the most selfish motherfuckers I've ever seen in my life. They really are just hoping for a "revolution" so they can cosplay as the anarchists they've always wanted to for a few brief moments before they get jailed/straight-up killed. They don't care about the millions, billions of people who's lives are about to get so much worse thanks to this.

I'm sorry for doing such a rant but oh my god. Why are people like this.

where's that tweet about firebombing Wal-Mart and then not?

maybe the greatest tweet of all time.

any ways, I was just out and about in the real world knocking on doors and yeah I was knocking easy turf (every other house was a Democrat pride float of signs and banners) but I can tell you these internet edge lords aren't real, I mean in some cases literally not real being fake people meant to demotivate voters. But even those who are real Americans who really feel that way, they're such a tiny unimportant minority that they're not really real and spoiler most people like that are NEVER voters, they don't vote, ever so like "I'm not gonna vote" you didn't before so you don't really factor in, its like children, how they feel doesn't matter because they can't vote.

The real feeling out there is good, you know, I'm tired, and I'm going out again tomorrow, thats what its really about, they bitch about Democrats and shit but we're out talking to people, organizing, mobilizing, and voting, they want a Revolution, well then here it is you can turn the world if you do the work.

people saying they won't vote for a better world is stupid, and its childish, I think of all the fights we've fought, all the little wins that build up to national victories, we have a chance to keep going forward, to break down more barriers, to right more wrongs to make the American Dream available to more people who never before had a shot, we can be a more perfect union, and we can do great things together. Or we can allow the gift we have been given, guarded by generations in blood and pain in the fields of Gettysburg, Beaches of Normandy, in the dirt of Philadelphia, Mississippi, and in the street in front of the Stonewall Inn to be take away from us, to allow a Government for, by and of the people to vanish from the Earth. Thats the choice, the rest is noise.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

The worst thing about all the Izzy discourse, I think, is that the writers clearly never put that much thought into him even a little bit.

And when you start approaching everything Izzy does in the story through the lens of "this is guy is not, in the grand scheme of things, an Important Character," it just makes everything about him so much more coherent.

OFMD is not a simple show and there are layers to pretty much everything that happens, but Izzy's s1 behavior very neatly and easily boils down to "this guy is here to preach toxic masculinity at us." In s2 the writers very reasonably assumed that the audience would not like Izzy, so they chose not to call back to the awful shit Izzy did in s1 because they assumed the audience already knows and we're not on his side about that stuff. Trying to make Izzy sympathetic by having him start off the season already having made the realization that he has Fucked Up allows all of his scenes to be in service of showing that anyone can unlearn toxic masculinity and grow. Izzy is important to Ed's character as the voice driving him to keep adopting the Blackbeard persona, and when he apologizes to Ed on his deathbed for abusing him for years, we're not supposed to find that a surprise. Izzy's character in s2, when stripped of the toxic masculinity that once defined him, does kinda distill him down to this bland abrasiveness, but that's honestly okay because he never really had that many distinct character traits to begin with.

Izzy doesn't have a concrete backstory because he doesn't need one. His relationship with Ed is complex, I'm not saying it's not, but that's very clearly meant to tell us more about Ed and his relationship to masculinity and father figures in his life than it ever was about Izzy himself. His relationship with Stede is defined by Izzy going "this is the way things are done" and Stede replying with "uh no thanks lol" to show that Stede's kind of masculinity is the one we should be rooting for.

And when we start doing Izzy-centric analysis of the show, I think its messages and themes become much less coherent, because he's just Not That Important. You're always having to twist things around to kiiiiiinda make them fit. And don't get me wrong, it can be very fun to read against a text as a thought experiment or writing excerise, but we do run into problems here when there is such persistent insistence that that's the way the story is meant to be read.

[talaok]

Us | pt. 2

Part 2 of this request because you asked for it and I can't say no to you.

Pairing: Joel Miller x pregnant!reader

summary: You decide it's time to tell Ellie you're pregnant, and she and Joel turn into overprotective babysitters until you give birth

It was time.

You had postponed it for too long and hiding your growing belly was starting to become impossible.

You had convinced Joel to invite Sam and Henry on the journey to Wyoming with you, but they didn't want to bother you anymore, which was stupid, they never bothered you in the first place... well maybe Joel a little bit, but he doesn't count.

Nonetheless, you had parted, and were now staying in an abandoned motel.

Everything was calm for the first time in a while, which meant it was time.

"Ellie we have to tell you something" Joel spoke. He might have looked and sounded calm, but you knew he was just as anxious as you.

"oh shit, who died?"

you forced yourself to smile through the nerves "No, it's not like that, it's... it's something happy"

Ellie raised her head, actually listening to you now.

"ok..." she said, urging you to go on.

You turned to Joel, suddenly unable to speak.

Why was this so hard? It's not like you were confessing to something awful.

Joel caught your look and understood he needed to help out.

"we're together," he said

There. It was out. Not all of it, but a part.

A weight lifted from your chest as Joel's hand intertwined with yours.

"yeah no shit" Ellie chuckled, making you freeze.

"you knew?" you spat out

"I mean you're kind of obvious" she grinned " especially you, man," he nodded to Joel, laughing to herself "You act like a thirteen-year-old around her"

The man shot her a look, but you could only smile.

"Alright Einstein, but that's not all"

She stopped smiling now, and instead, a frown took over her face as she looked up at you confusedly.

"It's not?"

"no" you shook your head "See, I..." you bit your lip as your heart started racing.

You had never said it out loud to anyone who wasn't Joel.

"Ellie, I'm pregnant"

Her eyes widened and then fell to your belly "shit, are- are you serious!?"

You nodded.

"wh-why didn't you tell me? Did Tess know?"

"We just... we wanted to be safe, and no, Tess didn't know"

"wow" she sighed eyeing you two "I mean- congratulations"

__ __ __

The journey to Wyoming changed from that point on.

Now instead of one person urging you to eat their food, you had two.

It was like they fed off each other's worry.

You must have carried your own backpack for just over five minutes total, the rest of the time, one or the other had forced you to let them hold it.

Neither of them left you alone if not to pee, and by the time you got to Jackson, you were just happy they could finally back off a little.

Turns out you were wrong.

They didn't back off, not at all, as you got more and more pregnant all it did was just make their apprehension grow.

It was funny really, watching as they fought for who could help you tie your shoes or make you breakfast.

The search for the fireflies became less and less important as you got closer to the ninth month, and by the time you had reached it, Ellie and Joel had decided they were gonna think about that only after the child was born.

Which wasn't long after that.

You woke up in stinging pain.

"fuck" you cried,

That was definitely a contraction

You let your fingers travel between your legs and found the sheets and your pants completely soaked.

shit

"Joel" you mumbled, the pain only getting worse.

"Joel!" you called, gripping his arm.

He woke up with a gasp, immediately turning to you.

"It's happening?"

"mh-mh" you could only hum, nodding as your nails dug into his flesh.

He looked at you for a moment, a smile tugging at his lips, before he leaned in to leave a quick kiss on your forehead.

"it's happening" he whispered again

__ __ __

You had always thought the women in the movies were exaggerating.

But they weren't. They fucking weren't.

It was a miracle Joel's hand was still intact considering how hard you had squeezed it.

It didn't matter how many times he told you you were doing so good or how it was almost done, it felt like a year had passed until you finally heard a little cry coming from the doctor's arms.

"it's a girl," he said, handing the minuscule child to you.

You took her in your arms, scared to even breathe.

She was beautiful... actually, she was perfect, so warm and small she didn't even look real.

You couldn't stop the tears running down your cheeks, and when you looked up at Joel, you noticed a watery glint covering his eyes too.

"You did it" he spoke, his voice shaky

"we did" you corrected him "We did it"

"she's so small" he murmured, an incredulous smile tugging at his lips.

"I know" You nodded, looking at her.

You couldn’t help the sob coming up your throat. There it was, a light in the darkest night.

So many emotions took over you at the same time that all you could do was cry and then cry some more.

“Hey” Joel cooed, moving some hair out of your face “what is it?” he asked, laying down next to you.

You sniffled, looking up at him.

“What is it sweetheart?”

“I-” you stuttered, looking down at your daughter “I’m scared Joel” you admitted “I’m- I’m terrified. I thought the birth was gonna be the hardest part but...” you had to stop to breathe “Joel, What if I’m not a good mother?”

He smiled then, stoking your cheek “y/n, baby, you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You are smart, kind, funny and patient” he spoke without a single trace of hesitation “You are gonna be a great mom, I promise”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because I know you, and I know this kid is the luckiest girl in the world to have you as her mom” he said, causing a small smile to your lips.

“Thank you” you murmured, kissing his cheek “and Y’know, You’re gonna be a great father too”

He chuckled “with you by my side... I’m sure I will”

You laughed softly as both your eyes fell back to your daughter.

"you want to hold her?"

He hesitated a second.

"you ok?" you asked, noticing the shift in his look.

He looked at you, and that's all he needed. All the memories and fear melted away the moment his eyes met yours.

"I'm great" he smiled, taking the baby in his arms.

She looked even smaller when he was holding her.

Everything fell silent for a second, until, without so much as a warning, Ellie threw the door open.

"Finally," she said, "they said I could come in now"

"c'mere," you gestured,

"you ok?"

"Yeah"

"did it hurt a lot?"

"it did" you nodded, "but it was worth it" you said, your eyes moving up to where Joel was still gently holding her.

Ellie smiled at the sight. He had never seen Joel being so careful.

"you ok there man?" she teased

And when Joel raised his head to look at her, a small tear fled his eye.

"I love you," he promised "all of you. And if it's the last thing I ever do, I swear I'll protect you"

— —

Pt. 1

[fray]

hi!! it's me again, i'm fray, a black nb trans masc artist and i just started my transition 6 months ago, i was really happy to start that! but again i need help with some things because everything else has just been getting worse.

we're looking for a place to live still currently and we have to be out of where we've lived for like 4 years this week because they want to ''''sell the place'''' ie they want to kick us out since we've been having trouble with payments. we have no place set in stone at all yet so we need money to move things to a storage unit or something. just anything at all will hope.

i'm sorry i haven't really been drawing much lately other than really self indulgent stuff, every things just been so terrible that i've just been focusing on just stuff that makes me happy instead of all the awful things that have been happening for the past months. again if my art has ever meant anything to you at all please help. i'm sorry i've been asking for help so many times but we really don't have a lot of options. my mother has been too unwell to work and what i make is very little on top of my own health issues i've been having.

my birthday is this month and all i'd really like is for things to get at least a little better and to have a little less shit to worry about 😭

my mothers c4shapp is $KrystinePage

anything helps and if you can't (i know everything right now sucks for everybody) reblogs are really appreciated. thank you so much for looking!!

[berryz-writes]

Jealousy

PART 2

Azriel x reader

Summary: Your forced to spend the weekend with Azriel the bane of your existence but little do you realize he doesn't completely hate you

Nfjznxsfdzfdxj this took a while my other WIP’s were distracting me. also ignore any mistakes, enjoy lovelies <33

part 1

It was torture. Downright torture. Pretending like last night hadn't happened was wreaking havoc on my brain. I didn't know how to forget about it. I couldn't.

The memory of Azriel pulling me closer, his face resting in the crook of my neck, the way his gentle hands rested on my waist, his legs tangled with mine pulling me impossibly closer. Gods I was going to go crazy.

Everywhere it went it seemed his reminders were there. The dagger I was using in training was the one Azriel had given me last solstice when mine had been snatched by an Attor. The laces on my boots were from his because apparently mine weren’t sturdy enough. 

“Where do you get your shoes from? These are awful quality” He asked, crouching down in front of me and taking his laces out to adjust them into my boots, all the while muttering about how I could have tripped and hurt myself. 

The coffee the cabin had made this morning on my command was made with a hint of cinnamon. Something Azriel had recommended to make the taste better. He was everywhere I went and it was driving me crazy.

He hadn't even mentioned last night once. Didn't even give me some sort of hint that he remembered or that it actually meant something to him. We had continued the day as if everything was normal, his biting remarks more constant and grating.

***

"We're going back on Monday" Azriel called out to me unwrapping the white gauze from his knuckles. I pulled out my dagger (yes the same one Azriel had gifted me) from the target piece of wood and frowned. Two days later? "Why aren't we going today?"

Azriel didn't look at me, instead he put his daggers in his belt making sure each one was in the proper position before replying "If I've said it there's probably a reason why. Do you have to ask questions every time?"

My frown deepened as I surveyed him from this distance. He had his wings folded together and his expression was foul as if a personal wrong had been done against him. So what if he was in a mood? Didn't mean he had to be so rude.

"I'm not going to follow your orders blindly. Tell me" I moved closer to him and stopped in front of him, the biting cold of the village hitting me now that I had stopped training. I waited for him to explain why we were spending any longer in a place like this. I yearned for the liveliness and warmth of Velaris. The golden sun beating down on me while I sat on the balcony and sipped on something cold.

We had been gone for one night and I know I was being dramatic but Azriel not giving me answers just annoyed the shit out of me even more.

He continued arranging his daggers and straightening his siphons until he deemed them perfect. Finally looking up to meet my eyes I could tell there was something wrong before he even opened his mouth. 

"There's a storm coming. It's not safe to fly tonight" His voice was controlled, as if he were trying to hide his emotions, his eyes not making direct contact with me.

I let out a scoff "And what? Winnowing doesn't exist anymore?" I knew the way I said it would rile him up. Yes I could have phrased it nicely but the way he was acting he didn't deserve it.

Eyes narrowing and his jaw clenching Azriel took a step closer to me. And then another until he was just inches away from me. His warmth radiated to me, my head having to tilt up slightly so I could look at his gorgeous face properly.

His voice was soft, the deadly stillness with which he stood unnerving me. "Velaris's shields have been compromised. Rhys is doing all he can from anyone finding out and if we break that balance. If we winnow in then that means the shield breaks." He scanned my features as if waiting for me to reply "Do you want the safety of all those people in jeopardy because of you?" His voice was quiet now, his breath blowing over me as he spoke.

A million thoughts invaded my mind as I thought of what he had stated. How had Velaris been compromised? And by who? And what was Rhys doing? I wondered if everyone back home was alright.

I took a deep breath trying not to get angry and understand the situation we were in “How long are we stuck here for?” 

It was Azriel’s turn to take a deep breath as if he knew the answer wouldn’t be one I wanted. “Minimum two more days''

Two whole days. I was going to go insane here. Either I would die from arguing with the brainless Illyrians or from hypothermia. A sudden blast of cold air hit me, reminding me of where I was stuck and who it was with. Sighing, I shook away my thoughts. I was being ungrateful. Azriel wasn’t so bad. And who knew what everyone else was going through. I opened my mouth to ask exactly that when he cut in “Everyone's fine. If it was serious we would have been called back for help whether the storm was brewing or not”

I nodded my head, the knot in my stomach loosening. As long as everyone was fine. Azriel nodded his head to the path that led to the cabin we were now sharing “You should go. I need to inform Keller of our prolonged stay”

I took it as his way of dismissing me and not wanting to talk to me. Turning around and starting down the frosted path, the warmth that engulfed me from Azriel's body evaporated completely, my footsteps quickening to reach the cabin. Slamming the cabin door shut I took out my hair tie and sat on the bed anger and disappointment flowing through me. The fire immediately started, the crackling sound the only noise in the wooden house. 

He was ignoring what had happened yesterday. He was being insufferable. He hadn’t even asked me, talked to me, mentioned it to me even once. I shifted through each word we had shared this morning and none of them consisted of him acknowledging last night. 

Azriel didn’t even tell me he wanted to forget last night, instead he let my imagination run wild on thinking if he regretted it or not. 

Maybe I was the over dramatic one. We hadn’t had sex, we hadn’t even kissed. But it felt like there was something else when he pulled me closer except for mutual dislike. 

Flopping back onto the soft bed I decided thinking of other things would do me some good. Anything other than Azriel at this point. 

Sitting up again and rifling through the side table drawers I finally found a slightly inky pen and a scrunched up piece of paper.

Hi Feyre, I heard what happened with the shield. I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone was fine. Give lots of kisses to Nyx from me. 

Ending the note with my name I vanished it away hoping Feyre would reply with some good news. In the time that I had done that Azriel walked in, flipping a dagger in his hand, his shadows moving slowly across his wings. I rolled my eyes at his arrogance and refused to start a conversation with him. If he could ignore what happened yesterday and act like it didn’t matter then so could I. I wasn’t going to act like an attention whore. No way. 

“What do you want to eat?” Was what he asked, settling into the armchair opposite me. I refused to look at him and instead let my eyes travel to the window where the sun was setting. 

“I’m not hungry” I finally replied when I could tell from his relentless gaze that he would not look away, his hazel eyes fixated on my every move, my every breath. 

A scoff escaped him and I turned to look at him, my eyes narrowed. Moving further back on to the bed I kicked off my boots and sat cross legged. 

“You’re always hungry at this time, don’t lie to me” Azriel stated. Raising an eyebrow and waiting for me to contradict him. I couldn’t. I was being annoying and difficult on purpose. Of course I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten since this morning.

Running a hand through his hair Azriel stood up and moved over to the small kitchen on the other side of the cabin. The cupboards contained any and every ingredient. I watched as he pulled out a different variety of ingredients and with the way he was looking at each one closely he didn’t know where to start. 

“Move. I’ll do it” I announced, getting off the bed and sliding across the floorboard to the mini kitchen. Azriel leaned sideways on the countertop, a slight smirk on his face as he watched me look at each ingredient. 

“What are you going to make?” He asked, clearly amused by something. Picking up the can of tomatoes I put them to the right, making a useful and bin category. 

“It doesn’t matter what I make, we both know you’re going to eat it” I replied, my eyebrows furrowed from concentration and the slight annoyance I held toward him. A sigh escaped his perfect lips as he folded his wings back 

“Why are you angry at me?”

I didn’t look at him, instead filled the metal pan with water and used my magic to heat it up. Once the bubbles had risen to the surface I added the raw pasta with a pinch of salt. 

“Y/n” His voice was sharp. Demanding. “Look at me” 

Finally turning to look at him my heart stopped beating for a good minute. Gods he was……he was something else. His warm eyes raked over my expression as if trying to find the reason for my annoyance, his lips looking as inviting as ever.

“What?” My voice didn’t come out as strong as I wanted to, instead it came out quiet and breathless. 

“What have I done wrong?” Azriel’s voice was softer than I expected, reminding me of last night. 

I decided to take the leap. I had had enough of evading the truth “You’re acting like last night didn’t happen. You’re ignoring me” 

Rather than an annoying smirk or a laugh coming from Azriel his eyebrows furrowed “I didn’t want you to feel like I expected something of you. And gods knows I can’t ignore you y/n. You’re perfect”

I let out an exasperated sigh, the steam from the boiling water making it warmer than it was before “I thought you wanted to forget about it. I’m not inside your brain Azriel”

Anger was there in his eyes but it vanished as soon as he saw my hurt expression “I’ve wanted you for so long. Every time I look at you I'm reminded that you aren’t mine. Every time you smile my heart beats faster and I don’t even know why” I swallowed at his words. What he was saying. 

He had liked me this whole time and I hadn't even realized. We were both as ignorant as each other. It was now or never.

“Make me yours then Azriel” I whispered back, waiting to see what he would say. His hands tilted my chin up and his lips met mine in the softest kiss possible. Moving his hands to my waist he lifted me up and sat me on the counter, slotting himself between my legs. Automatically my hands went to his curly hair, pulling him impossibly closer. 

The world had something against me I thought as the note I had sent Feyre arrived next to me. Azriel moved slightly back, giving me space to breathe. I didn't want that space but I didn’t say anything. I picked up the note and read it out loud, confusion increasing.

Hi y/n, 

Nyx says he misses you lots and wants you to come back. Everyone’s alright here, same as when you left. 

I’m not sure what you mean by the shield though? Is everything alright?

Putting the note down I slid off the marble top and looked at Azriel, hoping for answers. 

“Does Feyre not know about-” 

He cut me off, his hand against my mouth, startling me. His body pressed against mine, my back against the kitchen counter. 

“I lied. I wanted to stay with you for as long as possible. I would ask for your forgiveness but I’m not sorry for what I’ve done” His eyes twinkled with amusement, his deep voice washing over me. It took me a while to understand what he was actually saying, his proximity short circuiting my brain. He removed his hand waiting for me to reply. 

“Anything else you’ve lied about Shadowsinger?” I finally asked, my words coming out quietly.

His head dipped to my neck, his lips pressing small kisses on my collarbone and making his way up to my jaw. 

“I broke the cabin. I also fucked up that guy who called you a whore. Other than that…I’m an honest male” He murmured. My breath hitched as he attacked my skin, clearly wanting to leave a mark there. His hands had me caged, with no escape and I didn’t have it in me to be mad at him for lying. Yes he had broken the cabin. But if he hadn’t we wouldn’t have spent the night together and I would have never realized that Azriel harboured feelings for me. He had also gone out of his way to defend me when he didn’t need to.

I wanted to kiss him rather than shout at him for his confession. 

“I say we skip to dessert” Azriel whispered, his eyes full of desire, finally looking at me. My heart skipped a beat at his words but I swallowed and shook away my want for him. 

“Dessert is for after” I pushed against his chest to let me go but he held my wrists firmly “Promise I get dessert?”

I pretended to think about it, tilting my head “Hmm we’ll see”

Azriel’s eyes darkened but he let me go, my stomach tightening at the way he looked at me. I wanted him so bad. So god damn bad. But now that I had told him to wait I couldn’t go back on my words. Not to mention Azriel was probably already thinking of ways to make me beg for him.

I wouldn’t mind that of course.

MASTERLIST

[waratah-vroom]

Good Vibes (ms47)

Liked by yourusername, schumiangel and 485,208 others f1: Haas will not be renewing their contract with Mick Schumacher for the 2023 season. There is currently no word on the German driver's future on the grid for next year.

yourusername: 😇😇😇 ↳ ms47fangirl: gurl what does this mean???

haassucks: Glad to see Schumacher leaving that toxic work environment. Hopefully he finds somewhere better.

guentherhater: FINALLY! He deserves so much more than fucking Steiner.

f1wags: aw I'm going to miss yourusername's petty stories hating on Guenther

mercedesamgf1 and mickschumacher

Liked by georgerussell63, f1 and 1,482,405 others mercedesamgf1: signed ✍️ We are happy to announce our 2023 reserve driver, mickschumacher!

yourusername: Looking good in black baby 🖤 ↳ mickschumacher: 💕

lewishamilton: Welcome to the team, mate!

jackdoohan: Congrats brother 💪

gina_schumacher: We're all so proud Mick

Tagged: mickschumacher Liked by estebanocon, schumiangel and 17,482 others yourusername: Well deserved break with my boy ❄️

jackdoohan: I can't believe you chose snow over coming to the beach with me 😠 ↳ yourusername: we land in Australia next week!

gina_schumacher: Did he manage to get off the lift without faceplanting? ↳ yourusername: 🤐 ↳ mickschumacher: Stop giving her ideas, Hase! That happened once gina_schumacher and I was 12.

“You seem happy.”

Mick sighed contently, his head resting on your lap as the two of you stretched out in front of the fire. Snow was falling outside the large windows, but you were nice and toasty wrapped up in a blanket with your furnace of a boyfriend in your arms.

“I am happy. I’m with you. Alone in the mountains with no one to bother us.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, but that wasn’t what you meant. “I meant in general. You seem happier than you were last month. More relaxed.”

He rolled over so his blue eyes met yours, his lower lip between his teeth. “You mean since Haas fired me.”

“Baby,” you fought off the eye roll. “If they hadn’t fired you, you would have quit.”

“I wouldn’t have-”

“You should have. They treated you like shit.”

“At least I was on the grid.”

“But was it worth it?” He was silent. You’d been having a version of this conversation since 2021. “Was it really worth being blamed for their failure just so you could drive?”

He leant back into your hand that was scratching his head, almost cat-like as his eyes fluttered closed. “I guess not.”

“And if you hadn’t left, you wouldn’t have been given the opportunity that you have now at Mercedes.”

“I know, I just hate when you’re right.”

“I’m right all the time.”

“Yeah and I hate it,” he opened one eye, a grin spreading across his face.

“Fine, if you hate it so much I won’t show you the new things I bought from Agent Provocateur.”

“Wait, don’t they make lingerie?” You didn’t respond, picking your phone up from next to you and opening instagram. “Hase? They make lingerie, right?” You could see the desperation on his face from the corner of your eyes and couldn’t help the small smile edging its way on your lips. “Baby, I’m sorry, you know I was joking. Come on, you have to show me what you bought. Please? I’ll do anything.”

That piqued your interest. He rarely needed to beg you as you usually gave in straight away, so this was a nice change. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

Liked by ms47fangirl, schumiangel and 340,274 others mercedesamgf1: Mick's first visit to Brackley as our official reserve driver!

micklover: can't wait to see him do a test drive!

yourusername: I know I shouldn't be thirsting over my boyfriend in his workplace's insta comments but 🥵 ARMS ↳ f1wags: where's the lie tho

yourusername: p.s I'm so happy to have my smiley boy back 🥰 Liked by mercedesamgf1

Liked by gina_schumacher, carmenmmundt and 20,382 others yourusername: It's race week so here's your regularly scheduled wag content ✨ Also thanks Mercedes - this was the first race in a long time I didn't get heartburn!

mercedesamgf1: Glad we could give you a stress free weekend 👍 Liked by yourusername & mickschumacher

mickschumacher: 🐰 Liked by yourusername

schumiangel: it's giving merc girlie ↳ yourusername: nah I'm a mick girlie 💕 ↳ micklover: shut the fuck up that is the cutest answer

read more of my writing here.

Made to order for @alilstressyandlotdepressy for my perfume collection xx

ﾟ｡ ⋆ mags' radio: this one was short and sweet bc i didn't have much inspiration. I was originally intending for this to be a steiner hate piece but i've seen so many of those around that i couldn't think of anything that hadn't already been said. I have plans for a Mick x Wolff!reader miniseries and a Vettel!reader miniseries, as well as a cute little smutty prequel to Green Thumb. If you're interested in my future stuff join my taglist! ⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡

taglist: @fulla02reads @flowerchild-96 @camillalarke @cool-ultra-nerd @azxulaa @booksobsess @formulakay3 @moonvr @chonkybonky @peachiicherries @toalltheboyswhowastedmytime @lilacsimps @love4lando @lunnnix @cinderellawithashoe @ferrariloverr @chasing-liberosis @mickslover @noncannonships

[stevesbipanic]

@steddielovemonth Day 29: Love is going out of your way to do something you know will make them happy @forgottenkanji

Eddie knew a lot of things about Steve. He knew he loved peonies more than roses and listened to folk music when he cooked. He knew he loved sledding in the winter and lake days in the summer. He knew every step of his hair care routine and loved head scratches the most. Above all he knew Steve loved Valentine's Day.

He remembered how Steve would always make sure every girl got at least one rose delivered to them in home room and loved decorating his locker. Always wrote his classmates cards to fill their love boxes and made sure the kids got plenty of chocolate. Watched some special girl get taken on a perfect date each year, wishing for a world it could be him.

He remembers there being no dates last year, Steve looking as forlorn as him. He would find out a couple months later it's because the golden boy had been harbouring an equally massive crush and they promptly got together.

Now this year he vowed to go all out for his sweet boyfriend and give him the Valentine's Day he deserved.

"Eddie you hate Valentine's Day."

"You said it was capitalist bullshit."

"You literally burnt a bouquet once."

Eddie glared at the other Hellfire boys, he'd asked them to the diner to help him plan the best day ever not be attacked.

"That was the old Eddie, a sad gay little teenager, adult Eddie has the prettiest boy in the world to please."

Jeff was looking at him fondly while Grant rolled his eyes and Gareth gagged.

"EW don't call my cousin pretty!"

"We literally perform a song where I do just that."

"GOLDEN GODDESS IS ABOUT STEVE!"

"Hush, Garebear, we have plans to make."

The plan began simple, Robin was to take Steve out for breakfast, well, Steve take her out after she begs. Convincing Robin of the plan was easy since she loves Steve and free food as much as Eddie.

Then, while the boys set up the final surprise, Eddie would meet up with Steve at the arcade with the kids.

"Can't wait til we're home and alone, Eds, nice to have someone on Valentine's Day again."

"Just you wait, sweetheart."

Max would then radio Steve asking him to drive her to the movies for her date (although she was refusing to call it that again) with Lucas. She was also easy to convince, liking free rides.

Eddie would quickly change and rush to Steve's apartment to make dinner, he'd told Max to delay getting ready til Steve got there to stall him. He figured he'd have just enough time before-

Eddie was only halfway through making dinner before he heard the keys in the lock. No, Steve was home early, the candles weren't even lit yet!

"Eddie?"

He felt caught and dejected, all his plans falling through his fingers.

Steve glanced around the apartment, rose petals and unlit candles and the dining table set for two with a bouquet of peonies in a vase. Steve's favourite, spaghetti bubbling away behind Eddie.

"Eds, did you do all this for me?"

There's a certain awe in his voice as he asks. Eddie turns, turning down the heat on the pot and steps towards Steve. He takes his boy's hands gazing at him softly, "Of course, sweetheart, you love Valentine's Day. You're always so busy making it special for everyone else, and you missed last year, I wanted you to get wooed for once."

Steve's eyes are a little misty but he's smiling so Eddie knows he's not upset, "You got home early tho, baby, I haven't even lit the candles or turned on the music," Eddie explained biting his lip softly.

"I'm guessing Max was meant to keep me busy? You didn't tell Sinclair and his mom picked her up," Steve laughed.

"Shit, I knew I forgot something."

Steve kissed his cheek, "I'm going to get changed, think that'll be enough time for you?"

"Knowing you'll take forever with your hair, yeah I'll be ready, angel."

Steve flicked him playfully, "Oi, you love my hair."

Eddie yelped but smiled coyly, "Love messing it up too," he said winking.

Steve blushed and went to his bedroom to change. Eddie quickly finished the food, turned on the radio and lit the candles hoping it all set a romantic mood. Like clockwork he plated the food just as Steve returned to the room.

"Smells delicious, baby, you made my favourite!"

Eddie helped him into his chair, playing up the gentlemen's act, "Anything for you, sunshine." He poured them wine and laughed together as Eddie explained the whole plan, including Gareth's protest which Steve's giggled at. They were now cuddled on the couch, not really watching the movie, more just looking at each other occasionally trading soft kisses.

"Thank you for today, Eds, it really means a lot."

"I want to make every day special for you, Stevie."

"I wanted to ask you something, was going to ask on our anniversary but no-one has ever seen me the way you do."

"You know you can ask me anything, love."

Steve took Eddie's hand, glancing down and playing with his rings, a habit Eddie knew he did when he was nervous, "I wanted to ask if you wanted to move in with me?"

A smile quickly crept across Eddie's face, thought about getting to come home everyday to Steve and wake up every morning to him. Thought about how home had become the boy sitting across from him, wherever he went Eddie always wanted to follow.

"I'd love to move in with you, Stevie."

Neither boy would ever have to spend another day, Valentine's or not, not feeling completely and utterly loved ever again.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Avatar Heart to Heart: Kyoshi & Kuruk

Kyoshi: .... Kuruk: .... Kyoshi: .....I really hated you, you know? Kuruk: That "d" is doing sooooo much work right now. Kyoshi: That it is. Kuruk: So, is it really past tense? Kyoshi: Yeah, I can't really blame you for your choices. I can't say.... what I would've done in your shoes. It was a real shit situation. Kuruk: Thanks... And, I'm sorry for... all the consequences you got saddled with. It was a shit situation as well. Kyoshi: Thanks.... Kuruk: I... I really wanted to do right by you Kyoshi. It was my only request. Kyoshi: ....I know.... now.... But yeah, I know. Kuruk: You shouldn't have gone through any of that. Kyoshi: It's fine. It's life. Shit happens..... but... ditto to you too. Kuruk: .... Kyoshi: .... Kuruk: So... Sei'naka girls, amirite? Kyoshi: *sigh* What is happening right now? Aren't you married? Kuruk: I'm... trying to relate with you. Kyoshi: So thinking about your ex is relating to me? Kuruk: You don't think about Yun? Kyoshi: One, we never dated. Two, I will gut you if you go down this path. Kuruk: Noted. So.... similarities, besides taste in women. Kyoshi: Oh Raava, kill me now. Kuruk: Your bending, how was it? Kyoshi: Awful, thanks for asking. Next. Kuruk: I was a prodigy when it came to bending. Kyoshi: That's just so great for you, I was afraid of crushing bystanders because I was too powerful. Kuruk: Too powerful? Haha, probs got that from me. Kyoshi: Yeah, thanks. Kuruk: But you also picked up on all your bending super fast, even without sifus for the majority of your first year and a half as Avatar. You improved so much! I think you have a little prodigy in you too. Probs thanks to me! Kyoshi: You know....I never really thought about it like that. Kuruk: Haha.... yeah... Kyoshi: .... Kuruk: .... Kyoshi: This is so fucking awkward. Kuruk: I love my wife. Kyoshi: What???? Kuruk: I love my wife so....damn much Kyoshi. I don't care who got in my way, I'd burn the place to the ground. I'd kill every spirit that got in my way, even if it accelerated my death. I just....I love my wife so much. Kyoshi: ........I get it. Kuruk: You do? Hah....you once hated me for killing spirits outright. Thought it was blasphemous. I suppose it was. It went against my duties. Kyoshi: Yeah but.... I can't judge. I'd also damn my duties if it was to keep Rangi alive. Kuruk: You would? Kyoshi: Yeah.... and her mother, because she was that important to Rangi. I....may not have voice it completely out loud, but I'd damn the world if it meant I could keep Rangi safe. She may hate me for it but....I couldn't bear losing her like that. As long as she's breathing, she could hate me to either of our dying breaths but it'd be something I'm willing to trade. Kuruk: ....man... we really are alike. Kyoshi: Yeah..... Kuruk: We idolize Yangchen too much... Kyoshi: We're both stubborn as rocks.... Kuruk: Haha no control over our emotions! Kyoshi: And we love botching things up because of our personal feelings.... Kuruk: Haha.....yeah..... Kyoshi: .... Kuruk: .... Kyoshi: Fucking Nyahitha. Kuruk: Fucking Nyahitha!

[sapphic-agent]

Bro, Aizawa can go kick rocks. That last ask you posted got me so mad about him all over again.

I have no clue how Hori meant to write Aizawa. On one hand, he admits he really has no idea what the fuck he's doing as a teacher, doesn't actually teach his students anything, lets Bakugou do whatever the hell he wants with no consequences, and was wrong to treat Izuku the way he has been since day one. He even admits that he has no clue about his students DESPITE THE UA TRAITOR BEING ONE OF HIS STUDENTS.

On the other hand, he's arrogant enough in his teaching abilities to get offended when Mic calls him out for being a terrible teacher, doesn't say shit about Ida's internship choice despite knowing how suspicious it is, only gives ONE "I'm sorry, Izuku" with ZERO reflection or introspection as to why he hated Izuku so much, and hypocritically accused All Might of favoring Izuku despite not just blatantly favoring Bakugou and Shinsou, but shutting down Mic when he brought up said favoritism.

Worst thing is, everything in the second paragraph is to be taken at face value. We're supposed to see him as Kakashi 2.0 and this amazing teacher, but really he's just an arrogant asshole who if he were a real teacher, would have gotten MANY students killed due to his negligence and love of dishonesty.

Exactly, he's so inconsistent. I suspect this is due to his role as Horikoshi's mouthpiece. Isn't it a little suspicious that both times that Bakugou faced criticism from the public, Aizawa was conveniently placed to shut them down? Because the heroes at the Sports Festival and the reporters at the press conference are supposed to be us. Horikoshi, through Aizawa, is telling us how we're supposed to be regarding Bakugou, despite the fact that Bakugou's actions completely refute what Aizawa's saying.

(The worst thing about this is that it works. I suspect a big reason why people are so convinced that Bakugou's character arc was good is because of what Aizawa says. It's easy to buy into something if it's being told to you directly)

It's actually a shame because Aizawa didn't have to be a bad character. He's actually a pretty good hero, and his attitude towards Izuku's ideals wasn't exactly wrong. His execution absolutely was and he's really shitty about it, but I can understand the fear that someone who's self-sacrificing with a quirk he can't control will get himself killed.

The issue is Aizawa didn't care enough to a) actually understand what was going on and b) make the effort to teach Izuku better. So everything about him- his background, intention, trauma, beliefs- means nothing because he's not actually taking the steps to address and amend them.

Someone- not naming names- tried to make the argument that Eri ruined Aizawa's character. But honestly? She's the only reason I like him even a little bit. If we discount the light novels (and we should because from what I can tell they're awful), their relationship can be cute, even if we only ever see him escorting her around. Those little moments make him more human. It's not great (because again, they're barely together), but it does endear me towards Aizawa, if only a tiny amount

[fandom-trash-247]

Parents (In Training)

Logan Howlett, Wade Wilson & College Kid!Reader with female pronouns/general descriptors

Requested?: No 2.6k words I've never written for either of these two before, so I'm sorry if it sucks. ______________________________________________________________ It all started for Logan the day after the get together Wade had when the two of them had returned from the TVA and saved the world.

A new timeline meant a new life for him, and that meant meeting new people whether he liked it or not.

He woke up in the morning, had got up from the couch that he was frequenting for the time being and made his way to the kitchen. Not everything from the party had been cleaned up, but that didn't bother him so long as he had a bottle to look forward to and a place to drink it.

He grabbed one of the half empty bottles of alcohol available on the counter, opening the top with practiced ease before bringing the mouth of the bottle to his own.

Or, rather, tried to.

Knock, knock, knock.

He looked at the windows, the sound of something knocking on glass alerting him to someone being outside. Maneuvering himself from around the counter, he checked the windows by the fire escape, seeing a young woman perched outside. Her hair was kind of messy, and she had a tied off plastic bag in her right hand. His brows furrowed as he looked at her. Who the hell was this? She wasn't at the party last night. He supposed she might've been one of those college kids coming home from their walk of shame. "You've got the wrong spot, bub. Go home." She gave an irritated glare at him before more insistently knocking at the window, maintaining eye contact. He gave an irritated growl, the sound starting to piss him off. "Let me in! I'm supposed to be here." the woman called from outside, her voice somewhat muffled by the glass. He shook his head. "I'm not falling for that. Get out of here!" he called back, gesturing with his right arm to shoo like a giant bug in his face. Then suddenly he saw her irritation turn to disappointment, and at first he thought he'd successfully got her out of the fire escape and out of his life. "My sweet Papaya!" Logan's teeth had grit from the sound of his roommate's voice. Shit.

Wade quickly scooted to the window, unlocking and opening it from his side and quickly moving aside, letting her in. "Hi Wade." she said with a smile that Logan could only describe as tired. "Hey, sweetie." he replied, pulling her into a hug, which she relaxed into, the bag she had in her hand thumping against Wade's back due to the momentum. Pulling away, she turned to look at the stranger in Wade's home. "Who's your boyfriend?" she asked the burnt man. "We're not boyfriends." Logan firmly denied. "Okay, lovers, husbands, friends with benefits, I don't care. Who are you?" "That, Papaya, is Logan. More people know him as Wolverine, to strike that bell in your head." Wade said before seemingly looking somewhere entirely away from her and Logan for no reason. "Quite the well known household name, one could say." She looked at Logan and gestured to Wade with furrowed brows and a tilted head of confusion. He merely shrugged in response, lost himself.

Wade looked back at the two before looking at her bag. "What's up with the bag of secrets?" She gave a groan before ripping open the top of it, revealing a carton of eggs, a deli container of ham, half an onion, and sliced cheeses. "I was going to surprise you with breakfast this morning, but your guard dog wouldn't let me in."

Wade gave a gasp of delight at her words. "Special breakfast for me? Marvel Jesus? Aw, you're my favorite disciple!" Her confusion only grew. "What Jesus?" she asked before she looked disappointedly at him. "Did you do coke with Al already?" "No, no! I've already established with people that Disney won't let me." the talkative man said, pushing her towards the kitchen. "Don't worry about it, just make us some of those sexy ass omelettes!" he said, giving a final push to have her pass the threshold of the living room/dining room to the kitchen. From inside the kitchen the two men heard her call back. "I don't like your funny words, magic man!" "Just cook!" Wade called back as he wandered back over to Logan, who looked at the other man with disapproval. "Who is that?" Logan asked. "That's the college girl from two floors up. I call her Papaya. She made some ice cream with it and shared it in the communal kitchen on the ground floor, and agh, it was stellar. She comes by and hangs out with me and Al when she has free time." Wade replied before turning his attention to the kitchen's door frame, pointedly speaking louder so she could hear him. "You would've met her last night had she decided to be social!" "Fuck you! I was up til midnight in the school library trying to finish a final that was due!" was heard in rebuttal from the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah, just say you don't love me anymore. It would hurt less." Wade called back. "Hey, I can stop cooking!" she playfully threatened. He in turn gave an overdramatic and well chastised gasp, hand clutching his imaginary pearls and everything. It caused Logan to roll his eyes and finally start drinking from the bottle he'd opened up minutes ago. Felt more like years at this point.

Having seen the response, Wade felt the need to clarify. "No seriously, she has a gift. Her food? Almost better than sex." "Almost?" Papaya called from the kitchen. "I've had lots of great sex, girlie, I think I'm gonna need you to cook for me a few more times before I can say anything with certainty." he teased. "Ha, ha." was the final response for a little while, and while it wasn't completely silent due to Wade still running his mouth when he could, the sounds of what the woman in the kitchen was cooking, and the music she played while cooking, it was as close as Logan knew he could get for now. Admittedly, from his spot on the couch he couldn't help but think that it was almost nice. When the food came out, the three of them each had a plate of an omelette and some toast. Wade was the first to take a bite, releasing a pornographic moan and practically melting. It caused Logan to look at the other man weirdly, and it seemed the woman wasn't thrilled with it either, as she smacked him in the shoulder. "Dude, you're gonna ruin my hard work doing that. You're not a judge on Food Wars, no need to sound like you're gonna bust." "Not my fault you make nothing less than sexy food." Wade replied as he cut off another piece and continued to eat. Logan bit a piece of his own omelette and had to admit, it was good. Very good. The talkative man at the other end of the couch wasn't kidding. This was one of the better omelettes he'd had in his lifetime. _____________________________________________________________

And so it went from there.

Every so often she would come around and spend time with them, usually at least once a week. Sometimes she'd be able to spend time talking to them or showing them a new video game or some other interest she had that she wanted to share, other times she would be stuck in her textbooks and her laptop, needing to focus but also wanting company. As her laptop sticker said: home is where the wifi is. The days turned to weeks which then turned further into months and years. Before any of the three of them knew it, she was graduating at the end of this semester. The ceremony wouldn't be for a few more weeks, but there were some events on campus that the school was hosting to celebrate those who had put in the hard work to graduate. A few had passed by already; a barbecue yard party here, a dip and sip gathering there, but nothing really big. At least, that's what Logan thought. He had been making himself one of those seven minute flavored rice packages, having tossed the parcel away when he'd put the rice into the boiling water. But now he needed it again, so he was searching the trash for it, the package seemingly disappeared from the top of the garbage. He thought he had it, but he'd pulled out something else. A small paper poster. Graduate's Parents Gala Come enjoy your success with the people who support you as you prepare for your finals, and dance the night away! Hosted in the Performing Arts Center Starts at 9pm

It caused him to furrow his brows as he gazed down at the poster. Why wouldn't the kid tell them about this event? They'd told them about the other ones. Always stopped by, letting them know what the event was, and when she'd be back. But not this time. He checked the clock in the kitchen and saw that it was now nine. Briefly Logan wondered if she'd decided to go, and if she did then if she had made it there okay. Over time he'd come to care for the silly but serious woman who was doing her best. At times it even felt like she was his own kid. Well, his and Wade's, he supposed. There was a hiss behind him and a quickening of steps. "What the fuck, Richard? I know you're still getting used to this timeline, but cooking flavored rice can't be that much different between worlds." Wade said, turning off the stove top, the rice having had begun to boil over while Logan was preoccupied.

"Did the squirt tell you about this?" the adamantium bladed man asked, handing Wade the poster. He skimmed it quickly before looking at the other much more ripped man. "No. Maybe she decided not to go." Logan shook his head. "Nah, she told us she was going to all of the events just to say she did it, remember? She went to this." Wade looked at the poster, then looked Logan up and down before making eye contact with him, causing the latter man to stiffen up in discomfort under his gaze, knowing nothing good could come of this man. "No." he told the burnt man firmly.

Wade merely nodded, a smile growing on his face. "No!" Logan replied, glaring at him. However, as Wade pulled him away to the front door, he didn't put up much of a fight. ______________________________________________________________ Meanwhile at the gala she was sitting on the sidelines watching the many families enjoy themselves. She'd been spending time with her best friend and her father during the night, and the two girls were taking a moment to drink some of the punch as one of the slower dance songs played. "Are you sure? I can stay you know, if you want." her friend said. "I'm sure. Your dad came all the way from New Mexico to be here for you, go dance with him for the parent dances. I'll be fine. I'm not much of a dancer anyway." she replied. "But-" "Go dance with your dad or I'll fuck him and make you my stepchild." she playfully threatened, causing her friend to laugh and concede. "Alright, alright! Just...have fun okay?" her friend said. "Sure thing. Now get going." "I'm serious, girl. Just because your dumbass parents decided to suck doesn't mean you can't have a good time." Once her friend left she sighed, pulling out a flask and pouring some of the alcohol inside into her punch. She just hoped that Logan wouldn't mind. Putting the flask back in her bra she took a good sip of the mixed drink. Her gaze fell to the clock in the room. It was ten-thirty, and the event ended at midnight. She supposed she could always go home early, but she wanted to see all of the graduatory events through. When would she be able to do something like this again? "Now what's a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this?" she heard a familiar voice say. Looking to her right she saw both Wade and Logan, dressed up in tuxedos. Wade's was the more vibrant of the two, with suspenders and a bowtie adorning his black and red color schemed suit, whereas Logan's was more of the standard suit type in dark blue with a yellow pocket handkerchief. Her eyes widened. "Guys! Wh-What're you two doing here?" she asked them, surprised to see that they were with her. "Well, a little birdie told us that there was an important event going on," Logan started. "And we'd be stupid to not take advice from birds." Wade finished. Logan smacked him in the chest, causing Wade to wince and rub at his diaphragm. "Sorry to disappoint you guys, but this is a parents event. I have parents." "Yeah, us." Wade said, sitting down next to her. "Look, I know you were probably holding out hope that mommy and daddy were going to walk through that door and apologize for all of the shit they'd put you through throughout the years, but Papaya, honey, sweetheart, light of my life...it's not happening. They're not coming." She looked at him with a sad glare before hitting him in the chest, causing him to groan and rub at it again. "You're so much like your father." he muttered, keeping up the charade.

Logan stood in front of her, looking down at her sitting form. "Hey Bub. I know I'm not your dad, and I know Wade certainly isn't mother material, but tonight isn't about us. It's about you." he said, handing her a piece of paper. Opening it up, it was the poster for the gala. 'Come enjoy your success with the people who support you' was highlighted. She looked at the poster, then up at him with a small smile tugging at her lips, and slightly teary eyes. He held his hand out to her. "What do you say, kid? Care to treat an old man to a dance?" It was then that the slow song was winding down. "But the song is over." A lively pop song started to play right after it ended, and Wade popped up. "Slow songs are boring to dance to anyway, come on let's have some fun!" he said, he and Logan each taking a hand and leading her to the dance floor. The dance floor came to life with the change in song, and the trio were no exception. With well crafted and improvised timing the two men danced with the woman they'd come to think of as a daughter, passing her back and forth between them as the songs went on. Even once with some help from her friend, she'd gotten the two of them to dance together without her. Then as the night waltzed on, the two were back against the wall with the chairs where they'd met up with their Papaya, watching her as she danced with her friends with a smile on her face and her eyes gleaming. "We did good, Peanut." "Yeah. She certainly seems happy." Logan replied, taking a quick sniff of her drink before huffing in mild annoyance. "Brat stole some of my whiskey." "Is that what you call it? From what I remember, you left it out on the coffee table, bottle opened but nothing drank." Wade said, calling Logan out on his facade. "Tch, whatever." "Oh come on, you can't tell me that seeing this doesn't make you happy." the red tuxed man said, gesturing to her with her friends. Logan's gaze softened as he watched them before reluctantly nodding. However, the peace couldn't last forever. "Do you think she'll call me dad now?" "Don't push it." "What about papa?" "No way." "I would ask about mom, but I think that's you. You have the bazongas for it." An annoyed growl, and the sound of metal. "Wade." "Just asking! Sheesh."

[stilljuststardust]

"Married to misery" why it's so hard to let go of the old story.

Disclaimer: Nothing I'm saying is meant as a criticism. I am able to see this in other people because I've seen it in myself.

Before I get into any of this know that you don't have to constantly feel positive emotions in order to shift or manifest. This post is not asking you to magically cure yourself or anything of the sort. I am asking you to be open to the new story. You don't have to feel happy to do that.

Also see: "you don't need toxic positivity to manifest or to shift"

Stepping into the old story is uncomfortable because so many of us don't how to validate our emotions without telling ourselves that we're just "doomed to suffer" or that our suffering makes our journey special.

I am going to be sharing my own experience on this because I want people to know they aren't alone and other people have gone through it and come out the otherside.

I won't describe my exact mental state but know it would've required some trigger warnings. To anyone worried, no this wasn't recent, it was a while ago. Hopefully the insight I gained in myself can shed some light for you.

I was seriously mentally ill for years and what I realized coming out of it is that though I may have craved happiness, I rejected happiness as a concept, because it was uncomfortable, it didn't feel safe or familiar.

I would say that I wanted it all day long but in action I actively fought the idea that it didn't have to be this way. I was infuriated by the notion of change.

To make progress I realized that wanting had to be more than craving but the willingness to accept it as a possibility and the openness to change.

The hardest part of letting go of the old story was letting go of the ways I had used it to validate my personal pain because I didn't know how to without it. Being reminded that things could get better often felt invalidating because I was terrified of not being taken seriously for my suffering.

"I feel awful and I don't like how often I'm feeling it" often leads us into thinking "nothing is ever going to work for me", but it's important to ground ourselves and realize that feeling like shit is not divine undeniable proof that it isn't going to work.

I think it's hard to help people break free of negative mindsets because for many people it immediately leads to a sense of shame and therefore defensiveness.

So many people grow up in environments where their feelings are not validated or taken seriously and as a result do not know the difference between recognizing the role we play in our own suffering and blaming ourselves for said suffering.

The statements "Its not your fault" and "you have the power to change" can and DO coexist.

When you grow up being told your feelings are silly and meaningless you may fall into feeling as if you have to justify and defend your own suffering.

Recognizing the ways we ourselves have fed into it is often a painful experience because it reignites old feelings of shame and hurt.

What people want is to be seen and understood in their suffering. When they don't receive that from others they often default to romanticizing it, telling themselves their pain makes them better, or different, or that pain is in some way beautiful or important as a way to cope.

And honestly realizing that it's not beautiful or unique and that it isn't bettering you in any way can be hard because sometimes it's the only way we know to rationalize it.

But pain isn't inherently beautiful or virtuous, it's just pain.

You don't have to worsen your suffering to be witnessed in it. I see you, I recognize how much you're hurting. Your problems matter to me.

You don't have to prove your suffering for it to be real.

When I finally recognized this mindset within myself is when everything finally changed.

I am not "doomed by the narrative" I'm the fucking author and I will find happiness no matter what because I fucking said so.

Make no mistake, I don't have a good mindset because of luck I have it out of spite. I will have exactly what I want because fuck anyone who told me otherwise.

I promise you CAN manifest. Let go of the idea that you're fighting an uphill battle. You don't have to be.

This is the law of assumption, if you assume that your manifestation journey is long and treacherous, it will be.