#but together our power is scary fr…

[strawberri-draws]

Some color explorations, with just color and lineart :)

Tysm to @demi-ghosty for the color palettes!!!

[summer-lantern]

⭐️Virtual Angel’s diary, leading up to now⭐️

(Mod Note 1: will definitely make this a series as days go by)

WARNINGS: abuse, cursing, slight descriptions of physical abuse, Winter being Winter, lmk if I missed anything!

Man… I guess I should actually fill in my diary in case my actual self gets lost in a Hollow or something.. so let me introduce myself. Hi, hello, Привет!~ 

My name is Snezhana Volkova, or Winter. Just call me ‘Winter’, only people I’m close to can call me Snezhana, and even that’s debatable.

I saw some other Hollow Guides filling out full details of their lives in case humanity gets almost completely wiped out because of the Hollows, so here I am doing it myself, let me start from the beginning…

The date was 7/12/insert the year here idek

I was created in a laboratory as part of a project, I don’t know the name of it.. I don’t know a lot about what happened in the lab. I just know that I was created as a test,  I remember waking up and the first thing I saw was Aster, my.. “brother”. I remember that he said “Hey, your name is Snezhana Volkova. And you’re my sister, okay?”

A long while after that, I grew up fast, like.. really, REAAAALLY fast, in like 5 months, I was 15, and Aster and my “father” were teaching me things, how to fight, how to shoot a gun, teaching me all about these things called “Hollow Sites”.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to know this or not, but I was made from a Hollow. Or— a Hollow Core. The things that power a Hollow Site, where all that Hollow Energy comes from. I guess that’s enough angsty teen backstory stuff now, let’s get to the good stuff!

————————

~Prestige Academy~

Virtual Angel Note; I’m not gonna put dates here cause I don’t even remember, all the days I spent at the Academy just blended together.

I had just turned like… 17? And my “father” sent me to the base of this organization called “Anti-Entropy”, for “training”, as if I haven’t been through enough training at home.. ugh. 

Of course I went anyways cause like.. the flip am I gonna do otherwise? Max out my avatar in games I’ve played a million times? Overdose on banana milk? Lmao, naurrr!~

I regret it. I should have stayed back, said no, run away, anything. 

At this place, the training was flippin’ HORRIFIC. Like I’ve played games like Resident Evil, watched anime like “Higurashi: When they Cry”, and this was worse. They forced up to swallow these pill things, I still don’t know what they did it what they were for, but we- everyone there did it without question, we’d be shot dead if we didn’t. 

They put us in shooting training, and hand to hand combat, technology stuff, as if I didn’t know how to use a Personal Computer or a handheld gun already.. 

And the highlight of it all, it was never safe. They ENCOURAGED shooting and killing your “classmates” in order to proceed up the ranks and eventually graduate. They starved us too, it was kinda scary, always having to be alert, but fr tho, COME AT ME BRO. Sorry the brainrot got to me, anyways, we got any food and our sleeping quarters was like a jail, like seriously if you want us to be productive then maybe give us an actual room?? Tf??

The food I could eat, I had to be really careful, another classmate could have poisoned it or something with hopes of offing me so they would be one point up the leaderboard, so I just didn’t eat, I ate like.. a thing or two that I was 10000% sure was safe. That’s about it. 

They sent us to these.. surgeries? Yeah, surgeries, one person would get certain things implanted or removed, like I remember seeing some string-like thing being removed from a classmate’s brain, maybe a worm?? I dunno, but like.. brother euuugghhhhhhhh.

 While a classmate was operated on, the rest of us watched. I remember people dropping like flies during the procedures, only to be dragged off and never seen or heard from again..

I’ll spare you, and myself because I don’t think I wanna talk about it anymore. 

————

~MEETING KARINA~

I will say that there was this girl, uhh… Karina Siling, she had already graduated from the academy, I guess that what you could call it. She was already like a teacher, I remember the first time I had a solo class with her, whenever I saw her around the academy, like passed by her, I always got such a weird vibe about her, like she was some anime villain or something, maybe it’s just because she’d been through a lot. Or maybe it was my head telling me to stay the hell away from her, either way, we met. Tbh, I was gonna say I was injured or sick or something so I couldn’t go, but I went anyways, and honestly, I’m glad I did!~ 

Karina was actually SHOCKINGLY kind, drastically different from the other instructors. She was in charge of one on one combat training, she was really good at her job, no wonder she already had a callsign, “Black Swan” is what they called her. But she said I could just call her “Karina” when around other people, and “unnie*” when it was just us. When I went to her class injured or malnourished or something, she’d give me a break and when asked about it, she’d tell the higher ups that I had been helping her.

Karina made my time at Prestige Academy much more bearable.. until she just.. disappeared???? Like what the flip Karina where did you go?? If you didn’t wanna teach me anymore you coulda just said so lmaoooo‼️‼️‼️

———-

~graduation~

KABOOM. I FUCKIN’ SURVIVED‼️‼️

Insert several years later, when was 18, I finally graduated from that hellhole, I still didn’t know what happened to Karina, but I didn’t have time to worry about that, I was FREE!-

Until I was assigned to literally LEAVE my HOME UNIVERSE and go to some place called “Yokohama”, in Japan, in a completely different universe! Like what the fuck man, you’re gonna send a 18 year old who only knows a lab and a shitty learning environment to a different universe??? Alone??? No wonder most of the instructors ain’t got families, they were fucking idiots! 

Anyways, since I didn’t have a choice because free will? What’s that? I was sent to Japan. I was supposed to like… scout the area for other LITERAL CHILDREN to bring back to Prestige Academy. 

Jokes on them because I just faked my death, found a video of some poor dude dying in a explosion and used some AI to replace the dude with myself and sent it back to base with a fake “Yo if you’re seeing this I fucking DIED because of a damn unsafe work environment. THIS IS ON YALL FRFR.”

Very convincing, right? AND YAY GOD IS REAL THEY FELL FOR IT‼️‼️

I was officially signed off as dead in Anti-Entropy’s eyes and I moved locations and decided to do whatever the heck I wanted in order to get money and such. I made my own new identity, and hacked government files in order to make myself a “actual person” in Japan, an Immigrant I guess you could say lmaoooo-

My government file had stuff like my name “Winter Volkova”, yes, my real name “Snezhana” is NON-EXISTENT BRO. I don’t want ANYONEEE to call me that name. You better address me as Winter or I’m leaving you on delivered lol

————

~Life in Yokohama~

Aight, so time skip a while, I set up a place for myself in an old warehouse on a part of town no one ever goes to and set up my PC, some RGBY lights and made the warehouse into a slay asf gaming/living place for myself. 

I made money by doing a bunch of jobs for people like making better filing softwares for some “Armed Detective Agency” and straight up faking or destroying government files or tracking down targets for a certain mafia.

One day, I was walking through the city headed back from buying my usual several gallons of banana milk and ramyeon and other foods, when I bumped into someone…

FUCKING KARINA SILING?? WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE?? OMGGG-

It was Karina‼️‼️ Turns out she had faked her death too and left Anti-Entropy, but she wasn’t able to tell me, she had joined some organization called the “World Serpent”, and she wanted me to join her, claiming that I could do whatever I wanted, like I’ve always been doing, but instead of living in a warehouse, I’d get to have my own room in a place where I’d get to come and go as I wanted, whenever I wanted. Seemed like a pretty sweet deal to be honest.. 

It was a pretty sweet deal, but giiiirrrll-

I’ve been living fine on my own, why would I WANT to tie myself down to a single organization? 

Karina said I could have some time to think about it, then I could call her. 

Throughout that week, she kept visiting me and bringing other members of this World Serpent to meet me, a young dude named Yuta Maus Sakuya, he was originally from where I am too, where he was a level 7 Hollow Guide with the callsign “Helix”, and then Karina brought a man named Vega Chase. He was the leader of the Yokohama branch of the World Serpent, and a Hollow Guide himself, he didn’t have a callsign though, he just called himself “Vega”, I guess because no one in their right mind would think a guy with a name like that was ACTUALLY named like that. 

A week after all that, I was like “yk what, YOLO.” And I joined the World Serpent!!! Yay‼️‼️‼️

As promised, I was allowed to come and go whenever I want, I did have to go through Hollow Guide training, but it was fun— and EASY. I got my own callsign, ‘Virtual Angel’ literally so slay, right? 

I guess that’s everything up to now. Damn, looking back, I only have one thing to say… Miss Creator, WHAT THE FLIP MAN?? WHO HURT YOU????

(@pleasepress1forfrontdesk WHABOOM)

[boba-beom]

it's probably also because of grieving. i lost my grandfather nearly a month ago and he was my everything, so it's a little hard to keep going forward nowadays, but i'm trying my best❤️ but thank you for wishing me luck on my other exams, i really appreciate that. i only have two more left!! i was really thankful to only get 3 exams this semester since the usual load is 5-7💀

the huskiness in beomgyu's voice is something i don't think i've heard before in kpop and it's always drawn me in. i love all of txt's vocals, they're all so beautiful in their own way and style, but beomgyu's have always stood out to me and will always be my favorite❤️ but fr his range is insane this album - he was the one switching most often from his lower register to falsetto within the same line and his transition was so seamless like wow. it's insane how good his vocal tone and texture is, especially during the high pitch parts where he still manages to remain so airy without straining. but omg when he was performing farewell neverland i could literally feel all of the emotions pouring out with each word he sang, he's just such an amazing performer.

pls soobin is so cute and the yellow sweater made him look like a ball of sunshine. i love him sm he's so 🥺🥺🥺

you could tell hueningkai was definitely in his zone, enjoying the whole ride (badum tsssss). you can easily tell he always gives it his all and these two performances were no different. he has such a beautiful voice too and his ability to always sing so full of emotion and power never fails to surprise me. he's such a good vocalist and i wish people recognized that more🥺

soobin's and beomgyu's voices go so well together and i think it might have to do something with the fact that their tones are slightly similar. i just absolutely loved hearing their verses one after the other in farewell neverland and that bridge HONESTLY. i have ascended yet again🥺

omg yes, it's exactly that tonality that's so pleasing to the ears and also very unique! girl, i swear, when taehyun sings, he sings with his whole soul and you can most certainly feel it. he's such an amazing vocalist with such a good range (i think he's a baritone, but he's proven more than once that his range extends to tenor ones) and the raspiness adds to the charm of his vocals🥺

this comeback truly proved just how much they've grown these past few years and how there's no concept they can't embody. the amount of content we got this comeback with the shows and interviews was the most i think it's ever been and i enjoyed every second of it. i especially love seeing them go on variety shows🥺 they're honestly so funny and i love seeing them interact with the staff as well, it's always so sweet❤️ i can't believe it's already been four years though, how does time fly by so fast😭

thank you bestie omg, i'll join u in manifesting that🥺❤️

I'm so sorry to hear that, april, I know how difficult that can be losing a grandparent, but take every little day as a small step.

as for exams, that's actually pretty good that you've only got 3 instead of your typical 5-7 exams. it'll go by quick and update me on those when they're done!!

literally so true, I love how unique their voices are. and they're progressing too! or even so just starting to show us what they're capable of doing!! I'm always going to be excited for their future albums, even their songs for OSTs. of course their voices always exceeds our expectations, we can never expect less from them, truly.

they are so precious when they're on variety shows, and it just shows how much effort they put into these things. it's one thing to be respectful to hosts, it's another to be able to take up a challenge and be a good sport during the show. and it's never a dull moment with them too :<

the fact that their anniversary is next week is genuinely scary omfg but I'm happy knowing how much the fandom has grown and they very much deserve it <3

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Also YESSSS our manifestations pulling through again!! I’m lowk so shocked they’re on the cover I would’ve expected Shidou and Aiku or something but I’m CERTAINLY not complaining….we’re basically guaranteed tabieita crumbs then everyone cheer I can’t wait to get my hands on it

But to reference your replies to Jeirin I saw in passing SHSJSH no YOURE the goat!!! But fear not I will be translating the minute I get my hands on it I’m actually so excited to read it!!!!! I’m still never getting over all the typos I left in the light novels like idk how you got through that I barely understood what I said myself LMAOOO safe to say I WILL be proofreading before sending it in this time

Also if you’re seeing this too Jeirin you’re too sweet AHJJSK ok but fr don’t be shy if either of you ever want something translated just holler I usually end up seeing your posts either in my feed while scrolling or while digging for my own asks LMAOO

Ok but back to our main quest convo

LMAOO Karasu having his team z moment when they were betrayed by kuon except it’s reader /j

SHSHSHS looking forward to the next flashback reunion my eyes definitely aren’t sweating

HAHAHA REAL it’s a core part of who he is wait im laughing zantetsu having his keystone in his glasses but inside of practically like Maxie’s is on the side imagine he chooses a dumbass move and puts it on the nose bridge so he can strike a cool pose pushing his glasses up while he activates the mega evolution process LMAOOOOOOO WAIT otoya zantetsu interaction did happen in epinagi!!!! When karasus team provokes the team saying their faces look weak (i think it might’ve been himizu but Karasu says they might cry first” zantetsu can only think of saying “you wanna square up bro??” As a come back and gets all up in otoyas face (do you remember that one panel where otoyas leaning backwards while zantetsu screams at him because it’s that one LOL) the idiot x idiot chemical reaction always hits too hard Reo and Karasu having to save their asses so real

Imagine Tullia and Karasu treating reader and otoya like noobs LMAOAO I love the idea of reader and otoya progressing together though it’s also funny to think about otoya tweaking over reader getting his dream team in terms of cool vibes

THE BAROUKIN TAG HAS ME GONE NOOOO DONT PULL A BAROU ON US ok anyways this is fr too funny I can’t wait for this arc

I was gonna say I kinda prefer having more megas LMAO just forgot if they ever stayed a canon reason for that restriction but the mega gyarados adds another layer to the ‘scary to everyone else but a puppy dog to reader trope’ and I love it!! Certainly doesn’t need the power buff but the extra aura enhancement would be funny LOL Maybe the keystone thing is like it has to activate/sync with the Pokémon’s specific stone so it can’t do two at once or something? Kinda like it’s still “running/on” while the active pokemon is in mega form maybe but yeah I’m sure you’ll figure something out LMAO

SHSHSH FR like I won’t bash anyone who enjoys it but ME PERSONALLY?? Nuh uh I’ll pass thank you…(also yeah me neither I always get jumpscared by it in the tags HAHA there’s lowk so many floating around though)

LAZYTOWN MENTION SHDBSJDJS WAIT WHY ARE YOU COOKING AGAIN??? This is too funny ego as Robbie rotten too HAHAHA imagine Rin as stingy and is chigiri automatically Stephanie because of the hair LMAOO

Wait also my memory’s blanking again if I don’t have any other ask in your box replying to our other convo lmk I hope that’s not the case because I deleted what I wrote already er

- Karasu anon

BRO i am so glad it wasn’t any of the other more popular characters SKDJFHS tabieita fr cancelling out the itoshis we love that for them my goats fr

AHAH my translation goat i will be relying on you like always!! and trust your translations are better than the ones i see on tik tok so it’s all good

WAIT YEAH i forgot about that KSLJDHF so basically otoya x zantetsu crossover is already established okay that’s perfect LMAOAO PLEASEEE he would have the mega stone right on the bridge of his glasses and reo makes sm fun of it and he’s just like “nah you don’t understand the vision” meanwhile nagi’s like “yukimiya moment??” nobody understands the meme (including himself tbh) he’s just breaking the fourth wall a bit…okay wait but imagine a double battle and it’s reo and karasu vs otoya and zantetsu ykw the insane thing is like otoya and zantetsu might manage to pull it off KSJHSD like if he throws out abomasnow, otoya picks ninetales, karasu uses garchomp, and reo uses maile…ninetales can take care of mawile easily and it has flash fire like houndour/houndoom so it can tank garchomp’s fire attacks while abomasnow uses blizzard or smth since garchomp is 4x weak to ice HAHAHA wait that’s actually lowkey insane i bet karasu and reo go crying to reader/nagi and they have to whip out gyarados and arcanine to deal with things

otoya and reader are so problematic cousins coded HAHA like in a sense tullia and karasu are kind of like the wise older siblings because they’re a lot more experienced whereas otoya and reader are just up to nonsense CONSISTENTLY also wait that’s so true i always think it’s funny how nagi and reader have opposite-vibe teams but at least arcanine and reuniclus are kinda intimidating/goodra is a pseudo legendary so he’s on the same level in that sense meanwhile otoya truly has NOTHING like my man is seething every time she makes a catch

yeahhh i’m sure i’ll be able to figure smth out!! i’m also lowkey considering whether i want other people to be able to mega evolve their pokémon or not becuase reo has gallade and mawile plus karasu has garchomp and pidgeot and otoya has ampharos and i’m sure there’s more characters so i’ll def have to think if i want it to be smth super rare and exclusive to reader and houndoom or not

LAZYTOWN IS SO PERFECT IT JUST CAME TO ME IN A VISION???? ego gives robbie rotten lowkey HEAVY and kunigami is so sportacus it’s insane…help chigiri as stephanie has me crying though LSDKFJH you’re lowkey right though 😭

yes you did send smth dw i think i answered it already!!

[santhiagaurr]

널 보는 내 마음은 꽃처럼 피어나. 아름답고 싱그러워.

So after reading your honestly box, i really appreciate that. i thought maybe you had higher standards for your partner. I've been harboring feelings for you since we started sharing jokes and having fun together, already fallen. I adore you or .. maybe (fall for you)? Since I'm not very good at making love-letter, let lauv's song represent my feelings for you.

"오늘 너에게 하고 싶은 말이 있어. 널 좋아한다고."

Ca, I wanna savor them privately without the pressure of expectations or commitments, at least for now you eventually figure it out. I won't be upset if you decide to keep your feelings for me or toss them aside. You don't need to wait bcs i’m unsure i would be a good partner and not the kind of person you can rely on in a relationship. Fr, love can be a rollercoaster, thrilling but unpredictable. It's both confusing and scary. And distance is bound to grow unintentionally as we drift apart, unsure of what the future holds. It's something i won't risk that could potentially end in heartbreak. I just want to savour my feelings for you sincerely, let me keep them in my mind and memory.

I just wanted to be a gentle presence in your life, a calming wave lapping at your shore rather than a tsunami that would sweep you away. Our feelings for each other are beautiful, but i wanna approach this carefully, ensuring that we're both on the same page and that our feelings are mutual. and... your confession hasn't been a burden—in fact, it's made me happier knowing that i once held a special place in your heart is incredibly heartwarming.

As for your concern about whether someone else has comforted me—i’m not easily swayed or taken in and i don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. So, i’ve decided to play it safe and settle down. I believe this is good enough at least you know that my feelings for you, are genuine and sincere. Please make yourself a powerful influence over your life, not others. Make sure to eat well every meal, sleep well, and drink plenty of water. Please take care of your health and always look after yourself, be happy. 夢をとめないでいて

[just-some-random-blogger]

AHHHHHHH BESTTTTIEEEE MY LOVE MY BABY MY DEAR MI AMOR AKING IROG AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEE UR JUST LIKE ME FR USING THE STRESS OF LIFE TO DESTRESS GOSH HOW SMOOTH MY LIFE WOULD BE IF I HAVE SCARY HUSBAND PRIVILEGE 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

"Who do you think would win in a fight, me or Mr. Weasel?"

ITS GIVING FROZEN. Yns boss fr:

Honestly at least this guy was funny quirky. Yns boss has no redeeming qualities in sight 🙄✋

"No, but if–"

HAHAHHSNSJSJ SCREAMING JOEL HEEL

"Joel, you are not fighting my boss. Not even in your head. Got it?"

HAHAHA ME FR NO USE FIGHTING IN UF HEAD TBH JUST ADDING FUEL TO THE FLAME

Unbeknownst to the wealthy CEO, there was a one-sided beef going on between a Mr. Joel Miller and Mr. Carter Wessell.

Don't be shy Joel make it known to the universe

Mr. Wessell is too comfortable asking you to work overtime without giving you the chance to say no and not approving your days off even when you work more days than any of the other employees in the company.

Time for a strike.

Despite being married, his eyes also tend to wander when you are around, and you find yourself trying to avoid being alone with him.

A strike isn't enough I need arson. HONESTLY HONESTLY MISS ME WITH THAT "DESPITE BEING MARRIED BULLSHIT" IF A WOMAN OR ANYONE IS UNINTERESTED STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE IM SO SICK OF THIS OPPRESSION AND POWER FUCKERY DIE

His suggestive comments and "friendly touches" toe the line of being inappropriate. Of course, Joel doesn't know this part because if he did, he would set fire to your office building.

NO CUZ THE FACT SHES EVEN PROTECTING HE ABUSER TO PROTECT HERSELF IM SO SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT LET JOEL BEAT HIM. LET HIM BEAT HIM

But your boss insisted that he needed you at work to complete an "urgent task."

He shudda urgently attended his receding hairline instead maybe then he wouldn't have a mega landing strip forehead

Cautiously, he brushes a strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle for a man with such a gruff exterior.

Your honor that's my man. I want him. Your HONOR!!!

Joel gets up, careful not to wake you, and heads to the bathroom.

He's so BARK BARK

Why does some stuffy old man in a suit get to decide whether or not you get to spend the day with your husband?

Don't be shy, take your turn to decide. Use an axe.

Joel grunts a vague response, not wanting to make a big deal out of the fact that he woke up earlier than he would have, just to make you breakfast before you head off to work. He places the food in front of you, kisses the top of your head, and tucks your hair behind your ears before sitting down next to you.

"I'll talk to him, Joel. But we won't let this ruin our day, okay?"

YN delulu. It's just his day now. You got no day off /: the denial isn't very nice. Mustard gas your boss's office (just his)

You nod. “You know, despite my boss being a Grade A asshole, I really do like my job. And the money is good."

Ah. I was gonna say why keep that job when ur boss is a creep. )))): sorry the world is fucked up babe

“I'll pick you up later for lunch. Remember. We. Are. Having. Lunch. Together.” He enunciates each word loudly and clearly.

Us at lunch

“And if he insists that you go along, you give him my number and tell him to talk to me. Yes?”

GIVE HIM HIS NUMBER JOELLLL I WOULD NEVER STAND IN THE WAY OF THE JUSTICE OF YOUR MIGHTY KNEES PLEASE BASH THAT MAN IN THE FACE

“No.”

“Baby–”

You cut him off with a kiss on the lips. “I’ll be there. I love you. See you later.”

I'm too single for this bullshit. Beam me up Scotty

Joel's eyes narrow, and he clenches his jaw, his blood pressure rising. Although they’d never met, Joel recognized him from the company Facebook page that he only followed to see pictures of you at work. He couldn't help but scoff, "Now we can’t even go for lunch without seeing that dumbass?” 

Joel what's stopping you from

You tug on Joel's arm, trying to pull him away. "Come on, let's go, little bulldog. Down boy."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE LOVE BULLY BREEDS (but don't support the breeding of ones that are flat faced and unhealthy poor babies) GOOOOOO GOOO GOOOOO

Joel reluctantly gets dragged by you, your hand still cupped over his mouth. His voice comes out muffled as he glances back at your boss saying, "I’m gonna destroy him with my mind."

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Joel as fuck:

You keep dragging him along as you say in a placating voice. "Oh, I’m sure you can. Big scary grumpy old man. Now let’s stop playing John Wick and get to the car.” 

I LOVE THE WAY THEY LOVE WHEN IS IT MY TURN I HATE IF HERE NOW I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE ))):

"I am kinda like John Wick." Joel mumbles as you walk hand in hand back to the car.

"Joel, we are not having this conversation again. You are not like John Wick."

"No, you're right. I'm better."

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP BASHING MY HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKING WALL I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH. ALSO Joel I hate to break it to you but John wick wouldn't die from a golf club 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Scary Husband Privileges / Joel Miller x Reader

Description: No outbreak AU. Joel hates your boss. Hates him. What was meant to be a day off for the both of you, turns into Joel grumpily driving you to work and meeting you for lunch. And then you bump into your boss.

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: This was inspired by @cruelfvkingsummer's grumpy!husband!Joel prompt ! All credit for the original idea goes to them.

"Who do you think would win in a fight, me or Mr. Weasel?" "Wessell. And the answer is neither of you because it's never gonna happen." "No, but if–" "Joel, you are not fighting my boss. Not even in your head. Got it?" "But he's a fucking-" "Joel." "Fine."

Unbeknownst to the wealthy CEO, there was a one-sided beef going on between a Mr. Joel Miller and Mr. Carter Wessell. Mr Wessell is your boss at the publishing company you've been working at for the past year, and Joel does not like that man. Mr. Wessell is too comfortable asking you to work overtime without giving you the chance to say no and not approving your days off even when you work more days than any of the other employees in the company. Despite being married, his eyes also tend to wander when you are around, and you find yourself trying to avoid being alone with him. His suggestive comments and "friendly touches" toe the line of being inappropriate. Of course, Joel doesn't know this part because if he did, he would set fire to your office building.

Today is one of those days where you tried to request a day off, which was denied by your boss. You wanted the day off to spend with Joel as he had arranged a day off work too. But your boss insisted that he needed you at work to complete an "urgent task."

Joel's phone alarm blares relentlessly, ripping through the morning's peace. Grumbling under his breath, he slaps the off button. The room is bathed in a soft, golden glow as he looks over at you, still fast asleep beside him. Cautiously, he brushes a strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle for a man with such a gruff exterior.

Joel gets up, careful not to wake you, and heads to the bathroom. The cold shower sends shivers down his spine, but it’s enough to wake him up, frustration boiling just beneath the surface. Your boss had refused to let you take the day off so you could spend it together, and it's gnawing at him.

Dressing in his usual jeans and a plain t-shirt, he can't shake off the frustration. He was so looking forward to spending the day with you. Why does some stuffy old man in a suit get to decide whether or not you get to spend the day with your husband?

As he descends the creaking stairs, Joel can't help but sigh. Despite all of his annoyance, he was going to make this the best damn work day as possible for you. He'd start by making you breakfast. The sizzle of the frying pan fills the kitchen, filling him with the smell of victory. I can do this. I can make today good.

As Joel daydreams about different methods of torture for your boss, you appear at the kitchen door, hair tousled, and a sleepy smile on your face. "Morning. You're up early. You should've slept in." You walk up behind him and give him a kiss on his back before taking your place at the dining table.

Joel grunts a vague response, not wanting to make a big deal out of the fact that he woke up earlier than he would have, just to make you breakfast before you head off to work. He places the food in front of you, kisses the top of your head, and tucks your hair behind your ears before sitting down next to you.

"Your boss is a real piece of work," he grumbles.

You smile sadly, clearly sharing his frustration, but you attempt to diffuse his irritation. "I'll talk to him, Joel. But we won't let this ruin our day, okay?" Finally, he gets a day off from his job, and all he wants to do is spend it with you, and he can't. Your heart aches.

Joel nods, his eyes softening just a fraction. "Yeah, yeah. I just think you deserve a break. You work so hard.”

You nod. “You know, despite my boss being a Grade A asshole, I really do like my job. And the money is good."

Joel nods silently in response. He can’t deny that. Ever since you got this job, you've both been living more comfortably than before. You got the kitchen renovated and managed to build him a shed to work on his woodwork projects. He loves it.

And God, he's so damn proud of you. You don’t know this, but he brags to all the guys at work about his girlfriend who works in a swanky new building in town and has her own office. "Where's your girl?" they ask when you miss out on a get-together they're having. "She's still working. Yeah, they're starting a new project, and she's leading it, so they need her there. Important stuff," he replies with a serious look on his face, but his heart swells with pride. My girlfriend is so fucking cool, he finds himself thinking often.

After the dishes are washed, and you've finished your coffee, you move to get the car keys. "Okay, I should get going. Thanks for breakfast, sweetheart. We're still having lunch together, right?”

Joel gets up with you and snatches the car keys from your hands. “I’ll drive. And yes, we are having lunch together.”

“Joel, go rest. I can drive–”

Already at the doorway by this point, Joel keeps walking towards the car and yells back at you, “Clock’s ticking, slowpoke. Don’t wanna be late. Get your ass in the car now.”

You shake your head, racing towards the car with your grumpy husband already in the driver’s seat, honking the horn like a lunatic and probably waking the whole neighborhood up.

--

Joel’s jaw is set with determination as he drives. He wants to spend every minute of his off day with you because that was the whole reason he took the day off in the first place. If that means driving through rush hour traffic to get you to work, so be it.

"You didn't have to do this, you know," you mumbled.

Joel gave a curt nod. "Damn right. That’s what makes me such a good husband.”

You smile and nod in agreement. As the car pulls up to a stop in front of the building, Joel turns to you.

“I'll pick you up later for lunch. Remember. We. Are. Having. Lunch. Together.” He enunciates each word loudly and clearly.

“I know, Joel.” You smile. Even through his grumpy old man antics, you can’t help but find him adorable.

“And that means, you say no if Mr Weasel–”

“Wessell.”

“Weasel asks you to go out for lunch with him and the team. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And if he insists that you go along, you give him my number and tell him to talk to me. Yes?”

“No.”

“Baby–”

You cut him off with a kiss on the lips. “I’ll be there. I love you. See you later.”

--

After you finish your lunch, you and Joel are walking back to the car, fingers laced together. You round a corner, and suddenly, you both catch a glimpse of Mr. Wessell exiting the restaurant opposite the street. The man was in the middle of a heated phone call, his face reddening as he yelled into the phone.

Joel's eyes narrow, and he clenches his jaw, his blood pressure rising. Although they’d never met, Joel recognized him from the company Facebook page that he only followed to see pictures of you at work. He couldn't help but scoff, "Now we can’t even go for lunch without seeing that dumbass?” 

You're quick to intervene. You cup your hand over Joel’s mouth and whisper, "Shut up, he might hear you.” 

With a hand cupped over his mouth, Joel didn’t look very menacing, but he made sure to shoot a glare at the man who was still distractedly yelling into his phone. 

You tug on Joel's arm, trying to pull him away. "Come on, let's go, little bulldog. Down boy."

Joel reluctantly gets dragged by you, your hand still cupped over his mouth. His voice comes out muffled as he glances back at your boss saying, "I’m gonna destroy him with my mind."

You keep dragging him along as you say in a placating voice. "Oh, I’m sure you can. Big scary grumpy old man. Now let’s stop playing John Wick and get to the car.” 

Joel narrows his eyes at you. You release his mouth and turn to face the street. You chuckle softly as you walk back to the car together. Your scary husband privileges amuse you to no end. It’s funny, but it’s also reassuring to know that he has your back if things go south.

--

"I am kinda like John Wick." Joel mumbles as you walk hand in hand back to the car.

"Joel, we are not having this conversation again. You are not like John Wick."

"No, you're right. I'm better."

Tag list: @just-some-random-blogger @joeldjarin @pattwtf

[foggyparadisecandy]

Ok ... instead of ... venting ... let's go for healing ... ugh ... so hard sometimes ... hah :(

I need to remember that my hangups with someone else are really a reflection of how I feel about myself. It's important to remember that when I'm feeling like I need to feel someone else's love ... the real issue is that I need to feel love for myself.

And this is most likely true for you too, if you have an Anxious Preoccupied (AP) Attachment Style.

So how do I feel the love for myself?

First, get your mind out of the gutter. lol FR, my sex drive is at an all time low these days so yeah ... that's fun as hell.

But some of the things that I've been doing:

Working out - getting fit. I lost 10 pounds (and ... sadly rising again) over the last four months due to "emotional turmoil." lol I'm taking this opportunity to turn the remaining stuff into a bit of muscle and feel good and healthy.

Focusing on work stuff. Reaching new goals. Changing some stuff around. I'm usually pretty fucking good at life in general and work in particular. I think APs have a great ability to set goals and get shit done. So ... I'm doing that. I want to fucking crush it this year.

Reconnecting with old friends. I sometimes forget how much I've helped people over the years. It's not the reason for connecting with people but ... it's kind of humbling to hear people say "Foggy, you changed my life. I'm not sure you ever knew because you are so nice and kind." I'm not saying this to sound like an egomaniac. It's just ... nice ... to hear old friends say so many nice things about me. God ... I didn't feel like I was doing anything so special - just being kind. It's powerful to remember that being kind has indirect rewards that you might never see.

Digging into old hobbies and finding new ones. Not sure where things will land with hypnosis or domming anyone ever again. It still wounds me to know K was miserable our entire time together. I can't say how much this bugs me. I don't blame myself but still ...

Meditating daily. Simple. I used to do this a lot when I was younger. I forgot how centering it can be.

Pride journaling daily. Same as above. It's actually a grounding piece to flip through my journal when I'm feeling I'm starting to spiral. I forget to do it sometimes. Need to remember and stop the nonsense.

Working on my mental health. So fucking hard. Miserable tbh. I think I'm going too fast at it. My therapist has told me I'm flooding myself. I'm such an emotional wreck some days. TBH anyone who has been reading this blog since late September (yes ... it has been that long) has seen the horror show that is my mind. The scary thing is I'm better now. How awful was it back then? God.

Anyway ... hopefully some of those things can help some of you if you are struggling and need to find ways to care for yourself.

If you have suggestiongs, comment or reblog or DM me - I would love to hear what works for you!

[tahdashi]

🎉 NEW GAME: Introduce your mutuals to everyone and what do you think of them? 🎉

Hope you’re having a splendid day sayu!

ooh i saw a couple of my moots do this !! i'll do the ones i talk to the most bc it's easier for me mwah (i genuinely think i bother them on a daily basis, and if not daily, more than i should)

this is in no particular order !!! self-ship moment 🤕

@rindouphiliac [#yuris] ris (my bf yeah) is so precious to me <3 they're the main reason i started writing and i look up to them sm !!! and and and i love talking to them about anything and they don't mind when i rant so mwah extra points <333 i think we're really cute together and would do anything to be w them rn (don't tell rindou)

@skniven [#shoyu] shona's my gf :0 pls she's so precious and pretty and angelic and i love her with my whole heart <3 we already picked out our wedding song and everything. and i like when she calls me pet names bc i get flustered v easily

@sourstars [#sandora] pandora is literally my other half. my scary dog privilege. she's so creative and funny and can tolerate my ranting (which is a lil too often sorry bby) and i love hearing her stories, too. i think we'd get along really well if we knew each other irl bc we seem like such opposites !! AND she's such a good writer i'm always in awe when she shows me what she's working on :0

@atsumiye [#riyu] riya (aka owner of dad!hq) is who i wanna be when i'm her age. she's smart and funny and so so talented !! i love everything she writes and we're getting merch made for each other bc we're each others' biggest fans. ALSO i'm blaming riya for my baby fever.

@sugamintchocochip [#saia] maia my beloved <3 he's literally so precious bc he sends me sunset pics all the time :,) i love it sm and !!! maia always checks up on me and is so so sweet :( truly one of the kindest people i've met on here mwah

@bokutoism [#saryu] ryu my pretty baby !! ryu's the sweetest angel ever lemme tell you guys. every time they message me or pop up in my inbox i smile. wow their power !! and i have the urge to hold ryu's hand 24/7. kidding not really. also their works. oh my god. literally drooling at my screen every time i go through their masterlist.

@mysterystarz [#novyu] nova and i are a lot alike i think!! we both <3 keiji and suffer through school :,) (although i'm sure she's doing far better than i am) she's so sweet and intelligent and HARDWORKING !!! talking to her is like a breath of fresh air :,) and she reminds me so much of my high school self <33 i love her

@tetsuphobia [#hanyu] hannah's my wife. we had a halloween wedding we're getting married again in the winter bc i wanna kiss under the mistletoe !!! ok but fr hannah's so precious to me bc i remember freaking out when we became moots bc she's so TALENTED. and funny. and pretty. and sweet. and i love her. and and and omg she's so comforting i literally have a mental breakdown every day and i think of her sweet words all the time. also, she makes me soup <33 best roommate ever

@yutari [#savyu] sav's gonna be my first kiss i'm in love w her and she's also the best roommate ever <3 i also think i freaked out when we became moots bc hello. TALENT. and she's really pretty and caring and loving <33 i like when she tells me about iwa and ball they're so cute. and omg whenever i talk to sav she's so sweet i wanna cry i feel so loved </3 can't wait to give her a lil smooch !!!

@melsun [#melayu] mel's my angel omg he's so fun to talk to and i love hearing about his cute moments w mystery girl hehe pls i can't help but think of atsumu n sakusa when i think of mel. ALSO i love when mel checks up on me and pops up in my inbox he does a good job of making sure i feel loved <333 conversations with mel are always fun and he's so so so talented !! melsun supremacy tbh.

@titsuya [#yusar] sar is so sweet i love talking to her so much. our friendship is an example of how fan behavior works sometimes /j 😌 i was her #1 fan before i started writing and look at me now <3333 still her #1 fan. actually i was so scared to talk to her when we became moots bc i was like :000 intimidated but she's the sweetest ever and so relatable. (we're both hot, vegetarians, college students, and poc. the sexiest combo).

@fsrintaro [#honyu] HONEY my beloved <33 she's so cute and hot and i love her. she gives off the best vibes ever and we bond over tig biddies <333 as we should tbh. omg once she woke me up with the cutest message and i fell in love all over again. i'd do anything for my honey and i really hope i can study abroad so i can meet her and take her out on a nice date >:) she deserves it !!! smooches

@kiyelle [#isayu] ISABELLE my wifey !!! one of the first moots i started talking to. she's so SWEET and pretty i'm completely head over heels for her. not only is she incredibly talented, she's also so hardworking, smart, and angelic. (i think i always use the word angelic to describe her bc there's no other word !!! she's truly an angel !!) every interaction i have with her makes me feel so warm n happy and i'm so glad i started talking to her. i'd do anything for her i'm gonna fly to france rn just to give her a lil smooch.

@faetarou [#faeyu] fae my pretty bby. i love talking to fae and interacting w her. and she has such good hcs. pls. i think about them all the time. AND she's the most thoughtful person ever how can someone be that sweet and caring and loving??? she once passed on a note from keiji and i wanted to sob it was so cute i'll never get over it.

[thewhiteroseofvermilion]

Moving Forward

Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve last spoken to you all, and an even longer time since I’ve last updated this story. Over the months and years, my absence has saddened, frustrated, and even angered many of you. Despite my own valid feelings of how—to put it bluntly—I don’t owe any of you anything as this is something I do for free and in my own free time, I still recognize how it must feel for you all to see something you enjoy so much slowly lose momentum and eventually grind to a halt. Furthermore, my habit of making enthusiastic yet empty statements in between didn’t help either. 

As such, a proper and honest explanation is due, as anything less would be unkind. This will be lengthy, but please bear with me. 

For the past four years, it’s been increasingly difficult to find the time, energy, and motivation for me to properly sit down and write. Seemingly gone are the early days of this story’s life when I was able to publish a new chapter every month or so, or even every two weeks when I was at the top of my game in terms of activeness. Even though I had an immense workload due to being a double major in college, leading me to adopt the best work ethic I’ve ever had, I still led a sheltered lifestyle where I didn’t have to worry about the many looming, inevitable adult responsibilities that were ahead of me.

Those tranquil years of course came to an end when I graduated, and I soon felt immense pressure to shift my attention to finding work, living independently, and working on things that would further my career. While I received support as an aspiring writer from the majority of my family, those being my mother and sister, the both of them commented more frequently as time passed by that my “fanfiction” wasn’t something that I should be spending so much time on anymore. After all, it’s not like I could sell the work as my own, and the fact that despite fanfiction absolutely being a valid artform, it wasn’t something that the world of professional employers cared about. 

Nonetheless, when I did eventually find work as a film freelancer, I still tried to persevere and write on the side. My goal back then was to work in film in order to sustain my pursuit in writing. Film was something I went to school for, greatly enjoyed, and even saw a possible future career for myself in, but it was the writing aspect of it that I was truly after, that being primarily screenwriting. 

After two years of living at home, I felt the need to try and live independently as I outgrew my tiny room and my mom started dating a man that I didn’t particularly like. I knew it wasn’t financially smart of me to do so when my mom allowed me to live with her rent-free. But at the time I thought that it would help me to become more mature and productive, as I would have to force myself to work in order to put a roof over my head and food on the table—as opposed to living a sheltered life at home where everything was taken care of for me. Essentially, I was longing for the lifestyle I had in college, thinking that once I returned to it, I would be able to reacquire that once incredible work ethic I had. 

So, I became roommates with a friend from college and together we rented a townhouse together. Rent wasn’t terribly expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. Regardless, I was able to make ends meet. My greatest challenge however, was to live up to my family’s spoken and unspoken expectations. On one hand, my mother was sweet and understanding, naturally giving me her full support. My father, on the other, always thought that it’d be better for me to pursue something safer and more lucrative, and to not risk being a starving artist. But the one I had to prove myself the most to was my older sister, who was wildly more successful than I was—financially and professionally. My pay compared to hers was like a drop in a bucket, and I felt both indirect and direct pressure from her to be more “professional” like her. Therefore, I threw myself into my work, which is when things slowly began to go downhill. 

As a film freelancer, my work hours usually averaged between 10-12 hours a day, and with my work taking me all over my home state of Maryland and even into neighboring Washington DC and Virginia, my commute time to and from work ranged anywhere from an additional 1-3 hours. It became incredibly common for me to wake up for work anywhere between 3-6 AM and not get home until 8-10 PM. 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I slowly slipped into a routine where when I did have the “time” to write, I had zero energy or motivation as my work was so taxing. I reached the point where I had to drink two energy drinks with 300mg of caffeine to get myself to and from work. I saw less and less of my roommate and friends. I spent an alarming amount of money and gained weight from ordering take-out so often because I hadn’t the energy to cook for myself when I got home late from work. There would even be days when I fell into what felt like comas, sleeping up to two days straight at one point. My physical, mental, and emotional health was in serious decline. And yet I didn’t see it that way, as I had become obsessed with trying to prove to my family, my sister in particular, that I wasn’t a failure and that my pursuit of writing wasn’t a hopeless one.

During the first month of COVID-19′s outbreak last year, I finally had a much-needed vacation. This was undoubtedly the best time for me to have returned to writing—but I didn’t. At this point, so much time had passed since my last proper writing session that the few times I did try to write, I found myself completely unable to write anything. I was so out of practice and so out of touch with what I had written. This honestly frightened me, and I soon began to doubt if I could ever be able continue the story with the same quality that so many readers fell in love with. Regrettably, I fled from this revelation long enough for a full month to pass by, and I soon found myself busy with yet another distraction: unemployment. 

I was out of work for about 4.5 months, from the middle of March to the beginning of August. During this time, I had to rely on state unemployment, which earned me great scorn from my older sister. Our relationship had always been uneven since we were kids, but it was becoming increasingly toxic as of late since our college years. I felt so ashamed to tell her how much money I made in a year from my job as a film freelancer, and how I barely managed to move to a better position after four years of work. Riddled with guilt and disappointment in myself, when work became readily available again in August, I frantically threw myself back in harder than ever before. In the past where I had turned down the occasional job to give myself some time to relax or in order to make it to a social outing with friends, I now accepted every job thrown my way, only declining those that would make me double-book myself. I earned a lot of money during those months as a result, and I was so happy to finally distance myself from the stigma of being “unemployed.” However, I once again failed to see that I was yet again sliding back into the lifestyle that had been slowly poisoning me for the past two years. 

After essentially working non-stop from August to March, my body, mind, and soul soon returned right back to the brink of collapse. It wasn’t until then at my lowest point when I finally realized how I initially went from working to sustain myself in order to write, to not writing at all and only working to sustain myself to work even more. It was truly scary to see myself fall victim to a brutal cycle of unfulfilling work that could have trapped me for years to come if I hadn’t broken free first. That’s when I realized that my lifestyle was personally unsustainable, and that something had to change. 

Henceforth, I’ve made the difficult decisions to both transition out of film freelancing and to soon return home to live with my father. At the end of April, the homeowner of the townhouse my roommate and I had been living in for close to three years gave us our 30-days-notice to vacate, as they no longer wished to rent but to sell the property. As my roommate had been planning on finding a place of his own with his girlfriend for quite some time, we split amicably at the end of last month in May and I’ve since moved into a temporary apartment with a friend who has traveled back to Maryland for seasonal work. 

Regarding the change in my career, I’ve been looking into applying for writing positions for something that I’ve grown to enjoy over the past few years, which is to write reviews for media such as film, anime, and videogames. This of course is not what I truly want to do in life, but I think that because it actually involves writing, it would be both good practice in terms of practicing my writing and experience in terms of resume-building. Furthermore, a stable “9-5″ job as such would be good for me, I think, as it would introduce some desperately needed structure back into my life. Being a freelancer was definitely fun as I had the power to choose my own schedule, but it unfortunately fostered a lot of laziness and procrastination when I wasn’t completely burnt out. 

I’ve shared with you all this information, a great deal of it being very personal, in the hopes that it helps you better understand who I am as a person and what I’ve been going through these past four years. 

I understand that my word may be difficult to trust due to my history, but I sincerely wish to let you all know from the bottom of my heart that I do plan on continuing writing The White Rose of Vermilion until it’s completed. My fears and insecurities may have alienated me from that promise, but not once did I ever entertain the idea of fully dropping the story. And I promise you, I never will. It most likely will not further my career in any way, bring any revenue in, and will continue to consume a great deal of my precious free time—yet I still choose to pursue continuing it because I can’t see a future where I don’t finish it.

It is after all my most cherished project; the reason that I was able to truly find my calling as an aspiring writer, its success also ultimately being the proof to my mother that I had some skill as a budding writer, who then gave me her full blessings to pursue it as a career. But most important of all is that it’s the reason why I was able to experience first-hand one of the most important and beautiful discoveries in my entire life. That being the incredible phenomenon of how art is like a beacon—its bright light is powerful enough to reach out and inspire others to create art of their own. From Monty Oum to Nancy Phetchareune to myself, I was blessed enough to see readers create wonderful fanart to show me or tell me in a review that reading my story had inspired them to create something of their own.

I am officially leaving behind my prolonged hiatus and returning to working on The White Rose of Vermilion. While I am extremely hesitant to even estimate when the next chapter will be published, please know that I am genuinely trying to leave behind my habits of old and returning to a more consistent schedule. 

The White Rose of Vermilion will return in:

Arc II, Chapter Twenty-Seven: Stranger in the Night

[leewonkyeom]

@kitsumaki lmao this was getting so long i had to cut it😭 also going to try a keep reading cause wouldn't that make it shorter?? it takes up literally all the space on my blog😭😭😭

it's not "for" anything, we're just competitive as heck😭 not to mention our bfs as well... lmao sorry, but dk will always win a cheer competition😭 that man is so LOUD. ig my fave is when you and hannie betted on who would lose their virginity first... and lo and behold, you both lost it at the same time.

lmao yes!!! cause y'all would've been way worse than dk and i😭 kinda regret it now, cause ig if you and hannie sat together, you wouldn't have been driving... that was the scariest car ride i've ever been on😭 please don't ever drive again😭

ofc i love real flowers as well!! it's just something about those lego flowers lasting forever...

lmao stuck together😭😭 y'all have wasted too much time fighting to not make up for it😭 genuinly the fact that that made top 10 is scary😭 like it's cute, but it's also from middle school???

lmao make the boy cry😭 i'm going to cry as well, i don't want to be alone in it😭 and lmao😭😭 glad you enjoyed my vision of hannie, that's just how i see him😌😌 love the contact name. watching hannie be a fool for you is literally better than ANY sitcom😭

like every second i saw him and i wasn't with you he was on my ass😭 and he would text me and send me memes and caption them "will jojo look something like this?" and would tweet about it on his priv😭 i honestly thought about blocking him, but he was just as annoying, if not more, irl... and he even got josh and dk to text me "nonchalantly" about it😭 sorry, but i sold you out for a MONTH of free coffee😭 omg right i remember😭😭 i had to help you dye it, it was awful😭 but it turned out well!! ariel has a wolf cut now in my head😭 and thank you sm for helping me with my costume!! i never coud've done it without you!

oh my god, we should!! next costume party we should do "best reruns" as a theme and make everyone do a repeat!! and lmao dk was not better than charles😭 like yes, hannie was drooling like a dog and couldn't keep his hands off of you... dk literally avoided me (thought he hated me fr) until he had like 10 shots so he the courage to look me in the eye😭 poor guy, he still tells me sometimes how good i looked than night😭 so we NEED a repeat! the catwoman costume was soooo good!! was that the same time i went dressed as wonder woman? i think my personal fave was genuinly starfire or when i went dressed as stella from winx😭 like with the wings and everything, it was iconic !! omg i love that photo😭😭 the persuasive power you have is insane... omg the hatsuharu costume😭😭😭 you simply slayed it though damn🤧 i could never... i remember i dressed as isuzu though!! and we made chan be tohru😭

yes totally!! just tell me when and where! i am always up for a fancy dress party + photoshoots! besides, we never hang just the two of us anymore😭

okay😀😀 nice to know how the world sees me ig

i was put on this earth to humble charles tbh😌😌

at least i got into a serious uni, leave me out of it😭 definitely thanks to myself though, and not our school😭 but dk did WHAT??? why have i never seen this painting?? why didn't he just take a picture of me tbh😭 (he did)

i love how you kept it going!! and yes, the songs you covered were always amazing. probably due to you doing most of the music selection, cause the band was kinda whack before you took part😭

no right??? cause for me it was between eunwoo, ten and xiaojun tbh if dk and i didn't work out😭 there were so many hot and kind guys at our school, so ofc i was looking at the market😭 the way i genuinly would've fought you if you and eunwoo started dating though... he must've ruined so many friendships

YOU THINK YOU CAN OUTRUN THE SOCCER TEAM'S FORMER CAPTAIN⁉️ WHO WENT RUNNING WITH DK EVERY MORNING BEFORE PRACTICE⁉️ WHO COACH SOONYOUNG MADE RUN 10 MILES A DAY CAUSE SHE WAS A MIDFIELDER⁉️

lmao i can't even look at other men😭😭 i'm so in love with dk it's insane

you can see the chaos????? i bet you can, cause look at the kitchen????????? jeno showed me photos and 😭 i'm so glad i wasn't there, but also... maybe it wouldn't have gotten so bad if i was

(it's not surprising at all)... like i'm smart at least. weighing up for dk is my life's acomplishment

oh my god😭😭 christmas is going to be soo good this year !! omg i remember that😭 you were so much stronger than me, cause i would've fought anyone who thought i was the boyfriend😭😭

it wasn't mark's fault😭 it was his basement so ofc we had to allow him to play, and we made him not tell you in exchange for me and wonwoo buying him new and cool games😭😭 in the end, i suppose wonwoo and i could've spent that money buying our own gaming system but oh well. NO WDYM DK IS JOINING Y'ALL??😭😭 AND JENO. HOW COULD THEY😭 is this how it feels...?😭

can y'all please jaem a new sweater... or i literally will (yes, he has me wrapped around his finger)

like the way i am extremely afraid of birds (like no. 1 fear), but i can deal with pigeons now and i think part of the reason why is dokyeom and his stupid impression😭😭😭 made me realize they're not all that scary

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author's note: im SORRY im really not over the last chapter. i fr never will be. but yea this one is based on the last chapter a lot more strictly. ALSO the very end issss ooc for gray but it was a cute ending soooo yea hehe. ok enjoy cutiessss<333

*

After a long, grueling train ride, the team had finally made it to the city of Draseel, ready to search for the wood god dragon and take the next step in their mission.

Happy let out a long, obnoxious yawn. "I'm sleepy."

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired, too." Wendy admitted.

"I suppose it is late." Erza agreed. The team sorted out the nonsense with Erza and Erkis, got them switched back, and scolded Erza for being careless. That alone put them back another three hours.

"On the map it says there's a hotel right next to this station." Lucy looked up from the map.

"Alright, snoozing it is!" Natsu cheered. He was happy enough to be off the train, and now he got to rest on top of it.

The group got two rooms for the night, one for the boys and one for the girls. They quickly departed into their two rooms, ready to get some sleep and take on the next day.

Gray barely got a chance to breathe before Natsu and Happy were completely knocked out on their beds. They didn't bother to get under covers or anything, they were just out like a light.

"Why am I not surprised?" Gray sighed. He followed their lead and got ready for bed.

Gray flicked off his bedside light and turned over. After a few moments, he tossed over to the other side. Then onto his back. When a few slow minutes passed, he finally realized he wouldn't fall asleep right then. There was something that was picking at his mind, something he couldn't just easily sleep off.

He let out an exhale and turned his bedside table back on. He made sure not to wake up Natsu, as he didn't feel like dealing with his teasing. He carefully brought the lamp over to a desk that was in their room and quietly sat down. He rummaged through the drawers and to his luck he found just what he was looking for, a pencil and paper.

For awhile, he just stared at the blank paper. He even said "forget it" and tried to go back to bed, but he soon knew that wouldn't happen. So at the table he sat, head in his hands, thinking of how to put words from the pencil onto the paper.

Finally, he thought of something.

"Dear Juvia," He wrote at the top. Then, he hit another block. He was out of ideas once again.

"Ok, Gray, just chill out." He thought to himself. "Just write what's in your head." But that was just that--he didn't know how to translate his feelings into words.

To put it in the simplest words possible, he missed Juvia.

He didn't realize how much he did until he saw her doppelgänger and contemplated love, but he most certainly did. He wondered what she was doing, he thought about what he would be doing with her if they were together, he imagined their reunion when he got back to Fairy Tail, and actually thought fondly about how he would be showered with her love.

He couldn't seem to get her off his mind.

"Gah, this is so embarrassing." Gray thought and scratched the back of his head, his cheeks turning pink.

Again, another deep breath, and he brought the pencil back to the paper.

"Dear Juvia,

The mission is going well. I know you're probably worried sick, and you wish you could be fighting with me right now, but don't worry, I'm fine. The first dragon god on our quest was a water dragon god. Of course, I naturally thought of you." He paused. He went back and erased "thought of you" and wrote "thought of your magic." After a few moments of back and forth, he ultimately decided on "thought of you."

"He was crazy powerful. It made me wonder how your magic would've matched up against him. You're almost as scary as he is, so I'm sure you would've given him a run for his money." Gray smirked at his joke, and he began to think of all the times Juvia's magic had gotten scary strong when she was in a serious fight.

"But no worries, we beat him even though your water magic would've made it a hell of a lot easier. And actually, he's a really nice guy. His magic was thrown all out of whack by this wizard that can steal people's magic. We'll definitely have to take care of them eventually, but for now, we moved onto the wood dragon god in Draseel.

Before we got on the train today we ran into a guild of celebrities that look just like us. The whole thing was super bizarre. Your doppelgänger's name was Juvina, and she was a topless dancer. Hopefully that doesn't give you any ideas for a hobby, because I'll tell you right now, it ain't happening." Gray paused and smirked once again.

"But what really got me thinking was" Gray paused. He wasn't sure how to word all of this without exploding with embarrassment, but he tried his best.

"when we met this girl Ervis; she's an actress. Her next role focuses on love, so we kind of got to talking about that. I can't lie, you're the first person that popped in my head. From there, I couldn't get you off my mind, so I figured I'd write you a letter. It's not like it'll go unwanted. I'm sure you're gonna' eat all this up.

Basically, I just wanted to say" He paused. His hand began to shake a bit, and he took a deep breath.

"I miss you, and I'm excited to see you when we get back to Fairy Tail. Make sure you have your best hug and cheery 'Gray-sama' ready for me when I get back. Honestly, I'm going through withdrawal." Gray finally let go of his breath after he wrote that. Almost everything in him was telling him to go back and erase that bit, but after reading it over for the 30th time, he knew it felt right. It was pretty much exactly what he was thinking, and he knew he had to work on his way of expressing his feelings lately, and this seemed like a good step.

"So I hope all is well at Fairy Tail. I'm sure you're taking lots of missions with Gajeel, and I'm sure you're both kicking ass. I'd expect nothing less. Oh and make some of those Juvi-buns for me. They're pretty damn good.

Sincerely, Gray."

He looked the letter over and over and over. He went back to make little changes, but ended up changing them back. After he finally wore his eraser down to nothing, he decided it was good.

"Ooo is this a love letter?" Gray jumped at the sound of Happy hovering over his shoulder.

"Hey! I thought you were sleepin'!" Gray snatched the letter from the desk and held it close to him.

"I was sleeping. Now I'm awake. Just needed a little catnap." He said.

"Ok, well let's not wake up Natsu." Gray whispered.

"Why don't we wanna' wake up Natsu?" Gray jumped again, hearing Natsu talking over his other shoulder.

"Shit! Since when are you two ninjas?!" Gray held onto the letter tighter, catching his breath from two scares.

"Since when are you a writer?" Happy grilled, notioning towards the paper in his hand.

"I-I'm not!" Gray stood up. "I'm goin' to bed!"

"Is it a looove letter?" Happy teased.

"N-no! Don't be stupid!" Gray was focused on defending himself to Happy and he lost his grip on the paper. Natsu took the opportunity and snatched the letter out of his hand.

"Dear Juvia," Natsu began to read.

"Hey! Give that back!" Gray reached for it, and Natsu pulled away.

"So it is a love letter!" Happy giggled. "What else does it say, Natsu?"

Natsu began skimming the words to which Gray began chasing him around the room.

"Does this say what I think it says?" Natsu's voice boomed. "'I miss you'?!"

"Just give it back, ya' creep!"

"Ah, ah, ah," Natsu paused, and in his free hand he lit a flame, hovering the paper over it. Gray froze.

"One more move, and it goes up in flames." Natsu raised a brow. Gray said nothing. He stood promptly, but on edge.

Natsu continued skimming over the letter. "Juvi-buns?!" He bursted "I thought you thought they were weird?!" He cackled.

Gray folded his arms and looked to the side. "Yeah. They were tasty, alright?" He murmured.

Happy and Natsu exchanged looks and began rolling with laughter.

"What else Natsu?!" Happy said through laughter.

Gray took the opening and grabbed the letter out of Natsu's hand. "I think that's enough story time for tonight."

"We're just teasing, Gray!" Natsu said, still laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, well I'm goin' to bed." Gray practically stomped his way to bed and threw the letter into a random drawer before flopping onto the mattress.

"Hey man," The laughing finally stopped. Gray turned over and saw Natsu and Happy finally collected themselves. "In all seriousness, it's pretty cool that you wrote that."

"Aye!" Happy chimed in.

"Juvia deserves to hear that kinda' stuff. You better mail it out before we leave tomorrow." Natsu smiled at Gray and got back into bed.

"...Thanks." Gray reluctantly said and turned back over.

Once he heard Natsu and Happy snoring again, Gray sat up a bit. He carefully pulled the paper and pencil back out from the drawer. He decided there was one more change he needed to make.

He erased the "Sincerely, Gray." and replaced it with "Love, Gray."

He decided the letter was perfect, and finally rolled over to get a good night's sleep.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay

[thegoldenyears-memories]

         ☆ MISCHIEF MANAGED, a the marauders mix ☆

“i solemnly swear that i am up to no good.”

                                                                     ( listen )

01. ORPHANS de coldplay ( i want to know when i can go back and get drunk with my friends. i want to know when i can go back and be young again. )

02. THE KIDS AREN’T ALRIGHT de fall out boy ( and in the end, i'll do it all again. i think you're my best friend. don't you know that the kids aren't, kids aren't alright? )

03. THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE de all time low ( long live the reckless and the brave. i don't think i want to be saved, my song has not been sung. long live us. )

04. NEW GOLDEN AGE de keane ( we were young, now we wake from the dream, stumble blurry-eyed, find ourselves at the gates of a new golden age. )

05. THE GREAT ESCAPE de boys like girls ( throw it away, forget yesterday. we'll make the great escape. we won't hear a word they say, they don't know us anyway. )

06. 1979 de the smashing pumpkins ( we were sure we'd never see an end to it all. )

07. TIME TO PRETEND de mgmt ( this is our decision to live fast and die young. we've got the vision, now let's have some fun. )

08. RIBS de lorde ( this dream isn't feeling sweet, we're reeling through the midnight streets. it feels so scary getting old. you're the only friend i need, sharing beds like little kids, and laughing 'til our ribs get tough, but that will never be enough. )

09. ENGLAND de the national ( you must be somewhere in london, you must be loving your life in the rain. )

10. HIGH HOPES de panic! at the disco ( mama said fulfill the prophecy, be something greater, go make a legacy, manifest destiny. back in the days we wanted everything. )

11. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS de the beatles ( i get by with a little help from my friends. )

12. SKY’S STILL BLUE de andrew belle ( oh, if you’re hearing this, i must have made it through. oh, when the clouds above open up through my window, I'll see the sky’s still blue. )

13. AND THE BOYS de angus & julia stone ( and the boys go on and on and on and on. and there's gold falling from the ceiling of this world, falling from the things we should have learned, falling from the things we could have heard, falling from the people that we heard, falling from the love we never earned, falling from the sky that should have burned, falling fom my heart. )

14. WE WILL ROCK YOU de queen ( buddy you're a young man hard man, shoutin' in the street gonna take on the world some day. you got blood on yo' face, you big disgrace. wavin' your banner all over the place. we will, we will rock you. )

15. FRIENDS de band of skulls ( i need love 'cause only love is true. i need every waking hour with you, and my friends 'cause they're so beautiful. yeah, my friends they are so beautiful. they're my friends. )

16. WE ARE YOUNG de fun. ft. janelle monáe ( so if by the time the bar closes, and you feel like falling down, i'll carry you home. tonight we are young, so let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun. )

17. INVINCIBLE de muse ( during the struggle they will pull us down. please, please, let's use this chance to turn things around. and tonight we can truly say together we're invincible. )

18. DON’T STOP ME NOW de queen ( don't stop me now 'cause i'm having a good time. don't stop me now, yes i'm having a good time, i don't want to stop at all, yeah! )

19. BREAK THE RULES de charli xcx ( i don't wanna go to school, i just wanna break the rules. )

20. KEEPING YOUR HEAD UP de birdy ( don't you know your pain is mine? and i would die a thousand times to ease your mind. hold tight; you're slowly coming back to life. i'll be keeping your head up. )

21. WE’LL BE ALRIGHT de travie mccoy ( we are young, we run free, stay up late, we don’t sleep, got our friends, got the night, we’ll be alright. )

22. YOUNG VOLCANOES de fall out boy ( we are wild, we are like young volcanoes. )

23. A.M. de one direction ( won't you stay 'til the a.m.? all my favourite conversations, always made in the a.m. cause we don't know what we're saying. we're just swimming round in our glasses, and talking out of our asses, like we're all gonna make it. )

24. NEVER GOING BACK de the score ( i'm never gonna follow just because they say so. )

25. US AGAINST THE WORLD de coldplay ( through chaos as it swirls, it's us against the world. )

26. PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE de queen ( here we are, born to be kings, we're the princes of the universe. here we belong, fighting to survive in a war with the darkest powers. )

27. TIMSHEL de mumford & sons ( but you are not alone in this, and you are not alone in this, as brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand, hold your hand. )

28. CARRY ON de fun. ( 'cause we are, we are shining stars, we are invincible. we are who we are on our darkest day, when we’re miles away, so we'll come, we will find our way home. )

29. RUNNING WITH THE WOLVES de aurora ( i'm running with the wolves tonight. )

30. MY BLOOD de twenty one pilots ( when everyone you thought you knew deserts your fight, i'll go with you. you're facin' down a dark hall, i'll grab my light and go with you. )

31. LEGENDARY de welshly arms ( yeah, we're gonna be legends. gonna teach 'em all a lesson. got this feeling in our souls we carry that it's about to be legendary. )

32. LIVE LIKE LEGENDS de ruelle ( this is our time, no turning back. we could live, we could live like legends. )

33. LANDSLIDE de fleetwood mac ( well, i've been afraid of changing, 'cause i've built my life around you. but time makes you bolder, even children get older, and i'm getting older too. )

34. VIVA LA VIDA de coldplay ( i used to rule the world, seas would rise when i gave the word. now in the morning i sleep alone, sweep the streets i used to own. )

35. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS de queen ( we are the champions, my friends. and we'll keep on fighting 'til the end. we are the champions, we are the champions. no time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world. )

36. MARCHIN ON de one republic ( there's so many wars we fought, there's so many things we're not, but with what we have, i promise you that we're marching on. )

37. FOREVER YOUNG de youth group ( forever young, i want to be forever young. do you really want to live forever? forever young. )

38. THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE de bastille ( do you understand that we will never be the same again? the future's in our hands and we will never be the same again. )

39. HEROES NEVER DIE de unsecret & krigarè ( don't give up the fight, 'cause heroes never die. )

40. GOLDEN DAYS de panic! at the disco ( oh don't you wonder when the light begins to fade? and the clock just makes the colors turn to grey. forever younger growing older just the same, all the mem'ries that we make will never change. and i swear that i'll always paint you golden days. )

41. HOW FAR WE’VE COME de matchbox twenty ( i believe the world is burning to the ground, oh well i guess we're gonna find out. let's see how far we've come. well i believe it all is coming to an end. oh well, i guess, we're gonna pretend. let's see how far we've come. )

42. WAY DOWN WE GO de kaleo ( oh, father tell me, do we get what we deserve? )

43. RUNNING UP THAT HILL de placebo ( and if i only could make a deal with god and get him to swap our places. be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if i only could. )

44. GOOD OLD DAYS de macklemore ft. kesha ( i wish somebody would have told me, babe, that someday these will be the good old days. all the love you won't forget and all these reckless nights you won't regret. 'cause someday soon, your whole life's gonna change. you'll miss the magic of the good old days. )

45. OH BROTHER de saint raymond ( who are you to say we can't stand up to face it all again. show me where you hide, bring this back to life, who will hear us cry, oh, brother. )

46. CHARLIE BROWN de coldplay ( we'll run wild, we'll be glowing in the dark. )

47. TIME OF OUR LIVES de tyrone wells ( it's hard to walk away from the best of days, but if it has to end, i'm glad you have been my friend in the time of our lives. )

48. HEROES de david bowie ( we can be heroes, for ever and ever. what d'you say? )

49. ALL THESE THINGS THAT I’VE DONE de the killers ( when there's nowhere else to run, is there room for one more son? )

50. DON’T THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME de panic! at the disco ( this night is heating up, raise hell and turn it up. oh yeah, don't threaten me with a good time. )

51. CENTURIES de fall out boy ( some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold. but you will remember me, remember me for centuries. )

52. I LIVED de one republic ( hope when the moment comes, you'll say... i, i did it all. i, i did it all. i owned every second that this world could give. i saw so many places, the things that i did. with every broken bone, i swear i lived. )

53. CASTLE ON THE HILL de ed sheeran ( i still remember these old country lanes, when we did not know the answers. and i miss the way you make me feel, and it's real, when we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill. )

54. HEY JUDE de the beatles ( and anytime you feel the pain, hey, jude, refrain. don't carry the world upon your shoulders. )

55. MY OLD FRIEND de sam amidon ( my old friend, i recall, times we had are hanging on my wall. i wouldn't trade them for gold. they laughed and they cried me, and somehow sanctified me. my old friend, this song's for you, 'cause a few simple verses was the least that i could do, to tell the world that you were here. the love and the laughter will live on long after all of the sadness and the tears. we'll meet again, my old friend. )

56. I WAS HERE de beyoncé ( i was here. i lived, i loved, i was here. i did, i've done everything that i wanted, and it was more than i thought it would be. i will leave my mark so everyone will know i was here. )

57. SEE YOU AGAIN de wiz khalifa ft. charlie puth ( it's been a long day without you, my friend. and i'll tell you all about it when i see you again. we've come a long way from where we began, oh, i'll tell you all about it when i see you again. )

58. DEATH WILL NEVER CONQUER de coldplay ( if sweet death should ever come for me, let me know, boys, let me know. if you hear him coming, won't you let me flee. let me go, boys, let me go. )

59. TO BUILD A HOME de the cinematic orchestra ( there is a house built out of stone. wooden floors, walls and window sills. tables and chairs worn by all of the dust. this is a place where i don't feel alone, this is a place where i feel at home. and i built a home for you, for me. until it disappeared from me, from you. )

60. A WINDOW TO THE PAST de john williams

╰  ❄  feliz navidad y año nuevo, tiff.

—; de: andy ( @thelonelyykitty​ )

—; para: tiff ( @canut0​ )

Querida Tiffany (HEH):

Primero que nada, perdón por el regalo de Agatha shjGDJSDSDSD. Ya sabes que odia a Sirius con su alma. Perdón DSHSJDSDSDDS. 

Segundo, para compensar eso te armé este hermoso mix de nuestros bebés favoritos. Siempre quise hacerles uno, ¡y esta fue mi oportunidad! Fui muy feliz, la verdad. Los amo muchísimo desde siempre y tienen un lugar muy especial en mi corazoncito, así que hacerlo fue very divertido y emotivo. Lloré unas cinco veces. Te aconsejo y te pido que escuches cada canción y leas cada letra, porque sólo coloqué las frases más significativas, cuando hay mucho más (esto es porque son 60 canciones y si ponía todo, iba a tardar una eternidad). Spotify no tenía una canción but puse un link a youtube para que la escuches, hehehe. Espero te guste mucho, mucho. Definitivamente busqué ir desde sus tiempos más inocentes y bonitos, hasta cuando todo se va a la… A un lugar muy triste. Creo que existe una reticencia a crecer de parte de ellos, porque de pronto fueron lanzados a una guerra y se vieron obligados a lidiar con un asunto de adultos cuando eran aún niños, a pesar de escogerlo, y de sentirse heroicos... Fue demasiado para ellos. Intenté involucrar ese tema también, cómo se fueron perdiendo los años dorados y terminaron en... Lo que es, ya sabes. Su historia me parece sumamente triste, so... Hice algo muy triste también HSSDGDSSD. Like primero fueron muy felices y tenían esa amistad tan inquebrantable y real, y después ALGUIEN peter decidió mandar todo a un lugar nada agradable y bueno, se rompió todo eso y se magulló la historia. Al menos vivieron la locura al full, supongo hdjssdsdjsd. Creyeron que todos iban a salir vivos e igual de la guerra *sigue llorando*, al final fueron... *llora más fuerte*... Legendarios *llora demasiado*. Ojalá llores con Landslide como yo, digo que. Así que ten una playlist muy feliz y al mismo tiempo muy triste, justo como ellos. Disfrútala, llora como lo hice yo con la última canción, pregúntate porque Rowling nos quitó todo, y lo más importante: sé feliz. 

Soy muy mala en estas cartas, porque literal siento que nunca me expreso totalmente, pero lo intento. Espero sepas que te quiero mucho y me alegra que sigamos en contacto después de conocernos por tanto tiempo. Siempre has sido bien linda conmigo y MUY, MUY DIVERTIDA, en verdad me has hecho reír demasido. Eres mi bebé *peina su cabello y la mente en una mantita*. Gracias por continuar aquí y por todos los bonitos momentos de nuestra amistad, eres de lo más linda. Espero hayas tenido una hermosa Navidad y Año nuevo, y que este año sea muy bueno para ti en todos los aspectos, porque mereces ser muy feliz. Mis mejores deseos para ti, bebé, nunca olvides lo linda que eres y cuanto vales. Sabes que aquí estamos cualquier cosa y ojalá sepas lo importante que eres. ¡Te quiero muuuuucho! Te dejo un abracito fuerte y cariñoso. Gracias por todo, todito. 

P.D.: No sé si era “a marauders mix” o “a the marauders mix”, pero le dejé el segundo porque tenía más sentimiento, siono.

Con musho amors, 

                                                 — andy ♡. 🎅

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet: Cole Matson

COLE MATSON is an actor, producer, and president of the Catholic Artist Connection. (www.colematson.com)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC, and where did you come from?

COLE MATSON (CM): I was born in Houston, TX, and spent the second half of my childhood in southeastern Virginia. I first came to NYC to study acting as an undergraduate at NYU (Playwrights Horizons Theater School at Tisch School of the Arts). I then moved to Baltimore after college and worked part-time for the Baltimore Theatre Alliance while acting in theater and film. After a few years, I went to the UK to study theology, ending up doing a PhD in Divinity with a focus on theology and theatre through the University of St Andrews' Institute for Theology, Imagination & the Arts. After finishing my PhD, I came back to NYC in 2015 with a call to serve artists. During a road trip in 2011, I had met a large number of young Catholic artists in NYC who were interested in working together to build community. After a very direct call from one of them, my friend (and Catholic Artist Connection co-founder) Emily C.A. Snyder, I came to NYC to help do just that!

CAC: How do understand your vocation as a Catholic artist? Do you call yourself a Catholic artist? 

CM: I do call myself a Catholic artist, as well as a Catholic Christian who is an artist. I see the role of the Catholic artist as sharing an experience of Christ with others, through the incarnate form of an artistic medium. Christ can be more or less explicitly discernible depending upon the nature of the particular art piece, but our entire lives and beings as Christians are founded upon Christ, so Christ will be active in everything we do through the power of His Holy Spirit. C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien's visions of the role of a Christian artist are my models. My personal mission has become less about creating my own art (though there is a certain itch I need to scratch, and some stories I'm struggling to birth) and more about helping create an environment of support that allows other artists to birth their own stories more easily.

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

CM: Primarily through the larger-than-one-would-think community of fellow Catholics and Christians who are unafraid to proclaim their faith as well as their artistic vocation, and are excited to support each other in their vocations. There are also places like the Actors' Chapel in NYC and Family Theater Productions in LA, which are missioned specifically to provide a place of worship for performing artists. The idea of having a parish church dedicated specifically to that nomadic community, and especially having a "post-theatre" Mass at a time convenient to performing artists, is an extraordinary one, and I'm very grateful that it exists in NYC. I've had religious and lay Catholics tell me that I should sacrifice everything to pray at the "right" hours (e.g., morning prayer at dawn, Mass on Sunday morning), and even get up at 4 a.m. to pray for several hours before sunrise if I really want to grow in my spiritual life. When I responded that going to bed at 8 p.m. in order to get up at 4 a.m. eliminated the possibility of working in the theatre, I was told that, well, maybe that was a sacrifice I needed to make if I was really serious about serving God. This idea that the late-night and peripatetic schedule of the performing artist is mutually exclusive from the "serious" service of God is still alive in some places; giving artists support in their vocation by giving them a particular church and offering Mass at a time they can easily attend is a valuable counter-witness to this lack of understanding.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

CM: Oh, man - again, the Catholic artist community of NYC. I also appreciate conversations with artists of other faiths who also experience difficulties in the arts due to their faith. (My Jewish brothers and sisters have been particularly supportive in this regard.) I've had plenty of artists (and, unfortunately, teachers) who were actively hostile to my faith, and the work that comes out of it. (For example, when my undergraduate playwriting teacher learned that my love of The Lord of the Rings was behind the fantastical work that I was exploring in class, she told me, "Fantasy is juvenile trash not worth an adult spending their time on." Another, when he learned that I was a Christian, told me that the Church was the source of all evil in the world.) However, I've also experienced other, non-Christian artists (and teachers) who are interested in supporting an artist's living out of their values, whether or not those values are rooted in a religious faith. I find that when we are open and confident about our faith and its importance to our lives as artists, especially focusing on the core of the Gospel, which is the love of God for each human person, we are more likely than not to be met with respect and support, even where there is disagreement.

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

CM: 

1. Pay them what they're worth.

2. Be open to and support initiatives of the laity to support art and artists.

3. Trust them. If they're actively self-identifying as Christians while working in the arts, their faith is probably important to them - it's too risky otherwise. Trust in their faith and love of Christ and the Church, and that the Holy Spirit is working in them. Even when the work they are creating is a little scary or strange, trust that God is working out some prophesying in them for the good of the community and the glory of His Name. It's like speaking in tongues - look for someone who can interpret the movement of grace, rather than quashing the movement of the Spirit.

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

CM: Don't assume that because someone is a Christian they're therefore a bigot. Also, understand that evangelization is about sharing a good gift we've received, so that others can share our joy - it's not about forcing people to join our club. Most of all, encourage artists of all faiths to create work based on their faith, without assuming that that work is therefore "lesser." I know a dancer who was not allowed to choreograph a dance about Mary for her MFA thesis because her supervisor believed that religious content destroyed "real art". To get around this, she told her supervisor she would create a dance about a woman she knew, but she didn't want to share too much about her story, because doing so would ruin the power of the dance. She then created her dance about Mary, which was lauded by the supervisor as extremely moving and powerful. :-)

CAC: Which parish(es) did you attend? Do you recommend any particular parishes for their sacramental life, beauty, and/or community? 

CM: My parish has been St. Malachy's - The Actors' Chapel, which I highly recommend. (I'd like to highlight the 11pm Sat post-theatre Mass, the 11am Sun Mass with full choir, and the 6pm Sun young adult Mass.) I also recommend going to CatholicNYC.com and signing up for the Archdiocese's Office of Young Adult Outreach email newsletter, which lists an extraordinary number of events and groups for the spiritual support of young adults. You can find other parishes which have been recommended to the Catholic Artist Connection as welcoming places for artists at catholicartistsnyc.com/communities.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

CM: I enjoyed being a part of The Sheen Center, first as artist-in-residence and then as an employee, for 3 years. I would especially recommend attending the annual Sheen Center Theater Festival in the summer, which shares new work by Catholic playwrights. A list of Catholic theatre companies, visual arts collectives, music groups, and arts center in the greater NYC area can be found at catholicartistsnyc.com/communities. Three I would particularly highlight are Turn to Flesh Productions, which produces new work in classical styles by and about women; Storm Theatre, which produces modern and classical fully-staged productions that often have a direct link to Catholic faith (e.g., their festival of JPII's plays); and Magis Theatre, which is a more experimental physical ensemble led by a Jesuit priest, and which performed the most "eucharistic" theatre I've ever seen in New York (a production of Calderón's two versions of "Life is a Dream," which ended with the entire cast singing "Gloria!" and the performer playing Adam revolving in worship, arms raised to Christ the Sun, on the stage of La Mama ETC, the flagship of NYC downtown experimental theatre).

CAC: How have you found or built community as a Catholic artist living in NYC?

CM: Through the Catholic Artist Connection, the Actors' Chapel, the Sheen Center, and my residential intentional community of Catholic artist men, Our Lady of Harlem Artist House. Mostly through friendships which have been built through these trellises, as well as through one-on-one introductions. It's all about the friendships.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice? And if you have a spiritual director, how did you find that person? If you go on retreats, where do you like to go?

CM: My primary practice is to pray the Divine Office and attend daily Mass as often as possible. I also do some centering prayer in the morning and the examen before bed. I see a spiritual director once a month, and go on an 8-day silent retreat once a year. I also try to take the first day of the month as a day of recollection, to be more silent than usual and go over the results of the past month and my plan for the coming month. I found my most recent spiritual director, Fr. Ray (RIP), through a Jesuit friend’s recommendation. You can find a spiritual director by going to the Catholic Artist Connection’s list at http://www.catholicartistconnection.com/spiritual-directors.html. The page also links to Charis NYC’s Spiritual Director List and the Office of Ignatian Spirituality’s Catalog of Spiritual Directors. For retreats, I generally go to Loyola Jesuit Center in Morristown, NJ. (I’ve seen beaver, deer, and kingfishers at their pond!)

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice? And what are your recommendations to other artists for practicing their craft daily?

CM: A daily artistic practice has gotten more difficult as my work has focused more and more on arts administration. I try to take the first available hour each day (after prayer) to work on whatever creative project I’m focusing on at the time, whether it’s the Catholic Artist Connection or an article I’m writing. I recommend deciding what your highest-priority creative goal is at the moment, and doing at least something each day to move yourself toward it (giving yourself a break on the Sabbath if you want it).

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

CM: I’ve been in a time of rest and recuperation lately, and have been reminding myself to listen to my own creative instincts and priorities. To that end, I recently went on an 8-day retreat, during which The Lord of the Rings was my spiritual reading. On one day of the retreat, I spent the morning praying and walking outdoors in the snowy mountains. In the afternoon, I read Tolkien. In the evening, I watched Selma, as a way of reminding myself why I wanted to tell stories in the first place (to inspire myself and others to heroic action and to give hope). I repeated the pattern one day after I came home from the retreat – praying, walking, reading, and watching Of Gods and Men. This time has been one of “filling up the well” so that the fields of creativity can be watered for later growth.

CAC: What resources have you found helpful in securing housing/roommates? Which neighborhoods would you recommend to artists moving to the city?

CM: My first housing situation in NYC during my most recent sojourn was as an artist-in-residence at The Sheen Center. Go to sheencenter.org/residency if you want to learn how to apply for 2-4 months of free housing at the Center while working on a specific creative project. At the end of the residency, I knew I was looking to live in community with other Catholic artists, and I had met a few other men who were looking for a similar situation. Therefore, we put our heads together to look for an apartment. I was temporarily staying with family in Kansas for a few weeks and teaching at a summer drama camp, so I used StreetEasy to find apartments which matched our size, location, and rent needs. (There were 6 of us.) Other members of the group volunteered to scout out the highest-ranking apartments. When we found one that the scouting team agreed worked for us, we jumped on it. We quickly gathered everyone’s financial documents, and secured a lease. That community is now Our Lady of Harlem Artist House. If anyone is looking for advice on setting up a similar community, just contact me!

CAC: But seriously, how did you make a living in NYC?

CM: For my first year in NYC, I worked as a staff and faculty member at CAP21 Conservatory/Molloy College. For the past two years, I’ve worked as a Programming Associate at The Sheen Center. I’ve appreciated being able to work full-time in the arts, as well as do some paid acting, speaking, and article-writing on the side. First, I recommend identifying 10 or so organizations that you would like to work with, and approaching them directly to see whether they’re hiring. In terms of job listings, I found the most success with the NYFA Classifieds, TCG’S ARTSEARCH (requires an annual membership), and Playbill. For acting submissions, I recommend annual memberships to Actors Access/Showfax and Backstage, as well as checking Playbill. But most of all, build relationships with the people with whom you want to work.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

CM: $36,000 if possible.

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

CM: The Drama Bookshop. Studio space: The Sheen Center, Molloy Studios. Headshot photographer: Shirin Tinati. Health insurance: Go to https://nystateofhealth.ny.gov/ to see if you qualify for free or low-cost ($20/mon.) health insurance. Check out CatholicNYC.com for jobs and housing. The Listings Project and Facebook’s Gypsy Housing and NYC Area Catholic Looking for Roommates groups are also good housing resources. And most important, get on the Catholic Artist Connection weekly email newsletter.

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

CM: 1. Join the Catholic Artist Connection email newsletter and check out the communities on CatholicArtistsNYC.com.

2. Identify 3-5 artistic groups/organizations with whom you are interesting in working, check out their work, and ask how you can get involved.

3. Create the work you want to create, without waiting for someone else to give you the opportunity to create. And the most important bonus piece of advice underlying all: Focus first on building the foundation of a strong daily spiritual practice, and commit to it above all else. Find a home parish, a spiritual director, and a small group of faithful friends to keep you grounded. Pray always – Christ is your surest companion.

[cardfightcentric]

Weekend report thing

Aka. Sneak report + Locals report + Thoughts on standard/premium

Busy weekend! The first official sneak of the new format, and when I finally went and picked up my trial decks, so my first games in standard and my first games with a true premium deck ( sort of), not just a G-Deck. So I have a lot to talk about today!

The sneak went pretty well for me, I wasn't originally gonna buy anything since I don’t really plan on making blasters for standard, rather just waiting for aquas and granblue before I really start to invest. But i wanted new marrons, so I figured why not and got two kits. Ended up pulling really well and made my money back more or less, and got some trades to making my own semi jankish blaster deck for standard, just to hold me over until algos XD

I had picked up a blaster trial deck simply because if our head judge wanted to run a standard tourney I could actually play something. But since I pulled some stuff for it and wanted to use my newly acquired playset of new marron, I threw something together with soulsavers and a few new cards and a trial deck. I tried playing a few games with a friends similarly janky kagero deck. Honestly while it felt nice to slow the game down a little bit, it also felt just...almost too slow and vanilla with what i’m used to playing. I understand its very early so i can’t really pass any judgements about how the deck plays yet, of if this is what the rest of standard format decks will be like. But it did feel extremely slow and honestly kind of boring. I’m sure it will be significantly more exciting for me playing aqua force, granblue and eventually golds. But for now I will continue to just kinda sit back and wait for those since honestly i’ve never been a fan of playing blasters XD

For the tourney i played the royal deck I fell in love with: brave. I had yet to use it in a real tourney, and i had made some adjustments to my original list so I was itching to try it out. What makes it a premium deck? I put in the new triggers lol. I figured since my list had very few “brave” triggers anyway, trying the 10ks would not be a bad idea, since I’m playing mega aggression 12 crit brave anyway. Balls to the wall deck, in other words. And i’m actually surprised at how well it went, considering the matchups I had.

Round 1: Novas vs Brave

This is my friend who usually beats me in the final rounds, our meeting just happened to be in the first round today. Honestly i think this matchup is very 50/50. If i can outrush a nove player early i can win, but if he’s drawing fire he wins just as easily. The first game I lost by the second stride, the second game I won by the second stride. Since I hadn’t played brave in a while before this, had I not messed up my guarding on the third game, I would have been able to win. I went first, so he could stride first. I g guarded once. And I HAD THE IDEA IN MY BIG BRAIN to guard the second, meager attack with maskgal, since then I would be able to hit 1st stride GB4 with fides and basically take the game. Did I guard with maskgal? NO. So I went into my turn, pushed him to 5 damage with two cards in hand, and then got crit to death. I’m not entirely upset about loosing that way since I know a lot more about how to win the matchup and its honestly not overly difficult if you know how to work with brave resources. It was more of a lack of foresight on my part since I haven’t been playing a lot the last few weeks. And if I have, I’ve been almost obsessively playing Gurguit since I miss him <3

Score 0/1

Round 2: Kagero vs Brave

You know like I don’t even care about this matchup honestly. It’s like go ahead, retire my cards. So long as i’m able to keep a majority of them in my deck the matchup is actually very easy. Because while they have big scary purge turns and easy access to retire, kagero lacks the hand size to really be able to put up with brave and function well. Like yea your gonna purge me, but that's the only attack your going to get this turn, because you had to drop all your rgs to guard me last turn. Both games i was able to sweep with a 2nd stride turn fides. The important part here is really just to make sure their hand is small before sweeping in for a fides turn. Since not a lot of kagero players play heavy draw support it’s much easier to just run them off the field, especially since their key mechanic of retire does very little to stop you from doing what you need to do. If you set up all your Felaxs in the back row they can’t denial you either, so your safe to just steamroll.

Score: 1/1

Round 3: X Gallop Vs Brave

This was actually a very funny set of games. The player that was using X Gallop is horribly annoying, so playing with him is usually a chore within itself. I also despite playing against X Gallop since they draw so much, my rush decks just usually can’t keep up. But brave is the king of rush decks for me, so i  worried. First game I managed to sweep since he didn’t realize what fides does ( i talk about the card all the time so i was like really?) and therefore didn’t plan to guard very well. 2nd game was probably the most horribly unlucky game of brave in my life. I drew or damage checked all 8 of my calling grade 2’s (Sulliman and Liverot) so my plays were pretty stunted. Its unfortunately a weakness of the deck, but its something thats kind of difficult to fix due to the way that vanguard just works and the fact that brave royals don’t really have a way to renew resources. If they did, then it wouldn’t be so much of a problem. But I got clapped. The third game was probably one of the most hilarious games i’ve ever played. So this player I was playing against is infamous for being outrageously cocky, so this is kind of karma coming back around. The game started off pretty bad for me. He drew all 4 of his reika's ( i think that's how you spell it) and with a commander laural was able to draw something like 14 cards. Since I choose not to drop a perfect since he had one of the guard break triggers active, and would have sacked it. But i’m a dumbass and I let it hit. So i’m going into my turn with like 20 cards in his hand. He’s at 3 damage, so he’s kind of safe. I stride into fides and i’m trying to figure out how to make this work while not blowing all my own resources. Since I couldn’t get fides call skill, due to not being at Gb4 I decided to attack with him first, and come swinging with the rear guards later. He no guards, which is super cocky in my opinion with that hand size. Then fides decided to bless me and land me a triple crit off my drive check ( to be fair I had thinned a fair amount, and hadn’t seen any triggers in my early turns, so i knew they were in there). I won that game, which usually ends with his cocky ass luck sacking me every time. It was good karma and the look on his face was priceless. I love Fides.

Score: 2/1

Round 4: ChouChou vs Brave

I was...not optimistic about this matchup. While I out pressure, i don't really have big hands to protect myself with on his big turns. With that being said however, I think it's very similar to novas after playing the matchup. Your both going to put out pressure and it comes out to who has better hands to guard with, since mt guard restrict and his restand stride are both very easy to reach. We did get to a game 3 after i just overwhelmed him using my grade 2’s to take him from 2 to 6 damage in one turn, with no triggers might i add. The third game if i had just had ONE MORE card to guard with in my hand of ANY value, I would have lived and then just swamped him next turn. I didn’t actually feel too bad about this loss either, as i felt like i played it very well. Its just a simple fact that the chouchou deck has fr more synergy with itself then brave does, and with the cards I was dealt ( literally) I felt like the games went pretty well.

Record: 2/2

So I felt like it was a pretty good day, i found some adjustments i’m going to make to fides and I very much enjoyed playing the deck. While I know it's not a balanced playing field with the new triggers now, i feel like the bigger triggers really helped brave with its already low hand size and massive power. I really liked playing them and will probably do it again next time i play fides, since its like eh, why not.

I apologise if the formatting on this is bad, I had to wrote in on mobile since my new router sucks ass

[radiant-flutterbun]

Single Dragons List

This is a list of dragons that are currently looking for mates/romantic relationships. If you’d like to ship your dragons with mine feel free to message me here on tumblr or through a PM on FR. Please note that we do not have to breed our dragons together. For most of my dragons I’d actually prefer not to breed. RPing is also optional and I’d like to keep it SFW. Also I am an adult, and am not comfortable shipping with minors.

Note: Most of my dragons have only feral forms. If your clan is strictly gijinkas however I could make gijinkas of my dragons to ship with yours, but it’ll have to be an AU (If that makes sense)

Selcouth Dragons: These are dragons from an alien world called Selcouth. In this world they ruled as gods, but on Sornieth they are mortal just like any other dragon. Note: None of these are open for breeding.

 Guerra - Pansexual male. A sad boy. Former God of War

Naperone - Pansexual male. A very bad boy. Murdery. You don’t want to date him. Former God of Probability.

Match - Straight male. Mean. Also dying. Tried to kill a child once. Murdered his brother, Sepulchral. Former God of Accidents.

Disconsolate - Bi female. Very sad. Distrustful because a certain someone *cough* Naperone *cough* broke her heart. Goddess of Precipitation.

Nostopathy - Pan and nonbinary. Very excitable. Loves the ocean. But their head is stuck in the past. God of Memories.  Is open to polyamory

Bacitracin- Gay male. He just wants to help people. But no one is listening. God of Healing.

Arkina- Bi female. HUGE animal lover. She doesnt understand what’s going on half the time, but is ok with that. Goddess of Animal Souls.

Mason- Bi male. Yet another sad boy. He died. He decided he didn’t like being dead and came back to life. A former ghost.

Clan Ton Theon: A large Light Clan.

Tonatiuh- Bi male. He loves traveling and is a huge romantic

Flare- hetero-ace female. Artist. Is a fire hazard. Total clans burned down: 1

Obsidian- Straight male. Boring, but will keep you safe

Alaria- Bi female. SCIENCE. Healer. Grumpy because certain dragons don’t know how to take care of themselves

Soul- ??? male. Tech nerd AND theater nerd. Will sing you love songs he wrote

Nom-  Straight male. An older dragon. Kind, but a little behind with the times

Stormyskies- Bi male. A snapper that can fly. He nearly died but it’s cool now. He’s part robot

Tanzanite- Sapphic female. LOVES anything blue. Proud of her Charge. Great at giving hugs

June- Demisexual female. Archaeology is cool. Being brainwashed by the Shade is NOT cool

Clan Lampsi: A hostile Shadow Clan that lives in the Sunbeam Ruins

Auerole- Pansexual female. Thinks her dad will kill her. Doesn’t know her dad has been dead for years. Once manipulated an angel into falling in love with her.

Bloodmoon- ??? female. Murder girl. Interests include but aren't limited to: Blood, guts and the screams of her enemies

Gemstone- Straight female. Loves herself more than anything else. Accidentally killed her Charge from neglect (oops)

Dracula- Straight male. A vampire. Wants your blood. Is gross

Clan Nihil: A hostile Arcane clan. Most of the dragons here are criminals, or innocent dragons that had no where else to go.

Circinus- Bi male. He just wanted to learn magic. Now he has too much and accidentally kills with it. Sometimes he’s even forced to kill by his abusive mate. Save him

Clan Ula: A clan of merdragons hunting a sea monster

Mosasaurus- Pansexual female. Kind, but scary. A mermaid and a monster hunter. Is open to polyamory

PASC: A militaristic Plague Clan trying to purge Sornieth of the Shade

Evarado- ??? male. Mean and aggressive. Wants to eliminate every last scrap of the Shade on Sornieth

Monachopsis- Gay male. Oozes acids from his body. It’s as painful as it sounds. He wishes he could give out hugs :( 

Clan Destinesia: A Nature Clan with magic stones that give dragons a boost in power.

Elysian- Lesbian. Know-it-all. She hates veggies, but she’s really good at growing them.

Komorebi - Lesbian. Super buff. Can bench lift you. Can bench lift anything

Larievella - Lesbian. She knows too much about you. Is too good at lying. Who is she

The Shade Haven: A group of Shade creatures who just want to live peacefully.

Unknown - ??? female? Possibly the Shadeling Queen? Likes to joke... you hope that was a joke. Possibly dangerous? Maybe not? You don’t know. No one does

Reaction - ??? female? A robot. A Shadeling. A Shadeling in a robot. Likes chemistry and explosives

The Primals: Rejected Primal dragons

Grim- aro spec male. A grumpy boy. He’s distrustful and paranoid. Good luck romancing him.

Yulene- Lesbian. A distraught ghost who killed herself over merciless bullying

Murrma- Sapphic demigirl. A cryptic oracle.

Renewal- Bi ace female. A healer who can’t die.

Voltage- Gay ace male. A very sparky boy.

Valisant- ??? ace nonbinary. A shy swamp dragon.

Ammil- Pansexual female. A big floofy lady

Malaria- Bisexual demigirl. She can turn into a wolf and is blunt and matter of fact with her words.

Osorno- Gay demiboy. A soft spoken guardian who has a violin as a Charge

Heartstone Valley: A mining town of Earth dragons, now dead. Note my Heartstone Valley dragons might be hard to find pairings for due to the fact they’re stuck in time and the outside world can’t see them. But hey maybe there’s some exceptions. They’re also all zombies.

Trilobite- Bi and genderqueer. She is the mayor of a long forgotten ghost town 

Hematite- Lesbian agender. She wanted to run for the next election in the town, but another election never came. She’s also the leader of an underground crime network.  Is open to polyamory

Smilodon- Pan/ace bigender. ???

Stromatolite- Bi male. ???

Basalt- Aro spec might be bi. he was lucky he was the only imperial within Heartstone Valley, or he would have become an Emperor. He will avoid any other imperial for this reason.

Batholith- Demisexual demigirl. ???

Foo’s Eye Galleon: Pirates who converted an Emperor into a ship

Juno- Lesbain ace and bigender. The captain. She’s dangerous

Vail- Bi demigirl. ???

Azra- Lesbian female. Mapmaker

Amare- Bi male. ???

Zeta- Pansexual and genderfluid. ???

The Cryptids: Ever wanted to date a Cryptid? Now’s your chance

Chupacabra- Nonbinary

Jersey- Genderfluid

Devil- Genderfluid

Jackalope- Genderqueer

Lock- Nonbinary

Ness- Transmasc

Ember Sun Spa and Resort: Dragons that work at a spa

Lavender- Male

Cinnamon- Male

Mint- Nonbinary

PumpkinSpice- Female

OceanBreeze- Male

Other

Reliquary - ??? male? The Shade Prince. Likes to use fancy words. Likes to steal fancy things.  Is open to polyamory

Loculus - ??? female? The Shade Princess. Spoiled rotten. Likse to whine. Steals impulsively.  Is open to polyamory

Blackbird- Bisexual male. A greedy jerk. He’s now part of an Emperor, but still dateable if you’re willing to pt up with the other heads.

Goshawk- Lesbian. Also an Emperor head. She was once a fierce warrior, now she’s the proctor of a dragon named Wish.

Budgie- Pansexual male. A sweet boy. He’s the third head of the Emperor but still very kind. He has poor self esteem though.

Neptune- Pansexual male. A merdragon that stepped too far off the deep end and is now sticking his flippers where they don’t belong.

Manus- ??? male? A mischievous Shadeling. Will die soon and wants to see the world burn before that happens. 

Peripeteia- Lesbian. A necromancer. Her flesh tends to rot. She needs to steal life in order to reverse the rot. It’s not fun

Beginning- Male

End- Male