#but they did nonetheless include it
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I understand that the Logic Extremists are, y'know, extreme. But it's always silly when people, in order to criticize Discovery, pretend like Discovery invented the concept of Vulcans being space racist. As if Yesteryear, Enterprise, and Star Trek (2009) didn't all do that too
#now did Enterprise do a good job with their space racism? no#but they did nonetheless include it#tas#ent#aos#dsc
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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He tore my limbs asunder after this HE DGAFFF💔
#enki ankarian#fear and hunger#funger#tomodachi life#it’s just like that one fanart of Enki w Nosramus where nos is like#bugs in ur hair…#and Enki is like Do Not Speak Ill Of My Oomfies#I did just that… and now I am paying the price (he’s only donating $0.01 to the island donations from now on)#I’m making the rest of the funger cast btw including oc and me LOL#idk if o want to make termina chars bc I haven’t played it yet but I’m fond of those guys nonetheless… taps chin pondering
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I don't give baby Steph that much credit but I do think it's funny that when I was in my OC phase and writing for Teen Titans I went "hey! it's not fair no one ships Cyborg with anyone! I'm going to make him a girlfriend!"
#good job lil me. You didn't understand fandom racism yet but you wanted Vic to be included.#the character was an artificial human made of living xenothium named Clone#she was created by the Brotherhood of Evil and Beast Boy completely forgot that he'd fought her before until she'd already left#then she did the classic trope of ~titans live in prisoner~#which was extremely common in OC fics at the time#idk.#anyways she lived to play pranks on Robin with Cyborg#and they bonded over hotdogs#That's about as far as I got into their story before I was filled with a deep seated panic about OCs#and deleted her from the world#RIP Clone you were a weird lil OC and I haven't managed to recycle you for parts unlike Hinn or Amy#but you are appreciated nonetheless#Steph Speaks
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Would let you stack donuts on it
Joker, James, Garrus, Wrex, Liam, Jaal.
Won't
Jacob, Anderson, Saren, Hackett, Mordin, Evfra.
Maybe? mostly confused:
Kaidan, Thane, Nihlus, Legion, Kallo.
(Note: constructive criticism on placement welcomed only if backed by sound arguments)
#did i do this before?#feels like i did#yeah for patho but i haven't done it in ME yet#☆several characters#☆crack#funfact I mix up the names of Jacob Jack and James a lot#ljke a lot a lot#The three Js#Why wouldn't mordin? Bc it's unhygienic next question#Why would Joker? Bc EDI was curious next question#Can you include Grunt? No fuck off#“Actually Kaidan would be-” No he's vanilla as fuck.#but a simp nonetheless#Ashley would let you stack donuts on her strap fyk
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i think to claim US citizens are privileged over those in the global south is almost always but not inherently true. whenever this subject comes up the first thing i think about is the fucking abysmal conditions on many reservations, of the fact that native people in this country still live under occupation, are citizens of their own nations but forced to be US citizens as well, under which they are gravely oppressed and their cultures and sovereignty threatened. one could argue that these are unique cases, if even willing to concede at all the extent of native oppression in this country. but to me, as a native, these individuals and experiences are not simply an afterthought. as i said, they come to my mind immediately. the fact that most people do not even consider them at all in these discussions only proves my point about how utterly fucking dire the oppression of this country's indigenous population is. we, especially those of us who struggle the most, are forgotten and erased constantly.
when some people are only US citizens by force, when they are among the indigenous population and live under occupation, i simply could not agree that these individuals benefit from that oppression. how could they? occupation is not a privilege. tell me, are you aware at all what the conditions are like on many reservations in this country? i'd also like to emphasize that native genocide is an ongoing project. it has not ended. it continues to this day.
#i'd like to add: that i can only speak for natives on this issue#and even then. i don't really. i am just one guy#i can't represent an entire group. no one can#at most i am more sensitive and tuned into this issue than many people and can bring attention to it as a result#because god knows no non-natives are going to#by and large i will not touch on intracommunity discussions not my own. that being said#if your response to black americans discussing their own issues and oppression is to complain about usamericans or westerners#then yes. that is fucking clearly antiblack and i see it a LOT from leftists on this site who are not black#like there is a problem in these spaces on this website and among many popular users in those circles#stay in your lanes.#another point i'd like to add: i am not including myself among natives who do not benefit from US citizenship#i am a mixed urban ndn who did not grow up on a rez or anything like that#i grew up poor but poor within the imperial core nonetheless#it is complicated as a mixed native. i feel resentment towards my forced US citizenship. towards colonialism and native genocide#but this post isn't really about me. it's about my native cousins who are far less fortune. and who nobody else speaks up for#not that i am under any illusion this post will reach much audience at all#i don't really want my shit spread on tumblr. so i know it won't#but it was on my mind so i needed to type it out.
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I put 30 tags on that dear evan hansen post. for the love of god don't click to expand the tags I'm so fucking sorry I just hate that awful fucking show so fucking much. oh fuck I've done it again in the tags here oh god
#theo.txt#I just realized more fucked up bullshit in the show while I was typing is all#and then wasted like an hour checking lyrics to make sure I wasn't misreading#no they do have zoe immediately backtrack her assertion that she won't let her brother's death change her view of their relationship (bad)#even though death and especially suicide often leads to valorization of the deceased#but all it takes is Evan's little connor pov song about all the things he (connor(evan)) noticed about her.#which are all very cute and extremely romantically coded.#and she takes this at face value! despite many of the listed traits being extremely odd things for a sibling to notice!#especially one she had a volatile to abusive relationship with!!! what the fuck!!!!#like ig you could argue. she's hoping he did secretly care and Evan's a new perspective that's not her parents#or on a meta level it's arguing that teens acting violently or abusively often lack other emotional and communicative outlets#however. the song is not good enough to be attempting either </3#textually it seems like it's trying to do the former in that at no point does zoe see through Evan's premise and responds entirely genuinely#however. booo hiss that makes no sense evan is doing a horrible job of hiding his crush#and zoe either thinking connor was noticing her sexually or just not picking up on it?? for the sake of the duet?? either is bad.#in the former that only gives her more reason to shut off from him and from evan#and the latter just makes her and the writing worse lmfao#Alternatively if we're playing that connor was actually really sweet like evan and she (or we) could and should believe he'd say this#and he didn't know how to express his feelings (even these kind soft observant ones) except through violence#targeted at the objects of those feelings nonetheless!!!!! he cared for zoe but didn't know how to show it and so he harmed her!!!!#and therefore not only should we empathize with him but she should forgive him and immediately relinquish her anger after his death#because he was just so misunderstood and he cared :( never mind her experience directly affected by his actions#shit piss fuck take on humanizing people who abuse or do other violent acts. Dylan klebold apologia ass song#I'm not even like. God I'm all for trying to understand why people engage in destructive behaviors for the purpose of preventing them!#I'm for recognizing the personhood of every human including those who do terrible things. I think we have to.#NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!#god. again. everyone who talked abt this show saving teen mental health owes me money for my 2016 experiences.#also they should have to watch next to normal.
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like i guess re pronouns i think also like. many of us (trans/gnc/~gender-diverse~ people) are going to feel differently from one another and that diversity of thought is both inevitable and important
but there is a way in which, as with the question of whether you can group nonbinary people into 'people functionally includable in lesbian attraction' and 'people functionally includable in gay male attraction,' there's this process where like. there's an attempt to expand beyond the traditional framing and create more space for people, and then when that attempt runs up against cissexism and gets gummed up in some of the ways that article describes, you get people going, 'you know what, actually the really queer thing is to stop trying to expand mainstream culture into something that can accommodate queerness and just exist in a totally unspoken way,' and like. it's not that i don't get where that reaction is coming from, or that i totally disagree with it—as my one transfem ex said, the best days are the ones where you don't have to actively make a case for, or even really think about, your own gender!—but like. funny how that approach in certain ways ends up looking (and more to the point feeling) pretty indistinguishable from just. subsiding right back into the underbelly of the cistem…
#like personally i would in fact feel disrespected if a woman who was attracted to me‚ and not‚ like‚ in passing but in a serious ongoing way#nonetheless continued to be really actively vocally adamant that she was totally uncomplicatedly a lesbian/wlw#like obviously it would depend a little bit on what she meant by 'lesbian' bc there's potentially a lot of stretchiness in that category#that includes a lot of gender variance#but like. yeah actually i DO need you to pick up what i'm trying to put down‚ and take it seriously‚ and work out what that means for#the range of your attraction and how you're going to describe it#and the pressure in certain circles (that don't‚ i think‚ include anyone reading this) for me to just‚ like‚ Be Chill about that#and accept being functionally gendered as Basically a Woman#doesn't in fact feel different to me from the way cis culture wants me to accept that!#anyway yes this DOES feel like discourse necromancy but in a lot of ways so did the article that sparked it so. shrug emoji#language#identity#theory
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well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'
#me-- instantly stressed and near tears: I know you're joking and it's not even important but. that isn't funny. to me.#I really wish there was a term for 'gaslighting but they're not doing it on purpose'#this is distinct from simply 'being wrong' because 'that's definitely not what happened 🤨' is a key part of it#the other person trying to convince me that I'm wrong and I must be crazy-- not for manipulation purposes but because THEY forgot#and are MUCH more confident in the possibility that I'm completely full of shit than that they maybe can't remember exactly#this is an extraordinarily specific thing that nonetheless happens to me ASTONISHINGLY OFTEN.#I mean clearly often enough that I'm now hair-trigger sensitive upset about it#AND TO CLARIFY QUICKLY-- that's not what justin even did (this time) but 'well I don't remember that' is still...#OKAY WELL I DO. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER BELIEVE ME.#trembling and crying searching for Receipts while explaining to my husband that it's not even that I don't think he believes me (this time)#I just. I just. I just. I'm not fucking crazy. I know you don't think I'm crazy. but I still feel like I Have to prove it.#my mom sending a package to the wrong address and then saying-- confidently and irritably-- 'you never GAVE me a unit number'#when I can scroll back up through texts to where I sent her our new address when we moved and it was complete and correct#my friend during our big stupid fight saying 'no one actually AGREED to that [dnd] plan except you and justin 😒'#going back into my audio recording to that conversation where everyone BUT him agreed#including his fucking pick-me 'yeah jay's being shitty right now' brother whose character said 'this sounds like a good plan' verbatim#like. I KNOW it's not just 'my memory vs theirs and we both assume we're right'#because SO OFTEN when this happens I have FUCKING RECEIPTS. that I'M NOT WRONG OR CRAZY.#no one ever wants to entertain the notion that I might know what I'm talking about.#I can't stress enough that I'm not mad at justin right now he was very much 'no I believe you! it's weird that I don't remember though'#which is fair! honestly! but I'm a LITTLE. sensitive. of the fact that everyone always ALWAYS automatically assumes I'm incorrect#and very often in a way that's a mark against my competence or character.#'well *I* couldn't *possibly* have gotten the address wrong so YOU must have fucked it up'#you know. it's like that. it's like that a lot.#maybe this only happens to me so much because I happen to be cursed with remembering things better than most people#or maybe I'm uniquely viewed as incompetent. who can say.#about me
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Balloon Art Day 3
Day 1 - Day 2
15. Giraffe - Unnamed
Before I got out of bed today, I whipped out a quick giraffe for a warm up. This giraffe is just a dog with different proportions, but I wanted to make a giraffe for a friend's kid. I didn't prepare at all beforehand, but from a purely balloon twisting perspective, I'm really happy with it. One small detail that doesn't show up super well in this picture is that I made the front legs longer than the back. Giraffes' legs are pretty even, but you can clearly see a downward slope in their backs that can be approximated in balloon form by introducing a length difference. This one stopped living up to my expectations once I tried drawing the spots on. Sharpie works wonders on these balloons, but I didn't have a brown sharpie on hand in my bedroom. I used a crayola marker instead, which you can see didn't really stick at all. Ended up being a bit of a mess!
17, 18, 19. Heart, bow, flower - Mother's Day Ensemble
This heart here is my second attempt. It takes some effort to get a balloon to hold an angle like the one in a heart! Even more effort to do it without any swelling in the joint. You can see that the heart here is slightly inflamed, but compared to the one before it, it looks extremely healthy. Aside from that, the bow here is a little uneven, and the flower was intended to have six petals instead of five (one of them being a tad short), but after struggling a while with how I wanted the heart to look, I decided that today was going to be a "finish it even if it's not perfect" kind of day.
20. Sword
I consider this an important skill in the children's birthday party side of balloon art, and for the sake of possibly making a little bit of money at some point (it's so hard to do things on a just-for-fun basis nowadays), I've resolved to eventually perfect the blade. The challenge of the sword is inflating the balloon just enough that you can still make the few required twists while resulting in a round, inflated tip. Now, the bubble at the front of this one is a bit long, and that's not the challenging part, but I got a little turned around at the start of this one. The tip top is slightly under-inflated. Only slightly, though, so I'm satisfied with this as a first try.
21. Mushroom
This one was also a little sloppy, but it's such a cute little thing that I was really happy to finish it regardless. A developing theme is that I will make bubbles bigger than a tutorial calls for and run out of balloon faster than intended when I iterate the process. This mushroom has a slightly less robust cap than specified in the tutorial I followed, but once again, it doesn't matter too much. I find that it's pretty fun to not measure anything and just work it out on my own when something goes wrong.
22. Corn (failure)
This one involves weaving six balloons at once into basically a tall basket. I couldn't handle that many balloons at once! No biggie though, this was a big step up from what I've done up to this point. The mode of failure was a pinch twist, which is consistently a technique that I'm a little nervous about due to a fear of popping. This time, it was in between a lot of other bubbles and I must have pulled a bit too hard, because the balloon I was twisting did indeed pop. I feel comfortable saying I bit off more than I could chew here, but I'm exercising my jaw every day, so I'll come back around for this one another time!
23. Sword (not pictured)
This one was both to see if I could do it better this time, and because I just wanted to play around. I didn't do it any better this time though. I don't want to sit down for a day of nothing but swords until I get the inflation level to be perfect, but I think that might be the best way to learn. I'll keep working hard, whatever that looks like!
24. Camel - Wendy
Yup, that's right, she's meant to be a camel. I didn't get as much height as I'd have liked out of her hump because the bubbles that make up her torso are slightly different lengths. I was also cutting my balloon length pretty close at the end, because this is one of the rare designs that leaves the very end of the balloon inflated. Her front legs are also longer than her back legs, and not on purpose this time! I don't mind for now though. Hard to feel frustrated when I'm holding a cute little animal that I made!
#balloon art#this one's extra long! I had a busy busy day#also a very long day! I didn't get much sleep last night#I debated for a little while if I should include the second sword on this post#but I figure even if I don't keep a picture of it#I still want a record of what I did#I like the impermanence of balloon art#but I also love the experience of documenting an impermanent thing#you can't use words and pictures to fully replicate the experience of having one of these in front of you#or in your hands#but I keep a record nonetheless!#one day all of the pieces I've made so far will be deflated or popped#and I'll still be able to look at these posts#and eventually the website won't exist anymore#and hopefully I'll have moved the posts somewhere else#anyway#there's something appealing about failing happily
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im a lil embarrassed that most of the posts ive posted (duh) as of late were text posts abt me being sick LMFAO n it feels silly to write this but i think i may log out of this acc for a lil while at least on mobile <3
#not being able to write is making me feel a lil dizzy dizzy#a lil embarrassed a lil 'i do not belong' ya know???#hm yeah i also need to get off my phone bc i start uni next week and i need to wake up early and im soooo stressed bc of another uni thingy#so...i will be deactivating 😔👊#im joking im joking#ofc i wont deactivate i think my shrink would kill me if i did anyway /hj#she was the once that convinced me to make the writing blog#but rn the internet doesnt feel good to me and i need to be more present and more real and prioritise other aspects of my life#i wanna be more stable and journal and move my body and read books bc i like the feeling of the paper and and#i had the sweetest ask ever about my book recs and i was also a lil embarrassed to respond bc im not much of a reader but i try TT#anyway !! aside from this mildly incoherent ramble which i loved writing ngl#i havent been writing a lot and i think ive lowkey un-hyperfixated on tr and jjk so the inspo isnt inspoing#and tbh that feels a lil awful to say bc tr has taught me so many things and helped me grow and im so painfully in love with shin but idk#idk what happened i think i just hit a lil bump in the road of life and the stress has me focused more on real life and other things than#my darling beloveds. and im sure itll pass like most things in life i will feel good again#but rn it doesnt. i havent even caught up with the latest ep of tr :') but nonetheless writing is one of my truest loves as well#so i will comeback hopefully with a few stories mapped out including a lil gojo series and all that fun jazz :D#i have shin naoto izana gojo and toji in store !! and tbh im not ready to just leave them all behind#ANYWAY OKAY this' gone for too long LMFAO but thank u if u read till here i think i needed to rant#that means ill probably be less active than im already am but ill be back !!#still i dont think this exactly qualifies as a hiatus so i wont mark it down as such wait is this a semi-hiatus??? lmfao idk but eh 🤷♀️#i love love love love love yall so so so much and forevever and always will#MWAH#<3
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@listen-to-the-inner-walrus i think your tags here are important
Do not punish the behaviour you want to see
I mean, it seems pretty obvious when you put it like that, right?
But how many families, when an introvert sibling or child makes an effort to socialize, snarkily say, “So, you’ve decided to join us”?
Or when someone does something they’ve had trouble doing, say, “Why can’t you do that all the time?” (Happened to me, too often.)
Or any sentence containing the word “finally”.
If someone makes a step, a small step, in a direction you want to encourage, encourage it. Don’t complain about how it’s not enough. Don’t bring up previous stuff. Encourage it.
Because I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.
#i don't believe that you should compromise on your own principles#but for myself at least one of my principles is to only ever hurt others in proportionate self defence#and that includes being mean to them. being mean to people hurts them#i think this really sank into me when i was chatting with a friend who left their religion#and to be clear: their parents were (strongly) christian but they were liberal/lefty christian. and very accepting#but nonetheless this friend told me that they found it SO HARD to leave because once they did they knew#they'd never be as close to their loved ones again#and i just thought oh. if it was that hard for them. how much harder must it be for those in alt-right/alt-right adjacent communities#and something clicked for me
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One of the most memorable speeches I've ever heard was given at my beloved's graduation. They attended a pretty crunchy school natural medicine. They went for acupuncture but they also had many degrees including nutrition, naturopathic medicine, and most importantly to this story: midwifery.
The common consensus across campus was that the midwives operated on their own frequency which is a nice way to say they were usually really weird, even by the standards of a pretty alternative crowd of people. Not weird in a bad way. But weird nonetheless. They straddled the boundary between life and death and it changed them.
I had never experienced a midwife before the ceremony which is why I didn't think anything of the fact that a midwife stepped up to give the graduation speech. My friends nearby had a stir of repressed amusement and elbowing each other which did puzzle me slightly.
The speech began as a story, which I heartily approved of. The midwife related an experience in which a woman told her that during her first birth she had screamed too much and used up her energy in that instead of pushing and the midwife, to the collective masses assembled to watch a solemn ceremony, said, "I told her this time she would need to scream with her vagina."
The audience was slightly stunned by this, myself included. I scanned the crowd to see dropped jaws and wide eyes. It was such a bold statement to make in an academic setting and no one quite knew what to make of it.
The midwife continued unperturbed.
She related that many dads didn't know what to do during the birthing process and that this particular dad chose to chant over and over, "You're gonna be huge, you're gonna be huge," as his wife screamed with her vagina to birth their child. The midwife mused that she didn't know if he was talking to their child or his wife or if he even registered what he was saying in that moment.
Then the subject strayed toward how the student body had strained and striven toward this goal, this endgame that was the result of sleepless nights, hard work, and camaraderie. The speech seemed to have moved onto more solid ground and traditional graduation reminiscences. The crowd settled, thinking the worst had passed.
But as the midwife wrapped up she said, "As you go forth into the world, pushed out by this noble institution to help the masses, just remember one thing," she paused and the audience held their breath while the beat drew out before she finally whispered:
"You're gonna be huge."
There was a roar of astonished laughter as her speech neatly tied their graduation into a metaphor for being birthed unto the world and we finally understood the point of her anecdote.
The speech lives in infamy in all our collective memories. Years later my beloved's dad will still be like, "Remember that bizarre graduation speech?"
And it was. It was bizarre. But I'll say this. I've attended a lot of graduations, and I don't remember any of the speeches half so well as I do that one.
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yall ive been studying wiki articles for the past two hours and under the article about hannibal directive it literally says that on dec 5 israeli h0stages who were released met with netanyahus war cabinet and claimed that they were "deliberately attacked by israeli helicopters on their way into gaza and shelled constantly by the israeli military while they were there" and on top of that two female survivors from be'eri said in a tv interview (i saw that on ig a few days ago too) that they witnessed a 12-yr old girl named liel being hit and k!lled by a tank shell. just a few hours ago on dec 18 the IDF admitted i quote "casualties fell as a result of friendly fire on october 7" but added that "beyond the operational investigations of the events, it would not be morally sound to investigate these incidents due to the immense and complex quantity of them that took place in the kibbutzim and southern israeli communities due to the challenging situations the soldiers were in at the time." an israeli police investigation also stated that the first helicopters at the scene of the festival arrived hours after the massacre began and that they were likely responsible for "only a few" friendly fire casualties (still at least they finally admitted to the firing from helicopters but given the amounts of totally destroyed and burnt cars and what the freed h0stages reported on dec 5 im not so sure about that). the numbers of civilian casualities of october 7 has been now named at 695 israeli civilians (of which reportedly 70 were arab israelis) including 36 kids plus 71 foreign nationals, of which the article said that an "unknown but significant number" was caused by friendly fire. i honestly hope this is investigated thoroughly and not swept under the carpet. yes h4mas is guilty of horrifying crimes and has to be held accountable and punished (but THEM, not the entire population of gaza) but also the israeli military and government has to be held accountable for their actions not only in gaza but also on their „own“ territory. many freed h0stages, surviving victims that have not been ab duc ted and their families have been talking how they felt betrayed (one young man said he was sh0t at the festival in his leg and immobilised by that and literally laid in the desert for 7 hours and that he could not understand what took them so long, also being given he was once serving in the army as well) and were made dual victims of h4mas and israel simultaneously. (continued in the hashtags bc this is already long enough) i needed to share this so badly im sorry.
#it doesnt change the tragic outcome but maybe a part of the perspective#i also wont get over how 240 ppl got taken to a tiny strip of land and they immediately started 4ttacking it the way they did nonetheless#like yall have one of the most modern militaries in the world and called in 300 k reservists too i read?#shouldve at least tried to negotiate to get them all free immediately and THEN 4ttack like yall are the military superpower#also that the chairman of the us house foreign affairs committee CONFIRMED that egypt warned israel last on OCTOBER 4#egypt said it warned Israel that “an explosion of the situation was coming very soon and it would be big” (there were immense tensions)#247 palestinians including around 60 minors had been killed between january and september this year#israel denied receiving this but it was literally CONFIRMED#plus israeli newspaper Haaretz reported that HOURS before the attack IDF commanders + shin bet discussed if nova festival being held so (1)#(2) close to the border would be a threat but then decided to not give warnings to the festival organizers (who were k!lled btw)
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only then, i am good || one shot
joel miller x f!reader
masterlist || ao3 || follow @joelsdaggerupdates for fic updates!
pairing: daddy jackson!joel x f!reader summary: you have a bad day in which it makes you question your worth. only joel can make you see the truth. warnings: jackson era [well into the tlou2 timeline but nothing bad happens], implied age gap [i warn you, joel is old old], angst [in the form of internal turmoil], feelings of guilt/burdening, established relationship, dd/lg dynamics, soft daddy dom!joel, daddy kink, praise kink, size kink, finger sucking, pet names galore [baby, sweetheart, little girl, angel] size kink, reader is hella needy, reader has pubic hair bc i said so, smidgen of cockwarming, just the tip mention, dubcon*, dacryphilia, unprotected piv, nipple play, belly bulge, creampie, joel is reader’s personal weighted blanket, fluff, aftercare. *reader is not in the right headspace to properly consent to piv but she’s a-okay with it! word count: 3.8k
a/n: i’ve been to emotional (and physical) hell and back (are we back? who knows) these last few weeks and it had me yearning for daddy jackson!joel. so this is what this is. it’s a tad different from my typical style of writing and it’s not betaed and very very loosely proofread (barely looked thru it while in the waiting room lol), so it’s probably shit but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless xx
You should’ve double-checked the lock. Triple-checked it. As always. Hand to God, it slipped your mind. You were tired. Achy and sleepy, and you just wanted to go home. Back to Joel. Curl your spent body into the thick, burly warmth of his and let him cradle you until the whole day wipes itself from memory.
You’ve been asking them for more responsibilities — a more serious role within Jackson, for months. After today, you’re sure they’ll never take you seriously. Never see you as one of them. They’re so much older and wiser — experienced. And you…well, you are not.
They never fuck up. Never make mistakes that would risk losing an important asset to this safe haven. And today you have. You fucked up. You don’t know how you forgot. It’s been your only job here, the only thing they let you have, and still — you messed it up.
You forgot to lock the stall door to the stable for one of the horses. And not only did the horse escape but now the town is technically down one patrolman. You have completely thrown off the patrolling schedule, one that was meticulously crafted and has been in place long before you arrived in Jackson. It very rarely changed.
You offered to lend a hand, practically begged them to send you out with the rest of the search party. But Maria, Tommy, and Joel all told you to go home while they sent a group (of which included Joel and Tommy themselves) outside the gates, well past dusk, to go looking for him. You felt entirely useless.
Begrudgingly, you scurried home, a beaten puppy in need of licking one’s wounds. Feeling the weight of the day and the frustration that has accumulated over months suddenly seeping into your bones, and you just…broke. You crawled into bed, alone in the dark, and you cried for hours, your mind spiraled, turning over the mistake you made, again and again and again.
When it stops and the wracking sobs slow into shuddery hiccups, it’s only because you hear heavy footsteps in the hallway. Slow. Tired. But steady — sure. And that nauseating sensation in the pit of your stomach returns as the footsteps grow closer and closer.
The door creaks open slowly, pale yellow light from the hallway spills through the crack, your puffy eyes squint and flutter against the sudden light, shape of him vague in your blurry vision, but you know it’s him: tall frame, broad shoulders, pale skin, and dark features.
Joel.
You curl your body tighter, making yourself as small as possible. Close your eyes, and bury your tear-stained face back into the damp royal blue of his linens, the piney scent of him everywhere: his pillows, his sheets, his mattress, clouding your mind. You hear his footsteps as he rounds the bed, feel him reach over and switch on the lamp beside you. He grunts, his joints creak as you feel his weight sinking the edge of the bed, settling himself down in the ‘c’ shape your body had formed.
“We found him. Fella was out by Hidden Pines,” voice soft, almost cautious.
You nod silently, but you don’t look at him, not wanting to embarrass yourself even more, not wanting him to see how pathetic you look after spending hours upon hours sobbing into the pillows over a mistake you made.
A heavy hand cups your knee over the sheets, thumb stroking bone through the fabric there.
“It wasn’t your fault, baby.” He says, surely.
But you don’t really believe him.
You sniffle and tilt your face away from the tear-soaked pillows just enough so he can hear you. “Yes, it was. I was the last one in there. It’s my job to take the horses back and settle them in for the night. My job to make sure they stay in the stables. It’s been my job, my only job all this time, and I can’t even do that right,” you ramble, voice breaking, bottom lip wobbling, fat tears pricking your red eyes once again.
“No. You listen here,” he says sternly, feeling his body turn beside you, bed covers bunching up around your knees. “You did lock it, but the latch was loose, honey. Tommy and I tried ‘em. They’re due for a fixin’ n’ we should’ve been checkin’ ‘em, but that’s my job, not yours. This wasn’t on you, darlin’. You hear me?”
You avoid his eye and stay furled on the bed. Silence swells between you, and you fiddle with a stray thread in his sheets.
“He wasn’t supposed to take off like that, but he’s a younger horse,” he shrugs, and a sigh falls from his lips. “It happens. Whoever was mannin’ the wall tonight should’ve seen him. Many things were at play, baby. It wasn’t your fault.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone.
Your head snaps over your shoulder in a fury. “I could’ve helped fix it. I could’ve made it right,” you bite, shaky voice laced with venom. You don’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but it manages to stifle the sob that threatens to claw up your throat. And for a second, the irritation in your voice doesn’t rattle you until you notice Joel’s shoulders tense, and you regret it immediately.
A whirlpool of emotions swirls in your belly. A weird noise squeaks out from your lips as you try to fruitlessly blink away the sleep and salt in your eyes. You don’t want to cry in front of him. You bury your face into the pillow again, trying to muffle the sob-like groan as you cringe away from Joel, ashamed.
His hand drifts up your thigh, broad palm splayed across your flesh, his touch unwavering. “Sweetheart, the only reason I told you to stay here s’because it ain’t safe out there. The amount of infected may be less this time o’year but the cold…” He trails off, his grip tightening around the meat of your thigh unconsciously, “makes people meaner,” his voice grows unsteady at the thought.
You shiver, and you suspect he feels it. He clears his throat, and tender fingers brush the strands of hair out of your face, then they trail down, and you feel the cold roughness of his skin against the warm softness of yours as his calloused hand cups your jaw, tilting it to face him, forcing you to meet his eyes.
Your eyes pinch shut, and the dam breaks. You can’t bear to look at him. Your heart sits heavy in your chest, feeling the guilt creeping back in at his touch. His hands, usually warm, are now icy cold, and all you can think about is how you are the cause of it. He had been out in the cold longer than he needed to be because of you. You and he both know his worn bones can’t handle it, and yet, he went out there in the dead of winter as nightfall cloaked over Jackson to right your wrong, and it makes you feel terrible.
“Baby. Look at me,” he whispers softly.
You do, and through bleary eyes you meet his weary gaze. His lips are downturned into a frown, and with a twist in his brows, that worry line in the middle of his forehead materializes. You hate being the cause of it. Your heart plops to your stomach, your throat goes thick, something rising at the base of it.
“What do you need, sweetheart? Tell me,” he implores, his voice stern but soft, eyes shifting back and forth between yours — dark amber irises so warm, pleading.
Teach me to be good. “Just you, daddy – just need you,” you blubber, your voice innocent and small. Weak.
He knows exactly what you mean. You have been together long enough that he reads you like an open book. You watch as he wordlessly toes off his boots with a thud. Watch as he moves to stand to unbuckle his belt, dropping it to the floor with a soft clink, his jeans, jacket, and flannel following shortly after. Watch as he shifts onto the bed, bones crackling as he lowers himself and presses his broad form into you, his knees popping as they coax yours open. Watch as one of his hands drifts south between your bodies to grip the thick root of his cock while the other bunches up your nightgown to your navel, revealing your unobstructed cunt to him.
You whimper when the leaky head of his cock notches at the already slippery entrance of your cunt. He glides the wide cockhead between your folds, up and down, up and down, while the warmth of his breath fans across your face when his lips part to murmur, just the tip tonight, baby, s’not a good idea for you to take all o’me right now, alright?
You nod numbly. You don’t care how much he gives you — you just need to feel him. Need him to fix you. Need him to make the hurt you feel inside go away. Need him to search for the good. Maybe it’s there, buried deep in a place only he can find.
His hands find yours, pins them firmly above your head, and with his dark gaze holding yours, he very gently pushes his tip inside your tight, wet hole. His mouth pops open in a deep groan, and you catch it with a soft gasp of your own.
“There you go. S’that feel better, pretty baby?” He murmurs, his jaw ticks, brows twitch.
You nod desperately, your wide, glassy eyes going hooded. Your thighs tense around him, causing a little more of his cock to push inside, making you whimper and squirm beneath him.
“Good. Now just listen to my voice. Just focus on me, right here,” he grunts haggardly, voice so low and commanding. And that alone makes your brain go fuzzy.
You try to focus all your energy on his voice and the heavy weight of him on top of you and the fat tip of his cock stretching your too little hole open, but suddenly, he pulls out, and you almost whine at his absence.
But Joel doesn’t give you enough time.
Your body moves up the bed with a jolt, gasping when his hips push forward with more force, filling your cunt with the head of his cock, and then some more, only to slip out of you again immediately after. He’s toying with you, and he’s doing so because he knows you really need this.
He slips his cockhead gently back inside you, and you whine at the soft squelch your slicken pussy makes. The two of you revel in the lewd, wet sounds that ricochet through the room, all while never breaking eye contact.
“My little girl just needed me to fuck all the bad thoughts away, hm?” he breathes, his nose brushes against yours.
“Mmhm,” you sigh, cunt flittering around him.
“Needed me to stretch out her sweet little hole and make everything better, s’that it?”
You nod frantically, moaning breathlessly.
Joel growls. “Say yes, daddy,” he commands you softly, his fingers squeezing yours.
“Y—ye—yes, d–daddy.” Your words come out broken in between the slow rolls of his hips, but by the smirk that tugs on his lips, you know he’s proud of you anyway.
“Good girl,” he praises, his touch featherlight as his fingers push the stray strands of hair away from your forehead, and the scruff of his chin tickles your nose as he lays an open-mouthed kiss between your furrowed brows.
“But daddy—” you start to protest, scrunching your nose.
Joel harrumphs as he pulls back. All of his features pull into a stern look, and to stop you, the pad of his roughened thumb sweeps across your cheek and sinks between your parted lips.
“Na-uh. No fightin’ with daddy,” he presses gently.
By instinct, your lips close around his digit, sucking it into your mouth and swirling your tongue around the thick of it, tasting the salty, woodsy flavor of him, and it only feeds the foggy haze in your mind more.
Spit pools at the corner of your lips. His thumb moves in and out of your mouth, matching the rhythm of his thrusts as he fucks his cockhead in and out of your hole. Your mind begins to blur, but there’s still a storm stirring in your swollen eyes, and Joel, as always, can see it.
“Alright, this ain’t workin’,” he sighs exasperatedly.
And you think he’s utterly fed up with you not obeying him. He unsticks his body from yours, and your eyes search his face — the lines beside his eyes, the hairs in his brows, the muscles around his lips — trying to decode the emotion that flits across his features. Though, as expected, it’s near impossible to read him. Joel may have been able to crack you open, and although the years he has spent in Jackson have managed to soften him up — tiny cracks in his stony exterior over time — he remains inscrutable.
For a moment, you think he’s going to scold you. Tell you you’re no good for him anymore. You wouldn’t blame him. You can’t seem to do anything right. Maybe he thought he wanted to take you apart, bit by careful bit. But what if he peered through the gap and saw something he didn’t like? What if he had a change of heart — now that he stepped back and assessed the damage? What if the severity of it was too much to mend? Burden too heavy to carry. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves someone good. Someone not in need of fixing. Someone unbroken.
But Joel surprises you. His hand retracts from your face, and instead wraps his arm around your middle, maneuvering you onto his thighs so you're straddling him. His free hand fists the hem of your nightgown, and in one swift motion, tugs the fabric over your head and tosses it aside to join his pile of clothes on the floor. His heavy hands find your waist once again, and with the head of his cock still buried deep in between your legs, he sits up and back against the headboard, grunting a low, alright, c'mere, as he takes you with him with ease.
You cling to him like a koala, body putty and pliant as he brings your weak arms to wrap around his neck. And then, a firm hand moves to cradle the back of your neck, lets you nuzzle your wet face into the dip in his shoulder, and breathe in the comfort of his scent while his other traverses the line of your spine.
Slow but steady, Joel bucks his hips up, up, up, until the entirety of his thick length works its way into the slick slide of your cunt. Your soft thatch of curls meets his, softly grazes your clit, and you writhe in his arms, sniffle, and whimper brokenly against his shoulder, but sure, gentle hands pull you into his chest tighter. You feel the strong drum of his heart against yours, thrumming against each other: ga-gung, ga-gung, ga-gung, pace quickening, like they're trying to catch up, trying to sync. Your body melts into his. Skin to skin, heart to heart, heat of your cunt to the heat of his cock; and then suddenly, two become one.
“Shh, shhh, I know, baby, I know. You got it,” he whispers, as he begins to rock you back and forth, back and forth, lulling you gently back into the haze, and everything finally fades away.
He presses a kiss right behind your ear. “Therrrre we go, just take it, good girl,” he murmurs as a heavy hand pets your hair. And whether he’s talking about his cock or his praise, you obey regardless. Your cunt sucks the heat of his cock in deep. Let him fuck himself into you; let his warmth smolder you until your cunt ignites. Let it roar and burn and spread through your system like wildfire. Let him make you good.
The tips of his fingers move through your hair in small ministrations, gently scratching away at your skull. “Daddy—s–so big—” you whimper, your fingers pulling the hair at the nape of his neck, tears welling up in your eyes as something low in your belly begins to churn.
“Shhh, angel, it’s okay. I know, s’a lot,” he soothes, feeling his deep voice reverberate against your chest. Your cunt contracts at his praise, and the steady pace of his hips falters briefly; he groans deeply when he feels his tip choked tight within your walls, “you’re doin’ so good for me, sweetheart, so good.”
He continues his shallow thrusts while he rocks you in his arms. There’s a low static buzz in your ears, but you can still hear the perverse chant that manages to fall from your lips — one that grows louder with every roll of his hips, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. And in turn, he murmurs incessant blabbers of, you’re okay, angel, daddy’s here, daddy’s gotcha, into your hair, punctuating every one of his words with a soft kiss to your temple and a slow buck of his hips.
The tip of his cock nudges that soft ridge deep inside you, and he feels your cunt flutter around him. “You gonna come for me, angel, hm? You gonna be a real good girl for daddy and let me feel this drippy little pussy come all over me?” He coos.
“Uh-huh,” you murmur.
Deft fingers curl around the back of your neck, and with the slightest of pressure, he squeezes once, gently instructing you to use your words. A silent command.
“Y-yes, daddy, I prom–I promise, I wanna be good. I wanna be good,” you mewl.
His nose drags along the side of your face, down, down, down, until his heated lips meet your pulse point. “Go on, baby, let go n’ get daddy all messy. Show daddy how good of a girl you are,” he rambles, his voice a low vibration, goosebumps prickling in its wake.
With your tight cunt full and impaled on his cock, your clit throbs, eager for more friction. You rut your hips against his, humping him like a dog in heat as you rub your puffy pearl against the graying curls there, smearing him in your slick just as he insisted.
And within seconds, your body constricts, navel pulls taut, and then something fiery in your belly erupts. Your body begins to tremble as stars burst behind your eyelids, liquid heat turns your mind and body molten, melting away completely with the force of your release.
“Daaaddy,” you cry, lips quivering. Your muscles go lax, and your body slumps in his hold, feeling the last of your energy leaving you. Your head lulls back, and his hand slides up the base of your neck in time to catch it in his massive palm.
He clutches you tight, marveling at your fucked-out form in his arms while babbling praises of, ohhh–that’s it, that’s it, good job, baby, such a good fuckin’ girl— daddy’s so proud of you, as warm tears roll down your face. And it only spurs him on.
His languid strokes speed up, your body jolts above him violently, weeping cunt fluttering repeatedly around him. Your mouth falls open, wanton moans escape past your parted lips as he fucks you harder. “Christ, that’s it, that’s my girl. Look at you, perfect little thing,” he pants, coaxing you through your orgasm.
His eyes drop quickly to watch the bounce of your tits, nipples peaked and gleaming with beads of sweat. He dips his head to one sticky breast, and with a flick of his hot tongue, he laps up the salt on your skin.
It elicits a sharp gasp from you, your chewed fingernails desperately trying to claw at him, your body arching against his mouth, and you feel him grin against the curve of your breast. His mouth drifts, wraps his whiskered lips around your other swollen nipple, tongue swirls the pointed bud, teasing you with a graze of his teeth across the wet peak before nipping it, tugging the stiffened point ever so slightly between his teeth.
“Daddy–oh!” You choke on a moan, and your spent pussy clenches around him so tight, your cunt is almost forcing him out. His hips buck into you harder in response, his thrusts growing more erratic as he seeks his own release.
Joel hisses, mouth releasing your tit with a wet pop, “sweet Jesus, m’gonna give it to you real good, baby—like you deserve, fuck—”
He's cut off by the strangled groan that rips through his chest, his back arches off the headboard, and you feel him twitch. His grasp on your enervated form tightens, and then a blazing heat spreads inside you. His sweaty forehead falls to your dampened chest, the swell of your breasts cushioning the drop of his head, his body convulsing as he pumps upwards into your core. Cock pulsing and spasming within your walls as he continues to spill inside you, your belly swelling and set to burst full of his seed.
Joel slumps back against the headboard, his arms loosen, but they don’t release you, just holds you there on top of him as he presses hasty kisses and whispers shaky sweet nothings into your hair while his hot seed dribbles out around his length, turning the hair at the root of his cock into a pool of sticky milky white.
You don’t know if it’s minutes or hours that pass by as you stay limp in his lap, breathing in the sweat and sex on his skin as you snuggle back into his neck, the heat a low simmer. But when he runs a warm, wet rag between your legs and uses the same one to wipe your mixed wet off of his shaft before he tucks you in with a peck to your lips, the tip of your nose, a long kiss to your forehead, and lays himself on top of you with the full weight of him, pulling the comforter up to trap the heat of your bodies between you, sore cunt plugged with his softened cock once more, you know that he makes you feel whole. Not ruined or broken. Not stupid or useless or helpless. And in truth, it's all you’ve ever known with him.
As you slip gently into the waiting black, small fingers that draw circles into his silver curls come to a slow, you think you hear a quiet sigh — feel his lips lazily form around the words against your tacky skin — something of, you are good, angel tucked away into the valley between your naked breasts like a secret. And you think you believe him, and for now, that’s enough for you.
#i'm fighting for my life so if anyone sees my husband tell his ass to come home asap!!!!#anyway this goes out to my homies who are perfectionists who think the world will implode over one small mishap#it won't and ily ❤️🩹#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x f!reader#jackson!joel x reader#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfiction#the last of us fanfiction#daddy!joel#tw daddy kink#noelle's workshop
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So apparently I am an ethereal fallen angel, an ethereal deity, and an immortal wood spirit. Nice to know lol
comprehensive unhinged, shrimp emotion evoking, definitely not fully human music artist alignment chart
#i have no clue if I used this correctly but it's cool nonetheless lol#btw I only did albums that I know more than one song to#if I did albums I only know one song too that'd include Would That I and Achilles come down
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