#but they are probably my biggest and most frequent comfort watches

[notmoreflippingelves]

I was tagged by @arathesane

Rules: List your five all-time favorite films and have people vote on which one matches your vibe.

No pressure, but tagging @moocowmoocow, @saemi-the-dreamer, @combefaerie, @chlogummy and anyone else who wants to do this.

[danihow]

Love hurts

Han Seojun x producer!Reader True Beauty

Summary: Falling in love with someone who doesn´'t loves you suck, but it sucks more watching them hurt.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: unrequited love, han seojun is in love with jukyung, bad written, not proofread, angst.

A/N: i needed to do this to get this man out of my mind, my god why is he so perfect and so unreal.

You never thought love could hurt, not when it was such a beautiful feeling.

Working as a producer has been your dream all high school, being scouted by a Move Entertainment agent as a freshly graduated person was probably the biggest blessing you've ever received in the last 5 years.

You still remember your first day at the company as an apprentice of the bigger producers, sitting at the back of their studio in the couch and watching them come up with ideas, lead the idols and modifying simple sound onto a whole ass song.

Your heart felt so full of emotions that day you swore you could've cried from happiness even thought you were mistreated by other staff, you remember vividly how your face hurt from smiling on the way home.

Your shoes clacking against the tiled floor echoed through the empty halls of the huge building, it still amuses you to this day the was the floor never seemed to get dirty, always reflecting as if it was a mirror.

However, even if you could spot everything on the floor you still missed the person you were walking into, your head colliding against his tall back, startling out of your mind.

"Yah!" A man's voice flooded your ears before your eyes looked up to who you have crashed into, locking with brown foxlike eyes. "How do you manage to bump into the only other person in the floor?" He says, looking into you intently.

He was the prettiest man you've ever met, and even that was an understatement. The way his eyes complemented the rest of his face, his dark hair in a mullet giving him a mysterious and cool vibe that was just highlighted by his all-black outfit. It was probably the most memorable thing about that day.

"I'm sorry." You mutter, bowing a bit and smiling apologetically.

"It's okay, just look where you're going." He tells you in something between a reprimand and some advice, between polite and cocky. "You're a producer?" He asks, more for him than for you as he spots your producer badge hanging from your neck.

"Oh, yeah, I started today. I'm L/N Y/N." You smile politely at him, who nodded and gave you a weird smile back.

"Nice to meet you L/N Y/N, name's Han Seojun." He said before he continued walking, a small greeting bow before looking away. "Have a good night."

As the weeks rolled by you learnt from your superior that Han Seojun has a new trainee and was already relatively famous as it was too. Your encounter with the boy becoming more and more frequent the more he started practicing and the more you advanced as a producer. The two of you becoming close work friends rather quickly.

As the months turned into years and the level of comfort grew between the two of you the more your feeling for him surpassed the limit of friends, his laugh enticing a newfound warmth in your chest anytime you heard it, his eyes appearing in your daydreaming more and more often. Everything about him changing in your eyes to something else. Nonetheless, as your feeling for him grew with your friendship so did the secrets you knew from each other.

Even though you like him a lot you knew very well how much he liked Lim Jukyung, and you couldn't get mad at it, she has been in his live for far longer than you and is just and angel to be around; if anything you would've fallen in love with her too if you were Seojun.

"Y/Nie, you have done more than enough with those tracks, go home." Your superior mentioned as he walked in the studio, passing you a bottle of water and sitting by your side.

"Something is missing..." you mutter, your back aching from sitting in the same chair for so many consecutive hours, mouse scrolling through the track in the monitor for the nth time in the past half hour.

"You can review it tomorrow, go and rest." He said once again, pulling you away from the computer, your hands stretching as far as they could to keep on working until you were out of reach. His hand grabbing the mouse and saving the track. "Go." His voice was stern but with a hint of fondness, a soft smile on his face as you oblige.

Grabbing you bag and saying your goodbyes you walked out of the studio, opting for using the stairs as your exercise for the day. Eight flight of stairs you were kind of regretting your choice, but you were no quitter, so you kept going. "God my back's killing me." You whisper for yourself as your rub your neck tiredly, putting your coat on until a sound picked up your attention.

Instantly your mind went back to that one-time Jukyung playfully told you she heard from her sister that there was a ghost around the building, seemingly having been haunted herself a few times. "Aigoo..." You mutter, freezing in place as your ears try to pick up the sound again; a few seconds pass and you hear it again, however it seemed to be a sob.

Concerned and a bit less scared you kept on walking down, careful to not disturb whoever it was that cried silently. A few floors down you were met with the figure of a man, sat down in the stairs as his body shook painfully as he cried, his soft sobs flooding your ears and you wished to all the heavens above you were mistaking the silhouette with someone else.

Please, don't be him.

You took a few steps down, the closer you got the clearer he became before your tired eyes. "Seojun?" You asked in a whisper, close enough to crouch down and place your hand on his shoulder.

It shouldn't hurt so much to see the way he flinched at both your voice and your touch, his hand flying to push yours off as his face refused to turn towards you.

With a sigh you sat down beside him, not a word leaving your mouth as you looked ahead of you, giving him the time to do whatever he wanted with his appearance before you looked at him, letting him know you are not forcing anything out of him but instead offering him your company.

A few seconds passed by, maybe a whole minute before he kept on crying, hand trying so hard to muffle his voice as his tears never stopped flowing down his cheeks. Slowly you turned to look at him, taking the time to take in his appearance before sighing again. It hurt a lot to see him so broken.

"It's okay to cry it out, don't silence yourself." You whispered softly, hand slowly reaching for his and taking it off his mouth, a sob immediately following after. "I can leave if you want me to." You said, giving him a few seconds to react, taking his silence and lack of eye contact as a sign and stood up.

"Wait.... don't go," he said in a choked voice, hand flying to grab your wrist, eyes finally looking up at you between his tears. "Please."

"You don't have to ask me twice." You say, a soft and sad smile on your face as your crouched down in front of him between his knees, hands resting now on top of his cheeks and brushing away his tears. "You wanna talk about it or just exist for a while?"

Your tone was so sweet and full of patience he just felt like crying again, sniffing he kept silent, eyes roaming through your face and not once finding your company insincere. "I let her go." He whispers back, his eyes appearing as an open book for you to read, his mouth pouting and his eyes tearing again. "It hurts."

"I know it hurts, and it hurt to love her too, didn't it?" You ask, brushing a few stray hairs off his face and behind his ears, a mannerism you took upon on as his hair grew between haircuts. "I'm so sorry."

"Why does it hurt so much?" He said while desperately looking into your eyes for an explanation, his own hand clutching his chest as if trying to take his heart out. "Why do I had to love her out of everyone?"

He sounded so broken, so exhausted of his feelings it made you teary too, a burning sensation starting at your throat threatening to choke your upcoming words.

"You don't choose who to love, just how she didn't choose not to love you." You mutter, blinking away the stinging in your eyes. "It's part of life as much as it sucks." You whisper, shuffling in your feet that hurt from crouching for so long. "Love hurts, it's dumb how much loving can hurt when it's such a beautiful feeling, huh?" You can't help but chuckle at your own words, how ironic.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles after a while, his hands brushing off the last of his tears as he has now calmed down a lot more, you still crouching in front of him, never once taking your attention away.

"Don't apologize for being human." With a smile your hands sneak up to grab his and stand up, pulling him with you. "Come on, let's go and get some air. away from this creepy stairway." With one of your hands you clean his face of, not wanting anyone to see he was crying as your other hand never loosens around his.

As you walked down the stairs with him trailing behind you Seojun couldn't help but notice how secure your hand held his and how your presence soothes him, a small grateful smile on his face.

"Thank you, Y/N." He mutters as you drag him along, not once yapping or complaining of this ruining his tough image as he would've done every other day.

"That's what friends are for." You smile at him over your shoulder, because even if Han Seojun doesn't love you back, love hurts and it's part of life.

[fatuismooches]

I'M BITING MY HANDS I NEED MORE ZANDIK AT THE ACADEMY.

I love the little zandik at the academy, I love webttore, I love the grown-up dottore with gray hair and a little wrinkles. Ohh I can't😣😣

I NEED THEM ALL.

Cooked up some more Akademiya Dottore hcs for you anon...

Whenever he wore the Akademiya's hat with his uniform, you'd always steal it and he'd get mad, but eventually he gave up and let you hog it. It's probably a little big on you and as revenge, he'd make fun of you for looking dumb. Same with his clothes, for some reason you'd wear his Akademiya uniform to sleep sometimes? Zandik doesn't understand but every time he tries to pull it off of you, he's been unsuccessful, so he'll just let you be a strange little human since it seems to be working for your productivity... Centuries later he's learned to deal with a few shirts going missing and then you returning them after a while because they 'lost his scent.' (He wears the same outfit anyway, no big deal).

Thanks to you, there were quite a few times the professors actually listened to him. Other peers pretty much never vouch or stand up for him so it does make them think a bit when a student such as yourself does do it so vehemently. Zandik says you don't need to waste your time on it since he doesn't really care what they think, but he did manage to get a few more research opportunities thanks to you. In the beginning, he was pretty much clueless on how to express some sort of gratitude since he couldn't force out the words 'thank you' for the life of him. It was very funny for you to watch.

Group projects become so much better once the two of you get comfortable with each other. Both of you have been victims of doing all the work. You were quite excited to work with someone like him because you know of his intelligence and how he gets down to business. Meanwhile, Zandik was quite skeptical and annoyed to work with you in the beginning because he thought you were just another person who would end up leeching off him again.

However, he was surprisingly yet pleasantly proven wrong. He's especially impressed with your writing in the reports/essays, but he's never going to admit that. At least not now. The synergy between you two and your minds is something he doesn't know how to deal with at first, having dealt with so many of the opposite situations, but it's one of the biggest things that Zandik grows to be appreciative of.

When the semester is over, all students need to leave/clear the dorms until the next semester begins. Most return to wherever home is, but of course that's not something Zandik has, so most times he manages to rent out a place for a while. When you met him in the beginning he would just disappear to Archons knows where and then come back as if nothing happened next semester.

It takes a long time for him to tell you. When he does, he claims that he regrets it due to how often you show up to bother him, but in reality, he finds himself lonely without your company. As even more years go by, eventually he "invites" you to live with him. ("Invites" as in he never directly says it. Just drops subtle hints so you would ask him first instead). You're just happy to be able to cook for him more often (and 24/7 cuddles!!) (Just me trying to push my domestic Zandik and Reader agenda).

Just frequently being with each other but not needing to interact with the other. Both of you just do your own things in the peace of knowing the other's there.

Doesn't like when you ask others for help when he's literally right there. Please ask your genius scholar bf first. It doesn't matter what the problem is. Just ask him otherwise he'll get huffy and glare at you. No, you're not wasting his time by doing so. Rather, you're wasting both his and your time when you decide to go to other people first!

Coming home from expeditions. For some reason despite how tired you are, you want to feed stray kitties. It becomes a sort of tradition for you two.

This one was said a while ago, but I'll bring it back again (x, x, x) but you needing to wipe Zandik's hands because he keeps breaking pens and splattering ink everywhere. Whenever you see he gets a little too excited, you swipe the pen and start writing light-speed so he doesn't try to steal it from you for being 'too slow.'

[missholland]

Farewell, a place once called home!

I was homebound this week for an illness recovery, and thought it was the perfect time to rewatch one of my ultimate comfort shows: The Untamed.

Some people watch stuff once. Some people religiously rewatch their favs because they discover something new each time. I'm certainly part of the latter clan, and I cannot believe I never wrote about Wei Wuxian (WWX)'s post-resurrection return to Lotus Pier before.

The second half of episode 45 throughout episode 46 is quite a journey on its own right: the setting, the aesthetics, the dialogue, the emotional weight as one of the biggest secrets finally came to surface.

A very long rambling analysis ahead so bear with me!

Considering the latter half of episode 45 was mostly consumed with Si Si and Bi Cao exposing Jin Guangyao (JGY)'s dark past, there were only a couple of Lotus Pier moments that worth mentioning.

As WWX and Lan Wangji (LWJ) walked through the entrance of Lotus Pier, I was immediately taken back to what WWX said to LWJ in episode 6 when they were healing their injuries in the Cold Spring. WWX asked LWJ to come visit him in Lotus Pier one day, and I bet the circumstance they eventually found themselves in episode 45 was far from what WWX thought the visit would have been like.

Let's also take another step back to episode 34, where Jiang Cheng (JC) interrogated WWX. WWX admitted that he wanted to go back to Lotus Pier even in his dream, but at the time, he had probably given up all hopes of ever making that come true.

What else is there? His master and madam died, his disciple elder sister Yanli died, he got expelled from his own clan. It was virtually impossible to prepare WWX for the event of episode 45 where he actually got to walk into Lotus Pier again.

Let's now cruise into the main event - episode 46! Fed up with how the big clan meeting went following the revelation of JGY's wrongdoings, WWX and LWJ stepped away from the front room and made their way around Lotus Pier. They were likely just wandering around at the time, as their concentration was totally occupied with finding out who might be the mastermind trying to expose JGY. Then again, it might as well be WWX's muscle memory as they somehow ended up right in front of the ancestral hall.

Despite initial hesitation, WWX eventually decided to come in and paid respect to his Master, Madam and Yanli along with LWJ. It's not the first time we saw this incredibly tranquil and beautiful room. It really was WWX's most frequently visited room, whether it was being punished by Madam Yu (story apparently travelled all the way to Gusu) or having heartfelt conversation with Yanli. WWX telling LWJ his childhood stories inside the ancestral hall was probably the most mundane sequence during this whole ordeal, and a small moment of normality for WWX before our resident killjoy JC walked in.

Yes JC, we know it's your house but surely yelling in the middle of the ancestral hall whether your family was resting in peace isn't a very good idea? Our WWX certainly didn't expect any less from all the unpleasantness coming out of JC's mouth, as since forever he only let his anger do the speaking and not the common sense. LWJ was ready to have a showdown, but WWX calmly told him to stand down and let it go.

But did JC let it go too? Of course not. He was irritated by WWX's calmness and tried to spill some more frustration to get the other to react. He clearly picked the right route to go down on by picking on LWJ and Wen Ning (WN). Worse, he proceeded to single out LWJ and insulted his commitment to WWX.

That prompted WWX to yell out JC's courtesy name Jiang Wanyin, a name we didn't hear very often throughout the show but in this instance it was most memorable, especially coming from WWX. That itself drew a clear boundary in their relationship at that moment, from brothers to mere acquaintances in the cultivation world.

WWX wasn't afraid to ask a proud JC to apologise, but all JC was gonna do is pushing the button even more. He took a very personal swipe at their confidant/soulmate-ship that led WWX to, quite uncharacteristically, violently held JC's collar.

Our dearest is giving JC what he wants! Although to be perfect honest, I thought it was quite hilarious that JC for whatever reason was confident he could take on both of them. WWX possibly since he wasn't at his finest during that moment, but prime LWJ though...?

Thankfully, WWX looked up and saw Yanli's name. He knew very well it would break Yanli's heart seeing the two of them like this. He's gotta be the bigger person (and fair enough, he's already knackered from being the lure flag for the puppets). As our beloved couple once again tried to leave in peace, JC decided to make it as hard as possible for them. Here he is, triggering LWJ's angry lover protector mode.

I love the swift but determined arm push LWJ did to JC a second after this to get him off WWX, then right away his expression transitioned back into anxious lover worrier mode. LWJ didn't even give JC a second look. He promptly escorted WWX away but was still super alerted to give JC a good old Piss Off for STILL ONCE AGAIN not letting it go.

Let's take a moment to admire this bittersweet yet romantically charged frame before getting the tearfest started.

Now, our sweet baby WN just flew in with WWX's Suibian sword, got a couple of hits from JC's Zidian but was still determined to stand tall and asked JC to unseathe Suibian. JC was angry and confused, LWJ was probably also angry and confused, WWX has fainted, so now WN is the only sane one and the voice of reason. His cold lack of reaction (because he wasn't surprised at all) placing next to a shocked pikachu LWJ and confusingly mortified JC was the perfect comparison.

LWJ's face tells me that as soon as he saw JC taking out Suibian, he was already somewhat fearing the reason behind it. He hasn't quite reached the destination yet, but he was on the way. After all, he's one of the most intelligent and knowledgeable characters in the story thanks to his sect's education. His eyes made it look like he was holding on a tiny glimpse of hope that maybe it's not true, maybe it's not the worst case scenario, but it was certainly mixed with fear that it might be.

It's very different from JC who's just completely out of the loop, no hint of any possibility that he might be able to work out what happened. If WN wasn't there to SPELL IT OUT, JC would just remain angry and confused for the rest of the episode.

As JC is still in deep denial, and WN precisely recounted the event on the mountain in great details where JC was tricked to go find Baoshan Wanderer who could fix his core, LWJ only had eyes on WWX. His ears were listening to everything WN said too, but his focus was on WWX while he did his own reflection on how he reacted to WWX abandoning swordsmanship in the past (the same way JC did).

All the burning questions LWJ had inside his head - why WWX no longer carried Suibian, why he made all these excuses to not get back into practicing swords, why he took on crafty tricks, why he had a change in personality and demeanour, why he behaved so strangely after getting Suibian back - they are finally answered. But in the most unimaginably painful and heartbreaking way. LWJ's trembling face and tears scream PAIN, the pain you feel when you know someone you love is in pain, but you are also aware that whatever you feel is only 1/10000 of their actual suffering.

Pain and anger come together time to time, and LWJ has heard enough. He just wanted to get WWX out of here, out of this hell of a truth. He made his feeling known by stamping Bichen loudly on the ground and took WWX away, once and all.

Our baby WN really shined here. He wrapped up this dreadful revelation by daring JC to find anyone who can unsheathe Suibian, but not before hitting him with possibly the last thing any human being as competitive and eager to win like JC wanted to hear - did you know you were supposed to beneath your disciple older brother forever?

WN kept his head down and let out a sigh. He knew he shouldn't have done it since he promised WWX, but that was as much as he knew he had to do so. His guilt toward WWX was starting to hit him, but it was also obvious that a huge burden has been lifted off his shoulders.

We're now getting to the end of WWX's unexpectedly eventful return to Lotus Pier. Without JC's unreasonable pot-stirring screaming, we're finally given a lovely shot of Lotus lake at night with LWJ ensuring WWX's body not leaving his caring touch. I don't think we've had a proper conversation between LWJ and WN up to this point, and what makes it so special is that it's a genuine exchange between the only 2 people left who deeply care about WWX - a lonely anti-hero who's been walking alone on his deeply misunderstood journey for so long that it lasted through 2 lives.

Sweet WN also thanked LWJ for taking care of A Yuan and we got to learn about how LWJ managed to save A Yuan back then. It was sad but heartwarming knowing that WN was content with not disclosing A Yuan's past to him, as he's had a happy childhood and blessed life thanks to LWJ. Although, he acknowledges that eventually A Yuan would find out, just like JC did about his golden core.

Now as the conversation circled back to the golden core swap, LWJ asked WN a question that truly, you only ask when it's about someone you love. 'Is it painful?'. Not 'How did Wen Qing do it', but was it painful for WWX. What was the feeling he had, what was the pain he suffered, what was it like. It's not a sympathy question. It's something you want to know and empathise when your loved one goes through hard time. It's such a deeply specific and personal question, because when the person you love is in pain, you are too. You even want to feel it too, and LWJ is no stranger to that if we recall him leaving the same burn mark on his left chest as WWX had. Shame that this detail was never explained in the show.

As WN described:

'He should be sober enough to see the golden score which connects to the spiritual vein be separated from his body and feel the spiritual power die down little by little, until it is motionless and nothing can be felt'.

You can feel LWJ's pain peak as he was told WWX remained awake for 2 nights and 1 day with only 50% chance of success. As someone who deep down admires his soulmate's talent from a young age, what could be worse than having to hear that his other half had accepted to be mediocre for the rest of his life and never ascend to the top as he could have easily done?

Poor WWX regained conscious and realised where he was. Unsurprisingly, all of his Lotus Pier memories were tied with Yanli and he's overwhelmed by the image of her and flashback of their time together. What is home to WWX, the one who was trying his hardest to grow lotus somewhere as deadly as Burial Mounds? JC was his family, but not anymore. Yanli is no longer around, but till her death, she remained his family. She might have had married into Jin clan, but she embodied everything about Lotus Pier. Yanli is home. Yanli is Lotus Pier.

Seeing Yanli die at Nightless City was saying goodbye to the last person on earth who cared about WWX (or so he forgot about LWJ), which pushed him to giving up on his own life. So is Lotus Pier still home without Yanli? Is there even home without Yanli? WWX was barely treated like a proper guest at Lotus Pier. He was just someone who knew the way around, as home no longer hold the same meaning as it once did.

Lovely WWX was finally jolly again at the possibility of snacking on some tasty lotus seeds he must have missed dearly. Yet his little happiness was seemingly switched off by the rigid rule follower LWJ. If anything I was surprised that WWX agreed to give up the lotus seeds that quickly, of course not without sulking in disappointment.

But all of this only make the following moment even more glorious and poignant: the high and mighty LWJ who grew up obeying 3000 rules at Gusu Lan Sect literally picked a lotus with his own hand and give it to his soulmate, much to his shock and confusion.

At first I thought Well that's the least LWJ could do, has WWX not suffered enough, would a few (hundreds) lotus seeds matter that much. He's been in pain, he needs to be coddled and spoiled till the end of the world! So LWJ willing to break one tiny rule (tiny, comparing to all the others he broke because of WWX already) is a well deserved comfort that WWX needs.

But then it also hit me - it is an example of making compromise in a healthy relationship. WWX used to hold on to his wine and was willing to put up a fight for it, most of the time against LWJ himself. So why was it so easy to him to just have an awkward chuckle and drop the lotus seeds as LWJ didn't want to break a rule?

WWX compromised, as you would in a partnership. You don't have it your way all the time, you work together toward the same goal and there are times you're willing to put your partner's values above your own benefit. WWX, despite not fully happy about the decision, still agreed to give us the lotus as LWJ was uncomfortable. And in return, LWJ was okay with putting WWX's needs above his ingrained principle about 'stealing'. At the end of the day, it's not about winning or losing in a relationship. You win together and you lose together.

We really are spoiled with lotus romance in this episode!

But maybe... just maybe... LWJ doesn't know whether WWX would ever get a chance to return to Lotus Pier. Should this be the last ever opportunity, he would probably rather WWX's final memory of the visit not being JC's anger and resentment. In return, it is a rare carefree moment on Lotus lake, one his WWX's favourite places, eating lotus seeds with the only 2 people who still care so much about him and willing to go to the end of the world for him.

If this is meant to be a farewell to a place WWX once called home, while LWJ couldn't change the unfortunate circumstance that led to this challenging visit, he at least has done his best to give it a drama-free peaceful ending for the person he loves dearly.

[carriagelamp]

Early Spring (March - April) Books

My main takeaway from the books I read over the past couple months that by god if you're going to do something, at least commit to the bit. I would say the books I liked the most this month were the "cheesy" ones or the oddballs, and my least favourite were just... profoundly average. So basic and uninterested in its own premise as to be offensive. At least if you're over-the-top you're making me feel something! Which is more than I can say for some of the books on my list...

Dumplin’

I’ve seen this book frequently in bookstores, and I know it was fairly popular at the time so after my mom watched the film and recommended it to me I decided it was about time to read it properly. 

The plot follows Willowdean, a fat girl who is generally fairly comfortable in her skin — or who has always seen herself as such. But with her former pageant queen mom getting into the latest pageant season, her best friend getting more and more involved in romance, and Will finding herself enamoured with a coworker she is struggling more and more with complicated feelings about how she views herself and how others view her. In an effort to fight back against it, she decides to sign up for the most recent pageant.

It was decent! I can’t really complain. I got the audiobook and it was fairly chill, low-stakes listening. High school drama is never my first choice, but there were enough good things about this book. My biggest complaint is that the ending was very anticlimactic. This is the sort of book where I want the big, cliche, over-the-top satisfying finale! It's about misfits taking over a small town beauty pageant!! I want it in the style of Hairspray or Legally Blonde or something!!! But the book was so painfully self-aware that it really tripped itself up in “therapy talk” and "realistic" endings that just took the wind out of its sails, rather than asking what the satisfying ending is. Still, worth the read if you enjoy a YA coming of age story.

Fence v1

Christ all mighty folks. I feel like I’m being gaslit here. This comic had some rave reviews on goodreads so I grabbed the first couple books from the library and it’s? actually just awful? I figured, hey, this will probably be done in the style of a sports manga, right? I enjoy a sports manga from time to time, especially a queer one. And you can tell that that’s what it’s inspired by. But holy SHIT is it boring. Like the art is AGONIZING. It’s stiff and uninspired and emotionless. I’ve read manga that’s managed to make the fucking board game go look like a high-stakes action adventure, and this book managed to make TEENAGERS WITH SWORDS boring as hell. I don't know enough about the author to tell if this is indicative of her usual work, or if the fault lays in just the blandest art imaginable but seriously, what the fuck. Don’t read this. I’m gonna go reread Haikyuu instead and remind myself that some people know how to draw sports scenes that are capable of making me feel things. Jesus.

Fullmetal Alchemist

A reread ♥ I stumbled across an FMA fanfiction by pure chance at the beginning of March and it made me dig out my books and reread the first few volumes. Always a cozy story to return to. If you've never taken the time to read Fullmetal Alchemist... honestly I'm not sure what rock you've been living under but you should do it. An unshakeable classic for a REASON

Home of the Brave

I picked this one up because I really enjoyed Applegate’s free verse novel Odder and I heard this one was written in a similar style. I knocked it out in a single day, it was a very quick read but a very heartfelt story. I can't say that I think everything about it was done perfectly, but for the style and intended audience, it was pretty solid. Made you look at things from a different perspective, had some really heart-wrenching realities to consider, and a lot of feel-good heart.

It followed Kek, a young immigrant from Sudan who has come to live with his aunt since his father and brother were killed and his mother is missing. It explores Kek’s adjustment to living in the United States, how the trauma continues to affect him, and how he begins to make friends — with a neighbour living with a foster family, an old woman, and her cow.

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid v1

I’ve seen gifs of this around, and found a copy of it in the used bookstore so I figured… why not. Is it a good book? No. Not sure I'd bother reading the second, but it was weird enough to have made it worth reading. If nothing else, the premise was strange, art took me by surprised at time, and managed to make me chuckle along from time to time.

Kobayashi helps out a dragon who is now determined to live with her and help her out in an effort to seduce her repay her kindness. The story starts with the dragon being completely heartbroken that Kobayashi would honest rather just take the train on her commute rather than ride a dragon to work because scales are frankly uncomfortable.

Murder Most Puzzling

A fun little book of brainteasers! Each mystery includes a short story description (based around a private detective and her harried assistant) along with hand-drawn art. Between these two things, you’re supposed to deduce who the culprit of each crime is, with all the answers in the back of the book. It was pretty to look at and fun to work through, especially with a friend.

My Happy Marriage v1

Quite enjoyed this one! Is it a really well-written book? No. It’s very simple. But the plot is exactly the sort of sweet, cheesy story that I enjoy.

A very Cinderella-esque story, Miyo is from a noble-born family but suffers under her abusive family: an indifferent father, a cruel step-mother, and a selfish, haughty step-sister. She is treated even worse than a servant, and has resigned herself to existing like a meek, cringing shadow in her own home — her lack of magic that people in her class are expected to have makes her feel like this is entirely earned and inescapable. The story kicks off when she is callously married off to a young nobleman who is notorious for scaring away brides within days; he is said to be cold and cruel. Miyo is perfectly prepared for this new home to be no different than her last home...

Old-Fashioned Cupcake with Cappuccino 

A sequel to Old-Fashioned Cupcake, in which Nozue and Togawa begin to navigate the more complicated aspects of a relationship that has progressed beyond outings as friends and casual dates, to spending nights and a growing interest in living together. A homophobic society and their own hang-ups make this a complicated topic to navigate and there’s a lot of ups and downs, but it’s ultimately just as sweet as the first part.

Railsea

My favourite read from spring so far — absolutely deranged, I’m going to have to read more by this author. I saw a tumblr post that described this as a dystopian Moby Dick novel crossed with Treasure Island… with giant mutant moles rather than whales and trains instead of ships. Frankly, if that doesn’t also grab you by the throat and make you want to read it, I don’t know what to tell you. The author’s writing style is very distinct, and mimics what you expect from something like Moby Dick or Treasure Island, and he doesn’t bother holding your hand as he introduces this strange world to you. The world-building is really top tier, it’s completely bizarre and yet it feels very natural once you see how it works. The underlying themes are also just breath-taking. It was a masterfully written book and just a pure delight, especially once the second half kicks off.

The Serpent and the Wings of Night

Speaking of books that got rave reviews and that I feel are gaslighting me…

This came to me highly recommended and the goodread reviews seemed to agree… and guys, just wholly shit. Pure opposite of Railsea. Boring trite language, world-building that made absolutely no fucking sense, and characterization that felt like negative space. A pure void of characterization that sucked my entire will to live into it like a black hole. Like, this book so clearly did not actually give a shit about its own premise and didn't make a single effort to create a cohesive world or narrative... it leaned on tired tropes so heavily that it creaked. I had a couple mutuals that got to listen to me liveblog this and I couldn’t get through more than a couple paragraphs without losing my shit. Complete garbage, clearly riding on the coattails of A Court of Thorns and Roses without understanding what actually made that series compelling. I absolutely did not finish this book. The little bit I did read nearly killed me.

Heaven Official's Blessing (TGCF) v6

I continue to be completely enamoured with Heaven Official’s Blessing. The only reason I’m not tearing through these books faster is because a) I don’t want it to end and b) it keeps making me want to stop and write fanfiction about it instead. Getting to learn more about Xie Lian's past, the fall of Xianle, and the complete collapse of his life was just... ouch. My heart. Had to stop and cry about Xie Lian and Hua Cheng a LOT during this one folks.

The Wild Robot Protects

The third installment of Roz’s life on her island with her son, Brightwing, and her various animal friends. This time a deadly tide is sweeping through the ocean, killing any living thing that comes in contact with it, putting enormous strain on the resources of the island as animals try to move inland to escape it. Roz takes it upon herself to venture north and find the cause of this tide.

It was… meh. A middling book. Not bad, good for kids who are enjoying this series, a good lesson about how pollution, the inter-connectivity of nature, and marine conservation. But given how good the first two books in the series were, I was a bit disappointed with this one. It felt long winded and boring, with nothing of note actually happening until literally the last couple chapters.

[whitepolaris]

UFO Daze and Flying Saucer Capitals Galore

UFO sightings are so numerous in Wisconsin that there are three different towns battling over the title of "UFO capital of Wisconsin." This can get a little confusing for space pilgrims seeking the ET experience.

Each of the would-be capitals claims the honor of alien, visitations. Elmwood, in Pierce County, got started in 1975, when a local police officer observed a ball of fire as large as a football field over the town quarry. Belleville, on the southern edge of Dane County, also caught saucer fever after a police report came in about an object flashing red, white, and blue overhead in January 1987. Dundee, on Highway 67 in Fond du Lac County, officially entered the UFO capital trifecta with the first UFO Daze festival in 1991, but the area had a long tradition of weirdness to build upon. Nearby Dundee Hill was called Spirit Hill by Native Americans, says Bill Benson, owner of Benson's Holiday Hideaway tavern and host of the annual festival.

"We also had a sort of crop circles in '47 or '48 on the Jersey Flats, five or six miles southeast of here," he says. "My mother's cousin owned the property, and people saw a big ship come down there and take off again. In '89, a farmer east of us, on Vista Drive, saw a ship hovering to the southeast of his barn. A couple I know very well watched it, too, from the road. They said it was circle-shaped and had windows."

Then there was Benson's neighbor, a man in his eighties, who said he saw a UFO hovering over nearby Long Lake in 1959. He claimed it lit the water so clearly that he could see right to the bottom of the lake. "People have seen lights zipping up and down under the ice in the winter, too," adds Benson, who used to be called Martin Bill around town. "I think we have these [sightings] either because of the water, the way the magnetic energies are under the earth, or both."

As further evidence that this area has long been recognized as a place for spectral happenings, Benson tells of a farmer four miles south of Dundee who has an ancient formation of large red stones in one of his fields that archaeologists say had been set up to mark the solstices. And early settlers, from Ireland used to insist that the Dundee area, located in what is now the Kettle Moraine State Forest, was inhabited by "little people," much like the leprechauns they'd left behind in their homeland. Long Lake was even said to be home to a forty-five lake monster.

But the biggest boost to Dundee's UFO heritage has probably been UFO Bob, a retired landscape architect otherwise known as Bob Kuehne. Kuehne, seventy-three, claims to have undergone repeated alien abductions and says he frequently works with ETs on various projects, such as preventing the Y2K disaster. He hosts his own Fond du Lac radio show called-you guessed it-UFO Bob. And he was one of the featured guests at the 2004 UFO Daze seminar.

Speaking to a packed room in the back of Benson's tavern, UFO Bob held the rapt attention of the crowd of fifty or more, some of whom wore headbands sporting boingy antennae with silver balls on the ends. He had made a special request to the aliens to show up that night, he told the audience, and they told him they would. "They want recognition-I know that," said UFO Bob. "So take your flashlight outside tonight and shine them around at the sky."

The alien Bob talks to most is a female named Eve. "And an angel whose name is Max," he adds. "Angels and ETs don't hit it off that great. One woman met an ET, and she also had an angel. She asked the angel if the ETs would help us, and the angel said that remain to be seen."

Bob also sees other creatures besides aliens and angels. He noted that about a week before the festival, whele visiting his former hometown of Lomira, he had observed a two-foot chupacabra hanging onto a horse's neck, drawing blood. "They are more humanoid than animal," he declared. He also related the slightly comforting news that "ETs are not going to let a big terrorist attack happen again. If anyone is running around with a suitcase bomb, their mind will just go bonkers."

While UFO Bob galvanized his audience in the back room of the tavern on that warm July day, an equal number of people sat at tables outside chowing down on hamburgers served up by the local Lions Club and exchanging their own UFO stories. A tent had been up nearby specifically for those wanting to share their personal experiences. Noah Voss, owner and CEO of GetGhostGear.com and UFOwisconsin.com, did a brisk business selling T-shirts, books, and raffle tickets. The prize was an electromagnetic detection device designed for ghost inspections.

Meanwhile, inside Benson's, a third contingent filled the bar, taking time to examine the blend of alien-and fishing-themed decor, as well as the many framed photos and drawing of different types of aliens and spaceships. A few of the patrons were nervous about the future of the festival because Benson's tavern is for sale. However, Bill Benson, whose family also owns the state's oldest campground nearby, is hoping that whoever buys the bar will continue with the annual tradition.

He admits that even if they don't, people would still come. That's because the aliens seem to show up on cue over Long Lake. The faithful arrive with lawn chairs and cameras and sit outside long after dark, waiting to catch some ET action overhead. Many also observe local tradition, bringing boxes of aluminum foil, from which they create Hershey's Kiss-style hats to prevent the aliens from reading their minds. Dave Pait of Fond du Lac and Greg and Dee Calvey of Armstrong had their brains protected by eight p.m. for the UFO Daze event.

Over the years, attendees have been well rewarded with interplanetary flyovers. It happened again in 2002, when a string of enigmatic lights appeared directly over the lake and were captured on several home videotapes. The following year was a washout, but in 2004, UFO Bob proved that he still had some pull with the space invaders. They showed up at about eleven-thirty p.m., said Bill Benson, not too long after UFO Bob-as well as Weird Wisconsin-had unfortunately given up and gone home. "A big something came over the lake with a whole bunch of lights on it," Benson said. "I have it on video. You could see the star lights right through it. It was about seventy-five to a hundred feet wide and fifty to seventy-five feet long."

But thanks to the other two would-be UFO capitals of Wisconsin, the year's ET excitement wasn't completely over. The true enthusiasts could still visit Elmwood's festival on the third weekend in July and then stay on a few more months until Halloween weekend blowout in Belleville.

Benson's tavern has an advantage, however, in being open-literally and figurately-to UFO seekers all year round. Benson, who admits to having had a "missing time" experience that may mean he was beamed up somewhere between Plymouth and Kiel, is always ready to talk UFO turkey with interested customers. And he keeps well abreast of whatever is happening in the skies around Dundee. "There was a sighting on Artesian Road three weeks ago," he said. "A lot of people have seen things, but most won't divulge this unless they know you understand strange things."

[dyrewrites]

Thumbprint Challenge

Thanks to @kaylinalexanderbooks for this one.

I am tagging @rowanmgrey-author and @starbuds-and-rosedust and @aziz-reads -- because I am not suffering through figuring this out alone and maybe you guys will find it fun ^.-

Rules: look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. What are five to ten narrative elements or tropes that continuously pop up in your work? Give a list of these things!

I am terrible at picking out tropes, so I'm not sure on tropes. However, narrative elements I know...kind of. So let's find out together what I have going on.

->under cut because long<-

Isolation -- Whether the story is told in isolation, with the character alone and detached, or they simply feel that way and it drives them through the plot. It seems my biggest element throughout. Someone is always lonely enough to do basically anything to not be.

Family -- Sometimes a natural relation, often it is escaping said relation, but largely it is a case of finding or forging one's own. It pops up a lot.

Love -- Not necessarily romance, or searching for it, but someone is always either in love, searching for it, mourning its loss, or staunchly fighting against it (in the case of one not yet written). This is all types of love, mind, but I've noticed the emotion itself does crop up frequently.

Loss -- Every single one of my characters appears to have lost someone important to them, if not before the story begins then during. I apparently enjoy giving them something to love, something they care more for than life, more than themselves, something they cannot live without...only to tear it from their fingers and force them to.

Shadow and Light -- I have a few that are expressly about shadows and light, wherein living shadows exist and light is a fearsome and dangerous thing. However, I mean this more metaphorically. There's a lot of darkness and light in my stories, and rarely in expected ways for what those words are typically associated with. I think it goes back to the isolation bit, but I can't be sure. Darkness is safety as much as danger, light danger as much as comfort. It's in a lot and I'm not entirely certain where it comes from...but it's there so it's here.

Color -- Everything, quite literally everything, that I've written is drowned in color. I can't help it. Might be the artist part of me, or being raised by one, I dunno. But if you come out of something I've written not knowing what color the sky is, or the light, or the eyes of at least one character...I probably didn't write it.

Power at a Cost/Under-Powered -- I'm mixing these together, as they relate. Even those billed as being big and scary and capable...aren't. They're the least skilled of whatever they're doing. I like strong, scary characters, but I also like to make sure they never think they are. So if they get too big, they get smacked down. I'm not entirely sure why, might just be something I like reading/watching so it's what I write? I dunno, but you won't find any 'pulled this out of thin air' chosen one super powers here. If you see something close, well, chances are they're going to regret using it immediately after. As that's the other thing I seem to have a lot of. All the magic, the innate power, even the vampire and werewolf stuff, has side-effects or a cost of some sort if abused. And they're rarely easy things to deal with, discouraging the easy-mode buttons.

Impossible Enemy -- The antagonists/villains of my stories are rarely obvious. They're forces or emotions or some other nebulous thing. Even when they are something tangible the characters can face and fight...they're rarely defeated.

Complicated Endings -- On the previous note; I don't write happy endings. I've not gone in with that intention, but I've noticed looking back. Bittersweet is best case scenario. Conflicts will be resolved, mostly, but not all of them and while the characters will most often live on the world will not exactly be 'saved' so much as 'altered'. For the better? Maybe, for most, probably worse for some but it wont be as bad as it started and there might be hope that it'll continue to improve because of what they did. So, complicated. Always a little complicated.

Abuse -- Now...now this one is uncomfortable, as it should be, but it is in everything. My main characters, or those they interact closely with, have been abused in some way. Usually it is a horrific way that is touched on but not expressly described, other times it is expressly described to illustrate how horrific. But it's there. It's always there. I can't seem to write anything without it. I know the reason. I will not share the reason. Writing is therapy, and it helps.

[nomstellations]

Gregor ID/EGO HCs? 👀

OH MAN IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS....an excuse to ramble abt my fixation and biggest predcrush. i'll keep them under the cut for courtesy's sake

Identities Liu Greg- A relaxed, lazy kind of pred. Pretty open about eating people and welcomes willing meals, letting them climb right into his mouth! It gets him out of work for a while, so he'll take any opportunity to do so. His insides run hotter than the other IDs, so swallowed prey get tired out fast. Chef Greg- We all know him. The guy that eats people cannibal-style. I won't linger on him for too long but he's very much so a more uncaring pred, he has none of his original self's reserved and worried nature. Cares mostly about the flavor of the prey above all else and doesn't give them too much attention after they're ingested unless they're fighty. Rosespanner Greg- The workaholic who needs to be stopped and reminded to eat constantly. You might have to feed yourself to him just to get him to eat! His job puts him under a lot of stress, so eating probably helps relax him and he loosens up once he's full. Definitely appreciates a good belly massage after a long day of work for the office. Kurokumo Greg- Loves to tease! Since he's near constantly kinda tipsy he teases his prey a lot and is pretty physically affectionate with them. Also has a habit of feeding/stuffing his prey beforehand and drinking over them afterwards...hope you don't mind alcohol and snacks joining you! Despite the aloof attitude, he doesn't forget that he's eaten someone and is rather attentive to them even if he won't tell someone else he's eaten someone. G Corp Greg- Aware, but not really ashamed of his buggy parts. He's a more eager pred compared to his normal stuff and is very attentive towards his prey. He will do anything they ask of them without question and seeks to make sure they're as comfortable as possible with them! He would eat someone to protect them if instructed to as well. Zwei Greg- One of my favorites!! A pure protective pred that's a bit shy and reserved about the more...involved protection requests, but he's serious about keeping his swallowed prey safe. He checks in pretty frequently to make sure they're fine...while also taking longer routes to maximize time spent with his charge. Twinhooks Greg- Another one of my faves. Just as teasy as Kurokumo but with a bit more menace. Willing to play rough with his prey and is def more of a fearplay kinda guy, he likes watching and feeling his prey squirm. I think he definitely has a softer side with his favorite prey though, and likes to fawn over them. Edgar Greg- Probably the most reluctant one there is, he's sickly and won't eat anyone without a lot of convincing first. He's always tense on the inside- he's concerned he might hurt his swallowed prey and won't really loosen up until he gets some internal TLC. He really needs the rest and care, though....

E.G.O Legerdemain Greg- Honestly I have the weakest hcs for this one bc it's a starter ego from a kinda weird abno...but if I had to guess he's a tricky sort! Legerdemain transfers to sleight of hand basically, so he would be the type to use wordplay and tricks to get potential prey down his gullet.... Lantern Greg- VERY clingy. Won't let prey go once they're in his grasp and enjoys holding onto them in his stomach for a while. Likes to fawn over his prey and talk to them a lot while they're inside and keeps them entertained by telling them stories! AEDD Greg- Slightly driven by buggy instincts and sometimes gets cravings for meat, so he gobbles people up and apologizes after the fact. His internals glow because he's kinda biomechanical, but thankfully he's very soft on the inside! His arm centipede will nibble on people when he's feeling hungry, or if he likes them. Bygone Days Greg- GIVE IT UP FOR ANOTHER SAD GREGOR!! He's rather polite about it and ensures his prey's comfort during their stay inside him. He's a bit reluctant to let them go when they want out, but makes sure to take good care of them either way. Solemn Lament Greg- From my personal hcs about the abno proper, this one likes to do a lot of comfort vore. His insides muffle sound very well, so you can just focus on the sound of his heartbeat while you take a well-earned rest. I'm not sure how you feel about any digesty stuff, but I think he'd make for a great pred to do that to help you feel better and "reset" your feelings once you're back. Garden of Thorns Greg- A little bit awkward about being a pred, but it's kind of endearing. He's not subtle about wanting to eat someone and tends to surprise his prey by eating them out of nowhere (or at least, blurting out he wants to at inopportune times). His stomach's a bit snug, but the pressure isn't overwhelming. Weirdly, he smells kinda flowery.

[levandright]

hello! thank you for this fun event first of all, you’re so generous to be doing this, i hope it’s just as fun for you as it is fun for us and i hope you don’t become stressed with too many requests hahaha 🩷🩷

my persona: i am 168cm (5’6?), my fashion is a comfortable style, i like to wear baggy jeans and neutral colors, crop tops and nice shoes, and i never wear makeup 🫣

i am an introvert (ISTJ/ISFJ) i find it hard to talk to new people but when i do speak i can easily make friends, my best quality is probably my humor and im a very good listener, im empathetic but also logical, i like learning and im very critical, im chill, im a bit lazy/unmotivated, im not very loud, my humor is absurd things/illogical things, characters i relate to the most are: garfield, coraline, alice in wonderland, shrek. im procrastinating, sympathetic, soft-hearted, soft-spoken, reserved, affectionate, anxious, traditional, non-conforming, gentle, generous

i did a personality test and it told me: “You tend to focus on the straight facts in front of you, instead of thinking about hypotheticals and other possibilities. You do not spend too much time dwelling on your own emotions or past experiences.” “While you often organize and schedule your time, you also appreciate spontaneity and the value of just letting things happen. You try to do just the right amount of planning, but not too much.” “In group situations, you are more reserved than most people. You tend to speak less often, speak more softly, and smile and laugh less frequently than others in these settings. You are more comfortable when playing a supporting role, rather than taking charge and leading the group.” “You strive to be helpful and cooperative, and people often see you as a team player. You are more likely to do what is best for the group, rather than only do what is best for you.” “You tend to worry and imagine the various ways that things could go wrong. You also ruminate on your past decisions and wonder whether you did or said the right thing.”

my favorite season is winter because i love the snow and the cold, i am a virgo sun virgo moon libra rising virgo venus virgo mercury and pisces mars.

i like playing the sims, reading books, dancing, watching comedy/horror movies, i love watching the office and pen15, but my biggest hobby is eating food with friends or hanging out with friends in general

my ideal type would be a pure, respectful, kind guy with good intentions, like kinda innocent but not in a babyish way, someone who wants to take the lead and is good at expressing his love, a guy who blushes easily and likes to joke around/tease each other. my favorite trope is friends to lovers because i have to be friends with someone/comfortable with them before dating them, and my love languages are 1. physical touch 2. quality time 3. acts of service

my fandom: nct dream!!! and i would like a moodboard please <3

FINDING YOUR MATCH...

MATCH FOUND! your match is... NA JAEMIN

JAEMIN notices the small things that make you happy, like your love for food, playing sims and reading. when he's not feeling like doing anything, he'll go watch you play the sims, probably has luna or lucy in his lap to pet while watching you torture play with your sims.

JAEMIN would plan cozy and fun winter dates—building snowmen, sipping hot chocolate at cafes, or strolling through snowy parks while bundled up together. he’d hold your hand to keep it warm or even wrap his scarf around you, grinning as he says, “can’t have my favorite person freezing out here.”

JAEMIN compliments you effortlessly, noticing every detail: “the way your hair falls over your sweater is so pretty,” or “you look amazing, but what’s new? ah, i know! you're wearing the crop top i bought you~” his words would always feel genuine and make you blush.

JAEMIN holds your hand in quiet moments, wraps you in warm hugs during cold winter evenings, and finds every excuse to keep close to you. adores your clinginess in private, lets you rest your head on his shoulder or snuggle close to him while binge-watching your favorite shows.

JAEMIN is someone you can always rely on when you're feeling frustrated or stuck, he would cheer you on with sweet and encouraging words like: "you got this!" or "it'll take a while, but i know you'll figure it out."

JAEMIN wholeheartedly embraces your sense of humor. if you laugh at something completely random, he’d laugh too. sometimes at the joke and sometimes just at how amused you are by it. the two of you definitely have your own inside jokes that no one else understands, he texts you memes or funny clips that he thinks you'd like.

JAEMIN would be the first to notice if you're feeling anxious and start being more reserved, he'll offer you comfort quietly and will simply sit beside you while holding, and squeezing your hand until you feel ready to talj.

.☘︎ ݁˖ lev notes : haha ty! don't worry its fun for me too :) making the playlists and moodboards is very enjoyable for me. the amount is a lot i must admit, but its not as hard as it looks like (well i don't think it is cause im having fun thinking of headcanons but other ppl might struggle to keep up with so many matchups i will say) i just honestly missed when matchups used to be more popular T-T but that was like 2-3 years ago back in peak tumblr era, i loved getting matches back then so now that im a writer i want to have others experienc what i did back then! .☘︎ ݁˖ want to find your own match? apply here! curious about other matches?

[bluemoondemon]

Gonna start filling out character question charts cause there are too many Ruri thoughts in my brain

1. Growing up, Ruri's birthday was always celebrated by going to the moon festival. When he was very little, he thought the festival was his birthday celebration. After becoming a demon, Ruri started celebrating his birthday by watching the sunrise. He's not foolish enough to actually be caught in the direct line of the sun, but will position himself under a window so the rising sunlight comes in above him and hits the opposite wall.

2. Ruri is the most important person in his life. I don't have any other characters aside from his family who could fill that role...

3. On a down day/night, he takes off his Oiran and just wears the Hakama pants. Ruri only has the one style of clothing because it is the most comfortable for him to wear.

4. The temple he lives in was originally fairly run down. It took a while before the villagers went up there and cleaned everything up and fixed it, so it no longer looks abandoned. The ruins of the old Catholic Church and monastery dorms are still present, but in horrible disrepair. The temple itself does not get many visitors outside of New Year's, which suits Ruri very well. The few people who do come by on a regular basis are people complaining about the evil humans in their lives. This is basically a food report for him

5. The kids are his pets, for the short time he has them. Ruri does not dislike animals, but prefers not to keep them around.

6. Alcohol and a good meal raises the spirits

7. Ruri does have frequent depression. He calls them human relapses because they will be accompanied by memories of his parents and uncontrollable crying. The stress associated with being a demon makes him forget these things until it becomes too much then he has a mental break and falls into a depressive episode.

8. Ruri has never seen kabuki theater, but he would love it if he did. A true comedy fan

9. No favorite book for this boy, but he would love romance comedy if he could get his hands on any.

10. Ruri did get along with his parents. He was a mama's boy and a home body, but loved going out on his father's boat when given the chance. Because his parents got along his home life growing up was very nice.

11. I would probably convert Ruri to JJK or MHA universe, mostly because of franchise proximity. Not the biggest fan of either one, but I feel it would make sense for his character.

12. His favorite holiday is the Tsukimi moon festival on August 15th, his birthday

13. There is a mark that will appear and disappear on Ruri's chest. It is a red crescent moon and moonflower, his demon mark.

14. Ruri has never kissed anybody in his life! I cannot yet tell you if that is a lack of trying or just because he's asexual

15. He has loved and lost many people over the course of his life, but most of them have been forgotten.

16. If given three wishes, Ruri's first wish would be to be able to withstand sunlight. His second wish would be the death or destruction of Muzan, and his third wish would be infinite alcohol.

17. If stranded on an island, Ruri he would bring his pipe, his alcohol, his fan, and his hairpin. Whoever's with him is either going to be company or a meal for later.

18. "The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched; They must be felt with the heart" Hellen Keller

19. Romance? Honestly, idk. I'd love to start doing RP with Ruri as a character, and involving him with other characters to see if that's even a possibility. Building him by myself I have so little understanding of how he would interact with other people 😓😭

20. Ruri's first language is japanese. He speaks with a Nagasaki accent with a hint of Nanban. He does retain some Dutch, but it only comes out when he's really mad and is borderline unintelligible.

21. His most prized possession is a toss up between the hairpin that used to belong to his mother and his alcohol collection. One of those things is sentimental and the other is just a matter of pride

22. Until becoming a demon, Ruri had never stolen anything in his life. After the fact, he has stolen so many things he's lost count of what was stolen and what was a gift (everything was stolen)

I'll continue to answer more of these questionnaires, but if you have any questions you'd like me to answer, feel free to comment or DM them

[cheerscoops]

@cheerscoopscentral's cheerscoops week 2023 | day 2: childhood friends to lovers

Title: Because He's Not You Pairings: Steve Harrington x Chrissy Cunningham Word Count: 3.6k Summary: Steve has always been Chrissy's biggest protector and confidant. But, when she comes crying to him about her breakup with Jason, he can't stay silent and deny his feelings for her anymore. A/N: This is another one that's a little bit on the shorter side because I put most of my efforts for this week into day 6's fic. But I'm still very proud of this one, and I hope you all enjoy it. There's some angst in this one, but it's nothing major.

“Can I come over?”

That was how these nights always started. Steve would get a phone call from Chrissy where she sounded a little shaken up or sad, and being the caring best friend that he was, he always said yes. That was the way it always had been. He was always protecting her. It had been his job when they were little kids together on the playground and bullies had kicked sand in her face, and it was still his job now when her most frequent tormentor was her own mother.

Even when she probably should have been turning to her boyfriend for comfort, Chrissy always ran to Steve instead. It came with the territory of being her best friend, and he was always going to be there for her when she called - even if being there for her occasionally caused him pain.

He wasn’t sure when his feelings for her had evolved into something bigger than friendship. Maybe he’d always had a little bit of a crush on her that he kept buried deep down inside. It was hard not to love her when her mere presence made his life feel so much fuller. All he knew is that he woke up one morning and couldn’t deny the fact that he had feelings for her anymore. If she hadn’t been happily dating Jason Carver, he might have said something to her about it, but he didn’t want to risk ruining the easy friendship that they’d shared all this time.

So, he never acted on his feelings. He let her come over when she needed a safe place to stay, and he listened to her because he was the only person who could understand how messed up her relationship with her parents was. 

“Need me to pick you up?” he asked.

He didn’t need to say yes. She knew the answer was always yes, and he knew she knew that. The only question was whether or not she was driving herself over or not.

“I’m leaving in two minutes. Just wanted to make sure you were home first.”

“See you soon then.”

“Thanks, Steve.”

She never waited for him to say ‘you’re welcome’ before hanging up the phone. She was always too eager to leave her house to let the conversation last any longer.

He was always happy to pick her up when she needed him to, but he preferred the times when she felt okay enough to drive herself over. It gave him time to get his house ready for her. He could grab her favorite blanket from the linen closet and make sure that he had some sort of snack that he could offer her. Chances were that if she was fighting with her mother, she’d ended up under-eating or skipping a meal entirely earlier in the day, and he had been friends with her long enough that he knew she’d eat if he said the snacks were for him but made them available to her too. They’d watch something stupid on TV together, and maybe she would open up to him about what she was dealing with if she felt like talking. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he respected her and their friendship too much to push for anything else.

This time felt different though. When Chrissy let herself into his house, she wasn’t carrying an overnight bag, and she was dressed a lot nicer than she normally would be for one of their typical hangouts. And, while she often came over upset about something, it was rare that she actually looked like she’d been crying. But, there she was, standing in his doorway with puffy, red eyes.

"What happened?" he asked.

Before she responded she was walking over to where he was standing and burying her face in his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. He rubbed her back as she cried and tried to provide the comfort she was seeking. Whatever this was, it was worse than a normal fight with her mother. He hated seeing her like this more than anything, and he was going to do whatever he could to take away her pain.

“You’re okay,” he told her as she tightened her grip around him. “I’ve got you.”

She pulled away from him once she’d stopped crying and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she said with a small sniffle. “I think I got mascara on your shirt.”

“It’s fine. It’ll wash out. Are you okay?”

“I think so. Or, I will be. Eventually.”

“Do you wanna talk about it now? Or do you wanna get changed first?”

“I didn’t bring a change of clothes with me.”

“So? You can borrow something of mine.”

“Okay.”

He led her upstairs to his room and offered her an old t-shirt and a pair of his pajama pants before grabbing his own pajamas and leaving her alone to change. When she finally joined him again in the living room, she immediately wrapped herself up in the blanket he’d left for her and flopped over to lay on the sectional beside him.

“So, how many times did you have to roll up the waist of those pants to make them fit you?” he teased.

“Shut up,” she said as she tried to hold in a laugh. “It’s not my fault you’re ten feet tall.”

“So, do you wanna tell me why you showed up here crying, or do you not want to talk about it?”

“It’s Jason.”

Of course, it was Jason. It was always Jason.

Steve liked to think that he wasn’t the jealous type. As much as he had feelings for Chrissy, he didn’t think he had the right to be jealous of anyone she was dating when he was too chicken to tell her how he really felt. But, it was hard for him not to hate Jason when he knew how the guy treated his best friend. He honestly didn’t know why she stayed with him when he was constantly picking fights with her. She’d never told him what they fought about, but knowing Jason, it had to be something trivial.

“What did he do this time?” Steve asked.

“He told me to meet him at Enzo’s, and I thought we were having a normal date night. Instead, he waited until we’d put our orders in to pick a fight with me, dumped me before our appetizers even got there, and then left me to pay the check. The waitress took pity on me because I was crying in the middle of the restaurant, and she said I only had to pay for the drinks since none of the food had come out yet. I called you from the payphone outside of the restaurant. I couldn’t bear the thought of my mom seeing me like that and hurling out an ‘I told you so’ over the fact that I couldn’t be good enough to make him stay.”

Steve could feel his blood boiling. If Jason had only wanted to break up with Chrissy, he could have done it anywhere, but he chose to do it in a public place in order to humiliate her. He was intentionally cruel to a girl that he was supposed to be in love with. At least, Chrissy had said they were in love. Now, he was afraid that Chrissy’s affections had been one-sided. He was torn between tracking down Jason to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her and staying with her to put the pieces of his broken best friend back together. Staying by her side always won in the end.

“I’ll kill him,” he said.

“No, you won’t,” she told him. “You’re too nice.”

“To you maybe, but not to him. Never to him. Especially after what he just did to you. He doesn’t deserve to walk away from this unscathed.”

“Maybe.”

She was quiet after that, and he passed her the remote so she could pick whatever she wanted to watch.

“I made too many pizza rolls, so feel free to help yourself,” he told her as he gestured towards a plate that was piled up with way more pizza rolls than even two people needed.

She nodded but made no move to take any.

“So, what did you fight about?”

“Oh, you know. The same old fight we always have,” she said as she flipped through the channels trying to find anything that looked interesting.

Except Steve didn’t know. He was aware that there was a fight that Chrissy and Jason had had many times before. A fight that Jason couldn’t seem to let go or let her resolve. He’d just never been filled in on the details of that fight. She was always so vague about it no matter how many times he asked.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He didn’t want to pry too much, but maybe now that she and Jason were broken up, she’d be open to sharing the details.

“Not really. I just want to put this whole stupid night behind me if that’s okay.”

“Whatever you want.”

They watched TV mostly in silence, occasionally making comments about what was happening on the screen. Chrissy was unusually quiet that evening, but he chalked it up to her feeling down about the breakup, so he wasn’t pressuring her to talk to him any more than she wanted to. Eventually, she started snacking on the pizza rolls with him, and he was taking that as a win.

After the seventh or eighth episode of the Family Ties marathon that they’d been watching - he’d lost track - Chrissy let out a yawn, and Steve realized just how late it was getting.

“You ready to head to bed?” he asked her. 

She nodded in response, so he turned off the TV, and they made their way upstairs. She always stayed in the guest room next to his, but she hesitated in front of his bedroom door for a moment before moving to her usual room. He couldn’t tell if she was hoping for an invitation to stay with him or not, and he didn’t dare ask her in fear of making her uncomfortable. He wanted nothing more than to share his space with her, and he’d never say no if she asked, but he couldn’t bring himself to be the one that suggested it.

They said their goodnights, and he shut himself away in his room. He wasn’t alone for long though. Soon, there was a knock at his door, and Chrissy was pushing it open.

“Is it okay if I stay in here with you?” she asked, staring down at her feet. “I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Come on.”

He pulled back the covers and invited her in, but she bypassed the space he’d made for her. Instead, she went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in so that her back was almost pressed against his. This was always the way they’d laid together when they were little kids, and it wasn’t like he’d expected her to cuddle up to him, but he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment at the fact that she hadn’t climbed into his arms. It was selfish of him. He knew that. She’d just been dumped, and clinging to another guy was probably the last thing on her mind, but he wanted to be that comfort for her. He wanted more than she was able to give him, and it was killing him.

There was a thought in the back of head that he’d been ignoring for a long time. A question he’d been wanting to ask her ever since she first started dating Jason. He’d kept it to himself for so long, but he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer.

“Hey, Chrissy?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you always come here? I mean, I get why you would come to me when you fought with Jason. That makes sense. But why didn’t you go to him for comfort when you fought with your mom? That just feels like the kind of thing a girl would lean on her boyfriend for, but you always came to me instead, and I want to know why.”

She was quiet again. Too quiet for Steve’s liking, and he was afraid that his question had offended her. Or maybe she’d fallen asleep and hadn’t heard his full question. He was about to give up hope on getting an answer when he heard her voice. Her answer was quiet, but it was still there, and hearing it felt like he was being punched in the chest.

“Because he’s not you.”

It was at that moment that Steve realized he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t be a rock for her when it was actively killing him. She relied on him for so much, and he’d always been happy to give her whatever she needed, but he was begging for her to choose him for everything while she chose to give her heart to someone else. It was just too painful.

He decided he’d tell her in the morning. Like she’d said, he was too nice. He couldn’t do that to her when she was so fragile that she couldn’t sleep alone. He could give her one more night before he pulled away. It was the only thing he could do to protect his heart.

When Steve woke up, his bed was empty. He’d always tended to sleep later than Chrissy did, so he was sure that she’d already made her way downstairs for the day. He dreaded going to find her though. Sleeping on it hadn’t changed his mind, and he still felt as if he needed to distance himself from her, and he hated that he had to tell her that.

He went downstairs and found her puttering around in the kitchen. She’d already made coffee, and she was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. She’d left an empty bowl, mug, and spoon at the spot next to her in anticipation of him joining her for breakfast.

She lit up when she saw him, and it only made him feel worse about what he was about to do.

“You’re up!” she said as she motioned for him to sit down next to her. “What did you want to do today? I would have to go home and change because I’m not exactly dressed to go out, but Top Gun came out last weekend, and I was thinking we could go see that since you’ve never said no to a Tom Cruise movie before, and it looks really good. And then, maybe we could go and get something to eat at Benny’s? What do you think?”

“I don’t know if I’m feeling up to going out today.”

“Are you not feeling well?” she asked, immediately getting up from her seat to go to his side. “Is it a stomachache from all the pizza rolls last night, or is it something else?”

She stood on her tiptoes to reach up and feel his forehead, but he shrugged her off.

“It’s not that,” he told her. “I’m fine. I just - we need to talk.”

He moved to sit at the table, and Chrissy followed after him.

“What’s wrong? You’re starting to scare me.”

He hated seeing her look so worried about him, so he had to rip off the bandaid. He couldn’t draw this out any longer.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think we need some space. We don’t need to spend as much time together as we do.”

“But I thought you liked spending time with me? You’re my best friend, and I thought I was yours.”

“I do, and you are, but don’t you get it?” he asked. “I don’t want to just be your best friend. I’ve wanted there to be something more between us for a long time now - even before you and Jason started going out if I’m being honest with myself - but I never said anything to you about it because I didn’t want to risk making our friendship awkward. But watching you cry over another guy and picking up the pieces of that asshole’s mistakes is killing me. I can’t keep hurting like this all the time, and it’s too selfish of me to ask you to feel the same way that I do. You’re my best friend, and you always will be, but I need to put some distance between us until I can get over you. So, I can’t go to the movies with you and get something to eat at Benny’s afterwards. It feels too much like a date, and it’s not fair to either of us for me to just go along with that when we want different things.”

Steve looked up at Chrissy for the first time since he’d started talking, and his heart broke to see that her eyes were glassy with tears. She was quiet again like she’d been the night before, and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. He just wanted to know if he’d ruined their friendship entirely, but even if it wasn’t ruined, he was sure it would never be the same.

“You know how I never told you what Jason and I fought about?” she asked him, finally breaking her silence. “It was the biggest issue in our relationship, and we fought about it so often that I was used to it by the time he decided to dump me over it. But I could never bring myself to tell you about it when you asked because I was afraid it would make things weird. That it would make you stop being my friend.”

“I’m not sure that I follow.”

“We fought about you, Steve. All of our biggest fights were about you. He hated how close we were, and he kept insisting that there was something going on between us. That I’d been cheating on him with you for the entirety of our relationship. And he just wouldn’t drop it no matter how many times I reassured him that you and I were just friends. Last night, he dumped me because he asked me if I wanted to go see Top Gun with him, and I told him I couldn’t because I always went to see Tom Cruise movies with you. That it was our thing. I think that was just the final straw for him.”

“I’m sorry. I would’ve distanced myself if I’d known.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and I would have hated having to spend less time with you just because Jason was uncomfortable with it. I thought it was just because you’re my best friend, but I realized last night that it was something more.”

She moved to take Steve’s hand in hers, and he let her, allowing this one bit of comfort to be shared between them.

“The truth is that I love you. Maybe I always have. From the first time you played mermaids with me at the community pool and didn’t care that the other boys teased you for participating in such a girly game. You’re the only person I want to run to when anything bad happens, and you’re the only person that I want to celebrate good news with. I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can, and maybe I suggested something that seems like a date because I wanted it to be a date. I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud.

“So, if you really want space to get over me, I’ll understand,” she said as she gave his hand a small squeeze. “But I’d really like it if you didn’t get over me. I just need some time to be ready to start going out with someone else.”

“How long do you need?” he asked.

“Give me two weeks. Let me lick my wounds and put some distance between that bad relationship and what I have with you, and when those two weeks are up, you can give me a call, and ask me out on a real date.”

“I can live with that.”

“Awesome. I’ll get out of your hair then.”

She got up from her seat and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before making her way towards the door.

“I look forward to your call."

The phone rang in the Cunningham house, and Chrissy ran to grab it. It had been two weeks, and three days since she’d last talked to Steve, and every time the phone rang, she was certain that it was him finally calling her.

“Cunningham residence. This is Chrissy speaking.”

“Hey, Chrissy. It’s Steve.”

“Hi, Steve. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Well, as you know, it’s been two weeks since we last hung out.”

“Two weeks and three days actually.”

“Right. Two weeks and three days. And, if you remember, you told me to give you two weeks to put your last relationship behind you before I called you.”

“I remember.”

“Awesome. So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out with me this weekend? I was thinking that we could go see a movie and then get some dinner at Benny’s. Top Gun is still playing, and I heard it’s pretty good.”

“I’d love to.”

“I’ll pick you up at six on Friday if that’s alright with you.”

“It sounds perfect. I can’t wait.”

“Me either.”

As they said their goodbyes and hung up the phone, Chrissy couldn’t help but smile. For the first time in a long time, she knew that she was going to have the perfect date with someone who loved her as much as she loved him.

[deathsbestgirl]

squeeze (5.0 with how many posts i’ve made / reblogged — probably about to be my most annoying post ever bc i can’t stand colton)

under a cut because this is the most ridiculous post i’ve written (screenshots of other posts at the end ft, @the-spooky-alien & @mellowmanatee)

first tooms watching from the sewer made me think of the grimlocks from charmed. different vibes but equal creep factor.

i really can’t stand colton, he is such an ass. like he’s with scully at a nice restaurant for lunch, trying to flirt with her (and not that she doesn’t flirt back but there’s just nothing actually there like. it just looks like bad banter & obligatory flirting) but that isn’t what gets me. he’s so jealous of one of their old classmates moving up. scully just says “good for marty” and like the literal WHINING he does. why she makes him feel better i don’t understand. then he does the dumbest thing ever

have you had any close encounters of the third kind?

is that what everyone thinks i do?

no of course not. but you do work with “spooky” mulder

mulder’s ideas may be a bit out there, but he is a great agent

like. literally she just made you feel better and you’re making her feel like shit? exposing what you think of her work & her partner. giving her a taste of what mulder deals with frequently. and idk she seems so uncomfortable talking about this, maybe because she had that impression of mulder going in but focused on the work, didn’t hold what everyone said about mulder against him…and idk, it’s just bad manners to talk badly about your partner?! like what is wrong with this man, how would this endear her toward him? legit, he’s trying to steal her from mulder and he’s just so bad at it. it only gets Worse.

AND THEN he has the audacity to ask for their help on a case right after this

this looks like an x file

let’s not get carried away. i’m going to solve these murders, but…what i would like from you is to go over the case histories. maybe come down to the crime scene.

do you want me to ask mulder?

okay if he wants to come down and do you a favor, great. but make sure he knows this is my case…dana, if i can break a case like this one, i’ll be getting my bump up the ladder, and you? maybe you won’t have to be mrs. spooky anymore

LITERALLY TRYING TO STEAL HER. and what is his real motive? i don’t get it lol and i just hate him. but i guess it’s about to bring some of my most favorite moments so there’s that.

(also the way they’re discussing gruesome murders over lunch. she’s literally looking at pictures in the middle of her meal 😭 — flash forward to jersey devil when she won’t discuss the case with her lame date over dinner lol kinda funny cuz she could handle it, but regular civilians could not)

and so of course she brings in mulder — because she knows colton actually wanted her to & because she doesn’t work a case without her partner she was explicitly assigned to work with. this conversation simultaneously makes me giggle & hurts my heart

so why didn’t they ask me?

they’re friends of mine from the academy. i’m sure they just felt more comfortable talking to me

the way she breaks eye contact when she says the last part

why would i make them so uncomfortable?

it probably has to do with your reputation.

reputation? i have a reputation?

mulder, look, colton plays by the book, and you don’t. they feel your methods, your theories, are…

spooky? do you think i’m spooky?

he really doesn’t want her to think he’s spooky. i love the way she’s honest with him but doesn’t want to hurt or insult him, and she tries to do it so kindly (scully has the BIGGEST heart in the world and i adore her)

but then of course colton walks in, and mulder is annoyed & jealous so he decides to mess with colton. i think these two men being all territorial & basically having a cock fight over her really upsets her. and she just seems conflicted. she’s embarrassed by mulder’s behavior in front of colton, part of her wants to move up, but i don’t think she’s loved colton’s behavior so far. she gives them both several chances through this ep…

mulder always gets mocked but he continuously finds important evidence that other agents would never even think to look. (and colton tells scully about his shitty theory 🙄)

mulder loves to show scully old x files & evidence. it’s sweet honestly. too bad scully is annoyed with him and took his alien comments too seriously. she can’t take his theory seriously — how could she? a 100+ yr old serial killer and this is only their third case together.

scully’s conflicting thoughts & feelings are just. so palpable. she already feels a loyalty to mulder but it’s hard to reconcile with her own beliefs & fbi procedure and it’s even harder when they’re working with other agents who ~go by the book~ (but literally scully is TOO GOOD to go by the book when it’s wrong & isn’t actually serving justice yet always does her best to keep mulder in line)

the fact that mulder “asks” her to have a separate investigation. let colton have his and they can have theirs. unclear what her decision really is, cuz it seems like she’s working both — or is it just one to her?

the profile she writes & presents to VCS is pretty damn accurate. tooms looks somewhere between 25-35, he’s got a uniform, blends in when his eyes aren’t all yellow lol

but OOF idk how she gets through it when they start taking a shot at mulder & everyone laughs. she’s too kind & professional for that kind of behavior but saying anything could hurt her working relationship with these guys (and there is still a case to solve…) and it seems to be she’s contemplating a lot. about how mulder is treated, her choices & what she wants, what kind of work environment & partnership she wants…

i love the stakeout scene. it freaks me out that she’s alone?? doesn’t seem right even if others are on site. but of course mulder shows up and she gets all snippy 😂 he’s telling her she’s wrong, she thinks she’s right. AND FINALLY. scully turns out to be right and mulder actually says it. i love him for that.

(also does tooms crawl out of a *closed* vent? does that seem right if he was trying to do his job?)

the lie detector test. more reasons to hate colton & the vcs guys. tooms seemingly passed but the two questions mulder put in, he failed. vcs bros want to let him go but scully still thinks he’s the guy, mulder agrees. but asshole vcs guy let’s him go and colton tries to make scully feel better ~it doesn’t mean your profile’s wrong~ like you’re so dumb bro. literally. that wasn’t actually why she was bothered. but that’s how he’d be feeling, ego bruised.

now it’s one of my favorite moments !!!!!!!!

tom, i want to thank you for letting me put in some time with the VCS. but i am officially assigned to the x files.

i’ll see what i can do about that.

tom, i can look out for myself.

you said mulder was out there. that guy’s insane.

like. she says that after they’re so aggressive toward mulder. i get it, he seems crazy. but he’s an fbi agent for a reason. just because you don’t like what he investigates (because y’all would be so far out of your depth and USELESS like you are with this case) doesn’t mean you should be so aggressive & disrespectful. like where is the professional decorum. it’s so fucking embarrassing.

and besides that, the vcs guys don’t listen to her. and even when mulder doesn’t agree, he listens to her. even as he’s pushing his own theory. he listens to her and they follow the evidence.

sincerely the way colton treats her like a damsel is ridiculous. drives me crazy.

AND THEN THE SCENE. scully starts out frustrated but mulder is mulder

you knew they wouldn’t believe you. why did you push it?

maybe i thought you caught the right guy… and maybe i run into so many people who are hostile just because they can’t open their minds to the possibilities that sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation.

it seems like you were acting very territorial. i don’t know, forget it.

of course i was. [fingers get necklace & she looks down at his hand] in our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey. and if you want to continue working with them, i won’t hold it against you. [he walks away & she’s contemplating everything that just happened]

no-oh. i don’t know. you must have something more than your polygraph interpretation to back up this bizarre theory and i have to see what that is.

LITERALLY I WANT TO DIE. first he tells her that he thinks she caught the right guy *and* is honest about why he’s behaved the way he did. and then he validates her even more admitting he was being territorial. he focuses on the work because at this point, their relationship is professional (and it’s definite it comfort zone after being vulnerable). but he gives away so much more when he reaches for her necklace. that was a different kind of territorial. that was FLIRTY. it’s truly just the way he didn’t let her doubt that he was being territorial. yes, it was because of the way they treat him. and because he believes she’s right & respects her work. but it was also him being jealous & territorial. THIS IS THE THIRD EPISODE.

and then !! he gives her an out. mulder really wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to work with them, leave the x files, get away from him. and this is when she makes the choice. she follows him, asserts her loyalty under the guise of curiosity. he’s shown her so much honest respect. he’s validated her. he listened to her. it’s what they do for each other.

and so mulder shows her the fingerprints (the computer work is wild to me, he’s just pressing keys and shit happens — i know that’s a thing but i never learned that stuff lol)

i love scully’s stunned face. and the way she never believes his theories & ideas yet she always turns to him for answers, like he should have them all & know everything.

just a thought about tooms — how does he choose his victims? like we see him stalk them. but. why them? i would assume he wants healthy lovers to sustain him during his hibernation but how does he know?

(this feels like the first time we really see what a great team they make. this case has been impossible to crack, with no evidence until they came on the scene. they gathered the evidence, followed the evidence, creating profiles, set up stakeouts, found tooms, connected the past cases — with more to come. all the while being disregarded & shown contempt.)

and this scene lollll colton is freaking out at the latest crime scene, yelling at everyone when scully & mulder show up and of course, he tries to stop them.

look at this point i’m willing to give any theory a shot…any sane theory

what’s the matter colton? afraid i’m gonna solve your case? [he grabs mulder ?!]

tom, we have authorized access to this crime scene. a report of you obstructing another agents investigation might stick out on your personnel file.

look dana, whose side are you on?

the victim’s.

all of this was delicious.

one of the things that gets me about colton is how much he cares about moving up & looking good — not so much about getting the case solved. he’s so desperate. and i think scully thinks she wants to move up until she witnesses his behavior. because scully genuinely cares about justice, putting away murderers, solving the crime, finding the truth — and she isn’t going to prioritize herself / her career over that. she’ll do what it takes even if that means not getting full credit or any credit at all. yeah, she wants that approval & validation, but there are other ways to get that. i think this is the case where she really makes that choice. working with someone who values her work, mind & companionship — and who genuinely shows her care & respect — will win out over moving up. *especially* if it means shitting on someone & interferes with solving the case.

ALSO i love how she has no problem using what she knows about colton to defend mulder & stake their rights on the case. colton is fucking flabbergasted & livid. and wholly inadequate to solve this one. he can’t even say anything else because he would just further embarrass himself.

(theres such a *sound* to 90s shows & the way they speak !! something about scully specifically reminds me of charmed. (of course this was first but charmed was my pre teen obsession so it always goes back to that lol) and i just LOVE IT. maybe it’s specific to supernatural shows, idk. and i have no idea how to describe/explain it.)

anyway. this is when mulder finds another of toms’s fingerprints & that he took a keepsake. something VCS hasn’t seemed to pick up on at all? (embarrassinggggg) and so they continue *their investigation* find out what they can about tooms — fake address, hasn’t been to work since he was arrested. they bounce some theories back — scully thinks it could be different generations. parents raising the kid, passing on the sociopathic behavior. but mulder doesn’t think that can explain the fingerprints. the way they always ask what the other thinks really gets me. it’s precious.

(and the way mulder couldn’t figure out 30 years from 1993 is hilarious. scully didn’t even have to think about it. he ought have an eidetic memory but scully is the true genius & nerd here. AND his “and you’re gonna be head of the bureau by then” line is my favorite. he thinks so much of her. he knows she could play the game to move up if she wanted to. and she really is that good and only gets better the longer they work together. FEELINGS.)

so he goes through birth certificates, marriage certificates & death certificates for gods know how long and can’t find anything for tooms. but scully finds the original investigator

“i’ve been waiting 25 years for you” he never let go of the case. never solved it. but he knew it was tooms, kept all the evidence. official & unofficial — including a picture of tooms looking exactly the same from 30 years ago & the same address they have on file — and gladly hands it right over to them. (idk how i feel about his comparison but his line ‘these horrible human acts gave birth to a human…monster’ is really something)

frank whatever-his-name-is was fully aware tooms took the livers *and* a personal belonging of the victims. crazy what you could learn from properly connecting cases !!! because even if scully is right & it’s generational, it would be logical to think they’d follow the same patterns. and if mulder’s right, it’s the same guy following the same patterns lmao

this scene always cracks me up too. find a creepy hole in the wall and just head right in. crazy people. they find the trophies & a ~nest~

oh my god mulder. it smells like…i think it’s bile.

is there any way i can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

hilarious.

no one could live in thus.

i don’t think this is where he lives. i think it’s where he hibernates.

scully thinks it’s crazy but they decide to stake it out. cuz clearly tooms has been here & will return. little do they know he’s there right now and he takes scully’s necklace 😩 taking his trophy before he even gets the liver. marking her.

another damn instance of agents being dickheads to mulder. calling him spooky to his face, laughing at him. yet he just walks away. flash to colton confronting scully & being the biggest ass yet again. i love the way she wants to avoid the conversation “i have to meet mulder”

she’s finally lost all respect for him.

is this what it takes to climb the ladder, colton?

all the way to the top.

then i can’t wait til you fall off and land on your ass.

literally scully switching from tom to colton here is such a move. (he never called her agent scully, not even dr. scully. always dana despite this being a professional setting. he never actually showed her respect or courtesy. he was using her & trying to make it appealing to her. too bad he fucked up so badly.) and it’s so funny — what is a sign of respect, professionalism and eventually camaraderie & intimacy (of course also a way to keep some healthy distance in their partnership lol) with mulder is a demotion for colton. he lost the privilege of knowing her personally.

so, she lets colton makes the call, heads home & calls mulder. she so wanted to commiserate with him, but he doesn’t answer either (cuz he went to the stakeout 😩)

mulder, you must have gone out since colton has given us the night off. i say we file a complaint against him. i am furious. give me a call when you get in. okay. bye.

why is this SO ADORABLE?! like. yes they’re partners, they need to talk about this. but it’s so damn sweet the way she says all of this to him?!

and tooms is already at her places as mulder discovers her necklace among his trophies — which he obviously recognizes immediately and he speeds off to scully’s. cuz he knows where she lives. and he breaks down her door for the first time…

scully already got her warning though. the nasty bile so she’s able to go for her gun, but tooms still manages to surprise her gdi. and mulder is just in time to watch her escape him, stop him from escaping & cuff him to her bath tub. AMAZING. mulder was terrified for her but now he’s just in awe of scully. my favorite mulder.

{EDIT: also they really should report colton because he purposely interferes with their investigation — they had just cause for the stakeout. they literally found the trophies from the victims, going back to 1933 & 1903 and the current victims and his freaky nest. in no way was it an irresponsible use of man-hours. and i hope it destroys his career when scully is attacked & she catches tooms.}

cut to frank keeping a clipping of the newspaper article saying tooms was caught — cut again to tooms making another nest & mulder watching him, waiting for scully.

i guess there was a lot in this episode but i’m so glad they *finally* acknowledge she’s a doctor. (she ordered tests, many abnormalities yada yada) like why didn’t she have anything to do with the autopsies? bet she would have found ~something~ they missed. like mulder found the the fingerprints & realized he took trophies.

the way he’s contemplating that the general population has no idea there’s something else to be afraid of & protect themselves from. fancy alarm systems won’t save them from tooms. “it again enough” and scully SO SWEETLY touches his arm, slides her hand down to his bicep & squeezes until he turns to leave with her — she’s so touchy too !!! how many touches did i not notice in this season? like idk man. the comfort she wants to give him. she doesn’t use words, saying they caught him. no. she uses touch. a small one but it feels like a big deal to me. i can’t remember her touching him after getting him back in the second episode, or any time during. besides the handshake & the hug in the pilot, he was always the one to put his hand on her back or arm.

anyway. tooms is already plotting his escape & his next victims…can’t wait to watch tooms. more great moments to come there 😍

[fuzzy-puzzy]

Okay this is probably not gonna make much sense, but I'm gonna go for it.

You could say it began two months ago, beginning of March 2023. You coud say it began Nine months ago, end of July 2022. You could say it began even earlier. The pandemic took a toll on all our mental healths after all, and I have been acting weird then too.

Anyways, the basic point is I am lonely. I used to have only my girlfriend but that is over for a long time now. Since then, I have frequented several apps: Tinder, Bumble, Boo, Hiki, and Happn. With little to no success. No partner, but more importantly, no friends.

I miss having someone I can share anything with and be happy. I found out that most new people I meet are not very interested, unsurprisingly. However, that disinterest makes me not want to put in the effort. And lately, I found that possibly I am the problem. That I am not that interested in others.

I mean, the problem is in multiple things, of course.

I find that interacting with people is difficult. Strangers mot of all (lowkey social anxiety, I think). But lately, I feel like everyone has become a stranger. People you shouldn't saddle up with your problems. People you can't just have small talk with.

In particular, family. They probably think everything is going smoothly. He is happily drawing, he makes jokes, his studies are going well. That last one, of course, the most important. Having a degree, a good basis for adult life. And most vague. Getting grades once every six months and moreover studying something barely anyone understands.

But I feel like I am not doing well. And I cannot say that to them. Other people seem to have bigger struggles, I do not know what is exactly wrong with me, and in all honesty, my life is going smoothly. Except for that friends bit. Good luck explaining that to anyone.

The biggest problem in the world is being incapable of asking for help

Think about it. I sure did. Someone who can ask for help has support and comfort from other people. Someone who can't is all alone. Has to fight without anyone's help, even if that fighting is trying to get help.

Ugh, my head hurts.

:(

Oh yeah, another big problem I have is sleep. Can't seem to get a good rest anymore. Probably a combination of morning wood distracting me, having sleeping conditions that are not ideal (light curtains, bad mattress maybe) and my head having too many thoughts. And wanting to make something of every day. Like drawing and following lectures and eating well and watching shows.

I'm grumpy when I am sleepy. I am unpleasant. I am bad at talking to others when I am tired. And it is a problem no one can solve for me. After all, it is not severe enough to require medical action. I just feel bad. Boo me.

Oh Boy, future me is gonna have a blast reading this!

[cas-coding]

list of my stims and tics to show you you're not alone.

i probably pass for neurotypical in many environments i enter, and i realize the privilege that i have because of this, but that does not mean that i am neurotypical. i have been diagnosed with GAD, depression, OCD, gender dysphoria, ARFID, and am waiting on an autism diagnosis appt later this year.

my point of making this list is to help anyone feel less alone than they might have felt before. even if you can't see me stimming or ticcing, i am, and that means that anyone could be stimming or ticcing along with you and you might not notice. you are not alone.

but here's my current list of stims, tics, and echolalia <3

wiggling my toes, specifically trying to position the seam of my sock into a certain position

kicking my foot. i have a friend who makes fun of me for kicking her all the time, but she knows it's a tic and i can't help it and the teasing is all in good fun

adjusting how i'm sitting. this is a big one if i have a large temperature fluctuation!! (and i'm not talking like oh, i'm uncomfortable with how i'm sitting, i'll adjust type deal. i'm talking every two minutes im like swinging my knee over my shoulder to get a better position)

hitting my hip. this happens a lot when i am stressed, especially if it is due to my own mistake.

shaking out my hand. this is a calming action, typically one i do in loud environments or when i have to eat a food i don't feel comfortable eating. in severe cases, i shake both hands rather violently. (i once shook so hard i had to wear wrist brace for a week)

putting my hand in a fist and nodding it. as a child i was told this was sign language for yes, but i have no idea if that's accurate or not. i've had this stim since i was nine as a nonspeaking way of showing my extreme excitement for something.

twirling my hair, occasionally pulling it. i have curls and so while it looks like i'm just touching up some curls, it typically is a tic that happens when i am very uncomfortable.

scrunching up my face and shaking my head. this can range from looking like a cute anime sneeze to a straight up meltdown. this happens when i am trying to tell someone no and they do not listen to me.

chewing my fingernails and the skin around them. this is by far the worst stress reaction i have, but it's also become a grounding technique. i've done this ever since i was little to stop dissociating as the pain will typically pull me from that headspace.

squishing my stomach. this is associated with eating and feeling unhealthy.

repeating the phrase 'mish mish.' i saw it on a tumblr post about two months ago as a way someone was referring to misha and now i say it as a comfort phrase. if someone could tell me why i latched onto this specifically that would be great.

humming, but not a specific tune. i typically try to find the pitch of whatever is bothering me most (like if there's a tornado test siren) as a way to feel like i control that stimulus.

just making sounds. you all know the sounds i am talking about. thee sounds

but, by far, my biggest and most frequent tic is neck tensing. this one is borderline dangerous. first my neck tenses up and then my head will shake, just a little bit until i either a) manage to stop by some miracle or b) my neck grows so tense i get stuck in a little sideways tilt for about 30 minutes.

other general sensory issues i have:

clothing texture

overlapping noise

watching tv without subtitles. literally cannot do this

the texture of whatever i am standing on (i'm not kidding, i will literally only wear fuzzy socks bc of this)

body temperature

tastes and textures of foods

restraining or constricting physical touch (for example: hand on the shoulder? so chillin. hug? i think the fuck not)

END OF LIST

[ttwgroup]

Apple Vision Pro Impressions

Wanted to share brief impressions after a couple months with Apple Vision Pro:

No surprise, it's really good for video. Immersive video, when done well, is probably the most impressive. There isn't enough immersive video available.

Your comfort milage will vary. I honestly don't find it uncomfortable.

Everyone who has tried it takes to the pinch gesture and the tire UI paradigm within a couple minutes.

Not being able to drink coffee haha no but really. I would probably start a lot more work days in Vision Pro but I'm drinking coffee and that just doesn't work. By the time I'm done with my coffee I'm already deep into coding, troubleshooting, etc., and it feels like a pain to switch.

Underrated usage: watching NBA while doing dishes. I used to set up my iPad nearby which meant, tiny screen, outside my field of view, non-ideal audio, no ability to skip through timeouts because of wet hands. With Apple Vision Pro: huge screen right in front of me, great audio, easily skip timeouts without touching anything.

Underrated drinking vessel: shot glass. Fits right into the nose notch.

Underrated fun interaction: surround yourself with nearby windows. It's a lot of fun to interact by tapping through the UI.

I find I'm using Vision Pro frequently, both for video and work.

What makes it worth it for work, at least if you're using a MacBook display, is not just having a larger screen. I tend to quit certain apps on my Mac entirely if they can be run on Vision Pro: Messages, Mail, Slack all get quit and run on Vision Pro. That means I end up switching spaces less frequently and the larger screen size leaves me enough room to run Xcode + Simulator full screen for app development.

I feel Vision Pro's biggest obstacle for my attention is that it is not casual in the sense that you have to really intend to use it; you don't just throw it on. It's a production to turn it on, wait for it to boot, take off your glasses, put it on, start up my apps, connect to my Mac, and then finally get started.

[crazyenthusiastkryptonite]

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