#but then i tell myself if no one was interested in them the first time around
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David Gaider on Fenris, under a cut for length:
"Fenris. Now, DA2 is a story all on its own but I'm not going to go there other than to sum it up as "we had just over a year and a half to make this". It's why I only wrote one follower, Fenris, and although it'll make his fans mad: I probably shouldn't have. Let me explain. The way we'd approach making the followers is brainstorming a list of concepts covering first the array of gameplay classes (and sub-classes) and then making sure they each have some skin in the game when it came to the story's conflicts - ideally having characters on both sides of the major ones. Why? You can't make a player care about the world, but you can make them care about characters who care about the world. It's the easiest way to provide hooks into a conflict, outside of it knocking on the player's door. Heck, it's probably better than that. Players will burn the world for approval. After that, we'd decide things like romances/sexuality. Then the writers would pick who they'd write. I always let my writers pick first. I figured they do their best work when it's something they're inspired to write... and they got so few chances at ownership, I wanted to give it whenever I could It's why I (reluctantly) let Patrick wrest Cole from my grasp in DAI, a character I'd created in Asunder. It's also why I let Jennifer take Anders in DA2, who I'd started in Awakening. In this instance, it meant I was left with the angry elven warrior character who nobody else appeared to want."
"It should have been my first clue that something was up. The second was how the artists had zero clue what to do with him. The art concepts were all over the place - from mages to crows to... well, even weirder. No matter how hard I tried to explain the idea, the artists simply didn't seem to get it Does this mean he was a bad character? Not exactly. Just an idea that probably deserved some re-examining. You can tell when an idea has a certain spark, and part of that is being easy to communicate. Sadly, there wasn't time for any re-examining even if it'd occurred to me. And it didn't, not yet. If it had, if I had time, maybe I'd have re-booted him as a templar. Someone pro-templar rather than anti-mage, who could give a personal hook into Meredith and give the templars some badly-needed humanity. But this falls into the shoulda-woulda-coulda category. I had a follower to write. Quickly. I struggled, at first. It was hard to get away from "Fenris hates everything, all the time". It felt very one-note, and I didn't know where to take him. My third clue, I guess. I also wasn't sure if I was the right person to write a former slave. I did know that couldn't be the center of his story. I did know trauma, however. How it can eat you up. How the hate and resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. How it can infect your relationships. Fenris's trauma isn't my trauma, obviously, but here I dipped into a more personal part of myself than I'd ever done before."
"It gave me the center of his story I was missing, but wow was it uncomfortable. In a good way, maybe. I likely wouldn't have, if I hadn't been so desperate. In a way, I think DA2 had some of our best writing *because* of the timeline. It was raw, with little time to sand down the interesting parts. I wouldn't have done the "Fenris doesn't talk to you for three years" thing if I'd known we were going to cut all the reactivity initially planned for the time jumps. When that call was made, I campaigned to cut the jumps to a year, but there was no time for the revisions it'd need. So, um. Awkward. I used to get asked where the name came from, and I... don't remember? Obviously it's derived from Fenrir, but I don't recall why we picked that. Someone pointed at Fenris the Feared from Joe Abercrombie's books... and I did read them, so maybe the name lodged in my head? Wouldn't be the first time. Casting Fenris turned out to be easy. He was the first time I requested a specific VA and got him. (The other times were Merrill and then Solas, my two "I want these specific Welsh actors, please".) Why? OK, if you must know, I'd played a bit of Final Fantasy XII. I heard Balthier. "Yes, that." 😅 And Gideon Emery was a delight, as it turned out. Consummate professional, and that lovely gravel in his voice... good god. Bite the knuckles. There was a struggle to find the voice at the outset where I did my best not to say "just pls do Balthier" but he found Fenris on his own and it was amazing. Overall, Fenris turned out better than he had any right to, considering the rocky start. He had a lot of soul, a vulnerability forged by pain that struck a chord with a lot of players, and I'm glad. Do I regret anything? Probably having him live in a corpse-filled mansion that would never update. That's a hindsight thing, though, as again the cut to reactivity over the time jumps came late. Outside of that, maybe letting the player give him back to Danarius? Poor shock value and a waste of resources because almost nobody took the option. Good evil options are ones that are tempting to take. And the lyrium tattoos. Interesting concept, but they're probably why you'll never see Fenris in a future DA. He requires a custom body, and the tattoos make that expensive. It's why I put Fenris in my 4th DA novel - the cancelled one. Don't fret, though. He died in it, so this way he lives on. 😉"
[source thread]
User: "Wait wait how does he die in [the cancelled novel]??" David Gaider: "Gloriously, after taking up a cause he didn't believe in at first but then made his own, one that allowed him to rediscover what it meant to be elven." [source] David Gaider: "I’m not sorry about the novel cancellation. I’m the one who cancelled it. I am kinda sad we couldn’t make it work, though. Considering it was after I left the DA team, it would have been my final DA hurrah." [source] David Gaider: "From my perspective, it was kind of "well if you're never going to use him again, let me at least give him a proper send off" and the story required a glorious death... but I get that's not the story his biggest fans would want (which is Hawke + Fenris 4ever), so it's just as well." [source]
User: "You all did some incredible work with such a tight deadline" David Gaider: "I'm of the opinion that even if we'd had only another six months to bake, DA2 would be remembered as a classic and not either a flawed gem or underbaked sequel, depending on who you ask." [source]
#dragon age#bioware#fenris#the fenaissance#video games#long post#longpost#cole#spirit boy#solas#dragon age 5
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Twisted Weddings: - Introduction
Author Notes: This is the first part of my 800 Followers celebration event for the Twisted Wonderland fandom. This is just going to be the introduction section for the story itself (which is going to be 9 sections in total). I chose the wedding theme on a whim based on a fic I read a long time ago on AO3 that has long sense gone missing, but no one is actually going to be getting married. Reader is going to be female for the sake of my own ease for this series. I hope everyone enjoys!
Type: Female reader/ sfw/ fluff/ featuring Crewel (Note for sake of avoiding confusion: This is not x Crewel)
Word count: 775
I frowned slightly at Crewel as he sat down across from me, a stack of papers in his hands that he slowly laid out. One sheet at a time.
“I’ve recently finished designing a line of wedding dresses and suits,” He spoke as he fanned the sheets out across the table. Each page had a sketched-out design of a wedding gown that had me blinking slightly in surprise.
Of course I’d known that Crewel was a designer. As if his fashionable nature wasn’t enough to tip me off, then Vil talking about his clothing line would have been. I hadn’t realized that he designed bridal clothes, though. And I certainly didn’t know what these clothes had to do with me or why he’d called me in to look at them.
I slowly glanced back up at my instructor as he continued, utterly calm despite my wary confusion, “I’m wanting to market each of these dresses differently than I usually would though. You see, this is my first line of bridal designs.”
I nodded, shifting slightly in my seat as Crewel eyed me, “I’ve decided that, along with the runaway models, I would do an advertising campaign where I have just one woman model all the gowns with varying different grooms.”
I blinked, already seeing where this was heading but not quite able to keep myself from staring at him in surprise in a way that had him smiling at me, “Of course I’ll pay you for modeling all eight gowns.”
I glanced down at the page in front of me, a picture of a classic wedding dress. Pristine white with a veil and looking like it was directly out of a fairytale. But as I glanced back up at Crewel, I shook my head slightly in blatant disbelief, “But I’m not a model…..”
“That’s what will make these ads more unique. You aren’t a model of any sort, and yet you will be the bride for this marketing campaign and will be far more relatable to prospective brides looking for a dress.”
I had to hand it to him; he’d come prepared. And I couldn’t deny that earning some money was attractive when I considered the state Ramshackle dorm was in.
There was no telling how many repairs I’d be able to manage with whatever Crewel was willing to pay me.
“The campaign will consist of seven pictures for magazines and billboards and one video for television advertising. For each dress, you will be paired with a different groom,” He continued calmly. Clearly explaining his plan for the marketing campaign even as I weigh my options.
“Are the models of the groom’s suits going to be professional?” I tilted my head when I spoke, and he hummed in response before shaking his head.
How he avoided sending any of his black hair into the white half of his head or vice versa was beyond me, but I didn’t question it as he responded, “Only one. As I said, there’s going to be a different model for the grooms in each image. I thought it would be more interesting to use other fresh faces for this campaign for the grooms.”
I felt my eyebrows arch, “But wouldn't it make more sense to just use one model for the suits since you’re just going to be using one for the gowns?”
Crewel frowned, a flicker of annoyance going through his gaze as his eyes met mine, and I tilted my head slightly, “That was the plan, but the candidates for modeling being how they were made things difficult.”
“And who are the candidates?” I couldn’t help the wariness that slipped into my tone, and Crewel sighed slightly before handing me a stack of pictures that was filled with familiar faces.
“They ended up being the winners. Whether they entered themselves or were entered by someone else,” As he spoke, I sifted through the pictures.
Trey, Ruggie, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Sebek, and Leona.
“Winners?” I echoed him amusedly, and Crewel shook his head.
There was a perfectly annoyed expression on his face as he frowned down at the pictures in my hands, “Suffice to say they all turned it into a competition.”
I almost wanted to ask exactly how this supposed ‘competition’ went down, but thought better of it as I took a secondary glance at Crewel’s expression.
I shrugged lightly, laying the pictures down on top of the wedding sketches, “Well, I can’t really think of any reason to say no to modeling for you…”
I trailed off and Crewel nodded, back to business as usual as he collected all the papers, “Then we’ll start tomorrow.”
If you would like to read more
Next: Coming Soon!
#Twisted wonderland imagines#female reader#sfw#Twisted Wonderland x reader#Twisted Wonderland#twst#Divus Crewel#mywritings#it-happened-one-fic#800 Followers#800 Followers event#fluff#fanfiction#fic series#Twisted wonderland x you#Twisted Wonderland x y/n#twst x reader#twst x you#twst x y/n#Disney TW#fanfic#bridal clothes#wedding clothes
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I need anything and everyone Barbatos PLEASE FEED ME
"You sure are something, aren't you?"
He bows respectfully, making you a cup of tea and gently placing it down on the table in front of you, placing a plate with a slice of his famous cake beside the teacup.
"Here you are. I hope everything is to your liking."
(Since you clicked on the "Keep Reading" thingy, I shall gift you a list all about your moments with Barbatos, luckily he made you some tea and a treat to consume while you are reading.)
Warning!!: Slight mature mentions near the end-ish.
During the start of your guys' relationship, (the acquaintance stage), he would most likely observe you every time he's around you, asking you small questions like; "Are you enjoying your stay in Devildom so far?" and "How may I be of service?"
Eventually, after noticing what you liked to eat during supper, and after a good month of observing the little things you do, he'd text you, asking if you'd like to join him in picking up groceries, wanting to spend some quality time with you, finding you interesting.
After your first outing together, he'd learn that he genuinely enjoys your company, and will ask you to go out with him more often, either to pick something up, or simply just to show you new places he thought you might like.
Once it reached the fifth outing together, he'd start to ask you more questions, wanting to get to know you better. Just a few for example;
"Do you have a favorite tea?"
"Do you enjoy sweet flavors? Or perhaps, spicy ones?"
"Would you tell me more about yourself?"
You reached the friend stage after a few months, this is when Barbatos started to make you your favorite tea and whatever pastries you loved once everyone got back to the house of lamentations from RAD.
During the friend stage he would ask how your day was everyday, and how you were doing in all of your classes, asking if you'd like any help with anything or if he could lend you anything to help you study.
During the weekends he would find time to hang out with you after all of his tasks were completed, while also making sure Diavolo maintained his schedule, of course.
The closer you two got, the more he would open up about things he liked, sliding in a compliment towards you at least once a day, commenting mostly on how smart, and how good of a listener you are.
As the end of the Devildom school year came along he would confess his feelings for you, his hands hesitantly cupping your facial cheeks in case you didn't feel the same, and whispering these sweet words to you;
"I don't know if you'll feel the same, and I'm afraid of ruining what we've worked so hard to achieve together... but Y/N... I... Find myself liking you more than I should... more than my own Lord even. I... I love you, Y/N. Please tell me... do you feel the same?"
When you say "yes" his lips part and his eyes widen, as if he were expecting the opposite of your answer, caressing his thumbs against your cheekbones. Soon murmuring just loud enough for you and you alone to hear; "may I place my lips upon yours?"
You two would interlock pinkies in public, but anytime the two of you were around people you both knew like Diavolo or the demon brothers, he would intertwine all of his fingers with yours, feeling more comfortable with these small actions around those he knew.
Behind closed doors, like in your room, he would do anything you asked, holding you close and always touching you gently, treating you as delicately as a rose.
If you said you wanted to take it to the next level he would be hesitant at first, asking you before trying anything, wanting to make sure it was okay. "Is this truly what you would like?"
When others were around you during the short amount of time he wasn't right beside you, he'd get jealous, not liking to admit it, and hiding it well behind a gentle smile. He'd take your hand in his and glance at the people you were once chatting with, kissing the back of your hand as he gazed at them with a firm expression. He wasn't glaring, but he was definitely showing them that you were his lover.
On your birthday he would make all of your favorite meals and desserts, also making your favorite tea and making sure every birthday was the day you most remembered.
After a full year together he would take you to the most beautiful part of Devildom, taking both of your hands in his and slowly kneeling down in front of you, gazing up at you with the most loving expression on his face
"Y/N... The past two years... I've grown a strong passion for you... and because of you I have more love in my soul than I ever knew was possible... will you do the honor of becoming my lovely wife/husband? I cannot picture my future with anyone else, and I truly love you... so... Will you marry me?"
When you agreed to become his wife, he would get up with wide eyes, wrapping his arms around you and giving you the best hug he's ever given you, shaking in happiness and giving you a deep passionate kiss on the lips after a few minutes of holding you.
The wedding had a full chapel, Michael being the priest, Lord Diavolo being Barbatos' best man, and whoever you wanted as your best man/brides maid. All of the demon brothers were invited, a long with Simeon, Luke, Raphael, Thirteen, and whoever else you wanted to be there.
After the wedding he would spend the whole night making love to you, and he couldn't keep his lips off of yours now that he knew you would be his wife forever and ever.
(For anyone that identifies as female); As you became pregnant with his child, he would do everything in his path to take care of you, making sure you were eating healthy, taking folic acid tablets, and even asking Lord Diavolo to grant him some time off so he could spend more time with you and make sure you're doing okay.
You're his highest priority and he would do anything to prove it to you, taking time off to spend with you, doing anything you asked, and making sure you were as happy as can be with him.
"I hope you enjoyed reading all of this."
#obey me#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphie#obey me brothers#obey me leviathan#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me mc#obey me satan#obey me barbatos#obey me barbie#obey me shall we date#obey me boys#obey me fluff#obey me x mc#obey me belphegor#obey me fandom#obey me diavolo#obey me solomon#obey me simeon#obey me luke
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I normally don't post anything about controversial subjects, but this time as one of the member in Love and Deepspace community, I wanted to speak up about this horrible issues going on currently.
I've been in the LnD community for a while, from February 2024 till now, it is sad that CN server is spreading hate about Sylus just because they think Sylus 'plagarized' Zayne. While in reality, I know damn well they most of them came back to the game BECAUSE OF SYLUS
Be fucking for real, no ML has been plagarizing any ML. I'm Malaysian Chinese, even me myself felt so embarassed for yall CHINESE PLAYERS to spread hate about one of our beloved. Imagine how devastated Sylus will be if he's real and when he knows this.
Fuck yall mean Sylus doesn't deserve to be famous because he was released late?? This is something that an uneducated people sounds like. I don't see yall hating on Caleb? Cuz tell me why yall want your ADOPTIVE BROTHER to be one of your love interest, its fucking weird. Not to be racist, but yall Chinese glorify that indirect sibling relationship as romance so much.
I will stand for Sylus bcuz he loves us just as much CN Sylus fans loves him. Imagine it's your fave ML, Zayne, Rafayel, Xavier getting hatred, would you guys want that? Seriously isn't Confucius our ancestors? What did he taught us? Yall should be ashame. TRULY AND REALLY, REALLY AND TRULY ASHAMED.
Sylus is the fucking reason LnD blows up. Yes, before he was released, we thought he is the villain in the storyline, but as we play through the game, we do realized he's actually a sweetheart, he is our beloved. But no, yall clearly wanna headcanon him as a red flag, he's a bad guy, he doesn't love MC. Excuse me, are we playing the same game?
It is clear, as we play the game, our first impression on different LIs is different, Sylus looks like he's a bad guy, a villain that likes forced love but actually someone who will do anything to us, no forcing us.
Zayne looks cold outside, but deep down he cared for MC so much, he's willing to love us in every single universe no matter Astra cursed him to not love us. He's warm inside.
Rafayel carefree and often bratty and petulant personality on the surface, but when he's with MC, his beloved, he can be childlish, whiny and all pouty.
Xavier looks like an honest boy, a golden retriever,acts clueless but he's the most possesive LI ever.
From all of this, didn't we already know, or obviously know that all LI have something beyond the surface? Don't villainize any of them for fuck sake. Pls use the brain.
No one is forcing anyone consume other's content, if you love Zayne, then look at Zayne's content, but if you love Sylus too, you as a Zayne main can go look at Sylus's content too, IT IS THAT SIMPLE.
Sylus didn't ruin us, as a Zayne main before, I can assure you, he didnt ruin me. It's just that I prefer Sylus because he is my type, I love his reassurance on Mc's insecurities, I wish I have someone like Sylus beside me, I still love Zayne regardless. It's called OTOME GAME for a REASON.
Please don't give up on defending our beloved as Sylus's fans. We love him and seems like we are the only one that knows him deeply.
If you're a player in LnD, we should stand together, no matter which character we love.
fuck CN antis
Humans doesnt want each other to enjoy A GAME in peace clearly speaks about how childlish we are as mankind. I don't see yall fighting for women's right that much since yall CN people likes Trump.
The post in the ss is from X user @sub_textually
#lnds#lnds sylus#lnds zayne#lnds rafayel#lnds xavier#love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#zayne love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#rafayel love and deepspace#love and deepspace rafayel#xavier love and deepspace#love and deepspace xavier#caleb love and deepspace#l&ds sylus#lads sylus#sylus#lnd zayne#lads zayne#l&ds zayne#zayne#rafayel#l&ds rafayel#lads rafayel#lads xavier#l&ds xavier#xavier#lads caleb#l&ds caleb
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dai love interests' letters to the inquisitor in veilguard, if anyone was curious to see them. transcriptions in alt text & under cut
Amatus,
I'm writing. Again. Yes, the sending crystals still work and yes, you'll be in Minrathous in a few short weeks. But a letter, written in blind longing, is real. It can be touched, and it can be held, when ink and paper must substitute for your skin on mine and my breath in your ear.
I used to scoff at frequent declarations of affection. Trite, I thought. Save them for rare and precious moments. But time and love are no longer things I care to squander, especially not as we race again toward calamity. And so, in each of these fleeting, ephemeral seconds, I will tell you that I love you. Whether penned or spoken, or conveyed by glance or action, I love you. In this moment, and in all the moments to come, for as long as they do, I love you.
I will find you soon.
Yours, Dorian
---
My love,
You have summoned me to Minrathous, and I will answer your call, as soon as responsibilities here in the South allow. I have missed being by your side.
Will these troubles be the last we face? The world seems always to conspire, through duty or disaster, to pull you away from me. I do not resent it. You are dedicated to purposes far larger and more significant than myself. I hope you do not think me a fool for hoping that one day, your only concern will be the color you wish our walls to be painted, or the flowers we will plant beside our gate. I'm partial to carnations.
Yours always, Thom
---
My love,
We are no strangers to duty, or the separation it demands of us. You head for Tevinter, and though I want to go with you, there is work we both must do. I will not falter in the tasks that wait before me and I pray my actions, in whatever measure they can, will keep you safe.
The others see only confidence in my resolve, but you have always known more than mere appearance. I confess to you, and you alone, that I am afraid. I'm afraid of what may happen, that Thedas will face such turmoil as it did before. I know not what awaits us. Yet even in the face of uncertainty, there are two things I cannot doubt and never will. The first is that our paths are never separated long. That I will find you at my side when I need you, as you will find me at yours. I will play my part in this and follow as soon as I can.
The second thing I never doubt is you. Whatever lies before you, trust yourself. Trust your heart as I trust it. It will not lead you astray.
Yours, Cassandra
---
Hey, Kadan,
Not the first time we've marched toward different battles. I know you're keeping the crap from catching fire up in Tevinter. Wish I could be there, but I'll make sure there's a world for you to come back to when you're done dealing with crazy vints and stupid Antaam and whatever other crap Solas kicked up. (Shit, the Antaam. Remember when I was worried what would happen if I went tal-vashoth? That right there!)
I know you're gonna be careful, and you've got Morrigan there. Just take care of yourself. If anything happens to you, I'm going to have to take Krem and the Chargers and stomp across all of Tevinter to come get you. It'll be a whole thing, and you know it'll upset Dorian.
Being apart from you made me realize something else. I spent so long being whatever the Ben-Hassrath wanted me to be. An investigator. An agent. A mercenary sending reports. These past years, since the Inquisition ended, I've been able to be just what I want to be.
And what I really want to be is yours. I like the person I am when I'm with you.
So come back safe.
Love, The signature appears to be a stylized rendering of the Iron Bull's head.
---
(An artistically doodled journal page presumably from the Inquisitor's partner, Sera.)
Keep this as close as I need you. (A drawing of a pile of flowers, with lines like it's moving, an arrow pointing to it labeled "us.")
North again, Mini-wrathus still stuck up its own pucker.
Magiturds are scared of us. They don't even know.
We work with Maevaris, right? She's wow.
So many Friends! Jennies in all the walls!
We kill him this time. He took from us twice! (A drawing of a cracked egg scribbled out, with "can't even joke" in letters that tore the page.)
Still thinking of you sideways.
Never mind the Dalish, here's the Veil Jumpers! Tempest-kin! (A drawing of a tall, shorthaired elf (Sera?) and Irelin brandishing two fingers, backflipping as a tree explodes in runes.)
The memory thing makes my head spin. If that Rook doesn't take it, throw it out.
Tell Morrigan ppbbth! for me.
I'll also tell her ppbbth! She knows why.
Tell them to Stripe. Him. Up. I wanted more books. (More heavy scribbles that tear.)
You meet; I'll keep you safe. Then I'm your time off, and you're my time on.
(The last section has different colored inks, like Sera has returned to it several times.)
New naked names: -Sweet-tits (scribbled out) -Bestest (scribbled out) -Loverly (scribbled out) -Lovey (scribbled out) -My-for-always-and-ever - name's not too long, time's too short. -But "Sweet-tits," though (scribbled out)
---
The top of the letter has been punctured by small, sharp teeth, leaving most of a beloved name and a few sentences too chewed to read.
I fear the puppy started on this letter shortly after I did. I'd start over, but I must send this tonight if it's to reach you. Matters are settled here and I make for Tevinter as soon as possible.
I almost believed chaos might spare us this time. I can't say I wished to see Minrathous before now, but I am eager to see you. I long to see your face and know that you're all right. You are— I've— There's— I wish that I was better at putting into writing all that's in my mind. For now, simply know that I love you. It is the most cherished constant of my life.
The days ahead will not be easy. I know there's much you carry, more than many realize. But whatever you must face, you will not meet it alone. You have my sword, my counsel, my—I could write this list forever when all I mean to say is this—
Whatever you need of me, I am yours.
Cullen
---
My Dearest Lady, / My Dearest Lord,
I have spoken to friends in Minrathous. They offer us their hospitality, not to mention shelter from the worst intrigues of the Archon's Palace. While you're well acquainted with the roving eyes of grand courts, please take care. Tevinter's regard can be the oldest and cruelest of them all.
The family writes the weather back home is beautiful. I do miss our quiet times together.
There is a question I've wanted to ask you for so long. I would like to pretend I have been busy, or it was not the proper time. But, if I am being honest, I only waited because I have been afraid of choosing a poor moment. Please, let me make a promise to you here.
When we return to Antiva, I will ask you, on the steps of the estate, if you will do me a great honor. And I dream you will say yes.
Always yours, Josephine
Postscript: I cannot believe it nearly slipped my mind. Yvette and Lord Otranto send their best wishes, and hope to see us back home in time to welcome their third child.
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Deadpool & Wolverine: Scenes from an unconventional marriage.
Pre script authors note: The following was inspired by a few conversations between @icarusredwings and myself, part of which was a scenario that i thought would be funny... if this is your first story reading one of my AUs (first of all. woof, you picked a long one) Secondly. The boys have money, Peter works for them as an assistant and logistics expert. They live in Kansas city because of Wade's crusade against anti-mutant GMO corn... go back and read KoKC for details.
Scene 3
Kansas City Missouri Earth-10005 (2031-ish)
When two murderous Canadian mercenaries love each other very much...
Part 1 : paternal instincts.
Our scene opens up where most of our scenes open with this author.
The 19th floor of 700 W 31st Street Kansas City Missouri.
(the building known to its Tennants as One Park Place tower)
International headquarters of Malfeasance and Fraud Mitigation (Mercs for Money) LLC. And home to Logan and Wade Howlett-Wilson.
And Blind Al don't forget her! And Mary puppens I'll stab you if fucking forget about her. By the way Brace yourself folks this might be a crossover AU one-shot non canonical story.
Wade was talking to himself as usual having left the office after chain smoking a pack of Lucky Strikes and going over Financials with Peter and Althea. The business part of the business of killing was a huge pain in the ass. Logan insisted he take an active role beyond just killing. It was hell on his undiagnosed autism/ADHD.
Fuck Excell, fuck spreadsheets, fuck shopping around for cheaper ammo to save a dollar, this Is a Winchester house we're not buying off brand bullets from eastern Europe!
But it was finally over and he could enjoy the rest of his day. Which he intended on doing as he walked towards Logan sitting on the couch in the livingroom. He had a Nintendo Switch and was playing Mario 3 online.
He'd taken a liking to playing games ever since Laura convinced him to play Smash Brothers with her a few years ago.... Wade loved that he'd picked up what many especially the Wolverine himself would consider an unserious hobby.
he sucked at it, but he was trying to improve. He had recently beat Zelda: link to the past, but he still couldn't beat Laura at Smash Bros. Wade sat down next to him with a thud.
You get all your work done for the day princess? He asked without looking up from his screen.
I did. It was terrible. I hate it. Please don't make me do it again. Wade gently puts a hand on Logans thigh, not necessarily with amorous intentions. It's more like trying to ground himself after a stressful afternoon by connecting with his Wolverine.
Sorry bub, but you gotta learn about the actual business. It'll give you a better perspective before you go spending money. Besides its our company, and it's more than shooting fools. Now, if you gimme a sec I'll find a stopping point. These little fucking turtles have been giving me hell.
Thier Koopas penut, stomping on turtles, would be cruel. As for Al and Peter, they are the best at what they do... and what they do isn't very interesting.
Logan chuckles at Wade's bad joke, turning off his game. You smell like cigarettes bub, you know those are bad for your health. *sniffs* lucky strikes.... you know I remember when lucky strike was a plug tobacco brand (chewing tobacco bound together with molasses the 1870s were a weird time)
That sounds disgusting Penut... also I think smoking is the least of my problems. You didn't have to stop playing your game I just Wanted to be near you. But speaking of, did I tell you I was in a video game once?
Logan was accustomed to this line of thought at this point, they were in a film, a fanfic on Tumblr, a comic book, a novel... a video game was new... he couldn't see the audience, as far as he knew his choices were his own. But he didn't immediately dismiss Wade like he had in the past, because when he said things like this, there was a thread, especially if Wade said something ominous. He knew to clock it and treat the situation with care.
You were? Tell me about it bub. He said this as he pulled Wade onto his lap, feeling the need for a little cuddling while his garrulous lover regaled him with a meandering story... he liked it.
Well Penut it was the far off year of 2013, my voice sounded like Nolan North at the time and not the buttery Ryan Reynolds tones I have today. It was before the Deadpool movies and I didn't have the budget for a Hollywood actor.
Logan shook his head in mock understanding, not understanding what he meant by having a different voice at all.
Anyway, cutting past the tutorial levels, I remember Cable was there, and so we're you. Well, not you, one of you. Ya' know.
Logan gave Wade a little squeeze at the mention of Wade's ex, Cable... something about that guy made him feel possessive, not a normal reaction for a pair that generally regarded themselves as polyamorous. It probably had something to do with him being (this universe's) Scotts sin which is a situation that's weird on its face before someone explained time travel to you and once that was done Logan would have to open a whole can of worms regarding trauma of love lost and his Scott...
he pushed it to the back of his brain as Wade told his story, how he went on an adventure and that other Logan was there and he even got to fly the Blackbird... this, of course, resulted in disaster... he crashed it, leading in to a light explanation of how his and that Logans relationship was... tense.
Wade went on about traipsing through the ruins of Genosha a totally real place Logan was unfamiliar with...
there was no Genosha or Krakoa in his universe, and by far the largest difference between the world's he'd noted. It was a land populated by mutants that had suffered a brazen attack by humans... a story Logan was all too familiar with. It's a story he's been doing his best to live with. Pulling himself out again he focuses on Wade's story, he'd mentioned a musical number with Lady Death (who was not played by Aubrey Plaza at the time wade lamented) and then discovery that it hadn't been Agatha all along but Mister Sinister at the heart of the problem.
He'd planned on destroying Wade's favorite taco restaurant along with the rest of the world by *checks notes* exhuming mutant bodies to obtain their unique DNA.... or something. It was almost 20 years ago penut so it's fuzzy.
An injustices Wade simply could not stand for. He personally killed several of Sinisters clones in the process of ultimately stopping his evil scheme before confronting him at Magneto's old Citadel where he'd been hiding out...
I squashed him like a bug under the boot of an old Sentinel, Penut! The big purple kind like from X-men 97! Anyway, the credits role and because of licensing issues, the game is only available to play on hard disk, and it's expensive.
Logan nodded his head (again) in tacit agreement with this statement as if he completely understood *he didn't* kissed Wade on the cheek and held him. He was about to suggest that he and Wade go for a walk when Wade jumped off his lap
Oh, Penut! Talking about Sinister reminds me of something!
Wade ran across the room and headed towards the large storage room they kept some sundry items in, the Christmas tree, seasonal stuff and a few boxes of Wade's "crap" that he couldn't get rid of. Mind you this wasn't Wolverines terminology, Wade had written in red crayon on the boxes Crap. Out of curiosity Logan had followed behind him and was standing in the door watching Wade feverishly dig through boxes, opening them taking stuff out and Searching for something.
Amongst the random objects was a furry red doll with a grande attached to it. Logan quickly picks it up.
Wade, why dose this doll have a live Fucking grande attached to it... I thought we agreed all explosives stay at the safe house not the condo!
Oh, tickle me Hell-mo, in fairness Penut I forgot he was even in that box... I forgot what was in a lot of these boxes, trinkets, souvenirs... grenades... apparently. I just knew i didn't want to throw these things away. He rifled through another box as he said this and pulled out a large gray rectangular device with buttons nobs and a small readout display.
FOUND IT! c'mon Penut, I'll clean this up later. I want to show you something. Wade rushed out of the storage room as fast as he'd ran in, Logan followed behind exploding doll in hand. He knew he'd better just entertain whatever it was Wade wanted to show him. Besides, he is kinda cute when he's excited about something.
Ok Princess, what about that box has got you so worked up.
Wade sets it on the marble counter.
Sinister was a sick fuck, and certifiably evil... but he was a brilliant geneticist and created several devices for harvesting DNA... I, lightly acquired a few things.
You stole shit.
I WASN'T PAID! so yeah after killing the fucker FOR FREE and distracting the X-men who conveniently showed up after I did all the work, I rooted around the citadel where he'd set up shop. I took this! He said pointing at the device. He then proceeded to pull out an instruction manual seemingly from thin air and read it out loud.
This device can take the DNA of two or more individuals regardless of gender and re-combine it to make a new life.
Logan was taken aback, not only by the inference that this device could assist them in having biological children together... but because Wade fucking read something out loud flawlessly without having to sound it out...
Bub, you can read today?
I guess so... but I'll probably only be able to write in Mandarin tomorrow. So enjoy it while you can. But to the point at hand, Penut, I want to have your babies. And with this I believe we can... with the help of a surrogate.
Sweet heart (Logan said as gently as possible in an attempt to spare his feelings) I don't think we're ready for kids, especially little ones.
Logan held up the explosive doll as exhibit A for his argument.
Wade responds by just looking at Logan, big comic book accurate blue eyes staring right in to his soul, Logan could see the tears welling up....
Jesus, bub! Stop! You emotionally manipulative little cunt! Logan broke his gaze and looked out the window pretending to be interested in downtown...
Look Princess, I know how badly you want a kid of your own... you told me all about it.
But you've got some steps to take before I consider being a father to a new life with you... firstly who's gonna surrogate? And don't tell me Ness, she's a good friend but that's asking a lot of her and don't be all depressed if she tells you no.
Secondly... and I can't believe I'm saying this... but if you want me to even flirt with the Ideas Wade, we gotta make this house a safe place and... buy one of the units next to us to expand into so the kid has a room... and you gotta get a safe for the guns and a locked case for the swords. we can't have them accessible to a toddler... no more keeping a Glock in the silverware drawer, no more LadySmith revolvers under the couch cushions. No more cocain in the pantry labeled "flour" in mason jars.
Well... that doesn't sound like a No, Penut... or should I say... Daddy?
Logan cringed at Deadpool, calling him daddy in a decidedly nonsexual tone. It didn't sound normal.
If the Wolverine wasn't sure about this, he probably shouldn't have given Wade a goal with clearly defined parameters...
Wade had hyper focus and devoted himself to baby proofing the condo, weapons secured. Drugs removed (by consuming them, Logan didn't say he couldn't have fun)
He negotiated buying the vacant one bedroom unit that was on the other side of their office walls, blew out said wall, and had contractors built two new large bedroom suites with bathrooms. He installed a Cypher lock on the office door and... yes, the golden girls were behind glass in a locked display cabinet. Something he could punch through should he need to defend the house quickly.
He did this all with his personal funds. Everything was on course... accept finding a surrogate... believe it or not, Vanessa wasn't actually Wade's first choice. He didn't want to ask her to commit to the inconvenience, especially since he didn't want to interfere with her relationship with Dermot... also the touchy subject of asking the woman you wanted to start a family with to hay... help me start a family with my husband it'll be fun! No... Vanessa would be a fun aunt, but he knew he'd have to seek out the services of a professional or something.
They did find an agency that helped them meet with potential surrogates. It wasn't cheap.
A situation that was more complicated than taxes, filing out mountains of paperwork. Then they had to actually meet these women. Money they had... interview skills not so much. Especially when a few walked in, saw Wade's face, and immediately walked out. The best ones screamed, the worst one thought she was on one of those terrible reality prank shows...
Logan despised the nights after such interviews. Holding Wade as he wept.
Logan... what if my own baby thinks I'm scary? What if they don't want to be seen with me or worse they're bullied at school for being the son of a monster... *loud sobs* because it's true, I am a monster. A murderer, a war criminal whose outside is exactly who he is on the inside... a freak.
Logan had gotten Wade to believe him after years when he said he loved him, his scars added depth and character and that he thought his husband was the sexiest man to walk the earth, the void, and the multivers.
But that only applied to him, others... well, given how the interviews went, it was a blow to his ego.... and his mental health. It'd be days before he got Wade to come back out from under his hood or mask. But that was a problem for tomorrow. But for tonight, Wade had entered a shutdown for lack of a betterword... Logan held him, fed him, got in the large shower with him, washed him, and went to bed, tucked in the large bed he held his beloved who had curled himself up in to a ball.
Tomorrow will be better Princess, we'll find the right person, and I promise any baby of ours will love you and be kind. Because that's who you are, really on the inside bub... you forget it. But as long as I've known you, your heart has been in the right place in the end, and you're kinder than I am by a country mile.
The sleep that night was thankfully dreamless for the both of them.
The next morning, Logan made a simple breakfast of eggs and toast for both of them. Putting the bottles of salsa and sriracha near Wade plate... he looked at the clock. 6:30 am
Meaning it was 7:30 in New York. He'd try and give Vanessa a call in half an hour knowing she'd be up by then for sure. He needed to commiserate with someone who understood Wade like he did.
The phone call he had that morning was surprising. He'd let Vanessa know what'd been going on with the agency... and the drama... he was shocked to learn she didn't even know they were considering having a baby.
Wade, didn't tell you?
No Red's not said a word of this to me, I'm honestly confused as to why you goofballs didn't ask me first.
Well, after yesterday, I might as well be the one to ask. Would you consider it Ness?
I... hmmm.... tell you What, this isn't exactly a phone conversation, and it sounds like I need to have a chat with my buddy... I can be there this weekend if you can help a sister out with at ride.
*Logan scoffs playfully* sure I'll have peter send out a G700 to pick you up.
Oooo spoil me, Daddy she retorted.
Logan gaged... gross Ness.
She cackled at getting the old man's goat for a solid minute before they finally wrapped up the call, Logan could definitely see why she and Wade had clicked.
It was another down day, no jobs scheduled, they could afford to take longer breaks and be choosy with contracts. Althea had the money making money with a few business development investments, the purpose of which was to launder money and pay taxes, the fringe benefit being they actually produced a small regular incom. (Please stop talking about the intricacies of the business, haven't I suffered enough!)
A short walk away on the other side of Broadway is the Penn Valley off leash dog park. Mary loved being able to run about and the boys liked that they didn't have to worry about her getting hit by a car... not that it would have affected her for long, but they both knew regenerating is something you'd rather not do if you didn't have to. Wade was indeed tightly tucked into a hoodie hiding his face as best he could. Logan would address that later. They got to the dog park gate without issue, Wade actively avoiding any other people they saw on the way.
Logan unhooked the leash from the ring on her doggy vest, and she was off like a bat out of hell to do whatever it is Dogpools do when they have a whole field to run in. He pulled out a cigar from his pocket case. A Cohiba, a real one from Cuba, smuggled it himself from a job that took them to the Caribbean. He carefully cut the tip with a specialized Xikar cutter, lit the end of a cedar strip, and used the growing flame from it to light his cigar... a lot of ritual for something you literally burn. But Logan found it calming, he also needed one of his strongest cigars to help cover up the smell of the dog park... even if everyone picked up after their dog (they most certainly didn't) the smell was not great for Logan.
We should both probably cut back on the smoking when the babies get here penut... he said this as he pulled out a cigarette... they didn't do much for either of them chemically. Wade just enjoyed the habit, something comforting about it... plus if Wolvy was gonna have a cigar, it made him feel like it was a couples activity. Doing a mundane thing together was one of Wade's favorite things.
I spoke to Ness this morning.
Oh, I hope she's doing well. I need to call her.
I wouldn't worry about it, she'll be here this weekend... Wade, sweetheart... why didn't you tell Ness about our plans, she seemed a little hurt you didn't tell her.
She's traveling a thousand miles, probably to tell me off. I think she's more than hurt if she's coming out here... you know Penut... you said that I shouldn't get my hopes up with her... and I kinda took it to heart... Also I have my own hangups about it... Firstly being how insensitive it sounds on it's face. "Hay Ness, if you and Dermot aren't using it, can we rent your womb? Only 9 months, first month deposit up front!"
But more importantly, for the better part of a decade, Vanessa has been pulled into the misadventures of Deadpool. I love her (platonically). I'm glad we were able to stay friends... but she really doesn't need to get wrapped up in my problems, schemes, and drama... again. Not at my request anyway. A big issue I have is personal, I was going to start a family with her. Asking felt... regressive. But also to the point, her proximity to me has gotten her kidnapped and killed before. I still feel guilty about it.
You also traveled the multivers to save this reality for her, also you traveled back in time and saved her bub.
Aint you ever seen endgame. That's not how time travel works. Somewhere out there, in some other time line, Vanessa is still dead, and it's my fault. This is just a branched timeline.
Since when has the timeline ever made Since bub!
*Loud gasp* PENUT DID YOU JUST BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?
I don't think so, bub... I don't see the people, but I remember you trying to explain how the "other me" time traveled in 2014, and now there aren't Sentinel's running death camps. That the timeline changed and converged.
This is no different Princess, don't think about it too hard, you said. So I'm telling you the same thing. Don't fret about it bub, Vanessa is alive... and she will be here Saturday.
You're too good for me, Penut. I Don't deserve you.
No, you don't... he said as he picked a small plastic bag out of his pocket. You literally stole me. But I love you anyway. Now go pick up the massive shit Mary just took. I refuse for us to be the kind of people who just leave it.
Wade took the bag.
It's probably Stockholm syndrome Penut.
Vanessa arrived Saturday afternoon, in a Falcon 900LX. It was the best Peter could arrange on short notice... not that Vanessa knew the difference between a G700 and a Falcon, she was just happy not to be on Southwest. Dermot was with her... the man was almost the antithesis of Wade, He liked Hiking and he was quite to the point of being accused of being shy. Dry witted... and as he'd recently discovered when he went to the gun range with the boy's last 4th of July... a lousy shooter. But he was stable, kind, and good-natured. Definitely willing to go along to get along with a lot of Wade's antics at parties. He knew why Vanessa had come, and he was perfectly fine with it. It didn't interfere with his plans at all. He was a slow burner and Vanessa hadn't indicated she was in any hurry to tie the knot. But that's a story for another time.
Wade had gone the extra mile to spoil them. A black limousine complete with champagne greeted them on the tarmac and whisked them off to casa de chaos.
She walked in the door like she owned the place, dropping her bag by the door. She walked to the dining room table and sat...
Come over here and sit with me boys. We got a lot to talk about and I'd like to waste no time getting down to business.
Oh, so direct. Wade said in a catty tone high enough to indicate he was joking as he winked
We're gonna gloss over the fact that you didn't involve me with your family planning from the start... but I hear you've had a hard time landing a surrogate. she cut eyes at Wade as she said this. Wordlessly airing all of her hurt feelings and grievances regarding not even being told Wade and Logan were trying to have a baby. Something one would think a best friend would be told
I'd like to make an offer. On the condition that despite you two being my best friends... I aint doing this for free.
Oh, if that's the case Ness then you gotta interview like all the rest. He said this in a joking tone but she didn't miss a beat.
Ok Red, I've been substance free for over 20 years, I don't smoke. I promise not to drink or eat selfish for the entire pregnancy, and I'm one of two people in this room who've seen you naked and didn't require drugs and therapy after.
Yeah... my dick dose look like a peperoni somone forgot in the air fryer.
And your sack looks like someone took a crown royal bag, filled it with puss, and ran it through the middle of a hog pin.
Wade smiles. And laughs a little...
Ok, Ness. you got the job.
Great, I knew you'd see it my way. She proceeded to write a number on a piece of paper and slid it across.
That's my price. Also, Dermot and I are gonna be long-term hous guests for obvious reasons. Convenient since he can do his job remotely....
Wade looked at the number, showed it to Logan, and smirked... I think the both of you could retire for this much money... but nothing is too good for my baby. I am going to have to kill several people for this.
Bub, we might have to overthrow a government.
Pff like that's something new.
Lucky you Ness, you get to be the first person to stay in one of the new rooms... and tangentially responsible for a potential war crime! He grinned like the devil at her
---
Shortly after the contract was finalized, Vanessa and Dermot moved in, and it was a short trip to New York... the boys provided a sample and Mister Sinisters machine to Dr. Henry McCoy... who was fascinated by the whole thing (he later wrote an entire dissertation on it) he helped with the procedure... the result of which was one Vanessa Carlysle pregnant with the Biological child of the combined DNA of Deadpool and Wolverine...
The following 9 months went surprisingly smoothly (apart from one small incident with a serial killer, but that's a chapter in the Noir, we will worry about it later)
The day came... Vanessa went into labor, early in the morning. Thankfully, it seemed like it would be free of complications. meaning that Wade and Vanessa both got their wish for thus day. The baby was born at home.
Wade had an aversion to hospitals. Bad memories of cancer diagnosis, and a general fear of strange men in white lab coats. Not every man mind you. He was cool with Beast and other people he knew personally and he knew a few scientists and doctors... Logan wasn't averse to hospitals apart from the smells of disinfectant and illness mixed together. Vanessa was a bit new age for her justification, why bring life into the world in a place so many go to die, on top of it being uncomfortable, and expensive.
As a result, the midwife was called arrangements were made and the new life was soon ushered into the world. They say history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Like his father Logan, who was born at home to an affluent family in a room where he'd spend his childhood, this baby was born in the penthouse of a tower to affluent parents in a room he'd inhabit well in to his 20s.
Vanessa wasn't in labor long. No birth is a walk in the park, but she would tell you it was pretty easy and without drama compared to others. She pushed one last time, and he was out. Vanessa did get the honor of holding him first after the midwife cleaned him up... Logan couldn't resist the urge; the umbilical cord was carefully cut with an adamantium claw blade. He had been offered a scalpel for the record.
Hay there, little guy... it's a pleasure to meet you.
She held him for 5 minutes before she called Wade over.
I know someone who's been waiting a very long time for you... I think it's time you should finally meet him
Vanessa handed the tiny bundle to Wade, who had whipped off his shirt the second Vanessa called him over. I read that skin to skin contact was beneficial to the baby. he'd said as he carefully supported the babies head and neck and brought him in closer to his chest.
Welcome to the world... I apologize for the state of it, but I have indeed waited a long time to meet you, little guy... I'm Wade, but please call me dad. Your other dad over there is the Wolverine, that makes you my Kitten. I promise you I'll do the best i can being your father. Please don't judge me too harshly.
Babe, get over here and take your shirt off.
If I had a dollar for every time you've said that to me.
So what should we name him...
You didn't think of a name already!
Logan said it was bad luck *shrugs*
But at least we got the last name sorted Howlett-Wilson 👌
Bub, hyphenated names are a pain in the ass... its not a problem for us because we rarely use our real married name for anything official... let's just give him your last name.
Wade scrunched his face with a little distaste...
Wolvy he's our baby. He should have something from both of us... I mean, besides our mental illness... that's a given.
Tell you what princess; how about we Name him James. It was my name... once, but I don't use it anymore. He can have it.
His middle name however was a much longer discussion... mostly because Wade offered several typical Deadpool options that Logan Veto'ed outright.
Thunderdick! No. Skullcursher!? God, no. James MAGNUM Wilson! That's terrible Wade...
It went on for a minute before Vanessa finally chimed in. Evan... I've always liked that name.
Well, it's a normal name. So I like it.
Works for me, Penut. Though it'd be a lot cooler if it was Danger... but that's my middle name.
Your middle name is Winson.... idiot!
Part two: the Life and Times of James E. Wilson (hope you like crossover AUs)
James's earliest memory is his father, Wade holding him, comforting him... but also crying. He vaguely remembered being at the playground, running and jumping as most toddlers do... tripping on something and skinning his knees on the sidewalk... he naturally had the reaction of crying from the pain and surprise... it wasn't until James was much older that he understood why his dad kept mumbling why aren't you healing?
It's ok, dad... you don't need to cry. I already feel better.
Even at a young age, he felt compelled to comfort someone else. To help. It broke him out of thinking about his own problems, including skinned knees...
The result of this little accident was Wade panicking. They went back to the house and grabbed the dog and his other dad. Papa (or the big bad wolf if James was misbehaving) no amount of reasoning or comments from Logan couldn't stop him or calm Wade down.
Logan Howlett-Wilson get your ass in the car and drive us to the airport right now! Were going to the Mansion to see the fucking doctor RIGHT NOW!
Logan got the message, Wade didn't forgo pet names unless he was bone chillingly serious in intention and resolve. So within minutes, they were on a jet to New York. Where James met a fuzzy blue man he liked very much despite the blood draw. That was uncomfortable, but he found the lab he was in fascinating... weather or not, this influenced his future career he couldn't fully say. But probably a little.
The news delivered to the... not so young, but definitely, new parents was not stellar... Hank had run several tests and analyzed James' DNA structure. He possessed the X-Gene, but it was dormant due to being recessive. Much like Wade he'd have to undergo profound trauma to activate it. There was no guarantee he'd come out the other end with a healing factor. It could be anything... furthermore, it was highly unethical and unthinkable to subject a child.... Wade cut him off
I know a lot of people don't think highly of me. But how fucking dare you assume I'd even entertain the idea of tormenting my child.
Easy bub, I don't think Hank was implying anything. Ya' know he gets lost in the hypotheticals. Right Hank!?
The blue man nodded in agreement.
We will just... have to be extra careful.
Wade picked James up. C'mon soldier. There's a big metal doofus ya gotta meet.
---
One particular afternoon James was sitting in his office recounting some memories with his friend Gregory. Though they had a habit of referring to each other by sir name. Wilson and House
(what a twist)
The day the two met was actually one of the few points in time that if you knew who his parents were you'd say "oh yeah, that is clearly the offspring of Deadpool and Wolverine" it was at a medical conference in New Orleans. Wilson dosn't remember the exact circumstances he'd been drinking but his father's tempers came out of him as he'd threw punches and generally effectively kicked ass at a bar brawl (Wade would have been so proud) House ever the shit stirrer jumped in and backed him up. Truly his fathers son, meeting your best friend as a result of incredible violence... in a bar.
House had actually just finished telling Wilson about his most recent case, yet another patient that had been previously misdiagnosed as having lupus. It was Hashimoto's disease if you're curious. The interactions he'd had with the patient made him think she'd been being neglected, bare minimum socially isolated... he recognized his own surliness in others. It resulted in a dressdown of her parents that he was certain would result in an office visit with Cuddy and detention after school.
High-school wasn't a fun time for Gregory...
You know it wasn't exactly fun for me either.
From the age of 11 to the time he left for med school, he was escorted by armed gaurds to and from school. Growing up in Kansas city, he'd gone to Pembroke Hill School, a private school that specialized in STEM that's tuition cost as much as a new car annually... he was one of only two kid's that went to that school that arrived with a security detail, not however the only one that arrived in a limousine. The other kid was the child of Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. They weren't friends... he didn't really have friends.
Aww poor little rich boy
House chided at him
At least you didn't get shoved into a locker...
Which was true. He didn't have friends but he didn't have enemies either. The closest thing he had to a best friend was his Grandma Al and Mr. Yoshitomi his driver/lead bodyguard. he was allowed to call him Yoshi...
The man was clearly retired Yakuza, and like his father Logan, tough on the outside but secretly a teddy bear. The truth is Wilson found himself alone at home, too. Apart from Al... but she mostly sat him down in front of a TV and fed him before going outside to smoke...
so apart from weekends, he was alone. Occasionally, he'd see his big sister Laura. She was frequently busy herself being the "official" Wolverine of the Xmen. He liked it when she brought him comics, fictionlized accounts of the adventures of his dad in the past, and his big sister... he knew his dad's loved him. No one could argue that... but What had started as two lovers in New York trying to make rent money by doing the only thing they were good at; picking up random jobs on the dark web (Killing mostly) in the mid 2020s morphed into a private security firm in Kansas City that rivaled Black Water and the (fucking) Pinkertons by the 2040s.
They were busy, and it did provide him a comfortable life without student loans. But from 11 to 18, it was him Al and what had to be the world's oldest dog. She's still alive, actually. The dog loved him and was rarely not by his side when he was home (because all deadpools love their babies) Althea however was not, she was a chain smoker and heavy drug user until the day she died.
how that woman lived to be 115 is fucking beyond me
She lived long enough to see (metaphorically) Wilson graduate medical school. It was the last time he'd seen her. He moved away and started his residency in New Jersey. Wade had sent a private plane as well as several veiled threats to the Dean of medicine at the time to ensure Wilson had the time off to attend the funeral.
Wilson... I gotta ask, why did you have armed guards?
Oh! Funny story when I was 10. I was kidnapped once
(Exactly once I made sure of that)
It's true. He was heading home from school. He made it to the driveway of the tower he called home when some very ill-informed gangsters decided to kidnap the son of a rich man... they didn't do their resurch as to who's kid exactly, just figured they'd get a ransom...
In fairness on paper Wade and Logan weren't Wade and Logan, they were two random dudes who ran a lucrative business and weren't shy about showing off.
This leads to probably the second most traumatic memory Wilson had... not necessarily the kidnapping. Thwy had actually treated him surprisingly well.
What shocked him was seeing his father Logan covered in blood kicking down the door he'd been kept in. He'd never seen his father in the tight yellow and brow suit before. Or the mask... he had taken it off when he clocked James but that only made it worse. The entire bottom of his father's face was coated in blood, like he'd gored a man (he actually had ripped open one of the gangsters throat with his teeth) the blood was cut clear with two rivulets of tears. What James didn't know is they were tears of joy seeing his son, and tears of relief. Because if anything had happened to James the Genocide he and his husband were going to commit in response would have made his incident in his own universe look like childs play.
---
Rebellious teenage years years were impossible. You couldn't steal weed from your blind grandma and hid it in your room, not from the nose of the Wolverine.
Do you know what this shit dose! It makes you fucking stupid is what it does, and your dad and I aren't raising a fucking idiot!
Logan never hit him. But he was scary when he yelled and loud... if he was really pissed those claws popped out. Never an actual threat but fucking scary.
It wasn't the worst childhood, and it wasn't a bad life. Wilson became an oncologist partly because he was fascinated by his own father. The man who's cancer actually kept him alive. He had success, failures... it's like his dad said "what dosn't kill you makes you bad at intimacy kido" 3 ex wives later he finally understood what he meant by that.
All the events of his life that you know about that happened on the show. They happened. The only difference is that he went home to Kansas City for the holidays. Where he'd see his seemingly ageless father's and sisters. He loved his family Logan, Wade, Laura, and Ellie (we'll talk about her in another story.) Which is just as well. He never had children of his own, and after your 3rd failed marriage, you kinda give up on the idea of expanding your family. But until his dying day his dad dotted on him. And bragged, boy did he brag especially to the Xmen when he had a chance to rub in their face his son the successful Doctor!
But for Wade, the day did finally come that his immortality became a curse... with every Christmas, Thanksgiving, and spring break that came, James got older. Wade was at his retirement party, He remembers loving Dr. House's wildly inappropriate speech and toast. A man after his own heart, but after the laughter subsided, he realized that his boy, who was graciously receiving a gold watch, had lines in his face and gray hair.
The years kept coming... Wilson got older, he got sick... and his mortality came to pass.
If the universe brought these starbound lovers together for any particular reason. It was for this moment, Wade loved two things Intensely, his Wolverine and his children... but the Death of his first son broke him. Logan clinged on to Wade physically and emotionally. Doing everything he could to hold him together. It was many years before Wade could be called Ok. It was another couple hundred years before he even considered the idea of raising more children.
He carried a portion of James's ashes with him in a small locket around his neck where it stayed for countless millenia.
Epilogue:
The lady at the end of the road sits in her ethereal other world. Surrounded by various time keeping devices dimly lit by candles flames that don't consume. She pulled out a pocket watch and a ledger. She had an appointment to keep. This one was a special case. The dark lady had the power to send out shades, to be everywhere at once. But this appointment she'd handle directly. She carried out her appointed task kindly but usually without emotion. She was inflexible and didn't bargain or despite what you may have heard play chess or gamble for time or souls....
Wade was there... hospice care was set up about a week ago, and he sat by James side as the ravage of time and biology took its toll. By regular human standards Dr. James Wilson lived a good life, a long life at that. He was 97 years 6 months 2 weeks and 5 days old the morning she came. Logan had been with him the entire night before Wade had taken his shift early that morning so Logan could get some sleep. At about 10 am in the guise of a hospice nurse, she walked into the room, Wade was no fool. Only one person still alive (if you could call her alive) looked like that... He knew why she was there. He hadn't seen her in a very long time.
I see we're sticking with the Aubrey Plaza look... tears started welling up in his eyes. He looked at James in the bed beside him Despite looking down at the face of an old man, Wade still saw his baby. His son.
I thought you'd like this look, it's definitely more pleasant than most. If it's any consolation, Wade... I'm sorry I have to do this.
I haven't seen you in over 100 years. Not even the times I've died lately. Haven't seen you since the time I jumped out of an airplane into a volcano after Vanessa dumped me. Now you show up! I know why you're here.
The tears were streaming down Wade's face. Hot on his cheeks, his eyes red. He looks at her pleadingly.
Please, take me instead. Please, Lady Death. Leave my baby alone. Please, I beg you, take me.
Oh, Wade... My love. It has caused me great sorrow to not see you all these years. But don't you know? I can't take you even if I wanted to. You and Logan have woven yourself in the fabric of the universe. You and him are part of Eternity. I can't take you only, Entropy can take you. probably shortly before he takes me... even death has a death.
I know this is hard. I beg you to forgive me... but it's James's time to go. But because I love you. I waited as long as I could, he should have passed before you woke up this morning. But now you have an opportunity to say goodbye...
She moved to the bed and touched James's hand. He sat up and looked at his father.
Why are you crying, dad?
He stood up, out of the bed. Wade jumped out of his chair and embraced him tightly.
Oh, my sweet Kitten. Im so sorry. Please forgive your old man.
Wade sobs for a while before he can talk again...
I remember the day you were born... I loved you, I held you. I swore I'd burn down the world to protect you... but I can't protect you anymore...
Dad, I Don't understand. What's going on.
That's unfortunately my job to explain... but it'd be easier to show you...
She points at the bed; James looks down and to his surprise, he sees... himself. Drained of color, unmoving.
Dr. James Wilson, you have lived your life in service of others. A life well spent. But now is the time to leave that life... I'm sorry
Dad, you don't have to protect me anymore. It'll... it'll be ok.
Kitten... I love you, and though I desperately want to rage and fight and yell to keep you here longer... it's not the right thing to do. My friend here gave me an opportunity few have. I'm going to take it instead of throwing it in her face.
I love you...
I love you too Dad.
Wade hugged his son one last time, kissed him on the cheek, and led him by the hand to Lady Death.
Can... can Logan say goodbye, too?
I'm sorry Wade. I've already pushed the limits of the rules to extend this opportunity to you. I'm afraid I can't
Ok...
He looks up at James.
Your father and I will miss you. Honeybadger loved his kitten as much as I do.
I know, Dad... I know. I want you to know that I had a good life. I'm at peace. I don't want you worrying about me.
You silly boy. It doesn't matter if you're 9 or 97. I was always going to worry about you.
Lady Death extended her hand out to James.
It's time... I'm sorry, but don't be sacred. I promise where we're going isn't bad. It won't hurt.
James took her hand, and slowly took his other hand out of his father's grasp... turned and looked at him.
I love you. You were the best dad. I guess now is the time. Goodbye.
I could have been better, I'm sorry. I love you....... James... it... it might be a while before I see you again... goodbye. I'll always love you, kitten.
They walked away from Wade out the bedroom door. Wades heart broke into a million pieces as they turned to go down the hall. There was a flash of light... and he was gone.
The End.
#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool x wolverine#logan wolverine#poolverine#wolverpool#loganpool#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett#deadclaws#dr wilson#house md#crossover
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1000 Follower Celebration
I never thought much of my work so I've waited to do celebrate until 1000. For those who've followed and anyone who liked, commented, or reblogged anything, here is an event as thanks. Please know that this blog and those in this fandom mean so much to me. I read every tag, comment, and reblog and they make my day every time.
If you've followed me for awhile you'll know my writing can be slow and fickle. As a thank you I am committing to fulfilling the requests I receive between November 23rd - November 30th. After that I'll be closing my requests until I work through them.
Now let's get to it!!
Some quick rules
Pick up to 3 prompts.
I'll take individual character requests or something like "members of the 501st/Bad Batch reacting to" requests as well.
I will be doing requests for Clones/Star Wars first and then any previous fandoms I've written for.
I will not be taking anon requests for this event
Let me know what character(s) you want.
If you have them, please state SFW/NSFW preferences
If you have them, please state what gender preference you have.
I retain the right to not write prompts that are uncomfortable/extreme for me.
Tell me as many details as you want, it really helps! You can DM me too if you'd like to discuss.
If you've submitted previous request you'd still like done, feel free to send it again. Tumblr has vanished some requests and I've never seen them again
Please be patient, I waited until life calmed down to focus on this event but writing takes time.
Prompt List
My favorite prompts are the personal ones. If you've been going through anything and you'd like comfort, distraction, or in character advice from your favs, I'm here for you. It's been helpful for me and I'd love to do that for you. Be as specific as you want <3
I'll take continuation requests for previous fics. (I am working on Two Faces pt 3 and aim to finish the Hound drabbles from the past, so if its for them don't you worry, just be patient please.)
Tropes
And there was one bed~
Love at first sight
Hate at first sight
Fake dating
Locked in together
Aphrodisiac
Amnesia
Sharing body heat
Kissing as a distaction
Dying confession
X denying their feelings for Y until Y shows interest in someone else.
X teaching Y something
Carrying bridal style
Confessing during fight
Romance/Fluff
“I think I’m in love with you.”
“I didn’t know love until you.”
“You’d be easy to love.”
“You are my equal in every way.”
“I will never stop fighting for you.”
“If there was anyone meant for me, it was you.”
“You say you love me, but you don’t know me.” “Then let me.”
“They don’t compare to you. No one does/ever has.”
“Don’t look at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like you love me.”
“I could make you feel better.”
“Beautiful.”
Angst:
“We could’ve been us.”
“I don’t want your apology.”
“It would be easier if I didn’t know you.”
“You said you wouldn’t leave and then you did.”
“I feel like I’m falling apart.”
“All I’ve ever wanted is for you to see me.”
“What is it about me that isn’t good enough?”
“At least I kept my promise.”
“Does he/she/they not know about me?”
“You look exactly the same.”
Funny&Misc
“You’re family.”
“Bite me.”
“What a pretty sight.”
“Get over it.”
“I thought you couldn’t stand me.” “I lied.”
“You’re bleeding.” “No shit.”
“Do you believe in soulmates?” “No.”
“I thought I was alone.”
“Stop staring at me to distract me.” “Oh, I’m not trying to distract you.”
“I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.”
“Are my eyes deceiving me or is that a smile, my love?” “Oh, shut up.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen something go so wrong so fast.”
“Do you believe in soulmates?” “No.”
“What kind of dumb question is that?”
“Don’t even think about it.”
"it wouldn’t hurt you to smile you know." “it will.”
“I can do it myself.”
“What a tease.”
“I’m hilarious.” “You’re traumatized.” “Is there a difference?”
“All this sneaking around is going to get us into trouble.”
LETS DOOO IT THANK Y'ALL
#the bad batch#tbb#star wars#bad batch#tbb tech#tech#the clone wars#prequels#tcw#sw tcw#star wars tcw#the clones wars#clone wars#clones#wrecker#echo#crosshair#nervous in the service as we speak
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"Y-yeah..." Russell said, "Twins... they, they were the ones driving... they, they were all using code-code names... the, the gadget user. Shit, what, what was it? It, it, it, it was some kind of tool. I, I think. Began with, with an R, or, or maybe a W..."
Russell shook his head.
"Hopefully those, those will come back..."
"I will find a way to allow to get close without harm," Leofric said, "And I'm sure you will remember sooner rather than later."
Russell nodded.
"N-nope. He, he didn't. Seemed oddly interested in, in my chest though... said, said something had, had attacked me, asked who, who might have done it," Russell said, "I, I had no clue what he, what he was talking about. He, he mistook me, me for something too. A a mat-something... not that what he was doing would be, be okay even if, if I was."
But then he sighed.
"Sorry, Lucien. Not, not this time. He's, he's definitely gonna feel the, the blows I landed for, for a while though. I, I didn't hold back," Russell said, "But when, when I refused to tell him anything, he, he said I would have no, no choice. He was still real, real preoccupied with my chest, so he undid my, my arms and then cuffed my wrist to, to the chair to see, to see it better. Still don't, don't really know what, what he was thinking of. He didn't know I'm, I'm left handed, and that I had been listening to, to the clicks..."
He swallowed. His heart was pounding at the memory, just like it did in this moments.
"But then he, he turned his back to put his gloves after, after taking them off and that's when I very quietly got, got Lewis out. When he came back, I swung at his knees first. He, he didn't see it coming. Then I got myself uncuffed and swung at his hip and his arm with, with both hands. I, I just wanted him down so he, he couldn't chase me, and I, I wanted to get out of there before any, any of his goons realised something was wrong."
He rubbed at his arm briefly. He wasn't used to having to swear short sleeves.
"I, I remember in, in my panic, I yelled 'fuck you' at him a, a few times. My, my words were, were just mostly gone. It was just, just attack and shout."
Bill couldn't help but burst out laughing at that. He loved the image of Russell dropping some f strikes.
"But then I ran while he, he was down... I smelled burnt, burnt plastic just before I did, I don't know if it came from him or I, I broke one of the vials. But soon after running, I start feeling weird, and, and I must have passed out soon after."
Russell sighed then.
"I'm, I'm just sorry I, I didn't do more. It, it was cowardly of me to, to run away when, when I could have, could have gotten more, more payback for what he did to you, Lucien... but I knew I, I would have been outnumbered and, and I figured I wouldn't be much use if I had, I had stayed captured or, or injured, or he did decide to kill me after, after all. Escaping had, had been my priority."
Lucien promised himself to make up for demanding Russell gave up coffee for a few days in some way. He had brought along plenty of infusions he was happy to share, or he could cook something nice even though baking was off the table.
Many activities were, but Lucien still managed to get all the way there because he was fed up with not knowing. He hated not knowing who wanted him dead and he couldn't stand sitting at home while knowing Russell got targeted too. So it was no surprise it looked like he didn't want to miss a single detail even if the tension in his body wasn't going to do him any good.
None of which pleased Rook very much. "Oh, so he's got friends too. How cute."
"Did you catch any of their names?" Lucien asked.
"That'll be useless if we can't even get close." Rook snapped, "We'll have to catch them outside."
"He enjoys striking down the helpless ones." Lucien snapped, "I'm sure he didn't question your behavior at all. It was entirely too good to pass on that. Tell me you caved his skull in."
#theotherrookie#Bloodsucking Bardbarian | Bill#Druidic Dogtor | Leofric#Meowing Mesmerist | Antonio#Altruistic Astrophile | Russell
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me getting depressed because the guy i dont even really like that much is probably still interested in my lab mate who is skinny and pretty and as always im not even bitter about that im just bitter about the whole of the universe
#when all of my friends have always been skinny and pretty and people want to get to know them more than me because of that….. -_-…..#im just thinking abt the first time or two that i met him and one of my friends was like hey is [lab mate] single? [guy] wants to know#like hmmmm has that ever happened with me. has anyone not known me and was interested enough still to inquire#ive reached a point of mostly neutrality about my body like im not really critical of myself. but it doesnt stop the world from treating me#differently. the richard siken enormity of my desire post hit at a bad fucking time for me as you can tell
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#drapion#for lack of more interesting things to say abt drapion i'm gonna tell you about my day today#today was my first day heading to a local elementary school and teaching some kids. and i don't feel like it went very well#i've never thought of myself as being very good with kids but today kinda solidified that. we went over time and somehow they all convinced#me that every single one of them won the game i tried to do and i just believed them. i guess. kids are very persuasive#i told the next group that and one of them literally said “we're kids‚ so” and i was like SHIT. THEY'RE SELF-AWARE#it was also hard not to swear in front of them just bc i am not very good at not swearing. typically i have very little filter
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Sometimes I wish I could just go up to my friends and be like "I watched this new show and this woman in it is so hot, I have a massive crush can we please talk about her and I show you a bunch of pictures of her to show you how hot she is???" but I'm a coward and weird about talking about emotions like that so I could never
#also my friends are never interested enough i feel#or not gay enough#well anyways#i still don't know why i'm like that#like being weird about talking about romantic stuff or sexuality that involves myself#cause i've never been shamed for it or anything#and none of my friends are homophobic#i'm just so awkward so i'd just rather not talk about it and only post about it online or just keep it for myself#like the one time i had a crush on a guy from my school i was so weird about it with my friends#where at first i didn't even know how to tell them#and then i also wanted to talk about him but i never knew hiw#*how#and idk it's weird#generally i'm irl a really awkward person and i don't really know how to maybe work on that#lea's random thoughts#btw this post is about agatha harkness she's so hot i wish i could just spam my friends with pictures of her
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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Hug
*Hug*
#it’s really easy to dismiss why I’m upset and tell myself it’s silly and stupid but#so I went to a party with ⚡️ and 🔮 (hosted at ⚡️’s house) everyone was drinking I was the only sober one#but hearing ⚡️ and 🔮 talk about all these dates they go on trying to hook up with all these people missing people they have crushes on etc.#like what to me is huge and soul crushing and life changing to them is just. a fling or something.#I spent MONTHS in a state of suicidal ideation self harming wondering if I should commit myself over how things went with 🔮#to hear her talk about during those months she was out going on other dates trying to hook up with other people etc.#what was just another date in a long line of dates and people to her was something equal to a breakup to me#and that hurts? and it’s okay that that hurts? it’s okay that I’m upset by that?#because dating is NOT that casual for me#those two dates I went on with her were the first dates I had been on since 2021#and now I can’t even think about being with anyone else besides those two#I’m realizing just how much it hurts me that I’m someone in a long line of random dates/cheap thrills/short lived relationships#because to me they are… well shit man look how much I talk about them on here.#I don’t know if they are FPs but they’re like. Serious interests at least.#they’re who I’m comparing everyone I talk to to#I know that I’m not going to be able to really entertain the idea of flirting seriously with anyone else because I am hooked on them#and one doesn’t know and the other doesn’t care#and I don’t know what to do about it#I told 🔮 if I had a way to move on I would. does she think this is fun for me? that I’m having a good time?#that I love feeling like I want to kill myself over her? because this isn’t fucking fun for me!#THIS FUCKING SUCKS!#*sigh*#idk what else to say#punk gets mail
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When you wanna work on things because you have the day off from work, but instead all you do is lay in bed and not touch anything because nothing is bringing the happy chemical to your brain, all because one thing didn't go the way you had hoped, and you got your hopes up, just to come crashing down.
#like i wanna queue up some of my older fics#but then i tell myself if no one was interested in them the first time around#why would anyone be interested now?#and also because im just a little bummed that my Backrooms stuff is flopping.#i should've figured#it happened with my IoOD blog too#im starting to see a pattern in specific selfship blogs no gaining any notice#maybe its because Josephine uses neopronouns#maybe it because its an Objectum blog#but im just bummed#maybe it just sucks and i should delete it#toadvent
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thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it
#like. I've had phantom wings since i was a CHILD and I'm not even kidding#i remember specifically saying 'i pretend to have wings so much that i can just Feel them there all the time now'#and he reacted in a way where he didn't want to tell me that's weird bc i was a Kid but also he totally thought it was really weird#which. was a reaction i knew very well at the time. that kind of quiet 'i dont know how to react to that but ok'#the trying not to make a weird face about it#so i shut up about it ever since! and then when i was 20 i found out what otherkin was#i remember them specifically being pegasus wings too we've always loved pegasi it was entirely bc of the barbie movie#i can't remember what the term is. for when you're A Fucking Lot of things all at once? poly something?#but we've always been like that#our first OC was plural coded and otherkin coded to the absolute max it was insane#and she was fully and entirely a self insert (at the time. nowadays she's her own guy)#but like. she could absorb souls on the brink of death and communicate with them inside her head#and she could shapeshift into any of those souls' forms at will#and she was supposed to be some kind of chimera#her 'true form' that i made of her was just all of her different forms crammed into one body#like. one owl wing one dragon wing. a dolphin tail. a fox paw and a pegasus hoof. scales mixed with fur. human shaped body. horns#if we weren't a system at the time then we were at least REALLY REALLY susceptible to becoming one we've always been Like This#and I'm willing to say i was an otherkin kid in the same way i say i was trans before i knew what that was#i didn't say I Am A Boy i just said I'm the closest a girl can get to being a boy (a tomboy)#i always leaned towards boys interests and boyish things. in the same way i taught myself to walk like a cat and meow convincingly#(to a point where i meowed once and my sister yelled at me to put the cat down if she's meowing. i was not holding a cat)#i didn't know what being otherkin was but i spent about as much time as possible being as animal as i could get#and i got offended when my friends didn't want to be animals with me. i had a lot of Horse Girl friends as a result#(hard to avoid horse girls in the middle of rural ohio tbh)
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i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether
#personal#its taken so long bc when i started the game i skipped through a lot of sidequests just to get the rewards/whatever they unlock#and later on i regretted it bc i was retroactively interested in lore and there was nothing left to do so wished id taken my time w those#and its rly that same reason i held off on doing a ton of content these past few months#telling myself i shouldnt do them until i had the time and attention span to rly absorb everything#but its rly time i let myself just go for it and enjoy what i Want to enjoy and not dwell too much on what i need to skip to achieve that#not just bc i dont think i'll ever go back to being as hyperfixated on genshin as ive been before (and therefore wont regret it)#but also because i dont really... want to#im at a slowly turning point in my life where i want to do other things with it too#and if i want to make room for those other things#i have to accept that i'll never again be one of those players who take the time to fully consume 100% of the content this game puts out#and thats Good#and i wish id realized sooner skgkslg#i rly have a bad tendency to put arbitrary restrictions on myself and forget why i put them there in the first place#like i played sm of totk with a 'no teleporting' rule bc i wanted to rly gove myself an excuse to explore#and it wasnt until recently that i realized id gotten to a point where it was taking away from my enjoyment more than adding to it#and so that it was ok to just discard that rule atp#i need to try being more conscious of that in general bc im realizing its hindering me in weird places irl too
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