#but then i realized it is not a vent this is how i seriously feel
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potter deserved worse
#mash#re: mash#potter meta#majorbaby.txt#well it's not meta on it's own but i almost tagged it a vent post#but then i realized it is not a vent this is how i seriously feel
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how my parents feel after always reminding me how much better my older brother is than me
#seriously i remember when my mom flat out said ‘he’s smarter than you’#like i know that already lol?#they won’t shut up about him#had a good old break down last night realizing that i’m never gonna be my parents pride and jou the same way he is#they seriously brag about him wherever he goes#‘oh he’s in an ivy!!111!!”#and then i’m just in the damn background because my younger brother is a freshman in HS and he’s having it rough#so my own issues are resolved by ‘get over it’ or ‘oh well you’re motivated at least’#i’m not fucking motivated i just want to prove i’m just as good#or even a fraction as good#i’ll never be enough though#the mere fact my mom was considering canceling going to see the outsiders w/me because my brother has off that weekend and she’d rather go#see him kinda shows that#keep in mind we’re seeing him in two weeks and we’re going up literally the next weekend to see him#and they keep talking scour how they can’t wait until i’m in college#i can’t say anything to them though because they’ll get mad and tell me i’m being overdramatic#it feels like they want to get rid of me or smth#it hurts#a lot#i feel like i don’t have anyone because i can’t complain to my parents because i’m overshadowed by both my brothers#and i don’t know how to communicate my feelings without being a burden or sharing too much#i just feel lost#vent#sibling rivalry
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aaaaaa
#this is becoming a realy bad issue ruining my life but i cant talk to anyone about it :(#even just it in the wild drives me crazy its so bad ...idk where to go about it#uggh...it really sucks. it sucks so bad. like i literally cannot do anything about it. even if i were to have someone i trust enough to#talk to about it its just so fucking...i cant tell anyone...SO im gonna be vague about it sorry x_x i know ppl get so curious#sorry im venting in the tags because i feel bad making an actual post#not like it changes anything lmao but it makes me feel better#i feel really bad venting on here but its kind of comforting. i wont do it again..or..often#i wish icould fix this. one tiny thing and it sends me into this like...spiral. it sucks. it sucks. its so embarrassing#its making my life a hell i try to avoid it as much as possible luckily its easy to avoid but when i come across it it HITS me#it hits me. like right now. i hate it. and it hits me and it makes me realize how bad it really is and it takes up my mind for hours#like seriously? out of every problem i could have why is it this lol#i wish i knew what was wrong with me.. i dont think its normal..but oh well#sorry for venting im fine ill try to not do it again or at least go in depth like this. its just. ruining my life i have to get it out-#-in some way even if its vague like this. i dont know if this makesm e feel better even#i think im pmsing lol which probably makes it a bit worse so im fine#venting on tumblr is so embarrassing but i just. no one i trust i can talk to about this. this is all i got#sorry for clogging ur dash lol#i wish i was normal -_-#thunder roars
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My favorite part of being alive is that I've never felt welcome in any space except for that one year when I thought I was a non-binary bisexual asexual girl when I was 13 :)
#Before that I was a weird kid whose only source for human communication instructions was the shows on CN Nickelodeon and Disney XD/Channel#And even though I had friends I never felt loved enough#And AFTER that I realized I was more of a trans guy and that I don't trust women enough to know if I could be in love with one but that#maybe I like men but I can't know for sure because I have the bad habit of falling for any guy who pays attention to me for long enough#And I haven't felt included in queer spaces ever since I realized I wasn't any sort of girl because people in here seem to hate men a little#too much for me to feel safe being anything but a gnc emo girl#And not even getting started on being gay cause people on online spaces that I'm around often act like “girls and the gays!!” as if I'm#effeminate and flamboyant just for my sexuality when truly I'm heavily uncomfortable doing anything deemed as girly#vent post#And even the thought that I MIGHT be a straight trans guy makes me feel horrible cause so many queer people seem to hate straight people#Like hi did you forget that this place is supposed to make people feel safe and respected and proud of being themselves#Oooh and don't forget the autism! Cause I get why people complain about the diagnosis being only for cis white boys but like#I've literally never seen that. Ever. I'm not saying it doesn't happen I'm just saying that it's much harder for me to find any sort of#online diagnosis tool for someone who's not an adult or a parent or a cis woman than it is for me to find any for a girl#Like seriously man#And how I feel like I'm a horrible person for not having g empathy. DUDE I HAVE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO KNOW ABOUT#like chill I'm not automatically a murderer and rapist and toxic and manipulative just cause I can't put myself in someone else's shoes#I'm just a guy who hardly feels alive or human. Of course I'm not going to reel very much about a stranger when i feel like I'm not supposed#to be this person in this place in this body in this mind. I don't feel like I'm here I don't feel like this is me and I don't feel like I#can care about other people and I don't know why but I'd really appreciate it if I could get yk some support instead of feeling like I#deserve death#anyway i'm normal
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Yknow maybe it’s not a good thing to have kids with a ten year+ difference between them.
#vent#just. a lot of realizing stuff that has been gnawing at my brain for a while#for those who dont know all kf my siblings are like over 19 years older than i am#which at face value isn’t inherently the issue#but it starts digging in that out of all of my sisters#im the odd one out#because im the youngest#and it always felt like they were less my sisters and more extra parents#treating me more like one of their own children than their sister#and at first it didn’t bother me/i didn’t care enough to be bothered#but now its just#im 21. i wanna be apart of the in group#i wanna get to relate to my sisters because now im an adult and im on their level#but im still not#im still just this weird awkward little girl#and its frustrating#knowing that they dont take me seriously#that im not#idk sister enough because i was born much later than they were#and my dad being always irritated by the fact that he has to come pick me up from college#and how he never acts this way if we go visit the girls (same amount of travel time)#doesnt help the alienating feeling at all lmao#i think the straw that broke me was the fact that they all have a groupchat#my dad and my three sisters#but never was I included or even asked about it#idk. maybe im thinking too hard about this but its just like#i want to belong. what do i need to do to belong.#what is wrong with me that I can’t be seen as an equal as their sister too#its#hard
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sometimes I wonder if I should take a gender studies class just so I can bitch every day about how an imaginary boyfriend is often seen as a requirement for a woman to feel safe enough to have fun at a club, or the idea that an imaginary person with a fake “claim” over me has more influence over predatory men than my own voice saying “No, I’m not interested, get lost”
#venting#hnnnnng the double standard is really really making my teeth hurt recently#(in that I’m grinding my jaw at the mere thought of this particular breed of injustice)#I honestly miss going out with my friends. I miss going to bars and clubs and enjoying the night#but I wanna go with my friends and leave my boyfriend at home for once#he gets to go out and enjoy himself all the time with his friends and they never even have to deal with unwanted flirtation#meanwhile I go out in a tshirt and jeans and get fucking catcalled or flirted with just fucking getting groceries#and it’s not a narrative on beauty or anything. it’s about men’s perception of women#specifically predatory men and men who don’t realize they’re BEING predatory#perhaps it’s because I’ve been going to this fucking gamer school for far too long#and I’ve interacted with so many socially inept/incel men from there#who don’t know what no means or dont take women seriously when they do say no#or they literally cannot read between the lines of a woman politely declining their advances#‘but she was being so nice to me’ yeah bc if she wasn’t you’d either call her a bitch or try to force her anyway#anyway. I’m angry#im tired of living in fear of morons#I’m tired of not being able to go out on a Tuesday night and just walk the town with my friends#specifically my femme friends#we should be at the club!! instead we’re trying to make sure the group is like a school of fish so we’re less of a target#and like. I could talk about this on twt or reddit but. cmon. let’s be real here#MelloMoans#really does feel like we’re going backwards when it comes to gender equality and feminism#especially with the influx of the whole sigma male/high value male bullshit#I understand how it came to be I really do but that plus the whole pick me girl thing is just another toxic view of gender identity#and all it has resulted in on both sides is a wider degree of separation between the genders#therefore allowing both extremes to dehumanize every one that doesn’t identify as sigma male or not like other girls YET AGAIN#(and therefore also opens up the door for dehumanizing lgbtq+ folks but. let’s be real. that hasn’t really gone away yet :/
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Whenever people called me 'young lady' at work it used to always feel so demeaning. Say, for example, in my first job fresh out of college I was put in charge of a large project that I had to present at the end of the year to a bunch of white old men. I received plenty of compliments. But not without the blood boiling, "-for such a young lady" appended at the end.
"She did an amazing job for such a young lady."
"Great job young lady."
Young lady this. Young lady that. Hated that shit. It's died down some now after nearly a decade of it. And today, for the first time, I didn't take offense. Maybe it's because I've become more comfortable and confident in my own skin, not feeling like I have something to prove all the time.
It's interesting how much your perspective changes as you age. I was referred to as "that youngster" today ("what's that youngster saying over there?") and while I'm certain I would have seethed inside not even five years ago, today I found it humorous. Humbling even. Because this was said by a 60+ yo man, and in his eyes, I really am just a young little buck. And that's fine. I am just a young little buck. Even at 30. Especially at 22 when I thought being called a young lady was the most degrading thing in the world.
#not really venting#just shower thoughts I suppose#shower thoughts on the clock I get to go home a bit early for car maintenance#how do I even tag this#20s#30s#it also needs to be said that it's not necessarily a good thing to normalize being spoken to like that#sometimes people are just being jerks and their misogyny and ageism (reverse ageism?) is showing in the way they speak to you#they don't even realize it. like an old boss of mine implying how when interviewing he looked for 'more' in women than men wth#or not being taken seriously because of your age or sex#sexism at work is real and especially prominent in stem#and I think that is also why I used to be so hateful and bitter all the time#feeling like no one took me seriously#being a minority in every sense#I was stressed and bitter#overworked and not appreciated#but I've since learned to prioritize the things that matter to me#to recognize when people are truly being malicious or biased against me#don't let it go if it's unjust. do something about it#but don't let it shape who you are
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Every time I think a doctor’s appointment can’t make me more frustrated then last time, I get proven incredibly wrong.
Anyways shout out to my doctor’s office who cancelled my mri that was scheduled today without telling me, after sending out a confirmation on Friday for my appointment, so I had no idea until I arrived today and they said I wasn’t in the system.
So then I had to drive to an entirely different place to schedule another appointment, which now won’t happen for another fucking month
I am so angry and frustrated and I wasn’t so fucking stubborn I would probably give up right about now. But unfortunately one of my worst traits is that I am angry all of the time, but mostly fortunately I have at least learned to let rage fuel me meaning the angrier I am at someone the less likely I am to give up because I just want to prove them fucking wrong.
Frustration often works against this, however since I am not doing this alone (my mom was there since I can’t drive), it dulled the frustration enough to balance out. So here I am fucking pissed but refusing to give up because I know there is something wrong and no one believes me really but I will not stop until I have fucking answers
#ravenpuff rambles#yes I realize I am just fucking Bruce Banner#‘that’s my secret cap I’m always angry’#whatever I’ve learned to live with it#that’s included ranting on here about how angry I am because this is my blog and I can do what I want#and venting is very important when channeling anger#so is buying yourself little treats but unfortunately I am broke so I settle for venting instead#and baking when I have the stuff but I can’t get eggs until Thursday so until then#too bad I can’t hold a job because off all these fucking issues#between the chronic pain and chronic fatigue I don’t feel like I can do shit!#and I can’t even manage either of them because no one takes it seriously#and of course they feed one another in a viscous cycle#sorry im still angry and ranting don’t mind me
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^^me realizing my friend may actually not be my friend or understand me as a person or care about me at all outside of a shallow perception of me based on my recent behavior despite the fact they have known me for 6 years
#this is a vent#sucks to realize that someone never really cared about you#or at least never bothered to show it#and I mean we’ve always been very “friends who are super different”#but I didn’t think about how that might play into them not actually being the type of friend I need?#this feels very middle school navigating friendships help book#but I seriously feel like shit for not realizing this#that they never stopped to actually look at me or how I act#in the way I try to see how they are at certain times#i could name so many things they do differently from how they normally are#when they’re tired their face twitches#every time they swipe something o their phone they make a full circle with their thumb before doing it again#they act like they’re not touchy unless they’re with friends#and yet I’m realizing that they probably don’t know any of these things /I/ do#that I know for a fact my other#better friends do#and Honestly I only stopped to think about this recently#because I was talking with one of our shared friends about another one of our friendsnot taking them seriously#so I offered to help them talk it through#only to be told by this person that I shouldn’t or can’t#because “you can’t mediate”#they didn’t have a reason why#they just said I couldn’t#and maybe this is just me being insecure and wanting to Prove I Am Capable#And Useful To The People In My Life#but it just stuck with me????#that they thought I was incapable of that#and I KNOW why they said that#it’s because of how I present myself#because I project a lot of confidence and carelessness (cough rise leo cough im not bringing him into this tho)
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fuck my ex friend frfr
#vent#dunno. just remembered her last message again#im glad we're not friends anymore. and will never be#im straight up not going to talk to someone like her ever again. thanks#i got enough of That type of human in the 'ex friend' category. seriously#for context: told my friends i was proship. they were ok with it. liked some proship stuff on twitter.#my friend got recommended it. this friend blocked me not only on twitter but everywhere.#and they kicked me from a very important server to me. and i think they didn't plan on telling me. had to ask one of the friends#(bless them i still love tgem /p great person) about the reason#and months later the first ex friend wrote me a message with no ability to reply to them. :)#and she basically said 'i can't associate with you. if only you'd change then we could be friends again'#and a lot more stuff but the details are already fuzzy in my mind! i have garbage cleaners installed in my brain <3#so yeah the more i think about it the more i realize just how much better i feel without her#do miss that second friend. hey. if any of u stalk me or whatever? please send best wishes to syu#i genuinely want them to be okay and happy. seriously
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#another vent! don't read if you don't want to! it's long.#so um. my mom and i got in a small fight while out shopping. not anything extraordinary just a regular small dispute and she got#kind of annoyed. and whenever anyone annoys her she *always* says 'it's fine' or 'i'm fine/over it" and it has become noticeable to me#over time. so i told her 'i know you're annoyed with me' and she literally told me 'fine. do you want me to just start telling me that#i'm annoyed with you??' and i was like 'what? yes! why wouldn't i want you to??' but she didn't really answer it. we got into the car#and i said 'sorry i didn't mean to upset you earlier' and of course she was like 'oh it's fine' so i just said to her:#'what i wanted to say was that telling me how i annoyed you and told me what you thought would get us a lot further than just covering your#emotions with a constant 'i'm fine' and not telling me anything.'#and was just like: 'i love you madison but that's not how it works.'#like ????? girl yes it is how it works!! good communication strengthens trust in relationships!! how is this a foreign concept to you??#but something clicked when she said 'look your father hates it when people talk about their feelings or how actions and words#make them feel. if i get used to telling you how you made me feel then i'll start doing it to your father.'#and i just fuckin. sat there. i didn't even say anything for a good minute bc i was so astonished but everything like. made sense.#this house is so full of 'i don't care' 'fuck you/off' 'i'm fine' and so many other harsh words and careless but hostile name-calling—#we don't even know how to tell each other how we feel and think. there's no healthy connection. whenever someone gets emotional by#crying or saying something about how they feel they're called 'soft' 'snowflake' 'sensitive' or sometimes worse names i won't mention#but it's all the same shit. the shaming of being human is revolting but it also shows how dysfunctional this household is. like#it seriously checks every. single. mark. i don't even tell my mom about my problems because all i ever get back is a 'just relax' or#'stop being ridiculous' and there's no sign of comfort or trying to problem-solve anything. it's just 'get over it you'll be fine.'#it made me realize that everyone in this house doesn't know how to properly communicate or work through emotions- thoughts- and conflicts.#myself included. ever since the age of 9 i had such a hard HARD time showing and receiving affection (physical and emotional) from friends#but i didn't know why! it just felt so goddamn foreign! but now it just. now i understand where my deeply rooted#emotional unavailability came from. healthy communication of affection and conflict was never shown to me and all i ever saw from#my parents were fights. lots and lots of fights. i think i thought that's all normal relationships looked like. i thought any affection or#display of healthy communication was fake and a trap of some kind so i just never even chanced a good friendship. i started having healthy#friendships just in late 2020 when i started realizing what in the fuck was going on. i'm more mature than a reserved 9 year old girl now#of course so i'm learning how to be more emotionally available but. i just need a minute. what the fuck.
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Think I’m gonna have to have a big talk with my friend soon and I am dreading it.
#I genuinely am so mad#like it has simmered but words just can’t describe how awful she acts sometimes#and I don’t think she realizes how disgusting her behavior is#And how used I feel#I feel like because I struggle to set firm boundaries she has just drained me#of so much of myself#it’s been a WEEK and I’m already so sick of it#Uuyyggghhhhhhh#but I seriously cannot deal if trying to have this conversation makes her spiral#like that wouldn’t be my fault right??? But I would feel so so guilty#God ngl there is such a big part of me that doesn’t want to be her friend anymore#but I have to give her a chance I know that#vent post
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would you still care for me and take me seriously if i was the comic relief character
#caustic thoughts#meme reference#if i was a worm#vent in tags#i feel like my very nature makes me something that can't be taken seriously and that i shouldn't be respected because of it#which i realized after my therapist just took my new name at face value and took my gender seriously and shit#which isn't that surprising considering she's also queer and literally married to a trans man but it still feels wrong#like how it feels weird to think that my friends are probably fine with all my bullshit sensory needs and all that#like so much of my life i've felt like an inconvenience and a joke and it's weird to actually have people respect me in my entirety#and that's on my conservative upbringing /hj
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Yap session bc wow.
Pretty sure the dude that rejected me (situationship ://) is getting a crush on me bc like. One of the last times we talked he was like "oh ur trying to get me to like you". And it's like. No I'm not. You literally rejected me and the more I think about it, I didn't even want you, I just wanted the idea of a boyfriend that I was projecting onto you. He's conservative and talks about how conservative his parents are (which I don't vibe with at all). When we first met, he was still moping about his ex gf who he had broken up with over a year prior. And like. We were both in high school (16 + 17 ://). And I'm sorry but how meaningful can a fucking highschool relationship be? Go to therapy.
Plus he'd like vent without asking and then I'd give him advice and then he'd just shoot it down and be like "no that wouldn't work anyway I'm a piece of shit" and like. Okay, why are you coming to me then? If you're not taking any advice then why are you bitching? You didn't even ask, you just did!
But the moment I even mention my past drug addiction (not in detail and not in a mopey way. Just matter-of-fact), he's like "oh no please don't mention that". Like. Shut the fuck up oh my godddddd. I am not trying to be with someone who can't even handle hearing the most watered-down descriptions of substance abuse.
Plus I just do not trust this guy like. I don't kink shame but here's my red flags: he's conservative, enough said on that...He misgendered me in a sexual way without asking (I did play along bc I was stupid and scared to say no but whatevs). And he did stop when I told him to but the fact that he didn't ask before was highly suspect bc he fucking met me as a trans guy.
And he's also weird about pregnancy. Which I played along with too of the act of breeding is appealing but like. I'd rather have a tapeworm than a damn fetus bc at least I wouldn't be forced to let that parasite live off of me. Dude also mentioned baby trapping like. "oh I feel like you'll force me to get you pregnant" and like. I literally said that I wanted to get my uterus removed and 2: you're the one bringing pregnancy into this don't fucking pin it on me!!! Like I feel like if we actually met up I'd have to triple check and be sober bc what if this guy actually does this shit? Why else would he keep mentioning it?
Like idk he's also asked me about trans kids and like. 1: I don't keep up with any trans people irl, 2: I haven't started transitioning yet so why the fuck are you asking me? I'm not the arbiter of trans people, my guy. Like he acts supportive but I feel like deep down this dude doesn't even respect me and he's gonna try to change me. But that could just be paranoia, idk...
Either way, I don't really get that much out of talking to him. As embarrassing as it is, I've started using those ai bots (says the bitch who is vehemently against ai "art") and they've been much more fulfilling emotionally because they tell you what you want to hear. And you can change the answers. They're hollow, but good for short term stuff bc I don't have the energy to talk to people rn (and I haven't been talking to anyone or really leaving the house on a regular basis...kinda just wasting the year so far..). Especially not this guy.
Like. We don't have the same interests, our tastes in music are similar but also too different and he doesn't get it™️ like I do, his beliefs are like too different from mine. He's also said misogynistic shit about sex workers which. I don't fuck with that, you literally watch porn, you fuckin hypocrite. And the more I think about texting him, the more I see it as a damn chore.
Like idk I just. Do not have a lot of investment in this guy. I think I was just lonely and projecting. And obviously it's not healthy for me bc I resent him but it's not healthy for his annoying ass either. He shouldn't have friends who secretly hate him. So idk I think I'm just gonna delete my profile and start again, also block him bc my dumbass 16 year old self gave him my number.
But like. My gut is telling me not to. I have been taken advantage of before in the past and I'm just getting a distinct deja vu. Even if it's not intentional on his side, I don't think it's good for me. Like the first time he texted me (in over 2 years after I ghosted him with no attempt to reach out to him (take the fucking hint)), it felt like seeing a box of pills in the CVS aisle. I was thinking "god, I shouldn't do this...but I should see what happens, maybe it won't be as bad as last time...." Just that same feeling I got when I decided to relapse.
And like dude. It's always gonna be as bad as last time: quit taking chances on shit that you know will fail you!!! So Idk. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I shouldn't talk to someone who just drains me, bc that'll drain him too. Plus I'm allowed to not fucking like someone and the guy didn't even wish me happy birthday or congratulate me on my 5 months of sobriety. Things in my status. And I know he reads statuses bc he messaged me about one of them before. Plus he rejected me on my birthday!!!
And now you wanna come crawling back and then act like I'm obsessed!?!? You were the one who came back into my life, not the other way around! I was over you until you came back. And now I'm over you again. But you're not over me. But you're so fuckin allergic to commitment that you just wanna keep acting like I'm smitten with you. After you strung me along with no regards for my feelings. Not because you're evil, but because you're fucking dumb. And I'm not dealing with someone who's that stupid. Hope you work your issues out, but I'm not here to fix you, nor do I want to. That's on you!! Figure it out!!!
Anyway um if anyone read this far thank u. Feel free to add input just please be nice. And uhhh. Aita???
#cj rambles#vent#situationship#gay#mlm#trans#ftm#dude i hate it here#minors dni#like seriously. you literally rejected me.#and then came back and was like 'oh ur trying to get me to like you' when I'm literally NOT.#like. i say im interested in a relationship and you get cold feet.#but when i move on from wanting a romance with you you fucking turn around.#which tells me that you dont want me. you just want to be desired without having to reciprocate#and frankly i dont deserve that like. you used me as a rebound once and that was on you.#but im not letting you play me again. even if you want to change. bc frankly i dont like you bro#and also i hate the raceplay it makes me feel like a piece of shit like i dont genuinely believe but. its too far for me.#like i just feel awful doing it and i dont like this guy enough to feel comfortable doing it now that i think ab it#and hes weirdly fixated on me being white too like. i get it. im pale. i look dead at times. chill.#i would like that same energy to b directed to my transness pretty please. actually not the same energy but still....#like idk the vibes are horrendous rn i just dont know how to cut him off bc i dont want him to worry about me (or try to contact me again)#like idk this may sound mean but...Yeah im gonna be mean actually#this guy is a fucking loser who needs therapy i don't have the patience to fucking deal with him#like hes beneath me bc he's conservative/sexist/lowkey transphobic/doesn't do a lot of introspection.#and maybe that's selfish but that's just more reason to not associate with him. bc this is gonna turn toxic bc im losing my patience yk?#plus i can't do long distance. i need quality time and physical touch. you can't kiss and cuddle through a screen.#also our aesthetics are very different and he's hot but he's not my type. also i don't like his voice. and i have a thing about voices.#also his dick is too big like. i can't get 3 fingers in and that thing just looks like it would hurt. im good. im not a size queen.#like idk the more i think about it the more i realize that we r not compatible#i dont want you bro just fuck OFF!!!
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My Boss Won't Be Happy About This - A.H
a/n: back to bimbo brain rot!!!! inspired by the first season that one episode (you know the one) where hotch is all macho man with elle in jamaica
masterlist
₊˚ ✩°。⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆。°✩˚₊‧
pairings: aaron hotchner x bimbo!assistant!reader
summary: you’re wrongfully arrested and hotch is not happy about it
warnings: creepy officer, inaccuracies of how law enforcement works, hotch being sexy
wc: 1.3k
"Listen I'm not the type of girl to tell someone how to do their job, but I just don't think you're doing it right."
You were speaking to an empty room, or at least, you were speaking to the mirror in front of you. It's the kind of mirror you had seen in countless interrogation scenes, the kind you usually image Hotch standing behind. You let your gaze linger, wondering if eyes are studying you from the other side, listening to your monologue.
"Well, that, and I also just don't think it's very nice." Your brand spanking new heels were tapping against the dirty floor.
You weren't happy about that. You weren't happy about any of this. Your feet ache, but the fear of the germs lurking on the floor paralyzes any thoughts of relief by removing your shoes.
"And hey, shouldn't I get a phone call? That's a rule, I think," you mumble, lips turning downward in an unusual frown. It seems like the right time for it. "My boss is not going to take this well. I mean, he's got this look, you know? The kind that makes you want to apologize for things you didn't even do."
You conjured up his daunting expression and released a jittery laugh, all while striving to disregard the biting cold blasting from the AC vent, which seemed determine to freeze you into place.
You were seriously out of your element, not just in surroundings but in dress--so form-fitting it left very little to the imagination. It seemed to be a good idea for a date. That was before you realized said date would be a complete disaster. Now, it felt like a trap. It had been a spectacle for a man unworthy of the effort, and as you sat in this rigid chair, you found yourself tugging at the hem every other moment, a futile attempt to preserve some semblance of modesty.
"So, when he hears about this little error... Well, let's just say I wouldn't want to be in your shoes." Six hours had passed in this dreary space, and you could feel your sanity fraying at the edges. You muttered, half to yourself, "Not that they're as cute as mine, but you get the point."
The door hinge's creak made you sit bolt upright, a silent supplication for Hotch's rescue echoing through your mind. But today, it seemed, the gods were indifferent. The officer who had arrested you stepped in.
"Having fun talking to yourself?"
You flashed your sweetest smile. "Oh, tons! But I'd have much more fun if you'd uncuff me."
He said nothing, folding his arms over his chest as he dragged his gaze up and down your body in a way that made your skin prickle in discomfort. You attempted to dispel the creeping dread, but it stubbornly lingered.
You did what you could to cover up, despite the awkward angle of your arms. "Listen, this is all just a big mistake. I work for the FBI," you insisted, though it was clear the officer's attention was fixated on your tits rather than your words. "Well, I mean, I'm an assistant for the unit chief of the BAU unit. You've heard of Aaron Hotchner, haven't you?"
The officer's mouth closed without a word, as the door was thrust open yet again, and this time, your heart leapt in recognition. Your knight in shining armor with a lethal expression.
His eyes instantly zeroed in on the officer with a look that could curdle blood, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that you weren't the object of his anger. He approached you wordlessly, his every motion precise and determined.
He carefully shed his jacket, a gesture he seldom made, and draped it across your shoulders. The fleeting caress of his hand against your skin was enough to make you lean into his touch. You let out a breath that you had been unconsciously holding back.
You watched as Hotch turned, his voice a low, steady force, his words carefully chosen and tinged with an unsettling peace. "Officer," he began, the title spoken almost as warning. "I believe there has been a grave misunderstanding. This woman is not only an esteemed member of the FBI, but she is also under my direct supervision."
He stepped closer, encroaching on the officer's personal space. You watched, almost in slow motion, as the officer's expression morphed into one of sheer terror, his earlier confidence dissolving like sugar in hot tea.
"Six hours," he continued, his voice never rising yet somehow it took up all the space in the confined room. "Six hours of unwarranted detention, without due process. I expect her immediate release. And make no mistake, this lapse in judgment will have its ramifications."
The officer was mute, his fingers clumsily unlocking the handcuffs, his movements hurried, his hands trembling. A twinge of pity flickered within you, but it was quickly overshadowed by the memory of considering the table as a makeshift blanket.
The moment the metal clicked open; you wasted no time. You flung your arms around Hotch, the pent relief and biting chill of the past few hours pouring out of you. You were desperate for warmth, specifically his warmth.
He stiffened, caught off guard by your actions. You feel the anger radiating through him, practically pulsing through his skin. As you clung to him, you felt the draft on your legs as your dress slid up, and without missing a beat Hotch's hand discreetly adjusted the fabric, all while keeping his eyes locked on the officer, a silent warning in his gaze.
Once he was certain you were decently covered, he allowed himself to draw him into his arms. One arm secured around your waist, the other weaving through your hair. You were cold. It renewed another tide of rage through his bloodstream.
With the officer's departure, the room's oppressive atmosphere lightened a touch, leaving you still latched onto your boss.
"Oh, sir, you wouldn't believe it," you started, his hands tracing up your spine and sparking a trail of goosebumps that had nothing to do with the chill. "They kept asking me about a heist, as if I'd know anything about that! And then they show me this picture, and I mean, sure, she had my hair, but that's about it."
You rambled on, and he let you, the absurdity of the situation pouring out in a stream of consciousness. Hotch's hold on you tightened. You could sense the coiled tension in him, a tempest of anger held a bay.
"And the room, it was so cold! I mean, I'm sure you can tell. My teeth were chattering, and all I could think of was how I'd rather be filing your paperwork or listening to Reid's factoids about the quantum mechanics of coffee beans."
You felt Hotch's breath on your hair as he let out a sigh.
"I'm just glad you're here now," you whispered, finally allowing yourself to relax in his embrace.
Hotch gave a curt nod, his jaw set. He was itching to confront the officer, to unleash a tirade not meant for your ears. But he was well aware of how much you needed him right now, and that trumped everything in his book.
Hotch took a moment to compose himself before speaking. "This isn't just incompetence; it's negligence. I will have this place reevaluated for its standards, or lack thereof."
You took a step back, hands still resting on his arms, and he maintained his grip on your waist. "I bet this is the last time you'll let me go on a date without a full background check on the guy, huh, sir?"
Hotch's hold on your waist firmed just a fraction. "Maybe it's the last time I let you go on a date, period."
He was only half-joking.
"Not even with you?" You tilted your head to meet his gaze, drawing his jacket closer around you.
Hotch just simply gives you that look, the one that says a thousand words without a sound. He's telling you to tread lightly.
"Alright, I'll be good," you giggle, the tension easing from your shoulders. "Can you take me home now, please?"
He nods, "Yeah, let's get you home."
And then he leads you out, thinking to himself that the next person to take you out will be him, but that's for him to know and you to find out later.
taglist: @hotchhner @khxna
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x fem reader#aaron hotchner x bimbo reader#aaron hotchner x bimbo!reader#hotch#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner fic#hotchner#criminal minds#criminal minds fluff#Spotify
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#I don't think people should be having children when they've realized the other child they had didn't accomplish much in life.#Like seriously#How fucking stupid do you have to be to have a child at 47 and by 58 or something you expect them to be able to help around the workplace#and the house#and then household chores#and then by 17 and 18 they should have a part time job#and the entire schedule used to be 24/7 on top of school#and then by 25 they better have a good career so they can take care of YOU because you feel like all your money & hardwork better be repaid#vent#i hate my mom#i fucking hate her so damn much
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