#and I mean we’ve always been very “friends who are super different”

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

^^me realizing my friend may actually not be my friend or understand me as a person or care about me at all outside of a shallow perception of me based on my recent behavior despite the fact they have known me for 6 years

[mandarinmoons]

What about Reid with a ballerina spouse (gn or fem) I don’t really have any idea for it other than Spencer has kept the relationship a secret from the team but they’ve been kind of suspicious and find out some how? Maybe the kind of spy on him and see him going into one of her shows and at the end of the show they see him kissing her or something

“I gotta get going guys, see you all tomorrow!”

“Wait wait, hold on now. What’s got you in such a hurry?”

Derek watched as Spencer quickly put away the files on his desk and threw his satchel over his shoulder, he seemed awfully eager to leave.

“Oh uh… The library’s closing earlier than usual today and there’s this one book I really want to read, so gotta go before it closes. Bye!”

Spencer strode off leaving the rest of the team very confused. They noticed that Spencer’s been leaving earlier than usual and he always had a different excuse.

“I have a dentist appointment.”

“I have to go and get more postage stamps before the post office closes.”

He had used nearly every excuse in the book and knowing his brain capacity, he’d probably never run out of them.

“Penelope, can you-”

“Already on it my love and… it’s false, he’s definitely hiding something.”

“Anybody up for a stake out?”

Derek and Penelope turned their heads at Emily, both of their eyebrows knitted together at the suggestion thrown out.

“Prentiss, you’re serious?”

“C’mon, aren’t you curious? Reid’s never one to shy away from talking about something.”

“That is true.”

“Oh, c’mon Derek! We’ll be super discreet! We can even dress in all black and be like spies!”

Derek turned his head at Penelope and chuckled over the excitement he saw in Penelope’s eyes.

“Garcia, we're the FBI.”

“I know, but I’ve always loved those spy sequences in movies.”

Both Emily and Derek laughed at Penelope’s excitement over the idea of having a stakeout over one of their friends. It really wasn’t like Spencer to not tell them about something, everyone on the team was like a family and they were usually some of the first people on the know about big news.

A couple of hours later after Penelope managed to track down Spencer’s location through his phone, the team were surprised when they ended up at a theater.

Looking around the area, they spotted a poster for the upcoming show that was set to start in 10 minutes, the show in question? A performance of Swan Lake.

“Why would Spencer come to see a ballet performance?”

“I think I know why.”

Turning their heads, Emily and Derek look over to Penelope and see her motion to Spencer and an unfamiliar woman with him. The two of them seem to be talking and laughing, but not in just a friendly manner. Spencer’s hand held onto the woman’s lightly and his thumb brushed over her knuckles, a sign of something more than just friendship. The woman seemed to get called to get into her position, but before she turned to leave she pressed a quick kiss to Spencer’s lips and hurried off, leaving Spencer smiling like a fool.

“My man.”

Spencer jumped in his shoes when he heard Derek’s voice. He turned around and saw the grinning faces of his coworkers walking over to him.

“What’re you guys doing here?”

“We had some suspicions, so we bit the bullet and decided to check up on you.”

“And by “check up” you mean follow me?”

The three of them looked at each other, slightly embarrassed at their decision, but were met with Spencer chuckling a moment later.

“You guys are impossible.”

“So who was that pretty lady?”

“Y/N, we met at a coffee shop a few months ago and we’ve been on a few dates. It’s been going pretty well.”

“And she’s a ballerina?”

“Yeah, she’s amazing! I’ve seen her rehearse and this is the second show of hers I’m seeing.”

“If she’s really that good then we gotta see it.”

Penelope flew to buy the tickets, clearly very excited to see the new talent perform. As they all got to their seats and the lighting dimmed, everyone watched the performance with excitement, waiting for your turn.

When the performance ended, you were surprised to see a group of people following Spencer along. One of the ladies, who seemed very eager, walked up to you and gushed about the performance you put on.

“You were so graceful! I haven't seen such light movement in, well, ever!”

The woman’s compliments, who’s name turned out to be Penelope as you made out from the rest of the guests, went straight to your heart.

The other visitors, whose names were Emily and Derek, complimented you on your performance as well, but all your attention was on the man behind them who had an adoring smile on his face, one that was clearly directed at you.

“I wasn’t aware Spencer invited you along.”

“He didn’t. We got curious because he’s been a bit suspicious lately and had to see what was causing it.”

“I mean I knew you all worked for the FBI but I didn’t know you were that nosey.”

Everyone laughed at the comment which made you feel a bit more welcomed along with them.

“What can we say, some things you just can’t help but be curious about.”

Taglist: @radioactiveinvisible @whoisspence @sreidisms @lanascinnamongirls @luvkatryna @sp3ncelle @iluvreid @khxna @keiva1000 @reidstheyfriend @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @cynbx @kimm4710 @niktwazny303 @reidsdaisies @mindfullycriminal @cumulo-stratus @gayfor-rosadiaz @gubsbuubs @multifandomsimp69 @chyozai @deppfanatic @potatovoyager @indyvelazquez @nini123 @justlivinginadaydream @kers505 @dan-the-womans-blog

Notice: I am no longer adding people into my taglist and will be discontinuing it soon so if you'd like to be kept up to date with my future works then please follow me x

You can find my masterlist here!

Let me know your thoughts in the comments and like & reblog to support <3

[oldiesstationlover11607]

Bullies - Peter Parker x fem!reader

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None! Super fluffy <3

Word Count:

Description: Peter comforts reader after a hard day at school. It can be any Peter btw but I imagined it as Tom :)

Peter knew things at school weren’t good. They never had been. I had six weeks left before I graduated and we’d been counting down the days together, despite being at different schools. Peter was the smart scientific boy who I’d met at the library and I was the music obsessed girl who was brutally bullied for who I was. I’d been shoved up against a locker before my English class by Carson, the boy who was committed to ruining my life. I had banged my head badly and was sent to the nurse’s office after passing out in the lesson. My mom had been called and I was sent home. After watching a couple episodes of (your favorite tv show), there was a sharp knock at my window. Spider Boy. Peter. I stumbled out of bed to unlock and open the window so he could come inside. 

“What are you doing in bed?” he asked, crawling in next to me. I rubbed my eyes, hoping the throbbing sensation would stop. 

“I came home from school early. Had a headache,” I muttered. He knew full well I never got headaches, which was reflected by the conflicted look on his face. 

“Tell me the truth y/n, why are you in bed at 3:00?” I tried to figure out a decent lie but had absolutely nothing. Maybe I’d fallen down some stairs, maybe I’d accidentally broken my nose in dodgeball. He wouldn’t believe that, he knew I never showed up to phys ed. 

“Remember how I told you about Carson?”

“Oh so that’s why you currently have a black eye and a half,” he seethed. Well guess that answered the question of whether I looked as bad as I felt. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not,” I responded, cuddling closer to him. His arm was around my shoulders, body turned into mine.

“Did he hurt you?” Of course he hurt me. No one else would’ve done this to me. 

“I just said I don’t want to talk about it,” I looked up into his glowing brown eyes, not able to tell if he was worried or raging. 

“Fine, we don’t have to talk about it. But just know Spiderman is going to have a very stern conversation with Mr Carson,” Peter spoke with severe clarity, “he’s not going to hurt you again y/n.” I knew he meant what he had said. We sat there in silence while my computer continued to play (your favorite tv show). He watched the episode with me, occasionally asking questions so he could catch up. Once the episode ended I turned off my computer and put some music on. 

“How was school today Pete?” I asked. School was much easier for him, his teachers actually cared, he had his friends MJ and Ned, and he didn’t need to study to get an A. 

“Not too bad, we’re just getting ready for finals and prepping grad stuff, y’know,” he explained. I nodded, excited for the short period of time we had left before college. 

“What time do you have to get home?” Aunt May always knew Peter was at my house, but she had standards, especially knowing Peter was Spiderman, and a high schooler. 

“Like 10:30, we’ve got time,” he pressed a kiss to my temples and ran his fingers through my hair. I could feel the tension in the air, I wanted so desperately to cry over the day, over how much pain I was in. 

“I’m going to hurt you y/n. I’m going to hurt you as much as I can. And once school is out I’m going to fucking kill you,” Carson had whispered into my ear as he pressed me into the lockers. I could still feel the padlock being pressed into my back. My eyes started to water and a few tears slipped onto Peter’s shirt. 

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” He sat up and held me back so he could get a proper look at my face. I shook my head, letting the floodgates slip.

“H-he told me he was going to kill me Peter. I can’t go back there,” I sobbed. He pulled me in close, his forehead resting against mine. 

“He won’t lay another hand on you ever again. I mean it y/n.” I could feel the tension in his body. 

“You promise?” I cupped his jaw, my fingers resting behind his ear. 

“I promise. I’ve got you.”

//

Please submit any requests y'all have! I love to write so let me know if you've got any!

@urmykindofwoman let me know if you like this! I haven't written to Peter in a wee bit

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Find the Word

Thanks @sleepywriter00 for the tag!

Rules: find the given words in your WIP(s), then tag others with new words

My words: psycho, pranked, soil, grave

Your words: new, clean, decide, system

Tagging with zero pressure @theeccentricraven @mysticstarlightduck @little-peril-stories @blind-the-winds @buffythevampirelover @mk-writes-stuff @eccaiia @cowboybrunch @addicted2coke-theothercoke @gottestod-writes @chauceryfairytales @frostedlemonwriter @talesofsorrowandofruin @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @theprissythumbelina or anyone else who wants to hop on

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @fairy-tales-of-yesterday per usual you can hop on

Keep reading for:

Liam and Maddie discuss the science of shapeshifting

George X Liam is a thing now

Beau creates a beanstalk

Noelle's research finds an article

Psycho Insane (closest synonym) - from The Secret Portal Part Two (Maddie POV)

“Thanks for researching all of this,” I said. “I mean, not being an animal morphian, you didn’t have to.” Liam leaned against the wall. “I always wanted to be an animal morphian. When I realized I got to train one, I just did a bunch of research. To both benefit your learning and just to learn a few things myself. Shapeshifting is just fascinating in general. Like, you can change your mass, like, that shouldn’t be a thing! But it is, and that’s, like, insane.” “Wow,” I breathed. “So what happens to the mass that you lose?” “No idea,” said Liam, smiling. “What if we took the mass from something?” I asked. “Great, but where would that something come from?” “I dunno,” I said. “Matter can’t be created or destroyed. We’ve learned that in science class.” “You’d be right,” said Liam. “But we’re in another dimension.” “So you’re saying matter can be created or destroyed in this dimension?” “Perhaps,” said Liam, pressing his hands together in deep thought. “But what if instead we’re borrowing mass from another pocket dimension? Like, there’s a pocket universe of just mass, and we put our mass there if we’re lessening our mass, or borrowing mass from there if we increase our mass?” “Hm,” I said. “That could work, but isn’t it complicated?” “Who knows?” said Liam. “We’re in another dimension. Anything is possible. The rules of this universe are different than the rules of Ceteri.” “That’s cool.” “Glad you agree, kiddo.”

Actually, matter can be created or destroyed but only with an anti-matter particle :)

Pranked Trick (closest synonym...) - from The Secret Portal Part One

Maddie gave Kelsey a small punch in the arm. She looked past Kelsey’s shoulder. “Hey, Liam, what are you dressed as?” Liam, who was talking with George, wore a black full-piece covering his whole body with glow sticks along his arms, legs, and torso. Upon Maddie’s query, he put a hood over his head, then zipped it shut over his face, glow sticks forming a circle. “A stick figure.” Maddie burst out laughing. Kelsey smirked, clapping slowly. “You win. You win.” Unzipping the hood, Liam smiled at George. “See? This is hilarious. It’s simple, but it’s super clever. I barely put any more effort than Gabe, yet everyone I’ve encountered says this is the best costume here. That’s the trick of Halloween. You either need to go all out or you need to be very, very clever about what you decide to be and what materials you use.” George, now eating what Ceters called a “cupcake,” nodded, very entertained by his new friend. While George loved sharing all of his speedster-induced hours research, Liam always managed to make a good argument out of seemingly everything. It was one of the fascinating things about him. He was glad Liam approached him working on one of the computers about a month ago, otherwise George wasn't sure he would’ve been able to work up to potential rejection from the only boy his age he’d interacted with in a decade.

Soil - from School of the Legends Year One

Beau widened his stance, holding his arm out, palm aimed at where he’d planted the beans. Jack glanced at Jill, both sharing a confused expression. Jack looked at his cousin. “Beau, what are we supposed to see?” “Just watch the soil,” Beau said, his brow clenching together. Jack obeyed, looking at where the beans were. A sprout suddenly poked its head above the ground. Jack’s eyebrows rose, and a glance at his sister told him she had the same reaction. The sprout began growing, now at Jack’s knee. “Beau, you’re...you’re gifted.” Beau’s smile stretched across his face. “Yeah, isn’t it amazing?” He glanced at Jack, his eyes shining. The sprout now shot up faster, and Beau flicked his eyes back to the stalk. “Merde,” he muttered as he tried to regain his concentration. He, Jack, and Jill grunted as the stalk broke the ground at such a force they were knocked to their feet. Beau scrambled up as fast as he could, holding his palms out toward the beanstalk. It slowed first, then stopped. Jack tilted his head back, squinting to see the top of the beanstalk--which didn’t help. “O...kay…,” Jill soon said, breaking the silence. “That just happened.” “What are we going to do with this?” Jack asked, now standing. “There’s now a giant beanstalk in the middle of the yard! How are we going to explain to Da?” “You won’t need to.” Jack whirled around to see his dad leaning against a post on the porch. “I saw the whole thing.” “I’m sorry, Oncle Erskine.” “Don’t be,” he said. “D’ya know how much that would sell for?” He laughed.

Grave - from The Secret Portal Part Two (article Noelle is reading)

One thing I must make clear is that I AM Inutilia. I did not quit because I no longer believe in equality for my people. Quite the opposite. I still am a firm believer that we should get as much equal rights as those with powers. However, Raissa Kamanzi is NOT the way to do it. Ms. Kamanzi is obsessed with power. She does not truly believe in the equal rights of Inutilia, rather the dominance. She wants to oppress the system just as much as the old one oppressed us. A taste of their own medicine, she would say. This is not the answer. All Raissa has given us is a harder time to be accepted by society around us. It gave an excuse for bigots to become even louder, people who considered themselves neutral to become bigoted. It gave those in power a reason to persecute us from a genetic standpoint. We lost access to the portal last year because of her. We can no longer be with Ceters, in a world where WE are the norm. One thing I will say about Raissa is that she is a complicated woman with many heavy burdens and regrets. She holds tight to her morals, and will never cross a line that others would. However, that does not make her morals right. That does not make her policies right. I did not join the Refugae initially because I wanted control of the world. I did not join so others would suffer just so I would not. I joined because I was sick of the lynching, the riots, the massacres, the genetic engineering to attempt to erase the gene. I was sick of the suffering. But I see Raissa’s tactics are only going to deflect the suffering from herself to others. That it is causing people to flee to Ceteri, and those who cannot cross the portal to stay, suffering. Raissa is digging the grave of her own people. The arrival of the Aequales was the first sign. I do not believe the Aequales is the savior we need, for many other reasons, but its preaching of equality and peace is dragging more and more people away from equality. They can still hate us, but if they support Atsila McLain, suddenly, they can wipe their hands clean of their bigotry. Inutilia are still suffering under Raissa, and we have no escape. I ask you to support social reforms and to engage in political action. We must stop this violence. We must in order to survive. For all Inutilia. For all Alii.

I wrote two articles in this chapter - one of someone who worked with Atsila but left, the other who worked with Raissa but left. I really ended up being proud of the articles themselves even though I'm revising Noelle's research purposes later.

It is funny. She's like "hm maybe other perspectives would be nice to read about to form an opinion that seems logical" but then she does that and is like "nevermind these are both biased what a waste of time"

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Ace and Deuce special! Kind of… I guess lol Since our last post was about them. But there’re also some about AzuIde!

Anonymous asked:

Context of the latest post? :)

I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, Anon~ But I’ll let the second Anon answer your question:

Anonymous asked:

Hey Ace finally got laid!

The entire twst cast does the “omedetou” clap 😔👏👏👏 Congratulations, Ace!

Anonymous asked:

Not their faults that they share the same room, Riddle. XD Also, poor other two roommates. (Freshmen rooms have 4 roommates, 2nd year have two roommates, and 3rd year have their own rooms. Only Dorm leaders have their own rooms)

No-no, it’s entirely their fault, why would they even do something like this?! (Cue angry virgin noise)

And yeah, I honestly don’t know how their roommates survive this, but who knows, maybe they are out for some reason and ADeuce decided that they won’t get another chance like that and got a little bit too excited~

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any ace thoughts?? I have these like "twst character phases" where one character becomes my chew toy for a week and then gets discarded and ace is my latest victim 🤭🤭

I've kinda been thinking about pining!adeuce except deuce keeps fucking other people to cope and ace is insanely jealous and keeps avoiding him. Maybe he sleeps with one of their classmates (Jamil or epel maybe?? I like jamiace a lot) as a sort of "revenge"?? Which probably works after ace purposely doesn't hide the marks left from his "wicked plan" LMAO

Aftermath is they either fuck and become occasional fuck buddies making their pining worse or they avoid each other and make things worse (either way everyone is getting a headache from these two)

Ace is a nice chew toy, Anon, good choice! We have a similar situation, even though there are characters that are always our faves, right now we’re going through the first book again, so we’ve been kind of rediscovering Ace and Deuce lol

Ace and Jamil are a fun combo (poor Jamil just has to suffer because of his basketball club boys lol), but I honestly don’t know if Jamil would be up for something like that. Maybe he has his reasons though, it all depends on a scenario I guess.

Deuce feeling jealous despite knowing darn well that Ace is purposefully trying to make him jealous… god, how complicated things could be between them lol

I do like the idea of ADeuce being fuck buddies and not dating each other despite the fact that they’re super obviously are into each other and want to be together though; there are some nice doujins about Ace going through a crisis because he definitely wants to keep sleeping with Deuce, but just can’t help but cling to the “we’re just friends” thing, hurting Deuce very deeply. Wow this sounds more tragic that I thought lol but it doesn’t has to be: these idiots are hilarious, and watching them trying to figure shit out, fight, make out and fight again, and then have sex and stop talking to each other and then fight again is peak comedy. And also super headache inducing LOL

Anonymous asked:

Okay someone has to say it, next to Jack Deuce looks like a fucking stick. To be fair, you could be the buffest guy around and look like a stick next to Jack, he’s just THAT beefy

Yeah, Jack is hella big, so he has this aura that makes everyone shrink when they’re near him lol But I’m also prone to exaggerations when it comes to size difference. I love it too much

Anonymous asked:

i was the beach anon..also the dead dove anon from awhile ago, i’d love to discuss the beach scene potential in dms of that’d be ok

Oh hi Anon! :)

Sure, but only if you’re okay with me super slow (I mean it) with my replies. I absolutely hate making people wait and giving lackluster replies, but I also don’t have a lot of time and energy apart from drawing, which makes me a terrible person for chatting…

Anonymous asked:

Hello hi hello I am one simple man who enjoys AzuIdi very much- may your brain always be full of ideas and your hands be capable of completing all your missions

Thank you so much, Anon, it means a lot <3 God how much I want to complete all my missions. There must be more Azul/Idia in the world, and I’m happy to know that there are people who are excited to see them.

Anonymous asked:

So I was looking into your Azuide marriage AU and I find it very interesting so I was wondering if say Idia cheated on Azul for some mysterious unknown reason...what would Azul do??

Ohh thank you for your interest, Anon! I’m glad you like it :)

It honestly depends on the circumstances, but it would still be bad. Azul’s first instinct would be to learn anything he could about that person and how they know Idia. He would talk to Idia about it himself, but even if Idia just tells him everything as it is, Azul needs his own independent research to check if Idia is lying to him or not. Yes he is THAT petty lol

Azul is very bad at forgiving people, and cheating on him is one of the biggest betrayals a person could present him with. Of course, their marriage isn’t a romantic one, but it doesn’t change Azul’s feelings, and he’d be very hurt.

You’ve seen the “bad ending” scenario and probably have read my replies about it; although it’s kind of vague, but this is the reaction I’m picturing, to be honest. Maybe not as drastic, but he’ll also stop giving Idia any kind of privacy: either Jade or Floyd is going to be around him at all times, looking at his monitors, watching what he’s doing, who he’s talking to. Just to make sure that he isn’t doing anything stupid~

Oh, and Azul’s also going to scare that other person away or even ruin their life. Easily.

But there are also some exceptions that would make Azul begrudgingly look the other way. If Idia was to have an affair with Lilia or Ortho, Azul is going to just swallow his pride and try to act calm. But he’d still be super hurt and probably punish Idia in some other way.

[leejenowrld]

helloooo! i love reading stories about you and your bf!!! it's like fictional romance coming to life 🥺 since you two are complete opposites of each other, im curious how you fell for him (+ how he fell for you), and who approached who first~ 💘

hiii 🥺🥺 and thank you so much. honestly it does feel like a fictional romance sometimes LMAO like i can’t believe how long we’ve been together, how much we’ve grown and how we still feel so in love and the feelings we have never feel old. like it’s so fascinating and beautiful to me

we met in boarding school <3 boring i know😭😭 but basically i joined the school in the third year and i was such a loner and shy girl LMAO i didn’t really have many friends, i had like one or two but it never felt like “wow i have best friends, wow i’m loving it here” i basically moved to london from the north of england (around manchester) so i had to start a new school and my life changed so abruptly

then i met my bf 🥺🥺 basically the first time i saw him i was like wow… he is so my handsome and i had a crush instantly lmao, i was just so drawn to his looks and also his really friendly personality. he was very very popular and well liked and he had loads of friends. i thought i had no chance lmao because all the more popular girls in my class would rave on and on about him and i was like oh… so he’s probably gonna go for girls like that. the little joy i had was going the other way to my lessons in hopes to cross paths with him LMAO but like… that was it

but then i was seated next to him in our spanish class, and then our lives changed lmao i know how cringe it sounds but it’s true 🫶🫶 we found out that we had a lot alike despite being so different, i loved talking to him, we had amazing conversations and we would always be laughing. the chemistry was overflowing lmao and i was literally falling. i also appreciated how welcome he made me feel into the school, he made me feel like i could relate to him cus he moved to england from italy when he was like 7 years old and he just said to me “i know how you feel, if you need anything or ever feel homesick i’m here for you” and i was like oh 🥺🥺 yes you are my home LMAO… keep in mind this was when we were still friends but my feelings were growing fast, little did i know that he also was developing feelings for me at this time

but the actual way we got together? keep in mind we were like 15 and 16 at this time😭😭 i was failing spanish like i was so bad at it and this mf was so good at it, it’s cus it’s similar to italian or something idk? but he was really good at it (he’s actually fully fluent in it now and it’s really sexy when i hear him speaking it, like when we went to spain) and since we sat next together the teacher was like “oh *my bfs name* you should totally tutor her and help her out�� she needs it” and well… he was supposed to be teaching me spanish and helping me with the homework but we had sex!! yeah then our relationship went from there

lmao i still can’t believe we had sex like that so quickly lmao like he initiated it all… he made the first move, like he just kissed me out of nowhere and i mean kiss, like it was my first ever kiss and it went from 1 to 100 😭😭 then we just fucked and it was really nice 🫶🫶 then we went on loads of dates and then he asked me to be his gf soon after and we haven’t looked back

my bf really did surprise me because he always says he liked me and wanted me since the first time he spoke to me… idk what i did cus i was so shy and awkward but i guess it’s his type. but i love how open minded and kind my bf is, despite being super ‘popular’ and liked in school, he was always super chill and never thought he was better than anyone else.

[courtney-deserved-better]

my fair lady: part thirteen - a gwourtney choose your own adventure!

(part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve) (read on ao3)

i'm pretty sure that this is going to be the second to last chapter of my fair lady, which means it's the last chapter you can vote on! so go check it out!

Heather.

Courtney has to vote for Heather. It’s what she and Gwen originally agreed upon, and she can’t let Gwen down. They can always eliminate Alejandro next, with Noah’s help, and as for the information Alejandro holds over Courtney… well, if push comes to shove, Courtney can deny that she has feelings for Gwen.

She totally does, though.

Resolutely, Courtney stamps Heather’s passport.

«──────────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────────────»

Having been the first one to vote—for Heather, of course—Gwen makes her way to the elimination room on her own.

Which leads to her bumping into Duncan.

“Oh, hey,” Gwen says, suddenly aware of how very empty the hallway is. “I’d say glad to have you back, but…”

“…neither of us want to be here?”

“You got that right.”

Duncan sighs. “Yeah, Chris says I have to keep playing the game, that it’s in the contract or something. He could be lying outta his ass, but honestly, I don’t have energy or the knowledge to look through that whole thing and see for myself if that’s true.”

“You could always ask Courtney for help.”

“Yeah, right, like she’d do that for me. Pretty sure we’re over.”

“She said as much to me,” Gwen replies. “Actually, speaking of that…”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“No, I don’t have a thing for you despite everyone else thinking differently, so don’t ask if we can start dating now.”

“What?”

“Is that… not what you were going to ask?”

Gwen leans over and flicks his ear. “No! Egotistical much?”

“Nah, I just figured that since the world seems to think we like each other…” Duncan shrugs. “Sorry. Should’ve known you’d be cooler than that.”

“Damn right.”

“So what were you actually gonna ask me?”

“Uh, right… it’s kind of like… a bro code question?”

“Interesting.”

“So like, if someone wanted to date Courtney now that you two are broken up for good, would you immediately hate them?”

“Nah, I’d wish ‘em good luck and remind ‘em to wear a cup.”

“I’m serious, Duncan.”

“So am I!”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes. I’m over Courtney, she can date whoever she wants. I really don’t care.”

“Huh. Okay.”

“But who’s even interested?” Duncan asks. “Owen’s scared of her, Cody’s always had a thing for you, Noah’s… you know, and—Alejandro? Wait, Alejandro wants to date Courtney?”

“Um—”

“I don’t know the guy super well, but honestly, that would make sense. They’re both high achievers and stuff. I bet her parents would love him.”

“Actually—”

“Yeah I could really see them together—”

“Alejandro doesn’t want to date Courtney, I do!” Gwen blurts out.

She immediately claps her hands over her mouth.

Duncan raises his eyebrow. “Well I can’t say I was expecting that.”

“…Surprise?”

“You’re being serious.”

“I’m being serious.”

“Huh.” Duncan rubs the back of his neck. “Wow. Okay. I—honestly I can’t see that working out, like, at all, but you’d still be my friend if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Thanks, I think,” Gwen says, cheeks still flaming red. “And, I dunno. We’ve been getting along really well recently. I think we might have a chance.”

“If you think so, then go for it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, don’t get me wrong, things were shitty for most of the time I dated her, but Courtney and I had some awesome moments too. If you wanna give it a shot…”

“Duncan?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Duncan grins and punches her arm lightly. “Hey, I’d like to think I’m a better friend than boyfriend.”

“You are,” Gwen says. “And now that you’re back, we should totally prank Chris and Chef.”

“Oh, I’m gonna make them regret letting me back on this show.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Eventually, Noah comes trudging down the hallway, and Gwen and Duncan part ways with a silent nod. Soon, all of the new Team Amazon is sitting on the benches in the elimination room.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you ladies in this room,” Chris says, nodding to Gwen, Courtney, and Heather. “Boys… wait, has Team Victory been the only team to have an elimination that didn’t require a military airlift?”

“Yeah,” everyone choruses.

“Damn, that’s… poor team balancing on my part.”

Alejandro shrugs. “You have no complaints from me.”

“Or me,” Heather says, a wicked gleam in her eye. “Let’s get on with this.”

Chris claps his hands together. “Alright! Let’s see… for never being captured and probably being the most useful teammates this entire challenge, Courtney and Gwen are safe!”

The girls grin at one another as they catch the peanut bags.

“As for you three… Noah, you slowed your team down. Heather, you refused to strip the guards. Alejandro, you were a wimp about fighting an actual serial killer. Also, you all got captured… but Noah, you’re safe.”

As Noah barely manages to catch his peanuts—sports really aren’t his forte, Gwen thinks—Heather and Alejandro smirk at one another. Gwen hides her smile in her own bag of peanuts. It’s laughable how they both think the other one is guaranteed to go home.

“And the first member of Team Amazon to be eliminated is…”

Courtney shifts nervously.

“…Heather.”

“What?” Heather and Noah chorus.

Alejandro’s smirk widens. “Adios, Heather. You were a worthy competitor… while it lasted.”

“How is that possible?” Noah mutters, eyes darting around the room.

Heather jumps to her feet. “It’s not. It’s not! Recount the votes, Chris! There were supposed to be four votes against Alejandro! Me, Noah, Courtney, and…”

“Yeah, actually,” Gwen says, “Courtney and I decided we’d rather have a gentleman on our team than you.”

“But he’s evil!”

Courtney shakes her head, fighting to keep a smile off her face. “Heather, we don’t know what you’ve been talking about this whole time. Alejandro, evil? He’s the nicest guy here!”

“But you—but—augh!” Heather huffs. “Fine, I’ll leave! But I’ve got some truth bombs for all of you. Starting with a certain weird goth girl.”

Gwen’s stomach lurches.

Uh oh. She’s going to tell Courtney how I feel about her!

[ourpickwickclub]

I sent in a version of this a few days ago but it might have been to mean. How did you girls all become friends? I want to make some shefani friends, but everyone I’ve tried reaching out to and get to know on Twitter haven’t been the nicest or very welcoming.

I didn’t see the earlier ask. I’m sorry people haven’t been all that welcoming. I think most everyone has experienced that sort of thing at some point and it’s not fun.

Our story is sort of interesting. We were all on Twitter but hadn’t interacted. Periscope existed then… talking late 2015/ early 2016 timeframe… and we were all watching Gwen and Blake on Periscope anytime they had a show.

So, we would kept seeing each other’s names. A and I would always comment the same thing at the same time. Over and over. L and M and J all made me laugh. J made one of the funniest comments ever at MLs expense (I mean, I laughed for days anytime I thought of it and I’m laughing now thinking of it) and I knew she was my people. L and M both made such good observations and were hilarious and both funny in different ways. A was deadpan and the fashion and makeup expert.

I was actually at a concert in person and missed a Blake show on Periscope where something happened, I can’t remember what. But I reached out to M via DM (she always seemed so nice) and she filled me in. We started talking here and there and one day we decided we should see if L wanted to join. M and I had talked about bringing A and J into the group also. We didn’t tell L that but asked if her if there was anyone else she would want to have join our group chat and she said A and J’s usernames. How weird is that? Out of everyone commenting on Periscope, she named the only other two people M and I had talked about adding.

We added them and J, who never has been super active on the blog but is so hilarious, came right in when she got the request and said, oooooooh, what is this???? A didn’t see the request for a day or so, but joined when she did so casually. She just sauntered in one day, and started talking. No questions. A is so dryly matter of fact. It all just worked. We started planning an in person meet up almost right away.

I actually set up the blog because I needed to set one up for work and it was practice. We were all following the other Shefani blogs. J added our pics/theme. No one noticed us for a while. I truly believe the BARFs were the majority of our first followers. They lived to send in mean asks and pose as concerned Blake fans. We almost quit. It was tough because so many of the asks we got were negative. Any bad comment we made about ML triggered a lot of inbox pushback, which was a clue. But that made others send asks setting them straight. The same 5 BARFs sent tons of asks. Then, of course, we had Jigsaw. Has anyone been around long enough to remember Jigsaw? Creepy. We also did a lot of chart tracking back then.

It’s been a while since we talked about this, but we decided to sign with initials we ended up picking initials from Little Women characters. That’s how it became the pickwick blog. We’ve now met up a bunch of times with another meetup on the books soon. So excited!

Hope that clarifies. Still laughing thinking about it all that has transpired and the comments.

- B

[disorganizedkitten]

This Is The Road To Ruin Chapter 2

Harry Potter | 2022 | 3,862 | Ao3 | Prev | Masterlist | Next

  4/11/87

 I had a nightmare last night. It was another one about the stone room and the people in masks. I wish I knew what it meant. I wish I understood how my Sight works.

 I think the dream has to do with why I’m here, in the muggle world, instead of home, but I still don’t understand it. If I hadn’t met Tansy, I think I would have assumed that my memories of home were imaginary - they fit into fiction ever so well. But Tansy is real, and she has magic, which means my childhood was too.

 I just wish I understood it. I wish I remembered what caused the change. Hopefully I will one day.

Hopefully it wasn’t as bad as the nightmares make it seem.

‘

 Clemencia is off at a placement, officially, but she came to Aletris’ today Freaking Out. It’s… a lot.

 Tansy, Hawthorne, Hana, and Clem all have magic. I’ve mentioned this before, because we’ve had to grow around it. I remember growing up around magic, so I knew that we weren’t… as isolated as it seems, I guess, but I didn’t expect this to be our way in. Back.

Clemencia got accepted to a Magical Secondary School. It’s called Hogwarts - they won’t tell us where it is, but the teacher who came to deliver her letter took her on a tour of what sounds like a magical mall. She’s going to take us there tomorrow; she chose to accept the acceptance/invite.

 I’m going to talk to Mrs. Calmiris tonight. Apparently, school starts at eleven, and I remember her asking me about letters around my eleventh birthday. The next year I got Hawthorne. She’s always been very calm about our magic; if she’s like me, or like Clem, I want to know. I know she’s not like Tansy, though.

 Speaking of Tansy-

***

Justin hadn’t meant to go school shopping during the apparent pre-school rush. He’d been hoping to beat it, actually, but his summer had taken a sort of nosedive when he got his letter. Not intentionally! It had just been… derailed. They’d had everything scheduled already, from ordering his textbooks to his uniform fitting. All under the impression that Justin would be attending Eton, come fall.

 Which was not going to happen.

 Instead, a week before his birthday, they’d had a guest over who informed him he’d have to spend the next seven years at a Magic School unless he wanted to become a human bomb.

 Which, obviously, he didn’t.

 The professor has offered to escort them while shopping, but Justin had been having a slight breakdown at the time, so his mother had gotten directions and gently shooed the professor out. Which lead to now, three months later, exploring the Wizarding World by way of Diagon Alley, in London. 

 Justin was sure it was going to be super cool, as soon as he could stop hating it for tearing apart his life. If he’d had more warning the change might not have been so jarring.

 He had hoped that coming to Diagon Alley would show him something cool, something to make it seem less horrid, but they’d entered through a dingy tavern that gave his parents headaches, had to get help entering the alley and were given condescending looks when they asked, and the they were greeted with less of an alley and more of a mosh pit. A magical mosh pit. Lovely.

  Justin knew he was being unfair, but he didn’t particularly care. He had to go to a school where he’d have none of his friends, because of something he had no control over. He was allowed to be bitter.

 Professor McGonagall had also failed to inform them that they’d be using an entirely different currency; luckily Dad had noticed while they were in the tavern and before they were actually trying to buy something.

 That would be embarrassing. So very embarrassing.

 Of course, then they had to hope that the bank, once they found it, offered exchange services. Thankfully, the bank was huge, visible when they entered the Alley (through a brick wall that vanished when it was tapped, which was actually pretty cool, Justin had always wanted a secret room in his closet) and bright white, so it was easy to find. Getting to the bank was another matter, as the alley was crowded, with an air of anticipation, as though they were all waiting for something big to happen. It, alongside the constant thrum of noise, put Justin on edge.

 They tried, rather unsuccessfully, to make their way through the masses, until they noticed the crowd shying away from a pair of young adults - who were also heading towards the bank. Justin grabbed his mom’s hand and followed them.

 The man called out once they had a direct line of sight, and got an enthusiastic wave back from someone much closer to the bank. The couple seemed to be hunting for friends or children in one of the few places that wasn’t packed beyond belief.

 It wasn’t until they reached the open space that he realized there were two yards of white marble steps, on which the rest of the couple’s group seemed to be waiting. And they were the only ones - everyone else seemed to go up and down the steps as fast as they could, or stay off them altogether, as though unwilling to infringe upon bank territory.

 The Finch-Fletchleys watched as their unknowing guides met up with a group of younger teenagers and one he couldn’t tell if was an adult or a child. The shortest one’s features changed as he watched, and Justin felt a giddy bit of awe bubble in his chest before his parents herded him the rest of the way into the bank.

  Shapeshifting!

 The only superpower Justin had wished more for as a child was invisibility. If he could learn to do that, this whole charade would be worth it.

 The creatures that ran the bank were a little scary, less so inside than the guards outside were, but his dad treated them just like he would the bankers at home, and the conversion was quick and painless, minus the part where they had to calculate everything in seventeens and twenty-nines, instead of tens and hundreds.

 Still, it was easy to move on, until they realized they had no clue where to go for anything. Maybe they should’ve tried to reschedule with Professor McGonagall, or at least asked for a map.

 So this wasn’t their best planned trip. It was fine. His mother had immigrated (illegally, not that it was common knowledge) and had to learn Britain and London from the ground up; thus they could too. At least it didn’t look like he’d have to learn a whole new language.

 “Perhaps the bookshop?” Justin’s dad offered hesitantly. Flourish and Blotts sounded like a stationery store, but the display was full of books, so that’s where they went.

 Thankfully, the bookshop seemed to be more organized and less busy. It also smelled like books, which was a welcome change from the sunlight-and-burnt-sparkplugs of the rest of the alley.

 They split up, giving Dad the list to find the required books while Mum and Justin went on the hunt for anything that looked acclimation-y. Cookbooks, history, Mum even grabbed two fiction novels, and they continued on in that manner for a little while. Justin grabbed all three of the etiquette books he found and promptly plopped down to skim them.

 He didn’t want to accidentally insult someone’s family line, or ask them to marry him, or call them names. He refused to be engaged before he was sixteen, at the earliest.

 “Muggleborn?”

 Justin jumped, looking up. There was a translucent person looking over his shoulder. “Um. Yes?”

 “Well, I’m glad to see you willing to learn. Have you tried Modesty and Magic, by Harold Sheppner yet?”

 Justin shook his head mutely. The… ghost? Astral projection? nodded. “You should, if you get a chance. It was my grandson’s final project for his History of Magic mastery, and while a lot of that’s gone out of style, knowing it can earn you points with some of them prissy purebloods.”

 “Yes, sir,” Justin said slowly, pretending he knew what half those words meant. He took note of the title, though, because it did sound useful. “Would I find that here?”

 “Yeah, sonny,” the man grinned. “It’s got a gold spine, in the S section. Want me to show you?”

 “Yes please.” Justin stood up, closing his current book around a finger. “What’s your name?”

 “Geronimo Harvester,” he said with sly grin. “Halfblood, if you were wondering.”

 Justin was not, but he’d take note of it anyway.

 Harvester turned out to be a great guide; Justin’s earlier guess was right, he was a ghost, and he’d been haunting Flourish and Blotts for around seventy years. He helped customers find their books when they weren’t being rowdy, but he was a bit of an open secret in the shop.

 “Necromancy is one of those magics people ain’t that fond of,” Harvester explained, pulling out a book on The Legality Of Tabooed Magics Throughout The 19th and 20th Centuries. “Not that I’m too much necromanced, but we ghosts ain’t supposed to be able to touch stuff. Can’t say I remember the whole reason, but people who die steeped in Dark Magicks tend to have a stronger presence if we stick around. ‘s why they don’t use the Death Penalty in the Magical World.”

 That was… slightly horrifying but good to know.

***

 Leonie had read through nearly an entire cookbook when she realized she’d lost Justin. He hadn’t wandered too far, and since the crowds outside had stayed outside, he was easy to find. Once she found him and they finalized their haul, they set out to find Caleb

 He was at the checkout desk, conveniently finishing at the same time. She leaned forward to kiss her husband and hand him their plethora of extra books.

 He hummed into it. “All done?”

 “Yeah,” she confirmed. “I do love these baskets.” They had to be enchanted somehow, with how many books she and Justin found, but once the books were inside it didn’t seem like they weighed much more than a single textbook, which, while a lot, wasn’t nearly as much as twenty should weigh. Her shoulders heartily appreciated the lack of strain.

 Caleb hummed in agreement, brushing noses, before turning to Justin. “Find anything cool?”

 “I found a book on something called blood magic, and the first three chapters look like an overview of various legal, illegal, and once-legal magics and why they’re considered such. It’s partnered with a book detailing the topic for the past two hundred years. It sounds interesting!”

 He sounded happy. Leonie smiled proudly at him, some of the guilt from this summer dissipating. She hadn’t helped him accept his fate as a wizard, griping about how many things had to change, and how she’d have to lie to her cousins, and every other thing she could, until their older son came and asked what they’d done to convince Justin he was cursed and should’ve drowned that time at Lake Windermere.

 It was a horrifying conversation.

 She’d been very careful to be as positive as she could be since, even though many of the obvious enchantments sent her head spinning and the people were rude and it had become very obvious humans were not the only human-adjacent species out there.

 That last one was not as much of a surprise, but she would admit she’d mostly blocked out those memories as a child’s overactive imagination and underdeveloped brain.

 After the bookshop they went to clothes, which was… a thing. Leonie’s fashion sense consisted of ‘is the texture okay’ and ‘does my daughter laugh at me’, so she was definitely no use there, but it looked halfway similar to their own with flowing regenmantels (robes, probably, but why fix what isn’t broke) thrown over the top, or occasionally worn alone, as she would a dress.

 They also seemed to do a lot with embroidery and ‘runic enchantments’ on the clothes themselves, something that she found thrilling. It made them shiny!

 Justin laughed at her, but it was fond and he was finally smiling, so she had no regrets.

 Of course, then they managed to get dragged down a branch off, first by stepping in as it was another of those places that most of the crowd avoided, and then further when Justin saw a shop called The Cloak and Decoy and practically dashed to it, expecting… well she wasn’t sure, but he must have thought that it sounded very cool.

 Leonie felt her heart slow and then speed up again as they ventured deeper into the branch off. It felt distinctly similar to when they had to visit gang controlled areas. Still, they weren’t attacked on their way in, just eyed like prey.

 They probably seemed like it, so obviously unsure. Except Justin, because he was eleven and finally enjoying magic and didn’t have the experience Caleb and Leonie had to smell danger.

 That was why Leonie didn’t pull him back, as much as she wanted to. 

***

 Justin pushed open the door to the cloak shop and nearly stepped right back out. Unlike the one they found earlier, where they purchased only what was on the list because they weren’t sure what else would be useful, this shop’s lighting was pale white, giving off a heady, psychedelic feeling of being in-between worlds.

 More odd and unsettling, though, was the sudden chill, the smell of frozen metal sharper than that of fresh snowfall.

  Despite that, Justin persevered.

 His parents followed him in, and he split off to look around. Despite the lighting being dim enough to give him a headache, it illuminated the cloaks rather well. And boy was he glad they hadn’t gotten anything extra earlier. These cloaks were beautiful.

 Some of them were made out of materials he couldn’t recognize, thick furs and silvery leather and some fabrics that looked like they were cut out of a star. Dual layers, single layers, reversible, one even could adjust the length, operating as a cloak, a caplet, or a scarf.

 This was so cool! How many times had Justin wished he didn’t have to lug around a coat during winter events?

 “Mom, come look at this!”

 She did. They were discussing it (and the concerning note that said it could be enchanted with a command word if someone needed to be ‘eliminated’) when the door opened again, a familiar gaggle making their way inside.

 “Oh, it’s you!”

“As close to in the flesh as I can be,” one of the young women said brightly. Somehow, her presence seemed to make the room’s temperature fluctuate uncomfortably.

 Justin wondered if the theory behind keeping Cloak and Decoy so cold was that people would want to buy cloaks, even in the summer heat. If so, it was clever.

 "Yes well," the man behind the counter said, turning to duck into the back room. "I know your cloaks haven't worn out already, why the menagerie?"

 "But Gordan, we're not animals," said one of the teenagers, the one with blue tips, moving forward to drape herself dramatically over the counter. "We're flowers."

 "Of course," he called back indulgently. He was humoring them. "Why bring the greenhouse, then?"

 The older half of the group laughed.

 "Do you remember last year?” The blond young man asked, darkly amused.

 The proprietor reemerged, a mannequin and cloak floating behind him. “I suppose we don’t want a repeat, no.” With a flick of his wrist, and likely the wand held loosely in his hand, the mannequin landed in the middle of an aisle and the cloak settled prettily on top of it.

 “Alright, Florine, have at it, I think I’ve figured out the enchantments,” said Gordan.

 Florine, (Justin assumed the name went to the one with the most rapport - ad who responded) hummed doubtfully, looking at the seemingly expensive fabric. “You do know it’s going to be destroyed if you’re wrong, right?”

  Gordan shrugged. “And if I’m right, it proves I’m using the right materials.”

 “Almost,” hummed the other woman, with dark skin, darker eyes, and a ponytail. “It’ll only last one use.”

 Florine’s head snapped around so fast Justin thought he’d seen her neck vanish. “Oh really?” The slow, creeping smile that accompanied the words was the most unsettling thing they’d seen yet. Frankly, Justin didn’t hate it.

 Magic came with monsters. The question was what kind of monsters they were.

 Florine stepped forward, leaning as though she was going to do a flip, and then there was no woman, only an oppressive cloud of smoke. It started from her feet and pulled the rest of her body into nothingness, and whipped out at the cloak so fast mum shrieked beside him. Thankfully, it seemed to be largely drowned out in the cheers of the other kids.

 A moment later, the smoke meandered back their way and turned back into a girl.

 The mannequin had been reduced to dust, but there were fabric scraps left.

 "Holy crap, it survived," muttered one of the younger girls.

 "That's impressive," said the boy, moving to inspect it.

 Justin stepped closer to the ruins, accidentally falling in line with the shapeshifter.

 "Won't stand up against a second go," said Florine from behind them. "But, congratulations, Gordan."

 There was a sigh. "You still obliterated the mannequin. That doesn't say good things about the wearer’s chances of survival."

 "You can figure out the design once you have a working ward,” said the smoke girl, unconcerned.

 “That was awesome,” Justin said, crouching to look closer at the rubble. It felt like leaning into a commercial freezer, so cold it burned. He didn’t touch. “Do they teach that at Hogwarts?”

 “No,” said the boy beside him. “Florine’s self taught.”

 “You can do that?” If he could be self taught, maybe he could still go to secondary school with his friends.

 “It’s not advised,” said Blue Tips, dipping her fingers into the remains of the mannequin. She slid them lightly through the dust before yanking them back with a muttered swear. She pulled them up and made a face. “Ouch. If you’re eligible, everyone wants you at an actual school.” She wiped her fingers off on her pants and then stuck them in her mouth.

 “Oh.” Justin’s heart sank. “Why?”

 “Something about proper growth of a magical core. Florine’s exempt because hers is pretty damaged.”

 “Oh.” Justin paused. He wondered what that meant, what a magical core even was, and if it was rude to call what must be a chronic illness or disability cool. “I’m sorry.”

 “Thank you,” said the shapeshifter, standing from his crouch but still leaning down. “Anyway. I’m Harry, nice to meet you.”

 “Justin,” he returned, taking the chimera handshake-hand-up. “You too.”

 “Justin, we’re ready to go, honey!”

 He glanced at his mum, who had apparently decided to buy the size-changing cloak. Awesome. “Coming!” He turned to Harry. “See you around?”

 “First year starts on September first,” Harry returned with a grin and a peace sign.

 Justin’s smile widened. Maybe Hogwarts wouldn’t be so bad.

***

 Caleb listened with a soft sense of foreboding as the man behind the counter of the Cloak and Decoy explained how the murder aspect of the cloak they’d just bought their son worked. He chose the code phrase option, and had it ‘keyed’ so it only activated if Justin himself said it. The last thing he wanted or needed was for Justin to accidentally strangle himself with magical tech they didn’t think through.

 Caleb had considered asking Mr. Gordan to leave it off. But they didn’t know what awaited their son in his new world, they’d just seen a girl turn into some sort of shadow monster, and Caleb did not doubt in the slightest that Wizards’ very wands were more dangerous than a loaded gun in the hands of someone with a grudge. He didn’t think a switchblade would work in this instance, thus Justin got the assassin cloak.

 He’d tell Justin about it when they got home. And inform him to never say “Loki would stab Merlin with excalibur for the fun of it.”

 He asked about the legality and how traceable it would be if the cloak did kill someone, and finally saw a glimmer of acceptance in those muddy eyes. They’d definitely walked into the magical version of the black market. Or mafia. Lovely.

 When they’d finally ushered themselves out, Justin carrying the folded cloak while Caleb took the books and Leonie held the clothing bags, it was nearly noon.

 “What next?” Caleb asked.

 “Drop these in the car?” Justin offered. It was a good idea, they wouldn’t be able to carry much more and anyway, lugging around this much shopping was already tiring. Caleb wondered how the wizarding folk stood it - did they levitate everything? He’d certainly seen plenty of floating objects in the main alley.

 Leonie stopped at the edge, looking at the crowd that seemed to refuse to so much as brush the side alley they were in. She was still carrying their clothes purchases, in a little themed bag that didn’t seem nearly big enough. Caleb hoped it wasn’t this busy everyday - how many wixen could there be in Britain anyway?

 “Aw,” said a voice that sent chills down Caleb’s back. He’d thought they’d done well enough at acting as though they belonged to keep anyone unsavory away. He shifted closer to Justin. “If you don’t want to brave the crowd of big bad wizards you could come join us for a game.”

 “I’m afraid we don’t have time, as much as we appreciate the invitation,” murmured his wonderful wife, turning as well.

 The old woman with galaxies behind her eye pouted. “I’m sure you could make time.” her other eye was scabbed shut, gray skin stretching over the socket in a hollow way.

 “Echo, don’t be an ungracious host.”

 Caleb didn’t jump at the extra voice, but it was a close thing. The smoke woman from the Cloak and Decoy walked up, unhurried, but the old woman backed away slightly. “What’s ungracious about inviting them to experience the magical world?”

 Smoke didn’t say anything, just tilted her head slightly. Apparently, that was enough of a threat. ‘Echo’ backed away with a side comment about how they’re welcome at any time, should they change their minds.

 “Sorry about that,” the shadow witch said, turning a much kinder smile on them. “Are you okay?”

 Justin nodded, slipping between him and Leonie. “Yeah, thanks. I’m Justin Finch-Fletchley.”

 “Florine Dupont,” she said, shaking the offered hand.

 Justin pulled his back a little fast, just enough for Caleb to worry. Still, he and Leonie introduced themselves as well. Caleb quickly learned why Justin’s handshake was too fast - her skin felt like frozen chicken on bare skin. The intrusive thought that flesh was technically raw meat was entirely unwelcome. Still, he smiled at her. “Caleb Finch-Fletchley, it’s nice to meet you.”

[hawthorneheightsunofficial]

Hawthorne Heights interview from AbsolutePunk.net

From Nov 18, 2005. (x)

This interview was conducted with Matt, Eron, and JT of Hawthorne Heights on November 18th, 2005 in Atlanta, GA at the band’s show at the Masquerade with Aiden, Bayside, and Silverstein.

Also, please make sure you go to the show and give your support to Anthony and Jack of Bayside. I know they appreciate every fan that comes up to them and gives them a hug; it really does mean a lot.

Thank you guys so much for doing this interview; I realize you’re a very big band with a very busy schedule, and it means a lot to AP for you to sit down with us.

Matt: Oh, no problem, you’re welcome.

How’s the tour been so far?

Matt: Really, really good.

Eron: Aside from the accident, it’s been amazing.

I can only imagine how tough it’s been for you guys, as I know Bayside are some of your best friends; how’ve you been able to cope?

Eron: We took a couple days off from touring for everybody to gather themselves back together and so we could go pay our respects to John and his family. It was kind of weird coming back and not having Bayside play. They’re really close friends of ours and we’ve toured with them more than any other band, so to not have them out there with us was kind of hard. And then two days ago, Anthony and Jack came back, and that was pretty tough watching them the first night, just playing acoustic without the rest of the band.

How long did you know Beatz?

Matt: Right when he joined the band, that’s when we toured with them, like the first or second tour, so we’ve only known that Bayside.

Eron: Well we did play our first show as Hawthorne Heights with Bayside

Matt: And Glasseater, but with a different lineup. But yeah, basically the only thing we could do is use this tour to help them out in whatever way we could. So that’s been a good way to deal with it, and just talking to them on the phone and stuff, and we play their music in between bands every night.just like little things like that.

Eron: We try to make other people, the fans, aware of it, the ones who may not read the websites or AbsolutePunk, and try to raise money for John’s family, and his wife, and everything.

Matt: And try to get people to listen to Bayside.

I think I speak for most of the music community when I say what you guys have been doing to help Bayside out has been really something special and touching for music fans to see; you sold their merchandise for them while they weren’t on the tour, you’ve collected donations, you’ve donated money yourselves. That’s really, really cool of you guys.

Matt: It’s the least we could do for them. We’re best friends with them.

What would you like people to remember about Beatz?

Eron: He’s just the most positive person you’ve ever met, and just super excited to be playing in a touring band–

Matt: He’s the only person I’ve ever met in any band that watches every band every night. Cause most of us will hang out until we play or whatever, but he was out there.we were in England a month ago, and if something went wrong with Eron’s drum set, he’d run up and drum tech.

Eron: He would always watch me play, and I would always go watch him play, and we just sort of had a mutual respect for each other’s playing and everything, and it just kind of stinks.

I can’t even imagine what it’d be like.

So you guys just finished up recording the new CD; what was the writing/recording process for that like? I know you guys have sold around 600,000 CDs now, so did you feel the pressure when you were writing the album to come up with something that you knew millions of people would be listening to, or did it just come naturally?

Eron: I didn’t feel too much pressure, but I think there was pressure in the back of our minds; we just tried to focus on writing.

Matt: The only pressure really was time.

Eron: We were definitely on a time-crunch. We were touring so extensively this year that in between tours, when we’d get a couple weeks we had off, we’d have to be practicing and writing new material. Even though we tried to write while on tour, that never really happened.

Yeah, I was going to ask if you had to do any writing on the road.

Eron: I think a little tiny bit, maybe. Matt may have come up with a couple ideas.

Matt: Yeah, like, “Here’s an idea,” but it never was a song. It was always like “Here’s a riff” or “Here’s a chorus.”

Eron: So the writing process took place over the last year in between tours, so there was kind of a rush to get everything done. Then we got back from Warped Tour, we had like three or four days off, and we started pre-production right away. And it was ridiculously hectic.we had to write a couple songs still, at that point, right before our producer flew out to Ohio to meet up with us, so we wrote a few songs at the last minute. And then while our producer was there, we had to fly off and play the Jimmy Kimmel show, and then we had to go up to Chicago, so our pre-production was choppy and we had to make the most of our time.

Matt: Recording was just five weeks, sitting in a room, staring at each other.

So you guys worked with David Bendeth; what was that like working with him? How did he help out?

Eron: I thought he was really good at helping song arrangements and structures and saying like, “All right guys, I like that riff, but you only play it once during the song, so why don’t we just cut it out or add it again at the end?” We specifically told him when we went in there that we didn’t want him to write any parts, we just wanted him to help with our arrangements and basically take what we had and make it stronger. So that’s what he did.

Matt: We went with him because he doesn’t really do our type of band at all. So he brought different things to the table that we never would have thought of.

Yeah, I was looking at his discography, and he’s got like Vertical Horizon

Eron: Candiria.

Haha yeah, and SR-71.

Matt: Yeah, the Crash Test Dummies and stuff

So how much did where he’s coming from influence his input?

Matt: I think it did in terms of effects and stuff.

Eron: We definitely had to tell him, like sometimes he’d come up with an idea and we’d be like, “That’s way too nu-metal.”

Matt: For every one time we said, “That sucks,” we’d also say, “Wow, I never would have thought of that,” so it’s kind of like a give and take. But I mean, everyone in our band listens to totally different stuff, so it’s kind of good to go with somebody like that, because we’re so used to it with writing.

Do you guys have any cool or horror stories from the studio?

Matt: Casey put his dick on my shoulder one time.

Eron: We’ve got it on camera, it’s pretty funny.

Hahaha, for real?

Matt: Haha yeah, he put it on my shoulder and went, “Hey Matt” and I turned around, and it was right there!

Eron: But the best part is that we had a camera set up on the console, and you just see Casey, out of nowhere, just get up out of his seat.

Matt: Doesn’t say a word.

Eron: Doesn’t say a word, and just walks over to Matt, unzips his pants, and plops it on his shoulder.

Hahaha, that’ll make for some interesting talk on AP.

Eron: We had that one day where we had a bunch of fans come in and do gang vocals and stuff–

Matt: That was tight

Eron: And the whole process of asking for people to come in was pretty funny too, because people would send us emails and say “Hey, I’m a classically trained singer here,” not having any clue what we were talking about. Like, “We just need you to shout, it’s not that hard.”

Matt: That was usually how we weeded out people: “I took vocal lessons for three weeks!”

Eron: CUT!

Matt: Yeah, probably not gonna make it.

Haha. So was there any pressure when you were recording. I don’t know what kind of environment David created, but was it ever just like “Oh shit, we’re running out of time, and a ton of people are going to hear this, I better nail this take?”

Eron: We had a little bit of a time crunch at the end, so we started doubling up on things. We had one engineer in a different booth while they were doing guitars, so they’d do all the guitars in a separate part of the studio, and they were doing vocals at the same time, so if you were listening in the big room, you might just hear half of a song, and they might say “I’m done with the guitar track,” and they’d come and bring it in, and the song would sound completely different. So we definitely did run into a little bit of a time crunch, but other than that, it wasn’t anything too bad.

Matt: I mean, we weren’t like, “Man, how many people are gonna buy this? Who’s gonna buy this? Let’s write for them.” We just wrote a CD like the way we did last time, and said, “If people like it, sweet, if people don’t, sweet.” Hopefully people do, but.

Eron: We want to like what we play, because we’re the ones that are going to be out here playing these songs for two years.

Matt: Two years, every day.

Eron: We might as well be happy with them.

So are you guys going to be playing any new ones tonight?

Matt: Yeah, we’re playing like three. And the second new one we play, we played for the first time last night.

How’d that go?

Matt: It went pretty good, I guess.

So what can people expect from the new CD versus The Silence in Black and White?

Matt: No names of states in the songs. But yeah, I just think that there’s breakdowns, and there’s quiet parts, but the breakdowns are heavier than the last one, they’re not as stupid, and the quiet parts are quieter; we have a choir song…

Eron: We tried to take the stuff that we liked about our first CD and just expand on that, and then take the parts that we didn’t like on the last CD and either make them better, or cut them out completely. There’s a little bit less screaming on this record.

Matt: I think there’s quite a bit less.

Eron: Yeah, there is quite a bit less. I mean, the last record, our producer really wasn’t a producer and he never really said, “Hey, that doesn’t sound right there,” so what you heard is what we actually just performed.

Matt: We just sat there and were like, “Hey, do you want to scream over that part?” “Uhh, I guess.” “OK, go do it.” And that’s what it is.

Eron: So even though there were definitely instances on the last CD where I was like, “I don’t know if we should have screaming there, because it sounds a little excessive,” there was never anybody else to say, “Yeah, that doesn’t sound right there,” on the last CD, so it all just stayed. So on this CD, during the parts that don’t require screaming, there’s no screaming, but like on a breakdown or something, there’s screaming.

Matt: And on some songs, there’s no screaming at all. Because I think last time we tried to squeeze it in, like “Oh, let’s do a scream!”

Eron: There are definitely parts on our old CD where I’m like, “Man, that sounds so forced.” And it’s funny, because Casey doesn’t even scream most of those parts anyways live.

Do you know what the first single from the new album will be?

Eron: It’s going to be the first song on the album actually, “This Is Who We Are.” It’s a little heavier song, kind of has a bit of a “Niki FM” vibe to it.

Matt: It’s got a breakdown in it.

Eron: Yeah, it’s got a breakdown in it.

Matt: Which I’m sure radio will like … psyche!

Eron: Yeah, I’m guessing they’ll edit it out or something.

Haha. So do you think the new CD will convert any of the haters on the message boards and stuff like that?

Eron: I don’t know. I think it’d be hilarious if it did, but I’m not holding my breath or anything.

Matt: I’ve read that stuff, and they’re like, “your songs don’t flow well,” and all that stuff, and I’m with that, that’s fine. I agree with that to a point, but I think the songs on the new record flow really well. There’s no like “useless screaming” or whatever they say.

Speaking of going online, how does it feel to go online and read so many hateful comments about your band?

Matt: Haha, what website are you talking about?

I don’t know!

Do you guys take those comments personally?

Eron: At first I think we were kind of bummed out because most people hadn’t heard us and they were already talking shit on us, but now it’s hilarious to go on there and read the ridiculous things people say. Like one song on our new album was actually named after a post that we saw on AbsolutePunk: it was the dumbest thing I’ve EVER read! And I was like, “Matt, you gotta check this out!”

Matt: He called me one day and was like, “Dude, you HAVE to read this!”

Hahaha, “Where Can I Stab Myself in the Ears,” right?

Eron: “Where Can I Stab Myself in the Ears?” and the next reply was, “In the ears?” Like, the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. So it was just like, yeah, we gotta make that a song title. So whoever that was, thank you.

Matt: So we got a little bit of AbsolutePunk on our record; we got a shout out for you.

Hahaha, right on.

Have you been able to filter out any of the negativity in the criticism and use that as a stepping stone to become a better band, be it musically, lyrically, vocally, just in general? Do you take it to heart?

Eron: No, no. A lot of the things people were saying were already things we knew we had to get better at anyways. It wasn’t like these people were telling us something completely revolutionary.

Matt: It’s like telling R. Kelly that his “Trapped in the Closet” is ridiculous and him saying, “No it’s not, it’s changing the world!” Like, we’re not like that. I don’t think we’re changing the world by any means, and I don’t think we think that. We take criticism as its supposed to be taken I guess.

Eron: It’s funny when people criticize JT’s lyrics and stuff, because on that first album, he literally wrote those while he was in the vocal booth, because it was such a rush job. I mean, he knew they weren’t his best lyrics.

Matt: We got signed, and then we were in the studio in three weeks, quit our jobs to write, and we had no money, we were trying to practice 8 hours a day, and we don’t know what the fuck we sound like.

Eron: Yeah, we had five songs when we got signed.

Matt: So we were trying to create a sound on the fly, and then we got to the studio and half the songs weren’t even close. “Ohio Is For Lovers” is one of the songs he wrote the lyrics for in the studio.

Eron: We didn’t even think that song was going to be a single originally.

Going back to song titles, some readers were wondering what some of them mean. I think around the end, there’s a track called “We’re So Last Year”; people were just wondering if there were any interesting song titles you wanted to talk about?

Matt: Well, “We’re So Last Year” is kind of satirical.

Eron: You see a lot of bands, and you listen to them one year, and they’re gone the next.

Matt: Well, one week even.

Eron: You never know. This industry is so fickle, and a band that might be the hot band at the moment today, next week, nobody gives a shit about em, or when their new album comes out, it totally flops. So who knows, our next album, even though we sold 600,000 copies of this one, our next album could be a total flop and we could just be “so last year.”

Matt: Also, just wondering, where did you get that tracklisting?

Umm, it was posted on AP a couple days ago I think.

Matt: Because we just called. And gave a tracklisting today.

Haha, really? That’s kind of weird.

Eron: The tracklisting on there is totally not accurate.

Matt: The song titles are good.

Eron: The song titles are right, but the tracklisting is totally off. “December” is totally not going to be the 2nd song, because it’s an acoustic song. We got a kick out of it, because we were looking at it.

Matt: And we were like, “WE haven’t even decided the tracklisting yet!”

Eron: As we were talking to our producer about what order to put things in, it was like, “Wait, what the fuck?”

So I’m guessing you guys read all the drama about JT and his guitar pick [which read “JT Hates AP.net”]. People kinda want to know about all that. I personally think it’s really funny.

Matt: Hahaha, yeah yeah. He was just being funny. We were all trying to figure out what to do with our picks, because its fun to have a specialized pick. Like, I have “Waz up?” on the back of mine just because it’s stupid. So he was just trying to be funny, kind of on a limb. No harm, no foul.

Haha, cool.

Has being successfuly changed the way you think about the industry or just anything in general?

Matt: I now think the music industry is fucking ridiculous.

Eron: Once you learn more about the industry, you definitely learn how seedy and two-face people can be.

Matt: Like, you can be the best band. EVER. I Am the Avalanche. I’ll drop that, and not sell many records, and your guarantee’s gonna be $40 bucks, but if you’re the WORST band ever–I’m not going to name any names–but if you sell a bunch of CDs, then your guarantee is sooo high. It has nothing to do with how many kids you draw, has nothing to do with anything.just that number. I’ll definitely say I Am the Avalanche is way better than they’re getting credit for.

I’m guessing you guys get recognized pretty easily now; how does that feel?

Matt: If we’re in a group, with our laminates, like, walking into Hot Topic, then somebody will say something, but if we’re at home, just doing nothing, or at Chipotle or something, then nobody cares. So it’s not bad at all, and even if it were, then that’s cool, we’d deal with it.

So after being so successful on Victory, would you guys ever see the need to move to a major?

Eron: It’s pointless, really, for a band in this genre to move to a major if they’re on a label like Victory. Because Victory knows exactly how to promote bands of this genre.

Matt: They have the same distribution as a major label.

Eron: So your record is going to be everywhere, Victory knows exactly how to promote.they’re very aggressive with their promotions, obviously, and the money they spend on their promotions is far less than what any major would spend.

So does that mean you don’t have to recoup as many costs?

Eron: We won’t have to recoup as many costs as you would if you were on a major. Story of the Year’s still probably recouping from their first CD, and they’ve probably sold 900,000 copies of that one.

Matt: And also I know that one of my friends back home before I was even in this band, they signed to a major, and their album came out in December, and their marketing date was set in April. And they got dropped in February. So it’s like, “OK, you didn’t market us at all, you expect us to sell CDs?”

I guess Victory proves that you don’t need to be on a major to have your videos all over TV and stuff.

Matt: Yeah, you really don’t. I mean, if people want to hear it, and they can find it, that’s pretty much all we need.

How does it feel to see yourselves on TV and hear your songs on the radio and stuff?

Eron: It’s kind of weird. It was weirder at first, but it’s still weird just to think that you’re on TV, or if I look in a magazine and I see a picture of me in an ad for Pro-Mark sticks or something, it’s weird to think that my picture there is helping this company sell sticks.

Matt: It’s not as weird on tour, but when I’m sitting at home with my cat, I’m like, “What the fuck?!”

This is a funny one, but a lot of people were wondering about the lyrics in the chorus of “Ohio Is For Lovers” (“Cut my wrists and black my eyes”), and how you might reconcile that with being on the Take Action tour, an anti-suicide tour.

Matt: Hahahahaha

Eron: So people actually think that it’s pro-suicide? Do you think Romeo and Juliet is pro-suicide? I’m not comparing JT’s lyrics to Shakespeare or anything, but Romeo and Juliet.nobody ever says, “Oh that book is pro-suicide.”

Matt: I think it’s a metaphor for something.I mean, it’d be a question to ask him, but I think it’s a metaphor for something.

Eron: You know, the way you feel in a relationship if things are going bad, I guess.

Matt: The song’s about being away from home, obviously it’s Ohio, it’s just like starting out this new career and we had no idea where it was going to go at all, and just like, we all had girlfriends, and we’re like, “OK we’re going to leave and not make money for a really long time. Have fun sitting by yourself sitting at home, and … sorry.”

Yeah, a lot of people were just curious about that, so I felt the need to ask it.

Matt: Yeah, I’m sure it was just a metaphor for feeling like shit when you’re gone, not making any money, not having anything to show.like, our first tour, we played to 30 people in 3 weeks, total.

Yeah, I saw some interview with you guys where you said you’d only play to like 15 people on your first tours.

Matt: Without a doubt. We’d drive 12 hours to play for 5 people.

Eron: Actually, it was pretty funny because we booked our own first tour once we got out of the studio, and every night there were like 100 people there, and then the next tour we did was the first tour we were on that a booking agent played for us, and there were literally like five people there.

Matt: They paid, in Birmingham, Alabama, they paid someone $5 to come to our show, and they were the only person there. So we’re just like, “OK, lets fucking practice for this dude!” We’ll try to do our best.

I saw Days Like These a few days ago, and there were like 5 people there, and I felt awful for the band.

Matt: Yeah, it’s awful, but you just gotta suck it up and put on a show.

It’s just a shitty feeling to see a band drive so far and play in front of so few people.

Eron: There was definitely one show on that tour where we drove 11 hours up to Alston at the ICC church, and there were seriously five people there. And the promoter’s like, “Well, the show yesterday was completely sold out!”

Matt: He was like, “You guys might not want even want to play. I would suggest you not even going down there.” And were like, “Not play? We just drove 12 hours! We don’t care if nobody’s there, we’re playing.” So yeah, I just think it’s a metaphor for feeling like shit because we knew that’s gonna happen.

JT enters the room

Matt: Tell him what “Cut my wrists and black my eyes” means. I said it was a metaphor for feeling like shit when you’re gone.

JT: Exactly, there you go. It’s not a metaphor for really cutting your wrists and blacking your eyes, like a lot of people like to think.

Yeah, a lot of people were asking about that, just because of being on the Take Action tour.

JT: I would definitely understand somebody asking that question if, like, I don’t know, when you read stuff like that, it’s like, “Name me one pro-suicide band ever.” Name me one band that’s like, “Oh what kind of music are you guys?” “Oh we’re like a screamo/emo band” “How about you guys?” “Suicide-core.”

Haha, yeah, I mean I don’t agree with those people, a lot of people were just asking.

Someone said that MTV censored out “cut my wrists and black my eyes”.

Matt: Not when I sing the echo of it though! Haha

Haha, how do you guys feel about it being censored out?

JT: It’s like it doesn’t matter; they kind of pick and choose what they want to do. They’ve got consultants that just tell them what to do. The week our video aired was also the week that Britney Spears’ video where she’s actually cutting her wrists and laying in a bathtub full of blood aired. Like, ours is a metaphor, but she’s showing 14 year old girls that her life is so hard that she’s cutting her wrists. It’s no different than saying “bitch” or something like that.

Did they ask about it before they censored it out?

JT: No they told us, they were like, “We’re probably going to have to do an edit on that,” and were like, “OK.”

Cool, so you guys are going on tour with Fall Out Boy and the All-American Rejects; how’d that happen?

Eron: Fall Out Boy wanted to tour with us for a while.

JT: Yeah, like, we’re pretty good friends with those guys. They’re great guys. Out of all the bands you see huge success happening to, no other band deserves it more than them.

Matt: Them and My Chem[ical Romance]

JT: Because they’ve all been doing this longer than we have, like 2 years longer than we have. One of our first shows right before we became Hawthorne Heights was with Fall Out Boy in a comic book store. So a lot of people think it’s overnight success, but we’ve all been busting our butt to no people before this.

They seem like really humble, really nice guys from what I’ve seen about them online.

JT: They’ve never had anything bad to say about anybody when we’ve been around them.

Matt: They’ve definitely worked their ass off to be on the cover of SPIN this month. They’ve done their shit.

JT: They’re really humble.

Eron: Especially Andy.

JT: They’re not like changing music, but who is? Like, you don’t have to change music to sell a lot of CDs and have people like listening to what you play.

There was a recent post on AP about Coheed & Cambria’s rider, and someone was wondering if you had any crazy or fun things on your rider?

JT: Oreos.

Matt: I definitely saw it on there, and nothing was really crazy on it I thought.

Eron: We’ve got peanut butter Oreos, we’ve got mint Oreos, and regular Oreos on our rider.

Matt: Vitamin water.no alcohol.

JT: We’ll never take full advantage of what we could get on a rider, or anything.

Matt: Chips, salsa.

JT: If we have a lot of Oreos left over–because we really like Oreos–we’ll tell our tour manager “We have enough Oreos today, you can cut the Oreos off.”

Matt: Like, we’ve got enough Red Bull for a long time, so we’ve cut it. It’s gone.

Eron: Yeah, we’re not asking for an alligator or something stupid like that.

So what do you guys do in between towns, like on the bus and once you’re in town?

Eron: Not much. We’ll have a couple hours to walk around and get some food or something.

JT: Like today, for example, like when you go to a town you’ve been to a couple times, or the same venue, today we knew there was a Chipotle right over there, we knew there was a Borders, we got a smoothie, and that’s pretty much it. Like, we always have the local places we’re going to go every time.

Eron: Every place you go, you know exactly what’s around it.

JT: We’re pretty boring, we do the same thing every time. We watch movies when the bus is moving, or make fun of each other, or give each other ass-hats, haha.

Could you take the readers through the typical day of a Hawthorne Heights member?

Matt: Do you want a day in New York or LA, or a regular day?

How about one normal day, and then one NY/LA day.

Eron: Well we got here, and we hung out for a little while, a couple of us went to go eat and walk around for a little bit, came back, soundchecked, after soundcheck we had a photo shoot to do, so we did that, came on here [the bus] and everybody probably just went and did whatever.played football, or watched The Warriors, and you came and we’re doing an interview, and then we’ll do some more of just nothing, and then play.

JT: We pretty much just hang out with each other or one of our friends in the crew. We’ll just say, “Hey, where do you want to go?”

Eron: We do about five pounds of coke every day.

JT: Minimum.

Eron: Minimum.

What do you do on a busy day in like LA?

Eron: It’s like interview after interview after interview, photoshoot, soundcheck, interview, show.

JT: If we’re in New York or LA, Eron will go with one group of PR people, I will go with the other group of other PR people, and–

Matt: And the rest of us do shit

Eron: Like when we were in London, we did like 2 interviews and a photoshoot, and then a soundcheck, and then had 3 other photoshoots.

Matt: It was like a workstation.we went here and did an interview, walked over here and did an interview.

JT: It was like a job fair, haha.

Matt: It was hilarious.

Eron: It was like 7 o’clock at night before I even got a chance to eat, because we were that busy during the day that there wasn’t enough time in the day to just stop and get something.

Matt: JT and I ran to a McDonald’s really quick and got something to eat and just ran to the venue.

JT: Those days you never have a second to just sit and do something, or if you’re sick, it’s real bad because the second you think you’re going to be able to take a nap or just lay down, and it’s like “Alright, well you gotta go do this now.” You look like crap, and you feel like crap…

Do you get sick of that, or do you enjoy doing that because it’ll help the band?

Eron: We don’t have that too frequently, it’s really only the bigger cities.

Matt: Yeah, it’s only 2 or 3 days on the tour.

JT: We always think about it like, you have to appreciate your surroundings, and I would rather have 15 people talk to me a day than nobody talk to me. So you just have to take everything in stride, you can’t be too worried about things.

Eron: It’s not like a bad problem to have. Really, it’s only New York, LA, and Chicago where you’re super busy.

JT: And you know what’s gonna happen, it’s not sprung on you. It’s like, “New York’s next, clear the day.”

Eron: Forget it, I’m not going to have any time to see anything, because we’re going to be busy.I don’t know what yet, but we’re going to have something.

What’s it like in Ohio? What’s the scene like there? Any favorite bands?

Matt: Hit the Lights.

Eron: Hit the Lights.

Yeah, I can’t stop listening to their EP.

JT: That’s one thing that’s weird about AbsolutePunk.we’ve helped em out a lot. People will be like “Oh, Hit the Lights, we partied with them last night, they’re reinventing the wheel.” But for some reason, our band has the worst lyrics, the worst parts, the worst.everybody definitely picks their favorite bands, and we understand that and everything, but when we’re friends with all the bands that they’re choosing over us, and all these bands actually like us and they’ll be on record and say they like us, it’s a little weird.

I think a little bit of it has to do with the size of bands.Hit the Lights is a really small band right now, so I think people think they’ve got a connection to them, but I can guarantee you that if Hit the Lights gets half as popular as Simple Plan is, people will be jumping on the hate bandwagon. I’m not gonna hate them for it, but I know other people will.

Matt: I used to do that.when Blink 182 signed to a major, I was like, “Fuck that band!” I listened to Enema of the State three days ago, it’s so good. It’s ridiculous. That punk rock mentality is going to be in like everybody’s heads for the rest of our lives.

Eron: I was a freshman in high school, and I went to my first hardcore show, and after that, I literally went home, grabbed all my Nirvana and Pearl Jam CDs, and went to the local record store and sold them because they were on a major label.

Yeah, I mean, you guys are really successful, so I think that has a lot to do with some of the comments you get on AP. Like, everyone was digging Fall Out Boy two years ago when Take This To Your Grave came out, and they were still underground, but now people hate them because they’re popular.

Matt: And that’s the thing.their new album is retarded good. There’s no way anybody can be like, “It sucks! They suck now!” It’s just really good Fall Out Boy.

Eron: I think they found their sound finally. Their last album to me sounded a lot like Saves the Day, and this new one sounds like Fall Out Boy.

JT: The only post that will frustrate us, like, we don’t ever get mad if someone says our band sucks, like “OK, they don’t like our band.” I don’t like a lot of bands. I like a lot of bands. But, posts like, “Man, I was on Fall Out Boy’s fan club’s site, and they’re selling their shirts for $20.” These people just don’t realize why they’re $20. Like, when your manager gets 15%, your agent gets 15%, your merch store gets 15%, they’re selling them.

Eron: They’re making a buck.

JT: They’re selling them for $20 to get it to regular show price, you know like with shipping and everything. It’s frustrating when people are uneducated on the industry, and like, we were totally too. I’m not faulting them for not knowing friends in bands that are in that position.

Eron: I think it’s fucked up when people wish harm on you. They don’t like your music, so they’re like, “I wish they’d fucking die.” Especially given current circumstances. I just think it’s totally fucked up. There was definitely a picture from our first tour with Silverstein, Micah hit his head with his own guitar, and there was just blood dripping off his face, and somebody posted it and was like, “I wish he bled to death.”

Matt: It’s your fault!

Haha, I don’t approve.

Matt: I’m joking, haha.

JT: It seems like it’s always the same 10 people saying the same thing. For the most part, the people on that site have great opinions and they have fine things to say whether it’s about our band or any band. They really do. “I like this band for this reason…” or “I don’t like this band for this reason…”

Eron: When there’s a post about us, you can guarantee that the same 30 people will be posting in that thread.

It’s always the most negative people who are the most vocal.

Matt: Yeah, it’s like that with anything.

Jason ran a search in people’s profiles for people who had you listed in favorite bands, and there was a damn good amount.

Eron: They’re gonna lose a lot of scene points.

Haha, we actually got rid of those.

Eron: Yeah, I saw that.

It was just a total joke.

Eron: I thought it was hilarious.

People were scared of saying things in fear of having their scene points taking away.

Matt: Hahahahaha

What do you guys think you’d be doing if you weren’t musicians?

Eron: I’d be working some desk job. I was working at Time Warner cable before I did this.

JT: Given their present situation though, you’d’ve been be canned.

Eron: Well yeah, I definitely would’ve. Funny story, we got signed, and then I found out, since I’m down with my boss, that I was going to get laid off a month or two after anyways. So I was like, “Awesome, I’m going to have my severance pay while I’m out there making no money.” Our guitar tech right now, his dad works at Time Warner, and he’s like a VP, and our guitar tech told his dad that we got signed, and that I was planning on quitting, so his dad told the president, so they just let me quit, so I wasn’t gonna get any money.

Aw, I’m sorry.

JT: I would have finished my degree in education. Casey would’ve probably hopefully had finished his degree. Matt probably would’ve dropped in and out of college ten times since then, back in and out of each semester.

Eron: Micah might be engineering or something.

JT: Yeah, he’d probably be doing something in a studio some place. But yeah, we’d probably all be doing some form of music. Obviously, we’re older, so we’ve been doing this a long time anyway.

Eron: My whole goal in working with Time Warner was to work my way into their music group, cause I’ve been playing in bands since I was 13 and started playing drums, and music has always been a huge part of my life. So I graduated college and I kind of gave up on being in a band, so I thought I’d maybe just work in the industry or something. And that was my plan too after, in case I ever made it in a band.

Oh yeah, JT, since we’ve got you here, I gotta ask about the guitar pick thing.

JT: It was totally an inside joke, like tongue-in-cheek funny. It was totally like, “Hey, you know what would be funny?” and they were giving us free picks, so I just did it. And I think at that point they said something personally, I can’t remember what it was, but it was like, “This band sucks, they can’t play their instruments” blah blah blah, and it was like, alright, well if I’m vocal about me not liking the site, let’s see what happens. All hell breaks loose. So apparently if I’m vocal about not liking the site.

Nah, we don’t care. We thought it was funny, haha.

JT: Yeah, it’s funny.

Eron: I thought it was hilarious when you guys first posted it and someone was like, “Oh you mean this pick?” and it they posted a picture of a pick from eBay that just had a bunch of people’s signatures, and people were like, “What’s so offensive about those signatures?”

Matt: By the way, this is totally off-subject, but I was in the room when Eron recorded his drums for our first CD, and I’ve seen people on their say, “He didn’t record them! Sean O’Keefe recorded them!” I watched him play them.

Eron: The best was when they said Caleb, our old manger, played the drums on them.

Matt: And Casey’s scream is definitely real, that’s how he screams. I don’t know how a computer can scream.

Eron: I can understand how people can sometimes think.like, because everything was so Pro-Tooled on our first record.Sean took everything and lined up guitars, drums, bass, everything, and even vocals, he’d make sure JT was saying words exactly on time, and if you listen to it, it doesn’t sound natural, it sounds so mechanical. And our new producer, he didn’t quantize my drums at all. If I had one bass drum hit out of beat, he’d slide it over just a little bit, and everything’s way more natural.

JT: That was our first recording experience, so you can imagine, let’s say, if you’re favorite band is the Foo Fighters or something, you can imagine in a huge studio what they do to make them sound like gold. But with like a $15,000 budget, there’s not much you can do.

I was just thinking.people probably know you read the site sometimes.

JT: Oh, I do every day.

And maybe they say things just to piss you off.

JT: Probably.

Eron: Most of the time it’s funny.

JT: Honest to god, we are laughing the whole time, just like you probably are.

Eron: I shit my pants when somebody was like, “Caleb played drums on the album.” We were like, what are they reaching for right now?

JT: He wears sandals with socks on!

Eron: And we haven’t mentioned his name in a year and a half.

JT: I would go on there right now.I don’t even know how to navigate the internet very well, like I don’t know how to sign up to be an AbsolutePunk member or anything like that.I could probably figure it out.but I definitely go on there, read, figure out what’s going on with my band at the time.

Yeah, we figured out your tracklisting for you.

JT: Not that it would matter, but that couldn’t be more opposite than what our actual tracklisting is. I mean, obviously they haven’t heard the songs, and just know the names of the songs, but the one that was #2, was the acoustic song, and that’s the one that would be dead ass last.

Matt: It’s a good way to keep up.I’ll read something about some band, and be like “What the.Hopesfall! What happened?” and I’ll call Josh and be like, “What happened? Your gear got stolen!” I find shit out on there all the time.

JT: Out of the information sites, it’s one of the better ones. Like all the information, except for the silly stuff, I think it’s very good for the most part. I don’t ever believe anybody breaking up or things like that, but announced tours and things like that.

Matt: Cartel’s good!

Cartel is good.

Matt: Cartel is really good, I’ll tell you that.

JT: We’ve definitely found some good bands from that site. Some of our friend’s bands that we’ve known for 15 years are on that site. And one of the funny things is that it is young readers, and we get asked the same questions too.it’s like, “Man, Cartel, how come you don’t ever see them on TRL?” Just because you love a band doesn’t mean that everybody loves a band. It doesn’t mean the band’s not good.

Matt: It could have something not to do with the band at all.the record label not having good distribution, or something.

Plus, the thing about Cartel, is that they sound like they’re a huge band, and I think that sometimes confuses people.

JT: I agree. That band is getting screwed right now. They could be like, I wouldn’t say as big as Fall Out Boy, because Fall Out Boy is having something special happening right now, but they could be like a gold record band, or a 250,000 band.

Eron: Once they get through The Militia Group, I think they’ll be good to go.

Matt: The thing kids don’t see, is that Cartel, if they do that, and they have the same amazing songs, like really catchy and are really good, but say the label doesn’t promote them very good. That could fuck them just as much.

JT: Say they don’t get on the right tours.

Matt: It could have absolutely nothing to do with the band, and they’d still get fucked. I’d say its 10% what the band sounds like.

JT: Case in point, Bayside. Like, we’re all really partial to Bayside because they’re our friends, but I really do think they’re a great band, and they’re around that same level and should be higher. They’re on the same label as we’re on, you know?

It just doesn’t make sense how some bands get huge and others don’t.

JT: It’s one of those things.like, for some reason, everyone grabbed a hold of My Chemical Romance at that time, or Fall Out Boy at this time, and like, The Killers.my mom probably still buys 5 Killers CDs a week or something. They’re still selling like 35,000 a week somehow.

Green Day is still selling like 40,000 a week. It’s amazing.

Matt: It’s like, who the fuck’s still buying it?

JT: I think that they’re buying em. Because in rock n roll, there’s not that many people who can keep buying it.

Like, how did 40,000 people just wake up this week and say, “Oh! I’m gonna go buy the new Green Day!”

JT: It’s like, “Oh, fuck, what’s that fucking band called? Green Day! What’s their new CD sound like?”

Matt: Fall Out Boy.42,000. Who’s buying that that hasn’t already bought it?

JT: The good thing about them is that they’re out of the scene, they’re on MTV, and that’s who’s buying their CD. All of us that like Fall Out Boy from previous efforts still have it, still like it, but now they’re going to people who like Ashlee Simpson, and are like “Oh man, these guys are cute and write good songs.” They’ve always been cute and always written good songs, but now they have that special thing happening.

What do you guys listen to for fun and inspiration?

JT: For fun, our merch guy has a shit ton of ska records, like Goldfinger and stuff like that, stuff you listened to when you were in 8th grade and stuff. It’s fun to bring back those memories, like the first time you went to shows and stuff like that.

Matt: I’ve got 12 NOFX albums on my iPod.

JT: We all listen to some of the most stereotypical, punk rock, emo, screamo, indie rock, hardcore, but we also listen to.

[Casey enters]

Eron: Did you get the sneetches tattoo?

Casey: I got the sneetches.

Eron: Oh my god.

Matt: Casey just got a Dr. Seuss tattoo!

Casey: There’s a few sad ones, and there are the ones that are happy.

Eron: You were asking what we do in our time between playing and stuff? Casey gets bored and goes and gets tattoos.

Casey: I’m done after this. I knew that the sneetches would be the final piece to the puzzle.

[Casey leaves]

Matt: But yeah, I made a “get pumped” playlist last night, and Samiam’s on it, Rock From the Crypt’s on it. I listen to a lot of quiet stuff. Eisley’s really good.

Eron: For fun, I’ll go back and listen to all the old-school hardcore shit I grew up listening to, because I think it’s hilarious, going back and listening to it now. You’re just like, “Wow, why was I so into this?”

JT: It meant something special to you at the time.

Did any of those CDs you inspire you when you were writing the new CD?

JT: For the most part, when I’m writing lyrics and stuff like that, I try to listen to nothing, so that way you don’t rip anything off. Because when you get stuff in your head, you don’t know that you’re doing that. We had some stuff in mind, like, “Let’s make some parts heavier,” or something like that, but we try to not to listen to stuff in our scene, and try to think outside the box to other stuff that we listen to.

Matt: At the same time, our band is so diverse in terms of what people listen to.say I come up with something that sounds exactly like an Underoath song, dead on, I’ll bring it to practice and it’ll get twisted and screwed around with so much that it’ll come out sounding nothing like anything, so I don’t think it matters that much anyways.

Eron: There have definitely been times when Casey brought a riff in where we were like, “Dude, that’s an Underoath song,” and then we’d start messing with it and changing it around and it doesn’t sound anything like that.

Matt: Even if I went and learned a part from a band like us, and brought it to practice, it’d get twisted so many ways it wouldn’t sound anything like us.

JT: As far as melody, I’ll always start listening to The Beatles or Elliott Smith or The Beach Boys or something like that, because those people will show you how shitty you sing. Cause they’re not using anything.just one mic in front of them and they’re singing, and they wrote some of the best melodies that have ever been written in pop music, so you just listen to them and you’re like, “Why can’t I write like that?” but you try your best.

Any albums of the year?

JT: I really like the new Death Cab for Cutie album. As far as pop rock albums, Fall Out Boy’s new album’s gotta be up there, for sure.

Matt: The Go Team.

What one Hawthorne Heights song would you want people to hear.is there any song that represents you best?

Matt: Well we have one song called “This Is Who We Are,” haha.

JT: That’s one of our newer songs, and that’s kind of why we had that title. It’s got a lot of the heavy stuff we like, it’s got a lot of the soft stuff, it’s got a little bit of screaming.it represents a really good roundness of our band. It’s not one of the poppier songs, it’s not one of the heavier songs, it’s right in the middle of the road.

What advice do you have for younger bands that are trying to make it?

Eron: Learn as much as you can about the music industry, because you can use that to your advantage in how you promote yourself, and you’ll find that you’ll get way farther if you know how to promote yourself.

Matt: And also, if you’re making a press kit to send out to labels, and you have the best song ever written in the history of human beings, but it’s in a yellow envelope and a blank CD with your name written on it, they’re probably not going to listen to it.

Eron: Yeah, they’re probably not going to listen to it. GetSigned.com is like the best resource ever for a band starting off, because I went on there, read how to make a press kit, and.

Matt: If you make something flashy, and not ordinary, the odds of getting listened to are way better.

JT: When you’re writing a song, or when you’re in practice and are like, “We have something really special,” you need to make something really special to carry that in.

Matt: Yeah, as stupid as that sounds.

JT: Yeah, it does matter.

Eron: If your goal is to be in a band on a label and play music for your life, then you have to know how to sell yourself to a label. You have to prove to the label that you can sell records, because that’s all they really care about. You need to present all sorts of different things, your website hits, your MP3 downloads, the shows you’ve played, and all this stuff that you’ve done on your own, so that they know when they start putting money behind you, what you’ve done on your own will just grow exponentially.

Matt: Work as hard as your label.

JT: You have to let them know, that, “If you sign us, that’s great, but if not, we’re gonna keep doing this because we believe in it.”

Eron: And once you sign, that doesn’t mean you can stop working. It means you have to work harder.

JT: A lot of bands are like, “Alright, we’re signed, we’ll let them do all the work.” And they don’t get any bigger. When we got signed, we all quit our jobs, and we all lived off like $10 a week, and we busted our ass. We were always calling people, we were always emailing people, like, “Hey, this our band, we just signed to this, how can we help you out, how can you help us out?” Just making as many contacts as we can.

Eron: And try to write the best songs you possibly can too. Because if you have all this marketing behind you, it doesn’t do you any good if you don’t have songs. You also have to try to tour as much as you can on your own.

JT: It’s really no rush. We found that we wrote the best songs when we just decided, “Let’s not play any shows, let’s sit in our basement, let’s all write together, and let’s all do exactly what we want to do” instead of, “We want to hurry up and play our first show, so let’s write, we gotta have 6 or 7 songs.” We had 2 or 3 songs for the first 4 months of our band or something, and all we did was come and practice them, and we kept recording them and recording them because we have a rig in Micah’s basement, and just got them to sound better and better, and just got better at what we did. You really do have to define what it is that you all want to do, what your band wants to sounds like. If somebody wants to sound like Green Day, and somebody Danzig, then you gotta figure out a way to make it work together.

How many MySpace friend add requests do you get per day?

Eron: It’s probably at least 1,000 people a day. We have I think over 220,000 friends, it may be more. I haven’t been on there in a while. We have a friend who helps to just add people for us.

Matt: We don’t have internet access sometimes at clubs, so it’ll all stack up and we’ll have.

Eron: Yeah, sometimes we’ll go in there and there’s like 600 pages of friends to add.

JT: Yeah, it’s really overwhelming, but it’s overwhelming in a good way, because it’s like, “Man, this many people sought out Hawthorne Heights” and want to know what’s going on with us.

Eron: We still post everything that comes out of there, like all the messages and stuff.

Matt: And like the Bayside thing, we just typed something up, hit send, and it goes to 300,000 people.

Eron: I can’t tell you how many people responded to that on our MySpace page.

Matt: And it’s easier than posting it on your website and hoping people find it.

JT: A lot of people are so fanatical about MySpace, they go in there like 5-10 times a day to see if they have new messages, and when a tragedy like that happens, it’s such a good way to help out.

So, any crazy tour stories? Craziest fan you’ve had?

Eron: In Nashville, we had some wacky fans. When we were on the Take Action tour, they parked their car in front of the bus so the bus couldn’t move, and we literally signed 20 things for this girl. You’d sign something, and then she’d ask if you’d signed all these different items, and she’d pull them out, and you’re like, “Yeah, I signed that right there.” “Are you sure? Are you sure?” “Yes, you have everybody, trust me.” “Are you sure?” And then five minutes later she’d come back and ask you to sign stuff again, and you’re like “Hmm.”

JT: Very creepy. Most people are like really cool, and since we’re normal looking people, we don’t draw a ‘kooky’ crowd or anything. Some people will bring us cookies or draw pictures or things. But yeah, there was this one other fan. We walk out to Warped Tour in the morning one day, it was 11 o’clock or something like that, and the doors had just opened, so we were walking around just seeing what’s going on, and some girl has all my tattoos drawn all over her arm. Like, a pretty good, accurate drawing too, which is weird, because we hadn’t been around the area, and no one had ever said, “Hey, can I take a picture of all the tattoos on your arm?” And this girl definitely had some way of seeing all my tattoos and drawing them with pastels or something.

Oh, gotcha, so she didn’t actually get the tattoos.

JT: No no no, I’d probably be in my bunk forever if that were true.

Well that about wraps it up. Thank you guys for spending your valuable time with us. I know you guys are a big band and don’t have to talk to small people such as myself.

JT: That’s the point. We’re small people in a band that is semi-successful.

Well I really do appreciate it. You could be dicks very easily, but you’re not.

JT: The thing is, the people that are dicks in bands are dicks anyways. If their band gets huge or if their band’s small, they’re just not cool, nice people. For the most part, if people start to see a little bit of success, it doesn’t change the person, they were just always mean and appreciative. We try to do everything we can for anybody. If we can help someone out, we want to help them out. We might not write the absolute best songs in the world, or the most groundbreaking material, but we at least try to be regular dudes.

Eron: Oh you can tell people about this. This is one of my cymbals I broke, and we had Silverstein sign it, we signed it, Underoath was in town one day and they signed it, and we’re gonna auction it off and give it to John.

Anything you’d like to say to the readers, whom you love so much, haha, at AbsolutePunk?

JT: Hopefully this interview answers questions people wanted to hear.

Matt: To answer why we suck so bad.

Hahaha

Eron: It’s all the drugs, man.

JT: I don’t know, I don’t think you can answer a question on how you suck so bad, because really, it’s all opinion. How is my opinion right and how is your opinion wrong? To clear up any rumors, we don’t hate AbsolutePunk.

Matt: We read it every day.

JT: And we read it every day, and if anybody has any questions, we will obviously answer anything they have to say.

Awesome, well thank you so much, and best of luck with the rest of the tour and the new record.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

My Changing Emotions About Weddings

OK, so it’s fairly well established that I’m a big sap. Even when I was living a lonely existence of emotional neglect at home when I was young, and even being super demisexual, almost to the point of being totally asexual, I’m going to share my son’s words here to describe me (we’ve had some frank discussions at the start of high school about sexuality). He suspects he’s on the asexual spectrum somewhere, and I told him that’s ok...he’s not damaged or weird. I am too. I told him about how weird high school and college were for me because of that; I was/am that, but at the time, I didn’t know what it was or that it was even a thing a person could be. It was never talked about, even in progressive-for-the-time fiction. So upon learning this about me, the conversation went in this direction...

Boy: Wow. You’re like a very rare person, I think, Mom. Because you’re pretty asexual, but you’re like...HYPER-romantic. You see love and romance everywhere all the time. All your stories are love stories. You’re like Frank Capra and Walt Disney, but an asexual girl. That’s probably a pretty unique combination in people.

Me: Maybe. I never really thought about that.

Boy: I can’t believe you are so optimistic and lovey based on your childhood, even if you weren’t even a little bit ace. Mam and Pap are like...not at all romantic people.

Me: Think how sappy and annoying I’d be if I had supportive parents. HAHAHA!

Boy: You would maybe actually BE Aphrodite then. <chuckles>

(The Boy has been studying a lot of film and literature and classic world cultures for his school’s academic competitions...so yes, he is really the one referencing Frank Capra and Aphrodite...not me.)

I share this because I think The Boy is right about me. When I was young, even though I never had sexual urges, even INSIDE a youthful romantic relationship, I was always into romance-y things. Not the textbook, trite shit like getting flowers or writing love poems or whatever, but just...little things someone does (maybe not even your partner, but your friends, your family, your teacher/coach, whoever) that show they are thinking about you and know you and value you. And I’ve always, even when I wasn’t into any other love-story-type shit, been into weddings. I LOVED going to weddings as a kid/teenager/young single adult/newlywed. LOVED. Nothing fuels a sappy romantic more than watching two hopeful souls stand up in front of the people they know and declare love and promise to one another. Unity. Mutual expression of love and loyalty. I’ve written a LOT of weddings; all different kinds of weddings between all different kinds of people who love each other; into my stories. Like...it really gets my motor running. Or it used to.

The last several weddings I’ve attended, however, even my own brother’s, have soured me on them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still all about love and loyalty and unity and commitment. I still like the IDEA and IDEAL of weddings a whole bunch. The recent angst comes from the shit I’m hearing said at weddings by all sorts of different sources. Best men/maids of honor/wedding attendants...parents of the bride and/or groom...pastors/officiants... Like it’s leaving a bad taste in my mouth. That wedding celebrations themselves are now being purposely tainted with negativity.

Some snippets from recent (going back to maybe a couple years prior to COVID) weddings...

“You’ve now promised to love this person forever, but you won’t like them all the time...sometimes you’ll look at this person you married and wonder why you married them because you don’t even LIKE this person, but you promised to love them forever. So you have to continue to choose to love them every day, even on days you don’t like them...”

“’Love is patient, love is kind...etc...’ This scripture means that when we join together in marriage, we are called to give our spouse the sacrificial love Jesus gave to all humanity...”

“Marriage is hard.”

“<Groom>, I want you to take <bride’s> hand in your hand. Now place your other hand on top of hers. Enjoy this moment, because it will be the last time you have the upper hand in this marriage.”

That last one is so dripping with marriage negativity and misogyny it made me want to walk out of the joint.

I understand the drive to tell a new couple, especially a young couple, that every day isn’t going to be like their wedding day, where everyone they ever even mostly liked is going to show up and applaud them and give them gifts and get tipsy and get out on the dance floor in their finery and shake it into the wee hours of the morning. Life’s not a party. I get it. Don’t want to set the kids up to think it is, but I mean...they KNOW that. They do. They grew up watching their own parents argue and struggle and sometimes even divorce or die. They’ve all experienced disappointment and loss. Their wedding...from their pastor and parents and family and friends...isn’t the time for harsh reminders of those things, I don’t think. But beyond just that, those things are false. We’re telling these newly married people lies, or at least only incomplete versions of the truth. I DO like J all the time. Yeah, sometimes he pisses me off. I piss him off too. But I always like him. I’ve never thought, ‘Why’d I marry this dude?’ I know why. He’s my person. He makes my life better. My Pre-J Life was undeniably shittier than My Post-J Life. Yes, love is patient and kind and will occasionally to often call on a person to sacrifice something for another, but not your whole life or self. That’s not really love. People who love you don’t expect complete sacrifice and perfection from the people they love. They just don’t. Marriage ISN’T hard. It’s really not. LIFE is hard. Life is going to throw illness and loss and disappointment and hardship at you no matter what you do; that’s life. MARRIAGE is supposed to be a buffer for life. That’s your partner; that’s your person; that’s your homie there to share the load and hold you when you cry. If that person isn’t making your life better, you shouldn’t be married to them, or you should no longer be married to them. We live in a time and place in history and culture where if it’s not working out, there’s a way out. I’m still an incurable, unrepentant romantic, but I’ve seen a whole bunch of bad marriages; I’ve never met a bad divorce. And yeah, again? If a man is getting married, particularly if he’s getting married to a woman? HE’S winning. Women don’t ruin men or oppress them by marrying them. I’m so fucking tired of hearing that coming at me, and everyone else, especially young men who are attracted to women, left, right, and center. It’s not a joke. Those jokes are really stupid and have never been funny. But damned if a whole bunch of people didn’t laugh at that ‘upper hand’ one last night. I didn’t laugh. Neither did J or The Boy.

I dunno. I guess maybe all the negative shit was always there before the past few years for me, and like myself, I just blocked it out and only saw the shiny happy parts I wanted to see in wedding ceremonies and receptions. Now, unfortunately, all I see are the problems. I’m hoping we’re not invited to another wedding for a good long time.

[greatandquestionablecontent]

In Which Aubrey Introduces the Crew

Have you been wondering who in the world all these #stop eldritch fracking 2k25 characters are? What kind of names are Sparkplug and Jetlag anyway? Well here they all are, through the lens of a totally nonbiased narrator.

AuspiciousAubrey:

There’s a reason the whole “trans furry stoners run the internet” is a meme and it’s true and rooted in history and all that but I’m not here to tell you about queer history, I’m just gonna say that I wasn’t shocked to not be the only trans person in this crew, and I wasn’t shocked to learn the hackergirl named Sparkplug had a catsona she wanted programmed in to the AR. It be like that. And that was before I met Lexan or even Genesis.

But y’know finding out that this place is half run by a nonbinary 22 year old who’s gotta be on SOME kind of spectrum, well it explains why we got more than the token diversity hire.

Point being, lots of hot queers running around in rad suits and Jetlag even said he’d rig me up a prosthetic dick with some extra science magic. Who doesn’t want a bionic cock they can whip out in a LARP to hatefuck ur catgirl rival?

That’s what’s in it for me and Raegan. We’ve been doing paintball, lasertag, airsoft wars; she did archery and I did zombie apocalypse LARP camp every summer. Hot queers in cool outfits beating each other up. Adrenaline, drama, sadomasochism, fun, etc. I mean, it’s more about the drama and adrenaline for me, but Raegan donates blood as a hobby and is always getting beaten up at some kink party so yeah, we thought we knew what we were getting into.

Raegan and I met online and then she hauled off out of Nowhereville, West Virginia in her shitty truck and we’ve been best friends ever since. Friends with benefits, disaster roommates, but whatever. We fuck too often for it to be fully platonic but we’re not like, in love. I’m aro and she had herself two girlfriends when we were in Vegas, and they were a handful. I'm glad that's over, honestly, and I wasn't even in the polycule. Raegan’s a handful, herself. Hell, so am I, but in a different way.

Raegan’s whole thing is that she’s got the personality of an ambitious meth addict, but she only does coke occasionally at parties and doesn’t have a particular ambition. I mean, she’s always GOING. Two jobs, two girlfriends, two dogs, a billion hobbies, volunteers, and unwinds by undergoing controlled bodily harm. She’s nuts and I just like to have a good time. Lexan likes that about her, cause Lexan’s a workaholic with no life, and they’re the same age, and sometimes I think I’m just here as part of Raegan’s package deal. I fit the bill well enough for the job, I show up when I’m paid, but Raegan’s interesting and devoted and has all these weird skills.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous. No way do I want Lexan calling me in to work extra shifts doing some random vehicle repairs at two am. I don’t trust Lexan. Not like I think they’re a creeper or anything, but I don’t trust them the way you don’t trust your landlord or your CEO on principle. The way you side eye any blonde, white, blue-eyed nepo baby whose uncle owns the very land you walk on. No one needs that much power and responsibility as a 22 year old college drop out. They’re a genius, sure whatever. They don’t think much of me either ‘cuz I’m not busting my ass and giving 110% at every damn opportunity.

That said, when my binder got torn in a game session once, they got a spare of theirs out of their locker for me and it didn't fit me but I haven't forgotten the thought.

So yeah, that’s three of us.

Sparkplug is so pretty, tall and thin and leggy, with a pink undercut and a super fun fashion sense. She looks like she walked out of a rave. Huge props to her for being thirty and showing up to work in cat ears and getting everyone to take her seriously anyway. I’ve got a bit of a crush on her in a “I hope someday you wanna bang behind a set-piece when I get my new bionic dick” way not like “let’s date” way. She's quiet, though, and sometimes gets drowned out by the loudest of us. All I know about her real life is she used to be a wildland firefighter, and then did IT in Seattle for a while.

And Jetlag is on the behind the scenes side of things, and he’s cishet, but he’s chill. He’s in his late thirties, early forties maybe? Filipino, says he's never been to the Philipines. I’ve literally never seen him without a baseball cap on. We made a little blunt rotation circle, him and me and Livia and Raegan, even though weed isn't really Raegan's thing.

Livia seems so chill, and never says anything alarming in the blunt circle, but she’s Lexan’s girlfriend and like, basically an adopted nepo baby? North’s favorite little boss’s pet. I dunno about her. She’s like the polar opposite of Lexan. She always smells like weed and has that tie dye yoga pants Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt combo look going. She’s an RN turned secretary. My age, and she's second generation Mexican American too, except she actually speaks Spanish. She’s got nipple piercings. Between her and Lexan, ALL the chill went to her and Lexan got NONE of it. They pro’lly need her to keep them sane though.

But I won’t be shocked if Livia and Raegan end up fucking around, especially now that Raegan is ubersingle. Do you think she and Lexan are poly? I bet Raegan knows. I’ll ask.

So, who else...

Gillie, Mack, North, Hattie, pro’lly someone else I’m forgetting.

Gillie’s cool as fuck. Everyone thinks so, and we’re all objectively correct. Lexan and I see eye to eye on that — we both want to be Gillie but neither of us stand a chance. Forty something "I don't care, use any pronouns" butch dyke who’s got the brains, the brawn, and -- uh, well, we’ll get to her other whole thing another time. Gillie’s seen and done shit. They make the rest of us look like silly babies, but they're nice about it. Gillie could kill us all easily and not just in game. She’s usually lab though.

Mack is the antonym of cool. Dr. W. Mackenzie who signs literally everything that way, so that you NEVER FORGET he has a PhD, and he has a conniption if you call him Mack, which is why half of us do it. Insufferable. Nerd king and not in a fun way. Smartest guy ever trademark but fucks up pronouns like he’s never taken an English class. I wish he wasn’t behind the scenes so I could punch him in game.

Hattie’s like, the only normal one here. Which is kinda sad because she told me she feels so out of place, being the only Deaf and Black one. But she’s just some mom who has a normal job (since when is this a normal job?) and treats it professionally and doesn’t get all up in anyone’s business. On the divide between stoner gamers and workaholic nutjobs, she’s an exception. She’s like someone you meet at any office, looking nice in business casual and modest jewelry and answering the phones and tapping on the computer with her fancy nails. Her ex-husband is a school teacher so the kid lives with him during the summers.

And there’s North, of course. Like I said, I don’t trust him on principle. He’s a white dude in his fifties, maybe, owns the whole company, somehow has even more of a stick up his ass than Lexan does. He struggles with pronouns sometimes but he tries, I’ll give him that. He calls me 'he' most of the time, and occasionally she. Ironically, he misgenders me way less than Lexan, because 'they' just goes over his head somehow. And I don't think he's ever called Sparkplug anything but 'she.'

Oh, and the weird Canadian guy. He’s just really into the AR. He gives me the creeps but Raegan says he’s not that bad if you got thick skin. He’s a great sniper though, ex-military. You want him on your side in game.

And Genesis is always underground, literally. I've never met Genesis, and I'm starting to think I never will.

And that’s our whole happy little family.

[bisluthq]

I read part of the Matty interview where he said he doesn't want to write about his flings (whatever description he used) and finds it weird how artists only write about their life and are obsessed with their lore.

And I found that last bit to be so weird? There were only a few comments , but most said they didn't like the diaristic writing - which ok, fair enough. But also unless you google and look into what inspired a song, who can say what is and isn't diaristic or an artist singing about their lived experiences? I know Taylor writes from a lot of personal experience, but they also never took out all her teeth or raised her in an actual asylum , she didn't murder Estes husband and dump him in a swamp in Florida, yk? She didn't actually do a heist and need someone to drive a literal getaway car, but fuck what a great metaphor for cheating!

Idk I've just been surprised before by how many songs I loved, whether they were a 3 act structure of storytelling or just general love songs/ breakup songs , only to look up what the artist said inspired it and sometimes it was like 'oh its not really about anything' and other times hearing a song that seems vague or pretty basic and the artist says it's about this super specific situation and unless you know the story it won't make sense 😂 and I think there's a cool continuation in Taylor albums like the hits different callback in fortnight, but you don't need to know any lore or real life details to be able to get the idea of what her songs are about... Like guilty as sin, down bad, icdiwabh, BDILH, etc are all pretty relatable or easy to understand - I can't relate to guilty as sin, but don't need to relate to enjoy it? Idk sorry for sprt of rant, I think I'm just frustrated by this 'ypu can only write about your lived experiences' for authors or screenwriters (obvs don't fuck up if you're writing the exact opposite and very oppressed version of yourself) but also seeing the sentiment 'dont write about your lived experiences, that is uninspired' WHAT?!?

I think I have PMS ijbol

yea I find that a very weird stance. I think all good writing is in part autobiographical - and I don’t mean in the sense that it’s diaristic, but that it’s inspired by experiences we’ve had or seen our family and friends have and supported them through it, or even that it’s inspired by our personal philosophy/worldview. Shitty writing is usually based on fuck all or things we watched/read but never really went through. I feel that quite strongly. You can almost always tell when something is pure fabrication/fanfic, right? It just doesn’t hit as hard. Even good satire is generally speaking about shit we feel strongly about.

[tidecorals]

❤️‍🩹 (mending heart) + 🧪 (test tube) for logan, ☀️ (sun) + 🌙 (crescent moon) for alejandro

how strongly do you experience your emotions? does it depend on who you’re interacting with and/or the context of the situation?

"honestly, i experience my emotions pretty intensely, but it’s like i’ve got this filter that decides when and where they come out. i know, it's funny. . . the idea of me having any kind of filter. but if i’m by myself or with people I really trust, like my closest friends, it’s easier to just feel things as they come. i can be super passionate, really happy, or even just angry without holding back. but when i’m around people i don’t know well or in situations where i feel like i need to keep it together, i tend to dial it back. it’s not that i’m being fake or anything— i just have this instinct to protect myself a little, you know? i feel what i feel in my own time, on my own terms.

context definitely matters, too. if something catches me off guard or hits close to home, i might react more strongly than i expected, even if i’m trying to stay cool. but if it’s a situation where i know i need to be level-headed, i can usually keep my emotions in check until i’m somewhere safe to let them out. sometimes it's not that easy. it’s a balancing act, for sure. i feel things deeply, but i’ve learned how to navigate when to show it and when to keep it tucked away. that said, when i do let those emotions out, it’s because i trust the people i’m with or the moment just calls for it. so yeah, it depends, but when i feel, i feel hard."

if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what is one thing you absolutely have to resolve and/or do before then?

"there’s no way i’d go out without making sure the people i love know how much they mean to me. i’d want to resolve any lingering issues or misunderstandings, especially with my family. we don’t always see eye to eye, and there’s been some tension over the years— mostly because of my choices and how i’ve lived my life. but at the end of the day, they’re still my family, and i wouldn’t want to leave anything unsaid. i’d need to have those conversations, clear the air, and make sure they know that i love them, even if we’ve had our differences. i'd need to know how they really feel about me, and if they can accept me for who i am, and if not. . . at least i'd have closure.

i’d want to spend my last day doing the things that make me happiest. i’d gather my closest friends, have a bonfire at the beach, laugh until it hurts, and just soak in the moment. i guess i’d want to leave this world with no regrets— knowing that i made peace where it was needed, and that i spent my last hours truly living and knowing they meant something."

would you describe yourself as more of an introvert or extrovert, or are you somewhere in between? how come?

"i’d say i’m somewhere in between, leaning a bit more toward extrovert, but with a strong appreciation for my own space. i genuinely enjoy being around people— hosting dinners at pearl’s, attending events at the yacht club, or just engaging in good conversation with interesting company. there’s something invigorating about the energy of a lively room, the exchange of ideas, and the shared laughter that comes with it. it’s a big part of why i love what i do; connecting with others, sharing stories, and creating memorable experiences is what drives me. but at the same time, i value my privacy and the moments of solitude that come with it. running a business, especially one as demanding as a restaurant, requires a lot of social energy, and there are times when i need to step back, retreat to my own space, and recharge. i’m very particular about how i spend my time and who i spend it with— quality over quantity, always. so, while i thrive in social settings, i’m equally content with quiet moments, a good book, or simply enjoying the calm of my apartment in coral cove.

i suppose you could say i’m a bit of a paradox in that way— drawn to the vibrancy of social life but grounded by the need for introspection and solitude. it’s all about balance, and i think i’ve found mine somewhere between the two."

what would you say is your current biggest dream and/or career aspiration and why?

"my biggest dream right now is to expand pearl’s beyond just a beloved spot in palmview. i want to take what we’ve built here— the ambiance, the quality, the sense of community— and replicate it in other places, maybe even internationally. imagine pearl’s by the sea in the south of France, or where it all started for me. it’s not just about the business growth; it’s about sharing the experience and culture of pearl’s with a wider audience, creating new memories and connections in different parts of the world. but more than just the expansion, i aspire to mentor and bring up the next generation of chefs. i’ve always been one to take risks on new talent, and i’d love to create a platform where these up-and-coming chefs can showcase their creativity and passion. seeing others succeed and knowing i had a hand in their journey— that’s incredibly fulfilling for me.

and, of course, on a more personal note, my dream is to eventually balance this ambition with the kind of family life i’ve always wanted. there’s something deeply meaningful about creating a legacy, not just through my work, but with a family of my own. it’s not something that’s fully in my grasp yet, but i believe that with time, both these dreams can coexist. that’s the ultimate aspiration for me."

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

The power of music brought us here and it'll take us even further as long as we keep following our dreams

Never underestimate how freeing it is to express yourself through art and creativity. When my mind is loud with overwhelming thoughts or if I’m feeling sort of meh, I find that doing something creative often helps my brain unwind. Journaling’s an obvious thing, and maybe it’s because I’m doing it for years now, but I find it easy and therapeutic to just let my thoughts run wild on paper. It can help sort out your thoughts and feelings over things that you feel conflicted over. Or it could help organize your mind of you’ve got a lot going on and just need some time to settle down.

I don’t always have a rhyme or reason for writing in my journal, nor do I have a strict routine. Some days, I have a lot of my mind, and other times, it’s no thoughts, head empty. To be honest, I don’t really care much for routine or consistency, because to me, journaling’s like any other hobby I pick up. The point is to enjoy it, and if I’m super busy or just not feeling it, I could easily put it aside and focus on something else without feeling bad or guilty. I like routine for the stability, but I don’t want it to completely dictate my day to day life, so I try to aim for a balance.

For me, I like do do a mix of different things when I journal. It’s not the most cohesive thing, which is okay for me because it’s my creative space and I can do whatever I want with it. Diary entries, random pages of art, quotes and lyrics that have been living rent free in my mind - really, the possibilities are endless! Over the years, I have developed my own style of journaling, which I’m happy with, and as of this moment, I’m hoping to keep up with journaling for as long as I feel like it - meaning, for the next few or several years to come.

Songwriting’s another popular way of self expression, and it’s actually come up a lot in conversations, probably because we just attended a music festival and some of our friends who performed there are staying at the camp to chill for a couple days. We’ve got Ying, Hua, Desi, Dello, Donna, and Edie - all who came a very long way to attend the Dreamer Festival in Spectrum Falls. Basically, Edie came from the midwest, Desi, Dello, ands Donna all the way in the west coast, and Ying and Hua came overseas from Yuexing - so they came a really long way! At least by stopping by the camp, Ying and Hua are able to cut their travel time by a few hours, which really makes a difference.

The Dreamer Festival is one of those events that’s a huge deal, sort of like a pipe dream for many. It’s not one of those mainstream festivals that is well known outside of certain circles, which makes it even more special if you’re able to get in. Not that it’s like exclusive, or elite, or anything, it’s more that they try to be super diverse and aim to showcase a wide variety of music, and there’s only so much you can pack into one event a year. In other words, space is limited and invite only, which also isn’t always guaranteed because things can change at the last minute - though from what I’ve heard, if they reach out to you, they will try to give you a slot within two years.

So it really was a stoke of luck that this gang of musicians got in this year, months after the organizers reach out to them, which, again, doesn’t always happen for a variety of reasons. Even now, after the festival, they still can’t believe that they made it. Like, if someone came up last year and told them, “Hey, you’d be performing at Dreamer one day” they’d be like, “You can’t be serious!” And now here they are. Amazing, isn’t it? Even more so after years of being told that their music wasn’t going to get them anywhere.

Obviously, you can’t win everyone over, but it starts to get to a point where the naysayers aren’t being logical anymore, or are just jealous or petty. On one hand, it’s understandable why someone might be against pursuing the arts as a career because it’s not an easy path, and even if you have talent, a lot of it also comes down to luck - and money, and connections, which often serves as a barrier for many. That, I get, because it is a valid concern, and it carries a lot of weight on your decisions.

Financial stability’s one thing, burnout and stress is another that’s a huge concern for many. A good support system can help with that, but that’s also not guaranteed, especially when it comes to factors that are completely out of your hands, which is the unfortunate nature of the music industry. Mainstream music, I can definitely see a lot of behind the scenes stuff happening, though that and smaller labels or independent have their own challenges too. Please note, I know absolutely nothing about the business side of the music industry except that like any other job, it has its problems and whatever.

For Dello and Donna, they acknowledge the fact that they had an advantage because of their connections because their uncle is The Kent Clanwing. However, everything else like finances and such, that was their own hard work and effort, partly due to Clanwing not being involved in that at all. Even now, his support still sends mixed messages to the family, which is something they’ll just have to accept. Not ideal and could be a lot better, but that’s just how it is.

Dello had always been into music, so he’s had a bit of experience with the industry, though it was more of a side thing. Clanwing never exactly discouraged him from pursuing music, but it was kinda implied that he felt that Dello didn’t have the chops to survive the business. Sure, he had the talent and artistic merit, though that can only take you so far, especially if you have other factors working against you.

The biggest obstacle was Dello’s stutter, something he’s struggled with all his life that he still gets self conscious about from time to time. It’s gotten better over the years, but it’s still there, and he knows how to live with it. Of course, Clanwing would never admit that he considers Dello’s stutter a flaw that should be hidden away out of shame. There’s no doubt that Clanwing holds his nephew in high regard, but even then, there’s always gonna be that catch, which is also something Dello has long accepted.

One thing that Clanwing always enforced on his family is to know how to roll with the punches, and so that’s how Dello chooses to live. He knows he can’t control his speech impediment, so he’s not gonna let that control his life and stop him from living. Why let that stop him from singing? Or in his case, why let that stop him from writing and producing music?

It wasn’t until he, Donna, and the others moved out of the manor when he decided to pursue music seriously, forming Ocean Winds with Donna. Dello knew from the start that he didn’t want to sign on with a major record label, choosing to go independent instead so he’s have more artistic control over his work. For them, that was a viable option, and I think they made the right choice to go down that route. They didn’t want to be big stars, they just wanted to make music and share that with the world.

Shine Within You, their debut single unexpectedly rocked the charts, because A, it’s a good song, and B, it has a reassuring message that spoke to a lot of people. And not surprisingly, the song’s message resulted in some “controversy”, which to me is more like pointless discourse, mainly by chronically online people who have nothing better to do. Really, how do you interpret the message of the song - that it’s okay to be yourself and you don’t need to be spectacular to be worthy - and say shit like it’s promoting laziness and being a burden to society?

I think more people need to hear that it’s okay to be mediocre and live a mundane life that makes you happy rather than constantly feeling the need to climb the ladder and aim for perfection in order to prove yourself. After all, it’s not healthy to be always pushing yourself, to be beating yourself up if you fail to meet the high expectations you’ve set for yourself. To always be aiming higher, never feeling satisfied enough with what you have because of the belief that there’s more.

The way I see it, it’s kinda like a never ending cycle - like, what’s the point in always aiming higher if you know that you still won’t be happy with what you’ve got? What’s the point of measuring your self worth with things like how much money you made, or if you did anything groundbreaking, or if you managed to climb to the top, if it brings you stress?

Maybe I’m kinda jaded because I know some people who treat life as some competition to see who’s the best of the best, either constantly beating themselves up for failing to meet their often unrealistic expectations, or acting like they’re superior because they’ve accomplished a lot and so everyone else is just lazy for not being able to reach the same level as them. I get being pressured to succeed and be on top of everything, but it becomes a problem when you force your views on others to the point that you end up being an unpleasant person to be around.

If anyone knows what that’s like, it’s Edie. She and her siblings always had a difficult relationship with their father, who seemed to disapprove of everything they did. He saw Edie’s venture into music a waste of time, saying that she needed to take life more seriously or that she didn’t have what it takes to be a good musician. By that, he meant that she had to be groundbreaking, a game changer, a prodigy - someone. She couldn’t just be a musician - she said nothing was ever enough for him, which was the main source of frustration between them.

I can’t imagine what it’s like growing up with someone that insufferable, especially a parent. Sure, he had his reasons, like the fact that he never really had a childhood because his father died when he was young and as the eldest he was responsible for the family. Still, that doesn’t excuse being a stuck up bitch who thinks you’re better than everyone. It’s even worse when they go out of their way to put others down so they look better in comparison.

Edie’s long accepted that she and her father will never see eye to eye. Aside from his disapproval over pretty much everything she does, he was also a manipulative liar, which is a whole ‘nother thing. He would basically tell people that Edie’s a struggling, disgruntled artist who’s failing to find an audience, and then get defensive when they find out the truth, that Edie was doing well and she was happy with her life.

However, the most telling thing about her father is his comment on her song Cloudy Roses, which was basically what he thought of all her work. Out of all the songs he chose to listen to, he chose the one she knew he was going to hate due to the fact that it’s about two women falling in love, something he considered blasphemy. His response? Telling her that back in his day, she would be murdered for writing something like that. That was really the only direct comment he had over her music. What the fuck? Like, what kind of a thing is that to say to someone? Edie knew he never thought highly of her work, but to basically straight up tell her that she should be killed for expressing herself through her art is going too far.

The others can relate to being told weird and unprompted comments regarding their music, though not on the same level as Edie’s father. Clanwing seems to support Ocean Winds in general, but he appears to have issues with the messages behind some of the songs. Donna said that he has a tendency to overreact to anything he perceives as criticism, so songs where they talk about their struggles - like mental health issues, for example - he can’t help but see that as a personal attack. She and Dello speculate that maybe part of it has to do with guilt, especially for someone like him who has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. On the other hand, it’s like yes, their songs tend to be more personal and inspired by their own life experiences - the key word being inspired - but it’s not 100% true to life, like pretty much all forms of art.

Ying says it’s similar with some of her more conservative relatives too. She doesn’t mind them listening to her music, but she knows that they’ll take issue with some of her songs that touch on subjects like being queer and dealing with mental health struggles. she won’t stop them from checking her stuff out, but at the same time she isn’t up to explaining herself when they demand an explanation, which has happened a couple times. They’re like, “We want to support you, but we don’t agree with your art and the messages you’re conveying through it and we don’t like that.”

Her father and grandparents are also the kind who take it as a personal attack when she opens up about her struggles growing up, specifically what it’s like to be a kid with undiagnosed ADHD and feeling like something was wrong with you, as well as dealing with those who aren’t always supportive of what you do or who you are. I guess it’s uncomfortable for them to accept that someone you grew up with or raised will never fit into that mold you had in mind for them and your expectations mostly succeeded in hurting them instead of helping.

It really sucks when there’s people close to you who refuse to accept you as you are, whether it be your sexuality, identity, if you’re neurodivergent or have a physical, or mental, or chronic condition - anything that makes you different. They’re like, “We don’t wanna hear any of that shit, so suck it up and suffer in silence.” Some people don’t want to admit it, but what they’re really thinking is, “We’d rather have you live in shame and suffer in silence because who you really are makes me uncomfortable,” and it becomes more apparent when other people are able to accept you without reservations while they keep insisting that you’re wrong and they’re right.

The mental health/ADHD stuff continues to be a touchy subject in Ying’s family as there’s still some who don’t believe in that kind of stuff and don’t want her to be associated with those types. At this point, the way she sees it, they’re entitled to their opinion, she’s entitled to her life - if they can’t see eye to eye, then so be it. Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Better to leave it as is rather than waste your energy trying to prove yourself to someone who won’t listen.

For Desi, most of her naysayers are, not surprisingly, people she worked with during her days with Too Cool and the Shayne Brothers, who are known for being cookie cutter mainstream pop - the kind that are stuck reliving their past in a bad way that makes them look bland and uninspired. These days, their songs are too formulaic and predictable, a far cry from their past when they actually put effort in their music rather than pander to what they thought would make the Top 40. I have no idea what they’re up to now, mainly because I’m not interested, though it’s likely the same old stuff.

Although they openly showed their support when Desi decided to go solo, she said it felt sort of backhanded, kinda like they were hoping that she’d reconsider her decision. It became even more apparent when she decided to embrace her Cuban roots, blending elements of traditional and pop rock, as well as incorporating Spanish lyrics. Some fans weren’t too keen on that, which wasn’t a surprise as they expected her work to be more like Too Cool, something she wanted to break away from. Looking back, her only regret was that she hadn’t left earlier once she realized that she was stuck in a rut.

I guess one of the biggest takeaways is that you can’t please everyone. Some people will always find something to criticize no matter what. It sucks to have someone you trust not give you their full support, it really does. But you shouldn’t let that stop you from achieving your dreams. After all, this is your life - you’re the one who calls the shots, not them. Maybe they don’t see eye to eye right now, but that doesn’t mean things won’t change for the better in the future.

Just focus on the present and do what feels right for you. In time, as long as you keep working at it, everything else will fall into place. I know from experience that things will work out in the end, often in ways you least expect it.

Read on AO3

[chorusfm]

Ali Tabatabaee of Zebrahead

Recently I was able to schedule a Zoom call with Ali Tabatabaee of Zebrahead to discuss the band’s new single, “I Have Mixed Drinks About Feelings,” and the final record in their trilogy of EPs called I. In this interview I asked Ali about the band’s touring plans, how he organizes the band’s setlists, as well as a chance to reflect on Zebrahead’s near 30 year existence. I will be released on November 13th. Thank you so much for your time today, Ali. It’s great to see you again! Let’s first chat about Zebrahead’s great new single called “I Have Mixed Drinks About Feelings.” What was the lyrical inspiration behind this new track?  The main idea, not only behind this track, but I feel like a few of the songs on this new EP that we had been working on, kind of what we realized as we’ve been together for so long and traveling and playing shows and stuff, and looking back on all our experiences, it’s like a community experience with your friends and experiencing all these things together. It really stood out to us every time we would hang out, we would talk about, remember when this happened? So, as we were working on some of these songs, we incorporated that vibe or that feeling into the song. This song in particular is about appreciating all the times that you have with your friends, when you experience things, mostly good, hopefully, but also some negative things. And just realizing that you’re with people that you care about, and who care about you, and trying to take the positive out of that in every experience. That’s cool. That’s a nice way of encapsulating everything for that one. How has the band chemistry been since Adrian joined?  Oh, man, Adrian is such an outgoing person. I feel like not only band-wise, but everywhere we tour, he’s like out in line where the kids are lined up. He goes and talks to everybody. He’s super friendly. It’s just been really positive, man, and not only just hanging out with them, but writing with them. He’s really easy to write with. He comes up with a million ideas a second. So it’s always fun to write with somebody who it feels like can come up with something on the spot and inspire you to, like, improve your part or work just as hard. But it’s been great, man. He’s a really nice dude, and he’s fun to tour with as well.  That’s awesome. Has he challenged you guys at all? I mean, with different vocal parts, with his range, or the way you all collaborate over time?  I mean, his voice is amazing. He’s got a very distinct voice. But I would say the thing that he most challenges us with is drinking. He’s a hell of a drinker, so I wouldn’t mess with him on that.  To each his own, right? So your next EP is going to be called I and will close out the trilogy of EPs that Zebrahead has released, with the first one that dropped all the way back in November of 2021. What was the reasoning behind breaking up the releases into three different EPs rather than a singular record?  Well, we had never really done EPs before. And this was all during the pandemic. We were trying to, you know, be inspired. And we felt like we wanted to come out of the pandemic with an EP. And then I was talking to Ben, and we were just discussing: How can we make that a little bit different? And we decided to do a trilogy. We were inspired by a lot of movies that do that. And it was kind of like a concept for us to go and say, we’re going to release three EPs consecutively. And we decided at the time we’re going to go III, II, I, and stick with a theme for the artwork as well. So. These songs weren’t necessarily written all at the same time. We did write them separately, but we had it in the back of our head that we kind of wanted them to be able to integrate together as a wonderful project in the end. And so that’s how we came up with the III, II, I idea. And we had this idea before we even released the first EP a few years ago. So it’s kind of nice to see it coming to a conclusion now with the I EP. And we’re really excited… https://chorus.fm/features/interviews/ali-tabatabaee-of-zebrahead/