#but then i checked and im like oh fuck me this IS the person
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i should probably win an award for being the worst person to ever make mutuals. not because i’m a bad person or my mutuals are bad but mostly that i go about it in the most complicated and endlessly embarrassing way possible
#anyway today i made mutuals with someone who wrote a hyper specific post 2 years ago that i found and reblogged out of desperation#and now they're dming me . Yeah i guess this is how my life is going#i didn't realize it was them i thought they were just a random person who wasn't following me so im like uh. hey lol#but then i checked and im like oh fuck me this IS the person
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i think the way the book became 3rd person pov when kim dokja got off the train is one of the most fucking genius literary moves ive seen in years
#maybe im being dramatic#but im sooo serious i thought it was fucking AWESOME#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv spoilers#kim dokja#sorry im just so#i think about it a lot#it was SO SMART#i was like oh???? why is it 3rd person????#is something going on????#and then fucking. then yes!!! something WAS going on!!!!!#screams#that being the last chapter before the epilogue made me scream#if there wasn’t an epilogue it would have been such a fitting end too but then you check the page count#and realize there’s like 500 left and you’re like ‘WHOAH WHAT THE FUCK’#and keep reading and with dread in your heart you turn the page and are like OH SHIT#god i fucking love this book
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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You know, it's been years now, and I still follow a few blogs that post for thr fandom... I need the last few remaining fans to know: anyone that popularized the last name "McClain" for Lance, I need you to jump into a boiling pool and you can never get out.
Maybe look up Cuban last names??? And don't use any of the first 10 results??? Do your fucking research??? Look up how Cuban last names work, maybe??? Don't just settle for the whitest last name to fucking exist, and call it a day????
It works similarly in mexico, First name, maybe middle name, sometimes third name if your parents are feeling a bit quirky, then Paternal lastname Maternal lastname. Maybe! Maybe he's mixed! A mexican parent and a Cuban parent! A Brazilian parent and a Cuban parent! Maybe!!! He's even part native! But I don't trust white fans with native characters. Learn to behave and maybe we'll trust you with native characters.
Just. Stop it with McClain.
IF YOU ARE WHITE, YOU CAN REBLOG BUT IF YOU TRY TO START SHIT I WILL BLOCK YOU!!!!!
IF you are latine, specifically Cuban, feel free to add your own thoughts on this matter
#voltron legendary defender#voltron#lance voltron#lance mcclain#gross evil awful who is that man#lance with literally any latino last name#beautiful amazing i would die for him#listen#im mexican and very fucking tired#yall just didnt want to put the work in so you just went with mcclain#which i think was the original lance's last name??#wait i just checked the original lance didnt have a last name either mcclain is from the comics#ALSO HELP JAMES IS LIKE THE WHITEST NAME IVE EVER HEARD#call him jaime leandro or something that has flavor#he can go by his middle name#thats what my mom did#idk it just frustrates me you know??#and i HATE the way his family was written in the show#he fucking called his grandparents memaw and pepaw or somethinf like that???#I HATE IT!!!#even if he didnt speak spanish#his parents would have probably made him call his grandparents abu something like that#again cuban voltron fans chime in#what did you call your grandparents#i dont any any grandpas#but i called my grandmas “abuelita” and “abu”#oh right me personal tag#raine thoughts
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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📖 for kinnporsche the series? your ideas are just so good!
thank u nonny!! 😭❣
this one took me a while to type because it is my weird whacky fic child who i love very dearly but struggle to explain. so, uh.
✨ Necromancy AU ✨
Big dies in the warehouse. Porsche gets Arm to get his body out, gets Kinn to delay the cremation, and gets Chay to reanimate Big.
(because reanimating the dead is just something Chay can do, because he figured it'd be a good skill to learn and he's my most specialest boy.)
Kinn (who's at the morgue for Porsche) is flabbergasted, Khun (who's at the morgue by a miracle) is stunned silent, and Kim (who's here because Khun texted him but didn't say Chay would be here) is more shocked by Big than Chay's abilities.
(Kim is the only person other than Porsche to just accept necromancy as A Reasonable Thing For Chay To Know. this is why they're Chay's favorites.)
anyways so Big is now awake and surrounded by this family. this is hell. not just for him, his sudden undead status is causing a lot of problems:
Porsche just had Chay bring Big back, he didn't like...tell anyone what was happening or make a plan for what to do with him.
Kinn just figured out his new guard roster, and now he has to redo it to accommodate one very grumpy and very loyal Big who now doesn't need trivial things like sleep or food.
there's the looming specter of Khun's upcoming dry cleaning bill because he won't. stop. poking. Big.
Big is trying very, very, very hard to ignore that not only do people know he knew about Porsche and Kinn, but that he loves Kinn so much he died protecting Porsche.
speaking of, Porsche just thanked him for saving Chay and (in a quieter voice) for saving him.
Big is in hell.
despite all that, Big's plans for his new life are to just go back to being Kinn's perfect guard. he is ignoring the awkwardness, none of this is fine, none of this will be fine, but it will be NORMAL.
this is hampered by the fact that whoops, turns out the undead need to hang around their "masters" for at least a few hours every couple of days to "recharge" so to speak, as discovered by Pol when he screamed so loud he set a fire alarm off because he stumbled over Big's body face down in front of Kinn's door at 2am.
this is even further hampered by Korn, who will absolutely not stand for his preferred heir being guarded by someone who might be more loyal to someone other than him. Korn uses the "recharge" issue to force Big out by way of making him Chay's permanent guard.
so now Big, the perfect bodyguard who only got better at his job in death, is now stuck hanging around a high schooler who doesn't get into trouble and just wants to make music with his bitchy boyfriend.
(because oh yeah, mr. the untamed nerd Kim is obviously ridiculously into Chay being able to resurrect the dead and leaks feelings before he can run away and sabotages all future attempts to ghost Chay (insert necromancer joke here). Kim's fears of love and hurting those he loves will cause different problems.)
anyways, Big is suffering. not only is he stuck guarding Porsche's baby brother (who! he's realizing he likes as a person! will the horrors never cease!), Chay keeps being nice and thoughtful and looking out for him as a person and asking after his happiness and shit (the horrors!! are not ceasing!!!!). when Big finally has enough of all this Being Treated Like A Human Being business and asks Chay why he even cares, Chay blurts out "Big, do you even want to be alive?"
because this has been eating at Chay ever since he brought Big back at the morgue. because he never knew Big and never asked if he'd want to be alive again, Chay just did it for Porsche, who wasn't doing it for Big but for his own guilt. and then Big's old life was like an ill-fitting glove, because he and Porsche can't be bitches with Big's sacrifice hanging over them but don't know how to act when they aren't being bitches, Korn won't accept him back because he only sees his own paranoia and none of Big's loyalty, and Kinn might appreciate Big's loyalty but he won't fight for it either, not when he's trying to juggle the rest of Korn's messes coming to fruition. Big's been completely forced out of his old life and any ties he might've kept to the other guards (as few as they were) are ruined by the others' guilt and discomfort, because Big might not have died in the first place if literally anyone had listened to him during the Tawan debacle, which they could ignore when he was dead but can't when he's alive and there in front of them.
and the whole confession draws Big up short because no one's ever asked him what he wants before. Big was just the son of a mafia enforcer who got scooped up young by the main family as a personal guard for Kinn. Big's never even considered that what he wants could be an option. even when he first came back, his main considerations were on the ways he was a better guard for Kinn. Big's chosen more things for himself in his weeks with Chay than he has in his life, and he never stopped to think how he feels about that.
he does now. kinda. this is Big after all. but after both forty-three excruciating minutes and three days, Big finally answers Chay, "i never lived for me before. it's...nice." Chay, who's gotten quite good at reading between the lines after all the exposure from Kim and Big, beams and makes him help him pick his electives for his first semester of university, because Chay's determined to help Big find a hobby and he's overcome far tougher things than emotional constipation.
[[ ask me about fics im not writing ]]
Bonus
small scene snippet from shortly after Big's first brought back to life, right after Kim's walked into screaming, stolen Pol's gun, and shoved Chay behind him for protection, because i love themm
Kim opens and closes his mouth silently before sputtering, “But you— I heard— What…?!”
Chay worms his arms around Kim’s waist to get his attention and his head pops over Kim’s shoulder. “It’s okay, phi,” he says soothingly, “I brought him back.”
Big gets an eye full of Kim’s face flashing through four emotions he recognizes and thirty he doesn’t, which is thirty-four more emotions than Big can deal with. Kim twists around in Chay’s hold, just enough to squint at him from the corner of his eye without letting Big out of his gun’s sight line.
“You know how to resurrect the dead?”
Chay drops his chin onto Kim’s shoulder with a huff. “Why do people keep asking me that? It seemed like a useful skill to know!”
“Obviously,” Kim scoffs, which is the first original response Big’s heard to that all day. “I meant you can do it? What, we’re you bored and just googled ‘how to make a zombie’ one day after school?!”
Chay rolls his eyes and pokes the undersides of Kim’s ribs. Shockingly, Kim pushes further into his hold, rather than away. “Don’t be silly. You have to be trained by a shaman to make a zombie.”
Kim actually turns to look at him dead on. His gun is still trained on Big.
Chay cocks his head to the side. “What? I just googled ‘how to bring back the dead’ and went from there. It’s basically CPR!”
“That worked?”
Chay looks genuinely baffled. “Why wouldn’t it?”
Kim stares at him incredulously before suddenly going boneless in Chay’s hold, squishing him back against the wall. Chay does not protest being squished between Kim and a hard place. He actually looks delighted by it. Big would like to go throw up now. He doesn’t know if corpses can do that, but he’s willing to make an effort.
“Of course it works, you’re you,” Kim grumbles. He knocks his head against Chay’s and rubs in a move so cute Big will throw up, death be damned. “If life worked for me like that...”
Chay beams and pats his stomach. “I’ll teach you!”
Turns out corpses can't throw up, but they can gag so hard they choke.
#kinnporsche#necromancy AU#i feel like there's so much im leaving out of this lol#if anyone remember cash from my OC list#he's a reoccurring cast member in this one#because necromancy AU isn't named necormancy AU because of the necromancy#it's necromancy AU because of 2 jokes i wont let die#1. pol screaming every time he sees big#(big's starting to think it's personal 😤😤😤😤😤)#2. big's presence fucking up cash's accounting sheets#those are in fact 90% of what i already have written#also i say im not writing this one but i also wrote more while checking my notes to make this outline#maybe the true necromancy was me resurrecting this WIP along the way#ask game: fics im not writing#OH ALSO#everything of mine has patricide obvs obvs#but my story notes are Literally just#''korn gets eaten by a crocodile''#i dont even remember how that happens#but thats apparently how korn dies in this one#no reanimation for him
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GRAAAAAAAH MISREPRESENTING DATA DOES NOTHING FOR ANYONE EXCEPT FEED TROLLS WHO ARE TRYIGN TO TAKE OYU IN BAD FAITH ANYWAY OH MY GD
#mild vent#jsut kinda tired of checking sources and seeing time and time again people misrepresent data thats Easily checkable to support their points#u dont need to make up statistics you are literally making things worse for everyone bc now the arguments will be over what the stats REALL#are instead of the core issue u were talking about [insert upsidedown smiley here]#its like across topics too. ive seen so many bold claims linked to sources that when i check them there is 0 mention of that in the documen#or any of the (linked) supporting materials if its an article#this also isnt just about one post or one person or one rb ive been on this for MONTHS at home#i thnk my wife may be sick of me coming up to her and going over and over “this data isnt real” oh mygd#just. if you see something with a crazy stat and there's a source link maybe check it before rebloggin git#honestly even if its not stats related cause the number of times i see ppl rbing posts where OP absolutely would Not agree with them ro wou#be outright violent/aggressive/bigoted/etc abt topics they supposedly ccare abt. . . . . . ..#anyway for that one tho reminder to block the tags of hate groups! yes you will soemtimes miss a post but more importantly u will learn the#dogwhistles sO fucking fast.#anyway. idc if this makes sense its a tag vent and no one can rb anyway and discourse with ur momma if u think im mean for this ig
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knowing my dad is transphobic and witnessing it are somehow two different experiences every time and they both are fucking shit
#he initiated the conversation#'did you hear what happened at the olympics?' directed right at me. and then he said some bullshit#and i argued with him but trying to say as little as possible bc i just wanted to get out of there and also he just#gave me money and i really needed him to not take it back#then he goes 'oh i forgot - you're a liberal' p mockingly#to which i said 'no im just a decent person'#and his response to that was 'same thing'#which WHAT a fucking SELF OWN#i literally cheered right there at the kitchen table and he was confused so i pointed out what he said like 'you just admitted you're not#decent person!' and then he of course tried to say he never said that and that i'm the only one who said it#suresuresuresuresure old ma#whatever you say#my mom was writing checks on the other side of the table and i could see her trying not to smile#i left soon after#i felt like crying at that point but idk why#it's not like this is a first or a surprise#today was going alright so far too#going to stop at walmart and then mail some letters for my dad#(he's shit but i'm not gonna refuse to drop off bills for a disabled man when he asks)#and then i'm going fucking home to finish up some work and then do fuck-all#maison speaks
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hey guys i think im out of the trauma spiral my ex-quadmate put me in <- he is, in fact, not out of the trauma spiral his ex-quadmate put him in
#minding my own business when i out-of-nowhere remember the multiple times she caused me to panic by dumping a lot of heavy#terrifying things onto me which made me terrified of enjoying any free-time i had because “what if something goes wrong while im away”#it threw me full-force back into my “im going to sleep all the time” phase because. at least towards the end i was terrified all the time#because at any point something could go Wrong and i would have to fix it#she broke the promise we made about telling each other about any quadrant stuff#and entered a moirallegience with someone without fucking telling me#she got mad at me for doing what she wanted because. fucking thats just a thing shes allowed to do#left me to think she killed herself twice despite the fact she was watching me the entire time while i fucking panicked#and then said she “didnt want to/didnt enjoy it” as if it just HAPPENED and she didnt fucking Plan that#knowingly put me under tremendous stress despite knowing i have a cardiovascular condition that has placed me in heart attack-range before#reportedly shit-talked me behind my back the entire time we were together (and i whole-heartedly believe the person who told me#because thats the kind of shit she did)#and nobody else in her system even thought to say “oh yeah lol this is like. bad. this guy is being abused by our sysmate”#i went for almost an entire year in invisible on discord because i was terrified of people messaging me#i STILL have all discord sound notifs turned off because it makes me panic#i barely spoke with my friends and had to constantly check discord /while in school/ because of her#and like. even disregarding all the shit she did to ME. she was just a fucking awful person#just. genuinely terrible to be around#but yk#whatevs
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i wish my family members would stop having a complex about my size and physical strength because i have the same one in the opposite direction and i legitimately do not know what my body looks like
#yes i am marginally the shortest one in the immediate family. yes you have a funny nickname based on that#is it worth the fact that i genuinely dont know how im perceived by others and now feel a vague need to compensate for everything about me#'oh so small 🥺 you dont play hockey 🥺 you dont have a job rn 🥺'#FACT CHECK FUCKERS. I AM LITERALLY THE AVERAGE HEIGHT FOR AMERICANS REGARDLESS OF SEX.#I WOKE UP AT 530 TO GO SWIM AND THE ONE YR COMPARING ME TO WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL.#I MADE OVER 700 DOLLARS IN A 2 WEEK PAYCHECK THIS SUMMER WHICH COMES OUT TO 35 HOURS PER WEEK. GET FUCKED.#also im in 10 clubs and pulling As in 6 honors classes. sorry that wasnt big and strong enough for you#and then they take that and theyre like 'oh teehee the responsible one compared to the dummy incompetent men'#ok but we do know how he needs to take the trash out rigjt#like it also sucks that my brother is pigeonholed as 'quiet meathead' because they clap and cheer for him when he does anything#its a weird degree of surveillance that he shouldnt be subjected to as hes figuring out how to be his own person#but for everything they see about him i do 5 things unnoticed#him as Quiet meathead leaves room for me to be either the tiny delicate responsible one or the frivolous hysterical one#HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE THIS IS JUST GENDER STEREOTYPES#ok this time im really gonna do it /not serious
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beep
#saw a comic explaing ocd the other day and it explained it in a way i havent seen b4 and#god i think i might actually have it#this isnt in like a oh im overthinkjng what if i have rhis way i mean like#both of my parents have it and. i slways thought i didnt bcs i never felt anxious or do repetitive patterns for real stuff#until i fukcing. saw someone describe it as the cycle of thinking somethkng checking to ease anxiety anxiety comes back repeat#because i have that fucking constantly just. never with real world stuff like house damage or smth like my dad#for me i get like really vivid ideas of horrifying things being like near me snd going to attack me#anf i have to check to see it not there snd ill turn and get that feeling again and repeat and repeat and#i may have to look into this more#ocd#personal
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after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this
#stardust speaking !#i do wanna write but im unsure when ill do so#anyway i need to talk abut that one 1.5 moment with that weird car horn sfx after murrs fancy speech cuz i#was thinking about it again due to one of the descriptions in the alterego event#i still didnt check the website btw is it available info why snows adult and whites a kid or is that a waiting game cuz#that.....#sometimes when i think abuot paradoxroid i think about them. that one was fkd up#snow&white r so fascinating to me#snow & white & figaro & oz are even more fascinating#oz who only started learning abut the world because arthur asked things about the world.................#oz who made arthur pancakes.................................#they make me ill. figaro feels like he should be the most welladapted cuz in some ways he IS. guy who lies about his power and age and love#humans and that one offhand line in 2nd anni about how he has cared for kids!??!? dude i need to reread 2nd anni did that ever get brought#up again#but figaro & love is................guy who leaves when he thinks he isnt loved anymore#<-guy who was taught by snow&white who valued e/o the most#2nd anni makes me lose my mind. figaro and fausts convo. both who felt like it was the other who left LIKE FIGAROS SURPRISE WAS UNREEEAAALL#somethings deeply wrong with him i am so intrigued#i need to go reread his pt2 parts like what the actual hell dude#the mental gymnastics he does in one part is ? id like to study u and the twins under a microscope#this is all shallowly/casually speaking about it btw theres a lot of things left&right about all of these topics that makes them very yummy#i think what gets me the most about pt2 is that a lot of it is things that we alrdy knew regarding characters feelings etc. such as figaro#but seeing them say it themself makes me faint#OH MY GOOODDDDDD THE FLASHBACK CONVO WITH OZ AND FIGARO? ABOUT WOULD U SAVE THE PERSON U LOVE OR THE WORLD#AND HOW FIGARO ENDS UP FALTERING DEAR LOOOOORRRDDDDDDDDDDDDD#fucked up family (affectionate)#i need to think of modern aus again i thought about arthur calling snow & white granpa for one second and everything hrut#ok im sorry i dont know what possessed me. i promise ill be rereading stuff soon#one more thing. fausts part in pt2. god. but in this cursed world the sage trusted me...
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[guy who's writing two separate Ganon fics already] YOOO WHAT IF I WROTE A ROADSIDE PICNIC LOZ CROSSOVER
#so the train of thought that led to this:#me: im stuck on boss battles in totk and oot but at least i like ganon#me: what if au where the zonai were treated more like typical alien invaders?#oh but maybe they did still die and we're just stuck w their stuff but the stuff is—OH FUCK#anyway ganondorf as red au (i acknowledge they arent very alike)#i just think in a world like rp he would prob end up too powerful but too invested in some personal gain and thus be out in the trenches#hmm idk if ill get to this but i shoudl check out stalker (movie or game) sometime#loz posting#waxing philosophical
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anyway i lowkey wanna make a big masterpost and/or essay or whatever like as a handbook to night sky observing. not just in a like, here's how to identify constellations, but in the like. here's how to ground yourself here on earth and see the actual orbital configurations of our heliocentric solar system by simply observing planetary motions in the sky. and observe the fact that the earth is round by watching the motions of the seasonal constellations and draw some celestial sphere diagrams. etc
i'm like especially interested in archaeoastronomy lately because of these exercises in trying to generate an actual bodily intuition around astronomy beyond the math and programming that i learned in school, because it's like, this is the version of astronomy that existed for millennia upon millennia until technology advanced enough to make more complicated observations and conclusions. we literally only had our own eyes, bodies, and minds to puzzle it over for most of human history. and trying to recreate this in myself by teaching it to myself through brief stargazing sessions and many many sessions in stellarium in my free time is like, idk. really eye opening. it's one thing to be taught in school that yeah the earth is round and the sun is at the center of the solar system and there's other planets, and it's another thing to then do complicated math under those assumptions, and it's a different thing entirely when you actually then go outside and see with your own human eyes that those facts are true of the physical world you exist in. these aren't just abstract concepts but things that occupy the physical space that you live in
#and its also so fucking frustrating trying to puzzle out apparent retrograde motion and see it for myself in stellarium#and trying to then check my observations by comparing it to the officially calculated retrograde dates i find online#... and the only fucking websites hosting this information are all astrology websites#bitch i do not care about what mars in retrograde means i just want to See It In The Sky !!!#brot posts#astro posting#like idk im so used to seeing these diagrams of retrograde motion that made the backwards motion seem like so obvious#these big loops and shit#but then im sitting here staring at jupiter like. i dont see anything. wtf do you mean its in retrograde in october 2024 it's still fucking#moving westward even when not in retrograde what the hell#but then i had to zoom in and look at it relative to the background stars and its like. oh !!!#its in taurus and drifting eastward ever so slowly but then october happens and it starts drifting west towards the hyades#and its like such a small subtle movement i just kept missing it when i was zoomed all the way out#and now im like damn i cannot see it in real life outside stellarium because i cannot make most of taurus out with my eyes irl#i can only really see the hyades and the vague shape of taurus but i cant resolve the individual stars bc of light pollution#so its like. there's no real way for me to distinguish jupiter moving east/west night by night inside taurus then if i . cant see taurus#and so then after im done saying all this to myself im like. damn im in deep. lulz. no way i can explain this to another person irl
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I really wish blocking someone meant their stuff wouldn’t wind up on your dash at all. Like I understand why it doesn’t, but. still.
Actually, I just need to get better abt checking source urls before I reblog. I try to be mindful, but now and again I Forget and have only myself to blame lmao
#text post#I would love to reblog their art and be supportive in that way at least but tbh#every time I accidentally reblog it I remember checking out their blog and seeing how they talked abt fans that like Izzy and the izcourse#and it's like oh no that's right you hate ppl like me and ur art might be gorg but maybe we just shouldn't interact#they do their thing and I'll be over here doing mine#what really needs to happen is I need to remember to check urls on fandom art to make sure it isn't any of the folks I had to block lmao#but sometimes I get excited bc the art is genuinely lovely and i do like it and think the person is v talented!#and then i forget to check and it's only after scrolling my dash that i see my reblog and the url and go 'oh. fuck. that's right. damnit.'#it's a weird feeling to be like yes I want this person to have fun and make gorgeous art but also it seems#they've made it p clear how they feel abt folks like me and so maybe they would prefer i just fuck off#which i tried to do by blocking!! and yet. here we are#i delete the reblogs whenever this happens so they don't have me in their notes but#i do hope they know their art is lovely and I appreciate their hard work even if we wouldn't otherwise get along with each other#idek why I'm blogging abt this I guess bc I feel like usually it's either or online? like u either hate each other or u don't#but I don't hate the folks who sent shit to me or the folks who condoned it i just wish i had found a way to get along with them instead#as useless a wish as that probably is#and i don't talk abt it a lot but it really bugs the fuck outta me sometimes that we can't just start over and try to interact generally#no messages no trying to be friends just reblog from them if u like and otherwise ignore each other#which has been a thing that's worked fairly okay in other fandoms tho things have happened in others to change how workable it was#but for some reason in this one i feel like im just always walking on eggshells to interact w/anyone bc it feels like everyone is waiting#for someone else to say something they vaguely disagree with and instead of just like. blocking and moving on w/the fandom experience#it turns into a massive mess that even if ur on the fringes of it all you still get pulled into or sent shit and just.#idk it doesn't matter bc ultimately none of this does but dang it the show has been special to me and hits all my special interests#and it's hard to let go and accept that there's no changing how things went and how they are and how this fandom experience for me is often#very fucking lonely even when i'm bursting at the seams to share and to hear from others what they think abt anything and everything w/it#no one is gonna read this tag essay lmao pls scroll on
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you would think that me ending a friendship with someone i knew for ~10 years would leave me devastated but tbh all i feel is disappointment and cringe for them 😶
#want some tea?#if the only times a person shows discontent or just outright says weird shit about YOUR OCS is ONLY when they are not cis#run#too bad i was excusing and ignoring a lot of shit for years#glad i have actually decent ppl by my side that even helped me see that some things that were said were 10 times worse than i assumed#just another story i get to tell when it's time to talk about cringe ppl from my life ajkdhasjklasd#also like imagine sending a whole ass google doc after u have been told to fuck off#and u didnt even check if the link works#funniest shit even but also shows how much they care ig??#anyways#im just kinda glad that im not lost in any delusion anymore and really just moving on from this. character development#sucks that so much of my brain effort was wasted but oh well#anyways to my bestie mutuals if anyone wants to have playdates with ocs pls let's do it i got a whole bunch who need oc friends now akdjlsh#not even joking i love ocs interactions so much hhhh#adry.txt
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