#going to stop at walmart and then mail some letters for my dad

[mieczyhale]

knowing my dad is transphobic and witnessing it are somehow two different experiences every time and they both are fucking shit

[imeugene]

Eastern Bikes Legacy

That’s a titanium Grim Reaper frame. It was hot news when it came out because a titanium frame was something that hasn’t been done in a while (at least since Taj had his holy grail frame, the titanium T1 Barcode). It was back at a period in BMX where people were really trying to lighten up their bikes as much as possible. This titanium frame being one, folding kevlar bead tires, all sorts of weird stems, plastic this, plastic that. At times the strange hole drill out in places where it seems like holes shouldn’t be drilled out. But that’s not the topic of discussion today. It’s like the title says, it’s the Eastern Bikes legacy. I’ll start out by saying I’ve never worked in the bicycle industry (obviously) in anyway but business is something I’ve always been around being the child of two self-employed business owners. I’ve always been semi involved in whatever business ventures my parents have done since I was a kid in some way or another, whether it being the 10 year old kid who took your orders and requests at the counter, clearly a violation of child labor laws, or helping my dad with inventory and how it should be managed today. That’s my only credibility and it’s not much... but I’ll also say it’s a lot more than most of BMX. With that being said I wanna discuss the Eastern Bikes legacy. Not the riders or the parts, or the time where they supposedly stole a freecoaster design or something. It’s selling direct to consumer through their online platform. I don’t have an exact date but I wanna say it was like early 2010′s they switched over. It might not seem like a big deal for younger people today but at the time I remember the message boards were rambling.

It was an extremely controversial move. Eastern Bikes and it’s other programs like Ezra and Veil, created it’s own distribution and sold via directly online to consumers at a competitive price. It sounds all good cause buying online is pretty normal but competitive price was the key word in all this. Cause some companies already did offer this service. The difference was that these companies who did, their prices were significantly marked up. The prices offered at bike stores and mail-orders were a lot cheaper. You only ordered directly if there was such high demand for yourself to order directly. Maybe the color was sold out everywhere else. Stuff like that. With Eastern they promoted the competitive price aspect. They talked about how they would cut the middleman and offer their parts and frames at the same price as you’d get it somewhere else. It’s the whole we found some way to create savings and we’re passing it off to you idea.

(Eastern Hercules, obligatory my back hurts looking at that thing comment)

In this article it talks about the financial trouble that Eastern Bikes was facing around that same time period. So I wanna say it was definitely a “desperate move in desperate times” type thing. Eastern is a company that did find some popularity I’d say in the late 90′s with frames like the Hercules but it definitely grew out of being a core brand pretty quickly. As the article talks about at some point Eastern grew enough to have shareholders and creditors involved and the brand at least outwardly grew drastically. Eastern Bikes was definitely some of the more popular completes growing up in the early 2000′s. They had a widespread distribution network with who knows and it allowed for the brand to thrive in a lot of mom and pop bike shops that otherwise did not have anything else BMX outside of something like maybe.. DK. I wanna say at a time this worked for Eastern cause I grew up knowing people with an Eastern and it certainly was a brand that got around, it’s just my first hand account but I think at that point in BMX, it’s a fair assessment. People were inclined to it cause it did feel like it still had some core roots compared to similar brands like GT and Diamondback at the time. At some point, it definitely wained. For a while it found a niche in being inexpensive and fairly decent quality. Their aftermarket parts were decent and never terribly bad. Their frames much the same. They were inexpensive but kept up with the times unlike other brands with similar outreach. I wanna say their complete is where they did the best. Early entry models which like I said had some core taste while retaining some level of modernity compared to it’s level of competitors cause even today GT and Diamondback bikes baseline models don’t feel remotely in with the times, sure they got their own programs that do their job but that’s on the very higher end of the spectrum which didn’t seem accessible back then. Eastern seemed pretty ubiquitous. 

I wanna say a combination of the BMX market winding down slowly and the fact other completes from even more core brands are adopting similar if not better baseline completes. Online based mail-orders and the internet becoming the primary source for buying BMX products. All that will probably put a dent in their business model. When you get to a point where you have shareholders and creditors, there is no scaling back.. so this “desperate move in desperate time” in hindsight made a lot of sense in their position.

Of course the internet had something to say. In it’s usual overdramatic fashion it put a lot of blame in the company for the practice which they felt was unethical. The idea was that since they are cutting the middle man including your local bike shop, that they are paving the way for local bike shops to close, which in turn destroys the scene, and it’s chain reaction where BMX is gonna be doomed and we’re gonna all be trying flip whips before we can table and riding 1 inch headtubes or something like that. In some ways it’s true, the internet has destroyed a lot of local businesses including bikes but for whatever reasons BMX is so special and should be immune to global trends? Buys the newest Nike SB’s*. I wanna say even some competitive put their slights towards the business model. The strangest part is that Eastern Bikes definitely lost it’s core following years before so the audience that speaking all this was probably not gonna buy an Eastern frame or product anyway.  

(Eastern Brian Wizmerski grips, another strange marketing attempt)

About half a decade later, nearly every major parts core brand offers their products at competitive price directly through them or their distributions. Which isn’t unusual because that’s the nature of the internet, to decentralize things and consumer society is increasingly more reliant on it. Bike shops still exist. I wanna say they found their place in an increasingly more health and environment conscious consumers who haven’t ridden a bike since they were 12 and wouldn’t know how to put it together if it came through the mail. Mail-orders still exist cause it’s like Walmart, one stop, get all, and only pay shipping once. Eastern Bikes still exists cause the rare occasion I go to the local bike shop around here I see that ugly bold lettering across on their fat tires, still decent completes at a good price. Life is normal cause people adapt and it’s our most beautiful trait. Like people adapting to new street spots. But like the old motto goes history is doomed to repeat itself for those who don’t learn it’s lesson. What made Eastern Bikes sell directly to consumer in the first place, something every company right now adopts. On one hand you can say it’s just the nature of business now which is certainly true. On the other hand you can also suspect that maybe BMX isn’t exactly pumping money like it did even a few years back. Sometimes it worth noting what people don’t do is even more telling than what they say.

(Eastern Skull grip, yea... not surprised they went out of business for a while)

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 050221

2 May, 2021

Dear Dad--

Sunday! I hope you’re having an excellent weekend so far. Thank you thank you thank you for the new package! I got the book and the smoking materials and they will be much enjoyed. I’m loving them so far!

The past week has largely consisted of me being frustrated by my new job at the casino. There are parts that are fun every day, like in the morning when I have to venture out onto the gaming floor for a brief spell before we open. Being on a casino gaming floor is like being in the middle of a fireworks display; you’re surrounded by millions of little points of moving colored light. (Modern slot machines have deliriously bright, dancing light displays. It’s very, very eye catching, I assume by design.) It’s seriously pretty and very pleasantly noisy.

Then I have to return to my desk and start working, which has been, for me, the daily point in the process where the wheels fly off and I forget everything they’ve taught me. I’ve been taking lots of notes while they’ve been training me, and they’ve been helpful to study, except sometimes my notes will consist of just a single important word with exclamation points around it, like:

!! Widgets !!!!!!!!!

Notes like that make sense when I write them down (This is the step where something dreadfully important happens with widgets.) but they don’t really convey a lot of information after the fact, beyond the existence of the word “widgets.” I’ve since attempted to make my notes a bit more descriptive, so I can read them and know what to do. This has met with occasional success.

My boss Tyler and my coworker Chris are both very gracious about answering my daily fusillade of questions, and if it makes it harder to get their own work done, they haven’t squawked about it. They are a pragmatic bunch; I guess they just understand that the shit is very complicated, it’s going to take weeks for me to attain proficiency with it, and ultimately I’m there to help reduce their workloads by taking some of the auditing off their hands. In the meantime, it’s like trying to take a road trip while stopping to ask for directions every three and a half minutes. I’ll start on a task, and refer to my checklist, and it’ll say to “Do X.” And then I have to consult my recollection and my notes to figure out what “Do X” means in terms of me, and my hands, and my colored pens, and my adding machine and spreadsheets and emails. Then I go ask Chris to help get me started and he graciously does so.

Mercifully, I am past the point when I am nervous every day coming to work. I encounter enough frustration and tension during each work day that I don’t have to artificially generate any between the time I wake up and the time I get there. And I have already isolated a way in which I can go a bit above and beyond, a way I can create something of my own that could perhaps be used as a training aid for the next me that comes along in the audit department. It’s kind of interesting, Tyler and I came up with the same idea, which was a much more verbose and explicit version of some of our work checklists. If we have a checklist that says, “Do X,” it might help a new auditor if you had a more detailed description of X, so you know how to complete the tasks. I’ll be helping to create something like that.

I’ve also identified another area where I can help out, beyond just showing up and doing my best. My area is a bit of a post-apocalyptic hellhole. I don’t know if it’s because of Covid, or because the department is a bunch of guys, but there are small areas in our section that are messy as fuck. Office supplies everywhere. It’s an affront to my sense of tidiness, so I’m going to find time to clean the place up, in a way that doesn’t conflict with my general job-doing. Right now, if I had to give a nickname to our section, it might be The Dark Lair of the Audit Troll, or The Little Office that Cried. After I learn how to do my job, I want to invest some time getting our work area squared away and spotless.

Spring is springing! We have seen our first chipmunks of the year. I got so excited that I marked the first sighting on our calendar. Now begins the period of the year when the electricity bills go way down, because we’re not spending every damn dollar we make trying to keep the place at a livable temperature. The trees are budding, and I no longer greet the arrival of spring with loathing and anxiety like I did in Texas, because spring is no longer just a brief, pleasant pit stop on the way to an unbearable 5-month long fiery furnace of summer. Spring lasts a while here! And all the trees wake up and begin budding, and the omnipresent piles of dirty snow disappear.

I’ve been feeling rather proud of myself recently. Since my goal in life seems to be: be a functioning adult in a place that has snow, I’m achieving the SHIT out of my life goals right now. And in two days, I will get my second Covid vaccine! The boss said to take that day off work. I did the thing I felt I was required to do, which was to say, “But I don’t want to miss a day of work so early in my illustrious casino career!” To which my boss replied, “That’s great, but if you have a bad reaction to the shot, you probably don’t want to have it at the casino.” I am therefore taking Tuesday off. I will get my shot at 6:00 in the morning, because I grabbed the earliest time slot I could, and then I’ll go home and see what mischief the shot will impose upon my person. I predict very little will happen, and I’ll end up having a day off with maybe some body aches. There is always a chance, though, that it’ll just beat the shit out of me, and I’ll have to miss a second day. Boss seems prepared for both eventualities. We text each other, so if it looks like the vaccination is going to cause sudden and irreversible death syndrome, I can let him know as it happens.

I shall include with this letter a before and after shot of my bathroom, now that I’ve received my new custom-designed shower curtain in the mail. I realized a few weeks ago that we just had a shower curtain liner in our bathroom, and not an actual shower curtain to look nice, so I got on Amazon to order one. Our shower stall is shorter than most (4 ft. wide, as opposed to the more standard--I think--72 inches) so we can’t just pop down to WalMart and get one. Right away, on Amazon, I found an option that allowed you to upload a photo of your own, and they’d turn it into a custom shower curtain. I uploaded a closeup photo of our cat Horta. Now you can’t take a dump in our house without staring straight into a four-foot blowup of our cat’s face! We had the option of adding text, so I added, “Whatcha doing?” to the picture, but ultimately decided it was better to just have the huge, big-eyed kitty, otherwise unadorned. I think it’s fucking hilarious, and not for nothing, but it’s beautiful to look at. Horta (as is true of most cats) is photogenic as hell. On the shower curtain, her big golden eyes are as large as saucers. Twenty bucks, and it’s going to turn all future poops into a giant kitty adventure. I may not be good at creating art, but I like to think I’ve filled my life to bursting with little artistic masterpieces such as this one.

More, as always, next Sunday. All my love to you both!

[suckitsurveys]

survey by chasingghosts

What is the age gap between you and your parents? 37 between my mom and me and 39 between my dad and me. 

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? One and yeah.

Have you sent a letter to anyone in the past year? I just sent out a bunch of holiday cards, some with little notes.

Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? Yeah. That’s how I met my husband lol.

Are you hungry or thirsty right now? I’m okay. I just had oatmeal and I have some tea and water close by.

When was the last time you ate something, and what did you eat? ^

Have you ever seen the film Boondock Saints? I don’t think so.

Do you own a pair of gumboots? No.

What colour is your favourite mug? My favorite mug isn’t one I drink out of anymore. It chipped but I still love it so it’s on the windowsill in our kitchen. One side has two pandas on it and the other has one panda turned around so all you see is the outline and his little tail. The handle is green and looks like bamboo.

How far away from your town/city is your state’s capital city? It’s about 3 hours.

Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? No. 

Do you know anyone named Doug? I don’t think so.

What cut of jeans is your favourite and why? I only like skinny jeans. I also haven’t worn jeans since March lol.

Do you rate people’s attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? No.

Name a few of your favourite actors. Will Arnett, Aubrey Plaza, Paul Rudd, Alison Brie. 

Do you collect anything, or have you ever? I have a collection of panda things.

So, how has your week been so far? Shitty.

Is there anything that you could cry about right now? Oh, a lot.

How old were you when you learned how to tie your shoelaces? I think I was like 4 or 5.

Have you ever slept in a car overnight? Why did you have to? When Mark and I decided to drive all the way through from Boston to Chicago, we stopped at a rest stop and slept in the car for about 3 hours.

When was the last time you used Facebook? Earlier to check something for a previous survey.

Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? It gets sent to our house.

Are you interested in entomology? Do you know what that is? Sure.

Have you ever had to claim insurance? What for? I don’t...think so? 

Do you like to listen to albums start-finish without skipping or shuffling? Sometimes.

Do you have any unspoken enemies, or maybe frenemies? Kinda. I fucking hate my fucking brother in law but we get along in person. 

What was the last thing you broke? I just noticed my phone case was broken yesterday. I don’t know how long it’s been like that.

Do you have a favourite state/province/territory in your country? Eh.

How many vowels are in your street name?  Two.

What are your three top favourite flavours of ice cream? Butter Pecan, Cookie Dough, and anything caramel. 

How far away is the nearest Target? Less than 10 minutes.

Do you prefer Target, Kmart or Walmart? Target.

Have you ever farted in class or somewhere else you shouldn’t have? lol.

What’s your middle name? Would you change it? Martina. No.

When was the last tie you wore heels? What was the occasion? I wore wedges about two years ago at a work event. 

Do you find yourself lost for words often? Sure.

Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? One of my cousins when we were babies.

Have you ever been a member of an online dating site? How did it go? Nope.

Do you know what your neighbours even look like? Yeah.

How many siblings does your best friend have? They all have one brother each.

Do you put ketchup on your fries? Very rarely. 

Have you been lucky enough to make out with anyone in the past week? Yeah.

Have your parents ever worked in the agriculture business etc. on a farm? No.

Do you have an ex that makes you angry with literally everything they do? No, all my exes are irrelevant. 

Are you easily susceptible to brain freeze? Yeah.

[thisbibliomaniac]

@official-liberty-prime okay first, why did you send me fan mail? Second, HOW did you send me fan mail??? My darling Bri beat you to the first question Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? No. Not for any reason, I just don't. 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Tucked in. Why wouldn't your sheet be tucked in? 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Hahaha no 5: Do you like to use post-it notes? I go through a stack of post it notes in a week at work easily 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Oh yeah 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bear 8: Do you have freckles? Only a few :( and mostly on my arms 9: Do you always smile for pictures? I have to. The alternative is even more horrifying 10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Loud chewing 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? I try not to because it drives me crazy. If Im not mindful enough to force myself to stop, I count everything until I give myself a headache 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? No 13: What about pooped in the woods? Nope 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Not really a dancer 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Noooo. Someone else might have touched them. 16: How many people have you slept with this week? Hahahaahahahahah 17: What size is your bed? Small 18: What is your Song of the week? Tightrope from The Greatest Showman. I adore it 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Sure 20: Do you still watch cartoons? Yes 21: Whats your least favorite movie? I hate a lot of movies 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? You're not getting my treasure 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? Ha no 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? I don't eat chicken nuggets 25: What is your favorite food? Buffalo chicken and ranch 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? I have a list of about thirty 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? Hasn't happened 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes for like six months 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Nooooo 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? When my irl friend and I were still pen pals, so before we used email 31: Can you change the oil on a car? No XD but I know a lot more about it than I used to! Upstairs boss and I took an ASE certification practice test, and did pretty well 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Heck no 33: Ever ran out of gas? Nope. 34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Penn Station Italian 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Nothing. Breakfast foods are bad. 36: What is your usual bedtime? 11 37: Are you lazy? No 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? A handful of things. Holly Hobby was my favorite though. My grandmother made a costume for me, and Raggedy Ann for my sister 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? No idea 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Not intentionally. I keep getting free people magazine in the mail though??? 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos 43: Are you stubborn? Yes 44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? LENO 45: Ever watch soap operas? Just Ugly Betty 46: Are you afraid of heights? Maybe? 47: Do you sing in the car? Nonstop 48: Do you sing in the shower? No 49: Do you dance in the car? Yes 50: Ever used a gun? Yes 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? My website photo when I worked for a photographer 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? I looove musicals 53: Is Christmas stressful? Yes 54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yes 55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry, the way my dad makes it 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher, vet, Ken Ham 57: Do you believe in ghosts? No 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Daily 59: Take a vitamin daily? Yep 60: Wear slippers? No 61: Wear a bath robe? No 62: What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants / yoga pants, and a tank top 63: First concert? Chris Tomlin 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Walmart 65: Nike or Adidas? Walmart shoes 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Jalapeno Cheetos 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No 69: Ever take dance lessons? Square dancing 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Idk, cops are hot? 71: Can you curl your tongue? Yes 72: Ever won a spelling bee? No, close 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes 74: Own any record albums? No 75: Own a record player? No 76: Regularly burn incense? No 77: Ever been in love? Not with a real person 78: Who would you like to see in concert? Needtobreathe 79: What was the last concert you saw? Probably the fest? 80: Hot tea or cold tea? Hot tea! 81: Tea or coffee? Tea!!!!!! 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? I love snickerdoodles. Love to make them too 83: Can you swim well? Well enough 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes 85: Are you patient? I guess 86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Dj. Cheaper. 87: Ever won a contest? Yes 88: Ever have plastic surgery? No 89: Which are better black or green olives? Neither 90: Can you knit or crochet? Yes, but I'm much better at crochet 91: Best room for a fireplace? Living room 92: Do you want to get married? Sure 93: If married, how long have you been married? Not 94: Who was your HS crush? This guy 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Hahaahhahaah no 96: Do you have kids? No 97: Do you want kids? Yes 98: Whats your favorite color? PINK 99: Do you miss anyone right now? Yes

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

We Made It.

A Shameless Imagined - set in the future with Yevgeny looking back at how far he and his family have come. Thank you for your kudos and comments and as always please let me know what you think.

I really love the idea of Gallavich having the chance to be a normal(ish), loving and supportive family. xx

The young man peered around the thick velvet curtain and his blue eyes located the four seats he had reserved for his family with practiced ease – he had been checking them every five minutes since the doors opened.

He felt the weight which had been resting on his shoulders for the last forty minutes evaporate and a smile touched the corner of his lips. His mother, father and both his step-father’s were there, all of them dressed in their finest. His grin widened as he saw his Dad shrug his shoulders against the fitted material of his suit jacket and tug irritably at the knot of his tie, only to be scolded and from the look on his face, told to sit still.

Yev slipped his phone out of his shoulder bag and tapped the screen a few times before switching his gaze back to his family. His Dad patted his chest and reached inside his suit jacket pocket, drawing out his phone and squinting at it before nudging Ian and asking him to read it. Yev rolled his eyes, Dad refused to admit he needed glasses now and preferred to get Ian to read things instead. He saw Ian laugh and lean close to whisper the message to his father, who grinned, said something Yev really hope no one else in the audience heard and looked around, as if expecting his son to pop up from behind him. Unable to locate Yev, he murmured something to Ian who obligingly began tapping the phone screen.

Yev felt his mobile vibrate and looked down at it.

“Dad says Fuck u. Also that he is really proud of u and u r gonna be great.”

He saw his mom lean across to Ian and after a very brief exchange his phone buzzed again

“Mom says she loves u. Good luck kiddo – from all of us.”

Smiling, Yev typed out a quick thank you and put his phone away. He needed to get warmed up but allowed himself a minute more of watching his family, he seldom saw them together like this since moving up state for college and he missed it.

Not for the first time Yevgeny Milkovich thought about what it had taken for his family to get him here. His mother, young and courageous, travelling from Russia to try her luck in the USA. His father, young and confused but willing to see that both she and the baby had a roof over their heads. Ian, gentle and kind, a second father rather than just a step-father, always there and sometimes acting as a bridge of understanding between Yev and his Dad when their tempers clashed.

Memories washed over Yevgeny and he closed his eyes letting the flow of them sooth away his nerves.

He remembered Little League games, Mom and Ian cheering him on from the stands, his Dad watching from outside the chain-link fence due to a previous altercation with another parent who made the mistake of telling Yev he sucked and making him cry. No other parents had ever heckled him again though!

Then, when he no longer wanted to play baseball, preferring to take an acting and dance class, he remembered his Mom carefully ironing his costumes before school plays and his Dad sat in the audience, always clapping the loudest, especially the time Yev forgot his lines but pushed through anyway, man, Dad had roared his approval of that at the interval so loudly that little Yev was sure he’d break the windows, but not caring because of how great that support had made him feel, right when he needed it the most.

“That’s my kid and he’s doing great! Keep going, Yevgeny!”

When he got older and tried stealing condoms from his Mom’s purse to go and meet up with Katie Ryder after school and she found out and dragged him into a Walmart to buy him his own multi-pack and scared the shit out of him by telling him about all the dick rotting diseases he could catch, determined to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Middle school graduation, Ian helping him pin his little sash in place on the stupid little gown the school made them wear, all the while beaming with pride. He’d told Yev how smart he looked and helped him style his hair with some of his Dad’s wax and it had been Ian who had lead the standing ovation as the class threw their hats at the end of the ceremony.

He remembered the time in High School that he had got caught selling weed for Uncle Iggy and carrying a gun, and nearly got expelled. He had been so scared he nearly peed his pants, sitting in the principles office, listening to his Dad plead his case, practically begging for Yev to be given a second chance and fuck the zero policy, excuse his language!

When they got home, Ian had tried to play peace maker and had succeeded in talking Dad out of killing Uncle Iggy but Dad had been so mad and then Yev had told him to chill out … Shit! It was the only time in his life that his Dad ever laid a hand on him and somehow it was that which finally got through to Yev just how serious the situation really was.

Later that evening both Dad and Ian telling him that he could do so much more, was so much better, and then Dad telling him that if he ever fucked up that hard again, he would personally drag Yev’s ass to juvie and leave him there for a few weeks and see if he still wanted to be gangster.

Dad and Ian driving him across town for tuition with Uncle Lip for months in the run up to his senior class exams, every Thursday night. No matter how much Yev said he didn’t want to go, no matter where he tried to hide out to avoid the extra study, every time his Dad found him, bundled him into the car and drove him over, waited, and then drove him home, stopping for pizza or chicken or whatever else on the way back, never acting mad about what a pain in ass Yev had been about going.

All of them, including Mom’s new husband Gus, gathered around the mail box on the day his college acceptance letters were due and the shrieking excitement which had turned into a full Gallagher pool party when he go accepted to every single one of his top choices for theatre studies with critical theory.

Mom sending him off to college, dry eyed and proud, shoving an envelope of money into his hand and telling him that if he got a girl pregnant or fucked himself up on drugs, she would kill him, then kissing him fiercely on both cheeks and waving as Dad and Ian drove him away.

Dad and Ian lugging his bags through the corridors to Yev’s dorm, setting them down and Dad looking around like he had never seen a college room before, which Yev guessed maybe he hadn’t.

“OK, well, yeah. Be good, don’t fuck up and remember to call your Mom once a week. Call me too if you got time. I fuckin’ love you.”

Then a crushing hug and another envelope of money and an admonition to fuckin’ dust or something because it was making Dad’s eyes water.

Ian giving him a much more gentle hug and telling him to call if he needed anything at all, before following after Dad and driving back to the South Side.

All those memories and so many more, all of them leading up to college graduation and a Milkovich from Chicago’s South Side being valedictorian for his classes ceremony. Yev hoped that they were half as proud of him as he was of them.

The music started in the hall and Yev picked up his cap and made his way back to his classmates ready to open the next chapter of his life.  

[doubleddenden]

Kinda feeling that mega depression, ima just vent a bit

[[MORE]]

Lately I've just been super down. Like I've just been doing a bit of retrospective thought and holy shit. I missed out on a bunch of social milestones that I'm just never going to get again.

Like I never really had the courage or self confidence to talk to too many people in college other than a select few, let alone learn how to properly ask someone out. I was too focused on my education and like. Not dying of depression to ever bother with people unless they happened to give me an invitation.

Same reason I don't have any work history, which is now biting me in the ass. My family didn't want me working so I could just focus on schooling but... if I could have just manned up and gotten a job I'd probably have that job I worked so hard for my bachelor's degree for. Now I have loan companies breathing down my neck demanding money I just don't have. My dad and sister have loan companies too, although my sister can afford it and just chooses not too.

And now I live in the middle of nowhere stuck perpetually taking care of my dad without anyone besides him, my aunt, and friends on the internet to socialize with. I don't think I've properly socialized since October for a wedding. And to be fair its because my friends I once had here now all live in different states or hours away, and gas is just too expensive to go visit. There's nothing to do here really unless you're a teenager looking to drink in the woods or Walmart parking lot, or you're an old person at a bar.

I'm trying so hard to stay positive. I'm trying so hard to just say things will be okay but it just doesn't change. It never changes. Even when I try to change it by looking for work or going out to find a way to socialize it just. Doesn't work.

What's worse is that I only have a few things that really keep me happy like p okemon. And now even that's going down the shitter because the people making it don't even care that they're making a bad product anymore and are just making up lies to cut corners. And to angle away from the selfish angle, I just cannot go a day without seeing some terrible atrocity happening in the world I can do anything about (and no, I cannot do anything about it, I have no voice and no reach or agency where I live or, so don't try to convince me otherwise).

I'm just tired man. I can't do anything bad because I have to take care of things here. My stubborn dad and my aunt need me to do what little I can to take care of the house or them or my sister's dogs she left behind while she goes to travel the states with her family.

Not to mention my issues with my mom's side of the family. I got calls about my grandmother being in the hospital and actively considered going back to that toxic parasitic bitch just to make sure my grandmother was okay. It turns out it was just indigestion. And now I panic when the phone rings or when I have to get mail. My mother recently mailed me a letter from our insurance with my birthday circled telling me when I turn 26 in September I'll no longer have health insurance, and had the gall to tell me "happy early birthday".

Not to mention the stupid fucking teenagers that keep stopping at my sister's driveway for some reason. Its empty. No one is there. I keep the property locked up so nobody goes in without permission. I just get so paranoid it's my mother sending kids out to spy on us.

I can't talk to dad about my depression because it's always "what have you got to be depressed about? Just stop worrying so much about it." I can't talk to my aunt about it because she's just either "we're all depressed" or worries so much she doesn't sleep. I actually miss my tuition paid therapy in college.

Actually I just miss college in general. Like I want another chance to pursue the social life I never got to have, I want to get a degree I can actually use that doesn't make me want to off myself, I want to be surrounded by people my age again and be able to socialize and have everything in walking distance instead of a 20 minute drive to civilization. And the internet. Oh my God. I miss stable internets much. It was so shitty but so much better than my shitty hotspot wifi. Also, I just want to go through college without the family drama of my sister or mother constantly starting shit like they did back then, or my depression making it a slog to get up in the morning. And I want to actually socialize and go bike riding again.

This stupid diet too is just the worst. I've cut out sugar almost entirely except for some weird shit that contains a gram of it even though it doesn't taste like it. I've tried supplements of diet or zero sugar drinks but it isn't the same. I snuck a twinkie yesterday for the first time in a month and I swear i almost cried. I'm so tired of meat and salt. I have to eat food that satisfies my diet requirements and isn't too hot for my dad (he FUXKING thinkS FUCKING garlic is FUCKING SPICY) and satisfies my aunt (she cannot taste anything unless it has heaping amounts of salt).

I can't even write correctly anymore. I wrote 100 pages 2 days ago and I'm already considering trashing it because it sucks. I can't Sprite because I have no energy for that. I can't draw because I have no energy for it. I can barely focus on TV because I'm so fucking bored. And music just sucks or repeats all the time.

I'm so tired. I haven't gotten a good night's rest in so long because A. Even with AC and fans its so hot I sweat in my room AT NIGHT. B. I keep having this feeling of dread and I know I'll have a nightmare over it. Even now I want sleep at 12:30 am and I'm afraid to sleep because my mother or some monster or demon trying to kill me will show up or I'll just be naked and late for a class I somehow missed 5 months of.

I can't even win a stupid publisher's clearing house of 25 grand a month for life. Like that would have changed my life. No more loans, no more bills, no more relying on the bitch's medical insurance, and I could finally go to the doc to fix my allergies so I can go traveling by plane.

I just want drinking buddies or something. I want to live somewhere where I can be near people I enjoy being with and can find work that pays a decent wage and doesn't demean me. I want money to buy games and pay these STUPID FUCKING LOANS and visit my friends, not to mention afford therapy that's too fucking expensive now. I want to actually live my life instead of rotting away out here waiting for a miracle.

I'm going to apply for work at a fast food place tomorrow. If I can't even get a job there, I just. I've lost all hope. I don't know what else to do but suffer. I can't die because I can't trust the old man to feed the dogs or do everything I do around here without hurting himself, and my funeral bills would just be too high and cause chain reactions.

But I just can't pretend everything is okay. Because it isn't. I feel like if there is a God he's purposely keeping me here just to suffer and wait. I don't want to just suffer and wait. But can't do much else. And I feel like I can't take much criticism without wanting to cry. Apparently a thing called Rejection Dysphoria or something.

I just want to wake up and everything is okay. I just want to be surrounded by friends and live somewhere with things to do and have money to do that and pay my bills and just finally be caught up with my peers. I just feel like I'm on a time limit.

Like. To explain this feeling. You ever binge watch a TV series and you know there's a difference in the writing? The ending is coming, and you know this because various plot points are wrapping up. The other characters have married and or moved off, college is done, school is done, and the last episode is coming and you just don't know when its coming. You get updates on their ends and their adventures and meanwhile your story just drags on.

I just want everything to stop being so shitty and just fucking work for me.

[mylovingbouquetearthquakewo-blog]

Help!!! I need car insurance!

"Help!!! I need car insurance!

What company has good deals on SR22?   I'm financing a new car today & I need full coverage insurance & SR22... all the online quotes I've received has been outrageous!    Any knows of a good co. with low down payments?   (I live in Louisiana.)

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/get-cheap-car-insurance-now-megan-valenzuela/"

[pen-masta]

Peace and Coffee Part 4

Aaaaaaaaand complete!

1 2 3 4(Complete)

The tension and awkwardness leaves after that; things go back to the way they were. Joy flies back to the Philippines shortly after New Years and it stings to watch her leave again. But he counts down the months until her return. Martha moves in with him shortly after he moves out his parents’ house, but because the house is so big she claims her own room instead of sharing his.

Castel is happy and the more time he spends with Martha the more he starts to love her. The more he loves her the more dreams he has about her rather than Joy—to his relief. Even though he’s moved he still goes to the Curtis house for his weekly video chat with Joy. She tells him about the kids she gets to work with, the projects they are doing, she even shows him a short video one of her Peace Corp friends took of a celebration the village was having. It was a big feast and some of the locals were playing music and everyone was dancing, including Joy. She really looked like she was enjoying herself.

He tells her about new inventions he’s creating, new products he’s marketing. He bounces ideas off of her—something he can’t do with Martha—and he even attempts to show her his latest invention after he finished it after working on it for forty-eight hours straight. But something locks up and it ends up blowing up in his face, causing her the shriek before laughing. Her laughter is shortly followed by a good nature scowl on his part before he starts laughing at himself.

He really misses her, it’s really difficult not having her around. Martha just wasn’t into the same things as Joy was. So the frog hunts end permanently, cloud racing stops, weekly movie nights comes to a halt, and using Walmart as a playground is nearly forbidden. “You have a reputation now sweetheart,” she had said to him. “Can’t have people thinking you’re a little kid.”

He didn’t mind too much all that stuff was replaced with something else. Like big dinner parties, fun raves, picnics by the lake, and movie premiers at theaters. Martha was always getting invited to parties and she’d always take him saying it’d be good publicity if he was seen out having ‘adult’ fun. Things are really different with Martha…but a good different, a different he’s starting to grow fond of.

It’s weird when his birthday passes and Joy isn’t there. Martha convinces him to throw a big birthday bash and she invites so many people he can’t even remember all their names. His family comes and he spends more time with his brothers than the strangers he knows as Martha’s friends. He misses Joy. He misses having a frosting fight once he’s blown out his candles…but it’s okay. It gets easier though, especially since Joy had asked him to watch the Bachelor and take notes for her. Doing something for Joy felt good, it felt like she wasn’t so far away—no matter how mind numbingly senseless the show was, he’s positive he lost twelve brain cells.

“I can’t believe you made me watch that show,” he moans and rubs his eyes. “It’s so obnoxiously scripted I can’t stand it. I’m pretty sure my IQ dropped five levels just from watching it.”

She laughs, “I don’t care I need to the scoop so spill!” She sticks her tongue out at him.

He smirks and opens his notepad flipping to the notes he took for her from last night’s show. Watching her favorite television shows and taking notes on what happens, taking pictures of the sunset over the lake, playing some new songs from her favorite artists, anything she asks he does—it makes her feel less far away. One time during one of the songs they both start dancing, sharing a dance together like they had always done since they were kids—only at a distance of eight thousand two hundred and seven miles.

He sends her letters with pictures he’s taken of family reunions, camping trips with his brothers, carnival outings with her sisters and his brothers, the family of ducks she used to draw every spring when they flew back from the winter.

“They have six ducklings now,” he tells her smiling as he watches her coo over the picture.

“Awwww,” she squeals smiling as wide as a crocodile. “Mama Maggie and Papa Vinny have little babies!” She looks up at him, “Have you named them yet?”

“Nope,” he chuckles. “Wanted to wait for you.”

“Daw ain’t cha just a sweetie!” She says with an awful country accent making both of them laugh.

After a rather bad fight with Martha he decides he needs some time away from home. He’s been spending the last few days at his parents’ house and because it’s almost the holidays again his brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces, and nephews flood the house. He’s back in his old room—which he has turned into a complete mess in the few short days he’s been there.

Angry and hurt by the vicious words Martha threw at him during their fight, he’s been drowning himself in his work. He’s been staying up working on a new project for the past few nights and ended up crashing sometime around six in the morning.

“Mail call for Cassie Cubs,” his dad smiles and tosses a box onto his stomach.

Castel murmurs and squints up at his dad, trying to come out of his sleepy stupor. He sits up slowly and moans a little when his head starts to pound—five and a half days of no sleep is not good.

“Mail? For me?” He asks groggily, his voice still sounds a little horse from the yelling he had done during their fight.

“Martha dropped off your mail kiddo,” his dad says and rubs the back of his neck. “She still seemed pretty heated, but she said and I quote ‘it’s his stuff so it’s your problem’.” He shakes his head a little, “I’m sorry you two are having one heck of a tiff.”

He shrugs, “It’s no big deal Pop. It happens, we’ll get over it.” He says and closes his eyes, man did his head hurt.

“I know you’ll work it out,” his dad smiles and pats his shoulder. “It’s almost four in the evening probably a good time to get up and start your day.” He chuckles a little before ruffling Castel’s hair. Castel whines and pushes his dad’s hand away, but smiles good naturally up at the older man. His dad smiles back and clears his throat.

“Dinner is in two hours,” he says before disappearing.

Castel smiles and looks down at the package again. He rubs his tired eyes and tries to focus on reading the return address. A huge smile break onto his face and the exhaustion is drained when he sees it’s from the Philippines. He nearly shreds the box trying to get it open and pulls out some fluffy blue fabric.

He opens it up more, getting hit with the scent of coconuts and orchids. He hums a little at the scent and smiles at the handmade blue sweater that he holds in his hands, with a winking snowman on it. He laughs and notices the little yellow note pinned to the sweater. Careful to not ruin the material he detaches the paper form the sweater and opens it.

Stay warm, Frosty! Be home soon! Merry Christmas Dork-asourus-rex!

                                                  -Jo-Jo

He smiles more and chuckles at the note. Joy would be soon…not for the holidays due to all the time she spent here last Christmas. But near the end of May she’d be home. Home for good! She’s be back permanently and never leaving the country again! He smiles and lies back, letting the sweater drape over his torso. He closes his eyes, grinning at the comforting scent the yarn she’s knitted for him holds. He yawns and curls up holding the sweater in his arms—a few more minutes of sleep won’t be so detrimental.

His nails look awful. They actually can’t be considered nails anymore in his opinion, they’re stubs. He’s been pacing so much he’s practically worn a groove into the floor. He doesn’t realize it, but ever ten seconds he checks his watch.

           Mikey sits on the couch watching his little brother go through his unconscious nervous routine. Castel would sigh, cross his arms, chew at his nails for a moment before he’d uncross his arms, shove his hands in pockets, take them out again, run his hands up and down his jeans before pacing.

One, two, three, four, five, six times, he would stop push the sleeve of his sweater up and check his watch. With an exasperated expression he’d mutter inaudibly before looking at the kitchen clock to make sure his watch was right.

Seeing that it was correct, he’d tap his foot on the floor. One, two, three taps before he would start the cycle all over again. He’s been doing this same routine for the past hour—and Mikey is about to go insane.

“Dude!” Mikey articulates getting his little brother’s attention. “Can you stop?”

“Huh?” The genius asks stupidly.

“You’ve been pacing, and gnawing, and sighing for the last hour.” Mikey chuckles, “You’re wearing a groove into the floor. Can you just chill out?”

“Seriously,” Zack laughs from the kitchen. “You’re not going to make her come any faster.”

“I’m sorry,” Castel groans and runs his hands through his hair. “It’s just…she said she’s be back by three.”

“And?” Zack chuckles.

“And it’s three o’ five!” Castel says, voice cracking with an acute squeak.

 Both of his brothers burst into laughter, causing Castel to blush.

“Cassie you need to relax,” Mikey smiles at his baby brother. “Just sit down, she’ll get here when she gets here alight?”  

Castel sighs and nods, “Alright.”

He sits next to his brother on the couch. He crosses his arms and bounces his right leg, alternating between looking at his watch and the kitchen clock. Mikey snorts and shakes his head.

“I don’t know if you know this or not, but this is not relaxing.” Mikey smiles at Castel. “And dude it’s almost June aren’t you hot?” He asks pinching the sleeve of Castel’s sweater.

“Moman keeps the thermostat set to Antarctica,” Castel laughs. “How are you not cold?”

Mikey shrugs and Zack laughs walking over to his brothers. He plops down on the couch, sandwiching Castel between his brothers.

“You’re only wearing that because Joy made it for you,” Zack chuckles and pokes Castel’s side, earning a boyish squeak out his kid brother.

Castel narrows his eyes at his brother, “I’m wearing it because it’s cold.”

“And because Joy is coming home today,” Mikey grins and pokes Castel’s other side. He chuckles when Castel jumps and covers his sides with his arms. “And you want her to see how much you love her gift.”

“She worked really hard on this,” Castel says and looks down at the winking snowman.

He starts to contemplate changing, maybe wearing it today would give her the wrong idea. The idea that he hasn’t been able to erase the kiss from his mind—which he still hasn’t. Something that was so little and occurred so long ago still haunts him, just the thought of it still stirs up urges and feelings that cause him to blush. Thoughts that seem to grow more dark and more frequent with ever fight he has with Martha—he’s ashamed of himself. How can he continuously think inappropriately about his best friend while in a two-year relationship with another girl?  

His thoughts are brought to an immediate halt when he hears a car door shut. He scrambles over Mikey to the window. Mikey yells in protest as Castel climbs over top of him, leaps off the arm of the couch, and slams into the window.

“Geez Cassie!” Mikey laughs and rubs his spot on his stomach where his brother kneed him in his hurry to get to the window.

Ignoring his brother, Castel fumbles with the blinds, yanking the strings at all angles trying to open the blinds. He growls in frustration, grabs the blinds and rips them off the window, tossing them to the floor.

“You just broke the blinds!” Zack yelps with a laugh.

“Silence!” Castel shrills and presses his face to the glass.

The window fogs up as his hot breath beats against the cool glass. A face splitting grin breaks onto his face and he leaps over the blinds, tripping over his own feet. He runs to the door, rips open the door, and runs out onto the street.

He smiles and stands on the sidewalk. She stands on the sidewalk next to her family and the taxi. She hugs her mom and sisters while her dad gets her bags out of the trunk. He breaths a sigh of relief seeing she’s alright. She’s back. She’s back! She’s back, safe and sound! He puts his hand in his pockets and watches as she hugs each member of her family. She turns and her eyes lock on him. Her eyes light up, her smile grows large and she turns to her family.

Her mouth moves and her parents both nod. She tosses her backpack down to the ground before charging towards him.

“Cassie!!” She yells before leaping into his arms.

He laughs and catches her. He smiles into her hair, feeling her legs wrap around his waist. She buries her head into his neck and hugs him tight, he holds her in his arms as if she were the only thing keeping him grounded.

“I’m sorry I think you’ve mixed me up with the wrong person,” he chuckles teasingly.

She giggles and pulls back to look at him, “Best friend.” She says and points to herself.

“Oh yes!” He grins, “I remember now!”

She giggles and hugs him again, “I’ve missed you Casanova!”

“I’ve missed you too Joy,” he smiles as his eyes well with tears.

She’s home. She’s home, finally! He smiles and sets her down back on the ground. She smiles and looks back at her family. They wave for her to go and she looks back at Castel.

“So you gonna invite me in?” She smiles.

“Of course,” he grins and walks back into his house.

She smiles and wraps her arm around his, lacing her fingers with his. When they walk inside Mikey and Zack are no longer in the living room. Castel figures they had gone upstairs to get their parents.

“You’re late,” he smirks with a teasing tone.

Joy snorts, “By like five minutes Cassie.”

“Still late,” he chuckles and she sticks her tongue out at him. As they walk into the kitchen he smiles at her, “I waited up all night you know.”

Joy smiles at him, “Well it is a long flight from the Philippians.”

He chuckles and nods. Joy giggles before stopping in her tracks. She takes a deep inhale and hums in satisfaction.

“Oh my gosh coffee!” She smiles jubilantly, “How I’ve missed coffee!”

He chuckles, “Since when do you drink coffee Jo-Jo?”

She giggles, “I don’t but I love the smell.” She smiles softly, closing her eyes, “It’s a warm comforting smell. It smells like home.”

He smiles and lets go of her hand. She opens her eyes and hops up onto the counter next to the coffee maker. He smiles and leans in front of her, with his hands on either side of her thighs. He looks her over taking in her oversized sky blue long sleeve shirt with grey sleeve, which hangs loosely to reveal the peach straps of her tank top. Underneath of the shirt are cut off jean shorts that run down her legs stopping just above her knees.

A few bug bites and cuts sprinkle her shines and calves, and mud stained tie died sneakers clade her feet that swing ever so slightly—brushing against his knees. A blue headband to match her shirt sits amongst her chocolate tresses that pull back into a high ponytail. Her caramel eyes sparkle and grin at him just as brightly as her lips do.

She looks stunningly beautiful. His stomach swirls and his heart leaps in his chest. He manages to hold his smile and hide the butterflies that beat in his gut, the sudden urge to be closer to her is overwhelming. Gosh he loves her! More than he’s willing to admit aloud…or even to himself. His heart pounds viciously in his chest and thoughts of his dreams float through his thoughts.

Those thoughts bring a smile to his face, and a single phrase rings in his head ‘he could make it real’. There’s a slight twitch between his legs at that thought, and in that moment he forgets all about Martha all he can think about is Joy. His body starts moving and despite the signals his brain is sounding off his head moves ever so slightly towards hers.

But Joy is leaning back…she’s leaning away from him. Shoot! He’s messed up! Curse him and his hormones! Oh man, he’s made her uncomfortable. He promised himself he wouldn’t do that, but he did! Gosh he’s stupid! He shouldn’t have worn he sweater, it gave her the wrong idea about his feelings for her…his still very really feelings. He needs to apologize; he need to stop all these thoughts.

He opens his mouth to start spewing an apology, when a peanut butter cookie is being shoved into his mouth. He blinks before taking the cookie out of his mouth, Joy giggles and bites into her sugar cookie. She had leaned back to reach into the cookie jar, not away from him.

He smiles, “Not even five minutes back and you’re already eating my food.”

“Not your food anymore,” she sticks her tongue out at him and he chuckles.

“Touché,” he grins. They are both quiet for a moment before he smiles at her lovingly and says softly, “I really missed you Joy.”

Her eyes soften and she grins back, “I missed you too Cassie.”

He nods and smiles, “Hey I got you a gift!” He says excitedly and bounces a little on his feet.

She laughs, “Well don’t just stand there! Go and get it boi!”

He laughs and opens the cabinet under the sink—the only safe hiding place from anyone in the house. He really kind of hide it there out of habit, and because every time he looked it he would so anxious for her to arrive home again.  

He smiles at the little box in his hands wrapped in an exotic paper—black with white diamond chains, complete with a bright red bow stamped on top. He holds it out to her, “I didn’t get to see you for your birthday so I never got to give you anything.” He smiles, “So here’s a belated birthday gift.”

She grins and takes the box, “Aw Cassie you didn’t have to get me anything.”

He blushes and rubs the back of his neck, “I know but I wanted to.”

She smiles sweetly before snickering, “Never seen this wrapping paper before.” She teases, “What did you spend most of your time trying to pick out the paper alone?”

“No,” he chuckles even though she’s right. He had spent nearly an hour just standing in the wrapping paper aisle, trying to debate between the shiny paper, the plain paper, the colorful paper and so on.

She giggles and smiles down at the little box in her hands, “You’re sweet Cassie.”

He shrugs and takes down a mug from the cabinet. He knows he’s already had about four cups of coffee today trying to stay awake for her arrival, but he really just wants something to hold in his hands. He pours some coffee into his mug and smiles at Joy.

“Are you going to open it?” He smiles at her.

She stares down at the box, twirling it around in her hands looking it over. She looks up at him and smiles softly before she takes the bow off of the box and sticks it on his shoulder.

He chuckles and looks at her confused, “What cha doing J-bird?”

She sets the box down on the counter next to her and puts her hands on her knees, “You’re my present this year Castel.”

He feels his cheeks heat up and he smiles kindly at her. He chuckles and nudges her with his elbow, “I don’t think you can call me a dork after that cheesy line!”

She giggles, “But it was a gouda line!”

“I’m about feta with you,” he sticks his tongue out at her.

She laughs loudly and snorts a little which causes Castel to join in her mirth. How he missed hearing her laugh. After a moment of laughter, they both fall silent, but it’s a comfortable silence. He smiles at her lovingly so overjoyed to have her back, and she smiles at him tenderly having missed him more than she even realized.

He sips his coffee for a moment before he looks at the stairs hearing his brothers’ voices. He chuckles and turns back to Joy to speak but he’s cut off by her lips. She presses her lips firmly against his for a second or two before she pulls back smiling.

“I love you dork-a-doo,” she says softly with a sparkle in her eyes.

His brain is short circuiting trying to understand what just happened. He wants to ask her what does she mean? He wants to ask her why she kissed him? Even though it was a short sweet little peck, it’s still a kiss. He wants to ask her if this means she has feelings for him to, or if she’s just so happy to be home and with him again. He wants to ask if he should really read into this kiss, or if it was just a small innocent gesture.

But he doesn’t get the chance to, because his family comes running down the stairs wrapping Joy in an enormous group hug. His dad saying how happy he is to see she’s home safe and sound. His mom chatters on about wanting to hear all her stories and how both families were having a huge dinner together in the backyard tonight. Joy exclaims that she didn’t expect to see Mikey and Zach upon her arrival, and they both laugh saying she’s practically their little sister and they wouldn’t miss welcoming her home for the world.

Castel stands there with a stiff smile, while he screams internally. His mind races with questions and mixed emotions. He doesn’t know what to make of this and by the time the dinner is over and everyone has gone home he’s still left wondering why Joy kissed him again.

He lies in his old bed staring at the ceiling just as he did two years ago the night Joy left. He’s analyzed the situation over and over again, trying to make sense of it all. Sighing loudly and rolling over attempting to fall asleep he decides to make up his mind.

He’s with Martha now…that’s it nothing to it. He’s with Martha and nothing will change that…of course he still loves Joy. He always will, until the day he dies he will always love her as his best friend. All these feelings and thoughts he’s having for her are wrong and he needs to cast them from Joy and onto Martha. Who knows maybe he’ll marry her, can’t marry a girl while having feelings for your best friend…it’s just wrong.

He curls up more and closes his eyes as his thoughts of Joy shift to Martha. He smiles a little at the thought of marrying Martha. He crushed on her for years and now here he is dating her for two years. The girl of his dreams, his girlfriend, his love. That’s who he’s in love with, he will always be in love with her…and Joy? Joy will always be there as his best, closest, and dearest friend.

And nothing will ever change that.