#but the way my spirituality and perception of my body changed when i stepped away and went to therapy

[inhiatusfromlife]

not to be a swiftie on main but i would literally engrave these lyrics in my flesh

[zet-sway]

Spiritual Shrios Summer Fill: Godless

This is a prompt fill for @rosenkow's Spiritual Shrios Summer! Prompts | release | oasis | moan | delirium | pray | sweat | whisper | afterlife | contaminated | skin | worship | incense | godless | petals | taste | nectar | caress | mirage | ripe | sundown | hallucinate | salt | intoxicated | soul | embrace | hunger | wet | adrenaline | breathe |

PROMPT WORD: GODLESS | WORDS: ~1800

Rated: "G" - General Audiences AO3 Link: "The Frozen Sea" Pairing: Thane / FemShep Summary: The ocean licks at her knees - not to claim her, but to mark her. 'One foot in the grave,' as the human adage goes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shepard looks forward to being the first one up and awake.

Her cabin is suffocating. There are nights when she appreciates the privacy, but the silence of her isolated quarters makes her insides itch in an uncomfortable way. Just before the common area lighting begins to grow from the dim cadence of the night cycle, she leaves her room and greets the morning, intangible as only time on a starship can be. First she checks on the night crew, then starts coffee for Gardener. Finally, she makes her way down to the shuttle bay for PT. Alone.

It's unexpected when she has a visitor one quiet morning.

"Sere Krios," she says, rising from a deep stretch on the mat.

He smiles warmly, equally as surprised to see another soul at this hour. "Commander, good morning. And please, just Thane if you wouldn't mind."

Thane is the newest member of her crew and they've only spoken twice before. Maybe it shouldn't come as a surprise that he has his daily rituals as well, given his condition. He's dressed simply. Black pants, a sleeveless shirt, his defined, green chest exposed for all the world. Drell and humans share some attractive qualities. He's easy on the eyes.

She's staring, she realizes, and looks away. Thane takes his place on the mat and begins his own warm-up.

Day after day, he joins her, and they build a routine. Together, they begin with stiff, groggy stretches; then there's cardio, sweat, and strength training. Their conversations are light and technical. He respects her silence. She respects his discipline. On leg day, they limp back into the elevator in tandem. If she's lucky, she has time to join him and the crew for breakfast after her shower.

When she's alone, she quietly recalls how the light bends around the contours of his body.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He's there as usual when she steps off the elevator and into the shuttle bay. Fully armored, helmet under one arm, weapons holstered, but ready.

"Shepard. No training today?" He rises from his place on the mat where he's been exploring the human practice of yoga, per her suggestion. It suits him. Yoga is all about breathing.

"I was beginning to think you tired of my company."

She gives him a weary smile and shakes her head.

There's a new, abnormal tension between them and by his gaze she knows he feels it too. She likes Thane. She knows hardly a damn thing about him, but he's a comfortable presence, follows orders... doesn't ask intrusive questions. However, she's breaking their routine unexpectedly, and in the moment, his gaze is almost painful.

"Is there something I should know about Alchera?"

Okay, maybe he does ask intrusive questions.

His voice is a hot knife through her muddy thoughts. The detour to Alchera hadn't been on their flight plan, but somehow, he knows. Times like this, his eidetic memory puts her on edge. She asks herself how many other kernels of obscure knowledge are locked away in his mind.

Stepping up to prep the shuttle, she weighs the consequences of lying to his face. Only six people on the ship know where she's going and why, and she doesn't want to talk about it with any of them. The words are too hard to say out loud. This is where I died.

"Alliance HR," she says finally. A partial truth.

His brows rise and his posture straightens just a bit. "Human remains." Fuck if he isn't perceptive, but if he has questions, he keeps them to himself.

She nods once, happy to have stopped this conversation in its tracks. Then she changes the subject.

"PT tomorrow," she offers with a smile. "I can't be lifting without my spotter."

"Of course, Shepard. The pleasure is mine," he responds with an acknowledging nod. She feels bad for interrupting his training as he leaves on the elevator, but she doesn't want to face her team until her task is done.

Let's just get this over with.

Alone with her thoughts, she exhales a breath she didn't know she was holding and starts her pre-flight checklist.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's well past dinner when she comes to him. The doors at his back swish open and she stands quietly inside the threshold. A fistful of clinking metal dangles from her hand and he knows she's come to have the conversation she avoided earlier.

"Did I catch you at a good time?"

"You did," he says smoothly. "Was there something you wanted to discuss?"

She sits across from him and the metal spills from her fist. Dog tags. Twenty of them. Her gaze is fixed on them and she appears shrouded in a fog of thoughts.

"Did you know them?" The question is gentle, he's almost afraid to know the answer.

Shepard takes a deep breath and blinks slowly. "Yeah. They were my crew."

Thane can feel a chill, as though the icy surface of the planet is still clinging to her long after she's left it. "Your ship went down on Alchera?"

She nods.

"...and you were among them."

"Yes."

He realizes now why she brushed off his words earlier. It strikes him as odd that she would bring this to him instead of Garrus, Tali, Joker, or Chakwas. All of them served on that ship with her, although he isn't sure if they were on board during the attack. She chose him for this, maybe because he'd asked, unknowingly, down in the shuttle bay. Regardless, she's here now and he struggles to understand her needs.

Thane refocuses. There's a pile of dog tags before him and each one represents a human life, now in the arms of Kalahira.

"May I read them?"

She glances up at him then, surprised. "Won't you remember them forever?"

"I'd like to."

Her lips twitch just slightly in the most cautious of smiles, and she nods. "Knock yourself out," a quietly uttered and somehow charming human expression.

Thane picks up each tag one by one and passes his eyes over them. Every name, a life extinguished. Stories unfinished. Loved ones mourning for years without closure or a body to bury. Memories percolate in his mind and he pushes them back because now is not the time. For each name, he offers a silent prayer to the goddess for their eternal peace. When he finishes, the tags are a neat horizontal stack before them.

Hands folded, he looks at her. "I don't see your name."

It's less of a question and more of an observation, but she dips one hand into her shirt collar and produces a pair of clinking metal tags. They dangle from a new chain but the metal scorched and scuffed almost to a state of illegibility. One from the Alliance, the other from the Spectres. Her name is heavily embossed into each one.

SHEPARD DECEMBER HUMAN SYSTEMS ALLIANCE

His expression lifts and he smiles, hopeful. "You survived."

Shepard shakes her head. "I was spaced."

"But you must have-"

"No, Thane." Her tone is firm, unwavering. "I was spaced."

Her intense green eyes pierce through him. There's a twinge in her voice that makes his insides clench. "I read the data on Project Lazarus. I died."

It feels like the air has been sucked out of the room. Thane tries to control his features but her assertion shakes the very foundations of his faith. Many had said she died, but he'd always understood it as a metaphor - a near death experience.

He reaches into himself for calm and a memory rises, unbidden. "Jesus and Lazarus, from the Christian bible. '...I am the resurrection and the life.'"

"Kalahira..." he breathes. "Shepard, I didn't know."

She grunts out an ugly, short laugh and tears her eyes from his. "I can't believe you read the bible."

Her words fly past him without acknowledgement. He sees her as though through fogged glass, thoughts spinning. "Kalahira released you from the sea." When the words leave his mouth, they sound like irrefutable truth.

There's silence while she fidgets across from him, and then she asks, "Do humans go to the sea too?"

"We believe all life does."

He has a thought, then. "What do you believe, Shepard?

Her expression is mildly uncomfortable. "Before or after I died?" But then she shakes her head, reconsidering. "The universe is grand enough that maybe it is god's design. But I don't think god gives a damn about us. Agnostic, I guess." Shepard pauses and looks at him, but her eyes are distant. "Maybe I'd like to believe in your sea. Right now it feels easier to accept."

"To bring comfort in dark places is the purpose of spirituality. It does not matter what you believe as long as it brings you peace."

"Some humans would disagree with you."

Aware of the myriad of human religions and their conflicts, he brushes off her statement. "This is my truth. Their opinions don't concern me."

Shepard's gaze is searching, revealing the cracks in her armor, slivers of well-hidden vulnerability. "So I went to the sea. And now I'm back."

"If I am to accept what you say, I can offer no other conclusion." He doesn't ask what she remembers, he knows he might not like the answer.

"Then what am I now? Besides a soggy, undead cyborg?"

Her voice is laced with sarcasm but Thane thinks over her question carefully, aware he will be turning it over in his mind for days to come. Kalahira, Irikah, Siha, the gods and their angels, his lover and confidant, memories and oaths... regrets and comforts.

A heavy veil of epiphany descends on him, awestruck, painfully aware of his mortality, and prickling with a primal, deeply buried fear. Once human and now something in between, she is Commander Shepard, avatar of the Sea, chosen of Kalahira. The ocean licks at her knees not to claim her, but to mark her. 'One foot in the grave,' as the human adage goes.

The fist of tension in his gut calls to mind the image of Irikah's eyes in his scope all those years ago. I thought she was the goddess Arashu. But it's not Arashu who sits before him now, but Kalahira. Her icy breath howls across the inhospitable surface of Alchera, her unfathomable currents gathering those courageous enough to follow her into the abyss. How appropriate that she appeared just as he sought his demise in the Dantius Towers. She will be the one to ferry him into the unknown when they finally breach the relay. He prays she will be merciful.

Placing one hand over hers, Thane squeezes reassuringly. He doesn't linger, the gesture is as much for him as it is for her; he wants to know that she is real, as he finally answers her question.

'Then what am I now?'

"A woman with a purpose so great, the goddess herself answered the galaxy's cry for your return."

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 2.3.5 “The Little Girl All Alone”

“Only, as she fell prey to certain feelings, she rattled the handle of the bucket as much as she could while she walked. That made a noise, which kept her company.” This line really struck me as an interesting summary of so many of the characters in this book. Nearly all of the main or majorly recurring characters in this book are so lonely. So much of this book is different characters metaphorically rattling buckets in different ways.

This random woman that Cosette meets on the road is the opposite of Valjean meeting Madame De R--- way way back in 1.2.1. Mme De R--- was the one who stopped and spoke to Valjean and did the kindness of pointing out Myriel’s door. This random woman doesn’t do anything like that. She just keeps walking. The entire town knows who Cosette is and not a single person stops to help her.

God, I love the way Hugo writes children. He clearly was so lovely and patient and observant towards his kids and grandkids. All the little idiosyncrasies and quirks that we see Cosette and all the little kids at the convent exhibit are so believable and realistic.

We literally just had the ghosts of Waterloo wandering the plain, and here’s Cosette frightened of ghosts.

Thenardier is a wolf, but the Thenardiess tends to be more “foreign” wild animals. So far I’ve noted hyena and tigress. I’m not sure why she’s so different. It’s strange because the animals Hugo picks tend to be far less tameable than wolves and yet he has also described Mme Thenardier as essentially being tamed by her husband, since she’ll do anything he says and won’t argue despite being bigger and stronger than him.

“Darkness is dizzying. We need light; whenever we plunge into the opposite of day we feel our hearts chilled. When the eye sees darkness, the mind sees trouble.” This is such an interesting quote considering how often darkness helps save Valjean. But it’s also a quote that will be supported later on during discussions of Hugo’s social mines. Those who become accustomed to darkness, who utilize darkness, become Trouble which becomes Crime. The fact that Cosette is terrified of this darkness isn’t just an indication of her youth, it’s also an indication of her Goodness. She can navigate in the dark but she is scared of it.

“An outline of the Inconceivable emerges a few steps away with a spectral clarity. You see floating in space or in your brain something strangely vague and unseizable like the dreams of sleeping flowers.” Again, another little section where Hugo’s poetry really comes out. This visual is so pretty and almost whimsical considering he’s trying to talk about how creepy the forest at night is. These ghosts aren’t defined like the ghosts of Waterloo, and they’re not chimerical folklore like Valjean-as-the-Devil. They’re this weird in-between of terrified child and spiritual adult imagery.

Paris is also compared to a forest, and the gamin to a sparrow. But Cosette is not a sparrow, she’s a lark. It’s interesting to note that the next in line for abandonment after Cosette has left the Thenardiers is Gavroche, who has turned into a sparrow-gamin when we see him in Paris.

“Forests are apocalypses: a tiny soul’s beating wings make an agonizing sound beneath their monstrous vault.” I just finished reading Brighton Rock by Graham Greene and there’s a moment where he describes a seagull flying under a wharf as a songbird trapped in a cathedral. I get the same imagery here. This terror of something so much bigger than oneself, the need to escape, the feeling of doom or at least the feeling of being overwhelmed. A small child in the dark in a forest is like this absolute knowledge of how small and vulnerable and scared you are. And Cosette knows this; her eyes start getting wild, like she’s losing the human ability to reason and turning into that bird trapped in a cathedral, a sort of instinctive bestial fear.

(This is also the state Valjean is in when we first meet him.)

“Then, by some sort of instinct, to get out of this singular state, which she did not understand but which terrified her, she began to count aloud, one, two, three, four, up to ten, and when she had finished, she began again. This restored her to a real perception of things about her.” Cosette is able to break out of this animalistic fear-state. It’s also cool to see an example of calming techniques being used and effective 150 years ago.

This is kind of a tangent but whenever I read the sections about young Cosette with the Thenardiers I end up thinking about articles I’ve read about feral children or abusive/neglectful orphanages and how it affects the childrens’ ability to emote or the ways in which they respond to fear, threats, happiness, etc. I wonder if this ability to calm herself and pull herself out of that animalistic state is kind of this “power” Cosette has which protects her from becoming something more bestial. Her reaction to abandonment is different from Gavroche’s. Gavroche moves outward, becomes independent and social and courageous and sarcastic, connecting with everyone and no one. Cosette’s reaction is to move inward, to become speculative and quiet, to be wary of everyone and not really reach out. But this power she has prevents her from retreating too much into herself, into a place she cannot return from.

Poor Fantine sees her daughter’s fear and suffering. This is the last time, I think, that Fantine will be present in this way. Like Valjean’s whisper in her ear and the smile on the corpse’s lips, this brings Fantine to life for just a second. This reminds me of the dreams that Fantine has while Valjean is on the road to Arras. This is Fantine dreaming, this time from eternal sleep, watching as Valjean walks toward her daughter.

Although I just had a thought. When Valjean returns from Arras sans Cosette and visits Fantine, she wakes and says this to him: “Cosette? I knew you were there; I was asleep, but I saw you. I’ve been seeing you for a long time; I’ve followed you with my eyes all night. You were in a halo of glory, and all sorts of celestial forms were hovering around you.” Perhaps this dream wasn’t necessarily Fantine watching Valjean drive to Arras? Perhaps it was Fantine, so close to death, catching a glimpse behind the veil to the future her spirit will watch. Jupiter is the largest celestial body, and it’s large and visible here.

“She always imagined the Thenardiess nearby.” Ugh Cosette you poor thing. So much of her life is directed by fear and yet she has so much strength. Her strength and Valjean’s are paralleled again. She is strong enough to carry this full bucket, but she has to stop and rest, to regain her energy. But she is strong enough, just like her will is strong enough to withstand the emotional and physical abuse and abandonment she has lived with for the past 7 years. And we’ll see that strength change when she leaves but it doesn’t leave her.

“A man who had come up behind her and whom she had not heard. This man, without saying a word, had grasped the handle of the bucket she was carrying.” Valjean that’s so creepy. Valjean is magical here. Cosette is terrified; just moments ago she was hypervigilant about every sound of animals in the woods on the sides of the path. But she doesn’t hear Valjean’s approach at all, doesn’t even notice him until he lifts the bucket from her grasp. From the moment prisoner-Valjean fell from the side of the Orion, Valjean has been incorporeal. He’s no longer 9430, he’s no longer M Madeleine, and he hasn’t been mentioned since the fall. This is Valjean materializing as a new form, this poor-rich man in a yellow coat.

[sanoiro]

Lucifer Meta Post - Tether Me

I have seen and read many meta flying around regarding this song but none seemed to satisfy me. On the contrary this is a song that downright confused me since I watched the episode, therefore the circulating explanations or meta given were not enough for me. I’ll not say they are without merit, they are just not clicking the right way with my mindset of all things Lucifer. 

Since August I’ve wondered why they didn’t reverse the songs between 5x05 and 5x06 meaning why they didn’t use ‘This Year’s Love’ for the ending of 5x06? It would have made sense I thought albeit it would also be cheesy. On the other hand, the commitment that was expressed and the step taken in 5x05 while Chloe comes to her realisation that they chose each other makes that song quite perfect. Especially as it echoes the 3x23 scene and kiss. 

In 5x05 Chloe manages to take down the killer on her own - albeit with Amenadiel’s help - in the same way she uncovered the killer in 3x23 with Charlotte’s aid. Both episodes then end with the party who comes to a groundbreaking realisation to seek the other. In 3x23 Lucifer comes to Chloe while in 5x05 Chloe goes to the Penthouse to find Lucifer.  

“If you do not need me you are working with me all this time because you want to. Because you choose to. You did choose me.” - Lucifer 3x23

Then Lucifer goes on, that he was procrastinating to face the present as he was afraid of his feelings, that Chloe wanted him because she had seen only certain sides of him and if she knew all of him she would run. Yes, Chloe did ran but from Season 4 we see that the same issue happens with Chloe and it also manifests spectacularly in 5x03 and in 5x05. 

Is she a mere human that one day Lucifer will realise she is not worth it? The fact she is a miracle is that the only thing of value she has? Is the rest of her that insignificant that her existence and her relationship with Lucifer is based on the grounds she was designed for him, meaning that there will be another toy or distraction in the near or far future for him? Toys after all are meant to be played, used to promote growth and knowledge and sooner than later are disposed in storage or a bin. Learning experiences are not meant to be revisited when sucessful and as a parent Chloe knows that. 

All the above are relevant believe me. 

And now back in 5x05. 

“His theory is that you choose to be vulnerable around me.[...] If you choose to be vulnerable around me then I chose to be vulnerable around you.” - Chloe 5x05

Now this is what leads us to the use of “Tether Me” as the chosen song in the sex scene of 5x06. 

As a form of habit I always go back to AGN a fic, not really worth your time, but since day one I knew how it would end. Lucifer in the comics #75 (last one) - of the first and original series - says that “Perhaps this is the ultimate freedom, eh Dream Lord? The freedom to leave.” 

In a twist of words and due to life experiences I thought to turn the tables a bit there and say that the ultimate freedom sometimes is the freedom to stay. 

Lucifer as a series has explored free will and freedom a lot and we were always so fixated with the concept that freedom is a synonym of breaking free, of getting away, running. But since S2 when Lucifer in 2x14 came back to Chloe despite knowing she was a miracle and directly connected to him, in his opinion, we see that freedom in the end was not of him being liberated by this manipulation but setting his own terms into the situation by deciding to stay. 

The same thing happened with Chloe in S4. She stayed in Lucifer’s life despite his relationship with Eve and his internal and external Devilness and as we saw guilt manifestation. So now we can take the concept of “Tether Me” on a whole new level. Shall we? 

First of all. Tether Me. 

The definition here is to practically bind someone. But they are bound out of will and so the freedom they seek is through the commitment they make on their own terms, time and ways to express it. 

The physical connection as has been said before surely, is not just about sex. Many opt to forget or disregard the fact that Lucifer stayed celibate for thousands of years in Hell and then when he came on Earth he never sought a companion as he had done every time he visited Earth for millennia. Not even when he believed his time on Earth was limited and his relationship with Chloe impossible to progress. 

The fact the above is always brushed aside bothers me as it shows not just Lucifer’s emotional state but also his maturity and commitment on an ‘idea’ and a person. For the first time his coping mechanism for an emotional attachment through carnal gratification is rejected because the alternative is more fulfilling even though the consummation on any level up to 5x05, is deemed improbable. 

Lucifer emotionally and spiritually, as we may say, like Chloe since the end of Season 4 have, on a basic level, bound themselves to the person they love. They willingly surrendered not the option of being with someone else but their whole entity to the one they loved. 

But many poets have praised love stories that were never consummated or were led to tragic endings like Romeo and Juliet as they brought forward a commitment that lacked the difficulties and grind of what may come next. It is why such love stories, see the Titanic one, are viewed as pure and everlasting. That was Deckerstar before 5x06. 

In 5x06 the bounding each character experienced as an individual on the mode of surviving external pressures and grief, now turns to a new entity of two joined parts. 

As Lucifer and Chloe decide to take the leap we listen to the singer singing “Tether Me”. 

On a very simple way we can say that at that moment both characters stake their claim and on a cognitive BDMS level they allow the other to vine them. Do not mistake it as surrendering. They both equally maintain their identity but they commit to something that started since Season 1. 

In Season 1, Lucifer asked if Chloe trusted him and she said yes. Now in 5x06 we see that trust blooming. 

As characters, Chloe and Lucifer could never commit. Chloe in Season 1 lamented over the fact that Dan was not committed to his family as he was too preoccupied with his job but throughout the seasons we see that her commitment had to do with loosing her ground and allowing to be patronised in many ways. She believed that allowing her partners to take control over some aspects of her life, like with Dan in 3x11 where he was an authoritative/mentoring figure and then Marcus in the same way she was committing to that relationship. It is also interesting how she stopped doing that once Lucifer entered her life. 

Lucifer told her to trust her gut, he didn’t question her authority although he did go his way when he wanted to. When Chloe was backsteping for him he didn’t walk over that space albeit for several reasons. Her silly attitude in 2x12 was met with mistrust while in 4x08 he was truthful on how he was tired of being placed in a pedestal or be expected to act a certain way. 

So from Chloe’s side, her relationship with Lucifer in 5x05 finally reaches the point where as a person she does not back down to accommodate him and that is cherished because there is a difference between settling things as couple and letting others degrade you for a relationship to work. It is also why Deckerstar in a way it’s a healthy relationship despite all its ups and downs. 

Lucifer on the other hand as we have seen since Season 1 he has been very assertive to his sexual relationships but in the kisses of 2x11 and 3x23 he let Chloe set the pace. The only time he initiated a kiss due to the circumstances it was in 4x10. Now in 5x05 we see both of them start their decision to progress their relationship to a sexual one. 

For a being that constantly fled any form of commitment and abhorred notions of surrendering power and control it is interesting to see his choices in 5x06. First of all if we go back to his sexual history we shall see for example how his lovers in 2x14, were all describing a person who took control in the bedroom as he knew their desires and became a tool to fulfill them. You cannot have an emotional connection to a tool as you may very well know hence why none of Lucifer’s lovers ever looked back or would ever be willing to kill for him. Additionally in 3x13, it’s interesting of how Lucifer exhibits himself as a giver to the Korean mob boss. A tragic self-awareness if we want to be honest. 

We can say that Lucifer is mainly a pleaser but at the same time he rebels when he is enforced or constricted by something. It is why like the song describes (Pull me back, out of my body I'm tied to my limbs They're spinning me out of control) being bound to yourself gives out this sense of vibration, where you want to be set free but also cocooned into a blanket of security. Because sometimes it’s not about setting a person open like a starfish but making sure to sooth their violent tremors and let them rest than be painfully rigid. 

Now let’s follow the rest of the lyrics. 

In the corners of my mind Long forgotten, lost in time Turning stones to look for light It's dark out here in the dead night

Always in my perception of things, the theory of relativity is prominent here in my opinion. It’s about time and how when we are alone time seems unclear, passing but it creates a still numbness, overthinking and we are getting lost in a self-constructed mind maze. Basically what has happened to our characters througout the seasons. While they doubt themselves, trying to find a meaning behind each other’s reactions and decisions and even the world they live in. 

The ‘light’ part, for me at least, it’s a synonym of time. Of change and change often brings hope and progress. I mean progress is based on the concept that time exists and is passing so everything can only move forward whether they like it or not, but where can you find light and thus time when you are in a state of self-isolation from your wants and feelings? 

So in 5x06 we see Lucifer and Chloe stretching out only to let the other in. Their awareness of freedom is having the other in their arms, to emotionally and physically consume them until there is no clear indication they were once two separate beings, but careful we are talking about their emotional connection. As I have aforementioned, they retain their attributes as individuals and as we see in 5x07 they word and respect each other for that. About what is shared and how a relationship is not the end of ones self but neither the surrendering of everything that makes you unique. 

Change is never easy and never slowly paced and it is why the line of the lyrics: 

For a moment, I was gone. Speed of light right to the red dawn. 

For me it’s when the clock starts ticking from both ends without that meaning it’s a countdown. Mornings are set to be the set of new beginnings after all but they all require a sacrifice, a red one in preference. Hence the: 

In this space, do I belong?

Breaking insecurities is hard as one set of them is replaced by yet another and it is a great song if we get it under that scope. That a relationship and particularly sex is not the resolving of everything but the transcription of yet another set of adventures down the road. 

And the: 

It's dark out here in my own thoughts. 

Will remain a part of Lucifer’s theme in P2 but also in Season 6 so no idea if they went that far in the meta level but knowing your partner needs helps and there will be dark spells, after all bad spells it’s part of life. There is no easy fix as you will see. No matter what will be resolved, a troubled mind will remain one. The question is how you will tackle the difficulties and the bad days or moments. That is all. And the difficult moments will also be the good moments. Weird thinking for some I know but we cannot expect life, even a made up one to be perfect or even easy. 

So Tether Me.

Bind me in a safe place alongside you, without the possibility to harm you or myself, to be free because I’m with you and the perception of how grand a world is, it’s but a matter of debate and time. 

[sirensmojo]

Redamancy, 1: Fear Me

Summary: You’re a princess and have to stay in Kattegat cause your father is a new ally of King Ragnar, your beauty catches Ragnarson’s eyes but you solely show interest in Ivar The Boneless. No one understands what you see in him and your father shares he’d rather see you with a “healthy” son of Ragnar as much physically as mentally but you pit yourself against him and everyone else.

 Warnings: fierce reader, strong language, mushy(somehow)

Word Count: 3,001

* Masterlist *

Once you’re feet touch the dry land, your father was already welcomed by King Ragnar “My King here is my daughter, Y/N” your father says as he turns to you and you nodded your head to the man of multiples stories each one more crazy than the last“I am honored to meet you King Ragnar” you say and he chuckles to himself owning a smile from you. 

You followed him into the great hall where you take off your long coat, even if it sprang your father wanted you to wear it, he was so overprotective since you’re his only child regardless he knew you were far from fragile.

Once you got rid of that coat, you shake your head to free your black hair from the fabric whereas four men enter the hall. Their eyes landed on your long dress full of pearls when you hear King’s voice starting to present his sons to your father. 

Those men had the same blue eyes as their father but one of them peak your curiosity, it’s like even the white of his eyes is blue... 

You tilted your head trying to see better when his snappy eyes meet with yours, you intensify the look as to show him you will not surrender and you can see his expression become colder and colder. This is only when King Ragnar dismissed his sons that he breaks the stare and as you were watching him go away you noticed he hobbled with a crutch.

You get out following them and looked at Ivar from afar before slowly come nearer him “Hey you, the cripple!” you shout and everyone was now looking at you, like you said something you shouldn’t have because even his brothers glanced at you surprised by your words. 

Were they scared of their brother? Probably. Ivar stops walking and turns to glare at you, he doesn’t say anything and it seems like everyone around you hold their breath. 

You walk towards him and once you get in front of him you tilt your head to look deeper in his eyes “I like your eyes” you simply mutter, then you go away, you saw what you wanted to see. He looks over at you when you go away as you heard mumbling.

In the evening, you sat at the table of the King next to your father, the sons of Ragnar were in front of you each of them glancing at you here and there but all you could worry about was the eyes of the so-called Ivar. 

You were staring at him and your father soon noticed it “Y/N, why don’t you stop staring at people? “ he asks and you reluctantly stopped looking at Ivar to face your father “Why would I stop father?” you solemnly let out with a cheeky smile.

He simply exhales in disbelief and you smirk, you throw a dry fruit to Ivar’s face and slowly laugh as he lifts his gaze to yours. You raised your brows to tease him and he squints, his stare wasn’t as cold as earlier you took advantage of it and motioned your head to the door. 

You then get up and leave the room, you heard someone’s steps and you smiled to yourself “What is it with you?” he said and his smile grew wider “Your eyes, why are they... So blue?” He frowns “Why you’re hair so dark?” he responded and you raised your brows “I know there is something with them Ivar”

He locks his eyes with yours as he squints “You already know it, didn’t you called me a cripple?” “Yes, beca-” you started before being interrupted “So you got your answer” “But why does it have to do with your blue eyes, I don’t get it, please” you pleaded. “I was born with fragile bones, so fragile they might break just like that” he snaps his fingers and your eyes down to them. 

“My mother told my father if he would consume their marriage that night the son she will give him wouldn’t be “normal” and here I am” he motioned his hand at his body and you give him a cheeky smile “Not bad at all I must admit” you let out eyeing his features.

He shook his head and frown “What is wrong with you?” “Something is wrong with me because I find you kinda attractive?” “I am a cripple hello is there someone in here?” he touches your forehead with his index finger and you grabbed it “And I’m telling you you’re attractive don’t you heard me?” you snap back letting go of his hand. 

“Wait, what?” he asks with a raspy voice and you chuckle “Yeah, you didn’t hear it the first time but the second you did hear it Ivar don’t play like that” you hissed at him and he puts his hand on his face letting it rub down his mouth. You were gauging his reaction and see you could unsettle him that way made you want to laugh. You tried to muffle your laugh but it found a way out anyway.

“You’re making fun of me? Damn that’s low” says Ivar and he was about to leave when you called him. “I’m never telling things I don’t mean, do never insinuate I am a liar, I don’t want to fight with the son of my freshly new father’s ally” you frowned your brows and gave him a cold look.

“So you’re not startled about fighting with a Prince of Kattegat but only bother by the idea of getting into your father’s business” he concludes with a mocking tone. “You do have a brain, wow more and more interesting” you tease him and he shrugs “You annoy me I’m out” and this time you let him go, looking at him you tilt your head and smiled to yourself.

So his mother had the ability of clairvoyance, you thought to yourself ‘he is born out of two spiritual souls, he can’t be nothing less than amazing’ you thought again. 

Later that night you took off your dress and get into the bathtub when the door opened. “What are you doing here? Gods...” said Ivar being a nervous wreck, he placed his hand on his eyes before letting out a long sigh. “I just want to talk” you bluntly said. “Of course you need to get into my room and my bathtub to just talk “ he shook his head and you nodded.

“The last time I wanted to talk you left me in the cold at night” you pout. “We both know it didn’t happen that way, right?” he raised a brow as you straighten one of your legs out of water. “Okay, if you want to play it that way, you got all my attention” “I knew I had to get naked to get your attention” you teased him as coming nearer the edge of the bathtub. 

The man hobbles to the end of his bed and sat down looking at your face “Why did you come with your father, he was only needed here, not you” he lets out and it’s when the words left his mouth that he realizes how harsh this sounds, he winces gauging your reaction. You couldn’t care less, you were fiddling with a damp strand of hair not even looking at him, he sighed in relief but also wondered what kind of woman were you...

“My mother is dead, so nobody will watch over me there and my father is overprotective as I am his first and only child” you simply say and you lift your gaze to meet his “Come nearer, I want to see your eyes again” you give him a tiny smile and he can’t help but obey silently. Your smile only grew wider while looking at his strange bluish eyes. “This is beyond beautiful” you murmur as your fingers flew over his traits whereas he didn’t move.

***

A week later, you motioned your head to the door and he left the table before you too followed him, “Let’s walk a little” you offered “I don’t want to walk” “I don’t care about your crutch” “Stop saying things like this seriously” he lifts his gaze to yours “But you keep acting like you have to hide from me you’re a cripple...” you frown. “Because you keep telling me you like who I am” he whispers with a broken voice.

“I don’t” you shook your head. He blinks at you “So you don’t like who I am?” he finally asks and this time you are the one blinking at him “I didn’t say that”. He furrowed his brows “What the fuck Y/N” and you hold back a laugh “I never said I liked who you are, I only showed you and you conclude that I liked who you were” you say.

“Does it change something?” he asks and you nodded “ It changes everything, because it means you’re able to understand people, and you are so stubborn to think you’re a bad person that you don’t see how perceptive and clever you are” you began to walk. “Come on” you added and he followed you in silence, meditating on what you said to him. 

Back to the great hall you both entered but no one was here anymore “Did we got out that long?” you ask as Ivar hobbled to the corridor that leads to his room. “Wait” you scramble to him “I want...my father...” you tried to say something but the words wouldn’t make a sentence. 

You felt Ivar’s callous hand on your arm gently stroking your skin in an attempt to soothe you, you took a breath in and gave him a tiny smile.“When he is drunk I can’t sleep in the same room as him” you simply say and he opened the door of his room “Come in” he firmly says. 

You run toward the bed and slump on it, then you began to undress “Y/N you got that nasty habit of getting undress whenever I’m here” he suddenly closed his eyes and looks away. He finally installs in his bed and soon enough you joined him, he was carefully and intently looking at you as you bring closer him to your naked body. 

“Are you scared of me..?” you ask as your skin gets to touch his, he closed the gap between your two faces sealing his lips to yours. You break the kiss and cup his face with your hand and he leans into another kiss “Why would I be?” he finally responds and he places his hand on your neck, sending a power supply down your spine.

“So why you keep believing I fear you?” you let out and he looks away. “I could never fear someone that is already covered in fear” you added and he glanced at you “Your secrets are safe with me, and so are you” you kissed him again.

***

At the table, you were sat next to Sigurd and Ubbe “It seems like you got something for my little brother” began the older one “To my dismay, I must admit” added the youngest and you chuckled to yourself “you ain’t got nothing he has” you let out and they shrug.

“Thanks to the gods, no” adds Sigurd and you tilt your head looking at him with bloodlust thinking about how you could make him stop talking. He, maybe, discovered your thoughts because he is now trying to avoid your look. 

“She reminds me of Margaret” shrug Hvitserk and you look at him with sweet eyes as he was the one you liked the most out of the three men “As crazy as her, for sure” mutters Sigurd and you frown once again looking at him as he hardly swallows. 

“A Margaret that isn’t afraid of Ivar, the opposite actually” replies Ubbe and you drank your cup of mead without even wanting to know who that Magaret was. Ivar finally comes in and as he placed his crutch against the table you throw him something that was in your hand, he lets out a groan and sat down before glaring at you.

“Is everything fine love?” you ask him and he fakes a smile to you before looking away “Everything was fine until I saw you Y/N” he hissed and that only made you smile. “Come on Ivar we all know here there’s something between you two,” said Sigurd whereas his other brothers remained silent even though they were staring at Ivar waiting for him to confirm. 

“There’s nothing she is annoying and useless” he harshly say and that made you laugh. Hvitserk looks at you in disbelief wondering how could you be indifferent to such violence. 

“Come on, where did you two go during the feast? One leaves the table and mysteriously seconds after the other follows. You always slip away together! Every evening when we eat you leave the table and I wonder what you’re doing when you’re alone” shouts Sigurd.

And this time you had enough, you throw your full cup of mead towards his face, and when he ducks narrowly avoiding it a smile grew on Ivar’s face. “You were looking for trouble” he calmly said as to excuse your angry outburst. 

Sigurd glanced at his brother and clenched his jaw, he saw the dark in your eyes earlier and didn’t want to taste it so he stays silent only frowning. “I see you already act like family Y/N” Ragnar step in and you chuckle glancing at Ivar that was looking at you with nothing but lustful and greedy eyes. 

“Y/N!” you father shouts, you stop walking “Where are you going?” he asks “Training in the woods” you reply and he frowns “I don’t see any guard” “I’m training with Ivar The Boneless” you firmly said as if to show him you were safe. 

He exhales “I don’t like seeing you that close to him, you heard the same thing as me about him, you can’t trust him” “I am not you father, and I refuse to be led by what people say, I just feel things by my own and then make a decision” you calmly said and he furrows his brows.

“I hope you’ll take that decision soon, he is not the only man out here”. And you understood perfectly what your father meant, he wanted you to marry one of the Ragnarsons, this is why he brings you here in the first place. 

You decide to let him think you will obey, for now, you didn’t want to be in a bad mood before going to Ivar as you knew himself was surely in a bad mood, just as always. Once you reach the log where he was sitting you grinned to him “What is it with that face?” he tried to unsettle you. 

“I’m alone...with you,” you say as you took a bow and an arrow. He remained silent for a moment “You were serious the other night” he says “About what?” “You know about what Y/N don’t play dumb” he hissed and you chuckle as you loosen the grip on the rope, the arrow coming in between the two eyes of the hind’s head. 

He looks at the arrow and furrows his brows before glancing at you “What kind of princess are you?” he asks to himself “What kind of Prince are you?” you ask back and he tilts his head “No but seriously, I know nothing about you” you pout and he looked away” you don’t need to know anything, and you know already much more than people around me” “I don’t need to, I want to, idiot” you rectify him.

“How can you annoy me that much Y/N, I don’t get it” “It’s called caring Ivar, you hate me but can’t stay away too long” you loosen the grip once more and the arrow slice the one that was already there. “I never miss my target” you proudly say as you turn on yourself lifting your arms in the air. You close your eyes and your hips slowly move to music’s notes only present in your mind. 

Ivar shook his head in disbelief “You do... things to me Y/N, it’s frightening” he murmurs as his eyes stared on every movement your body undertakes. You smile “Don’t waste your spit with that kind of words, I already know all of this” you tell him as you throw an ax his way. He turns his head to the side to avoid it.

 “You’re crazy, why on earth do I care about that” he shook his head and motioned you. “Easy cripple or I might become less soft!” you shout and he rolled his eyes to you.

You scramble to him as he grabs your wrist and pulls it till your body collides with his as he lets out a groan, your eyes fluttered and your heart was pounding in your chest. Your lips half-open called for Ivar’s ones and he couldn’t anymore, he leaned into an eager kiss. 

Your arms wrap around his neck and pressed him closer to you as his hands were holding your face as if you could disappear at any moment. You kiss him back with much intensity, you then lock your glimmering eyes into his sparkling ones and he came tenderly kissing your lips again.

Following part ❱

[healer-777-blog]

The virus begins in our consciousness

First a short introduction to the philosophical basis of the system of healing (Body-Mirror System) I work with.

Introduction made with the words of his creator Martin Brofman:

„These basis are found in a number of different belief systems and esoteric teachings. For example, the map of the body/mind interface comes from the Hindu system using the chakras. Putting it into practice while listening to your moment-to-moment inner direction is in keeping with Taoist philosophies. The ideas are simple and represent what we consider neutral spiritual truths:

1. Everything begins in our consciousness. We decide what to think and what to feel, in response to what is happening around us. When we choose to make a decision that results in stress, and the tension reaches a certain level of intensity, we create a symptom. Everything happening in our life, then, and everything happening in our body, is the result of what we are doing in our consciousness. If we want something to happen differently for us, we have to change our way of thinking. We take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, and their effects. Then, we're able to do something about it.

2. There is a way of being associated with every symptom. And thus, there is a Covid personality. If we want to release a symptom, we must release the way of being that created it. In this way we return to our natural way of being, that state of consciousness always available to us, in which we are healthy. The process of healing implies a process of transformation.

3. Tension in a particular part of the body reflects tension in a particular part of the consciousness about something in particular. This allows us to read the body as a map of the consciousness within, in order to understand the inner cause to the outer symptom. A key to understanding this map is found in the Eastern concept of the chakras, energy centers which each relate to a particular part of the body and a particular part of the consciousness.

4. We are each an energy system. Energy flows through our being and is directed by our consciousness. When we block the flow of this energy, the result is a symptom. All symptoms are just blocked energy. Because we have the ability to direct the energy, we have the ability to unblock the energy wherever it has been blocked, in ourselves or in others. When we do that, the effect is a return to the experience of wholeness.

5. For each of us, our perceptions create our reality. This is true of both the healer and the healee. Thus, the act of healing is one of co-creation, and is the result of the interaction between the two. Elements of this interaction can be quantified and optimized so that the healing has the best possibility for happening.

6. Anything can be healed “

There are a lot of points of view in the society. This point of view puts you in the driver seat in your consciousness. You stop to see yourself as a victim of your environment and if something is not functioning the way you want in your body or in your life, you are able to change something inside yourself and you can come back to a state of health and balance in your body and in your life.

It’s a point of view different from the “common” one, where the causes and effects are outside. From the medical point of view, they say that such a virus creates a certain kind of illness or such an accident creates a certain kind of injury. From our point of view, we say “Yes, it’s true that viruses cause illnesses or accidents create injuries, but only when the conditions are met in the consciousness. Viruses are everywhere. Why a person attracts the virus and the other close to them not, the difference is about what they each do in their consciousness.

Spiritual teachers tell us that the moment we change our deepest thoughts about our body, our body changes immediately. Most people do not believe in this body-mind relationship, or if they do, they feel unable to change their deepest thoughts at will and cannot see the manifestation of their thoughts in the physical world. Without this clear confirmation of an inner cause to an outer effect, most people consider this concept unfounded or beyond them.

But, when you do some research, you can see the power of thought at work. First time I heard about it was in a seminar with Martin Brofman, he was talking about people having multiple personalities and one personality had a symptom, diabetes, and when the personality was changing, immediately the diabetes disappeared. Another was nearsighted and with the change of personality, she could see straight away normally. Some had different eyes colors depending on the personality that was present. There are many books on the subject and a lot of studies by psychiatrists and psychologists.

It means these people are changing their atoms instantaneously. But most people have the program that the physical body only changes slowly and don’t allow themselves to see the cause-and-effect relationship between thought and physical change.

If there is a virus in the physical reality and triggering on people symptoms, it means the cause of the virus is inside, in their consciousness. Difficult for a lot of people to accept this point of view, most people prefer to see themselves as victims, instead of seeing themselves as creators of their own reality. But the creation doesn’t begin at a certain age and doesn’t end at a certain age. When we are a consciousness in our physical body, we create and when we leave our physical body, we are still a consciousness creating.

So, the virus is only a mirror of what is happening inside. We have a lot of viruses in our consciousness, look at the greed, the anger, the jealousy, the guilt, the pettiness, the manipulation, and so on, creating bugs and making our body sick when there are too many viruses or only one big virus creating a breakdown of all the system. The consciousness is like a computer, and in a computer, when we don’t clean the system and don’t protect it from the outer attacks, we will spend time and money to bring it back to a state of working or the computer becomes out of function.

So, time to look at what’ s happening in our consciousness creating these viruses and bugs. And first we should look at the way we treat ourselves. How we love ourselves, how we accept our past, how much we are able to live in the present, and look forward to the future with a positive sense of expectancy. How much we feel the love each day for the persons close to our heart and extending this love to others. Do we feel tensions, resistances?... time to handle them and release them. Otherwise, if we say to ourselves, I have some time, I will take care of that later, if I do that with my computer, maybe the next day, I have difficulties to start it or in the middle of an email, my computer crashes. And I feel even worse than the previous day, feeling angry about the computer and I talk to myself “If I knew, I would have cleaned it yesterday. Too late. Now I get more work to do. “

Life is about flow or resistance. With flow, things work. With resistance, things have a tendency to not work. Now we experience resistances. Resistances to go where we want without a test, a mask and most people experience fear. If you really want to change the scenario, you need to recognize the cause is inside, in your consciousness and the effects are outside, producing the actual chaos and more you are trapped emotionally in the outer scenario, more you add chaos into it.

You can choose to find the solution outside, through the respect of physical distance, wearing mask, not touching, not kissing, not hugging, not meeting your close family and get vaccinated. It implies a lot of control, look at what’s happening now, in some countries you need an authorization to go out, there is a curfew, and lockdown, you are not able to travel as you would like, in other countries, you need a vaccine to enter or a QR code to go to bars and restaurants, or a health pass. Such control can bring chaos. It’s what’s happening with someone experiencing mental breakdown. It can feel as though the world has come to an end. More they try to control, more it goes out of control until they should accept the situation as it is and move to acceptance, compassion, the level of the heart chakra.

Now, because a lot of different controls are imposed, things have a tendency to go out of control, demonstrations, rallies, people fed up with the rules, and on the other side, people accused those who don’t respect the rules to be egoist, to spread the virus and so on and it doesn’t happen in a soft way, there is anger, aggressivity and violence. Do we want to continue this way? Or do we recognize ourselves as creators and see this situation as part of our evolution? We have the choice, as always.

We are in this physical existence to learn and understand that our energy translated into beliefs, thoughts and emotions, causes all our experiences and learn how to relate to each other and learn about communication. There are no exceptions. Most people can continue to resist to the changes, it will happen anyway, one way or the other. If most people resist as now, continuing to put their attention outside, motivated by fear, living under control, controlling themselves and wanting to control the others, the change will happen in a strong way; if more and more people become conscious and make some steps for changing their way of thinking and raise their perceptions to the heart, the change will be softer, but there will be a change. The only constant in the universe is the change.

It’s very clear now that we go through a global transformation at the level of the planetary consciousness. Because this planetary consciousness is composed of all the individual consciousness, we can look at what happens in an individual consciousness during the process of evolution to understand the evolution of the group consciousness. And we can have an understanding about what is happening in the different parts of a country, different towns in relation with what is happening in the group consciousness of the country, of the town, the area, and so on.

We experience a strong solar plexus energy, and from this level of consciousness, we experience separation. We can see now two strong separated energies between people believing everything that is said and following every rule and people who are rejecting the direction given and not following the rules. It’s a co creation and the only solution is for both to raise their perceptions to the heart chakra, it’s an inevitable evolutionary process.

And some people being vaccinated have effects of the vaccination: tiredness, thrombosis, other symptoms and even death. Once again, the point of view we look at it is that everything begins in the consciousness. Why these specific persons attract this experience? We look at what was happening in their life at the time they got the effects of the vaccine and why a person's Spirit leads him or her to this or that experience. If a person is in harmony in their consciousness, they can be vaccinated and have no adverse reactions.

As Gurdjieff was saying « Everything is dependent on everything else, everything is connected, nothing is separate. Therefore, everything is going in the only way it can go. If people were different, everything would be different. They are what they are, so everything is as it is. “

Now, everybody has a choice, we can decide to put the responsibility outside ourselves and blame the people who lead the country. But it will bring only separation, aggressivity, violence and you will only spread seeds of war that will come back to you multiplied many times.

If we have this situation right now, it’s the manifestation of our long story. The tendency we have as individual to think and decide that in order to be right, the others must be wrong. It’s a limitation placed on you, and you must be aware of it and recognized it as something needing to be healed.

For example, by deciding the society you live is poor, and likely to remain so, you energize the symptom, rather than the healing. And people with this idea in their consciousness plan, poverty is maintaining as the natural state. Where attention goes, energy flows. It should bring your attention to the perceptions you choose, the words you use, the interactions you make and do what you need to do to stay in balance whatever is happening around you and stop to harm the others with your words, your judgement, and do to the others what you would like they do for you.

We have the possibility to create more easily the separation, as we look through the three first levels of our consciousness, the three first chakras, physical, emotional and mental levels. What the western psychology calls the conscious. And most people continue to move only between these three levels and, in fact, they don’t see the world as it is, they see the world as they are, they are lost in the mirroring aspects of their own being.

Through these three levels, we feel separated – me here in my space and the others outside – and to make the contact with the outer world, you need to do something, to act, it’s a Yang energy. We have come to a point where we see only through the eyes of profit: taking everything from the earth and violating the rights of people living in a specific location and so, we create more racism, more hate, more separation, all of this is energy we send outside and now it comes back multiplied to us. We destroy the biodiversity, not respecting the other species, killing billions of living beings.

Volcanos are waking up, fire is solar plexus energy and as Yogananda was saying „The good and bad karmic conditions created by man determine and influence the climate, affecting the wind and the ocean to the very structure of the Earth, sometimes causing earthquakes. All the hatred, anger, evil that we send into the world, and the anguish and violence they cause - all disrupt the magnetic field of the Earth as parasites in the Ether.”

Beside these upheavals with the virus, there are these other strong manifestations like floods in Germany, Netherlands, Belgium mainly, some places in East of France, fires in Canada since weeks, Japan with a mud tsunami and a lot of events showing that our group consciousness is out of balance, so much that it affects the physical reality more and more in a destroying way.

In India, they have experienced to be short with oxygen for hospitals and the numbers of cases is rising. We are all concerned with the element air now, more or less strongly, again depending on the group consciousness tensions at the level of the heart chakra. People getting the covid have difficulty to breath, and masks are almost everywhere mandatory, so we create more difficulty to breath, we have attracted a situation in which governments - from the physical point of view - decide we must keep distance, no touch, no hug – all of this in relation with the heart chakra -

And when we look at what was happening in India, it’s not a surprise when you see the tensions created there: pollution, extreme poverty, religious extremism, corruption, a lot of ego, a lot of judgment, hate, anger, so unconditional love is not what most people experience. Therefore, the group consciousness attracts a hard experience.

All this situation is reflecting a difficulty to raise our perceptions to the heart.

What do we need for a wake-up call? A stronger one to understand what we need to change?

Fear is the star in this scenario.

I was a train driver and there are rules to follow, if you don’t do that, you are a threat for the others and for yourself. For example, there are speed limits and lights and as train driver, you respect them scrupulously. If you don’t do that, you can create a serious situation and you are no more allowed to drive a train, you should pass again through psychological and medical tests, and if you succeed, you could be allowed again.

On the road, most people don’t respect the speed limit, now there are more and more radars, more control.

The same with the belt, it’s mandatory since some years and you trigger a sound if you don’t put it, more control.

The same with the mobile phone, because people are messaging or talking when driving, more control.

Now facial recognition is starting to be implemented, even more control.

When I was a child, I learn to ride a bicycle without a helmet, now since some years, a lot of people are biking with a helmet, it became a new habit and a business. And people are telling you, it’s dangerous if you fall on your head and also there is more traffic than before, so you should protect yourself. With our beliefs and programs based on fear, even if people think it’s for their security, we create in fact more control in our life.

Fear, guilt, anger are now the motivating forces of many individuals, governments and mainstream medias. Each one of them participates in the propagation of this type of energy and we arrive at a society of permanent control.

So, how to heal the symptom?

As a healer, you never focus on a symptom, because where your attention goes, energy flows and you would give more energy to the symptom. You focus on the place where the person is whole, experiencing integrity. And you bring this integrity again to the densest level of energy, the physical. And it’s better to stop to put a word on a symptom. In a world of energy, we speak about an energy being in a state of flow or a resistance to the flow of energy. For example, if a person is experiencing what they call a headache in the physical, they need to find an outer solution to get rid of the headache. Now in the reality of healing, we would ask the person to describe what they feel in terms of energy – „oh, I feel it as a pressure inside “– So, we can work with the pressure and remove it easily with an imaginary pressure valve. The person feels the release and what they call a headache is gone. There is no way to explain that in terms of the physical laws –chemistry, biology, physics – but we don’t work with these laws, we work in a different reality in which energy behaves differently. We don’t break the physicals laws, they exist in the physical reality, we just work with other laws, but the result is we were able to release a headache.

Any symptom is only a blocked energy or a resistance to the flow of energy. So, when we look at the situation now, it’s reflecting a blocked energy, and we need to look behind the physical, to get in touch with our inner being, to work on ourselves, to love ourselves, to feel this unity in ourselves and feel the energy of unity with everybody.

Ask yourself how much of your day you are able to spend without judging you, judging the others and if you feel you’re doing that, change and raise your perceptions again at the level of your heart chakra. Feel the love for yourself and release the resistances you have with the other, feel the compassion, accept the other as they are. They are also on their paths, learning as you do. Do not allow the temptation to argue against their beliefs or explain that they have been duped. When you do that, you reinforce in fact their beliefs. Feel the compassion and understand they feel scared, or angry, or confused.

Don’t judge. Otherwise, you give power to the energy of control and separation. We are going through a passage, it’s like an initiation, a purification ritual, moving from a level of consciousness in which we are experiencing control, lack of power, fear, separation to another level of consciousness in which we can feel our love united with the love of others, no longer me as an individual and the others outside, but a sense of belonging to the same space together, a sense of feeling included and taking care of one another. You are no more controlled by the energy of separation but you are in the energy of doing things for the benefit of humanity and a sense of building something together.

As John Lennon was saying years ago « you may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one » and in fact we are each a dreamer, and even if more and more people start to wake up, still a lot more are dreaming unconsciously, their dreams is a nightmare where they are the oppressors or the victims and are unable to do something about the situation they experience.

Never let the fear decide your future.

« Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds superstition, superstition leads to blind faith, blindness makes one’s conscience void. And that makes all sense void. That man is a mental slave. Be wise not ignorant. “Buddha

As human beings it’s our responsibility to water the seeds of mindfulness, compassion, acceptance that they can grow and blossom. If you continue to water the other seeds like anger, greed, jealousy, separation, the world will continue to go in the direction you give this kind of energy.

Stop to add thoughts to your thoughts, stop the thoughts from rising. Become a pool of silence. If you want to change the situation outside, awaken all of yourself. Stop to walk in a societal trance, walk consciously each moment. Be conscious of the dream you are dreaming, don’t get caught in « Maya », the illusion of the physical reality.

We are on a path where allopathic medicine and spiritual healing will meet and work together for the good of humanity. Body and mind are not separated and this interaction needs to be recognized and amplified in the approach of allopathic medicine. Acceptance of each other's point of view is the starting point for communication that will bring the best solutions to heal the symptoms that affects all living beings.

„Open your heart. Look inside. See the light. Accept your individuality and the individuality of others. Acceptance is love. And love heals. » Martin Brofman

©Philippe Hannetelle July 2021

Books:

Paramahansa Yogananda – Autobiography of a yogi

Pierre Besson – Man or God

Martin Brofman – Anything can be healed

From the teachings of Sri Yukteswar and Paramahansa Yogananda – The Yugas

Neville Godard – The power of consciousness

Michael Talbot – The universe is a hologram

Pr Roger D. Nelson – Connected: The Emergence of Global Consciousness

[scionofchaos]

Wind Meditation

Today, I would like to talk to you about the fundamentals of Wind meditation. For those who missed my posts on Earth, Lakeside, and Fire meditation, meditation is the practice of seeking physical and mental stillness, to the holistic benefit of spiritual health. There are many ways to meditate, and quite a few make no use of mudras/hand signs, the lotus position, or even staying perfectly still. Today, we will be getting into one that is about as far from "sit still and ponder the universe" as it gets. Those who have difficulty focusing or sitting still may have an aptitude for Wind meditation, but that doesn't mean it will be easy to master. The practice of Wind meditation is a part of our collective oneness to all Vital energy; every single organism and non-physical entity that can claim life, has a tether to all others within that root system. It is a bond to all who have lived, and all who ever will. The meditative method takes its name not only from being free as the wind and ready to move, but also standing in the physical wind and being a part of it.

Where Earth meditation seeks attunement to Mother Earth, and Lakeside meditation finds a place in the sea of sensation, and Fire meditation focuses all of you toward the depths of your Mind, Wind meditation is a trusting reliance on the root network of living beings. You must fall back into them, not as completely as when this body dies, but enough so that you are held by the lives around you, and can hold them more closely. This makes it about as different from Fire meditation as possible.

To even begin Wind meditation, you must have a sense for the presence and movement of energies in this world. That encompasses all physical matter and energy, as well as the non-material, non-physical essences I have described in my past writings. You don't have to be a master of them, you just have to know they are there, and be able to sense them. The basic principle is to be motionless for only a few sweet moments, get a feel for the Wind around you, then stir your soul into motion and feel how the Wind changes; your body will naturally follow in that movement. It is beneficial to those who are strongly Air aligned, possessing a great amount of Vital essence and little of the rest. By focusing on the power of Life, it becomes possible to be so enveloped in Life that you can learn control. The practice ties the movement of your limbs to your senses, to your thoughts and feelings, to your heart of hearts. Only when you have control of yourself, can you control the world around you.

To begin, assume either a position that is the least distracting, or one that you find helps you to focus. Maintain that position, and let the world move around you. Once you have a finger to the pulse of nature, allow your senses and your emotions to wander. When you know what they are doing, your thoughts can follow, and this will allow you to direct your body through subconscious psychic influence. Let your body move freely, but do not feel compelled to move it consciously, as that can distract from the real motion at hand. As you become experienced with manipulating vital essence, practice doing so by drawing some essence from the wind and moving it around, then letting it return to the breeze.

If the use of hand motions or symbolic tools helps you early on, that is acceptable. As soon as you can perform these manipulations with minimal conscious effort, that is ideal. As you manipulate the wind's essence, and drift in the breeze, pull your thoughts toward each sensation in turn. When you have addressed what you see, hear, smell, taste, and/or feel, however subtle, let them trail behind you like a bridal train. They are not to hold you back, but to bear witness to your freedom of movement. Next, pull your thoughts into alignment with your feelings. Determine your mood, and determine how that is being affected by your immediate surroundings and ongoing events. Address those emotions and causes, then add them to the train.

Now you are alone with your thoughts. Beginning with the surface, identify whatever is rattling around in your head. Address those thoughts in brief, saving the full resolution for a more appropriate time, and let them trail behind. Expand into the more residual thoughts, holdovers from experiences you have had recently. Treat these the same, and begin processing that which lies beneath -- the subconscious thoughts. Wander for a time in your dreamlike state. It is important to have selected a physical location where you are able to wander safely, as this state will only be disrupted by anxieties over where you can or can't go. Retain enough control that you can leave this behind, having established contentment with your thought life. Reach up to your heart, and draw the anchor of this train up and out, allowing the streaming fabric of self to flutter away in the wind. In restoring the balance, sense out the vital essence that this weight has displaced in the world, and inhale of it deeply. Control of your breathing is essential for this next part, as you must have absolute authority over when you exhale, and how often.

Stir the inhaled vital essence within your lungs, and consciously direct it into your bloodstream, into your vital organs, into your brain, your muscles, your bones, every part of your physical corpus. Draw the stale, used essence from those places into your lungs, and exhale slow and steady, returning it to nature. Again, sense out the displaced essence, and inhale anew. Repeat the bodily step until you feel cleansed, then on your next inhale, draw it deeper down. Pull the vital essence into your consciousness, into the metaphysical aspect of your sight, your hearing, your smell, taste, touch. Clear out your senses, so nothing lingers to deceive them. Exhale, draw new life again, and pull the vital essence past your clear consciousness and into your Mind. Clear out your nagging thoughts, especially anything harmful or misleading. Exhale, draw new life again, and pull that vital essence as deep as it can go, into your heart of hearts. Blend and unite it with the vital essence already within you, that which you call your own. This time, instead of letting it flow all the way back out the way it came, you may take it to the depths of your dynamic soul, allowing the light and sound and contrast of the world to fade into the distance. The winds of life will carry you through the cool darkness of the Causal Plane, until they dissipate entirely and leave you to float. Your body will exhale on its own at this point; that is natural.

No effort is necessary here; just rest, breathe, and let come what may. Your body will continue to move until, like your soul, it seeks rest. Let it. In time, you will come to understand what you have done in this life, and what has happened as a result. This cause and effect relationship is what is commonly referred to as Karma. It is NOT a depiction of good or evil, right or wrong, but of the natural result of what has been done in your life -- to you and by you. In following meditation sessions, you will come to a place of confidence and control, where you chart your own course and steer the vessel that is your life. But for now, all you need is the assurance that this life is yours, that the choices are yours to make, and the consequences are yours to receive.

When you are aware of this karmic sheath that surrounds and fills your being, you can leave this place in favor of a loftier spiritual plane. Now beyond the confines of the Causal, your soul inhabits a place where action is effortless, and free of recourse. Naturally, that means you are beyond the realm of Karma, and anything you try to do will only succeed in your own perception. You are disjointed from time, meaning all events that can or will transpire. So while you are free of failure and free of consequences, that means your actions will not affect anyone or anything in the Karma-bound layers of reality. Once you are done here, you may return to life and rejoin the world of cause and effect.

We have now covered four ways to meditate. They scarcely take deities or spirit guides into account, as it is entirely doable without either of them. I would strongly suggest, regardless of your spiritual life, that you leave other beings out of this process. It is highly personal, and giving your gods an easy road to your heart of hearts is a bad idea, whether you think so or not. There must be a few secrets they are not handed so easily.

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: The Dead of Night

AU-gust Day Fourteen: Vampire AU Fandom: Stargate Universe Pairing: Nicholas Rush x Gloria Rush

Rated: T

Content Warning: Blood, vampirism, cancer mention.

Summary: Nick reflects on his and Gloria’s lives since she became a vampire to save her life.

Note: This uses the vampire mythos from the short-lived TV series Moonlight.

The Dead of Night

Nick waited until the last vestiges of sunlight had vanished beyond the horizon before closing the curtains and switching on the lights. He wasn’t surprised at how quickly he had made the transition to nocturnal activity; he’d never been one for consistent sleep patterns at the best of times, and Gloria’s long illness had just exacerbated that. Now it simply made sense for him to be awake when she was awake.

He made the ten-step journey down into the cellar, listening to the comforting hum of the chest freezer. His breath curled into mist as he opened it, and he had to smile at the sight that met him. One would have expected vampires to sleep ramrod straight with their arms crossed over their chests like in classic Hammer horror movies, but Gloria was curled up in the foetal position with one arm flung over her face just like she’d slept when she was alive.

Nick shook himself. Gloria was alive. Not in the same way as previously, perhaps, but alive, nonetheless.

He reached into the freezer and stroked her arm where it was covering her face.

“The sun’s down, Glo. Time to get up.”

Gloria gave a catlike hiss, swiping at his hand, and when she sat up and opened her eyes, Nick could see the irises pale and silvery, pupils like pinpricks. Her mouth curled up in a snarl, fangs fully out, and Nick stumbled backwards, his heart pounding. Even though he knew that Gloria would never attack him consciously, there was always that undercurrent of fear when she first woke up thirsty, and Nick hated it.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Her face was human again now and looking very guilty, although her eyes were still too pale, and her fangs were still pinching her bottom lip. “I’m just thirsty.”

Nick went over to the fridge in the corner and took out a blood bag – prime A-negative. He brought it over to Gloria as she got out of the freezer and shut the lid, perching on it beside her as she drank.

“You’re running low.”

Gloria nodded. “I know. I’ll have to go and see my man at the hospital tonight. Do you think anyone notices all the blood bags going missing?”

“Well, if they do, I don’t think that they would suspect vampires.”

Up until a few months ago, Nick himself would have disputed the existence of vampires. There were times even now when he wondered if his and Gloria’s current lifestyle was all the result of an exhausted fever dream, and he would wake up in the hospital by her bedside, nothing having changed.

They had almost accepted fate. They had almost accepted that Gloria wasn’t going to survive her second battle with cancer and that she was entering her last days; they had almost accepted that she wasn’t going to leave the hospital. Almost, but not quite. Although neither of them had said anything, they were both hoping for a last-minute miracle, some kind of reprieve that would reach them against all the odds and save them from oncoming heartbreak. Nick was a firm believer in science to the exclusion of all else; he had never been a spiritual man and he did not pray for deliverance as Gloria did, but that didn’t stop him from hoping for something, anything, however inexplicable it might be.

That inexplicable reprieve had come at three in the morning on a moonless night. Nick wasn’t asleep. The chair beside Gloria’s bed was too uncomfortable for sleep at the best of times, and for the past few nights he had been scared to close his eyes in case Gloria slipped away whilst he was asleep.

“I can sleep when I’m dead,” he had muttered in response to her gentle chastising that he needed rest. Gloria had snorted.

“No, you can sleep when I’m dead.” The gallows humour had been funnier than it had any right to be.

On that fateful night, Gloria wasn’t asleep either. The chemo had messed up her circadian rhythm so much that night and day were all much of a muchness to her, and she slept when she could and stayed awake when she couldn’t.

The lights were off, and they were just looking at each other in the gloom when the porter had come in.

“I know a way to make it better,” he had said. “But it comes at a price.”

The subsequent conversation had lasted almost till daybreak, whereupon the porter had returned to his home in the cold morgue drawers and Nick and Gloria had been left wondering if the discussion had really just happened, if vampires really did exist and if one had just offered to save Gloria’s life.

It had been a difficult decision to come to, and not one taken lightly. Ultimately they both wanted more time together, even if that time would be spent in an eternally nocturnal world.

The first week after Gloria’s turning had been the worst. She was constantly thirsty, and the house was far too warm for her; in the end she’d had Nick lock her in the cellar to stop her going for his own throat out of insane greed. Since then, though, they’d settled into a now-familiar routine, and everything was almost the way it was before – aside from their life being conducted entirely under the cover of darkness.

Well. Almost everything. Nick sipped his coffee, watching Gloria slip away into the night to get her fix from the hospital, the cool box swinging ominously by her side.

Gloria was alive, and more than that – provided she stayed within her limits, she would never die. She was locked in time now, but he, Nick was moving onward. He was still going to lose her to time eventually. Before, she had not had enough time. Now, she had far too much. Or he had far too little.

He was still staring out of the window when she came back, the cool box obviously heavier. They would have to move soon before their strange habits attracted too much attention, but they had already been through so much upheaval over the past few months that neither of them could stomach the thought of more just yet.

“Hey.” Gloria came into the kitchen having deposited the blood safely in her fridge. “Have you been sitting here the whole time. It’s not like you to get lost in thought. Although…” She came and sat beside him, taking his hand in her much colder one. “You have been in a world of your own a lot more lately. What’s wrong, Nick? What are you thinking about?”

Nick sighed, squeezing her hand. “Me, you, us. The logistics of our life now.”

“I know it’s not exactly what we planned…” Gloria tailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.

“I don’t regret it,” Nick said. “I’d rather have you alive like this than not alive at all. I’m just not sure that I thought through some of the implications at the time.”

“Like what?”

Their conversations on the topic had been fairly comprehensive, and Nick knew that they had discussed his current misgiving more than once. He just hadn’t paid it as much mind as he ought to have done.

He skirted Gloria’s question, looking her steadfastly in the eyes – now back to their usual colour, no trace of the eerily pale silver of her hunger.

“Glo, if I asked, would you turn me?”

Gloria looked at him for a long time, searching his face for something, although Nick did not know what she was looking for, nor whether she found it there.

“If that was what you truly wanted then yes, I would,” she said eventually. “I know where your train of thought is going, and don’t think that I don’t share it. Being gifted with so much time having had so little left, well, it alters your perception of it. I can’t get used to the inevitability of losing you now any more than you could get used to the inevitability of losing me before.”

Nick nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I keep trying to talk myself out of it. Hell, I keep thinking that this is all just a strange kind of wishful thinking on my part and I’ll wake up and you’ll be back in the hospital. But when it comes down to it, I don’t know what I have to lose.”

“You do,” Gloria pointed out. “We went over it at great length and in great detail with William before he turned me.”

“Exactly. I know all that. I’ve seen you change. I’ve lived through these last few months with you, and I still can’t think why I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of, well, forever with you.”

Gloria brought his hand up to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“Ask me again tomorrow,” she whispered.

The routine continued for the next fortnight, a strange kind of Arabian Nights tale.

“Gloria, will you turn me?” “Ask me again tomorrow.”

“Yes.”

Her acquiescence was so sudden that Nick thought he had misheard her.

“You will?”

Gloria nodded. “I think you’ve stuck with the notion long enough to really want it. Are you ready?”

She brought his hand up to her lips again, this time hovering over the pulse point in his wrist. Nick could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he nodded.

The pain of her fangs sinking into his skin was sharp and blinding, like a lightning flash, and Nick gritted his teeth through it, squeezing his eyes tight shut. He felt warm wetness against his lips, and he knew that Gloria was offering her own blood to complete the transformation. Salty and metallic, he didn’t really notice the taste as he began to feel the change – veins stagnating, body cooling, the unquenchable hunger rising up…

“Nick, my love?”

He opened his eyes. In the darkness, suddenly everything seemed sharper. He was ridiculously thirsty, and he could feel the points of fangs, new and awkward, in his mouth. Gloria’s hands were warm in his for the first time in months.

“Hi, Glo.”

She smiled, and Nick smiled back. It might not be the best or easiest path they could have chosen, but they had each other, and they had forever, and that was enough.

[holisticsoulhealer]

Trust - A Spiritual Story

Trust is such a wonderful experience in life when we have it and so difficult to reclaim when we don’t. Building trust in each other, our tribes, our working environment and our general reality, seems to be a very important factor in a calm lifestyle.

I have a story where a wonderful man had every reason to not trust his story. This touched my life and changed my perception in a double way, let me explain…………

It was a Saturday and a man had booked a session with me for a relaxing massage, having been referred by my contacts at the busy local visitor center, in the very popular small Dutch town nearby. He was a healthy mid-50’s man, who came in all buttoned-up, in a shirt, tie and stiff jacket, looking like a principal of a school. He was serious, aloof and very matter-of-fact.

My mum welcomed him, offered tea or water, while I listened for any clues in his conversation, with regard to friendliness or open communication. As I prepared my room, I heard silence.

I went out to the reception and he followed me into the therapy room, sitting immediately, removing his shoes, absently listening to my instructions before I left him to undress and climb onto the table, face down for his massage. I stood at the doorway, requesting my Guides and his to come in and assist me, as he seemed more closed off than my usual clientele.

I stepped in and began working his physical body into more balance. He was as tight as a ball of string, with less elasticity. The pictures came and they shocked me. I was seeing a young 5-7 year old boy being hit by an imposing, angry man, who appeared to have a drinking demeanor. The father figure had a large stick or hard bat and was beating the boy. The boy was covering his ears and his head, which still caught the blows. It was relentless. While I worked on the man, the silent tears fell onto my cheeks. I wiped them away with the shoulder of my tunic, and kept going. I turned him over onto his back and gradually completed the massage. His body definitely softened and opened up, while I was challenged with whether to share with him what I had been remotely viewing all this time. The massage was complete and silence hadn’t been broken.

I left him to dress, as I stood outside the room, my heart in one hand and a cup of our filtered water in the other. I stepped in, handed him the water and closed the door. I asked him tentatively if I could share my insights while his massage had taken place. He nodded with the cup to his lips. I began to relate the pictures of the father figure and the boy, who bravely took all the beating.

I stood with tears at the very back of my eyes, looking openly at this unblinking man, who didn’t say one word. He shook his head and told me I must have been mistaken. I reeled, felt very embarrassed and apologized for mixing my wires and that I don’t usually get those pictures wrong, and was entirely willing to claim my mistake. I wished him well and hoped he had a good massage experience, and please disregard my inaccurate conversation and accept my humble apologies for getting it so wrong.

I left him to complete, while I went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, rinsing my face at the sink, questioning how I could have been so totally off base.

I waited until I heard the door of the healing center close and then walked up to my mum at the front desk, telling her I really got that last session wrong. She smiled at me, letting me know I couldn’t have been wrong about the massage at least, because he rebooked for the next week.

I felt better, yet dreaded the next week’s appointment.

The man that entered the reception was in a Hawaiian style shirt, shorts and flip flops. He was smiling, relaxed and more than chatty to my mum. He complimented her on her shirt and let her know he was very happy the healing center existed. I was already blown away and I felt way more confident as I collected him to bring to our session room.

He sat and removed his flip flops, looking straight at me, asking me not to leave yet.

He told me I had the visions exactly right. He just wasn’t ready to admit out loud what he’d buried for over 50 years. He then looked at me and thanked me, with watery eyes.

I got really choked up as I listened to what he said next with my whole heart.

It was all true. His father was harsh, frustrated with his own truths and addictions. He blew his anger at his son. He beat him all the time, with sticks and bats and anything hard. The marks weren’t obvious and nothing was done to stop him. This was his brutal childhood. He lost trust in his own experience and life story. He had worn headphones, playing music in any silences, to drown out the memories that had hurt him so badly, on every level. After our session he had removed the headphones to sleep for the first time in over 50 years. He started to trust himself again. He had already booked for his wife to come and see me as she had lived with other trust issues, without being able to place the origin of them.

Our work took a whole other state of grace and his energy lifted to a place where he could finally breathe out. Nobody was going to hurt him. He could trust himself again. When we were complete with his massage and he was drinking water, preparing to leave the healing room, he told me he was married for the second time. The first marriage had ended because she felt she couldn’t reach him, and his relationship with his two adult sons was more distant and less honest and loving than he wanted.

He had arranged a weekend getaway, letting his sons know it was important for him to share something. The two young men, very curious, had agreed to join him, to stay on the boat he owned and had barely ever yet enjoyed. He was nervous and it was time for him to come clean emotionally.

While he was out on the boat with his sons, I was with his 50 year old wife. I laid her on the table, and within a few moments of the massage, I was immediately shown a tiny baby. I was encouraged to place her in the fetal position and rock her, with a soothing tune escaping my lips. She quietly wept the whole time. When our time was complete, I left her to gather herself, and I returned with the customary cup of water.

I let her know I had worked on a tiny baby, being instructed to hold and love her, empowering her with trust again. She acknowledged that she had been a premature baby, placed in an incubator in the days of premature births. Arms reached in to feed and care for the babies, yet holding, nurturing and loving them was considered risky, and so they were left alone a lot.

The reality of this had taken its toll. She had lived her life being aloof and not at all tactile with anyone. Her proclamation had always been that she wasn’t a hugger. She tearfully thanked me, hugging me as though she was never going to let go. It was so amazing and more than sweet. I was hugged for the whole 50 years, talk about making up for lost time. I had no idea that a baby could carry a memory that would impact their life for the whole of their life.

If that wasn’t enough, I got a heartfelt email from her husband within days. He had gone out in the boat with his boys. They all sat there in their life jackets while he openly cried and told them his truth, apologizing for shutting them out all these years. They wept and hugged him. They all felt close and loving toward each other. It was a very special weekend. Their relationship had altered forever, and his cuddles with his darling wife were more than priceless.

Trust was restored in all areas for all those lovely pebbles of life in that family.

As always, please share this post with anyone that you feel can benefit from it! Please like us on your social media channels and subscribe to our mailing list if you haven’t already done so… We are mailing out a monthly newsletter and a recap each week of our blog posts and interesting tidbits… This is how you can stay informed with what is new in the world of The Holistic Soul Healer!!

Love & Blessings, Ruth

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[jnwakeling]

15 Steps to Freedom (Advanced Personal Empowerment – A.P.E.) by Jonathan N. Wakeling

For Geraldene Moyo nee Cockcroft/Roberts, David Ross Patient and Neil M. Orr

You only get out what you put in. If you do the exercises consciously and thoroughly, you’ll be empowered.

1. Honestly ask yourself the question "Who am I?"

2. Identify your dominant Coping Styles: Unworthy-Arrogant, Martyr-Impatient, Self Destruct-Greed, Given up-Stubborn Ref. Transforming Your Dragons: How to Turn Fear Patterns into Personal Power by José Stevens

3. Unfinished Business. Write the letters that matter to the people that matter in your life, even if they’ve passed away. Do not send the letters – delete or destroy them after the process. Draw up a living will. Get your accounts in order. And so on.

4. Overcoming Fears. Make a list of your fears. For each fear ask the question “What if?” Put yourself in the worst-case scenario and work practically through the situation until you’re able to reason with the fear and let it go. You can do this exercise by writing as well.

5. Lifeboat. The ship is sinking. Who gets a place on the lifeboat? Would you give yourself a vote?

6. Big Truth and small truth. Big Truth is reality as it is. small truth is your opinion or personal perspective of events. Know the difference. This is an empowering tool to help you widen your perceptions of things/events/reality.

7. Innerchild work/visualization and Anger Release. Find someone, specifically a therapist who can guide you through this exercise. Ref. Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw

8. Spiritual Contracts. Think about your contract with yourself at birth or your life contract with your higher self. It could be “I am loveable”, “I am trustworthy” or “I am a brave person” or anything like that framed in a positive affirmation. Write about how realisation of your contract changes who you are and what your life is about.

9. Passion for life. Find your True Work and True Play. What do you REALLY want to be doing with your life? Future pace: Imagine yourself ten years from now, what would you say to your younger self about how life has changed and where you are now (i.e. in your own future)

10. Ask yourself again “Who am I?” How is your response different at the end of this empowerment process?

11. Judgements. Every time you have a judgement like “I should work harder” or “Mom/Dad/husband/wife should/shouldn’t to this or that” and so forth. Write the judgement on a post-it and put it in your “Judgements Baggie” i.e. a paper bag. When you have a chance, take out one judgement at a time and do the “Bringing it Home” process. That is: How does the judgement make me feel? Where do I feel it in my body? Reframe the judgement into a positive affirmation: From I “should” to I “can” for example. How does the feeling shift? Thank the judgement and let it go. What is the higher lesson you’ve learnt from this judgement?

12. Lastly, have fun! Go for an astrology or tarot reading. Have a swim, go for a massage. Treat yourself. What is your comfort food? Spend time in nature. Learn pranic breathing. Spend five minutes meditating or doing yoga each day. Start a dream journal. Take an interest in your spiritual guides, ascended masters and spirit animals. Do music therapy or art therapy and so on.

13. Clearing. This is when you have to “get serious” with a person close to you, be it your spouse or a parent or someone special. Explain the Clearing Process to them and get an agreement to follow the rules. Say “Can I clear with you”. And if they say yes, say “What works for me about you is….” then “What doesn’t work for me about you is…” Then lastly say “Thank you for listening.” Then give them the chance to clear with you. Maybe spend some time alone afterwards, getting your personal feelings out the way.

14. Agreements. Get clear on the agreements you have in your life. Get clear on the agreements you have with people/organizations and so on. Get clear on the agreements you have broken in the past or present and the same with people who have broken agreements with you. Do damage control. Learn to only make “non-toxic” agreements and learn to keep the agreements you do make. Agree to honour your higher self or spirit – the greatest agreement you can make.

15. Blessing. Learn to bless people honestly and with an open heart and keep them in your prayers. Learn the power of prayer and blessings.

Namaste.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Imot, the Symbol of Doom

True Neutral Psychopomp Usher of Inevitability, Mathematics, and Portents

Domains: Luck, Repose, Rune, Weather Subdomains*: Curse, Psychopomp, Legislation, Storms

Concordance of Rivals, pg. 9

Obedience: Spend an hour in a dark space barely large enough for you to fit and cast your thoughts out from your body. Benefit: Gain a +4 insight bonus on Perception checks to spot portents and traps; this expanded insight also allows you to disable magic traps as if you had the Rogue’s Trapfinding ability.

(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals. Anywhere!)

Pity you ended up in a desert for this adventure, eh? No, but finding a space ‘barely large enough for you to fit’ is likely going to be difficult if you’re not an urban environment. Most DMs will just wave their hand and say that there’s an outcropping of rocks or a hollowed out tree here or there that will allow you to complete your Obedience, but if you’re in hostile territory it may become more and more difficult to find a safe space for you to squeeze down into. I suppose you could technically carry or create your own by toting around a sack just barely you-sized, but then comes the awkwardness of getting into and out of the thing each day. Do you ask for help? Or do you trust that you’ll eventually escape? Many Obediences have an unspoken ‘eject button’ that lets you leap from the ritual and defend yourself if necessary and begin again later, but Imot’s Obedience leaves you terribly, terribly vulnerable.

Also, “cast your thoughts from your body” is a strange sentence to me. Is that just a fancy way of saying ‘meditate?’ Do you legitimately have to try and astral project? Is it ‘cast them out’ in a ‘wander elsewhere with your mind’ way, or an ‘empty your mind’ way? Hrm.

Well, anyway, that’s a REAL nice benefit, a whole head and shoulders above the usual fare of ‘on par with a feat.’ Perception checks are the most-rolled checks in the game, and keeping an eye out for traps is one of its most important functions. As for what ‘spotting portents’ entails, it’s annoying to have to detail this out, but portents are basically omens or warnings. The tide suddenly receding heralds a tidal wave, the skies above darkening signaling a terrible storm, a depressed wall plate signals a trap is set, claw marks in the door suggests its occupant is terrible and sharp... Things like that. It’s basically an excuse to have you spot tiny details that foretell incoming disasters, with is a delightful ability to have if the DM can play around with it. Why yes, you notice that merchants hands are backwards right away...

Oh, also, disabling magic traps is nice... But uh, best to leave that to the experts, unless you are the expert, since this ability doesn’t actually make you any better at dispelling or disarming them.

Boons are gained slowly, gained at levels 12, 16, and 20. Servants of the Monitors, though, can enter the Proctor Prestige Class as early as level 8. If entered as early as possible, you can earn your Boons at levels 10, 14, and 16. You MUST take the Monitor Obedience feat, NOT Deific Obedience. Monitors grant only a single set of Boons. 

Boon 1: The Coming Storm. Gain Doom 3/day, Scare 2/day, or Rain of Frogs 1/day.

Doom, despite having such an ominous name, is only level 1 and causes the target to become shaken. Powerful at low levels, but it falls off quickly and its nature as an emotion/mind-affecting effect make a painful number of monsters immune to it.

Scare is, perhaps, even more painfully outclassed than Doom, because it only affects creatures who have less than 6 HD. I find it amusing that Doom and Cause Fear are the same level, but Doom is infinitely better. Scare is a step up from Cause Fear, but not a HUGE step. It’s useful for cowing a legion of smaller foes into submission, but once you start hitting the mid/upper levels, you won’t really find many creatures worth using this power on that you couldn’t just deal with using a different spell.

And thus, we get to Rain of Frogs, one of the best spells in the entire game if only because causing a flood of amphibians to fall upon your foes is one of the best possible uses for magic in existence. Also, I linked to the spell’s page because I enjoyed how much and how little patience the authors of the website had and just conglomerated all the information you need to use the spell in one simple page. Nice of them! Anyway, with a range of Close comes the power to drop your poisonous frog storm directly into an enemy’s square, which is endlessly useful when dealing with casters or fleeing foes. I’d pick Rain of Frogs every single time, as the other two don’t even come close to comparing to its power or utility.

Followers of Imot always know that the Coming Storm is composed entirely of frogs.

Boon 2: Insight Into Disaster. You add your Wisdom modifier to Initiative checks and Reflex saves.

Alright YEAH! Initiative checks GO!!! I really hope you didn’t dump Wisdom, because people who didn’t get rewarded HARD. Moving first is perhaps the most important thing you can do in combat, letting you strike first, buff first, retreat first, etc etc etc. And you not only get that, but the added benefit of adding Wis to your Reflex saves as well. Casters typically have poor Reflex saves AND poor-to-middling Dexterity, and this solves both of those issues in one fell swoop.

Also, this is an untyped bonus, allowing it to stack with pretty much every other buff in the game. ...

... Alright, I think that covers it. Flat stat boosts are always boring to discuss, no matter HOW excited I am to see that you can potentially double your Initiative and Ref.

Boon 3: Call Down the Wrath. 1/day you can cast Extended Control Weather.

That’s altered weather patterns for 4d12x2 hours, by the by. Realistically, about 1 to 2 days of weather control (the average roll is 26, which doubles to 52), but if you’re especially lucky you can muck with up to four days of weather. Even a low roll sees 8 hours of climate change, a full adventuring day! With an area of 2 miles centered on you and the potential to have the spell last 2, 3, or 4 days, you can have the effect overlap itself and just have an eternal 2-mile bubble of whatever you want it to be. Become the very avatar of tumultuous climates as you stroll from place to place with dark clouds both heralding your arrival and shadowing your departure, or go in the opposite route and just give yourself a perpetual spring day!

It takes 10 minutes to cast this spell and 10 minutes to alter the weather in a meaningful way, so if you want to be DRAMATIC with it you need to time it exactly. Queue up a thunderstorm BEFORE strolling into the enemy evil leader’s base and demanding their cooperation and snapping your fingers to cause it should they fail to comply... Or, y’know, to celebrate the occasion should they actually comply. It’s a warning! A display!

It’s really easy to abuse this spell thanks to even the lowest possible roll still meaning you have 8 hours to muck about with an enormous patch of weather. Need to sneak somewhere? Create thick fog, torrential rain, or snowstorms to hide your movement. Need to clear out an enemy camp? Terrible heat or cold could make them move. Need to halt an enemy army? Bring down catastrophic hail or a tornado to rip through them. You can’t directly control where the tornado will travel or how the hail will fall, so make sure you’re protected from your own actions! And know that your allies and friends aren’t spared from you Calling Down the Wrath, but luckily being a Proctor demands skill in Abjuration anyway, so assure everyone possesses shields and wards!

Or, you know, march your lonesome self into enemy territory. That’s an option, too!

I really, really love this reward because Control Weather is one of my lower-key favorite spells. It’s one of the few that actually makes you feel like a God, which everyone knows is what magic is all about! Too bad Imot is one of the Ushers that leans more towards the Evil side of the Neutral spectrum.

Side note: Since using a spell-like ability isn’t technically ‘casting’ a spell, Druids don’t get the bonus of doubling the already-doubled duration or the 3-mile radius.

You can read more about it here.

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/inconvenient-truths/

Inconvenient Truths

Inconvenient Truths

By Hare in the Moon Astrology

Week Ahead January 26 – February 2 2020

A heads up! On Sunday Pluto begins a rare 12 month square with deep space planet Eris-the Disruptor and Awakener on a Uranian scale- deepening the Saturn/Pluto Conjunction into an ongoing Saturn/Pluto/Eris triple whammy, facing us with hugely inconvenient truths that can no longer be swept under the carpet. Remember 2016, when Eris hit Uranus and Trump and Brexit resulted? Now the stakes are higher -this is Eris/ Pluto as subversive, chaotic agents of non-negotiable transformation knocking on your front door. I write much more about this in my “Survive and Thrive Guide to 2020”.

Now add to this Neptune’s fingerprints all over this week’s astrology-in a conjunction with Venus and square Mars on the Great Attractor-and you have all the ingredients for a toxic cocktail of fear, rumour, disinformation and under the radar dealings at a political and global level. This could describe an escalation in the Chinese virus crisis and likely cover up -certainly an exact descriptor of Saturn (the body), Pluto (death), Eris (complete disruption of everyday life) and Neptune (an unknown cause and epidemic).

The Chandra Symbol for Eris at 23 Aries says it all:” A Bottle Labelled Drink Me” “The force of events sweeps away who we thought we were and plunges us to a deeper place beyond the known. The sheer immediacy, the sudden clarity shifts mountains of intent into a different octave altogether. Being taken by storm is the most direct path from here to there. And when cosmic worlds are urgently coming through, the only smart thing is to step aside and make a huge amount of room for unexpected guests, at events you could never have arranged in your wildest dreams.” Elias Lonsdale Inside Degrees.

In your own life, inoculate yourself against the incoming toxic Thought Streams. Stay on your Witness perch, centred in your High Heart. Prioritise your personal ecology -your energy signature, the magnetic Field that surrounds you- that you live from, draw on and co-create: your breath, your physicality, your food, your creativity, your health, your heart, your frequency. For it to flow, for you to thrive, not just survive, you need to clear the river.

All is well. We are fully experiencing what it feels like when the older familiar realities-even if we hated them-are completely overwritten by higher frequencies. Lower, inapplicable versions of ourselves, our old time-lines/bandwidths of experience, are vanishing completely. Your energy signature, your heart and your inner circuitry are re-wiring themselves all at the same time, updating to the new Field.

This is akin to psychic surgery and every one of us is experiencing it uniquely in our way and at our own pace. No comparing your symptoms, your perceptions, your emotions, your beliefs with anyone else. There is nothing to do, be, practice or ritualise-the overwrite is unstoppable. Just be kind to yourself and create sanctuary.

For more on Saturn/Pluto/Eris, buy my “Survive and Thrive Guide to 2020”: www.hareinthemoonastrology.co.uk

New! My new February 2020 5D Report:” That Was Then….This Is Now” will be mailed direct to Subscribers tomorrow January 27th. Sign up at: www.hareinthemoonastrology.co.uk

“Lorna has the unique ability to craft words that really do predict and describe the energies and then puts her wise woman magician spin on it….” Haumea H Los Angeles Ca. No Sign Forecasts this week.

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[nottskyler]

Dear In-Laws,

I gave you the pamphlet about Transgender people from the National Center for Transgender Equality in hopes that you would understand more of what I’m going through and why I decided to transition. I honestly feel like you never read it because how could you read it and then decide that continuing to use my dead name and pronouns was a good idea?

What I want you to know was repeated several times in different ways: “Trying to repress or change one’s gender identity doesn’t work; in fact, it can be very painful and damaging to one’s emotional and mental health.”,  “Telling someone that a core part of who they are is wrong or delusional and forcing them to change it is dangerous, sometimes leading to lasting depression, substance abuse, self-hatred, and even suicide.”, “For some transgender people, the difference between the gender they are thought to be at birth and the gender they know themselves to be can lead to serious emotional distress that affects their health and everyday lies if not addressed.”. Or in my own words, I’ve been broken and lost all my life and I found the way to heal, be supportive and love me in my efforts. I would not dare walk down this path if it wasn’t so that I could be made whole through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I realize a major issue that leaves people from understanding what it means to be transgender is that all the definitions and explanations out there talk about it in scientifically sterile terms. That’s their job since individual experience is varied. I also think the major discourse around whether or not a person has gender dysphoria has been a major negative in this realm as well, leaving people to believe that people are doing this just for fun.

Here is what it really has been like. I have had depression as long as I can remember. I don’t remember too much past puberty, so I think that was the start of it all. Beyond after school activities and school and homework, I had no life because I was depressed. My “hobby” was to take naps which was really to cry or just lay there without the strength to do anything. This is why I pushed myself into so many different activities because I knew I had no strength to do anything on my own. My fun-loving personality that loved to sing and dance and do exciting things was rapidly eroding.

I simply assumed that it was simply the ails of being a teenage girl in a world that hated teenage girls. I ate up a lot of feminist ideology and thought that my dissatisfaction with being female had to do with society at large because that’s what everyone says. I didn’t realize that normal girls did have some comfort in their own skin alone because that was when I felt it the worst.

I don’t think people understand how terrible it is to feel like a stranger in their own body, how alienating, how it hinders you from existing how you are want to exist. The experience in and of itself is terrible and people with body image issues really need to get help because it hurts and prevents you from living your life. Then, on top of all of that baggage, comes the debilitating depression and suicidal thoughts that I’ve fought the majority of my life. I’ve had therapy and I’ve learned how to cope and handle these thoughts, but they still keep coming no matter how much I try to avoid negative thinking and the downward spiral.

Turns out what triggers those thoughts and feelings is my body. Any movement or seeing myself in a mirror or any reminder of what I am on the outside send this feeling my way no matter how much I try to change my perception of myself and my body or my identity and the gender assigned to me at birth. I have tried so hard to be comfortable in my own skin, but it is my own skin against me. I had no power and I was losing more and more of myself every day, laying in bed without the energy and motivation to get up and face a new day. 

Then I discover that what I am experiencing is gender dysphoria. An idea I had avoided my entire life because being “trans is a choice” and “trans women/men aren’t real women/men”. I knew I was a goner when I was standing in a changing room full of women and wished they saw me as a trans woman. I knew at that moment that my perception of trans people was wrong and that I was in their same shoes. In that moment, I committed to living my life as a woman because I felt that was what Gd wanted from me, but Gd sent the challenge from President Nelson to read the Book of Mormon so I would quickly learn that I was wrong in that regard as well.

Without cultural pressures within the Church and the conservative environment in which I was raised, the choice would be between being in bed all day, depressed and unable to get myself to do projects that took more than a few hours or take a bold step and begin to transition and start to have a life again. It wouldn’t be a question without the beliefs and worldview that trans people are lying and pretending just to get places.

If there is a choice in being trans, it is choosing to live instead of dying every day. I wanted to be present in my own life and made this choice. Gd understood what was necessary to get me on the path and gave me all the spiritual blessings and change of heart that I’ve been seeking my entire life to show me that this was my path, that this was the only way for me to gain my own exaltation. And it is clear how this is true because I can’t serve when I’m stuck in bed, I can’t radiate the spirit of love when it takes all my love to keep me living, I can’t experience the joy of the gospel when I am living in despair. I am choosing life and you are rejecting me for it.

I know the truth of my existence challenges your worldview and that is something difficult to cope with, but I had hoped you had enough love in you to choose love over being right. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about changing your worldview, repentance would be incomplete without it. You are rejecting me and the Gospel of Jesus Christ by choosing to dead name me. Nothing you do will be able to take my testimony of my identity away from me. The only thing you can do is harm the relationship and trust we had.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about agency and choice. You have the choice to love me for who I am or to support ideologies that are not founded in doctrine or science. You have the choice between distancing yourself from your son and his spouse or embracing a new understanding about the world and yourself. You have the choice to take a step of faith and trust or to spurn it in favor of the familiar and comfortable. I ask you to reconsider and to change course.

Sincerely,

Your son-in-law

Skyler

[africanuniverse]

The Matrix Introduction (PPF)

It’s a movie theatre everywhere you turn.

3D lights in your peripherical vision, the sun rays on Saturdays, and a peep at your favorite ball game. Up close in person every step of the way. My journey is visualized how I expect a journey should be. If I walk outside of my house, I could still feel like I’m inside because the basis of my living stature is in the same area I knew most of my lifetime. If I turned around there goes my residence in plain sight. If I turn away I cannot see it because of their arent eyes behind you, but I know for a fact that I've seen this house because it has just occurred. This is called your home. Knowing where you are is another form of your surroundings. Inside your home and outside of your home, I might still call it home depending on my comfort levels. If one night I feel like this place isn't making me happy for whatever outside reason to society, then I can disregard it with a snap of my finger and move far away. 

But is it still home?

Someone much like a friend or a co-worker tells you that she is moving out of state for a FEW years, you then ask her where would she move if she actually went somewhere. She said in another state up North. This means she is still within the same country but just a different block of land. If she comes back then it's home. 

What if she doesn’t come back, will it still be called a home?

If your best friend moved away without telling you, and you got upset about it because they didn't mention it to you or you didn't get any validation on the move, would you say that they left you at home of left their home? Leaving home goes many ways one might suggest. If my best friend left home, do I need to feel a certain type of emotion to comfortably disregard that their home is not needed and walk in whenever just because that is my best friend? I would think that I was to walk in unannounced that it is still a break, in no matter how long I’ve known him/her. This is the same thing as leaving your residence and finding a new one. 

So If years pass by and you decided to go back into the past just to see your old home, which isn't old anymore, then my next question is will that be possible:

Is this because a newer owner has it? or is it because they remodeled the house? Can you find your old junk under the bed again? or has it been removed just like you removed your body to a newer area? If you moved your body in a different area does this mean that you moved to the future? 

What if I told you anywhere you go that's before you get there is the future. 

1. One cannot live in the future 2. Moving back is not going back in time 3. The present is the only living dimension

You can ask yourself after looking at all the movies about your favorite superhero going back into the past and stopping the world, or going in the future and making a change before it happens and then back to your present body. All that is false. These processes only occur when you think about them with an understanding of the higher beings which is separate from natural causes. Religion is separate from the natural cause because it falls between the higher being or spiritual world which absolutely nothing to do with the choices humanity makes. This is why you must TAP INTO the higher realms and dimensions in order to understand these concepts. Which I will talk about this in the next blog Matrix of The

Therefore, If I move out of the country, how soon will call the home that I moved from “Gone”? If you believe that you can take your home with you, or if you believe you do not have a home you are wrong.

(of an animal) return by instinct to its territory after leaving it. (PAST)

move or be aimed toward (a target or destination) with great accuracy. (FUTURE)

a place where something flourishes, is most typically found, or from which it originates. (PRESENT)

All areas of where you are now are your home. Where ever one must stand is a place anyone on the earth or our can call home. You can say that you have a home across the country and another one under the bridge. You claim is yours to keep. If you were to claim a mortgage, it is yours to pay. If you were to claim a rented space it is yours to rent. If you were to claim a better living environment it is your duty to keep it that way. If someone claims your home is your choice with the law of society and the political government to bargain or to settle a deal with them for your property to be taken space of. That's the issue, we are going to escape your minds from the “real life” expectations with the law, and bring you to a higher being scope of your perception of life.

In order to move on to my next blog post, one must know PAST, PRESENT, and FUTURE

@africanuniverse

[anoray]

Spectre One Rising

So many kickbutt writers out there have come up with engrossing and emotionally involving AU versions of SWR to deal with the heartbreak that is Season 4 concerning Cowboy Jedi Kanan and the good ship Kanera. Thank you and please don’t stop!  

You inspired me to come up with a (I hope) fun way to bring back Kanan while keeping it as canon-y as I can and trying not to cheapen the beautiful things about the sacrifice Kanan made.

It’s a little long (12,000+), sorry, but that’s what it took to get all my fixits in ;) It starts with Kanan on his ever famous exploding fuel pod, then picks up from there. Features lots of Ezra, too, and appearances by Thrawn, with a quasi-epilogue featuring Hera, Jacen and Sabine.

I’ve written other stuff, but confess this is my first attempt at fanfic. My appreciation in advance to any who make it through. I read on AO3, but don’t have my own account (yet?) so just posting this baby here.  Did not have a beta reader, so when you catch quibbles, thanks for sharing!

I do hope we’ll get a canon story with Kanan coming back one day very soon!

Kanan 1 BBY 

Kanan braced himself on the shuddering metal of the exploding fuel pod, allowing the Force to flow through him as never before.  The engulfing flames raged, slamming into the immense shield of energy Kanan wielded to protect the Imperial gunship hovering behind him. That gunship carried everyone that mattered most to him in the galaxy.  Hera. Ezra. Sabine. You will live. 

Kanan filled with an almost ecstatic certainty that eradicated the last shreds of self-doubt he’d harbored for so long.  He felt no pain. No fear. This is my moment.  This is where I am needed most.  Kanan pushed even harder at the relentless inferno, wringing out precious seconds to ensure his family’s escape to safety. 

“Kanan!” His focus split as Hera rushed up behind him.  Kanan instinctively reached back, lifting Hera into a Force embrace. Turning slowly to face the woman he would die for, Kanan realized his only regret was the shock and horror she radiated, the grief she and the others would suffer.  If only Hera knew what was crystal clear to him.  His death had a greater purpose. Lothal’s rising sun would illuminate irreparable damage to Thrawn’s TIE Defender program.  Hera’s mission would be complete. 

Holding Hera aloft, Kanan reveled in her unique Force signature.  Her inner and outer beauty had always shone brightest to him no matter the source of his vision. Kanan hoped she’d finally come to understand she had been his life’s mission from the moment they’d met on Gorse. All he could do was envelop her with the love he felt, grateful for the years they’d shared.  In that moment, Kanan sensed a second, subtle Force signature pulsing within Hera’s body. Hera will bear our child!    

Indescribable joy ignited Kanan from the inside out.  Oh, if only he could stay! Every part of him longed to be a father, a husband, to protect his entire Ghost family for their future to come.  But his future…that remained to be seen. Ignoring his thudding heart, Kanan hurled Hera into the safety of Ezra’s arms. 

Now the Force crested within him, a rising tidal wave.  As the energy surged ever higher, Kanan felt thirty years of body aches and old scars diminish.  At the same time, the miracle of sight returned to his formerly blinded eyes, an unexpected gift of color and light from the Force. 

Kanan’s eyes drank in Hera’s loveliness like sweet nectar.  Her eyes widened farther in stunned surprise—she’d realized Kanan could see her! I love you, Hera.  Kanan’s gaze shifted to include Ezra. You’ve got this from here, kid. I know you can do it.  So much more to say to them both, but his time had run out.  With a final look at Hera, Kanan Force-shoved the gunship away with all his might.   

Kanan projected his consciousness outward milliseconds before the fireball engulfed his body.  Soaring upward, Kanan saw the gunship zoom safely away as the fuel pods ignited in a chain reaction of bright, white Light— 

Ezra 4 ABY

 A knock. “Master Ezra, are you all right?” A louder knock. 

Ezra rose groggily from the none too cozy floor of his cabin aboard the Chimaera.  His mind was still emblazoned with the image of Kanan’s milky, blinded eyes brightening to vivid teal.  My master saw me in the end.  

“Master Ezra?” His droid, PZ-5 stepped through the now open doorway.  Her reflective visor and droning voice somehow emulated concern.  “I heard your cries outside in the corridor.” 

“I’m fine, PeeZee. It was…another one of those visions.” Ezra shakily waved her outstretched hand away, wondering not for the first time how a tactical droid who looked so much like AP-5 could possess such a different demeanor.  Maybe it was a lucky combination of the droid parts he’d salvaged on Thrawn’s purrgil-wrecked Star Destroyer to repair her.  Ezra doubted Chopper would have been impressed with his handiwork, but he might have gotten a thumbs up from Sabine. Ezra’s heart thumped wistfully.  

“The one about your former master, Kanan Jarrus?”  

Ezra tucked away thoughts of Sabine and his Ghost family as he shuffled unsteadily toward his bunk. It did him no good to wallow in homesickness like a puffer pig. “Yeah, and the images get clearer each time. But I feel like I’m missing some important detail.”   

PZ cocked her head. “But, if I may say so, what is the point of revisiting your master’s demise after these many years? Surely that is only painful and changes nothing you both endured.”   

Ezra’s knees buckled right before he slumped onto the stiff mattress.  He had no answer for the droid.  Yet. What he did know was the visions about Kanan began tormenting him shortly after he’d sensed the death of the Emperor in the Force.  That stunning revelation struck Ezra about five years after the purrgil joined Ezra in his determined battle to liberate Lothal by demolishing Thrawn’s blockade.  

While aboard the Chimaera as Thrawn’s now escaped prisoner, Ezra silently asked the Force sensitive creatures for one last favor. Take me where I’m needed most, a place where I no longer endanger my family.  The purrgil lit up for hyperspace flight—and transported the entire Star Destroyer to the farthest reaches of Wild Space.  Setting the badly damaged vessel adrift in the atmosphere of an uncharted planet, the purrgil vanished.   

Ezra felt abandoned, a lone, injured Jedi among enraged Imperials without even his lightsaber by his side.  He struggled to understand why the purrgil dumped him at the farthest edge of the galaxy, forced into an alliance with an equally reluctant and disadvantaged Thrawn for mutual survival.  Ezra reached out to the Force with a heavy heart.  Was my sacrifice made in vain?  As if in answer, things immediately got worse. 

The scouting parties sent to the scattering of planetary communities in search of aid found only the remains of tens of thousands of inhabitants, all massacred over a standard year ago.  Any survivors must have abandoned their world. Or--more likely—been taken as slaves.  Shivers ran up Ezra’s spine as he explored war torn streets and realized any structure or object that could be associated with a spiritual, artistic or cultural purpose lay in savage ruins.  In contrast, technological and industrial elements stood untouched, as if they were beneath the notice of those who had decimated the population.  Ezra shared in the Imperials’ constant apprehension.  Was something far worse following behind, on its way to swoop in and claim its tribute? 

Thrawn strategically used the precarious situation to his starship’s advantage.  For several months, Ezra and the crew scavenged supplies and materials to make the Chimaera space worthy again.  Very early on, Ezra and the others became too exhausted and overworked to spare much thought on the potential of impending doom.   Once the Star Destroyer was finally space bound, progress was painfully slow. Without star maps to navigate the maze of destructive anomalies—and lacking reliable sources of food and fuel--the Chimaera limped forward system by system toward the Unknown Regions. 

By necessity, the ship’s course settings also became more furtive.  The few habitable worlds they encountered all had the same thing in common: the annihilation of their population, and demolition of all religious and cultural artifacts.  Ezra’s heart twisted for the innocent dead, and harbored concern for the vulnerable Chimaera.  Every time Ezra attempted to gain some sense of the mysterious attackers through the Force, he hit a blank wall.  The Grand Admiral seemed to find Ezra’s lack of perceptive success intriguing. 

Meanwhile, Thrawn’s cold red eyes missed nothing as his crew collected grim evidence of a new and significant threat to the known galaxy. Ezra loathed Thrawn for all the suffering he’d inflicted on his Ghost family and the Rebellion.  Yet, Ezra developed a grudging respect for the way Thrawn galvanized his initially shell-shocked crew to restore and maintain Imperial order and discipline.  Ezra covertly gleaned much about the Grand Admiral, who was systematically transforming his purrgil-induced defeat into a surveillance mission vital to the Empire.   Ezra had no doubt Thrawn envisioned a triumphant return with priceless data on the hostiles and star maps of the Wild regions to bestow upon Palpatine.  Although…Ezra increasingly sensed Thrawn’s loyalty belonged to the Chiss Ascendancy alone. 

Ever practical, Thrawn elevated Ezra to spearhead missions to scavenge supplies and fuel from each corpse-filled settlement to sustain the Chimaera.  Unlike the Imperials, Ezra was hardened by extreme and lean conditions under the Rebellion. Ezra found himself even relishing the dangerous work at times.  He knew full well his success in bringing back his scouting parties alive earned him Thrawn’s increasing trust as well as greater tolerance from the crew.  But with PZ-5 his only genuine friend on the Chimaera, Ezra’s loneliness and homesickness for his Ghost family remained a daily battle.   

About three months after the Chimaera was again space bound, Ezra’s Jedi abilities earned him something more than trust from the Grand Admiral.  During a mission debriefing in Thrawn’s office, Ezra’s jaw almost dropped when the Chiss opened a locked drawer and withdrew…a lightsaber?  No—Ezra’s heart lurched.  From what little Kanan had shared of being made a Knight during his Jedi Temple vision, this was a Temple Guard’s lightsaber pike.   

“You did especially well today, Commander Bridger. Your…communication with the reptilian creatures prevented several troopers from being devoured.” Thrawn calmly held the beautifully designed hilt out toward Ezra. 

“All those big lizards wanted was a fair share of grain in the silos.” Ezra did not reach for the pike. He eyed Thrawn accusingly. “You’ve had this all along?” 

Thrawn nodded. “It is one of the many Jedi artifacts I’ve collected, along with the mask that accompanied it.” 

“And you’re giving it to me now?” Ezra resisted the urge to snatch the pike from Thrawn’s blue hand and bash him over the head with it.  

“You once advised me that the Force is not a weapon. That it is something I would never understand. Perhaps you are right, Commander. However, what I have come to understand is that a Jedi like you without his lightsaber is…far less efficient in the field.” 

Eyes narrowed, Ezra took the hilt away. He immediately felt the minute vibration from the crystal within.  Igniting the pike, Ezra’s whole sense of being lit up with the bright, yellow blades. I’s been so long since I’ve held a lightsaber. Recalling the red blades of Maul and the Inquisitors, Ezra gently twirled the humming pike, careful not to slice Thrawn’s desk—or Thrawn--in half. “I’ve never trained with a double-bladed weapon.” 

“Then there is no time like the present.” With an aloof gesture, Thrawn dismissed Ezra. Ezra rotated the blades a few times on his way to the door, then switched the pike off to hang it on his belt. 

“I’ll put this to good use.” Ezra was not about to thank Thrawn.  The Temple Guard’s pike never belonged with the arrogant Chiss in the first place.  Thrawn’s crimson eyes gleamed back at him, clearly neither expecting--nor wanting--gratitude. 

“Indeed you will, Commander.” 

For this moment and countless reasons, Ezra never told Thrawn the Emperor was dead. He’d kept the news even from PZ-5. The day the Force had shifted profoundly, Ezra and PZ-5 were using one of the Chimaera’s remaining Lambda class shuttles to orbit the latest decimated planet.  As usual, Ezra reached out with the Force to sense any dangers before landing. Ezra felt himself abruptly sucked into an abnormally deep trance. His skin beaded with sweat as if a fever had broken within him.  The Emperor has fallen. Astonished, Ezra probed harder for details--and gagged, recoiling from what burned like ichor spewing from a ruptured, deeply infected wound. 

Ezra felt caught in an ocean of Force energy settling itself after the passage of a raging storm.  As the Dark receded, Ezra found himself encountering a subtle ripple of Light.  Who is that?   The Force signature felt vaguely familiar, but it was not Ahsoka Tano or Obi-wan Kenobi. It felt nothing like Kanan.  His former master’s Force signature carried undertones of an elemental, primal energy.  Whoever this sparkling ripple was, their Force signature pulsed as a faint beacon to the known galaxy.  Ezra’s heart bounded. He’d rushed through the mission, countering PZ-5’s inquiries and concerns with rote responses.  Back in his cabin, one thought flared over and over. 

With the Emperor dead, I can safely reach out to Sabine! It’s time for her to find me!  To Ezra’s surprise, the Force met this thought with firm resistance. You are not done here.  Too eager for home to be easily deterred, Ezra called out furtively to the purrgil for hours.  Silence. Apparently, they agreed with the Force. That night, visions of Kanan’s death started ripping Ezra’s heart open again and again. PZ-5 had found Ezra passed out in the corner of his cabin and refused to leave until he told her what happened. 

“Master Ezra?” 

Dragged from his river of past thoughts, Ezra opened his eyes--to find PZ-5’s gleaming visor looming over his face. “Agh!”  The equally startled droid staggered back. 

“I’m sorry, sir.  I’ve been relaying details concerning our mission to Ja’Ghar and it appeared you fell asleep.”  PZ-5’s head angled in a frustrated pose. “Did you hear a single word I said?”  

“Uh, no. Could you repeat, please?” Ezra rubbed his aching forehead. Was the droid shaking her finger at him? 

“I must first express how increasingly debilitating these episodes have become.  In fact, I should escort you to the—” 

“You know what would really clear my head, PeeZee? A strong cup of caf.”  This was their longstanding code for:  I need you to go spy on what’s going on out there.  PZ-5 shifted into an anticipatory stance. 

“Oh. Of course, Master Ezra. Would you care for any additives?” How nosy would you like me to be?  If droids had dreams, Ezra had a strong suspicion PZ’s would consist of her running amok as an intimidating KX-security unit.   

“Just an extra shot, please.”  Check on the Big Blue Guy if you can.  “Oh, and inventory the shuttle, make sure those supplies I asked for are on board. We should be coming up on the Ja’Ghar system anytime now.” 

“That’s precisely what I was attempting to tell you.” With an exasperated gesture, the droid stepped out, the door shutting behind her. Ezra rubbed his chin, smiling.  My goatee could sure use a trim.  His smile faltered; Hera had loved to tweak Kanan’s beard.   

Is your master truly dead?  

Ezra stiffened.  That voice had resonated through what Ezra half-jokingly referred to as his “nature channel,” the Force frequency he used most often to commune with wildlife. The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place it. Hearing nothing more, Ezra sighed out a shaky breath. Why is all this happening? What does it mean?  Maybe PZ-5 was right.  The visions were digging up Ezra’s long buried feelings of guilt.  Yes, Ezra had let Kanan go…but some core part of himself still felt a vitally important task regarding his master remained undone.   

Interwoven with all his emotional baggage, Ezra sensed an underlying, expanding imbalance in the Force. With the Emperor gone, new evils were undoubtedly emerging from their shadows to fill the vacuum.  Already here in Wild Space, they faced a merciless horde butchering its way into the galaxy.  The Light desperately needed every Jedi it could muster against the encroaching Dark. If only Kanan was still alive to help Ezra tip the scales. But Kanan was gone. 

Thrawn 4 ABY 

Grand Admiral Thrawn paced the Chimaera’s bridge, overseeing his skeletal crew, each member grown long accustomed to working multiple positions efficiently.  His red eyes turned to the viewscreen…and flinched almost imperceptibly as he recalled vast, swarming tentacles shattering through the permasteel glass.  I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace.  Not for the first time, Thrawn speculated what had become of the Bendu and how the creature had predicted his situation. 

Thrawn did not berate himself for being outmaneuvered by a sky full of berserk purrgil.  He doubted any tactical officer in the Empire could have predicted such a peculiar, supernatural assault.  Thrawn did acknowledge, however, that he’d underestimated young Ezra Bridger.  He would not make that mistake again.  When so many of the Chimaera’s crew clamored for the Jedi’s blood in payment for their exile to Wild Space, Thrawn logically reminded them that Bridger was, in fact, the only one among them capable of recalling the purrgil for a hastier return.   

Thrawn ferreted out soon enough that the unpredictable creatures had abandoned Bridger, apparently indefinitely.  But Thrawn kept that to himself.  By this time, he had (at least temporarily) set aside his disdain for Bridger’s Jedi witchery; it had proven far too useful time and again, especially with navigation around volatile anomalies, and warnings of impending danger.  Bridger’s Force sensitivity and unique ability to communicate with planetary fauna remained crucial to gleaning what little information was available on each war struck world they explored.  Thrawn was not easily shaken, but he did admit to himself the absence of sentient life in this sector was…disturbing.  

Whoever or whatever this menace was, Thrawn noted certain intriguing similarities with the Yuuzhan Vong, merciless invaders who threatened the Unknown Regions and the Chiss Ascendency. The Vong despised mechanical technology; instead, they developed genetically engineered and organic technological innovations for their civilizations. When Bridger noted he felt nothing from the Force concerning the menace here in Wild Space, Thrawn pondered. He was aware Jedi records revealed the Vong had no Force signature, and the Jedi could only indirectly attack using their Force skills. 

Yet, Thrawn’s gut told him that the menace here in Wild Space was something other. This invading horde did not pillage, or loot.  There was no evidence yet of escaped prisoners or slaves.  What this menace did with incredible precision was terminate sentient organics. As an art connoisseur, Thrawn found the horde’s defacement of cultural, artistic and spiritual constructs a puzzling affront to his sensibilities.  Yet, by leaving the technologies of these worlds untouched, invaders apparently considered these achievements feeble and completely beneath them.  Thrawn’s intuition hinted at a menace inorganic in nature, but he required physical evidence to prove his theory.  If this did turn out to be the truth, Thrawn contemplated what might occur if the Yuuzhan Vong and this mysterious adversary met head to head. Who might be the victor?  Or, better yet, no victor at all. 

Regardless, it appeared fortuitous the purrgil had unwittingly provided Thrawn with an early warning signal for the known galaxy.  And he had every intention that the Chimaera would deliver her message. 

“Sir, we have reached Ja’Ghar, but are now receiving an unidentified transmission from a beacon in Kkantu, the planetary system beyond.” The officer looked up at Thrawn, eyes round with puzzlement. “Grand Admiral…it is a Republic code from the Clone Wars era.” 

Thrawn ceased pacing as he processed the startling information. “Very good. Instruct Commander Bridger to disembark on his mission here. Set a course for the beacon. Bridger will rendezvous with the Chimaera at those coordinates once his mission is complete.”  

“Aye, sir.” 

Kanan 1 BBY 

Kanan emerged from the incandescent light of the explosion, completely disoriented.  Slowly, he realized he was within the dim and empty mountain cave on Lothal.  Kanan felt weightless yet sensed an indefinable mass to his energy field.  He also tingled with anticipation. Kanan’s visions prior to Hera’s rescue had hinted he might temporarily retain his own consciousness to help guide Ezra through the next step in protecting Lothal. But the Force had made no promises, not by a long shot. 

Kanan wondered how long his individuality would stay intact. As if invited by his thoughts, a distant tug pulled insistently at Kanan. This way.  Curiously, Kanan immediately felt himself held in place by an opposing tug.  The overall sensation was indescribable; like being caught in a web, yet actually being a part of the web itself.   

Apprehensive that his consciousness might meld into the Cosmic Force at any moment, Kanan focused on finding Hera and the others.  I’ll at least check on them, offer any comfort I’m allowed.  Just thinking of Hera caused Kanan’s energy to vibrate intently, which helped him ignore the insistent tug.  Good. He’d be thrilled to keep Hera planted in his mind for as long as this took.  

Moving his energy mass took some practice. Rotating slowly, Kanan noticed his mask and shorn hair on the alter.  Looking up, his gaze was captured by an array of mysterious, ancient hieroglyphs along the cave’s back wall.  The walls are telling a story. Kanan recalled Ezra’s voice from the past.  There are people coming from the sky. I think they’re Jedi.   

Drifting closer, Kanan realized a cluster of three figures clearly represented members of the Jedi High Council.  Ezra might have recognized Yoda, but he wouldn’t have known Ki-Adi-Mundi and Mace Windu.  The three Jedi reached for a baby, who was surrounded by a halo of powerful Force lines. Kanan felt an electric shock of sudden awareness.   That child is me. 

YES. CALEB DUME. 

The affirmation pulsed through Kanan.  The intensity reminded Kanan of Bendu, the way that Force entity’s voice permeated Kanan right down his molecules. Kanan tried to speak aloud—but he had no mouth. His consciousness reached out. Who are you? 

I AM DUME. 

That declaration sent imagery flooding through Kanan’s senses. He reeled, overwhelmed by this ancient, elemental Force entity.  Dume had to be at least as old as Lothal itself. Kanan struggled to understand Dume’s inhuman thoughts, feeling like an ant trying to converse with a god.   Hey, Dume, you’re going to have to keep it very simple. 

I JOINED WITH YOU. FOR LOTHAL. 

Memories inundated Kanan, all out of order:  He was a youngling training in the Coruscant Temple, he kissed Hera heatedly in the cockpit of the Ghost, he drunkenly beat the crap out of a loudmouth smuggler, he ran in shame while his master, Depa Billaba, died to save him.  Kanan clashed lightsabers with Darth Vader, he consoled Ezra after Malachor. The final memory was of his parents, apparently simple farmers who handed him off tearfully to the three Jedi masters.  But why, Dume, why join with me?  

Dume blasted Kanan’s consciousness with multiple layers of communication. Kanan stumbled through this maze of inhuman thought and managed to absorb the key points:  Dume, a planetary guardian, sensed the Force growing increasingly out of balance long before the Clone Wars. Lothal’s potential to be demolished was very high. Yet the ancients had prophesized the birth of a Force-sensitive child whose energy signature could safely blend with Dume’s embedded presence.  This combined being would protect Lothal.  

Drawn to Caleb’s unique and powerful Force signature, the High Council members gained his parents’ blessing and took Caleb to the Coruscant Temple for Jedi training.

Embedded within Caleb, Dume gained direct access to the Jedi and its failing war with the Dark. After Order 66, Kanan’s innate strength of will, backed by Dume’s powerful presence, enabled him to survive the purge that thousands of Jedi did not.  Even during Kanan’s darkest years, Dume absorbed crucial knowledge through his underground existence as a smuggler.  As Kanan realized his destiny had always been intertwined with Lothal, his consciousness lightened.  He also understood more than ever that meeting and falling in love with Hera Syndulla had turned the tide. With Hera as his compass, and Dume at his back, Kanan slowly reclaimed his life’s purpose. 

As if called by his thoughts, Hera shuffled into the cave, clutching the Kalikori tightly to her chest.  “Why did I take so long to tell him?”  

Kanan had never seen her look so broken. Hera. As she wept over his death, blaming herself for it, Kanan desperately tried to envelop her in a tangible embrace, to assure her it had all been his choice.  But she couldn’t feel or hear him. What is the point of my consciousness being intact if I can’t even help the woman I love?  Dume didn’t answer. Perhaps the entity considered heartbreak a petty, private matter. 

It was Chopper—Chopper!-- who comforted Hera when Kanan could not. Kanan felt deep relief he hadn’t reduced the murderous droid to scrap metal all those times it seemed like such a perfect idea. Those early years of shock prods, binary insults, and brutal knee bruises were a small price to pay to both see and sense Hera’s grief ease a little.   

And when Chopper suggested the idea of adding Kanan to Hera’s Kalikori, Kanan wished he could hug the stumpy astromech and apologize (sincerely this time) for letting Zeb gamble him away to Lando.  

Hera’s grief-filled eyes warmed and softened. “No one deserves that honor more than Kanan.” Those tender words ignited a cascade of joy throughout Kanan’s entire being. Hera was going to make him part of her Ryloth family tree? Her husband.  This is what he’d pushed for, what she’d resisted so long because of the war. He knew Hera loved him, everything she shared inside and outside of their intimate moments made her love clear as day. But she had refused to confirm her feelings during any talk of a their long-term future. Kanan understood now that his usually steadfast Hera had been terrified of losing him the way she’d lost others dear to her heart. She’d finally made clear her love and desire for a future together with Kanan—then watched as an inferno consumed him. 

Kanan enfolded his beloved—his wife--into his energy and made a vow.   For whatever time the Cosmic Force grants me, Hera, I will remain to watch over you and our child.  

But when Kanan attempted to follow Hera out of the cave, everything abruptly shifted to a purplish, interdimensional night. It was becoming infuriatingly clear to Kanan that he was as embedded with Dume as Dume was with him.  On one hand, this symbiotic relationship kept Kanan’s consciousness from dissipating into the Cosmic Force. On the other hand, Kanan felt like a tick clinging to a Bantha—limited to whatever the mighty Dume wanted to do and see.  

Speaking of that, what Kanan saw now was a truly enormous Loth-wolf.  Oh, so this how you choose to appear to mere mortals?  And is that my shoulder pauldron emblem on your forehead?   

“Kanan?” Looking down, Kanan was alarmed to see Ezra entrapped by the trio of smaller Loth-wolves.   

YOUR APPRENTICE. PROTECT TEMPLE. 

The second mission! Consumed with concern for Hera, Kanan had neglected Ezra’s urgent task. His padawan looked so tiny and vulnerable under Dume’s divine-like scrutiny.   Kanan rushed protectively toward the teen, but it was like slogging through space waffle syrup. Can’t you see? You’re all just scaring him!  Let me talk to Ezra. 

WE TALK TOGETHER. 

What? How was he supposed to talk in tandem with a giant spirit wolf?  With no instructions offered—and apparently no choice--Kanan projected his will through Dume as powerfully as possible, his intent to create words the kid could understand. I’m here, Ezra. I’ll guide you the best I’m allowed through what is to come. What emerged: 

I AM DUME. 

Ezra looked perplexed. Kanan felt the same.  Great. The ensuing conversation pretty much went downhill from there. Kanan knew Ezra had the inner strength and cunning to carry out the mission, the grief-stricken kid just needed a little reassurance. Instead, he was berated for being afraid. Kanan focused harder, imagining himself moving Dume’s jaws to speak the right words.  I know you can do this, Ezra. You’re strong in the Force, able to channel Light and Dark like no Jedi I’ve ever known. It’s why this task fell to you. Dume rumbled: 

FIGHT. TOGETHER. 

Ugh!  It was the space waffle syrup all over again. Again and again, Kanan blasted his will through Dume like a foghorn, trying to relay both compassion and the scant details that had been imparted to Kanan previously by the white Loth-wolf.  The Jedi Temple is in terrible danger from the Emperor, Ezra. You must move quickly, keep its secrets safe or no one in the galaxy will be safe.  Everything boomed out of Dume’s razor-toothed jaws in cryptic fashion. 

KNOWLEDGE. DESTRUCTION. 

Kanan didn’t blame Ezra one bit for eyeing the keystone the wolves gave him with befuddlement, but Dume’s frustration built to dangerous levels.  Hey, you’re not exactly making it easy for him!  Ignoring Dume’s exasperated sigh, Kanan made a final effort.  

RESTORE PAST. REDEEM FUTURE.  

Ezra’s ensuing pleas for help were the last straw. Dume growled and rumbled ominously.  Don’t hurt him!  But the gigantic wolf snapped his jaws over Ezra, and everything shifted to blackness. 

Well, that went well.  Kanan floated in the murk, sensing Dume fume all around him. Kanan discovered he retained his own formidable sulking skills. Dume and Bendu might be godlike Force entities, but they sure shared a short fuse. Who knows?  Maybe Dume and Bendu were ancient pals—and the reason why Bendu hadn’t blown him out of Attolon’s sky. As far as his puny human mind was concerned, both entities seemed to lack a bit of common sense in some areas.   Soooo, now what?  In case you’re interested, I have some suggestions that might actually work.  

As if in response, Kanan now found himself afloat alongside the white Loth-wolf who had guided him to destroy the TIE Defender program’s fuel supply. The grasslands rippled under the early morning sun.  Following the wolf’s intent gaze, Kanan could see Hera, Ezra, Sabine and Zeb studying the Temple keystone. Kanan felt himself vibrating with relief to see his apprentice so full of purpose again.  Looks like Dume and I got through to you after all.  And there was Sabine, head bent closely over the keystone.  Kanan’s energy brightened. Those two were an unstoppable team. 

When Ezra called the Loth-wolves for a Force-assisted ride to the Temple, Kanan managed to flow alongside the group.  His journey with Hera, Ezra, Sabine and Chopper was bittersweet.  Everyone Kanan cared most about was so close, yet so far away. Every attempt to touch or communicate directly always hit a barrier like unbreakable glass. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could endure it. 

Ezra 4 ABY 

Ezra looked out at the starfield, enjoying his temporary freedom from Thrawn. It was just PZ-5 with him on the shuttle to Ja’Ghar. So much the better.  From the moment he’d found mention of the system in the remnants of information culled during missions on the other destroyed worlds, he’d felt an irresistible pull to explore it.   

Based on the symbols and language decoded by PZ-5 and one of the remaining protocol droids onboard the Chimera, Ja’Ghar appeared to be a religious epicenter for this sector in Wild Space.  Thrawn agreed it was important to investigate the planet for any clues it might still hold on the attacking force.   

As a spiritual hub, Ezra and Thrawn both concurred the attackers had most likely devastated the planet’s artifacts and buildings…but they could have overlooked something vital.  Ezra couldn’t shake the feeling there was something crucially important awaiting his discovery. 

“I’ve laid in the coordinates for our landing, Master Ezra.”  PZ-5’s metal hands moved smoothly over the controls. 

“Thanks, PeeZee. Stand by, I’m going to proceed with my Jedi witchery.” Ezra winked at the droid before closing his eyes.  Reaching out, he probed for any dangers or other potential circumstances in their path.  Almost immediately, he felt a tug toward a different region of the blue-green world below them.  Eyes still closed, Ezra let his hands take hold of the shuttle’s controls. 

“Sir, why are you entering different coordinates?” By her tone, Ezra knew PZ-5 had her head cocked at a puzzled angle. 

“I’m picking up on a powerful energy signature.  In that region of waterfalls.” Ezra shivered, felt his consciousness slipping a bit. He focused harder, retaining control.  “Just trust me on this, okay?”  

“Well…” The droid reacted as Ezra abruptly slumped.  “Master Ezra, are you all right?” 

“Just…stay…on…course…” Ezra’s voice faded as a deep trance took him over. 

Ezra knew he was in a dream-like vision, but everything felt intensely real. He floated in a purple black sky, staring up at a familiar, almost absurdly giant Loth-wolf. Dume’s dagger-like teeth flashed as he spoke. 

RESTORE PAST. REDEEM FUTURE. 

Ezra frowned, puzzled. But I’ve already done what you asked. I opened the Gate to the World Between Worlds. I rescued Ahsoka Tano from Vader. I helped destroy the Jedi Temple to keep its power and secrets from the Emperor. 

AGAIN. 

What? How? The Temple is gone. Who are you, anyway? You have my master’s name, but you’re not really him. Are you? 

CALEB DUME. 

Ezra recoiled as fire and heat suddenly raged around him.  Not again!  But he was back inside the Imperial gunship gripping Hera.  Both of them stared incredulously while Kanan’s milky, blind eyes brightened back into teal.  It’s as if the Force itself is looking at me through his eyes. Then Kanan flung the gunship to safety as he vanished silently into the enormous blast. 

The scene suddenly shifted. Ezra lay inside the Imperial drill vehicle, feeling the Jedi Temple shuddering into destruction around them. Bright white light as the Force intensified with unfathomable power. And Kanan’s calm, assuring voice…The Force will be with you. Always. It reminded Ezra of the time his blind master saw him through a similar massive explosion of Force energies generated by the colliding Sith and Jedi holocrons.  

Bright light dissolved into chilly dawn. Ezra and a sorrowful Hera faced barren ground where the great Temple once stood.  In the distance, the white Loth-wolf stared at Ezra, as if waiting for a signal.  Goodbye, Kanan. 

“Master Ezra? Can you hear me?” Ezra’s eyes popped open to find PZ-5 propping him up in his pilot seat.  “Oh, there you are, sir.”  Warm sunlight filtered in through the viewscreen.  Ezra looked rapidly around, relieved to see the shuttle safely landed. 

“How long was I out, PeeZee?” Breathe. Just breathe.  Ezra calmed his pumping heart. An intense wave of longing to be back on the Ghost with Kanan, Hera, Sabine, Zeb—even Chopper—nearly overwhelmed him. He took another deep breath. Relax.  When the time is right, Ahsoka will find me. Sabine will find me.  

“Only for a few minutes, sir. You made an interesting comment at the end of your trance.” 

“I did?” Ezra hadn’t realized he talked aloud during the visions. 

“Yes. You said, ‘I know what to do now.’ What did you mean by that?” The droid watched Ezra jump out of the pilot seat, then trailed behind him on their way to the shuttle’s ramp. 

“I don’t know, PeeZee.  But I think I’m about to find out.” 

Emerging from the shuttle, Ezra found himself surrounded by mystical, temperate woods. The tall, slender trees encircled a beautiful body of water that was fed by a magnificent waterfall at one end. Foaming water cascaded down a jagged cliff, creating a spray of mist below. 

The plunging water cut deeply through the upper outcroppings of rock.  The effect resembled towers of a primitive temple jutting skyward.  Keeping the hilt of his lightsaber pike handy, Ezra explored the area, pondering overgrown vegetation that covered a variety of strange shaped lumps under leafy vines and moss.  He approached the largest lump, an angled semicircle that directly faced the waterfall. 

“I think there’s some kind of monument under here.”  Ezra gestured for PZ-5 to help him tear away the clinging vines.  Their efforts revealed a tableau carved into a thick block of stone. Ezra’s eyes locked on the glyphs and primal images, excitement rising as he recognized geometric art, kindred in design to the cave paintings he’d seen on Lothal. “PeeZee, what do you make of all this?”   

“It appears the overgrowth disguised a ceremonial site from the invaders, Master Ezra. “These other hidden structures are assembled in a pattern to emphasize this particular tableau.” 

“But what do these carvings look like to you?”  Ezra needed to make sure he wasn’t imagining things he wanted to see.   

“Processing, sir.” The tableau’s most prominent series of carvings depicted four different symbols set equally apart along a deep, circular groove. The droid focused silently a moment, scanning internal records for any matches. “It appears to resemble points on a compass.” 

“That’s exactly what I thought.” Ezra touched each symbol in turn:  a square, a sail-shaped triangle, a bowl-shaped semi-circle, and a set of three very slender rectangles, the center one tallest.  PZ-5 cocked her head, observing. 

“Sir, based on my data for comparisons, those carvings align with multiple cultural references to the four elements.” 

Ezra’s eyes narrowed.  Yes, of course.  “Let me guess. The square is earth, the bowl is water, the triangle is air…that leaves these rectangles for fire.”  He turned his gaze to the small lake with its foaming waterfall. His heart beat faster.  “Looks like we’re at the water point.” 

“It is a logical deduction, Master Ezra.”  PZ-5 gestured at the center of the compass.  Inside, a carved glyph combined all four elemental shapes within a series of interlocking circles.  “This infers a central connection between all four points.”  

I’ve been led to a Temple that might connect to the World Between Worlds!  Ezra sensed the truth of this resonate deeply within him. Restore the past. Redeem the future.  He focused hard on the other three points, then placed his hand on the square.  Earth. Ezra could almost see and feel an endless sea of grassy plains, whimsical stone mountains protruding into a soft sky. Lothal is—was—the earth Temple.   

The pounding beat of the waterfall resonated in Ezra’s ears like a never-ending drum. Maybe the vegetation wasn’t the only thing hiding something important from the attackers.  But if that’s the water Temple, how do I get inside? 

Reaching out through the Force, Ezra felt his hand drawn to the center of the tableau’s compass.  He held it there and closed his eyes. Opening his mind fully, Ezra felt the Force flow strongly through him, surging outward in an energetic wave, directly at the plunging waterfall. 

Something deep within the rocky cliffs groaned, stone slowly grinding on stone. The roaring of the waterfall altered with it. Ezra opened his eyes wide, both astonished and gratified at the sight of the waterfall parting like foaming curtains.  The waters churned and plummeted now to either side of a deep and gaping hole in the cliff face, diverted by some unseen mechanism Ezra had activated through the Force. 

PZ-5’s blank face somehow managed to look stunned.  “Sir…it’s a cave.” Ezra gazed at the dripping, jagged entrance above them. It resembled nothing other than the gaping maw of a huge, wolf-like creature.  Stone stairs cut into the cliff face led upward into its darkness. 

Ezra’s stomach knotted with eagerness, and a hint of foreboding. This time, I’m going in prepared. 

Thrawn 4 ABY 

Thrawn waited patiently while his orders were carried out to the letter. The Chimaera’s tractor beam hauled in a small, derelict asteroid, then anchored it in place near the outer hull of the starship’s main cargo hold.  The unimpressive hunk of rock had been hurtling through the outer regions of a system known as Kkantu according to the surviving records of its massacred inhabitants. 

The retrieval team carefully extracted the Republic era beacon found lodged in the asteroid, sterilizing the slim device before bringing it aboard the Star Destroyer. The team deposited the beacon in Thrawn’s office, then reluctantly departed.  Thrawn had no intentions of allowing anyone else to view the beacon’s data before he analyzed it first. 

Thrawn found the decryption code easily enough.  After all, the Republic had become the Empire, so retained prior codes within the Imperial database, whether or not they were still actively used. Curious to see if this message in a bottle would prove worthy of its retrieval, Thrawn activated the data cube. 

The holographic image of an aging Clone War trooper took shape. Thrawn couldn’t see much of the clone’s surroundings, but he appeared to be piloting a fighter craft of unknown alien design. 

“My original designation was CC-5675.  I am a defector of the Grand Army of the Republic. My chosen name is Sulis. I leave this message as an urgent warning for the Senate and the Jedi--or whatever entity may now oversee the civilized galaxy.”  The clone paused, gathering his thoughts. “It is imperative that the Senate heed my words. Do not disregard me because I chose to leave a war that killed so many of my brothers and held no desirable future for any brothers who might survive.” 

Thrawn studied the clone’s heavily bearded face and pain-filled eyes. This soldier had sacrificed honor and duty to eke out a bleak existence in Wild Space.  In his last moments, the clone clearly sought to redeem himself. 

“Those Separatist clankers we fought by the thousands are a pitiful lot in comparison to the horde raging through these systems.  I don’t know much yet, except they came from outside our galaxy.  I suspect these artificial creatures wiped out whoever was foolish enough to create them in the first place.  What I do know is they are like no enemy I’ve ever faced.  Their only cause seems to be exterminating us organics like we’re a virus to be cleansed from our own galaxy.” 

Sulis paused to alter his craft’s course.  “I’m no Jedi like my former general, but my wife, H’ida…was a Force-sensitive healer.  She got part of a message to me before…before they massacred her and the entire settlement while I was off planet to trade wares.”   

The clone wiped his eyes with his blocky hands. “She said they seemed to despise the living for being part of the Force. It’s something they have no ability to understand or connect with--so they destroy what they can’t have.”   

Sulis pressed various buttons, arming his guns. In the tense silence, Thrawn’s mind filtered and stored every bit of information with growing excitement. I was right. It is not the Yuuzhan Vong.   

Sulis spoke again, his voice hard. “The worst part of her message was…these butchering clankers are only clearing the way for more of their kind.” 

The clone increasing his craft’s speed.  Thrawn absorbed the ominous words.  If this were indeed true, the threat was dire for any system this vanguard targeted.  Thrawn’s thoughts were disrupted as the clone shifted his holo recorder’s direction.  The image now revealed what lay outside CC-5675’s viewscreen. Thrawn’s body stiffened. 

A countless multitude of huge, metallic forms careened directly forward.  But these were not starships.  These streamlined entities were inorganic individuals: coldly glowing eyes topped their menacing, humanoid shapes. Every appendage bristled with weaponry. High intensity energy beams lashed the alien craft mercilessly.   

CC-5675’s voice rose in volume.  “I’m not going to make it back to Coruscant, obviously! But I’ll take out every bastard clanker I can!”  Accompanied by the clone trooper’s war cry, the small craft dove headlong into a dense cluster of the terrifying assailants.  The holographic image abruptly died out. 

Thrawn stared at the empty air, brooding.  He slowly realized his fists were clenched so tightly, he’d left nail marks in his blue palms.  Thrawn focused, relaxing his body and mind, allowing his calculations to flow.  One thing was clear. He had no doubt the Vong and this vanguard would take immense pleasure in decimating each other. However, it was far too risky to lure the vanguard toward the Unknown Regions.  He would have to find a way to lure the Vong to Wild Space.  Not only would his strategy remove the immediate threat to the Chiss Ascendancy, but the Vong would throw themselves against the vanguard…and whatever was following in the vanguard’s wake. 

We must reconnect with the inner galaxy at all costs. Too much was at stake. 

Kanan 1 BBY 

Kanan now hovered in the dark night some distance from the Jedi Temple, sickened by the sight of its precious arts and knowledge laid out on the ground like butchered meat from a kill. 

Yet, he was more concerned about Hera.  She was uncharacteristically fragile, so fearful of losing Ezra and Sabine to the Emperor she wanted to abort the mission.  Instinctively, Kanan reached out to lend his strength and support.  For the first time, Hera’s hand reached upward, her fingers intertwining with his.   She can feel my presence!  Every part of Kanan radiated his confidence, his love.  Hera, I’m here with you. I know the kids can do this. Have faith.  Under his touch, Hera relaxed. 

Kanan watched alongside Hera and Zeb while Ezra and Sabine stealthily examined the magnificent Temple painting to decipher it and open the Gate.  Sabine’s capture by the minister was a very dicey moment, but Ezra managed to enter the portal.  Kanan attempted to follow—and was yanked back by Dume like a Loth-kitten by its neck. 

STAY. 

Ow. Fine.  Kanan’s prior visions had been hazy about what lay in store for his padawan, but he’d guided Ezra on this mission knowing inside the Temple existed a chance to save Ahsoka from Vader on Malachor.  If rescued, Ahsoka would be a powerful ally to help protect Ezra and the Temple against the Emperor. She’s certainly more skilled at combat than me.  

For now, Kanan contented himself with supporting Hera and Zeb’s rescue of Sabine. Not that those two need much help.  In typical Ghost family style, Sabine escaped from the minister with Hera and Zeb in the nick of time to help Ezra close the Gate. It was unclear what happened with Ahsoka, but Kanan felt only gratitude for Ezra’s safe return.  Kanan both sensed and shared Ezra’s deep regret the Temple must be destroyed, but it was the only way to keep power hungry Palpatine out of the Temple’s pathways through time and space.  As the Temple’s energy exploded around them, Kanan called upon Dume to help him shield his family.  The Imperials…well, they weren’t so lucky. 

Before Ezra lost consciousness, Kanan channeled love, strength and calm to boy who’d long ago become far more than a padawan to him. The Force will be with you. Always. 

And rejoiced to know Ezra heard him.

Ezra 4 ABY 

Carefully treading the last treacherous step, Ezra entered the cave, his movements hampered by his heavy stormtrooper armor and helmet.  Behind him, PZ-5 carried a pack filled with bacta wraps.  

Moisture pitter-pattered everywhere, fed by the mist from the waterfall’s parted curtain outside. “Look, PeeZee.” Ezra walked toward the back of the dark cave where deep carvings in the rock glowed with the eerie light of phosphorous microorganisms. He removed his helmet, eyes glittering with excitement. 

The array of primal, geometric shapes created three large, bipedal figures, all wearing headdresses decorated in an alien, amphibious style. The hand on the female figure to the left was open to the sky. The tallest, central figure faced forward, his webbed hands stretched out to either side. The figure to the right pointed his closed fist at the ground. 

Ezra’s breath escaped him.  “It is a Gate.”  PZ-5 eyed the stone carvings blankly. 

“A gate, sir? I see a wall.”  Ezra grinned at the droid. 

“Let’s see which one of us is right.” Ezra stood next to the female figure, then placed his gloved hand on the softly glowing stone hand that stretched upward to the sky.  

The bioluminescence intensified, outlining all the figures with eerie light.  Ezra moved away, watching intently while the female lowered her hand and faced the central figure.  He raised his outstretched arms high overhead.  Ezra heard faint voices speaking in a language he couldn’t understand.  Outside, the roar of the waterfall shifted in tone. 

On the right side of the cave, a paper-thin sheet of water cascaded from the ceiling mere inches from the wall, creating a continuous, transparent curtain.  The water at the bottom flowed along the stone floor to spill out the cave entrance.   In the cave wall behind the sheet of water, phosphorous light grew brighter and brighter.  It formed the shape of a serpentine, amphibious creature with wolf-like jaws. 

Ezra and PZ-5 watched in fascination while the glowing creature circled faster and faster. Its arc of light reflected in the water’s transparent curtain.  Finally, the creature’s wolf-jaws clamped down on its own tail, creating a wavering, glowing circle within the thin sheet of watery curtain.   

“I…I don’t understand,” droned PZ-5.  “Is it a gate, or isn’t it?”  

“It’s a portal, PeeZee, to a place I don’t really have time to explain right now. What I do need you to understand is this:  If I don’t come out of there within three Lothalian rotations, you’re to use the shuttle’s cannons and destroy this cave and everything around it.” 

The droid practically staggered.  “What? But why, Master Ezra?” 

“Because Thrawn and his Imperial cronies can’t know about this place. Once I’m gone, what you’re going to do first is secretly record all the symbols in this cave and the ones outside with the tableau.  Then you’ll take the shuttle to our original coordinates and complete the mission. If Thrawn calls in, you tell him everything is fine, and we’ll rejoin the Chimaera shortly. Got that?” 

“But…I…yes…” 

“And if I don’t come out in three rotations, you’ll tell him I attempted to Force connect with some very large Ja’Ghar carnivores, only I must have insulted them because I wound up as dinner.” 

“What large carnivores, exactly, sir?” 

“Trust me, they’re out there.” He patted his pike hilt.  “Be glad you’re a droid.”  Ezra took the big pack away from PZ-5 and hoisted it onto his back. 

“I still don’t understand why you must enter this portal, sir.” 

“PeeZee, this is a mission I was given about five years ago, but I couldn’t complete it then. It wasn’t the right time.  But now I think the Force has given me a second chance. If I don’t try, I’m not sure I can live with myself.”  Ezra smiled softly at PZ-5. “Hey, don’t look so glum.  I made it back the last time I did this on Lothal.” 

“I…will miss you if you don’t return, Master Ezra.” 

Ezra fondly patted the droid’s shoulder. “You’ve been a trusted friend to me, PeeZee. As a friend, I hope you’ll do me one more favor.” 

“I would be honored.” 

“If anyone can get the Chimaera back home, it’s Grand Admiral Thrawn.  But if I’m no longer aboard, it’s urgent that you find my friends, Ahsoka Tano and Sabine Wren. Tell them all the times we’ve shared together, everything we’ve discovered about the invaders.  But the most important thing you must tell Ahsoka and Sabine is that I found this Temple.  Show them your secret recordings. Tell them I did it for Kanan.  And Hera.  Only they can safely know, and only they will understand.  Do you promise?” 

PZ-5 nodded solemnly.  “I promise, Master Ezra.”  Ezra nodded solemnly in return. 

“Thank you, my friend.” Ezra’s face lit up with a smile. “Remember, I plan to be back. For now, enjoy playing spy droid. I know how much you like it.” 

PZ-5 waggled a finger at him. “I cannot argue with you on that point.” 

Ezra put his helmet back on, settled his pack.  He gently pushed his gloved hand through the sheet of water, felt the portal give under his touch. “See you soon, PeeZee.” And then Ezra slipped through the glowing circle…and vanished. 

PZ-5 stared, processing. “It is indeed a gate.” The swirling serpentine figure slowed to a stop but stayed aglow. “Very well. Now commencing recordings and Lothalian rotation countdown.” 

Inside the portal, Ezra found himself in an interdimensional place almost identical to the one he’d explored in the Lothal Temple.  Both strange and familiar voices echoed around him while he walked the twisting pathways.  There were differences.  The pathways rose and fell much more steeply, more frequently circling upside down.  Ezra had no trouble falling off, everything around him shifted to his own perspective. The portals were more primitive in design, some vaguely disturbing. Other dimly lit portals made Ezra’s skin crawl as he walked by. 

How do I find the portal to Kanan? He’d been avoiding this question as he’d grabbed his various supplies from the shuttle for the pack. The Daughter’s bird had guided him to Ahsoka.  The portal to Kanan before had only been a trap set by the Emperor, one that Ezra had barely avoided thanks to Ahsoka’s intervention. Well, now the Emperor’s dead. He can’t try that again. 

Ezra searched the surrounding starfield, searching for the Wolf constellation.  He was surprised to find it in the “sky” much farther back.  He didn’t recall seeing it earlier. He turned back, walking faster.  At least it will be closer to my exit. Ezra listened more carefully, ears tuned to the distinctive sound of Kanan among the echoing voices. And then Ezra heard it, deep and soft. 

Nobody ever pays enough attention to the world around them. 

The voice came from a portal with artwork on top that reminded Ezra of the Lothalian cave paintings.  It was a small figure, likely a child, surrounded by radiating lines.  The circle of the portal itself depicted the open jaws of a very large wolf.  Okay, I get it, this has to be the one.  But something inside him now hesitated to proceed. Ezra knew Kanan’s sacrifice would be worthless if he was pulled away before the gunship was hurled to safety. Everyone on board would die in the explosion, and Ezra wouldn’t even exist to be here now. And if Kanan didn’t die, his spirit--his will--wouldn’t have been able to guide Ezra via Dume through those three days to ensure the Jedi Temple disappeared from the Emperor. I told PeeZee I know what to do now. But do I really? Was it the Force at work here, or his own wishful thinking for a second chance? 

The future, by its nature, can be changed.  

Ezra froze. He recognized that immortal voice. It was the Son from the Gate.  It had been this same voice who asked Ezra not so long ago:  Is your master truly dead? But, if the Son was guiding him now instead of the Daughter…was it a good thing?  The Son represented the Dark side.  And yet…if the Force was balanced between Light and Dark, and needed both to exist…was the Dark innately evil?  After all, the Son spoke through his “nature channel.”  In Ezra’s experience, most of nature and its animals, including more sentient creatures like the Loth-wolves and purrgil, did not seem to exist for one side of the Force over another.  If they were part of the balance, didn’t it stand to reason he must be tapping into both Light and Dark to communicate with them? 

Is your master truly dead?  The voice and its question echoed again around Ezra.  But what Ezra sensed was the Light had opened a portal on Lothal…and now the Dark wanted its turn here on Ja’Ghar.  A balance.  If this meant Kanan could be saved like Ahsoka, so be it.  And with that thought, Ezra’s mind cleared, and he realized that he had known all along exactly what to do.  Ezra set down his pack, opening it to pull out the bacta wraps.  He adjusted his helmet, gloves, and armor, making sure everything was secure.  

He stood before the portal, reaching out calmly with his mind. If this is the will of the Force, you will open.

The circular wolf mouth began to glow, brighter and brighter.  Inside the portal, intense heat and flames.  And just visible through the inferno, Ezra could see Kanan from behind.  His master had already turned his face toward the gunship, one hand stretched to hold back Hera, the other splayed before Ezra to keep the intense fire at bay.

Ezra didn’t need to see Kanan’s face.  This scene was burned into his memory forever.  In just a moment, the Force would fill Kanan so completely, its healing energy would regenerate his milky eyes to blue-green. That healing power should protect Kanan  enough from what Ezra was about to do. But he had to wait, just a moment longer…wait for Kanan to turn completely… to shove away the gunship.  And in that next fraction of a second, if Kanan slumped, it meant he’d projected his consciousness outward before the explosion could ignite his body with agony…Yes! There he goes--NOW!!!  

Ezra grabbed Kanan through the portal, the intense, raging inferno searing his gloves and armor.  Ignoring the pain, Ezra yanked Kanan’s inert body back into the interdimensional realm, out of time and space.  Heat and light and fire blasted, then the portal closed.  Ezra fought unconsciousness, calling upon the Force for strength. With shaking hands, Ezra lay Kanan on the pathway, then clumsily cocooned Kanan’s singed body in bacta wraps.  Gently wrapping Kanan’s head and scorched fringes of hair, Ezra managed a weak smile. “Good thing you already shaved most of that off.”  

Ezra dragged off his helmet, grimacing at the agony in his hands.  He slowly peeled off his damaged gloves and armor, relieved to find none of it melted to his skin.  Wrapping the remaining bacta wraps around his lower arms and hands, Ezra sank back with a shaky sigh. He let the soothing mixture ease the worst of the pain. Kanan remained unmoving next to him, the slow rise and fall of his chest the only proof he was still alive.  

Ezra unwrapped the fingers of his right hand to carefully open the lid of Kanan’s nearest eye.  Vivid teal stared back at him.  Ezra felt tears well, and he gently closed Kanan’s lid.  He rewrapped his hand, then completely broke down into sobs of relief.  A nagging part of his mind reminded him:  Kanan still needs his essence back.  What if he can’t find his body? Ezra shoved that away, giving thanks to the Force for his success so far.  He whispered a thank you to the Son as well.  

Ezra realized he had no way of knowing how much time was passing in the outside world. Perhaps it had been one Lothalian rotation already.  And he needed to get Kanan into a bacta tank as soon as possible.  Then, scattered through the intermittent voices always echoing in the World Between Worlds, Ezra suddenly heard Zeb say, “What do you mean gone?” 

Listen.  Ezra emptied his mind, reaching out.  “I thought we had more time.” Hera.  

And then it was Sabine, “I agree with you, but only because we can’t let that thing track us back to our base.” 

“It talks with its eyes.” Zeb again. 

And so their voices periodically faded in and out, giving Ezra clues as to how much time was passing.  It also reminded him how greatly he missed them all. With a weary start, he realized he better move Kanan to the Ja’Gharian portal before time ran out and PZ-5 blew the cave apart. 

Ezra’s hands had recovered enough to heave Kanan up.  He dragged Kanan by walking backward; it was ungainly, hard work, with Kanan’s bootheels trailing behind on the twisting pathways.  Right now, I sure wish you were a lot shorter, Master.  Ezra stopped for a rest every now and again, listening intently for the voice clues.  When the Ja’Gharian portal came into view, Ezra hauled Kanan with renewed energy. 

Several steps away from the portal, he heard Sabine say, “That one! The Son!”  Ezra frantically pulled Kanan along.  It was almost the third dawn on Lothal, and Ezra’s time was running out. 

“The Force will be with you. Always.” Kanan. Time was speeding up! Ezra winced in pain, fumbling as he almost dropped Kanan. 

“He’s gone now, isn’t he? I mean, really gone.” Hera’s sad, resigned voice echoed around him. Ezra toppled backwards through the portal, yanking Kanan along with him.  As the duo hit the cold and wet stone floor…the cave began to shake. Recharged by the sheet of chilly water, Ezra blinked upwards to see the circling serpentine creature slow and dim as the bioluminescence in the cave wall behind died out.  The cave shuddered harder. 

“No, PeeZee, not yet!”  But Ezra’s commlink had been fried with his armor.  The sheet of water cut off like a closed faucet.  Desperate, Ezra Force-pushed Kanan’s body along the slippery wet floor as gently as he could.  “Sorry, Kanan!”  Ezra stumbled toward the cave entrance, shouting wildly.  He stuck his head out of the entrance, the bright sunshine hurting his eyes.  “PeeZee, stop!!”  Except, there was no attacking shuttle outside.  Ezra saw the Lambda parked at a distance, the engines starting to fire.  Ezra waved his arms desperately…and sagged with relief as PZ-5 waved back from the cockpit. 

But the shaking was still intensifying.  All the figures on the back wall went ominously dark. Why is this happening? I didn’t close the Gate. And then it hit him. I pulled Kanan out of a different portal.  Ahsoka hadn’t come with Ezra back on Lothal for her own reasons. Well, a little heads up from the Son would have been nice!  Too late for that now. The groan of rock sliding on rock disrupted his thoughts. The waterfall curtains started to cascade inward.  Ezra grabbed Kanan--and jumped off the cliff, splashing into the foaming water below.  Still underwater, he dragged Kanan along, headed for the surface as far as possible from the incoming torrent.  Ezra broke the surface, gasping for air.   

“Master Ezra! Are you all right?” PZ-5 had hustled to the shoreline.  Ezra plowed through the water, keeping Kanan’s head above water. I sure hope he’s still breathing.  How ironic to save his master from fire only to drown him instead!  Behind them, the jagged spires of the Temple collapsed inward, chunks flying.  Ezra Force-blocked a few smaller particles that plummeted directly at them.  By then, PZ-5 reached out and Ezra shoved Kanan into her arms. “PeeZee—meet Kanan Jarrus!” The perplexed droid goggled, managing a nod.

“We must get up the ramp immediately, sir!”  Ezra PZ-5 propped the blissfully unconscious Jedi master between them.  Several of the bantha wraps hung loose, fluttering as the trio escaped up the ramp of the shuttle.    

Inside the cockpit, Ezra leapt into the pilot seat, launching the shuttle skyward in a steep turn just as the Ja’Ghar Temple blew its top like a water-filled volcano. The shuttle barely missed the tremendous flood of water and rocky debris.  It soared up and away, spattered with mud and droplets. 

Kanan 1 BBY 

Kanan hovered, watching Ezra and Hera where they stood in the distance, surrounded by barren, beautiful landscape where the Jedi Temple once stood.  Next to Kanan, shrouded in the misty light, was the white Loth-wolf. It glanced from Kanan to the others, silently waiting.  For what? 

Feeling uneasy, Kanan tried to move closer to embrace the two,  but the relentless tugging increased dramatically.  And there was no responding anchor against it from Dume. 

WE MUST GO. 

No!  Let me stay. They could finally feel me, hear me. 

STAY AND VANISH.  OR GO TOGETHER. 

And then, with an undertone of respect:  YOUR CHOICE. 

All this time since the explosion, Kanan had felt himself pushed and pulled, fighting upstream to accomplish what his will had desired.  Yet, here his family was. Safe. And he sensed Hera and the others were going to be okay…or as okay as any war would ever let a family be.   

Dume said it was his choice, but Kanan decided it would be their choice.  Like the white wolf, he waited.  In the distance, Hera gently touched her shoulder. “He’s gone now, isn’t he?  I mean, really gone.”  Kanan twisted inward, barely hearing anything again until Ezra’s voice cut through with its reluctant resignation. 

“Goodbye, Kanan.” 

Kanan hung there in the dawn’s light for a moment.  He expected to feel sorrow wash over him, but their ultimate acceptance eased an inner ache he didn’t even know he’d had.  Did he really want to remain here, not even a ghost of himself?  If they could accept his departure, so could he.  

Whatever Dume or the Cosmic Force now needed of him--if anything--he would do it.  His time here was complete, and Kanan let go with simple gratitude for all the love he’d been able to share with those whose time had not yet come.  

Beside him, the white Loth-wolf melted away into the rising sun.  And Kanan’s consciousness abruptly tumbled and spun, released from Lothal to spin faster and faster into a blazing kaleidoscope of time and space--- 

--Bright light, so bright it hurt to look. Kanan squinted, his eyes desperately working to focus. He was floating, floating in…a bacta tank?  He convulsed reflexively, sucked air through the respirator, almost gasping as his startled heart kicked into overdrive.  Through the thick liquid, he could hear alarms sounding. Suddenly, intense blue eyes pressed up to the tank wall.  A young man with dark hair, a goatee, and a growing smile on his face.  Ezra. 

“Kanan?” Ezra’s eyes widened and he placed both hands on the permasteel glass, the closest thing to a hug he could give. Ezra’s thoughts were written all over his face: Kanan is…Kanan! 

Feeling trapped in the tank, Kanan called upon the Force to center himself with peace and calm.  It wasn’t easy.  Intense emotions seared through him like the inferno that had taken—nearly taken—his life. Kanan had presumed all along it was the Cosmic Force tugging away on him, but it had turned out to be his own not-so-dead body.  Leave it to Dume to keep him in the dark about the Force granting him a second chance.  Then again, maybe Dume hadn’t wanted to raise false hopes.  Ezra had succeeded despite almost impossible odds.  

Kanan would be with Hera again. And he’d be staying on that Kalikori.  He would finally meet their child, be a father.  Kanan was returning to everyone and everything he loved. On top of all these miracles, he’d been restored the gift of sight.  Salty tears blended with the fluid surrounding him.  And then the med droid injected a solution, sinking Kanan into a deep healing sleep. 

Ezra and Thrawn 4 ABY 

Thrawn paced his office, striving for calm, but these were certainly the most unusual of circumstances. 

“Commander Bridger, how does a Jedi Knight who died five years ago—in an explosion that derailed my TIE Defender program, I might add--wind up in my ship’s bacta tank out on the edges of Wild Space?”  Before Ezra could speak, Thrawn snapped out, “And why should I let him stay in it?” 

Thrawn’s eyes flamed so red, Ezra almost expected them to catch fire.  Ezra folded his arms, finding himself abnormally peaceful. 

��I actually have a question for your first, Grand Admiral.  Do you ever wonder why the purrgil dumped us out here together?” 

“What does that have to do with my inquiry? You know full well you deceived those weak-minded creatures into doing your Rebel warfare. “  

“I had zero mind control over them or where they brought us. I’m sure you’ve noticed they haven’t come back.”  Now Thrawn’s glare turned icy.  Ezra shrugged his shoulders. 

“So here we are…by the will of the Force, not so conveniently discovering a huge threat to the galaxy.” Ezra held up his hand to hold off a retort from Thrawn.  “And also through the will of the Force, a ‘poorly trained child’—that would be me--pulled Kanan through time and space thanks to a convenient space anomaly right where where PZ-5 and I happened to be.” 

Thrawn stopped pacing. “I don’t believe a word of your ‘space anomaly’ explanation, Bridger. It is absolutely ludicrous and entirely undocumented.”  

“Fine. Then I’ll stop talking about it.  You can’t deny my master is here and very much alive. It seems very obvious to me the Force thinks the galaxy—and you—need Kanan and me back together.  Don’t tell me you can’t find an efficient use for two Jedi in those big plans you’re cooking up to wow the Chiss Ascendancy.” 

Thrawn’s eyes penetrated Ezra for a very long moment.  Ezra could almost see the wheels within wheels turning.  

“Oh, indeed I can.”  Thrawn’s lips curved ever so slightly.  “And I will.” He gestured at the door. Dismissed. 

Ezra turned to leave, then a thought occurred to him.  “You don’t happen to have any other lightsa—” Thrawn cut in smooth as silk. 

“Kanan Jarrus will have to earn it first.” 

Ezra departed, feeling a bit less peaceful. Perhaps substantially less peaceful. 

Kanan 4 ABY 

Kanan rested quietly in the medical bay, still adjusting to not being dead while savoring the visual details of everything around him.  Even the bossy XT-92 med droid didn’t annoy him too much.  Some areas of his skin needed further healing, but most had returned to its light russet brown color. 

Closing his eyes, he could still tune in his highly developed Force-sight. He’d need to actively use it to make sure his advanced abilities didn’t weaken.  He looked up as Ezra came in, clutching a cup of caf.  “Sorry…I’d get you some, but that hovering droid won’t allow it.”   

“I think saving my life today pretty much makes up for it.” Kanan’s mouth quirked.  

Ezra plopped down next to Kanan’s bed with a sigh, his blue eyes darkened with shadows. “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure I’ve done you any favors, Kanan. We’re stuck out here with Thrawn, one step behind a new enemy that could shred this ship like a rabid Loth-wolf.“ 

“Ezra. Being here--even for a moment--to see the man you’ve become…it’s worth any danger.”   

Ezra ducked his head, cheeks flushed.  Kanan gripped Ezra’s forearm, feeling the Force resonate between them.  “Always remember. We are the balance, Ezra. We are supposed to be here now. Where Lothal needs us most.” 

Ezra lifted his gaze back to Kanan, brightening again.  “Yes, Master.” 

Kanan’s lips curved.  “You know, I’d say you’ve grown waaay past the apprentice stage.” 

“Are you saying…you’re no longer my Master?” Ezra’s brow furrowed. 

“More like I’m sensing the Force reunited us to become a new kind of team.  We’ll just have to figure it out as we go along—like we’ve always done.”   

Ezra’s thoughtful expression eased into a teasing smile.  “Well, don’t get too bossy about it. You’re not all that much older than me anymore.”  Ezra’s grin widened.  “I just realized—won’t you be a little younger than Hera now?” 

Hera. Kanan’s heart swelled with an almost unbearable longing to hold her--and their five-year-old!--tightly in his arms and never let go. He forced the lump in his throat down with a laugh. “And I look forward to reminding her of that every day.” 

Ezra’s grin slipped away.  “I wish I could tell you when we’ll make it home.”  The unspoken if we’ll make it home hung silently between the two Jedi.   

Kanan sighed deeply, then his somber expression shifted into his signature smirk. “Hey, at least it’ll give me time to grow my hair out.” 

Lothal 4 ABY 

Jacen Syndulla skipped along the beach, trailing behind his mother and Aunt Sabine. The sea lapped gently against the sand and stonier outcroppings.  Jacen zigzagged among scattered debris washed up by yesterday’s unusually fierce storm, searching for pirate treasures hidden in the kelp and rocks.  Hondo will be so jealous!  The breeze blew Jacen’s bright green bangs into his eyes and he flipped his hair aside with a grin. Although sometimes he wished he had long, curving lekku like Grandfather Cham, Jacen felt nothing but pride whenever anyone said he looked like his father.  I’m the son of a Jedi Knight. 

“Jacen, don’t run off too far,” Mama called out. She and Aunt Sabine stood looking back at a gleaming, spiral form that stretched into the blue sky.  Mama had explained Aunt Sabine worked with others on the City Council to build a memorial to Lothal’s freedom from the Empire.  They’d come for a few rotations to join other family and friends for the grand opening.  Jacen liked any excuse to visit Aunt Sabine.  She told great stories about all her explosive adventures. Plus, there was supposed to be a huge party. 

“Okay, Mama!” Jacen really did mean to obey her this time, but then he saw huge Loth-wolf prints in the damp sand.  He knew immediately those led to something exciting.  Making sure Mama’s pretty face was turned away, Jacen dashed off. Oh, yeah, he’d have plenty to tell Hondo later today. 

Jacen followed the tracks around a mound of sea-rusted permasteel.  I bet this is from the dome that got blown up in the sky.  That was one of his favorite stories, especially when Uncle Zeb told it.  But right now, he was more interested in the pit the Loth-wolf had dug.  Avoiding all the piled-up sand, Jacen slipped into the damp hole. And landed on a storage container. It was pretty banged up, but still shut tight.  I wonder what’s inside?  Jacen lay his hand against the lock.  He closed his eyes…and reached out with his mind to open it. 

Huddled together in private conversation, Hera and Sabine didn’t see the feisty five-year-old disappear behind the washed-up wreckage.  “Truthfully, I’m not sure what to do, Sabine.  Just the other day, Jacen managed to lock Zeb and Kallus in the cargo hold.  About five minutes after I left.”   

Sabine stifled a smile. “I’m pretty sure Chopper played a role in that.” Hera managed a wan chuckle. 

“But he’s always knowing things he shouldn’t, getting into places and things that should be beyond him.” 

Sabine gestured at the Liberation of Lothal spire. “You have to admit, his parents happen to be well known troublemakers.”  The two women shared a wry grin before Hera’s expression tightened again. 

“I know. But now that’s Jacen’s getting older, the safest thing seems to send him to stay with the other Force sensitive younglings. He could learn from Luke…but then I’d hardly see him.” Hera’s graceful hands clenched.  “I’m just not ready for that.” 

Sabine eyed Hera with concern. “Are Jacen’s Force abilities becoming a danger to himself or others?”  Hera sighed. 

“He got teased again the other day for not looking Twi’lek enough. Jacen didn’t hurt the boy…but he did Force push the toy they were arguing about hard enough to stick in the wall.”  Hera’s lekku slumped. “If only Kanan or Ezra were here to teach him.” 

“Hera, there may be other options.” Sabine tried to contain her excitement. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you yet. Ahsoka Tano is returning soon.” 

“Ahsoka’s coming back? That’s, that’s…welcome news” Hera smiled, recalling the Togruta with both fond and bitter memories. “But she’s not a Jedi anymore, is she?” 

Sabine planted her hands on her hips. “Hera, she’s a Force wielder…Surely, she can at least offer some useful advice about Jacen.” Sabine did not add before Ahsoka and I go looking for Ezra.  She would share that significant news with Hera and the others later. 

“Yes, of course, you’re right, Sabine.” Hera squeezed Sabine’s shoulder. “Speaking of my son, where did that little Loth-rat go?”  Hera and Sabine scanned around, calling out Jacen’s name.  Hera now spied the Loth-wolf paw prints leading away. “Jacen!” 

Distant movement caught Sabine’s eye and she pointed. “There he is, he just jumped on top of that wreckage.”  She and Hera rushed toward Jacen, relief on their faces. 

Hera beckoned imperiously. “Jacen Caleb Syndulla, you get down from there before you fall through!” 

Jacen waved back from his precarious perch with a gap-toothed grin. Then, he ignited the lightsaber upraised in his hand.  The brilliant blue blade stopped Hera and Sabine in their tracks. “Is that Kanan’s…?” Sabine’s voice choked up. 

Hera’s own voice tried to scream, cry and laugh at the same time. “Jacen?!”  Her legs unfroze, and she raced across the last of the sand just as Jacen jumped down with a flourish of the humming blade.  

He switched off the lightsaber, placing it obediently in Hera’s commanding hand. “Better put it somewhere safe, Mama.” Jacen looked off into a distance only he could see and smiled. “I think Daddy’s going to need it back.”

  sdlocked0 Tabl

[conquerthedevil]

Signs of a Spiritual Attack: Oppression

Next, I want to cover demonic oppression. The spirit of oppression is a heaviness that weighs a person down, dulls their senses, and makes them inactive and unproductive. It is largely a loss of freedom for the afflicted person. The demon wants to get them alone and isolated. In that way, it has almost total control over the person with little to no outside interference. Oppression is a very broad category, having a wide range of sufferings that vary in degree, with some being more severe than others but all being harmful to the victim. It includes a person’s health, finances, emotions, relationships, and more, and it can escalate to physical attacks on the body. In my last article, I talked about how demons collectively work together to destroy a person. The spirit of oppression is one of those demons, but it hides its presence, at least for a while. Let me explain. A person can be afflicted with depression, doubt, discouragement, and so on. And all of these attacks are unlike the person since they are caused by demons. So the person doesn’t understand what is happening to them. They focus on the symptom or symptoms that are most dominant at any given time. Let’s say the spirit of depression is aggressively attacking a person. The person is going to fixate on the depression. They will obsess over it (which is another demon) and do everything in their power to figure out why they are experiencing such depression. In the meantime, the spirit of oppression is quietly hidden from the person’s awareness, growing stronger and stronger each day.

Keeping all of this in mind, let’s look at the definition of oppression. It is prolonged cruel and unjust treatment or control. Mental pressure or distress. This a good summation of what it is like to be under a spiritual attack. But it is also vague. It gives you the gist but not the details. I’m going to give you the details so that you can more clearly see the tactics of the enemy. Not everyone will experience all of these symptoms, but this information will help you identify those symptoms that afflict you, which is paramount in your fight against the enemy. It is also important to mention that a spiritual attack lasts much longer than a few days. I was attacked day and night for about three years with very few reprieves. That is because the devil doesn’t stop. Steps will eventually need to be taken to regain control over your life. So the attacks are long, unrelenting, and extremely malicious. Some sufferings remain even after the attacks subside. I am still healing over twenty years later. You just can’t go through something so heinous and not be impacted by it.

Now I want to get to the details or some of the signs and symptoms of demonic oppression. A person may see demonic images in their mind, or they can manifest physically. They can be tormented with nightmares, be assaulted with vile odors, and hear things that can’t be seen like banging, footsteps, and demonic voices. They can also have obsessive thoughts, negative thinking patterns, suicidal tendencies, and develop compulsive and addictive behaviors. The devil attacks the emotions with; confusion, fear, anxiety, panic attacks, rage, loneliness, despondency, constant feelings of guilt and shame, worthlessness, and more. Sleep deprivation, which leads to overwhelming fatigue is almost always a tactic of the enemy. And there is also sickness that usually affects the stomach and head. So this gives a good idea of how vast this category is. It is easy to see that all of these symptoms affect the whole person. I experienced pretty much all of these symptoms and have written about a lot of them already.

I was pushed more than once, and I had injuries due to those incidences. I physically felt a heaviness or pressure on my chest while I was in bed at night. That was terrifying. I saw evil images in my mind and had demonic dreams when I was allowed to sleep. I had electricity (like) sensations all over my body that stopped me from falling asleep. This brings me to my health, which was extremely affected by the lack of sleep. I couldn’t think or comprehend information. I was severely weakened physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The last time I saw the witch, she gave me a cookie, and after eating it I became very ill. I have had terrible stomach problems ever since. I also have other illnesses that are directly connected to the stress I was under for so long. These health issues have affected our finances because the cost of the doctors, medications, and supplements are excessive. But without them, I can’t function as I should.

The most severe form of oppression is physical attacks on the body. People can be pushed and poked, have bite marks, scratches, and cuts appear on their bodies. All of these attacks are perpetrated by an invisible demonic force. I never experienced anything as serious as these symptoms, except for being pushed and poked. The spirit of oppression has immense control over a person at this point. It is no longer hidden but very much perceptible. It wants to tear the person down and keep them in bondage. The way I see this, the spirit of oppression is the chief demon, the head guy. He sends out the lesser demons, or those under his control, to pick away at the victim piece by piece, destroying every trace of who they are. Once this is accomplished, the demon no longer needs to conceal its identity but boldly takes center stage.

” The Lord is my Light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom should I be afraid? When evildoers come at me to devour my flesh; My foes and my enemies themselves stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart will not fear.; Though war be waged upon me, even then I will trust.”

This is a lot to digest, and I don’t want to leave anyone feeling lost or hopeless. My objective is to help people see what is happening to them so they can begin to break free. The devil likes to work in the dark. He will try to keep people isolated, stuck, and stagnant so they can never find freedom. But Jesus is light, and it is only through Him that healing and freedom are found. That means you have to take the step forward, toward Jesus. Don’t listen to the lies these evil spirits scream in your head. Be brave, and run to the Church and the sacraments. This is where you will find the help you need. As long as you keep all of this a secret, you cooperate with the devil, and he will continue to control you. Don’t let him have that kind of power over you. Now that I have presented all of this information in this series of articles, I am going to change gears. I want to focus on how these doors were opened, what can be done to close them, and how people can protect themselves.      

Cleanse Me Lord

May the most Precious Blood which flowed from the most Holy wounds of our loving Lord Jesus pour over me, to wash, cleanse, purify, heal, guide, and protect me from all evil, harm, sickness, and bless and make me as Holy as I can be. I ask this in the Holy Name of Jesus and through His most Precious Blood and His most Holy wounds. Amen

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