#but the thing that medication is for is also impacted by my periods anyway and also my hormones so idk

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

People always joke about the “look up your symptoms online, cancer” thing, but as someone with anxiety and a family history of cancer on my dad’s side it’s super frustrating. I’ll be looking something up and the first part of a medical article is like “it’s common in cases of dehydration or constipation” and I know full well that I am currently experiencing period constipation at that very moment, but I look at the rest of the article just in case and part way down it’s like “could be cancer” and that part of the article then continues with “if accompanied by any of these other symptoms get checked for it” and I’m not experiencing those other symptoms, but now my brain is stuck on cancer when the most likely explanation is literally just my hormonal constipation

[ladyyatexel]

Hey, what's up, hello, I'm Xel, I truly have Donald Duck levels of bad luck and yet I do not have the rage button that makes things work out if I throw a tantrum, which feels like yet another failure of media, what is the deal with this.

The deal is:

Temp job had to let me go instead of make me permanent because the economy scared the 5 people over 65 in that department out of feeling safe enough to retire

None of my applications are getting interviews and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Donald Duck tantrum did not assist me in this realm.

Holy shit seasonal depression I can't get out of bed like.... A Lot.

I have a convention to go to in February where I am selling art in the art show and where I will see many of my friends the only time per year.

I'm scared of everything haha wow 😬

I'm am an artist who just feels too upset and worried to art

I'm having trouble getting everything together and maybe will feel better with some level of stability? I need to do a lot of paperwork. It is proving hard. I have the Tumblr popular suspicions about my level of neurodivergance. (Fun story: I told members of my my family that I have thought in the last two years especially that I might have ADHD or Autism or something, and my cousin said, "Oh, honey *just the last two years?*" Obliterated.)

My abusive dad recently joined a cult and my grandmother thinks he'll try to contact me after 15 years and I'm fucking scared of him and that is Affecting Me in A Way boy howdy.

I do not have the money to pay rent even a little bit! I'm trying to get January and February taken care of maybe? So I can try to exist for this period of time and maybe not have a breakdown or get evicted or something?

Some real not awesome medical junk happening also because why not.

SO, I'm doing Tumblr's favorite thing and being a starving queer artist with brain worms who needs help. If you are interested in helping me out and making a donation to the "Why don't my Donald Duck tantrums solve my problems" fund, I would be Really Grateful.

I am on Ko-Fi, which is really just a funnel to PayPal, over here.

$2500 would keep me on solid ground. I'll try to keep a tally here in a read more along with a expenses tally if that would help you feel better about me! I know I've had to ask frequently in the last few months, so I understand thinking I'm full of it.

I have a commission to finish currently and a few buttons and things that need to be mailed. You could also ask for button and commission, but I am doing prep work for my part of the art show in mid February, so I'm not available until after then for that!

My grandfather used to do a Donald Duck impression that was really good and it convinced me that either he WAS Donald Duck or that old people all knew how to do this because they all talked like this in the era Donald Duck was from.

Here is Ko-Fi again. If there's something you'd like to see me post or unearth in atonement, let me know. If you'd like other places to aim your dead green American presidents, I can give you that too.

Thanks for reading and/or reblogging! Tell me how Donald Duck's freakouts impacted you. Take care of yourselves!

Rent is $710/month, so 1420 is January and February.

65 for the internet, 130

65 for car insurance, 130

65 for electric unless I can get the assistance plan up again, same 130

250 to survive at the con maybe?

Also just like food until i can get the foodstamps stuff sorted??

Gas???

Anyway, that's an idea of what and why, if that is helpful.

Jan 8:

We are at $460!

Thanks!

[lonelyroommp3]

right like… many many people have PMS and feel unwell during the start of the period… but apart from that you lot have to be exaggerating. the only way i can tell i’m ovulating is because it hurts and i can count. i believe scientific research has found differences in, eg, strength over the cycle but i’m convinced this is like the brain maturing at 25 thing where no one actually notices most of it but people on the internet have convinced themselves they do based on something they barely understand

i initially noticed this whole cycle phases obsession (through instagram reels, which we all know is a place for the secondhand dregs of whatever tiktok drama or trend is currently occurring, so i really cannot say for certain if this manifestation of the trend was actually how it originated) happening more in the fitness and/or Body Positivity For Slim White Women spheres with people pointing out how your body shape might change very slightly between phases. which i still think got overblown a bit (not to mention the myriad... implications of all these accounts claiming you will look at your most snatched and skinny while in the follicular & ovulation zones because That's What's Sexually Appealing To Men... okay) but whatever, i do think there is some use for that in the sense that pointing out "you might look and feel more bloated than usual right before your period starts, this is normal, stop panicking" might be genuinely helpful for people who are self conscious to the point of overthinking the most minor fluctuations in their weight and body shape

but anyway yeah, as you said i think there is an element of truth in the whole psychological element, again as somebody with a literal hormonal disorder i'm not going to sit here and claim "oh hormone levels have zero impact on your emotions" because i know from personal medically supported experience that this is untrue. but i think trying to spin it into this whole "i have entirely distinct thoughts and priorities and responses to things depending on where i am in the cycle to the point that i might as well be an entirely different person, and i also have no control over this whatsoever btw" thing is, as you said, a whole lot of confirmation bias, and as @brightfuture2024 said in the replies of my og post about it, a very handy "oh but it's not misogyny if i'm just really in touch with my body" repackaging of the idea that women (and my exclusionary language is entirely intentional here because you know the people peddling this shit are viewing this as TikTok I'm Just A Girl "Feminism", nonbinary, transmasc etc people who menstruate are not even being remotely considered in this conversation) are completely at the whims of their hormones and their entire personality & needs & wants are controlled exclusively by where they happen to be in their cycle at any given moment. just grim tbqh

[theriverbeyond]

re: love lies bleeding... i could be wrong but isn't there a difference between the type of steroids jackie was taking and testosterone? i assumed the increasing violence was due to steroid psychosis.

There mostly isn't! The main difference between "juicing"/bodybuilding steroid use and TRT or HRT is mostly just dose and frequency it is being taken. The brands might be different between medical vs recreational use, and some people take compounds that include things like growth hormone or other stuff, but "Anabolic steroid" doesn't mean "bad and used for bodybuilding", it means "hormone that mimics androgens". Link for WebMD overview of anabolic steroids

This is one of the reasons why trans men face issues when wanting to compete in "natural" strength/bodybuilding sports (not to mention, of course, the exclusion of trans women). USA Powerlifting does not specifically ban trans men from competing in the male division, but it bans any and all TRT, with no medical exemption available to anyone, which is effectively the same as banning both trans and cis men with medical conditions that require them to be taking testosterone.

Testosterone replacement therapy's (TRT) goal is to maintain the body's testosterone within a defined medical range. Cis and trans people of all kinds can be prescribed TRT for various medical reasons (post-menopause, being trans, erectile dysfunction, etc). People who use steroids for bodybuilding are blowing right past that defined medical range -- an example is you may see a cis man on TRT with a dose of maybe 0.25mg/week on the low end with the "average" being around 100mg/week. The dose is raised and lowered to maintain the body's T levels within the healthy medical range/the individual's transition goals.

A man using T for a higher performance in strength/bodybuilding sports is likely to be on way, way higher doses, 200-400mg/week or more, and may be taking T in "cycles" specifically intended to promote muscle growth, versus being on it consistently. There are material health risks associated with these high doses but it's not inherently the substance they are using, it is just the dose.

A woman like Jackie is probably going to be on significantly LOWER dose, even for recreational bodybuilding, because women who engage in steroids for muscle growth are usually not looking for the other masculinization side effects of T, so will necessarily want to stay below the TRT levels typically used by both cis and trans men. I mean, this movie takes place in the 80's so they were probably not using modern medical science because it was the 80's, but the reality that a "juiced" woman would probably want to avoid the normal effects of the average T dose remains true because most women body builders regardless of time period are not looking to transition to a T dominant hormone system. link to reddit thread i found

Steroid psycosis does exist, and "roid range" is a known side effect of any kind of steroids -- including non-sex-hormone steroids like dexamethazone. Just go into a children's cancer ward and you will see that steroids will absolutely impact a person's emotional stability on like, a temporary basis. Go on any r/ftm forum and you will see some people having increased irritability as a result of their bodies adjusting to a different hormone system, with much rarer cases of significant emotional challenges. But my critique isn't necessarily to say that it is like, beyond the imagination/too unrealistic, because it's a horror movie and those are rarely realistic. Exaggeration is the name of the game there. Like I said in my original post, it's not that I hate the movie, I'm just THINKING about the movie and how this aspect of the plot landed badly, for me. In this day& age did we have to make the big tall muscle woman w high T also be a crazy violent killer. We exist in the context of all that came b--(im taken out by another sniper)

Anyway. I hope that answers your question now where is that large hook. I need to be dragged off stage immediately before I write another 1000 words on

[i-arch-my-backula]

Hannigram with a s/o who has high functioning depression

I'm going to do this with other slashers too I just wanted to start of with one for now. But I've been dealing with high functioning depression also known as persistive depressive disorder since like 2017 but I didn't know it until January. I was never told what it was really like when I was diagnosed so I only recently after searching about persistive depressive disorder did I find out how much it really was impacting my life. Not to get into too much detail but I feel like people don't often talk about people who have depression who can still function and appear normal but still are dealing with issues like this. Anyway I'm self indulging, as a treat, with this one.

Warnings: Mentions of self harm and suicide, mental health struggles, mostly just hurt/comfort

At the beginning of the relationship with them everything seemed fine. You seemed like a happy healthy person, Will and Hannibal were happy with that too.

But as the relationship goes on and you open up more and more about what's been going on in your day to day life they start to worry.

Of course Hannibal will know it's persistive depressive disorder and will have to explain that to Will too. Will is going to be a bit confused about how you have this but he's going to trust Hannibal on this one.

Hannibal knows that pdd isn't easy to see unless your really know a person. He knows that on the outside you look and function fine. You keep up with work and hygine and you don't seem like you'd be depressed. But he knows better.

But it's those reasons Will doesn't see how you have depression. But he'll soon see that it's a daily struggle for you and he's going to take this seriously.

Hannibal is going to encourage that you go to him to talk about your mental struggles and whatever else you need to talk about. Will is going to try and help you too.

Hannibal will set easy tasks for you to do throughout the day that aren't going to be too draining on you. He understands how you can do things like go to work, keep up proper hygine and do other things most people can but it's incrediably draining on you.

If you aren't currently living with the two of them then there will be daily check ups if you don't see them on that day. Hannibal will insist that he cooks meals for you. One because he does that for people he loves and two he knows how you might not feel encouraged to eat because of your disorder.

But if you are living with them the check ups will be whenever they can be. If Will or Hannibal notices that you've been up in your room for a long time or you've been alone for an extended period of time Will is going to go check on you and make sure that you're doing ok.

If they find you crying Will is going to be the comforter, holding you close and rubbing your back while whispering sweet words to you while Hannibal is going to ask why you're crying and what caused this to happen.

It's like that with most things. Will is the one who does the comforting and Hannibal does the more psychological aspect of it. Of course Hannibal will wait until you've calmed down enough before he starts picking your brain.

Hannibal will also keep you in contact with someone who can perscribe medications for you to take. If you are on medications they'll make sure you never miss your doses.

They know how tiring it can be to do tasks all day long but there will be lots of praise when you do tasks. They want you to know that they know it's hard on you but that they're so proud of you for doing it anyway.

But on days that it gets really bad, like you can barely do anything days Will is going to sneak you some comfort food and Hannibal is going to insist you be near them in case you start getting bad thoughts.

On these worse days they won't force you out of bed but they'll suggest you at least join them in Hannibal's study. You don't even have to do anything you can just sit with them in there and they'll give you praise for it.

If you have a past with self harm and suicidal thoughts and actions they will take this into account. Depending on how long you've been self harm clean you won't be allowed around sharp objects alone. But if you've been clean for awhile you can be alone with them unless it's a rough day mentally.

Now no matter what once you talk about having had or currently having suicidal thoughts they're going to lock up medication and whatever else they need to keep you safe. They love you so much and they don't want to lose you.

In the moments that you are happy and in a good mood they'll take note of what's making you happy and suggest it as a coping skill for you. They love seeing you happy and hearing you laugh.

Whatever activities you find fun and enjoyable they'll encourage and support them. Hannibal is rich and he can spend money on whatever it is that you like. If you're into the arts Hannibal will indulge you in whatever art speaks to you. He's more than happy to pose for a drawing or a painting for you.

If you're more into nature and being outside Will has got you covered. He'll join you on hikes, fishing, camping, whatever else you enjoy doing outside.

[agerefandomstuff]

dude I feel so cringe for this but Il Dottore [Genshin Impact] regressor hcs + paci edit if possible.

doesn't fit his character at all but He's a important character to me so yeah

First off, I love cringe and I love giving age regression headcannons to EVERY kind of person/character so don’t ever doubt yourself in my inbox again. I love you. I love this creativity. Keep it going. This is fantastic. This is what fandoms are about.

Regressor!Dottore — The Doctor

Genshin Impact Agere

—Each part of himself that he split into a new segment/clone regresses into a different age range; toddler, baby, middle, etc.

—Even though each clone is a difference regression age they still play together

—They do little things like designing new masks or outfits for each other or challenging each others knowledge regarding medical/god/power trivia or something (spoiler: they all know the same things and no one ever wins. yet they all win because they’re entertaining themselves)

—Splitting himself into segments causes a bit of wear on his brain and regression is a way for his brain to help deal with that stress

—He learned about agere from observing a patient long ago.

—He doesn’t view regression as a waste of time to him since it gives him a different perspective on the world. Or that’s what his adult headspace explains it as anyway.

—Regression is secretly a way for his brain to take a bit of a break from the constant obsessive thoughts regarding his desire to turn people into gods. Agere allowed him to just… take a moment for his brain and body so he doesn’t get overwhelmed or run himself into the dust.

—It’s like a momentary cool down period where afterwards he feels refreshed and blooming with new ideas.

—He’s strong enough that “he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants.” (this thought process really makes him sound like a brat but… no one would say that to him since he’s nearly a god). Which means he also doesn’t consider regression a weakness since even when he’s in this more vulnerable headspace.. he can still be worry free since he’s practically “invincible.”

—He makes his own toys. Whether they’re robots made/powered by people and their souls… that’s for Dottore to know and Dottore to be disturbingly pleased with.

—Since he can shapeshift, that’s how he plays sometimes. He changes into someone else and either just goes about in that body

—Or he conducts “child friendly” experiments on others. Such as social experiments and sometimes other things.

—Dissecting isn’t for most kiddos but his personality doesn’t change too much when little so he has a great time.

—Everything seems so much more unique and interesting when little.

—He likes learning. Especially about people/illnesses so he reads and colors on medical coloring books.

Like this one!

V

I don’t know anything about Genshin Impact- so as always with fandoms I have to do a little research on— I hope this was okay! 🩵

[faggotmox]

UNTIL I SAY SO

Fandom: All Elite Wrestling (AEW) Rating: Explicit Time Period: After Blood & Guts 2023 Characters: Jon Moxley, Wheeler Yuta, Claudio Castagnoli, (background) Bryan Danielson, Blackpool Combat Club, BCC Relationships: Jon Moxley/Claudio Castagnoli/Wheeler Yuta, background Jon Moxley/Bryan Danielson/Claudio Castagnoli/Wheeler Yuta, BCC Polycule Summary: After the BCC's loss at Blood & Guts there are apologies to be made and punishments to be given. All in the name of strengthening the BCC. Word Count: 11,978 Writer's Notes: Shout out to @di0brando for proof reading/editing and also helping me work out Yuta's dom character. Kink list/warnings below cut (because long) but also exactly the same as on the ao3 link. This is also a celebration fic for me getting fired/quitting my hell corporate coffee job. Translations: Swiss German Terms of Endearment + Sternli means "little star" + Tigerli means "little tiger" (ya know when your boyfriend is huge so you're both "little" something or other.) -> link to fic on ao3

Final Writer's Notes: Okay okay, so here is the thing…the thing is they're horny and fit so they can come like 20 times. It's fine. Don't ask questions about that. Look at all the other kinks and (checks notes) the story? Anyways these sluts are definitely in an established BDSM relationship so like they don't need to negotiate and what not. Enjoy my return to wrestling porn! Roles: Dom/Top/Power Bottom Wheeler Yuta, Sub/Switch/Service Top Claudio Castagnoli, Sub/Bottom Jon Moxley, Background Dom/Top/Daddy Bryan Danielson Kink List: BDSM, Heavy BDSM, Multiple Orgasms, Dom/sub, Restraints, Spanking, Impact Play, Paddling, Cock Rings, Dildos, Sex Toys, Punishment, Degradation Kink, Humiliation Kink, Master/Slave, Domspace, Subspace, Service Top, Come play, Prostate Milking, Prostate Massage, Cock & Ball Torture, Rough Sex, Rough Oral Sex, BDSM Scene, Kink, Cock Warming, Force Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay, Dry Orgasm, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Objectification Kink, Pain Kink, Pain Play, S&M, Sadomasochism, Blindfolds, Gags, Choking, Face Slapping, Cock Slapping, Spit Kink, Yuta Worship, Bondage

Until I Say So

“You know what you have to do.” Bryan’s voice crackled over the headphones.

“He did the right thing.” Yuta walked along the cushioned carpets of the hotel hallways. 

“You still need to do this,” Bryan reiterated. “For him.”

“I know.” Yuta got to the door, his hands moving to get the keycard out of his pocket. “I’ll take care of it.”

“I know you will.” There was a brief pause. “That’s why I wasn’t worried about not being there tonight.” A silence hung between them before Bryan spoke again. “You must be at the door?” 

“Yeah. I’ll let you know how it goes.” Yuta pulled one of the buds out of his ear. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Bryan hung up.

The door opened as expected. Yuta walked inside, cleaned up and stitched back together. Chin held high because Yuta didn’t give up, and Yuta didn’t cost them the match. The balcony door that said ‘no smoking’ was open with Mox standing outside. The medical kit was all put back together on the bed, and the water was running in the bathroom. Claudio must have finished up with Mox and was cleaning up while Mox waited. Waited for Yuta. 

The man in question turned after a few moments of being watched. A half-smoked cigarette in his mouth as he took in Yuta. Mox ducked his head quickly, his hand coming up to take the cigarette and flick it into a can-made-ashtray. The door made a squeaky sound when Mox closed it. The older man wasn’t wearing his shoes. Just a pair of loose-fitting shorts and a few bandages. 

Mox’s head was still ducked down, his shoulders hunched forward, when he leaned into Yuta’s personal space to nudge his forehead against the side of Yuta’s. An apology. The way a puppy would apologize. For a moment Yuta indulged Mox’s feelings. One of his hands came up to rest on the back of the other man’s neck and pull him closer. 

“I shouldn’t…have tapped for you.” Mox finally said just as the bathroom door opened.

“Hang on, Claudio.” Yuta stopped any interruption preemptively. His hand gripped Mox’s chin. “No. You shouldn’t have tapped for me. You’re going to make it up to me, right?” Yuta stared hard at Mox before he got a jerky nod. “Get these off and get on the bed.” 

As soon as Yuta let go, Mox did what he was told to do. His shorts were discarded before he got on the bed, careful of any injury or bandage. Yuta turned around to Claudio once that was taken care of, and went to kiss the other man. There was probably some guilt playing in Claudio after the Pac altercation, but Yuta hadn’t been relying on Pac. Claudio had come through time and again during the match. So had Mox. 

“You did a good job patching him up.” Yuta gave a reassuring smile. “You did a good job tonight.”

“Thank you.” Claudio tipped his head and kissed a stitch on Yuta’s brow. “He’s good to go for you. All cleared, and cleaned up. Nothing too bad.”

“Hmm. Good.” Yuta ran a hand up Claudio’s arm. “Wanna referee?” 

“Yeah?” Claudio glanced between Mox on the bed and Yuta in front of him. 

“I want you to.” Yuta reassured. 

“I would like to. Thank you, Wheeler.” Claudio kissed the stitch again before kissing Yuta's lips.

They parted with Claudio going to change into a tank top and pair of boxers before settling into a chair nearby. Yuta stripped his t-shirt so Mox could see everything for the first time. What he gave to hold on, and Mox gave that up.

It wasn’t on purpose but Yuta always felt a little like he was in the ring when he tugged their equipment bag out from under the bed. What was it going to be? A barbed wire bat or a vibrator? Yuta was smirking to himself over his own dumb little jokes, but for all Mox knew he was smirking over the punishment he had planned. Now Yuta was smirking about that.

“Tell me your safeword, Mox.” 

“Regal. Yours?” 

“Dragon.”

They both nodded to each other before Yuta made his decision. Bryan had told him that he needed to take Mox down after that. Punish him for that decision even though Yuta could admit it was the right call. However Bryan didn’t provide a detailed plan of the punishment, and Yuta was working on the fly. He was a smart guy though, and he could kill two birds with one stone here.

“Make yourself useful while I set up for you.” Yuta unzipped the bag, not bothering to look at Mox. “Since Claudio carried the team on his back tonight, I think you should thank him properly. Some appreciation is in order for how well he patched you up, too.”

Yuta was able to fish a few things he needed out of the bag rather quickly, and silently thanked Claudio for being so organized. He followed behind Mox and stood nearly touching him as he knelt in front of Claudio in the armchair. 

“Thank you, Claudio.” Mox frowned at the annoyed sigh from the larger man.

“Yuta, if you would--” Claudio gestured vaguely at Mox in a way he didn’t get, but Yuta did; he handed Claudio a cushion. “You just took a beating. Take care of our property, Jon.” Claudio made Mox move and kneel on the pad instead of the harder floor. 

“Sorry.” Mox cleared his throat when he felt Yuta smack the back of his head.

“Who are you, Bryan? Awfully quiet tonight, Mox. I want to hear you thanking Claudio for everything he’s done and then suck his dick until I’m ready to deal with you.” Yuta passed off a pair of cock rings to Claudio, and a blindfold. 

“Yeah. You’re right.” Mox cleared his throat and shifted to get comfortable before looking up at Claudio. “Thank you for carrying the team, and taking all the pain you did for us. For bleeding for us. I know you protected both of us more than once during the match. You fought hard. Thank you. But mostly thank you for not…not giving up on Yuta. I saw you fighting to get to him. I saw…”

While Mox rambled on, Yuta cleared off the hotel room desk, hoping that it would be sturdy enough to support their activities. Yuta didn’t have to watch to know that Claudio was getting them both into the rings, and Mox into the blindfold. It was easy. Everyone was getting what they needed, and if Yuta could pull it off they’d all get to walk away a little less wounded. Which he guessed was the weight Bryan was putting on his shoulders. 

The rambling had stopped but there were now sucking sounds. The heavy sigh from Claudio made Yuta smirk. It might be fucked up, but they were fucked up. A guilty blowjob from Mox was one of the best things in the world. Mox was obsessed with choking himself on Claudio’s dick anyways. As Yuta went over his restraint choices he glanced over to see Claudio lounged back, arms behind his head and eyes closed as Mox exorcized his demons. 

“Not to interrupt,” Yuta piped up, the wry grin still on his face as Claudio cracked an eye open. “It looks like a good thank you.”

“Oh, it is.” Claudio put a large hand on the back of Mox’s head to force him all the way down. “Fuck. Best thank you a guy could ask for.”

Mox gagged for a long moment as he was held down. He didn’t push or fight back. A tight moan worked its way out of his chest when he was close to a limit and Claudio let him up without a moment's hesitation. Mox swayed hard backwards. Heavy eyes blinked tears away as he tried to refocus himself. 

“Care to put him over this table for me, Claudio? Face down, please.” Yuta gestured to the set up. 

“No problem.” Claudio winked at Yuta. “You know how much I like to pick him up.”

It was true. Claudio had a thing specifically for picking up Mox. The dazed man didn’t even squirm when Claudio scooped him up, Mox’s damaged back meeting Claudio’s sculpted chest, and carried him over to the desk. Some of the pressure made Mox hiss as pain sparked in his wounds, but it also made his dick twitch. 

The cool wood did little to calm the fever Mox was in. Claudio reached to restrain Mox but Yuta gently stopped him and motioned for him to secure Mox’s lower half. Yuta liked when Claudio refereed for them. He knew Claudio liked it when Mox refereed for him. It was funny how they all had their own preferences. Yuta vaguely knew he was Bryan’s go-to. Yuta had seen Bryan and Mox do crazy things together.

The leather cuffs around Mox’s ankles were secured, and Claudio was quick to do his thighs as well. Yuta adjusted the blindfold, kissing Mox’s cheek before snapping one wrist in, and then going for the other. Yuta anticipated Mox’s spike of panic.

“Hey.” Yuta grabbed the scruff of Mox’s neck. “Stop it. Calm down, and breathe. You’re going to be cuffed, just like in the ring, and this time we don’t stop until I say so.”

Mox whimpered and gave one last push back before collapsing onto the table. Now Yuta could fully clasp the last cuff since he didn’t have to hold Mox down. Once everything was on, Yuta did a quick once-over to make sure everything was good to go before looking up to see Claudio smiling at him.

“Good call.” Claudio said quietly as he got up and moved around to pull a chair up to the side of the desk, near Mox’s head. 

One of the side tables had been dragged over for Yuta to put all of their necessities on. Claudio was where he needed to be to keep an eye on Mox, his hand occasionally stroking his hard on. The click of the lube cap startled Mox. Yuta chuckled as he pulled a pair of gloves on before dribbling the lube over Mox’s hole. The tiny moan that left Mox made Yuta wanna say fuck the punishment and fuck him right there. That’d make Yuta feel better. But he checked himself. This was about making Mox feel better, and doing something incredibly hot. 

“There’s one rule here, Mox.” Yuta teased a finger over the other man's hole, letting Mox adjust his feet and find how he needed to really stand like this. “What’s that rule?” Yuta started to push in his first finger, pulling a deep whine from Mox. “What do you think the one rule is here, Jon?” 

“Fuck.” Mox pressed his forehead against the desk. “Bryan’s a bitch for corrupting you.”

“Focus.” Yuta smacked Mox’s ass sharply, aiming for the horrific edge of the bruise where Mox had landed on the nail bed. There was already some admiration from Yuta for how much Mox could get off on his wounds. Pain was pain to the man, which was the same as pleasure in Mox’s wirecrossed brain. 

“It doesn’t stop until you say so!” Mox called out, his back arching. Yuta pushed two fingers in as a reward. “OH! Fuck.” 

“Good boy.” Yuta finger fucked Mox slowly to work in more and more lube that they would need. The praise made Mox relax some. The man loved to have his hole played with, Yuta was an expert on that now. Mox was truly a bottom, and enjoyed every moment of it. Even these moments. “Taking me so well. Let’s take things up a notch.”

Yuta started to work on a third finger, which had Mox letting out happily pained sounds. That was what Yuta put his efforts into. He stretched Mox’s hole, pushing deeper and adding more lube. As Mox started to break out in sweat Yuta started to work over his prostate. It was so easy to tease Mox like this, so Yuta did so without mercy. 

“Fuck, fuck. I-I-m--” Mox choked on his own words. “Come?” 

“You wanna come, big guy?” Yuta teased. “‘Cause I keep doing this?” Yuta worked two fingers over the other man’s spot, making him jolt and jerk. 

“Yes! Please! Please?” Mox gasped. 

“There’s only one rule, Mox.” Yuta reminded him.

“It doesn’t stop until you say it stops?” Mox repeated, not quite getting it but to be fair Yuta was working very hard to keep Mox from being able to think much. 

“Exactly. You can come as much as you want, Mox.” Yuta said in a sickeningly soft voice, like he was doing Mox a favor. “You can come now. And again. And again. And again. Doesn’t matter much to me. I’m going to keep doing what I want to you until I decide I’m done.”

“Wheeler.” Mox’s voice caught in his chest, his body tensing as a wave of pleasure built up and broke through. 

“So soon.” Yuta mocked a little as he kept playing with Mox. “We have so long to go. Hope it doesn’t start hurting.” Mox mumbled something that neither could make out. “What was that?” Yuta pressed a mean finger against a bruise.

“Fuck! I said,” Mox had to force his lungs to open up to breathe for a moment before the words could be made. “I fuckin’ said, I hope it does!” 

“That’s what I expect to hear from you, Jon.” Yuta laughed, leaning over the other to kiss his cheek.

The small display of affection was all Mox got before Yuta pulled his fingers free. Mox made a practically wounded sound that made the other two men laugh and muttered a ‘calm down.’ There was a towel below Mox so they didn’t destroy any carpet but Yuta did nothing about his leaking, dripping cock. Still hard from Yuta playing with his g-spot and the binding cock ring.

The next part was going to be a lot of fun for the neighbors. Mox wasn’t shy, and they were letting him be pretty loud right now. Yuta knew to give Claudio the go ahead to start a blowjob if Mox got concerningly loud. 

Off on the side table was Yuta’s selection of equipment. His hands sought out the toy he liked to use most on Mox. Slightly above average length, but thick especially at the head; not realistic but ribbed and grooved since Mox was so sensitive. The toy never failed to bring out the most responsive side of Mox, which was why Yuta always brought it with them. The crowd favorite, so to speak.

The blunt tip of the toy eased past Mox’s hole. There was a little whine that got louder the deeper Yuta pushed the toy. Once it was all the way in, Yuta turned the base and the toy buzzed to life. Mox jumped hard, and pulled against the restraints as Yuta gave tiny, hard, shallow thrusts with the toy. The restraints rattled and Yuta made sure the table wasn’t giving as he started to pull the toy out more and thrust it back in. 

"Wheeler!" Mox hollered as the toy slid over the little spot that sent sparks up his back. "Fuck!"

"If you're too loud, Claudio will have to figure out how to gag you " Yuta teased with the toy, running quick, short thrusts over Mox’s prostate. 

“I can- I can’t--” Mox choked out but Yuta didn’t let up. 

The hitching, gasping sounds Mox kept making clued Yuta into what was about to happen. It took Yuta very few adjustments to press the vibrator against that spot. It looked like a bolt of lightning went through Mox. His back straightened out completely, his hips bucked into the edge of the desk, and all the restraints rattled. 

All the tension snapped at once. Between Mox’s legs Yuta could see his straining cock spray again. Yuta’s mouth watered at the sight. The hard twitching length leaked more as Yuta kept up his torture. When Mox started to shake, Yuta slowly eased the vibrator out, turning it off and setting it aside. 

“W-Wheeler?” Mox stammered, his breathing coming rapidly.

“We're not done yet,” Yuta responded dismissively as he removed his gloves.

“Nah…” Mox shook his head. “E-Empty?” 

That got a good chuckle out of both Yuta and Claudio. It was important to let Mox rest between their bouts, but Yuta couldn’t say no. Not to that. Not with what he had planned for Mox’s ‘rest cycle.’ 

“Oh, you wanna be full, big guy?” Yuta gave a playful pop to the softer underside of Mox’s ass. 

“Fuck, yes!” Mox called out, completely forgetting about or not caring that they had neighbors. 

“Sure about that? You don’t know what’s coming.” Yuta gave the teasing warning but was already pulling out a plug for Mox.

“Yes, Wheeler, yes.” Mox grunted and tried to shake his ass a little. “Plea- Ah!” 

The plug was smaller for Mox. It was smaller than the toy they had just been using, but it would be enough to keep Mox occupied. The toy fit snugly into the bound man, who moaned and bucked back against Yuta. As if Yuta hadn’t just made him come twice and fucked him with the toy nonstop. Mox was ridiculous.

“The way I see it, Mox,” Yuta started as he reached towards his side table set up for something new, “there were five people in that ring you let down.” The words got a little nod from Mox, but Yuta waited for a moment before adding. “And one person at home.”

“...Bryan…” Mox mumbled sadly.

“That’s right. Bryan.” Yuta agreed. “So, I think you owe each of us five strikes.” 

That made Mox’s breathing stop. His hips pushed back and out to be at a good angle for striking. The area Yuta was working with was already pretty bruised and damaged from the match. The strict, wooden paddle Yuta picked would be harsh on what was already there.

Claudio, ever present of mind, got himself to their gear back and was returning to sit with Mox again. Despite looking a little red in the face, Claudio seemed unbothered by the raging hard on between his legs. Yuta watched as Claudio started to wedge Mox’s mouth guard into his mouth. They all had a mouthguard for impact play, courtesy of Claudio. Once the guard was in, Yuta came around to kiss Claudio hard on the mouth.

“I’ll take him to ten, if you’ll follow up with five.” Yuta smiled at the twinkle in the other man’s eyes. “Then next round we’ll do you opening with five and me finishing with ten.”

“I like that.” Claudio kissed Yuta’s cheek before he returned to standing behind Mox.

Giving Mox a spanking was like giving a dog a bone. The man would writhe and thrash, making all sorts of noise too. At least the mouthguard helped with the sound, because Yuta loved to work him up. He delivered ten perfectly placed, well-measured, painful strikes to Mox’s backside. Mox was moaning for more when Yuta handed off the paddle to his trusted ‘referee.’ 

Five blows didn’t take long, but Claudio was precious with his work. The worst of the overlapping areas Yuta left were assaulted by Claudio’s perfect swing. The Swiss giant was by far the best technically out of all of them. By the last strike, Mox was clearly crying. It may have been concerning if he wasn’t also begging for more in mumbled requests against the table.

“There’s the first fifteen. Good boy.” Yuta stroked along a newly minted welt on Mox’s ass. “We get back to it, huh?”

“Back to it?” Mox used all his energy to lift his neck but couldn’t see anything anyways. Claudio took out the mouthguard so Mox could repeat himself. "Back to it?"

“Back to it.” Yuta said again as he took the plug out with a quick jerk of his hand.

“Fuck!” Mox cried out.

“Claudio, could you?” Yuta gestured.

“My pleasure.” Claudio was laughing as he stood up and pressed the tip of his dick to Mox’s mouth. 

As Mox worked his mouth around the thick cock in front of him, Yuta donned another pair of gloves and pushed two lubed fingers into his hole. It was easy for Yuta to play Mox’s body like a guitar. A little like this, and more that way. Mox was extremely responsive, too. The man would make it clearly known if he was having a good or bad time. It was one of Yuta’s favorite things about Mox being his sub. It was never hard to tell what Mox did or did not want.

The next orgasm shuddered through Mox like a train wreck thanks to Yuta’s talented fingers. It was sudden and fast. By the end of it he slumped against the desk and gave up. His body going lax as Claudio fucked his mouth. There was no end in sight for Mox. He knew he would get fifteen more strikes, but he had no idea how long Yuta planned to milk orgasms out of him. 

“Slow your breathing, Jon.” Claudio encouraged gently from above. He stopped moving so deep so that Mox could get his breathing regulated again. “Good boy.” Claudio praised once Mox got himself grounded. “Keep sucking.” 

Just as Mox refocused his brain on breathing and sucking dick, Yuta pulled his fingers out and replaced them with the vibrator. This time the toy was already going, the setting on medium-high. Mox choked and sobbed around Claudio’s cock. The table kept Mox up, his legs and arms defeatedly relaxed.

Yuta tormented Mox with the vibrator to the point that Mox was just outright crying at the stimulation. If Bryan hadn’t taught Yuta so well he’d probably pull out his dick right now and jerk off because the power rush from making Jon Moxley openly cry was enough to make Yuta come.

“There it is.” Yuta called out as he watched Mox have the most painful looking orgasm. “Oh fuck.” 

The head of Mox’s cock was painfully purple. Yuta wondered how loud Mox would scream if he just put his mouth over the sensitive tip. Yuta watched waves of pain and overstimulation roll through Mox’s body as his cock weakly twitched in an effort to come. The toy was only left in long enough to make Mox start bucking his hips away. 

“Okay, okay.” Yuta laughed as he took the vibrator out and put it aside again. He wondered if Mox knew he had come four times now, or if he thought it was some stupidly high number or something. “Claudio?” 

Yuta got the paddle again and held it up for the other to take. Claudio gave a couple of small thrusts before slowly pulling his dick out. Sometimes Yuta called them his ‘goodbyes.’ Claudio’s cock was replaced by the mouthguard before Claudio came to the end of the table. The larger man got the paddle and examined the canvas before him. It didn’t take long for Claudio to rain down five absolutely brutal blows to Mox’s ass. Between the sobs and groans, Yuta heard something.

“What was that, Mox?” Yuta nudged him. “Speak up.”

“...it stops when you say it stops…” Mox had to push the mouthguard out to say it a few times before going back to mouthing the words to himself.

“Oh. That’s hot.” Yuta sighed and started palming his cock through his jeans.

“You’re very close to getting to take care of that.” Claudio grinned as he absently stroked the back of Mox’s head. 

“My turn.” The mouthguard was forced back into Mox’s mouth.

Ten more strikes were laid out on Mox’s pained ass. With Mox, the answer rarely was to go lighter, so he had put some heft into his strikes. The sounds the spanking generated from Mox were so hot Yuta was sure he’d jerk off to them later.

By the time Yuta put the paddle down Mox was shaking, his thick thighs quivering against the maroon restraints. The restrains were leaving red marks against pale skin. The bruising from the match mixed with Claudio and Yuta’s marks. It gave Yuta a head rush. The other bruises Mox had fought against, but the ones they left were welcomed onto his body. It made Yuta feel like he had a right to Mox’s flesh. 

The paddle was put away but Yuta’s hand never left Mox’s welted ass. Claudio removed the mouthguard a final time, putting it away in its case to be washed later. Yuta took a moment to think about their next move and gestured to Claudio to check the blindfold. As a few ideas floated around in his head, Yuta made sure to check Mox over physically. Claudio had taken to whispering softly in German to their sub while he did his own checks. Making fillers so Yuta could have a moment to plan. That decided it. Claudio deserved a reward.

“How are you feeling, big guy?” Yuta groped Mox’s sore ass as he asked, getting back into their scene. There wasn’t a response so Yuta gripped harder. “I asked a question.” There was a long enough silence Yuta considered slowing everything down to check in better.

“Sorry I tapped.” Mox choked miserably on the words. He was so far down and crying so hard the words barely formed in his throat. "I'm sorry I tapped for you. I'm sorry I gave up. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry."

"I know you are." Yuta gestured for Claudio to work on calming their bound sub down. The other was already moving to check Mox over. "That's why we're doing this. Because I know you're sorry, and I know what you need."

"Please?" Mox sighed, his head dropping hard onto the desk.

"Please what, Mox?" Yuta had been gently stroking Mox's hip while Claudio gently massaged Mox's shoulders and back. Together their work seemed to help.

"Keep going." Mox was turning into jelly now.

“You know I will, Mox.” Yuta leaned down to kiss a cared-for wound on his shoulder. “You’ve been a really good boy.” Those words never failed to make Mox moan. “I’m going to make you a little more comfortable for this next part, so you can enjoy it a little more.” 

“Wheeler.” Mox whimpered. “Don’t deserve--”

“You don’t get to decide what you deserve and don’t deserve. That’s my job.” Yuta reminded him with a sharp slap to the thigh. “Claudio.” Yuta reached up to undo one of the wrist cuffs so the larger man followed suit. “Take him around the waist and hold him up for a second.” 

Mox willingly moved, one arm swung around Claudio’s neck. It seemed to take all of his energy to do that. Quickly Yuta folded up another towel to put over the edge of the desk where Mox was bent over. Giving him a cushion he would need for their next round.

“Lay him back down, and lock him up.” Yuta helped lower Mox and put the cuffs back on. He noticed Mox twitched at being handcuffed again but didn’t outright panic. “Good boy. Ready for Claudio to fuck you?” 

“Claudio gets to fuck me?” Mox perked up.

"Yes, as a reward for being such a good boy." The praise made Claudio light up. Yuta reached up and pulled Claudio down for a rough kiss. "During the match and after." Yuta said once they broke apart, one last peck on the taller man's lips before they traded places.

The best words Yuta could use to describe Claudio were ‘service top.’ The man thrived on providing for them. Yuta could direct him and guide him to do anything and he just seemed so happy to do it. It was submissive in a way, and Yuta thought of Claudio as his sub in a lot of ways because of it.  Even when Claudio was fucking Yuta, it was Yuta running the show. 

“Do your worst, babe.” Yuta encouraged as he watched Claudio lather his huge cock with lube. “I want him to feel it tomorrow on our long drive home.”

“You got it.” Claudio had a little smirk on his face as he rubbed the head of his dick against Mox’s swollen hole.

“Please.” Mox whimpered as he tried to push his hips back. “Please, Claudio, please?” 

“Since you beg so nicely.” Claudio knew the cues from Yuta meant being a little rough and mean. “I think Yuta would like to hear you, so do not hold back.”

Without any more warning, Claudio pushed in and didn't stop until he bottomed out. The abrupt, huge intrusion made Mox scream. His back arched beautifully and his legs strained against the restraints as Claudio pushed into him as quickly as he could. If Yuta hadn’t been working Mox over all night, he probably wouldn’t be able to take it. But instead Mox was begging for more. Claudio pulled all the way out and pushed back in. Mox cried out again so Yuta decided it was time to keep him quiet. The fly to his jeans was snapped open and unzipped, his cock springing free finally. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Yuta said softly as he pressed the head of his cock between Mox’s slightly-parted lips. “Suck on this so you calm down, or at least don’t wake our neighbors.” 

Mox wasn't quiet, but he couldn't be loud with Yuta’s cock in his mouth. Yuta didn’t move. He just let Mox suck on his cock while Claudio started to speed up. The sounds coming from Mox were desperate. Small little whimpers and whines as Claudio slammed into him. 

"How's he feel?” Yuta asked over Mox, like he wasn't there.

“Fucking incredible.” Claudio laughed breathlessly. “You worked him open so much he just took my cock. Fuck..” Claudio trailed off in a line of German curses Yuta vaguely knew. 

“You look so hot fucking him.” Yuta thrust into Mox's mouth a little when he whimpered. “Fuck him harder.”

“My pleasure.” Claudio grinned.

Huge hands grabbed Mox’s hips to readjust him to where he needed to be. Claudio shuffled a little, and adjusted his own angle. All the while completely inside a quivering, whimpering Mox. It was clear to Yuta that if he could see Mox’s eyes they’d be vacant. Mox was so far gone, so down. Yuta knew this had been important for all three of them.

Claudio started slamming into Mox. Yuta peeked around the edge of the desk to see Claudio pull all the way out and with a powerful snap of his hips pushed all the way back into Mox. Over and over. The desk started to creak and move as Claudio brutalized their sub. Mox was crying out with each thrust. Pained little cries each time around the head of Yuta’s cock. After a minute or so Yuta pulled his cock out of Mox’s mouth, neighbors be damned he wanted to hear.

“G-Gonna--” Mox was panting, his body flushed red as sweat poured off of him.

“Going to come for me again, Mox?” Yuta teased, his fingers sliding through Mox’s sweaty, short hair. 

“Fuck---” Mox choked.

“Hang on,” Claudio was breathless now as he spoke. Finally some indication that he was in this situation. A quick shift of his hips and he leaned over Mox’s back. That was it. “There it is--”

“Claudio!” Mox jerked against the cuffs as Claudio found an angle that made him see stars. “Fuck, fuck!” 

“Damn.” Claudio kept going, but his voice was tight which meant Mox was tight.

“I can’t, I can’t--” Mox sobbed out to Yuta, his hand closest to his dom reaching out for him. Yuta took his hand quickly and squeezed.

“I don’t want to hear it, Mox.” Yuta leaned down to speak directly to the other. “Claudio’s having the time of his life using you up for me. You’ll take as much as I give you. Why?”

“Shit!” Mox rolled his hips forward and arched his chest off the table. “Damn it! Because it doesn’t stop until you say it stops!”

“You’re so good at following the rules. Good boy, Moxie.” Yuta smirked as he petted the other man. 

Yuta wasn’t sure if Claudio just hit the spot or if what he said did it but Mox snapped for a fifth time. The already high-strung body tensed even more. Broken cries left Mox’s scratched throat as his cock throbbed and spilled what it could onto the towel. Yuta watched as the tension refused to leave Mox as Claudio kept up his deep, hard thrusts. Mox’s orgasm was still rolling through him when Claudio followed over the edge. 

Quick reflexes allowed Yuta to get to Claudio and seal a hard kiss against his lips as he came. Claudio’s orgasms were everything to Yuta. He felt the hard, sculpted muscles all flex. His hands explored the expanse of Claudio’s chest as they kissed through Claudio’s orgasm. As he pumped his load into a crying Mox, Claudio whined into Yuta’s mouth. It took a moment for Claudio to finish completely. His swollen cock pulsing in Mox’s tight heat.

“What’re you up to now, Jon?” Claudio asked as he slowly, just to tease, pulled out. His come and lube leaked out behind him, trickling down Mox’s leg. “Jonny?” Claudio pinched Mox’s ass when he didn’t answer.

“F-Five! Fuck, C!” Mox’s voice was so raw he couldn’t even yell at this point.

“You must be tired.” Claudio took a hand towel off the side table and started cleaning off his softening cock. The ring eased off as he did so. 

“Y-Yeah…” Mox mumbled. 

“Can’t be too tired.” Yuta ran his hand down Mox’s back. “You still have to take care of me, big guy.” His hand slid over Mox’s ass then his fingers ghosted across Mox’s over sensitive hole, making him jump.

“Wheeler!” Mox’s voice broke in the middle of Yuta’s name. 

“That’s the only thing you’ll be saying soon.” Yuta chuckled at the near miserable sound Mox made. “Ready?”

“Y-Yeah…” Mox nodded against the desk. 

“Oh, fuck.” Yuta groaned as he started pushing in. 

Maybe it’d gross out other guys but Yuta loved going after Claudio or Bryan. ‘Sloppy seconds’ were great. Between Claudio’s come and the lube from earlier, Yuta could go in dry as he carved out a space for himself inside Mox. The glide was easy as Yuta bottomed out with a hefty sigh. He had waited a long time for this.

It always amazed Yuta how Mox could still feel so tight even after everything they had done. The other man clenched and spasmed around Yuta in a way that took his breath away. Before the BCC, Yuta was no virgin by any stretch, but Mox was by far the best bottom Yuta ever had.

“Oh, shit.” Yuta’s head was thrown back and his eyes closed as he savored being in his favorite place. “You were right, C. He feels incredible.” Mox whimpered at the admission and Claudio chuckled. 

“He feels like no one else.” Claudio was back at the head of the desk with Mox, gently massaging his neck as Yuta had his religious experience. 

“Never fucked anyone who feels like you, big guy.” Yuta was already panting, his hips rolling a little as he sought to memorize this moment. 

“Wheeler,” Mox moaned against the wood. 

“Fuck, Mox, I can feel Claudio’s come in you.” Yuta grunted, his hips snapping harder. “Fuck. That’s so hot.” 

It was like Claudio had some sort of superpower; he could see Yuta unraveling quickly. Suddenly, he was flush against Yuta’s back. One of his huge arms wrapped around Yuta’s chest, his palm laying flat over the erratic heart trying to beat its way past Yuta’s skin. The other hand found Mox’s hip and kept all three of them together.

“It’s okay.” Claudio whispered, his mouth close to Yuta’s ear as he nuzzled against his neck. “I have you, Wheeler. I’m right here, and so is Jon.” 

“Claudio.” Yuta whispered as he leaned into the large chest behind him. 

“You’ve been holding on so tightly.” Claudio started moving their hips so Yuta was thrusting into Mox. “Let go. I’ll catch you.” The last part was said with a kiss behind Yuta’s ear. 

“Fuck. Yes.” Yuta started thrusting harder.

“Tell him to take it.” Claudio encouraged, giving the younger man room to start recklessly fucking their sub.

“That’s right, Mox, fucking take it.” Yuta grunted out.

It was clear Mox was still enjoying himself when he moaned loudly at the words. That just made Yuta go harder, Claudio at his back as a safety net. Everything felt so good. Letting loose was needed. It all made Yuta feel so powerful and invincible. No loss mattered right now because he was buried deep in Jon Moxley.

The rattle of the restrains was from Yuta as he fucked Mox for all he's worth. At this point Mox was boneless and panting hard. Few moans and groans came out of him. Another encouragement from Claudio spurred Yuta on, his hand coming up to the back of Mox's head. He pushed Mox's face into the hard desk.

"Take it, motherfucker." Yuta grunted, his fingers digging into Mox’s upper back and neck. "You'll take it just like I took all of that shit from the Elite." The next part came out darker. “From Hangman.” 

That made Mox hitch and cry out. The way Hangman hung them both, and the fact Mox tapped while Yuta refused to, was eating at Mox. There was something Yuta needed, reaching for it but couldn’t find just yet. His hips still snapped hard in shallow yet satisfying movements.

A large, warm hand reached around to lay just over Yuta's navel, slowing him down and grounding him as Claudio whispered a plan to him. At first Yuta was annoyed at being stopped but warmed up to the idea as Claudio explained it, his hand rubbing gently against Yuta’s navel to calm him down. His hips shallowly thrusting against Mox despite Claudio holding him back still. 

“Let’s do it.” Yuta nodded sharply before pulling out of Mox, the last of his self control. 

“Ah?” Mox grunted in confusion.

“Sh. We’re moving you.” Claudio explained as Yuta took a few steps back to collect himself. “Well, I think I’ll be moving you.” 

It was easier to let Claudio get Mox moved. Yuta felt like if he so much as touched Mox they might both violently explode. The larger man hoisted Mox off the desk and put him on the bed face-up. Claudio gave Mox a few sharp slaps to the face to bring him back some, then restrained each hand to the headboard. A few pillows were shoved under Mox’s ass.

The same hands that had calmed Yuta roamed over Mox’s battered body to soothe him as well. Yuta watched the paths Claudio traced over the damage. It was so enticing to Yuta to undo the healing Claudio had done, to pick and scratch at stitches and bandages. He knew Mox would like it, but he couldn’t bring himself to undo what Claudio had already fixed.

“He’s all yours again, Yuta.” Claudio leaned down to kiss Mox, biting at his bottom lip until Mox whined. “Show him how sorry he really should be.” 

Just as Yuta was darting to get onto the bed, Claudio was hoisting Mox’s legs up. The position left Mox’s battered ass totally exposed. Puffy, used hole gaping. Completely open for Yuta and on display. Leaking lube and Claudio's come. The bruises and marks from both them and the match framed Mox's abused hole perfectly.

Yuta sank right in. Mox made the most beautiful punched out noises as Yuta pushed all the way in one go. Each of Mox's long legs were hooked over Yuta's shoulders to free up Claudio’s hands. The perky, tight nipples nestled in ginger hair were plucked cruelly by Claudio.

"Fuck, Mox!" Yuta threw his head back. "Holy shit." 

The hard, unforgiving thrusts started to find a pace. A pace that left Mox whimpering as his legs were pushed back and Yuta pistoned into him. Every ounce of strength Yuta had went into wrecking Mox's hole. One of Yuta's hands held onto Mox's ankle so hard he was sure it'd bruise.

At that moment, something came over Yuta. The hand on Mox's ankle let go and moved between them. In one quick movement, Yuta tore away the blindfold to reveal Mox's glassy, lost, pale blue eyes shining behind the vacant look Yuta fucked into him. There was a moment where Mox didn't realize he could see until he locked eyes with Yuta's fiery, angry gaze. A whimper escaped the bound man when Yuta's hand wrapped dangerously around his throat.

"Yuta?" Mox begged, his body arching up into the other like he was expecting, wanting what would come next.

"You want it?" Yuta pushed his legs to the side so he could lean in closer, his hips still snapping. "Wanna know what it felt like?" The dazed look on Mox’s face was slapped off him. “Answer me!”

"Y…Yes! Fuck, yes!" Mox admitted, even though they all knew Mox had experience with what it felt like to be hung by the Hangman.

That simple yes flipped Yuta's switch. There was a reason Claudio was nearby. The calloused hand around Mox's throat closed tightly, effectively cutting off his air to just a wheeze. It lit Yuta's blood on fire as he watched Mox's eyes roll back in his head. More pressure was added, making Mox tense up and jingle his cuffs.

All of Yuta's focus was on choking Mox out and fucking him into the mattress. At first Yuta didn't realize he was spitting out degrading comments at Mox as sweat poured off of them both. A gentle tap on Yuta's choking hand let him know it was time to ease up, but he didn't for a moment. When he finally let go Mox sucked in a harsh, desperate breath that was quickly slapped out of his mouth.

"Go again." Claudio green lit as he watched the color come back to Mox's ruby red face.

"Fuck you!" Yuta pushed down again.

The pressure left Mox spluttering and gasping, eyes fluttering and out of focus. Yuta felt incredible, powerful even. His dick held tightly by Mox's sore hole, and his hand held tightly around Mox's throat. It amazed him that he was still hanging on.

After a moment Claudio tapped on the same hand. This time Yuta let up easier. When Mox opened his mouth to bring in some air Yuta moved on instinct. He leaned over Mox, a hand braced on the bed behind Mox's head, and spat into Mox's open mouth. It registered as a shock but Mox didn't spit out Yuta's saliva. Instead his eyes shined up at his brutalizer. Yuta did it again, and again. Watching as Mox swallowed each time until he went back to choking Mox.

This time Mox struggled more, tensed up more, and Yuta could feel it. Every muscle tensed up in a glorious moment that had Yuta in pure euphoria. Mox's loose legs came up to wrap around Yuta, the younger man could feel heels digging into him so he pushed harder. The only sounds in the room were their heavy breathing, the slapping of skin on skin, and the wet slip of Mox's hole.

"Fuck!" Yuta moaned loudly. "Oh, fuck, Mox."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please." Mox gargled, his voice clipped and raw.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Yuta punctuated each word with a harsh thrust.

"Yuta," Claudio was staring at him, now that he didn't need to worry about him choking Mox. "You look incredibly sexy like this."

"Thanks, C." Yuta grinned at that, their eyes meeting over the overstimulated body of their sub.

"I could watch you fuck him for hours." Claudio said truthfully as he gripped the reinvigorated length in his shorts. It never took Claudio long to get hard again. "So powerful."

"Get over here." Yuta demanded.

The hand that had just been a weapon on Mox pulled Claudio in close. Yuta sealed his lips together in a heated kiss, like Yuta needed to crawl inside Claudio. Mox had a full view of their kiss and whined at the display.

"Holy, fuck!" Yuta ripped himself away from Claudio at the sudden, overwhelming feeling in his dick.

Yuta looked down with a tight smirk as he realized Mox came again. Another time. He couldn't get enough of that. The thin, dripping liquid sprayed across Mox's body. Thankfully Claudio had the presence of mind to ease off the ring restricting Mox's exhausted cock. Yuta was captivated as he watched as Mox’s cock went soft, and laid against his thigh. 

"Thank--" Mox could barely move his head to the side to look up at Claudio. "--you."

"You're very welcome, tigerli." Claudio smiled down.

Mox stained up a little like he wanted to kiss Claudio so the Swiss giant leaned in to take his mouth. Keeping in the spirit of the scene, Claudio claimed Mox's mouth in a dominating attack. One huge hand wrapped around Mox's neck, fingers ghosting where Yuta's hand shaped bruises would be tomorrow. Mox made a sweet sound at the aggressive display of affection so Claudio dove deeper. His hand tightened and his mouth worked harder. Yuta watched the erotic moment while he fucked the last of it out of Mox.

"You guys are so fucking hot. Fuck. Shit." Yuta felt his breaking point coming.

The moment the younger man would shatter was just on the horizon. It was clear to Claudio that  his work was getting to Yuta, so he worked Mox's mouth more, pulling hefty noises from their sub and closing his hand harder so Mox would tighten up.

"That's it, fuck! That's it!" Yuta called out as he slammed one last time all the way into Mox.

Come spilled into Mox as he moaned, exhausted and loud. Much like Mox, it was pure heaven for Yuta as he felt his warm fluid coat the insides hugging him tightly. It felt so good Yuta had to keep thrusting into the gushy mess. Wave after wave crashed over Yuta, never-ending sparks dancing up his spine. Everything felt incredible for a long moment, but Yuta thought he deserved more. 

Yuta collapsed onto Mox's chest. Both arms slid up Mox's sides as Yuta's forehead met Mox's chest. His arms easily hooked over Mox's shoulders to get leverage for the still reckless thrusts Yuta delivered. In one last burst of energy Mox managed to wrap his legs over Yuta's hips and lock his legs by crossing his ankles.

"Still want more, huh?" Yuta grunted against the skill he rested on.

"S-Stops when you say." Mox mumbled, his tone showing he had clearly given up.

"Goddamn right." Yuta grunted as he chased for more. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Mox whined as Yuta used his body in punishment.

"C-Claudio?" Yuta stammered out, one hand groping for his referee.

"I'm right here." Claudio shifted up onto his knees and took Yuta's hand. 

"Need--" Yuta squeezed the Swiss man's hand. "Wan-want you. More--" 

"Is it my lucky night, sternli?" Claudio chuckled as he moved around Yuta to settle behind him, a perfect view of Yuta's ass.

"You deserve it." Yuta groaned. "And I wanna make more of a mess."

"You want to make Jon more of a mess." Claudio placed his hands on Yuta's ass, kneading and groping him.

"Claudio." Yuta pushed back against the hands fondling his ass. 

"Yuta." Mox moaned as the other nearly slipped out.

"Fuck," Yuta pushed into Mox again with a heavy shudder. "God damn it." 

"Stay still, Wheeler." Claudio commented as he started to move off the bed to grab what he needed from the moved bedside table Yuta had used earlier. "Here--"

Before climbing back onto the bed, Claudio unlocked Mox's cuffs from the corners. Mox's arms fell limp onto the mattress. There was a growl from Yuta when his charge was set free, but Claudio quickly shushed that as his nimble fingers clipped Mox's cuffs together. Mox moved his arms down and dropped them over Yuta's neck, pulling him closer. Yuta turned his head in to meet in a harsh lip lock with his sub, pushing Mox down into the bed.

"Oh, fuck!" Yuta broke the kiss to moan as Claudio's lubed fingers circled his hole. "Fuck being a tease tonight, C."

"Still ever the dom, Wheeler." Claudio kissed the tense muscles along Yuta's back.

"And?" Yuta demanded, throwing a look over his shoulder. His eyes blazing with the taunt to Claudio to challenge him. Simply being bent over didn’t mean Yuta still couldn’t dom his boys.

"It's sexy." Claudio leaned forward to kiss the corner of Yuta's downturned mouth as he slid in a finger. "Love it when you tell me what to do."

"Ah." Yuta's eyes slid closed as he arched his back. "That's why you're mine." The growl came out of the smaller man, much louder and meaner than he meant but Claudio's cheeks turned rosy so Yuta ran with it. "Only use for you is getting that big dick inside me."

“Yes, Sir.” Claudio may have been trying to tease but the breathlessness in his two words told Yuta he knew it was true.

There were some words spoken in another language but Yuta was pretty sure that Claudio was cursing, mesmerized by Yuta's dirty talk. The toy Yuta used earlier on Mox was pressed against Yuta’s hole and eased in. There was a skill to it that Claudio possessed that made being stretched open the most pleasurable, erotic experience possible. The toy reached home making Yuta let out a few curses before turning his face into Mox’s neck, his lips and teeth finding skin to damage. The toy worked Yuta open in the most tantalizing way. Yuta could feel his cock twitching and pulsing inside of Mox’s warmth. 

The pleasure radiating off Yuta was that of a deserving God. As if Mox and Claudio owed him this worship. Yuta wanted to come again, and maybe more, and his boys owed him that. The toy had yet to be turned on, but Claudio was expertly fucking Yuta. Soft moans started to build in his chest as he rocked into Mox while Claudio fucked him.

"Ah, that’s it.” Yuta pushed up a little so that he wouldn’t be muffled. “My personal dildo and cock warmer." Yuta grunted, his head moving so they could hear. Mox's arms tightened. "My personal sex toys."

"Wheeler," Mox moaned, his hips rolling.

“We have a nine hour drive tomorrow.” Yuta growled against Mox’s cheek. “Going to have you in the backseat.” His words came out huskier now. “Keep you on my dick the entire time.”

“Ohh.” Mox’s body shuddered at the threat.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, slut?” Yuta laced the words with a little condescension. “Forced to keep my cock warm. Well, maybe not forced.”

“Yes.” Mox hissed. “Please, please.”

“You don’t have to beg, slut.” Yuta tried to laugh but couldn’t get the air to do it. “It’s going to happen.”

Before either man could respond the toy was turned on. Yuta cried out and pushed into Mox as deep as possible. The vibrations passed through Yuta to ghost through Mox. Little whimpers escaped the sub as Yuta shallowly fucked into him. It felt like Claudio sent Yuta straight to the moon. Something massive and hard was pressed into Yuta’s hip as the toy eased out about half and then thrust back in.

“Oh, fuck. Your dick is going to feel so good, Claudio.” Yuta reached back with one hand to grip Claudio’s hip.

“Hm. You’re going to feel good wrapped around it.” Claudio kissed trails down Yuta’s damaged back. “For now, I’m content watching you take this toy.”

“Yeah. Fuck me, baby.” Yuta got himself up, bracing on either side of Mox’s head with his hands. 

The invitation was met by Claudio. He pulled the toy out, added more lube, and pushed it back in. He continued that, forcing Yuta to relax and enjoy what was happening. There weren’t any words Yuta could form so he attacked Mox’s mouth. Violently, lips clashed with lips and hips met hips as Yuta and Mox tangled together in pleasure. Claudio’s hardon rocking against Yuta’s hip had Yuta’s dick aching, and the feeling of Mox’s wet, sloppy hole tensed tightly around him sent Yuta into the best kind of overstimulation. 

To Yuta it felt like a progress bar quickly loading. Everything kept adding up and adding up until it was too much. It was a glorious feeling. Yuta could hear the whines and whimpers forming desperate words as Mox felt Yuta come deep inside him again. Passively accepting his role in Yuta’s world as his personal cumdump. Behind him was Claudio, speaking heavily about how much Yuta deserved to let go, how good and tough he was; all the while Claudio rutted against his hip. It was perfectly consuming. 

“Easy, easy.” Claudio pulled the toy out with one hand while the other gently stroked the jut of Yuta’s hip.

“Fuck.” Yuta moaned as the toy slid out, the obscene sound of lube following that had everyone groaning. “That was so fucking good.” 

“Your hole…” Claudio trailed off, mesmerized by Yuta’s ass. 

“Feels good.” Mox mumbled, totally out of it except for feeling the multiple loads of come and lube inside him. Yuta was still nestled firmly inside, small thrusts and the cock ring helping to keep him hard. “Good. Fuck. So good.”

“That’s because you’re a fucking whore.” Yuta growled, giving a harsh thrust of his hips to both of their overstimulated bodies. “Feels good because you’re a cock slut, right? Say it, Mox.” One of Yuta’s hands came up to wrap around his sub’s throat, thumb already applying pressure.

“I’m--” Mox groaned, his eyes rolled back into his head as he leaned back to allow Yuta more room. “I’m a fucking cock slut!” 

“That’s fucking right.” Yuta felt like he was zooming, his body prickling with pain and pleasure. “Whose cock slut are you, Mox?” 

“Yours!” Mox called out, his already hard voice rubbed rougher from all the noise he had been making. “I’m a cock slut and I belong to you and Bryan.”

“Good boy.” Yuta leaned down to kiss Mox. 

Claudio’s large hands had been kneading at the meat, what little there was, of Yuta’s backside. It was like he was in a trance, his cock still hard and aching against the beautifully bruised thigh. Without much thought, since Claudio was pretty far gone, he slid two fingers deep into his Dom. Yuta’s shout was swallowed by Mox, who realized what was happening and started devouring Yuta’s mouth as Claudio fingered him.

More lube and another finger. Skilled strokes inside of Yuta like Claudio was playing his favorite instrument. One of Yuta’s knees forced Mox’s leg up more so he could scoot up and show more of his ass. They all were on cloud nine–even Mox, who was holding up 190 pounds of pro wrestler and had a spent dick by now. Through all the fog and haze of dom space, Yuta realized they all needed this after the loss they had. Not just because Mox had tapped for Yuta, but because they needed to be close again. In that moment of clarity, Yuta yearned for Bryan. Not so that he would be in charge or do all the leg work, but because they weren’t complete without him. And this was as whole as they could get right now.

“Sternli, please?” Claudio was completely out of breath and desperate. “Please, I need--”

“Shhh.” Yuta broke away from Mox and pushed himself up again, his eyes looking over his shoulder at Claudio. “You’re allowed to fuck me now, Claudio. Take what you need, baby.”

Relief was clear on the Swiss man’s face as he moved over to center himself behind Yuta. With four fingers of one hand gently stretching Yuta out to accommodate him, Claudio’s other hand grabbed the lube and dripped a generous amount onto his throbbing cock. The fingers left, Yuta growled at the loss but it quickly faded into a moan when the thick, blunt head of Claudio pressed against his hole. 

Like with most things, Yuta was always a champ about taking Claudio. The tip popped in with some force, causing a shared moan from both men. For a moment Claudio let them both adjust before easing in more. Even though Yuta was in fact a size queen, and used to taking Claudio, it wasn’t a process that could be rushed. One of Claudio’s arms wrapped around Yuta’s hips. The slow, tight glide was one of Yuta’s favorite things as Claudio made himself at home in Yuta’s hole. The burn was more intense the deeper Yuta was impaled.

The added bonus of Mox quaking around him had Yuta so far gone he didn’t know what to do with himself. Pushing off of Mox’s chest, Yuta hoisted himself up, one arm going over his shoulder to grab onto Claudio. Yuta’s back met Claudio’s front, and the hand wrapped around the back of the larger man’s neck making his chin sit on Yuta’s shoulder. The movement pushed Claudio deeper; they both groaned and Yuta arched his back. 

“Don’t you,” Yuta was panting hard, his body heating up again and causing sweat to pour off of him. Bangs plastered to his forehead. “Don’t you dare--” Yuta started over, growling the words at the man fucking him. “--come inside me.”

“Y-Yes, Sir.” Claudio confirmed, though confused. Normally Yuta wanted to feel Claudio come.

“You have to ask permission.” Yuta skipped over Claudio’s confusion. “Now get that cock all the way inside me.”

“Yes, Sir.” Claudio groaned, his head moving to be tucked against Yuta’s neck with his forehead on the smaller man’s shoulder. Both of Claudio’s arms were wound around Yuta to hold him up. “Anything for you, Sternli.”

“Good boy.” Yuta smiled lazily, turning to kiss Claudio’s temple. “As for you--” Yuta turned his attention back to Mox, his hand coming out of nowhere to smack Mox across the face. “You didn’t think I forgot about my favorite hole, did you?” Another smack.

“N-No.” Mox blinked hard a few times. His eyes were vacant and Yuta got a kick out of being the one to create that look.

“Does it feel good to still have my cock in you, Mox?” Yuta rubbed the reddened cheek just above Mox’s beard as the cuffed man nodded. “Say it then.”

“It feels fucking good to still have your cock in me.” Mox’s eyes fluttered a little as he rolled his hips.

“You should be grateful to even have my dick after what you did tonight.” Yuta scowled as he slapped the other man again. “Fuck, Claudio, that feels good.” The soft shallow thrusts sent waves of pleasure over him.

“I am grateful.” Mox moaned as Claudio’s thrusting started to transfer to him. “Grateful for your cock, Yuta.” Now that Mox’s hands weren’t cuffed down he brought them cuffed together to Yuta’s throat where the bruises from Hangman’s chain decorated his Dom. “Grateful for your come. Grateful for you.”

“You’re grateful I still let you be my greedy bitch.” Yuta’s voice got darker. Comforting hands squeezed him as Claudio slowly fucked him. “Grateful for my spit too.” 

Instead of repeating the words Mox opened his mouth like an offering to his God. That made Yuta’s head spin. The hands holding him up loosened some as Yuta leaned down. One of his hands gripped Mox’s chin while he spat into the offered mouth. Mox swallowed without hesitation so Yuta did it again.

“Fuck.” Claudio cursed over Yuta’s shoulders, his thrusts going deeper and his pace speeding up. The sight alone got him going and Yuta felt too good around him to hold back that much.

“That’s it, C. Fuck me.” Yuta growled. He reached out to grab Mox’s cuffed hands and brought them over his head. The links between the cuffs were held down by Yuta’s hand as he braced himself on the bed. “You’ve been good, Moxie. Maybe you deserve a reward.”

“Reward?” Mox moaned, his body being shook by the harder work of Claudio. 

“Yeah. A reward…” Yuta trailed off, his body leaning a little to one side so he could reach between them and take Mox’s soft, aching cock in hand.

“Wheeler.” Mox whined as his eyes slammed shut. The light grip alone was enough to send quakes through him. “Fuck, oh fuck. Please?” 

“Please what? I bet you don’t even know.” Yuta teased the head of Mox’s cock. “You wanna come again for me, Moxie?” Yuta grinned as Mox shook his head quickly. “Does it matter what you want?” 

“No.” Mox groaned and kept shaking his head.

“Good boy.” Yuta reached out to fondle Mox’s sore balls, making him gasp and twitch. 

“You know who does deserve to come again?” Claudio asked, his head still resting on Yuta’s shoulder as he fucked into the smaller man.

“Who?” Yuta asked back as he gave a light tug on Mox.

“You.” Claudio started kissing Yuta's neck. 

"You're right." Yuta was glowing. Both of these men were working to bring Yuta pleasure and that went straight to his head. "Make me come then."

"I will, Sir." Claudio grunted, taking the challenge seriously as he bent Yuta over more to get a better angle.

"Oh, fuck!" Yuta moaned loudly and had to drop onto his elbow. The other hand was still torturing Mox's balls.

"Wheeler." Mox whined, shaking his head. "Can't--" Mox let out a horse shout when Yuta tugged harder. "Need--?" It was hard for him to gather his words.

"Fuck do you need, slut? You're getting what you deserve." Yuta said through gritted teeth as Claudio sped up. 

"Gag?" Mox finally got the word out, his body twitching and jerking at the attention he was getting.

"Ah." Yuta mumbled. "Of course." He grabbed the blindfold that was just a bandana and stuffed that into Mox’s mouth, making him gag a little. "Better?"

"Ymm." Mox nodded as he bit down on the cloth. 

"Good. 'Cause I don't want to ruin the neighbors’ night doing this-" Yuta gave a cruel squeeze to Mox's balls, making him scream. Luckily it was muffled. "Fuck yeah. Love that." The tensed, pained muscles gripping Yuta made him feel lightheaded. 

"Feels so good." Claudio moaned. "Him tensing up makes you tighter, Wheeler."

"Feels fucking great." Yuta closed his eyes as he felt himself succumb to the feeling of being sandwiched between both of them. "This is where you both belong."

"Fuck." Claudio shook his head, his hands gripping Yuta's hips harder.

"Mhm." Mox made some sort of sound but nothing got through so he bucked his hips.

"Ha. He wants more, C." Yuta let his hand return to Mox's shaft and give that a good squeeze.

Everyone moaned together when Mox cried out and thrashed under them. The tight heat pawing at Yuta's sanity intensified and Claudio took that moment to start thrusting harder. Yuta felt the shift of Claudio putting one foot on the bed to fuck him better. His large cock hit Yuta just right deep inside. With the edge fast approaching, Yuta released Mox's cock and gave it a few good slaps. The gag kept all of Mox's noises down but it drove Yuta crazy. The reactions he was getting made him want to stay right here forever.

The tension bled out of Mox. He relaxed and went limp on the bed. Yuta gathered his breath and shifted his hips so Claudio could get more out of him. It was too close to ending and Yuta wasn't ready so he gave himself and Mox a moment to rest. A little denial for Claudio since Yuta knew he liked to work for it. One large arm wrapped around Yuta’s middle.

“You are such a tease.” Claudio groaned in his ear, breathless and helpless to Yuta’s control over their joint pleasure. “Bring it home, sternli.” 

“If you insist.” Yuta sighed but took the signal. There was no telling what time it was at this point. “You ready to finish this off, big guy?” Yuta grinned at the whine his sub made around the gag.

Yuta’s firm hand wrapped around Mox’s cock again, he could feel Mox trying to get hard again. The jumps and twitches against his palm made Yuta moan. His hips started rolling, eyes closing as he let him go and tried to focus on the moment. Feeling everything both men had to give him after he gave so much for them.

Mox bucked up against Yuta again, trying to beg for more without words. It would be funny if Yuta wasn’t so turned on. His hand gave one final, mean jerk of Mox’s cock before reaching down to palm his balls. The tired eyes looking up at Yuta were pleading for more, and as far as Yuta was concerned it was his job to give more. So he started to grip Mox’s sorest area and give his sac a rough twist. 

It worked like magic and Yuta felt everything start to topple over. His body started to shudder as Mox arched off the bed and cried into his arm. Yuta was barely even able to fuck into Mox with how tight he tensed up, and Claudio knew exactly when to start heading for home. His thrusts rocked Yuta to his core. Hard, long, deep assaults on Yuta’s hole; his only mission was to get Yuta off. 

“Fuck! That’s--” Yuta choked on his own words as he came deep inside Mox. Again. 

It felt never-ending. Little tugs made Mox convulse and milk Yuta’s cock in a way that made his orgasm stretch out at Mox’s expense. Through the haze of it, Yuta could see Mox’s cock trying so hard to come again. Finally, as Yuta came down from the high, he let go of Mox’s balls and slumped forward onto him with a huge sigh. Claudio pushed deep into Yuta’s warm hole and held the base of his cock, trying to push off his orgasm and wait for permission. 

“Please?” Claudio finally broke, his voice had a tremor through it. “Wheeler, I can’t--”

“Shh. Claudio, easy. I haven’t forgotten.” Yuta knew he was taking a little too long to be fair so he pushed himself up and finally pulled out of Mox’s sloppy hole. “Oh, fuck.”

“Yeah…” Claudio mumbled in agreement as he watched. 

“You want that, right?” Yuta smirked at the look on Claudio’s face.

“I do.” Claudio looked so close to breaking.

“Finish inside him.” Yuta shifted and started to pull away.

Both of them groaned at the loss but Claudio was quick. Maybe Mox had shut off or just hadn’t heard, but he jumped when Claudio’s huge hands grabbed his hips without much thought to the bruises and injuries. Quickly, Claudio had Mox’s shoulders down on the bed, holding Mox’s hips as he pushed all the way inside. It was partially a high stack, and Yuta didn’t miss that. Claudio was pinning Mox. Asserting himself over the other. If Yuta hadn’t just had an earth shattering orgasm he would have gotten hard again. 

“Fuck!” Claudio grunted as he worked himself in and out with ease. “You know how to tighten up, Jon.” 

“Just slap his balls.” Yuta teased but Claudio did just that.

“Ah!” Mox cried out, his back arching but he couldn’t move as Claudio pinning him. 

“Better.” Claudio moaned, letting his head fall back and enjoying himself. 

Mox whimpered at another few smacks. The feeling had Claudio’s hips stuttering and snapping hard. He was so close. Yuta leaned up quickly to kiss him. Both of Yuta’s hands grabbed Claudio by the neck, much like he would in the ring, and directed the Swiss man into a hard kiss. While Yuta swept Claudio’s mouth he must have smacked Mox again because the sub thrashed under them and Claudio moaned loudly against his mouth before breaking off to breathe. 

Claudio was beautiful when he came–no less than he usually was. The light flush of his cheeks and chest, the battle wounds and scars, the tensed muscles. Yuta watched as the larger man kept giving Mox shaky, shallow thrusts as he came down from his own high.

“You look so hot.” Yuta grinned, leaning forward to kiss him again but softer. “Pull out. I wanna see what he looks like.”

“Shit, Wheeler.” Claudio laughed as he slowly eased out. “You’re still going?” 

“Kinda.” Yuta grinned back at the Swiss man. “Look. How can you not when he looks like that?” 

“...You’re right.” Claudio moaned as he watched Mox’s gaping hole. “Here.” He reached down to take the gag out. “Color?”

“Green.” Mox mumbled like he didn’t even care that they were admiring his ass like this.

“He’s just as bad as you.” Claudio teased as he watched Yuta gather the come and lube around Mox’s hole and push it back in.

“Fuck…” Mox let out a low moan. “God damn.” 

“Like that?” Yuta chuckled. “Hang on. There’s someone else who’d like to see this.” Yuta stretched over to reach his phone on the bedside table and pulled the camera out. 

“Bry?” Mox lit up a little.

“Yeah. For Bry.” Yuta held his phone up and without even having to ask, Claudio reached out to hold Mox’s cheeks open so he could get a clear view. 

“Fuck you guys.” Mox grunted but there was no real threat. “When’d I ‘come a porn star?” 

“You could have done well as a porn star if wrestling hadn’t worked out.” Claudio gave the bruised ass under his hand a hard smack.

“You’re our porn star, big guy.” Yuta shifted back. “You wanna see if we can get Bryan to call us?” Mox’s eyes shot open and he nodded quickly. “Alright. Claudio, push everything back in again, like I did. Really sell it for the camera, Moxie.” 

“You got it.” Claudio made sure Yuta was recording.

The video started as Claudio circled Mox’s twitching hole, gathering the fluids that had leaked up. His fingers ran over the puffy rim making Mox gasp and jerk against Claudio’s grip. After a few seconds of teasing Claudio pushed two of his large fingers into Mox.

“Bry.” Mox moaned loudly, making a show of it and arching as Claudio finger fucked him a little. That little whining undertone that everyone knew Mox used to drive Bryan crazy. “Fuck, Bry.” 

Yuta cut the video and sat back on his heels, having to take a moment to breathe. Mox could play dirty and he knew how to play the filthy devotion between the two of them well. It was always hot to watch, but to see Mox really play it up made Yuta want to go again. Instead he sent a few photos and then the video with the caption “it’s done (except your part).” 

The best part to Yuta was that in a few minutes they’d all be in the bathroom, taking showers and cleaning up, which meant they’d miss Bryan’s horny call. Yuta figured he owed a little fun to Bryan, too. Maybe he would follow through on the threat to make Mox his cock warmer for the entire trip home and drive Bryan a little crazy with that. 

“You ready, sternli?” Claudio asked as he finally let Mox lie flat on the bed and started working off his cuffs. 

“Yeah. Let’s get cleaned up. Hey,” Yuta leaned over Mox.

“What?” Mox grumbled but was clearly on cloud nine.

“You did good, Mox.” Yuta sealed the statement with a sweet kiss. 

[maverick-werewolf]

Werewolf Fact #70 - Werewolves in medical history + "clinical lycanthropy"

The results of the werewolf fact poll over on my Patreon are in, and now we have this month's werewolf fact: all about werewolves in historical medical treatises of the Renaissance/Early Modern period and the term "clinical lycanthropy," as well as what all that means and how it still impacts werewolf studies and werewolf pop culture today.

This post will make use of a lot of primary sources, which I always find fun, so buckle up!

I've done several posts touching upon subjects similar to this before, you might be familiar with them, such as how werewolves in folklore are the result of a curse instead of a disease, and my two-parter on when werewolves became associated with insanity (Part 1 and Part 2 are here). You can also read a whole lot more about that topic and my arguments regarding it in my thesis, which was on werewolves, and can be found here on Amazon.com (hardback coming soon!).

However, I have never really delved in detail into a few of the actual medical treatises written during the Renaissance/Early Modern Period - in other words, primary sources - of which we have several. In this post, I will cover a few, but not all. I'm also going to make mention of a few more modern ones in regard to clinical lycanthropy, but let's start with older first...

First of all, there was a lot of discussion of "melancholy" in the 1500s in regard to werewolves. This was even referenced in the play The Duchess of Malfi (and I actually have an academic article dedicated to the discussion of the lines involving werewolves in said play). This is, of course, related to the ancient Greek theory of humors, in which the composition of the human body and health required the balance of four humors: black bile (earth), blood (air), choler (fire), and phlegm (water), each related to one of the classic elements.

Throughout the Renaissance, "wolf-madness" was attributed to a case of melancholy, or an excess of black bile. There are many examples of this. And, of course, there are also many attributions to Satan... which was not a thing at all before this time period, as before this, werewolves were even sometimes associated with Christianity (see: werewolves of Ossory, among others).

An oft-referenced source in both werewolf studies at large as well as my own works is "Admirable and Memorable Histories" by I. Goulart, from around 1607 and translated from French by Ed Grimeston; I use this source from my book A Lycanthropy Reader by Charlotte F. Otten. Please note that the language of the piece is dated, so it will read funny to modern audiences.

Goulart discusses "Licanthropes and mad-men, the which wee will consider of two sorts," not necessarily equating those suffering from "lycanthropy" as mad-men, but as those "in whom the melancholike humor doth so rule, as they imagine themselves to be transformed into Wolves." He refers to them as "counterfet Wolves" and discusses how they "runne into Church-yardes, and about graves," something not uncommonly seen in the newfangled werewolf sources of the 1600s onward but not commonplace in werewolf legends of previous time periods.

Goulart also discusses men "tormented with an evill spirit, that at a certaine season of the yeare, hee imagined himselfe to bee a ravening Wolfe," and references other elements seen only in the later werewolf trials as opposed to previous werewolf legends. I also can't help but wonder if the "certain season" element is something Curt Siodmak saw and carried over into the original werewolf in The Wolf Man turning during a particular season (when wolfsbane blooms in autumn)...

Anyway, another of Goulart's sources is Job Fincel in 1541, who describes werewolves in ways we see around a lot when googling and finding garbage on the internet but not so much in legends previously, such as how those afflicted with the "disease" of believing themselves to become a wolf (but not actually turning into one) "are pale, their eyes are hollow, and they see ill, their tongue is drye, they are much altered, and are without much spittle in the mouth." This is consistent with particular illnesses rather than anything seen in werewolf legends, as these are not the people who truly become wolves, only those who believe that they do - and Goulart was still drawing lines between those with hallucinations, those who actually change shape, and those who are werewolves by other means. For example, Goulart also discusses the idea of people whose souls fly from their own bodies and enter into the forms of wolves instead.

There are other examples that discuss these same topics, of course, including but not at all limited to "Diseases of the Mind" by Robert Burton and "A Treatise" by Robert Bayfield, both of which are also featured in A Lycanthropy Reader, and there are plenty of others in assorted other werewolf studies publications.

Now, in addition to these older examples, we also have much more recent medical studies regarding what is known in modernity as "clinical lycanthropy."

Here's a fun fact: the term "lycanthropy" wasn't ever used in antiquity to refer to werewolf legends. It was created by the medical profession in the 1500s to refer specifically to a form of madness, not shapeshifting. It referred to what was recognized as a mental illness that they called lycanthropy: someone believing that they turned into a wolf, not to someone actually turning into a wolf (as in, not referring to the legends in which this happened).

Today, we call this "clinical lycanthropy," because the term "lycanthropy" was basically taken by werewolf media and werewolf studies and retroactively applied to werewolf legends. But the term "lycanthropy" was never actually used in said legends.

The term "lycanthropy" to refer to a "werewolf disease" is just another way in which medical studies and Renaissance writings turned werewolf legends into a "werewolf disease" instead of a magical curse, as it always used to be.

Now, of course, the medical world doesn't really recognize "clinical lycanthropy" anymore. It's considered to be a part of other mental conditions, the result of drug-induced hallucinations, or something entirely different. Several cases were attributed to schizophrenia instead, for example. So the term "clinical lycanthropy" in itself is all but outdated.

I won't be including or directly quoting from the case reports from the 1970s in this discussion, as this post is already enormous and, frankly, the case reports are not things that could be easily discussed in today's environment, as the language in the reports would certainly be considered offensive today, and that's not something I want to navigate. So I won't get into all that. They're out there if you want to read them, but I won't bother breaking them down here.

There are also certainly other examples of medical history relating to werewolves and werewolf legends, but I'll save all that for the werewolf facts book or another publication of mine!

Medical treatises are just another example from the Renaissance (and for quite a while after, into at least the 1800s and even early 1900s) of trying to rationalize and find "scientific explanations" for all manner of folklore and mythology. This also resulted in a considerable amount of condemnation for those who still believed in this sort of thing, as well as those who believed themselves to be experiencing it. As mentioned in some of my other werewolf facts, this didn't always include punishment (many victims of clinical lycanthropy at the time were actually well taken care of), but it did include things like being locked away from society for being declared insane. And, of course, if the victim in question was not a victim but a perpetrator, then it would result in a trial and punishment - and often execution. However, this was much more likely to happen to witches rather than werewolves. Just another way in which the trial of Peter Stubbe were very obviously witch/sorcerer trials and had nothing to do with werewolves at all.

Now, of course, you'll also recognize that a lot of the things you see in the treatises I used as examples don't follow up with many or even any werewolf legends you're very familiar with. Things were getting a bit weird at this point in history in regard to folklore and the like, and the reaching for rationalizing something like a person turning into a wolf or wolf-monster of any sort certainly resulted in some wild connections.

While this is far from the werewolf legends that personally fascinate me most, they are an important part of werewolf studies - hugely so. In fact, they're often discussed more than almost anything else, because unfortunately werewolf scholars are overly obsessed with later time periods that I personally find less fun and interesting than the Middle Ages and ancient times. But, hey, I love all of it.

Until next time!

And remember, if you want to vote on the next werewolf or vampire or other folklore fact, be sure to check out my Patreon. Thanks for reading!

( If you like my werewolf blog, be sure to follow me here and check out my other stuff!

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[archivalofsins]

It's been a good while since the end of trial two and a lot has changed in the fandom overall. Even more will change over the course of trial three. I think in this area of uncertainty and impatience it's easy to forget everything that transpired.

Admittedly I'm kind of proud of my growth over this period of time and how the experience has impacted how I interact with fandom and the internet overall.

Not to sound incredibly old fashioned but I think there's still much to unpack from trial two before heading into trial three. So, the down time between the end of trial report and now has been greatly appreciated.

A lot happened.

Haruka's broken 50/50 as people highlighted the risks of him remaining unrestrained not only to himself but others.

People stating that anyone voting Yuno guilty was a pro-life conservative, politicizing her trial as pro-life pro-choice debate. Even going as far to state that Milgram was a sexist series for including her at all.

Futa's was just funny because it was a bold faced admission by the audience that they were in fact too much like Futa to properly judge him. Amongst other things.

Mu's trial was a bunch of people politicizing it in the opposite direction using a bunch of right wing buzzwords like calling it fake news, for some reason bringing race into it from headcanoning her victim as half black, then victim blaming like her victim attacked first so she deserved to die.

Shidou well fuck we need a doctor so go off king. Like it wasn't even about him it was about Mahiru I know who I really cared about here. I couldn't give one singular fuck about Shidou even now. Oh he might hurt Kotoko I don't give a fuck if he does his doctor role what he does in his off time is his business. Nobody was thinking oh my god what about the harm the guy with the medical degree can do to others here when they voted him innocent nobody cared. Like honestly he has a medical degree he can do a lot of harm but that wasn't our problem or main concern.

Mahiru ah see he hung himself and he's probably a cheater anyway. Yes some people thought it was justified to drive a man to suicide for being unfaithful. That was a weird hill for some people to build a house on but they did. I don't know a lot of people just conveniently forgot women cheat and can be abusers as well. I don't know how some forgot that but I wish I were them.

Kazui the guilty shrine- seriously a shrine? Really... Oh also men shouldn't be allowed to get divorces because it makes women look bad. Isn't that what abusive husbands were saying when women wanted divorce rights and fought for things like no fault divorce wild. No one was thinking there yeah go on cook me nothing that would be better than the poison you're trying to disguise as feminism. It'd be less detrimental too.

Amane's second trial really was like,

"Sure her mom kills cats and beats children but we can't forget she's a cult survivor too and being a parent is hard."

Bro as someone with an abusive single mom who did some shit and went through some shit um no that's not an excuse. You can't just go parenting is hard get me my taser or my childhood was hard too it's my turn to beat kids. Like not tobring up Oshi No Ko again but the Amane trial really was just chapter 141 to me in real time (read it because that got messy later in).

"She had to live through the cult too. She was having a hard time as well what about her upbringing? Do you know how hard it is to raise a child by oneself."

Her husband was at work not dead what the fuck did y'all mean by this???

What were these takes? Nobodies trauma gives them a free pass to traumatize others- wait we'll get to you hold up put those dogs back where they came from! She's a single mom of one girl meanwhile the woman with two sons and an absent doctor husband. Not doing any of this shit. She was my rock Shidou says fully meaning it. Yuno mom two kids haven't heard a word about her killing cats or beating kids. Wild it's like it's pretty easy to choose not to do the things she did. Every other shit parent here did decide to be shitty Amane's mom included.

Mikoto oh suddenly your trauma does excuse how you responded to a situation. Work hard, such sad boy. Yeah I can believe the stigmatized version of dissociative identity disorder in this one niche situation. Japan is so backwards of course they'd still write it like this they don't know any better. So, of course the other alter is the evil one and Mikoto is still the goodest of boys- Also dissociative identity disorder isn't real unless you have a certain number of alters that act x specific way that's why there has to be this many.

With a tiny hint of if the child is guilty let's just kill this man too~

Fuck Mikoto he's had it too good. Bitch could have went home in fact we see him do it in the video! Where the fuck was Amane gonna go the streets?! We saw how that worked out in her video. Snitch ass streets, if these streets could talk- Don't worry with snitch advisory they can even if you don't want them to!

Kotoko well if you think she's bad then you don't have real trauma. Also grooming can only be sexual actually I heard the term from twitter and never looked into the act of doing this ever outside of that context. God don't even ask me to define groom as a verb.

So on and so forth. It's been a lot and this all just shit I personally experienced.

Trial two showed us one of the worst aspects of humanity,

Our ability as people to use our own experiences as the blueprint for all life.

Our stubborn commitment to seeing something only one way. Because that's always been how we've seen it. That's always been how it was. Milgram trial two and the audience for better or worse put the definition of closed-mindedness on full display.

Regardless of how inclusive, progressive, or forward thinking people believed themselves to be in the moment. We saw what a commitment to only one way of thinking could cause and who it ends up hurting. I think trial two can teach people that even the most progressive leaning individuals can cause harm.

Even those who want to support marginalized individuals or are marginalized themselves are capable of causing harm. Because when we convince ourselves that the only voice that matters is our own we silence, belittle, and ignore the experiences of those around us. It doesn't matter what politically correct framing a person attributes to their belief if one is being closed-minded it will still harm others and the movement they're purporting to care about.

It will more than likely do more harm to the people one is attempting to help the most whether that is themselves or others. That's the only thing being closed-minded can do.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s1 ep12: Cathexis

Another one I didn't remember at all, this one was quite exciting to watch. Voyager's first 'crew getting possesed by aliens' story, it's another one of those episodes that's pretty much a copy of an earlier Next Generation episode, but it was well done, and very creepy and suspenseful. I like the way they played up the crew's paranoia to add to the tension. And it was the first time we get to see Captain Janeway's Victorian governess holonovel, which is one of my favorite things, and not just because I'm tickled that Captain Janeway shares my taste in literature, but because she looks absolutely gorgeous in period costume. Like, let me fangirl for a moment here, because look at this perfect vision of beauty, oh my god:

I want her whole outfit, it's perfect. Major kudos to the costume designer for giving her an historically accurate dress and hairstyle. As someone who used to do a lot of historical costuming, I'm very nitpicky about those things, but this is a good costume on every level- beautiful design, well fitted to the actress, fits the character's personality, absolutely nothing anachronistic about it anywhere. 10/10, no notes! I need to cosplay this so bad!!

Okay, I'm done being a costume nerd, back to the episode itself: I appeciated that they mentioned the EMH being programmed with knowledge of various cultures traditional healing practices instead of just having him dismiss Chakotay's medicine wheel as superstition. While I have issues with the wheel prop itself not looking very realistic, I do like that they made a point to say that Earth's medical establishment will become more open minded and inclusive in the future. (But the artwork on the wheel looked central or south american, and I'd always thought Chakotay was supposed to be from the north american southwest- it says a lot about how much the writers didn't care about him that after 7 years of episodes, I still have no idea what continent he's even from. sigh.)

Also lol at Tom Paris talking about how when he was a kid he had a doctor that made housecalls- who the heck has that even now, let alone in the 24th century?? I think this was probably where I started to get the headcanon that the Paris family is super rich- like I know that Earth is supposed to be a utopia with no poverty, but I feel like rich people with inherited wealth would keep on living in their fancy houses in their gated communities, and Tom Paris strikes me as being a privileged kid who grew up in a big house with a swimming pool and a tennis court, who spent his youth riding around in his expensive car (or would it be a shuttlecraft?? do rich people have their own shuttles on earth??) and being a slacker/prankster king at his fancy prep school like a 24th century Zack Morris. (I know I read Pathways back when I was a teenager, and it may have mentioned something about his childhood, but I don't remember any of it, and novels aren't technically canon in Star Trek universe, so I'm sticking with my rich kid Tom Paris headcanon.)

More of Neellx being possessive of Kes in this episode, ughhhh.

I didn't remember that they gave background crewmember Lieutenant Durst a pretty prominent supporting role in this episode. Obviously it was meant to make his subsequent death more impactful, but it was anyway, since I still remember him for getting killed off. (I probably don't have to give spoiler warnings for a decades old show, but spoiler: he dies in the very next episode.)

Anyway, tl;dr: a solid alien possession episode.

[streettealee]

Jem Carstairs & Yin fen

TW: discussions of chronic illness, prescription drugs, and pain

So, you can laugh at me, but I have this box beside my bed. It’s... maybe the size of a tissue box? Slightly thinner, a smidge taller, at least compared to the tissue boxes I’m used to. Anyway, it holds this medication I have to take nightly (I have others to take during the day as well, but they’re stored elsewhere). Basically, the box holds several sachets full of granules - they’re tiny, mostly white looking, at least until they’re mixed with water because then I think they look slightly on the pinker side of white. Sitting here, turning to reach for my box on my bedside table full of sand-like stuff that I have to take in order to, basically, function day-to-day, I realised it reminded me of Jem Carstairs. Obviously, his drug is more harmful than any good, and he can’t live without it whereas I could - with a lot of struggle, but I could, and it’s non-addictive. 

This is part of something that always touched my heart about Jem though. TSC is not... I’m not going to say it’s the greatest source of representation for everything, because it’s really not, but I will say that learning about him when I was 16 and reading The Infernal Devices was really comforting. When you’ve been dealing with chronic illness since about the age of 10, you carry that weight with you. You feel it some days more than others. You wonder what it’s like to be normal. To be able to go about your day not needing to worry about the time you take your meds, the pain keeping you from regular activities, the way certain meds and the nature of your condition triggers other long-term problems that you also need to keep on top of with yet more meds.

It was cruel, but I used to get a lot of jokes about how, if I were a racehorse, I’d be put down (racehorsing was kind of a Thing where I used to live and there’d be all sorts of discourse going on about it, just as an aside). And we know of several times in TID where Jem was dying and some thought that Tessa and Will should not waste their time being bound to him (also, obviously, cruel). 

I get where Jem was coming from, funnily enough, when he says he’d rather burn brightly for those he loves for a shorter amount of time than live a half-life. When I’m in a bad health period, I do become reduced to a half-life if I don’t have medication. I have spent the entirety of my teenage years - allegedly important and life impactful years - struggling to live a full life like many others my age. I used to be the protective older sister, the shield for all my siblings. I was fiery, stubborn, argumentative, and kind of aggressively loyal even to those who did not always deserve it. But after the accident that allowed for my condition to evolve, I was weak. Not just in body but also mind, eventually. I was tired all the time. Couldn’t sleep either because of the pain or the pain meds that kept me up. Pain was like a second thing, a second being, inhabiting my body and pulsing and taking up space and reducing my ability to exist in a moment beyond it. On my better days, it’s more like a heavy weight on my shoulders that tires me out but isn’t necessarily keeping me armchair-bound. Nevertheless, I stopped being able to do everything by myself for a time, to take care of myself and others around me. Suddenly, they needed to take care of me. Help me change shirts, do my hair, carry things, and even write sometimes.

I couldn’t participate in sports. I turned to music. Clarinet was not easy because of the nature of my problem being focused primarily (at the time) in my shoulder and arm, but it gave me something. It was a little lonely, because no one else played the music I did (music classes were always full of pop and I was learning things like the national anthem, Waltzing Matilda, and some classics). Sure, I got transposed music that occasionally allowed me to play things like Imagine Dragons (did you ever think Believer could be played on clarinet? I committed to it). Hallelujah was a dear favourite, and a rare song I felt I could play with deep emotion. I learned an instrument and nearly played in an orchestra (on bass clarinet, admittedly, because they were a person short and I was able to adjust to the instrument more easily on short notice), until The Pandemic. These days? I can only really play the national anthem and simpler pieces. It’s been so long since I’ve properly and consistently practiced. Anyway, we got slightly off-topic.

Music felt like the one thing I could do most days (sometimes the pain got bad enough that I couldn’t practice as often in a week as I wanted). That, and reading and watching movies. I didn’t have the brain space while in pain to do well in school for a while. I couldn’t concentrate in classes. I still can never get out of my head a time when a guy I genuinely had a major crush on (for years) asked me to dance and I had to decline because I was in too much pain to trust myself to do it well or comfortably. So, a lot of time was spent just listening to people idly and not taking much in, as well as reading from screens on the days that books hurt too much to hold (you’d be surprised how much that affects my arm and shoulder), and watching far too many movies and shows. I developed a lot of different interests than the people around me. When I sketched, I drew attention (sorry, pun was unintended but I’ll leave it there), but outside of that? It was a struggle to keep up with them. I felt like I was missing out all the time. On life. 

Jem Carstairs felt like someone had looked at my quiet, pain-tensed body and peered through to the tired, raging spirit still underneath that couldn’t get out for the longest time, and said, “You are not alone with this. Here is a young man who plays the violin and suffers day in and day out.” Some people would look at him and treat him as if he were already dead. In my lifetime, I’ve been treated like I’m not even there, just faded into the furniture, gone. Not a lot of people want to be friends with the depressed chronically ill kid who struggles with a pain from an ailment they can’t even see. That’s why I always loved the Tessas and Wills of my life, the others that didn’t treat me any less because I could not live the way they did. And I love Jem for finally being someone in fiction I can relate to.

Sometimes, it’s not about which character has the closest personality and similarities to me. Sometimes it’s just one character who has just one key thing that connects deeply with an experience of ours that isn’t common which gives us comfort. For me, that’s Jem Carstairs and his yin fen box. My meds often make me feel ill but let me function better than I would otherwise. I have some in a box on my bedside table. And I have people who understand my limits, but do not act as if I cannot be human. It’s really nice to see that part of me reflected. 

[kunaigirl]

Hello! I just came across your epilepsy awareness/information post on my dash, and I wanted to ask you something about it if that's alright. You mentioned that having seizures as a kid made you forget alot of stuff and you had to relearn how to read as a 9-10 y/o. Can I ask about that? What was it like? Did things come back to you over time or was it a square one thing? Where you ever held back a grade? I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just honestly very curious because I've never heard of something like that. I don't have epilepsy so I don't know (but I learned lots from your post and the links you included). I've asked one of my friends who does have it and he said stuff like that can happen but we don't know anyone who has irl. If it's not ok you can ignore this message. I don't want to make you upset, I'm just super curious about what it was like to experience.

Sorry I sat on this for a few days, I've been thinking of how to respond to it. First of all, thank you for asking so politely, that gesture alone means a lot. Anyways, it's ok to ask about it, I don't mind. It's a very alienating experience that had such a heavy impact on my core development, I've always felt really alone and even embarrassed by it. Maybe talking about it can help someone else feel less alone/traumatized. (Long read ahead)

I don't remember a lot of what lead up to when the memories vanished, but I know (from what my mom's told me that my doctors told her) that it was a fucked up reaction to the combination of the dose of medication I was on and the seizures I still kept having despite being on said does. This was back in 2001-2002. I started the process of re-learning from square one in 2003 as a home schooled 3rd grader. It didn't stick and I had to start all over again a few times, and I was still in the process of relearning from 2004-2005, which is when I was 9-10 years old. Also it wasn't just reading, it was writing too.

From what I've gathered, I had a bad enough case of epilepsy where the child meds weren't working, so they had me on a low dose of an adult medication instead, Starting at age 6. There was no way I was making it out of that without complications. I don't remember if I just woke up one day without any memory of how to read, or if it was a slower process of forgetting over a period of days. It's all way too blurry. The school district didn't want to deal with such a personalized learning program for just one kid, so I was home schooled.

What I DO remember was how much time I would spend crying. I KNEW that I learned how to read already, I KNEW I went to school with all the other kids and passed all the tests/etc. I recognized the covers of books I HAD read, and even remembered what was in them, but the words themselves were completely foreign. Gone.

It was like looking at a copy of a book you already read, but it's a different language. You know what's in it, but you don't know what words or symbols you're looking at. I knew this was the language I knew, the one I was speaking. It was ripped away from me, and I felt so stupid. Being told I wasn't going back to school because of it made me feel like a freak. You never feel like more of a freak than when you're 8 years old, struggling your ASS off to read "Cat in the Hat" It hurt in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone. The word "shame" doesn't even begin to cover it. It all felt so damn heavy.

People at the library or books stores would chime in and say "Oh! You don't want that BABY book do you? What about this one instead?" And I would take what they handed me, smile until they left, and then I'd put it down and run to go cry in the public bathroom. I couldn't read what they suggested. I was so furious with myself, it always happened. When we moved out of state in 2006 (6th grade) the schools were more willing to work with me privately, so I was back in public school once again.

From that point on, I was relearning with tutors and teachers in total secret. I hid all of these struggles from my middle school friends because I was horrified how they'd react if they knew about my struggles. Middle school was already fucked up enough. The books I'd carry around that I was "reading for fun" around them were always decoys. I had medical paperwork (IEP documents) that required ALL classes to give me extra time for tests and book reports by law.

Even though my hard work DID pay off and I (obviously) learned how to read and write again, I didn't feel "comfortable" reading until probably age 14. On top of ALL THAT I also developed dyslexia, and I also already had ADHD too. So, it's STILL a struggle sometimes. It's just something I have to live with. I still to this day read really slowly, like, it takes me months to finish one book slowly, but goddamn it, I'm still fucking reading.

I'm 28 years old now, it's been a long time since then. It was a part of my life I was forced by circumstances to experience, and it took a TON of extra hard work just to get to where I am now. I want to give myself some credit for that, and I will NEVER let myself feel ashamed of this struggle ever again. If anyone out there had any experience even remotely similar to this, I see you. I see how strong you are. Keep your head up, and keep reading.

[elipheleh]

i watched mary & george today and was blown away by it. i don’t tend to go for historical/period dramas and i tend to struggle to concentrate solely on a tv show, but i spent probably 80% of the time not using my phone (because it was so captivating) which is ridiculous given my normal which is like 25% max not on my phone. it was really very good.

spoiler thoughts under the cut, still processing my emotions tbh but it got q long

i would have liked to see more of the relationship between george & the king, it was - by all accounts - a very close relationship & the show presented it less in depth. i was really hoping “christ had john and i have george” would make it in, as well as some of their letters, but i guess it was focused too much on mary & george to fill that in. the relationship also seemed… weird? why did the king bite him like that?? other than occasional moments it didn’t feel like i was maybe expecting it to. i wasn’t expecting blatant love and affection but i was expecting some. it seemed mostly focused on the arguments.

i was surprised they went with george physically killing the king - while it is speculated he poisoned him, it was done through medication rather than so abruptly/violently. it made him much more… villainous, i suppose, determined to do anything to protect his position including killing the one he claimed to love, but it just… i didn’t really like that.

i saw someone saying about how george’s death was rushed and inconsequential and just of no real value & that was demonstrating how little impact his death really had - they had to hold his funeral at night because people loathed him so - & thought that was really interesting.

when george slept with carr only to say he just wanted him to think of that as he died… chills. they were both using sex to get the other to do something for them, the parallel between characters is beautiful there

the king’s heart scene… that was really special.

i loved that they showed george as loving katherine. i don’t know if he did in real life, but it was really nice that they had such a bond in this. she was very pragmatic and i think they were a great pairing.

very sad about sandie’s death. i hadn’t connected that it was bacon who’d ordered it until he said and it was very frustrating. so much backstabbing.

the… decapitation scene had me hiding from the screen only to be fooled and i had started looking again & they showed the decapitated head arghhh. unhappy about that. the hangings were.. not great but slightly better.

wasn’t expecting the second scene to be someone hung from a tree either which was an incredible shock.

cringed a lot at the dancing lol. i was glad that the ‘may i perform for you’ was about the instrument and not a dance. much less embarrassing.

i felt really bad for charles with the spanish bit. that was really frustrating and annoying.

kit rescuing george was my favourite thing. gross way to do so but the ‘how is he going to get out of this’ to “oh kit!!” was wonderful. george’s “are you sure we weren’t followed” in hindsight being ‘did you see kit’ was so clever. i think id have to watch it again to catch more nuances like that.

mary telling the attendants to leave her attached to george a little longer was soooo telling of their attachment, on mary’s behalf anyway.

the scene where george decides to go and join the french pair was really well done, his hesitation and then return when he decided to give in was so good. the being torn between what is “right” and what he wants.

love that they went back to the guy who was saying george would never get w the king & that he saw he’d managed it. really nice link there.

lastly (because im gonna keep going indefinitely otherwise) i really liked the lighting. the night scenes were accurately lit - firelight and candlelight - but you could still see what you needed to see, and it wasn’t just dark and dreary.

[ineffectualdemon]

I wanted to touch briefly on the Colleen Ballenger situation as a CSA survivor but one who experienced both direct and indirect CSA

I am also a parent and have been watching Adam McIntyre's story as it unfolds both because I want justice for Adam but because my child is 14 and this has opened up discussions in our house regarding internet safety and parasocial relationships even more than usual

But this post isn't so much about that situation directly and more on the subject of indirect CSA.

🚨TW: DISCUSSION OF CHILD SEX ABUSE🚨

By indirect CSA I mean forms of it that doesn't involve direct sexual touching

I see a lot of people arguing that the sexual stuff Colleen did, to Adam especially but also others, somehow "doesn't count" because she is not attracted to children and wasn't intending to sexually assault them

They place a lot of weight on HER intention

But her intentions don't matter. What matters is the effect it had on the victims.

So let's get more into that

While I experienced (and largely blocked out) more direct physical sexual abuse my own story has a lot more indirect. Without getting too specific my parents:

Tickled me without my consent

Talked to me in detail about their sex life when I asked them not to

Asked me inappropriate questions about my sex life even when I asked them not to

Made comments about my developing body

Called me a slut and talked about what they imagined I was doing sexually in front of me

Made sexual jokes and comments and got mad and said there was something medically wrong with me for being uncomfortable and that I was "frigid" and "prude"

All of that my therapist explained counts as sexual abuse. It doesn't matter if that was their intention or if they just didn't understand where the line was. They caused me lasting damage that I have been working on for decades. I felt violated and afraid and dirty and exposed.

I also constantly worry now that as a parent I will mess up and cross a line because I no longer have a good sense of healthy boundaries when it comes to discussing sex with your kid (which you do have to at times. Sex ed is important)

Luckily my husband is able to help me with that so I don't cross the line. And I tend to err on the side of caution to the point I will freeze and then throw my husband under the bus rather than answer

The intentions of the abuser don't matter. What matters is the the lasting effects their actions had on the victim

I think it's so important for victims to hear this

And before anyone twists this to further their bigoted agenda: during this same period of my life I met the first transwoman who I knew was a trans and her existence didn't make me feel any of the above way. She was a lovely person and I felt awed to meet her and completely safe in presence

The ONLY adults in my life making me feel violated and uncomfortable were my straight CIS parents and a magazine from my church that told me that if I had sexual thoughts I would grow up to be a rapist

Queer People existing has nothing to do with this and I want to make that very clear

But anyway back in point. I argued with myself for a long time over if my feelings of being violated and the shame I carried were just me making a mountain out of nothing and it was really hard to get the help and support I needed because of that

But my therapist explained that even after we unlocked some more memories of direct abuse that the things I listed above counted as sexual abuse because that's how it impacted me

So no you're not making a fuss about nothing and your anger and other feelings about such things are valid

And I hope all people who have been sent material or spoken to about things that made them uncomfortable by their "cool older friend" realise it's okay to say no and that it's not your fault

You were a child

That's my opinion as someone who has been through CSA both direct and indirect

[moodboardsbysarah]

honestly I am anti contraception. Like, I'm not gonna go on a campaign to ban it but it has undeniably had negative impacts on society.

Thanks to birth control there's way more people having sex willy-nilly because they can get away with it. This is leading to a rise in toxic and unstable relationships that often result in children anyway.

Promiscuous one-night stands aren't great, but they're also the least of my concerns. Relationships where people have sex before establishing commitment are much more concerning. I believe these sorts of relationships are the reason for the rise in single early parenthood (I'm making "early parenthood" clear because I don't care about seperated couples with older kids). imo such relationships didn't occur as frequently in a world before contraception, where every sexual encounter felt like an existential risk. On the rare occasions when such unstable relationships did occur... Well... a baby would be born and those people would be forced to either get their act together and marry, or split up. The dynamic of having sex on the third date wasn't normalised and encouraged like it is today.

The contraception lovers argue, "birth control gave women more freedom!" And yeah, I guess it did. It gave women more freedom to...

a) poison our bodies with artificial hormones and IUD complications

b) have sex with random strangers and men who want to use us for sex

c) get more strongly pressured into sex than we already are by boyfriends and dates, because muh condoms will solve everything

d) get pregnant to said men anyway because no form of birth control is 100% reliable

The only benefit I see to contraception is the Plan B pill allowing women who are raped to get protected from pregnancy. And the regular birth control pill is useful for treating some health problems, but there's no reason why this pill couldn't have been marketed as an endometriosis treatment or a period stopper. Instead they called it "birth control" and gave it to any woman who wanted to have more pregnancy-less sex with men. they also prescribe it for acne and depression and literally any hormonal problem a woman has, which is medical malpractice best discussed in another post.

Contraception lovers also argue, "but without birth control, so many more unwanted children would be born!" And I'm like er... That's not what I'm seeing at all. I'm seeing more unwanted children being born than ever before, more single motherhood, more of all that stuff in a pro-contraception world. Contraception is not 100% effective and as I went through, it is causing the formation of unstable relationships because people are having sex way too quickly. People in these unstable relationships might start out using contraception then choose to have unprotected sex and have kids.

The worst thing contraception has done is it has made people start to see sex as a human right and a necessity, when really it's something you should only do when you're lucky enough to have a deep loyal connection with someone. "Sex isn't that big of a deal!" Men cry nowadays because they have contraception "protecting" women from the consequences of sex. Men are acting more entitled to sex than ever. Now that they have condoms, women they're dating don't have as valid of an excuse to say no anymore. Before contraception you only had sex with men you felt comfortable getting pregnant and this was basic common sense. After contraception... Well this logic doesn't hold up anymore. if you don't feel fully comfortable with this guy, well suck it up girlie because he can just wear a condom, it's not like you might get pregnant or anything! Sex isn't a big deal! And if he hates condoms, then you're expected to mutilate your body with IUDs or birth control pills to cater to his needs. If you don't, some other girl will. So yeah, I don't see at all how contraception empowers women in relationships with men. All I see is it gives us less sexual bargaining power and more pressure to "put out" against our will.

And this isn't to say I want contraception banned, because we do need Plan B pills available in case women are raped. but I want the narrative that contraception is empowering and freeing to fucking stop.

If you are heterosexual... then don't have sex with people who you aren't willing to raise children with. End of story, point blank, period. I don't care if you used all the contraception or birth control in the world. If you lie down with the opposite sex and you or your partner gets pregnant, that's on you guys. Consenting to heterosex means consenting to pregnancy.

[ninthfeather]

Ho Ho Ho Hello! 🎅🏻

It’s „funny“ that seemingly it was a tumblr wide bug that questions got eaten! I saw other blogs complaining about it as well!

Anyway it’s an interesting thought!

Do you have headcanons if any characters might be badly wounded or even die in the end battle? For the drama?

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Ugh, I thought it was just a me problem; I tried to save a partial answer as a draft and instead of saving it tumblr froze and the ask disappeared into the aether :/

So, I think there will definitely be injuries, but Gosho has not been very interested in having anyone seriously injured in a way that they don't eventually heal completely from. The sole exception is Kansuke (my beloved) who was injured pre-canon and was presumably created as a character with an injury-related disability. Gosho likes to play fast and loose with medical stuff specifically so that his characters can survive injuries with fewer effects than they'd have IRL, and I don't think he's gonna stop doing that for the finale.

As for deaths, I think there's a chance, but Gosho is, once again, much more comfortable killing people off For Real in the backstory than in the present of the story. He has done it, but a lot of the notable incidents were earlier in the series; I think as DC went on he became (understandably!) more nervous about making permanent alterations to the cast.

I think there's a very good chance that at least one of the spies will either get killed or be thought dead for an extended period of time. I think Camel is probably at the highest risk of this; I think Rei would be a narratively resonant and painful choice too but that he's too popular for Gosho to do that with. Hidemi could also be in danger, but it's been a while since she's been a foreground character and killing her off would not be as impactful now as it would have been like a decade ago.

I think probably most or all of the Japanese police will survive; Takagi's gonna have a near death experience for sure and Sato's gonna lose her mind about it for a bit but they'll both pull through. If Gosho lets the Nagano police be involved, they'll also have some close calls probably. Megure might get shot again, but again, I don't think he'll be killed or seriously injured.

Heiji is also gonna be injured, probably in a way that looks very serious, but again, I think he'll recover without issue. If KID is allowed to show up for the DC finale, he will probably seem to be dead at some point but will turn up later completely uninjured. Ran, Kogoro, and Sonoko will all be in serious peril but none of them will actually get hurt except maybe Kogoro.

As far as antagonists are concerned, I don't feel like the series can end with Gin alive. I would bet on Akai being the one to kill him, but I could be wrong. Probably several other major Black Org characters will also die (specifically of falling off something/being buried under debris/something else indirect), and I would be willing to bet that Vermouth will go out in a way that makes the police believe her dead but leaves Shinichi suspecting that she survived.

I'd *love* if Shinichi got injured in some significant way, because I think it would be symbolic of the impact of this whole thing on his life and because it would increase the Shinichi & Kansuke parallels that I live for, but I do not think it'll actually happen. Every single "Shinichi is injured in a disabling way post Black Org showdown" fanwork lives in my heart, though.

On a related note, I really feel it would be more narratively satisfying if Shinichi ended up with some sort of heart issues post-APTX-4869-cure. I know the part where the temporary cures caused heart issues/were super dangerous was just Gosho's way of making it so he could have Shinichi be fullsize occasionally while still keeping him as Conan most of the time, but at this point, with all of Ai's fussing, it'll feel a little narratively cheap to me if he goes back to being a teenager with absolutely no health complications whatsoever.

I hope you're having a wonderful day and thank you so much for the ask!