#but the doctor wont do shit
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huh. that was not in my calculations.
#im sharing a ton of pots symptoms#and we already couldnt figure out what it was#(it wasnt iron deficiency and likely not blood pressure)#but the doctor wont do shit#so we have to loom and try and figure stuff out on our own#and so next time ive gotta talk to them abt pots
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15 still being all like it's just me all alone doctor 👉👈 i must be all alone because im bad luck... when he told 14 he was now fine because 14 took time off is funny because of course the doctor would be like yeah im all fine now i have no issues and im just happy all the time forever (lie) to get someone else to slow down and be happy. classic doctor move
#doctor who#dw#like of course he's fine as in he wont do the strangers time and space crimes like 12 or some shit. but still. get real with yourself#thing#strangest*
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aw hes so patient and willing to give you a second chance ^^
Behold and quake in fear, the Nightmare equivalent: The Elegy
#plague doctor meets mardi gras mask#idk whats scarier. someone coming to get you or hearing someone whos gotten got#yeah he wears a dress whats it to ya#Save the Poet#stp au#before para/skep are angry because narry wont tell them enough#now theyre just pissed because the new narrator doesnt know shit#would#oh yeah poet knows you can reset he just doesnt know when you do#in every instance he assumes this is the first time youve met him#as per usual you cant convince him in chap2#but by chap3 you have some evidence and can convince him
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Im fresh post surgery and there must be something off with my brain in general because once it gets a mix of fear, hope, pain and thankfulness it goes right for
can i give this doctor a blowjob? if life was a p0rnhub fantasy I'd already be opened by the gentle fingers that opened my skin and tissue just hours ago. what if he did anything suggestive and I'd just fall to my knees in front of him like an obedient manwhore? how would it feel if he took the bandage off, cleaned the wound and the stitches, while telling me step by step what he'd done during the surgery, his gloved hands consistently moving away from his work to other areas, helping me take my clothes off to examine the rest of my body with feather-light touches and kisses... I want him to tell me I'll be fine, that everything's gonna be alright, because he's taking care of me right now... 😭😭
#medfet#doctor x patient#im fucked up okay#i wont do shit but fuck#that guys like 60 but id do things to him#screaming crying shaking#my post#doctor kink#medical kink
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just finished the war games. no one speak to me for 3 to 4 business days wtf
#i mean i knew what would happen but that shit still hurted#hate this show why do i watch it#fuck whoever wrote that 'i wont forget you you know' line in particular#doctor who#second doctor#classic doctor who#jamie mccrimmon#dr who#classic dr who#fml i hate this dumb scifi show actually
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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New school attendance rules (that are stupid as fuck) being published has me learning people didn't even know that the UK fines people for their kids not being in school unauthorized???
#i...i....yeah to anyone who didnt know#we do#this country is obsessed with school attendance#if its not authorized your fucked#hell even if authorized aka your carer did phone for you and shit#depending how many you have it can stack up and they'll get sus#and you'll get in trouble even then#like the new rules alone are increasingly making it clear if your not authorized you can get bankrupt depending how many kids you have#which yes makes the new rules abelist as fuck and also only rich people will survive it#hell if the schools cant fine you they'll at least make you feel shame#as my school had a form system where at the end of each term a form will be rewarded for the best attendance#so rip if you were the fucker that took i dunno one or two days off for sickness or whatever#because you just costed your form room the award and the classmates know it and will look at you#source: me who had to take sick days off#hell snow days you wont free at my school#my roads and pathways were iced so i couldnt go in#but noooo according to my head of year i should have tried cause he hunted all of us who took the day off and interograted us#and if our excuse wasnt good enough for him we were told off#and they'd literally encourage you to only take sick day off if your throwing up#my head of year literally said he dont care if we got a headache or small cough or sniffle just come in#...huh wonder how they did during 2020...#but yeah attendance in the UK in terms of schools is fucking strict#(also if your curious they did send us home if we were bad-bad#i got sent home once i think??? i dont recall much of that school for my own sanity#but i badly burnt my hand in DT via a soldering iron and i had to go home and the doctors and return to school#with a hand i couldnt write with which was my writing hand so um#yeah i couldnt work much until it recovered...well my english teacher forced me to write with my non-writing hand but#and one girl got sent home for throwing up on the stairs#and another from my limited memories for falling down the stairs which uh were stone in a way so um#(i fell up those stairs somehow once...didnt get sent home but i missed english so) they had no choices sometimes)
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I saw from a post about how many asks you have and I was wondering why not just answer one ask then use that as your daily post? (I'm pretty sure you post daily from my memory)
I'm not a writer so apologies if I sound a bit rude or oblivious. But I think you don't do that because it might get tiring to write an in-character response each day.
I'm actually an Insane Person and ideally would be posting hourly/bi-hourly, if only I ever found enough content to queue up in such a manner,,
But, basically the delays can be summed up in three parts: tired or busy (lumping these together as one problem), no idea how to respond just yet (or respond in a way that satisfies me,) or I have ideas but they're art based and take more time.
I do have some wips for some art answers saved I think, but I've got, like, a single commission remaining on my docket and I refuse to let myself do other art until it's finished (barring one sketch I did for the sake of my sanity.... I cannot stress enough how much of a fight it is to get myself to do full shading and backgrounds 💀 mistakes were made.)
Now, admittedly, it's been a minute since I took a crack at writing out some more thoughtful or lengthy responses for some of the asks I've gotten- so far as I recall, at least- but the dissatisfaction problem is Extremely Real. No joke, I've had an ask sitting in my queue for several months now because I was like "yeah this is good enough," queued it, and then just before it could post I was overcome with an Intense distaste for it. I really liked the question and thought I could do better. (And still clearly have not done better....) Writing Kim honestly comes really naturally to me, and I could never really get tired of it, but sometimes an ask throws a curveball at me in a way that I just really cannot quite wrap my head around responding to. Other times, I get asks that I just can't let myself answer in a subpar manner- either the ask itself or the implications of the answer I concoct end up mattering too much to me, so I get super in my head about finalizing the reply.
And then me being tired is just a skill issue. (I'm joking; this only applies to like the last month or so, but I actually started taking some new medications recently that have been messing with me just a little in this respect. Sometimes I get tired, and when they DO give me the pep to do things, I've admittedly been trying to direct that energy into getting my life together lol)
#i really have just kinda been busy lately. doctors appointments- my roommate moving out- SO. MANY. BIRTHDAYS-#so that's also a factor in things. im kinda floundering over here... drowning in an endless sea of shit I need to do to get my affairs in +#+order...#also i am like. an adult. so i have a life that HAS to be tended to in some respects. just kinda tacking that on bc ik some people forget +#+I'm 24. I'm not busy in the way most people my age are but I DO have things I need to do/be doing. (which unfortunately may eventually +#+lead to me being busy in the same way most people my age are. life's a bitch like that. hopefully it wont be an issue though]#i literally overthink everything and it is a Problem. look at how much rambling you're getting just here. insane#i need to go to bed i think im forcing myself to let this be the answer i have for you 💀 if you have further questions i can answer later#asks#anon#ooc#txt#actually just one more little thing. the kim rp/ask blog aspect of this blog was also very much an outlet for me as i was dealing with +#+some really frustrating things in my personal life. I'm still dealing with those things but on a smaller scale now? and I'm also no +#+longer locked into this being my ONLY coping method for it. lately I've been getting back into playing whatever games i feel like- it's +#+been very freeing. in a single session I've apparently gotten 12% of the way through rdr2's story! something i very much wouldn't have +#+felt like I was ALLOWED to do prior to now#(also if this post contains any contradictions. i am a very conflicted and contradictory person. hope that helps 👍)
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Constantly tellin myself I just need to get better.
#Cade.Txts#hard because Idk whhat better will even be for me.#I have a lot of shit i need to see doctors about or a therapist about.#need to write them all down but worried doctors wont wanna listen to me.#Every doctor ever has only seen my weight n nothing else n refuse to considrr anything else for me.#i have: been on the cusp#for several things for the last several years. like i hve: prrtty much evry 'symptom' of pcos n thyroid issues-#but they deemed it 'not bad enough' to do anything for me.#anyways i've bitched about this shit here before so i wont yell about it all over again but i rly do hate doctors.#please Listen to me please.
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realizing its almost been 6 months since top surgery:)
#frank.txt#despite all the complications i had w healing im rlly happy w how my chest looks:)#ALTHOUGH. ONE BIG COMPLAINT#i used to use my bras as an extra pocket for my phone or lighter or whatever. but now i dont wear bras and therefore have no extra pocket#:( u win some u lose some :(#anyway all shirts look awesome on me now AND i can wear t shirts w funny text or image ans ppl wont feel awkward reading it:)#also the scars r fading rlly well! they almost blend in w my skin completely! (keyword almost. theyr still visible atp)#the way the scars r shaped is interesting bc theyre like a U shape. but bc of that when i inevitably build my pectoral muscles#the scars should blend into the shadow caused by thr muscle. i also dont have a Completrly flat chest bc im fat:0#tbh my surgeon did rlly well . i have a lot of problems with him bc hes kind of a dick but from like. idk an artistic standpoint hes good#but the doctor standpoint hes Uhm. well i lost a nipple and had severe infection due to denied antibiotics and lack of aftercare#BUT. the lost nipple isnt visible and it looks normal now somehow AND. i didn't die from the infection so. I mean#i just had to spend christmas with a fever of 103 LMAO#HONESTLY THO i would do it again EVEN if i knew i would go thru hell bc this surgery fuckn saved my life holy shit#i didnt realize just how much i dissociated from my own body bc of dysphoria. now i feel more in touch with it and happy!:)#also now i can Eventually get that chest tattoo i wanted for like 7 years lmao#erm yippee:)
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Friendly reminder diabetes has nothing to do with weight literally nothing <3
#why cant doctors just say its diet and how your internal body already works#not 'its because you're fat'#getting skinny wont get rid of your diabetes and if anything diabetes MAKES you skinnier because its killing you#GAGH just angry bc of a physical i got#my family is predisposed to diabetes and their only concern is bc i gained weight#bitch ive had problems always with my body when i was underweight#gianing weight didnt do shit
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i love having a good and normal memory (having to reteach myself python from the beginning every single time i want to update my bots)
#literally its like i have to learn all over every single time because it just WONT stay in my brain its so frustratig#im like this with c++ java and html too so its like why bother at this point#i literally took c++ classes for like two years and i just cant remember anything fucking at all#should see a doctor about this memory shit probably eventually *keeps making bots and relearning the codes instead*#anyway im going to update my no.1 bot Bill to be more :) and im really excited thats my little guy#rn all Bill can do is basic responces to trigger words and hes a shitty calculator also#teaching him to work as a calculator in discord was a pain in the ass tho please know that :|
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Me: it's late in the night and im really tired. i should sleep
-as soon as my head hits the pillow-
My brain: Wasn't there a calendar in the background in The Green Death? If so, what does the calendar show? Would it add to the Unit Dating Controversy? we must go check now!
#rambles#classic doctor who#unit dating controversy#my presentation on this topic has plagued my mind all holiday#it wont stop#i can't get a moment's rest#i also know that sarah says at some point that she's from the 80s#but apparently at some point she uses a unit pass that states its from the 70s#well i heard that anyway#but i can't find it so who knows#honestly - i was ready a week or so ago to chalk the whole controversy up to the brig being shit at maths and dates#(because it's funny - especially as he has a degree in maths and becomes a maths teacher)#but then like.. how do you explain characters giving various contradicting dates?#is everyone connected to the doctor bad at dates?#because being round a time traveller who can mix up time periods would eventually rub off on others?#but the UNIT era is so grounded to earth and to the now (and they cant go forgetting the date when they're a military organisation that has#to be at conferences and investigate things etc etc)#why am i trying to think logically about this?#i can't do that - for my own sanity#aaaaaaa
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This may shock you but morning sickness is actually a key symptom of pregnancy
this may shock you but its medically impossible to be pregnant for 11 years straight
#congrats u just did what every doctor has done for the last decade with this medical problem#assume i had unprotected sex and got pregnant and am too stupid to realize#so they focus on blood work and pregnancy tests#that come back fucking negative because i am not pregnant#and then theyd get embarrassed and mad and send me away and then the process would repeat#if i were you id stop making invasive assumptions about strangers health on tumblr dot com#like yall my digestive system is destroyed the muscles cant function#i cant digest food or drinks#ive lost a tooth from the constant years long vomiting#doctors wont listen to shit i hear this bs quite enough#i dont need to hear it from internet strangers who dont know shit but think they do
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Ah, I see the UNIT Defenders are at work now with UNIT being revealed to be recruiting literal children (Rose Noble and the kid we've been seeing in UNIT shots in trailers).
#no one#unit defenders when you dont like doctor who becoming pro-military: “excuse me-��#'but its changed!' kate literally bombed zygons who wont doing anything killing a shit ton of them#'but its science only!' they still got guns and are very trigger happy about it#and last i checked donna wouldnt want her daughter around that shit
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I think I've had a resurgence in Obsessive Compulsive symptoms. Have made the decision to go on hiatus for the time being while I get my mental health back in order.
#*sigh*#Dammit#And I was doing so good too :(#Although it may be that I've had a resurgence in symptoms for a long time and they just got progressively worse in the past month or so#Now that I think about it. The trigger for it happened last year.#Yep#Yeah#It was the fucking...#WHY are the ONLY readily available resources talking about binder injuries radfem blogs???#“it wont hurt to go onto this terf blog just this once. I'll just find the information about binder injuries and then leave”#And all I got was lectures about the dangers of binding and an existential crisis! Hurray! /sarcasm#And you know what? NONE OF IT EVEN HELPED WITH ASSESSING THE SEVERITY OF MY BINDER INJURY!!!#I just needed to know if it was serious enough to go to the doctor about it. IF the doctor even COULD do something about it.#Arugh!#Idk this just seems like a serious gap in resources yall#And that gap is being filled by websites and blogs that have had a net negative impact on my mental health#And I mean#Shit some of it was helpful#I managed to suck it up and stop using cloth binders altogether for my health and safety#And I'm grateful that I did#if only because i would have gotten heat stroke this scorching summer if I hadn't made the switch to trans tape#But the obsessive thoughts. The mental compulsions.#The reassurance seeking from friends and family and strangers#Not to mention the EXTENSIVE and TIME CONSUMING rituals of combing through pages and pages of websites to test my doubts and ease my worrie#Yeah... I could have done without those.#At least this time around the subject matter doesnt make me want to fucking kill myself 💀#Silver linings#Okay... logging off for the foreseeable future#trans#transgender
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