#i actually have another one Thursday
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Tell me why I didn't want to leave the MRI machine, it was so NICE in there! I seriously could have gone to sleep if they weren't making me constantly hold my breath.
Here is a stock photo of me imagining me sleeping in the MRI machine.
#stopped my dang anxiety as soon as i got in there#though i could do without the contrast#i burped and can still taste that shit#i think i need a weighted blanket#bc all the stuff they put on my chest was a nice weight#mri#i actually have another one Thursday#idk why they couldnt do them together#somethinh about the contrast wont last long enough?#idk im not a doctor
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#another day another vent post#i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think#but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited#so.... tumblr it goes i guess#helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic.#isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die#and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters#is it my meds doing this? who knows.....#any number of things could have caused this#i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what#i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help#well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too.#start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me.#sigh...#...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again#i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just#fall asleep instead.#sorry to keep doing this shit#one day it'll be better#maybe.#Hopefully.
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Oh wow. Just 2 hours after my advisor replied back saying he'd contacted the department designee, my override request has been approved. Sometimes emailing people really does work!!!
So I'll be taking front end web programming next semester!! As well as C/C++ in UNIX/Linux and quality engineering in IT. So definitely more technology focused than this semester was. But that was the point !! Finish up my communication minor this semester and some of the more theoretical courses, so it'll be on to Technology next semester 😌 I'm kinda excited
#speculation nation#there is NO proper course page for this damn class so i cant read up on it#bc it's one of those weird test courses. like my data governance class is this semester.#a new course offering that theyre seeing how it goes i guess b4 they give it a permanent number.#now whether itll be all that useful to me? that remains to be seen. but it does seem like itll be interesting#i will have TWO programming classes next semester...hehehe#AND!!!! i didnt have to drop my orchestra or bowling courses to get my 3 IT courses for graduation!!! yay!!!#so i have my full 12 credit hours and 3 of them are fun things!!! yay!!!!#actually have a more balanced schedule. this semester it's just been one 3 hour class on monday and wednesday mornings#and then 3 classes spread across tuesday thursdays. nothing on fridays.#next semester (my LAST semester!!!) i have 3 things on monday wednesday (one of which is bowling)#3 on tuesday (one is a lab) 2 on thursday and 2 on friday (another lab + still bowling)#man. im gonna be doing 50 minutes of bowling 3 times a week for an entire semester. thats so funny#it DOES sound fun. i do enjoy bowling. im gonna get so fucking good at bowling guys.#bowling on monday wednesday friday and orchestra on tuesday thursday... i will have so much enrichment :]#i am happy with this schedule 🙏🙏🙏#AND nothing too early. earliest mornings are 9 am and thats not That bad. wahoo!!!
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this is likr the 4th bus journey in a row now that theyve let me on without punching my ticket. guy today didn't even look at it even tho I offered it to him just waved me straight on bc the bus was running "late" (by only 2 mins. and they always make up that time bc there's a v long stretch w no stops on a dual carriageway) and it's been different bus drivers every single time like hello. am I on the vip list or smth 😳
#IVE SEEN THEM PUNCH OTHER PPLS TICKETS.... WHY ARENT THEY DOING MINE IM SUSPICIOUS NOW#like its great its saving me money cuz i wont have to buy another one til next week now. just strange.....#actually maybe they think im a kid omw to school or smth i do look younger than i am#.diaries#ahhhh im tired..just gotta get to 4:15 tho. and ill remember to TAKE.MY MEDS AT LUNCH!!!!!!!#and fingers crossed ill feel up for tha gym tonight and i WONT get in a crash and i can actually find them for once 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞#AURGH THURSDAYS!!
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Day 15
“Tatsumi-senpai, have you ever kissed anyone?” Kaname asked, sitting across from the other boy in the catacombs. Everyone else had left for the night leaving the two of them alone.
“Why are you asking?” Tatsumi replied, confused as he moved one of his chess pieces on the board. Kaname didn’t know anything about how the game worked and was mostly just guessing at where the pieces moved.
“A-ah it’s nothing, I was just wondering…I haven’t kissed anyone.” Kaname could feel his face heating up. God this was embarrassing, why was he doing this?
“I haven’t kissed anyone either.” Their game of chess forgotten for the moment. Kaname’s face burned even hotter.
“Would you--would you like to try kissing?” He barely squeaked out. How was the great Kaname Tojou such a loser when it came to his crush? He should be confident and yet here he was.
“Can you repeat that, Kaname-san?” He loved the way his name sounded in Tatsumi’s voice. It made him want to die in the moment though.
“Can I--Can we try…kissing?” His voice was still soft but evidently loud enough for Tatsumi to hear if the slight blush on his face was evidence of anything. Tatsumi gently moved their chess board to the side and slid closer to Kaname. Kaname felt his heart rate pick up at the proximity as Tatsumi leaned in closer.
How was he supposed to kiss? He tried to remember the movies and how they did it, closing his eyes and letting Tatsumi guide him, his lips slightly parted. The moment Tatsumi’s lips touched his he thought he would fly, and evidently his mouth moved before he could think, as Tatsumi let out a yelp and brought a hand to his lips.
Kaname bit him. Oh how embarrassing! It wasn’t enough to draw blood but still!
“I’m so sorry Tatsumi-senpai! I didn’t mean to do that! Oh god--”
Tatsumi laughed. Kaname stopped in his tracks as Tatsumi continued laughing. He wasn’t laughing at Kaname, though, or at least not at Kaname as a person, but rather at his reaction to the whole thing.
“It’s okay, Kaname-san. We can try again if you’d like.”
“Y-yes I’d like that very much.”
They leaned in again and Kaname clenched his jaw to keep himself from biting Tatsumi again, but he got a little overeager again and felt their heads bump into each other and not where their lips were (which was where he was aiming for). Kaname curses under his breath but Tatsumi giggles again (a heavenly sound to Kaname’s ears) and cups his face before gently guiding him to Tatsumi’s lips.
Kaname was too in shock to do anything for a moment. He was kissing someone. And not just someone. He was kissing Tatsumi Kazehaya, heartthrob of Reimei Academy. He closed his eyes and relaxed, reaching to grab Tatsumi’s blazer and pull him closer. He felt their teeth clack together but it wasn’t as bad as their first attempt and for Kaname, that was enough.
They pulled away, panting heavily, and Kaname noticed that Tatsumi’s pupils had dilated. He wanted to pull Tatsumi in for another kiss but held himself back, at least for a moment.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Tatsumi spoke, breathless and full of affection.
“No, it wasn’t.” Kaname pulled Tatsumi back in for another kiss, narrowly avoiding bumping their heads together again. He could do this forever, just him and Tatsumi in the catacombs, kissing to their hearts content.
#shay writes#tatsukana#january writing challenge#WE'RE BACK ON TRACK BABEY#i already wrote tomorrow's fic too i will have to edit it#but i'm on a roll today i might work on one of my longer fics#if i dont work on something longer i will die i swear. sobbing#options options.... kaokana fic. big bang fic editing.... the newest longform wip edition which is the madaleo fic#umu what else.........#idk actually there probably is another longer wip somewhere#ignoring the madashu part 2 fic i promised IM SORRY I HAVE NOOOO MOTIVATION FOR THAT ONE RECENTLY#i should do a different madashu fic though. for funsies. i should start a new one#OH THE MADATATSU ONE I WAS WORKING ON RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT#yes yes okay but that one i think i am also putting on the back burner for a bit#but yeah i'm going insane i need to write something longer#i am going insaneeeeeeee just writing short stuff so expect less posting from me in february#for a while anyway we'll see if i can maybe get some chapters of other stuff up#but yeah. anyway cutesies tatsukanas today#cutesies rinniki tomorrow that i've already had people read on discord#and we'll follow it with cute madaleos on thursday i prommy i prommy
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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Sometimes I am taken over by the spirit of a middle aged white lady and I just gotta do my best to move on with my day after the possession is over
#chat is it psycho to go to your specific gym you’ve been going to for six months#and when you enter and your little barcode scans the two dudes running the front desk stop me and say I need to show id#or add a pic to me to my app profile to enter#even tho I was literally there Thursday and no one said anything like this#and when the guy keeps pressing me to just go into my phone and add any photo of me to my profile#I get the ick/feel my authority issue flare up and just leave instead#and the go to another gym instead and have no issue#and now I will just keep my expired Id in my gym bag as proof#(because if there’s been a sudden policy shift and they’re cracking down on I’d okay whatever that’s fine)#but the way the guy kept pressing me to just upload a photo of myself makes it so I will never actually put a photo on my profile :)#anyways…. I’m aware I need therapy for various issues but ya girl doesn’t have health insurance so I will simply continue to be crazy
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Not sure if you were already asked this but how did you get into Hollyoaks? Specifically Hayray? Was it through TikTok, YouTube etc? What has been your favourite moment of theirs so far?
I got into hollyoaks/hayray bc of tumblr actually! I saw a gifset of them bc one of the people i followed posted them - probably @/tylerposey or @/celebrategaylove . I actually remember vaguely older posts about them, like i remember seeing the pics of them in the folly for the pride episodes and I thought that they were on some cbbc show or something, and I remember seeing sooo many gifs of them tripping each other over when they were supposed to be teaching the year sevens football. Those ones caught my attention.
I think I must have seen a gif of their first kiss bc it was that week that I went to youtube and watched one of the playlists of all their scenes over two days and I have been insufferable about them ever since.
My favourite moments would have to be their first kiss and their first time. Both were so devastatingly sweet. And the folly pt.2 where they confessed their love.
I also love Lucas talking about Dillon in the church scene, and to John Paul, and the confrontation during pride. And when Lucas comes out to his dad. I am a sucker for angst and love confessions, clearly.
#i am insane over the gay dads with gay son storyline actually#like i didnt write that book about a lesbian discovering her dead aunt is gay for nothing#you guys made me cave and watch them it only took a year lol#also i have been vaguely aware of hollyoaks all my life but always thought of it as on the posh side of soaps#and i only ever watched emmerdale for a few months for aaron and robert#its sooo funny to me that i clocked nate as having cbbc energy#ask#hollyoaks#hayray#my fave eps are the pride ones and probably thursday last week#my previous hyperfixation was dead boy detectives so liking another ship with a desi guy and a repressed 16yr old was not unlikely
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Your Weekly TV Guide
On Monday you can expect:
2:30 PM: Solanaceae
And Tuesday:
2:30 PM: Die Anstalt - Psychiatrie für misshandelte Kuscheltiere
Wednesday:
2:30 PM: Star Control II - Helix
Thursday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix (blood warning)
Friday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix (blood warning)
Saturday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix’s Captain Zelnick ♥
Sunday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)
#Weekly TV Guide#Another one that is *probably#I have Most of a week queued up to go but Sunday's is still a bit of a question mark#Hopefully it will be SCII! I have more stuff in the works!#Had a Very busy week that allowed No time for any digital art so :P My poor ideas have had to be back-burnered noooo#Tomorrow would normally be my offline day but I'm making a slight exception since Things Posting Funny lol - one of my behind the scenes!#Glad to finally :)#There's actually a lot of Digital Art posting this week despite not having had the chance to work on any for a bit :0#Definitely three maybe four - depends lol#Oh and Thursday's blood warning is For Realsies - red and lots#Friday's is black and white but still <3#Feels like I've been holding onto or working on some of these ForEver!!! Will be nice to have them up ♪#Hopefully this week will be a Touch more chill and also I'll just - draw more lol#Want to! Need ideas and thoughts and feelings Out of me!
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it sure has been quite a week
#g o d this week was such a mess™️#i kicked off the week wrong (as always) with ~3h of sleep bc i can never fall asleep on monday nights (sadge)#and ofc i had to do 2 workstations’ worth of work bc lack of manpower lmao#then on tuesday i had yet another family dinner to say goodbye to my bro (lol)#even though he’d already been treated to at least 3 other meals by that point (lmao)#i still think my dinner treat from a few weeks back was the best though~~~~~~ a 4 course sky dining meal def tops any restaurant right~~~~~?#and on suiyoubi (my dudes) we boated him off to military training island for his mandatory enlistment. that sure was. an experience.#i still kinda regret finishing my meal at the military cafeteria place thing though… i was the only one at the table who finished it :(#even my big eater of a bro couldn’t finish his :(#and my mother has been making fun of me for finishing the (allegedly) huge portioned meal ever since :(#she keeps joking about enlisting me bc army food ✨clearly✨ suits my tastes :( truly sadded.#anyways it was back to work on thursday. which sucked. ofc. also bc i’d overslept by half an hour and had to rush. lmao.#anddddd on friday. my boss told me that i’d missed out on submitting one worksheet thing of results#even though i c l e a r l y remember doing the test it was for (and organising all of the worksheet things for the matter)#so my coworker and i just watched her sift through the stack of worksheets… only for her to actually find the ‘missing’ piece of paper#she then said ‘ok found it sorry’ so my coworker and i just went ‘(ʘ‿ʘ) okayyyyyyyyyy’ p. sarcastically and left her office#and ofccccc there was work on saturday too. yay. went to the pkm centre after that thoughhhh#which was fun yes. but. they didn’t have ✨c h a i r d e o x y s✨ on sale :(((((#they stopped selling goomy earrings and that huge plush too :( and the smaller goomy plushies for the matter :((((#i realllyyy should’ve bought the goomy earrings while they were still available… even though they were like 8 bucks per stud#my goomy plushie collection remains unexpanded :( my jigglypuff collection grew by 1 though~~~~#so now i have 3 official jigglies of varying sizes and 1 bootleg jiggly that looks. pretty horrifying in bad lighting actually#p. sadded by how my family calls my taste in pkm boring though… ‘it’s either jigglypuff or that purple thing’ they say… :((((#aaaaaa i wish i could’ve bought that super cute plush of goodra holding a happily smiling goomy i saw on my trip…#it’s too bad that the plushies (there were like 2-3 of them) were locked inside a display cabinet :(((( it was so cuteeeeeeeee#though my fam would’ve made me put it back if i’d even managed to get it out back then lol. ‘that purple thing again?!’ they’d prolly say…#anyways. this sure was a week. im so tired. help#no clue how i should spend the rest of my night tbh… maybe beach sisters time? hmmmmmm. oh wells.#‘dai’ly shitpost of the day
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the things my mind will do to NOT have to face the consequences of a traumatic story arc
"oh so and so died last week? and the new episode is tonight? hmm sounds like it'll be a good one...
.....y'know i've really been meaning to get into [absolute rabbit hole of a fandom]"
#it just feels like today should be a break week day#like my guy just passed LAST thursday and you want me to come back? for MORE? of what? that??#yeah no i need another week to mentally prepare and then ill be right with you please and thank you#i never actually watch the rebroadcast in the mornings cuz it feels weird watching cr with the sun shining#but the thought of locking in for 4 more hours of stress tonight is not for me#so maybe ill catch it on yt and watch while i play sdv or something#yknow balance out the stress with a game that is deceptively stressful but in a different way lmao#plus i still havent finished the fhjy episode so. im busy lol#the fandom that my brain is trying to use as an excuse to miss the live btw is naddpod#ive been keeping up with dnd court cuz its just fun sillies that require none of my attention or brain power#so i havent gotten into a campaign yet but i think about it a lot. i know ill like it and thatll be the end of me#but anyway good luck tonight critters!#the temptation might have me idly popping into stream but heres to hoping no one else perishes! :'D#critical role#sea rambles
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me: my script is more or less done but i found these cool details i kinda wanna add in. i'll add it as a quick sentence maybe bc i'm already very tight with the time
me, two 7 line paragraphs later: ah :/
#no luckily one is only 3. i'm def keeping it#the other one is abt the skk strategy code names. i forgot to add it originally oops#but it ended up so long......... idk how to make it shorter without skipping key information.......... h#might skip it altogether :( or give my friends another beta and ask them what they think. if they'll be available#wait i actually have a beta with my supervisor this thursday oh no-#(idk why i'm so stressed. she's chill she's very nice and we already know each other. i'm just scared of criticism 😭)
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You can only read a dry academic text for so many hours before your eyes cross and your head starts wanting to hit your keyboard
#an introduction should not be 40 pages long. stop rambling.#and i have another 40 page reading too... and a novel to finish. but that should finally be it.#read over 300 pages this weekend and it's only week one. i'm so over the student grind culture. i'm 26 and tired.#but still i do all of the readings because if i don't then no one will.#genuinely: i was the only person in my thursday class who read the book and prepared a mini-presentation#(all who chose to read the book are supposed to have something prepared)#so my prof actually had me stand up in front of the whole class + the people joining on zoom and give a sub-par presentation -#- on part of a book no one read. what's even the point?#so i spoiled it for them lol. fuck around and find out.#i look like a goody-two-shoes ffs.
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only passed it briefly on my bus to work but psu is surrounded with heavily geared up police rn... downtown is also absolutely crawling with transit cops?
#not to dox myself but thats how the university protests are going here atm... they're three days into their encampment in the library#if theres are arrests (I imagine there will be) I may post a bail fund link if there is one#idk if the transit cops are actually related but I can't imagine it's Not#can't think of another reason downtown would be swarming with them at 6:30am on a thursday#according to various insta accounts police have not actually enteted campus yet but the last update was from like 6:15 so...#ghost posts#text#free palestine
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i just found out i actually have NO plans whatsoever today i’m so happy i’m crying
#i was supposed to go meet my friends today#but some of them cancelled last minute because you know they have lives so its a no go then because what’s the point if it’s just 2 of us??#which left me with an appointment that was supposed to happen this afternoon from 4 until 8 pm (throwing up)#but turns out it’s actually on thursday (!!)#and so now i have another absolutely empty uneventful day this week before my life turns into another shitty whirlwind whatever#!!#i’m celebrating#party of one in the comfort of my room#(but actually i could barely eat or drink anything without my throat teeth and the inside of my mouth protesting but that’s ok)#tw rant#nadirants
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Today I used my new ricecooker for the first time to make rice 2 things about that
1: yum rice!!!
2: oh god there is so much rice
i have severely underestimated the amount of rice
#txts#this is at least enough rice for 4 days if i only ate rice and nothing with it#like yes the manual told me 1 cup is about 2 portions etc etc#but did I listen? nope#anyhow does anybody need rice? i got 2 plates full#i might actually take a box of it w/ me to work on thursday then just to...fucking....eat it#its rice week now lads#i am used to express rice#i underestimated uncooked rice so much#i dEBATED adding another cup just to have a bit to maybe eat throughout the day and add like sauce etc to it#......my meat is now also buried in rice#its all rice#the one i brought tastes a bit sweeter than the express one i ususally have#might be a water thing? or just rice sort thing?#not a fan of sweetness but thats what drowning food you dont like the taste of in sauce is for#praise be sauces for hiding the taste of good thats good in texture but weird in taste#soooooo yeah#guess i'll eat rice now and in the future
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