#but that probably isn't always true
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I've made quite a few posts today (at least 10, I think). But it feels like only one of them got any attention. Most of them have 0 notes, honestly. So I guess it's time for annual Insecurity/Attention Seeking post again (because I've accepted it's a bit of both, honestly): people have seen my posts, right? I think they have, but it's sometimes nice just to get that explicit confirmation.
I copied this from an old post and I'm reposting it again (this might actually be my third or fourth time posting this now, I'm not sure). I know people do see my posts, but I apparently have an insecurity or slight desire for attention that makes me always repost these things.
#reposting because it's practically a tradition for me to this when I think I've got very few notes#neurotic#insecure#neuroticism#insecurity#It seems a lot of my comic posts#are the ones that get little attention#but that probably isn't always true#I worry I seem like a jerk#whenever I make these posts#but I honestly can't help it#they're a habit#possibly a bad habit but idk#autism#asd#neurodivergent#autistic#adhd#actually autistic#audhd
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The way dreams have like, real places looking or functioning completely different than in real life yet always stay the same in the dream world makes me believe in alternative universes
#i have this one where there's an ceramics shop in the middle of a street in my hometown that has never existed to my knowledge#yet is beloved in the dreams#and there's this apartment building that in my dreams got a small mall or whatever on the bottom floor of all my dreams#which isn't true to real life at all and rarely if ever have impact on the dreams but it's always there#and an alternative fashion store/club thing that shows up where there's a bank in real life and always has been#not to mention what my work looks like#well this is rationally probably just my memory of a past dream influencing my current dream but STILL#fruktstund
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I think the portrayal of Spider-Man 2099 in Across the Spider-Verse is in-character in that aside from like Shattered Dimensions he's always been portrayed as a bit of an asshole who slips into anti-hero territory at times and generally has a "needs of the many over the needs of the few" mindset and given his specific circumstances in the movie it's not unreasonable to think he could take the actions he does. However it does kinda suck that since like 99% of moviegoers had no idea who he was before the movie came out their first impression of him is when he's in an antagonistic role and people think "antagonist" and "villain" are synonyms so now I'm gonna have to listen to people who've never read a comic saying he's a villain or isn't a real Spider-Man for the rest of time or at least until he inevitably changes his mind in the third one.
#hell you don't even need to read a comic just look up a let's play of spider-man edge of time you'll get what i mean#but yeah i saw a post that was like#''the first movie had a joke about how spider-man doesn't wear a cape and miguel has a cape they did that to show he's not spider-man''#as if he hasn't had that cape since his creation 30 fucking years ago#he's not even the only spider-man to have one. spider-man unlimited is also a thing that exists.#even the first movie had that call-back joke where they see the peter from miles's universe had a suit with a cape#these movies have a lot of little details with deeper meanings but the cape thing just isn't one of them sorry#but yeah. play edge of time or find it on youtube it's good.#shattered dimensions is also good but miguel's personality in that game is closer to peter's for some reason#so edge of time is better for getting a feel of what he's usually like#but yeah i do think spider-verse miguel was probably more straightforwardly heroic like other versions before the whole dead family thing#and i think he and the rest of the spider society are just genuinely misguided about how the whole canon event thing works#cause like george and gwen don't die in every universe peter doesn't get the symbiote in every universe#even uncle ben doesn't die in every universe#but miguel THINKS those things always happen. that's why he got the others to believe it cause he genuinely believes it himself#and i think they all take comfort in the idea that these bad things that happen to them happen for a reason#i know that's josh keaton's interpretation for why spectacular peter joined and i don't disagree with it#that's also why i disagree with people saying that miles is The Only True Spider-Man There just cause he was the first to outright reject it#look me in the fucking eye and tell me spectacular peter and insomniac peter don't understand what it means to be spider-man#or actually don't cause i'll bitch slap you into next week if you do#miguel o'hara#marvel#shut up tristan
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thinking about "murder is okay" still. more than anything i think a lot of people just say shit in meta bc it sounds evocative and vaguely gestures at an actual point
#i dislike the 'some people are not smart enough to review/critique/write' posts bc they're always phrased to invoke ontological capability#only for op to scramble and make it clear thats not what they meant at all guys when they obviously get pushback.#thus establishing them as one of the people who probably isn't smart enough for this.#but like it is true that some people are probably not thinking about it hard enough to write something interesting or revealing#or representative of some sort of broader understanding of the work and its themes and intentions#and are instead letting themselves be captured by whatever pitfalls in logical or moral consistency feels the best#many such cases! we are very good at this as people#crposting
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Is it bad that I don’t want to give birth? Like, I told some of my friends and family that I don’t want to give birth and they told me that I’d change my mind and I told them I wouldn’t and they get mad at me. I told them that I’d adopt kids instead to give them a home and living family but they say that doesn’t matter and count because they won’t be biological.
That's not bad at all!! I know a lot of people that feel the same way. Hell, I feel the same way. I don't want to give birth and I'm very against having children. I've known that pretty much my whole life since I was old enough to conceptualize children and parenthood (very young as a woman growing up in America), and I was always told I'd change my mind someday.
Well, it's been about 20 years and I haven't changed my mind at all. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. The constant societal pressure that every generation has gone through of "you have to have children otherwise your life is meaningless" has very much been challenged as of late with plenty of people realizing your life doesn't end as soon as you're old enough to have children. A lot of those people pushing that narrative shouldn't have had kids in the first place. The world would probably be a lot better off if people that didn't want kids but were pressured into it by society just hadn't given into that pressure.
There's plenty of neglected, abandoned children, and children in foster care that deserve love and support. So yeah, if you don't want to give birth, then there's nothing to feel bad about. You've made that decision and anyone that tries to tell you otherwise is only recycling the same societal pressures that probably made them have children they didn't want.
And if anyone says adopted or fostered children don't count, then kindly say fuck them and don't speak to them again. Same with people that say IVF or children born of surrogates. Just because you didn't give birth to your child no matter the reason, that doesn't make them "not your child." Hell I know there's people out there that say C-sections aren't "giving birth" because it wasn't natural.
Yeah, fuck those people and do what you want. It's your body, it's your life and they can either get over it or get out of your life 🤷
#pregnancy is horrifying some of the things that can happen#I've read through that list that person made on TikTok#the fact that no one talks about the horrors of pregnancy and birth is very telling#your life isn't any less meaningful if you choose not to have children or if you choose to have them by other means#be it adoption or fostering or IVF or surrogacy#kindly tell your family to accept you as you are#or tell them to fuck off and live your life in peace how you want to live it#they can support you or they can kindly leave you alone#that's what families are supposed to do#families that don't support their kids are the ones that shouldn't have had them in the first place#I'm sorry but it's true#they probably regret having kids so they're trying to force everyone else into it because they suffered so it's only fair you suffer to#getting preachy again dear Lord#let me calm down#anyway do what you want that's what i'm trying to say#there's nothing wrong with it#I don't ever plan on having children at all#because I hate children#they're nice from a distance but do not bring them close to me#always been like that#it's never changed#answered#queue 06
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It's soooo funny that whenever my city's on TV, it's always unflattering shit. How dare you, this place is amazing, I'd die for my city, I'd die for this neighborhood (which is admittedly the part of town with the shittiest reputation and arguably part of the reason I'm this anxious)
#shoutout to my English professor in the second year#who apparently comes from the same neighborhood and when I mentioned it during class he straight up went 'OHHH so that's why!'#'that's why you're always so nervous! it's because you're always looking over your shoulder and making aure nobody's following you!'#and let's be honest it's probably true at least in part#I mean uh... we had drug-related incidents in my grade school and one kid died in a fight during recess sooooo#ugh. fine MAYBE this neighborhood shaped me in slightly shitty ways but at least it isn't boring#plus people won't touch you if you're from here so yeah#shadiest guys hanging out near the entrance of your building#offering you help with carrying the backpack because 'it looks heavy' and 'neighbours gotta help each other'#idk man#I love this city even if it has way too much concrete and is way too hot during summer#vibes around here are impeccable#one of those days when I really love this place idk there's absolutely no reason for it
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Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them
this is one of my favorite asks and i love you
#nobody will ever stop me from getting excited about things i like#i just always feel like i'm not allowed to share that excitement with anybody directly because of being made fun of in the past#or like i at least have to tone it down by like 99% and make it very brief#because of fear of rejection so i keep it to myself contained in my own space#sometimes i really wanna talk about my favorite things with somebody but i'm like#'nobody knows or cares about this. what if i send something and they hate it and tell me it's horrible'#(a reaction i've been the most used to. either that or just silence)#and i wouldn't know who would actually be interested or if i would be putting them in a situation#where they're not interested at all but they're too nice to say it and then i feel annoying if i keep talking about it#because now even if it isn't SAID that they hate it i still always feel like people are thinking that behind it all#so like if somebody came at me right now telling me everything i like is horrible#that itself wouldn't really bother me because i could just block and continue life without a second thought about that person specifically#because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up#delete/block. not taking it personally and not worth thinking about#but it's the anxiety built up from it happening for so long and so consistently from so many people and some that i used to be close to#that now it feels to me that everybody feels that way even if i know LOGICALLY that it isn't true. the feeling is still there#it's one of the long-term effects that are so hard to get rid of once they're set#this is just another thing about myself to work on for probably my entire life#but russ has been helping me with so much lately it's unbelievable
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re: deh imagining one last connor project meeting before the timeskip / finale to discuss what to do regarding the almost complete fundraiser, like as fraught & reluctant as anything, jared's here to be fully in the know about anything that could be done or said, alana being less sure of whether the story is true Or worthwhile than ever but we still aren't told anything like "oh these are her definite thoughts on things" & she isn't exactly sure she wants to or needs to wring thee truth (or agreement on anything) from evan so she's not doing that either....meanwhile in a reversal of that pre wtaw introduction of alana & jared, it can be evan kinda taking the lead on most Dialogue Exchanges here, asking them whatever even tentative indirect questions about what are we gonna do here, could be already evan able to have that bit more confidence / motivation. disappear reprise, might not be as dissimilar to the dynamic we got there while forming tcp still lol but thwarting alana & jared disappearing after ywbf reprise....things would be left fairly open-ended And Yet that what we see next is [the orchard has been planted after all] so....
#deh#jared not willing to say Anything basically like rip to dialogue opportunities but feels apropos. many possibilities#but then of course the Different & Promising opportunity in turn for him to still not get fully sidelined despite this#& always much to consider like what might alana or anyone want to ask jared about all this? but prob nothing more than she would evan#so if she's not dying to get the truth from him / gave up on that anyway like probably not gonna expect or want it from jared either#whether or not she supposes he particularly knows anything about that or not#mostly a sort of Tense Unhappy talking around the idea of Just seeing the orchard through#like who knows; could be as relatively simple as like orchard owner(tm) has all the plans & logistics & it's mostly the funding#& plausibly nonzero involvement....question of how much alana would Like to be involved. question of if she wants to still do this at all#& for jared like again he might basically care to know if he's still caught up in this / it'll be a problem going forward on a Practical#basis. & then underlying All Of This is how it relates to considering all their feelings & relationships tangled up in this stuff lol#the Practical Purposes motivations vs what if this isn't True but is a genuine expression of other motivations & feelings we have going on#much to consider. plus ofc makes sense the movie didn't also just smash cut from sbss to the finale scene#& that in doing so ofc makes sense alana & jared did not Disappear then either. but not a lot of act two focus in general there fr so
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i think i would always be weird and trans and dissatisfied no matter what kind of body i was in
#idk i thought for a while that the only thing that would make me feel better#is if i was just born as a cis man from the start. then i would be happy and have zero problems#but tbh no that isn't true either#if i was amab from the start i wouldnt be happy with that either. i would feel some peculiar pain in my chest when i thought about lesbians#and i wouldn't want to transition halfway or be happy just wearing the clothes.#i'd want estrogen. i'd want surgery and long hair and a different face#it doesnt matter what kind of body im stuck in. i think im always going to long for some unattainable Other#tbh if i was naturally skinny i would probably hate that and be insecure about that also.#anyways. this is why i avoid thinking about it. theres no solution#unless they invent shapshifting at will sometime within my lifetime#im trans but ftm or mtf won't make a difference. the thing i got assigned at birth is Me and what i want to be is Not Me
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Anyone wanna know an inconsequential BTS thing I always found a bit sus and for some reason just popped back into my brain?
Yeh? ok
When they're asked who the best dancer is and they all say J-Hope, now the other 6 all agreeing on this? I'd be suprised but it's not inherently sus, the sus is J-Hope. What's your answer my guy? Even if he thinks it's himself usually they have a someone other than themself answer they'll use, you'd think even if he wanted to say himself he'd say probably Jimin, but someone else, him not doing that is so like...
when they were rookies they were told this is what their answer should be, and they've stuck with it ever since.
#bts#like you're gonna tell me none of JK Suga and RM prefer Jimin's dancing? I frankly don't think that's true#yes i'm calling them liars yes they lie about shit of course they do#bleh#but this isn't even like a proper lie#it's a#idk#this is what the answer is meant to be and it was always meant to be and we don't think about what that means anymore or if it is true or n#it's not an answer to the question#it's a programmed response yk#but even if they all do prefer j-hope which would be fair he is amazing#what's with him#what's his answer#why doesn't he answer#you can say yourself that's fine#like it's just so#there is no opinion happening#it is a programmed answer and for why#like when they were actual babies and establishing roles in the group maybe having a pre determined answer made sense#or was useful#probably could move past that#or stop asking it's fucking stupid question#like what's better dali or monet#idk my guy what are you into they're both technically incredible it's art what speaks to you#this isn't a question someone else can tell you the answer to in any meaningful way#so tl;dr#i think they were told to say that#and they just never thought about it again#probably don't even consider what their individual answer would be if they were gonna give it
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@beatingheart-bride
"I admit, I, uh...I couldn't really sleep at all today," Randall confessed with a shy smile, as he dug into his slice: Though part of that was him still getting used to the switch from diurnal to nocturnal, he was sure, his excitement over his impending wedding kept him up like a kid on Christmas Eve. More than once did he roll over and stare at the clock, hoping it would be nightfall; more than once did he eye the curtains, wishing the sun's rays would vanish, and leave the skies dark.
"All good things to those who wait," June smiled lightly, a remark that Randall couldn't help but think to himself wryly, Ma, you have no idea...!
"Mmm, good cake, Junie!" Wilhelm complimented, as he licked the frosting from his fork: June had been doing a lot of experimenting with cooking with blood (something she never thought she'd do, but nevertheless was willing to try), working out the best ratios of it to the ingredients she used, with her crowning achievement thus far being the wedding cake. At her husband's praise, June's cheeks flared pink, saying, "Thank you, Wil. Mixing it with the wet ingredients before adding it all to the dry seems to work the best-even if it does turn the batter a dark pink."
A lot of foods she'd been making as of late had turned dark pink, bordering on red when she added the necessary secret ingredient and mixed it all together: Soup stocks, rice dishes, stews, they all came out in varying different shades, very different from what they'd been before.
Ah, but she accepted that change and, for what it was worth, her cooking ventures had been paying off: She and her family were able to get what they needed to live, while still being able to enjoy the old foods they loved. It was a nice compromise they'd made, and she was happy to see it'd paid off well for her son and daughter-in-law's wedding cake.
#((either the monster dies; *or* if they were cursed; they get turned back into a human))#((and while; yeah; it means they get a happy ending...it still rings a bit hollow))#((especially if they were still loved in their monster forms!))#((and it's true; 'the shape of water' made a huge stride in both letting the monster be a romantic leading man))#((-something that probably would've caused heart attacks in the 1950s when 'black lagoon' was originally released-))#((but also letting the monster live to see the credits! and considering the gill-man is my favorite universal monster))#((and i always felt like he was the best romantic partner for the leading lady in the original film))#((FAR more than her two dipshit human suitors; i felt a little vindicated by 'shape of water'!))#((it'd be nice to see more monster movies like that: where the monster isn't punished for something out of their control))#((like you said; and get to have an actually truly happy ending!))#((and yeah; i thought we'd skip forward to the paces and graceys meeting after this!))#((i kinda feel like they'd meet fairly soon after the wedding; so they probably wouldn't have the twins yet))#((but if you've got another idea; i'm happy to hear it!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Dark Shadows
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I've made quite a few posts today (at least 10, I think). But it feels like only one of them got any attention. Most of them have 0 notes, honestly. So I guess it's time for annual Insecurity/Attention Seeking post again (because I've accepted it's a bit of both, honestly): people have seen my posts, right? I think they have, but it's sometimes nice just to get that explicit confirmation.
#neurotic#insecure#neuroticism#insecurity#It seems a lot of my comic posts#are the ones that get little attention#but that probably isn't always true#I worry I seem like a jerk#whenever I make these posts#but I honestly can't help it#they're a habit#possibly a bad habit but idk#autism#asd#neurodivergent#autistic#adhd
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I don't even listen to foals but my brain just went 'yannis morissette' and i think maybe two of my mutuals might find that funny
#his mouth's too small to hit the big belt notes tho#this isn't true probably i just always imagine him whispering
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look I'm sorry, I really am. but if you watch The Husbands of River Song and interpret that as being a definitive picture of what River is like as a person... you're wrong. and you've missed the point.
#*yeets this post at tumblr and then runs away fast before an DiscourseTM can start*#seriously I love THORS with all my heart but y'all canNOT just keep taking everything at face value#and assuming that just because a character claims something as though it's true then it must be true#River says the Doctor doesn't love her and Hydroflax scans her and says it's not a lie and it's not!!! it really isn't a lie!!!#it's not a lie because RIVER believes it in that moment!!!#River is acting out in that story she is trying SO hard to distract herself from the pain and loss she's just experienced#ie Manhattan!! she's just lost both of her parents!! all the family she's ever known!!#and she didn't even get to KNOW them the way a child should know their parents!! her childhood was stolen#and now her parents have been too!!#and given the implication that she and the Doctor have a sort of falling out because of the events of Manhattan#she probably thinks that on some level she's lost him too!!#and that's why it's TWELVE who gets to be there with her in the midst of that adventure#because THIS is a Doctor who she doesn't have to be strong for!!!!!#River almost always had to be the strong one for Eleven#she was the one who had to keep looking at the angel when he broke down she had to break her own hand because he left her to do it#she was always the one pointing him towards the person he must become#she taught him how to love so that he could in turn teach HER!!#but Twelve! Twelve can stand beside her at his full height and look her in the eyes and not back away#he can see her full darkness and her unkindness and when it's over he is still there beside her holding her hand#he is allowed to see the most imperfect and un-River-ish version of River because he is the one who can see it and love her more for it#and I do think THORS is an aspect of River! it's her darker uglier afraid and alone and just desperately trying to distract herself side!!#but it's not like. The Definite River. River As She Truly Is (Without The Doctor There To Perform For).#and I'm slightly tired of seeing that position seemingly taken by a lot of people writing for the character lately#not to gripe about this again but like--a lot of the most recent BF stories featuring River make her feel so shallow??#she's basically just the most flattened version of Captain Jack. but female. and without the immortality angst that makes him so interestin#ok I'm done yelling into the void now sfdkhdfkh#I have kicked at a (small but potentially feisty) hornets' nest and now I am going to sleep sdkjfkjhsdsf#gurt says stuff#river song#doctor who
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my toxic trait is that I absolutely am one of those people that will not remain interested in a show for long if I don't want to fuck at least one of the characters
#the reason why i watched supernatural for as long as i did was bc i thought the impala was hot.#(that's a hyperbole for the bit; i also thought gabriel was hot. and uhhh... abaddon? the hot demon lady yknow)#this isn't ALWAYS true like there are some cartoons that i still enjoy watching#like no i don't watch gumball bc i want to fuck any of those ridiculous lookin cartoon animals. i just think it's hysterically funny#i think it's mainly comedies and animated works that get a pass bc otherwise i probably wouldn't watch any of those :V
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🫰
#spice.txt#sorry i haven't been around the last few days#the concert jostled my routine a bit more than anticipated AND stuff was going on at work#so i haven't really gotten back into the swing of things#abd this week was semi stressful SO i may not stream tomorrow but ill keep yall posted#im thinking probably not just also cause my mood has dipped#i think my periods coming and the pmdd shit is spiking so i feel like i dont belong here anymore#i know thats not true and its my fucked up hormones talking but jfc do i feel like i shouldnt be here#i was doing so good earlier in the week#i was trying not to let things bothwr me#i was recovering from incident X and thought i was doing great#then boom... the sads#and then what i thought would happen happened#its just... it sucks not to feel wanted#it sucks knowing your dream will always be a dream and just out of reach#cause it just isn't meant to happen#sigh#sorry if you read this#spice.vent
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