#but sometimes you just need to think about that kind of feeling and it exists
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alwaysobsessed777 · 2 days ago
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PANCAKES FOR DINNER - N.M.
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So I'm not sure how many words are in this....but there's not warnings, this is just kinda cute???Anyways....enjoyyyyyy
The car ride was tense. I hadn't planned on leaving so soon but work changed what it had wanted me to do. Nika's grip on the steering wheel bleached her knuckles, her jaw stayed tense. I couldn't help but feel guilty, I randomly sprang this info on her the last second. Our summer plans before she went back to UConn for summer training and I went back to working out my musical career were ruined.
"I'm really sorry about this...Nika, I'll make it up to you," her jaw seemed to relax, her hands loosened it's grip.
"No need to apologize, I'm just....I just wanted to spend this next month with you," I almost wanted to spill every feeling, every thought I had about this woman right now after hearing those words. But we were just friends, nothing more.
"sometimes I wish I had a normal dream, like, being a doctor or...or whatever other people want their jobs to be."
A smile spread across the girl's face, a silent celebration went off in my head. "Being the next big pop star is no easy thing. You're dreams were just stronger than others, that's why you're making it a reality."
"Becoming a professional basketball player isn't that easy either."
She snickered. "I'm far from professional, but I'll take it."
"College.... professional....same thing," I paused, "you'll definitely go pro though. You're literally amazing at what you do."
A silence stretched between us, a quiet awkwardness. "I don't know if I will."
"Nika, please, if they don't have you going to like the Aces or the Storm.... they've lost one of the best players to ever walk this Earth."
As heat rose to her cheeks, a small smirk formed on my lips, "Stop, that's the biggest lie you've ever told....and you've told a lot."
"I never lie," that was lie in itself. It's not like I've been lying to her for three years now on how I only wanna be friends.
"Puh-leahs, all you do is lie. Like, when I first met you, you thought you could fool me by saying your straight...did you think I was that stupid," I rolled my eyes, "but it is very kind of you to speak so highly of me." Her dramatic hand-to-the-heart, the batting of her eyelashes, I couldn't help but laugh a little.
The light banter almost making me forget the fact I was getting ready to get on a plane....key word, almost. My palms began to sweat, I could feel my mind start to spiral, I hated planes....and I was getting ready to get in one.
"Hey," The girl beside me slides her hand to my thigh, resting it there for some comfort. "You alright?"
"Aerophobia."
"What?"
"Fear of flying in planes," I quickly faced her, her face softened.
"It's gonna be alright, okay?" Her hand intertwined with mine. The warmth of her hands fighting with the chill of mine, it brought me back from my spiral. Only a little.
I nod, "look at me." Her hands encompassing my face, her thumbs rubbed gently across my cheekbones. "Everything is gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. I'll even wait here with you til you have to get on, alright?"
I nodded, pulling her into a hug. A hug from her seemed to make the rest of the world cease to exist. All I needed was her, her warmth, and the comfort she provided.
But, I couldn't have just that. I had to get on some stupid plane to achieve some stupid dream.
"Alright, we're gonna go inside and just chill til you get on the plane, okay?" I nod, "I better get a call when you land in Cali."
I chuckle, "you will. No doubts about it."
We walked in, hands together, and I couldn't help but let the nerves get to me again. "I wish you could come with me."
Nika's smile seemed to brighten the world around us, "if I could, I would. Sadly, I gotta stay here in ole Croatia and hang with the family."
"I'm gonna miss you," then my thoughts spiraled. The possibility of a crash, even though it was like 1 in 100,000 that I could get in a fatal one. The thought of never seeing Nika again. I wouldn't have been able to tell her how I feel....so I did it. "Nika, I just gotta let you know I have so many feelings for you. Not just the friendly ones, like, the more than friends ones. I wish I was with you, like, I like you so much. I just feel like I make things up in my head that you might like me too, then I go down this rabbit hole of you never actually liking me, not even as a friend. Anyways, I feel like when I'm around you I can't help but feel like the entire world couldn't provide me with as much happiness and you do. I....I...God I think I love you, Nika."
Her eyes widened, surprise mixed with whatever feelings she had towards me, it was written all over her face. I should've just jumped on the plane and hoped it crashed cause I felt more embarrassed now than ever before. At least I'd be at peace with being on the plane if it meant never knowing what Nika really wanted to say.
"How long have you thought that?"
Not the questions, "for...for about three years."
She nodded, stepping closer to me, "You really think I would ever not like you?
""Platonic or romantic?"
"Either."
"Both....I just thought I liked you so much I was making things up in m-"
She cut me off. Her lips crashed to mine. The way her hands pulled me impossibly closer by the waist. My hands shot to her hair, wanting to bring her even closer to me. I had always wanted this.
"God, I've wanted to do that for years," her whispered words left me shocked. I pulled back a bit.
"What?"
"Y/N, you have no clue how bad I've been wanting to do that. Ever since I've gotten to know you...it's like you draw me even closer...wanting more....needing more. I just thought maybe I was reading into things. You're confident and charming, why wouldn't I think you were like that with everyone. But to know you feel the same way....I wish I would've made the move a long time ago."
I couldn't help but smile. Her words causing a heat to rise through my neck, settling on my cheeks. "You're joking."
"Nope," popping the 'p', "I couldn't have been more serious in my life."
My flight was being called, and I couldn't help but notice the nerves had been settled...or I was just currently distracted by the fact Nika had feelings for me.
"So....I gotta go," before I could keep going, Nika planted another soft kiss on my lips, "but maybe I should tell my manager nevermind."
Her laughed filled the space, "Nope, gotta become the biggest pop star in the world. I need you to surpass Taylor Swift one day."
"Whatever," I turned to leave, but took one more glance back at the brunette, "I'll call you when I get off, promise."
A/N: I got one done after months of not being on here!!! Hopefully this is good...enough cause I don't know how I feel about it. @ittiwdwysylm here ya go, Nika fic out!!
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asgardianechoes · 3 days ago
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Cramps Be Gone
Loki X Reader Fluff
Summary: You’re on your period, you’re frustrated, and Loki’s there to help you.
A/n: I got this idea on day one of my period, so… here we are.
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The day could’ve been much more cheerful. You and Loki originally planned to go out today. Instead, you were curled up in your bed, groaning every other minute. Why? Because a very unwanted guest showed up at your door this morning. Guess who? None other than your monthly bleed-out session, aka period.
You were lying in your bed with the unhappy knowledge that this will not end anytime soon. Waves upon waves of stab-like pains shot through your lower abdomen, making you groan and press down on that spot. You were tired. So damn tired of it. You were looking forward to this date, but now it’s ruined. You were originally thinking about taking painkillers, but Loki absolutely disagreed.
‘Painkillers,’ he said strictly, ‘are merely something Midgardians came up with to gain more money. They do not help conquer it; it only allows them to forget about it. If you use such things, y/n, believe me, you will behave carelessly and only worsen it and wish me to get you more. Therefore, no, you will not be using such trashy Midgardian medicine. It isn’t even medicine, in my eyes.’ He added, pulling a face.
Loki was there for you, of course. He was always there to help you with your needs, he even let you have breakfast in bed (something he doesn’t usually allow. ‘You’ll dirty everything,’ he used to say in a tone of finality). But he wasn’t there for the most part. He has work to do, you know this, but you still wished he could give it all up and just stay with you. Flipping over under your blankets, you resumed cursing your life.
I’m lonely, you thought sadly, your head under your blankets. You wished your period showed up just one day later. You and Loki have been dating for nearly a month now, it was clear to you that your time of the month was going to hit anytime. But why on this day? On the one day you don’t want it?
You were, not gonna lie, very frustrated. And angry. In need of something (or someone) to rage to, you started blaming your boyfriend for your pain. What was possibly so important that he had to leave you? Couldn’t he leave it till your bleeding days were over? Why? That word seemed to exist in every single thought you had flowing in your head. Why?
On day three it was going terrifying. It was hurting so much you couldn’t even bring yourself to sit upright in your bed. You prayed it would be over, but apparently your prayers were ignored. Oh, how you’d like this shit to finally just end. Loki had to feed you breakfast, it was so painful. He even teased you. Like, is this guy for real? (‘I mean, I could make it go away for nine months…’ he had said while smirking. You slapped his hand, scrunching up your face.) But after that he just pressed a kiss to your forehead and walked out. Sometimes you regret dating this guy.
It was nearly noon when he came back. Your aches soothed a little, but were almost just the same as before. He sat down at the edge of your bed, brushing a strand of your hair out of your face.
‘Oh, now you decide to show up,’ you groaned, ‘now that I’m literally dying in my bed. How was work?’ you put emphasis on the word ‘work’ as you knew he must feel at least slightly guilty about leaving you hanging. He opened his mouth, took a deep breath, and said: ‘Well, about that…’ He looked at you with a pleading look, as if wishing for you not to get angry for what he was going to say. You narrowed your eyes, staring back with a suspicious look.
‘What?’ you asked, your breathing kind of shallow due to the pain throbbing in your lower abdomen. ‘What wonderful surprise have you prepared for me?’ Loki sighed, as if preparing himself for a scolding, and said: ‘I have not been working. Or at least, I wasn’t doing Avengers’ work.’
You bolted upright, causing a stab of pain to shoot through your body. His hand instinctively rose to hold your back and lead you back down. ‘What?! So you’re telling me that you weren’t even doing important shit while I was mentally and physically dying?! What-‘ he put a finger to your lips to shush you. ‘Let me finish,’ he said gently. You reluctantly laid back down, staring at him with accusatory eyes.
‘I have been working, darling. For the past few days I have been digging through my books to find a safe and healthy painkiller for you. You see, Asgardians value health over money, and we have much safer medicines than those on Midgard.’ He says, brushing his hand over your hurting part over your blanket. Heavens, he looked hot when he looked at you with these loving eyes.
Even after listening to his explanation, you still wanted to blame him. Keeping that annoyed look on your face, you whined at him: ‘Well… that’s very… nice of you. But- you should’ve told me beforehand! I thought you were being careless and didn’t give a shit about me! I was so upset.’ Loki looked at you knowingly before answering: ‘Honey, if I told you, you would’ve distracted me with your rushes and caused me to slow down my pace.’
‘Fuck you.’
‘After you’ve recovered, darling.’ He replied, smirking. You rolled your eyes, your cheeks reddening. This man knows exactly how to get to you, you can give him that.
With a swift move, he slipped your blanket off. You shivered slightly at the sudden chill, but Loki reassured you that it wasn’t going to take long. Softly, he brushed his hand over your abdomen, and you felt a warmth surge through where he touched. Soon, you could feel the pain leaving you, finally giving you peace. You sighed, relieved that it was all finally over. You laid back down, closing your eyes and drinking in the fact that Loki was your lover.
‘Be careful,’ he warned as you beamed at him, ‘you may stain easier, now that you don’t feel it.’ You didn’t even wait for him to finish before half-singing: ‘Yeah, yeah, I know-‘ you were suddenly so happy that your period said bye-bye, you thought Loki might’ve given you a cheer-up spell or something.
Eager, you tried to get out of bed, but only got shoved back in. You pouted up at him, staring into his blue eyes. ‘Just because you don’t feel it does not mean it is no longer there. Stay in bed.’ He said.
You hmphed at him, burrowing back into the sheets to sulk. Loki smiles. What a girl he had found.
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HELLO! Hope you enjoyed it :D My posting is still kinda limited, thank you for your patience
Taglist: @simplyholl @mischiefmaker615 @vbecker10 @kathren1sky-blog
Tell me if you want to be in my taglist!!
Feel free to comment lol
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obscureother · 15 hours ago
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i rolled the f/o wheel so we're doing inkubus next. -v-
old man slasher demon for those who need the warning. his name is literally "Inkubus," for further note on him. .
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What do your f/o's hugs feel like? very tight and protective. . he wont let anyone else keep me from him 👉🏻 👈🏻 but he can be gentle, holds with one arm under his coat sometimes or both arms keep me close to him. .
What are your favorite dates to have with them? i like when he shows me secrets in the dark spooky places :0 he can be very fancy and cool sometimes with money he poofs into existence with his demon magic (cos man does not have a job. his existence IS his job.) but i mostly just like going through the darkness with him. .
What are their favorite dates to have with you? i think he also likes those very one on one, private wander-through-the-dark nights. . there's nothing else to keep our attention off each other like dinner or some event (although he doesnt mind going to those either), so he gets to absorb all the attention he gets basked in lol. it is also very intimate, in a way, that isnt something he is used to doing with others.
Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you? i have a couple of them, but one that is more of a comfort song between us is Mr. Kitty "After Dark." I think it is mostly the noise of the song, but the lyrics some too. i forgot to do it on the last one, but i dont really know if i could guess songs they have for me. . i dont normally think of the reverse of these types of questions cos idk how f/o always perceives me lol. he does tease sometimes about how i pout referencing Jazmin Bean "Puppy Pound" because he's heard me listen to it, although he doesnt treat me like the supposed person being "sung to" in that song (he has a superiority complex but he doesnt treat me like nothing lol)
What's the height difference between you and your f/o? he is tall 😳 he's 6'0. Going from the middle height between me and s/i 1 who are only a couple inches apart, he is roughly. . 8 inches taller, i think. . not including horns in his demon form.
On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you? it is hard to say. . he does not normally do things in public deliberately (not that he's against it, he just. . doesnt really do that more or less commonly.) unless he feels the need to like someone is trying to get s/i 1's attention that he does not like for them to have, to which he will 100% 10/10 do something about it even if it is only some kind of semi-slow kiss before muttering something like "we need to keep going, my dear. tell the man goodbye. :)" ya he's a jealous f/o. . dont mind him. jshflks-
What's your favorite feature about your f/o? mmmmbbb demon form :)) i like his horns. GOAT MAN, GOAT MAN- i do like his goat lap :0 and his lil goatee. .
What do you think they smell like? he gets the colognes he knows are sort of. . night time, "come close to me," warm or vintage smells. . theyre probably fancy old ones. .
What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love. if he is tender in. . any way. that is love from him. he is not known for being gentle or caring. one would even say it is the polar opposite of what he is normally. but when he silently helps take care of you or something for you, that is him not wanting to admit that he does care and consider your comfort or needs or convenience but he does things for you anyway. fixing your shirt, helping you get out of bed, making sure youre fed or that youre not hurt somehow. . he does not ask people those things or do them for just everybody. you must remember that he is normally a terrible demon who manipulates people for nothing but his own amusement or use. he does not normally say "i love you," sometimes it is even hard for him to return it with "i love you too" instead of going "yes, i know you love me :))" but when he does, you can get him to say "i love you/i love you too" if you simply wonder of him of how he feels. if you are seen as "not inferior to him," basically, that is also him liking you (assuming its not a rivalry sense for other demons). if he is hanging out with you and not somehow exploiting you for lust energy or blood or horrible manipulation, that is also him caring about you or your company. He could be doing anything right now, things that would feed him or help him towards becoming the most apex demon of all time. . but he is here with you instead. he's a very selfish man, but if he likes you. . he becomes slightly less selfish on rare occasion. until he loves you. then youre not getting rid of him. you get to listen to his superiority complex all the time in your ear. :))
Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them? sometimes he does sleep with me, yes. . he doesnt always actually sleep, but he will lay there like a haunting guard. other times he stays in the room, he may have things to do during the night (he's a very particular demon if you did not already figure that out.) but he normally does like to lay with me or s/i 1. he doesnt have his own place normally besides returning to hell on occasion for things he needs, so he usually stays with the person he's attached to sometimes if he has nothing to do other than to keep them safe or from missing him for too long.
What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o? most headcanons i have are ones ive made cos half of his lore is MINE. *chomp.* but i do like the ones about how his demon forms are or work. like the only reason he turns into his little black goat form (its not little actually, he's like. . a mountain goat size or so i would think.) is because s/i 1 loves him as a goat :D he is cute and fluffy and silly and he makes funny noises and he is less than impressed with goats as but mere insignificant creatures but he supposes he can use it for incognito sometimes. . and for s /i 1 to hold him on her lap. . on rare occasion. blood moon rare occasion.
What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have? [ ʀ ᴇ ᴅ ᴀ ᴄ ᴛ ᴇ ᴅ . ] sorry wow what a funny glitch, uhmbb,, anyway-
What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day? he holds me and plays with my hair. . he mutters to me things to make me feel better, or keeps me to him in his coat in his wings. he protects me from other things bothering me. on a more specific note, he does help a lot with things in the dark. he goes to stand by the door to keep the monsters away. he looks to me to tell me that the shadow im seeing is just him, or if the shadow is scary, he turns to the shadow to get it to go away. he big scary demon. . he doesnt let them come into my room. .
Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like? he doesnt much do it himself other than to keep me or s/i 1 from running off cos we get distracted from things :0 but he does let me hold his hand if i want to tho uvu sometimes s/i 1 will get to hold his tail, but only if he says so. . his hand usually holds firm. not hard exactly, but tight to keep grasp of me or s/i 1 to keep us close to himb, but he can be very gentle and careful of us when he is talking to us or holding us on his lap.
Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc) he does give kisses sometimes. . mostly they are private ones, but he does very sensual things. . he likes to give neck kisses, back kisses, or wrist kisses i think, but sometimes when he is being tender he will give temple or forehead kisses. . dont tell him i told you these things btw lol. he gets mad at me when i reveal his secrets -v-
Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them? i love to give him kisses :D i give him kisses on his horns and forehead and cheekies uvu sometimes i kiss his chest and arms fbgkhdf <33
What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o? i play with his tail like a cat toy. technically im not supposed to touch his tail or horns without his permission, but sometimes he lets me almost play with it 👀 where i can "try" to catch it, but not really, i just get really close. . but if i accidentally bump it for those things, he wont get mad at me for them. he just looks at me funny like he's suspicious of me but not really hbfsj <33
What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one? idk how much depth i can really go into because it can sometimes tend towards a more spicy sense, but know it is not always in a spicy sense. most of the time its not. but he calls me "pet". . but i just mostly like to be called "his," i like when he goes "mine". . 👉🏻 👈🏻
What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them? there's not good words to describe him to me. . he is just the prettiest demon to me. . i call him lots of things, but generally it is just things like calling him pretty goat man or that he is the handsomest demon. . as for nicknames:
ink inku inkioli inkybus bus-bus inku binku inky binky inky bonky onky bonky inkibink onkibonk binky boo inky doo inkus binkus inkers binkers inker bink-bus dinkus beepus binkees inky-bees inkybebop ink-bonk inkububs binky winky binky dink inky wink binku bee boo binkuboo binky bonk binkerbus binkubees beepus dinkubus beep-bus beepers jeepers where'd you get them binkers-
he loves those, i swear :)) (he doesnt, he's less than enthused, but he takes them anyway only from the one person he lets get away with most things. .)
I want everyone to have the chance to ramble about their romantic f/os, so I'm gonna make a reblog game where yall can answer the plethora of questions I'm gonna toss down. Any of the questions you want to answer, as little or as much as you'd like!! I'll read them all. PR.O.SHIP DNI!!! AT ALL! GET OUT-
SO!! SELFSHIPPERS! RIDDLE ME THIS:
What do your f/o's hugs feel like?
What are your favorite dates to have with them?
What are their favorite dates to have with you?
Do you have any songs that remind you of them? Do they have any songs that make them think of you?
What's the height difference between you and your f/o?
On a 1-10 scale, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how much do they like PDA with you?
What's your favorite feature about your f/o?
What do you think they smell like?
What is your f/os biggest love languages? They don't have to be one of the "five", it can be anything specific they use to show you love.
Do you guys sleep in the same bed? If so, what's it like sleeping with them?
What's your favorite headcanon about your f/o?
What is the dynamic that you and your f/o have?
What does your f/o do for you when you're having a rough day?
Do you like to hold hands? If so, what's that like?
Do they like to give you little kisses? If so, where is their favorite place to kiss? (Face, hands, etc)
Vice versa, do YOU like to give them little kisses? If so, where is YOUR favorite place to give them?
What's your favorite silly leisure activity to do with your f/o?
What is your favorite compliment that your f/o gives you? What is your favorite nickname that they for you, if they have one?
What's your favorite compliment to give THEM? What is your favorite nickname to call them?
Okay I can't wait to see some answers!! Feel free to reblog as many times with as many f/os as you want. ANYONE CAN PARTICIPATE! SEEING THIS POST IS AN INVITATION FOR YOU!!
People I'd like to see answer this off the top of my head (but don't have to!!): @moxanji-real @one-winged-dreams @lovesickvalentines @graveluvr @clawingatmy-enclosure @starshakez @jpeg-indulgence @everynya @tropgothships @selfshipping-tboy @amelielovesamaris @pixel-comfort @fl0ralsxgar
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tanadrin · 12 hours ago
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"Zero-sum game" anon returning. I am surprisingly capable of maintaining optimism of the will, but ONLY as long as I stay away from the news or even other people liable to be upset by it. This unfortunately includes not only everyone I care about personally, but quite a few of the larger communities committed to organizing against those who would harm them. Advice to "try to change the subject or else walk away" works mainly for the former, and in any case is much harder to do when it's your own life at stake too.
Last month, you covered a related phenomenon in an excellent musing about the dangers of conflating identity with suffering. "Everyone secretly hates me and is out to destroy me" is terrible enough as a self-concept, but as a rallying point has even more potential for harm. This is where I think an element of peer pressure comes into doomerism: If catastrophizing is part of what holds a group together, then non-participation becomes a perceived threat to unity no matter what the rationale. Never mind that I want to avoid a mental breakdown from dwelling on all the reasons bigots want me dead; plenty of loud doomer activists from multiple demographics would still declare me as evil as a bigot myself for this "crime" of wanting to turn away from our shared pain.
In theory, balanced ways must exist between obliviousness and burnout. In practice, I feel disloyal to anyone I share even the remotest crumb of kinship with for even daring to consider such a thing. And yes, I do realize now how that might be actually be part of the problem.
yeah i'm sympathetic to the whole "sometimes binging news coverage is a huge fucking bummer that drags me down" thing; and there's not actually any inherent virtue to Bearing Witness to the Horrors, especially if you find that shit demotivational. and if people want to make Bearing Witness to the Horrors, or even worse, Being Victim to the Horrors, the non-negotiable determinative element of a shared group identity, the thing you must do to prove your trust and virtue to others, run the fuck away!
people who demand you make misery central to your identity or your worldview aren't just wrong, they are dangerous. they are emotional vampires. they are interpersonal varelse. many people acquire social antibodies against that sort of thing as they mature, but not everybody, and sometimes these kinds of people will try to leverage the mechanisms of shared identity or in-group language to sink their metaphorical fangs into your metaphorical jugular. so for those people that need it, i am giving you explicit permission to tell people like that to Fuck Off. you don't need to give them the benefit of the doubt--it doesn't matter whether they do it on purpose or not. you don't need to feel sorry for them--they will feel plenty sorry for themselves. you don't need to try to help them--they do not want your help. just tell them to fuck off. then ignore them forever. you're allowed!
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distant-velleity · 9 hours ago
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LMAO i lied im answering all these at once. woohoo!
(warning for VERY unreliable narration in certain questions)
1. Does your OC have parents or family in the AU? If not, what is their current living situation?
“That’s kind of personal, isn’t it? Well, good thing you asked me, the most normal person here. Kidding, kidding.”
Yuhua lives with his parents right now. His sister, an alumnus of the school, is away at university. They are a perfectly happy family. There is nothing wrong. Nothing. 
(Yuhua lives with an emotionally manipulative mother and conservative father, and returns to a dysfunctional household that is filled with silence, phone calls, or arguments every day. Of course, he would never admit any of this to anyone but his friends, and even then nothing more than a slight hint or complaint that tells nothing of the bigger picture. Yuhua himself is not in the best mental state as a result, due to placing pressure on himself to perform well so his parents don’t get on his case, and he maintains a thin thread of control on his demeanor.)
2. What are their thoughts on Quartz?
“She looks kind of lonely… I feel bad. No wonder she’s so into… Oops! That’s not my thing to tell. But I do think she could benefit from some friends.”
The quote is probably self-explanatory of what he thinks (assuming he hasn’t caught her doing anything suspicious, and has only ever seen her pretend to fawn over Azul). He recognizes that she’s always alone, but he’s also like. World’s worst introvert trying to masquerade as world’s worst extrovert, so… he hasn’t (yet) taken any steps to make the first move and interact with her. It probably doesn’t help that it looks like neither of them bother with more than small talk with others.
3. What is their thoughts and relationship with Azul? How did they meet Azul?
“That guy? …Doesn’t it seem like he’s suddenly got a lot of admirers nowadays? I mean, I can see the appeal—hardworking, intelligent… But I don’t think I could ever date anyone on the student council. Guess those guys can shoot their shots if they want.”
If you couldn’t tell from the quote, he… thinks middlingly of Azul, and has like 0 romantic interest in him at all lol. Of course, Yuhua respects anyone with good grades and good conduct, of which Azul meets all the criteria, but that’s it. I wouldn’t say he ever met Azul so much as he’s heard of him (what with being in the same year and Azul being on the student council), and seen him around. 
4. What are their relationships with other characters/OCs?
About Floyd:
“...That guy. There’s no point in associating myself with him.”
(if this is okay) They’ve been in the same class for two years in a row now, purely by chance. Yuhua knows him as the careless, genius lackey of Azul. His disorderly and sometimes disrespectful conduct only grates Yuhua when there’s something that needs to be done, but otherwise Yuhua would be content to let him live his life and let their paths never cross. Even that one time he went into the gym after club activities to practice his lines and saw Floyd practicing his basketball skills non-stop—Even when Floyd puts in the work to pass a test almost effortlessly, then decides the next one isn’t worth the nonexistent effort—Even when Floyd is free to do whatever he wants, his actions and comments constantly broadening Yuhua’s restricted worldview—Even… when…
…even when Yuhua’s nursing something of a hopeless, helpless crush on him. And that’s it. It’s no fairytale love, it’s no novel-worthy romance. It’ll never take flight—Yuhua will take this secret with him to the grave because of that. He knows he’s not enough to catch and keep Floyd’s attention; at most he’s just a classmate who Floyd thinks it’s funny to talk to and annoy sometimes because he tries to look like a goody-two-shoes in a less angry way than Riddle.
“It’s not a crush, because I won’t get that crushing disappointment when he finds out and is disgusted by my very existence.”
About Vizzie ( @twistedwonderlandshenanigans ):
“...She’s got a good heart.”
They’re… friends. Acquaintances. Something. Does he really know how to define it? Now that Vizzie doesn’t care as much about her grades and Yuhua’s just went on to prioritize himself, or something, what was probably a friendship has… not stayed a friendship. He goes on with his reputation-building act, while she does her own thing. Yeah. Yeah—He’s fine with it. It’s what they both want, and he’s not going to interfere with her choices. It’s fine. Right? (He doesn’t want to think about it.)
It definitely doesn’t bother him that now that she’s “fallen off” and protected herself with a poor reputation, she seems… more free. It ABSOLUTELY does not bother him that she’s such easy “friends” with Floyd. It doesn’t bother him that unlike with Floyd, everything about Vizzie’s day-to-day existence and circumstances proves that something is inherently wrong with Yuhua himself. It doesn’t bother him that her everything proves that everything about him, from personality to looks to grades, is inferior and unlikeable. It doesn’t bother him that, because she’s so closed-off now, the unspoken truth is that he wasn’t enough for something like an actual friendship. It. Doesn’t. Bother. Him. 
About Riddle:
“...Oh, that guy.”
Sure, he can respect someone like Riddle. Someone who’s at the top of their class, is on the student council—Yeah, sure, whatever. It’s because of people like him that Yuhua doesn’t try too hard, anyway. It just isn’t fun. It’s not worth his time, to be constantly outclassed. And his attitude, too—part of the reason Yuhua would never run for student council. If he was aware of Riddle’s situation, he’d be more sympathetic, but as things are he just can’t quite stand Riddle’s attitude. 
Let overachievers have their fun, is Yuhua’s opinion. He’s fine to be a middling fish in a small pond while people like Riddle try to be big fish. They’re fellow second-years, but that doesn’t mean they have to care about each other. They probably don’t interact much on a meaningful level because of Riddle’s duties and Yuhua’s opinions, and if they do—it’s Yuhua being polite and saying all the things Riddle wants to hear.
(if you’re willing to establish OC dynamics, let me know and I can add Yuhua’s thoughts here! I just don’t like to add/conceptualize dynamics with canon characters because I’m scared of stepping on toes abkjsdkfgjskfd)
5. What grade/year is your OC?
“I’m part of the worst year, in case you’re wondering. Hehe. Just kidding.”
Aging him up by just one year for this AU— He’s 17, a second-year. 
6. What is your OCs goal for the school year or in life?
“Goals? Eh… Passing this year with the best grades I can get.”
He doesn’t have any true goals, and it makes him anxious. His main objective is just… passing the school year, staying on good terms with everyone… That’s it. It’s all very short-term, school-related. He doesn’t have enough faith in himself to actually achieve a long-term life goal.
“As for life? Ask me again in, like… a year.” 
7. Your OC is being framed for murder of another student by Quartz, how does your OC react to that? Does your OC know it's Quartz?
“...What? This is ridiculous. Do you just accept any kind of evidence nowadays? …No. Don’t answer that. Sorry. But I know I’m innocent.”
Yuhua is counting on others to vouch for him, both for an alibi and for his character; it’s situations like these that are the reason why he’s so intent on networking and maintaining good relationships with everyone. Knowing that his future and record are on the line, he’s absolutely going to plead his case however he can, trying to argue about the evidence, et cetera…
“Isn’t there anyone else who could have been responsible? In fact…”
If he’s ever caught Quartz doing something suspicious, he’s definitely throwing her under the bus now. If people grill him for not reporting it right away, well…
“I was just—scared at the time, you know? I didn’t know what she was going to do to me if I tattled… I’m really sorry, but what matters is that I’m the one telling the truth now.”
This might be one of the rare situations where people see him genuinely lose the easygoing act.
8. Your OC notices Quartz carrying a weapon in her skirt pocket. That's strange since the female school uniforms don't have skirt pockets. Does your OC report this?
“Huh? Pockets? What pockets? I didn’t see anything.”
He’ll turn a blind eye, unless there’s a situation wherein he can actually benefit from reporting her. 
“In any case… It’s not my business right now. Let people do what people want as long as it doesn’t affect me, yeah?”
9. Where is your OC usually with or at during school? Classes? With Azul? Skipping class? Where do they eat lunch?
“Come on, don’t ask me questions like that. I’m only ever where I should be.”
Yuhua always goes to class, and always shows up on time. He has people he can’t disappoint, even himself. When he’s not in class, he’s (usually) in the drama club room; before classes start for the day, at lunch, and so on.  
10. How are your OC's grades?
“Passable.”
He gets pretty good grades. I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily competitive, nor at the very top of his class, but he tries to stay above “average.” He’s got a natural edge to memorizing and regurgitating information, so getting good grades isn’t hard for him, but… you know. If he tried a little harder…
(No Yan Sim AU) Questions for OCs! + Quartz and other characters' lore
You don't have to do these if you don't want to! You can write and answer how ever you want (3rd person or as the OC)
These answers are just examples and they also give lore to other TWST characters in the AU
1. Does your OC have parents or family in the AU? If not, what is their current living situation?
Riddle currently lives with his mother. Because of her influence, he is the strictest in the student council (which consists of the dormleaders.)
2. What are their thoughts on Quartz?
[You can yap about it here since I already used Quartz as an example in the fourth question]
3. What is their thoughts and relationship with Azul? How did they meet Azul?
Jade is Azul's right hand man. He assists Azul with a lot of student council work and is mostly by his side with Floyd. They are friends from their middle school days and up to their highschool days (although the three of them won't admit it).
Jade found Azul's hardwork and scheming nature very exciting so he and his brother always stayed by Azul's side to see what fun events would happen.
4. What are their relationships with other characters/OCs?
[They are speaking about Quartz as example]
Floyd: "Who again?"
Floyd doesn't really acknowledge Quartz since she's so quick out of his sights. Genuinely believes there isn't a person named that but is suspicious.
Jade: "Oh, that shy girl? She's a little funny."
Definitely suspicious of Quartz but they don't interact much so he has no other information about her. He probably needs to be more skillful when studying her.
Riddle: "Quartz?.. Uh.. I-I don't recall who that is."
Quartz rarely interacts with Riddle.
Ace: "Ah? You mean that girl who's always so weird? I've seen her watch Azul. Pffftt! Do you think she likes him?"
He notices her sometimes because he thinks her appearance is a little flashy.
Idia: "I-Isn't she one of Azul's admirers?... She's the shy type right? She's a little strange though.. Sometimes she takes photos of me! W-Wait.. Maybe she's into me instead?! EEEKK!! H-HOW SCARY!!"
Completely misunderstands Quartz's actions but he's quick to know how weird her actions are. He stays away from her if Azul isn't present.
5. What grade/year is your OC?
Azul, Jade, and Floyd are all 2nd years (17).
Leona has been held back so he is still 20.
6. What is your OCs goal for the school year or in life?
Quartz wishes to kill Azul 🙏
7. Your OC is being framed for murder of another student by Quartz, how does your OC react to that? Does your OC know it's Quartz?
Floyd is jumping her.
8. Your OC notices Quartz carrying a weapon in her skirt pocket. That's strange since the female school uniforms don't have skirt pockets. Does your OC report this?
Riddle is absolutely reporting that! He's calling the cops and everything 🫡🫡🫡
9. Where is your OC usually with or at during school? Classes? With Azul? Skipping class? Where do they eat lunch?
Quartz is always in class but she'll come right before the bell rings since she was.. busy. She doesn't have a particular place she goes to all the time. She's never in one spot.
Quartz's lunch spot varies because she's always spying but her usual spot is in the courtyard.
Riddle is assigned being a hall monitor so he usually watches the halls when he is able to. He usually eats lunch with Trey and Cater.
Leona is always found napping under trees and skipping his classes. Ruggie manages to find him and give him his lunch from the cafeteria.
Rook is watching you.
10. How are your OC's grades?
Deuce tries, ok. (Awful)
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yuseirra · 1 year ago
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if there's one thing I personally focus on when I draw something, it would be the emotions. I try to convey the exact emotions of a character when I make art, and portray how they'd be feeling at that exact situation, as they say something, and so on...
I try to feel the same feelings they would when I draw an expression, as close as I can get at least, it's what I do over and over. You don't really have to do that ofc, but for me, it's a huge part of the point and it's really fun to do! It's what I believe could give my drawings more life and make them more genuine, even if it's a sketch (in fact, sometimes sketches can be more powerful on that aspect so I used to stick to drawing exclusively those for a very long time). That's how I pour my heart in, and I'm sure a lot of artists would do the same in their own ways when they create their works.
For that same reason, I really like drawing smiles (and characters that can make genuine ones) because that makes me happy. Other feelings are cool, too, but drawing happy art is so soothing, so I draw a lot of smiles!! It's also why I feel the need to understand a character, because you can't exactly feel what they'd be feeling unless you aren't so aware of what they're going through. I wouldn't be entirely right, I'm sure, but I really want to try. It's maybe why I usually stick to drawing a select few characters from a series all the time, because there are some characters I "get" better than others, and feel I can bring out better(and most of the time, luckily, those kinds of characters end up to be my favs, so I can draw then alot ;v;) Then again, I'm seeing them through my own lens of thinking, I'm just putting out what I see in those characters in the end. But it's usually the good things I love! Or something I feel is really intriguing and want to think about, or want to explore on, emphasize? Anyhow, it's the feelings and emotions part I've always been interested about! So I hope I can do that well!
My drawings aren't perfect, but they aren't too bad either, and I've been trying all the way. If they could imbue some sort of feeling for you, that's definitely what I wanted to accomplish! It makes me so excited when I get feedbacks about it being able to make someone "feel" something.. it means what I wanted got across so I'm like "yes"!!
it'd be nice if they will feel genuine one way or another!! I was and is and will be happy to continue to share my works with you all
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itwoodbeprefect · 2 months ago
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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xiii-e · 2 months ago
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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beatcroc · 11 months ago
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listen. i love pizza tower with my whole heart & mind. you know this. you Know. but first and foremost i am a character design bitch, and the pizzas are, frankly, very bland. this is not a critique or a complaint, because obviously That's Not The Point and more importantly i would be horrified if anyone tried doing that much animation with anything more complex than what's there. but also it means when i get a taste of some truly whack ass insane design work again it is like fuuuucking catnip
#ive been DEPRIVED......#pizza business is on hiatus i need to play lethal league for 50 hours and make a surely ill-fated cosplay about it#it really is unfortunate fake pep could have been a fun cosplay for the way i wanted to go about it#but for all the schematics i had sketched out it was never a thing i wanted to get up and actually try to Make#and then i wake up the next day after playing llb once and go like oh. ohhhhhh. i need to be doombox irl#and because of that realizing. oh that was misplaced idle thoughts before; i never actually wanted to do fp for real#i was just on that train bc 1. very passionate about the game obviously [and he was kind of my only option to rep pt] and 2.#i think it was a lot of leftover inertia from my PREVIOUS cosplay idea [baozhai from indivisible] that i also never pursued#lots of Makin Stuff drive still existing but not having a place to go.#fp was certainly more doable than baozhai so it was easy to latch on but#still not....really the kind of thing i actually Enjoy making#this one though. ohgghhgh i feel it. i feel the cosmos#i still dont think i'm actually going to complete it. the current projection is that i just make a shitty prototype and then#realize how impossible and unfun this is gonna be and then drop it. [but its fine bc i still got to make stuff and got the idea out]#however. that first pizza comic was also originally a single-image prototype to get the idea across bc#i didn't think i would actually draw out that whole thing either.#so i guess we'll just see what happens. now won't we.#poor fuckin noisette comic 2 man i put it off for so long and then finally get into it and then this happens#ill get back on it eventually this is just something i have to indulge while i have it and get it out of my system#its like evangelion. sometimes you have to write 8k words of analysis. and sometimes you gotta make a really stupid cosplay#anyway hey i should post the fp cosplay schematics huh. i meant to back when i first did them but then didnt. whoops#bweeeaaahh
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phagodyke · 8 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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sodacowboy · 8 months ago
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some of y’all don’t understand the fun of a good argument and it makes y’all seem really boring
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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 1 year ago
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You are seriously my favorite blog right now. You opinions and meta for ikevamp are so spot on. You somehow are able to flush the characters more than the canon. I just wanted to say I appreciate all the time you put into your writings and I love everything you have written so far!!!!
In Comte and Leo we trust 🫡
Aww, thank you so much! 💛💛💛
Honestly I have no control over the brainworms, I feel like Ikevamp is so saturated with implications that extrapolating becomes so much natural fun for me. I started writing and analyzing (with no supervision to stop me, big mistake) and I'm still so fascinated with it. I can't believe it's been almost what...four years? Five years? Since I started playing the Japanese version where this all began. I'm frankly flattered a lot of people agree/like my takes, it makes sharing my work really rewarding in ways I never expected~
I don't always have time for more than Comte thirsting and silly quotes these days, but you're more than welcome to enjoy what I've curated here! I imagine I won't stop shitposting until the app is discontinued, and even then I'm not confident I'll shut up 🤣🤣🤣 Comte's the best baby girl I've ever known lmfao
o7 PUREBLOOD STAN OR BUST HELL YEAH!
#tysm for such a kind ask! this made my day <333#pureblood propaganda#(people need to stop validating my breaching containment it only makes me more powerful /j)#sometimes I wish the eng ver implemented more of the depth and hank pank from the og more consistently but alas#localizations are a bit of a hit or miss business im afraid#i also love how i've inadvertently created a sad pureblood fan club over the years (not you vlad)#(you can join after you've had your time out like a good boy)#but in all seriousness i find their lives strikingly saturated with complex emotion and subtle tragedy/melancholy#ig for a lack of a better description i just feel like they're relatable?#like yeah if i was leonardo and my abusive family could harass me forever#i would also be incredibly guarded and set in my ways to protect myself and probably hate vampires and their power plays#if--like comte--i felt a sense of identification with the people i was pressured to subjugate#i'd feel lost and empty too; unable to co-exist with my own kind but also inevitably at a distance from humans#both scenarios create an emotional and relational quagmire#and i think what's even harder about it for both of them is that they just have no choice--and rather few allies besides each other#all they can really choose is duplicity if they wish to remain true to themselves and reasonably survive#and i think that's a really exhausting/somewhat self-impoverishing position to be in#comte tries to subsist on ephemeral moments he shares with people--with varying levels of success (little)#leonardo forces himself into stasis bc if he doesn't he'll keep making the same mistakes#aka getting too close to people and getting hurt when their time ends#ive prbly said all this before but idk in light of so much i've learned since starting this blog#the allusions to vampirism being a vehicle for certain 'othered' identities seems boundless to me (domestic abuse/class structures/nd etc.)#vlad is a pureblood but he seems like one of those flat movie vampires pandering to the aesthetic obsessions of a v particular audience#any story needs both flat and round characters--so naturally his existence serves a purpose/function; nothing wrong with that#but i find myself to be too Shrek to be v invested in him (FAVES HAVE L A Y E R S)#ig i just think its very easy and a bit bland to associate vampires with horror/gore/unmitigated violence/extreme emotionality#but much more engaging to explore the status of monstrosity as it relates to oppressed identities and unconventional kindness#or maybe that's just the monsterfker in me--in which case sorry everyone being cringe on main (it will happen again)
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dreadfuldevotee · 1 year ago
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i am just...so profoundly tired of being me
#char.txt#there is something that is so revolting about me I am incapable of shaking the shame of it#Theres nothing i can do to make myself happy its just not possible i think i have to accept that#but im tired of pretending for other people its so stupid#everything feels fake even when im being honest i dont know who this person is anymore#its just stupid idk im thinking about too many things#my life feels like it exists for other peoples entertainment and if im not interesting im failing and im wasting peoples time and energy#but i can't be alone anymore I legitimately cannot be alone anymore ive tried so hard it only makes things worse#I need to feel wanted and maybe its something im missing thats keeping me from feeling that way#but I feel so deeply that when i stop being funny or when the person ppl actually want to talk to comes around ill stop being relevant#i dont exist to people when im not infront of them and...idk i have to be okay with that because im never anything more#and like this genuinely isnt a dig because there are people who I am friends with who have access to see this and I don't want you to feel#like its something youve done cause its not your fault its kind of not even about any of you or the ppl wholl never see this#Its something im missing its something about me and i dont deserve cruelty ik that#but i can't make anyone want me more than they do and thats alright#i just know that ill always be second fiddle at best and it just exausts me sometime#its be easier if I liked me but I wouldnt wish my presence upon anyone#but im selfish and i need the attention or ill actually self destruct so here we are this is my boulder
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wild-at-mind · 1 year ago
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Also now I'm feeling really shit about not getting to anything for trans day of remembrance this year.
#i literally missed it because i suck :(#but also i've been feeling kind of weird sometimes about it#the name reading where you just know all the latin american names are mispronounced#this is the uk where it's harder to find a latinx person (or even a spanish person) to be able to help with that or do the reading#but still i think it needs some preparation beforehand if at all possible#i know these things don't have the greatest support network behind them but still :/#i just think there's something really sad about messing up the names of trans people specifically!#even if it's not in a misnaming/transphobic context#also i've seen the criticisms i know this can tend to be about white middle class trans people making it about ourselves#or something but i don't know what the solution to that is#and like any vigil maybe it's main purpose is as a symbol and to bring people together#i just remember in like 2018 when i travelled to the next town over (because there's nothing like that here)#and went to the before event and it was packed out#and my people from my bi/pan meetup group were there (i wish that group still existed :( )#some as allies and many as trans people because surprise tonnes of bi and pan people are trans way more than you'd think from the discourse#i was kind of in the in between space between ally and trans back then#i had no idea what i to do about that but in that moment i felt such love and compassion coming to me from that room#the kind i had trouble giving to myself#i think that has value even though i fully take on board the criticism of the day#we can say trans people murdered around the world are our siblings but we really have no idea what their lives are like#but maybe that's the key thing-that solidarity can still happen if we look outwards as well as inwards?#figuring out you're trans means looking inwards by necessity but we can also look outwards and say 'i can't ever fully understand#but i want to'#i don't know i feel weird tonight sorry to ramble :(
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binx0r · 1 year ago
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Legit question: would it be weird to tell someone
“It makes me happy to know you exist”
Bc like… that’s a sentiment I feel a lot esp when I don’t have the ability to interact as much as I’d like to with people but I see them living their lives and it gives me deeply good feelings
Like regardless of whether we cross paths I know you well enough to appreciate you’re part of the universe and that fact brings me joy
Like is that inappropriate in any way?
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