#sometimes that spirit if the night fucks with myself but the other side of it is do good

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

You know I just went around and picked up things that fell out of Dad's van when he was out rambling.

[pupkinpumpkin]

Cole appreciation post

I love Cole so much, I genuinely think about this man multiple times a week.

My brother got me into DAI and the first time, I missed Cole's backstory and general context because my brother was the one playing and I couldn't watch him all the time, so I kinda thought he was like a telepath empath spirit dude who was really nice but didn't know how exactly to help sometimes

Then, I played by myself and I did the small "Odd Things" side quest where you hear people talk about odd things happening and them forgetting who exactly did it. So, I went to him and I eventually, with the help of a wiki with only one spoiler, I figured it out

And my dude, the amount that I held myself back from crying

Someone complains of a person they don't remember putting plums on the windowsill which attracts flies

You ask Cole about this and he says the plums don't mind. Odd, but whatever

Then you hear a woman talk about how lucky it is that there are more spiders, which means more spiderwebs to help the wounded

Rotting plums means more flies, means more spiders, means more spiderwebs, means more stuff to heal people who are injured

You hear a soldier complain that someone is taking daggers and putting them in barrels

Cole comments that they're safer there

A woman tells someone how she's a lot less scared in Skyhold now that the guards are fighting each other less. When they had their daggers, they'd threaten each other and get into fights

Cole is protecting both the soldiers and the people from harming or being harmed

In the kitchen, someone mentions mint and cheese being taken

In the tavern, a girl laughs about a cat acting funny and chasing a mouse, and how much it made her laugh

Go to the kitchen, and a maid says how the cook is in a good mood

Mice like cheese, cats like mice, and the catmint (probably) made the cat act weird, which made people laugh, including the cook.

Cole says the cook has been so stressed since Haven, and how the flames from the oven remind her of everything that happened, the people that died. By doing this, she forgot for a little bit. Enjoyed herself.

You don't know how much of this side quest almost made me cry

He just wants to help, he literally just wants to help

When I made him human, there's a cutscene at a restaurant and he laughs

Do you know how beautiful it is to hear a person laugh for the first time? For one of, if not the only time in the entirety of Dragon Age Inquisition

I try so fucking hard to remember him when I'm mad or pissed off because he wouldn't want me mad. He wants to help. A lot of the time, it doesn't work. I still ignore people, I still scream, I still get stressed, I still get annoyed at being told to do something I don't want to do even though I'm just watching a video, I still cry at night, but it helps sometimes. It just helps to know someone cares and wants you to feel and be better, even if they may not exist

I don't know why, but he's just so good, so kind and that is something that is so beautiful to me

I fucking love Cole, he is quite literally all that is good in the world and his existence matters so much to me

I could talk about him way way more but I'm about to walk in the rain, thank you and goodnight

[plasmasimagination]

Hihihi omg I just stumbled upon your blog and you seem sooo so sweet jabsjabsj ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა Nervous to ask but I was wondering if I could by any chance get a Genshin matchup ?? <3 I was going to ask for a Danganronpa matchup as well but I wasn't sure if that was too many or if I should request that in a different ask or something ... ໒꒰ྀི´• ˕ •` ꒱ྀིა

Oki-doki ! My name is Schneider - or Chara !! I don't mind either :3

I am transmasc, I use he/him prns, and I prefer more masc or gn terms ^^ No fem terms please !! I am uncomfy with that ><

I have no preference in terms of gender, I love everyone equally ^_< ★

Please no Zhongli, Ayato, Al Haitham, Haiji, or Toko !! I'm very sorry if this makes things complicated </3

Umm I'm a Scorpio !! I can't add the rest of the signs because I have no idea how to find that information ໒꒰ྀི 𖦹 ˕ × ꒱ྀིა‎ ‎ ‎ so sorry !!

I am an intj I think ^_^

I'm 170 cm // 5'7 !!

I'm a tad fucked up ^^ I have szpd, dpdr, autism, aspd, and I'm hypersexual !! In also anemic :3 I'm the whole package fr !

I'm Russian , Italian , and French :3 most fluent in Russian as I grew up in a primarily Russian speaking household... In Russia, but I'm also fluent in Italian <3 (surprisingly, when speaking irl, I suck at speaking English)

I'm a human icebox , I'm never not cold -_- I'm also never not sleepy!! I'm a very sleepy guy

I LOVE sweet things :333 I dislike sour, bitter, or dry things, and I prefer not to drink or eat anything hot ! It depends on what it is though ^^ (I also love angel food cake!!)

Overbearing fashion enthusiast ^_^ I collect SO many fashion magazines, I made my closet into a storage room for all of them ໒꒰ྀི >ヮ<꒱ྀི১

Personality ; I'm generally a very thoughtful person I think, I always try to take other's into consideration when doing or saying something!! Due to autism, I have a hard time being expressive through facial expressions and tone of voice, so I usually have an either bored or tired look on my face that sometimes scares people off </3 My voice is monotone so it often comes off as me being disinterested or irritated... I'm not !! (Usually) I love helping people and taking care of people !! It makes me feel like I'm actually needed somewhere // by someone :3 Another important thing, I never speak unless spoken to- even to family members and close friends !! So if you don't speak to me first, we'll likely never speak at all ໒꒰ྀི´• ˕ •` ꒱ྀིა

Appearance ; I have dark blue hair with black roots !! It's thick and fluffy near the top, but thins out and curls more near the tips ^^ One side goes right below the shoulder, and the other sits right on the shoulder !! Very uneven, I tried to cut it myself when highly intoxicated and fucked it up </3 I have brown eyes, one is slightly paler than the other because of an eye injury !! I have super bad depth perception because of it, and often end up bumping into things or tripping without realising something was right in front of me -_- I'm almost always wearing my Ushanka when outside because I have a strange emotional attachment to it and get anxious when I don't have it when I go out !

Hobbies ; Writing, making dollhouses, taking care of animals, fashion, flower arranging, collecting animal bones (THAT I FOUND IN THE WILD!! I would never EVER harm an animal :( I just think anatomy is very fascinating!)

According to my friends, I seem very intimidating when you first meet me, but I'm actually very kind once we talk <3 (some of them said my spirit animal is a rat , I'm taking that as a compliment because I think rats are silly ^^)

------------------------------------

I hope this is good !!! I'm so so sorry if I did anything wrong or if I overshared, I have a bad habit of doing that ໒꒰ྀི´• ˕ •` ꒱ྀིა Have an amaaaaaaaaaaaazing day or night :3 Ly <3

AY AY captain sweetheart!! Here comes a fresh request out of the depths of the sea!

A/n - jokes aside I've actually been eyeing this request in my inbox for a while but had to finish some previous ones up and I finally got to do it phewww!! ALSO A MAN IN THE INBOX??? THATS A SECOND GUY I HAD IN HERE!! Men are very rare on my account so I'm super excited to see that my writing reached such a wide audience, love you all girls guys and non binary pals out there MWAAAH ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰

(also ofcourse not, you can't overshare on my account (∩˃ω˂∩))

Anyways into your request!

.

.

.

VENTI

This was honestly such a hard decision

I didn't know if I should give you someone to match your vibe, or to go for someone to be opposite

I decided to go with venti since I think you two would be a cute couple

Extrovert loud boyfriend X introverted sweet boyfriend

I like to think that venti, though loud and annoying at times, would be very caring and sweet towards you

And by that I mean that he's very considerate and thoughtful, which he may not seem at first glance

You guys do have similar hobbies, a poet and a writer, isn't that a nice combination?

By that theme, venti would write A LOT poems about you

He finds your personality way too fascinating and charming not to, how could he resist?!

He also enjoys doing anything with you really, he won't miss a single chance to spend time with you, even if you're not even doing anything he'll just simply enjoy your presence in the silence then.

SHUICHI

Different from venti, shuichi is more introverted and quiet

Though it may be a big difference in personality between those two, I still do believe that shuichi is very lovable and loving and a good match to a lot of people

And as for why I picked him for you

Shuichi would somewhat be a nice partner, he's caring and loving after all, and I like to think that a guy like you deserves all the love in the world

And shuichi can provide you with a lot of love, he might not be very physical about his love, but he is verbal, he will tell you from time to time that hes proud of you, that he enjoys your company, that he loves you.

Another of his love languages is acts of service, so do not be surprised if he brings over some sweets to you from time to time

Also I matched you up with him because shuichi is a good listener, and would absolutely adore hearing about your hobbies, and just generally if youre ranting he will gladly listen

A thing he loves about you specifically, is the way you're always thoughtful of others and try to include them, it always brings a smile to his face

Honestly shuichi is just a perfect cutiepie, and I think he would match and compliment your personality very nicely

ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰

[donnerpartyofone]

horrorphones...

Like many of the cretinous shut-ins who follow this blog, I hate phone calls. If you call me on the phone without an approved appointment I will assume that you are experiencing a deadly emergency. You will scare the shit out of me and I may not even be relieved if there is no deadly emergency. For me to talk on the phone, I practically always have to write a little script, even if we are very close personal friends. I must have a physical list of talking points in case my mind goes totally blank from the enormous pressure and I forget my entire life. I usually have to have at least one drink for calls lasting longer than a minute or two. I would probably be most comfortable conducting all social business from behind a Late Show desk on which I could reassuringly tap my stack of helpful cue cards. I will write you very long personal letters. I will text and DM with you at all hours of the night. I just cannot talk to you on the phone. The phone fries my brain. Actually, I feel extremely nervous even after a phone call, even if everything went well, even if it was super fun. I kind of have to sleep it off.

Unfortunately, not all people communicate in non-phone ways. I have one best friend (I'm an adult, I don't put the top people in a hierarchy as if they all serve exactly the same purpose and some are better than others; I have a couple of verified "best friends") who is just too much of a free spirit to be really into the internet, or to be brooding over long written documents. I gotta talk to her on the phone or she won't feel loved, she'll feel detached and isolated. I love to talk to her, but I still need to get in the like phone zone in order to not act like the total fucking outer space alien that I actually am. Being me is very taxing.

But now I have this old friend, see. An old friend and also a friend who is old. Actually I have no idea how old he is, he was old when I met him. He gave me my first post-college job (my first "real job" ever, I was and remain an unemployable mess) at his comic book store, where I stayed for many years. The whole crew there was very tight. He is a cool, smart, funny, cultured, frustrating, infuriating, offensive, secretly caring and wonderful sort of person. We went through a lot together, including several years of a random customer stalking and harassing me. We dealt with the police together. We served the dregs of society together. Sometimes we hated each other. But he is a major reason that I survived my 20s.

Several years ago he was in a freak accident where he was pinned under a heavy piece of furniture in his apartment for days. It could have killed him. He already had a well-developed case of Parkinson's, I don't know if that's related. Through a series of different events, he wound up moving into an assisted living place on the other side of the country, near one of his brothers. I'm sure he hates it. Every year on Halloween, which is a little bit before his birthday, I send him a hand-drawn card featuring classic comics characters doing all sorts of demented things, along with a little update letter. One year I got a letter back asking me to call him. OH NO, I thought. I didn't call.

Yesterday was a big, very challenging, in some ways very rewarding day. When I was finally all out of tasks I decided to turn my brain fully off and become spectacularly stoned. I was well zooted when my fucking phone rang. I quickly Googled the number, and I'm pretty sure it was the assisted living facility where my friend is. I didn't pick up. They called back once, but left no message. I felt pretty bad, though I also knew that in my current state it would have been a huge disaster if I answered. What if he died? I thought, knowing that he has a lot of siblings and I wouldn't have been that phone call, and also if it were important they would have left a message or kept trying. I forced myself not to worry about it by popping a couple of Benadryl and making it an early night.

I think I have to call back though. I might regret it if I don't. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have all sorts of worries. What if he's incoherent now? What if we can't understand each other? What if I have nothing to say? What if he IS coherent but he wants to say terrible things about politics (a life-long constant for him, I don't know if he even cares as much about politics as he does about trolling people)? But also what if he like dies and I have to sit around thinking about how selfish I am for never calling him for all eternity? I'm sure I'm the only person making him original personalized art for his birthday every year, but does that really get me out of everything else?

So the point of this post is to somehow force myself to call him. I have way too much shit to do and I am preparing for a lot of stressful social things with strangers and I need to stop being unemployed and I am cramping up a storm. But I think I also have to make the phone call. Maybe I will do such a bad job that I never have to do it again! Pray for me, pray for the sweet saving grace of personal failure.

[zativertz]

A quick Drabble full of curiosity and whim. Joe Goldberg x Fem! Reader.

In Life and Death. ✮⋆˙ (pt.1)

cw: nothing much besides mentioned family death.

Dear diary,

It’s been a while since I last wrote.

My sister is dead and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I want to kill the bastard that hurt her.

She was like the rock of my world, the thing that held me together and now that she’s gone, I want to disappear feel lost.

I think there’s something going on here, something more than the police know. So, I’m moving to New York.

Yay for me, I guess.

I’ll keep writing. I need something to express how I feel besides crying like a fucking loser.

Sometimes I really do miss her.

Anyways,

XOXO Lovebug.

Two months had passed since I had arrived in New York. Two months and I had barely made any fucking progress. With little money, I had moved into a dingy apartment complex with a sketchy landlord and even sketchier neighbors. New York was a shit city and the people were even shittier it seemed. The men here were either hippie douchebags or narcissistic assholes, it was like picking a poison that would later cause you to end up pregnant or dead. My romantic life was basically a dried up field ever since I arrived here. I tried to look on the bright side, I really did. I mean, it’s not easy when the only thing you can afford is one dollar packs of ramen and a new pencil every few days.

Speaking of pencils—or more accurately, paper. I was currently sorting through a thick stack of papers, each one containing my sister’s past bills. I was trying to read each paper, tossing them into a messy pile but it was hard to focus when the couple next door was having their daily angry-bone sesh. God, I hated New York. With each paper, my hope was dwindling. There was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing new or intriguing enough to give me a lead. After a good ten minutes of attempted and failed reading, I just threw my hands up in defeat. “I give up!”

Two months of grinding my ass off to try and get these papers and they have led me nowhere. Part of me wanting to give up and cry, and the other part of me wanted to get my ass completely drunk. Guess which one won?

✮⋆˙ The cold night air wrapped around my limbs, but my jacket wrapped me even tighter and shielded me. The one thing I had learned in New York: mind your fucking business. I walked along dingy apartment complexes, ones that mimicked my own or even worse. I passed by multiple alleyways, and though I had gotten used to the sight of sketchy dim lighting and grimy walls, I still sped up my walk just a bit. New York was built like a labyrinth, blocks of housing and streets intersecting before twisting and turning in odd directions. Just as I turned the corner onto a new street, I was greeted by familiar vintage lighting and a bright sign that portrayed the human spirit in simple words: The Wacky Weasel.

Nights like this were either the worst or the best for me. Sometimes, I’d bond with a random fellow over wacky films and fun media. Other nights, I would be left in tears, my hands tearing at my hair as I wondered how much longer I could make it in this shitty city of dreams. Every morning though, I’d brush myself off and start anew. I needed to find out what happened to my sister, no matter how much the police chopped it up as a ‘runaway’ case.

The bar wasn’t as loud as it usually was, yet still smelled of its regular booze and vomit. Just like usual, a small, funny shaped stool was left empty—my stool. The bartender, a man I had come to know as Alex, greeted me with a familiar cherub grin. He was young, full of dreams and hope—oh, how I envied him. My hope got taken away long before I had even come to New York, before I had received that torturous phone call of mourning. Alex was a natural ginger, freckles covering his cheeks like stardust that matched the color of his eyes. His voice was smooth, a hint of a playful nature held behind each word:

“Long time, no see stranger. What can I get you today?”

The chair screeched awkwardly under my weight as I kicked one leg up, sliding upon the wooden stool with an expression that conveyed I was anything but pleased in the moment. Alex was rather intuitive, picking up on my mood and immediately dialing it back a bit just to be listening ear. “Seems like life has been rough on ya’. Wanna talk about it?”

I didn’t even look at him as he slid a mystery drink my way, reflexes working overtime as I reached out to catch the glass before it went tipping over the counter. I managed to muster up a small grin, throwing my head back as I drank down the glass with vigor. A sweet tartness filled my mouth, coating each taste bud. With a bit of alcohol in my system, I was definitely a bit more welcoming. “Just the usual. Got any crazy new girlfriend stories?”

I could tell from Alex’s grimace that he had a fair amount to share. He started off by running a hand through his hair, pushing stray strands of ginger away from his face. “Yeah… She dumped me again, said I wasn’t doing enough to provide for her.”

“You’re busting your ass working in this bar, the market, and going to school. She doesn’t even recognize that?” I asked with a deadpan expression, voice monotone mixed with a bit of annoyance. Alex’s girlfriend was a hotshot, that’s what she believed at least. She dropped out of school to become an influencer and instagram model, which there’s no shame as long as you’re bringing in revenue. But that’s the thing, she wasn’t. She was living off of Alex’s paycheck.

“You know how she is. I love her though,” Alex spoke with a certain softness. God, he was fucking smitten. Alex would trade his left nut for her honestly, and it still wouldn’t be enough. I couldn’t judge though, he had more of a love life than I ever did. I could only muster up a small—“If that’s what you want to do.”—before asking for another drink. I downed one after the other, relaxing a bit more with each drink. The last thing I remember was downing a vile concoction of cheap tequila and gin.

✮⋆˙ The sun was harsh on my eyelids, practically assaulting me within my own apartment as it welcomed itself through my curtains. My head throbbed painfully, a loud groan being pulled from my own lips but that groan was soon cut short as nausea forced its way into my senses. I barely made it to the bathroom, hands grasping at the toilet bowl so tightly that my knuckles were pure white. Vomit forced its way up my throat, flooding out my mouth with a sickening squelching noise as it entered the toilet. My stomach ached the longer hot vomit exited my body, leaving me weak. I gathered myself enough just to stand up, though my legs were still a bit shaky even as I washed my mouth and face with cold sink water.

A low buzzing noise came from my room, resounding from within my sheets just loud enough for me to hear. I quickly wiped a towel against my face and lips, rushing out of the bathroom and flinging myself upon my mattress. The bed creaked, mattress not really cushioning my fall, though it didn’t bother me much. My hands aggressively rustled through the sheets, pulling at a multitude of layers until I found the small device. I was greeted first by a message from Alex, then a message from mysterious number. Of course, like a good friend, I opened the message from Alex first:

Alex: Did you get home okay?

I quickly typed up a message, to which I got a response not even a minute later.

As good as I can. Super hungover though.

Alex: Haha, very funny. Okay, but did that guy pull any weird shit?

Weird, very weird. I didn’t recall much from last night, nothing past whatever nasty drink Alex had come up with. I racked through my brain, attempting to pull up any memory of a mystery dude that I seemed to have gone home with.

What guy? Do you remember what he looked like?

Alex: chat loading…

Of course he was taking his sweet time now that I really needed to know something. I chose to be patient, somehow managing to get dressed and get myself a cup of coffee before he responded. The vibration of my phone was like music to my ears.

Alex: Sorry, my girlfriend was hungry. You don’t remember guy you were practically drooling over? He acted just like one of those freaky dark romance love interests chicks are always into?

Yep, and he’s right back into her grasps. Alex was always a hopeless romantic, a good quality in moderation. Clearly, Alex did not know what moderation was when it came to Ms. Instafluencer. His relationship with her was a whole different can of worms, and I needed to figure out who this mystery man was. I had bigger issues than my friend’s relationship failures at the moment.

Nope, not a single memory. Did I go home with him?

Alex: He offered, you declined. For someone who wanted to get in his pants so bad, I’m surprised you didn’t bend over for him immediately.

Okay, I get it. I was being a thirsty whore, now keep telling the story

Alex: That’s it really. Sorry, maybe we can put our two brain cells together to try and remember later? I kind of need to get to a class rn

Can’t. I have plans today.

That was a lie, a complete and utter lie. I just didn’t want to go out today, especially after having gotten so hungover that I was flirting with a man I had barely known.

Alex: Good to see you’re not sitting on your ass doing nothing.

A small, sharp laugh fell from my lips. Alex had been rooting for me since day one, and though he had some issues, he was a good friend. I genuinely cared for him, in some sense at least.

Get to class, and don’t fail please. I can’t have you being broke for the rest of your life.

I had the ghost of a smile on my lips, yet that smile quickly faded as my thumb moved to open the anonymous message. Clicking on the message, it opened to reveal a map image with a red ‘X’ marked. I quickly recognized it to be a map of New York. What was this, a pirate quest? My thumbs moved before I fully thought through what I wanted to say, typing:

Who are you?

Anonymous: chat loading…

Someone seemed eager to respond. Soon, another image popped up. My blood ran cold, a pit forming in my stomach at the sight. Nausea began to overtake me the longer I looked. It was an image of a bloodied mallet, writing beside it:

‘Did Amelia suffer?’

I typed away furiously at my screen, sending the message with a bit of urgency I hadn’t experienced in a while. My heart was beating harshly, hands growing shaky.

How did you get that? Is that from my sister? Please.

I knew I sounded semi-pathetic from my begging, but I didn’t care. If this could give me a lead to my sister’s death, I needed whoever this was to talk. I waited, and waited, and yet there was no response. My grip on my coffee tightened significantly without me even noticing, it was only when my hand slipped and hot coffee sloshed onto my sweatpants that I finally loosened up a bit.

“Fuck.”

✮⋆˙ Joe Goldberg was an odd man.

Charming was what many would call him, but beneath those charms was a sinister mind. He worked at Mooney’s, a bookstore that valued books beyond just human understanding, but as human history. The bookstore somehow managed to constantly feel alive, and dead at the same time. His life had fallen into a monotonous rhythm ever since he moved back to New York: wake up, work, sometimes eat, and sleep.

Joe was in a trance-like state as he restocked books, not paying much mind to anyone as he worked away with the items. He didn’t even need to read the book spines anymore to organize them, hands instinctively knowing where to go and when to place. Joe, much like the bookstore owner, valued books a great deal. Ethan—Joe’s bearded and slightly awkward coworker—approached him quickly, speaking to him so fast he struggled to immediately understand what he was saying.

“Joe, be subtle, there’s a cute girl to the right. Why don’t you shoot your shot?” Ethan was a sweetheart most of the time, trying his best to root for Joe’s seemingly nonexistent love life. Joe laughed, a short hearty thing that managed to brush Ethan off without even saying a real word. I don’t need charity, Ethan.

The girl Ethan was talking about was a blonde, short in stature and admittedly rather curvy. She would’ve been anyone’s type, the universal hot, but Joe was different… picky, even. She held no interesting qualities in his eyes, she was nothing to him. Now, Joe was quite cute himself, and it seemed the blonde had noticed him gazing at her. Joe had dark brown eyes like refined wood and brown hair that matched, a chiseled jaw and defined features. You see what I’m talking about now? Dream boy for any nerdy loving woman.

The woman wasn’t subtle as she slowly crept closer to him, though she seemed to really think she was. Joe chose to ignore her, awaiting her grand plan as she slowly got closer and closer. The blonde grasped at a book quickly, opening it and pretending as if she was reading it. Blondes… they always have the worst flirting tactics. Joe continued to stack books upon the shelf, turning his back to the woman but he wasn’t even able to reach the next shelf as she practically flung herself into him.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry—I wasn’t paying attention.” Bullshit. The woman’s hand rested against his shoulder, manicured fingers tracing along the ridges of his muscles even above his shirt. She was giving him classic ‘fuck me’ eyes, and a small grin did pull at his lips and make its way onto his face. Though, he wasn’t grinning at her advances and more at her boldness. He spoke softly and in a friendly manner, because even if he had no interest in her, he still didn’t want Mooney’s cash supply to suffer.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay really. Is it really a good book if you aren’t that invested?” Joe smiled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. The man was psychotic and calculating, masquerading as an everyday person. The woman giggled, but Joe knew damn well she had only been here for him. She had been checking him out for weeks, calculating her next move and her best route.

“Really, I mean, I just feel so bad. Could I get you a drink later to make up for it?” There it is, the subtle offer of sex. Listen lady, you can bat your eyes at me all you want but—

Joe didn’t even get to finish what he was thinking as the bell rang, signaling another person entered the bookstore. Another woman, pacing frantically with a phone in her hand. Hello, you.

Now, what is your deal?

You’re looking at that phone as if you just got the most outrageous news—No, she’s just a random woman. You can’t get invested. Joe’s mind contradicted itself, so curious about the mystery lady to the point he had completely ignored the blonde at his shoulder. He yearned to learn about this woman, to see the darkest depths of her mind and uncover her sickest desires. He wanted her—he needed You.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Halloween Activities (2) Masterlist

part one

Links last checked: October 10th, 2024

Being Alone - doomedhowell

Summary: Phil is away for the week as he is visiting family. Dan edits a video the ‘spooky week’ on danandphilgames, but he’s too scared to do anything afterwards. Phil calls him and reassures him and comforts him.

Candy (ao3) - greymarius

Summary: Dan and Phil take their son, Dil, trick-or-treating on the day of Halloween. Dan, being the little sneak that he is, decides to steal half of Dil’s candy.

Drop the Bones (ao3) - justiceshorts

Summary: In which Dan and Phil fuck to the Living Tombstone remix of Spooky Scary Skeletons to completely immerse themselves in the Halloween spirit.

Fancy Dress (ao3) - americanphancakes

Summary: At a Halloween masquerade ball, Phil is taken by a beauty on the other side of the room. It’s like a fairy tale. But what’s reality going to be like?

Halloween With Family (ao3) - Hannah_Writes

Summary: Dan and Phil take their children out Trick or Treating.

Homoerotic Vampire Make-Out Session (ao3) - husbants

Summary: It’s October 2015 and Phil wants to indulge Dan in a little festive vampire roleplay. Dan seemed to like writing “The Urge,” after all.

Hot Baking Twink Jacks Huge Cock (ao3) - adorkablephil (kimberly_a)

Summary: Halloween Baking heats up (really just shameless porn)

Picking Pumpkins (ao3) - scifi

Summary: Dan and Phil visit a pumpkin patch.

Scare(d) Actors (ao3) - ThePetetoherPatrick

Summary: “If you ever ask me to do something like that again, I will haunt you myself after I die of a heart attack, Phillip.”

seeing stars, sinking these dreams (ao3) - sunflowerwitches

Summary: dan’s daughter finally demands to go trick or treating on halloween, much to dan’s delight, but he isn’t aware that he’d get a treat of his own

Spiced Drinks, Scary Things and Stupid Suggestions (ao3) - DryCereal

Summary: Autumn 2016. Sometimes picking the games is harder than playing them. Who’d have thought?

Sugar, Sugar (ao3) - larry_hystereks

Summary: Dan’s too little to go trick or treating by himself, so Phil goes with him.

sweet tooth (ao3) - larry_hystereks

Summary: dan catches someone doing some late night snacking in the kitchen

The House of Horrors (ao3) - alimacbrux

Summary: Phil really didn’t want to go to the House of Horrors again, but when his friends decide to drag him along, the haunted house has far more surprises than Phil had bargained for-and not always in a bad way.

The Monster Bunch (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Omega Dan and Alpha Phil take their kids trick or treating.

Treats (ao3) - phangelica

Summary: Dan is giving out candy to trick or treaters with Phil and thinking about forever.

Trick Or Treat (wattpad) - PhanOnIce

Summary: Dan and Phil take their 3 year old and 7 year old trick or treating.

vampires will never hurt you (ao3) - howellesterfics

Summary: Dan is embarrassed by his mistake of a Halloween costume, but not everybody has such negative feelings towards it.

Winnie The Pooh - doomedhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil take their littlest trick-or-treating.

You’re the spirit of the night, darling (ao3) - gravityplant

Summary: In which Phil says he’s visiting Dan’s work to look at the Halloween decorations. But it quickly becomes apparent that might’ve only been a half-truth.

[bunnidarling]

Chapter 8: No Brunch For The Wicked

Summary:

It's the morning after and Averyll wishes he could have brunch and gossip with the girls. Unfortunately that's not in the cards as there are ruins to explore and cursed tomes to acquire. Astarion wrestles with his internal critic, external spirits, and lends an ear to Averyll

Astarion's posture was almost reverent with arms held out at his sides and face tilted up to the dawn. With his back back facing Averyll, he could finally see scores of scars that he could only imagine through his fingertips last night. They overtook Astarion’s entire back: concentric circles ringed in… was that infernal script? Why on earth did he have infernal scarred over his entire back? Did Cazador do that to him? He wanted to ask, but that could wait. He wished to preserve what gossamer bond may be forming rather than chance its destruction with invasive such questions.

Averyll took in a deep breath and sat up, stretching his arms over his head. Without moving from his spot, Astarion turned his head back towards him, “You sleep light. I thought you’d be exhausted after last night.” His voice was soft and sweet, a perfect morning voice.

“Sadly I always have, though now even more so. Last night I actually slept better and deeper than I have in a long while.” Smirking he added, “Can’t imagine why.”

“Another mystery to solve then? We’re acquiring quite the collection aren’t we?” Astarion quipped as he turned his face back to the sun, letting the rays caress him.

Averyll felt his stomach twist, his pulse speeding as the question bubbled up to his lips, unable to repress it any longer. His voice was quieter than he realized. “Did you enjoy yourself last night? Sometimes it felt like you weren’t totally there.”

“…I was holding back a little, it's true. I didn’t want to… lose control. Delicious as you were, I didn’t want to go too far.”

He was holding something significant back, of this Averyll was certain, but he couldn’t fathom what. Instead of further pressing he simply accepted the answer for now. He wasn’t a teenager any longer and there were significantly more pressing matters that required his attention other than worrying if the boy he liked liked him back.

After another lengthy pause Astarion added, “I did enjoy myself, though I had thought for certain you could tell.” Smirking, he turned around, “Why don’t we get back to camp before they send out a search party.”

Averyll hadn’t thought about the repercussions at camp until then. Would Astarion want to keep what happened a secret? He didn’t personally care what anyone may have to say, but he also didn’t want there to be an awkward energy around camp either. Oh gods. Could they hear them back at camp? Was he too loud? Fuck. He probably was if his sore throat had anything to say about it.

“Did you want to head back together?” Averyll asked, getting dressed.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He was surprised by that answer. “Oh. I. Uh… I don’t know. Worried about what the others might say?"

Astarion laughed heartily at that, "Darling with as loud as you were last night, I’m sure they already know.”

Averyll joined in with his laughter, blush spreading over his cheeks. "Oh. Was it… Was I too loud?”

He stepped over where Averyll was dressing, his voice dropping lower as he gently chucked the bard’s chin, drawing his gaze up. “Not at all. You did just what you were asked to. You were very good, my little songbird.”

Averyll felt his mouth go dry and he swallowed, his pants suddenly feeling much too tight. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay and go one more round?” He grinned, feeling a surge of bravery even though he was fairly confident Astarion was just being a tease.

“Mmmm… tempting. But we should get on, darling. Busy day ahead and all that.”

[norcalbruja]

On liminality, and the stuff Tony Stark says

Anyway, Tony seems to give me very Classic Comic Book vibes despite physically looking like Robert Downey Jr. This one time he said something like "Look honey, we're not really 'people' anymore, but we also can't be gods. We are what people WANT TO BE, and that is a very finicky place in the spirit-world."

Sometimes Tony just confirms my suspicions that "Superheroes are modern mythology."

...And then he says shit like "Come onnnnn, just ask me for help! Pleassssse!!!! I'm fucking rich, there are a LOT of ways I can help a broke writer!"

--

It seems you need a certain level of "standing" to be a LIKELY pop-culture spirit. The more prominent a work is in society, the more likely the characters start "answering calls." Ie, Marvel and DC.

There are HUNDREDS of media works out there and it seems spirits need enough "focus" to become egregores/embodied/"full spirits." I don't see anyone (admitting to???) meeting the Fullmetal Alchemist characters, but I HAVE seen at least one person who believes that they accidentally met Magneto.

Like, they did a semi-joking "summoning" ritual for the X-Men and they did not expect to MEET SOMEONE.

If that isn't the start to a horror movie, I don't know what is.

But given my current works dealing with colonization myself, if I met Magneto IN THE VERY FAR FUTURE, WITH NO SIGNIFICANT METAL AROUND, I would absolutely tell him that he has some great points.

And maybe it's not only "how prominent" a story is in general, but the nature of the story itself? Maybe the superheroes are more likely to get embodied not only because they're popular, but because their whole genre involves "helping people," so folks are more likely to "invoke" them. Meanwhile FMA is ultimately a war-story/series and like... nobody's "calling on" Roy Mustang.

--

Speaking of the Avengers, the rest of them showed up last night in the meditation. The moment Other-Thor came, I just lost it, hugged him, and started crying. Not sure if I was happy or sad, it was probably both.

The doofus just smiled and went "Well, this is a lovely welcome!"

Cap was laughing and went, "She didn't even cry when I came here the first time!"

Thor and Loki are going to be VERY important characters in the modern side of my Marvel fanfic, so maybe that's why I reacted like I did.

Or maybe it's because Movie-Thor has a recovering-from-depression arc?

Honestly, Thor is my PERSONAL favorite Avenger and I never could figure out why. Maybe because he and Cap are just NICE?

--

This one time I was YET AGAIN trying to sleep, so Tony rolled up with some spiritual-whiskey and gave me some shots. It didn't work, so when Spirit-Me wandered back to the Water-Spirit just completely shitfaced and crying, Hera got mad when she saw us and she yelled, "TONY! WHAT. DID. YOU. DO??? SHE'S A MESS!!!"

And Tony was like "She can't sleep. I gave her some shots, but she is WIRED, man."

So she ordered him to get out so I could sober up, but Tony just snapped at her, "Hera, I am not a god and I'm sure as hell not Greek! You have no power over me!"

And yeah, she couldn't actually make him LEAVE, unless she wanted to start a fight with a very drunk and squishy bard in the room, so she just settled for chaperoning me for a while.

--

If I had to lock down the superheroes as anything "properly spiritual," they feel a lot like intermediaries/intercessors. So many of them are human-turned-something-else, and their ties to humanity are a constant theme, plus there's a thin line between "invoking a spirit ON BEHALF OF a god" and "invoking someone AS AN ACTUAL GOD."

The Tagalog pantheon supposedly said that most gods were "agents of the supreme deity Bathala," but they all ended up being treated as deities by the time the Spanish came along, so I wonder if a similar confusion between "really powerful intermediaries" and "deities" are happening with the likes of Marvel and DC.

[xoxolifewithdoriann]

Happy Sunday my Loves turned Maverick Monday rolled into Taco Tuesday!

Dear Diary, 11/17/24

Happy Sunday my love!!! Today has been quite amazing out of the weekend lol. 

Dear Diary 11/18/24

MONDAY…. That should say a lot in itself. 

Today has been one and it’s only 2:08… so many mixed emotions and thoughts. 

Today my mind is in a battle place, coming to the end of my menstruation for this month… so dealing with all the feels of it (and this menstruation has been one for the books for me internally), i can feel the enemy trying to sneak in and feed me things, trying to pull on that strength that i had a couple of weeks ago, feeling frustration, feelings of to be very honest and transparent FUCK IT ALL… thats the best way to sum up where I am today. 

So let's recap from Sunday: 

Sunday started off pretty good and was overall good, the night was a little wonky for a sec but overall it was good. 

I did my hair, I got my bed together

Now this monday… that’s a different story, I woke up and immed called out sick for work due to tummy pains and cramps but then I felt better around 10 and decided Hey I am going to go to work. 

Was hoping that I didn’t have my sec job today but I did and I could take that extra change. However, I DO NOT WANT TO GO. 

Your girl seriously needs a vacation/holiday… I need some time away from EVERYONE,  and this weekend I will be getting away with some of those I love and it's amazing but what I need is time away from family, work, and more. 

11.19.24 - Tuesday - Currently Raining in GA

8:18am 

Gooooood Morning & Dear Diary 

I am loving these ongoing days of sharing bits and pieces of me that share a side of me that most don’t see just to the eye. You get to take a dive into my mind & thoughts, emotions & feelings, you get what a picture and video can’t tell.

God gave me this naturally, and he leads me to share in this manner and way and so I do it.

I did fall off for some years however it never left me because this ability to be able to share and share via writing and sharing myself with the World is absolutely a gift and takes all trust in God (let me be specific with you when I say all Trust in God, for me that looks like being able to share what's in me and not second guess what I am doing because I am solely trusting in God, hence one of the reasons I backed up was because i began to take that trust back from God). 

Okay so I am here at work and when I say this morning was a M O R N I N G for sure, the rain coming down, the temp of my room, and the nice morning light mixed with the darkness of the house…. BEING IN BED WAS PERFECT. The only thing that was missing from my bed was this nice height, amazing build, …. Wait a min never mind LMBO. But anyway, yes it was a perfect morning at 6:35am to stay in bed and just sleep in, wake up and slowly begin my day and have pillow talk in bed with God. 

Speaking of slow mornings I miss them, I miss easing into my day. Even with other jobs I have had the opportunity to ease into the day but here with this one I don’t get that opportunity and it’s one of the things that aggravate me. 

But today I didn’t want to come to work but couldn’t have a mental day today since I tried that yesterday and FAILED and came on in to this place *rolls eyes

Brief screaming intermission: OMG I AM OVER BEING SINGLE TODAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! I want to curse but try not to do that since I do it with my mouth and trying to cut back on that also. But today is one of those days  and better yet pause, we will talk about this in another entry. 

But yea I am here at work, working and writing lol look at that multitasking. I just found myself very frustrated and aggravated and now I think I will grab breakfast on my break because I sometimes soothe myself by eating, hence the weight I have graciously picked up. See if i was at home and i was frustrated etc, i could go to the gym and workout and talk to Holy Spirit my confidant. 

But today’s after work plans are as follows:��

Go home and change clothes, turn on lights and etc. 

DOLLAR TREE! Need to re-up on some things

Go to Pablos and enjoy TACO TUESDAY with a side of Teq ( a marg will be had)

Back home, and pull out looks for this weekend for me and nephew, and also pick out work clothes

BUBBLE BATH! This girl is having a bubble bath tonight and will prob do some self care: 

Self Care: Facial, Body care- shave legs, in depth shower routine, change nail polish

Nightcap with Holy Spirit

BED

Oh and what i was saying on Monday that on Sunday I did my hair…. And now I don’t want the style I did, I want straight hair LMAO. But we gone rock this wash and go until its not going lol. 

I am so over being here at work and it’s only 9:35am like seriously Doriann, you have to make it to 4:26pm. I want to cry so bad right now. 

Well my break came and went and i didn’t go get my breakfast so now i gotta wait for lunch and i am hungry all I got for lunch is a Caesar salad… I need something else. I am going to wrap up this entry right here, and will update you later if I accomplish all that I needed to do today. Let me go do some work that they pay me to do lol. 

 xoxo love always

doriann

💜💎🦋🫧🌹🌈👩🏾‍🌾🤎🍷❣️🩰🖤🎀

[girlyblunts]

I've been wanting to talk about this for days but haven't really been able to find the right words... During the last few days before my Nan passed, I had started giving her reiki at first just to help ease some of the small discomfort she was having in her abdomen from the tumor, when she would cough. I've been attuned to Usui reiki for a long time probably between the ages of 8-10ish, and received my second level attunement like sometime last yr. I know from experience of my teachers just how real and a miracle that reiki truly is, but I've always been self conscious in talking about and performing it on people that don't really know about it.

Early the morning of her passing, her breathing had kept declining every few hours and we just knew that it was going to happen sometime that day. My aunt and one of my cousins came over early and we were all with her, I never left her side in that bed that day. My body just decided on it's own to start giving reiki again, and I hadn't been and usually would not do so in front of anyone except for my mom. Mom was sitting on the other side of the bed next to my grandma when i had started giving reiki and using the power symbols on her crown and heart chakra, visualizing myself gently pulling in light/reiki energy into her body and she had said immediately within the same minute her breathing just started to gently relax into a rhythm like gentle waves hitting the shore. It all happened so fast, maybe within 3 minutes of me starting at most. I couldn't tell if she really was or not getting ready to pass over in those moments, I had a very brief moment of doubt for what i was doing and what was happening but before I could even respond to my rational brain, this giant wave of emotion refocused me and I moved my hand down to her solar plexus and that's when I could so clearly see her spirit's silver cord that we all have that connects our soul to the universal lifeforce/the other side of the veil. It was translucent and I could physically see the reiki energy swirling around and up her cord to her, it was so many different iridescent colors, but it truly looked like galaxies and stardust. It goes beyond any words I could try to describe. It was exactly like how my mom had described her breathing, like gentle waves. I could feel the energy inside of her build up within those few minutes until it reached its peak and she was completely enveloped within that wave and drifted back out for the last time. she didn't wretch, gasp or moan out, mom said that her brow didn't even furrow. I still cant even comprehend how beautiful it was for me to be a literal midwife in helping her cross over and be reborn again through reiki. I didn't think it was even possible for death to ever be this beautiful, taking care of her so lovingly, and getting to send her home with dignity and grace. I will never forget the gift that we both got to give each other in that moment, and yet again I didn't think that anything else could possibly happen to strengthen the bond and love i have for my Nan. But this really changed my fucking life completely.

After she was gone, I had went outside to the car so that I could call Tristan and tell him what the hell just happened and that she got to pass on in true bliss and comfort. After I had said everything and we were just both sitting there quietly crying, She came to me immediately and put her hand on the back of my neck and said "thank you so much baby, I'm okay. everything's okay now" then without human form, she wrapped me inside of her energy in this totally enveloping hug. It felt like being wrapped in a blanket, or very large angel wings. I knew she was okay and home and completely free but it still meant so much to me to hear. The weather that couple of days had been her favorite kind of weather, there was a small cold front that made it go down into the 70's and it was constantly raining and thundering at night time. Just how strongly I felt her all around outside when I got out of the car to go inside, in the hazy sky, the scent and feel of rain on the ground in my socks, how colorful and full the flowers were from the rain, the way the wind was blowing the trees, I felt her in everything.

[foxxdoolz]

Journal (6-22-24)

I've come around on journaling a lot easier than I thought I would. I can't really do it daily like self help blogs would suggest, but I figure when I can is good enough.

As teased at the end of my previous entry, I want to talk about the few true romantic interests I've had in my life.

As of recent times, there's two people that occupy my heart. Where any time I'm around them, I want to hold them close. When we walk I want to press my lips to their mouths. And, most terrifyingly, I want to tell them every thought in my head.

And, yes, it's two people at once. A guy and a girl. I'm so fucked.

The Girl I've known longer. Girl is the friend of my old roommate, who I met literally one of the first nights I moved to LA. The moment I saw her, I knew I was fucked. She's like a fucking forest-fairy-goddess, she is the eptiome of my type when it comes to girls. So fucking cute and hot and nice and smart and funny.

She'd pop in and out of my life at random, she was the friend of my roommate first, and I was just her friend's roommate, and my work schedule has always been ass. I went to one of her parties once, we watched Over the Garden Wall. I helped her film a little short film thing, and as the night went on and we got closer to finishing it, we sat on her couch and cuddled. I was the only one who was able to help her move into her new place (which is now her old place, and of course I helped her move again). And, then, I didn't see her for almost a year because the schedules never worked out.

The Guy I've known... fuck, almost a year at this point. I failed one of my classes and got bumped a month behind all my friends, leaving me essentially alone. And from the moment I first saw him, I went fuck. The epitome of my type for a guy, goofy with wild hair. But he was in a relationship at the time, so I kept things strictly friendly when I was suddenly brought into his orbit, made friends with quite a few of those new faces in that class.

Then, his girlfriend broke up with him. I didn't jump on him or anything, but he's my friend, I let it be known that I was there for him, that I could talk any time if he needed. We'd go to the movies together sometimes, in what i thought could be almost-dates, except for the fact that he kept bringing other people with him at the last moment. We'd sit next to each other, and I kept wanting to just reach out, hold his hand, let him know I liked him like that, but I could never bring myself to. Fuckin' pretty boys, right?

Well, then the two heartaches converged when Girl was dropped into our classes, and very quickly was integrated into our group. And then we started hanging out at guy's house, drinking a little, smoking a little. I don't smoke weed anymore, but I'm weak when it comes to pretty boys and girls. And we'd chat and laugh and enjoy each other's company. And I was so happy when Girl came back into my life because she's really awesome.

Then, one night, Girl, Guy, and Guy's Friend were over at Guy's house. Oh and I love Guy's Friend, he's very much a kindred spirit, I love him to bits, as a friend of course. Guy's Friend went to bed, he's a quick and heavy sleeper. Guy, Girl and I went out for a cigarette smoke, I was just tipsy enough to say fuck it. I asked them if shotgunning was a real thing, both smoke weed way more than I do. Of course I know what shotgunning is. I played coy, they didn't need to know. So, Guy shotgunned his vape into my mouth, and fuck, it's hot.

When we got back to guy's house, we decided to go to bed. Guy's Friend had taken the couch, and Girl called dibs on one side of the bed, Guy, of course took the other, and I laid on the floor. We looked for something to watch, I suggested Killer Klowns From Outer Space, aghast that they'd never seen the movie before. I had expected them to fall asleep quickly, my sleep schedule is fucked, but all three of us just kept talking during the movie.

After too many "what did you say", eventually they both just said, "do you wanna come up here?" I was just tipsy enough to agree. Girl squeezed into the middle, and we watched the movie together, making comments. Guy went up to use the bathroom, when he came back, he squeezed into the middle. I got up to use the bathroom, and when I came back, I was squeezed into the middle.

Somehow, someway, I was lucky enough to be able to wrap both my arms around them as they laid their heads on my chest. I was all smiles, heart beating in my chest rapidly. At one point, Guy shotgunned his vape to me again, and then to Girl. And then, so fucking suddenly, he was kissing me, and I was kissing him back. And then he was kissing Girl, then I was kissing Girl. We were all just kissing each other and laughing, I kept making jokes, alright? Killer Klowns entirely forgotten as we started heavily making out.

I couldn't fucking believe it, it was insane, absolutely mental. I'd never felt so happy, jesus christ. This worked out better than I was expecting.

We had to be quiet because of Guy's Friend, and, after like an hour of making out heavily, we had to stop before it went any further. Neither of us were all that drunk, especially anymore. And we settled in to sleep. Guy didn't cuddle because he didn't want Guy's Friend to wake up and see us all in such a compromising situation. Girl and I cuddled the whole night. I love a good cuddle, but fuck, it's hard to sleep while cuddling. I had my arm stretched behind Girl's head to hold onto Guy so he didn't feel left out.

It happened like three months ago now, that amazing night. And it hasn't happened again, we haven't even talked about it. It's been itching at my skin this entire time. It was the first time I've ever kissed someone I actually liked. It skyrocketed my confidence. I've dated like two and a half people, and I never liked any of them like that. I felt attractive for maybe the first time in my life.

Every time I see them, which is every single time I have class, I can feel it bubbling up in the back of my throat, itching to be said, but I never do. There's never been much of a good moment to ask about it. If I ask, there's the strong possibility of rejection, and that terrifies me. That if I ask, it'll break this friendship we have.

And I love them too much to loose them.

I see the way Guy stares at Girl, and maybe it's true that you never realize when some stares at you like that, but I can see it in his eyes and smile. He likes her a lot more than he likes me. And I can't even blame him, because I get it wholly. Girl is amazing. But I can't help that bitter taste of jealousy that he doesn't look at me like that, that maybe I was just the first hurdle to getting somewhere with her. Realistically, I know I'm being stupid, but I can't help it.

-PCD

[sheknowswhatnottosay]

I Feel So Small And I Actually Like It. Everywhere Around The Globe I Travel I Am Paid Attention To Somehow In Someway And When Im Honest Like This It’s Like No One Wants To Hear It. On Here There’s But A Few of You And The Platform Is Dead. Like The Only Person Walking Around Alone At Night. When I Used To Do That In LA My Mind Was SOOOO Happy. I Was Actively Fighting My Anxiety. Now That Doesn’t Fit My Schedule And I’m In A Foreign Country Where I Fear Getting Robbed and Being Black. I’ve Made Myself Small Too Many Times For Others Here Too. It’s Like You Take My Spirit And Put It On A Hamster Wheel. It’s Too Much. Those of You Who Knew Me, And Knew Who I Was On Here I’m So Grateful For. I Need Friends Who Tolerate And Run Wild With Me. I’ve Considered Medication a Few Times. Idk Whether Id Be Running From Or Towards The Problem With That One. I’m Overwhelmed or Underwhelmed And It All Makes Sense When The Stars Really Align Right. I Think We All Feel That Way. I Don’t Have Any Secrets, Just The Special Moments I’ve Shared With You. And If You’ve Left My Side Now I’m Sure You’ve Summed It Up To Some Personality Disorder That You’ve Disclosed To Those Closest To You. One Thing I’m Not Is A Mystery Nor A Man of Labels. Nothing Is Up For Assumptions, Not Even This Journal Entry I Share With You. And If I Were Frank Fucking Ocean I’d Probably Be Operating On Measures That Work Best For Me. If Someone Could Take It Away I’m Not Sure I’d Let It Happen. The Endless Unfoldment of Suffering Continues And We Rise And Fall At Each Others Feet, Praising High The One Who Placed Us Here. Sometimes I Cry At His Presence. Other Times I Look Back And Laugh At My Foolishness. Like What Are You Even Saying?? And Then I’m Like Well You Know What, Make The Mistakes And Correct Them As You Get Older. That’s Progress. I’m No Prodigy I’m A Man Beginning My Journey To The End. And For My Lovers, You May Take It Or Leave It! I’ve Never Even Been Enough For Myself So I Expect Nothing of You But To Feel The Same. You’ve Never Been Enough For Me Either! And We Seek For More Of Ourselves In Each Other Calling That Love? Is That Anywhere Near The Subject? I’m Not An Encyclopedia.

[kofetalesnbpdchaos-leoreaper]

To Queers Who SPECIFICALLY Got POCD:

It’s June once again, it is the time of year , where we annually do Pride Month!! ^^ :’) <3

Due to BULLSHIT AMERICA’S Bills & shits,

I just felt like adding these things. Here .

To all of my Queer assed siblings, specifically those of us lot who are living with the nightmare that is POCD—

Im SO sorry that we alllll have to face everyday violences against us lot with being called “groomers”.

Why not addressing the others?!

BECAUSE: WE are the ones who have the OCD subtype that makes US freak out & have multipleee episodes where we think we will do nasty assed things to children.

We have thoughts that are so bloody intrusive & harmful sometimes due to possibly hurting ourselves out of panic. Amongst other things, but I don’t know wtf else ppl do—

Cuz I’ve ONLY ever wanted to jump out of my windows, or harm myself to stop these crazy thoughts that got me SOO scared to the DEATH!! >:’) 🖕🏼🖕🏼

POCD is real, and whenever I’ve been NOW reading things and/or seeing things I panic & my brain starts to give me pushes of thoughts, and so like.. I try to shove them aside & .. idk? Honestly? 🥲😭 sit down & try to ride it out! 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not “FUN” at all. :’))

It’s triggering to be called things, and worst of all: when you are Queer & the world as it is RIGHTT NOWW, calling you what you are most definitely NOT! is so fraustratings as HELL!! 🤬🖕🏼🔪🔪

NONE of these bastards even fucking REALISING, that they 10/10 are MOST likely siding with some abusive motherfucking ASSHOLE, who’re real pedophiles . 🙄🫠

BUT NO!! ^^ 🤪🖕🏼 It has to be US lot who’re evil, demonic , ungodly & NOT these bitches who disgusting try to get you to “ask forgiveness” or what has haves yous, from their “God”.

NO MOTHERFUCKING GODS, ESP THE ONES WHO YOUU CLAIMS TO BE “all loving” IS GONNA LET U THROUGH HEAVENS’ GATES!! >:(

I hope to hell & everything else that is the Cosmos & Existence itself! will drag you down to hell! >:\ And if you DONT believe in any Gods, I hope you along with them have forever nightmares . Heck! Even Night Terrors . Because I am “evil” & of the Devil Spirit… 🙄🫠🔪🖕🏼🖕🏼

— Lena E.O Reaper ; LEO REAPER.

[fallinghorizontally]

perspective

Sometimes I feel like I am moving throughout my days just watching my body move on its own. I feel like my spirit does that to force a change in perspective but I am still blind. I wish I could see things for what they truly are and not through lenses of my bias and trauma. I would like to know where I am wrong. So many opposing beliefs of the idea that we are perfect just the way we are but at the same time there's the idea of finding oneself and healing. I wonder if both can be true at the same time. If I was so perfect, I wouldn't always feel so shitty.

I wish that I didn't need to feel emotions and I wish that my emotions didn't pour out of me so freely. When I need reassurance I make sure that its known but when it comes to women its like an ick apparently. I feel like one certain friendship that I have is so one sided and I am starting to see it clearly. I am always very understanding and cater to her personal needs but when I have needs it always seems to cause a lot of tension and I feel that I am being used for my good energy and liberating personality. I wish I could stay true to myself but I fold when there's sex involved. ( me and her fuck) but im not in it just for the sex I genuinely think she's a great person and fun to be around but ultimately I feel that I am only a fun distraction and anybody could fill my shoes. I also feel that there's a truth I needed to find in my sexuality, however, and I might've found it last night.

I was at a club and a pretty trans woman came up to me and danced with me. We talked all night and she came home with me. It was my first time touching another dick. I know that she's a woman but another dick is another dick. And I couldn't help but feel nothing after. I used to question my sexuality but yesterday confirmed two things for me. 1. That I am indeed straight and that dick does nothing for me. 2. that I need to stop sexualizing women. I learned that I only think with my dick and I fold so easily. I need to save my energy and preserve myself. I can't just be fucking anybody or letting myself be taken advantage of for my energy. Im the type of person that people open up to immediately because they feel safe and every other reason ppl do it. Maybe because they feel comfortable and like Im empathetic and fun. I don't know but I wanna save that for people who love me as hard as I love them and I wanna put myself first from now on. I want to become disciplined. I want to love myself more. fuck that fomo shit

[skellymom]

Thank you so much for the tag @echo-lover for including me!❤️

Name: Lisa

Sign: Scorpio-October 30th, 1969

Time: 1:23am 11/1/23 (Imma Night Owl)

Last movie: Saw "Spirited Away" on Halloween at the movie theatre w/family.

Last show: Fall of the House of Usher (Netflix). Brutal head fuck and wonderful twist on Edgar Allen Poe's stories. Definitely worth the watch. Same dude that did Haunting of Hill House and Bly Manor. Highly recommend!

When I created this blog: April 2023

Other blogs: Just Tumblr. Although, I do occasionally post my artwork and wirework (own a small business) on Facebook. It's totally casual. Mostly animals and art, please check it out: https://www.facebook.com/lisa.mercer.50

Do I get asks/may you ask me something: Haven't gotten any yet, but open to them! Please ASK me!!!

Average hours of sleep: Anywhere from 5-10 hours. It's so rando. I also work at a veterinary ER as a certified technician nurse. So sometimes I get home hours after shift. Sometimes I'm exhausted and go right to bed. Sometimes I'm hyped so stay up and draw, wire work, or write!

Instruments: None. However, I LOVE to dance. Used to be a tribal-fusion belly dancer back in the early 2000's. Still do it by myself, just blare the music. I like to sing as well. LOVE music. Can't say my voice is good. It's better for making weird noises, animal sounds, and funny voices.

What I'm wearing: Black, black, black. Sweatpants, hoodie, black knockoff chucks, black/silver skull socks, black/white skelly bandana. I wear Halloween ALL year 'round!

Dream job: I ABSOLUTELY love working veterinary ER! So found my passion with the art on the side. However, I would love to be a voice actor for animated stuff or horror movies (I LOVE to make creepy voices and monster sounds).

If you want, you can join the game as well❤️

Tagging some of my peeps if they are interested: @starqueensthings @marymunchkiin @talesfrommedinastation

Thank you so much for the tag @loverboy-havocboy I love this type of games❤️

Name: Magda // Magdalena

Sign: Gemini

Time: 10.45pm (22.45)

Last movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Last show: Bad Batch (I'm rewathing this series again)

When I created this blog: Not so long ago and thanks to my amazing friend! I'm still new here.

Other blogs: I don't have other blogs yet

Do I get asks/may you ask me something: I don't get them often, but please send me asks any time! I love them!

Average hours of sleep: 7-8 (I am so tired if I sleep less)

Instruments: I love music in every way, so I play several instruments, for example: violin, clarinet, guitar, flute, piano, and old instruments used to create folk music back then. I make small wooden flutes myself too. I would also like to learn to play the saxophone and cello in the future. I even played the bagpipes once, but it was... not easy, haha (I'm not sure if I used the right name).

What I'm wearing: White sweater, jeans and socks with cats on them.

Dream job: I've always wanted to be a musician and play in a professional orchestra, but unfortunately I can't... so I became a teacher.

If you want, you can join the game aswell❤️

@techs-goggles9902 @askwenjing @yubnubhub @skellymom

[jungkxook]

—the love bug. (m)

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: spiderman!jungkook + fluff / smut

⟶ words: 20,649 (sorry)

⟶ rating: 18+

⟶ summary: every night, jungkook puts on the red mask and flings himself confidently into perilous danger; but that same heart of steel that fuels his will and spirit seems to fail him whenever it comes to you 

⟶ warnings: coarse language, mild violence, jungkook is really shy and cute and dumb bc he’s so smitten, also jungkook’s butt in spandex is nice, needy/clingy sex, oral sex (fem!receiving), face riding, fingering, riding, missionary, unprotected sex

⟶ disclaimer: this is a repost of a fic i had on my old blog! 

You see Jungkook every night without fail.

When the sun has set below the distant horizon and plunges the world into a formidable darkness, driving most ordinary civilians to seek shelter in their homes, he stumbles into the café tucked cozily on the corner of a busy street in Lower Manhattan. The concrete city is still very much alive in a harmonious mix of sirens and the hum of cars but is subdued, muffling under the night sky and is most susceptible at this time to misconduct. Usually, at this point of night, the café you work at is nearly empty, save for a few stragglers that huddle tiredly at certain round tables. Most times, these are students from the university you attend just around the bend, whose weary eyes peer over the laptop in front of them as they meticulously work on an essay due the next morning, only fueled by the cup of coffee next to them.

Though you’ve seen Jungkook plenty of times around the campus of your school, he never once enters the café for the sole purpose of late night studying or writing. Instead, as you come to find over the course of many strange nights, Jungkook stumbles in through the doors sometime after 9 p.m., always with one strap of his backpack thrown over his shoulder. He always looks dishevelled, exhausted, as if he has spent the evening running all over the city of New York; and then he plops himself down into a seat by the window, burying his head in his folded arms that lean on the top of the table. Most times he orders a coffee and though he downs it the fastest you’ve ever seen, he is still somehow able to fall asleep at the table. Sometimes, he hardly ever touches the coffee and lets it grow cold as it rests next to him but he always, without a doubt, falls asleep next to it.

You never wake him. Usually, when you work the late night shifts, you are alone for a handful of hours until your next coworker arrives for their shift. You don’t mind the company anyway, even if he sleeps for most of the night. It’s comforting to at least see he’s resting, though you find yourself snickering to yourself as you watch the snoring boy when it’s just you and him alone in the café. Though you have grown up with Jungkook as your next door neighbour as a child, have attended the same schools and been in most classes together from elementary all the way to your freshman year of college now, and have watched one another mature and change, you have never really exactly gotten to know Jungkook as well as you’d like. Typically, your conversations are short and friendly, ranging from you taking his order at the café and spotting him around campus and asking if he knew the answer to a question for the homework assigned to the class you share with him.

This night isn’t any different.

You’ve become eager, always anticipating when Jungkook will walk through the doors of the café and make himself at home as he routinely does. However, just before 9 p.m. on a Thursday night, when the small bell above the door rings to signal a new arrival, you are immediately disappointed to find that it is not Jungkook. Instead, it is a crude muscular man not much older than you with tattoos that litter his arms and a star inked into the left side of his neck. The sight of him causes you to groan inwardly, forces you to straighten your back a little more, hold your chin a little higher. Most nights the café may be occupied by university students, but other nights you are forced to deal with tasteless strangers that try to intimidate you but instead give you an agonising headache.

You have seen this man before, have remembered the star tattoo and the scar just above his right eyebrow. He has come into the café before and has been the source of trouble more often than not. As the man approaches the counter in an imperious stride this time, you notice the smirk that tugs at his lips and feel the foreboding shudder that runs down your spine.

“Evenin’,” You greet. “Can I get you anything?”

The man’s eyes flicker to the menu above the counter, as if he is pondering what to order. He looks back down at you and then leans against the counter, closing the distance between him and you causing you to take a step back.

“How are you doing tonight, sweetheart?” he asks. “Been awhile, huh? Did you miss me?”

Forcing a fixed smile on your face, you reply shortly with, “I’ve been well. Can I get you anything?”

Apparently, the way you repeat your question in a firm manner doesn’t act as well of a hint as you had hoped for the man. He’s smirking wickedly, clearly enjoying the strain he puts you through.

“I know what you can get me, sweetheart,” he drawls. “When do you get off? Maybe we can meet round back and I can show you what a real man is like.”

“No thanks.”

“Playing hard to get, hm?” he muses. “I wonder what else that pretty little mouth of yours can do.”

Though you are appalled, you swallow your nerves and narrow your eyes into a glare. It can tell you to kindly fuck off, you grimace to yourself. Instead, you turn your back to him, pretending to occupy yourself with cleaning the counter as you mumble blankly, “Not interested.”

The man chuckles. “Come on, sweetheart. It’s just a little fun━”

“She said she’s not interested.”

The familiar voice that interrupts the man causes your heart to leap blithely in your chest and makes you realize you have been so caught up with the man by the counter that you hardly noticed the way the bell rings a second time as the newcomer enters the shop. Standing just behind the man is Jungkook, whose carob hair sticks out in messy tufts and weary eyes are laced with an underlying menace. The man looks from you to Jungkook and must assume the confrontation isn’t worth a fight. The smug smile remains on his face even as he shrugs, muttering something along the lines of, “Whatever, man. I was just trying to have some fun.”

Whether or not Jungkook has scared him away, the man relents and retreats to the door of the café, disappearing outside once more. As soon as the door shuts behind him, you come to realize that you are now alone in the café with Jungkook with nothing but the sound of the flat screen t.v that hangs in a corner behind the counter, faintly playing on the news channel.

“You okay?” he asks, catching your attention. “He didn’t do anything, did he?”

“Oh, no. No, I’m fine,” You say. “Thanks for that, by the way. Though I could’ve handled it myself.”

Jungkook chuckles. “I don’t doubt that but it’s nice to get a little help sometimes.”

You smile up at the boy who towers above you and, despite the fatigue that droops his eyes, his pink lips still unfurl into a wide, radiant grin that brightens his face.

“How long are you here for tonight?” he asks.

“Till close. Then I have to head home and put together a powerpoint for psych,” You yawn as if to emphasize your boredom. “What can I get you? The usual?”

Jungkook looks at you as if you are his saving grace. The smile stretches further across his cheeks as he nods. “Please?”

“Will do. Sit tight, I’ll be right over.”

You spin around from behind the counter, almost immediately jumping to work as you rummage through the shelves. When you’re finished making his order that consists solely of a medium black coffee with two sugars and turn back around to face him, you find him seated at a table off to the side, not far from the counter. His backpack lays discarded on the ground by his feet and his elbow rests on top of the surface of the table, his chin nestled in the palm of his hand; his eyes are fixated on the television screen hanging just ahead and, for once upon entering the café past dusk, he doesn’t lack a sense of emotion. Instead, his brows knit in concern as he is engrossed by whatever is happening on the news.

As you approach his table with his coffee in your hand, you crane your neck to look up at the screen and what has seemingly caught his interest. On one side of the screen is a female news reporter in a pink blouse and gray blazer; on the second half of the screen, you see a familiar flash of striking red and blue that swings from building to building from an, albeit, shaky recording from a passerby’s phone.

“And in other news,” The woman who speaks has a strong, smooth voice as she stares ahead at the camera with a rather sour look, “the masked mystery man, otherwise known as Spider-Man, was spotted earlier this morning when he put a stop to a robbery in an apartment in Queens just before noon. Though most would argue that Spider-Man is New York’s very own masked hero, the New York City Police Department are still searching for the identity of whom they call a vigilante, saying he is causing mayhem in━”

“Some guy, huh?” You muse pensively, sliding the coffee onto the counter next to Jungkook. “This spider guy or whatever.”

The boy in front of you glances down meekly at the coffee and back up at you. His eyes flicker to the screen hanging in the corner once more. “You mean Spider-Man?”

Nodding, you say, “Yeah. He comes out of nowhere two years ago and now he’s everywhere. What do you think of him helping with all this dangerous crime stuff?”

“Ah, well, that’s his thing,” Jungkook says, shrugging. “If he couldn’t handle it, he wouldn’t be helping solve a lot of the city’s crimes. I think he’s pretty cool, y’know, for a masked guy. I definitely don’t think he’s a vigilante or━ or a criminal.”

“You talk about him as if you know him,” You giggle.

Jungkook’s eyes widen for a split second and then he’s furiously shaking his head. “Know him? No, no, of course not! I’m just a… Just a big fan ━ and an even bigger fan of Iron Man.”

He picks up the coffee next to him and lifts it to his mouth for a quick sip, nearly burning his tongue but swallowing his curses.

“I like him,” You confess at long last. “He’s interesting. I think he’s just what we need at a time like this.”

Just then, the bell above the door rings once more and a small group of friends wander into the shop, each carrying backpacks and heavy textbooks. They sit at a table off in the corner and you sigh as you look back down at Jungkook.

“That’s my cue,” You say. “Gotta go, but have a good night, okay? And, Jungkook? You really should get some more sleep.”

Jungkook opens his mouth to respond but you are already turning away and so he sits back in his seat, defeated once more. He watches as you stride happily to the group of friends sitting at a table to take their order, your hair bouncing slightly under the fluorescent lights. He folds his arms over the top of his table and buries his head in them, though he sneaks one last glance up at you. Despite his eyes itching with sleep, he pries them open just a second longer to watch you smile as you speak with the students and it is the last thing he sees before he slips off into a light and contented sleep.

As you step out into the cool, early Autumn night and shut the door of the café behind you to lock it, the single thought most prominent in your mind is sleep.

You’re exhausted, but the homework still waiting to be completed in your home is the only thing that pushes you to stay awake. You hurry to fish the store keys out of your coat pocket and, with a euphonious chime, use them to lock the front door, ignoring the way the cold breeze nips at your cheeks. You grasp the collar of your coat tighter around your body and then hike the strap of your own bag further up your shoulder as you turn to walk away.

Jungkook had fallen asleep as per usual after your short conversation with him and then vanished an hour some time before you closed, waving a final farewell to you. The rest of your night had been rather slow, with only two more customers entering the café until each person left to venture back out into the cold and leave you alone. To finally be freed from the confinements of the café has you breathing in the crisp air in a deep breath. Exhaling placidly, you cross the street and begin making your way toward your one bedroom apartment which is only a fifteen minute walk away from both the café and your school.

You aren’t quite sure how long you have been walking for when you begin to notice the sound of footsteps behind you. In fact, if you had been listening more intently since the second you left the café, you would be able to recall the fact that these same heavy footsteps had been following along behind you since then. You don’t necessarily see the problem at hand just yet, thinking it to be just another innocent passerby who is coincidentally walking the same way as you. After all, New York City has a tremendously huge population.

You take a left, turning the corner of the street to continue along the path to your home. The only light that illuminates the way are the silvery wisps from the moon that hangs high in the night sky and the flickering street lamps that you pass occasionally. You take another left and strain your ears and hear the sound of footsteps again. Maybe you were overreacting, maybe it was just a random passerby, but most cities weren’t foreign to that of strange stalkers. Holding your breath, you slowly glance over your shoulder at the figure who has been following you and spot a man just a few paces away, the hood of his sweater drawn over his head.

You immediately turn back around, eyes wide as panic begins to settle in. You take another left, then a right, cross the street and retrace your steps back towards the café and each time you hear the heavy footsteps; each time they quicken in pace as does yours. You hadn’t even realized how briskly you were walking until you glance over your shoulder for a second time and see the man once more. Suddenly, you turn a sharp corner and race ahead before coming across an empty and darkened alleyway. You slip into its shadows, your heart hammering wildly against your chest and in your ears, and continue to walk until the brick wall at the very end of the alleyway comes into view. A dead end.

You turn back around and begin walking forward before freezing suddenly. If you go back out there, that man could still be lurking; if you stay in the alleyway, you could hide until you think it’s safe. Your eyes flicker around for something to cower behind and just before you notice the dumpster off to the side, you see a shadow in the corner of your eye. Turning around, you come face-to-face with the hooded man who is all but blocking your path to freedom. Except now, you’re able to stare into his face past the silhouette that his hood draws on his features. Now, you can see the star tattoo on his neck, the scar above his right eyebrow and an image of the man from the café only hours ago flashes across your eyes.

“You,” You gasp. “What do you want from me?”

Behind his hood, you can see him smirk slyly. “I just want to chat to you, babe. What are you doing all by yourself out here?”

Your eyes narrow into a scrutinizing glare. You step forward to walk around him but he grabs onto you, his arm snaking around your waist as he drawls, “Not so fast. I’ve been meaning to get you alone like this.”

Just as you open your mouth to shout out for help, the noise of sudden scuffling in the alley causes the man to stop. It comes with the rustling of the wind and could have easily been mistaken for the sound of a trash can falling over or paper tumbling loosely but it is also unmistakable the sound of footsteps. The man must notice something before you do as he squints further into the alleyway, muttering a small, “What the hell━”

“Come on, dude, that’s seriously no way to treat a girl!”

The foreign voice that drifts into the alleyway seems to startle not only yourself, but the man in front of you. His grip loosens on you slightly as he cranes his neck to look amongst the shadows.

“Well, anyone, for that matter.”

The stranger’s voice is youthful, most likely belonging to a boy around your age. It is oddly calm and nonchalant despite the situation that is unfolding before him, and then he clicks his tongue disapprovingly. As your eyes flicker open, you follow the source of the sound towards the blocked end of the alleyway still veiled by the darkness. Had this person always been there or had they really materialized out of thin air?

“Who’s there?” The man in front of you grunts. “Why don’t you mind your own business?”

“And why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?” The voice retaliates. He pauses as if he is waiting for an answer and then he is speaking up again. “Let me guess. You’re gonna tell me to screw off or something right? God, you guys are always so predictable and yet you never make it any easier for me.”

The man scowls, his hand drops from your throat as he turns to the looming darkness and hisses gruffly, “Mind your own business, punk━”

Before he can carry on, something flings out of the darkness and lands on the man’s face in a blink of an eye. He immediately lets go of you, grunting in confusion and flailing his arms about. As you drop to the ground, you subsequently bang your head hard against the brick wall and groan in pain, though you’re able to catch a glimpse of what the man is trying so desperately to claw off his face before your vision goes blurry. It is something thin and wispy, made of silver glistening strands that resembles, oddly enough, a spider’s web. As the man fumbles into the darkness, arms swinging clenched fists wildly about.

“Over here!” The boy taunts. “Missed me again! You know, you’re not very good at this.”

You struggle to climb to your feet, clutching your head in agony as you squint into the darkness. From where you are, you can only see the man fumbling around uselessly, the other figure still concealed by the darkness. As you attempt to get a better look, you hear the boy grunt in pain and catch sight of the man just after he had swung his fist into this person’s face, while his other hand had successfully been able to finally rip the mesh off his face.

“Okay, ow, that hurt,” The boy admits.

But before he or the man can continue on, you’re springing forward, mustering all your strength and courage into one impromptu movement. You grab your bag that had been discarded on the ground, heavy with a few school textbooks you had brought with you; you clutch it tightly, race up behind the man, and swing it hard at his head. His actions come to a sudden halt, he staggers forward, and immediately collapses to the ground, unconscious. Then finally, plunged into the darkness of the alleyway, you slowly look up to face the eye of your helper and are met, instead, with a flash of red and blue.

Standing before you, adorned head to toe in a tight suit is none other than the mysterious masked vigilante. He’s much taller in person than you expected, and much more muscular too, though with his face hidden beyond a mask, you can’t say much else about him. Instead, you gasp as you stare up at him in astonishment.

“Hey, nice hit!” he says, an apparent grin in his voice. “That was pretty awesome━”

“It’s you!” You exclaim.

“Me?” He seems confused at first but then he’s straightening up. “Oh, right, right. It’s me! Just, uh, your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man. Rescuing damsels in distress is kinda my thing.”

Your amusement for the mysterious hero is quick to fade, however, in wake of the throbbing pain on your head. It makes you aware of the fact that your knees have since grown weak, your mind spinning. When you take a step forward, you are suddenly faint and stumble over your feet, tripping to the ground. Before you can hit the pavement, the boy swoops forward and into view, catching you swiftly in his arms and holding you up.

“Hey, hey, stay with me,” he says. “Oh man, we gotta get you home. Can you tell me where you live?”

You can feel your lips moving in response, most likely informing him foolishly of the apartment complex you live in. Though this boy has been noted on performing acts of bravery and fighting against crime, he’s still a stranger ━ and, even more warily so, a complete enigma. There was no reason to trust him, despite him helping you only minutes ago, but in that moment you are weak and exhausted. In the very next second, you find yourself slipping off into a deep and tranquil slumber.

When you awaken the next morning, you are first greeted to the bright light of the sun that licks at your cheeks and warms your face. You note the soft plush of the mattress under you, the soft breeze that ruffles your hair, and when you pry your eyes open, you find yourself laying on the bed in your room; your window opened. Just when you begin to think the night before was all just some elaborate dream, you feel the slight tinge of pain in the back of your head and, despite it all ━ despite the pain and despite the memory strange man who had followed you ━ you smile softly at the thought of the boy in red and blue.

The next time you see Jungkook is on that Thursday.

Truthfully, you’ve been eager to find him around campus if only to tell him about your encounter with New York’s masked hero. You hadn’t told many people, safe for your closest friends, though you’re keen to see Jungkook’s reaction as you’ve learned he’s a fan of this spider guy. Wednesday is the only day you have a class with him and so as soon as the boring lecture for your anthropology class is finished, you spot him striding casually out the door and catch up to him just as he’s walking down the smooth pavement of the campus sidewalk.

Word, however, seems to spread fast amongst the friends in your year and whereas you only told one of your friends on that previous Friday about your encounter in the alleyway, Jungkook has already heard the story through misconstrued words at least a dozen times, through whisperings of people that aren’t even your friends. It’s a novelty, apparently, to witness something like this strange masked man. But, naturally, Jungkook is rather surprised when he hears your familiar dulcet voice calling his name.

“Jungkook!”

He whirls around to face you and smiles as he sees your figure walking towards him, adorned in leggings and a baggy school shirt to match the evening’s warm weather. You’re smiling at him, almost as radiantly as the sun that it almost quite literally blinds him as he doesn’t seem to notice the other girl walking just in front of him. He bumps into her before he can step out of the way and hastily apologizes before turning back to you only to see you giggling.

“What can I do for you on this fine evening?” he asks as you approach.

“I’ve been meaning to find you since Friday,” You say. “You’ll never believe what happened on Thursday.”

“I’ve been hearing it all week since then.”

“You have? Who told you?”

This causes Jungkook to chuckle lightly. He hikes the usual one strap of his backpack further up his shoulder as the two of you begin to walk again, “Y/N, everyone’s been talking about it. I guess no one can keep their mouth shut anymore. So tell me: what was this Spider-Man guy like?”

A small smile stretches across your face at the name, your teeth instinctively biting down on your lower lip in an attempt to hide in. Was it just Jungkook or did he see the slightest of pink pinch at your cheeks? When you look back up at him, your eyes are shimmering.

“Honestly?” You reply sheepishly. “I think I’m crushing on him pretty hard.”

Jungkook nearly chokes. When he speaks next, his voice is slightly higher than usual, so he clamps his mouth shut, clears his throat, and tries again. “You don’t say? He must be a real charmer then. Do you, uh, even know him well enough to crush on him?”

“It’s strange,” You remark. “You’re right ━ I don’t even know him and yet I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since then. I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all, huh?”

“What even happened?” Jungkook asks.

“Remember that guy you scared away Thursday night? I got into some trouble with him━ but don’t worry!” You throw in the last few words when you see Jungkook’s brows scrunch in concern. “Spider-Man came before anything could happen. He saved me. I owe him my life at this point.”

Jungkook notes the dreamlike tone in your voice and when he glances down at you, you’re smiling blissfully down at your scuffed Converse shoes. It’s mesmerizing to see you so content and jubilant, beaming like the sun once more that hangs in the clear cerulean blue sky. He inhales a deep breath of fresh air, smells the wafting nodes of freshly ground coffee somewhere in the distance, and exhales slowly.

Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, he looks over at you once more and asks, “Hey, um, so for that anthro project we have to do ━ I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to be partners for it?”

Your eyes light up at the proposition and you nod enthusiastically. “Sure thing. I’d love that, actually. Maybe we can meet up this Sunday to plan everything out and see who’s doing what?”

“Hey, Y/N!”

Just then, you hear the familiar sound of your friend calling your name. You glance ahead where your eyes land on a group of girls sitting on a nearby bench and you wave at them. They gesture you over and you skip ahead a few paces, turning to look at Jungkook. He smiles as he nods.

“Sorry,” You apologize sheepishly. “But Sunday at the café at noon?”

“Sounds like a date.” Jungkook reddens suddenly at the way he words his thoughts and stammers to correct himself. “Not a date! Work date. Uh━”

“It’s a date,” You giggle. “See you!”

Then you’re rushing off to join your friends, leaving Jungkook alone once more. He sighs in your wake, shakes his head at himself, and grudgingly walks away.

That night you can hardly sleep.

You blame it on the stress that comes with being a student, constantly under the strain of a multitude of assignments and upcoming tests. When the clock strikes half past one in the morning just as you are finishing typing up the last sentence of a seven page essay on your laptop (seated at your desk, where you have been for the past few hours), you decide you need a break before you go absolutely insane. Shrugging on a simple cardigan, you tiptoe out of your room, down the corridor to the elevator, ignoring the way your joints that have stiffened in place stretch in a satisfying pop. You’re stumbling out and onto the roof of your apartment building in no less than five minutes, emerging out into the open night.

It isn’t terribly cold and, after inhaling a deep breath of the refreshing air, you sigh in relief and you walk to the concrete barrier at the very edge of the roof and lean against it. Gazing out at the vibrant and lively concrete and glass buildings and skyscrapers alike that build the city of New York, with each window illuminated by a warm glow of light, seems to give you a sense of peace. You can hear the hum of cars, a distant sound of sirens, the occasional honk, and the thump of bass from somewhere in the distance to your left, all amassing into the rhythmic pulse of the city; across from you, in the building complex on the other side of the street, you can see silhouetted figures of perhaps caffeinated students or late night lovers. The sky is empty, blank and dull as it stretches on over the entirety of the city, but you can see the moon, brightly shining in all its glory, bold and proud amongst the artificial light.

A slight breeze disrupts the stillness of the roof, rustles your hair, followed by the looming feeling of not being alone. You hear the sound of footsteps landing softly on the ground and turn around slowly, casting your gaze across the seemingly empty rooftop. But you see it ━ or rather, him ━ in the shadows near the door a bit further off. It’s strange how calm you are in the moment but the presence doesn’t exactly feel intimidating to you ━ especially when you notice the flash of red and blue.

“You again?” You ask humorously.

“Sorry if I scared you.” The voice that carries with the wind towards you is familiar, youthful. “Definitely not my intention.”

“I’m not scared,” You say. “If I can recall amongst your many gritty crime fighting, you saved a cat stuck in a tree a while back.”

The boy chuckles. “Ah, well, just all a part of the job.”

“What are you doing here?” You take a step toward him and hear him retreat further into the darkness.

“Well, you’re probably going to call me weird and insane,” he says, “but I just wanted to check on you. You were pretty out of it when I dropped you off at your place.”

“You’re not stalking me now, are you?”

“No way!” he says. “I was just, y’know, in the neighbourhood. I was actually about to call it a night when I passed your apartment and then I saw you up here. Must be fate, huh?”

“Fate sure is weird,” You muse pensively, pursing your lips. You pause, squinting your eyes into the darkness. “Thanks, by the way. For helping me that night and bringing me back. Is there anyway I can repay you?”

“Repay me? Oh, no, no!” he says. “That’s not what this is all about, I promise. What I do is for the city and for the people. I can sleep better at night knowing thugs like that guy are being taken care of properly.”

“That’s a pretty commendable thing to do,” You say. “You gotta be pretty brave to put yourself in danger each night.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

There’s a smirk in his voice that stretches his words into a confident and smug drawl. You, in turn, smile bashfully. You look down at your shoes and then back up at the shadows.

“Can you step out of the dark?” You ask. “I want to see you.”

“Ah, but then that’ll ruin the mystique,” he points out. “And where’s the fun in that?”

You shake your head at him, pearly white teeth gnawing down on your lower lip to hide the smile that tugs at your mouth. You pull your cardigan tighter around your torso, ignoring the distant sound of a wailing siren.

“Maybe I’ll see you again,” he says. “I have to go but it was a pleasure meeting you━ uh, what was your name again?”

“I never told you,” You say. “And if I do, it’ll ruin the mystique, won’t it? Where’s the fun in that?”

He laughs into the night, a sound so genuine and amiable. “Fair enough. Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, despite the terrible circumstances. Try to stay out of trouble, okay? And get some sleep!”

You can hear him moving, as if preparing to leave. You step forward, mouth opening to stop him, but then he is gone, the sound of feet leaping into the air the last thing you hear from him. By the time you rush to the other side of the roof and look around frantically for any sight of him, you spot the mysterious vigilante as a tiny speck soaring from building to building. You smile as you watch him disappear amongst the horizon, bleeding into the glow of lights until he is gone, becoming one with the city altogether.

The days pass in a very typical blur.

Sunday comes and goes much too fast where both you and Jungkook work diligently for a few hours at the café before the rest of the week goes by. You hardly see Jungkook except for at night, as always past 9 p.m., when he stumbles wearily into the café and plops down in his usual seat. And, with the days passing as usual, there are still the consistent reports of sightings of this mysterious Spider-Man. Though you seem to go about your routinely oblivious days, you are all Jungkook is able to think about. You are all he usually thinks about these days, anyway, and all he is thinking about that very Wednesday when he’s supposed to be hanging out with Taehyung.

It isn’t uncommon to see Jungkook with Taehyung around campus. They have, after all, been best friends since the moment they met in their small daycare they attended together. Taehyung is more than accustomed with Jungkook’s habits and knows the boy in and out, including every secret and every crush he’s ever had (which, for the most part, has been you). That Thursday afternoon they are both sitting at the park just across from campus where most students from the school spend their time. Jungkook’s perched on the edge of the large concrete water fountain in the middle of the bustling meadow, with Taehyung reclining on his back, basking in the sun with a bag of chips on his stomach. They both spot you walking by with a friend and wave at Jungkook which causes Taehyung to roll his eyes.

“Dude,” he sighs, exasperated. “Just ask her out already. She already said she’s crushing on you.”

Jungkook looks down at his friend and shakes his head. “No, she said she’s crushing on Spider-Man. Not me.”

Taehyung, who was in the middle of shoving a handful of chips in his mouth, stops suddenly. He pushes himself up, nearly dropping the bag of chips, eyes wide as he stares at Jungkook in utter disbelief.

“Are you kidding me, dude?” He asks incredulously. “You’re the same person, you idiot.”

“But she doesn’t know that,” Jungkook explains calmly. “As far as she knows, Spider-Man is this cool dude and I’m just… I’m just me. Jungkook. Boring and not charming.”

“So then tell her the truth,” Taehyung says. “Y’know, use yourself as your own wingman.”

As he shoves another handful of chips into his mouth, Jungkook shakes his head once more. He’s already thought of this idea plenty of times before but it’s not as easy as it seems. The responsibility that comes with putting on that mask each night is followed by even greater risks for the people he’s around. Telling you the truth could only end in one way, anyway.

“I can’t do that,” Jungkook says. “What if I tell her and she’s let down?”

Taehyung would shake his head disapprovingly at his friend this time and mumble something along the lines of, “You think too much.”

And while that may be true in Jungkook’s case, Taehyung just wouldn’t understand. There is a reason Taehyung is the only person who knows about Jungkook’s secret and he is already endangering the life of his friend. To tell anyone else would only result in a much more terrible outcome for not only the people around him, but Jungkook himself. Still, though, as Jungkook settles back on the edge of the fountain and looks in the direction of the path you had vanished along, there is an inkling of a voice in the back of his mind that nags him, urges him, to tell you.

Jungkook sighs. He finds it ironic that anytime he puts on the red mask and flings himself into perilous danger, he is always confident, never once wavering, and yet when he is just himself, just another mundane passerby, that same heart of steel that fuels his will and spirit suddenly pales in comparison.

If only he could be so brave without that mask.

On Friday evening well into the night when what little stars you can see in the polluted sky begins to blend with the glowing light from building windows as far as the eye can see you find yourself at an overcrowded and clamorous party. You had been more than content with spending the start of your weekend not working but, upon entering the party, you find yourself not nearly enjoying the time as well as you had hoped you would. You’ve long since lost sight of your friends and the guy standing in the corner of the living room who had been eyeing you for most of the night had most certainly not helped with your mood ━ and, if anything, turned you off from drinking.

Albeit still slightly buzzed from the few drinks you had earlier been bestowed in the quintessential red solo cup that defines every high school and college party you’ve been to, you stumble out onto the balcony of one of the rooms for a breath of fresh air and are startled to find you aren’t alone when you spot the figure of a young man leaning against the railing.

“Oh, shit, sorry. Didn’t know anyone was out here━”

As the figure turns around, you are relieved and thrilled to see it’s Jungkook. You stop yourself, clamping your mouth shut, and smile up at him with a dainty hand on your hip. A look of recognition dawns on his face at the sight of you, his own lips tugging into a friendly grin.

“That’s okay,” he says. “Feel free to join me on the balcony of escaped party attendees ━ because I assume that’s what you’re doing? Escaping?”

You push yourself forward to the railing, standing beside him as he turns back around to face the city. “I just needed a break from it all. You? I gotta say I’m pleasantly surprised to see you here.”

He flashes you a sheepish smile, resting his arms atop the railing and leaning forward. “Exactly. Parties aren’t really my scene. My friend, Taehyung, dragged me out here but this balcony seems to be my favourite place.”

“Well, if it means anything,” You tell him, “I’m glad you came.”

When you look at Jungkook, you find him already gazing at you, his lower lip tucked between his teeth. His carob eyes crinkle with the smile on his face and he finds himself still staring at you even long after you have turned away to stare up at the sky. It’s a surprisingly warm night, though you silently thank yourself for throwing on the denim jacket you’re wearing earlier in the day whenever a cool breeze breaks through the city.

“It’s kind of sad, isn’t it?” You say after a while. “That we can’t see the stars from the city. That’s why I like camping. Star-gazing and watching the sunrise are two of my favourite things. It kind of keeps me humble in a way.”

“That’s an interesting way of thinking about that,” Jungkook says. “Sometimes I get so carried away by being in the city; it’s kind of nice just to slow things down once in a while.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way,” You crane your neck to cast a steady gaze across the towering buildings in the near distance. “The city can be pretty beautiful, too, though.”

“You think so?”

“Of course,” Your eyes twinkle playfully at a sudden thought that seems to warm your face. “And some of the people help make it beautiful. Like that spider guy. What he’s doing for the city is incredible.”

“Ah, right. Spider-Man.” The words leave Jungkook in a small exhale. “You must really like him, huh?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“I can name a few. Like the police.”

“They’re just scared of him because he’s doing their job better than they ever could.”

Jungkook chuckles lightly. He shakes his head as he looks down at his clasped hands and the calluses on his fingers from past tribulations. It’s silent again, in which time the thump of bass from the party ensuing behind you two fills the air, followed by a burst of vigorous chanting and cheering from within.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Jungkook asks suddenly, his voice timid.

“Go ahead.”

Jungkook pauses, thinking. He seems to struggle with forming his thoughts into words as he remains silent for a second too long. “Okay, let’s say I know this person really important to me, and let’s say I have this thing ━ this equally as important thing ━ that I really want to tell them. The thing is, I can’t just do that because if I do, I’m afraid that this person will be let down. What do you think I should do?”

You’re quiet as you ponder his words, looking pensively down at the city below.

“Well,” You hum slowly, “what’s the point in hiding behind a fake front the whole time? It’s kind of like hiding behind a mask your whole life, right? And I think life is too short for that because, before you know it, it’ll be too late. What if you don’t tell this person and you end up regretting it for the rest of your life? I don’t know. Sometimes I think that you just meet the right person in life who’s worth that risk.”

Jungkook turns to look at you and suddenly your eyes meet in a steady, thoughtful gaze. His own stare softens at whatever sort of thoughts flood his mind and you wonder if his eyes have always been that shimmering. His tousled dark brown locks flitter slightly in the breeze, his pink lips parted ever so slightly. You open your mouth to speak, uttering his name in a euphonious whisper.

“Jungkook, I━”

But your voice is cut off abruptly by the influx sound of wailing sirens down below that convey some sort of grim situation unfolding somewhere in the formidable darkness of the night. Both you and Jungkook press yourselves over the railing, squinting down at the crowded streets below just in time to see a flash of blinking red lights and a mass of both police cars, ambulances, and firetrucks. From somewhere in the background from within the party, you can hear a voice exclaiming, “Dude, there’s a fire around the corner from here! The whole street is blocked off.”

“No way. What the hell happened?” Another voice asks.

You exchange a wary glance with Jungkook before slipping back into the party. A small group has formed around the t.v. in the living room, on which is playing the local news and showcasing a burning apartment building, the vicious orange flames of which billow out of opened windows and all but consume the top floor as clouds of gray and black smoke invade the night sky. There’s a reporter talking fast into the camera, describing in detail what had happened to the building on a nearby street, but your eyes can only stay fixated on the monstrous flames. You don’t realize Taehyung has somehow found both you and his friend and is standing behind the other boy, watching the news unfold before him. Unbeknownst to you, his stare flickers nervously to Jungkook and then━

“Shit,” Jungkook curses suddenly. “I gotta go.”

You turn to look at him curiously. “Go where? It’s midnight on a Friday.”

“I completely forgot I had to pick my aunt up from the subway,” he says. “She works the late night shifts and I can’t let her walk alone in the dark like this. I’ll see you both later! Let me know what happens with the fire.”

Taehyung, who seems more than accustomed to Jungkook’s abrupt pardon of his presence, nods. “Will do.”

The boy is already a few feet away from you, rushing toward the front door of the room, but you stop him before he can slip out of your reach entirely.

“Wait, Jungkook!” You call out. He spins around to look at you almost immediately, a look of panic on his face. “Don’t forget we have to meet up at the library on Sunday to work on the project.”

“Got it,” he says, raising his two forefingers to his forehead in a mock salute. He turns back around and begins bounding towards the door, giving you two one last wave. “See you later!”

The door slams shut behind him and the party, despite the group crowded around the t.v., carries on in a cacophonous sound of drunken yelling and dumb music, completely and utterly oblivious. You let out a sigh as you turn back to the t.v., noting Taehyung’s presence still beside you. He takes a satisfying sip of whatever beverage is occupying the red cup in his hand and nods.

“That’s Jungkook for you,” he says. His voice is a tired sigh, dispirited almost, as he thinks of the boy that has been his friend since freshman year of highschool. Just before he turns away, you hear him muttering, “Always putting others before him.”

You don’t see Jungkook that Sunday.

Whether or not he had entirely blown you off or had simply forgotten, you wait and wait in complete silence in the school library for nearly three hours as every call and every text you send to his phone goes otherwise unnoticed or ignored. It is entirely unlike Jungkook to completely vanish and though you want to be mad, you are more disappointed than anything else. You spend your time at a table by yourself, books and papers sprawled out before you, as you try to work diligently on the last piece of writing you need for the assignment to be complete whilst trying to not let your eyes wander to the time on the clock hanging on the wall opposite you but to no avail.

In a corner above the front desk, you see a t.v. propped on the wall that plays the silent image of the news as they recall the events from that Friday at the burning building. Fortunately, that spider guy had arrived before any casualties could happen and you watch, for the third time since Friday, as the recording footage shows the red and blue hero swinging defiantly into the wall of fire and pulling various residents from the fire. A duo of girls sitting next to you croons dreamily over the masked man, especially as they witness him emerging from the fire with a small and unscathed Corgi dog in his hands that, you admit, is rather admirable.

On Wednesday night, you find yourself stuck in the sparkling confinements of the café bound to the six hour shift you were in the midst of completing. It’s surprisingly busy for a day in the middle of the week, though you assume that’s only because each customer is in a rush to seek refuge from the surprisingly cold evening. You hadn’t even been thinking about Jungkook when he makes himself known in the café some time after 9 p.m. You hear the bell ring above the door, feel a short gust of shocking wind, before it shuts behind him. When you look up instinctively to greet the newcomer and lay your eyes on the boy, your words fall short.

You watch as he stumbles forward, his feet practically dragging behind him in worn up Converse shoes. He looks exhausted ━ even more so than usual ━ and judging by his dishevelled hair and crumpled clothes and the way he seems to walk in a daze as if he is in another world, you assume he hasn’t slept in a while. He still hauls his backpack with one strap slung over his shoulder that he drops lazily to the ground beside a table before he plops himself down into the seat with a groan in one swift motion. What’s most strange are the blossoming bruises on his neck and the fresh cut on the highest point of his left cheekbone.

You hate that you’re so weak for that boy; that even though he completely ignored you, you still pity him. Wondering what sorts of trouble he’s been finding himself in lately, you pour him a cup of steaming black coffee and walk towards his table. He hardly even notices you as his head is buried in his folded arms atop the table, though he peeks up past his bangs when you slide the coffee beside him.

“I’d hate to see the other guy,” You hum.

His eyes brighten at the sight of you and he pushes himself up, raking a hand through his unkempt hair in a poor attempt to fix it. “Y/N━”

“Where were you, Jungkook?” You ask sternly, suddenly. “On Sunday? I waited for you for over three hours. I called you and texted you and you completely ignored me. You could have at least gotten back to me. I had to finish the rest of the assignment by myself.”

His brow creases with concern, his stare softening apologetically. He leans forward, suddenly helpless.

“I’m sorry,” he stammers. “I━I didn’t mean to━ Something came up.”

“Whatever, Jungkook,” You sigh. “It’s fine. I can’t stay and chat but I’ll have you know I already handed the assignment in online. You’re welcome. Oh, and the coffee’s on the house. You look like crap.”

You spin on your heel and march away to help another customer before Jungkook can even try to talk to you. He watches as you slip from his grasp, a frown scrunching up your face that is forced to soften as you approach another table. He collapses against his chair and groans inwardly, rubbing his hand over his aching and swollen face. He knows you’re mad at him but he can’t quite tell if you’ll stay like that for long. He doesn’t blame you anyway, but he couldn’t just tell you where he had gone or what had happened. Could he?

It’s much to his dismay that you don’t talk to him the next day, or on Tuesday, or on Wednesday, or on Thursday. He tries to find you around campus but he is always too late and, instead, finds you slipping away from him each time. He pops into the café a few nights and though you work both nights, it’s still much too busy to actually talk to you and so he, doing what he does best, falls asleep at the table as he silently broods. Whether or not it’s your anger purposely driving you further from him or simply life intervening, Jungkook wants nothing more than to apologize ━ if he can even get close enough to you to do so.

Finding yourself on the rooftop of your apartment building isn’t uncommon. Most of your free time is spent up there, either watching the night sky or gazing at the busy city under a cerulean blue sky and golden sun. That Friday night is no different. With no homework and no social gathering to devote yourself to, you sneak off to the roof and position yourself in just a spot where you can see the towering buildings of each borough in each direction you cast your gaze. You would have been content falling asleep up there, with nothing but the sound of the distant hum of cars to lull you and the view of the moon and window lights that act as the metropolis’s stars.

You all but lose track of time, unaware of whether or not you have been there for minutes or hours but you don’t entirely mind. You would be lying, too, if you denied that there was some sort of inkling of hope in you that hoped maybe you would see him again. That is why when you hear the soft plop of feet dropping to the ground moments later, you are not at all startled by the sudden presence, though you are astounded by his arrival, as if on cue. You don’t even need him to speak to know who it is and when you feel the smile ghost along your lips, there is a moment of pause where you question your own sanity for being so happy to see this masked and mysterious man. But he isn’t at all a mystery at this point when you feel as if you’ve acquainted yourself with him well enough.

“You shouldn’t be out here all alone,” The voice that drifts through the shadows of the roof is familiar, gentle. “It’s dark. Who knows who could come up here?”

“Yeah,” You snort. “Wouldn’t want any strangers sneaking up on me ━ or masked vigilantes who seem to be following me.”

You turn to look at him but are greeted with nothing except emptiness. He lingers somewhere in the darkness and you squint your eyes, desperately trying to spot him. He laughs, the sound so silvery and smooth like honey.

“Someone’s following you?” he replies tauntingly. “Do I have to deal with them again?”

“Why are you always hiding in the dark?”

The sudden question seems to cause him to hesitate. It’s silent before you hear his voice wander over to you.

“To add to the mystique?” he says.

“Now that’s suspicious. Maybe I should call the police on you.”

“They would never be able to catch me.”

“Someone’s cocky,” You take a step toward the darkness, in the direction of the sound of his voice. “Did the fame get to you already?”

You hear him take a step back from you and it, subsequently, causes you to linger. You wait before stubbornly pushing yourself forward once more.

“What fame? People want to lock me up.”

“And most people are in love with you. I overheard a few girls gushing over you saving that dog from that burning building the other day,” You giggle. “Does it mean anything to you?”

“Ah, well,” You can hear the grin in his voice, can see the silhouette of his figure not too far from you, “I gotta admit the attention is pretty nice. But no one knows who I am without this mask so it doesn’t really matter.”

“How does that make you feel?”

One step forward, another backward. You pause; at this rate, you’ll have chased him all the way to the other side of the roof.

“I don’t mind. It keeps me humble,” he replies. “But it also stops me a lot of the time, y’know? With this mask on, I feel invincible; with it off, I feel useless. But someone pretty important to me once told me that life is too short to constantly hide behind a mask.”

A wide, genuine smile stretches across your face. You take another step forward and this time he stands still. From where you are, you can see the tall and lean figure, adorned in the signature tight red and blue suit.

“That’s pretty smart of them to say.”

“She is pretty admirable. Much braver than I could ever be without this mask.”

He turns around from you before you can reach him. You watch as he casually strides forward a few paces to the barrier behind him, which he props his hands against to lean on. He seems to be lost in thought, perhaps struggling with some sort of inner turmoil. You tiptoe in suit, cautious as you approach him. You can see the muscles that strain from beneath his suit, the heave and fall of his chest.

“Can I know your name?” Your voice is a gentle whisper that carries to him with the wind. “Your real name?”

When he turns around to face you once more, you’re standing only a few feet away from him. You take another step forward, closing the short distance between the two of you and are made aware of how much taller he really is. The way he towers over you is almost comforting, familiar, that no emotionless red mask could cause you to stray. He’s so much more different up close in that suit. He hesitates before he forces himself to speak.

“I think,” he pauses. He swallows thickly, attempting to subdue the quickening race of his heart as he clamps his fingers into his sweaty palms. “I think you already know my name.”

This seems to pique your interest. Quirking a brow and cocking your head to the side, you stare up at the masked face that gazes back down at you. You aren’t entirely sure what compels you to do so, as it could be a complete disaster and not at all what you are expecting, but you slowly, so very slowly, reach up with your hands to grasp gingerly at his face. The red fabric beneath your fingertips is soft and as your digits brush lightly over his covered cheekbones, he hardly moves. For some reason, you can feel your heart hammering against your feeble chest, can hear it in your ears in tandem with the sound of passing traffic down below. His heart is beating just as fast, though he thinks it nearly stops when he feels your fingers begin to gently pull at the neck of his mask, sliding it upward.

The first poke of tanned skin has your heart quickening, your breath hitching in your throat. You tug the mask the rest of the way off and, finally, step back to look at the mysterious masked hero known as Spider-Man.

Jungkook.

It’s Jungkook.

The familiar boy stands before you, his hair a disheveled mess from the mask, his doe eyes even wider now in timid fear as he looks down at you. Everything is him, from his luscious pink lips, to the freckle on his neck, the piercings in his ears, that tiny scar he’s had since he was a child on his cheek. The city lights and moon illuminate him from behind and he seems nervous as he anticipates a reaction but you are much too busy admiring him. Your fingers trace delicately over the fresh scar on his face that he had brandished at the café only a few nights ago. A breath of satisfaction slips past your parted lips and then you’re laughing silently to yourself.

The boy looks dumbfounded at first, and then he quirks a brow. “What’s so funny?”

“I knew it,” You shake your head at nothing in particular, or perhaps the way you continue to giggle.

Jungkook suddenly looks shocked, though he instantly seems to relax. He studies the smile that stretches across your cheeks in awe, brightening your face in all its glory. “How did you know?”

“Well, you’re not exactly that smooth, Jungkook,” You grin. “The late nights coming into the café, always scratched up and always tired as if you’ve ran all over the city; always getting jumpy when you hear police sirens ━ like the night at the party. Not to mention that one time at the café when the news was on and they were talking about a robbery at the bank and hostages being held and you ran right out of there only for Spider-Man to show up on the scene minutes later. It’s all very suspicious, don’t you think?”

He can’t help the laugh that escapes him, a joyous sound of content. He leans against the palm of your hand that is cradling the side of his face with the scar.

“Right,” he sighs. “All very suspicious.”

His stare locks with yours in a steady gaze and neither of you can turn away. His eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky, lingering with it a sense of hope and content. He is mesmerizing, with the city he devotes his time to saving in the horizon beyond him. It’s near impossible to look away, but why would you want to? It happens much like a blink of an eye, a frail beat of your heart; it comes with the passing of a car whizzing by on the streets down below and is as much startling as the sudden breeze that sends chills down your spine.

He begins to lean forward ━ or maybe that was you? Your eyes flutter shut, your anticipation held with a deep breath, until finally your lips meet with his though you hardly have time to relish in it. Almost as soon as your lips touch, he’s pulling away quickly. He doesn’t move too far and his mouth lingers just over yours. His eyes remain fixated on the curl of your lips for a moment too long before he rips them away to meet your hazy gaze.

“Wait,” he hums. “You━ You said you were crushing on Spider-Man. Does that mean you knew this whole time and━ and like me?”

The question is so like Jungkook; so innocent and silly and genuine that it causes a sweet giggle to bubble at your lips. He’s always been so oblivious to these kinds of things and so maybe that’s what pushes you to kiss him next. Your lips lock for a second time and, though it is just as fleeting, you note with joy the softness of his mouth as it folds over yours. You part from him with a breathless gasp, your nose brushing lightly against his as a smile stretches across your face.

“What do you think, bugboy?” Your voice is barely above a whisper, a playful taunt that makes Jungkook smile wide.

He kisses you this time, slow and passionate as if attempting to pour every single one of his emotions and thoughts for you into the single intimate action. His hands grasp at either side of your face, carefully pulling you closer to him to deepen the kiss and you, instinctively, melt against his broad chest. Your fingers trail up the lean muscle of his arms to twine in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging with yearning. His hands fall to your waist, enveloping you in his body, and when he parts from you, he rests his forehead against yours.

“Can I show you something?”

You nod. His eyes light up and then he’s jumping up onto the cement barrier behind him, turning around to look at you. You gasp from the sudden movement, your stomach churning unpleasantly at the sight of him quite literally standing on the edge of a building only to remind yourself he’s Spider-Man. He’s done plenty more reckless things than this. He holds his hand out, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

There’s no hesitation as you answer him with another firm nod. “Of course. Always.”

“Then take my hand,” he says. “I’ll never do anything to harm you, you know that.”

You do know that. Jungkook wouldn’t hurt a fly; he’s too good and precious for the world you live in and he says yes far too often to people who most likely don’t deserve it, but he knows when to stand up for not only himself but others as well. You are just one of the few he cares for wholeheartedly and you know that.

You reach out carefully and place your hand in his surprisingly cold and large ones. His fingers wrap around yours as he helps you up onto the barrier, holding you closely toward him.

You take a deep breath, shut your eyes, and put every ounce of your trust into this single, courageous boy ━ and you let yourself fall with him.

You’re roused awake by the sound of light tapping against your bedroom window.

It startles you at first, causing you to jolt upright into a sitting position as you look around frantically at your empty and dark room; the only light comes from the city life and the moon outside, shedding a warm glow onto the floor before it. For a moment, you think you had just dreamt the noise but then you hear it again, low and near. You crane your neck to look and first see a shadow but, as the figure shifts into view, you’re able to see the familiar young man in red and blue. Your heart leaps in your chest and suddenly you’re scrambling off your feet, throwing yourself at the window to throw it open.

The night Jungkook had admitted to being Spider-Man and jumped up onto the edge of the roof, holding his hand out to you in a silent question of trust, he leaves you with a night that you swear you will cherish forever. Wary of where he will go but entirely consenting of his spontaneity, he surprises you by carrying you throughout the city, swinging from building to building in an extraordinary feat that feels as if you’re flying; and, as if that hadn’t been a big enough thrilling shock, he brings you to the very top of the Empire State Building, just under the antenna. No one is there and no one can see you and, with Jungkook under the brightening sky with the view of New York stretching out into the horizon before you, you feel as if you have the whole world in the very palm of your hand.

You sit with Jungkook that night, talking, not talking, listening intently to him as he recounts the tale of how he had turned into the masked hero with his peculiar powers, and watching the sunrise from beyond the very tops of buildings and skyscrapers. There are no words to describe the breathtaking view from one of the highest points in the city, watching as the golden sun peaks over the horizon and sets the city ablaze in saturated warm hues of orange, pink, and purple, mingling together in one impressionistic masterpiece that could put even the greatest of painters to shame. The light reflects against the glass panes of windows in a mirage similar to flickering flames that never scathe the city, but instead seem to enhance the beauty it holds.

You never want the night to end but eventually it does and, when he returns you to your bedroom window with one parting kiss, it and Jungkook’s lips are all you can dream about.

A week has passed since then, in which time you’ve done nothing but find yourself growing closer with Jungkook. He’s all you’ve been able to think about these days. So, to hear him and see him at your window is enough to make butterflies form in the very pit of your stomach. You see him sitting on the fire escape just outside your window, leaning against the building looking even more exhausted than usual. Another fresh cut lines his cheek in a stripe of red though he doesn’t seem to mind much for it as he dozes off slightly. You push open the window, startling him awake, and poke your head outside. A weary smile tugs at his lips at the sight of you.

“Well, this is romantic,” You stifle the giggle that bubbles at your mouth. “Thank you for not throwing rocks at my window, Romeo. To what do I owe this pleasure of seeing you at two in the morning?”

“Sorry, did I wake you?” he asks sheepishly. “I just wanted to see you.”

His response earns a shy smile stretching across your face. “No, you didn’t wake me,” You say with a shake of your head (though the way you comb your fingers through your mused hair tells him otherwise). “What happened to your face, Jungkook?”

He reaches up to his face, as if momentarily forgetting the cut, winces, and then drops his hand from his face. He grins wolfishly, attempting to shrug it off. “Oh, this little thing? It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. I just got caught up in a little fight but I’m fine. I swear. You really should see the other guy.”

The smug tone in his voice as he rambles on makes you stare at him in amusement. You sigh as you take a step back, saying, “Come inside. I’ll clean that for you.”

“Well, if you insist.”

He smirks as he pulls himself through the window and into your room. His eyes wander around the four walls, noting the decor that lines it, the shelves with all your personal trinkets and belongings, the clothes littered on the floor, and the empty take-out box of Chinese food that rests atop your desk. There’s a soft aroma of something sweet that smells like you ━ possibly a perfume or a soap or shampoo? ━ and it makes Jungkook’s head spin pleasantly. He asks about your day and then sits on the bed and, as you tell him about your boring classes as you rummage around your bathroom for something to clean his wound with, he smiles.

He finds your room comforting ━ or maybe he just finds your presence comforting. Either way, over time you find that this would only be a common occurrence throughout the next month. He startles you the first few times he shows up but then you begin to stay awake a little longer, waiting eagerly by the window as you wait for him to arrive. Most times he’s bruised or has small and fresh cuts, of which you either hand him an ice packet or clean the cut; sometimes he isn’t even hurt and instead claims simply that he just wanted to see you before you went to sleep. But each time he listens to you and your day, asking about yourself rather than him and no matter how hard you try to pry information out of him about what had possibly happened to him throughout his night, he swiftly brushes it off. You don’t mind either way ━ you just want to see him as much as you can, anyway.

There is one night, however, where things seem to go entirely different.

You’re curled up in bed reading a book when you hear the light tapping on your window. You’ve come to leave the window pried open slightly as you wait for him, but even so he still takes the time to knock to signal his arrival. You instantly climb to your feet, wandering over to the window and tossing it open with a flourish. As Jungkook climbs in through the small space, you note the tight suit he’s wearing is slashed at the top of his arm and both the skin underneath it and on his face is bruised and cut; other than that, and judging by the cheeky smile on his face, he seems to be ok.

You shake your head at him, smiling gingerly as you muse, “Who’s the damsel in distress now, bugboy?”

Jungkook smirks, prodding your sides with his fingers and causing you to squirm as you walk past him. “There’s no shame in needing a little help every once and awhile, right? I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Sit down,” You tell him, winking up at him. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Minutes later you return to sit by his side on the bed, cleaning his cuts as per usual and, while he has a frozen packet of peas pressed to his bruised and sore shoulder, you are busying yourself by sewing the cut in his suit with blue thread you had found in your room. In the midst of your work, perhaps you press too generously down on his recent wound, as he winces slightly and shifts on top of your bed. You crane your neck to look up at him, studying him curiously. He seems to notice your stare and quirks a brow as he looks down at you.

“What’s up?”

Your fingers stop their work on his suit and, remembering where the cut had broken his skin just slightly underneath the tear, brush lightly over the tender flesh covered in gauze. “Does it hurt?”

Jungkook shakes his head, sitting up a little straighter. “Hurt? No, no, of course not. It just, uh━ It isn’t the most pleasant. But this isn’t the worst I’ve been after a night in the suit so I can handle it.”

Your eyes study his battered face in some sort of admiration, albeit mixed with timid nervousness. What sort of things had he encountered, had he been through, that he won’t tell you?

“Are you ever afraid?” You ask gently.

“No way,” he shakes his head, but not before you spot the confident grin he flashes you. “It’s honestly nothing I can’t handle by now. It’s not so bad, either. It’s kinda weird. I mean, ever since getting bitten, I’ve found the healing process is a whole lot faster.”

Maybe he notices the lingering uneasiness in your eyes, the way you seem to doubt him. He reaches out with his fingers to gingerly brush against the side of your face in a swift flourish as he tilts your head a little higher. He smiles something warm that makes your heart melt as you lean your face against the palm of his calloused hand. To avoid the prying stare he gives you, you smile lightly and shake your head, attempting to change the subject.

“Dunno, bugboy. Are there any perks to this job?”

Jungkook snorts as you finish sewing his suit. As you discard the needle and leftover thread, he says, “There are. Like, for instance, knowing the city is a little safer. Then there’s the fact that Spider-Man seems to have a lot of admirers…”

“I thought you said it doesn’t matter anyway because no one knows who you are.”

“Well, there is you,” he says. “And I gotta say you’re a pretty good perk.”

A blush tinges your cheeks as you sit across from him. Your eyes flicker down the suit that adorns him and you try to bite back the lighthearted snicker that bubbles at your chest. “I was gonna say a perk is this tight suit. At least, for me it is. Your ass has never looked more fantastic.”

Jungkook suddenly bursts out into laughter, throwing his head back. When he looks back at you, his hand finds the side of your face once more and pulls you towards him. With your lips hovering just over his, he mumbles something, anything, just for the sake of responding despite already being lost in you.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Then you’re kissing him.

You’ve come to find that Jungkook’s lips are entirely irresistible and the more you kiss him, the more you wonder why you hadn’t confessed to him earlier. He’s gentle as he lets his lips fold over yours, mouth dancing with mouth in a passionate yearning. But there’s a certain type of underlying insatiable hunger that seems to wash over both you and him and fast. Your fingers rake up the side of his face and tangle in his messy locks and soon he’s pulling you onto the bed, onto him. You instinctively straddle his lap, craning your neck so as to deepen the kiss, never once breaking apart for air. But something seems to happen, something that startles Jungkook so deeply. Perhaps it’s the way you grasp his hair a little tighter, the way he heard you gasp when he bites down gently on the side of your jaw, the way your hips fit over his; or perhaps it’s the way you tug off your shirt in an attempt to get closer to him, displaying to him the plain white bra you’re wearing that all culminate into something more. He knows where this is going, you know where this is going ━ and though Jungkook would want nothing more than to carry on, he’s reminded of a terrifying and prominent thought that has always haunted him the moment he made that mask.

You feel the way he tenses beneath you and, in the next quick second, he’s pulling apart from you and you, so dazed and lost, gasping for air, stare down at him dumbfounded.

“What’s wrong, Jungkook?” You ask. “Did I hurt you? Is your arm okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says weakly.

You grin as you press another kiss to his throat, mumbling into his neck, “Good, then let’s━”

“No.”

“What?”

You sit back on his lap suddenly, staring at him with a flushed face. Your hair is mussed messily, a red bruise blossoms on your jawline that Jungkook had graced you with, and one strap of your bra hangs daintily over your shoulder and Jungkook can’t help but notice how utterly sexy you look. He groans inwardly, tearing his gaze to look up at you. He swallows thickly, wincing at the bright and innocent twinkle in your eyes.

“We━” he pauses and then says, “We can’t do this.”

You quirk a brow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he says slowly, carefully, “we can’t do this. I’m━ I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was thinking but I should have stopped this sooner.”

“Stop what?” Your voice is weak, small. You know what he’s referring to but you don’t want to believe it just yet.

Fuck, I can’t do this, Jungkook curses to himself. If he had just stayed away from you from the beginning, this wouldn’t even be happening. He wouldn’t be about to hurt you or himself.

“Us,” he whispers. “There can’t be an us, Y/N.”

Your brows knit together in confusion but your eyes are wide with fear. “What are you talking about? How can there not be an us? I thought━ I thought you wanted this.”

When he hesitates to respond, you’re quick to slide off of his lap, standing to your feet. Suddenly you’re panicking, embarrassed. He sees the way your lips are pulled tightly in a thin line, the way you rake your hands through your hair, mumbling, “Oh my god,” as you search for a shirt. Jungkook springs to his feet, grasping onto your waist but you easily slither out of his reach, clutching your shirt to your chest. To you, you think you have just made a fool of yourself, nearly striping naked for a boy who apparently doesn’t want you. Jungkook knows this is what you’re thinking and it pains him so.

“No, no, I do,” he says. “I do want this! I just can’t do it.”

“And why not?” You snap hotly. “You’re not making any sense. Either you do or you don’t want us to be a thing.”

“It’s not that simple━”

“It sure seems like it is.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Any explanation would be better than none,” You say firmly, “and simultaneously making me look like an idiot for looking so eager.”

Jungkook sighs heavily. He takes a step back from you, running both hands frustratedly through his hair, letting the muscles in his biceps flex as he does so. When he looks back at you, he’s solemn.

“There can’t be an us because I’m just gonna put you in danger this way,” he says. “People are out there looking for me! Not just the police, but hardcore criminals, gangs, thugs, murderers. If they find me, or if they find out that you’re close to me or know me, they’ll hurt you too. I can’t have that, Y/N.”

“But I can handle it,” You insist.

“I can’t,” Jungkook’s voice is stern, set in place. “I can’t have that on my conscience, knowing that if you get hurt, it’s because of me. That’s all I ever worry about, from the second that I put this mask on. No one knows about me being Spider-Man and I kept it that way for a reason. Don’t you think I could have flaunted that I was this supposed super cool new hero? I didn’t do that because of you; because of the people that I’m close to.”

“I don’t care,” Your voice is feeble, cracking. “I don’t care if I get hurt. If you can handle it, then so can I! I just want to be with you, Jungkook. I━ I love you━”

Jungkook hears the words you blurt out quickly but he doesn’t seem to necessarily register them at once. A stiff silence settles in the room between the two of you, an undeniable form of the point of no return, except you don’t regret the words you say. You mean them wholeheartedly because you have always admired and loved Jungkook, from the little boy next door to this young hero before you. You stare at him shyly, albeit unwavering. A panic washes over him, drains his face of any colour, and suddenly it feels as if he can’t breathe, his chest concaving in on his shrill heart. As the words begin to register in his mind, he can only sorrowfully gaze at you; but the lack of silence has your confidence paling and soon you’re looking away, shaking your head. A pained expression paints your features and though it hurts Jungkook more than any other wound that has been inflicted upon him in fights on the street prior to this, he knows he has to do this.

You already know his answer before he even speaks it. When he does say the final words that leave you in such an excruciating and unbearable pain, he has already fled, grabbing his mask and escaping out of the window, escaping from you, and into the heart of the city. When he���s gone and you’re alone in the thick silence do his words finally return to you and are the cause of the broken heart you are forced to nurse through muddled tears over the aimless days to come:

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

You don’t see Jungkook the next day or the day after that.

In fact, you don’t see him for three entire weeks. He stops showing up at the café late at night, stops attending the classes he has with you (or maybe he just blends well into the other somber looking faces), stops visiting your window in the early morning hours. Autumn bleeds numbly into the beginning shock of cold that is winter and, though there is no snow yet, you still feel the wrath of the frigid season. And, with the sudden loss of Jungkook, comes the abrupt and unwarranted disappearance of Spider-Man. Maybe it is your fault, maybe it is Jungkook’s fault. Either way, the masked enigma vanishes without a trace after your argument with Jungkook and the city’s crime, now freed from the vigilant watchful eyes of New York’s hero, spikes.

It feels almost as if the city has swallowed him whole or as if he has dropped off the face of the earth and the only thing to remember him by is the sudden havoc that ensues the city. The only thing you have to even know if Jungkook is still alive are the occasional updates from Taehyung who comes to befriend you if only to mention Jungkook every once and awhile just for the sake of easing your worried mind. You’re not so much mad as you are upset, but you care entirely more for his own wellbeing and to not hear from him causes you agony.

There is only one brisk moment in which you encounter Jungkook and it comes simply from a happenstance. You are not at all expecting to see him and nor is he expecting to see you. Rather, you are seated on a wooden bench in the park just beside your school on a day graced with a strange warmth for winter. Wrapped in a scarf and knit hat, you are flipping through the pages of a book for one of your classes when a figure stands before you, momentarily blocking the sun’s light from your view. As you glance up at the shadow cast over you, you are genuinely surprised to find Jungkook standing there. He looks, perhaps, even more so dishevelled than usual, his hair and attire all one negligent mess as if he couldn’t even find the strength to care for himself. Dark circles line his sunken eyes which stare down at you sorrowfully.

“Y/N… Can I talk to you?”

Your heart skips a beat. For a moment, you can’t turn away from him. For a moment, you fear that you will cave into him but then you are reminded of your broken heart. It’s what causes you to act in such haste, shaking your head up at him as you shut your book and shove it into your bag. You stand to your feet and brush past him and he, so caught up in your rejection of him and the own twinge of pain he feels in his heart, lingers by the bench. Then, he is walking after you, his footsteps swiftly catching him up to you.

“Y/N. Y/N, wait! Please, just let me━”

Jungkook breaks out into a sudden jog and only stops when he is standing in front of you. With your path blocked, you, too, come to a halt if only for the benefit of the doubt. He desperately tries to meet your eyes but you look past him, arms folded over your chest.

“Let me talk to you,” he begs. “Away from here. Just you and me. I can explain everything. I━”

“You had your chance, Jungkook,” You quip dryly. “You didn’t have to run away from me.”

“I wasn’t━ I didn’t mean to━” he tries, but is interrupted once more by your strained voice.

“You left me.” Now you are staring at him and Jungkook wishes that you hadn’t even bothered to give him the chance. Once full of shimmering admiration, your eyes are only glossed over with a pained disappointment. “I told you I loved you and you left me. You made me look so stupid and I━ No. No, I’m not doing this right now.”

You push yourself forward, walking carefully around him. He watches as you storm away, shaking your head to yourself. With one last despairing attempt, he calls out to you once more.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I let you down. I know. I’m a failure.”

You stop. Your back is turned to him before you force yourself to look over at him and he foolishly thinks that maybe you’ll give him a chance to properly explain himself. Instead━

“You’re not a failure, Jungkook,” You tell him firmly. “I just━ I need to be alone right now. But don’t leave them. Don’t let them down. The city needs you.”

Jungkook flinches. He wants to call out to you again and pull you back to him, explain everything that is on his mind, but he can’t. Instead, he is forced to watch you walk away from him until you disappear amongst the crowd and even then he doesn’t move. He knows you’re disappointed with him.

He knows the whole city is disappointed with him ━ but the only person he wants to impress is you and he fears he’s ruined his only chance to.

You hardly seem to sleep at night anymore, instead too caught up in the thoughts that plague your dreams. Instead of going to the roof as you usually do when you can’t sleep, you find yourself lying helplessly in your bed, staring up at the empty night sky through your window. One night, as you’re dozing off on your bed, your eyes blinking wearily as they try to focus on the shimmering moon, you begin to hear a noise. It’s similar to a light tapping, though it drowns out in the sound of a siren from somewhere down below. At first you believe you have just dreamt it but then you hear a loud thud, slightly muffled from somewhere outside your window. It jolts you awake, has you pushing yourself up into a sitting position, and glancing around your room for any sign of something that may have fallen in there before noticing a flash of movement from the corner of your eye.

Red and blue.

Interest piques your drowsy mind at the thought of it being Jungkook but why would he be returning to you now? You would have been entirely set on begrudgingly flopping back down onto your bed and turning your back to him had you not felt that dreadful feeling that something was terribly wrong. You can’t hear his voice and when you turn to get a better look, you find him standing on the fire escape just outside your window, slumped dangerously against the wall with his back to you. It is that dreaded feeling that pushes you out of your bed, drags you to your window which you lightly throw open, only to be met with a sight that leaves you in horrific shock.

Jungkook is adorned in his usual tight red and blue suit, though his mask is off and gives you a clear view of his weary face, now muted in colour, that your eyes land on first. His eyes are shut, his head rests against the brick wall of the building, and his skin is marked with dirt and grime, bruises and dried blood. As your eyes trail lower, following the curve of his arms to his hands that cradle his side, you finally spot the large wound from beneath his fingertips on the left of his abdomen, shimmering a bright crimson red. Immediately your heart sinks to your stomach as you gasp loudly.

“Oh my god! Jungkook!”

Shimmying your way through the window to get closer to the boy hardly has him stirring. Your hands come out to grasp at his face, forcing him from his slouched position.

“Jungkook, can you hear me? What the hell happened?”

His eyes flicker open momentarily at the touch of your warm fingers and he musters a small smirk, the corners of his lips lifting up just slightly.

“It’s just a scratch,” he mumbles hoarsely. “You should definitely see the other guy now.”

“You’re an idiot,” You grumble, your eyebrows knitting into a frown. “Why are you here? You should have gone to the hospital! I’m taking you right now━”

“No, no,” he protests stubbornly. He shifts his weight and immediately flinches from the pain. “No, you can’t. I’ll be okay. I just━ I need some time to rest.”

A deep sigh exhales past your parted lips at the mention of what had happened the night he fled so suddenly. Instead, you brush off the memory and give him a small shake of your head. “Here, stop talking. Let me help you get inside and I’ll see what I can do for you. This is gonna hurt a bit but can you move?”

Jungkook nods. As you wrap your arm carefully around his waist to shift him over to the window, he sucks in a deep breath and pushes himself forward. You try to help as he stiffly climbs in through the small window, grunting in pain as he does so, and then stumbling into your room and bumping into your desk next to the window, knocking a few trinkets down. As he leans dangerously against your now skewed desk, you hurry through the window and help him to his feet, pulling him over to your bed.

Despite the way he had left you so suddenly days ago, there is no air of stiffness in the room. The only thing that surrounds the two of you is a melancholic silence as you rummage around your room for the medkit you knew you had stowed away eons ago. For the most part, Jungkook patches himself up, downing a couple of painkillers, cleaning his wound in his abdomen and stitching it closed with a steady hand that has evidently done this before. You sit across from him in your desk chair, watching him intently as he sits on your bed, having shrugged off the top part of his suit and leaving his torso exposed. Other than the blood and dirt that cakes his golden skin, you take note of the toned muscles that make his abs and the way they flex in tandem with every time he winces as he tugs at his wound.

When he’s done, the silence is still unmoving. Jungkook wants to speak but his throat is dry and any time he dares open his mouth to say something, anything, he immediately recoils. It’s only when you’re helping him into your bathroom so he can take a shower does he finally gather the courage he needed all this time without his mask on. Before you can turn to walk away on him, he catches your attention by calling your name. When he speaks next, his voice is faint, terrified.

“I’m sorry.”

He gulps when you turn to look up at him and suddenly he’s made aware of the fact that the two of you are cramped so closely together in your small bathroom. It makes the shame he feels more prominent as he looks you in the eyes.

“You were the first person I could think of when this happened,” he says. “I━ I know I have no right to be here after what I did to you but I just needed someone. I needed you.”

Your heart flutters at his words though you hide this feeble act by turning away from him. “It’s whatever, Jungkook,” He hears you mumble faintly, your back to him. “Anything I can do to help.”

He wants to say something more but he hesitates again. He watches as you take a deep breath, the heave of your shoulders under a heavy weight, before you ultimately walk out of the door and shut it behind you, leaving it slightly ajar. You linger in your bedroom, standing in front of your window as you gaze out, absentmindedly gnawing on your lower lip as you fold your arms tighter around your torso. You hear the shower switch on, let the calming sound of falling water wash over you, and shut your eyes momentarily. You can still see the light from the bathroom pouring out into the darkness of your room from the angled door, and can see the steam start to cloud the mirror.

There’s something so indistinctly intimate about having him in your shower in the next room over after days of avoiding one another. You have every right to be enraged and upset with him and yet you aren’t. You can’t bring yourself to ever hate the boy in the room over. You understand why he left so abruptly and it makes sense but now, in that moment in time, with nothing but a wall dividing you two, there is a certain type of craving you can’t subdue. A craving and a yearning to be closer to him; to tell him how you feel before, if even, he decides to flee in the morning after.

You blame it on your stubbornness that pushes you forward. Really, it seems to happen in such a haze, a rush of adrenaline. One moment, you’re standing by the window; in the next moment, you’re by the bathroom door, your fingers clutching the handle. As you push it open, you can only see a misty silhouette of Jungkook’s figure from beyond the steamed glass doors of the shower. Your heart is hammering against your chest as you walk to the shower, slowly kicking off your shorts as you go.

Jungkook must hear you as you make your way into the bathroom because as soon as you carefully slide open the glass door, he’s already staring at you with a lack of surprise, noting the baggy t-shirt you wear and the way his heart flips when he imagines you in a similar shirt of his. You only meet his curious eyes, noting the water that trickles down his toned and glistening body and flattens his usual unkempt hair into his lashes. He shakes his hair out of his eyes and suddenly he looks remorseful. It’s almost as if he can read your mind and anticipates every second you take to just step inside, his eyes beckoning you to come. It’s not like he cares; in fact, he wants you next to him. God, he just wants you so bad.

Steady hands find the hem of your baggy white t-shirt that you lift up and over your head, exposing the smooth expanse of your bare stomach and the perk of your bare breasts. You shimmy out of your baby pink underwear and, suddenly, you’re standing completely vulnerable before him and yet this is all he wants and all you want. You step inside the shower, closing the distance between you and him even more until you’re right in front of him, letting the warm water pour down onto you. It’s become stifling hot in that little space and there’s only a split moment where you fear you’ve made a mistake before you feel Jungkook’s hand come up to gently hold the side of your face. His thumb caresses your cheekbone, his eyes gazing into yours, and then he’s kissing you.

It’s a soft kiss, one where he takes his time to thoroughly enjoy it, first kissing your upper lip, then your lower lip in some sort of sensual manner that leaves chills running down your spine. He leaves a trail of warm and wet kisses from your jawline to your neck, nuzzling his nose against your throat as your breath catches. His hands fall to grasp at your hips, yanking you toward him and you so easily comply, melting completely into his broad chest and immediately feeling a sense of warmth as if you’ve always belonged there, wrapped up in his strong arms.

“You’re blushing,” he remarks gently, making you realize he’s pulled apart from you to study your face. His fingers brush away the hair that falls into your eyes and he smiles. “You’re blushing now after you walked in on me naked? God, you’re so cute.”

You whine something in protest, burying your face in his neck and he laughs. His fingers tickle at your sides, causing you to squirm in his grip, and when you look at him again, his stare is tender and fond.

“Come here,” he mumbles.

You let him pull you into another kiss that has your head spinning. His tongue grazes your lower lip, teeth slightly nibbling down on the flesh in a way that jolts your heart. As your hands snake up his chest to wind with the hair at the nape of his neck, your own mouth parts open, letting his tongue twine with yours in a heated kiss. He can feel everything against his own body, from the perk of your breasts to the slope of your hips. His hands slide down to rest upon your lower back and the way he pulls you flush against him, letting you brush against his firm cock, makes your head spin again. It’s what wills you to start grinding your hips against his in a slow pattern that has his breath hitching in his throat, his fingers digging tighter into your skin.

“You’re driving me insane,” his voice is husky as he speaks, smooth as it filters through your ears.

You can’t help but smirk against his mouth. “Likewise.”

“How about we get out of here?” he asks. “The bed seems a hell of a lot more comfortable.”

You nod eagerly, mumbling a small, “Please,” against his luscious lips, too reluctant to pull away. He seems to have trouble, too, as he remains in his spot, even long after he reaches down to turn the water off, his lips still locked with yours. Granted, it gives you time to dry off before he’s hoisting you up with ease, instinctively letting your legs wrap around him. A thought abruptly pops into your head and causes you to gasp, your lips parting from his with a significant pop.

“Jungkook!” You scold. “Be careful! Did you forget about the gaping wound in your side or?”

“I’m fine,” he assures, already swiftly carrying you out of the bathroom and into your room.

“I don’t care what your magical radioactive spider bite does for you,” You retort. “I don’t want to somehow hurt you.”

He laughs in response, a sound that reverberates against his chest and your own torso. He’s already standing by the bed when he carefully lowers you down onto it. He crawls over you, instantly towering over your body as he leans down to chase your lips. In one quick movement, you hook your leg around his waist and, using your hands, shift him over until he’s on his back and you’re cradling his hips. He seems surprised at first, his stare flickering from the navel of your stomach to the soft buds of your breasts. Past the valley of your chest, his eyes fall once more upon yours and he smiles breathlessly, his hair sticking up in tufts.

“Really?”

Your eyes fall to the stitched wound on his side covered in gauze and your fingers brush against it delicately, following the natural curve of his abs. “I’m serious, bugboy. You may be this notorious, unstoppable force out there, but to me you’ll always be Jungkook.”

He pouts. “That doesn’t sound as cool as being Spider-Man.”

“Spider-Man is cool.”

“See? Even you think so. This is why I never told you ━ everyone thinks Spider-Man is cooler than Jungkook.”

A roll of your eyes has him smirking, though the smile is quick to falter when you begin to grind your hips against his, feeling his firm member poke at your thigh. His jaw drops open slightly at the sudden contact, his brows knitting together in slick concentration as his eyes fall to your glistening soft core.

“You didn’t let me finish,” You breathe steadily. “Spider-Man is cool, but Jungkook is cooler. You’ve always been strong and dauntless to me. You’ve always been a hero to me.”

“God,” he moans, “you’re making it really hard to focus on how cute you’re being when I can already feel how wet you are.”

The giggle that slips past your lips only further proves his point. His head rolls back against the pillows beneath him as you continue to slowly grind against him.

“Do you want me to stop?” You taunt.

“No, no,” he gasps. “Holy shit, no. We can save the mushy talk for afterwards, right? Please?”

You nod briskly, gulping for air as you feel the burning sensation between your thighs. Your fingers dance down the front of your stomach to the bundle of nerves that you rub at carefully. Jungkook watches intensely as you pleasure yourself before him, feels his own cock hardening at the sight of your fingers gracefully rubbing patterns into your clit, coating your digits with your leaking cum. He writhes beneath you, desperately aware of his own need for you, but god help him if he doesn’t finish watching or helping you get off. He swallows thickly, loosening his dry throat.

“Well, if you’re gonna make me sit here then,” he says, “can you at least let me help?”

“I’m listening.”

“Good,” he grins. “Then come sit on my face.”

He says it so confidently that it has you stuttering in your pace. Your eyes flicker down to his mischievously twinkling eyes and the way he bites on his lower lip. You hardly hesitate at his command, pushing yourself off of his crotch and shuffling yourself forward, tossing one knee over his head so that he’s seated nicely between your thighs. His hands remain on your hips to keep you steady as you wiggle around until you’re comfortable. He plants a kiss on the inside of your thigh, murmuring, “I’ll take good care of you, baby. Sit back and relax.”

You do as you're told, letting him pull you carefully down to his face and feeling as he leaves a trail of kisses along the inside of your thigh. When his mouth is hovering just over your core, you can feel his warm breath fanning against you and hum in delight, waiting eagerly for his every move. He nudges you closer and closer until you feel that one fell sweep of his tongue against your core, warm and slick as it grazes your folds, immediately sending a shock of white hot pleasure surging through your body. A shocked moan emits from your parted lips in a sound similar to, “Ooh,” that has Jungkook smirking against you.

Suddenly, all you can focus on is him and the way his tongue works so expertly against you, kitten licking at your core until you’re dripping wet in a lewd combination of saliva and your own succulence. You nearly lose your balance the moment he makes contact with you and, with each passing second of immense pleasure, it makes it more difficult to hold on. Your thighs shamelessly squeeze shut (though Jungkook grips lightly onto one of your thighs to shift you apart) and when you feel yourself wobble, breathless and dizzy from the feeling of hot fire burning at your core, your hands fly out to grasp at Jungkook’s carob locks, silky to the touch as they slide out from the seams of your fingers. Admittedly, having Jungkook’s face buried beneath your thighs is a ridiculously hot sight that only spurs your blatant spiral into a panting mess.

“Jungkook━ F━Fuck━ Oh my god━”

The moan that leaves you is throaty, guttural and Jungkook swears he’s never heard anything sexier. Watching you writhe helplessly above him is all that he needs. As his tongue licks firmly at your clit, he can’t help but reach down to his own hard dick. His fingers wrap delicately around his shaft and he pumps himself slowly, groaning into your womanhood at the thought of your delicious and hot walls wrapped around him. He shuts his eyes as he works in a smooth rhythm against both him and yourself, imagining what it would be like to just have you anyway he wants, imagining your own reactions similar to the ones you’re making now.

“Ah, shit━” You gasp suddenly. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good━”

God, there you go again. His palm squeezes harder against his member at your breathy moans and he swears you’re driving him absolutely mad. To him, this feels so surreal. He’s dreamed of this; he’s dreamed and wanted nothing more innocent than to just fucking hold your hand and yet here you are in such a compromising position with him and he feels like the luckiest guy in the world. The best part about it all is that you make him feel this much bliss, this dizzy, when he’s simply just around you. Fuck, he’s so in love with you.

Your fingers clutch a little tighter at his roots and his eyes snap open. He stares up at your frazzled mess and, with his free hand, presses his fingers against your core in areas that his tongue has yet not reached. He coats his digits in your glistening arousal and coaxed with such ease he’s able to push them past your folds, earning another beautiful moan from you. He curls his finger inside you, stretching your core, flicks his tongue a little harder at your clit, squeezes his own hand tighter around his cock as he desperately jacks himself off to this, to you. He pumps his finger in and out of you in tandem with his own hand around his length, hearing your sweet whimpers and choked moans.

He must curl his finger just right inside of you or maybe it’s the way your sensitive clit begins to throb with each lick he takes or maybe it’s when he joins his tongue with his finger in a dangerous duo but then you jut your hips forward ever so slightly and jerk them back. He’s eating you out with such vigour, such hard passion that you can feel his chin and his nose brush against your core and each contact has you gasping. He pulls apart just enough when he feels you jerk your hips backward again and you’re so caught up in the pure ecstasy that has overcome you that you hardly realize until you hear him speaking, muttering faintly against your folds, “C’mon, baby. Ride my face. Cum for me.”

His only response is a weak sputtering as you try to gasp for air. You don’t need to be told twice at this point as you feel as if you’re chasing after your high. You unabashedly begin rocking your hips against his mouth and fingers. He tilts his head just right so that his nose burrows into your clit, his tongue and digit slipping further within your walls that clench around the thought of having something of girth like Jungkook’s length inside you. Jungkook’s own hand slacks at his pace around his member, his fingers reaching up to dig into your waist and thighs to hold you in place as you continuously rock against him. You’re so close, you can feel the familiar tension start to form in the very pit of your stomach.

“F━Fuck!” You cry. “Jung━kook━ I’m━”

Your voice breaks off into frail croaks, your hands flying out to grab onto the sturdy frame of your bed in front of you as you feel your high approach. Jungkook pulls you harder against his face, letting you grind against him as he burrows into you, completely ravaging you with his mouth until you feel your release take hold of you. It shakes you to the bone, causes you to writhe in pleasure above him as you come to a halt, emitting a loud moan of his name as your hot release leaks onto his chin, coating his mouth in your shimmering cum.

“Fuck, fuck━ Jungkook!” Your nails dig into the bed frame, your teeth sinking into your lower lip and muffling your dulcet moans.

He laps at your core, licking away every last drop of your succulence until your hips twitch away from the sensitivity you feel. When he finally pulls apart from you, he stares up at you from between your thighs with an amused smirk, his hair messily mused from your doing. You muster a faint smile in return as you pant heavily, attempting to calm your shrill heart and he beckons you over. You blissfully clamber back down his torso, once more straddling his hips as you curl up into his chest, tilting your head to press a soft kiss to his lips. You feel him smile against your own mouth and it’s something so gentle, so ardent, that it warms your heart.

“That was so fucking hot,” he mumbles between kisses. “Round two?”

Giggling, you part from him momentarily only to reconnect your lips to his jawline, nibbling on the soft skin there. “How about I let you have a turn?”

He quirks a brow in curiosity though he already knows your intentions as your hand flutters down his stomach. He can’t help the moan that slips past his lips as he feels your soft hands grasp firmly at his hardened cock. He feels as if he could practically melt in your hands or explode at any moment and you hadn’t even done anything. His hips instinctively buck into your fist but he shakes his head. He sits up suddenly, startling you in your spot though his hands come out to grasp at your face and hold you in place as he kisses you feverishly.

“How about,” he breathes, nipping at your lower lip, “you let me make love to you right here, right now.”

For a moment, you become carried away with the taste of his lips mingled with your wet arousal that fades away fast. You return the kiss with such zeal, too reluctant to part from him just yet, that when you muster the nerve to lean away, you’re panting heavily.

“Not so fast, bugboy,” You taunt. “I still want you to rest.”

You give him a little nudge backward and he obediently follows your wordless command, plopping back against the pillows of your bed as he looks up at you, his hands resting on your upper thighs.

“I don’t know if you can consider sex as resting,” he points out playfully, a wry grin plastered on his face.

He watches as you smile, the rapid heave and fall of your chest, as you wiggle around until you’re comfortable again on his lap and have lifted your hips off of him. Your hand wraps around his shaft once more and you pump him once, twice, in slow motions as you spread the leaking cum from his throbbing head along his shaft. His jaw drops open at the feeling, eyebrows knitting together, and his fingers dig a little too harshly into your skin accidentally but you don’t at all mind ━ not when you’re able to see such a beautiful reaction from him as he comes undone before you.

Seconds pass of bated breath as you lower yourself slowly, carefully, to his cock. You run the tip of his length along your folds and up to your clit, rubbing small patterns against it that has both of you whimpering lowly. You coat him in your leaking arousal and then lower yourself onto him, finally connecting the two of your bodies as one.

“Oh, fuck,” he grunts.

Jungkook seriously feels as if he’s about to explode ━ literally. You’ve only just sat on him and he’s afraid he won’t be able to hold himself together long enough before he feels his sweet release. You’re just so warm and wet, so deliciously wet, that he slides easily into your walls that hug him just right. His mind is spinning, and even more so when he feels you stop halfway and lift your hips again. You drop them to the same level and then back again, repeating this process until you drop your hips fully, flush with his.

“Oooh, Jungkook, hmm,” Your fingers dig into his abdomen at the feeling of being so damn full. You can practically feel him throbbing and your own walls clench and release around him as you adjust to his size.

“Move━” he chokes out. “Move, please━ holy shit━”

And you do. You grind against him, rolling your hips around his firm cock as the fire continues to burn between your legs. You raise your hips languidly and drop them back down again and again until you’ve adopted some fluid rhythm, being so easily coaxed by your own cum.

“Like this?” You gasp.

He nods absentmindedly, swallowing thickly. “Fuck yes, just like that, baby.” His head rolls back against the pillows, the vein in his neck straining, “You feel so━ so fucking good.”

“Tell me,” You breathe.

Jungkook finds it hard to concentrate when his eyes fall on you. He watches as your breasts move in tandem as you ride him, the glistening arousal on your folds that coat his length that he watches disappear into you each time. He greedily reaches out as he’s lost in his own thoughts, his hand cupping your plush breast in a firm hold, his thumb brushing against your perked nipple. Your back arches in response, leaning closer to his warm hand, as he focuses on the tightness that is your core.

“Warm,” he moans. “So, so fucking wet ━ oh my god, you’re dripping, baby. Shit, you feel so perfect around my cock.”

You cry out his name, quickening your pace as you chase your high. Your strides are relentless, desperately searching for a sweet release and Jungkook feels the same. He’s held it in this long ━ he isn’t so sure he can hold himself together for much longer. He can’t take it anymore. Just as he feels you slowing down from exhaustion, he sits up once more, his strong arms wrapping around your torso and pulling you tight against his chest. Your own arms slide around his neck and you lean forward to crash your lips against his as you roll your hips steadily against his now. The new angle has him hitting a spot in you that shakes you to the core, has stars forming in your eyes.

You bite down hard on his lower lip accidentally as you try to conceal the loud moan that bubbles at your lips. Jungkook only smirks in response, especially when you shamelessly let those strangled moans out. As you sink lower onto him, Jungkook thrusts his hips upward to meet yours halfway, earning a sharp gasp from you. He tightens his hold on you and continues to thrust up into you again and again, so hard and so fast that it makes you writhe with pleasure above him. You can feel him stretching you wide each time, can feel your sticky arousal begin to trickle down his cock and your thighs.

So much for making sure he doesn’t hurt himself again ━ his thrusts are pure animalistic, hasty and needy, though all either of you care about in that moment is feeling that sweet release. You collapse entirely against Jungkook’s arms, letting him take hold of you as his hips smack against your ass. When you finally feel your second high of the night approach, your reaction feels near explosive. He thrusts again and again and you choke out somewhere between the sound of skin against skin and heavy breathing, “J━Jungkook━ Fuck! I’m close━”

He growls in response, eager to push you to yours as he chases for his. Another thrust and, holy shit, there. He hits a spot in you once, twice, and over and over again that just feels so incredibly good that you can’t help but unravel in his arms. It takes you by surprise, washing over you an immense cloud of bliss as white-hot pleasure blinds you, starting from your core and spiralling out to every edge of your body until your toes are curling. You cry out his name in a beautiful harmonious sound as your cum leaks profusely from you and coats him just right.

Fuck this ━ he doesn’t care anymore that you want him to rest. He needs to feel his own release now. So he grabs you securely and then he’s twisting you around, shoving you onto your back as he pushes his hips into you. You’re writhing beneath him, your back arching until your warm and sweaty chest is pressed against his. Your fucked out expression that stares back up at him but with such tired and loving eyes only spurs him on further (that, and the way you’re clenching so nicely around him). It’s completely messy but he’s so close. Another hard slap of his hips and then he’s finally coming undone. He pulls out of you fast, his hand coming down to grab at his cock as he pumps himself, thickly coated with your juices.

He cums moments later with a deep, rough moan, releasing onto your stomach in ivory beads that paint you his. His hand slacks around his softening length and then he, so spent and slightly sore from his wound (only slightly, he swears), collapses against you. The room suddenly falls silent, safe for the heavy panting and the shrill beating of your hearts that you both try to tame. His face is buried in the crook of your neck and your arms wrap around him to lazily twine his hair with your fingers. It’s nice to just lay there like that, enveloped in each other's arms, basking in the heavenly glow of euphoria. He kisses your neck then, soft and simple, and litters kisses down your throat to your collarbones and then back up again to your lips.

When he parts from you, his eyes remain locked on your mouth until he forces himself to look away and up at you. You’re smiling at him and it’s the type of genuine, albeit exhausted, smile that always warms his insides and makes him feel at ease. Tracing the curve of your lips with his index finger, he hums thoughtfully to himself.

“I lied about before,” he says sheepishly. When you quirk a brow at him, he continues. “I lied about before when you asked me if I’m ever afraid when I go out at night. I’m always afraid. Part of why I wear that mask is so the people I’m up against don’t see me wimping out. But, god, when I’m with you, I feel invincible.”

He watches as a light blush pinches at your cheeks, your fingers reaching up to softly graze his cheek.

“I’m so in love with you,” he whispers. “I love you. I always have and I swear you make me stronger. I don’t know what it is. I think I just want to fight harder for you. I know I was a dick for leaving that night but I know we can make this work. I just need you to believe in me, too.”

Your eyes, littered with stardust, stare into his as if he is the entire world. “I’m strong, too, Jungkook. I don’t always need protection.”

“I know that,” he chuckles.

“Good. Then get back down here and kiss me again, bugboy.”

Jungkook laughs. He doesn’t hesitate to lean down to press his lips lovingly to yours. He melts against your chest and he is content if every night is like this, in each other’s arms. As he deepens the kiss, he hears you whisper against his lips, “I love you, too, bugboy,” and it is all he needs to feel as if he has the world in his very palm.

Jungkook has always been afraid. He is afraid of not living to see the next day, afraid of losing you or his family or friends but every shred of fear fades away when he’s with you. As the city continues to breathe from beyond the brick walls of your apartment and as the sun begins to rise from the very heart of the metropolis along the horizon, Jungkook is certain that he and you together are invincible.

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