#but sometimes its nice and its safe
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@ceruleanschemer said... 'Outbreak, your claustrophobia could never.'
"I jus' said I wasn't fragging in any vents! Jus' that I can fit in them if need be-! Vents shouldn't be fragged with is what I'm saying, slag it!"
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Compliment tag game! The antis are really going for it today, so I figured we could all use some positivity.
Tag three people you admire and leave them a compliment or nice message! Don't feel pressured to respond or thank anyone publicly; a compliment is like a gift, not a transaction.
@eponastory
I'm glad you're my friend! Your quick wit and blunt honesty are refreshing and fun. Keep being you!
@katara-stan-club
I love scrolling your blog because there's so much variety. When I see your name in my feed, I never know what it's going to be. It's lovely to see someone so passionate about what they love! And I'm sorry Tech was done dirty, I really am.
@longing-for-rain
I love that you speak your mind and handle yourself with so much grace. Your posts are impeccable, naturally, but what I like about them is how grounded they are. You seem like a really cool, down to earth person. Also I like your art.
Okay I'm going to stop now because I've thought of about 6 more people I would otherwise add and this is long as it is. Have fun and spread the love!
#zutara#tag game#being nice is free!!#fr this is not a community dominated by toxicity and sometimes its easy to forget that during the barrage of hate and personal attacks#everybody stay safe out there#the antis writhe while we thrive#edited bc I said tag three and I tagged four rip
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now this is gonna sound really stupid and i need no one to call me stupid about it -> it turns out when u make food that is more than the bare minimum to be edible. ie make it a lil fancy w a lot of flavors and textures going on (scary to me <- autist). u want to eat it more. and even tho its more work. sometimes the prospect of eating something that actually tastes great is motivating enough to get u thru the work. and so conversely it is easier to keep up a consistent eating routine. bc ur not also constantly bailing on planned mediocre dinners to eat all ur backup stock of emergency instant meals.
#YOU KNOW. i mean most of u probably genuinely know. sometimes theres a delicate balance of.#u cut back u cut back u cut back so u can get stuff done despite the [disability] [lack of spoons] and u live in Bare Minimum Land#and then at some point u think abt adding stuff in and its like oh yeah i forgot i can do that. i forgot i can expend a little extra#effort. SOMETIMES. it doesnt always work which is why i never want to be called an idiot for playing it safe and minimum lol.#ive got. no one else doing this stuff for me. so i always want to make sure i have enough budgeted energy for stuff like. eating#once a day at least. lol. lolllllllll. is that enough justifying myself. ive been eating okay lately. even w the diet change. and its nice#altho also eating more regularly means i actually go thru my bought food quicker means i have to buy more. 'SPENSIVE. in 2024
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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and another thing about vocal synth fans: we will always find some adult male voicebank to turn into a funny little clown for our amusement. some guy to communally bully in our talkloids, the miserable straightman to the shenanigans, the sad little freak punchline to our jokes. it happened to kaito. it happened to gakupo. it happened genbu. it even happened a bit to kevin (although he seems to have looped around somehow). and it will happen to you too, frimomen. it will happen to you too.
#hell its already begun. or maybe he was born for this role. his origins being that of which they are#the other day i saw a favourite meal announcing dragon parody 'list of past girlfriends' with frimomen#and of course the joke was him going silent for the listing part <3 a classic but it still got me LOL#i dont know why we need to do this. i feel it too though. i see a grown ass man vocal synth and im like I NEED to make him swagless#child and teen vocal synths are mostly safe from our wrath (although we've definitely done a good bit of len bullying)#but the second i see a guy who pays his taxes i NEED to make fun of him <3 <3 <3#a vocal synth tradition. its a tradition#i dunno i was kinda thinking about genbus characterization and how in the japanese fanbase he kind of varies from what ive seen#sometimes hes a nice and calm guy with a tsundere edge. sometimes hes a goofy loud straightman to shenanigans#but overwhelmingly in the english speaking world in talkloids we turn him into this high energy beloved little freak LOL#and i love all characterizations. my own personal version is kind of all combined LOL hes friendly but a little too hype#to me he seems chill at first but is like 0-100 in like seconds <3 like his voicebank <3 <3 <3 i think he feels every emotion so so much#and absolutely suited to the straightman to hijinks role with his grumpier edge when hes embarassed#i also sometimes like to give him a bit of an unearned ego sometimes because of voicebank deprecation#hes clunky but he was the first!!! he was the first!!! hes not owned!!!! he slowly turns into a corncob#thats another characterization that mostly comes from the english speaking side LOL#TO ME genbu is like if ll nico was trying to put on a nice calm guy exterior instead of a cutesy idol exterior#which might be why genbu's becoming my favourite LOL nico was always my fav.....#going back to our favourite little guys to bully i will say nowadays kaito isnt bullied as much. because we have gakupo to bully instead#the bullying can pass on. frimomen. it can be inherited frimomen. watch out frimomen
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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies
#iwillspeakincessantly#god it felt so nice to meet with her again#talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has#so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired#genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going#and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows#multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE#safely and happily#ough#we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of#and maybe tjis time ill actjally go#she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life#tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in#god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes#since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often#no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak#ARGH#been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food#has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful#argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me#god#i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time#walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings#and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths#but it made me feel so good about myself#im gonna implode :333333 positive
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I'm curious... Granny April will always be Granny April, but how do the turtle tots see Casey Marie? Since you said they know most of their family history, does this mean they know Casey wanted to train them for war? How do they feel about this? Are some of them still a little resentful or are they already at peace with what happened and are ready to have a relationship with her?
The tots actually know April has a daughter! Even if Mikey makes a sour face whenever she does, April talks about her kid to the babies and tells them that they have a cousin. Even if the kids are aware of her existence growing up they don't really question why they've never met Casey because they know that New York is still somewhat of a war zone and that their cousin is basically the leader of the rebellion so she's definitely busy (she's somewhat of a very stranged family member since the start lol). The kids never truly talk to Casey until they are adults though. Mikey felt very strongly about them being old enough to decide if wanting to meet her after knowing she created them for war and all.
Since Michelangelo was actually able to save the babies from a child soldier life, the kids are rather forgiving of what Casey did because in the end that didn't happen and by this time Casey actually is remorseful of her way of thinking when creating them and just wants to get to know them as a family member. It takes a bit of time though (the kids, even if willing to forgive her and move on, are still very much on high alert around her (cough Uno and Moja cough). After all, they know of Mikey's life story and feel a sort of kinship of anger directed towards her (It fades away in the end though).
Definitely not resentful but still not the most buddy buddies straight from the start.
#i feel like i need to make a timeline chart at this point#so explaining more#the rebellion wins back new york a few years before the kids turn 18#thats actually when april starts visiting mikey and the kids in japan#so before that. casey for the first few years had no idea that april was communicating with mikey and the babies#but after casey finally decides to focus on leading the rebellion#april tells her about them (the kids and mikey).#but for the sake of mikey and his good mental health they decide that casey is not to communicate with mikey or the kids just yet#SO#after april starts going to japan is where april starts talking with mikey on how they would plan the whole telling the babies the family#lore and how they came to be#so when the kids get told#they do want to meet their cousin because. these kids didn't grow up traumatized and they are just curious of their cousin#and they know casey has no ill intentions anymore (april and mikey told them this)#it takes a few visits from casey trough the years but they end up having a good cousin relationship!#enough that mikey feels safe enough with going back to new york sometimes now that its safe (with the kids of course)#and after seeing the kids actually having a good relationship with casey marie (not being scared of her) mikey also starts to develop#the nice uncle and niece relationship they had years ago when casey marie found him.#its all coming together in the end#im so happy for them#just realized that i continue calling the kids kids even when they are told to be adults#this is just like when a parent keeps calling their kid kid even if both parties are very old#peepaw and babies au#ask
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Love you till my last breath
No, even after that
Even when I'll be a ghost
🤍
#today was horrible#I keep running the same cirlces#but#it's all worth it#when i get home and for that one hour each night#i can forget about everything and feel safe and warm and happy#being able to feel like a child once#is nice#thank you#truly#i terribly miss you#still#everyday#and even when some days i feel absolutely no hope#you somehow show up#i dont know what did i do to deserve this#this feels too nice and im not used to it#its really like my soul#they made me get back my soul i swear#and it's really like something#wants me to stay here and#its so weird#i guess i will stay#even if its hard sometimes#but ill stay#i love you thank you#everyday every minute#every breath i take is thanks to you#truly. i owe you for the rest of my life#for saving me. truly.
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I preypost a lot on here, but I do really like being pred as well. I love the taste of prey, I love feeling prey wriggle about in my stomach as they adjust themselves to be comfier, I love being the bed a prey falls asleep in, I love being a prey's safe place to hide in if they're having a rough patch. I just really love making prey happy whenever I eat them, providing the same experience I enjoy so much.
#i love being cuddled and held in someone's belly as the next prey but being able to provide that is just as wonderful#i like to imagine the feeling of prey wriggling inside me sometimes#picturing them getting comfy in there#its just nice yknow#safe vore#soft vore#extreme cuddling#vore talk#sfw vore#vore thoughts
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i navigate fresh interpersonal relationships like im a feral cat that got trapped in a box with firecrackers when i was a kitten so its always nice when people are weirder than me at first so i know its safe
#the weird ass energy is basically going PSPSPSPSPS#its very nice#but then sometimes you think a forming relationship is safe and then they pick you up to go to the vet and you're like 'WHY'#i am COOKING right now#me coded
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I can't sleep... I bet being sandwiched between two sexy space soldiers could help though!
#ash rambles ���#this is a post abt g.arrus and s.hepard if you couldnt tell LMAAAOO#g.arrus isnt the most squishy or most cuddly alien around but we make it work#and shep is so nice to cuddle! hehe all the muscle just makes me feel so safe! theyre the best boyfriends ever 👉🏽👈🏽#despite not being too sleepy. its like 2am and so my brain isnt really braining#i like them 👍🏽 boyfriends are cool#though sometimes shep does this thing where he snuggles his face into ash's neck so his stubble tickles her#he just wants to hear her laufh#*laugh#oh oh! and g.arrus purrs too! he's one adorable alien! makes cuddles a lot more fun#I'm so glad the bed in shep's cabin is big enough for 3#hm.. should i try to get some sleep.. yes i should...#gn gamers#gotta see the dentist tmr :( i hate the dentist :(#anyways ive been playing d.ragon age origins...#AlistairIsVeryHandsomeAndILikeHim#HAHAHA SORRY WHAT WHO SAID THAT LMAAOO NOT ME#goodnight gamers#can't calibrate this one 🌌#i'm with you until the end 🌌
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Being in the nebulous void of "What the hell is my sexuality/orientation" sure is an experience
#ink thinks#happy pride to those of us who stare at their identity with a big ole' ❓️#like. i think im safe in saying im not straight! beyond that?#like on the one hand ive never been. like. interested in romance? all the pressure of getting a partner was so weird to me#on the other hand the concept sounds nice sometimes and also i look @ people and go 'oufgdgsfsfsafsf. hot'#but idk i've never been that interested in sex either.#maybe more now that i'm an adult but its not like?? yknow???#so like i say i'm arospec acespec and then don't elaborate. bc i don't fuckin know!#AND there's also that aspect of 'i've never gotten out and about enough to go on dates or anything'#ough. one day i will go places. one day
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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I may be a bit gullible probably. But I can't help it.
Even if someone doesn't sound genuine I'll still answer anyway.
This guy sitting next to me asked me to fix his pen.
He's bothered me before.
But I still answered anyway. I don't know how to stand up for myself.
Instead of saying no I said " I don't even know what wrong with it". Because I genuinely want to understand what the point of this conversation is.
And he says.
JUST FIX IT!
?????
What.
#cheeseburgerboy#girl next to me. kermery. told him to stop bothering me#i really like her. im inviting her to my birthday party#even though in 8th grade she screamed because she was scared by my appearance next to her because i was so quiet. she was always nice to me#towards the end of 8th grade. i tried to hang around her.#i saw her buy this lesbian book today#lesbians in catholic school. i think#i wouldn't be surprised if shes a lesbian.#i think that people think i am sometimes. due to the fact i never say who im attracted to#i don't think its safe#kemery always wears nice outfits#she wears suits with skirts and wraps her hair#kemery
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for the past few like. Years i’ve only ever listened to akiyama’s baka mitai cover but going back to listen to kiryu’s the tone difference between them really is just super obvious- i like it tho im glad they’re different
#snap chats#the way their versions start too is so stark its so neat#like kiryu's is one to listen to if you just wanna chill and relax but akiyama's it's like. I'm In My Bag LMAO#akiyama's baka mitai was one of the things that got me into the yakuza series so of course it's my fave to listen to#singing along to kiryu's version is nice tho- he sings much softer and like he's just there to sing yk#akiyama's def has a bit more emotion and feels more personal- still fun to sing to but sometimes im ok with just hearing him#bro has a very nice voice im allowed to say that i think#i think im safe in sayin that the One (1) thing we can agree upon in this fandom is that akiyama has a very nice singing voice#deranged that his VA is also donald duck.... how the fuck you manage that literal definition of Range#'he was too expensive to bring back' ok and this is why. golden pipes Actually
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my favorite thing of having my own apartment is there IS a big painting of my dog above the fireplace in the living room
#pidge speaks#hello im still alive#kinda#im still in a Weird Brain Space but hgjdskhgj#anyway i love my dog and after living in a place for almost a year w someone who treated me AND my dog like interlopers#its nice to have a place that is safe for me and miss sookie-lou#she has THREE cozy beds in the living room#one of them is shaped like a crown#one is just a pillow of mine that she claimed and the other is a comfy blanket under my desk#sometimes she very politely requests i put her on the armchair in the corner#this is sookie's apartment i just live here and pay the rent for her
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