a world without you
Pairing: Leona Kingscholar x gn!reader
Synopsis: When Leona hears the Shroud brothers' plan, he thinks back to his herbivore, and how their existence has changed so much for him.
Tags: spoilers up to Ch 6!!!, established relationship, angst but fluff, drama, bot proofread
Word count: 878
Notes: this can be read as my view of leona's character, so please accept my leona brainrot <3 just some thoughts I had when I read ch 6. also leona might be a little ooc but it's his internal thoughts so I like to think he's more emotional :3
"It needs to reset before we can start a new game."
Shocked expressions were exchanged across the room as the implications of the younger Shroud's plan slowly settled on everyone's mind.
Leona couldn't help but think that, if the opportunity had been given to him a year ago, he'd likely have accepted whatever the robot kid was going for.
Leona always felt that he had been cheated in life. Ever since he was young, he was constantly compared to his older brother, who was seen as the epitome of success in their family, the perfect heir to the throne. Everyone would constantly praise his brother's achievements while dismissing his own accomplishments as trivial. It didn't matter that he was working hard to prove himself, that he could wield such powerful magic as a child.
He often wondered why he had to be born, if he was only meant to stay in another person's shadow to make them seem brighter in contrast.
No matter how hard he studied, how mature he acted, or how strong his magic was, it was all pointless. The ghostly whispers of the palace staff continued, and the judging remarks from the council intensified.
He was born as the second prince.
And he was destined to forever be just that—second.
When it finally clicked for him, he stopped trying. Why make an effort in anything, when time and time again, he had given his all only to end up with nothing? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results. Despite what others might say, Leona was incredibly brilliant, with a sharp mind fit to be a wise ruler. He knew, without a doubt, that it was pointless to continue down the road of insanity.
Instead, he continued down the path of sloth, eventually finding everything, the entire world, pointless. He found himself skipping classes and taking naps whenever he could, hiding away from the world where he would never be able to stand under the sun, but at least comforted by the serene embrace of his dreams.
He had wanted to turn the world to sand and start over.
It had been a wild thought, but here the Shrouds were, proposing an entire reset of the world.
Leona's mind raced as he contemplated the consequences of such an ordeal. Indeed, he had always dreamed of a world where everyone had an equal chance to succeed, where people were not judged based on their social status, birth order, or magical ability. A world where he was no longer burdened by the expectations of his family, where he was free to be who he truly was, a world where everyone was given a fair chance to succeed, and where no one was left behind.
And yet, without realising it, the thought of starting over in a new world had left his mind ever since you came into his life. You were everything he had ever wished for but never deserved in a partner—kind, caring, and endlessly supportive, always by his side despite his crude demeanour and harsh words. You showed him that there was meaning to living, opening his eyes to the people around him. He had friends who cared about him, incredible talent that could bring great changes, and most importantly, you, his dearest herbivore who shone like a beacon in the shadowed depths of his heart.
For the first time in his life, he felt truly content with what he had, despite all the flaws and problems that persisted.
He had never cared about resetting the world and losing everything he had to start anew. But it was a different story now.
What would happen to the people he cared about in this new world? What if he never met you? What if everything he had ever known and loved was erased? And what of the memories that he made at NRC with you, with Savanaclaw, and everyone else?
Leona's thoughts drifted to his memories of you, your fierce eyes staring directly into his, determined to befriend him; the quiet evenings you had spent together under the starry sky sharing stories and enjoying each other's company; the way you would instinctively lean into him for comfort; the dazzling smile that graced your face when you spotted him in a crowd.
He made up his mind then.
He didn't want, no, he wouldn't risk losing you. Your presence had given him the joy he had never experienced, the hope for a better day tomorrow, and he wouldn't give that up for anything. He would continue to work towards a fairer world, but he would do so without resetting everything that he had come to cherish.
He had learned to appreciate the people in his life. He had found happiness, despite the unfairness of the world. He knew that he had found something precious in this unfair world—someone who cherished him wholeheartedly for whatever he may be.
No, he doesn't want to reset the world.
"I'll grant you one thing. The world totally sucks as it is. But I don't think your new one would be any more to my taste. So I'm going to stick with this one. It's less of a pain."
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Speaking of Sauron, I've been amusing myself by thinking about how a disproportionate number of people who super ruined his day are descendants of Melian:
Lúthien, obviously, kicked his ass.
Elwing retaining Lúthien's Silmaril and giving it to Eärendil led to the utter defeat of Morgoth's forces including Sauron.
Tar-Telperiën and her nephew Tar-Minastir, descendants of Elwing's son Elros, were responsible for the vast Númenórean fleet that crushed Sauron's attempts to seize Eregion in the Second Age.
Tar-Minastir's descendant Pharazôn (a usurper and terrible person, but nevertheless) led a massive force against Sauron that intimidated Sauron's armies into giving up. Sauron tricked Pharazôn and managed to take out Númenor, only to end up drowning with it, and was significantly damaged and limited by the event.
Meanwhile, a different descendant of Elros, Elendil, survived! He led Númenórean dissenters away just in time to establish sprawling Númenórean-controlled kingdoms in Middle-earth.
Elendil and the Elvish king Gil-galad proceeded to defeat Sauron in single combat after a long siege. The effort killed them but also took out Sauron himself for a very, very long time. Elendil's son Isildur cut the Ring away from Sauron's body as repayment for the deaths of Elendil and Isildur's younger brother Anárion.
Anárion's children produced various lines of descent that would go on to include the Stewards of Gondor, resolute enemies of Mordor who recruited the Rohirrim into Team We Hate Sauron.
Isildur's and Anárion's descendant Aragorn spent decades criss-crossing the map to spike various evil plans, like when he torched the Corsair fleet as Thorongil and disappeared into the night only to turn up decades later to threaten Sauron with Elendil's reforged sword.
The Ring ended up in the hands of Frodo, who would be only too happy to turn it over to Aragorn as Isildur's heir. Aragorn promptly rejected the idea, crucially leading to Frodo remaining as Ringbearer while Sauron came to mistakenly believe Aragorn had the Ring and meant to use it.
The only time Frodo was ever truly captured by Men (the people easily assumed to be the greatest danger to the quest) was by Anárion's descendant Faramir. Faramir could have taken the Ring with disastrous results for everyone but Sauron, but instead shrugged off the temptation and laughed at it before helping Frodo on his way.
Sauron understandably panicked about the Aragorn situation and sent his forces to Gondor earlier than planned, despite knowing at that point that the Steward Denethor was much better prepared than he'd hoped. Faramir used his abilities to lead a retreat across favorable ground that inflicted large casualties on Sauron's armies, as planned. This tactic functionally sacrificed Faramir and Denethor but bought enough time for the Rohirrim and Aragorn's mainly southern Gondorian armies to arrive and turn the tide of the battle of the Pelennor Fields. Sauron's forces in that battle were defeated. Again.
Aragorn exploited Sauron's understandable fixation on him by making a flashy frontal assault as (unofficial) king of the Dúnedain to distract Sauron's attention from the real threat (three hobbits making their way to Mount Doom). This was 100% successful. Through a series of good and bad choices on the part of the hobbits, the Ring was destroyed and Sauron with it.
Bad day all around for Sauron! Aragorn, meanwhile, married Elrond's daughter and became overlord of Sauron's allies with Faramir as his prime minister.
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i couldn't really do optimism, it felt stupid to me. i am hopeful by nature, but not optimistic. optimism feels like closing my eyes. it feels like doing subtraction and calling it multiplication. it feels like the type of romantic even poets can't be.
but how are you supposed to recover without optimism? without that sense - eventually, good things will happen for me. i couldn't even type that sentence without hissing through my teeth. it feels so - sorry, holden caulfield - fucking phony.
i like cautious optimism. i like testing the ice. i have this thing where i can't really picture a "best case" scenario without knowing i'm jinxing the outcome, so instead i think - what is something i would like to happen, and how would i get there?
that's the thing i feel control over - doing something to get there. it's easier to picture myself, deer-legged and balancing; rather than having fate scoop love and virtue onto a plate and feed it to me like grapes. it's easier to picture a world that's still-pretty-bleak, but one that i am trying to be good in. one where the actions are mine to complete.
i would say i'm realistic about the world. i almost never find myself saying this is going to be amazing. i am often instead planning for the worst situation, and saying; well, as long as we're all surviving. i don't push myself towards any specific goal or dream. i am swinging from branch to branch, quietly enjoying the trees. i have never pictured that there's an end to the jungle. mostly i'm just glad i spend less and less time picturing falling.
the thing about cautious optimism is that it's also more forgiving. i don't assume i'll always have the energy to brush my teeth. optimism is buying the planner and making new friends and signing up for a thousand activities and redecorating. optimism peters out after a week. instead, i give myself the credit for just-doing-the-little-things. despite having no time for failure, i spent wednesday on the ground, staring at nothing. but while i wasn't hungry, i did make sure to eat something.
how many times have i said "recovery isn't pretty". most of the time it does feel fucking ugly. but there's this little glitter about cautious optimism - she says well, but you did try. and maybe tomorrow we can do 1 more beautiful thing. she sees me sitting on the bare floor in dirty clothes and she says you're resting. she sees me eating 3 cookies for dinner and says aren't they tasty? she tells me to view the things in my life not half-full, not half-empty. instead, she says. the glass is neither empty nor full, but at least you're drinking :)
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Being a bitch about the leafs getting a dewey is immature. Sadposting and making little edits about how awful Toronto is? Fuck off. Just because your team cant make the playoffs dont blame the teams that can. We will love him on the leafs. Get over yourself.
okay so i normally delete these kinda asks without bothering w a reply because i honestly think they’re kind of tiresome & because i know you’re just being a fan and if i can forgive wild fans for being unreasonable about their team i then i can forgive leafs fans for it too.
with that said: braindead take.
just. stupid. so stupid, in fact, that i will write a reply because i think it genuinely might make me feel a little better.
okay so lets start right at the end. WHY should i get over the fact that a player i like is no longer on my team. why should it matter that you’ll love him. my team was sold of in little bits to teams i either don’t care about or actively root against.
that?? sucks??
i care about my team. i want my team to win. i want my favourite players to stay on my team and when they don’t that’s upsetting. this is not a revolutionary concept.
also the way it all played out was kinda shitty. i knew we would likely lose duhaime, but after losing pat i thought we would maybe get to keep dewar. and when the deadline passed i thought we were ok. hell, even connor thought he was safe. and that he would get to stay with his friends. and then it turns out we lost him at the last second. and that’s fucking gutting.
“we will love him in toronto” ok. even if that is true, my favourite toy was taken away and given to some other kid. i don’t care whether or not they’re happy to have him. i didn’t want to give him away. were you happy for the canes when bunting went there instead of coming back to the leafs??? no because that’s not how this works. i don’t want good things for the leafs i want good things for my team. i don’t want other teams to win i want my team to win
and that’s allowed.
encouraged even.
“sadposting and making little edits” ok this is fair and accurate and i might make it my blog title if you don’t mind. it is funny to me that you interpret that poem as being about how much the leafs suck and not about?? how being traded suddenly?? and your best friend being traded away?? sucks??? poems are funny things and don’t say anything definitively, so you are allowed to interpret it however you like, but i haven’t gotten any angry avs fans in my inbox yelling about my "duhaime sadposts"?
but ok! directors note & something worth keeping in the back of your mind when interacting w this edit and also all other dewar edits:
This is not!!! About you!!!
i am not trying to hurt your feelings!! i do not care about your team!! for the love of god please just unfollow my blog.
also. and this is pedantic but i want to say it because its been bothering me. you don’t get “A Dewey”, you get Connor Dewar. the deweys were a matched set and without duhaime on the same team what does that even matter. you don’t get “dewey 2” you get Connor Dewar. congrats! that's great! he’s wonderful. please treat him nice etc etc.
being a bitch about the leafs is immature and i will do a better job of tagging my anti-leafs posts from now on. ill even tag all of my dewey poems as anti leafs if they're this upsetting to you.
one final thing: the wild not making the playoffs is very much the fault of other teams and i absolutely could blame other teams for it. theyre better and they beat us and now we might not make the playoffs. again: that's how this works. i get your point though, its not the leafs´ fault the wild have been miserable this season but i reserve the right to dislike them either way :)
congrats on the cute little guy. i will miss him very much. and again: PLEASE unfollow.
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