#but so many other things kept coming up and i kept having to put it off
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The Batboys Get You An Animal / Asking Them for An Animal
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Dick: Haley (Bitewing) was extremely lonely with both you and Dick at work more recently. She just really needed another dog to play with, Dick had noticed it a lot more in the past month of so.
After Dick picked up you from work cause it was better for the environment to carpool, you found him driving in a different direction to your shared apartment building which caused you to furrow your brows.
"I think your turned around, Bubby." You said with a kind and paitent tone.
"No, this is the right direction. Don't you worry, My Love." He squeezed your hand with a kind smile as he kept his eyes watched the road. He drove you to the shelter and let you pick whichever dog you wanted which happened to be a cute little female grey/blue doberman. (Of course you held it all the way home.)
Haley was just happier than ever when you put the little puppy down and took her out of the crate she was in so you could get her upstairs. Haley was yipping and running around, this was such a good step forward in your relationship, growing together family as a family.
Dick was snapping as many pictures as he could of the dogs, then you playing with them. He's so happy with his girls being in one picture, so proud he made it his lockscreen.
Jason: "Babygirl, I don't know if its a good idea. I dont know if were ready for that. Hell, I dont know if I'm ready for that on my own." He had said a few months ago.
Of course that was until he came home with a kitten he found in an alley, the white little fur ball was the only other thing besides you that made his heart swell. He almost was gonna leave it where it was but he didnt have the heart to do such a thing.
He came in with it in his arms, the little kitten cuddled into his chest inside his motorcycle jacket. It was late so Jason didnt wake you as he took care of the little sweet guy, he gave him a bath and gave him the wet food he got on the way home. Jason swaddled that sweet little kitten in a hand towel before woke you up. You mumbled and groaned until you opened your eyes which immediately went wide.
"Oh, my god!" Tears filled your eyes as you reached for the kitten.
"I found him in an alley, he's a bit sick and he really needs a home, Babygirl. Can we keep him?" He asked with a pleading and somewhat worried tone.
"Can we keep him!? YES! OF COURSE!" You were crying as you cuddled the slightly damp kitten.
Jason and you took him the the vet the next morning to get taken care of. He named him Tokyo as a joke cause he was white which you didnt realize what it meant for several months.
Bruce: You knew the answer, a swift and adament no. So being the person you are, you bought a guinea pig cause its easy to take care of and Bruce would be less likely to complain about it.
You would carry it around in your pocket and let it sleep on a little blanket you put the desk that held the Batcomputer. He would act like he hated the entire idea of it but as soon as you would come down to the Batcave without it he would ask where it was with a bit of a sad tone.
He would never admit it but he enjoyed that tiny guy and how you doted it on the little thing. Bruce knew how lonely it was to actually be with him considering his 'playboy' persona he had to wear and being Gotham's savior. By the time your anniversary came he had gotten you another guinea pig so you had two little guys to hang out with and thats exactly what you did.
+ When you were away at work or asleep and he happened to pass the cage in his room the both of you shared, he would take them out and sit with them. Bruce secretly has a ton of pictures of the little guinea pigs in his camera roll.
Tim: You didnt even need to ask him, the answer would be yes with not even a little resistance. Little did Tim know this wasnt your average pet.
"Tim, I adopted a kid." You said casually when you came home.
"You did what?" He was nervous and he nearly choked on his own spit, that was until you came in the house holding a baby goat.
"Oh! A little kid!" He was so excited, Tim would run around with him and bring him inside all the time. He never complained out the little guy, he even got him clothes and little goat diapers so he could stay inside. You didnt think goats could be trained but alas, Tim did with little issue which is a bit unsuprising cause Tim can do anything he sets his mind to.
Damian: Damian has a fucking farm of animals so convincing him to get an animal was the easiest conversation ever.
It was 'Whatever animal you wanted as long as youd take care of it, Beloved.' He had said.
"A snake?" You asked him with a slightly excited tone as the two of you laid in bed, your face pressed to his warm bare chest.
"If that's what you want." He replied with his eyes closed as if getting another animal was nothing. (because to him it is.)
"A cow?" You asked cause you wanted to know how ridiculous you could get with it.
"We already have one of those, Beloved." He said with a smile again in that tone as if it was normal for someone to have a pet cow.
"Well, what if Titus wants a friend, Baby?" You asked as you heard the Great Dane huff at the end of the bed where his bed was.
"Another dog would be good, I'd feel a lot more secure knowing there were at least two dogs in the house when I'm away." Damian stated, plus he wanted to teach you more of the commands to control Titus and most of them were in German. You getting a dog would be a diagetic way for you to learn and teach your dog as well as understand how to control Titus.
You were stuck between a Chocolate Lab and a Dalmatian, in the end Damian got he got both of them. It took patience and time but Damian got them all to behave and listen to the pair of you.
Two dogs were good for security but three? Three made his worry about you while he was gone almost vanish entirely.
(Send me prompts if you want)
Masterlist
#batboys#jason todd x reader#dick grayson x reader#jason todd#damian wayne x reader#red hood x reader#batboys x reader#batman x reader#nightwing x reader#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne#tim drake x reader#tim drake#damian wayne#dick grayson#red hood#batman#batfamily#batfam#robin x reader#damian al ghul
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santa's little helper 𐂐◯𓇋 (klh)
desc: mall santa!leehan x mall elf!reader
warnings: smut, mdni!, perv!leehan (ofc), p in v, no protection used (no glove, no love 🫵), reader is mean but it's okay bc leehan is into it, degradation, praise, cute petnames, sexual acts in a public space (restroom), oral (reader receiving), sub!leehan, dom!reader, afab!reader, + lmk if there's anything i missed :)
wc: 2,842
you pulled the elf hat down again, annoyed that it kept drifting up on your head. you certainly didn’t feel very festive, the bright green clothing scratchy against your body anytime you moved an inch. in fact, you looked like you had come straight out of a christmas comedy, with your bored expression and your green pointed shoe tapping against the tiled floor.
your university had collaborated with the local mall for the annual santa pop-up, allowing college students to put work toward any necessary volunteer hours. you didn't have many other opportunities since your classes filled up a lot of time, so here you were, dressed in a tacky, too-tight costume waiting for the onslaught of kids to show up.
"perk up. elves aren't supposed to look cranky."
oh yeah, and there was that. or him, rather.
you turned around to fix the boy with a scowl. "the event hasn’t even started yet."
his response was that wide, irritating grin of his. "tsk, tsk… talking back to santa? do you want to be on the naughty list this year?"
kim leehan. of course he got the role of santa, being one of the most proactive students at the university. he was on the dean's list, president of the aquatic club, was apart of at least five other clubs, and was present at most volunteering events. he also happened to be incredibly annoying, always so egotistical. even if he was objectively one of the more attractive boys on campus, his personality irked you to no end.
you rolled your eyes and turned around, ignoring the chuckle he let out.
"lighten up. i'm just trying to look out for you–we’re going to start soon."
right. sure he was.
as if on cue, a gaggle of children ran toward the gated-off area like a swarm of hyperactive puppies. you quickly plastered on a smile and started by greeting the first one, instructing her to sit on santa's lap and tell him what she wanted for christmas. you stood in front of the line so no rogue child could enter, and watched as another elf wrote down the girl's wish. then you allowed the next child to enter.
your shift went by like that, rather monotonously, until the last child had gone through.
"alright, folks! that's the end of today. thank you so much for your work. if you need me to sign a slip saying you were present, just let me know," the person in charge of the event said. "for those of you that don't mind, can you help us clean up the area for tomorrow's volunteers?"
you watched as the only other elf left, leaving you, leehan, and the event coordinator. you frowned but decided it wouldn't hurt to have some extra minutes of volunteer time, bending down and straightening the tinsel and fairy lights along the base of santa's chair.
"wasn't that fun?" leehan's voice came from behind you, startling you a little. "seeing all those happy children... it just made my heart melt."
"i guess. it wasn't fun having to keep the little ones out. they looked at me like i was their number one opp."
leehan let out a laugh. "well, that's okay. at least you look cute in your uniform."
you raised an eyebrow. "um... thanks?"
"it really suits you." leehan added, smiling down at you. "really accentuates your features."
you became more aware of how tight your costume was. they didn't have your size when you got to the event, them stating that they didn't order enough costumes. apparently they let all of their volunteers keep the costume when they were done as a token of appreciation. you now wished that was not the case.
"leehan, aren't you supposed to be helping me straighten things up?" you asked in an attempt to change the subject.
"fine." leehan said to your surprise. he bent down and helped you with straightening up the christmas decorations, then stood back up. "there. done."
"we should let the event coordinator know."
"they left." leehan said, gesturing at the gate. "probably going to do paperwork or something. we better head out."
you grabbed your backpack and followed him out of the gated area leading to the rest of the mall.
"i wonder why they stop the santa visits so early. the mall doesn't close for another three hours." leehan mused.
"the kids probably have an early bedtime." you said absentmindedly, looking around for the nearest bathroom so you could change back into your clothes.
your eyes landed on a large restroom sign and you immediately started walking toward it. you heard footsteps behind you and turned your head, seeing that leehan was following you. right, he probably wanted to change back into his clothes too.
you stopped at the restroom door, realizing that it was unisex, one stall. you turned around to tell leehan this so he could find another restroom, but he just brushed past you, opening the restroom door with a smirk. the door closed behind him, and you noticed that the door still indicated that it was vacant, meaning he didn't yet lock it. you scoffed.
was this a challenge?
you felt the familiar feeling of irritation and you let out a sigh. you had seen the restroom first, and you knew that the next restroom would probably be quite a few feet away. the itchy green fabric rubbed against your skin, as though making the decision for you. you pushed open the restroom door.
"okay, you freak. i found this restroom fair and square." you said with your hands on your hips.
leehan was leaned against the sink counter still in his santa getup as though expecting you. "oh?"
"yeah. so get out."
"or what?" leehan scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "what will you do if i don't?"
you let out another sigh, feeling disheartened and prepared to give up the damn restroom when your eyes trailed down and noticed the tent straining against leehan's pants.
"oh... my god. you sick freak." you said, scrunching your nose in disgust. "do you seriously have a boner right now?"
leehan pushed off of the counter, taking a few steps closer to you. "maybe. maybe not. why? wanna help me with it?"
"help you with it?" you sneered. "tell me, why do you have one in the first place? is it because of me?"
"yes." leehan said immediately, not an ounce of shame in his voice. his eyes softened even as he stood tall over you. "please... i want you."
"you sound pathetic." you said, although your tone had less bite than it previously did. in truth, his words sent a warmth straight to your cunt. the prospect of fucking him didn't sound entirely awful. in fact, the idea seemed almost enticing, and his pleading eyes didn't help.
you locked the door, sliding it from "vacant" to "occupied."
"you want me?" you chided, taking a step toward leehan, closing the distance.
leehan nodded eagerly. "yes. god, please, yes."
"unbutton your coat." you said while crossing your arms, unimpressed.
leehan brought his hands up to the fleece material, his fingers clumsily unbuttoning the coat one by one, leaving his chest bare. he didn’t even have a shirt on under it? you scoffed, wondering if he had somehow planned this.
leehan started to slide the coat off, but you stopped him. "did i tell you to take it off?"
"n-no..." leehan said with raised eyebrows, stopping his actions. "sorry."
“make it up to me. wanna touch me?” you gently pushed him so he was against the wall.
leehan let out an involuntary moan, making your pussy throb. “yes, please… wanna touch you so bad.”
"mm well, since you asked so nicely..." you leaned forward so that your face was inches away from his. then you grabbed his hands and placed them on your boobs.
leehan began kneading them gently, his thumb running over your nipple through the fabric. you let out a sharp gasp at the contact and felt his dick get harder against your leg.
"you're so fucking hot..." he murmured, leaning forward to kiss you.
you kissed him back as you slowly rubbed your thigh against his dick. he pulled away with a moan, his head falling back. you took the opportunity to pepper kisses along his neck, sucking and leaving marks as you went.
"please..." leehan's voice cracked.
"hmm? please what?" you asked, reaching up to pinch his nipple.
"ah! f-fuck... please t-touch me!"
"i am touching you, leehan." you said matter-of-factly, squeezing his nipple again for emphasis.
leehan bit his lip. "w-want you to touch my dick, p-please!"
"i think i need some convincing first." you leaned back, leehan whimpering at the loss of contact. "make me feel good, then i'll consider it."
"i'll make you feel good... make you feel so, so fucking good."
"then do it." you said with a scoff. "or are you just all talk?"
leehan smashed his lips against yours, pulling you into him. the kiss was messy, with saliva mixing and short breaths of air. he tugged on the hem of your shirt and you took the hint, breaking away from the kiss to tug the shirt up and over your head. your bra followed soon after, the cool air hitting your already perky nipples.
"fuck..." leehan breathed, staring at your chest. "so fucking pretty."
before you had the chance to feel shy, leehan resumed kneading your tits, paying special attention to your nipples. you threw your head back with a moan as leehan swirled his tongue around your nipple, using his other hand to rub against your clothed clit.
"oh fuck, leehan..." you groaned, biting your lip.
"feel good? do i make you feel good?" leehan asked, looking at you intently.
"so good, leehan. so good, just as you promised." you didn't miss the way that leehan's dick twitched at your praise.
you felt your orgasm building fairly quickly just from his hand and fingers alone, your body betraying you. "l-leehan, i'm gonna cum."
"wait."
you froze, eyes wide as you looked at leehan. oh god, was he uncomfortable? did he realize how crazy this--
"i want to taste you." leehan said, a dopey smile on his face. "please, y/n. please let me eat you out."
and how could you deny that?
you quickly slid out of your green leggings, tossing the damned elf hat off while you were at it. leehan sunk down to the floor, face-to-face with your pelvis. before you could take off your panties, leehan reached forward and pushed your panties to the side before grabbing your waist and pulling you toward him. you gasped as he dove face-first into your cunt. as he nibbled on your clit, you swore you could see stars. leehan's tongue lapped inside you as though his life depended on it.
"nngh... l-leehan, fuck! s-slow down, i'm not gonna last!"
"don't want you to." leehan managed to get out between sucking on your folds and panting. "want you to cum."
his words pushed you over the edge, your vision going blurry as you came in his mouth, just as he wanted. as your vision came back, you panted and leehan peeled himself from you, a sheen of your cum on his chin. he licked his lips and wiped his chin with his sleeve, grinning up at you. "that was so hot. you taste so good, baby."
you ignored the way the pet name made your heart flutter. "now then... i believe it's your turn."
leehan's eyes grew wide as though he had forgotten about himself. he hastily stood up and shucked off his pants along with his boxers, his dick springing up proudly.
you let out a chuckle. "looks like someone's excited to see me..."
leehan nodded, sucking in a breath, "i need you, y/n."
"need me, huh? tell me, do you do this often?" you spit in your hand before reaching forward, grabbing his dick and sliding your hand down it.
he let out a choked moan. "n-no, just you..."
"oh? just me? so what, you've been thinking about me?"
"mmh... yes, y-yes..."
"and what have you been thinking about?" you ran your thumb over his slit, causing him to throw his head back in pleasure. "nasty things, i'm sure."
leehan didn't respond, instead letting out more lewd moans. but his flushed face told you everything you needed to know.
"i'm right, aren't i? you're such a fucking pervert." you said, speeding up your pace.
"n-n-no!" leehan managed to choke out.
"don't you lie to me. i could stop, you know." you said, doing just that. leehan's cock stood in your hand, the tip weeping and red.
"no! p-please!" leehan begged, almost manically. "please don't stop, please please--"
"then don't lie. you've been thinking nasty thoughts about me, haven't you?"
leehan's lip quivered. "y-yes... i have..." he looked like a hurt puppy, shame spread across his cheeks in a pink dust.
you felt a pang in your heart at the poor, pathetic boy in front of you. "tell me what you've been thinking about."
"w-what?" leehan bit his lip nervously.
"tell me or you won't get to cum." you said firmly.
leehan let out a soft sigh. "i just... thought about you fucking me. you... finding out about my feelings toward you and..." he trailed off, his blush deepening. his feelings toward you? you felt your lips tug into a smile, finding the sentiment endearing. but you’d have to revisit this later.
you resumed jerking him off at the same rapid pace you were previously, causing him to moan loudly. "so you wanted this to happen? i wonder how many nights you spent jerking off to the thought of me fucking you. how pathetic..."
"w-wait... w-wanna be inside y-you... please! please..." leehan whined out between moans.
you stopped your ministrations on his cock, feeling the growing wetness in your cunt. "oh, you want to be inside me, huh?”
leehan nodded insistently, eyes wide and pleading. “please, y/n, please…”
“aww…” you cooed, raking your free, unsoiled hand through his hair. “let’s switch spots.”
the two of you shifted so that you were against the wall and you finally pulled off his coat, admiring his arms. “alright, pretty… do you think you could help me keep one of my legs up?”
leehan visibly melted a bit at the nickname. “yes, i think so.” he lifted your right leg up with one hand, using the other to steady himself against the wall.
you placed your hands on his shoulders, placing a kiss against his jawline. "alright, whenever you’re ready."
leehan nodded and licked his lips, moving your underwear to the side once again before slowly pushing his girth into you.
"oh, f-fuck!" you moaned, wrapping your arms around leehan's neck.
once leehan's dick was buried inside you, he promptly pulled out and slammed back in, eliciting moans from both of you.
"you're doing so good." you cooed in his ear, sucking more marks into his skin.
his pace quickened, the sound of flesh against flesh filling the room. his movements were so needy, so impatient. if you weren’t equally as needy, you would have teased him about it.
"nngh... f-fuck, y/n... so wet..." leehan's voice came out breathy. "i think i'm g-gonna cum..."
"already? we just started." you said, trying to keep your voice steady. "you really can't last any longer? too excited to get your dick wet?"
"c-can't... help it!" leehan's eyes squeezed shut, his thrusting getting inconsistent and sloppy.
"that's okay... you're just my cumslut, aren't you?" you said, raking your nails against his back.
"fuck... y-yes, i'm your-- cum-- i'm cumming!" leehan choked out before you felt a warmth gushing inside of you, filling you up. you followed soon after, his orgasm fueling your own.
leehan gently pulled you off of him and helped you lean back against the wall, your legs a bit wobbly. "fuck, y/n... that was so..." he trailed off, grinning at you from ear to ear.
you felt your face grow warm, becoming aware of your nakedness. "um... yeah."
"so... i don't want things to be awkward between us." leehan said softly. "so um... would you maybe like to go out with me? i was kinda hoping for something more beyond the physical."
"oh, so there some innocent thoughts scattered among the dirty ones?"
leehan's blush returned. "uh... yeah. i would say there were quite a few. innocent ones, i mean!"
you laughed. "yeah, sure. i'll go on a date with you."
"really?" leehan beamed at you, his eyes nearly disappearing with how big his smile was.
"yeah... but first let's put on some clothes, hmm? and by clothes, i mean our regular clothes."
"what's wrong with the santa costume? it seemed to get you going." leehan said, wiggling his eyebrows.
you wrinkled your nose. "um, no. incorrect."
"liar. i bet you loved being santa's little helper."
"gross." you groaned. "you're such a freak."
leehan grinned. "so i've been told."
a/n: i was at the mall w @blueberrybeomgyu & @escapistgarden when berry was like omg mall santa fic as a joke and then ofc i couldn't stop thinking abt it 😭 im SICK but it's okay bc i made this :p i cant believe how long this turned out... im used to writing drabbles but slay ig. anyway, if ur reading this, tysm for ur support! <3 hope u enjoyed :) also, merry christmas! (if you celebrate <3)
#bnd smut#boynextdoor smut#kim leehan#kim leehan smut#kim donghyun#kim donghyun smut#bnd hard hours#boynextdoor hard hours#boynextdoor hard thoughts#kim leehan hard thoughts#kim donghyun hard thoughts#kim leehan hard hours#kim donghyun hard hours#boynextdoor x reader#boynextdoor imagines#kim leehan imagines#kim donghyun imagines
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┗ They're Mine; TFA! Cons × GN! S/O ┛
Characters: Megatron, Starscream, and Shockwave (Transformers Animated) *characters aren't shipped together A/N: This was actually fun to write, I made the idea while ago but never had any energy to write it out. Thank goodness I did, though. I love this, by far one of my most enjoyable pieces to write. ⇘ Summary: After returning from a mission with Shockwave on Cybertron, you attract the attention of Lord Megatron and his second-in-command, Starscream. But, after becoming more comfortable around the Decepticon team, they're shocked by the realization of your status with your spy-partner.
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👑💫 Having one of these mechs on your aft is hard enough. But having both of them? Oh, I feel bad for you.
👑 Megatron doesn't hesitate to show his disdain for any of his fellow Cybertronians, or really anything in general. But, because of this quality, it's easy to tell when you likes you around. Examples of this is Shockwave.
💫 Starscream on the other hand is the exact opposite. He never really shows he likes anyone. Probably because he doesn't, but I regress.
👑💫 However, when you came around, these two changed their actions almost fully. They're still just as unstable as before, but they do try to tone it down when you're nearby. Starscream does this better than the anger-issues having warlord.
👑💫 You were terrified when you met the warlord. You may have been a Decepticon who followed him for many years through the war back home, but actually seeing him face-to-face was totally different.
🧪 During Shockwave's time on Cybertron, you were right by his side. You managed a lot of the background parts, you made sure there were records of a Longarm and Hillcrest being created and being raised on the planet. Longarm being Shockwave's alias and Hillcrest being yours.
👑🧪 When you both were revealed as traitors, you fled to Lord Megatron as quickly as possible. He wasn't happy you both failed, but the way you somehow managed to go that long and get quite a bit of information, did please him.
👑🧪 You stared up at the mech as he looked blankly at you. Shockwave looked back at you with his singular optic, before motioning for you to come closer to him. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and introduced you to your shared boss.
"Lord Megatron, I am pleased to introduce you to Y/N. They've been my right-hand during my time on Cybertron. Their knowledge almost surpasses my own, it's quite jarring."
"My Lord." You bowed, nervously staring at the ground as Megatron stared down at you.
"Rise." He demanded, to which you obliged and looked at him with slightly-widened optics.
"So," he began circling around you as he spoke. "You're the infamous Hillcrest Prime, leader of the Cybertronian Defense. Impressive work weakening their defenses on the inside without Ultra Magnus discovering."
"I-uh, thank you, my Lord. Though, Shockwave did do quite a bit of work himself with that." You chuckled.
"Oh, I'm sure he did." He purred, making your cheeks flare with a slight blue tint.
💫 Your first time meeting Starscream was far different. You actually knew him from before the war. He was one of your best friends as you aged. Starscream enjoyed being around you because you helped feed into his ever-growing ego.
💫 He always said you were adorable when you were young, but seeing you and how you aged was shocking. You stood alongside Shockwave, trying to put a few things together before Lugnut began to spout off about Megatron once again.
💫 You looked at Lugnut and blinked annoyingly, a scowl on your face as he kept rambling. He was pissing you off and both Starscream and Shockwave knew this, but didn't bother trying to stop you. They both understood your anger far to well.
"Lugnut. Please be quiet. Shockwave and I must continue our research into the ship and getting information out of Arcee."
"Are you saying you don't want to hear about our glorious leader, Lord Megatron?! How dare you insult him in such a menner?! Why-"
💫 Your optic twitched as you, without hesitation, stomped on Lugnut's ped, kicked him on the side of his face, and pushed him out of the room.
"And if you don't want to listen, stay out!" You yelled, slamming the doors shut.
👑 Megatron heard the noise and went to the room, only to find Lugnut pouting outside of the room.
"Lugnut? What caused that loud boom?" Megatron asked.
👑 The green and purple Decepticon stood up abruptly and bowed to the stoic mech before telling him the story. Only for you to yell back that you heard him and he should stop acting like a sparkling unless he wanted you to come out and throw him out the nearest exit.
👑 Megatron was slightly surprised. When you first arrived, you were on the shy-side, not really speaking unless necessary. But, perhaps that was how Hillcrest acted around people of authority and not Y/N? Most likely.
👑💫 Megatron entered and looked at Starscream, only to see the mech talking to you like he knew you for eons. Of course he did, but the warlord couldn't give a scrap. His second-in-command really knows how to make Megatron want to cut each cable in his system, doesn't he?
"Y/N, can you grab some supplies from the back?" Shockwave asked.
"...Huh? Oh- yeah. What do you need?"
"Just some lubricants and extra cords." He answered, antennae moving around as you smiled and nodded.
👑💫 Megatron and Starscream glared at one another, but they looked at you as you whipped off your servos and laid a cloth down for Shockwave to do the same later on. Come to think of it, the only Cybertronian they saw you always positively and freely interact with was the scientist...
👑💫🧪 Just as they began to go through the few memories they shared with you in the team, you stepped up slightly and pecked the scientist on the side of his helm. His antennae moved slightly upwards as he leaned his helm on yours for a slight second before you left to grab the materials he wanted.
"Did that just... happen?" Starscream mumbled, Lugnut beside him with his jaw dropped open.
"Uh- Shockwave." Megatron called.
👑💫🧪 Shockwave looked at his leader and hummed, wordlessly asking for the larger mech to continue.
"Are you and Y/N a... couple?" He strained out.
"We started acting lovingly while undercover in Cybertron's ranks, those small actions are practically in our average movements now." He replied.
"That doesn't answer the question!" Starscream yelled, servo balled in a fist as he yelled.
"To sum it up...
They're mine."
#Transformers#Transformers Animated#TFA#TFA Decepticons#Transformers x Reader#Transformers Animated x Reader#TFA x Reader#TFA Decepticons x Reader#S/O! Reader#GN! Reader#Cybertronian! Reader#Decepticon! Reader#TFA Megatron#TFA Megatron x Reader#TFA Starscream#TFA Starscream x Reader#TFA Shockwave#TFA Shockwave x Reader
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hey you | fiyero x reader
author’s note; i was bored and was like why not put my shit into well words 🤷🏻♀️ btw it’s been years when i wrote a fanfic so bear with me 🥹
summary; a series of lingering glances and a playful conversation break the silence, sparking the beginning of a connection neither of them expected.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
For the past few days, Y/n had been consumed by a strange, almost surreal feeling whenever Fiyero, the Winkie prince, was nearby. She would catch him glancing in her direction across the school grounds, his gaze lingering just a moment too long, enough to send a flutter through her chest.
But no matter how many times it happened, she couldn’t bring herself to take that first step. She wasn’t like the others, like Galinda, who could easily walk up to anyone and start a conversation without hesitation.
No, she was more reserved, careful with her feelings, and afraid of being too obvious.
“You’re totally just waiting,” she muttered to herself.
“You don’t want to be the desperate one.”
Her thoughts were interrupted when her friend, a more outgoing classmate, bumped her shoulder.
“He’s staring at you again,” her friend teased, gesturing toward Fiyero, who was now walking toward their spot.
He was, once again, looking directly at her, that same piercing gaze that made her heart skip a beat.
“And now he’s walking towards us and–” her friend continued, her voice becoming background noise as Y/n’s thoughts turned inward.
Why couldn’t she just face this? Why couldn’t she summon the courage to talk to him? Every time their eyes met, she could feel the butterflies in her stomach, but she didn’t want to make it obvious.
Was it just a phase? Something that would fade away once the newness wore off? She wasn’t sure, but in that moment, all she wanted was to be able to breathe normally again.
“…..Can you even hear me?” her friend asked, pulling her from her reverie.
“Huh?” she blinked, looking at her friend in confusion.
“Got your thoughts stuck in the clouds, darling?” Fiyero’s voice cut through, accompanied by a smirk that made her feel even more flustered than she already was.
She blinked again, looking at him now standing right in front of them.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
For the past few days, Fiyero had noticed her—seriously noticed her. He saw something in her that intrigued him, something he couldn’t quite place.
She was different from the others, distant yet strangely captivating. It was almost like she was hesitant to engage with him, unsure of how to approach him, yet every time their eyes met, there was a spark—something undeniable.
He caught her eye from across the room. She seemed to be lost in her own world, her gaze flickering between curiosity and hesitation. He couldn’t help but notice the way she kept glancing his way, yet never making a move.
"Hey, you," he thought to himself, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Stop staring from afar." He wondered why she seemed so cautious.
There was no need to be afraid of him. He wasn’t someone to be feared. He just wanted her to know that he'd notice her, that he was interested.
"Why don’t you just come over and talk to me?" he silently mused.
He wasn't a stranger to making the first move, and maybe it was time to break the ice.
He noticed how her eyes would flicker his direction again, but she still stayed in her place, as if bound by some invisible restraint.
He wished she knew it didn’t have to be complicated. Nothing was stopping her from approaching him.
There was no need to hide behind uncertainty. Hearts could be free, open, unafraid.
He wasn’t the type to judge. He just wanted to see if she could take that step toward him, to show a little courage.
"Why don’t you come over?" he wondered again, the thought lingering in the air between them.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
And then, in front of her, his voice broke through the silence.
“I see you every morning, doing the same thing,” Fiyero continued, a playful edge to his tone.
Her face reddened, and she stammered, unsure of how to respond.
"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to make sense of what he was saying.
His smirk deepened. "Don’t think I can feel you staring at me?" he teased, clearly enjoying her discomfort.
“I didn’t mean–” she started, but she could barely finish the sentence as he continued, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
“So, what’s your name again?” he asked, as if they hadn’t already crossed paths countless times in the halls.
As if he wasn’t already running through her mind day and night, just like she had been doing to him.
And with that simple question, everything changed. The unspoken tension between them—the silent moments, the hesitant glances—had finally shifted into something tangible. A new chapter was beginning, one that neither of them had expected but both were secretly hoping for.
In that moment, all of her doubts and fears about what this connection could be seemed to fade away. Maybe it wasn’t just a phase. Maybe there was something real here, something worth exploring.
The hesitation she had held onto so tightly began to loosen, and for the first time in days, she felt a spark of hope—hope that perhaps this was the start of something neither of them could have predicted.
#fiyero tigelaar#wicked fiyero#fiyero x reader#fiyero tigelaar x reader#jonathan bailey#wicked#wicked movie
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pairing: remus lupin x reader
summary: Remus loves christmas for many reasons, but his favourite reason might be you.
chapter warnings: mention of food, other than that not any to my knowledge!!
A/N: merry christmas!! i guess i have to listen to the people of tumblr and write another one... yay
At the young age of 6 years old, Remus John Lupin knew one thing; he loved Christmas. While every day was a constant reminder of his... condition, Christmas was his chance to be normal. His mother would bake sugar cookies and brownies with him, while his father would use magic to string old christmas lights across their small house. His favourite part, however, was not the gifts, or the decorations. It was chocolate. Remus loved chocolate in any form it came in, and in winter, there was no shortage of it. Hot chocolate, peppermint bark, festive chocolate frogs his father would buy for him, Remus adored christmas for this reason.
When Remus went to Hogwarts, his love for christmas only increased. Surrounded by friends who entertained him with games of wizard's chess and card games, he had more to look forward to when the first snowfall of the year happened. Remus loved the way you loved christmas as well. Your sweet disposition only shone brighter during the holiday season. Whether you helped a first year put his ornament higher on the gryffindor common room's christmas tree, or shared your homemade treats with kids whose parents were far to busy to make any, you were just the most perfect person on earth, like an angel that descended from heaven.
On his fourth Christmas holiday spent at Hogwarts, Remus couldn’t help but watch you from the corner of the common room, pretending to be engrossed in the book resting on his lap. You were laughing as you helped a third-year untangle a string of enchanted fairy lights that kept trying to loop themselves into knots. The sound of your laugh—light and genuine—made his chest tighten in a way he couldn’t quite explain.
“Oi, Moony!” Sirius’s voice jolted him out of his reverie. “Are you going to make that move, or are you just planning to stare at her until next Christmas?” Sirius smirked, leaning back in his chair, a knowing look plastered on his face.
James snickered beside him, flicking a wizard’s chess piece that had been knocked over in the chaos of their ongoing game. “Don’t be too hard on him, Padfoot. Christmas is the time for love and all that nonsense, isn’t it?”
Remus flushed, ducking his head to hide the redness creeping up his cheeks. “I wasn’t staring,” he muttered, though the heat in his face betrayed him.
“Oh, sure,” Peter chimed in, grinning as he picked up one of the chocolate frogs from a plate nearby. “Because it’s totally normal to sit with a chessboard in front of you for twenty minutes without moving a single piece.”
Before Remus could come up with a defense, you approached the group, holding a tray of what looked like freshly baked gingerbread cookies. “Anyone want some? I tried a new recipe, and I think they turned out pretty well,” you said, smiling as you offered the plate.
Remus’s heart skipped a beat as you leaned closer to him, holding out the tray. “Here, Remus. I know you like chocolate, so I added a little drizzle on these ones.”
He stared at the cookies for a moment, then at you, his brain struggling to form coherent words. “Thank you,” he managed, his voice quieter than he intended. He took one, the warmth of your smile making his insides feel like melted chocolate.
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him, smirking. “Smooth, Moony. Really smooth.”
You laughed softly at their antics, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Well, enjoy, everyone. Let me know what you think.” And with that, you turned to help another group of students decorating by the fireplace.
Remus watched you walk away, the cookie forgotten in his hand. James leaned over and whispered, “Mate, you’re going to have to say something eventually. Preferably before we graduate.”
But Remus didn’t need their teasing to know what was on his mind. You had a way of making every part of Christmas brighter, and he couldn’t help but think that you were the best gift he’d ever have the privilege of knowing.
By the next Christmas, the common room was alive with festive cheer once more, and this time, you and Remus sat together by the fire like old friends—though to Remus, you were so much more than that.
It had been a year since that quiet, awkward conversation, and in that time, you and Remus had grown closer in a way that felt effortless. He no longer hesitated to sit beside you in the common room or join you for study sessions in the library. You’d developed a quiet, easy camaraderie that made him feel like he belonged in a way he hadn’t since arriving at Hogwarts.
This Christmas, though, felt different.
“Are you winning, Moony?” you teased, leaning over to glance at his game of wizard’s chess with Sirius.
“Not even close,” he admitted with a wry smile. His knight was just smashed to bits by Sirius’s queen, and his remaining pieces seemed to be shaking with dread.
“Poor knight,” you said with mock sympathy. “He never stood a chance.”
Sirius grinned. “I’m ruthless. Everyone knows that.”
Remus rolled his eyes but chuckled, turning to you. “I think my pieces have officially given up. Care to save me by distracting Sirius?”
You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh no, I’m terrible at chess. But I can offer you some chocolate for moral support.”
Reaching into the small tin you’d brought with you, you held out a neatly wrapped piece. Remus accepted it with a quiet “thanks,” and as he unwrapped it, he couldn’t help but marvel at how thoughtful you always were.
“Do you ever stop being nice?” he asked softly, almost to himself.
You tilted your head, smiling. “Why would I stop? It’s Christmas.”
“Still,” he muttered, looking down at the chocolate in his hand. “You make everything... better. Not just Christmas. Just—everything.”
Your cheeks warmed, and you reached for a piece of chocolate yourself to hide your flustered smile. “That’s what friends are for, right?”
The word friends made his heart ache in the best and worst way. He wanted to be more than that, but the thought of ruining what you already had was enough to keep him silent.
“You’ve been so good to me this year, Remus,” you said after a moment, surprising him. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
His head snapped up, his eyes wide. “Me? You’re the one who’s—” He stopped himself, shaking his head. “Never mind.”
You leaned closer, curiosity sparkling in your eyes. “No, go on. What were you going to say?”
He hesitated, then sighed, giving you a small smile. “You’re the one who’s made this year so great. I mean, you’re... you’re incredible, really. You make everyone feel special. It’s hard not to feel lucky just being around you.”
Your heart fluttered, and you looked down at your lap, feeling suddenly shy. “Well, if I make everyone feel special, it’s only because I learned from you.”
Remus blinked, caught completely off guard. “From me?”
You nodded, meeting his gaze with a soft smile. “Of course. You’re one of the kindest people I know, Remus. And you always know how to make people feel cared for, even when you don’t realize it.”
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The room seemed to grow quieter, the glow of the fire casting a soft light over your faces.
“Thank you,” he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Merry Christmas, Remus,” you said, your smile brighter than any decoration in the room.
“Merry Christmas,” he replied, his heart so full it felt like it might burst.
He still didn’t know if he’d ever work up the courage to tell you how he really felt, but for now, being your friend—your favourite friend, he hoped—was more than enough.
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@ahi-kakariki
Without getting too deep into an essay about this, the bullet point version for why many comic fans dislike the "Lex DNA thing" is as follows;
1.) It is a retcon to an already established canon lasting almost a decade when the reveal happened. When Kon was first introduced DC was under an editorial mandate that there could only be ONE Kryptonian in the main continuity - Clark. So every single "Super" you see (Supergirl, Superboy etc) are not Kryptonian. How Kesel got away with Kon was by making him a "clone" from Cadmus that they originally thought was Clark's but was revealed to actually be completely unrelated to him at all. This was quite a bummer to Kon but he got over it and still wore the S shield with pride. One year later, he finds out who his genetic doner actually was - Paul Westfield who was your typical unethical dirtbag scientist/ceo. This really bummed Kon out but again, he got over it because he knows he is not Paul Westfield.
2.) Being unrelated to Clark ties more into the greater Superman narrative in that revolves around adoption and immigration. It was important that Kon was unrelated to Clark by blood, and yet Clark still admitted that out of everyone who wore the S-Shield, he felt the closest to him.
3.) Eugenics. Geoff making Kon a Clex clone might not have been such a bad idea if he did anything with it that wasn't just eugenics and pushing the narrative that "bad genes" exists. Again, Kon was already related to a scumbag and this was not pushed as a narrative - he had his moment and got over it. With Lex, it kept coming up over and over again.
4.) Stagnation. While TTv3 absolutely did have profound character building moments for Kon, many feel that the retcon did more harm than good. While it did add drama and interest, it kept coming back as a plot for Kon to grapple with over and over again. It also ended up more as a joke or a prop to Clex as a ship in many circles that put some bad tastes in people's mouths. We also had a phenomenal build up in Kon's solo series before TTv3 that touched on some themes of scifi, clone rights, body autonomy, dehumanization and corruption within the government and scientific institutions - most of this was dropped in favor of everything else Geoff was focused on.
5.) 50% Clark and 50% Lex is not a clone...
There are certainly other reasons, but these are the main ones that comic readers keep coming back to why the "Clex clone" bothers them (if it does.)
Naturally, it doesn't mean that this retcon is absolute garbage and if you do enjoy it you're out of your mind, because there is worthwhile story in this. It's just unfortunate that Geoff didn't or couldn't do something other than what he did.
For more context I urge you to read Superboy 1994!
Still my favorite piece of Superboy lore. Geoff Johns made his headcanon, canon when he wrote Teen Titans and decided to make Conner Kent have some of Lex Luthor's DNA.
#kon el#clex clone#i've written several stories favoring the clex clone origins but it still irks me in canon bc there was so much more then could do with it#evil genes stfu
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hey, i hope you're doing great! i feel this may be unorthodox, but i really wanted to reach out to extend my engagement?— awe?— solidarity?— (some variant of those, anyways) with your most recent "workposting" art. i don't normally do this. I've maybe sent 3 asks in my whole life. there's no pressure to respond to this, as i mostly just wanted to cheer you on. also, I'm really sorry this is so long.
i only just recently landed my very first freelance art job, at a start-up company dedicated to making comics + DND inspired art content. I've always felt that "Its nothing to call home about", and so i really resonated with your feelings regarding your work for Brawl Stars. I felt kind of ashamed of my job, that its just a small start up— that I'm not enough and that i should be trying harder, or something like that. Specifically i resonated with your comment of "presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher" and i don't think i could have solidified any better.
Anyways. all's to say. I really found your work quite jaw-dropping. I was shocked when i read it was for Brawl Stars. I didn't know anything about it, but when i did some research i was even more amazed. they're really, really compositionally beautiful... i mean, i know its just "work" to you ultimately, but it really does feel lively, and everything about it makes it feel like you care. I think sometimes you're just able to tell when an artist genuinely cares about their work; about its end outcome. there's so many intricacies. and a lot of attention to detail. you kept the style that was necessary of you but i also can feel the warmth and the care of the artist behind it��� its not corporate, or stale, it doesn't come across as "just work".
since you mentioned League, i genuinely do think it serves an equal purpose and weight to what League of Legends would produce. from a biased standpoint, i would actually value your work more. Its not even that its "more obtainable"/"more realistic" but that there's genuinely more feeling to it. Compositionally/artistically, yeah, League makes great stuff, but occasionally, the feeling or the sense of warmth and care from the creator of the art is lost along the way. I value seeing the artist within their own art a lot, which is why I've admitted to a degree of bias. either way. what you put out there is really gorgeous, and crazy impressive.
I know a stranger with a dumb, fandom-oriented art blog cant solve the self-indited art elitism (you and me both, man💀) and that you've already received plenty of love/reblogs saying similar things, but i wanted to extend my feelings anyways. Its really heart-warming, i guess. It brings me hopefulness, and deep adoration for the craft. I'm not very good with words. Anyways. don't undersell yourself. seeing your work meant more to me than you can imagine. I'm obviously nowhere near your skill level, but it meant more to me as an aspiration. i think that regardless of who you work for, your work is really valuable and downright incredible. because you bring that sense of warmth, care, time, and patience regardless of the media it portrays. and you're able to do that while being objectively talented— utilizing great compositions, colour pallets, shading, characterization, mood, etc. That is more valuable. That is much much cooler than working for Riot. imo.
Initially, i also wanted to ask you some questions about how you assembled your portfolio, if you went to school, (if so) what it did/didn't provide for you going into the art field, and just how you landed the job in general. But i respect you and your time, and wouldnt want to be a burden or anything. If you ever have time for it, i would love to ask them, among others, and we can chat in DM if you'd prefer. Absolutely no pressure. Im happy just watching from the sidelines. I dont anticipate anything from you to begin with! I just hope youll know how influential your post was to read & see, to someone like me!
Oh man. I. How. Where do I even start except
This is one of the most uplifting, touching and encouraging messages I received in my life. I read it thrice. And I still can't believe how full of love it is. This is such high praise, I want you to know I will cherish it and carry it with me for a long long time. It's not often that an artist gets to learn how their art is perceived, not to mention in such a positive light. It really means a lot to me.
It makes me so happy to hear that my work illustrations retain a piece of me that is visible to others. I myself can't see it, but I imagine my closeness to the matter at hand heavily impacts my ability to see objectively at all. There was a time where I was worried that work was overriding the me that makes my art mine, that I was becoming a corporate rendering machine and that what I did at work (the shape language and style) was bleeding into my personal art. There is a part of me that is now breathing easier after reading your message. I would love to answer any questions you have, it's the least I can do to repay you! Feel free to send an ask or even an email, I'll try to be as thorough as I can be with my answers. I wish you happy holidays! Take care! And again thank you so much for taking the time to write this message!
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so what's your overall thoughts on the movie??
General: sa2 still clears and specifically I think the sa2 lore for the ARK trio (Shadow Maria and Gerald) is a lot better, but this was pretty good (sometimes even great) for a movieverse (loose) adaptation of sa2. I did not like Gerald though, I think his crusty ass should have been left in the 70s
Specific thoughts under the cut (spoilers obviously)
My main criticisms rn is that it basically just feels like a watered down version of sa2, from most of the main story beats to the lore to the characters etc. Obviously I was not expecting them to have the same amount of depth that the games managed to give to Shadow's story from both the extra content that comes along with the games (like the manual that confirmed Maria's illness) but I feel like cutting out stuff like Maria's illness and her wish just left the story feeling neutered in some very important ways. The other big thing I didn't like was Gerald in general. Like yeah he was kinda funny the first two acts, but then he keeps the goofy schtick up while Sonic and Shadow are trauma bonding and kicking ass in space and idk. If they wanted to show him as a more evil version of Eggman maybe have him just actually be more evil for the final act. Ideally he should have behaved more menacing after dropping the "You're no Maria" line. Also the pacing was fast as hell, and apparently the film cut relatively important stuff like explanations for how Gerald was alive at 110 years old (he was licking that Shadow quill apparently) and also led to stuff like Shadow's entire arc being kinda rushed.
Aside from those though... I kind of loved it???? Big surprise coming from me I know, and I do wonder if it's just recency bias, but I think this is easily and by far the best project the films have put out. If you've seen both trailers for this film you can predict how 95% of the plot is going to go along with the character arcs, but they're still decently effective (for everyone except Gerald). The goofiness does get to be a bit much sometimes and my god I wish they would just let movie Sonic be quiet for once in a while, but towards the later half it starts getting really good. The parallels between Sonic and Shadow are well-made and impactful. Super Sonic and Super Shadow are hype. The action is fucking fantastic (if you go to these films just for spectacle you ABSOLUTELY want to see this one). And the found family stuff is the best it's ever been. If you like Wachowski sibling content, and specifically Wachowski sibling angst, you will be feasting. Tails and Knuckles fans, GO TO THIS MOVIE. I won't say why but you'll fucking love it
Depending on my mood, it's a 6/10-8/10 from me
Random thoughts
The non-game human characters are the best balanced that they've ever been
The game human characters are not well balanced at all lmao
Even if movie 4 will inevitably be less hype than movie 3, I can honestly see it maybe being the best so far which is 100% my own bias
Amy's design is cute as hell and Metal's design is awesome as hell
I'm kinda glad Jim Carrey is (presumably) gone ngl
I hope they keep the energy Sonic had in the third act and mid-credits for the rest of the franchise, even if it will obviously be less intense than when he was literally trying to kill someone
I am going to make so many fanfics where movie Sonic suffers bc I adore him so much (/negative) (/positive)
I think it would be best if the next movie was just Sonic, Amy, and Metal. I love the sibs but this being in live action, if the cast keeps getting inflated every individual member is just going to have so much less time. Maybe Sonic and Amy get kidnapped to Little Planet or something
I want them to keep her crush on Sonic but also her spunky and somewhat violent and irrational attitude. If they kept Knuckles gullibility they should also keep her flaws
Shadow and Maria's story may be infinitely more compelling in the games but them in the movies is just more entertaining idk what to tell you
They gotta give Maddie something to do. She is literally just Tom's +1 at the moment please god give her something to do
I do not feel bad about the GUN commander guy at ALLLLLLLL lmao i think he shoulda died choking on his own blood. bitchass
you still don't need to watch the knuckles show
#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#tails the fox#knuckles the echidna#shadow the hedgehog#maddie wachowski#tom wachowski#gerald robotnik#maria robotnik#eggman#amy rose#metal sonic#sonic movie 3#sonic movie 3 spoilers#prin posts#scu#sonic posting#prin asks#anon asks
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Madness in Mansion Chapter I
A Long Trek, a Great Journey
“Dear Miss Bethany,
By the time you are reading this, I will (hopefully) be long gone. I would tell you where I am going specifically, but I know you or someone else would have to come find me. I have left to find my father. My biological father! So please, please, please don’t worry! (And don’t chase me!)
I know me leaving might make things hard. I won’t be around to help with the other kids or the cleaning or the cooking. I’m sorry for putting more on your plate. But this is something I must do! Something calls for me! And if all goes well, you and the agency won’t have to worry about me anymore! I’ll be with my father safe and sound! If I can, I’ll send you a text message when I get to him and all settled in!
Love,
Lazari Swann!
P.S. There’s still some left over lasagna in the fridge if you were worried about dinner tonight! I put it on the bottom shelf! :-D”
Lazari taped her folded letter to the fridge. Really, it was the only place she was confident her foster mother would see it. The home was always chaotic, so many other kids, ones much younger than Lazari, demanded attention and care and nurturing. So much so that it was often Lazari herself offering such things to the toddlers and babies. She’d help make them breakfast, help them with homework, help them get dressed. Really, she was a bonafide second caregiver to her foster siblings. And while she wished she could’ve stayed after school for clubs or maybe been in her middle school’s play, she didn’t complain. There were much worse things in the world. Much worse situations.
Every morning her foster mother would rush out to the kitchen and begin making breakfast. She’d call for Lazari desperately, as well as some of the older kids to help. And every morning Lazari would jump into action, fully dressed and prepared for the day, and make the most delicious pancakes a 13 year old could make. So the brunette was certain that this was the spot for the letter to be. Brown eyes scanned her dark surroundings, the house still and chilly as she stepped back from the refrigerator. The young girl took a deep breath.
“Goodbye, home four.” She whispered out softly, jostling her stuffed backpack around to be better situated on her shoulders. She had already left letters for her siblings to find (the ones old enough to read at least) so all that was left to do was to leave and get to the bus station. All her money from allowance and chores was saved up for this moment. All her research at the library and on school computers when she should’ve been paying attention to algebra lessons, it was all for this purpose and this purpose alone. Lazari Swann would find her father.
Her mother had died after giving birth to her, that’s what she knew. Her father was nowhere to be found. All she had of her parents was her mother’s necklace and some old photos her mother had kept in an album. The album was mostly of her mother and her family, Polaroids from adventures long buried in the wake of a premature death. Her grandparents refused to take her in, refused contact, and Lazari was left to the devices of the foster care system. She was allowed to keep that album though, the one with many stories never to be heard from her mother’s own mouth. And there was one photo in particular that always caught little Lazari’s attention.
— 🍝 —
Lazari stared at the photo long and hard as she felt the shifts of the bus, as it turned and slowed and sped up. Her fingers rubbed over the ink that had stained the film, her only clue to finding her remaining family, a location she had never heard of yet oozed familiarity.
Loblolly, Alabama
XX,XX,1993
Cascada’s “Everytime We Touch” bumped in her earbuds, bright red iPod held firmly in her opposite hand. She had studied this picture for so much of her childhood, she felt like she could draw it from memory. Lucky for her, a bus from Louisiana to Loblolly, Alabama existed, and 8 hours later that bus was slowing to a hefty stop. Lazari braced herself as the vehicle jolted, it wasn’t exactly a graceful finish to the ride. She popped her head up and tucked the photo away into her jeans’ pocket, pressing pause on her little device and wrapping her earbuds around it to place back in her bag. There weren’t many other passengers on this ride, and certainly none as bright eyed as Lazari. They all seemed lost, the girl had briefly thought, but then again, perhaps she was as well. She shyly thanked the bus driver for getting them to their destination safely and was on her way.
Loblolly, Alabama… the fresh air was welcomed into Lazari’s lungs as she stepped off the bus’ steps and looked around herself. She was closer than ever before to answers, to family, she just wasn’t sure exactly where to start her search. The photo she had been studying all this time was hard to decipher; it was a red monolith erected in what seemed to be a forest of black trees. She always assumed the photo was just taken at night, that’s why it was so dark and ominous looking. But where should she start searching if the whole town seemed to be surrounded by trees? A grumble in her stomach brought her thoughts back to the present moment. It was around lunch time now, no wonder she’d be hungry. So, her search would have to be put on pause while she found something to eat.
The young girl walked by many fascinating things, old stores that somehow seemed to be up and running still, the town square and a library, posts and walls with countless missing persons papers stapled on them. Lazari found herself watching her reflection as she walked by store and restaurant display windows, pleased with herself since her plan was going so smoothly. She disappeared into a small diner to grab a quick bite to eat, setting her overly-packed bag next to herself in the booth. An older woman waltzed over to her, makeup intense and perfume even more so. She peered over her cat-eye glasses to the young lady in front of her, face uninviting but words warm.
“What can I get ya to drink, honey?” Her voice was raspy, but gentle. Lazari decided it was pleasant.
“Oh! Um… do you have iced tea?” The brunette asked meekly, smiling politely like always. The woman didn’t have to write anything on her small notepad yet. She just nodded and stated:
“I’ll be right back with that, hon.”
Lazari watched as she walked away before turning her attention back to the menu. She thought about getting a sandwich, something easy to finish so she wouldn’t have leftovers and waste food, it was just a matter of figuring out what kind. As her eyes scanned over the options, she couldn’t help but pick up on the low conversations surrounding her.
“Did you hear he was spotted again?”
“Yeah, by the high school right? I wonder what he was doing there…”
“There weren’t any reports last night… no new victims or anything. Do you think he’s planning something bigger?”
The sound of a glass clinking against the table made Lazari jump. She looked up to see her waitress, face flushing as she found her own spacing out silly. She thanked the woman who nodded and brought out her notepad.
“Now, what can I get ya to eat?” Lazari had decided to get something simple after all. She ordered a grilled cheese with tomato soup, perfect since the days were getting a bit colder. Once the waitress was gone again, Lazari slumped back against the booth and let herself rest for a short moment.
It was when the waitress was coming to take her dirty plate when she got the confidence to ask. Holding the picture with sweaty fingertips, Lazari looked up to the older woman and squeaked out her question.
“I-I hate to be a bother, ma’am, but I was wondering if-if you know where this is?” The girl presented the image to the waitress and her eyebrows raised. Lazari wasn’t sure if they raised out of recognition or curiosity, or perhaps maybe for a more negative reason like annoyance. Either way, the woman took the picture in her aged hands and tilted her head. After what felt like an eternity, she spoke.
“Sorry, hon, I haven’t got a clue.” Lazari felt her hope falter a bit. “Maybe it could be the park down the road from the high school? You know, there’s a lot of trails there and what not? I think that’s your best bet at finding something like this.” The woman handed the picture back to Lazari with care. She picked up the plate before pausing and turning her head to say something else. “If you’re gonna be going there anytime soon, just be careful. There’s been nasty things going on around us lately…” The waitress turned her head away and left slowly after that, leaving her words to linger in Lazari’s mind. Ultimately, she decided that whatever it was had nothing to do with her or her goals. The young girl gathered her belongings, left an overly-generous tip, and was once again off on her merry journey.
It took a good while to find the high school. Lazari had to ask around for directions and received odd looks in response. It was like the townspeople couldn’t believe someone new had shown up there willingly. They would briefly answer her questions and then brush her off, all guarded and cautious. However, Lazari eventually found her way. And here she was on a hill, gazing upon the small school with a tilt to her head. She felt like she had seen this school before, maybe on the news or in an online article. But that wasn't the point of finding it. Now that she was here, she was certain she’d be able to find that park the waitress had mentioned to her.
“From the high school, go left.” She muttered to herself, reminding herself of the directions a more friendly townsperson had given her. She made her trek down the long road and before she knew it, she was entering the park.
It seemed like any other wildlife park. There were hiking trails, picnic areas, but everything seemed deathly still. An odd melancholy permeated the air. Lazari couldn’t tell if her sudden apprehension was because it would be getting dark soon or if she was just freaking herself out. It was just a park after all, a nature preserve! But the words her waitress shared with her suddenly rang in her head. Still, she had come all this way, she wouldn’t give up on finding her dad now.
Lazari stopped by a map of the trails and inhaled sharply as she realized just how many there were. There was no mention of a red tower, just trail names and things of more importance. She wouldn’t make progress just standing around, she had to keep moving. The young girl picked the longest trail to go down, thinking that this way she’d cover more land. If she didn’t find the tower on this trail, she’d just come back and pick a different one. Sure, it might be tedious, but she felt so close to uncovering something. Her heart raced, and she wanted to believe it was from the adrenaline of finally meeting her father, not from unease.
— 🍝 —
The sun was just disappearing behind the trees when she saw it. The red tower. Her heartbeat quickened, thumping hard against her rib cage. She felt the prick of tears, being in an area where her father and mother must’ve stood at one point. Sure, the tower was rusted and unsturdy, and the trees were a muted green instead of inky black, but this had to be it. She was at the exact angle the photo was taken from! She placed the Polaroid back into her pocket and kneeled down to retrieve her flashlight. Finally, she was finally getting somewhere. Lazari stood back up and switched her flashlight on. She gazed upon the tower once more, and as the sun faded, slowly… so did her optimism.
It suddenly dawned on her just exactly what she was doing here. She had left her foster home behind, traveled 8 hours to a location she’s never been to before, trekked through the woods alone, all just to see some tower that might have something to do with her father? What was she expecting to find here? Was she expecting him to be there? Waiting for her? Was she expecting some miracle to happen, or for something to make sense? She was here and now what was there left to do? That prick of tears turned sour as they trailed down her rounded cheeks. She choked on a hurried breath as her actions, and their possible consequences, started catching up to her. What was the point of this? What was the point of anything?
crrrrack
The sound of a twig sharply snapping made Lazari stiffen. The sound stung her ears, she must’ve grown accustomed to the eerie silence that hung heavy in the branches. With haste, she turned and shakily pointed her flashlight towards the direction of the noise. What she saw before her was almost indescribable.
At first, she thought it was a person, emaciated and bare, but the more her gaze lingered on it, the more she realized that was no human being. Its crouched position gave it an animalistic quality, its face unnaturally contorted in a snarl, and its eyes seemed to reflect her flashlight’s brightness. She shrieked, crying so loudly in hopes the whole world could hear her and someone would be there to rescue her. But she’d have no such luck.
It all happened so quickly. The thing bounded towards her and she ran off the trail. She jumped and stumbled over overgrown roots, feeling thorns and sticks brush by her legs. At a certain point it caught up with her, grabbing her ankle and yanking her back. Her flashlight left her hand and she yelped as her chin met the forest ground. The thing, now on top of her, slashed at her face. She was quicker though and lifted her arms in defense, earning a tear to her favorite sweater (and her arm) instead.
Lazari had always heard your life flashes before your eyes before you die. She saw glimpses here and there, memories of birthdays or going to a new house or meeting a new sibling. She even faintly recalled a barn, and having no time to be confused by that thought, she let the memory comfort her as she tried to make peace with the fact that she was about to be killed. At least she’d get to meet one of her parents tonight. But before this creature could finish her off, she watched it get pounced on by something with much more weight to it.
The creature was tackled off her and she didn’t waste time crawling away. The sounds were that of a struggle. There was growling, tearing, the crunch of bones being crushed by powerful jaws. She snatched up her flashlight to at least give her surroundings more visibility, pointing it towards the sounds just in time to see that whatever had attacked her was dashing away into the darkness with a hiss. She trembled as she looked upon the other beast that remained. Would this one attack her too? Was it just fighting off a competitor to win the prize of a meal?
The dog looked back to her, head tilted and curious. Lazari felt her stomach start to settle. This was no beast! This was a dog! A very large dog, but a dog nonetheless! The animal trotted up to her, keeping its gaze submissive as if to show it was no threat. Lazari swallowed thickly, but didn’t stop it from coming to her. After everything that had just happened, the potential to pet a fluffy dog was the most comforting thing in the world. She reached out a hand and the thing ducked to fit its blocky head under it. With shaking hands still, Lazari stroked its fur, sniffling and trying to quiet her sobs. She did this for minutes, trying to will herself to stop shivering.
“Go-Good boy…” She finally whispered, fingers brushing against a collar. Carefully, she found the bone-shaped tag on it and shone her flashlight over its engraving. “Smile…? Is that your name?” The dog’s tail started to wag and it barked in response, earning a cringe from the young teen. She hushed him nervously, looking around herself and forcing herself to be vigilant. Lazari recounted her belongings, making sure she still had her backpack on her back, her flashlight in her hand, her picture in her pocket. After what felt like hours, she stood up, only mild tremors still affecting her body. Smile watched her and dutifully took on a protective stance once he realized she was ready to move again.
“I don’t suppose you know a way out of here?” She half joked, now realizing she didn’t recognize her surroundings at all. She had gotten so far off the trail. Smile nudged her leg, raising his neck to connect with her fingers. Curiously, Lazari grabbed onto his collar and he began to guide her in a seemingly random direction.
— 🍝 —
To her utter surprise, the dog named Smile had taken her to a cabin. The cabin was rickety, small and she would’ve thought it was abandoned had it not been for the warm lights seeping through the cracks of the boarded up windows. Smile finally left her side, trotting up to the cabin door with a wagging tail. She figured his owners must live here, maybe that’s why he was in the forest in the first place. Cautiously, Lazari stepped up to the cabin door and knocked on it, bony knuckles making a pleasant sound against the wood. There was a long pause and no movement, so desperately, Lazari knocked again. There was another long pause, but this time, some noise could be heard from within the rundown cabin and the door was opened with a great force. Lazari flinched, jumping back as the door swung away from her.
“What!?” A gruff voice sounded out, and Lazari’s vision focused on a man. The man before her stared at her dumbly as soon as he saw her, Smile at her side, happy and playful still. His brows were furrowed, but something in him seemed to immediately soften. Lazari and the man stared at each other for a long moment before a third person entered the equation.
“Tim? Who is it?” This man’s voice was more relaxed, curious as he also entered Lazari’s view and peered over the dark-haired man’s shoulder. He, upon seeing Lazari, immediately held a similarly dumbfounded expression. There was another long bout of staring. Lazari found the courage to try and explain her situation.
“I-I’m sorry! If I um… am disturbing you both! But um! I was on the trail in the park. And-And something attacked me! I don’t know what it was, but… I think your dog saved me? I ran off the trail and got lost when it came after me and I…” Lazari’s voice trailed off as words got jumbled in her head. After the running and the attack, she realized she had run out of steam very rapidly. This fatigue also made her completely forget about the term ‘stranger danger.’ And honestly, these men looked more scared of her than she should be of them. The one named Tim finally spoke.
“Come in.” He stated lowly, opening the door more for Lazari to enter. The other man also moved out of her way. She didn’t have to be told twice. The brunette hurried into the warmth of the cabin and felt herself completely unravel.
The tears started again, her sobbing and biting her lip to try and keep herself quiet. The taller man knelt down a bit by her, attempting to take her backpack off her and she let him.
“Hey now, you’re okay.” He cooed, setting her backpack down with care and taking her hand to guide her to the only bed in the cabin. “You can sit here. Now, what’d you say your name was?” The man squatted in front of her as she slumped down on the thin mattress.
“I’m Lazari.” She sputtered out pathetically, whimpering and shivering all over again.
“It’s nice to meet you Lazari. I’m Brian. That grumpy looking guy is Tim.” Brian nodded his head to the dark-haired man who was on the opposite side of the cabin grabbing something from a shelf. “We’re gonna help you out, okay?” Brian offered his hand to shake and Lazari shyly shook it, manners were ingrained in her. The lanky man patted her hand with his free one when they were done shaking as Tim met up with them, first aid kit in hand.
“Did you get hurt anywhere?” Tim asked softly, squatting down similarly next to Brain. It was at that moment Lazari realized she had gotten scratched. She felt the cold stinging in her arm and looked down to see her sleeve torn and stained red. Tim and Brian watched as she took off her sweater to get a better look at her arm. She was relieved that the t-shirt underneath didn’t get damaged at least. She had worn her favorite outfit for the journey, after all.
“It doesn’t seem to be too bad, just a surface scratch.” Brian noted, suddenly serious. Tim grunted in agreement, switching sides with Brian so he could disinfect the wound and bandage it up.
“This might sting.” Tim noted as he rubbed a disinfectant-drenched cotton ball on her skin. Lazari inhaled a bit suddenly, but that was the extent of her reaction. There was silence as the shorter man bandaged her wound. He was extra careful to not make it too tight on her skinny arm. He was finished swiftly though, and he packed the first aid kit back up to be put back on the shelf.
“Now, can you try to tell us what attacked you?” Brian prodded gently, offering a lopsided smile of reassurance. Lazari hesitated, and he seemed to catch it immediately. “I need you to be as honest as you can. I promise whatever you’re about to say, me and Tim will believe you.” Lazari gulped, but she gave in. She was too tired not to.
“At first I thought it was a person… A really skinny and naked person. But it wasn’t. It was… unnatural… I don’t know how else to describe it, I’m sorry…”
“Hey, you don’t gotta apologize.” Brian hummed. Tim had rejoined them by this time, arms crossed over his broad chest. “We’ve encountered that guy plenty of times. We know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m just glad Smile was there to save you.” Lazari looked to Smile, who had been sitting next to her this whole time. He was as tall as her now that she was sitting. She nodded, also glad that she didn’t have to be met with such a terrible fate.
“What were you doing in these woods at sundown?” Tim suddenly asked, sounding a bit like he was scolding her. Lazari bowed her head, now realizing how stupid this whole plan of hers really was.
“I was looking for my father.” She stated, voice small. The cabin stilled, both Brian and Tim suddenly confused. Lazari continued. “S-See, my mom died giving birth to me and my dad was nowhere to be found. I’ve been going from foster home to foster home and I just wanted to at least try and find my dad. I just wanna go home…” A home that she had never known, Lazari realized as she spoke. “My only clue was this stupid picture!” The young girl presented them with the Polaroid picture from her pocket. Tim took a hold of it and looked down, Brian standing to get a peek as well. Lazari’s eyes were downcast, she couldn’t see their faces turn pale as they gazed upon the image. There was a bout of silence before Tim spoke again.
“I see…” These simple words were filled with trepidation. Brian had grown quieter than ever. The two men exchanged a look, as if reading each other’s minds, exchanging sentences with no words spoken. “We know a guy who might have answers.” The shorter man finally said. Lazari’s eyes widened and she looked back up at them.
“Really!?” She nearly shouted. Tim nodded, but his face looked grim.
“Now listen, kid…” He handed the picture back to her. “You’ve already witnessed first hand that things in this forest are not… right. And now that you’re here, frankly, things might get complicated. The answers you get might not be ones you want to hear. I’m not expecting you to understand anything I’m saying right now. But I’m telling you that you’re gonna have to be a lot stronger from here on out. Things are… well… it’s just…”
Brian placed a hand on Tim’s shoulder, patting it with comforting pressure. He smiled simply, Tim exhaling and taking a moment to recollect his thoughts.
“We’ll bring you to him in the morning. You’ll stay here for the night, where you’re safe.” Brian informed as Tim walked off to go to the sink. He filled up a glass of water and placed it by the bed Lazari was sitting on. “Try to get some rest, okay, Lazari?”
Lazari nodded slowly, allowing their words to sink into her brain. It seemed things were more complicated than she could’ve ever known, but she was in no state to inquire about what they meant or who she was about to meet. The young teen kicked off her shoes and curled up on the mattress. She felt Brian pull the flannel covers up and over her, effectively tucking her in. Smile climbed the short distance from the floor to the bed and huddled up against her legs. Lazari couldn’t pinpoint exactly why, but she felt that this must be close to what home feels like, and the warmth of this lonely cabin lulled her to sleep.
#YAYYYY FIRST CHAPTER!!#okay bear with me#I have no idea how to write Tim and Brian#they’ll probably change in characterization as I refresh my memory about them#BUT FOR NOW THIS IS WHAT I HAVE#Madness in Mansion#creepypasta#creepypasta au#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta fanfic#crp fanfic#crp fandom#crp au#lazari swann#tim masky#brian hoodie#smile dog#slender mansion
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"I can't ignore what's under dancefloor boards, The rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat, But I still move my feet, to slip out of this groove, I'm free" ~ 2econd 2ight 2eer, Will Wood, The Normal Album
I have been plagued with visions of LDR Sun every time I listen to this song and I NEEDED to get this out of my system @spadillelicious when do we get to smooch the boy pLEASE
v textless version and close ups under cut!! v
#fnaf#fnaf security breach#fnaf dca#dca au#dca fanart#dca fandom#Love Death and Rollerskates#LDR sun#will wood#2econd 2ight 2eer#the normal album#tw eyestrain#cw guns#if you see any mistakes in the text no you didn't#took me way too long to get everything lined up and readable PLEASE--#just bear with me on this one i am going FERAL#story of my life but this was going to be a simple sketch to reward myself between deadlines and then it became a WHOLE thing /pos#(i still don't understand how to draw rollerskates!!!! or guns!!!)#but my LDR brainworms were soooo happy to get spotlight on this one akjshdsg#i am screaming endlessly about this fic I had been wanting to draw sun and his funky windbreaker for MONTHS!!#and every time you mention crescent eyes my little brain is like “DRAW THAT” kasjfhdf#but so many other things kept coming up and i kept having to put it off#and then this song came along and i was like. ENOUGH. IT IS TIME!!!!!#An allusion to The Tell-Tale Heart AND disco dancing?! HELL FREAKING YEAH!!!!!#and then several reference image hunts and a LOT of colour happened and here we are :3#okay okay tag rambling is being cut off now but i just akjhsdg am thrilled to finally share this--#Please go read Love Death and Rollerskates by spadillelicious it is FANTASTIC
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Giving nicknames, testing boundaries (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#How /did/ Max come to like him so much in just two years? I have my theories :3#More Teen Max!! Nothing has changed I just continue to love him lol#Two years is a pretty quick turnaround for such a stubborn kid - though I guess for a child two years can be a long time haha#Went from just hating Dex's guts of trying to drive him away and make him quit and hating being kept on a short leash#Does make me wonder how much of him kissing him was an impulse - I mean obviously lol but how much was genuine attraction!#Certainly seemed like a lot :0 Even upon being rejected he couldn't give it up! Still took him another several years to act again tho haha#I mean - in the text lol who knows what they got up to in the time skips hehe ♪#AnyWay lol - them getting used to each other of slowly working into tolerating each other#Max said something in one of his wake-ups that as I read it implied Dexter was something of a polyglot?? Which - love that ♪#If not conversationally-fluent then at tourist-fluent y'know I think that's great <3#Which got me thinking about other languages and insults and curses haha#I like the idea of Dex only really strong-arming Max about Actual deviant behaviour - something that puts himself or others at risk#Harmless little things like any teen would do - like name-calling! Haha - just get a kind of neutral ''Huh''#As well as interest <3 Not an outright dismissal not a lecture but at least the appearance of investment!#Considering Max's home life I can't imagine he had all that many people genuinely (or fake) interested in his shenanigans#All about suppressing the symptoms more than rooting out the cause it's amazing what just showing a little interest can do#I also just think it's cute of Max getting away with something silly and harmless but totally biting and mean! <in his mind haha#Silly lad <3
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almost started rambling about my no cult au in a rb instead I will ramble about it in my own tags like a sane person
#the post was saying how therapy would not be enough to make the seeds normal for a no cult au and I AGREE!#they will never be normal again that's just how it is <3#in my no cult AU they're all still very much fucked up but more private and restrained about it#like joseph still steals jeromes flock and warns people about the collapse and they have their bunkers built#but there's no reaping. he's like if u wanna die in the fire go for it. u'll be sorry and the gates will be closed to u forever bye#john still has his torture chamber for when people need to be rid of their sins and their attitudes that offend him personally :)#and he's still mega creepy to most people. the charm only enraptures so many other wierdos#jacob still has his darwinism thing going on. he's basically the same but all the freaks under him are voluntarily there for some reason#faith is basically the same too but there are fewer angels kept in bunkers or just out of sight#and as a front they have the youth centre where they're a totally normal group just concerned for the youth :)#it's totally not got it's own bunker that all the kids will be put in when the collapse happens with or without their parents!#I'm just remembering the doodles i've done with them in the youth centre uniform has them look all cozy and normal#and that's bc i'm a fluff man first and an angst and violence man second#ANYWAY RAMBLE OVER THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK#Far Cry Tag#nadine is typing...
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2023 reads / storygraph
The Poisons We Drink
YA urban fantasy
a girl who brews powerful potions is coerced into making potions to interfere with D.C.’s most influential politicians in an attempt to stop a dangerous Witcher Registration Act from passing, and will do anything to protect her sister after their mother is killed
bi MC, nonbinary love interest
arc from netgalley
#The Poisons We Drink#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is…….a lot of cool ideas but also so many elements and high stakes that i kinda lost track of them#the pacing is weird. the worldbuilding is random?#why is brewing SO overpowered & risky for her but the other powers seem to have pretty normal low-scale risks?#it’s definitely ambitious and has some cool ideas and also some great characters just. didn’t execute as well as I’d like#as much as we’re told the main threat is the government trying to put through a Registration Act#most of the actual antagonism we see is from other Witchers?#like the systemic discrimination got a bit lost in the witcher family drama and murder politics#important things to say about oppression and police violence but like....idk#she has this ‘deviation’- essentially evil sentient magic inside her head (and you KNOW I love that trope)#but it’s barely explained and very underutilised? other than helping her get out of bad situations you could take it out & would barely#change anything#also it’s explained at the start that she’s an empath but other than the very occasional mention I kept forgetting#will also note that I bumped this up my tbr because I saw the author talking/promoting it as the MCs sister being aroace but no mention#maybe it’ll come up in a sequel (there weren’t really any places where it would have made sense to bring it up here) but idk#(just the way the author was asking for advice on how to write an ace character and stuff you’d assume that they’d….put that in the book?)#not really a critique of the book itself but anyway. I really wanted to like this but the way it was put together just did not vibe with me#edit: I saw the author say on twitter that the version used for ARCs was before ace stuff was added and that there's other signif changes?#so perhaps that will be there! i'm not sure if I want to read it again but might skim just to see what that's about
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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ive already said this before about how ive felt so disconnected from art. its all just lines and poses and specific distances away from the camera, layers of color... something triggered a switch in my brain that is making things just not feel real anymore.
and its like. ok. whatever. its still fun to draw and i get very happy when i manage to draw something good. but i lack the motivation! so.. lemme think.. ah! my characters! perhaps i should try to actually flesh them out as real people, with a past and personalities and relationships..
and the more i read about it the more disconnected i feel. is that all life is about? traits and backstories and being bound to everything that happened to you.. the ways you think and act being somewhat easily traceable to your history..character arcs. stories just being a means to an end(?)
and i also want a world for my ocs to live in that is a bit believable and justifies them, but every bit of advice and apparently common worldbuilding things have all just been done before.
is there any chance of making something that matters when its all been done before or if everything else feels unreal and abstract. is there a point to anything
#the more i try to understand how things work the more things fall apart. and when it becomes unbearable all i can do is distract myself#is this what the dissociation all the cool kids(/s) keep talking about feels like..?#its like losing the ability to see a tower as a tower and just knowing its all just bricks and cement. you cant see meaning anymore#the worst part ive felt while coming up with ideas for my ocs is the conflicts and past part. their characterization#ill think like lol wouldnt it be funny if he kept being fucked over many times and over and over again. wouldnt that be fun to make and rea#and then it hits me. thats just my life. its all conflict after conflict and things going wrong exactly at the worst (but funniest!) time#its like everything is a joke really. or when its not you still dont know why some pieces of art are 'better' than others#i know deep down it doesnt matter if its been done before. i argue for that. the spin every individual puts on an idea is what makes it >#>worth it of course. but i feel like snapping my own neck when i see something that is similar or just like something i made or >#>was literally just thinking of doing it. i never do anything! and when i finally get to it someone already did it! fucking shoot me alread#or i will look at some drawing and be like ah yes. this is the distance between the eyes. the way they drew the muzzle is like a box. mhm#i can do that. i see how the artist constructed it. its doable! and then i go try and fail miserably despite seemingly knowing how its made#everything i ever think is wrong. ive never been right about anything. or if i have..someone already said it before anyways#genuinely hopeless. i wonder if being mentally ill is the cause of this or if i was ill enough it would all spiral back into making sense#i feel like a baby just coming to the realization that a stick figure isnt really a person but some lines and circles and dots#im deteriorating mentally so fast. i think one day ill just collapse on the floor and black rot is going to pour out of my scalp#long post#dextxt
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#we're supposed to do a final push move tomorrow#i have already felt for awhile that my partner's parents are quite annoying#which is way too easy to feel guilty about because they do a lot for us and seem like good people for the most part#but like. they have made moving very frustrating and have been weirdly controlling about it#and just. like nonsensical to the point of it feeling like aggression#i lost track of how many fucking times we had the interaction 'where do you want this?' 'over there so it's not in the way'#'imma set it here' specifically where it will be in the way? fucking why? and my back is fucked up rn WHICH THEY KNOW so#moving it out of the way myself is frequently not an option#they left literally every single box directly in a fucking tight area that seperates our entry from our bedrooms#they stacked them higher than i can handle safely even when my back *doesn't* hurt#i moved things further into the house and out of the way and informed them i had done so and why#they continued fucking putting shit in the exact same spot anyway#there's literally a mattress a boxspring seven boxes a three tier organizer and a clear tote in this fucking spot#i'm not fucking moving it and they can deal with it when they come in tomorrow#i came over here to get some clothes for my partner so they can br girlmode for a haircut tomorrow#and we were essentially harassed into packing everything except a few days of clothes already despite it having been A MONTH since we#started paying rent and we aren't fucking sleeping here yet#and like. it's so quiet. and it's a reasonable temperature in here. they come home from their other house and turn the AC down so low#that i can't comfortably sit in the house without thick pajamas a jacket a blanket and sometimes a heating pad too!!#i don't even want to go back to go bed over there but i have to bring the fucking clothes back#his dad is such a controlling dickwad and is so fucking contrarian about everything even when it's not his thing#and literally they'll offer aid just so they can control what we do i swear!!!!#like 'we'll pay for X portion but if we do you must choose thing with Y parameters'#'we'll pay for 50% of your washer and dryer but they have to be front loaders'#they tried to pressure us into accepting a condo that they would buy (we would pay monthly building fees) and sell if/when we left#they didn't say 'let's look at some condos together' they said 'here we'll buy this specific one do you like it?' and KEPT ASKING ABOUT IT#AFTER WE SAID NO MULTIPLE TIMES#i put my foot down on that offer so fucking hard because i knew there were gonna be shit ass rules because it would be their property still#like no i will not be putting cameras in my home and i will be burning candles thank you and i'm going to have a christmas tree and#on and on and on
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