#moving it out of the way myself is frequently not an option

[bladeofthestars]

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[itssquash]

faggot (mindless self indulgence -- dennis reynolds edit)

[ms-demeanor]

Hello! First, I wanted to say thank you for your post about updating software and such. I really appreciated your perspective as someone with ADHD. The way you described your experiences with software frustration was IDENTICAL to my experience, so your post made a lot of sense to me.

Second, (and I hope my question isn't bothering you lol) would you mind explaining why it's important to update/adopt the new software? Like, why isn't there an option that doesn't involve constantly adopting new things? I understand why they'd need to fix stuff like functional bugs/make it compatible with new tech, but is it really necessary to change the user side of things as well?

Sorry if those are stupid questions or they're A Lot for a tumblr rando to ask, I'd just really like to understand because I think it would make it easier to get myself to adopt new stuff if I understand why it's necessary, and the other folks I know that know about computers don't really seem to understand the experience.

Thank you so much again for sharing your wisdom!!

A huge part of it is changing technologies and changing norms; I brought up Windows 8 in that other post and Win8 is a *great* example of user experience changing to match hardware, just in a situation that was an enormous mismatch with the market.

Win8's much-beloathed tiles came about because Microsoft seemed to be anticipating a massive pivot to tablet PCs in nearly all applications. The welcome screen was designed to be friendly to people who were using handheld touchscreens who could tap through various options, and it was meant to require more scrolling and less use of a keyboard.

But most people who the operating system went out to *didn't* have touchscreen tablets or laptops, they had a desktop computer with a mouse and a keyboard.

When that was released, it was Microsoft attempting to keep up with (or anticipate) market trends - they wanted something that was like "the iPad for Microsoft" so Windows 8 was meant to go with Microsoft Surface tablets.

We spent the first month of Win8's launch making it look like Windows 7 for our customers.

You can see the same thing with the centered taskbar on Windows 11; that's very clearly supposed to mimic the dock on apple computers (only you can't pin it anywhere but the bottom of the screen, which sucks).

Some of the visual changes are just trends and various companies trying to keep up with one another.

With software like Adobe I think it's probably based on customer data. The tool layout and the menu dropdowns are likely based on what people are actually looking for, and change based on what other tools people are using. That's likely true for most programs you use - the menu bar at the top of the screen in Word is populated with the options that people use the most; if a function you used to click on all the time is now buried, there's a possibility that people use it less these days for any number of reasons. (I'm currently being driven mildly insane by Teams moving the "attach file" button under a "more" menu instead of as an icon next to the "send message" button, and what this tells me is either that more users are putting emojis in their messages than attachments, or microsoft WANTS people to put more emojis than messages in their attachments).

But focusing on the operating system, since that's the big one:

The thing about OSs is that you interact with them so frequently that any little change seems massive and you get REALLY frustrated when you have to deal with that, but version-to-version most OSs don't change all that much visually and they also don't get released all that frequently. I've been working with windows machines for twelve years and in that time the only OSs that Microsoft has released were 8, 10, and 11. That's only about one OS every four years, which just is not that many. There was a big visual change in the interface between 7 and 8 (and 8 and 8.1, which is more of a 'panicked backing away' than a full release), but otherwise, realistically, Windows 11 still looks a lot like XP.

The second one is a screenshot of my actual computer. The only change I've made to the display is to pin the taskbar to the left side instead of keeping it centered and to fuck around a bit with the colors in the display customization. I haven't added any plugins or tools to get it to look different.

This is actually a pretty good demonstration of things changing based on user behavior too - XP didn't come with a search field in the task bar or the start menu, but later versions of Windows OSs did, because users had gotten used to searching things more in their phones and browsers, so then they learned to search things on their computers.

There are definitely nefarious reasons that software manufacturers change their interfaces. Microsoft has included ads in home versions of their OS and pushed searches through the Microsoft store since Windows 10, as one example. That's shitty and I think it's worthwhile to find the time to shut that down (and to kill various assistants and background tools and stop a lot of stuff that runs at startup).

But if you didn't have any changes, you wouldn't have any changes. I think it's handy to have a search field in the taskbar. I find "settings" (which is newer than control panel) easier to navigate than "control panel." Some of the stuff that got added over time is *good* from a user perspective - you can see that there's a little stopwatch pinned at the bottom of my screen; that's a tool I use daily that wasn't included in previous versions of the OS. I'm glad it got added, even if I'm kind of bummed that my Windows OS doesn't come with Spider Solitaire anymore.

One thing that's helpful to think about when considering software is that nobody *wants* to make clunky, unusable software. People want their software to run well, with few problems, and they want users to like it so that they don't call corporate and kick up a fuss.

When you see these kinds of changes to the user experience, it often reflects something that *you* may not want, but that is desirable to a *LOT* of other people. The primary example I can think of here is trackpad scrolling direction; at some point it became common for trackpads to scroll in the opposite direction that they used to; now the default direction is the one that feels wrong to me, because I grew up scrolling with a mouse, not a screen. People who grew up scrolling on a screen seem to feel that the new direction is a lot more intuitive, so it's the default. Thankfully, that's a setting that's easy to change, so it's a change that I make every time I come across it, but the change was made for a sensible reason, even if that reason was opaque to me at the time I stumbled across it and continues to irritate me to this day.

I don't know. I don't want to defend Windows all that much here because I fucking hate Microsoft and definitely prefer using Linux when I'm not at work or using programs that I don't have on Linux. But the thing is that you'll see changes with Linux releases as well.

I wouldn't mind finding a tool that made my desktop look 100% like Windows 95, that would be fun. But we'd probably all be really frustrated if there hadn't been any interface improvements changes since MS-DOS (and people have DEFINITELY been complaining about UX changes at least since then).

Like, I talk about this in terms of backward compatibility sometimes. A lot of people are frustrated that their old computers can't run new software well, and that new computers use so many resources. But the flipside of that is that pretty much nobody wants mobile internet to work the way that it did in 2004 or computers to act the way they did in 1984.

Like. People don't think about it much these days but the "windows" of the Windows Operating system represented a massive change to how people interacted with their computers that plenty of people hated and found unintuitive.

(also take some time to think about the little changes that have happened that you've appreciated or maybe didn't even notice. I used to hate the squiggly line under misspelled words but now I see the utility. Predictive text seems like new technology to me but it's really handy for a lot of people. Right clicking is a UX innovation. Sometimes you have to take the centered task bar in exchange for the built-in timer deck; sometimes you have to lose color-coded files in exchange for a right click.)

[causenessus]

Hi! Congratulations on your 1K, you really deserve it! I've just seen your post about your event and was thinking of sending something. Could you write ⭐️ with Sakusa where the reader is his roommate and suffer from insomnia ? And could the reader be personality-wise like Sakusa, but the two are already close friends or whatever you want them to be ? This is maybe silly lol, anyway thank you for this event it’s really cool!

can't sleep? | sakusa k.

sakusa x f!reader

written in second person

one word prompt from 1k followers event: ⭐ -> insomnia

"maybe i'll just place my hands over you and close my eyes real tight. there's a light in your eyes and you know <3" from look on down from the bridge by mazzy star

word count: 2.8k words

anon. thank u for this. u have fed all the omi girlies well tonight <3 thank you so much for requesting and i hope you enjoy this fic!!!

notes: lots of fluff <3 THEY ARE STRETCHING!!! JUST STRETCHING TOGETHER i stress this bc i couldn't take myself seriously and even y/n has a moment of "should i ask what we are after this?" but they're just stretching okay. also i frequented this list of stretches and literally followed its order so in case you want to know what stretch they're doing LMAO THIS SOUNDS SO WEIRD I'M SORRY 😭 i attempted to proofread this!!! but i'm sorry for any typos </3

THANK YOU TO @nectardaddy FOR HELPING ME DECIDE ON A COLOR AND MAKING ME VERY EXCITED TO WRITE THIS!! I HOPE YOU ALSO ENJOY IT <3

kiyoomi likes his routines. he likes to be home by a certain time, eat dinner at a certain time, make sure the dishes are washed, and then he likes to retire to bed by a certain time. when he decided to find a roommate in order to split costs, he had been slightly worried that his routines would be ruined, but the universe had worked in his favor.

you had been his first option. he hadn’t even tried to send out messages to anyone else "just in case you declined his offer," he had just simply hoped you would say yes. you were quite frankly everything he could hope for as a roommate; he had known from the times you'd hung out throughout your years in high school that you liked things to be clean similar to him, and trying to find a time for you both to meet up throughout college meant he knew that your current schedules would line up nicely.

and luckily you had agreed enthusiastically, excited to move in with one of your closest friends. it eased your mind to know he would also be organized and keep to himself, which was not something you could say if you had moved in with someone like atsumu (would only become a reality if you had no other option) or osamu (you would consider it, after a lot of convincing and compromising).

and kiyoomi had been right. the decision to room had worked out perfectly in nearly every way. you always got home before him and would make your own dinner and take care of your dishes, leaving the place empty and spotless for him by the time he returned. sometimes, you even left notes for him, saying you had leftovers that he was free to eat if he wanted. 

and it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see you. you were good friends, after all, and one of the few people he found he could always tolerate even when a day had stressed him out. but you both had agreed that you liked having time in the kitchen to yourself rather than two of you trying to be in there at the same time. it wasn’t anything personal; you were both independent people who valued their alone time. and when he saw you around the apartment, he never failed to talk to you, even if it was just a small nod of acknowledgment. you always had a calm and collected kind of demeanor, which he reasoned he liked because it was similar to him, in contrast to the men who had too much energy for their own good that he was surrounded by every day.

your similar attitudes had also led to a lot of shared nights together. sometimes on the nights when you stayed a little bit later at work or school, he would come home and you’d still be eating at the counter, zoned out on your phone, not even noticing him until he placed his bag on the table.

“oh, sorry, omi. welcome back, i can leave–”

“no, you’re fine. stay there,” he’d cut you off.

he’d navigate around the kitchen, gathering what he needed while you continued eating your own meal. sometimes things were peacefully silent between you both as you resumed scrolling on your phone; you were just two roommates in their kitchen, illuminated by the warm light of a hanging lamp overhead. other times you asked him how his day was, and you would both chat while he made his own dinner, and if his day was bad, sometimes you invited him to watch a movie with you.

that was something that had confused him. he always was preparing himself to say no, that he was tired, or that he just wanted to be in bed in an hour, but instead he often found himself agreeing to the proposal. he realized after a bit of thought that it was because he liked being around you. he was willing to amend his routines to include you in them.

a friend had once warned him that he could never really know someone until he lived with them. and he had found that with you, he only liked you more once he started rooming with you. he liked how responsible and respectful you were with everything you did, aware of your surroundings and the space you shared with him. he found that he looked forward to seeing you every day, and when your door was shut, sometimes he felt conflicted. like he wanted to see you, but he didn't have the right to invade your space so instead, he was stuck alone in his own room, with you across the hall.

the only problem between you both (although he hated to call it that) was how late you stayed up. but even then, you tried to be careful about how loud you were, stepping quietly over the aged floorboards and using minimal lighting to navigate your way through the apartment. 

he wasn’t going to call you out for it. it was only a mild inconvenience, and he knew you couldn’t really help it. you had warned him before you moved in that sometimes you got restless at night, unable to sleep no matter how badly you wanted to.

he didn’t mind, he told you, and you had signed the lease. and truthfully, he didn't. but recently, your sleepless nights had become more frequent. for him, he rarely struggled with the problem. he could easily pass out on his bed at any time of the day. but sometimes he would wake up to your footsteps through the thin walls.

part of him worried for you, thinking to himself that this was what, the eighth day in a row he had woken up to you wandering around? while another part of him (a very cranky one) really wanted you to go to bed (for your sake and his own).

he stepped out of his room, blinking rapidly as he tried to adjust to the lighting of the living room lamp that was on. it wasn’t as bright as if you had turned on the overhead lights, but he’d just come from his pitch-black room.

you were curled up on the couch, knees pulled to your chest and biting the side of your thumb, still unable to get rid of how antsy you felt despite getting up from your bed. you looked up at him as he stepped into the room, the light of the screen reflecting against the side of your face, “oh god, omi. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to wake you.”

the moment he sees the bags under your own eyes, any hint of irritation he felt about being woken up immediately fades. “it’s fine,” he says, coming to sit with you on the edge of the couch, “can you not sleep?”

you exhale a long breath through your nose at the question, “no. it’s been bad lately. i can’t fall asleep or i wake up a few hours later just feeling even more tired.”

“so you’re watching tv?” he says, raising his brows and looking at you. you purse your lips, pouting under his gaze, fidgeting with the sleeve of your shirt.

you give him a small nod, “yeah. i mean, i’m really tired but i can’t sleep so i came out here to watch something.”

“well screens aren’t going to help you fall asleep,” he chides and you sigh.

“i knew you were going to say that. but what else am i supposed to do?” you complain.

“have you tried stretching?” he suggests.

you look at him, brows raised in confusion, “no, why would i do that?”

he rolls his eyes at your sass but it can’t be helped. he really only knows about the benefits of stretching because they’ve been ingrained into his mind from years of volleyball, “it helps relax your body, especially when you're stiff or sore so that you can go to bed. it’s what i do when i can’t sleep.”

“oh,” you reply, playing with a stray string coming out of the couch.

it’s silent for a moment. “are you not gonna do it? are we just gonna sit here in silence?”

you look up at him in embarrassment, “well, i don’t know what stretches to do! you don’t have to stay up with me, omi. you can go back to sleep. i don’t want you to be tired tomorrow.”

he sighs, laying back and sinking into the couch, “i’m not sleeping until you do.”

“well then tell me what i should do,” you say, extending your legs in front of you, placing them firmly onto the ground so you’re sitting up.

he stands and your eyes follow him curiously, unsure of where he’s going. eventually, he’s standing behind you at the back of the couch, and turns your head forward so that you’re looking directly at the wall in front of you. “what are you doing?” you ask, body going rigid.

“i’m just guiding you through some of these stretches, relax,” he answers and feels you calm down, letting him push your head gently towards one shoulder. his hand is on your opposite shoulder, keeping it straight while you feel a stretch in your neck.

“thanks,” you mumble as he repeats the movement for the other side of your neck. he gives you a small “mhm” in response, focused on making sure you’re feeling the stretch without hurting you.

he ends up leading you to the ground, modeling the stretches for you so that you can follow along. he guides you to lay on your side, with one arm extended out in front of you while the other is behind you, and you face each other as you both lay there, arms mimicking a T.

you giggle, unable to control yourself as you stare into his eyes. “what’s so funny?” he chuckles, smiling at the sound of your laughter.

“i just feel so stupid right now,” you answer, shifting slightly in your position. “but this is helping a bit, i think. i’m feeling a little better.”

he hums in acknowledgment of your words, his smile staying on his face before you switch to the other side.

“what’s next?” you ask, sitting up.

“do you know what the cat-cow is?” he asks, brushing off his arms from where they touched the ground. when you look at him, mouth agape, he gives you a defensive look back, unsure of what caused your reaction. “what?” he says, tilting his head slightly.

“omi, i’m not getting on my hands and knees,” you say, embarrassed that you even have to explain yourself, but you’d rather say it than humiliate yourself further on all fours.

“oh my god,” he rolls his eyes, putting a palm to his face, “you’re turning this into something it’s not. i’m not gonna look at you or anything. i’ll even turn away, okay? just do it, it’s good for you. i’m tired of hearing you complain about your back.”

you sigh dejectedly but comply, moving into the position. you can’t deny that you feel less stiff, but you also can’t help but overthink the entire situation. if anyone had told you a year ago that the man you had been crushing on for years was going to ask you to move in with him and months later he’d be on the floor stretching with you because he really wants you to be able to sleep, you would’ve laughed in their face.

but this was reality, and this felt like an intimate moment between you both. you were unsure of what to make of the situation; it had come as a big enough shock that he cared enough about your sleep. but you also shouldn’t have been that surprised. 'he’s just being a good friend,' you try to reason. he asked you to move in because no one in their right mind would want to live under the same roof as atsumu, and you both value a clean, organized house.

but where were you supposed to draw the line between friends and something more?

his careful attentiveness towards you had started to make you think that maybe he saw you as more of a friend as well. you never imagined that he would ever want you to stay in the kitchen with him while he was cooking when it had been a bad day, and you were even more surprised the first time he agreed to watch a movie with you. you considered yourselves good friends but you didn’t expect him to actually want to spend so much time with you on top of everything else he had going on. he never seemed to tire of seeing you around the house; instead, he always made sure to say hi or ask how your day had been.

you wanted to bring it up to him soon, you really did. the feeling was starting to eat away at you, and this night together wasn’t helping in the slightest.

after a few more stretches, you stood up, reaching your arms above you as you yawned. “think you’ll be able to sleep now?” he asks, following you up and dusting off his clothes.

the thought of going back to your stuffy room makes you drop your arms and the content look on your face fades away. you felt tired, but something about your room just felt so unwelcoming. you didn’t want to walk back in there, where the air would feel heavy, your mattress would be too stiff, your pillow too soft, and blanket too scratchy. there was always something that bothered you about your bed every night, and being alone with your thoughts again would prevent you from falling asleep. you’d be stuck tossing and turning in your bed on a bed that never felt clean or comfortable, you could already feel it. 

“what’s wrong?” he steps into your line of sight. you look up at him as a thought crosses your mind, making you immediately look back down at the ground, face turning red.

“um–” you start, and then immediately close your mouth. it was a stupid thought.

but what’s the worst he could do? say no? give you a disgusted look? kick you out into the cold after spending half an hour stretching with you? that last one was a little extreme, but maybe you’d say it and he’d laugh in your face. or gag (being dramatic, again). either way, whatever he said, if it wasn’t a yes, your life would be forever ruined.

“y/n,” he says, and you look back up at him, feeling like you’re about to collapse under the weight of his gaze. but your mouth opens, unable to keep it in.

“i just–” you have to stop to take in a deep breath, the words getting caught in your throat. he keeps looking at you the entire time, waiting to listen to what you have to say. “i don’t want to go back to my own bed,” you blurt, finally spitting it out. “it just doesn’t feel right. i don’t know how to explain it, but i know i won’t be able to sleep alone in my own bed. i’m sorry,” you add an apology on at the end, feeling embarrassed by your own confession.

when he doesn’t respond, you feel even worse. “nevermind, forget i said anything, i’m so sorry. thank you for helping me stretch, i’m going to go to bed now–” you spin on your heel, moving to run away as calmly as you can manage when he catches your wrist. you let out a small exclaim of surprise at the touch as he turns you back around.

“don’t apologize. and don’t lie to me. i want you to sleep,” he says, looking away as he runs a hand through his hair, preparing to say his next few words. “would it–” he shuts his mouth, feeling the anxiety settle in his chest, “would it help to sleep with me?”

neither of you are looking at each other. he’s staring at the wall and you’re looking at the floor, face hot and burning. “if you don’t mind, i think it would,” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear and look back at you, letting out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in.

he’s still holding your wrist, too, he realizes, but he doesn’t let go. he runs a thumb along the side of your arm, grabbing your attention again. he’s looking you in the eyes, and he wants to tell you that he’s not uncomfortable with sleeping in the same bed as you. in fact, it’s quite the opposite, but he’s not sure what you’ll say back, so he settles for a neutral response, instead, “yeah. of course i’m fine with it.”

maybe in the morning, when he wakes up next to you, finds your limbs entangled with his under his sheets, and sees the sunlight peeking through the curtains and onto your skin, he’ll be able to choke out a three-word confession. but for now, he only leads you silently to his room, letting you slip under the covers first before he follows after, holding you close.

[pastelminx]

My Best Friends Sister (Pt. 1)

"Hey man, is Katie okay? She seems really on edge or something." I ask my friend Connor.

We've all know each other since we were kids. Their dad was never around so Connor and I looked after Katie and their mom. Now we still spend most of our free time together. Katie lives with my friend Conner so I see her frequently. She's normally bubbly and happy but this week she hasn’t been herself. Conner cares about her but he can be kind of a dick to her, where I've always had a soft spot for her. The older we get, the larger that spot has grown but I'd never act on it.

"I don't know, she won't talk to me. She's been acting like a little brat again and shutting me out so I've started to give her some space. She talks to you sometimes though, maybe you could attempt to see what's going on." He says, a bit hopeful. Of course, I'd take any chance to talk to her.

"Yeah, I'll go see if I can get her to talk. Call 911 if I don't make it out" I joke and we both laugh.

*Knocks on bedroom door*

"Katie it's me, can I come in?" I ask, trying to sound normal.

"Leave me alone!" She shouts back. I roll my eyes.

"Katie come on, don't start with the attitude." I say sternly. I look over and my friend is looking at me like I've lost my mind. She hates being talked to that way. Well… she acts like she hates it but I've seen her slip enough to know better.

"I'm going to count to 5 and if this door isn't open, we're going to have some serious problems. 1.... 2.... 3" I start counting and the door flies open.

"Fine! You better have a good reason for this.” She huffs and I smile, knowing I was right and my friend is probably in shock that it worked. She sits on her bed with her arms crossed, sporting a sour look. I start looking around before I sit down next to her.

"Come on Sugar, tell me what's going on. You haven’t been yourself all week" I say softly. She just shakes her head and basically pouts.

I adjust myself on her bed and notice something... A different sound. I move again and it's coming from the bed. I get up and lift the covers, seeing a plastic mattress protector sticking out from under the sheets. She's mortified but silent as she looks away from my gaze.

"Care to explain this, sugar? I know you haven't always had this. You can tell me if something is going on." I say gently. No answer again. I sigh knowing I'm going to have to do this the hard way.

"You've got two choices. 1, you look at me and tell me the truth about what's going on. 2, I go through all of your belongings… and device history until I find out." I tell her sternly.

She whips her head around so fast to glare at me. "I'll call my brother in here. He won't let you do that." She retorts, thinking that would work.

"Who do you think sent me in here, Sugar? I'm happy to get to the bottom of this either way so what's it going to be." I ask. She just stares at me in silence so I take that as the hard option and I get up to start on her closet.

"Wait!" She shouts, sounding panicked.

"Yes?" I ask without turning around.

"I'll tell you. Please don't go through my things, Jace" she says in a defeated tone. I walk back to her but instead of sitting on the bed, I sit on her computer chair. I move it right in front of her and sit with one leg on either side of hers.

"I'm all ears, Sugar." I say to her. She waits a minute before letting out a big sigh and starting.

"You're the last person I want to know about this, this is extremely embarrassing and I don't want to tell you." She states, hoping that I'll back off. But I watch her and wait for her to continue. "I've been extremely stressed with finals and work right now... It's brought on an old problem that I'm trying to deal with." She said and waited for me to say something but I just wait for her to continue. "I used to wet the bed and sometimes have accidents as a kid. I recently went to the doctor and she told me that stress is likely the reason I'm dealing with it again. But she couldn't tell me when it would go away." She finishes and she's bright red now and fidgeting with her fingers.

"Is that the whole truth? How often are these accidents happening and when did this start? Aside from your mattress protector, what are you doing to help with it?" I ask as I ease up on the tough guy act. I remember that she used to wet the bed sometimes but as far as she knows, I never knew.

"Yes, that's the whole truth. This is really embarrassing and it bothers me a lot. I don't want people to know or to think I'm some dumb baby. It started a few months ago and has just gotten worse. It's been happening every night and when it's a really stressful day sometimes I have an accident or two." She confesses but didn't answer everything.

"And aside from the mattress protector...?" I ask, reminding her. The poor girl looks like she's about to cry.

"I've been wearing diapers again to bed." She chokes out. I know she's embarrassed but none of this bothers me like she thinks.

"What about for your daytime accidents, Sugar?" I ask.

"I still wear my panties during the day." She says quickly.

"You were a very good girl for telling me the truth. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this but you don't have to go through it alone. Your brother and I can help you and help take the stress off the best we can. No one will think you're a baby or think less of you, everyone knows how independent and intelligent you are. You've done a great job by going to the doctor and taking care of your nighttime accidents so far. Let us help you." I say almost pleading.

"No! No. He can't find out, I don't want h-" she starts but I cut her off.

"Don't start that, he has a right to know and he will be finding out. He doesn't have to be involved if you don't want but he needs to be aware. It's very important, do you understand?" I ask sternly, giving her a look.

"I don't want him involved and I don't want to talk to him about it. " She states.

"Fine, I will handle it and make sure he respects your wishes." I reassure her and I see her visibly relax.

"Would you like my help, Sugar? I'm sure it can't be easy with your work load and you know I'll be here all summer while your brother is overseas. I can help you with your studies, the extra laundry, your diaper changes, the apartment chores." I start listing things and she goes rigid.

"I can manage just fine, thanks" she says through gritted teeth. I'm thinking it might be time to call it the end of the chat to let her relax when I notice her hand placement on her lap and the dark spot creeping out around it.

"Stand up, Sugar." I say quickly and she shakes her head at me. "Now. 1.... 2...." I start the countdown. I'm not sure why that works but it always has. She stands and tries to cover her accident. I see the tears prick her eyes as she tries not to let me see how upset she is.

"It's okay honey, I know this was a hard conversation. Would you please let me help you?" I say softly, trying to coax her into letting me. She gives me a faint nod. "You know I'll need verbal confirmation, Sugar." I say, hoping that didn't change her answer.

"Yes, please, Jace." She hiccups out as the wet spot grows. I direct her into her bathroom and start the shower. I undress her while the water warms.

"You're okay, Sugar, I got you. You take a long hot shower and I'm going to get the laundry started. I'll be here when you're all done though to get you ready for bed. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything if you let me know where you're hiding your diapers." I speak softly and brush her hair out of her eyes.

"In the closet... under the loose floorboard on the left." She says sheepishly. I raise an eyebrow but let it go.

"Okay the water is warm. Get cleaned up." I say and then get to work on the laundry like I said I would.

I lay out a clean blanket on her bed and go looking for these diapers. Oh, I definitely found them... I had to chuckle. They're not boring medical diapers. They have cute little animals in pastel colors all over them. She even has baby powder and rash cream. Oh, and there's a little stuffed animal down there too... That's no place for one. I got all of her supplies out and laid it on the bed ready for her. Next, I picked out her pj's, one of her cute nightgowns seemed fitting.

I heard the water shut off and I walked into the bathroom with a big fluffy towel that I had warmed in the dryer. She hesitated but let me dry her off. I think she was still in shock and unsure what to do or say so I let her just enjoy being taken care of. She froze when she walked out of the bathroom and saw what was waiting for her on the bed.

"I don't need all of that stuff, Jace. It can go back." She tried arguing but I didn't even respond. I just guided her to lay down for her diaper. God, she was so pretty and even putting a diaper on her had me worked up. I didn't give in to those thoughts though. I put cream and powder on her and taped up her cute diaper. I had to admit she was actually adorable like this. Naked except for a thick diaper was not what I expected to be turned on by. I put her nightgown on her and pulled back the covers for her to climb into bed. It was 8:30 which is extremely early for her but I know she hasn’t had a lot of sleep lately.

"Thank you for being such a good girl and letting me take care of you. I know that was hard but I hope I helped ease some of your stress. Your clothes and blanket will be dry in the morning. You, Sugar, are going to get some sleep. I want you to unwind and relax. I know you extremely well so I put a timer on your TV and your phone. It's temporary, don't worry, I just wanted to make sure you relax tonight. Your laptop is staying in my room tonight as well. I'm just down the hall if you need me, the timer doesn't mean you can't get ahold of me anytime. I promise things will get better soon. Night night, Sugar." I let her know and started to get up but she grabbed my wrist.

"Thank you, Jace. I really appreciate your understanding." She said to me. I could tell she wanted to say something else but I didn't push it.

"No need to thank me, Sugar. Get some sleep." I say and then walk out of her room.

[steviewashere]

🪱🪱Worm Wednesday!!!!!🪱🪱

I was tagged by the lovely @hotluncheddie! Hello, I'm sorry for the rambling mess this is going to be. But I know I missed this like two weeks ago, so bear with me.

Okay, I'm going to try and be normal here. I have, honestly, so many worms in my brain. They're dancing and stomping and I'm just going fucking nuts with how much is in my brain at the moment. And also I took excedrin this morning for my migraine and that had caffeine in it and it's more caffeine than I would normally have—anyway.

Y'all already know one of my brain worms, the whole omega verse sensitive nips omega Steve thing. Which, I will plug the post here because I don't have the energy (yes, I do, but I don't want to echo myself) to share all the craziness about that in one post.

I'm also thinking about young Steve Harrington, which is kudos to this post and lots of people's tweets over on the twitter. I won't go into it, same reasons as the omega verse thing so just...again, bear with me.

But! But the actual brain worms I'm having currently, in this very moment, also have to do with another post I made on here. I want to go more in-depth with, though. So, some days ago, I came across an Instagram Reel that was a clip from the YouTube video interview between Jon Bernthal and Dungeon Master Deborah Ann Woll.

So, brief brief summary of this video is basically: Jon Bernthal says that he wants to play D&D, Deborah Ann Woll then gives him a scenario of walking through the woods and while he's walking he hears snap of twigs, and then she basically prompts him with "What do you do?" And he responds, now I can't remember exactly what he says, but I believe it had something to do with investigating the source of the snapped twigs.

Anyway, the video is excellent and you all should check it out. She basically explains D&D in a way that would make sense to anybody, in the matters of asking a player or a potential player what they'd do in certain scenarios, then bringing in the "rougher" elements such as the History checks or Perception checks in the game.

And I want to write something along the lines of Steve approaching Eddie about D&D. Maybe he wants to play because Dustin keeps bugging him about it, but he's too nervous to accept. Maybe he just wants to know what it's like. Maybe he even wants to be a substitute player one of these days just in case somebody can't show up. Something, y'know, where he's approaching Eddie. But he's really, really confused about where to even begin. He's got a character sheet, he's looking at the manuals loaned to him or he even bought himself, he's looking at all these stats and all these options and he just doesn't know where to begin.

Also, brief intervene here, I would be basing this off of 5e rules because that's what I play and frequently toy with. So...don't be mad at me if I get something "inaccurate for the time". I, first of all, honestly don't care. And second, I was not alive in like 1977 when the game first came out. And there's nobody in my life who played it then or possibly has played it ever outside of 5e. Moving on.

So, he tries to explain his character sheet to Eddie, obviously getting a bit overwhelmed in the process. But Eddie stops him. Says something like, "Hold on, okay? Let's just take a baby step here. I'm going to give you a scenario and then I want you to tell me what you'd do."

And he lays out that same, or even just something similar, to what Deborah Ann Woll gave. (I'm going to base this off of the video. Very original, I am.) So it's something like:

"Okay, you've got a small dagger attached to your belt, it's concealed within a hilt. And on your back, there's a bow and a quiver—or a pouch—of arrows. You're walking through the woods. It's dark, heavy clouds hanging overhead, moon obstructed, you can barely see your surroundings. There's leaves under your feet, gravel, sticks. But then, before you can step your foot down next, something crunches in the distance on your left. What do you do?"

There's a pause. A long moment where Steve is considering his options.

"It's a far away sound, right?" Steve checks and Eddie nods. There's a little hmph from Steve as he continues to think. "Can I tell how far away it is? Is there a way to distinct the length of it?"

Eddie maybe smirks, eyes already glowing. "Give a perception check." And at Steve's befuddled expression, leaning in and brows furrowed, Eddie continues on. "So, you're going to roll one of those dice that you always see the kids with. The D20, that's the one you'd use right now. 20 is the highest you can get"—

"The best I can get. And 1 is obviously the lowest, so the worst."

"Right! So...let's say you were to pick up a D20 right now and roll it. You get a...a fourteen. And your perception, one of those skills on the top of your paper"—and Eddie would grab Steve's character sheet, to point out the number he already placed there—"this one right here. And on your paper, it looks to be pretty high. A sixteen is what you have. So...I'm going to ask you to add three more to your dice roll."

Steve squints at the paper. He doesn't take long to do the math, muttering a little under his breath. "Okay...I'd have a seventeen for my perception check." And he looks up to Eddie for confirmation, in which he gets. "And if it's possible out of twenty...that means I can probably figure it out well, right?"

Eddie nods with a smug hum. "You're already a natural." He leans back a little from Steve. Eyes away in thought. Goes on, "So, I'll know right away, based on that number you give me that you're extremely perceptive. I tell you...okay, the sound you hear is roughly ten feet away on your left."

"That's really close," Steve murmurs. "I think I'll...I'll ready that bow on my back. Take it off, grab for one of my arrows. Poise it."

"Mmm...And as soon as you get your bow in the right position, you begin to make out what seems like a pair of eyes. From the darkness between the trees, those eyes emerge closer and closer, revealing the large figure of a sixteen foot owlbear. Its feathers are spread wide, splaying defensively. Eyes glowing, it seems, yellow and bright. The body girth of a bear, but the head and mannerisms of an owl. It trills and squawks in your face. What do you do?"

Anyway, it would go from there. Tried to figure out a monster that wasn't an owlbear because that's what was used in the video. But uh...my brain is not being original right now, so that's basically the whole example from the video. But I just adore that video so much, the simple, yet impactful way she taught the basics. And I think it could translate so well to Eddie and Steve messing with D&D together.

Sorry for a long ass post lmao

Tagging (no pressure): @puppy-steve @scoops-aboy86 @ataliagold @marvel-ous-m @pearynice

@wheneverfeasible @rogueddie @sidekick-hero

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Hellooo I LOVE your writing and was wondering if you could do another part of 'Papier' the story with Joe Goldberg 🥹 Thank you and Have a wonderful day!

Of course!

I’ve since finished the new season entirely and found it just fine. I heard quite a few unfavourable things before going into it, but I actually didn’t feel pulled in that same direction… it wasn’t that bad.

Warnings: power imbalance, Joe being a creep.

My eyes skim the pages, all different, all beginnings, unused introductions that didn't quite make the cut. You're good at this, at writing and adding... but you never quite rid yourself of the past. You tuck it away for later; perhaps a better thought will emerge from stirring the mind with old prose or, maybe, you have a fear of losing things.

I glance over the paper and look at you, sitting on the chaise in front of my desk, in my office, legs crossed and hands resting atop your knee. Your bag is by your feet. I smile and lower the draft.

"These are good," I say. "but you've given me better."

You nearly deflate at my words, chewing on the inside of your cheek as your eyes burn holes into the back of your paper. It's not what you had handed in for your midterm, but it is an older copy for us to look through.

I blink, tucking in my top lip for a moment as I think.

"What's up?" I ask.

Your eyes flick up to mine.

“What?”

I move back and sit on my desk, discarding the papers by my side to give you my full attention.

“You seem to have something on your mind,” I point out.

“I just…” You pinch your lips momentarily, timidly moving your eyes somewhere along my desk. “I feel like I’m moving backwards.”

“Would you like to unpack this feeling?”

“I don’t see how it’ll make a difference.”

At that, I smile.

“Sometimes talking things through can help. What are you worried about?”

You look away for a moment, pensive. You’re thinking of what to say, or perhaps you’re searching for a way to say it.

“Failure.” You admit plainly.

“Do you think you’re failing?” I then ask, and you shift in your seat.

“Yes, and I want to do something about it. Anything.”

I bite the inside of my cheek.

After a moment’s silence, I push myself off my desk and take a step to you. Your eyes look up into mine as I approach.

Once your chin lifts, and I’m intimately close to your sitting form, I speak the question I had been dying to ask since your ass sat down in my office.

“Would you like me to give you some options?”

You gulp, the action drawing my eyes for a split moment. I grind my teeth, wondering loosely if this had been how Beck’s professors felt about her.

“What are my options?” You whisp, unsure of what you’re truly asking from me.

My hand rises, and I pretend to catch lint off your shoulder. I flick it away with a broadening smile. My fingers follow the knit of your sweater, then, languidly stroking my way down to your collarbone.

“When I’m not holding a class, I’m frequently in my office. The first option is simple: we meet here, five days a week.”

Your eyes swirl with fear. “I can’t do that, I’m full-time. I don’t have availabilities every day.”

“If the frequency of our sessions is going to be a problem, the other option will have to include longer sessions.”

Watching your face contort uncomfortably as you think over your dilemma has me giddy with excitement.

“Are you alright with studying late?” I ask.

You shift in your seat. No. You’re not okay with it. What will become of the little social life you’ve managed to maintain? The small amount of me-time you’re going to lose?

You nod and my hand finds your shoulder again, giving you a reassuring squeeze as you tense below my fingers.

“I can do nights, but my office can’t stay open past a certain time. I hope you understand that. I’ll gladly accept you into my home, if you’re willing to try. Two nights a week, maybe? How does that sound?”

“What nights?��� You ask.

“Tuesday and Thursday.” I respond, watching you closely.

“I can do that.” Your voice is small as you speak, you’ve shrunk. Defeated. You don’t want to accept my terms, but you know you have to.

I pull my hand away, turn, and scratch at my beard with a pleasant hum. My hands ache with the need to touch you, to touch myself, but I reach for pen and paper instead, scribbling down my address.

[qqueenofhades]

Ok, unsolicited rant, I’m sorry in advance. I used to love reading when I was a kid, and read frequently and often. I read a lot and I read books that I wouldn’t be able to understand now, like Anna Karenina when I was 12 (I am a native Russian speaker so it’s not that impressive but still) and a lot of Thomas Mann when I was 17-18.

It’s all gone now. I became extremely picky, but also it seems to be harder for me to understand books now? Like I’ve been trying to read “demons”, “Oliver twist”, “Ulysses” - too hard, and I can’t concentrate and in case of demons there are so many ideas and historical tidbits that I have to sit with Wikipedia and a notebook. And yes, as a kid I would have checked certain things and be able to hold a connection in my memory without a notebook (although I’m not sure if I would have done that with demons in particular, I’m bad at Dostoevsky and hated “crime and punishment”). And it doesn’t matter whether I’m reading in Russian or in English. I almost got it with Arundhati Roy’s “the god of small things”, then there was a very upsetting and triggering scene and I had to put it down.

And if I try to get into something nicer and easier my picky side comes out and I just drop books one after the other. Murderbot diaries and the Locked tomb were the only two books series that captivated me in two years.

Anyway I miss that soothing state of being engrossed with a book. And I so rarely get it now! So I wanted to ask, do you maybe have some advice? I saw your book stack and felt both envy and fear, like I both wanted to read and didn’t. Yikes.

And also, I can still read fic and your fics got me through terrible time and soothed me! So thank you!!!

Aha well. I will say that my current monumental book stack is not technically the norm for me, though I do usually have 3-4 books on the hard-working bedside table and read for several hours every night. Said giant book stack was a confluence of factors (picking up a bunch of holds from the library after asking the people for book recommendations and then going to the bookstore yesterday and hilariously telling myself that I would only get one book max). So it's not like I have ginormous amounts of TBR at all times, and in that giant stack, there are likely to be several books that don't grab me, are not particularly interesting, or technically good and well-written but just not engaging with the Brain Gremlins at this particular point in time. So I will put them down and move onto the next one, and this will keep me from being bogged down, because why read if you're not enjoying it/yourself/the book? It's not a punishment or a character-building ordeal. It's supposed to be fun, and if you're reading things that, as noted in your ask, just aren't grabbing you and feel like a chore, then stop! Find something else that makes the Brain Gremlins go ooooh shiny, regardless of what it is. It doesn't have to be Fine Literature.

I also had to get back into the habit of reading for pleasure, and it took me time and effort to do it due to various external circumstances. From about 2015-19, while I was doing my PhD, I had less than no money and absolutely no spare brainpower, so while I did have a few books that I collected along the way, I barely did any reading for pleasure at all (though I did do a frankly alarming amount of writing, including fic writing). Looking back, that seems insane to me, but it was something that had to change step by step, and it wasn't as if I just finished the PhD and went straight back into pleasure reading. I moved back to the US in 2019 and had a part-time job at a bookstore, which was very dangerous for my minimum-wage paycheck, but it did get me back into the habit of looking at books and reading books and being able to take home advanced-reader copies for free and otherwise start exercising that muscle again. I didn't have a library as an option for quite a while because I was living in a tiny town, then COVID hit, then I moved to another tiny town, where there was at least finally a modest public library at my disposal. But it took time.

Now I live in a city with a great public library where I can get almost anything I want, and I went accordingly hog-wild, but if you don't have readily available reading resources, obviously it's hard to get your hands on stuff that you like and will make the brain gremlins go brrrr. There are some public libraries that offer cards/user privileges even to people who don't live in the geographical area, especially if you are a young adult. Check out Books Unbanned by the Brooklyn, Boston, Seattle, and San Diego (US) libraries, which aims to provide access to ebooks and other digital collection items for young adults facing challenges to access, regardless of where they live. You can get a card up to age 18 from San Diego, age 21 in Brooklyn, and up to 26 for Boston/Seattle.

I also now have a little more disposable income, so I can buy books if I want to, though it's true that I also bought books when I couldn't really afford them (shh). But it's still the fact of my access to a good public library that enables me to have stacks on stacks rotating through the bedside table, and I use it constantly, so there's that. I'm of course very glad to hear that you can still read fic and that you have enjoyed my stuff, but I do also feel that you have to read fic AND books/published writing/stuff that's not fic. So the best way to get back into the habit is by practicing, not forcing yourself into stuff that isn't fun or feels like a slog, and finding a place where you can consistently obtain other stuff that's good for sparking joy. That is not the case for everyone, it will impact what you are able to do, and you should not feel like you have to do some kind of "good" reading model, especially since a lot of people seem to think that what you read is directly representative of your intelligence, moral character, or some other important part of you, and it's not. Humans like stories, the end. We like being given stories, fiction or nonfiction, in a format that we can digest and understand, and we always have. It's that simple.

Basically, I feel like reading for pleasure should indeed be fun, I love reading for pleasure and encourage everyone to do more of it, I now am fortunate to be able to do it extensively, and it has taken work of various kinds to get to that point where I can in fact just set myself up with a ginormous stack and dive in. As noted, however, if any of the books currently on hand are boring or just not doing it for me, I will move onto the next one, because the fun thing is that there are always more. So yes. Go forth and read. Good luck.

[foldedchip]

Going to college has informed me of how strictly I was treated as a middle/high school student who had mental health conditions. I knew at the time that I was treated strictly, even harshly by some staff members, but it’s another thing to actually experience the difference.

I used to have frequent panic attacks as a kid, usually due to OCD or autism, and my school directly made it worse and worse. Today in class, I had a panic attack, went outside the classroom, and just stayed in one spot until it was over. I felt like I was going to explode, my thoughts had gone out of control and I felt terrified, I didn’t want anyone’s eyes on me, I wanted quiet, so I just moved outside to an environment where I could calm down in silence. No harm done at all. No one batted an eye when they walked past me, even if it looked a little strange for an adult to be sitting with their knees to their chest for twenty minutes. I was treated with more grace as an adult than I was as a child/teenager.

As I came back to myself, I kept thinking about what this used to be like in middle and high school, and how I wasn’t always afforded the freedom to get through such a debilitating experience in an effective way. Some of my teachers were better than others, they would let me step into the hallway, write me a note if I was going to be late for my next class, or re-explain instructions to me if I had missed them. They knew I was struggling but doing the best I could, they put a little trust in me (which I never ever took advantage of), and they were understanding without giving me special treatment. I’m grateful to them. Other teachers said I wasn’t allowed to leave unless it was to go the nurse’s office, but as a kid, I was scared to go there and just wanted to calm down. Several teachers gave me poor participation grades just because I sometimes had to leave the room with a panic attack. I only had a thirty minute lunch period, and only a ten-minute window to actually get a meal to eat. The cafeteria was overwhelming and the opposite kind of environment that would calm me down, so I missed lunch several times because I was having an attack and couldn’t eat until I went home. If I missed lunch, too bad, I wasn’t allowed to eat in their classroom. Sometimes they would only give me five minutes outside the room before forcing me back in with the others. These conditions made my OCD grow out of control, it made the panic attacks come back again and again, nearly every day, causing the situation to get exponentially worse. I was an eleven-year-old in my first year of middle school (or, during the second round of panic attacks, a sixteen-year-old in my first year of high school), and I was constantly well-behaved. I followed the rules perfectly, I was always very polite and respectful, but some of my teachers treated me like a troublemaker that they couldn’t trust out of their sight. Even if I had acted up a lot, I still should have been afforded some understanding. When I was twelve and I dropped out of school, guess what happened? The panic attacks stopped overnight. When I was sixteen and I went home for winter break, guess what? The panic attacks ended overnight. As it turns out, mentally ill students can actually have a chance at managing their conditions when they feel secure in their environment and are not treated like a prisoner (and that is not to say that I don’t support criminals’ rights.) I will always advocate for alternative schooling options so that every kid can get an education in a way that’s actually effective for them, as well as special education and other support programs in schools. I want people to support quality virtual school systems, because they’re not just a write-off for students who got expelled, they’re for any student who doesn’t go to a public or private building school, for any reason.

[darkrpfinders]

Hello there!

(I) About Me

Hello! Thank you for clicking on my post and giving this a read! I am a college student but that doesn't really hurt my availability too much. I am on everyday, even if it is for just an hour or so. I could even send posts multiple posts daily or at minimum, a post every other day. I am someone who loves OOC chatter! I love to make character boards, send music that reminds me of the roleplay, and just gush about what is going on in our story! With that little introduction out of the way, let's move on!

(II) Rules

1. Please only contact me if you are over the age of 18 as I am over 18 myself.

2. Characters used must also be at least 18. If not, they must be aged up.

3. Please be engaged in the discussing process. If you don't show much interest before the roleplay begins, I will believe that you don't have much interest to the roleplay itself.

4. Please write with proper grammar and pronunciation in your posts. I don't mind if that is not shown in regular messages but please come with it for the thread.

5. No one-liners. I personally don't like to write less than 3 full paragraphs and one-liners do not provide me much to work with. However, I do give the option for mini roleplays to go along with our main roleplay to help expand the world. For that, I am perfectly fine with shorter responses like one-liners. I love writing and I figured this would be a fun way to do that and further along the story!

6. Please post consistently. If replies are inconsistent, sadly my interest in the roleplay wavers. I prefer more frequent posts but if you let me know that you only post once a week, or even once a month, that is perfectly fine with me!

7. I prefer to write on discord servers as that allows everything to be more organized BUT if you prefer to write somewhere else, I do not mind writing threads there. However, I do request a place where we could have things be organized.

(I promise I'm not going to be stern when we talk! I'm very easygoing!)

(III) Fandoms

If a character is below the age of 18, they WILL be aged up to at least 18.

Dragonball Z/Super

Who I'm looking for: Android 18, Android 21

Who I can play: OC. Krillin, Vegeta, Goku, Gohan

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Android 18, OC x Android 21, Krillin x Android 18, Vegeta x Android 18

Metroid

Who I'm looking for: Samus

Who I can play: OC

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Samus

Naruto

Who I'm looking for: Sakura, Ino, Temari

Who I can play: OC, Naruto, Shikamaru, Sasuke, Kakashi, Itachi, Neji

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Sakura, OC x Ino, Naruto x Sakura, Shikamaru x Temari

Pokemon

Who I'm looking for: Cynthia, Protagonist CC/OC

Who I can play: OC, Protagonist CC/OC

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Cynthia, Protagonist CC x Protagonist CC, Protagonist OC x Protagonist CC, Protagonist OC x Protagonist OC

Stranger Things

Who I'm looking for: Eleven

Who I can play: OC, Hopper, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Will, Jonathan, Steve, Billy, Nancy, Robin

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Eleven, Hopper & Eleven(STRICTLY PLATONIC)

Teen Titans

Who I'm looking for: Starfire(DCAMU)

Who I can play: Nightwing(DCAMU), Batman, Superman, Flash. OC

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: Nightwing x Starfire

The Legend of Zelda (Please have a knowledge of most of the games/story)

Who I'm looking for: Zelda

Who I can play: Link

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: Link x Zelda

Yu-Gi-Oh

Who I'm looking for: Akiza, Alexis

Who I can play: OC, Jaden, Chazz, Zane, Yusei

Pairing(s) I'm hoping to write: OC x Akiza, OC x Alexis, Jaden x Alexis, Chazz x Alexis

(IV) ORIGINALS

This is not going to be like the Fandoms section because... well, it's been such a long time since I had done an original plot! For an original plot, I would love to do a modern slice of life! I would also enjoy a medieval setting as well! Particularly with a Knight and a Princess. When it comes to tropes, I don't have specific ones that I'm dying to do. I enjoy most of them but I do enjoy a slow-medium burn. As for genres, as I mentioned before I would love a slice of life but I also like fantasy, action, even horror! There isn't much I'm not open to when it comes to originals!

(V) Goodbye

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read through this! I'm excited to hear from any and all potential partners! If any part of this had interested you, please go ahead and interact with this post! I hope you all have a wonderful day! Happy Writing!

.

[wolfpackmuses]

@heedingcalls asked: "‘ i can handle that myself, you know. ‘ kitty to steele because she WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE TO SEND HIM SOMETHING"

From: Prompts for people who aren't used to kindness || Accepting!

Steele paused momentarily to turn his head to look back toward her and gave the ever-smallest tilt of his head. He didn't say anything right away or anything, but it had caught him off-guard briefly, as he was in the middle of helping her move some stuff into her dressing room for a performance she had planned for that night. Steele and Kitty had an... interesting relationship. It seemed both of them couldn't get enough of one another and he still was trying to sort out the best way to fully express his feelings for her.

He still really hadn't come up with the best idea on how to do that, but he had some plans that he wanted to do. The first part of that was for him to finally take her on that date he had promised her. He had been meaning to do it sooner, but he just kept forgetting how busy both of them seemed to be. He kicked himself frequently because he wanted to go and make it official, but he just didn't think telling her out of the blue was the best option. Again, hence why he wanted to have their date first.

But, that was something for later. Right now, he was just trying to help her get settled. And after her comment, he wasn't sure if she wanted the help. So, as a result, he decided he'd play a little bit of a ruse on her. Not anything bad, but just some small things to tease her.

❝Oh? I'm sure the next thing you're going to say is that you don't want me to watch your show either tonight... or to come visit you after you're done,❞ he remarked with an exaggerated sigh as he turned to walk back toward her, ❝I know there can be so many things you can handle yourself, however...❞

The hound got down on a knee to be at eye level with her and gave her a soft smile. A genuine one, one that he rarely seemed to show unless it was around her. God, the fact he hadn't even said anything about his crush and love for her yet was picking away at him and he hated it.

❝But I'm still going to be more than happy to help you out whenever you need it. After all... how could I not do that for my favorite performer?❞ he asked with a chuckle, ❝After all... I've grown to like you... quite a bit. More than that...❞

He sighed and he closed his eyes momentarily. Did he really want to confess this now? Was it the right time? A lot of questions were racing through his mind but before he could even process them all, words spilled from his mouth. It seemed... his heart was speaking for him this time.

❝I... I think I've fallen in love with you, Kitty. I... don't know how to express it, but I had wanted to do it on the date and well...❞ Yeah. Cat was out of the bag now.

[the-wip-project]

SloMo WriMo: Confronting Your Fears

There’s a voice in my head. And it’s telling me to stop writing.

It makes me afraid, telling me that my writing is worthless, that there’s no point, that nothing I do matters. That I suck. That I need to check my ego, pretending that I’m any sort of expert in a position to give advice to others. That if I post this then I’ll be opening myself up to attacks by trolls. Why even bother? It says. No one wants to read your ramblings anyway. Why not just keep your ideas in your head? Where it’s safe?

If you’re reading this? It means that once again I’ve beaten the voice back and written anyway.

There’s a lot of names for that voice. Impostor Syndrome, The Critical Voice. The Inner Editor. Writers Block. (Yes, I am including writers block on this list.) The Superconciousness.

And like it or not, we all have a version of it in our heads.

Writers who write often and freely are not magically free of that voice. The only difference is that they (including me— most of the time) have learned how to corral and even shut out that voice.

How? Every writer has a different bag of tricks, but it’s not as simple as using a program that stops you from rewriting, or only writing in sprints. That can be helpful, but treating the symptoms without confronting the problem will eventually lead to failure.

First you have to pay attention to exactly what is that voice in your head whispering to you. (And don’t let it trick you into believing that it’s not like other inner voices, and is actually is helpful, or truthful.)

Everyone’s inner voice is unique, but if you find yourself:

Needing to do just a bit more research before you can start (even though you’ve already accumulated plenty of knowledge on the subject)

Endlessly editing a section (often the opening!) and never moving any further forward

Suddenly bored with a story even though you were excited to write it just a few thousand words ago

Frequently abandoning writing, and having a hard drive full of almost done manuscripts

If you find yourself frequently doing any of those things? Most likely it’s fear stopping you. Fear of what? Again, it’s different for everyone, but here’s some common ones:

What if it’s bad?

What if it’s made fun of?

What if I fail in my vision?

What if I offend someone (reasonably or not) and a twitter mob descends on me with pitchforks and torches?

What if no one wants to read it?

The thing is, on the surface those fears sound very reasonable. If you write something it could be bad, or stupid, or boring, or offensive.

So what should you do in the face of all these risks?

Honestly? There’s really only two options. Quit, or write it anyway.

Me? I’ve decided to face my fears and write anyway. I assume that anyone reading this wants to do that too.

But how?

In the end it comes down to awareness, and permission.

Here’s how it works for me. I get an idea: What if it’s like Leverage, but in SPACE!!!(but in space is a common idea I have lol) I start writing: This is exciting! Writing an ensemble cast is a fun new challenge! And then suddenly I feel like I’ve hit a wall: This sucks. The characters are boring and hackneyed. No one will ever want to read it. How would I even market something like this? Why am I writing this? I should just quit. I have a different idea that’s much better anyway.

Sound familiar?

But ha! It’s familiar to me too. I know those negative thoughts are just the fear voice talking. So I face them: Fears? You might be right. It might be bad. But I’m going to write it anyway.

And I keep repeating that, reminding myself that it’s okay to write something less than perfect, that it’s okay if it’s bad, and that I still want to write this story, until the writing gets fun again. And it does get fun again. For me at least. I’ve had enough practice at this that the fears really only grip me at certain moments. Unfortunately if the fears have a powerful hold on you, you may have to battle them all the way through. Even if that’s the case, every time you beat them, they will get weaker.

And that’s it. It’s three simple steps.

1. Identify your fears, and how they stop you

2. Challenge the negative thoughts, and give yourself permission to write anyway

3. Keep writing

Easy to say, and hard to do! (Of course I’m not a mental health professional, this is simply my experiences. If what you’re dealing with is severe and/or harming you, please seek professional help.)

I'd love to know what you do to confront your fears!

[danses-with-dogmeat]

🦀👑 'was that your first kiss?' for Danse please 🥺

You are a GENIUS

I love this so much, I actually can't--

Thanks so much for giving me an excuse to write this 😅

I hope you love it!

"Here. I wanted you to have this."

Danse's voice was low as he reached towards you, a parcel in his hands that he'd produced from behind his back. It was a medium-sized box, carefully wrapped in newspaper, with a tidy silver bow on top. You grinned at him as you took the gift from his tentative grasp.

A blush was slowly spreading across the ex-paladin's cheeks, but you tried not to make it obvious that you'd noticed this evidence of his nerves.

"T-thank you, Danse, but... What is this for, exactly?"

You'd only come home from a minuteman assignment, only been gone a little over an afternoon. It wasn't your birthday, or any other significant holiday, as far as you knew.

"Well, I... It's just a 'thank you,' of sorts, I suppose." One hand went up to scratch at the back of his neck as Danse's eyes refused to meet your own. "I wasn't sure how to repay you-- if I ever even could, for everything that you've done for me all this time. This was just a way, I thought, to let you know how much I appreciate it all."

Your smile only broadened at his words, but still, you didn't move to open it quite yet.

"I don't need you to say thank you," You told him gently, "I would've helped you. No matter what, I hope you know that."

Danse swallowed hard, his dark eyebrows knitting together over his downturned gaze.

"But still," You continued, moving a hand to lightly touch his forearm, "I do appreciate it."

He stiffened a bit at the contact, but nodded in understanding and didn't pull away completely.

"Now, come here. Might as well make ourselves comfortable instead of just standing here in the doorway." Your hand slid down to grasp with his gingerly as you pulled him to the living room couch to take a seat, setting the giftbox onto the worn coffee table in front of you.

"Alrighty, here we go." Your fingers twiddled with excitement as you removed the paper from the box with as much care as you could muster. You didn't want to ruin his perfect little wrapping-job, after all.

You could swear Danse held his breath the whole while, even as you pried open the edges of the carboard box within, and pulled out the... piece of metal?

"I... I love this, Danse, I really do." You said slowly as you turned the thing around in your hands, your gaze studious as you examined the strange item. "I just..."

You were at a loss.

"Um... what is it?"

When you turned to him, Danse's eyes were wide.

He swallowed hard again, and cleared his throat before answering.

"It's a... a modification. For Righteous Authority. I noticed that you still tend to use the weapon quite frequently, but that you hadn't made any changes to it over the time it's been in your possession." His fingers began to fidget as his eyes wandered to and fro, still avoiding your own like they'd set him ablaze if he looked too long. "And... I also noticed that you tend to use it as more of a ranged weapon than I did when I modified it for myself, so... in your hands is a fine-tuned beam focuser, which allows for better range without sacrificing accuracy and keeping recoil relatively mild."

You blinked at him as Danse reached forward for the box.

"A-and still inside is an overcharged capacitor. Which will give you much greater power and ammo capacity. I can install them later, but... I wanted to surprise you while not leaving you unarmed."

"Wow, this is... I really do love it, Danse. You know what I need more than I do." You chuckled as your fingers pressed over the shiny, cool metal, admiring the way it shone in the dim light of the room.

"Well... The same could be said about me." Danse said quietly, "When you helped me through... well, everything. When I'd thought of every option, or believed I'd considered every course of action that was possible, and then you showed up, and... You changed everything. Made the impossible, possible. You saved my... My life." His voice began faltering slightly by the end of it as he continued looking down between the two of you, his gaze resting on the couch cushions below.

"This was a small token of gratitude to say the least, but... It's what I could offer. I just hope that it's enough to express how grateful I am. How much you... you mean to me."

Slowly, you set down the... capacitor? Or was it the focuser? Either way, you set down the specialized piece of laser rifle modification back onto the table, freeing your hands as you turned on the couch to better face your companion.

You waited until his gaze finally tore away from the couch, and slowly, jerkily, made its way up to meet yours as he took in your movement; and then reached out your arms and steadily moved forward to pull him into a tight embrace.

All movement from the ex-paladin ceased as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. It was like hugging a warm statue, with how stiff and still he was throughout, and yet, he made no move to pull away.

A moment passed, and briefly the thought of releasing him passed through your mind, but just as the consideration entered your consciousness, Danse's hands raised to return the tender gesture, and you felt him release a breath, relaxing into your contact as his fingers tightened over your back and shoulder.

"You mean a lot to me too, Danse." You whispered to him through the hug.

"You have for a long time, and... I know this has all been difficult-- beyond difficult, since everything happened, but I want you to know how strong you've been. It's... been an inspiration to me, and to Haylen, and Preston, and countless others."

He released another deep breath, this one shakier than the last, as he clung to you even more tightly.

"And I can't tell you how glad I am that you're here. That you made it through all of that, that you stayed in the Commonwealth... Stayed with me. I know it can't be easy..."

"You... you make it easier." Danse said back, his voice barely more than a breath. "Sole, truly, I could have never made it out of this alive if it weren't for you."

He pulled away now, carefully unwinding his arms from around you, but allowing his fingers to drag lightly over your skin as he sat back to look you in the eye.

His own were almost glossy with emotion, and you felt something in your chest jump at his expression. At the affection you found there, the appreciation, the...

Am I just seeing things?

You blinked, but when your eyes opened again, that emotion was still there, strong as ever.

It was the way Nate/Nora had looked at you so often, the way your family looked at you when you returned home, the way your own eyes appeared when looking down at a peacefully sleeping Shaun.

At least, you could swear, you saw love in his expression.

And god... did that mean... could he see it in yours? It must have been there. You'd been in love with the man long enough to know he should be able to see it, but as tactically perceptive as Danse was, emotions weren't always his specialty.

Without a second consideration from the sane part of your mind, you leant forward, closing your eyes as your hand fell to his wrist, and as your lips touched his.

Danse's pulse was racing beneath the touch of your fingers, and just as had been true with the hug, he was still as stone as you pushed further into the kiss, the softness of your lips a stark contrast to the firmness of his own. Like a gentle wave meeting a rocky shoreline, slowly, the feeling seeped through the cracks and sunk into him, and Danse finally reciprocated. He tilted his head opposite yours, experimenting almost awkwardly, still with stiff lips and a clumsy movement of his hand reaching up to hold the base of your neck mechanically. You allowed his touch to pull you in further though, your lips kneading against his, coaxing the rigidness out of them as best you could, in an attempt to communicate every feeling that had just passed through you, and trying to get him to do the same. All of this whilst earnestly hoping that you hadn't misread things between the two of you.

Your head jolted in surprise, as you heard a soft sigh escape Danse's throat, something heating deep within you at the pleasured sound.

Then, just as soon as you began it, Danse ended the kiss, pulling back swiftly as he regained himself.

Your eyes blinked open, an apology ready and waiting on your tongue, before it was swept away by the shear redness of your companion's face. His blush would've put a tato to shame, and the wideness of his amber eyes resembled that of a pair of melons. Now, it was all you could do to keep from laughing at the absurd look.

"Is everything okay? I... I mean, was that alright?" You managed to ask without too much levity in your voice.

Danse was petrified, his mouth still partially open as his eyes stared at some nothingness, far in the distance.

"Danse?" You tried, and some semblance of the ex-paladin seemed to return to him at the sound of his name.

"I, ah... ahem." He shook his head, almost comically, before clearing his throat for the umpteenth time since the start of this talk of yours.

"What... did we?" He began, but never quite finished the question, just looked at you in confusion.

"I kissed you, yeah." Now it was your turn to blush, as your eyes failed to meet his. "I'm sorry if that wasn't what you were expecting, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just..."

"No!" He said too quickly, too loudly, cringing instantly as he realized the way the word had left him. "No. It didn't. I was a little surprised, yes, and maybe reacted differently than I would've like to, but... It's only because, well... I've never really... um..."

He trailed off, and suddenly a light clicked in your mind.

"Wait, Danse... was that your first kiss?"

His eyes widened again, the flushed look of his cheeks that had began to slowly vanish redoubled in their efforts to turn the whole of his face that deep crimson once more.

"I-I-- Well..."

You smiled at him, feeling relief on your end that any perceived awkwardness on his part perhaps merely came from inexperience, and not from the possibility that he hadn't wanted to kiss you at all.

"It's okay, it's... I shouldn't have asked it like that, I'm sorry."

He seemed to relax a little at that.

"And I shouldn't have done it so abruptly, I just... I've been holding onto my feelings for you for so long, and I just couldn't seem to bottle them up any--"

"Y-your feelings for me?" Danse interrupted, but his voice stayed soft, non-accusatory, more... curious. "But how... With everything you know about me, about who-- what I am, how could you still..."

"Love you?" You finished for him.

Danse's eyes widened again, almost as if he was just realizing exactly what you were getting at.

As if you hadn't been trying to communicate it for weeks leading up to this.

You shook your head slightly, an evidence of your own disbelief, and smiled at him.

"With everything I know about you, Danse, how could I not?"

[lotusmi]

how to manifest with states specifically for the void state (if there are any mistakes or misinformation please correct them 💕)

States depend on how often you go back to them not how long you stay there for.

Simply knowing and accepting that you always wake up in the void is enough. If you are having problems with accepting your desire you can use methods which are optional such as affirming, visualizing, scripting etc.... note affirming once is okay 💜 you don't have to keep repeating it if you don't want to! You're still going to be in the wish fulfilled if you affirm it once or a hundred times it doesn't matter about how much you affirm it matter about how frequently you go back to that state.

Feelings such as feeling euphoric may not occur and that's okay you're still in the wish fulfilled state as long as you accept your desire and claim it as yours. And fulfill yourself in imagination visualising is not the only way to fulfill yourself. Methods such as affirming can also help this process. Give your desire to yourself in imagination give it to your inner man set yourself free. Feeling = knowing and accepting your desire.

States are easy to change as we are just I AM we can change states through intention for example I'm in the wish fulfilled it's done .. and boom you set the intention and now you're in the wish fulfilled. Negative thoughts are usually indicators that you have fell out of your state.

So to use states for waking up in the void is basically just knowing you can wake up in the void since affirming is my fave method. Whenever I think about the void I affirm I always wake up in the void aware it's done I'm in the wish fulfilled. I affirm once then move on with my day. Note there is no set time on how long it takes for your state to become your dwelling state. Just keep coming back to your state.

My favourite method to make my state my dwelling state is every hour I will affirm (or any other method like subs ) as much as I want it can be once also. And if I have time I will try and conjure the feeling. If I don't I just affirm that I already have it. It's like the 10 minute method where every hr for 10 mins you can do anything like affirming or vaunitng for your desire.

I like to SATS or the lullaby method at night. Sometime I do SATS one day and the next day I do the lullaby method. In SATS I visualise in words basically I "hear" myself talking to my friend about how I woke up in the void. And for lullaby I affirm that I always wake up in the void aware. These methods work fast for me as before bed you're most likely feeling sleepy or tired and at that time your subconscious is more open. Also when you wake up... when I wake up I usually vant or affirm.

Ending note.... you got this persist in the new story set yourself free imagination/4D is the only reality give yourself/your inner man your desire fulfill yourself and know/accept that you have your desire already. Don't identify with doubts and dismiss the 3d stay firm. ❤

p.s if there any spelling or grammar mistakes please ignore I wrote this at like 3 -4 AM in the morning. 💀

Great job :)

[anemonelovesfiction]

Colors of Pandora 6: Purple

Jake x Fem! Omatikaya Reader

Emotion: Compassion (mostly in beginning)

Warnings ⚠️: Slight mentions of Neytiri’s death, Jake being Jake, Hurt reader SAFE FOR WORK

Second to last day before the end of colors of pandora!! I’m so sad but so happy I participated!

Tagging @xylianasblog so she can read this!

Translation Station

Tsahik: Head Shaman; High Priest; Interpreter of the will of Eywa

Kelku: Home

Yerik: Hexapede

Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan, ulte ngaru seiyi irayo. Ngari hu Eywa salew tirea, tokx 'ì'awn slu Na'viyä hapxì: I see you brother, and I thank you. Your spirit will run with Eywa, while your body will remain and become part of the People.

Tewng: Loincloth

Word count: 1.8k

It was easier for me to live my life in the way I had started to live it after the war that happened at our home tree, it was easier for me to continue on this way without the constant reminder of the burden I carried after seeing my parents die trying to protect me, in fact it was the only way I knew how to live. I considered myself to be a different kind of caregiver amongst the clan and didn’t think of it any other way, I would take care of others in a way the tsahik didn’t have time to, and I would constantly check in with her to ensure she had enough herbs, plants, tree roots, and any other material she might need whenever we were experiencing a higher sick to healthy ratio.

If a mother had given birth the tsahik would frequently check on her to ensure she was healthy, the village would come together during the first week and ensure the family had some fruits to eat during the morning, and some of the food we would eat from our cook fires at night without the thought of them needing to pay us back in any way. If someone had come back injured after a hunting trip, the tsahik would tend to the warriors wounds while the village would come together and take care of their children, if they had any, to allow adequate time for them to rest.

When someone had given birth, I took it upon myself to given them the various options of string in order to help them choose one for their child's new song cord, I added a lot of beautiful shells and beads I would have found resembled the family in a way to ensure they could add newer beads to their own song cord to commemorate their addition, I would also include a blanket they could wrap their child in or a sling for them to carry their child against their chest when they decided to go back to work. Had a hunter been injured during an accident I made sure they had meat to cook if they were able to walk to the cook fires, if not I made sure to skin and slice the meat up for them to be able to cook them in their own kelku’s without causing them more pain during the preparation process.

It was easier for me to be able to take care of others in a way that nobody could take care of me, something I had come to recognize a while after being alone for some time, I didn’t mind it though, it was refreshing having the freedom to hunt at odd hours into the night, its when the animals least expected one of us to be out.

I was coming upon a yerik now, I had one more family I wanted to provide for as they had just given birth to their youngest child, I was sure they would need most of the yerik to feed their entire family, they had just had their fifth child and I’m sure it was tough to feed a family that big, but it was always seen as the biggest blessing whenever Eywa would allow one of our own to fall pregnant.

I hopped onto the next tree branch as the yerik moves to graze on some of the grass below it, taking a cautious step forward as I stabilize myself on the branch, leaning my body down on it so I was resting my stomach on it, gently grasping my bow and an arrow, placing it on the string of my bow as I carefully pull back. The yerik seemed to have been alerted by its pack as it raises its head, I freeze, he keeps his head up higher as if it was on alert before snorting from its snout and pushing his face back into the grass, I smile at the small victory and release my arrow and watch as it pierces its skin and straight into its pelt.

I smile to myself as I stand on the branch, ready to descend and say my final death prayer to the animal that had fallen over to the ground, kicking its several legs for a quick second, it bray’s in agony and defeat, but that was all I was able to hear before my own foot slipped on the wet branches below me. It must have rained before I decided to wake up and come hunt, and the funny thing is, nobody else was ever awake during the times I was so it would take a while for anyone to find me, I think this must have been karma for something I failed at in my younger years, but I didn’t have time to contemplate that as the world around me grew dark.

_________

The unfortunate thing of being mated for life was never knowing how long the two of you would have been together, for Jake and Neytiri it was from the moment they mated up until her death alongside the war of home tree, it wasn’t long but for him the moments leading up to it were worth it. He often found himself wandering off in the middle of the night, taking walks to calm his mind in order to get himself tired enough to go to sleep again, but for some reason it wasn’t working. He had a feeling that had somehow been tugging at his heart to continue searching for something, whatever it was he hadn’t known, until he stumbled upon one of the Na’Vi woman down on her back, her bow and arrows scattered beside her, a yerik heaving heavily, and the woman’s arm bend in a funny way.

He quickly pieced the puzzle together and landed next to the yerik first, knowing this was something the Na’vi would have wanted, before stating the death prayer aloud, allowing the hunt to not go to waste.

“Oel ngati kameie, ma tsmukan, ulte ngaru seiyi irayo. Ngari hu Eywa salew tirea, tokx ‘ì’awn slu Na’viyä hapxì.” He speaks fluently without pausing to think of his next words, grasping his hunting knife and digging it straight into the yerik’s heart and hearing it exhale one last time.

As soon as he’s done with the yerik he quickly moves over to the woman whose name vaguely came across to him as Y/n, attempting to wake her but not being successful, he sighs deeply before running back over toward one of the tree’s with low hanging branches, hacking his hunting knife at the somewhat thick branch several times and breaking it off the tree, snapping it in half and using it to stabilize her arm, ripping off some of the cloth from his tewng and tying it around her arm, grasping her over his shoulders and leaning down to grab one of the yerik’s many feet and making his way back to camp.

_________

I stirred out of my sleep but felt as though a million things were weighing me down, I slowly opened my eyes and quickly shut them as the light from the fire close to me had been to bright for my eyes to bear, my hand quickly coming up to attempt to put a buffer between myself and the brightness.

“It is good to see you are awake,” A familiar voice addresses me as I open my eyes once more, arm still in front of me and a searing pain shoots up my other arm, I look down and see my arm stabilized by some branches and placed in a cast by Mo’at’s handy work.

“I- what happened?” I asked as I attempted to go through my own memories and suddenly remembering everything that happened, wondering how it was that I managed to get here but still confused with that aspect.

“The Olo’eyktan was wandering around and stumbled upon you on the floor, your arm bent at an unnatural angle, and a yerik barely breathing by your side.” She speaks in an even tone, she stands from where she’s at and kneels down to take a look at my arm once more.

“This will hurt for a bit, I have made a tea for you to drink if the pain is too great, but use it sparingly as it can cause you to fall asleep easily. Feel free to stay here until morning as it is awfully late.” She encourages as she sits beside me.

“I would if I could but I have to skin and slice that yerik for the-“

“I already took care of that for you,” In stepped the Olo’eyktan with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face that would make a child start crying, I could only guess as to what he was thinking as he stepped in front of me, out of respect I sat up quickly but felt a pang on my head.

“Take it easy,” He stated quickly as he squats down in front of me.

“What were you doing out there by yourself, you could have gotten hurt worse than you did, or died if I hadn’t stumbled upon you.” His voice is rough like that of a friend who was worried, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it as I thought nobody else cared for me, I figured I blended in with the background enough, but was obviously proven wrong at this moment.

“I was getting the yerik for Sepwa and Antuk, they need the meat to feed their entire family and time away from the people to bond with their new baby. I was up because I fell asleep earlier in the day after finishing my chores, I should skin it and-“

“I said I took care of it,” He speaks sternly once more and it makes me calm down, allowing my body a second to relax after hearing he’d taken care of it, feeling my body’s energy drained as I suddenly felt tired.

“Let me leave you two alone to talk, if you need the tea I have left it on the table, I will take my leave now.” Mo’at spoke gently as she rose to her feet, elegantly taking her strides out of the healing hut.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I just wanted to help.” I’d stated once Mo’at had disappeared.

“And I get that, but you need to learn that being compassionate has its limits too, when were you going to take a break for yourself?” He asks and its as if that thought had never hit me before.

“I- I don’t know.” I answered honestly as I looked around the healing hut before looking back into his eyes, feeling myself slowly growing tired.

“Get some rest, we’ll talk tomorrow.” He orders right as he turns around to walk away, but for the first time in my life, I decide to listen to someone else and decide to take care of myself by allowing myself to fall asleep at this moment. My head falls gently onto the pillow on the mat before me and I can welcome the darkness in as I finally allow myself to drift off into the world of dreams.

[nothorses]

Oh god, thank you, like if we did assume anon comes from a good place we understand where anon comes from but also like...yea nothings going to help if we don't like, Have A Replacement and you definitely know more than us about this one.

If it's alright to ask: we're wondering if you have any sort of knowledge that could be passed onto us (and others in a situation like ours) to mitigate that?

For more specific context, people definitely sing their praises to IEPs a lot and we saw someone mention them somewhere, but we have very unfortunately been on the end of it where it has been used as a vehicle for oppression and ableism anyways (WE PROMISE those twitter threads will be moved here to Tumblr we just haven't done it yet sory sksksk), because we had abusive parents who were "only" emotionally abusive if that makes sense.

We understand IEPs are helpful to lots of folks but it can be isolating as all fuck when praise is all people do rather than look at some of the tiny nuances or the ways people use it to keep the status quo instead of helping folks. Like how it was used as an extension of Autistic conversion "therapy" / applied behavioral analysis "therapy" when we had to put up with it.

Nutshell/TLDR: how do people use what they have learned to improve education when they didn't really. Learn anything. And how to bring attention to some of the things that nobody wants to talk about without sounding like we're being dismissive. We're so burnt out here when it comes to discussing any education system before university. Please share your wisdom (but only if you want to)!

I am not like, The Expert here, but I will offer some thoughts! Just take them with a grain of salt; I don't know everything, and I could always be missing things.

I will say that IEPs/504 plans are of particular interest to me right now, and imo, the problem is pretty broad and pretty deep.

My own personal context is that my brother was diagnosed with ADHD before even starting school, was put in SpEd early on, and had some pretty traumatic experiences because of that (we picked him up from school once to find him in an isolation room- a closet with one bulletproof window in the door carpeted floor-to-ceiling- because he had acted out in class. In first grade). He believed wholeheartedly that he was incapable of controlling himself, and he developed extremely low self-esteem. I don't know if no diagnosis would have been any better for him, but his diagnosis and "accommodations" (iirc he had an IEP) actively did him harm.

I, on the other hand, was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was 22, and I had to go out and do it myself. I had struggled with school my whole life, I had been in shouting matches with my mom about it, I have trauma about it, and I developed a different kind of low self-esteem around being told I was "choosing" to fail. Once I was medicated, my grades suddenly shot up, my GPA shot up, and I got into a pretty damn good grad school about it. I'm left wondering how things might have been different for me if I'd been understood as someone who was trying but struggling, and who needed support, rather than someone who was not trying at all.

I also don't think it's reasonable to expect that every disabled kid is going to be identified by the system, which is what most teachers seem to think is the issue: that they aren't good enough at armchair diagnosing 6-year-olds yet. It's just not gonna happen. Someone will be missed, and they shouldn't have to struggle alone because nobody else realized what they were struggling with.

Imo, what we need to be pushing for most urgently is universal accommodations, available without any need for diagnosis, disclosure, or anything else: Buckets of fidgets kids can grab whenever, alternative seating options, built-in breaks and frequent snacks, no penalties for late work/tardiness/absences, no graded tests, etc. (I would also like to see more project-based learning & growth-oriented grading, personally!)

As far as learning more: I can recommend some readings to start, and I'll link them here. They're also pretty dense; the grad school recommendation is to read the intro and conclusion in full, and just read the first and last sentence of every paragraph aside from that.

Here's the big folder (which I need to update) of all of the education-related readings I have ever been assigned. I recommend specifically searching "disability" and "democratic"/"democracy"; those will probably be the most relevant to what you're interested in.

Some good starting points:

Leonardo, Broderick (2011) - Smartness as Property: A Critical Exploration of Intersections Between Whiteness and Disability Studies

Carolen, Guinn (2007) - Differentiation: Lessons from Master Teachers

Alverman (2001) - Reading Adolescents' Reading Identities: Looking Back to See Ahead

Veletsianos, Houlden (2020) - Radical Flexibility and Relationality as Responses to Education in Times of Crisis